Stuff Island - KILLDOZER - Stuff Island #234
Episode Date: May 14, 2026The boys are back from Netflix is a Joke and the Kevin Hart roast this week. Josh Francis from the friendly fire podcast joins and they talk about LA and the kill dozer Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope... are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND. #ad Download the app now and sign up with code STUFFISLAND. Claim your FIVE HUNDRED FLEX SPINS and choose your slots! The Crown is Yours. In partnership with DraftKings Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling call 888-789-7777 or visit CCPG.org Please play responsibly. Twenty-one plus. Physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. Non-withdrawable Spins issued as fifty spins per day for ten days, valid for select games only and expire each day after 24 hours. See terms at casino.draftkings.com/promos Ends May Third at eleven fifty-nine P M Eastern time. Chubbies is here to keep you comfy and looking good year-round. Get 20% off with code STUFFISLAND at https//:www.chubbiesshorts.com/STUFFISLAND #chubbiespod Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Who gives a shit?
It's funny to start right now with us arguing.
About the cameras again.
Yeah.
I mean, we were doing it for four years ago.
Can you get this looking right?
Yeah.
Can we figure this out?
The hell is going on.
Oh, my God.
What just, yeah.
What a fucking week.
Yeah, dude.
You went hard.
Yeah, went hard in the pain.
I just threw up at Petco today.
I believe it.
I swear to God, I'd pick up dog food.
I was threw up.
You know that one friend
whose whole house smells like dead birds?
Yeah.
I walked in there.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was like fish, fish water, birds,
dog food.
I was dry he even picking up a bag of dog food
for my dog.
Oh, my God.
It was blue chunks all over the fucking,
the sensitive stomach for, for the old dog.
Dude, there's something about the,
The Texas heat combined with the brightness.
Yeah.
And then there's the walking into Petco when your eyes are adjusting.
And it's like wave of stink hits you.
Yeah.
It's like it hit the face with like a flash bag.
Like a warm shovel.
It's a flash bag.
And then when you finally come to,
they're just cats that need to get adopted in front of it.
You're like,
fuck.
Yeah.
That's just saddest thing that you can see right when you come to.
A lonely turtle.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dude, I saw it.
turtle and petco once that was
relentlessly walking
That's also a great way to describe your personality
Turtle and Petco
Dude I related to this turtle
It was walking
It couldn't stop walking into the fake
Jungle behind it
Just trying to get out of it
And it had literally kicked up all of the
bedding or whatever that was on the floor
Like all the chips
It was brutal
You didn't buy it? I would have bought it
Throw it in the parking
I died in an hour
I kidding.
Dude, I stole a turtle from Darby Crick
growing up.
I were jumping off the trestle.
Stole a wild turtle?
Yeah.
You caught one?
I kidnapped a turtle.
Yeah.
And I brought it home thinking I'd be like, you know,
give it carrots and give it a better life.
Yeah.
And then I came outside one morning
and it was getting destroyed by like just a billion ants.
And I went fucking ham.
I was just dancing on these motherfuckers.
trying to save my baby was it like that and then i brought it all the way back down
i've got it like a snapping turtle was it like a no no no i caught a i had a snapping turtle
when i was like from philadelphia yeah he had a snapping turtle when i was like for like a summer
we caught one that was like this big it's snapping turtles in iowa yeah snapping turtles are around
yeah they're like surprisingly around when you you know when you like jump in a lake and you're like
it's nothing fucking in this yeah there's snapping turtles in there so there's snapping turtles
where I grew up.
Probably.
Yeah.
And the lakes around there.
Yeah.
One pop pack.
That's nowhere new I grew up.
No, I know.
But I'm saying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You get up in there.
There's snapping turtles.
Dude, I was fishing with my brother on the place we always go to New Hampshire.
And like one just swam up from the depths like fucking big.
Yeah.
Take your toe off.
That's crazy.
Dude, they're, they get massive.
Those things.
Yeah.
It literally is like the jaws of life.
like how sharp their mouth is.
They can like cut through metal when they're like big.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
I was,
I ran,
I went like,
stepped in a bar in Vermont once and this,
the guy running the place was like one of these like,
ha,
ha,
guys,
like old school hippie Vermont guy.
And,
uh,
yeah,
yeah,
dude,
that's my worst nightmare.
I know,
but you would love this dude.
He was just like,
all right,
man.
He told the story of this kid.
He was like,
this kid,
he fucking walked into.
door when he was a kid
fucking lost an eye and then
we were tubing down some
fucking river up there and he's like fucking
snapping turtle penis toe
off man
what a three stew just think
you lose an eye and get a turtle
taking your foot off that's
ping bang yeah that becomes you a problem
you seem to be the problem
you got to look at yourself it's like
a buddy that always has a broken bone or a black
eye you're like it's just a third time
this month you've had a black eye
And it's always somebody else is it?
And he had that coat hanger.
He had that hippie positivity.
First of all, it was a shelf.
Yeah.
That hippie positivity, he was like, he was like,
but he's opposite sides and bounced him out, man.
For sure, dude.
For sure.
Yeah, I can't relate to those dudes.
You get another one of those heady topers.
Yeah.
You kind of envy it at some point, you know?
Oh, dude, this guy.
Being retarding getting high on air.
Dude, this guy.
rocks. I checked in on him again when I was like driving back with my brother.
I stopped in the same place.
It's checked in on. Yeah, checked in on. I like this.
Yeah. He was just chilling in there. He watches YouTube music videos all day.
He works at like a bar. It's like a bar that opens at like 8 a.m.
And he just works. I take it back.
Dude, he's the man. That rules. Pop in. He's, you know, he's, he's listening to just like
watching videos of just like obscure like 70s, 80s, like punk rock.
Yeah. And just like, like, I was like, I don't know if you remember me.
I came through here a couple months ago
He was like
I smoke a lot of weed man
I won't forget now
It was great
I drove Butterley to
Some fucking boat on town
Like two hours
Three hours north of here
Yeah Dallas is
Yeah
It's literally
No no
It was three hours
It was away from
Bullshit town
A couple hours north of here
just such a like rabid eagles fan
drove up to some shit hole north of here
and called it a city
we had to pick up his bike he bought some like
1980s japanese
japanese bike
yeah which is sick of shit
and we went to this dude's house
the guy like builds his own bikes
his whole living room was like no furniture
just a bike on like a stand
where he's building himself
and then we had to go to like
motorcycle shop so he can get proper gear for the ride home because he had to follow me on the ride
with bugs yeah yeah yeah he didn't have a helmet it's no ride it back yeah three straight hours and
dude he was going seven miles an hour on a fucking highway and i'm in front of him just looking for
potholes because i'm going to kill my friend oh yeah this is insane uh but the guy that was working
at the shop i had i had the same same similar vibe as soon as i saw him was like fuck this guy but then
after talking to him for a bit he was like this guy's living the law
life.
