Stuff Island - Joe DeRosa - Stuff Island #224

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

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Where are you going to dinner? I don't know. I didn't get the text yet. I got so much food in my house. I got to probably cook it, so it's going to go bad when I leave. When are you leaving? Friday.

A lot of food in the house. Made lobster tails last night, steaks. Yeah? Trub cocktail. By yourself? Just for you? Yeah. Roasted beets, salad.

It's crazy for you to have this fucking miserable attitude. Why? You just cooked lobster tails and steak for yourself? Just buy yourself. Yeah. You had a nice presidential dinner. I had a beautiful night by myself. Yeah.

Watched Excalibur. Yeah. And you've learned nothing. You've learned nothing. Do you ever walk around your house going, this is wealth? No, you know what I say? Those who learn can't. Oh, is that what you say?

That's your fucking statement show. People say those you can't teach. I say those you learn can't. You're not out doing anything. You're being a nerd sitting at home learning. I think it's right. I'm out doing it. I think it's great.

No. No, fuck that, dude. You know how cherished the nights in are where you can just make a dinner for yourself? I'm big on that. I've big dinner nights alone. Yeah. Alone makes it sound sad, but it's really truly my favorite.

I'll have a siggy after dinner. Yeah. I opened wine. I had some wine. Yeah. I just put you half box. And I, by the way, I eat in the courses, too. I have the shrimp cocktail first.

Now we're talking sad. Then I have the steak with the last. Do you dress up like the waiter? come out and sit down, then get redressed. Yeah, paint half my face like a woman. Talk to myself. Switch chairs. No, it's 100% true.

I've said this before where it's like, growing up, you see an older gentleman going to the movies by himself. You're like, that's so sad. Eating dinner by himself, that's so sad. Having a drink by himself, so sad. Then you get older, you go, wow, I got to figure it out. I've gone to strip clubs alone.

Yeah, now. Now we're talking true happiness. I've gone just, fuck it. I'm in the mood. I would have a whiskey. Talk to some girls. I swear to God, that's... I've never done that.

That's awesome. I'll do anything alone. It's great. Yeah. I mean, look, I do play in my voice, too, but it's like, you know... I get anxiety going to a strip club just in general. Unless it's like a bunch of friends

and it's like a Portland strip club where it's a hang around. Oh, she's going to sit you down talking about feminism for a fucking point. you can't hear them. That's why they sit them in the corner. Unless you sit down, you don't have to pay a dollar.

Yeah, you go to a Portland strip club. You got to talk about the new cat power album for fucking 48 minutes. You did dancers or not? There's actual bald-up cat hair in the corners. Yeah. No,

that's nuts. What kind of strip club are you going to by yourself? Is this in Philly? I haven't done it a ton. I've just done it a couple times where I was just kind of like, I was like, I had to kill some time. Yeah.

One time I was, it was because, like, I was dropping my car somewhere. And they were like, it's going to take like two hours. And I was like, all right. That's my mom. And I. I have text tones. Is that really your mom? Yeah, I have text tones for all, all of the closest people in my life.

But they were like, it's going to take two hours. And I looked on Google Maps. There was a strip club. And I was like, I'm going to go have a fucking cup of whiskeys at that strip club. Just hang out. So I did. Yeah. It was fun.

I think that. I did that. What, the golden rose or something? I forget what it was called. One of the roses? No, none of the roses. No, it wasn't here. No, it wasn't here.

No, the, but it was, yeah, I'm not doing that on a Friday night. I don't mean it like that. Yeah. I'm not going to judge you. But I love, dude, I'll go to a restaurant solo. I don't care. Movies solo exclusively. Yeah.

I hate going to movies or other people. Yeah. Hate it. Yeah. I've been a movie in a long time. Last movie I went to was with Shane. we saw uh

uh was that black uh super movie yeah black panther yeah we saw black panther

we just laughed the whole time why because it was insanely bad but people love that movie yeah yeah you're not dragging me into this

I'm not dragging I'm not leading you into a fucking trap all right Yeah, it was a good, it was a fun movie, but it was like so insane. Just being Shane. Oh, she's. Yeah.

Just Shane? I'm just laughing at Black Panther. The, uh, it was fun. Man, when I first had my place in Pennsylvania that I no longer have. Congrats, by the way. Thank you. Man, it was the best. I was there in the, in the spring and summer a lot when I first got it.

I remember, dude, I'd go to, I'd like, I'd like run out to Target to, you know, I need this for the house or something. I run out to Target and be the sun would just be going down around 8 p.m. And the Target was in the same parking lot as the movie theater. My parents used to take me to as a kid. Yeah. It's still there. They haven't revamped it. It's still the old seats, whatever.

And I'd be like, what's playing? And I would just go to a movie and it had that warm summer air. nostalgic. Yeah, the sun was going down. I'd go in, I'd get a popcorn, some candy, soda, and I'd just sit and watch it. And it was the best, man. Yeah.

The best. Did you go back home and pretend that your dad's yelling at you because you're a piece of shit? Yeah. Yeah. I did that door in the movie. Because nobody else was in there. It was just me.

I'm buying a ticket. The girl's going, what are you doing? No one's supposed to front, dude. Yeah. This is like a cricket mobile kiosk. We don't actually play movies unless someone shows up. By the way, I'm seeing movies too. Not a lot of people are going to do anyway.

I'm seeing some fucking grindhouse fucking slaughter movie. By myself with popcorn. Dude, I really look like a psycho. This is an embarrassing point of my life. But like coming home from helium, I would go to that dirty bookstore on 676. There was like a dirty, there was a dirty bookstore. or on the, on the, like, one of the exit. It wasn't even an exit that you just pull off.

You could see it from the street? Yeah. I mean, from the highway? Yeah, it looks like an old, like gas station that was... I don't remember that place. Yeah. And I just go in there and they have like beat off booths or whatever. So if I got all lit up in town, I would just, on my way there, just fucking, I'd pop in one of the booths.

Absolute animal. Driving blacked out drunk on 6.76. Yeah. You pig. Yeah. Stopping? Yeah. Can't even wait to get home.

