Stuff Island - Joey Avery - Stuff Island #226

Episode Date: March 20, 2026

Joey Avery joins Tommy and Chris today. Joey has a new special out titled "Joey Avery Live in San Francisco" on Youtube, go check it out! Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND Chubbies is here to keep you comfy and looking good year-round. Get 20% off with code STUFFISLAND at https//:www.chubbiesshorts.com/STUFFISLAND #chubbiespod Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code STUFFISLAND. That’s promo code STUFFISLAND. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://www.Mengotomars.com Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND. #ad Follow Chris on IG:   / achrisoconnor   Follow Tommy on IG:   / tommyjpope  #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That's an old school jet's helmet right there. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah, bro. What's that like a punner in the 80s? I think so. Or an ice cream helmet. You never had an Eagles version of that, run around the backyard?

Of course, like headbutton your brother. Yeah. I'll send you a pick right now. Yeah, that is sick. We had, we had Niners once too. You had to have those. Yeah. Yeah, that's younger brother equipment.

100%. Your older brother doesn't kill you. you. Did you have the full uniform? Yeah. I did. Yeah. It's just a t-shirt and like elastic pants. Yeah. But it was the coolest thing in the world. It's also your older brother. So you're tripping over everything, slaming your head and things. Dude, we were, we were, we have all these photos of us because we're, we're like Dion Sanders era Niners fans. And so we made my parents buy us like do rags, like bandanas. We could wear them. Yeah. Let's go. Dion. Well, your glasses are kind of like a du reig right now for the white guy.

Yeah, who convinced you to go with this look? He's successful. First of all, I'm a working actor as well. No, I'm an actor now. I'm an actor now, so I got the glasses. So he decided to go, Howie Mandel. They came with my sag card. Yeah.

So the Jews accept him. He's like, I guess I'll wear your glasses. I was told by someone, because I think I have a longer face, that the circular would work. It does, though. You look great. I appreciate that. And what I also appreciate is that after Tommy spent the first two minutes of us

hanging out telling me about how his face is breaking out and allergic reaction, he just put him on and wore them. He just put these on his allergic face and was like, I look horrible in these. It's not something you could catch. You were aware. What are you wearing? No, these are shamrocks. Oh, that's nice.

Because I wanted to hide. Dude, I woke up two. From Philly, the bags underneath my eyes were like swollen fucking, like water beds. And I think it was the, it was the chemicals in the A-Loft. I never get that ever. It's crazy, dude. You told me the hurting you put on that airport bar, there's no way that it's the chemicals in the A-loft. Well, I will say, you're not wrong for where you're starting here, but I didn't do anything different that I haven't been

doing in the last 20 years. That's also fair. That is a fair scientific take. Yeah, I wasn't like out of control. It was just normal. Normal mayhem. And I don't usually wake up with fucking waterbed eyes.

So I'm rolling around in the pesticides or whatever they fucking, they bleach their sheets with. And I'm still, dude, it's still recovering. Now I have like a red, it's almost like a rat. I got a rash and it's going to peel and shit. So I'm a very, you know.

Did you go hard at the airport bar? Yeah. Yeah. I got all over the airport. He drank so hard, he got a tan. He got sunburn. The full vacation, dude.

They're like, you look like you've been on vacation. God says you need a tan. Dude, it was the chickies and Pete's lighting that gave me a little, a little swell. You're staring at the chicken fingers

out of the heat lamp. I probably smelled so good, though. It's a wop under a heat lamp, sizzling skin. buddy and I were, we went to spring training in Scottsdale and we were very, you know, very banged up in the morning, but we were going home

together and we were like, all right, let's get fucked up at the airport bar. And it's like, we love the bartender. One shot, two shot. We're getting fucked up. And then we go to leave. And there's just this old tall, sour puss face having man

staring at us. And he goes, yeah, you should leave. And I was like, what? I'm drunk. I'm in no position to be crossed right now. Yeah, yeah. And he was just like, yeah, everyone at the bar wants you to leave. And I look around and no one is paying attention to this interaction at all. And I just snapped on him and I just was like, bro, I was like, I'm going to put this nicely. As a man of God, I'm really sorry your life hasn't worked out for you. Yeah. God damn. I just went as I just went as hard as I could. In retrospect, when I woke up,

got hungover the last day. I'm like, I bet he had a point. I was probably being a little annoyed. People don't realize like that's, of course. That's psychological. Yeah, it's ex-girlfriend lines. That's classic ex-girlfriend lines. Yes. If you give them that good-ness.

Nobody likes you. Everyone in this bar wants you to leave. And you're like, no one even knows I'm here. No one is caring at all. The bartender liked us. But you hate yourself so much the next day. You're like, probably had a point. Yeah, yeah, I was in such a hangover that I was literally like, damn, did I upset that man?

But I did like that I just went, I'm not even really religious. I just thought it would cut deeper if I added some gravitas to the situation and then just tried to say his entire life was horrible. It did look sad. Yeah. He didn't have these glasses. He was trying to bring you down to his level. Yeah, that's what I think, dude. Just get a screaming match in the airport bar.

That's just his way of saying you're gay. He's very upset. He was upset. Yeah, because he's gay. Maybe. Maybe he wanted, maybe he was nagging me. Yeah, he loved,

he loved those glasses, dude. I was wearing him. I was wearing them inside of the bar. His guy's glasses are making me feel a certain way. Man, I'm going to fight or fuck him. That's it. Fight or fuck. Like, fight or fuck.

