Stuff Island - KILLDOZER - Stuff Island #234

Episode Date: May 14, 2026

The boys are back from Netflix is a Joke and the Kevin Hart roast this week. Josh Francis from the friendly fire podcast joins and they talk about LA and the kill dozer Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope... are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND. #ad Download the app now and sign up with code STUFFISLAND. Claim your FIVE HUNDRED FLEX SPINS and choose your slots! The Crown is Yours. In partnership with DraftKings Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling call 888-789-7777 or visit CCPG.org Please play responsibly. Twenty-one plus. Physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. Non-withdrawable Spins issued as fifty spins per day for ten days, valid for select games only and expire each day after 24 hours. See terms at casino.draftkings.com/promos Ends May Third at eleven fifty-nine P M Eastern time. Chubbies is here to keep you comfy and looking good year-round. Get 20% off with code STUFFISLAND at https//:www.chubbiesshorts.com/STUFFISLAND #chubbiespod Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:01 Who gives a shit? It's funny to start right now with us arguing. About the cameras again. Yeah. I mean, we were doing it for four years ago. Can you get this looking right? Yeah. Can we figure this out?
Starting point is 00:00:17 The hell is going on. Oh, my God. What just, yeah. What a fucking week. Yeah, dude. You went hard. Yeah, went hard in the pain. I just threw up at Petco today.
Starting point is 00:00:31 I believe it. I swear to God, I'd pick up dog food. I was threw up. You know that one friend whose whole house smells like dead birds? Yeah. I walked in there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:45 It was like fish, fish water, birds, dog food. I was dry he even picking up a bag of dog food for my dog. Oh, my God. It was blue chunks all over the fucking, the sensitive stomach for, for the old dog. Dude, there's something about the,
Starting point is 00:01:01 The Texas heat combined with the brightness. Yeah. And then there's the walking into Petco when your eyes are adjusting. And it's like wave of stink hits you. Yeah. It's like it hit the face with like a flash bag. Like a warm shovel. It's a flash bag.
Starting point is 00:01:17 And then when you finally come to, they're just cats that need to get adopted in front of it. You're like, fuck. Yeah. That's just saddest thing that you can see right when you come to. A lonely turtle. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:29 Yeah. Dude, I saw it. turtle and petco once that was relentlessly walking That's also a great way to describe your personality Turtle and Petco Dude I related to this turtle It was walking
Starting point is 00:01:43 It couldn't stop walking into the fake Jungle behind it Just trying to get out of it And it had literally kicked up all of the bedding or whatever that was on the floor Like all the chips It was brutal You didn't buy it? I would have bought it
Starting point is 00:01:58 Throw it in the parking I died in an hour I kidding. Dude, I stole a turtle from Darby Crick growing up. I were jumping off the trestle. Stole a wild turtle? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:13 You caught one? I kidnapped a turtle. Yeah. And I brought it home thinking I'd be like, you know, give it carrots and give it a better life. Yeah. And then I came outside one morning and it was getting destroyed by like just a billion ants.
Starting point is 00:02:26 And I went fucking ham. I was just dancing on these motherfuckers. trying to save my baby was it like that and then i brought it all the way back down i've got it like a snapping turtle was it like a no no no i caught a i had a snapping turtle when i was like from philadelphia yeah he had a snapping turtle when i was like for like a summer we caught one that was like this big it's snapping turtles in iowa yeah snapping turtles are around yeah they're like surprisingly around when you you know when you like jump in a lake and you're like it's nothing fucking in this yeah there's snapping turtles in there so there's snapping turtles
Starting point is 00:02:59 where I grew up. Probably. Yeah. And the lakes around there. Yeah. One pop pack. That's nowhere new I grew up. No, I know.
Starting point is 00:03:07 But I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. You get up in there. There's snapping turtles. Dude, I was fishing with my brother on the place we always go to New Hampshire. And like one just swam up from the depths like fucking big. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:21 Take your toe off. That's crazy. Dude, they're, they get massive. Those things. Yeah. It literally is like the jaws of life. like how sharp their mouth is. They can like cut through metal when they're like big.
Starting point is 00:03:33 It's crazy. Yeah. I was, I ran, I went like, stepped in a bar in Vermont once and this, the guy running the place was like one of these like, ha,
Starting point is 00:03:41 ha, guys, like old school hippie Vermont guy. And, uh, yeah, yeah, dude,
Starting point is 00:03:48 that's my worst nightmare. I know, but you would love this dude. He was just like, all right, man. He told the story of this kid. He was like,
Starting point is 00:03:57 this kid, he fucking walked into. door when he was a kid fucking lost an eye and then we were tubing down some fucking river up there and he's like fucking snapping turtle penis toe off man
Starting point is 00:04:09 what a three stew just think you lose an eye and get a turtle taking your foot off that's ping bang yeah that becomes you a problem you seem to be the problem you got to look at yourself it's like a buddy that always has a broken bone or a black eye you're like it's just a third time
Starting point is 00:04:27 this month you've had a black eye And it's always somebody else is it? And he had that coat hanger. He had that hippie positivity. First of all, it was a shelf. Yeah. That hippie positivity, he was like, he was like, but he's opposite sides and bounced him out, man.
Starting point is 00:04:45 For sure, dude. For sure. Yeah, I can't relate to those dudes. You get another one of those heady topers. Yeah. You kind of envy it at some point, you know? Oh, dude, this guy. Being retarding getting high on air.
Starting point is 00:04:58 Dude, this guy. rocks. I checked in on him again when I was like driving back with my brother. I stopped in the same place. It's checked in on. Yeah, checked in on. I like this. Yeah. He was just chilling in there. He watches YouTube music videos all day. He works at like a bar. It's like a bar that opens at like 8 a.m. And he just works. I take it back. Dude, he's the man. That rules. Pop in. He's, you know, he's, he's listening to just like
Starting point is 00:05:20 watching videos of just like obscure like 70s, 80s, like punk rock. Yeah. And just like, like, I was like, I don't know if you remember me. I came through here a couple months ago He was like I smoke a lot of weed man I won't forget now It was great I drove Butterley to
Starting point is 00:05:41 Some fucking boat on town Like two hours Three hours north of here Yeah Dallas is Yeah It's literally No no It was three hours
Starting point is 00:05:54 It was away from Bullshit town A couple hours north of here just such a like rabid eagles fan drove up to some shit hole north of here and called it a city we had to pick up his bike he bought some like 1980s japanese
Starting point is 00:06:12 japanese bike yeah which is sick of shit and we went to this dude's house the guy like builds his own bikes his whole living room was like no furniture just a bike on like a stand where he's building himself and then we had to go to like
Starting point is 00:06:27 motorcycle shop so he can get proper gear for the ride home because he had to follow me on the ride with bugs yeah yeah yeah he didn't have a helmet it's no ride it back yeah three straight hours and dude he was going seven miles an hour on a fucking highway and i'm in front of him just looking for potholes because i'm going to kill my friend oh yeah this is insane uh but the guy that was working at the shop i had i had the same same similar vibe as soon as i saw him was like fuck this guy but then after talking to him for a bit he was like this guy's living the law life. Yeah, he's got it.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Yeah. Yeah. He was given, like, advice on, like, which jacket he should get. Yeah, yeah. What helmet? And I'm like, man, this is all he cares about.