Can't even wait to get home. I just want to beat off. Yeah. That's the fun of it though, because you're probably all revved up because how dirty it is. Yeah. And you're all yacked up and you're like... You're creating your own movie, pal. Yeah.

I don't have to go to a theater. I'm going to make my own fucking movie right now. I'm going to ride my fucking... My infinity sideways into this old gas station, jump in this place, pass all the fucking sex booths and get into the porn booth and then beat off. I had a buddy. He used to get shit-housed and drive home. on 76.

Yeah. This kid would get, you know. We're talking drunk trunk. Drunk truck. Blackout. Yeah. No drugs. Blackout.

Like a guy that's just straight. Yeah, no, I wasn't doing that. Straight booze. I was leveling off. There's two kinds of people as well. People that can black out,

just drinking, people that need Coke to blackout. It's two kinds of people. He was a true alcoholic. He would just see the booze. Somehow saddered. Yeah, no, it's worse. Because you got no excuse. You go, how did you not puke or whatever?

You go, so I just keep going. I don't understand. And then you go, how did you get so blacked out? You were like, I was no one going. Yeah, you know, I popped three fucking addicts. It was superhuman. What do you mean how to get blacked out? I drank more than my body could handle.

It's so funny. But anyway, but no, he was driving on, dude, this is, my blood runs cold when I think of this. He was driving on 76. He had his hand out the window. He fucking, he swerved. He hid. hit the divider,

scraped his fucking hand along the divider, the concrete, the cement, walked, got home, went in the house, I think was still living

to his parents. This is where we were like 22. Walked in the house, trail blood. Didn't even remember. Went to his bedroom? Yeah. Up to steps.

Dad the next day, he's like, what the fuck? Dude. Yeah. Yeah. Is he alive? Yeah.

I think. I haven't talked. to the kid in, what am I, my, Christ. I haven't talked to him in 25 years. He said. He might have gotten sober. He was, he was wild young. Those guys sometimes they even out at like 25 and then that's it, they're fine. RIP, dude, he's gone. Could be. He's gone.

He finally got that dividerer. Could have went the other way. Mother buddy, Jason. He was doing nitrous. Philly is the best. Philly? That home? Yeah. Pennsylvania. It's just wild fucking kids. Mayhem. This guy, Jason. he had a ceramic

he had one of those ceramic things that looks like a bong that you do nitrous hits out of yeah you know what I'm talking about yeah he said drive around hit nitrous driving his pickup truck he drove through a fucking living room he drove to somebody's house passed out drove up on their lawn in dinner living room

dude the nitrous thing is like I've been there the first time I did whippets was in 1994 a pink Floyd concert yeah my brother Steve took me to a pink Floyd concert yeah and I was scared shitless and he's like we're gonna get some balloons I was like, balloons. I'm a little old for that, dude.

Yeah. And he's like, uh-uh. Bulloons, dude. And I remember being in the parking lot. And I was scared. Like, I was shitting myself. And I, I didn't like Pink Floyd. I liked all that classic rock just because it was barrel down my fucking throat.

Yeah. No matter what bar you went to or, you know, it was the only type of music in Delco. It was just, they still play classic rock on Saturday night at fucking 8 p.m. Yeah. It's like, what are we doing here? Yeah. And I'm shitting myself. and he's telling me how to

just blow in, blow out. Yeah. Just won, wow, one, one, one, way of life.

Doing that driving. Fucking insane. You're going to lose your, literally lose your head. Yeah. You do that at home. Dude, my buddy,

first time I ever did it was at a rage against the machine concert at the electric factory. My buddy Bob, I won't say his last name. Me, my friend Brian and my buddy Bob wrote this country.

Brian's teaching me. Same thing. He's teaching me how to do nitrous. We're in the car. Bob's in the back seat. He goes, he goes, I'm getting one more. Cops out of the car, goes across. We have the lights turned on.

He's there. That's the tripod. That's him. He buys the balloon. He's walking back towards the car as he's doing it. We see him. Falls forward, knees. Goes down, right?

Out of sight. Stands back up, face covered in blood. Yes. instantaneous just bleeding I don't even know where he cut himself I mean on the face obviously I could know it was his nose as far

I don't know what the fuck happened God isn't it great yeah I've done nitrous in a while me and Shafir during COVID it was me and somebody on I forget who the third person was during COVID me and Ari went

we went to a fucking head shop in the West Village I don't know if they're still called head shops but there was pre-dispensaries weeds was still not legal but we went to a headshot and they had fucking nitrous and we bought cases of nitrous

yeah and we bought a cracker and we sat on the fucking stairs next to the comedy seller and did nitrous for hours oh my God hours just sucking it down yeah holy Christ dude

just bugging I just your front of lobe is cheese. Oh, it's terrible. This is what causes all your anxiety and depression. And when I say you, it doesn't help.

I'm a dog barking at something to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're chasing it, you're doing tail. I hear, yeah. You're doing tail. Yeah, I know. I say, you're doing tail. I'm surprised I can have this conversation with you right now.

Why? With the shit I've done to my brain and body. Yeah. It's incredible. I know. Isn't it great? Yeah, you're a beast. It's incredible.

You're a powerful man. I hope I am. This next doctor's appointment will let me know if I'm a beast or not. Tomorrow I get my hemorrhoids banded. They're that bad. You got to get a bandit, huh? Oh, yeah. That sucks.

Yeah. I got to get them. Did they hurt? No. No, they just, they pop out like a bouquet of flowers, like a boom, boom. What happens? They, like, bleed and stuff? Yeah.

A lot? Yeah. Okay. I went to get my colonoscopy. I've told this on the pods. I apologize, but I went to get my colonoscopy. And before they gave me the night night,

which you stayed up for, which we've talked about on this podcast, insane. I'll never do that again. Yeah, well, fucking, I can't believe it did it once. It did, because they told me it wouldn't hurt. That's insane.