Yeah, he's got it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He was given, like, advice on, like,
which jacket he should get.
Yeah, yeah.
What helmet?
And I'm like,
man, this is all he cares about.
Yeah, they're human.
They're human snapping turtles.
They just sit in their little corner of the lake.
Yeah.
And they fucking...
Yeah.
He was Puerto Rican,
so I think you're on the side.
They get in every lake.
Yeah.
Puerto Ricans.
They do?
Yeah.
No matter where you are in the country.
They get in a lake.
They exist.
Yeah, yeah.
They're land creatures.
They need to be water.
Just what you think.
Yeah, they need to be by the water.
They got a watering hole.
It's that Maryland fish that walks between like snakeheads or something.
Oh, dude.
They just breathing through their eyes.
From China, right?
Yeah, there's a lot of stuff like the Asian Ivy.
The Chinese chicken.
Yeah.
Chippity chop.
Chippity chop the Chinese chicken.
Oh, God.
God.
Did you ever have a motorcycle, Tommy?
What?
Did you have a motorcycle lover?
No.
You've seen like you might.
Really?
Yeah.
Like a leather jazz.
Like pulling on
No?
No
Yeah
That there is a like
In the multiverse
I think
Yeah
There's a
There's a
There's a greaser version of you
That's like
Yeah where you
Befriended that one guy
Used to scare you
As a kid
And you started riding
motorcycles
I mean obviously
Every every man has a fantasy
At some point
But I'm past that
I'm in the Vespah
Fantasy right now
I'm thinking about
Getting a little Vespa
Putting a little bagget
In the fucking basket
Dude
Picking up some wine
That's that's your speed
for sure. I know. I've game planned it too. I've game planned. Like, is there any way to show up at the
mothership on that and leave without getting my head taken off? Yeah. I think, uh, actually Bobby
Kelly has a story about this. He pulled up on like a Vespah at the fucking, yeah, the cellar.
At the cellar. Yeah. They went crazy.
And he like returned it the next day. He did. I mean, that's blood in the water for a show.
Oh, dude. You just show up to a, with a vest.
spot in front of the mothership.
Also, Voss is there wearing a vatour,
and he lost his fucking,
he lost his list getting so angry.
Yeah.
He started talking,
he was so upset.
He started talking normal.
And there's nowhere you can park that thing
without a homeless person
taking a dump on it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so you're just like, yeah.
You get verbally abused in the,
in the comedy club and then walk outside.
There's just a big diarrhea all over it.
It's just that.
Austin in general
It's not a Vespa town
Because there's not enough around
The area that I live in to like
Bop, you know what I mean?
You can't just bop around
I gotta go to this place
Gotta go to that place
Everything is so far away
I think there's not that many reasons
To go anywhere
No dude you're
It's not like New York or Philly
You can't
The Vespo would be a perfect bop
To the fish place
And the gym
Mongers yeah
Yeah true
It's a perfect bob
Plus, you have a little cheese shop that's not that far from you.
You can bop over there.
Yeah, dude, you could be bopping nonstop.
You live in the perfect little neighborhood for bopping.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, well, I'm trying to talk myself out of me.
And you're talking to me right in.
I'm looking up prices right now.
Big white streets.
All the houses are like cute.
And vespas are only like fucking, I think they're like five grand, 10 grand.
Yeah, I mean, I'm sure the used VESPA market is thriving.
Yeah.
There's no shot of it.
They probably import them from Mexico
here and flip them.
A used Vespa?
Oh, yeah.
What are you talking about?
No, no.
It's just people buying it.
Friends make fun of them.
That is the life of a life cycle.
It's a life cycle of the
So true.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling pants.
It's just it's just the Vespa just.
I bet.
No, I'm getting a,
I'm getting a buy.
The Vespa market is a buy.
market.
There's no question.
No, I'm getting a
101, dude.
This thing's going to be
brand new.
Yeah, I'm going to get a
brand new.
Custom
custom.
Custom vesp.
Put a big mustache
on it.
Like the fat white lady
with the eyelashes
on the buggy?
It's just a fucking mustache.
Like the dumb and dumber
van.
Just flapping on the sides.
I got to trim it.
aerodynamics are way off
I just have to hold to the left
whole time
like your rotator
cover
your wheel line and talk
but you just have to constantly
hold the wheel
to the opposite direction
oh I was telling Tommy this
but I had to
I'm like going on a road trip
so I took the car
into a mechanic
and he was like trying to recommend
me getting like
replacing my rotors
by the tires or whatever
and so I was like
yeah can you send me a photo
so I can like
have like have
my father-in-law check it because he's a mechanic.
So just sent me a photo of it.
And then he was like, yeah, let me do that.
And he called me back 20 seconds later.
And then he went, yeah, after double check and it's not, I actually don't think he
need to do it.
He quoted me $2,600.
And I went, let me get a second opinion.
He went, it's actually perfectly fine.
Yeah, we're good.
I think that a mechanic can like, I have no baseline.
Of course.
You could just fuck me.
It's brilliant.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It's brilliant.
That question is a deal.
It's brilliant.
What is?
Asking that question.
Can you just send me a picture?
I know a mechanic.
My father-in-law is a mechanic,
anybody.
My father-in-law is actually a mechanic, too, which is nice.
But it's like, but it is like a good.
So brilliant.
Just going to a doctor,
we're like,
will you look at this?
Actually, can you take a photo?
Yeah.
He goes, it's going to take $10,000.
Yeah.
Let me get a double opinion.
Yeah.
It's like, you should get a double opinion for a doctor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When they're like, you need this surgery.
It's like, well, let me go ask this guy.
There is nothing better than like discovering,
like,
like a scam.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like what you're doing
isn't a scam
but now it can be one.
You know what I mean?
Oh right.
You can just start doing that.
Can you send me a picture?
I got a mechanic I want to show it to?
Like you just say that
whether you have a mechanic or not.
Yeah.
Now you're in.
It's a cheat code.
It's beautiful.
Yeah.
It's like when you'll never not say that.
Like you changed my life.
You go,
yeah,
my producer's father-in-law.
No.
We take photo quick.
My name is dog's dad.
Yeah.
Yeah, his cousin.
Yeah.
He does all your stuff too.
No, like, it'll be like an honor.
Like if you actually like bought a ticket to like a Sixers game, Flyers game or something like that, but something got screwed up and you have like a picture of it but is not whatever.
And then you're like, I don't know what's going on, but like I genuinely.
And then they just go like, all right.