Starting point is 00:07:06 Yeah, they're human. They're human snapping turtles. They just sit in their little corner of the lake. Yeah. And they fucking... Yeah. He was Puerto Rican, so I think you're on the side.
Starting point is 00:07:15 They get in every lake. Yeah. Puerto Ricans. They do? Yeah. No matter where you are in the country. They get in a lake. They exist.
Starting point is 00:07:23 Yeah, yeah. They're land creatures. They need to be water. Just what you think. Yeah, they need to be by the water. They got a watering hole. It's that Maryland fish that walks between like snakeheads or something. Oh, dude.
Starting point is 00:07:37 They just breathing through their eyes. From China, right? Yeah, there's a lot of stuff like the Asian Ivy. The Chinese chicken. Yeah. Chippity chop. Chippity chop the Chinese chicken. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:07:50 God. Did you ever have a motorcycle, Tommy? What? Did you have a motorcycle lover? No. You've seen like you might. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Like a leather jazz. Like pulling on No? No Yeah That there is a like In the multiverse I think
Starting point is 00:08:04 Yeah There's a There's a There's a greaser version of you That's like Yeah where you Befriended that one guy Used to scare you
Starting point is 00:08:11 As a kid And you started riding motorcycles I mean obviously Every every man has a fantasy At some point But I'm past that I'm in the Vespah
Starting point is 00:08:19 Fantasy right now I'm thinking about Getting a little Vespa Putting a little bagget In the fucking basket Dude Picking up some wine That's that's your speed
Starting point is 00:08:27 for sure. I know. I've game planned it too. I've game planned. Like, is there any way to show up at the mothership on that and leave without getting my head taken off? Yeah. I think, uh, actually Bobby Kelly has a story about this. He pulled up on like a Vespah at the fucking, yeah, the cellar. At the cellar. Yeah. They went crazy. And he like returned it the next day. He did. I mean, that's blood in the water for a show. Oh, dude. You just show up to a, with a vest. spot in front of the mothership. Also, Voss is there wearing a vatour,
Starting point is 00:09:00 and he lost his fucking, he lost his list getting so angry. Yeah. He started talking, he was so upset. He started talking normal. And there's nowhere you can park that thing without a homeless person
Starting point is 00:09:12 taking a dump on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you're just like, yeah. You get verbally abused in the, in the comedy club and then walk outside. There's just a big diarrhea all over it. It's just that. Austin in general
Starting point is 00:09:28 It's not a Vespa town Because there's not enough around The area that I live in to like Bop, you know what I mean? You can't just bop around I gotta go to this place Gotta go to that place Everything is so far away
Starting point is 00:09:42 I think there's not that many reasons To go anywhere No dude you're It's not like New York or Philly You can't The Vespo would be a perfect bop To the fish place And the gym
Starting point is 00:09:54 Mongers yeah Yeah true It's a perfect bob Plus, you have a little cheese shop that's not that far from you. You can bop over there. Yeah, dude, you could be bopping nonstop. You live in the perfect little neighborhood for bopping. I don't know what you're talking about.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Yeah, well, I'm trying to talk myself out of me. And you're talking to me right in. I'm looking up prices right now. Big white streets. All the houses are like cute. And vespas are only like fucking, I think they're like five grand, 10 grand. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure the used VESPA market is thriving. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:25 There's no shot of it. They probably import them from Mexico here and flip them. A used Vespa? Oh, yeah. What are you talking about? No, no. It's just people buying it.
Starting point is 00:10:34 Friends make fun of them. That is the life of a life cycle. It's a life cycle of the So true. It's like the sisterhood of the traveling pants. It's just it's just the Vespa just. I bet. No, I'm getting a,
Starting point is 00:10:53 I'm getting a buy. The Vespa market is a buy. market. There's no question. No, I'm getting a 101, dude. This thing's going to be brand new.
Starting point is 00:11:02 Yeah, I'm going to get a brand new. Custom custom. Custom vesp. Put a big mustache on it. Like the fat white lady
Starting point is 00:11:12 with the eyelashes on the buggy? It's just a fucking mustache. Like the dumb and dumber van. Just flapping on the sides. I got to trim it. aerodynamics are way off
Starting point is 00:11:28 I just have to hold to the left whole time like your rotator cover your wheel line and talk but you just have to constantly hold the wheel to the opposite direction
Starting point is 00:11:40 oh I was telling Tommy this but I had to I'm like going on a road trip so I took the car into a mechanic and he was like trying to recommend me getting like replacing my rotors
Starting point is 00:11:49 by the tires or whatever and so I was like yeah can you send me a photo so I can like have like have my father-in-law check it because he's a mechanic. So just sent me a photo of it. And then he was like, yeah, let me do that.
Starting point is 00:12:00 And he called me back 20 seconds later. And then he went, yeah, after double check and it's not, I actually don't think he need to do it. He quoted me $2,600. And I went, let me get a second opinion. He went, it's actually perfectly fine. Yeah, we're good. I think that a mechanic can like, I have no baseline.
Starting point is 00:12:16 Of course. You could just fuck me. It's brilliant. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's brilliant. That question is a deal. It's brilliant.
Starting point is 00:12:22 What is? Asking that question. Can you just send me a picture? I know a mechanic. My father-in-law is a mechanic, anybody. My father-in-law is actually a mechanic, too, which is nice. But it's like, but it is like a good.
Starting point is 00:12:35 So brilliant. Just going to a doctor, we're like, will you look at this? Actually, can you take a photo? Yeah. He goes, it's going to take $10,000. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Let me get a double opinion. Yeah. It's like, you should get a double opinion for a doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they're like, you need this surgery. It's like, well, let me go ask this guy. There is nothing better than like discovering, like,
Starting point is 00:12:55 like a scam. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like what you're doing isn't a scam but now it can be one. You know what I mean? Oh right.
Starting point is 00:13:03 You can just start doing that. Can you send me a picture? I got a mechanic I want to show it to? Like you just say that whether you have a mechanic or not. Yeah. Now you're in. It's a cheat code.
Starting point is 00:13:12 It's beautiful. Yeah. It's like when you'll never not say that. Like you changed my life. You go, yeah, my producer's father-in-law. No.
Starting point is 00:13:21 We take photo quick. My name is dog's dad. Yeah. Yeah, his cousin. Yeah. He does all your stuff too. No, like, it'll be like an honor. Like if you actually like bought a ticket to like a Sixers game, Flyers game or something like that, but something got screwed up and you have like a picture of it but is not whatever.
Starting point is 00:13:39 And then you're like, I don't know what's going on, but like I genuinely. And then they just go like, all right. And now you're like, oh, I can do that for every time. Every single time. Yeah. That's how I got laid all through college. I got an email from. you that says,
Starting point is 00:13:56 you owe me a blowjob? Yeah, yeah. That's Catherine, right? That's you. Ticketmaster said your ass is open. Yeah. I know I was supposed to print this out, but I... Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:06 The kiosk was down and they just kept telling me to go through. Yeah, you can see the QR code. Oh, man. Let's talk about the week. A little bit. It was a wild one. From what we remember. I actually did pretty good.
