Stuff Island - Kim Congdon + Tim Butterly - Stuff Island #180
Episode Date: April 17, 2025Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a bla...st, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/STUFFISLAND BETTER HELP! Visit https://betterhelp.com/stuffisland and get 10% off your first month right from the comfort of your own home Get $10.00 off a new pair of boots RISK free from https://www.bruntworkwear.com using promo code "STUFFISLAND" Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
And they all went, what are you doing?
Their eye drops, but they have like menthol in them.
So they, yeah, come on, dude.
Everyone's doing it.
It feels good.
Yeah.
Paul Assure did it and then sent dick pics to Tim.
It made me gay, bro.
Dude.
He was on one.
He was behind the bar just like, almost sleeping.
I've never seen a comic go behind the bar.
That's a big no-no.
At which bar?
It's illegal by the way.
Oh, at the bar named after his mother?
I think that's the bar to go behind.
Yeah, true, I guess he could do whatever he wants.
Yeah, my bar's named after my mom.
I'm going behind it.
Mommy said I can.
This is for you.
I go every time I go, this is for you, bitch. I like how your mouth changes when you slap that thing in. You know what, I gotta take it out said I can Every time I go this is for you bitch, I like how your mouth changes when you when you slap that
No, I like you know it's giving you a little bit of razor Ramone. Yeah, I kind of a lisp with it
Yeah, it's working. Don't worry
Guys are mocking me or not
You know it brings in all the other
Gold accents in your this is the girl version of like cool guy toothpick I think is what it's giving you.
Fuck yeah dude.
Which is one of those uh they're dipped in uh.
The nicotine toothpicks?
Menthol no it's got that like hippie oil.
Uh I don't know what you're talking about.
The tea tree.
The tea tree oil.
Those are good.
I go raw.
When they try and stop smoking they need a oral fixation so you just sip on a little tea tree. The tea tree oil. Those are good. I go raw. When they try and stop smoking, they need an oral fixation.
So you just sip on a little tea tree stick.
Isn't that crazy that you need a binky to quit smoking?
You gotta be reborn as a baby and start your life over.
Yeah, and if you don't smoke, you go behind your mother's bar.
Like, yeah.
Dude, 100%.
100%.
I'm saying we're all coping.
Yeah, I was just saying my dad's been going behind my mother's back.
Oh, no.
We thought he stopped smoking. Oh, I thought that saying my dad's been going behind my mother's back. Yeah We thought he stopped smoking and he just thought that was gonna be worse
Dad's been stepping out of my mother to smoke I wish it probably would help his pancreas
But no he found like a whole stash of butts when I was just there before surgery.
It still sounds sexual.
It hasn't gotten better.
Yeah, a tip of a dart fell into a trash can and my brother Steve was like trying to get
it out.
Then we saw a bottle of Jameson and a fucking pile of cigarette butts.
Whoa, that sounds so fun.
The day before, he's getting his fucking kidney removed at 77 because of cancer and I'm like this dude won't fucking chill. He's got no chill
He's 77
Has he always smoked and drank yeah, yeah dude, he's good
So we thought he stopped smoking like eight ten years ago because now he has like a va Yeah. Yeah, dude, he's good. We thought he stopped smoking like eight, 10 years ago
cause now he has like a vape.
That's when the Superman cape come off.
Your dad's on the Blackberry B-Pop.
Whoa.
Miami Mint.
Miami Mint.
My dad's in Miami Mint.
No, but it's clear and evident that the guy's still.
Kidney Key Lime.
He's just smoking the organs he needs.
You still get it done. Yeah.
Pancreas, peach, liver, lemon, dude.
Let's go.
Dude.
White blood cell ice.
Yeah.
RIP dad.
Cancer cantaloupe.
They should name him after everything that could go wrong.
Yeah.
When you smoke them.
Fuck, dude.
Yeah, he's fine.
Apparently CT scans are all right.
Blood levels are okay.
They remove a kidney.
They took his whole fucking kidney.
Did they give him a new one?
No, he's 77.
You can't waste a kidney on a 77 year old.