I hope. I hope. That is kind of a cool guy to wind up being like late in life. It like like such a piece of shit that every time you get in a fight with someone, you speak for everyone else around you. Yeah. Yeah. Like when you just get in a drunk fight with some guy, you're like,

and I'm talking for everyone in here. Yeah. You're a piece of shit. I don't even know if I want to wait until later in life. I kind of think we should steal that guy's move immediately. It's brilliant. It's actually really good. Yeah, yeah.

Anytime you're in like a public altercation, it's like, and I know everyone saw it. I need to say something. You can't cut a line like that. Eight-year-old kid. I've been coming to this Applebee's for 10 years. I've never heard the kitchen staff talk about somebody like this.

You got to get the fuck out of here. Did that be such a brainbreaker? You're just like, you've been coming to this Applebee's for 10 years. How do you have the money? Yeah. People think Applebee's is more affordable than it is. So expensive.

My friends wanted to do this. They got it in their heads that they're like, we want to go like put on a full tilt blackout at just a classic like American casual chain like an Applebee's. And they were like it just, it had some kind of, I don't know, like Hunter S. Thompson weird kind of like observatory. And they've said that they did it. and they were just like blown away. They could have had like a Michelin Star.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Spend it's 400 hours and fucking, yeah. Barnabies, dude. Yes, of course you're fucked. That is. It's, we used to do that every once in a while in college.

Just go to a TGI Fridays and get absolutely smoked just at the bar. You know, on like a Tuesday? It is. It's like, yeah, it's like, it's like going to Europe without going to,

you're going on a, the foreign land and just bringing your problems with you. You also feel like you're in a commercial that just like had a break. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you're on set?

Yeah, you feel like you're on set. Yeah. If you sit at the bar. It's a sound stage. I had like a Ruby Tuesdays. You feel like to like cut and you're like, let me get two for me and my friend here. It really is like America, the show.

It's a constant show. Your cameras are always on. The bartenders constantly fuck where you're trying to get something out of you. You go, you go, oh shit, are these beers real? Yeah. Oh, shit, they gave us real beers. I'm not feeling anything.

If a studio basically debuted that show next year and was like, we've actually been filming you in every single Applebee's, Chili's or whatever for the last 30 years and we're going to air a reality show based on it. We'd all love it and we'd all watch. It would be the greatest show of all the time. It's possible.

Maybe that's the long game of this country. I've been watching the show Neighbors on HBO. It's fantastic. They see a documentary on a bunch of neighbors that are beefing about shit. The last one was a Halloween. There's like, there's two neighbors that want to be the best at Halloween decorations. One black guy, one white guy. And they're like, they go at it.

There's a fucking Halloween war. And I don't know what it is about the neighbors. Like to me, that's all I grew up on was like, that guy's fuck with my dad. And fuck him. You do whatever it takes to like, you know, piss on his long, steal a ball, kick his fence. Seeing it as adults, you're like, it holds up, man. It still holds up. There's a pride there, y'all.

I do Halloween here. I don't know if you heard. I know you're new to this neighborhood, but I'm the Halloween guy. It's the last bastion of being a man. He's owning your street, dude, and potentially coveting thy neighbor's wife, although I do believe that as a sin.

And maybe that's where some of it comes from. I'm not sure. You get my wife wet over your fucking... You win the skeleton that moves. You win Halloween, dude. She might start coveting you. There might be a double covet going up.

You would have to come out of the lawn like this. You're like, oh, yeah, my wife... Not going to do anything about it. Now we have a fucking problem. When the kids, it's always my dad could beat up your dad, dude. Like, I, you know, I remember with my neighbor, we had a huge rivalry because my dad was a Mac guy and his dad was a PC guy. Yeah. And that was like, my dad says Apple's better.

And he's like, your dad's an idiot. Yeah. That's, that's some Silicon Valley stuff. Yeah. That's really, that's a real San Jose story right there. That was a very San Jose story. You actually had a Mac first PC. It was real.

The first battle. It was real, dude. My dad was a Coke guy, and neighbor bill was a weed guy. It's the same thing, dude. Oh, fuck. Dude, I had two straight cancellations to get out of Philly. Two straight.

So I went to the hotel bar twice, and I have to fly American because there's no direct from Delta. So I'm not locked. than a lounge. I'm spending hundreds of dollars. Yeah. It's some shithole. Eat like a chicken Caesar wraps.

Literally like the apple. Every airport like bar is an apple bees. It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. But worse. Yeah. Like the guy will,

I think they chew chicken in their mouth and spit it. There's like three chewed up pieces of chicken. And then a wrap of the most dog shit lettuce you can imagine. There are very few chefs that love their job working behind TSA. Yeah. You know. So here's what happened. I want to talk about this real quick.

I go into the public bathroom. I've always had this, this sexual dream of going into like a Delta lounge with some like Russian piglet that's all fucking toastied up on some martinis. And, you know,

working around. Yeah. You know? Doing an oil change. I'm doing it all. changes. I'm rushing. After a few tini's. Dude, I go into just a standard... This is

how crazy the airports have been since TSA has shut down. I walk into a regular airport bar. They're not even hiding it. It's two dudes in a stall. One guy's on the toilet. The other guy's just facing him. And they put...

