Stuff Island - Katherine Blanford - Stuff Island #239

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor are joined today by Katherine Blanford Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND. #ad For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at Mengotomars.com Follow Chris on IG:   / achrisoconnor   Follow Tommy on IG:   / tommyjpope   #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're what? I'm adorable for comedy. Is that the angle? No, I'm not trying to have an angle. I just said like kind of... Well, you said you were screaming about homeless people. That's not adorable. Well, that's the thing, though.

I'm really cute that I actually get away with it. I say you actually don't even... Suddenly you don't even notice it's happened. I've said something incredibly derogatory or mean. They don't punch you in the face or throw shit in your mug. I skim, yeah. It's kind of my, it's my... Aesthetic.

Yeah, it's my secret weapon. Wow. I'd like to be cute. I would actually like to talk about your shoes for a second because I've been interested in maybe diving into the old man sneaker. This is not, oh, come on, dude. It's a old man brand. Yeah, I know.

But this is, you know. Well, this is my step into it. I was never a crox person. That's crazy. And you've got them bad. dazzled. I know, I know, but guess what? I went to Barton Springs today, stepped over a ton of really pointy, fake rock, you know,

everywhere? Yeah. Boy, these things durable. Do you buy, you buy separate pins for these specifically? Do you believe in that, or is that part of the magic? I've had a lion that keeps falling out, and I keep buying it off of one woman on eBay, and it's $62. Every time.

Yeah, and it keeps falling off, but I'm a Leo. I've got to. Wait, is this part of this, yeah, yeah. Is that part of the woman's scheme? Yeah, is that part of the cute, fake, cute thing that you're doing? Is that? I didn't say it was fake. You intimate.

I'm talking about the seller. The seller just not putting the product together correctly. So it falls off. You love it so much. Oh, you got to reorder. Yeah, the lion's head moves. Oh, it's a shaky bay. Yeah, yeah.

And I, uh. What? Would you say? It's a shaky bag. Trying to relate to fucking buttons. We all took it inside. We all went, yeah, it is a shaky bake. What's going on with the lion?

I agree. I just kind of am really obsessed with these crocs now. And I think my next step is old man new balances. But I, I, like, are you, like, does your family, where they see you and those would be like, what the fuck is that? Aren't you have some loafers on? Chris, you want to tap me in here?

My family would be upset. is upset by these shoes. My dad's not a big fan of this color. He doesn't like how big the heel is. I'm going to tell you, let's just summarize this whole. They're a little bubbly for a grown man. This whole thing. He's upset about it.

Hot women can look like they drop through a lost and found and get away with it. This is a hodgepodge of things where if you just look at them in the eyes, you go, oh, you look great. They look like shit. Nuh, that's not true because guess what? No, no, this works.

Yeah. Fashion. That's fashion. It is. But it only works if you're good looking. Well, that's true of all fashion. No. No, you see a...

That's not true at all. I think it is. You see fucking Josh's wedding photos? He looked great. He looked great. Right, but he had to get a nice suit in order to pull it off. You could be fit with something nice and look great. Josh looks ridiculous right now.

Yeah. Well, he's not his wedding. Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. He already got married. I was. He's got an Ireland rugby jersey on. You have an Ireland rugby jersey on. You're looking sporty. He's from Iowa. He's a redhead from Iowa. Are you from Iowa? What part?

Oh my God. Okay. Where are you from? I know some Iowa boys. Well, I was just, no, but that's, okay, here's, I was looking, so I did this Tom cigar, like, short set show last night. Yeah, yeah. Nate hair and makeup and me and Laura Peek were the females on it And then I looked at all the males on the lineup And I was like, that's why I get to wear funky clothes

Because we still have to Every single girl on the show was Good looking Good looking and then the males who are funny But they, I love him to death But Jeff Tate was on the show And he, you know Jeff Tate Yeah

I mean, he's got flannel on flannel on flannel. Yeah. He looks wild. It's cool look. Yeah. But I can't get it. I can get out there like that. You can.

I can't go out there with three robes on. Yes, you fucking can. Yeah, you can. You don't have the balls. I thought you were going to say the opposite. What? Wait, did you got dressed up nice for it? Oh, good.

Yeah, that's a huge mistake. Huge mistake. Good looking women wearing like tight clothes. No, no, no, not tight. They're not, no one's listening to you. If you could see a belly button, you can see a belly button on a good looking comic, girl. Get the fuck out of here. But I think it's not just women.

I don't want to see a male's belly button on stage either. You don't want to see a crop top? I'm just saying. When's that? That's what I'm saying. Say his name. Degender it. Degender it.

No, of course. No belly buttons. Don't dress for sex on stage. Yeah. I agree with Jeff. It's like, dude, fucking. Lighter me up. You dress for sex on stage, though.

Oh, I do? Yeah. What do you mean? You wear cropped off. Do you wear shorts? I'm wearing a close. I'm wearing a boxy top. I'm wearing a crop right now.

Yeah, you get close. This shirt's cropped. Do you wear shorts on stage? No. No, no, that's insane. Knees are. That's insane. Knees also unacceptable across the board.

What he means is like a fashionable shirt is gay to regular men that are animals. Yeah. So if a man comes up there with opinions, but they're wearing a fashionable shirt. That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like when you go home for Thanksgiving. That's thanks, Don't. And you're not wearing an old high school t-shirt.

Everyone's like, look at this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, my one you say. It's like, no, I went to a store and bought a nice shirt because I'm doing well. And they call you gay because they feel insecure about themselves. But there's a difference of what we're talking about, I was going on stage and showing your body, you know? Which you are flirting with. You are

Right there. Like if you raised your arms. This is a cut. This is a cut that gets the fucking To the belt. If you went like this. Oh yeah. My airplane joke.

He flashes a little belly. No. He does. If you are planning- I'm always wearing a fucking wife fever. If you're planning on doing airplane joke that night, do you do a little check in the mirror before you leave? I would know.

This airplane joking is not real. I would never. I just like to... I like the way flows. Look, there's certain things that I get serious about. If you got baggy flowing jeans, you wear tight up top.

If you got a smaller, tight fit gene, you can get flowing up top and the distance can work. Yeah, guess what that's called, honey? Being gay. Guess what we call that? We call that a sandwich.

Yeah. All right. Why do you call that a sandwich? Well, if you factor in shoes with it, you go like fashion top, silly, loose jeans, cool, or cat, like, you could put sweatpants on, but then heel. Or opposite sandwich, it's a little goofy, hoodie. Baggy tops.

Sandals. Sexy, yeah, tops, flip, flip, flip, or sandwich, shut up. Yeah. No, it's true. You got a layer. Yeah. You are fashionable. Does this matter?

Maybe not. So you go, you go tight, baggy, tight. Or floppy, tight, floppy. Yeah. Or any other adjectives. Yeah. Outside of a way. Floppy, floppy top.

You gotta go floppy top. So just because I go floppy top or tight top, short top, doesn't mean I'm a girl and a fucking leotard. There's a lot of hot girls comics that, you know, the words don't mean anything because they're just showing their nipples the whole fucking time. And guess what? No one's watching. It's called playing the game. game. Yeah, you're playing the game,

the only fans, gang. Well, guess what? Not you. No, I'm not. What you're saying? Like, you could see dudes, it's like, like a guy wearing a fucking tank top on stage and he's on roids.

Or a girl showing off her body. No one's listening to your words. Everybody in the fucking crowd is staring at your body. You could be good looking in the fucking head and then cover up enough but still bodies are distracting.

What do you think about Allie Wong wearing a type of? dress, albeit pregnant. I don't fuck with Asians. Didn't love it. Didn't love it. I mean, I've had sex on the butt. Didn't love it.

Going back to back on it. What do you think about woman pregnant on stage? Didn't love it. Didn't love it. And first time it was kind of... She could have waited. First time it was cool. You can't double-d-ed-ed-

Yeah, yeah. Why not? Yeah. I mean, because then it feels... Allie, we're wrong. Come on. That's actually the most offensive part You don't like that Ellen wrong joke?

She was pregnant twice Yeah she did two pregnant specials She did? Yeah Yeah now how do you feel? I love it I could get it out there Yeah you don't

I like that too I like that too Do you really love it? You got to empower women twice Yeah I think it's like Why not prep for the special Well pregnant and then do it Well because then after you had the baby

Then you're like regret, regret, regret, regret, and you hate that. And then you're stuck to regret city. I totally forgot about that part. Yeah. A post a part of, no, bitch. It's treating it like a big shit. You can't just, why not?