It was so painful. I just got checked for just the hemorrhoids, and even that little scope was enough for me to go. That's not the part that hurt. it's up here abdominal dude because they're going they're snaking that thing

through your intestine yeah that's fucking so so I didn't know I didn't realize that we had this conversation already and it drives me fucking insane that you couldn't just call somebody to pick you up

and you decided through a colonoscopy brother without any medicine I called two doctor friends of mine and said is this going to hurt and they go no it's fine why you're going to call doctors who else would you call that's a fun

You gotta call someone that's not No, I'm saying I called I called two doctors and said they gave me the option They're doing it locally Should I just do it that way? They were like, oh yeah, you'll be fine All right, okay, all right. If I told you tomorrow

You're gonna face a professional pitcher He's gonna throw you a fucking Backdoor slider at 87 miles an hour And you called a couple professional baseball players I'm like, yeah, you'll be fine They wouldn't say that though. You call a regular person You call somebody that can't

handle that backdoor 87 mile an hour slider. But the same way a regular person can't handle a scope going up their intestines. I literally knew nobody that ever had it done locally. Ever. I, I, by the way, the part where it hurts is when they'd have to turn the corner in your intestines.

Yeah. That's what hurts. Yeah, yeah. It feels like the worst shit cramps you've ever had in your life. Dude. And the lady, I told you,

she was rubbing my back. Yeah, yeah, just turning me on. Yeah, a little hard. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. How's the wine?

It's pretty good. It's not, Fair, right? I almost said, what flavor is it? What kind is it? I think it's a cab. Okay. You know, that's interesting.

I usually don't love cabs. I thought this was maybe a Pino, because I only usually like Pinoes. It's heavier than Pino. It doesn't taste that heavy to me, though. It doesn't. No. It really doesn't.

I don't really like Merleau. Merleau's too heavy. Same. You know what I really hate? What's the one from Spain? Blacks. What's the one from Spain? Very robust red wine.

Oh, I'm sorry. Now you got me twist it. I know this. You know it. Yeah. What the fuck? Spit it the fuck out. God damn it.

You fuck you. I know, right? This is bad. Probably gonna have to cut this. Say it. Wait, which one? The red from Spain. Give us the first letter.

Oh. R. Reasling. No, it's not Rizling. That's French. I guess there's actually a couple. T? No.

G? Hold on. The R is right. It's a... I thought it was S. What's the R one? The R one is Rioja. No?

Rioja. No, that's not what I was thinking of. That's how I was thinking of. Isn't that just red? Rioja? What are the other ones? It's according to... No.

Pryorat. Rias. Are these brands? though these aren't types of wines Rial has a brand or a type of wine Okay And then here are another one

Uh Temporanila I noticed Tempeania Hold on Garancia I'll look it up Montesrel

Garash Mensica Kiriana No Banchi Hold on Hold on Types of red wine I got this is killing me

I got to know Sarabek No Mabek Malbeck's not from fucking Spain It's not Oh I thought it was

No it's not Is it? Hold on look it up Malbeck That's a Thai No Argentinian Excuse me Not Spain

Sorry It's Argentinian I'm all back I don't like it It's too sweet Really That's what Merlo is to me Too sweet

Um I can't I don't remember I don't remember finding Merlo too sweet Too fruity Yeah But sweet

That's, I think I'm, I'm combining all these. You know, sweet's a little bit different to me than fruity. Yeah. But, uh, but, uh, but yeah, I honestly, I usually only like Pino-N-N-Wa because it's sort of light. Yeah, you know. Like a moscato is very sweet. Yeah, sweet wine is kind of gross. I used to love, uh, rosé back in the day.

Well, it's training wheels for drinking. God, I used to barrel that shit. Here's your training. You go. Bud light or bush. I did Bush Bush Light in high school grade school

Yingling Then you go into logger Which is yingling But like heavier loggers Then you get in IPAs for beers And that's I hate anything beyond logger I'm out

That's the pinnacle I hate it For wines It's moscato White Red wine on ice It's all training wheels And then you start getting

This thick heavies The cab Huh? Ice. Well, when you're a kid. You're just making a fun drink. Okay. Booze.

Vodka. Childs play. It's got no flavor. Child's play. Gin is next. No, it's not. Gin is very good. No.

If you've... I like gin. I'm saying you mix it with something. It's child's play. Right. Of course. It's not like fucking water. Yeah.

Then you jump in the whiskeys. Yeah. The tequila's... Now we're talking about you got something to deal with. Yeah. Mezcalis that is the bourbon of tequila in my eyes. Yes.

It's extravagant. Yeah. Yeah. It's a versatile play there. I can't even drink, I can't drink champagne anymore. It's gross to me. Really?

It's gross. Yeah. It's, ugh. What the mouth feel? That's what, it's just, ugh, it's too tart.

It's just gross. Oh, I like that. Rose-ay, I can still do once in a while. Like if, like, it's a rose cider. You want to try a rosé cider? I'm good, thank you.

No. It's just bubbly pink summertime fun. What the, how do you look at yourself in the mirror? Oh, I do a bunch of them and then jump on to something else. It's a... We do you jump onto it, Kyle. This episode's brought to you by Blue Chew, Joe. Choo.

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I like how you did the whole ad with your legs crossed, like you got a boner. I do have a fucking hard-on-old. Do you? Yeah. For gold? For Blue-chew, gold. I'm always mine and for gold.

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Yeah. You know you're interrupting and I have to do it over again. Oh, well, you asked me to be here with the mic. Yeah, but these are things I have to say. Okay. I didn't know. God, I'm sorry.

Make life easier by getting harder. Yeah. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options. at bluechoo.com, Joe. Okay. And we've got a special deal

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It's great. Everything's level. I use them. You use them. Yeah. Everything's level. on cell phones. Basically have like a computer in your pocket.

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Just head to harries.com slash Stuff Island to claim this offer. and after you purchase, the last year where you heard it from, tell them. Stuff Island. Stuff Island's not yet. No, I treat it like, I treat it like,

I treat it like a fat kid at an amusement park. You go in, you go, I got to get some funnel cake, I got to get some fucking cotton candy. I got to get a hot dog. I got it. So you just, you know, explore,

Joe. God forbid. No, I do. I do. I do. I'm a big, I'm that way with, I'm that way with food.