I know they're gay because I saw their sneaks. The gay sneakers, you can imagine. Like Portland Portland dudes that like paint mailboxes. Like the corneous fucking sneakers

you can ever imagine. Do you understand? No. I know. I'm talking like You took a picture of the shoes. Dude, I almost did. I almost took a picture.

Take a selfie over the top of the stall. This is how I know I'm getting too old. Because like it bothers wrong with the plumbing in here. Bro, I wash my hands. I see it. I wash my hands. I go, I can't get over this. I can't know.

This guy's just getting a fucking blowy. Good for him, by the way. Absolutely. Good for him. We love a sucked dick. Yeah. One guy was on his knees?

No, one guy was on the toilet. They're in a fucking stall. Blumpy? Yeah. Maybe. But it wasn't. I don't think he was dumping on. Probably not.

They're getting sucked off. You know. And you can see, I'm like, standing on the toilet? What? Was he standing on the toilet? No,

one guy's standing, getting his dick sucked. The other guy's sitting on a toilet. I hadn't put that together. I hadn't put that together. Yeah. I just hadn't put it together. Maybe we're a little slow right now.

Yeah. What you're saying makes sense, but I didn't, yeah. I assume the guy on the toilet is getting the services. Yeah. You think he was shitting at the same time? No. The reverse blumpkin is crazy. Which is a second.

Sitting on the toilet seat. Sitting on the toilet seat. Sitting on the toilet is the power position. That's what you'd think, but not if a man. standing over you in his dicks in your mouth. Dude, I couldn't, I couldn't get over it because I like to, I got a bag, right? I got a carry-home bag.

Yeah. And I like to get in a stall, even to take a piss. Yeah. Just get me in the stall. I buck the corner and I see the two shoes. And usually go, oh, yeah, it's this kid. And I see the shoe, the shoe differential. Those male paint and shoes.

They're both the same size. Mailbox paint and gay shoes from the West Coast. Pacific Westgate. Yeah. And I was like, I was baffled like the confidence, dude. I went and took a piss on the other side. I'm washing my hands going, I can't believe. Did I see that?

I buckback around. Still there. There's no like, no one's banging on the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah, out of there. Like an Irish pub doing fucking St. Paddy's Day. People were respecting the sock. They respect the sock. That's how bad TSA was.

They were like, let the man live. Yeah, people were like, it's been a very stressful day. How do you come at a time? like that. If the house is a rock and don't go a knocking, dude. You don't interfere with whatever's going on in there. I have a fan of the street that it was like a dad helping his kid shit or something. And you're just like, people get sucked off.

It's probably like an autistic child. And Tommy's like, oh, everyone's getting their dicks off of me in this airport. Call the cops. His mailbox painting shoes are just Velcro. Yeah. It's like, oh. He's five years old with a pinwheel hat on. He's like, I was just waiting for my dad. He's got cotton candy and he's in a big lollipop.

No, I haven't seen that ever in an airport where like they just went fuck it. No noises. No noises coming from the? Nothing, dude. Nothing. Gotta give it to him there. Yeah. I mean, no, I give it to them for all of it. That's great. But like the balls. Holy shit. I was doing a show last night in Salt Lake and one of the guys I was talking to worked at the Delta Sky Lounge.

Yeah. And I was like, does like, yeah. Good question. He was like, yeah, it does. And he was like, dude, you see people just like getting after it. Like I was like, you see him fucking. He's like, I don't see that. I work behind the bar.

He's like, but you see it materialized. You see it coming together. I was like, that's hot, dude. And it's so hot. Wait. Have we talked about this on this show? years ago, the airport fuck. Oh, yeah.

This is what... This might be the start of how this came up. I think the first time I ever came on this show, we talked about the beauty. What did you call it? I just said how horny I get when I get to an airport bar. And Chris call it like murky waters or something.

Oh, the... Brackish water? Brackish. Oh, no, it's definitely brackish water. It's a tidal zone, for sure. Yeah. You got the deep water fish Mixing with the shallow water marine life

You gotta love a multi-year multi-episode Accidental Callback Yeah That's how you know we're boys That's also how you know we're fucking meaning it Dude It's yeah It's crazy that did

Like for some reason It's never once happened But I always think that in the airport something like that's going to happen. Yeah, of course. And they have, like, some of these Delta lounges have, like, private showers and... Yeah, the family bathroom,

the family bathroom at a Delta lounge has to be one of the most disgusting places on Earth. Oh, my God. I would drop that baby changing station and put it in her ass directly. Oh, my God. Because you don't... You could...

And then right after that, just a stressed mom walks in. Yeah. It is like you're on even footing. You could meet the hottest girl in the world, but you're all going to be hanging out in a glorified bus terminal. And it's just like no one's too good to be there. Let's just be dirty.

One layover can change your entire life. Yeah. One layover. All of a sudden is Puerto Ricans pregnant. That's so funny too. When it didn't go down at the first, when it didn't go down at the first airport and you've got to lay over, you're like, maybe right now.

Yeah. Connecting. flight sex would be crazy. It's never ever happened before my life, but there is 30 minutes. And I'm in a rush. Have you ever tried to hit on someone at an airport?

The only time I've ever actually successfully been with a woman was ever. Ever. Pass, pass. I was sitting on the toilet. My dad was staying.

My dad walked in. No, it was a cancellation, and they put you up at another hotel. It was at Atlanta. They canceled my second flight. Everybody gets like a free hotel room at this one place. Shit. I met up with this Russian. Yeah.