And now you're like, oh, I can do that for every time.
Every single time.
Yeah.
That's how I got laid all through college.
I got an email from.
you that says,
you owe me a blowjob?
Yeah, yeah.
That's Catherine, right?
That's you.
Ticketmaster said your ass is open.
Yeah.
I know I was supposed to print this out, but I...
Yeah.
The kiosk was down and they just kept telling me to go through.
Yeah, you can see the QR code.
Oh, man.
Let's talk about the week.
A little bit.
It was a wild one.
From what we remember.
I actually did pretty good.
And I feel bad.
I can't imagine, dude.
Yeah, it was wild.
You were...
I didn't even know why.
I was hanging out with Kanye West.
I know.
Oh, yeah, you were with fucking, I got,
I woke up from a text from Tommy at like 4 a.m.
And he was like, weird night was with the year.
You said Wild Night was with Kanye and Dave Chappelle.
I was like, Jesus Christ.
Shane and us, we were all hanging out at Chateaumormant.
And the seat was up next to me.
Chappelle just sits down.
He's like, hey, man.
And we're just talking.
I was like, what the fuck is going on right now?
And then, then fucking Kanye comes in.
And I missed that whole part.
Yeah.
Because they all went out to like the side patio or something to play, play music.
He was just playing music.
He brought his own.
It's so funny.
It's so funny.
It's so funny.
Marr was telling me the next morning.
She's like telling the story, I was like, what do you mean, Kanye?
She was, you don't remember Kanye being at the party of it?
Tom.
You're kidding, right?
Yeah.
I was like, I was having fun.
Yeah, dude.
It's so funny.
Like, Chappelle's.
How did you miss that?
The Hale's level of, like, just power is like, it's, he's like asks for the ox in places that, like, don't even make, like, he'll walk into like a stadium.
It'll be like the Eagles are playing.
He'll be like, can't get the ox?
I want to change the music.
And they're like, okay.
It's so cool.
He'll just control.
Yeah, yeah.
You're at Chateau Marmani.
He's like, I want to play my songs.
You're like, it's a whole hotel.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
They get through the hall.
She's a rich old lady in a bathtub.
The hell?
I mean, she thought she died and went to hell.
She was like, Jesus won.
Yeah.
That's a lot.
We don't really have like an ox.
It's like, uh, he's like, well, can you get it to me?
They got to like, like, McGiber and off.
He's like figured out.
Dude, fucking Shane had a run of the century.
Oh my God.
I don't think it's ever been done.
I don't know.
It's got to be one of the greatest runs of all time.
Just doing the Hollywood Bowl.
Then he did the store with, like, the greatest lineup of all time.
Yep.
And then he jumps on his plane, goes to fucking TD Arena in fucking Boston.
Sells out three straight nights, breaks a record,
gets back on the plane after his third show to come do the roast.
Yeah.
Like what?
Yeah, dude.
We were on the plane last night or two nights ago.
I was like, you understand.
when they say this is a dream
because it's not
no one could put this into reality
what you just did in five days, six days
it's fucking insane
watching this boy
it's the best thing in the world
it's fucking not
and that's why I block it out
it's shame's fault
yeah
he also shit my pants
yeah it's funny
it's funny to genuinely
have to like overnight ship a person
next day delivery
because they're so important
oh shit
it's so funny dude
it's crazy
when you simplify that's what you're doing
you overnight him back to L.A.
because he needs to do another biggest thing
oh god
that's how he feels about the suit
he's waiting on for his wedding
it's like it's got to get here
it's got to get here too
this is my big road
I kept, I turned on the row
So the very first thing I saw was you and your girl
You kept getting shown in the audience
You did too, you both were getting shown in the audience
Very funny, yeah
Yeah
She got shown as much as like
Jesus, Jennifer Lopez
I was like, what the fuck?
J-Lo was there?
Yeah
I didn't see her
She on the opposite side of the room
Also hanging out with like fucking
I love Christian McCaffrey
He's fucking I love that boy man
Those guys real
Kittle
They're just fucking good
good dudes.
Those guys fucking rule.
It was just nonstop fun
every fucking night.
It was just so great.
Now we're doing this.
Yeah, it was really good time.
This is nice.
We need this.
No, we did.
We need this.
We did.
I have to go to Wampall Packet.
I need to get hit by a snapping turn.
I can lose a pinky right now and I wouldn't care.
Dude.
Every day Tommy was...
I mean, the only day I saw him
while I was out there was, it was pretty, yeah.
Everybody was having a good time.
Yeah.
I thought that show sucked.
I got so many private messages about how good that show was.
It was everyone after the show.
It was like, oh, it was so great.
I was getting messages from friends taking snapshots of going,
hey, I saw Tommy.
I was crying.
And he goes, oh, it's my buddy I used to work with.
Like, that also the lineup you put together was great.
Yeah, yeah, dude.
Josh killed.
Josh killed.
Luke.
killed.
Luke Tuma.
Yeah.
That was a fun.
That was a great fucking.
Yeah.
It was a great.
It was a great.
It was a great.
Dude.
It was one of those rooms where like people were laughing into their shirt and
yeah.
Because they didn't want like attention.
He was one of those shows where you know you're going to get a message going.
That was.
Yeah.
I got a manager from it.
You got a man.
Yeah.
There was a guy there.
I took a couple meetings.
Yeah.
I didn't consult the with the elders.
I should have consulted with the elders.
I know.
Yeah.
Good for you.
Yeah. That's great, bud.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Now I'm entering weird territory.
Does you got a Vespa?
I could go.
You got to throw the Vespa.
The signing bonus.
I'm getting into a weird spot with comedy, which I don't know.
You guys have already crossed this bridge, but like things become like real.
You're no longer trying to just do the thing and it's like happening.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because you go from like I haven't done like a, yeah, I haven't done like a bad show meaning like nobody's there in so long that I was like thinking about that the other day.
And now it's like my friends are getting management.
I'm getting management.
I'm getting management.
I'm having opportunities come.
I'm like a part of like this thing,
which is really fun to be a part of too.
It's like all of a sudden like doing the thing
on a small scale and you're like,
it's happening.
It's a weird point.
I know.
It's a weird turning point to be at where you're like,
things aren't,
things are great.
And then you see what Shane's doing.
You're like,
I'm not doing anything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right.
I'm on a broken.
Yeah.
I got a vest boot,
nobody else.
I'm not doing a.
I just say,
and gas.
for my vest point.
Yeah.
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nice time. Yeah, I went down to, yeah, I was there for three days. It was nuts.