Can't just dump your kid off to a neighbor and be like, I got to do this special. I got to go do a whole new special now. Can you raise my three week old baby? Yeah. I got to do bits, dude. I've got to do a weekend in Des Moines to get ready. Oh, yeah. My point was that I even brought it up because Tommy came on our podcast very swath,

but then you're very old school presenting. Yeah. And I go, I just go, are you fighting with yourself sometimes? No, I think it's a perfect juxtaposition. I appreciate that. Meaning that you're fighting with yourself. Yeah, you're fighting with yourself perfectly. It's like a duel of faiths.

I think, I think, look, it is rare to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, care about yourself and not be a bedbug wearing a backpack with a fat fucking hairy face. If you care about how you look, you have to design your look for stage so that it's not off-putting and taking away too much energy from what you're saying. You've got to be one of the boys, but still dressing above what you think is dirtbag. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I mean, look.

So that's, I think that's normal for women and men. It's like, look, be yourself. Don't fucking, I'm not wearing fucking jazz pants and a bowtie. You don't wearing a suit. It's like I just like, I like to look good. Yeah. It's just so stressful.

Dress nice. It's so stressful. Yeah, for people that don't understand. Well, if you don't care about it. Even if you understand. If you don't care about it. Well, you don't understand. I think I do understand.

I understand what a challenge it is. The challenge is. So I avoid the challenge. Is your girl taking you to the store to buy sneakers for you. That's not happen. I'd do this on my own. Oh yeah? Yeah. You bought those on your own? Yeah. Yeah, well I've known you for fucking 20

years. And until you met her you've never dressed like this. Whoa. Wait, this is my choice. Now you're dressing nice. This is an upgrade? Now you're dressing nice. I guess this is an upgrade. I feel like I went, I don't know. I went somewhere with these and I'm not entirely thrilled about it. Every time I put them on, I go, this is not my shoe. They're like fluffy shocks.

But you know what? There's no cushion. This is one of the least comfortable shoes I've ever put on. Dude. Which is not my style. I like a comfy shoe. Before Chris met his lady who's a wonderful girl, he would dress like a bag of Skittles. It would just be all over the fucking place.

Colors are a mess. No sandwich. You couldn't. No sandwich. It was a grab bag. It was an open face. It was an open face. Skittles on top of French toast.

His Skittles had a little sandwich. skills out. Yeah. It's like you couldn't avoid it going, what that hell happened to you? No, that is my problem. That is my problem because I do I do like the idea of dressing cool. Yeah. But I don't have

the commitment. You know what I mean? So it'll just leak out every once in a while and I'll get something that doesn't go with anything else. I think I dig it. I think it... Oh, wow. I saw them and I was impressed and but I go these are

these are males. this is this is new for you I could sniff it from because they're not dirty also yeah yeah yeah yeah these are my house new balances

I do I do I do still shop on like I do I do still shop on like a kid's schedule if the knees get dirty in my jeans I get new ones

there's a whole you get like a school outfit every year? I literally pretty much. If something gets dirty, I have to like take myself to the mall and I just got these.

I went to a okay, this shirt. Sorry, okay, you see how inappropriate this shirt is. It doesn't strike me

as that inappropriate. It says midnight snack. I know, but it's got a kiss kind of vibe to a little Rolling Stones thing and so it feels. Okay,

can I do? Well, it's been nine. So I, do you guys believe in mediums? No. Well, I believe they exist. I just don't think they'd do anything. I didn't used to, but I hadn't experienced that I did.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, I think some can do it. And then I think that there's some tricksters. Yeah. And I had this lady. I was in Cincinnati, which is, I grew up in Louisville, right? Cincinnati is 45 minutes from Louisville. I was on tour with David Spade. And we were eating in a restaurant. We left the restaurant and went to the theater. actually close how did you know about chilis

I just I just know these big chilies guy we go to chilies before every show fucking rules but we were spurging so we were at a yardhouse okay nice not kidding and I don't you really spurges outback

had the best chicken cassid what is Benigans Benigans more east coasts I know what is why I don't know it Pub Chili's okay fucking salsa for the chicken casadilla, I still think about it.

It was unbelievable. That's like where your dad's like, graduation, we're going to Ben again. Yes. I went to fucking, I went to Olive Garden for my high school graduation. And I was like, Dad, you don't have to do all this. I thought that was like, well.

I was like, this is crazy. You're like, oh, I don't know if you can afford college in this. And then my dad still made a comment going, I hope everybody's happy. He looked at the check on. Dude. You eat enough?

Yeah. It wasn't a thing because you drive by nice restaurants and your parents would be like, that place was insane. You know what I mean? Did you always? It seemed like. Did your parents give you worry about

how poor they were with all their comments? I didn't realize it until I got older. Well, I thought my parents, I thought we were going to be on the streets every week. Yeah. But like we were actually doing fine. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yes. The way my dad made it sound, I was like, I, I'm a, I eat too much. Yeah. You know, I, I'm such a fucking slob. I'm sucking the lives out of them. We're gonna meet the streets in a second. Yeah.

And like, my dad, he has like three homes now and, and like a, you know, a little Mazda three. Everything outside of the like core pillars of survival, any expenditure was like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. So, he was so guilty. So it was never like we're going to look. lose the house, but it was always just like, what?

How are we doing? Yeah, you know, you always like... Clear. You'd go to school, like, I have a secret. It seems fine, but like, distress levels through the roof. My Christmas is different. I think they're just energy dragons, dude.

They just suck it out of you. They're so fucking miserable. They're like, let's fuck with the kids for a while. It's like playing with a dog. No, it's, I mean? It's like rowing a dog. Let's make the kids feel guilty. Yeah, yeah.

It's like, you know, you sleep in for six hours. Like, oh, look who's up. Must have needed it. It's like, why are you putting that in my fucking skull when I'm a kid growing up? Well, because it's not, it's not the pressure that their parents put on them, but they were all raised by Depression era people. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

So they're like, yeah. Well, they like had to work as children. Yeah, yeah. Right? Like they, and then also And you're like boiling bones and belts to eat them and stuff like that You're doing crazy shit as a kid Yeah, yeah

On the next look at this Hey, whoa Belts and bones Hey, I think your grandparents were murder You know, dude just trying to survive New York City Oh, shit And they were doing seances

And whatever they could have survived Hey, hey man I don't know Dude, so you know the thing is you know depression like that can happen. So even when things start going good, it's even though it's the 60s, 70s, things are all right. It puts a pause.

It puts a pause on your mentality around all that stuff. Yeah, yeah. This is who I am forever. And I'm going to abuse my children until they sit on a couch and talk into a mic about nothing. Yeah. And here we are. Well, we're second generation.

Second generation podcasters? Depression. Yeah. Kind of, yeah. What a second generation depression. What a sad sentence. Wait, but no, you know what second generation podcasts? You know what second generation podcasters are?

We go, oh, this is bad. And I go, no, no, no. I was a nanny for 10 years. The kids I, nannied, they watched other kids play a video game. And the sounds were just like, wow, just, have you seen that shit where they're just watching? You're young. They just are watching other kids obnoxiously scream

while they have fun playing a video game. And that's their, that's second generation podcast. Yeah. That's disgusting. I'm transgenerational because I've watched people play video games every once in a while. Oh my God. Instead of playing the video game, you're like, I don't want to suffer through everything. I can fast forward.

It's kind of nice. That's the, that's, and no one's on your side. No, it's very sad. Because you never get to do what you want to do in a video game. So then you get to watch someone else find out that the game sucks. and then you go, thank God I didn't actually play it. Jesus Christ. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

That's very sad. So what do you mean? That's very sad. Why? You're going online watching strange kids play video games. I'm not watching kids play. I watch guys my age. Oh, they're adult men.

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So Squarespace.com slash stuff island You got to You got to get in there 10% off Can't beat it And now back to the episode But it's not a sport

No one's physically putting Their life and body online To get better at anything You're going Yeah So you're not even Good at this You have to watch another guy

Be better at this than you It's not that I'm not good enough I just, it's a time suck. The confidence. You know what I need? It's not that I can't play at their level. I'm not going like, wow, these guys are really good. I just want to see what they choose to do in the game.

And then I go, this game sucks. You can't even do what I want to do. And then. Not that they're not capable of it. The game is, was built poorly. You know what I'm saying? I feel. So like Red Dead Redemption, right?

I just downloaded that. I was like, I want to get into Red Dead Red Dead Redemption because really what I, wanted to do is I wanted to just go into town and like just work at a store. I wanted to like open a store and like sell goods in a village. That's what I wanted to do. I could ride up into the mountains. I need you. I have like nice days. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. I love you. I've been with you for many years. I think this is your future. I want you to let me finish my store. Hold on. I want no, no, no, no. You can start a real. You've already said no. I want you open a little. Dry good. A little dry goods store, a little quaint store where you are in a rocking chair on the front porch. And you go, you got to small my wife's candles. And then just fish at night. But that's what I want to do.