Yeah. That's pretty nice. Because it's still, you're carrying the horniness. Yeah. And you're hungover, upset, frustrated. it. All that energy goes into that fucking hotel sex. I have been told... Carnival. It was a carnival

She was speaking English by the end of it. Lost her whole accent. Being straighted. Swapped accents. Traded bodies. I ate all of her Russian. That's what's good time. This episode is brought

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It's your ear. Sorry about the glasses. This episode is brought to you by Marsmen. Guys, you know Marsman is a big fan of our podcast. We're a big fan of Marsman because I'm 46 and life is hitting me differently. I go to the gym. I eat well. I probably don't take care of myself enough

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out. After your purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about it. Say stuff island. Be a good boy. Yeah, I've never done it. There's something about being stranded once again you think anything is possible. I have been told on good authority

from flight attendants and pilots that those airport marriots like between them it goes fucking down because they're all trapped in a tube, they're all away from whatever, they all go to the same hotel, they don't have anything else to do, and shit just fucking happens. That's just why...

Golly. Yeah, dude, it fucking stewardesses are just skypigs. They're just, they go from one city to another city, they either knock around the pilot or some dude in first class, and good for them. That's the fucking dream, dude. Skypigs. And I'm sure some of them are happily married and... Right.

And cheating on their... husband getting their fucking back dumped on, just roped. Good Lord. I know. She has a power wash. She's literally walked through a car wash before she gets into her husband.

Oh my God. We're talking seven city layovers. How much cum is dried on your smile? That's a lot of cups. Dude, Sky Pigs are my favorite. Joe Jackson's mashes off. That's a lot.

Like the end of a CSI episode? Yeah. Like that red head going, yeah, the David, wow! That's a lot of cuck. You want to go? I'd love to go. That's too much cum. Wow!

Aruba sounds good, but I'll drown. And if you like that, check out my special Joey Avery Live in San Francisco out now on YouTube. Of course, of course. Say it again. Joey Avery Live in San Francisco out now on YouTube. YouTube, please check it out. Back to the cum.

Congratulations, Joe. Thank you, man. No, that's part of the comb. Yeah, how does it feel to put it out? You're glazing yourself, dude. Much like those sky pigs, I got a job to do. I'm a land pig. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to glaze themselves.

A pig on the ground, dude. Boots in the mud. Full of gum, dude. to the come. Oh, fuck. No, that's great, dude. Yeah, it feels great, man. It's awesome.

Like, it's so fun to have it out and just, like, I was able to, like, I taped it last June by the time we got it all edited and figured out what we wanted to do with it. And which is signed a deal with my streaming platform, YouTube.com slash Joey. Yeah. To make a cool $600 on ad revenue.

Brother. But it's just nice to, like, that's good money. Yeah, it is. Yeah. It's nice. It's nice to have it out. And like really fun is just like kind of getting to build a new hour and not being like, how is this going to fit with this joke that I want to keep and just feeling kind of free. And the new hour is almost ready because I've been touring since I put it out. That's awesome. And so the new hour is pretty done. So all the new shows are like a fresh hour. And it's fun. It's, uh, it's a cool moment because like you see your kind of community come together. But it's also this very modern digital age of like, you know, congratulations. And it's like, yeah, congratulations. I spent a shitload of money to make a project and hopefully people watch it. Yeah. That is, that is the new era. It's like,

well, I put a lot of money into it. Yeah. It's like, yeah, congrats. Thank you. I got to thank me. And no, and I obviously, I'm not going to do the Academy Award speech, but obviously the team that worked on it was all great. And yeah, it's fun. It's just fun to do the thing. Although we were just talking about how Tommy doesn't like to do comedy. It's not true. Is it not true? No, I like to do comedy. Right.

I just don't like comedy. That's actually a pretty popular take amongst comedians. I don't like it. Just sick of it. Yeah. Yeah, my dad, he was an electrician. He doesn't come home and go, can I fix these wires? He goes, shut the fuck up.

I'm going to sit down and do anything else. It's true. Why would you want to consume something you do all day? Yeah, no, it makes sense. I'd rather just hang out. If I have to get on stage, I'll do it. Spoken like a man who loves doing comedy. I've actually had a really good time the last two years coming back in the comedy.

It's been wonderful here. That's great. Yeah. It's been wonderful. Chris can attest. Yeah, yeah. I think also it's that thing where I think what he's speaking to a little bit is nice. Actually, like, putting something.

down and putting it out is this like liberating yeah i have to imagine yeah it really is and it's like you uh i mean the process is like i feel like the hour's great and then i start preparing for the special and i start like editing it and looking at you know all the jokes and i'm like ooh i don't know if it is and then you get it to a point where you're like okay this is ready to tape film the tapings be like okay i think it's pretty good and then start editing it and being like oh this looks good and then being like, God damn it, I've edited it five times and now I fucking hate it. And then putting it out is actually great because then you get to see people interact with it. And people are like, like, you know, the response has been overwhelmingly positive.

And I'm like, okay, great. Like this is how, this is what I remember it being when I was on stage telling these jokes to an audience. Everyone being like, this is great. But when you've watched yourself do it in an edit six times, it's so hard to not. get, you know, negative a little bit. But it's just because, like, I'm watching an entire hour of me with the mindset of what sucks and needs to change. Yeah.