Yeah, yeah. Well, I stayed down on sunset. And then we went to the store and I had text
I was like, where are you? Where are you? Well, this fucking wife over no over, over, over, over,
delivered. Yeah, I got next to. She's like, yeah, yeah. She's like, get here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, we were stayed, we stayed down in, uh, I stayed on
the Rodman trip. Yeah. I stayed on sunset on sunset Boulevard. And then we just went to
yeah we just hung out and then we had to Santa Monica
two nights in a row or two days in a row just went to the pier
and like the beach hung out yeah you fell in love with Santa Monica
Santa Monica's belief well I spent a summer there in like
2015 so I was like this place fucking ruled yeah it does so I went back
and was like I could live here then I got stuck in traffic for two hours to go
four miles and I went oh I hate this place right yeah oh this place is hell the gas
is like eight dollars out there yeah so what the fuck it's nuts
yeah they don't how do people live there you just have like nine
19 roommates?
I think so.
Yeah, yeah.
That was all the stories
when I was talking
to like McNutt and those guys.
Yeah.
They were just telling stories
about comics just being
fucking living,
literally 25 guys in one house.
Yeah.
Even that part was fun.
Yeah, yeah, dude.
Great, great squad.
Shout out Devin Costa,
Connor McNus.
Devin Connor.
I didn't see Ben.
Dine.
Donnie.
Donnie Hugh.
Ryan Donnie.
Ryan.
Johnny.
Oh, God.
I love those guys.
Donny Brooke.
Good Christ.
man yeah it was great so they make me feel comfortable in a sea of fucking nothing yeah dude well the
store on the outside of the store i was there yeah it was packed in like sardines yeah and everybody
just wanting to be it's just like uh it's like finding nemo like one famous person would walk by and
everybody would be like hey hey what's going on yeah so i just started i had to i was there and i was
like i do not like this vibe at all it's a lot it's a lot it was just a lot of people wanting to
other people to like see them and then like hopefully
they opened the door for it was
yeah yeah chaos yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
that's when it was nuts the guy was like get back yeah it was literally it was world
war z i was like get the yeah he said me to get it that was everyone get back
it was just gone in the air yeah yeah yeah yeah you're yelling at 30 autistic
jews with backpacks like it's not that serious dude
I know.
Calm down.
No one cares.
It was.
It was, yeah.
I shouldn't have, this is.
If this is that same number.
Jesus Christ.
How did, how, uh, when did you come back then?
You were gone for a full week?
I came back with Shane on Monday.
Monday.
And Chris, Chris was there.
Yeah.
Wait, so, oh, was Monday just a travel day or were you guys,
because you guys had to have been.
Just travel.
Smoked after that.
Yeah.
That was brutal.
Then I landed and did kill Tony.
Oh, I don't know if I should say that.
That's fine.
Who gives a shit?
Did you guys have like a...
Do you know, he texted me.
I can't believe that.
And I was sleeping.
Yeah.
I slept like...
As soon as I got home after Shane's for like an hour,
I fell asleep.
And then Tony texted me, hey, do you want to do...
Kill Tony with Chris.
And I woke up to that.
It was like, the fuck.
Like the one time I have an opportunity.
Yeah.
To do it with somebody that's not on another planet.
I know.
It's like that's all I'm asking for.
Well, you, well, you went at it on the plane.
I, I, I died on the plane.
Well, because you knew what was happening.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If he texted me on the plane, I wouldn't have had seven fucking, yeah, I would have had
a million.
Tequila's, yeah.
Was there an after party?
Did you guys go to an after party after the roast, too?
Or was it just, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And sick.
That was, that was awesome.
Yeah.
I'm talking to like Seth Green for a while.
Oh, really?
Yeah, it was sick.
Did you put him on your lap?
He's like four eight.
Yeah.
He's taking shots for no reason.
I rushed to him and I were eye to eye.
You started doing the thing like in the mirror.
You're like one hand up and he's like a dog barking out himself in the mirror.
You start being that turtle in the cage trying to get away from him.
He had a show on Fox for like a season that I remember called.
You're surrounded by other people.
Greg the Bunny.
Did you ever see that?
He had a show called Greg.
the bony. I think it lasted like four episodes and then they pulled it.
Dudey, I feel like he's like one of those guys who's like almost secretly at this point had like a
massive. Oh yeah. He's like after he stopped kind of like being obviously in movies.
Oh, he's canceled, wasn't he? Was he? I don't think so. Let's Google it. Yeah, I think he diddle.
No, no, you can't. You gotta be right about. I don't know. No, he, no, he fucking started making like all the adult swim shit.
Yeah. He has like a million shit. Robot chicken. Yeah, robot chicken. So funny.
that show ruled
or it does rule
it still bothers me now that I see that Tom Brady
he's like an executive producer on everything
That's how it works man
It's money dude
That's how they make money
Good
Rich kid richard
Yeah yeah
You'll see a big name on every fucking show you see
Yeah
At the end just read the fucking credits
Yeah
When no one else does
Executive produced by Warren Sapp
No I thought he's kids
Yeah
Well good on him
Yeah
Shout out SG
Yeah
I think he's just
I think you just did it right.
Yeah, he did it away.
B'all!
Bing, bang, pow!
I just snapped you.
I defend you.
I defended your honor.
Yeah.
I defend you.
I didn't claim it.
I said, I thought.
I know.
And that joke was too good, too good to pass up.
You can say anything.
You can go, I heard somebody else say, and they go, I didn't claim it.
Yeah, yeah.
I just heard what I heard.
That's fine.
It is funny that that is how many people got canceled.
It feels like.
I haven't seen in a while.
Did he rape?
He touched somebody?
No, he's having a third child.
He's doing great.
He's still in real estate.
He's a creative force behind a lot of our favorite show.
He's a comedic genius, actually.
Oh, my man.
Yeah, he got out of the spotlight and continued to make great stuff and it's doing incredible.
He's wonderful to his wife.
He's a great father.
I was so happy, though, that everyone killed.
Shane fucking killed.
Shane fucking killed that road.
Destroyed.
Fucking Big Jay killed.
Killed.
Tony killed.
Davidson fucking killed.
I felt like that was the best that type of environment could be.
Cheryl Underwood.
I was so happy.
The fucking suicide jokes that she took.
And then got up and fucking destroyed.
I was like, as soon as she stood up, I was like, come.
on.
Oh,
come on,
make this like a good story.
Yeah.
Do well.
Do well.
They've been bullying you.
Oh, dude.
And then she put it all back in their face.
It was so fucking good.
So,
I genuinely was like cackling.
Yeah.
You know,
I,
I want to say something else,
but I'm not going to say it.
Does it,
so when you're watching it,
we were watching it live and after a while,
like,
it started to get,
does it get,
is it electric the whole time?
Yeah.