But I want to, you know, like, again, I just want to live a quiet life in the town. But I also want to be a gunslinger. You know what I mean? Just in case. You got to pick one, dude. I want to let trouble come to me. That's what I want the game to me. I want to like hours and hours of just like really focusing on my business and like because.

coming friends with people in the village. Are you going to be a hot girl stand up or you're going to be a hot girl stand up in a tube top? You got to choose one pair. Right. You can't. One pad. Now, hold on, but you never want that in real life.

You just want that. No, he wants that in real life. He wants to disappear in the mountains. You want to be a gunslinger? Well, yeah. There's things you can do in the game that you can't, you know, it's a crime to kill people. That's a good point. But in the game, but again, I wouldn't, I wouldn't be out causing trouble.

I'd just be at the general store. trying to get trying to give general stories just saying general stories trying to give no one trying to give

general story I want to be invested in the community I want to good prices is that a part of the game that you just invest

well that's what I found out I wound up watching a YouTube video then this is why you got to watch these kids this is what they do this is what they do

the beginning of the game apparently you got to go through like an hour and a half of like cut scenes and gun training and shit like that it's like i'm going to have plenty of time to learn how to use a gun i'm going to be operating a general store for 20 years i'll be out back shooting and aiming i can do all that stuff i don't want to go through some story i'm not interested i'm going right to the store i'll get a job as a clerk to start and then that guy would die

and i'll take over why are you doing all this with me yeah this is what you want this is your destiny Why don't you just move to Montana? Yes. And have it. What would you sell in your generals? No, because I just want to dip into it. That's what video game is all about. You get a couple hours as a general store guy and you do that stuff.

And then you go back to your fun, good life. Yeah. I do. I like the zoo tycoon when I could watch the baby gazelles have a baby, or adults have a baby gazelle. Yeah. There's a, there's like I get a little bit of. Zoo tycoon?

I get so jacked up Really? Is that like a motherly thing Like you want to give birth to something? Absolutely not Oh I'm just like we made more fuzzy things

But I I had a big crash out with Sim City Because Yeah Because I Because I made a great town You like make believe life No no no no

I don't game that much I'm this is a nipripp You're not like, you're not, you're not, I thought you guys were doing like call the duty. I do do do that too, but I don't do call duty because there's too many jumping and sliding and cool guns. I play a game that's like that, but you can't do anything cool. And you've got to work as a team. And it's a lot of getting shot to pieces. You, so you play games to live a simple life?

No, I don't want a simple life. I'm just saying I'm just saying I guess what I got news yeah operative word you ain't you're way off

I just I like the I like the mayhem that a red dead redemption can provide but I also want to be able to live a quiet life inside of it

and then go nuts at the right moment you know what I mean like a high noon situation bad guys roll into town they don't they think it's just a quiet sleeping town. I don't know fuck all that I'm in there

and I care about this town. And your general story. I'm showing up dude. Yeah. And look I've been 20 years I've been talking making candles supply supply. Supplying. I know I know distribution. Right you actually probably sold there. I got crates of guns dude I got all kinds of stuff that you don't think the quiet little shopkeeper has. Sleepy. Sleepy. You know what I mean?

I've been I've been relationship I'm getting deals. I got probably one of those chain guns that not a lot of people even knew about at the time. You know what I mean? But I was helping the union and I knew the guys that were supplying the Union and the Confederates.

You're a little spy. We've been doing this podcast for like four years, five years. Never, ever have you concisely spoken about your personality in such a brilliant story than being a shopkeeper with weapons. And the mentality and availability to destroy anyone that comes in the fuck with you. But also, you enjoy a quiet Sunday in the shop.

Oh, yeah. Well, I'd like to also do that kind of stuff for the game. Yeah, Sundays you take off. You know what I mean? Then you go. Then you get on your horse and you ride around the map and you see what's going on. Maybe you check in with some of the people you do business with. Oh, I thought you're going to see how they're doing.

What? No, no. No, he's married. In the game? He settled down. He's got three kids. Yeah. You get to pick them?

He's taking a fly-fisher. Yeah, someone's got to hold these guns when trouble comes in the town. You only have boys? You need a stable. I'll teach the girls to shoot. Hell yeah, dude. It's the only days. Yeah.

You got to dump in your lady and make kids so they can protect the farm. For sure. No, I know. Aim small, miss small. What's that from? The Patriot. The Patriot, yeah. I remember.

That was gross. I remember that's my- It was a fucking moment to guess. The burp came out first. It was a, I don't mind to burp. I hate it. hate a wind gust after a burp. Yeah.

I don't like this. Yeah, you gotta get it out. I hate that. Oh, it's a release, dude. You want it to all be done in the burp. Fine. We always like, I know it's a hot breath. What about a long burp?

I actually, dude, Spade you to do that. He would get a whole sentence out. He would see how many words he could say in a burp. While burping? Yeah. He'd be like, hand me the fork. it's a good bit that's disgusting you got five

no it's fun no it's gross can I tell you my medium debacle though yeah so the lady DM me was like I was at your show I think I talked about

I just been about my mom passed away like 12 years ago and about because I was like oh I'm Cincinnati this is close to a little I grew up here and about how my mom on the back of her tombstone, my dad put a giant Kentucky Wildcat logo.

So I called her Tombstone Tram Stamp. And she, like, DM'd me, and she was like, this is so weird. We came to your show, and before that, we were at the same restaurant that you guys were eating at. And while you guys passed us, when you were leaving, I saw this woman behind you, like, kind of, like, yelling at you, but very proud. And then she looked at me and was like, can you see me? And she's like, yeah, I'm a medium. And she's like, I could tell it was your mom.

and she was so proud of you. And I was like, and then we went to your show. You were talking about how your mom passed away. And she's like, I don't do this for money. I would just like to talk to you and see if I can tap into your mom. And I was like, it's free. So I took a Zoom. You Zoom to Medium?

That's like putting a hat on a hat. Took your Zoom. I thought it was in person. I thought she was like at the show. I want to see if I can tap in. No, let's put something on the calendar. I got to be in Raleigh. I'm busy.

Zoom and a medium is nuts. Having AirPods in while you talk to a medium. Isn't that what you call it? That's what you call medium Zooms. This bitch is Zoom when you zoom. That's a techie zoom for sure. A techie medium. Oh, my God.

She was like, your mom, she was like, I'm just going to say some images that she's saying to me. Let me see, but I have a few meetings with a few people today, so I don't know if, you know, these are yours or somebody else's. But she said some things that I was like, I mean, yeah, that was something from my childhood. Yeah. But then she would go like, she doesn't like your skeleton shirt. And this is the only thing I could think of, like I put this online.

Yeah. And then, but then I had like this bit. You bought it online or you put it online? No, like this is a picture of me recently online with this shirt. Oh. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And then, but she was like, she really likes this like pink puffy sleeve shirt that I like put up a set recently that I did on the Tonight Show wearing this pink puffy shirt.

So this medium's just going through your Instagram going, mom doesn't like this? I think so. Likes this? Yeah, so I don't know. Are you still confused about this? I think we have a new zoo. I think you know. Are you still confused?

We have a new Zoom coming up and I don't know. I don't know. I can't tell if she's just going online. But the things before, the little like nuanced objects before, I was like I can see how that like, like, but it was like, it would be like cherry tomatoes.

And I'd be like, yeah, we used to garden a lot and we grew a lot of cherry tomatoes. But I don't know. You could throw. I mean, she did start with red. I think it was a fruit. That was like cherry tomato. Yeah.

Yeah. You think I got got got got? Yeah, you got got. Yeah, you got got. Yeah. Come on. How much you spend? If she could do it.

Well, the second Zoom was $150. Oh, that's not bad. Oh, yeah. I don't do this for money until the second. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a fun time. But it's fine. Yeah.

It's fun to believe in it. Yeah. You spend $150 to have fun. Until she starts critiquing my fashion. She was. Yeah. She was like, your mom doesn't like that shirt. But which kind of made me feel that it was my mom.

But she said, my mom's been a mom. She looks at the war. Yeah. Your mom really hates that shirt. She wishes you wouldn't wear it. She wishes you wouldn't look like such a lesbian. That's coming from her. I don't get it.