That would be wasted.
Yeah, but then grab a Lamborghini engine and afford, dude.
You can lend it to them.
Right, we'll take it right back out.
You know how they put like the thing, when you put batteries in something, there's a little ribbon under so you can pop it out.
The battery ribbon under the kidney.
A loner pancreas.
That's very funny.
It'll be good, don't worry.
No, there's a ton of fucking kids that need that shit
Yeah Yeah, it's gotta be I don't know. I can't come up with a fucking no idea
Hundreds of thousands of kidney replacements each year for children
Yeah, would you just take it from another 77 year old that died with a good one that died from a bad heart
at all
Another old dick that doesn't work?
Yeah, you're right.
It's just a fucking, what's the point?
Would you give your daddy a kidney
if you were a match and they said we can do it?
No, because I saw the bottom of that trash can.
I'm like, you're just gonna waste it anyway.
Why the fuck I'm gonna take it?
You're gonna waste my kidney, dude.
Plus, I just saw my future.
Me hide booze, put me on my girls back.
You're gonna need that kidney.
Yeah, a pile of old vapes.
A bottle of mezcal.
I mean, a couple paper towels in my fucking man cave.
That's funny.
Plus, Dad, I need that dart tip back
if you stumble upon it.
Oh, dude.
So years ago, I wanted to tell him,
but I was afraid I didn't want to scare him
before the surgery.
I'll tell him afterwards.
But years ago, when I moved to college,
I would come up and try and help him with his lawn,
because he got like an acre of lawn and he was still working.
And I was like, dad, I can't find the extension cord
for the weed wacker.
He's like, it's in the garage.
What the fuck you bothering me for?
Call him at work.
And I was like, hey, I called him back and I was like,
I can't find the extension cord.
He goes, it's in the garage, go straight to the left,
you fucking idiot.
It's right in between these other bags and in the bag.
Three broken rakes on the left.
Dude, the amount of weed in this fucking bag.
Ooh, he's cool as hell.
I called him back a third time, I was like,
I found the extension cord.
And he goes, well, good, what are you bothering me for?
And I was like, no, no, no, no.
You know, the extension cord that mom doesn't wanna see
and he goes, all right.
Look, what do you want?
No, no, no.
You want those sneakers, dude?
You want those sneakers?
I never got you named.
You ever had your dick sucked?
It feels really good, dude.
Here, I'll take out my retainer, dude.
I'll blow you right now.
And then he's doing the same shit where I have to warn him,
like hey, it's not a really good hiding spot.
So I'm gonna have to tell him, like a couple paper towels
over a batch of fucking booze and a pile of cigarette butts.
Your mom sucks at finding things.
She sucks at finding things.
That's brutal.
Maybe she just doesn't wanna see.
She's playing hot and cold with it.
She knows.
Warmer.
He used to grow weed.
Smell. Yeah. Warmer. Warmer. He used to grow weed. Smell.
Yeah.
Smell.
He used to grow weed along the edge line of our trees.
And he said this one plant just got out of control.
Because I was like, are you selling?
This is way too much weed for one individual.
Daddy, we can flip this.
And he goes, no, no, no.
And then he moved the weed plant because my mother has bad hips and shit.
So she doesn't walk down the undulated the lawn undulated the undulation
You know, he's saying there's levels to his
That's like whatever he is way of saying like there's levels
My lawns is not one lawn. There's other line
And then he just started growing the weed next to the tomato plants in the center of the fucking lawn.
So it's now it's within eye shot. The bitch doesn't have to go on an Easter egg hunt.
She just has to open her eyes and look in the center of the lawn. Still couldn't figure it out.
She's high as fuck because she's eating it in her soup.
She's probably just micro dosing her.
She's snipping it and putting in her fucking muffins in the morning, dude.
She thinks it's parsley.
You want a push grilled cheese and soup? She's snipping it and putting in her fucking muffins in the morning, dude. She thinks it's parsley.
You want a push grilled cheese and soup?
That's why she makes it to the garden.
She can't even feel her hip anymore.
She's high.