Because you know how like comedy shows
and have loles
naturally when it's like an hour and a half.
I mean, there were obvious lulls.
Yeah, but it's for the most part through the whole show being in the area, it felt like
you were definitely there.
I think there's like a little bit of like fucking maybe not being able to, you know,
because you're obviously like you're rooting for Shane so hard.
Yeah.
You know, so that's exciting.
And then like you said, when like people start, you know, are really taking shots,
Big Jay taking shots, fucking Tony taking shit.
Like, especially Tony was getting fucking hit with some stuff.
And then so then you're like on the edge of your seat wanting them to fucking kill.
Also the pace of the show.
Yeah.
It keeps you like.
Totally.
Active.
Yeah.
100%.
And it's like three and a half hours.
I had to piss at one point.
But like I watched half of Tony set in the green room.
Yeah.
Because I didn't want to miss the start.
And then like you had.
There's only so much you could sit around for, but like you're, it's, again, the pacing is so fast and there's a new personality.
There's a new comic.
There's a new.
So it stays fresh in the room for sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was so well done.
It was way, way, way more fun than I thought it would be.
100%.
I thought it was going to be corny corporate bullshit.
Yeah.
Dude, Usher?
I've never.
I almost, I juggled my phone trying to get it out.
I didn't.
I didn't take a photo of our best friend
on stage.
I saw usher.
I was like,
and then,
dude,
hearing Cat Williams voice
and then cat coming out
and the roots were fucking destroying.
I was like,
and what right did?
Shane put us right there.
Like we were right in the fucking...
I haven't had a chance to rewatch it,
but even the rock I thought...
The rock did great.
It was hilarious.
Drey tart.
Drey tart.
I couldn't believe you did that.
I know.
I guess you do a hundred movies.
It doesn't fucking matter anymore.
Dude.
Drey Tard was so funny.
And the rock just being like,
I'm fucked up.
Yeah,
dude.
It's so funny.
Dude,
it was so fun.
Yeah,
it was good.
Shout out chain for the greatest week
I've ever,
ever,
ever fucking
seen.
That was fucking unbelievable.
Yeah,
that was wild.
And how he handled himself?
Just being so well-rested,
doing all that shit.
I can't fucking imagine.
I have no idea
You know like athletes
He also did another show with Chappelle
Yeah
On Tuesday night
Wednesday night
Like after everything
Or like before
No it's like in within
Between between doing
Oh my god
And then the forum
Yeah
Or the fucking whatever it is
Tiening bank arena or whatever it is
No no the
The Hollywood Bowl
Then I think the next night
He did this show with
Chappelle
It was crazy
Yeah
It was in the fucking cool little, like, private room.
It was nuts.
Yeah, you're going to do six shows in Raleigh and feel like you want to kill yourself.
I know.
But that's all right.
It's good.
No, it's good.
I'm just saying, like, how tiring that is.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, not even.
Yeah, not even thinking about the jet lag or like, it's crazy.
Yeah, they had him like, like, a, you know, like, LeBron.
Have you ever seen, like, how LeBron James sleeps in his, like, chamber that's, like,
kept at, like, perfectly, like, 62 degrees for.
recovery.
You ever seen that?
No.
Like these athletes
would get like
high industrial
like room.
There's like sleep science
and they'll pay people
to like custom
that customize their rooms
for recovery.
They had that,
his jet has to have that
to be able to do that
nonstop.
He's got like a LeBron James
level of recovery.
That's his.
It's just like a case of butt lights.
I was mistaken.
He's just fully like.
LeBron James needs like
what the cryot tank does for LeBron.
Yeah.
Bud lights.
A hoagie.
from the local deli
and an hour and a half now
he don't need much
yeah that's a per athlete
he's more of an athlete
oh fuck
he's perfectly made Rubin
dude
oh fuck
62 degrees
oh man
I had to
I remember we went out one night
we were all out one night
and it was that night
that it was like me you Gardini
and his lady and we went
with Shane too
and we went out and we were watching football
do you remember this
Like it was like during the playoffs
You were just going to with the Kelly's?
Yes.
Yeah,
Yeah.
And I remember everybody,
I was like,
I was trying to keep up drinking with everybody,
which is a mistake because I don't drink at all.
And then it somehow ended up being it was like 2.30 and it was like last call.
And I'm like fucking.
I'm like hammered,
hammered.
And it was just me and Shane left.
And he gets an Uber for us.
He gets an Uber for him and me.
It was really nice.
And then I remember I was like so fucked up.
I looked at him.
I was like,
what are you doing tomorrow?
You want to do this again?
And he went, no.
and I had anxiety about it for like months.
I was like, of course not.
What the fuck?
They'd be like if you saw a Kanye again and we're like,
yeah,
great hanging last night,
you want to do it again?
Can I send you some ideas?
Of course.
Yeah, it's like, of course not.
I don't want to see you again.
I'm catching a second win.
He's like,
he looked at me laughing and was like,
no.
I was like, yeah.
The fuck it was that.
thinking, dude.
It's insane.
That's also, yeah.
That's one of my biggest anxiety.
I'll do that a lot.
I always think that, like, in comedy,
if there's anything that's ever going to be a thing that's like my downfall,
it's going to be my mouth.
Because little things like that,
you'll be fine.
Little things like that always fuck with me.
I have like, I walk with my mouth so you can run.
Just like you need proof, you'll be all right.
You're just little things like that.
I mean, it's just like, I cause myself months of panic from me.
Because I'm just like
Because that's not the first time
Stuff like that's happening
You know when I say stuff
I go what the fuck was I thinking
Chris and I went to a
Don't Tell party
So yeah
A private party
That's where we're hanging out
With Donahue and
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah
Costa and the boys
The hate watch fellas
And I saw an old producer
From Comedy Central
That was in charge of
Delco proper
Oh god dude
That's like Manchester
By the sea
When she sees
Oh the parish
I was a motherfucker to you I shouldn't have said
I'm a real piece of shit
I deserve to rot in help what I said to you
I have stinks
I got a new kid
You're Casey out flag being like it's fine
Cut to you like later
Drinking you're like I can't beat it
She's got a new show in a carriage
It should have been yours
Grab the gun
Drive fire
I can stop by all my boys
I'll do it talk to it
I'm doing it.
But I woke up the next thing.
Tommy by the sea.
Tommy by the sea.
I woke up the next day thinking about like,
I grabbed her face like that scene in Godfather and I kissed her.
Almost like I knew it was you.
I knew it was you that ruined the show.
It was good to see you though.
That's so funny.
Yeah.
But yeah.
That's going to happen all the time.
Just saying things and they're just, yeah, we're like,
it doesn't,
I mean,
it doesn't matter.