Chris is on a Zoom where the fucker was one of these main... Your mom's telling me you really need a second sex. Did your dad get you those sticks? Huh? Your dad gets you those sticks? Your dad hates those sneakers. Oh. Dad likes you when you look around those little pillows on your featsies?

your tozies need a little squish Wow it's like you're really channeling him Mm-hmm Mm-hmm That's what I thought A dick That's what I thought though I go she would say that

I don't know I don't know Some of me just goes Lie to me I know But let me believe it Would you say where your mom was She's honestly

She literally said she's just like She's yelling at me so much I can't like really decipher a lot of stuff. And I was like, yeah. That sounds like her. It tapped in. See, I don't think this is too far-fetched to be like, let's read, let's look her up online,

the same way that woman would do to me or Chris and go, let's check out their personalities, right? Yeah. How do you think their parents spoke to them? Oh, wow. Were they abusive? Were they loud? Was the mom trying to control a bunch of brothers in a small shithole? Can I say both of yours, what I would assume?

Yeah. Your mom very loving. Your dad very stern. Your dad didn't yell, but he said very conniving, cutting things at a calculated pace. Yeah. Pretty good? 100%. Your mom very stylish, fashionable.

Beautiful. Yes. Okay. Really? Yeah. Not very stylish. Stylish for Delaware County. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Which is these sneaks and sweats. Yeah, yeah. But that's like she's going to t-ball practice. Oh my God. She's talking about Krista sneakers for a week. Yeah. Loves them.

Yeah. Okay. Your parents. They're large. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, your dad, uh, life of the party. No. Fuck.

Oh, he's fucking. guy. Okay, thought he was, thought he was really funny, but was it? No, he's fun with loved ones. No, he's funny. Yeah. Oh, is he shy? No. No, he's reserved. Yeah. We'll get in this the next Zoom.

Another 150 bucks? I'll come back out with another shot. Yeah. And actually, in the Zoom, that started happening, she was like, I see a red cardinal, and I started, I'm such a people pleaser. I started to be like, yeah I mean we were in Louisville that's the Cardinals I'm sure once showed up in our backyard

I started to feel bad that she wasn't getting it so I was making shit up yeah yeah yeah you try to yeah because you don't want to be like not even close I'm not seeing anything yeah yeah sometimes I make up stuff in therapy that didn't happen because I feel bad that they're not helping me enough

yeah you're like wasting their time well I think those delusional or they're not helping you enough like you yeah I'm just like yeah I'm good so I start like making up stuff I'm having trouble with. Yeah, of course. Give them a job.

Well, that's what they do. Yeah. They're delusional mind-twats trying to take advantage of you. And they're just going to bring up something that's around your area. And this is what, like, religious people do. My mother used to do this.

Sure. In Catholicism. So, like... Wait, she would bring up stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if we were like a fucking... I used to have a joke about this where, like, a picnic

and like a turtle will come out, like, towards our family reunion. Like, that's... Yeah, like a turtle. Oh, that's all. Uncle Vinny. That's Uncle Neil. Uncle Neil love turtles.

He's letting us know that... Yeah. He's here. Yeah. It's like, it's a fuck... We're in the turtle zone. Wait, there's like 9,000 turtles. There's 9,000 Neels.

No, but that one's... No, dude. Neil was fucking a drunk. A drop-down drunk with like 4 DUI. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a turtle. Yeah. If a Cutley Sierra ripped through the volleyball net,

he slammed into a fucking tree. And Turtle was drunk. Like, holy shit. He ran over in turtle. Stop just making imagery to rob the fucking simple-minded. That's what a lot of these broads do.

Power suggestion. What I did. But now you believe a little bit, though. Well, I believe there are levels. Like you said, there's levels to this game where I do believe in that seance type of mentality where you can see energy

and you can feel relationships. Right? Hold on. Say what? I used to talk shit. I used to talk shit about this. This girl I dated, I met in Atlantic City.

On a weekend trip, hooked up. Then we went to, like another weekend. We went to this like pool area towards her. And she said she went to a vacation with her girlfriends. And they saw this high-end, what do you call? Medium. Yeah, medium. She went to this high-end, well, I want to see what you guys would say.

I call them psychopaths. She went to this high-end medium. It turns out, it was like really like high-end. Like they spent like $20,000 to $40,000. Are you, is hot? Are you serious? Yeah. It's like, what's that all?

I'm trying to put that money into a special right now. Oh, I know. Well, they were wealthy. Okay. These girls were wealthy. That's crazy. Just for, just to see what he could drum up? Yeah.

Because I had the money. $40,000 someone's coming back to life. Dude, well, this woman. You bring in a turtle. You bring Uncle Neil back. She tells me, after like two or three dates. You just write like drugs and alcohol. See what he wanders for?

It sniffs the whole one. You put him in a black box. with coke. Just throwing drugs and coke lines. So she goes, hey, she called me out of nowhere. And I'm in Philly. She's in New York.

And she goes, I talked to that lady this weekend and I want to tell you a couple things. And this is when I had a full-time job. Wasn't in comedy. Wasn't doing anything. She goes, you're moving to New York. Just on the other end go, all right, right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shut up. How long is this going to go on for? A couple things? All right. You're going to be in... It's my lunch break. In entertainment. And you're going to be a name.

People are going to know who you are and you're going to move to New York. She was all excited. And I was like, okay, so what else... Now I'm interested. What else did she say? She goes, I can't tell you. I can't tell you now. Come on.

Because we weren't a thing. Come on. We were just hooking up. And then we stopped hooking up. And then my life progressed. for the next like eight years or whatever. Then I was in New York. And I got, dude, I got hammered.

And I was like, I still had this girl's name in my phone. My God. This is very embarrassing. I called her. I said this on the pot of before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Called her, left a message saying, hey, this is Tommy.

We met years ago. We, you know, I met you in AC and they used to come out to see. Yeah, this is Tommy. I tell you that thing. Yeah. Look, babe. Be, babe, babe, babe, babe, babe, baby. Give me a minute, wait.

And then she obviously never responded, but then things transpired. Exactly how she said. But she never told me what the, what the, she goes, the end is something that I can't tell you. Yeah, call her right now. I know. Call her right now. Yeah, it's a new phone.

It was like a flip phone. It was like 2001, dude. It's also so funny. Does I not eat at you every day? Yes, of course it does. No. No. I called her.

What do you mean no? Who are you answered for, fuckface? I thought about it for years. Yeah. For years I thought about this, because it was powerful. It was that old fucking witch that was on Mori Popovich all the time? Cleo. No, that's a black girl that fucking robbed people with a Jamaican accent on fucking 888 lines.

Could also be the lady on Mori Popovich. Look up median. Is it Cleo? Median. It's got to be. Remember Cleo? It's got to be close. No, Cleo's the African,

or Jamaican lady. Look up Maripovich medium. She was a fucking witch. She looked like she died 10 years ago. Wait, Dolores Cannon. No. Sylvia Brown. So they spent money on this fucking bat.

That's who they went to see? I think so. That's the lore. Okay, I thought it was like a man telling them to like, my mind it was just like a man that was going to like be like take your tops off and everyone get in a circle and spin around. No this is a legit medium that was also doing the same thing but monetarily. Hold the rape. Give me the cash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you'll see the future. Now she said I, by the way, your your vape smoke during this is really adding.

Yeah. It's going to look great on camera. This is good, dude. This is like Wish Upon a start. This is also a very media version. I mean, throw the ghost out there. Yeah, dude. Wait, did she say, I can't tell you the last part because it's so good or bad?

No, good. Why the fuck wouldn't she tell you? Because she's trying to date him. Yeah. That's what the whole front end is about too. Hold on. She thought she could hook you by being like, you want to learn a piece of this?

Yeah. I'll give you a little piece of that. Yeah. Yeah. She held it over my head. Wow. One on a hook. Wow.

Do you think she had another? I can't tell you the rest of it. But the first part is also part of the scam. You know what I mean? It did work out. But it's also. Well, no, we were still hooking up during the first part. No, I know.

But the first part is to go like. Yeah, of course. You know. She may have never met Sylvie Brown. Yeah. There's a shot here where this is all. That's the other part of it. You know, because they always do the,

they always do the trope of like the, you know, the girl's in a terrible relationship with the dude. And he's like, dude, the band's going to make it. You know what I mean? Hey, I'm not going to be lie. I don't know one thing that you mean right now. You've never heard. This is like an archetype.

I have no idea what you mean. You go in my, in red, red dip, red dipute. There's a trope. There's a band that comes to town. Girls got her life together. She's doing good. She's dating a guy who stinks.

He's in a band. Band sucks. Yeah. Right? That type of dynamic. And she's constantly like, you got to get your life together and he's like the band's gonna make it.

This is like a, you've heard this before. Yeah, but we're talking about high end mediums. No, no. What I'm saying? This is the opposite. People, what are you saying? This is the opposite of that where the girl trying to get the guy

and she goes you're going to be huge oh yeah no shit you're pumped up yeah and you go if a regular girl says that without paying $20,000 for

a half hour consultation I'm gonna go yeah of course I will yeah do you want to get pounded dude you're lucky she if she had said that to me you want to get pounded well in that in that example yeah because that's

a woman that doesn't deserve the conversation of me being successful. Yeah, of course. You have this mentality, but then I was in a different feel. I wasn't even entertained. That's my question, though. Do you think you would have never even considered it until she put that spark in your? No, I always had the consideration. Just never told her.