I'm a big explorer. When I go to a place, I see, I'm the guy, first time there, I get a couple different things on the menu. I know it's too much. I don't care. Yeah. I want to try everything. Yeah.

I like doing that. Yeah. I like to do. Why do you think it's not the same with booze? Well, booze is because booze is a tricky dance because booze, because of the effect booze has on you, if you drink the wrong thing, it can have a kind of nasty effect on you. I don't agree with this at all.

So, so, you know, there's something about, when I, when I, when I drink. Is this like liquor before beer type of gay shit? I mean, a little bit, not really, but like, when I drink a booze I don't like, it's almost like, it's not like eating a food I don't like. It's almost like eating a food that's not, that went bad or something. I hate it. It's like, it's, it just doesn't agree with my system in any way.

Like what? A gold shlogger? A romewag? Rumpelmints? Yeah, yeah, disgusting. A Yeager Meister? Man, I used to love Yeagermeister. You're out of your fucking mind.

Can't do it anymore. Nobody likes Yeager. I used to love it. I used to love Yeager bombs. That's different. I'm saying when I was 22. I loved Yeager. I loved Yeager.

I loved it. If I gave you a nice Sambuca right now, or DeSorono, you would love it. Not for me. It's an apatine. It'll settle your tummy. It's a nice little thing. Okay.

Digestive. Digestive. Yeah. I don't, I don't, I'm not, I don't like the fluronelon. flavor of San Bucca. I've had it. My dad loved Samubley. I do like black licorice.

A niche. I do like black licorice. Yeah, I don't like it in drink form. Yeah. You don't like to drink your black liquor. Yeah, no, it's like I argue with people about blue cheese olives. You wouldn't have a cheeseburger. Cheeseburger.

Yeah. Cheeseburger shake. Yeah. I mean, these guys get fucking, these guys get blue cheese olives in the martinis. And I go, that's gross. Oh, you don't like this. I go, I fucking love blue cheese. I don't want it in my drink.

It's gross. The nicer places, they put it on the rim. So it doesn't dilute the liquor. Infiltrate. Cheese has no place in a drink. Well, it's a... Period. Joe, if you have a cheese plate,

a glass of wine is nice. A glass of liquor is nice. Depending on what the liquor is. You're eating the cheese. You're drinking the wine. If you eat them separately, yes. Yes. And you want a little bite like the olive hat.

right a little acidity yeah so put the olives on a fucking plate with well they do and essentially if like i said the nicer places what these fucking mongrels will do is they dip it in now your whole martini's fucked yeah there's cheese floating yeah don't do that they put it up top so that you can oh that's what's you're saying where it's like the high wire across yeah you take it off yeah and then you and then you maybe you dip it real quick yeah okay it's a kuchama that i get that i get you got a little separate cheese plate. That I get. No, Tony will, like, give me shit about it.

I've gone to dinner with him and he'll get the blue cheese off. I go, that's gross. I like the blue cheese on it. And he goes, you don't fucking like. You don't like condiments. You don't like mixing great flavor. I go, I don't like cheese in my drink. It's weird.

It's the same thing when you go get a bloody, when you get a Bloody Mary. Yeah. And they got like fucking. bacon, all the shit. I'm like, it's gross, man. 100%. Fucking gross.

When I see the horseradish bits in the bloody merry, I'm like, get this the fuck away from me, man. Same thing with oysters. There's just too many a kuchabon. Oh, I'll put on an oyster is either lemon or a little cocktail sauce. Okay. I go lemon.

That's it. And the, what do you call it? Marinet? What do you call it? Marionette's a puppet. Marinare? No, no. They're a fucking.

the vinegar dead brain yeah vinegar with the shalette yeah whatever that's called it's like the it's like the uh

is what is it's it's not cider vinegar what's the vinegar you put on a french fries it's red wine vinegar yeah no it's not the what's the vinegar you put on uh french that's mall that's not mall

yeah no that's not malls for the scots and the fucking English anyway it's for fat Irish people ruining the fucking fish and chips It's dude that's like the Mexican equivalent of like sizzling fajitas coming out It's embarrassing What? Just getting a fucking fish and chips ordered to you

Is like a sizzling fajita But that's a country of drunks Yeah No I'm saying like doing it in a fucking Irish pub You're like I'll take the fish and chips And they put the malt vinegar oil over You stink up everybody They're shit-faced

It's like eating tuna fish on a plane Yeah they're wasted They're fucking monster Yeah. You're that drunk in public? You don't care of you eating the fucking children's food. My God. It's like, it's like...

All I do is think about like what this is fish sticks. You're in fitness. There's country's dishes. Yeah. Yeah. It's fish sticks. Hold on. Don't relax in the comments.

I'm joking around. No. No, fuck that. I'm joking around. Joe's not joking. People get so mad. It's such a ridiculous joke. It doesn't matter.

People get them so mad. It doesn't matter. I'm still pissed up. What's the, what I say minette? Mignette. I said marrying it. It's minette.

Uh-huh. It's minette. It's the shallot with the red, white, vinegar. Okay. I'll take a little bit of that. You know what I really like? Places that know what they're doing with the oysters.

They shave raw from the horse radish. Don't say, okay. They're going to say truffle. No. No, no. Get the fuck out of here. Truffle sucks. Dude, also, it's always way too much.

My buddy Nomi sent me a picture. He's a doctor. Oh, big fucking doctor. Yeah. Somebody picks her from a restaurant. He's got a bowl. There's a black truffle in the middle of it. I go,

how much did you pay to eat that fucking musky piece of shit? Yeah. 10 grand. 10 grand. That's not true. It's true. He paid $10,000 for that plate? For the truffle.

Dude, do you know how much? Troubles, it's crazy. Yeah, but, yeah. Nowadays? Maybe seven grand. Maybe I'm misremembering. It was at least seven grand. I watch this real.

So this fucking disgusting pig could feel like he meant something for five minutes. Yeah, he got fucking robbed. And I'll tell you why. He should have. There's only certain truffles that are truly from the earth. Now they farm them.