Starting point is 00:14:19 And I feel bad. I can't imagine, dude. Yeah, it was wild. You were... I didn't even know why. I was hanging out with Kanye West. I know. Oh, yeah, you were with fucking, I got,
Starting point is 00:14:29 I woke up from a text from Tommy at like 4 a.m. And he was like, weird night was with the year. You said Wild Night was with Kanye and Dave Chappelle. I was like, Jesus Christ. Shane and us, we were all hanging out at Chateaumormant. And the seat was up next to me. Chappelle just sits down. He's like, hey, man.
Starting point is 00:14:45 And we're just talking. I was like, what the fuck is going on right now? And then, then fucking Kanye comes in. And I missed that whole part. Yeah. Because they all went out to like the side patio or something to play, play music. He was just playing music. He brought his own.
Starting point is 00:15:04 It's so funny. It's so funny. It's so funny. Marr was telling me the next morning. She's like telling the story, I was like, what do you mean, Kanye? She was, you don't remember Kanye being at the party of it? Tom. You're kidding, right?
Starting point is 00:15:16 Yeah. I was like, I was having fun. Yeah, dude. It's so funny. Like, Chappelle's. How did you miss that? The Hale's level of, like, just power is like, it's, he's like asks for the ox in places that, like, don't even make, like, he'll walk into like a stadium. It'll be like the Eagles are playing.
Starting point is 00:15:38 He'll be like, can't get the ox? I want to change the music. And they're like, okay. It's so cool. He'll just control. Yeah, yeah. You're at Chateau Marmani. He's like, I want to play my songs.
Starting point is 00:15:47 You're like, it's a whole hotel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They get through the hall. She's a rich old lady in a bathtub. The hell? I mean, she thought she died and went to hell.
Starting point is 00:16:05 She was like, Jesus won. Yeah. That's a lot. We don't really have like an ox. It's like, uh, he's like, well, can you get it to me? They got to like, like, McGiber and off. He's like figured out. Dude, fucking Shane had a run of the century.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Oh my God. I don't think it's ever been done. I don't know. It's got to be one of the greatest runs of all time. Just doing the Hollywood Bowl. Then he did the store with, like, the greatest lineup of all time. Yep. And then he jumps on his plane, goes to fucking TD Arena in fucking Boston.
Starting point is 00:16:42 Sells out three straight nights, breaks a record, gets back on the plane after his third show to come do the roast. Yeah. Like what? Yeah, dude. We were on the plane last night or two nights ago. I was like, you understand. when they say this is a dream
Starting point is 00:16:56 because it's not no one could put this into reality what you just did in five days, six days it's fucking insane watching this boy it's the best thing in the world it's fucking not and that's why I block it out
Starting point is 00:17:09 it's shame's fault yeah he also shit my pants yeah it's funny it's funny to genuinely have to like overnight ship a person next day delivery because they're so important
Starting point is 00:17:30 oh shit it's so funny dude it's crazy when you simplify that's what you're doing you overnight him back to L.A. because he needs to do another biggest thing oh god that's how he feels about the suit
Starting point is 00:17:46 he's waiting on for his wedding it's like it's got to get here it's got to get here too this is my big road I kept, I turned on the row So the very first thing I saw was you and your girl You kept getting shown in the audience You did too, you both were getting shown in the audience
Starting point is 00:17:59 Very funny, yeah Yeah She got shown as much as like Jesus, Jennifer Lopez I was like, what the fuck? J-Lo was there? Yeah I didn't see her
Starting point is 00:18:10 She on the opposite side of the room Also hanging out with like fucking I love Christian McCaffrey He's fucking I love that boy man Those guys real Kittle They're just fucking good good dudes.
Starting point is 00:18:22 Those guys fucking rule. It was just nonstop fun every fucking night. It was just so great. Now we're doing this. Yeah, it was really good time. This is nice. We need this.
Starting point is 00:18:34 No, we did. We need this. We did. I have to go to Wampall Packet. I need to get hit by a snapping turn. I can lose a pinky right now and I wouldn't care. Dude. Every day Tommy was...
Starting point is 00:18:48 I mean, the only day I saw him while I was out there was, it was pretty, yeah. Everybody was having a good time. Yeah. I thought that show sucked. I got so many private messages about how good that show was. It was everyone after the show. It was like, oh, it was so great.
Starting point is 00:19:05 I was getting messages from friends taking snapshots of going, hey, I saw Tommy. I was crying. And he goes, oh, it's my buddy I used to work with. Like, that also the lineup you put together was great. Yeah, yeah, dude. Josh killed. Josh killed.
Starting point is 00:19:20 Luke. killed. Luke Tuma. Yeah. That was a fun. That was a great fucking. Yeah. It was a great.
Starting point is 00:19:26 It was a great. It was a great. Dude. It was one of those rooms where like people were laughing into their shirt and yeah. Because they didn't want like attention. He was one of those shows where you know you're going to get a message going. That was.
Starting point is 00:19:38 Yeah. I got a manager from it. You got a man. Yeah. There was a guy there. I took a couple meetings. Yeah. I didn't consult the with the elders.
Starting point is 00:19:47 I should have consulted with the elders. I know. Yeah. Good for you. Yeah. That's great, bud. Yeah. I don't know. Now I'm entering weird territory.
Starting point is 00:19:55 Does you got a Vespa? I could go. You got to throw the Vespa. The signing bonus. I'm getting into a weird spot with comedy, which I don't know. You guys have already crossed this bridge, but like things become like real. You're no longer trying to just do the thing and it's like happening. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:11 Yeah. Because you go from like I haven't done like a, yeah, I haven't done like a bad show meaning like nobody's there in so long that I was like thinking about that the other day. And now it's like my friends are getting management. I'm getting management. I'm getting management. I'm having opportunities come. I'm like a part of like this thing, which is really fun to be a part of too.
Starting point is 00:20:25 It's like all of a sudden like doing the thing on a small scale and you're like, it's happening. It's a weird point. I know. It's a weird turning point to be at where you're like, things aren't, things are great.
Starting point is 00:20:38 And then you see what Shane's doing. You're like, I'm not doing anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right. I'm on a broken. Yeah. I got a vest boot, nobody else.
Starting point is 00:20:48 I'm not doing a. I just say, and gas. for my vest point. Yeah. All right, this episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Guys, Squarespace, you know it, you love it. I use Squarespace for my, my website.