You did. Yes, I did. My whole life, yeah. Always thought I'd be in some. But do you think her saying that to you, you went, it's, now I have to. Well, she said enough. facts that I was like, you don't know enough about me. So the opening was to her, unlike the story of this woman looking up your Instagram

because you have a name and a social presence. That's right. This woman, the seance or medium, whatever the fuck you call them, she goes, who's this Tony guy? You just been, and we were only together for like the first two weeks. Who's this Tony guy that you're dating? And she goes, Tommy, Tommy. He's going to move to New York.

He's going to be this thing. Yeah. And then it happened. Like six years later. Yeah. And I was, dude, I was in IT. I was at Deloitte. Wow.

I think there's some... I don't know. Maybe I'm just like my mother, thinking like all this shit is real. Maybe I'm just like my mother. You're never satisfied You're not to satisfy If a girl said that

I mean, yeah I'm not a good person I'm being a real bitch right now I'm not a good person to say that kind of stuff too Because it hasn't happened to you yet And you're getting a little bit sad No no no no Yeah you're being a real turd

I've been a real uncle now I've had like ex-girlfriends When I was like starting comedy That like believed in me And they'd be like I think you That's not what I was talking I was talking

I was talking about medium but you're just like... Yeah, dude. It's always got... It's always got to come through the lens of an ex-broad. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no.

A regular person on earth, not a maniac that's a medium, can easily go, I believe in you, you're going to be a thing. That's something... This is three people removed. I'm saying... Someone that doesn't know me enough.

Here's what I'm trying to get to. If I got that phone call and she was like, you're going to move to New York and become a star or something. Yeah. I would go, what are you out of your mind?

Even if I had a dream. That's 100% what I said. What are you nuts? Yeah. But I also had an innate feeling that I would be something in this world. I know.

Wow. That's the duality. Still not. That's the duality. That's the duality. That lying bitch. Everybody made money except for me.

It should have been a coder. Yeah. I should have stayed 19. had insurance get my car fixed on time you do think about that sometimes you go like sometimes you look at your friends

that are like damn it I gotta mow the lawn after I get back from the office to Thursday at 7 p.m. and you go you lucky dog yeah 100% now that's so secure

then you think back and you go I never would have made it yeah I just want to own a general store in the middle of the mountains there is a piece there there is a piece yeah if you have a nine to five job where you're just like fucking off

and then you can mow your lawn and have all the time of yourself. The 9 to 5. You don't have to get berated by fucking online trolls. I would have truly I'd be in jail now. Yeah. I would have killed someone. I could see that. I would kill myself. I'm still close.

Why can't I think about who's out? You're doing great. Dude, this is the best house. I know. Are you serious right now? This is the coolest house in the face of the planet. I know, but it's right there. Yeah, he doesn't see it like this. What do you see?

What the fuck do you see? What the fuck is wrong with you, Chris? Yeah. Maybe you're a medium. No, I'm Irish. Do you see? Oh, every good thing.

Every good thing that happens to you is a harbinger for something awful that's right around the corner. Yeah. Every day you walk through this gorgeous art gallery. Yeah. And you go, look at all this shit I got to be responsible for. No, I don't do that. I go, this isn't going to last. Then I try to enjoy it.

I go, I don't know what we did here, but we're way, we're... Way over our heads? Yeah, yeah. I don't belong here. Walk past those flowers. But I do really love... I want to test something. I know.

Walk back to those flowers. I want to see if they will. They're fake. If they still fall down. Catch on fire. It's demonic energy, dude. Yeah, well, this is. is what I have to deal with every day.

Do you, do you, okay, have you ever said like something romantic to your girl or you're just like, hey man, it can be the end in any point. I'll step in here. He is very romantic,

very emotional, very connected. But when he's alone, the guy is a desolate hole in a volcano. He is the pit of earth, dude. If you're alone, you're just like,

it's so good, it's gonna hurt. when it's gone. You know what's weird and I, this is like a genuine thing that I would like to tackling myself

is I can get excited about things. If someone else gets excited, I go, hey, take it easy. I don't like with the excitement

starts spreading. Calm down. You know what I mean? Yeah, it feels like a call. It's not going to be great for long. Yeah,

we're going to go skiing, but everyone's going to be tired and only in the car. Yeah. You need to be, Manage expectations. Yeah. Because you don't want to see that happiness.

I get worried about groups getting whipped into a frenzy. So one other person getting excited, I start going. All right. And then I got to level us out. You got to bring it back. With my pain. You can't bring it back down. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Because you want to be at the bottom. Yeah. No, no, no. I want to be right. Dude, this is so my dad. But sometimes you got to go super negative if someone's too high up. This is my dad.

a stake for a family. Someone's so excited. Everything's great. You got to go, hold on, we're not out of the woods yet. I think we might be fucked. You're going to live to be 97 and you're going to hate it. You're going to be so, you're going to live so long and you're going to hate it. No, no. This is the mentality

of somebody. I like being alive. Not for long. See? Now you're balancing me out. See, that's good stuff. You got the same problem. You know who dies young, people that don't want to. True.

But you're going to get, the people that live for forever, and you know, they interview them and they're like, what's the magic secret? And they go, I've been drinking every day. I want to die. I can't wait to die. And they're like, how am I 103 years old? Yeah.

I hate my great, great grandchildren. Yeah. Guys, check out season 50 of Stuff Island. Which isn't the general store going, does everybody look? like this now. Dude, a pod from a general store? There's no white guys

running anymore. You and me running a general store? Let me sick. I mean, no one can stop. You would, what if it was an old lady that walks in and she goes like, I just need some flour.

I don't, my grandson didn't give my rations today. Would you give her flour? Contraprud. That's why you do it. For the old lady? Those are the days you do it for. Yeah.

You go, and my son will walk you home. And then your son goes, Carried it. Yeah, of course. And you go, come on. We're trying to have a community. What is his name? Triavid?

What is his name? I just said, come on. Oh, okay. Triavid. My daughter, Tri-Havid. No, we don't have that many names. He's going to be Pat, Mike, Tom. Joe.

Yeah, Frank. Do you, in the game, do you design what your children look like? No, no, I'm saying this doesn't exist in the game. That's why I didn't even start playing it. I watched someone else, so I knew that it wasn't going to, going to be what I wanted.

You know what I mean? Did you have brother, how many, what siblings? I got an older, older brother. You start saying sister. Yeah, I know. I said sibling. I was going to say older sibling. And then I don't know why I'm being coy.

Did you play make believe a lot growing up? No. That was another thing I was really, I mean, I did. I played like action figures and stuff. But I was really jealous of my brother because my brother heard voices when he was a kid. You were. Yeah.

Yeah. You were jealous of that? It was your dad in the basement going, shut the fuck out! No, no. Good ventilation. I didn't know at the time. I didn't know at the time. Now, what was he saying?

No, he wasn't saying anything. He was listening. He's a good listener. I know, what was he saying that the voices were? I was like telling him to do stuff and, yeah. Like what? I don't know. You didn't ask your brother what the voices are telling you.

He probably told me, but I was so caught up. And it's like, I'm not like, I'm not. I'm not hearing voices. Like I have no imagination. Yeah, you were jealous of your brother's schizophrenia. No, it wasn't schizophrenia. It's a, it's a precocious, creative, energetic mind that makes those voices. I would just lie in bed going, no one's talking to me.

And I didn't even have the ingenuity to create voices, you know? I really thought, I really thought I was mentally kind of handicapped. This guy is a fucking handicapped case. Because he's fine. He's not like he was... Is he a job? He's got like a good life? Oh dude, yeah.

He's, yeah. Yeah. No, he's very like normal dude. But he, when he was a kid for a while, he heard voice. It was like a phase. And he had voices.

And I never went through that phase. And he, so wait. Which means I missed a phase. So he had her voices that were like, do this, do this. And you were laying in bed like, I don't know what to do. No one's telling me to do anything.

Nobody even suggested anything. So I didn't. even, I wasn't even worried about it. That's how far I was from hearing voices. I wasn't like, I wasn't even like people should be talking to me. Or that, you know? This being serious is so funny. It's a real thing.