Bombing in conversation is more brutal than bombing on stage.
100%.
Because you'll say something and everybody just looks at you and you go.
Yeah.
They just hear it ruminating in your fucking skull.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, fuck.
We were in an elevator.
And you just imagine them calling the head of comedy.
Yeah.
They call Cosby to South.
You wouldn't believe what this guy said.
Yeah.
Yeah. I guess I need a new manager.
You know that new sound we've been looking for?
Yeah.
It's really bombing, bombing on a compliment.
Brutal.
That's the plane going down after.
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There you go.
Now back to the episode.
Reminds me of a, you know.
Alex Grubarb's joke.
You know, the Irish goodbye.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's the best.
It's the best.
The Irish goodbye is, you know, when you don't tell anybody,
you just fucking skeddattle.
He goes, I like to do something where I say goodbye to everybody.
Hey, shake their hand.
And then I stay.
Yeah.
It's the Jewish goodbye.
That's really funny.
I say goodbye to every single person at the party,
and then I stay.
The rudest thing you can do to anyone.
It's like, I want to leave, but I got nowhere to go.
I always remember that.
It's so funny.
It's so on brand.
Yeah, I Jewish goodbye many times every weekend.
This whole week.
This whole week was it, Jew goodbye.
Well, because it would be the thing
where you're like, you're like, all right, let's call it.
And then you'd be walking out and like a new friend would walk in.
Yeah, you see somebody from fucking Montana.
Where are you going?
Where are you leaving?
Yeah.
I'll do another one.
I didn't even know about it.
Let's do one more.
Yeah.
Yeah, I should have held like a parachute pack on my, my pack.
And then you have to walk back into the room with all the people you said goodbye to you
with a fresh beer.
There he is.
We have to.
act like we didn't hang out.
Because hey!
Yeah.
What's going on, guys?
I think you weren't leaving.
And the worst part is you're doing all of the excuses when you're saying goodbye the first time.
Like, no, I got to get up early.
Yeah, I got to get up early.
Yeah, there's things.
And it's, I've been going, it's been a week.
I mean, come on.
Just walk right back in, beer and a shot.
I guess tomorrow's fucked.
Golly.
What a fucking time.
Yeah, it was great.
What a time to be a lot.
life, boys.
Yeah.
So are you, did you,
well then you were on
Kill Tony,
ready to come kill Tony.
Then did you get fucked up that night too?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
You were at,
you were gone.
I was like,
fucking respond.
I think,
yeah,
the group's just,
I'm like,
fucking wasted.
I'm like,
are we doing this pod?
I did.
The text you sent was so,
I didn't know
if it was inside baseball
that I didn't.
gang because it's to the group chat and I looked at it and I was like I don't it was inside
chris's piece of my I was like I don't get this reference I'm not gonna reply yeah like woke
me up I remember neat neat and I looked and I was like oh no it's just you your phone buzzes
in the middle of the night I keep it yeah I don't know what it's a weird thing that I've had
I can't not have it that's nuts he's a good producer I'm a good well it's more yeah I've been my
anxiety doesn't let me I've missed things before it was I think it's from the military I mean
the amount, if you wake up late in the military,
like, if it's like supposed to be like 5 a.m.
call time and it's like six and you wake up,
I mean, the panic is insane.
Wait, how has that even happened?
Isn't there like a bell that goes off
and you all get out of your bunks?
Not when you're like at in like the unit.
That's just movie talk.
Well, when you're like at certain points in your career,
yeah, when you're young, you know, boot camp,
they walk in and they go,
da da da da da da da da da da da.
Oh, they actually do the trumpet.
Well, it's like played through a speaker.
But yeah.
And then like, journal, sectors come in,
picking trash cans.
Like, light, light, light,
that fuck.
It's not like it used to be
where they just had a dude come out
It would be funny
You have a little Mexican in there
Doing it
Yeah
You can't show up with your tank
Late
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
Just everyone like
Isn't that tank
Is that tank
Our tanker Irish
Goodbye last thing
Yeah
Yeah
My bad guys
Yeah
Yeah we've been
We've been Jewish
Helloing
In Iraq for too long
We just still are there
being like, all right, see ya.
Scyke.
We're back, boys.
We've been Jewelow in Palestine.
We are.
It is funny because, you know what's funny.
I do a joke about it, but it is funny.
You have to get...
I think you've had enough.
No.
You're cut off and you go, oh, I'm cut off.
Now I've got my boys coming.
Two more times.
They got two more slept in.
Trying to race.
You do have to get, what I always thought,
is funny too. You have to get a license to drive your tank, which I always thought was funny.
Like they make you get like a certified driver's license. You have to do like a course and everything.
Not the DMV, but like you did. It's just like a funny thing to me. They'd be like, I don't have my license on me right now.
I didn't you're in a tank. They like make you carry it. Yeah, they like make you carry it. You know you're going five miles per hour.
Yeah. I always thought that was. That is very silly. It's very silly. It's very.
silly. And they don't have keys. I talk
about that too, but they don't have keys, which I also think
is funny. Push start. Push start. That's why
a guy stole one in San Diego. Do you ever see that?
No. There's like a guy who like went on to base
and he stole a fucking tank. There's like videos of it in San Diego in the 90s.
And they like drove, he like drove it towards San Diego. I think he was on
Camp Pendleton and stole it. But dude, he like made it onto the highway and it was like
news coverage and it was crazy because everybody's like there's a
fucking tank. And then they and then
they didn't have like ammo or anything for it but like he didn't have rounds or whatever
but they the way they stopped it is a guy that was in uh the guy that was like in the reserves or
something that cop saw it and was like okay well he clearly just took it from that base there's
definitely like no ammo no way this guy is a license
yeah yeah yeah that's the issue they go he's definitely but they because he's just like
driving and causing
having.
Yeah, yeah,
it's expired.
You haven't updated
your tags in two years.
But the guy just,
the guy that was a reservist cop
or whatever,
a cop that was a reservist
in the Marines or whatever,
he knew that the guy
definitely didn't have like weapons
if he just took it.
Yeah, yeah.
So he just like opened the hatch
and shot the guy in the head.
And there's a video of all of it.
Really?
Yeah, you can watch the news report.
Did you ever see that Tommy ever?
Why?
The guy that stole a tank in San Diego
and just drove it into the city.
Incredible.
It's insane.
Also, he built...
Oh, that's a different guy.
That's the guy who like re-cavick in Denver.
He built his own...
Yeah.
He cemented himself into like a...
Indestructible fucking homemade tank.
He made his own...
You've never seen this, Chris?
I don't think so.
Kill dozer, dude.
I feel like you'd be a pig killdozer guy.
A pig killdozer?