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Starting point is 00:24:14 Did you get to, because you were in and out LA, so did you get to really, did you have nice time. Yeah, I went down to, yeah, I was there for three days. It was nuts. Yeah, yeah. Well, I stayed down on sunset. And then we went to the store and I had text I was like, where are you? Where are you? Well, this fucking wife over no over, over, over, over, delivered. Yeah, I got next to. She's like, yeah, yeah. She's like, get here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, we were stayed, we stayed down in, uh, I stayed on the Rodman trip. Yeah. I stayed on sunset on sunset Boulevard. And then we just went to
Starting point is 00:24:47 yeah we just hung out and then we had to Santa Monica two nights in a row or two days in a row just went to the pier and like the beach hung out yeah you fell in love with Santa Monica Santa Monica's belief well I spent a summer there in like 2015 so I was like this place fucking ruled yeah it does so I went back and was like I could live here then I got stuck in traffic for two hours to go four miles and I went oh I hate this place right yeah oh this place is hell the gas is like eight dollars out there yeah so what the fuck it's nuts
Starting point is 00:25:14 yeah they don't how do people live there you just have like nine 19 roommates? I think so. Yeah, yeah. That was all the stories when I was talking to like McNutt and those guys. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:23 They were just telling stories about comics just being fucking living, literally 25 guys in one house. Yeah. Even that part was fun. Yeah, yeah, dude. Great, great squad.
Starting point is 00:25:36 Shout out Devin Costa, Connor McNus. Devin Connor. I didn't see Ben. Dine. Donnie. Donnie Hugh. Ryan Donnie.
Starting point is 00:25:42 Ryan. Johnny. Oh, God. I love those guys. Donny Brooke. Good Christ. man yeah it was great so they make me feel comfortable in a sea of fucking nothing yeah dude well the store on the outside of the store i was there yeah it was packed in like sardines yeah and everybody
Starting point is 00:25:58 just wanting to be it's just like uh it's like finding nemo like one famous person would walk by and everybody would be like hey hey what's going on yeah so i just started i had to i was there and i was like i do not like this vibe at all it's a lot it's a lot it was just a lot of people wanting to other people to like see them and then like hopefully they opened the door for it was yeah yeah chaos yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's when it was nuts the guy was like get back yeah it was literally it was world war z i was like get the yeah he said me to get it that was everyone get back
Starting point is 00:26:35 it was just gone in the air yeah yeah yeah yeah you're yelling at 30 autistic jews with backpacks like it's not that serious dude I know. Calm down. No one cares. It was. It was, yeah. I shouldn't have, this is.
Starting point is 00:26:54 If this is that same number. Jesus Christ. How did, how, uh, when did you come back then? You were gone for a full week? I came back with Shane on Monday. Monday. And Chris, Chris was there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:06 Wait, so, oh, was Monday just a travel day or were you guys, because you guys had to have been. Just travel. Smoked after that. Yeah. That was brutal. Then I landed and did kill Tony. Oh, I don't know if I should say that.
Starting point is 00:27:15 That's fine. Who gives a shit? Did you guys have like a... Do you know, he texted me. I can't believe that. And I was sleeping. Yeah. I slept like...
Starting point is 00:27:25 As soon as I got home after Shane's for like an hour, I fell asleep. And then Tony texted me, hey, do you want to do... Kill Tony with Chris. And I woke up to that. It was like, the fuck. Like the one time I have an opportunity. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:43 To do it with somebody that's not on another planet. I know. It's like that's all I'm asking for. Well, you, well, you went at it on the plane. I, I, I died on the plane. Well, because you knew what was happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If he texted me on the plane, I wouldn't have had seven fucking, yeah, I would have had
Starting point is 00:27:59 a million. Tequila's, yeah. Was there an after party? Did you guys go to an after party after the roast, too? Or was it just, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And sick. That was, that was awesome.
Starting point is 00:28:09 Yeah. I'm talking to like Seth Green for a while. Oh, really? Yeah, it was sick. Did you put him on your lap? He's like four eight. Yeah. He's taking shots for no reason.
Starting point is 00:28:22 I rushed to him and I were eye to eye. You started doing the thing like in the mirror. You're like one hand up and he's like a dog barking out himself in the mirror. You start being that turtle in the cage trying to get away from him. He had a show on Fox for like a season that I remember called. You're surrounded by other people. Greg the Bunny. Did you ever see that?
Starting point is 00:28:46 He had a show called Greg. the bony. I think it lasted like four episodes and then they pulled it. Dudey, I feel like he's like one of those guys who's like almost secretly at this point had like a massive. Oh yeah. He's like after he stopped kind of like being obviously in movies. Oh, he's canceled, wasn't he? Was he? I don't think so. Let's Google it. Yeah, I think he diddle. No, no, you can't. You gotta be right about. I don't know. No, he, no, he fucking started making like all the adult swim shit. Yeah. He has like a million shit. Robot chicken. Yeah, robot chicken. So funny. that show ruled
Starting point is 00:29:19 or it does rule it still bothers me now that I see that Tom Brady he's like an executive producer on everything That's how it works man It's money dude That's how they make money Good Rich kid richard
Starting point is 00:29:31 Yeah yeah You'll see a big name on every fucking show you see Yeah At the end just read the fucking credits Yeah When no one else does Executive produced by Warren Sapp No I thought he's kids
Starting point is 00:29:40 Yeah Well good on him Yeah Shout out SG Yeah I think he's just I think you just did it right. Yeah, he did it away.
Starting point is 00:29:52 B'all! Bing, bang, pow! I just snapped you. I defend you. I defended your honor. Yeah. I defend you. I didn't claim it.
Starting point is 00:30:04 I said, I thought. I know. And that joke was too good, too good to pass up. You can say anything. You can go, I heard somebody else say, and they go, I didn't claim it. Yeah, yeah. I just heard what I heard. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:30:18 It is funny that that is how many people got canceled. It feels like. I haven't seen in a while. Did he rape? He touched somebody? No, he's having a third child. He's doing great. He's still in real estate.
Starting point is 00:30:34 He's a creative force behind a lot of our favorite show. He's a comedic genius, actually. Oh, my man. Yeah, he got out of the spotlight and continued to make great stuff and it's doing incredible. He's wonderful to his wife. He's a great father. I was so happy, though, that everyone killed. Shane fucking killed.
Starting point is 00:30:55 Shane fucking killed that road. Destroyed. Fucking Big Jay killed. Killed. Tony killed. Davidson fucking killed. I felt like that was the best that type of environment could be. Cheryl Underwood.
Starting point is 00:31:09 I was so happy. The fucking suicide jokes that she took. And then got up and fucking destroyed. I was like, as soon as she stood up, I was like, come. on. Oh, come on, make this like a good story.
Starting point is 00:31:21 Yeah. Do well. Do well. They've been bullying you. Oh, dude. And then she put it all back in their face. It was so fucking good. So,
Starting point is 00:31:28 I genuinely was like cackling. Yeah. You know, I, I want to say something else, but I'm not going to say it. Does it, so when you're watching it,
Starting point is 00:31:39 we were watching it live and after a while, like, it started to get, does it get, is it electric the whole time? Yeah. Because you know how like comedy shows and have loles
Starting point is 00:31:48 naturally when it's like an hour and a half. I mean, there were obvious lulls. Yeah, but it's for the most part through the whole show being in the area, it felt like you were definitely there. I think there's like a little bit of like fucking maybe not being able to, you know, because you're obviously like you're rooting for Shane so hard. Yeah. You know, so that's exciting.