I didn't, like I said, I didn't know what was happening at the time. He told me when I was, when I was like eight and he was like 11. And I was like, what the fuck? you feel left out yeah wait do you ever do this because I'm starting to think that you might be one of these people one when you were a kid do you guys you have to if you were any creative field

did you have conversations like did you have would you imagine somebody like maybe a friend or your enemy 100% who you have an imaginary conversation with it like you'd be walking down the street and sometimes somebody would walk by and you realize you'd be speaking out loud having a pretend argument with somebody

Everybody does that. That's normal, right? Still, yeah. That's why I have hemorrhoids. I would sit on the toilet and I'd look at the shower curtain thinking it was Johnny Carson show and I'd take a toy from my room

and I would describe the toy and I would sit on the toilet for like two, three hours a five-year-old. See? Isn't that wonderful? Yeah. Describing the toy to Johnny Carson which was a shower curtain?

No, I acted like I was Johnny Carson and I'd open the curtain as if I'm looking at an audience. Yeah, and you have like Scoop and Steve. I was the guy. And the toy was the guest. I was the guy. Yeah.

Toy was the guest. That is beautiful. Yeah, but I have to get my hemorrhage move in September. Because at five. So it ain't that cute. Yeah, yeah. You can't sit on the toilet for too long. No, wait.

Not that age. Bad things happen. Because you were just pushing? You just sat on the. Well, I had to go boomsies at first. Yeah. And, Would you say it's because...

No commercial break in the reset. You're stressed out about entertainment, miss. You're like, the ratings are down. Got to do an hour. We've got no advertising. Have you seen our numbers? We've got to freaking bring in Joan Rivers again. She's a bitch.

The Paw Patrol's in here. These guys again, we've got nobody else. You have an internal. monologue? Can you, do you have a voice in your head that here? Everyone does. No. I know. You know that? People say that they don't. There's a comic that lives in Austin and he doesn't hear words in his mind. He has no internal monologue. I should ask him. Do you know he does? You have internal monologue? Everyone does. No, no, that's a thing. I'm telling you. Now, that's a thing. People boring people make up. Me? Yeah. Are you all day long, all I do is talking. So why do you believe?

this guy doesn't have it. You talked to him. Because he told you that? Yeah. He doesn't. All he sees in his mind are like you can see images, but there's no

voice in his head. He's trying to sleep with you. No, he's my friend's boyfriend. They're very good friends. This is a magician's trick trying to be cool. There's no voices in my head either. I guess I'm reading.

I don't know what I'm doing. Will you Google, this is a thing? There's people that do not have an internal monologue in their head. I don't believe it. And I thought. thought this about you because you're just so, you're craving such a simple

life, but also you're jealous of people that have voices saying things. And I went, oh my God, he's, he doesn't, there's nothing in there. There's no soul. No, no, you got me all wrong. I'm full of soul. Yeah. Honestly, you might got, you might got too much soul.

I guess if I, if I, like, investigated enough, I don't have like an internal I have an internal dialogue but your internal dialogue's going like this hey buddy no it's no it's going what do you do what what are you doing that for

why would you say that and then I got to go because I'm I gotta eat yeah okay that's healthy and then it goes all right all right I'll eat this one time all right yeah badass

but everyone has everyone has all right last pasta meal for the week You fat fucking asshole. It's like you ask this guy, right, who has no internal monologue, dialogue, whatever. It's like, what happens when you're trying to make a decision between two things? You know, that's a really good point. A monologue, a dialogue is happening between you and the two avenues that your future contains.

Will the internet tell us? Yes, it's like the actions. Yeah, I want to punch this person in the future. I don't believe. Fucking face. Also, that type of person. He's very funny. I believe it.

I believe it. I think that's just a form of autism where it cuts off the wire. Autism's gotten too fluffy. Autism's gotten like. No, autism's like, we're too general with autism now. Well, nowadays, yeah. But I'm saying that's probably their wiring. The no internal monologue is total bullshit.

It's just a person who doesn't understand what a mind. internal monologue. Unplug one of the chords out of your fucking Xbox. Yes, in my brain too. I gotta piss. There's a bunch of images and sounds and feelings

and what is the other fucking list of crap? There was no auditory loop. Yeah, and then some people can't see... I don't have an auditory loop. Some people can't image shit in their head. Like, we all have a degree of like how we imagine shit.

And like when I think of things, sometimes my, like, imagery cannot go that in depth compared to other people. peoples. Yeah, sure. Like when you manifest something or something, you go, okay, where do you want to be? Imagine yourself in a setting, what you're wearing, what all the people look like. Some people can't go that in depth in their mind. And I feel like people who can go really deep know a lot of brands. What? Yeah. What do you mean? Well, because it's like, let's say I go to like, in my mind, right?

I'm imagining I'm at like a resort. Yeah. Well, I just imagine like the resort. I imagine the I imagine the sky and the ocean and the sand and maybe like the shape of the pool and all that stuff. Yeah. But a person who like knows blankets and like different types of chairs and like is going to be imagining all the details of the stuff. And I'm going to be served this drink with this vodka in it and this type of cup. And it's like I don't know any of that stuff. So I don't, I don't imagine it because I don't think about that crap very much. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. You know? So you're just going, God. That guy, that's a marketing guy. People just, a lot of people like, like brands and stuff like that. A lot of people would be like, oh my God, are those such and such type of pants? And you go, I didn't even know that was a brand. Yeah, exactly.

These are just good clean. Yeah. These are pretty nude. But if you know a lot of that stuff, it can fill it in. Like if you're imagining a room and you know all kinds of different pants and all kinds of different shirts and glasses and watches. I think that that's somebody. that's more touched. That's all I'm saying.

I think that that's a gift? Yeah, dude. Somebody that can do brands and can imagine. I don't know what it is. When I manifest, all of a sudden my brain just goes, I'm a fucking mannequin without genitals.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I feel like that's a good quality. Yeah. Yeah. You know, mannequin without genitals? Yeah. When you imagine yourself, I can't go that in depth in my mind.

about what she is. Yeah, I don't know. I don't, when I imagine my... Testration would simplify all of this. Right, but we're saying like when you're manifesting, but if you're imagining you in the future, you're not like, I'm there with my dick. It's just kind of like, I couldn't.

I'm there, me, you know. My whole point, yeah. Yeah, I can't see all these details out of the game. Yeah, you shouldn't be in there in the first place. Take your genitals out of the game. And everybody can just operate as normal. A functioning society. You have this job, you have this role.

I don't know, I was pissing. I got a new theory about how to make society better. No genitals at all. Nah, we don't need to make more. Now, what do you do? Right before they cut your generals off. You get one. We're going to do it fucking Chinese style.

You get one child. If it's a girl, toss it in the well. If it's a boy, keep it going. And then everybody just starts to mingle. Slip your nuts off and your bejinga. And then we just, all hang. You putty it up. Yeah.

You putty up. You putty up. No, you, then you fall in love with somebody's personality and their heart. And you really just want to be with somebody at a general store rocking back and forth on a chair. I know. Selling a candle with the love of your life. Yeah, but you're still going to have that mash. You'd have to lobotomize

that part of your brain too, because otherwise you're going to want to... No, it's all that fuel comes from... Sometimes it's a fun activity. Comes from the system. Yeah. Your brain's not going to be activated to try and fuck if you nip off the fucking

the machine, the engine. No, it still will. You'll have like a ghost limb. Huh? You get your arm blown off. You still think about like writing every once in a while, you know? Also, I don't get off my genital.

I don't get off because of my genitals. I get, I get off because somebody is complimenting me. And I go, fuck, I want to add things now. That's my point. You're only adding to the point. I fucking, somebody. Yeah.

We don't need beijingas and pedangos. No, no, no. It's not my bejinga getting into. Do I have a bejinga or a badonga? You got a bejinga. I got jinga jinga jinga dingo. Bajinga. I don't get, my bongas.

My binging doesn't get me in trouble. Oh, okay. What gets me in trouble is my ego. My ego goes, yeah. Ooh, I'm hot stuff. Yeah. Oh, I want more people to think I'm hot stuff. Yeah.

And I don't care if somebody wants to touch my binginga. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe they can. But then it, yeah. So wait, so. No, go ahead. I'm trying to follow here.

Do people get naked in red dimduring? I don't, I haven't played. I told you. They might. Red dead during, red den. Red dead redemption. Red dead redemption. So the person is already complimenting you.

It's all I fucking want. And then you're like, let's bang because. I don't need the bang. Oh. Compliment after compliment after compliment after. Oh, okay. I'm going to come. I'm going to compliment.

I just, sometimes then I'll just go to the YouTube comments just to cool me off. Oh, I read it myself. That'll be nice, man. We're getting a little. Yeah, yeah. You're a little over our skis here. I'm in a hot tub. Let's read some comments.

Nice shorts, gay boy. All right. That was for my dad. All right. Nice. That was my dad's comment. He's coming back down to earth. This is what this podcast is, right?