My grandma just started smoking weed at 89.
She has dementia and it's the only thing
that has made her happy.
That's great.
Is it helping at all with like the, I don't know.
Well, she went from like just kind of looking angry
and mumbling nonsense for like nine hours a day
without taking a, everyone was like,
dude, you gotta breathe.
Like she just wouldn't.
And now she's like laughing
and she thinks she's dating like young black men
that are sneaking in and fingering her at night.
Damn, Puerto Ricans are fucking all the way to the end. In her defense, my grandfather was a young black man that snuck in and fingering her at night. Damn Puerto Ricans are fucking all the way to the end.
In her defense, my grandfather was a young black man that snuck in and fingered her at night.
Let's go.
So this grill didn't come from nowhere.
Passed down?
Yeah.
This is my grandfather's grill.
It came out of his mouth, dude.
The orderlies, you know how they put on like old jazz for black guys?
They put her on the civvy and be like, she remembers.
So funny.
Oh my God. black guys, they put her on the city and be like, she remembers. So funny.
Oh my God.
Yeah, it is fucked up.
All of her parents were like lead poisoned by gasoline
and now they're retarded.
Yeah.
All of her parents are fully retarded now.
My dad was just snorting asbestos his whole fucking life.
Putting up drywall in the fucking worst places in Philly.
Black neighborhoods.
Yeah.
What do you do for work?
Construction?
He ran a warehouse that supplied all the unions.
Nice.
Yeah.
Sick.
Yeah.
Was he like a shop guy?
No, he was the head of the warehouse for Harry F. Ortlund.
For Jack Daniels.
Yeah.
He's a drunk dude.
That's so funny.
It was just a fucking booze warehouse.
His wife had no idea. Your mom was like, it's just some warehouse. I's so funny. It was just a fucking booze warehouse. You just told him that. You and his wife had no idea.
Your mom was like, it's just some warehouse.
I haven't checked, my hip hurts.
He's a hard worker, we let him do what he wants.
That's why he's coming home putting coffee cups
on the top of the fucking car and then forget it's on there.
Now eat your parsley grilled cheese and shut up.
How did your grandmom, was this like doctor recommended?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's medical.
So it's a real hard shit.
Oh yeah.
So she went from zero to a thousand.
And she's getting high and she just laughs all day now
and has like fun delusions of getting fucked.
Imagine being able to smoke weed
and not remember all of the things you hate about yourself.
Yeah, I know.
That's gotta feel the best.
You know what's really crazy is that my entire life,
my grandma and grandpa were already separated
when I was younger, but they would be like at every party
They would just never talk. It wasn't like they hated each other. They just kind of didn't talk
Yeah for years my grandpa died probably six years ago
And then she got dementia probably four years ago, and they never ever spoke nobody ever saw him even
Look at each other and as soon as she got dementia
She started pulling out all the love notes
that she's been keeping in her pockets for.
She had like a month of like this weird confession clarity
where she was like, I've always loved him.
It's been the most painful thing in my life.
And then lost her mind and then doesn't remember.
What a blessing.
Whoa.
And that would keep a note.
She had a handwritten note from the first flowers he got her.
Oh my God.
When they met at a court, like at a deli in New York.
Oh my God.
When they were in team.
Isn't that so sad to think how much of your childhood
you spend around your grandparents
and you're just like, man, they're really harshing the vibe.
Meanwhile, they're carrying around like unimaginable heartaches.
Oh my God, dude, they hurt too.
Although it would be funny if your dad wrote a note,
put it in her pocket while she was out of her fucking skull.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
He loves blow jobs, regardless.
Always getting blow jobs right after soup.
Dude.
Ha ha ha ha.
He's just pushing his soft dick in her mouth.
Oh my god.
She can't breathe.
Dude, dude.
You'd love this.
Doing memento to your mento wife just
to get her to suck you off more.
She wakes up, she's reading all these notes.
I'm like, I liked it in the ass.
All of these years, I liked it in the ass.
That's my Charlie.
That's his name.
That's his name.
Are you fucking kidding?
I swear on my life.