Starting point is 00:32:09 And then like you said, when like people start, you know, are really taking shots, Big Jay taking shots, fucking Tony taking shit. Like, especially Tony was getting fucking hit with some stuff. And then so then you're like on the edge of your seat wanting them to fucking kill. Also the pace of the show. Yeah. It keeps you like. Totally.
Starting point is 00:32:29 Active. Yeah. 100%. And it's like three and a half hours. I had to piss at one point. But like I watched half of Tony set in the green room. Yeah. Because I didn't want to miss the start.
Starting point is 00:32:44 And then like you had. There's only so much you could sit around for, but like you're, it's, again, the pacing is so fast and there's a new personality. There's a new comic. There's a new. So it stays fresh in the room for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so well done. It was way, way, way more fun than I thought it would be.
Starting point is 00:33:04 100%. I thought it was going to be corny corporate bullshit. Yeah. Dude, Usher? I've never. I almost, I juggled my phone trying to get it out. I didn't. I didn't take a photo of our best friend
Starting point is 00:33:18 on stage. I saw usher. I was like, and then, dude, hearing Cat Williams voice and then cat coming out and the roots were fucking destroying.
Starting point is 00:33:30 I was like, and what right did? Shane put us right there. Like we were right in the fucking... I haven't had a chance to rewatch it, but even the rock I thought... The rock did great. It was hilarious.
Starting point is 00:33:40 Drey tart. Drey tart. I couldn't believe you did that. I know. I guess you do a hundred movies. It doesn't fucking matter anymore. Dude. Drey Tard was so funny.
Starting point is 00:33:51 And the rock just being like, I'm fucked up. Yeah, dude. It's so funny. Dude, it was so fun. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:34:00 it was good. Shout out chain for the greatest week I've ever, ever, ever fucking seen. That was fucking unbelievable. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:34:07 that was wild. And how he handled himself? Just being so well-rested, doing all that shit. I can't fucking imagine. I have no idea You know like athletes He also did another show with Chappelle
Starting point is 00:34:21 Yeah On Tuesday night Wednesday night Like after everything Or like before No it's like in within Between between doing Oh my god
Starting point is 00:34:32 And then the forum Yeah Or the fucking whatever it is Tiening bank arena or whatever it is No no the The Hollywood Bowl Then I think the next night He did this show with
Starting point is 00:34:42 Chappelle It was crazy Yeah It was in the fucking cool little, like, private room. It was nuts. Yeah, you're going to do six shows in Raleigh and feel like you want to kill yourself. I know. But that's all right.
Starting point is 00:34:56 It's good. No, it's good. I'm just saying, like, how tiring that is. Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude. Yeah, not even. Yeah, not even thinking about the jet lag or like, it's crazy. Yeah, they had him like, like, a, you know, like, LeBron.
Starting point is 00:35:09 Have you ever seen, like, how LeBron James sleeps in his, like, chamber that's, like, kept at, like, perfectly, like, 62 degrees for. recovery. You ever seen that? No. Like these athletes would get like high industrial
Starting point is 00:35:19 like room. There's like sleep science and they'll pay people to like custom that customize their rooms for recovery. They had that, his jet has to have that
Starting point is 00:35:27 to be able to do that nonstop. He's got like a LeBron James level of recovery. That's his. It's just like a case of butt lights. I was mistaken. He's just fully like.
Starting point is 00:35:36 LeBron James needs like what the cryot tank does for LeBron. Yeah. Bud lights. A hoagie. from the local deli and an hour and a half now he don't need much
Starting point is 00:35:50 yeah that's a per athlete he's more of an athlete oh fuck he's perfectly made Rubin dude oh fuck 62 degrees oh man
Starting point is 00:36:02 I had to I remember we went out one night we were all out one night and it was that night that it was like me you Gardini and his lady and we went with Shane too and we went out and we were watching football
Starting point is 00:36:13 do you remember this Like it was like during the playoffs You were just going to with the Kelly's? Yes. Yeah, Yeah. And I remember everybody, I was like,
Starting point is 00:36:20 I was trying to keep up drinking with everybody, which is a mistake because I don't drink at all. And then it somehow ended up being it was like 2.30 and it was like last call. And I'm like fucking. I'm like hammered, hammered. And it was just me and Shane left. And he gets an Uber for us.
Starting point is 00:36:37 He gets an Uber for him and me. It was really nice. And then I remember I was like so fucked up. I looked at him. I was like, what are you doing tomorrow? You want to do this again? And he went, no.
Starting point is 00:36:44 and I had anxiety about it for like months. I was like, of course not. What the fuck? They'd be like if you saw a Kanye again and we're like, yeah, great hanging last night, you want to do it again? Can I send you some ideas?
Starting point is 00:37:02 Of course. Yeah, it's like, of course not. I don't want to see you again. I'm catching a second win. He's like, he looked at me laughing and was like, no. I was like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:13 The fuck it was that. thinking, dude. It's insane. That's also, yeah. That's one of my biggest anxiety. I'll do that a lot. I always think that, like, in comedy, if there's anything that's ever going to be a thing that's like my downfall,
Starting point is 00:37:26 it's going to be my mouth. Because little things like that, you'll be fine. Little things like that always fuck with me. I have like, I walk with my mouth so you can run. Just like you need proof, you'll be all right. You're just little things like that. I mean, it's just like, I cause myself months of panic from me.
Starting point is 00:37:44 Because I'm just like Because that's not the first time Stuff like that's happening You know when I say stuff I go what the fuck was I thinking Chris and I went to a Don't Tell party So yeah
Starting point is 00:37:54 A private party That's where we're hanging out With Donahue and Yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah Costa and the boys The hate watch fellas
Starting point is 00:38:02 And I saw an old producer From Comedy Central That was in charge of Delco proper Oh god dude That's like Manchester By the sea When she sees
Starting point is 00:38:12 Oh the parish I was a motherfucker to you I shouldn't have said I'm a real piece of shit I deserve to rot in help what I said to you I have stinks I got a new kid You're Casey out flag being like it's fine Cut to you like later
Starting point is 00:38:30 Drinking you're like I can't beat it She's got a new show in a carriage It should have been yours Grab the gun Drive fire I can stop by all my boys I'll do it talk to it I'm doing it.
Starting point is 00:38:46 But I woke up the next thing. Tommy by the sea. Tommy by the sea. I woke up the next day thinking about like, I grabbed her face like that scene in Godfather and I kissed her. Almost like I knew it was you. I knew it was you that ruined the show. It was good to see you though.
Starting point is 00:39:11 That's so funny. Yeah. But yeah. That's going to happen all the time. Just saying things and they're just, yeah, we're like, it doesn't, I mean, it doesn't matter.
Starting point is 00:39:20 Bombing in conversation is more brutal than bombing on stage. 100%. Because you'll say something and everybody just looks at you and you go. Yeah. They just hear it ruminating in your fucking skull. Yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck. We were in an elevator.