They can, you know, there's a developed... Well, yeah, that's why you go to H.E.B. And there's truffle powder. Yeah, exactly. There's truffle powder. A truffle oil. Next to the Ortega season. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, it's just this legit truffle. Maybe it's all anniversary. Yeah. I got some truffle powder. You guys have truffle powder? Yeah, it's next to the fucking coleslaw. Yeah, dude. I saw this reel where this dude

infiltrated, I guess it was like a hospital, but he went around to all the nurses and he was checking the legitimacy of their diamonds. And it has like a beep if it's fake. And it'll clear and there's like a little color system on the mechanism. and I'll go all green if it's a true diamond.

And it was like 85% of these women were on the phone calling their husband. There you go. How you tell me it is real? Yeah. How you tell me my dime was real? You don't want to tell me he was fake? And you can hear him going,

baby, I did what I could. It was, you know, I still spent a lot of money. During her shift. That's why it's good fucking content. Yeah. You got to shake them up. Some guys call us for it. They should do that with truffles

when your fucking, your doctor friend is all. She's fucking defibrillator. She's fucking yelling about her glass ring. He says, it's what he said. He goes,

that's glass. Jesus Christ. She goes, glass. Glass! She's screaming at her husband. Why nurses? Because they're, I don't know.

It's a good... It's a lot of women. I was going to say something about. My mother's a nurse practitioner. No, it's like a good, it's a good,

like, Petrie dish. of humans. Of reactionary women. Yeah. Yeah. Because they're educated. They're educated, but not enough.

The nurses have come after me. They're powerful, but not enough. They got, they got fucking attitude, but not enough. It's, what do you call that little test area? It's a perfect sample size

of humanity for when it comes to women. It's, so you run through a fucking nursing area and you hit them when they're in the squad team. It's a lot of, yeah, I've had nurses.

I love nurses. They're okay. They're great. They're like cops. They're fine. Yeah, exactly. There you go. Yeah.

That's a perfect sample. Sometimes you're great. Sometimes you're not. Hold on. And I want to be clear after the voice you did. I'm not done. Most of the nurses came after me were white women. I would be very clear about that that I'm not fucking.

Cops. Clumpin a race. The rest of those. Perfect sample size for the men. Yes. Cops and nurses. Women and men. In terms of intellect.

Military. Military. Military guy. There's their jobs There are jobs that I respect I'm gonna get fucking No no no no no no There's jobs I believe it though

There's jobs I respect Okay Here's what I'm saying There's jobs I respect Because of because of the integrity of the job And what the job entails But those jobs a lot of time come with this expectation

That it can go without criticism Yeah of course So cop is a great example Perfect nurse is a great example Perfect Soldiers a great example firemen's a great example These are noble professions

Yeah But sometimes assholes do them And go, I'm noble because of the profession 100% No, that's not true It's exactly why I said it Yeah It's perfect

Yeah Perfect sample size Yeah, yeah So your teacher's another one You don't know what I do for these kids Shut the fuck up The dumbest kids I went to school with became teachers

Really? Yeah, some of them And the dumbest people I went to school with became cops. Really? Yeah. Dumbest people I went to school with became Marines. The funniest guy I knew growing up became a cop.

What? The funniest guy I knew growing up became a cop. And I was like, this is not a good. It's not good. No, we need that. It's not good. We need the boys to be cheered up. He's too much of a smart ass.

No, no. He's too, like, don't give this guy a gun. This is crazy. This is crazy. This guy. But it's good. That makes sense, though, man. You need fucking.

You need funny nurses. My mother's funny as fuck. Yeah, no, the nurses that took care of my dad when he had a surgery were really incredible. They were really lovely, wonderful people. This is obviously a joke. No, I'm saying there's wonderful people that do any job. There's no job that makes you automatically wonderful. Why do you hate cops and nurses?

I don't. I don't. You just said you hate cops and nurses. No, I don't. Look. My favorite job's number one, ice aging. Number two, conservative, Republican politician

Number three. Anybody working against Planned Parenthood? Number four, suicide bomb. These are my favorite jobs. What do you want for me?

No, I just, I just, no, I don't, I don't hate nurses, I don't hate guys. I, I just get annoyed with anything. I get annoyed with it with comedians. Of course. I get annoyed with,

that's why I'm joking. No, of course. I get annoyed with, We hang out with their fucking so much less than the nurses and cops and teachers. I get annoyed when anybody acts like their profession alone defines their nobility. It's like, no, you're not above criticism. It's, you know, comedians do it a lot. Well, I get so annoyed when they start coming after the comedians, then you know,

shut the fuck up. Like we're fucking all Mark Twain out here. Freedom of speech. We're doing dick jokes, getting drunks, getting drunk, getting drunk, blowing fuck. fucking hooters off of fucking cleavage in a strip club. What the fuck are we talking about? Shut up.

It's all fucking stupid gay shit. Anyway, listen, and he doesn't mean gay like that. No, I don't. That's what I'm saying. Yeah,

it was raised differently. That's what I'm saying. I can't believe you got to go to dinner after this because I got to tell you, I'm halfway through this first glass of wine. Yeah, you feel it. I'm ready to tear ass up tonight. Let's go.

That's a good Rioja. Yeah. From space. Yeah. Why don't you tell you Lady, honey, you go have fun with the girls tonight. Yeah, I can do that.

We got work to do. Me and Joe got work to do. Okay. Joe and I are putting together a little recipe for the next look at this. We're just shirtless and fucking Boota Texas. Me and Joe got serious work to do.

It cuts to you and me painting the wall writing our name and shit on the wall. Fuck, you know. You didn't do it. The fucking see, Babes, piss, come down,

come down. You're fucking like Chris. I'm my friend. With my friend. I always said, you're your friend? I'm a friend. Chris,

Chris, I can't hear, but you're here. Just. Yeah. Where is that fucking pig? Up in Westchester. Still,

yeah. Up in Westchester. He's in W. He's in a room memorizing his lines right now. He's in the WC, getting fucking raped. The WC.