That's his name.
Your papa's name's up on stage, Charlie?
Yeah, Charlie.
That fucking rules.
That's crazy.
You tapped into something.
He loved anal so much he came through in this room to have you say his name.
They called him Chuck the Buck.
That's my boyfriend's nickname, enough!
That's my boyfriend's nickname, enough! That's crazy. Yeah, dude, no, my grandpa was for real a player.
He was like a really good looking guy
and had like a lot of girlfriends.
And yeah, now we're gonna go see her next week
for her 90th birthday.
And I bought a baby doll, cause she can't remember.
And I keep thinking of this bit of me,
cause she's never met my boyfriend.
Oh, she has once, but she don't remember. But of yeah showing up with my boyfriend giving her the baby and being like we can't take
care of it anymore
Yeah, you know what I meant?
I get her a black guy of one of those.
Now he doesn't have to sneak in.
Yeah. Get a turnout one more time.
How was your day guys?
Pretty chill.
Examining the real estate market in Austin.
That's exciting.
So fast paced.
Impure eating.
Yeah. Sucks. Are you going in person to all these places?
Yeah. We went into in person to a bunch of places today and it was mostly fine,
but it's just like Realtor is a nice lady. Uh,
it's just like I'm paralyzed with like, uh, decisions. Cause it's like,
I have to make one decision that's going to massively impact three children
and my wife who's completely dependent on me for everything.
She's physically able obviously and mentally sound.
But like yeah.
But she's a woman.
But she's a woman.
I got two dogs, you got four kids.
She would also count me as one of the three kids,
you know, four kids as well, you know what I mean?
But yeah, we have to make one decision.
Yeah, you're a kid, I'm a child.
Has a massive impact.
Yeah.
And it's making me fucking crazy.
Look, he's disassociating when you brought up kids and family.
He's like, anyways.
Full body sweat.
I'm a hot as fuck right now.
Are you really? You want to turn on the ceiling fan?
I don't see, I think that might fucking end up.
I don't know if they shut the air off.
Would you like to be fanned?
You want me to fan you with a towel or a shirt?
No, just run hot. I walked like seven miles today.
Where'd you go?
Just around town.
Just the loop?
Yeah, a big loop.
How long is that walk?
Well, it was three separate walks.
The first one was 3.1.
Did a 5K with my pup, tie her out
so I can throw in a cage to do this shit with you animals.
And then, you know, you do that a couple times a day.
She's very active.
She's not an 80 year old fucking pothead.
What kind of dog is it?
She's a pocket pit and...
Who fucks that?
A little pit bull.
It's a little pit bull.
And then...
It's a miniature pit bull and then...
It sounds like something you fuck.
We don't know yet.
It's a real dog.
And then we don't know what the second...
The father is, because he's like our father,
so our grandfather is a real fucking pig.
And the mother, did you guys notice,
I said this on the pod before,
but I didn't know a litter can have different breeds.
Oh, breeds?
Total breeds.
So the woman could get knocked up by different breeds.
So you could spit out like too many pits full,
half a German shepherd.
You can find out if your dog's a real slut.
Yeah. Her mom was a whore. You can find out if your dog's a real slut. Yeah.
Wait, her mom was a whore.
It can get pregnant twice.
No, at the same time, the same litter.
The same litter.
If you have six puppies, it could have different.
Just the cum can impregnate a bunch of different cum can be.
That's what I'm wondering.
Was it multiple dogs?
Oh, yeah, multiple dogs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's insane.
That's disgusting.
It's like a woman having a black kid and a white kid.
At the same time. I hate that's insane. That's just like a woman having a black kid and a white kid at the same time. I hate that even more
Yes brutal, yeah, I'm best friends with Paulie Shore now, by the way, I'm gonna brag about that
Guys is Paulie Shore trying to fuck me
Who knows man?
I'm just an naive little 40 year old man dude.
He's trying to take advantage of me.
Tell him to take you fucking real estate shopping.
I just stay at my place.
He would be a fucking dynamite realtor dude.
That should be his next reality show.
He should buy this.