And you're actually watching multiple hours of you and being like, I hated when I did this. I did this better. And it's just like, Jesus Christ. But, you know, you let's wrong. If blue chew comes out with, like, a new pill, you know how they got blue chew gold now? And it's like, it makes you also fall in love with the person when your dick is hard. Hey, Josh, click to the blue. gold and right now.

I was like, is this a plug? No, I already did the ad read. We have a Bluetooth gold. I don't know why he did that. It was unbelievable. But we, I just, I just did the ad reads.

That's awesome. He's just me doing an ad read mid-effing. He thought, let me give my statement. This sounds so commercial. Bluechew gold. It's also like Joey Avery.com, where all my tour dates are live coming to a city near you.

Yeah. It should, it should be like allow you to edit your own comedy. like a blue chew platinum should put you so outside yourself. You can like watch yourself with fresh eyes. I think it's rock, rock hard at the editing bay. I love you.

Dude, maybe we should edit on Molly. We'd never edit though. We'd just be like, uh, we'd actually shut it off and just play EDS. Keep it. That's just fuck.

I don't know. Yeah. Isn't it? Isn't ketamine or something a dissociative? I've never really done it. But like, maybe that'll do that. you just sit down you're like

I don't even know who this guy is but it's funny ketamine's like an old bulldog go ahead they just you're just gonna you get sleepy beat and you snore

it's very weak you can't compare that to fucking ecstasy and uppers that make you feel sexually a rat I don't know you might have the same problem as me is like people be like

have you done ketamine I'll be like yeah they'll be like describe it I'm like well I don't know like many drugs I did it 14 beers in.

Yeah. So it's hard to like give you. Like I just remember being more awake and being like this a vibe. And that's how I describe a lot of drugs. Ketamine. You ever had Thanksgiving dinner? And you just fall asleep into a fucking a couch. Can wake you up.

I've only had Thanksgiving dinner with 14 beers though. So I don't. That's my point. That's my point. The problem I, but there is a control variable. So maybe we do know a lot about drugs. but all 14 beers It's always cut

Yeah Yeah but a bit Ripping a big fucking Uncut line of Coke After 14 beers You're back babe Oh yeah you're back You're doing fucking

Can you imagine You're doing down and outs In the backyard Doing coke without 14 beers Crazy Bro I did coke one time Without getting fucked up first What'd you do

Scariest in the world Horrifying Oh my God Yeah I did a line in I used to live in Roxburgh in Philly And I just moved into this apartment complex.

It was actually, I think it was the first time I ever did Coke. It was late. It was like 25. Yeah. I ripped one. I'm like, this out of my mind, cat in a car. And we took a fucking Uber like, only 10 minutes to the bar. But I was like, anxiety must be through the roof.

Yeah, dude. Yeah. If you do Coke sober, kill yourself. If it's got to be up there with like the jerk kill your shirt. Yeah, it's going to happen. We don't want you to. We don't want you to. That's not a normal sensation that anyone's.

Coke is, it's a little something to put the edge on. Yeah, yeah, right. It's a little something to put the edge on. Which is what you need after the edge is completely falling off. You don't need it straight. Mixing drugs, but the ketamine, it'll take a little off. Yeah.

You know? Slow you down. Everything's about balance here. It's all about balance. That's a good cycle to get into. Going bump to bump with. Those two trucks. Kick it to blue chew.

He's got menagerie twas. If you will. I got to piss real quick. Yeah. Oh, damn. So how long are you in Austin for, dude? You just down there for what, the week? 24 hours.

I literally, I, this week, yeah, so I was in New York doing, you know, pod promo for the special, flew to Arizona, went to spring training, went to the bay for two days, went to Vegas for one day to do a show, Salt Lake for one day to do a show, flew in here, 5 a.m. flight, got in at 9 a.m.,

ripped four pods because I had one day to kill, and then I fly to Nashville tomorrow to do shows. And then on Sunday, I fly to L.A. to promote the special and then fly back to New York. Damn, dude. Yeah. And as we discuss,

rocks. It does rock, but as we discussed, when you produce independently, who's paying for that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's paying from the marketing budget? Yeah, the marketing budget is me going, eh, it'll work out. Fuck it. It's a right off. But it is really fun, man, and it is fun to have a reason to, like, just come and see everybody and, like, you know, a bunch of the pods, I mean, like, you guys, just, like, been friends for fucking ever. I did Derek and Assange's earlier and we started in open mics together you know 13 years ago

and so it's it's just it's beautiful coming together and seeing everybody even if it is in a whirlwind fashion and dude there is a little there's the I don't know the magic is still there with the jet setting when you're fucking you know it is when you're hitting airport after airport

after airport and you're just like you're traveling all around the country I mean a lot of people hate traveling, but to me that fucking rocks. It's once you get wherever you're going and then you're like, holy shit, I'm here. And it's like I'm eating a fucking poo-poo platter of the country. Yeah. I'm having an appetizer plate.

Vegas to Salt Lake doing headlining shows back to back was so jarring. Just completely different crowds. Completely different cities, but like both kind of the same. Like two deserts. flying from Israel to Palestine. You guys have so much more in common than you think. You both like hummus, you know, and in this case, I was like, in both places, my realization was both places were founded by, you know, freaky little white boys who wanted to fuck more

chicks but just didn't agree on if they wanted them to stick around after. True. You know what I mean? just different concepts of how to get to the same goal. Yeah. Do I have to sleep in the cage again? Yeah. Yeah, you're telling me someone doesn't have special underwear in Vegas.