Yeah. Yeah. But you feel like you're not doing it? No, I was wondering if there are segments. No. I haven't been on a segment list podcast in a long time. What is good, right? What's a segment?

It's like when you prepare. Oh. You have like list of questions going, oh, here's a new fun thing where what if you, you were this person and you had to be that person battle it's gay okay what's your podcast about i was on it's a lot of games i was it is it i was on it i was on wait i've seen you guys reading stuff but i thought it was like reading stuff yeah there was uh i guess it was a game every episode's a different talk show we're like johnny carson we prepare for our guess oh you But that stressed you out from a young child gave you hemorrhoids.

No, I think it's... You said as an adult doing the thing a medium told me I was going to do, I'm going to keep it loosey goosey. And I think it's harder, but it's more entertaining because you don't know where the fuck you're going to go. We hit start, record, and then you just see where it goes. Chris might have a bad day, I might have a bad day, good day or good day, and you just go, what happened?

And then you never know where you go. Now we're talking about fucking seances and medium. You're going to talk about that if I'm in the room. You're going to talk about that if I'm in the room. Is that one of the games? Do you have a seance game? Not yet. How come?

10%. What do you mean? I might fucking do that. I might do that. You want to plug your show? You gotta have a coastal idiots with Shane Torres. He's my baby. Yeah, he's the best.

Do you guys love Shane? Love him, yeah. Are you kidding? Why do you think I did your show? Because he's a, he's a, talking about a sensitive boy. I love him. That's why I love him. Sensitive young man.

that one. That's good. Yeah, it's good now. But I was telling you guys before, he is texting me just wanting to chat right now on text. And I'm realizing what a fucked up person I am, that that's throwing me for a loop. No inner monologue.

What? Well, I call someone to chat when it's all up here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's me complimenting myself in my head. No, no. Why would I want to hear about what you're doing? Do you ever go to yourself? We've got to change the subject here.

Wait. So, yeah. What is he trying to chat about? Is that personal? No, he's just like, what are you doing? I'm in Chicago. And I was like, did somebody drop out of, like, next week? What are you reaching out to me?

Like, and he was like, no, I'm just seeing. What's your podcast partner? No, I understand. We are friends, but I was like, he's been doing that a lot more lately where he's trying to be friends. and I'm like... Why are you together as a podcast if you're not friends? That's... No, they are.

We are, but he's really just trying to chat a lot. I'm saying, I'm not understanding, I'm realizing that I may actually be quite flawed. You don't chat. Get out. I didn't realize how uncomfortable I was. Somebody reaching out to just not talk about, you know, business things. Yeah.

And how, I thought that was only... only for me and my girlfriend did you, like, just talk shit about people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree with you. But there's other things. But girls talk shit about people? No, no, no, like, there's no, like, my closest friends, we don't. Chat.

No. Unless you're in person, there's no, like, you don't call, I mean, DeRosa. Yeah, yeah. Deroza's one of the, he's one of my aunts that he'll call about something that's he does kind of have an aunt vibe. but it's nice after a while I wish I did it more because I know I want to get out of that vibe of going I'm afraid to be vulnerable I'm afraid to talk to my friend and go Chris can I talk to you about something

because then you just harbor all this are you saying you're only chat she's also saying and I I'm with you here and I'm with you too where it's like a call about let's chat about nothing let's just be friends because that's what that's what people did back in the day yes yeah it also attacks you to that person so that when you show up once a week, when you're on the road, he's on the road, and you have to, like, you know, like, reattach yourselves to go, how is this?

And then you go, start. And you're like, well, the energy's all off. If you're talking to somebody when you have a job to do consistently, you're already locked in. I know. Your brain and your emotions are aligned. I got too much comedy brain, I think. I'm, like, worried I'm going to bomb on the phone call.

just having wait yeah you know you just call someone how did you make it this far how was you call someone how are your brains not

blown I also don't like an oak tree I also don't check you're just doing so well for how uh how doom and gloom

you are I'm not doom and gloom I'm not doom and gloom everybody else laughed in the room I swear I'm not the fucking lambshades moved I'm not doom and gloom

and gloom. I have a propensity. Yeah. No, I understand that I said, oh, I've lost the, enjoy a conversation with a friend that doesn't have to be a big deal. Ooh, I've lost that,

and I got to get it back into it. You know what is? There's a consistent thing where you go, I don't want to call my dad. I don't want to call my mom, but they're getting older. They're in winter, right? They're in the winter years.

They're on the way out. Are you saying winter? Winner. Yeah, the winner. Okay. We don't hit the tea that hard. You know? I'm saying something emotional.

Yeah. I know, but I was like winning. Are you winning? Still yapping. Are they winning? Are they retired? It's true. I'm telling you a story.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yeah, they're in their winter years. There's a lesson in this. Okay, the winter's coming. Uncross your arms and listen. Try that. Open your fucking ears and uncross your arms. Okay.

When you finally make that decision. I don't think you guys know each other well enough. fake into the same. No, we're doing, we're doing great. To fake what? To be fake this mad. I'm not, obviously, I'm not mad. I'm an actor, Chris.

But when you finally go, you know what? Fix your posture. I'm going to call that person. Fucking Christ. Okay. Parents are, are on the, it's not just about parents. It's anyone.

I'm fucking fucking. Look, you take, all right, you cut the, but they're being... Actually, you put it on loop. I don't... I don't care.

That's a clip. You're being... Hold on. This is... This is... This is all sitting here laughing. I'm telling them. They're being...

I say that as a 1980s boy, okay? That's what we said. When you finally break through that uncomfortability, they go, you know what, I'm going to call that person.

And you dread it leading up to that. this is going to fucking suck. This is weighing on me. This is going to suck. I just want to have contact with this person, whether it's a family member or a friend, and then all that shit builds up, and then you have a conversation, you went,

that was great. Yeah. What the fuck was I thinking? And it releases all that stress that weighs on you to other relationships. And if you figure out how to do this, let me know, because I still struggle with it. But every time you have a conversation,

I'll call my dad, Because my girl goes, call your father right now. And I go, yeah, I'm going to call him the morning. She goes, no, no, no, no. Call him right now. And I go in another room, call my dad. I get out and I go, what the fuck? Why am I not doing that?

Why was I dreading that? Why was I dreading it? And why was I, it's all the bullshit that we've talked about today that made us who we are to be comedians. But like, none of it's fucking real. Yeah, you think of it. Cylie Brown. Sillie Brown is real. Her magic towards my future was real. That she got. But it's the same thing with friends. So you go, why is he calling me? And then just talk to him.

He's an emotional boy that just wants to relate to you and go, next time I see you, it'll be easy, peasy, you know? Yeah. Sit on the couch and you do your bits. Games. We do our games. You do your games. Our segments. You do your segments. But now the segments are grounded. Yeah. Right. And realness. And now you don't have to, yeah, you don't have to fake through it. There's no chance. No, I love it. I do appreciate it.

We're very good friends now. We know our actual goals and feelings. Chattanooga. Just on the road. What else do you want me to say? Yeah. No, no, I'm like, I'm wondering like how much of a relationship did you guys have before you said, let's start a podcast. We weren't that good of friends.

And that's crazy. And now we're such good friends. That's crazy. Now we know, like, now he probably knows secrets about me that like two or three people know about. That's what it takes. And like what I want. Yeah. No, it's very fun.

We've to look together for fucking three years before we started a podcast. Yeah, we lived together for six years. Wow, and you're still friends. Yeah. It's pretty impressive

that you can be good friends after having a podcast that long because boy, but it's when it starts to really get going and it's good is when the friendship breaks down.

So if you're still friends, that may be a sign that yeah. Well, you went for your own bullshit. Things haven't popped off yet. I forgive Chris for my actions.

That's a, You guys fought a lot? Have you guys fought a lot? He forgives me for what I make him do. Dude, it was me, it was me, Shane and Chris living together for six. Who? Oh, Shane. I don't know why I went.

Oh, yeah, no, well, Shane Torres. Hold on. That makes sense. He might have been in there. But I lived with Shane for like four or five years, and then Chris came in for another like three, four years. And we're all in the same building. And we're adults.

You guys fight? Fight. Fight. Fight. It was like, it was more passive aggressive. We would lash out here and there, which I felt was like a very moderate level considering the conditions.

It's true. Was it close living quarters? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you guys are the best of friends if you describe that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And you start to learn like, okay, how does he navigate?

How does Shane navigate? How do I navigate? And you go, all right, I got my issues. He's got his issues. And you learn to just go, all right, I'm going to bop this way. If he's got that energy. And then as you get older, it's like, you know, you don't want to get that point where you're 60 years old and going, I'm sorry about everything.