I'll be there with you next week, right? He's up there doing a little TV show called The Frazier Reboot. That would be nice. He would be the dog. He's doing the dog. Chris is playing the dog on the Frazier reboot. It takes place in Westchester. He's jumping on the couch.

He's playing Chandler's son on the Friends reboot. He's coming in. that poor sack of shit i i cannot i am dead serious i cannot tell you how much i hate that matthew perry is dead i hate it i know it sucks i hate it i love matthew perry i'm so i'm serious i'm serious do you not believe me i believe it's my i love matthew perry so much i'm like i hate that he's dead i was rooting i was like he's going to make a comeback he's going to he's going to going to lose his weight. He's going to be Chandler again. Like, I was so

excited, man. Yeah. He said the fucking greatest line I've ever heard ever about addiction. He was on Bill Mar. And Bill Maher goes, like, break down your addiction. Like, what do you think it is that makes you an addict? And he goes, he goes, Bill,

reality is an acquired taste. It's like, holy shit. That guy just fucking threw the gauntlet down. I was like, that's There's no better way I've ever heard it put. I've never heard it put better, right? He's like, bro, I need the check the fuck out of this. It sucks.

Yeah. This episode is also brought to you by Cash App. Joe. Cash App. You use Cash App? About of your business, Tom. True. That's actually an appropriate answer.

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I wonder where those guys have been. This episode is brought to you by Mando Deodorant. It's a wonderful new deodorant that we've been using for the past couple of years. My girl steals all of it. Yeah? Yeah. It's got a ball spray. It's got wipes.

I love ball spray. Yeah. Me too for the gym. I love wipes. No, just ever for any time. Yeah. Yeah, I'm serious. You'll just spray your nookies.

Just pop it around. Yeah. Yeah. What's the harm? Yeah. In case you made a waitress and a strip joint? Well, you want to stay fresh. Or if I made a stripper and a waitress joint.

Wherever I'm meeting anybody. There you are. I like my balls to smell like Mando. That's fresh. Yeah. Well, it's a whole body deodorant. It's not just for armpits. People think it's just for armpits.

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Is that what that is? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Right. But it's great for that. That's great. Yeah.

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Right now, new customers get 20% off sitewide with our exclusive code. Use code stuff island at shopbando.com for 20% off sitewide. That's S-H-O-M-A-N-D-O.com. Please support our show. Tell them we sent you. Mando's got you covered with deodorant plus sweat-controlled. Say goodbye to sweat stains and hello to long-lasting pressure. you think he purposely killed himself now it was i think if you know obviously there's always conflicting

stories of but no i think it was uh you know he was doing the ketamine treatment and yeah and he took a big dose and and probably said he had a heart attack and then drown my look i don't know i'm speculating my guess is is that if he took a big dose of ketamine he probably went into a k-hole yeah started to drown couldn't fucking move yeah had a heart attack whatever died i find it hard to believe that somebody would be having a heart attack and then drown as a result of just a heart attack if they had an ability to move yeah you would you'd feel the pain you'd start to go uh-uh you'd start to get out of a hot tub yeah i would think but i don't know maybe he slid back in i don't fucking know but you know dude this shit is wild now that ketamine is just

like normal yeah that was one of the bad ones when i was growing up brother that was one of the bad ones the only time i've ever seen it when i was i think i was like uh first or second year in college i went to shampoo do you remember shampoo in philly i remember it well they did you 80's night it was fun as shit when they get 80s night yeah i went with my oldest brother and his now wife and then i met this girl we separate it but it was during that time where like i only boozed I have never tried drugs And I didn't know this girl was fucking Out of her mind on drugs

Sure I was like we're gonna hook up She said you want to come to this house party And was like yeah Told my brother and his and his wife I get a daddy I'm going with the fat tits Up to Jersey So we go

We go so far away It was like central Jersey The things you would do to get laid Oh my God A townhouse A townhouse yeah I think it was like 22 Talking to a girl

Oh no 6 a M 22 yeah 100% you know just waiting it out like and we go we go into the kitchen they're making fucking ketamine they're emptying out ketamine on the the microwave plate and drying it out and then scraping it and doing fucking bumps and I'm like at this point dude I'm still like Milwaukee's best dude I'm like just drinking light beers and all I want to do is have sex with this girl I'm just trying to get late like when do we get into a bedroom when we go into your place so i can head the fuck back home because i'm already 45 minutes out yeah she takes me upstairs i think we're gonna go to a you know a place we can hang out

and a kid was clearly in a k-hole and i never heard that statement before yeah it's and he was holding his he was gripping his legs and scream crying next to the washer dryer Looking back, it's so funny, but like, when I saw it, I was so scared. Yeah. Horrifying. And I'm like, what's going on? One dude's like, he's in a K-hole. I'm like, everyone's on ket of me. Everyone's fucked up.

Did you end up bang in her? Yeah. Oh, good. About like 8 o'clock in the morning. Yeah. She finally got me back to her place. But like, at that point, it was just like. I did that once when a girl, I was doing the Star Dome in Birmingham.

I met this girl after the show. You're drinking. It's the saddest first sentence I've ever heard. It's sadder. But just grow up to the show. She goes, we're hanging out at a bar. She goes, you want to come back to my... I think I was opening for Patrice.

And he split. And I just went with this girl. And she's like, you want to come back to my place? I go, yeah. She lived in a fucking trailer in Alabama, like in the woods. Whoa. Like, true like Alabama shit, you know?

Or at least what I always imagined true Alabama shit would be. You know, trailer in the woods. And it was, you know, know it was fine but it was like you know and we went in and her it was me her and like four dudes and all the dudes were cool as shit but then we blew 800 fucking rails dude just eight hundred fucking rales dude just eight just did so much fucking coke yeah and um i was just waiting it out was waiting it out trying to bang this girl finally dude it's like six a m i'm like i'm gonna go to bed She's like, you can sleep on my bed.

I go, great. I go to room. She put on the secret of NIM. Because I said, just turned the TV on. She put a VHS in the secret of it. It was probably for a kid or something. She finally comes in at like 8 a.m. I'm still sitting there like wired.