A big bag.
I would be.
I like building...
They kept like passing legislation to like,
fucked over his business.
Yeah.
So then he was just like, it was like a small town politics shit.
So he started wrecking everything.
Dude, he just had like enough and he took like a dump truck that has like the big
scoop thing.
Like you know like a snowplow thing.
Yeah.
And he cemented himself in it and like put like a rifle through the cement and everything.
Did they kill him inside or he killed himself?
Yeah.
But he just like drove through downtown and like ripped apart of downtown like a small city.
Yeah.
He just destroyed.
Fucking destroyed everything.
It was beautiful.
Beautiful.
Good for good for.
Good for KD.
Just getting to the end of that run.
He had enough.
I guess I'm cemented in here.
That's how I felt like that.
Just cement myself in the bedroom.
Yeah.
And then kill those everything the next day.
Yeah.
That's almost you get another hotel room just to do that.
Yeah.
Golly.
Just to not.
Yeah.
Just to recover.
I was snoring so bad.
I had to get a separate hotel room so my girl could sleep.
Really?
Yeah.
that's fucking crazy
I know I spent too much money
you get a little
gotta get some of those nasal strips
that ain't gonna work on this hog
yeah true
you got a lot to grab onto
you see in the sideways
could really pinch it up
it's crazy
do you have a deviated septum
no
calm down
I didn't
first of all every guy
has every
you gotta relax bro
every real man has a deviated
except yeah every single one
if you haven't hit your nose
on stairs or eight balls
yeah
if one's not collapsed because the
fucking the cartilage is
eating itself alive
you broke your nose yeah
yeah yeah you broke your nose
yeah of course every kid
every boy kid breaks their nose
yeah I got my nose the whole reason
noses became a thing
broken with a bud light bottle
yeah
you know what's how I got
Correct.
Yeah.
Either like a bumper for your face, your brain.
Yeah.
It's a turtle.
You go like guerrillas and stuff.
They don't have like a bridge.
Yeah.
This is for human boys.
Yeah.
It's also like a personality identifier, you know?
Not just the size.
No, just like what's going on?
Yeah.
What's going on what you knows?
Yeah.
You know, he's got a couple dents in it.
It's got a couple scars.
I go, this guy said, I like this guy.
Yeah, yeah.
You know?
If it looks like a windy road, I know that boy's been through some
shit.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't like to,
I don't like flat,
flat and bent,
though.
I steer clear
of those guys.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
It's a cauliflower
of your ear.
Yeah, yeah.
If you got your whole
face mushed.
Yeah.
No good.
Yeah.
You take a thing
to the ridge.
Yeah.
I don't like a small
dainty nose
on a woman.
All these,
all these.
No.
Like a button nose?
All these social whores
are trying to get
like these,
you like Dave rhinoploplasty
to get a small little
dollhouse nose.
Yeah.
It's like a,
yeah.
Give me a fucking Persian.
Cut that.
Just almost made it.
48 minutes.
Yeah, you need...
Almost made it.
Almost made it.
It also is weird if you get that kind of crazy nose work done,
and then you have a kid with a crazy nose.
Oh, you ever seen that?
I don't think it's real, but there's like...
Kids got to be like, what the fuck is this that I got?
There's a...
And then you can't be like, no, it's good, because it's like,
well, you can't fucking.
chopped ears off.
Yeah.
So I got to live with this?
When do I get my nose done?
Yeah.
It's insane what you did to me.
Parents with, without generational wealth that have children and they're all done up,
like both the man and the woman.
There's this photo of this, I think they're Chinese.
It's a high-end Asian family with a lot of money and both the mother and father,
like beautifully well-constructed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But their kids are.
You're hideous pig.
Where the wild things are?
Yeah.
The kids are.
Yeah.
They look like...
That's crazy.
But it's like it's an iconic photo and I think it's real.
I don't know if it's real, but...
I hope it is.
I hope it is.
Yeah, it's just like two beautiful adults and then three...
Yeah, where the wild things are.
In like a family photo.
He spent all that money and then...
monstrous.
And it's just three monsters.
Absolute monsters.
It sucks so bad if the business goes under right before they turn like 18 or whatever.
Exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
Now I'm stuck with...
They're not going to have...
I've got to look at these ugly fucks.
Yeah.
Oh.
Having a trust fund for your nose is so funny.
Yeah, they should.
Yeah.
Putting money away for college tuition and your nose job.
We're going to have to change everything about your face.
They say that the most...
I don't know if this is still the case, but when I was in college,
they were saying that the most...
The plastic surgery that men get the most are calf implants.
It's so insane.
Like men want their calves to look.
That's so insane.
Masculine.
I got nice guys.
It's so weird.
Also, just do calf lifts.
Calf raises.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Or just live with your calves.
Yeah.
They're pants.
Yeah.
They're just tit implants from men.
And if you look at like nasty, like even a bunch of like,
live with your kids.
There's a bunch of NBA guys.
There's a bunch of NBA and NFL guys that have like,
like weird tiny calves and they're like fucking crazy fast yeah like yeah yeah some guys have that
tiny little just like tight high calf yeah that shit scares me on a athletic field yeah just a little
ball bearing yeah yeah it looks like it's like yeah it looks like it's like yeah it's just
concentrated yeah it is weird like uh it's just all shin and then two it looks like a cock
which it's a head of a penis
Maybe I'm misremembering.
Wait, what do we talk about?
Tastes like cum.
That's one of the funniest things about like Shane and his whole career.
So you meet these athletes and you see him in person.
You're like, how?
I watch you on Sports Center almost every fucking week in a top five.
top 10, you know.
How are you, you look like, I walked by you 10 times with that, you know, being scared
or, you know, just like seeing these running backs and you're like, oh my God, you don't,
you're not menacing to me right now.
But something about you is so crazy athletic.
It's so impressive to see a regular size man.
Good stylist, too.
What?
Good stylist.
Sometimes they've been put in clothes.
so that they don't look like monsters.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then so you're like, wow, this guy
kind of looks like he's just like a regular guy.
Yeah.
It's like, no, now, it took us forever to find that jacket.
Yeah, cut that shirt off.
Yeah, yeah.
You'll have a different opinion.
You'll be terrified.
Yeah.
That's funny.
Josh Wolf reached out to me saying he wants to do another podcast
where we just go through all the pictures of these guys
talking shit on me.
That's very funny.
And he's talking like June, July.
And he's still been sent.
I got like 10.
or 12.
Any public ones that are like really funny,
call me soft or pussy or fat.
Dude.
Or gay.
We could do that.
Just all.
Oh, dude.
We could do that.
I could cast.
I could get you guys in the bottom left corner of the podcast and then you just go
on my computer and then like look at their Instagram profiles.