Starting point is 00:39:34 And you just imagine them calling the head of comedy. Yeah. They call Cosby to South. You wouldn't believe what this guy said. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I need a new manager. You know that new sound we've been looking for? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:50 It's really bombing, bombing on a compliment. Brutal. That's the plane going down after. Cash app just released a new status program for the way people actually spend called Cash App Green. It unlocks new ways for you to pay, get rewarded, and easily grow or manage your money on your terms. Now, when you spend at least $500 a month with Cash App, card or cash app pay, you earn green status, which unlocks benefits like $200 off, free overdraft coverage, higher borrow limits, and custom personalized cashback offers every
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Starting point is 00:41:13 Visit cash.app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. There you go. Now back to the episode. Reminds me of a, you know. Alex Grubarb's joke. You know, the Irish goodbye. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's the best.
Starting point is 00:41:29 It's the best. The Irish goodbye is, you know, when you don't tell anybody, you just fucking skeddattle. He goes, I like to do something where I say goodbye to everybody. Hey, shake their hand. And then I stay. Yeah. It's the Jewish goodbye.
Starting point is 00:41:47 That's really funny. I say goodbye to every single person at the party, and then I stay. The rudest thing you can do to anyone. It's like, I want to leave, but I got nowhere to go. I always remember that. It's so funny. It's so on brand.
Starting point is 00:42:05 Yeah, I Jewish goodbye many times every weekend. This whole week. This whole week was it, Jew goodbye. Well, because it would be the thing where you're like, you're like, all right, let's call it. And then you'd be walking out and like a new friend would walk in. Yeah, you see somebody from fucking Montana. Where are you going?
Starting point is 00:42:20 Where are you leaving? Yeah. I'll do another one. I didn't even know about it. Let's do one more. Yeah. Yeah, I should have held like a parachute pack on my, my pack. And then you have to walk back into the room with all the people you said goodbye to you
Starting point is 00:42:35 with a fresh beer. There he is. We have to. act like we didn't hang out. Because hey! Yeah. What's going on, guys? I think you weren't leaving.
Starting point is 00:42:50 And the worst part is you're doing all of the excuses when you're saying goodbye the first time. Like, no, I got to get up early. Yeah, I got to get up early. Yeah, there's things. And it's, I've been going, it's been a week. I mean, come on. Just walk right back in, beer and a shot. I guess tomorrow's fucked.
Starting point is 00:43:08 Golly. What a fucking time. Yeah, it was great. What a time to be a lot. life, boys. Yeah. So are you, did you, well then you were on
Starting point is 00:43:17 Kill Tony, ready to come kill Tony. Then did you get fucked up that night too? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:26 Oh yeah. You were at, you were gone. I was like, fucking respond. I think, yeah, the group's just,
Starting point is 00:43:32 I'm like, fucking wasted. I'm like, are we doing this pod? I did. The text you sent was so, I didn't know if it was inside baseball
Starting point is 00:43:42 that I didn't. gang because it's to the group chat and I looked at it and I was like I don't it was inside chris's piece of my I was like I don't get this reference I'm not gonna reply yeah like woke me up I remember neat neat and I looked and I was like oh no it's just you your phone buzzes in the middle of the night I keep it yeah I don't know what it's a weird thing that I've had I can't not have it that's nuts he's a good producer I'm a good well it's more yeah I've been my anxiety doesn't let me I've missed things before it was I think it's from the military I mean the amount, if you wake up late in the military,
Starting point is 00:44:15 like, if it's like supposed to be like 5 a.m. call time and it's like six and you wake up, I mean, the panic is insane. Wait, how has that even happened? Isn't there like a bell that goes off and you all get out of your bunks? Not when you're like at in like the unit. That's just movie talk.
Starting point is 00:44:27 Well, when you're like at certain points in your career, yeah, when you're young, you know, boot camp, they walk in and they go, da da da da da da da da da da da. Oh, they actually do the trumpet. Well, it's like played through a speaker. But yeah. And then like, journal, sectors come in,
Starting point is 00:44:39 picking trash cans. Like, light, light, light, that fuck. It's not like it used to be where they just had a dude come out It would be funny You have a little Mexican in there Doing it
Starting point is 00:44:46 Yeah You can't show up with your tank Late Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Starting point is 00:44:55 Yeah Just everyone like Isn't that tank Is that tank Our tanker Irish Goodbye last thing Yeah Yeah
Starting point is 00:45:03 My bad guys Yeah Yeah we've been We've been Jewish Helloing In Iraq for too long We just still are there being like, all right, see ya.
Starting point is 00:45:13 Scyke. We're back, boys. We've been Jewelow in Palestine. We are. It is funny because, you know what's funny. I do a joke about it, but it is funny. You have to get... I think you've had enough.
Starting point is 00:45:28 No. You're cut off and you go, oh, I'm cut off. Now I've got my boys coming. Two more times. They got two more slept in. Trying to race. You do have to get, what I always thought, is funny too. You have to get a license to drive your tank, which I always thought was funny.
Starting point is 00:45:46 Like they make you get like a certified driver's license. You have to do like a course and everything. Not the DMV, but like you did. It's just like a funny thing to me. They'd be like, I don't have my license on me right now. I didn't you're in a tank. They like make you carry it. Yeah, they like make you carry it. You know you're going five miles per hour. Yeah. I always thought that was. That is very silly. It's very silly. It's very. silly. And they don't have keys. I talk about that too, but they don't have keys, which I also think is funny. Push start. Push start. That's why a guy stole one in San Diego. Do you ever see that?
Starting point is 00:46:20 No. There's like a guy who like went on to base and he stole a fucking tank. There's like videos of it in San Diego in the 90s. And they like drove, he like drove it towards San Diego. I think he was on Camp Pendleton and stole it. But dude, he like made it onto the highway and it was like news coverage and it was crazy because everybody's like there's a fucking tank. And then they and then they didn't have like ammo or anything for it but like he didn't have rounds or whatever but they the way they stopped it is a guy that was in uh the guy that was like in the reserves or
Starting point is 00:46:54 something that cop saw it and was like okay well he clearly just took it from that base there's definitely like no ammo no way this guy is a license yeah yeah yeah that's the issue they go he's definitely but they because he's just like driving and causing having. Yeah, yeah, it's expired. You haven't updated
Starting point is 00:47:16 your tags in two years. But the guy just, the guy that was a reservist cop or whatever, a cop that was a reservist in the Marines or whatever, he knew that the guy definitely didn't have like weapons
Starting point is 00:47:27 if he just took it. Yeah, yeah. So he just like opened the hatch and shot the guy in the head. And there's a video of all of it. Really? Yeah, you can watch the news report. Did you ever see that Tommy ever?
Starting point is 00:47:35 Why? The guy that stole a tank in San Diego and just drove it into the city. Incredible. It's insane. Also, he built... Oh, that's a different guy. That's the guy who like re-cavick in Denver.
Starting point is 00:47:48 He built his own... Yeah. He cemented himself into like a... Indestructible fucking homemade tank. He made his own... You've never seen this, Chris? I don't think so. Kill dozer, dude.