Like, I finally going to hook up. We kiss for 10 seconds. I reached out. I touch her Vaj. Vaj. I mean, God forbid I had banged this girl. the sparks from the friction this was the driest fucking thing

I ever Oh my god It did coke all right I was like your body Hitting the guardrail I like this chair Yeah You're bleeding all the way

To the bathroom If I'd fuck there In a trailer Would have burned out It would have It was a forest fire It was crazy And I remember

Just being like Yeah Oh yeah She's like, yeah, what are you going to do? We did too much, you know, then we passed out. She drove me home the next day. And we're like, all right, let's try to hang out later. And then, of course, she was like, dude, I can't hang out later.

I'm fucking done. I'm going to sleep all day. And I was like, I got to do two shows at the Star Dome. Oh, my God. Yeah. Turn to talk co-cates from fucking Alabama trailer parks don't drink water. What's that? Oh, you find it?

No, I didn't hear what you said. Would you say? I said she wasn't drink enough water. No. No. No. That's why I didn't, that wasn't part of the story. I was just thinking of her daily routines.

But my point is, is like when you're 25. You know what I mean? You're 25 like, what was that? Yeah. I'll sleep for three hours and go do two shows and be fine, I guess.

Like, yeah. But, you know, oh. Now I'm like, oh my God. Yeah.

It's like, I get like, oh, I get upset when I think about it, you know? Yeah. That's all. You still got it in you,

though. Yeah. Yeah, he's still got it in you. I don't have the... The beast is always there. I don't have the chase in me like that anymore. Yeah. You know?

Same. When you're young, you have the chase in you. Male or female of like, let's try to... You know, it wouldn't it be fun if we all went over here and then maybe I'll hook up with that person. That's fun. That chase is not in me anymore. It's the opposite.

It's the chase of, of... Isolated freedom. What do you mean? Just getting home, watching the next episode of Game of Thrones. Yeah. Cutting some fucking extra sharp cheddar, ripping out a bag of pretzels,

dumping a huge glass of bottle of wine into my fucking, in my drink. And then just, no noises from anything else but that television. Yeah. Peace. I hear you. God, that sounds good. Pretzels with the sharp cheddar sounds.

Oh my God, you know what I do you? As soon as I get in, I cut the extra sharp, let it come to room temp. Then I pull it back out of the kitchen, bring it to my little place. And you do pretzels with it? Yeah. What kind? Extra dark. Extra dark?

Yeah. The burnt. The burnt ones. I never saw those. What is that? Special dark. You never saw special dark pretzels? Yeah.

You got any of mine. But what do you do? Like the, like the big hard ones? No, Snyders, no, no, no, no. What do you do? There's one called Splits. That is my favorite. Look up splits, extra dark.

But what's the size of the pretzel? Yeah, it's like a small Snyder's. Not the big boys. Not the Bavarians. Oh, a second. Do you look at your phone? You got a text that you want to... Of course, throw your phone through the fucking...

Yeah, and I can't say that about it right now. I'm just like... Yeah. I can't. Not tonight, Toots. Extra. What's the place? Splits.

Spillit Z. Bid it? Yeah. Okay. See, that's a nice medium between the Snyder, big ones, and like the normal. I don't need the big one.

I want the cheese to be somewhat of the star. See, half and half. I actually would like the Snyder, like the Dick ones. Yeah. Bite it at bite of sharp cheese. I would really enjoy that.

And then I also would like some pepperoni. Yeah. Okay. I like this. Those three flavors together would go well You know it would be really good Pepper and Cheney You get those

Those pretzel chips The thin ones Yeah Put the cheese right on that With the They don't do much for me They don't do much for me either I'm just saying

They're pretending to be a pretzel And it's not It's different right So okay So then we got to do it old school You have to put that Okay so then put the pepperoni Slice on top of the cheese slice

Yeah Bite it at big pretzel Mm Fuck Yeah And I want that now Yeah But you got to let the pepperoni and the cheese sweat to come the room tem.

I don't like it sweaty, though. I like it when it's a little cool from the fridge. How much time we have? Why do you like it room temp? Like literally drooling right now. What? Because it, the twang. The twang?

Try to fart. Go ahead. He talked over the first, too. Now I'll piss. Let's keep one-upping it. Wait, so what's the twang? What do you mean? Yeah, like that sharp flavor.

I agree. Sucking on a warm cheese. I agree, but what I don't like is the room temp, sweaty cheese, the texture, it gets too floppy. I like when the treat cheese is a firmness to it. For what? It just, when it's cool and firm, it makes me think that it's fresh. When it's floppy and a little wet, it just, it just, it just, you. I don't know.

It's just a brain thing. It's not fresh. It's fucking 10 years old. But it's just a brain thing. It's my brain going, oh, this is old. You admit you're being ignorant. So let the thing come to fucking temperature.

It's a different flavor profile. It's a subconscious, conscious food thing. That's all. It's a brain thing, excuse me. It's just, I don't know. It's just where my brain goes. Yeah, you're not right.

That's what I'm saying. Which is why I'm saying subconscious. I just don't enjoy it as much. I like it cool and firm. that's what I like What do you want for me? What's the matter? Why can't I like it?

I think you can extend to what you think you like. God, man. I have so much food in my house I have to get rid of and now I'm tempted to go get get rid of meaning like eat before I leave.

Now I'm tempted to go get pretzels, sharp cheese, and pepperoni. Keep it simple, man. Fuck. Sounds amazing, right? Yeah, little topas like that. Little tapas like that.

Little white trash topis. We put some olives. Extra dark pretzels. extra sharp cheddar. Right? A little pet, a little basute. Make yourself a little cheese plate.

It's a deconstructed Italian hoagy. In a sense. I do that. I do a lot of deconstructed hoagies in order to not eat an actual hoagie. And I don't know what I'm, I'm saving 200 calories. I'm not having bread.

That's it. It's not a lot. Yeah. That's not the problem. Yeah. The problem is the meats. But I'll do, I'll get turkey. Yeah.