Yeah. Come on. Yeah, come on. Come on. Still got it. Oh, fuck. Chris just got back for Vermont. Yeah.

We're doing an environment. I'm wearing. This is embarrassing. I'm wearing a wrap on my hand. What happened? I think I broke my hand. No. Well, you wouldn't be able to move it like that.

You sprained. Well, wrist. Oh, yeah. You're fine. Yeah, yeah. Your fingers are moving. I think I'm good. But it's, it's fat as fuck.

Dude, I ate shit so hard. Were you snowboarding or skiing? I was skiing. My brother and I were skiing through the woods. We were just hitting nonstop woods. And, dude, I should be done. So you guys are good enough to, like, you get off to, lift and you start going through the trees and shit?

Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Dude, we were ripping. I was, and I was dude, I was having a day. But I went off a ledge and just, dude, I don't, like, literally like angels watching over me. I slid 50 feet at probably like 25 miles an hour and didn't hit a tree. Jesus. And I had no helmet.

Oh, my God. I know I should be concerned for your life, but as someone in the industry, are you done filming? Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. If you know anything about Chris, if it didn't work out the way it did, everyone would go, yeah, it was purposeful. He's trying to find a creative way out. Chris killed himself in an awesome way in the middle of a season of tires. I didn't see the green circle go that way.

Are there signs to go, hey, pal, there's a fucking edge of a cliff here? No, no. It wasn't like a full edge of a cliff. Cliff, it was just like, it was just a ledge. It was like a bunch of bushes and rocks. And I was like ripping. I was really, I was dialed in. I was feeling good.

I bet it was like, it was like the best, best skiing I've ever done in my life, just shredding. And then just took a line and saw it. And I was just like, ah, I stopped. I tried to stop before it. Huge mistake. It was just a sheet of ice, went off it, hit the branches. One ski comes off. I land on one ski.

Yard sale. Dude, dude, the debris field. The debris field was crazy, bro. Dude, hat, goggles, both pulls, a glove. Dude, I would have threw up laughing. Dude, you would have loved it. I would have fucking. There was literally like, it looked like a drone crashed on like a hot system, dude.

It was like, it was nothing but powder and just my. like tumbling tracks I hit I hit I landed on my back so I got the wind knocked out of me I thought I cracked a rib and I I'm just laying there in the middle of the woods I can't believe I can't believe I didn't hit anything dude oh oh oh oh oh oh

nothing more embarrassing as an adult getting into the wind knocked out of you, dude. A hundred percent. How'd you get the ski back? Did you have to go back up up the hill? There was, dude, I literally, I finally had gotten my wind back and was like gathering. I was, I just barely started standing up.

And there was a Canadian dude who just started skiing with us. And he, he like came into view. And he was just like, you're all right? And I was like, yeah. And then I was like, I took a bad one. And he's like, all right, I'll come down and help you. And he comes down to try to like help me get my skis. And he loses, he loses shit.

Just trying to get to me. So then I just had to. Wait, he fell. He lost, he lost both skis. Treacherous terrain, dude. He starts going. He lost both skis. You're both next to be

men So then I climb up Climb up I'm gathering my skis And then my brother comes around And he's like What the fuck happened Oh my God

Dude it was bad Why are you doing all that fucking Why are you doing all that? You don't even ski Dude just the fucking Just for the rush Dude You know Chris

loves the mountains. We all know Chris loves the mountains. Yeah, he's a He is. Famously loves the mountains. He's an outdoorsman, for sure. It was such a reaction. You have to be that's why he sucks indoors. He's a nightmare indoors. This boy should be living in the woods.

He should have a convertible house. So he's going to have a top of house. That's his future. That's his future. Dude, but the wristband, the wristband. That's embarrassing. It's so embarrassing. It's the most pathetic thing you can do.

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I feel like it's a, you know, symbiotic relationship. I think you gotta just, like, in our age, if you start to be really killing it athletically, you gotta know catastrophe's coming. Yeah. Once you're uninhibited and fully athletic, the one time I ever played pickleball, I was killing it.

I was just fucking literally won with the game. First time I ever played, tore my killies. Yeah, of course. Did you really? Yeah. Here in Austin. Yeah.

Stripped. Right off. Not right off. It was basically like when I went and got it, you know, evaluated, they were like, you know, it's still connected enough that we can just do rehab and you don't have to do surgery.

So I did surgery. I didn't do surgery. I did rehab. I got out of the boot. And then like the first week and I was out of the boot, I went to the annual spring training trip with the boys

and I retort it. Of course you did. Well, it's that internal mechanism. You just don't shut it off. Yeah, yeah. You only got one speed, dude. You only got one speed.

Yeah. As soon as we're done this podcast, we're going outside and throw one. You want to throw the ball? We're going to throw the pig. Okay, I would like that. That's not a nice. Snap your Achilles again.

Yeah. Oh. Just getting you doing fucking routes. Dude, the feeling of imminent death. When you get your fucking wind knocked out, he was an adult. It's crazy. Yeah. It's like, this is it.

You were just not at the age where you fall down. Even just a simple fall down is very jarring. Yeah. Dude, I was sliding, dude, for a long time. I was like, I hit like some. powder and I was like, oh, I'll stop and just went right through it and kept sliding. And I was going like head first

down the mountain. I was like, I'm dead. And I was just thinking about how I didn't have a helmet on. I was like, oh my God. Oh, my God. But I ran out. I bought a helmet, went right back out. Are you done filming?