Starting point is 00:48:01 I feel like you'd be a pig killdozer guy. A pig killdozer? A big bag. I would be. I like building... They kept like passing legislation to like, fucked over his business. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:12 So then he was just like, it was like a small town politics shit. So he started wrecking everything. Dude, he just had like enough and he took like a dump truck that has like the big scoop thing. Like you know like a snowplow thing. Yeah. And he cemented himself in it and like put like a rifle through the cement and everything. Did they kill him inside or he killed himself?
Starting point is 00:48:29 Yeah. But he just like drove through downtown and like ripped apart of downtown like a small city. Yeah. He just destroyed. Fucking destroyed everything. It was beautiful. Beautiful. Good for good for.
Starting point is 00:48:40 Good for KD. Just getting to the end of that run. He had enough. I guess I'm cemented in here. That's how I felt like that. Just cement myself in the bedroom. Yeah. And then kill those everything the next day.
Starting point is 00:48:54 Yeah. That's almost you get another hotel room just to do that. Yeah. Golly. Just to not. Yeah. Just to recover. I was snoring so bad.
Starting point is 00:49:03 I had to get a separate hotel room so my girl could sleep. Really? Yeah. that's fucking crazy I know I spent too much money you get a little gotta get some of those nasal strips that ain't gonna work on this hog
Starting point is 00:49:17 yeah true you got a lot to grab onto you see in the sideways could really pinch it up it's crazy do you have a deviated septum no calm down
Starting point is 00:49:30 I didn't first of all every guy has every you gotta relax bro every real man has a deviated except yeah every single one if you haven't hit your nose on stairs or eight balls
Starting point is 00:49:45 yeah if one's not collapsed because the fucking the cartilage is eating itself alive you broke your nose yeah yeah yeah you broke your nose yeah of course every kid every boy kid breaks their nose
Starting point is 00:50:00 yeah I got my nose the whole reason noses became a thing broken with a bud light bottle yeah you know what's how I got Correct. Yeah. Either like a bumper for your face, your brain.
Starting point is 00:50:11 Yeah. It's a turtle. You go like guerrillas and stuff. They don't have like a bridge. Yeah. This is for human boys. Yeah. It's also like a personality identifier, you know?
Starting point is 00:50:24 Not just the size. No, just like what's going on? Yeah. What's going on what you knows? Yeah. You know, he's got a couple dents in it. It's got a couple scars. I go, this guy said, I like this guy.
Starting point is 00:50:35 Yeah, yeah. You know? If it looks like a windy road, I know that boy's been through some shit. Yeah, yeah. I don't like to, I don't like flat, flat and bent,
Starting point is 00:50:42 though. I steer clear of those guys. Yeah, of course. Yeah. It's a cauliflower of your ear. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:47 If you got your whole face mushed. Yeah. No good. Yeah. You take a thing to the ridge. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:54 I don't like a small dainty nose on a woman. All these, all these. No. Like a button nose? All these social whores
Starting point is 00:51:02 are trying to get like these, you like Dave rhinoploplasty to get a small little dollhouse nose. Yeah. It's like a, yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:08 Give me a fucking Persian. Cut that. Just almost made it. 48 minutes. Yeah, you need... Almost made it. Almost made it. It also is weird if you get that kind of crazy nose work done,
Starting point is 00:51:30 and then you have a kid with a crazy nose. Oh, you ever seen that? I don't think it's real, but there's like... Kids got to be like, what the fuck is this that I got? There's a... And then you can't be like, no, it's good, because it's like, well, you can't fucking. chopped ears off.
Starting point is 00:51:43 Yeah. So I got to live with this? When do I get my nose done? Yeah. It's insane what you did to me. Parents with, without generational wealth that have children and they're all done up, like both the man and the woman. There's this photo of this, I think they're Chinese.
Starting point is 00:52:01 It's a high-end Asian family with a lot of money and both the mother and father, like beautifully well-constructed. Yeah. Yeah. But their kids are. You're hideous pig. Where the wild things are? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:15 The kids are. Yeah. They look like... That's crazy. But it's like it's an iconic photo and I think it's real. I don't know if it's real, but... I hope it is. I hope it is.
Starting point is 00:52:28 Yeah, it's just like two beautiful adults and then three... Yeah, where the wild things are. In like a family photo. He spent all that money and then... monstrous. And it's just three monsters. Absolute monsters. It sucks so bad if the business goes under right before they turn like 18 or whatever.
Starting point is 00:52:49 Exactly. That's what I'm saying. Now I'm stuck with... They're not going to have... I've got to look at these ugly fucks. Yeah. Oh. Having a trust fund for your nose is so funny.
Starting point is 00:52:59 Yeah, they should. Yeah. Putting money away for college tuition and your nose job. We're going to have to change everything about your face. They say that the most... I don't know if this is still the case, but when I was in college, they were saying that the most... The plastic surgery that men get the most are calf implants.
Starting point is 00:53:15 It's so insane. Like men want their calves to look. That's so insane. Masculine. I got nice guys. It's so weird. Also, just do calf lifts. Calf raises.
Starting point is 00:53:26 Yeah. Yeah. Or just live with your calves. Yeah. They're pants. Yeah. They're just tit implants from men. And if you look at like nasty, like even a bunch of like,
Starting point is 00:53:37 live with your kids. There's a bunch of NBA guys. There's a bunch of NBA and NFL guys that have like, like weird tiny calves and they're like fucking crazy fast yeah like yeah yeah some guys have that tiny little just like tight high calf yeah that shit scares me on a athletic field yeah just a little ball bearing yeah yeah it looks like it's like yeah it looks like it's like yeah it's just concentrated yeah it is weird like uh it's just all shin and then two it looks like a cock which it's a head of a penis
Starting point is 00:54:11 Maybe I'm misremembering. Wait, what do we talk about? Tastes like cum. That's one of the funniest things about like Shane and his whole career. So you meet these athletes and you see him in person. You're like, how? I watch you on Sports Center almost every fucking week in a top five. top 10, you know.
Starting point is 00:54:44 How are you, you look like, I walked by you 10 times with that, you know, being scared or, you know, just like seeing these running backs and you're like, oh my God, you don't, you're not menacing to me right now. But something about you is so crazy athletic. It's so impressive to see a regular size man. Good stylist, too. What? Good stylist.
Starting point is 00:55:09 Sometimes they've been put in clothes. so that they don't look like monsters. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then so you're like, wow, this guy kind of looks like he's just like a regular guy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:19 It's like, no, now, it took us forever to find that jacket. Yeah, cut that shirt off. Yeah, yeah. You'll have a different opinion. You'll be terrified. Yeah. That's funny. Josh Wolf reached out to me saying he wants to do another podcast
Starting point is 00:55:31 where we just go through all the pictures of these guys talking shit on me. That's very funny. And he's talking like June, July. And he's still been sent. I got like 10. or 12. Any public ones that are like really funny,
Starting point is 00:55:44 call me soft or pussy or fat. Dude. Or gay. We could do that. Just all. Oh, dude. We could do that. I could cast.