Turkey. Turkey down onto a plate. I'm out. No, listen to what I'm saying to you. Yeah, I'm not right. Turkey down to a plate. Shave extra sharp provolone all over it. Slice sweet onion.

Slice tomato. Salt pepper oregano. Hot cherry peppers, olive oil. And you just eat that and it's like it gets the hoagy craving out of your system. I like this. And honestly, none of it's bad except the cheese, really. That's not even bad. It's all vegetables.

basically in Turkey. Can't beat yourself up for that. But even when I crave an Italian Hogi, if I do that, it'll get it out of my system. Yeah. You know, it'll get it out of my fucking system. Yeah. Because, dude, I'm not joking.

I could eat an Italian Hogi every day. Brother. Every day I could do it. We just made it on look at dish for Rainy and Butterly. Made Italian Hogi here. Would you put on it? Who? Salami.

Capacola. Mortadella. Capacola or Cappie ham? Cola. Like the real deal? Yeah, real deal. So I like the Cappy ham better on an Italian stuff, but go ahead. Go ahead.

Mortadella. Mortadella. See, now I'm all out of whack. I got extra sharp probe, Asiago. Nice. You know why we got that? Right. Because Rainy had your hoagie, a Jerry Roses that added the Asiago.

So at the market, we got some of that. Osceago is great. It's amazing. Genoa. Bershute. I like Bershute. It doesn't need it. You got enough.

You're working with plenty with the cap, the Genoa, the Mortadella. You got enough on your hands. I love this. Did you put any regular ham on it? Huh? Did you put any regular ham on it? No. Pepper ham's good on it.

Yeah, nah. Black pepper. Mortadella, for me. What market? Central. Oh, so they have all the meats? Oh, yeah. They do?

Yeah. Really? They have a nice Italian section. All right, I got to go over there because HB's got some of them and not all of them. Uh-uh. Yeah. Not even close. Okay.

And then I made a pepper spread. I did a mix between a topanade and a cherry pepper spread. Okay. Butterly apparently doesn't like olives. But I love a strong olive in my cherry pepper spread. Did you put an onion on it? Red wine vinegar, yep. Onion, tomato, lettuce.

For the boys, I wouldn't do that. No lettuce. I just did it for them. For the traditional. Some oregano? Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

It's good. Babe. Unbelievable. His first Italian hoagie. That's great. Isn't that fucking wild? Yeah. This guy served in the military in a tank.

He never had an Italian hoagie. That's how powerful this cooking show is, Joe. The, uh, I love Italian hug. I'm every day. Now, now, true. If you went to Philly, traditional Italian Hogi would be regular provolone. Yeah, it's all the dog shit. No, it's not dog shit.

It's good. It's a great combo. It's just, it's just. You made more of- It's cheap. It's elevated. It's an elevated Italian Hogan. But no, what you made is when they have-

Go ahead. Go ahead. Ham, can I tell you? Provolone. Can I finish? And salami. No, what you mean? No.

Hold on. What else? Let me finish. The, uh, what you made was when they'll have like the speculations. Italian, which is... Yeah, like the Godfather. Yeah, yeah, which is great. But the traditional Italian is black pepper ham.

It's called pretachini or something. Yeah, it's Boershead peppered ham. No, no, it's not Boershead. Borset doesn't make it. Deetson Watson will make it. Oh, okay. Deetson Watson's good. But it'll be black pepper ham.

It's either Dieter Watson. Ham Cappy, which is like a spicy ham. Genoa salami, regular provolone. lettuce, tomato, onion, salt pepper, oregano, oil. Yeah. It's a great sandwich. It's a great sandwich. But it is not as, as you said, elevated.

So what you just described was a wah-wa hoagie, and you're going to call it great. Stop it. If you get it. What do you get a wah-wa? No, I'm not saying it's not the same ingredients, but if you make it right with good ingredients, it's great. Yeah. It's great. Not knocking wah-wah, but I'm saying, like, don't make it.

That's like saying a cheese steak. Oh, what you describe is what you get at wah-wa. Well, of course, it's a cheese steak, but it's like, it depends on how it's made. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, there you go. See? Yeah. I fucking pulled your cord, man.

Yeah, you did. This was all roost to get you fucking intense. Fucking starving now. Let's get a little bite. Yeah, all I ate today was. Stripper wings. Let's go get a bag. Just rip some fucking steers.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Find herself in a fucking trail. Joseph, you have anything

you want to plug, pal. Yeah, my new podcast is coming out soon on YMH, the YMH network, vile and horrendous. It's coming very soon. And then also I will be in San Diego March,

the weekend of March 20th. And Netflix is a joke fest doing one show at the comedy store original room. In May for the festival. Also, I will be in Houston, Texas at the Secret Group in April.

All of these shows are on sale at my website, joderosa.com. Keep an eye out for the new pod. Come check out the shows. Buy your tickets. I want to see you out there. There's probably some other dates

on the website too. But that's it. Thank you for having me, man. Yeah, thanks for coming, Joe. Yeah, appreciate it. It's always fun. That bright light. of yours.

I thought we had a nice time. I had a great time. You want to be shitty now? You're going to be shitty at the end? I'm not shitty. I was saying it's nice to have. Nice to have you. When I did Joe's podcast, was that in New York?

I forget. He goes, why you guys go down to the lobby? I see in a minute, I got to do ads. And I was like, all right. And then we just sat out front of his office. He heard him do ads. And he goes, he's, he's, He's reading off a teleprompter, and he's, like, dead serious.

He's all locked in. He goes, fuck. Let's do it again. Do it again. Do it again. Fuck! He's just screaming fun. And it took him like 10, 10, I would say 10 reads.

No, that was in the ad copy. That was part of it. That was, oh, oh, it was. Yeah. That was it. Yeah. For Gatorade. They were taking a new edgy approach.

Yeah, a little edgy approach. Okay. All right. Thank you, Joe. I love you, babe. I love you, buddy. All right. See it.

Had Patreon for me and Chris. Patreon.com slash. Patreon.com slash stuff violent. Right? I'm good at this. I'm good at promoting, dude. Oh, check out look at this. Link and subscribe.