No. No. So that could have been a fucking season catastrophe. Yeah, yeah. It could have been bad. A dude, a large role on the show that I'm on Taurus Achilles in the middle of the season. Oh my God. Doing what? Playing basketball.

You just shouldn't be doing it at our age. You can't be jumping up and down on hardwood. Yeah, because there's no stretching out. No, I'm not doing like, you're not going to stretch. Yeah. I'm a grown man. I'm just going to play ball. Yeah.

And then you snap and Achilles. Give me two long threes. I'm going to brick and then I'm going to run full speed until I hurt something. Yeah. That's why you ski, man. your both feet are already in boots that is yeah

yeah dude wearing a boot wearing a boot in public I swear to God I I wouldn't see me until that goddamn

injury heels that is the gay I had to tour with a boot because I'd broken my ankle the year before so I've toured with a boot twice I don't care what it is

cancel it you're not going to catch me in public with a cast a boot a fucking neck brace suck my dick I'm staying inside getting Uber Eats until that thing heals.

You'd be so funny. It's embarrassing. A neck brace would be so good on you. It's so good on you. That's why I selected it for the sketch we were in. Uncle Daycare. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Yeah, I probably had that in my head. The story behind that was there was this guy. Me and my friend went to Miller's Alehouse on Baltimore Pike and Delco. And this guy came in, where did a neck brace and it came. and he hooked the cane around the back chair next to him and goes and takes the brace puts in the chair he goes yeah hon

gave me to regular and he got like he got like a double wine he was drinking like fucking he was drinking like so vinyang boy dude it was like 2 p.m. just getting ripped came out of the fucking neck brace that's so sick

Yeah, the regular On No, we stopped We stopped to get lunch And I had the hand in the pocket The whole time I was like, I can't Yeah, good for you

Nothing, nothing more embarrassing That's stopping off and like a- What's it doing now? Just keeping the swelling down Oh, okay It's not like, it's on a wrist brace I just should have got the mummy I literally just took those off

I'm like I feel like my face is getting itchy Shut up dude That's not how it works face swelling could be if you got it from a pillow how could I not get it from your face no joke I just saw a Twitter video there's

studies done if you live within a mile of a golf course Parkinson's fucking crazy it seems like a different topic but I am interested in it's not it's not at all it's chemicals they're spraying pesticides

all over the grass and it gets into the water system and people within a mile of a golf course are drinking this shit and getting fucking nuts Just like DuPont. Growing up in Delco, DuPont, they dump all their chemicals in the back fucking, the back streams that lead into the Schuylkill.

And everyone in certain little Delco areas had cancer, Parkinson's, all these diseases. That's horrifying. And I'm empathizing more. I also feel like if you live more than a mile from a golf course, you like don't have any teeth in your head. Yeah, well, it's extreme. Who's more than a mile from a golf course?

What? No, within a mile. So like if you're on a golf course. Who's more than a mile from a golf course unless you're like on a farm? What do you mean? People are more than a mile from a golf course. You mean like golf courses are fucking everywhere. They're not that everywhere.

They're everywhere, dude. They sneak them in. That's why you're saying it. There's not one golf course. They sneak them in. They do sneak them in. I'll give you. They sneak in.

Dude, I swear to God, they're everywhere. I'm not happy about it. I'm not happy about it. I'm saying they're fucking everywhere. We're all going to have fucking Parkinson's. Dude. No, dude. A mile is not that far.

If you're in downtown Philadelphia, you're within a mile of a golf course. No, you're not. You can't walk. 20 minute walk to a golf course, there's not one. Well, this is driving range. You got to go all the way to where I grew up, which is Cobbs Creek and Karakong. I feel like downtown Philly was not your best first pull. No, but I could be wrong.

There's one right by like brewery town, right? Where the old fucking Ebbets, nebets, whatever the field of Phillies used to play at, it's right there. There's a fucking pitch and putt. There's a golf course. There's like a mini, they snuck one in, dude, and they snuck in a... It's a pitcher putt. It's also not a 20-minute walk from Center City. A pitching put put a golf course, though.

If you walk fast. No, they're not going to put pesticides on the shit. They don't care. That's probably fair. It's for poor people to fucking rip up. the greens. There's a Frisbee golf course

too. There's a frisbee golf course. I'm talking real golf courses. Proper one. Which is a problem because I would love

to when I'm older live on a nice fucking golf course. That's why I'm getting you guys the goods. What if I get enough money? You don't want to do that. What if I filter my water? Is it the water?

Is it the water? The water source is the issue. The chemicals are bleeding into the water source. They're drinking it. Because the thing is if I lived on a golf course I would want a really nice green one. But there's also my poor brain

going, good good I hear that I want these people to be sick because they're rich right and I don't have that so I'm like and then I get older and I go

ah he's poor guys well you gotta be drinking well water then if it's filtering into the water I don't I don't fucking know and either do you let's just not get into this anymore I'm just well I'm right about there speaking in golf courses everywhere there is a golf course really close to downtown Philly

there's a frisbee golf course too Who knows what kind of chemicals are coming out of that fucking place. Frisbee got, of course, they're not treated. They cut lawns. They're not putting fucking pesticides and chemicals. You don't know. True. I don't, but there's no reason to.