Starting point is 00:55:52 I could get you guys in the bottom left corner of the podcast and then you just go on my computer and then like look at their Instagram profiles. Yeah. That'd be really. 100%. And I also want to do the women too. The women talking shit. Oh,
Starting point is 00:56:04 they're ladies in there as well? Yeah, there's a bunch of dumb horse talking shit. What are they saying? It's the same thing. Like what? It's called me fat soft. gay, lazy.
Starting point is 00:56:12 Yeah, but they might just be flirting, Tommy. I love it as an idea but that is that you're raising an army of undead and we tell you something.
Starting point is 00:56:23 That's like it's literally like you know, there's internet like white walkers literally like standing up. I will kill those them. There's too many.
Starting point is 00:56:32 The English, there's too many. Yeah. it's literally too bad you run out of bullets it won't be that's the point it's going to be a whole series
Starting point is 00:56:48 and then you just get swallowed you got to save one for yourself they do that in flag polls did you know that in flagpoles there's a match and a bullet I'm fat they were all right I'm not fat,
Starting point is 00:57:06 you're fat. They do that in flag pulls. Have you ever heard that? The top of the flag pulls, they put like a round in a match so you can burn the flag down and kill yourself? No.
Starting point is 00:57:15 I think so, right? Isn't that, isn't that there? There's not like a thing I read. That is one of the coolest things I've ever heard. If that's true. One second.
Starting point is 00:57:21 Let me make sure I'm, uh, what's in the top part of a flag pole? What's in the? That rules. Wait, the heat is enough to, send the projectile out of a bullet casing?
Starting point is 00:57:38 It's called a finale, yeah. Oh, no, the bullets for your gun and then you light the flag on fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just with a bullet and a match. The match keeps firm and you can't get it. Come on, quo, quah, wow. Oh, okay, apparently that's a rumor. Apparently it's a rumor.
Starting point is 00:58:04 It's a popular myth that suggests they contain a razor blade, a match, and a bullet. It's, but that was apparently from Gettysburg flagworld.com. So that's a rumor. Yeah, yeah. Damn, I thought that was true. I thought that was like really cool. It's such a cool story. Cut it.
Starting point is 00:58:22 We'll leave it. Cut the correction. It would be cool, but I mean, obviously, if you think about it, it is logistically. If anything, I would cut the elevator story. Climbing a flagpole. Yeah, I was thinking of that, too. Yeah. climbing a flagpole
Starting point is 00:58:37 and not getting shot on the way up yeah it doesn't make any sense yeah yeah thinking about it just trying to like hold there one second guys let me load this bullet give me a minute give me a minute could also just
Starting point is 00:58:51 bring the flag down you just keep the bullets at the bottom there's a thousand ways to do this better yeah yeah but very cool idea I like it as a rumor. I like it.
Starting point is 00:59:06 Yeah. We should spread it. Just spread it anyways. Just tell that to people next time. We should do Gettysburg tours. That would be sick. You know. Gettysburg's awesome.
Starting point is 00:59:16 Are you believe in ghosts, Tommy? I believe in spirits. Do you believe in ghosts, guys? No. I'm just scared to go. I think it's haunted. He's spooky. He's haunted with old confederates?
Starting point is 00:59:30 Gettysburgs, yeah. It's kind of sick, though. That's kind of. They're the bull. That's a pack of ghosts. You really want to... Have you ever seen a ghost? No, but that's the whole point.
Starting point is 00:59:40 Yeah, they're not around. Yeah, but they could still exist just because you haven't seen them. I've never seen Christian McCaffrey in real life. I know he exists. Come on. You guys are talking about Christian. I love that boy. Dude, again, if I saw a ghost, I would be like, what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:59:59 You should be a ghost hunting show. Yeah. my guess I would never I would never find them What have you became a believer scary buildings I get you going
Starting point is 01:00:10 Yeah Nothing again Yeah That's the name of the show Nothing again Question marks Oh hell no Yeah yeah
Starting point is 01:00:22 I'd just be bopping around And they're like whoa Scary noises Clink clink clink It's like all right Show yourself Tell you what The Appalachian Mountains
Starting point is 01:00:31 Gets those videos of the Appalachian Mountains there's just like random dudes camping or hunting and the fucking sounds that's scary that's scary that's truly scary
Starting point is 01:00:43 I'm not scared to sleep in some fucking you know Victorian home in the middle of fucking nowhere you know I'll hunk shoes through that whole fucking place
Starting point is 01:00:52 dude I don't give a shit you get blacked out enough ghosts won't fuck with you I mean they can if I'm past down if I drink a bottle of mescal ghost ain't gonna bother me True. They can't wake me up. True. Who gives you shit?
Starting point is 01:01:06 Can't fight me. It's so funny to have that reaction. It's all psychological. I'd love to see a scary movie where a guy just gets hammered. Yeah. Is that a ghost? Yeah. She keeps taking shots. Yeah. If you met my dad, brothers and best friends, like, you're not going to psychologically murder me the way they do. They're living. You don't think it's...
Starting point is 01:01:24 No ghost is going to scare me. You guys are wrong. It's the unknown behind it. That's what makes a ghost scary. If they're real, it's the unknown. Because it's like, what does this mean? But they're being unreasonable to not show up. It's like all the ghosts in the world, not one of them is like, look, I'm just trying to not be a ghost anymore. Can you help?
Starting point is 01:01:52 Yeah. Or whatever their thing is. It's like you cancel the podcast yesterday. You're being unreasonable, not to show up. What are you going to ghost me? It's like, what are we doing? Yeah, there'd be one ghost whistle. blower by now.
Starting point is 01:02:07 Yeah, or they're just, yeah, they're going to be like, just whatever you guys need, we can help. Oh, so that's, this is, back to Quantum Leap. You go and you find, you help each ghost return to whatever it needs. Sometimes, or you just not help them. They could go, I need you to do this.
Starting point is 01:02:24 And you go, I got, you got a whole life. I'm living here. You don't have to rub it in, Chris. Yeah, yeah. I got a whole life. There's a billion. It must be nice. A billion people in the world. You're going to fucking. Billions and billions of people. You can go anywhere to ask anyone.
Starting point is 01:02:38 There's unemployment's going up. Goes to like homeless people in Austin. Yeah, there's a lot of people, yeah. There's a lot of people that need something to do. Can you spare a seance? Yeah, yeah. And you go, I can't leave the house. I'll have them come over.
Starting point is 01:02:55 I'll call somebody. Oh, God. It's like, what are you doing? I got to go. You're going to dig up this job above. What's going to be under there? My old locket. It's going to be hard to find.
Starting point is 01:03:18 Yeah, probably all rusted and everything. That's why you stuck around? Lock it? Get a grip, dude. All right. Yeah. Thanks for listening. Nice soft ending.
Starting point is 01:03:40 Yeah, yeah. I'm going to be in Raleigh, North Carolina. 22nd through the 24th and then I'm going to be in Detroit oh boy end of May two cities I'd rather be a ghost in might turn me
Starting point is 01:03:56 into a ghost I'm sorry head to the Patreon patreon.com slash stuff Ireland for another hour and also check out look at this ghost talk yeah

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