Yeah.
That'd be really.
100%.
And I also want to do the women too.
The women talking shit.
Oh,
they're ladies in there as well?
Yeah,
there's a bunch of dumb horse talking shit.
What are they saying?
It's the same thing.
Like what?
It's called me fat soft.
gay, lazy.
Yeah, but
they might just be flirting,
Tommy.
I love it as an idea
but that is
that you're raising
an army of undead
and we tell you something.
That's like
it's literally like
you know,
there's internet
like white walkers
literally like standing up.
I will kill those them.
There's too many.
The English,
there's too many.
Yeah.
it's literally too bad
you run out of bullets
it won't be
that's the point
it's going to be a whole series
and then you just get swallowed
you got to save one for yourself
they do that in flag polls
did you know that
in flagpoles there's a match and a bullet
I'm fat
they were all right
I'm not fat,
you're fat.
They do that in flag pulls.
Have you ever heard that?
The top of the flag pulls,
they put like a round in a match
so you can burn the flag down
and kill yourself?
No.
I think so, right?
Isn't that,
isn't that there?
There's not like a thing I read.
That is one of the coolest things
I've ever heard.
If that's true.
One second.
Let me make sure I'm,
uh,
what's in the top part of a flag pole?
What's in the?
That rules.
Wait,
the heat is enough to,
send the projectile out of a bullet casing?
It's called a finale, yeah.
Oh, no, the bullets for your gun and then you light the flag on fire.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just with a bullet and a match.
The match keeps firm and you can't get it.
Come on, quo, quah, wow.
Oh, okay, apparently that's a rumor.
Apparently it's a rumor.
It's a popular myth that suggests they contain a razor blade, a match, and a bullet.
It's, but that was apparently from Gettysburg flagworld.com.
So that's a rumor.
Yeah, yeah.
Damn, I thought that was true.
I thought that was like really cool.
It's such a cool story.
Cut it.
We'll leave it.
Cut the correction.
It would be cool, but I mean, obviously, if you think about it, it is logistically.
If anything, I would cut the elevator story.
Climbing a flagpole.
Yeah, I was thinking of that, too.
Yeah.
climbing a flagpole
and not getting shot on the way up
yeah it doesn't make any sense
yeah yeah thinking about it
just trying to like hold there
one second guys let me load this bullet
give me a minute
give me a minute
could also just
bring the flag down
you just keep the bullets at the bottom
there's a thousand ways
to do this better yeah
yeah
but very cool idea
I like it as a rumor.
I like it.
Yeah.
We should spread it.
Just spread it anyways.
Just tell that to people next time.
We should do Gettysburg tours.
That would be sick.
You know.
Gettysburg's awesome.
Are you believe in ghosts, Tommy?
I believe in spirits.
Do you believe in ghosts, guys?
No.
I'm just scared to go.
I think it's haunted.
He's spooky.
He's haunted with old confederates?
Gettysburgs, yeah.
It's kind of sick, though.
That's kind of.
They're the bull.
That's a pack of ghosts.
You really want to...
Have you ever seen a ghost?
No, but that's the whole point.
Yeah, they're not around.
Yeah, but they could still exist just because you haven't seen them.
I've never seen Christian McCaffrey in real life.
I know he exists.
Come on.
You guys are talking about Christian.
I love that boy.
Dude, again, if I saw a ghost, I would be like, what the fuck?
You should be a ghost hunting show.
Yeah.
my guess
I would never
I would never find them
What have you became a believer
scary buildings
I get you going
Yeah
Nothing again
Yeah
That's the name of the show
Nothing again
Question marks
Oh hell no
Yeah yeah
I'd just be bopping around
And they're like whoa
Scary noises
Clink clink clink
It's like all right
Show yourself
Tell you what
The Appalachian Mountains
Gets those videos
of the Appalachian Mountains
there's just like random dudes
camping or hunting
and the fucking sounds
that's scary
that's scary
that's truly scary
I'm not scared to sleep
in some fucking
you know
Victorian home in the middle
of fucking nowhere
you know
I'll hunk shoes
through that whole fucking place
dude I don't give a shit
you get blacked out
enough ghosts won't fuck with you
I mean
they can if I'm past down
if I drink a bottle of mescal
ghost ain't gonna bother me
True. They can't wake me up. True. Who gives you shit?
Can't fight me. It's so funny to have that reaction. It's all psychological.
I'd love to see a scary movie where a guy just gets hammered.
Yeah.
Is that a ghost?
Yeah. She keeps taking shots.
Yeah. If you met my dad, brothers and best friends, like, you're not going to psychologically murder me the way they do.
They're living.
You don't think it's...
No ghost is going to scare me.
You guys are wrong.
It's the unknown behind it. That's what makes a ghost scary.
If they're real, it's the unknown.
Because it's like, what does this mean?
But they're being unreasonable to not show up.
It's like all the ghosts in the world, not one of them is like, look, I'm just trying to not be a ghost anymore.
Can you help?
Yeah.
Or whatever their thing is.
It's like you cancel the podcast yesterday.
You're being unreasonable, not to show up.
What are you going to ghost me?
It's like, what are we doing?
Yeah, there'd be one ghost whistle.
blower by now.
Yeah, or they're just, yeah, they're going to be like,
just whatever you guys need,
we can help.
Oh, so that's, this is, back to
Quantum Leap. You go and you find, you help
each ghost return to
whatever it needs. Sometimes, or you just
not help them. They could go, I need you to do this.
And you go, I got, you got a whole life.
I'm living here. You don't have to rub it in, Chris.
Yeah, yeah. I got a whole life.
There's a billion. It must be nice.
A billion people in the world.
You're going to fucking.
Billions and billions of people.
You can go anywhere to ask anyone.
There's unemployment's going up.
Goes to like homeless people in Austin.
Yeah, there's a lot of people, yeah.
There's a lot of people that need something to do.
Can you spare a seance?
Yeah, yeah.
And you go, I can't leave the house.
I'll have them come over.
I'll call somebody.
Oh, God.
It's like, what are you doing?
I got to go.
You're going to dig up this job above.
What's going to be under there?
My old locket.
It's going to be hard to find.
Yeah, probably all rusted and everything.
That's why you stuck around?
Lock it?
Get a grip, dude.
All right.
Yeah.
Thanks for listening.
Nice soft ending.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to be in Raleigh, North Carolina.
22nd through the 24th
and then I'm going to be in
Detroit
oh boy end of May
two cities I'd rather be a ghost in
might turn me
into a ghost
I'm sorry
head to the Patreon
patreon.com slash stuff
Ireland for another hour
and also check out look at this
ghost talk yeah