It's open woods. You guys are right next to a cemetery. They'd be treating that? They'd be taken care of it. It looks like shit, actually. I did drive by. It's grass. They just cut it.

Yeah. There's no reason. Yeah. You've got to keep insects. The pristine levels. of like fairway greens, putting greens. Yeah.

They cut them at such a low, I love the low level. You got to, you got to treat them with, with any mold, insects, all these things that you can. I do love the world

of a golf course maintenance person. Me too. It's a very hard. They probably die. They probably have the life expense of like four years. They're martyrs.

They're yeah. And they're beautiful. You read this shit. These guys are just breathing it. Yeah. But apparently. it's not inhalation. It's consumption.

Well, they'd be drinking that water too. It's not just breathing it in. Otherwise, like, all the professional golfers would be fucking, yeah. Yeah, they'd be dead too. So it's consumption. It gets in the water system. You got to be filtering your water through a golf course.

Why? You got to be filtering your water through a golf course? Yeah, apparently. Look, man, I did a lot of research. I watched one video for a minute and a half. And I know all of it. I know, dude. It's just everyone trying to make people that live near golf courses feel like shit.

It's every, every time. Yeah. Good. Every time. I agree. You know, if you're within 30 miles of a NASCAR track, you're going to get ball cancer. Also makes pretty good sense. Why don't you just admit you don't like NASCAR?

I love NASCAR, man. Do you? No. Yeah. I don't care at all Have you ever been to NASCAR?

It's fun as fuck. I have not been to an official NASCAR event and I would love to You went to an unofficial No, I've been to like

small tracks shit Yeah, yeah But like an actual NASCAR I've never been That's the thing I would fucking love it I can't talk shit on this

Yeah Every Yeah Huge Five year old You comes out In two seconds Oh dude

100% You just hear You're big engines And you go That's awesome No I was just gonna say Like

I could I can give a fuck about it. You'll never get me watching it on TV. I will never know the name of a driver since the Earnhardt's expired. But one of them more tragically than the other. Yeah. But if I went there, I'd fucking love it. Yeah, of course.

I like to party. We all like to party. That's a party. Brother, I'll fucking, I'll bang out the pickleball championships. You sure. I don't care what it is. We went to the U.S. Open. I was like, whoa.

I got new respect for these boys. Yeah, I went to the Masters. Not a big deal. I also went to the Masters. You did? Yeah, the day after you, the day after you were there. Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah, that's right.

We talked about that. Yeah. That was fucking crazy. I mean, that was the coolest experience ever. It was, but also like, it's better watching it on TV. It's one of those sports. I agree with this. Golf in general, I agree with, but being at August.

to me was so fucking special. That was sick. But then when you actually try to watch the golf, you're like, well, well, I kind of had the perfect thing because the tickets I got, I went with Brandon Walker. We went Thursday, Friday. Oh, yeah. I flew out Friday, and then I threw my own master's party

in my building in New York with all my friends, and we cooked fucking pimento and cheese sandwiches, and we did the whole thing. So I went, I bought all the merch, I wore all of it, and then I threw a party and still watched Rory from the couch. It was like the perfect masters. All right. You did it pretty good.

That's pretty good. He's wider than us, Chris. Now you're not going to argue with that. It's a whitest story I've ever heard in my life. It's very, well, do you know how... Put your glasses back on it. I'm going to tell a story like that. I'm going to get your face cancer, but I will do it.

That's insane. Did you know how I got it, though? What? I literally was just on the yak, the Barstle show, like two weeks before. And he just invited me. It's awesome. And I was like, what? Yeah.

And that was it. It's the most incredible thing ever. Yeah. Story gets whiter. Oh, I wasn't sure if it was going to get whiter or not. And then as I was saying it, and the whitest barstool guy of all time

invited me to go to the Masters. Dude, and then they had We had black fans. You can't be talking like this. They had top 10 guests of the year. They didn't even make them one. That was upsetting.

Good. That was upsetting. Good. No, it's fucked up. Trying to keep a brother down. Good. you weren't a top guest. No, you weren't a top guest.

That was the people's top guest. How is that not top guest? It's like that is an unbelievable story. I ended up being kind of number one snub, so I kind of ended up getting more play than if I was in the lower tier of top of guest. So I worked it out. I made my own graphic. Yeah. That is nice.

Yeah. Biggest, biggest fuck up of the year. We didn't. Yeah. Didn't make him top 10 guests. Yeah. All right, dude, give me one more plug. We'll get the fuck out of you.

Yeah, please watch my special Joey Avery live in San Francisco. And yeah, see me on tour, joeyavery.com. Totally different hour from the specials. So you can enjoy both. You're the best, Joe. We love you. I love you guys. Thanks for having me back.

Thanks for coming. Dude, thanks for doing it, man. Chris, I'll see you a week and a half, man. Yeah, man. We're so close. Enough of this shit. So close. I was almost dead.

It was almost never again. Wow. That's crazy. Me and Joe would figure it out, dude. I think the fans need more consistency. We change it to stuff, Mountain in honor of Chris. Yeah, ski island.

I should have taken. taking a picture of the the needle that I thread and how dead a dead I should be is incredible well stop doing that dumb shit you don't ski enough to go to the mountain route just go stick with the fucking the blue squares or whatever the fucking is going off piece that's crazy you're a fucking animal i'll see you bit see you guys