You want to apologize along the way and build your relationship and then make a thing. And that's what you're doing now with him. I know, I know. He's a new boy. Listen to him. That guy is the fucking man. No, he's a shit. He does, he makes me sit down and he goes, okay, you're making a big life step.

What have you thought about it? What are we? How are we feeling? and I go, I don't, why are you asking me about this stuff? I don't like this. Don't do that. And he won't let me leave the conversation

until we, like, talk it out. Yeah. And then he goes, I know. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? I think he's the medium. Hell,

you'll be grateful for that, though. I know, he's very good at that. Because you want to be uncomfortable to a certain extent. I know, I, I'm one of your,

yeah, he makes me have harder conversations that I've ever had with somebody. Yeah. He's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't like this. Yeah. Yeah. I just, to wing it. Do you feel like though because we are like you know one has kids right? You are better at

friendships because you never had kids than probably your friends with kids because they're distracted. I don't know. You know it's a weird thing as you were saying that I was realizing that. I kind of I think maybe it's because of the you know we all kind of started together

in the Philly stuff. I never there was never like I'm not going to be friends with these guys. It's like a family-ish type of attitude we had towards the whole thing. You know what I mean? Where you're like like even when we fight, you'd be like, there's not

there's nobody else. This is my... Oh, this is like, this is my fan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's bosom buddies. I'm dating myself. It was a show. I was trying to say something. I was trying to say something kind of romantic. Designing women, would you say? It's the same thing, but for men. For men. Yeah, it's why you cut the generals. they'd all be boys and girls.

Maybe mush boys? The mush, mush boys. But I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know about, like, whether, like, not having kids makes you better friends with people.

I think it allows, it gives you the time to be better friends. For sure. For sure. Yeah, I think it would be the opposite. Yeah. Really? Yeah, I think you have children.

You just see the perspective of the world differently. That's what I would imagine. That's definitely true. And you start to appreciate. It's age. Age and experience. But I think if you have kids, you go, oh, I'm focusing all my emotional energy onto these kids.

Yeah. Ah, you're my friend. Well, we're just gonna fucking, oh, we get together, you bitch about shit. When you don't have kids, you're looking at your friends as you're like anchors. Right. But when you have kids, your kids are your foundation. It's all you care about. You look at your dog differently now that you have kids.

And then you look at your friend group differently because you have kids. Who matters? Who's getting on the lifeboat when shit goes down? You also probably- There's five friends. Two. of them, I would put on that fucking boat. The other three, you go, ah, that's my acquaintance.

They become family. Because you realize what family is. That's given birth to a baby. I think also you might get better at just the, like... You understand? You might build the muscle. You might build the muscle of, like, handling, like, emotionally challenging situations better as a parent.

Yeah. Well, it's what you want to give. Because you're constantly diffusing, like, people that are just getting used to their... Also, your energy. is your output energy is so much. It's like as you get older, look, if you, I've said this before, but if you have a father that has like 10 guy friends, he's fucked.

No true dad has a group of friends. I don't think that single guy has that many. Yeah, no. My dad, good friend. No, no good friends. He's got one good friend. Right. And a couple golf buddies.

Yeah. Because you get through life and you go, I'm not going to expend all that energy on that because I got all these other things. Right. But then you realize when that's your, you have a hub of kids, you go, I'm going to expend my energy on these people

because they deserve it and they give me more than I can give them at the moment. And I'm going to selfishly live vicariously through their energy and I'm going to give them all I can too. Right? So then you build a really good relationship and rapport with these people. And then you build another small community while you raise your kids.

And everybody else is like, hey, how you doing? How's things been? I've known you for 15 fucking years, but you're not my boy. You're not my girl. Maybe. Maybe that's with guys. Girls, I go, ooh. Fuck them all.

No, no, I think I'm a much better friend because I don't have kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? For sure. I think I got, like, five friends. You have five friends? No, I got a shitload of acquaintances, but like dudes I would call the way Shane's calling you. I know.

That's crazy. I can show you my. lineup. I do think about it. I know if I was married tomorrow and they were like well, who's your bridesmaids? I'd go yeah. I don't know. Yeah, that's a no-no. Yeah, and also like

having kids, dude. You got to vent them. If you're hot, you're not that'd be a good podcast. Standing next to me. Venting all your bridesmaids. Put them through like a fucking barstall gauntlet. Let these bitchies fight for it. You're not standing next to me. I love you.

But you're hot. You're not. Yeah. Well, then your jacked shoulders stand next to me where my flab is holding a bouquet. Also, you don't have to do it. You're three people down the line. I don't know, you might get jacked for the wedding. That's what they typically do. Then they get flabby afterwards.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what they typically do. That is what they typically do. Scientifically, that's what happens with the female. Yeah, it is. Yeah. They tighten up for photographs. This is why you have to renew your vowels every year,

so they stay in shape. Yeah. Or you go enjoy life, my love. You dick, weed. Yeah, spending a light on those fucking pictures, and that's what's getting framed in the house. I'll get, I'll spend a lot on pictures. I'll get jacked up for that.

If you love that man, get a loked. I agree. Have a party. I think it's stupid. I think it's stupid to put money on that. But guess what? Take all these bitches and just bring them to the party. Josh got jacked for his wedding.

he tried to yeah no he did good it would be sick if more dudes got absolutely ripped for their wedding

for their wedding dude steroids for the wedding just going holy shit who's that crying so much like my fucking hormones it's not even you

man you double up on your forehead yeah your cheekbones are ripping out and every before and after photos

them just slubby regular guy What the fuck? He's going I don't even know who I married I don't know either A bunch of like henna tattoos On your shoulder and shit

Yeah Facebook four year anniversary's in a wheelchair You come to their house Their wedding photos You go do you rob this house Who are these people? Man your ex-husband looks hot as fuck

I can see why you kept him in the frame All right Oh man Let's get out here Do you have shows tonight? Uh, no. Do you guys do shows? Yeah.

I'm at the mothership tomorrow, Friday and Saturday. Are you guys shows every night? Yeah. Yeah, four or five nights a week. Fuck. We were flying a ball tomorrow tomorrow. Fuck. Fly to New York on Sunday.

And then we're in New York on Sunday. Yeah. You guys getting jacked up about it back in the stepmotherland? Yeah. It's great. It's the best. Yeah, it'll be nice. When you guys walk in, are you like,

What? We're back. No, no, no. You go? A little bit. You got, God, this... Internally. I'm bad.

This airport is so far. In New York City? No, have you done the mother shit? I did a tiny... I judged, like, a roast battle years ago and did a set before I judged it. Yeah. That was it.

It was... It was... It's the best. It was fun. Yeah, they were down. Yeah. I did some... I did some risque shit.

Good. And they liked it. let me tell you that medium said my mom didn't like it your mom watched the podcast yeah she's gonna hate the podcast yeah she didn't like it and you did yeah then she would never mind she would try and she saw what like very like famous people I was like friends with and she'd be like their aunt came to me last night

I probably should cancel this name the more I'm saying it out loud the more I'm like God the only the thing I got jealous that somebody that my friend's aunt came to them. I'm not giving you their number. I was at a round table with Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk's mom. Yeah. You know them?

Can you get in touch with them? I saw a red cardinal. It has got to something to do with Jeff Bezos's grandma. All right. Anything else to plug? Sorry, coastal idiots. And I'm on tour at catherineblanford.com for tickets. Hell yeah.

Thank you, Kath. Yeah, thank you. What do y'all think? Is that How'd the podcast go? It was good We should have bits I thought it was fun

You guys never have You don't have a bit You don't have like an ending We ask every guest This question No No But go to Achristocconnor.com

I'm also on the road Doing shows Check it out And patreon.com slash stuff island You go What's your favorite color? No

Wow Who has a favorite color I mean Five-year-old Green Green I look at Also I know

I know there's a color in both of your minds right now. What's my mind? Navy? No. Or olive green? Nope. I like olive green now. What green growing up when you cared? As a child? Dang. Bread?

Yeah. I feel like green and blue should be off. It was red and pizza. That was it when I was five. Yeah, bread and pizza. For your favorite color? Favorite color red. Favorite food pizza. Yeah, 100%. You know, you have to have a retarded brain to understand these things.

Pizza was so good. Truly. It's one of that. No dialogue in that brain right now. Just monologue. This is the thing I scream about in the shower sometimes is I tried to get my parents to name our dog pizza. That's good. That is a cute name.

I know, but it's not. Yes, it is, dude. Well, I guess maybe I know where the idea was coming from because they were all older than me. I was like three. It also says a lot of. Was your favorite color white? You know what I mean? All the colors?

Yeah, you're just like, I don't want to upset one of the colors. That is Chris, dude. Your favorite color white? It's all the colors. Yeah. I don't want confidence.