Yeah totally buy this. You should buy this. Yeah, totally buy this. That's it.
You should buy this.
Can you help me button my pants?
Did you narrow one down?
We got one that would be, we would be fine with it,
but we wanna be knocked out.
See, don't I feel like that's not the one though?
If you feel like that, I told him,
I'm like, don't sign that one.
Yeah, and you're also- If you say it in that tone.
I would take another trip instead of forcing it,
but you wanna be here by a certain date.
Yeah, but we got time, we got time.
You know, okay, here's another big challenge for it,
is that all of my friends are Netflix millionaires now.
So I tell them where I'm looking and what I can spend,
and they're just like, bro, do yourself a favor,
up your budget to $5,000 a month.
And I'm just like, oh, okay, cool, all right.
I could, much cheaper to just buy a fucking gun
and blow my brains out. I could really afford that right now. I could much cheaper to just buy a fucking gun and blow my brains out.
I could really afford that right now. I could do that today.
Yeah. Well, also all these millionaires you're talking about.
Trust me, spend five grand a month. You'll never regret it.
It's like, okay.
In rent. That's crazy.
You're not even, you're not buying, right?
And he has three kids on top of that.
It's not just rent, it's three children.
And that's on me.
That's no one else's mistake but mine. Yeah, it's three children. And that's on me.
That's no one else's mistake but mine.
Yeah, 100%.
That's the blackest thing about you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dude, having three dogs is expensive.
That's the whitest thing about you.
Yeah.
Yeah, just the amount of dog food,
like the dog food from her surgeries.
Everything's like organic and fucking it's like table to farm the table type bullshit in a can.
Do you have to do that?
It's like no, but she's been bleeding throwing up out her fucking puss.
So I gotta get her back to health.
What's wrong with it?
What's wrong with her?
She ate something that... She drinks a lot. She's like...
I found a pile of kibble bits in some fucking...
There's little nips underneath her kibble.
No, she chewed on some sticks after her spay.
She got spayed and then she came back to life,
then she chewed on sticks.
I hate when I get spayed and then I eat a steak.
Yeah, yeah.
And then you just eat sticks, dude.
Oh, sticks. I thought you said eat sticks, dude. Oh, sticks.
I thought you said steaks.
No, I did feed her steak and she fucking mud piled one of my new rugs.
Dude, my cousin gives her dog raw chicken drumsticks.
Yeah.
Like with the bones?
You're not supposed to season anything.
You're not supposed to cook anything.
Just raw chicken in the bowl.
Yeah.
Every birthday I'm going to give her a ribeye.
Just raw. I'm dead serious. I've seen a lot of videos on this.
It's like the biggest treat the biggest like it's like you get
in the way off from Carvel. Yeah, I've been on Instagram
Reels. I've seen the dogs eat the steak. Yeah. I got it. It's
huge. It's wonderful. Yeah, it's very exciting. Some good stuff
dude. You guys are dog lovers? is, yeah. It's very exciting. Some good stuff, dude. You guys aren't dog lovers?
No, not necessarily.
I guess not.
No?
I'm a cat guy.
Ew.
I don't have any pets.
I mean, I had a lot growing up,
but we gave them all away.
Yeah, gave them away?
Yeah, my mom would get us a dog every year
and then give it away when it wasn't a puppy anymore.
Oh, so she had dementia for decades.
No, she's a narcissist.
She'd just wake up and go,
oh, there's an animal in my house.
She got my sister, my sister's 12th birthday.
She got my sister a puppy
and brought it in front of everyone during cake
and everybody was like, oh, and she took pictures.
And then when the party ended,
she grabbed the puppy from my sister's hand
and brought it back to the owners.
And was like, we don't really have a puppy.
Oh my God.
No, not even that.
She gave it to the neighbor.
She decided after that day, she didn't want want it and then my sister had to watch the puppy
She was given for her birthday grow up in the yard behind us
And that was like our sixth dog, yeah, I
Would save them cuz you know when people were like, how'd you become a comic and get fake old teeth?
Tell you about my mom and dogs.
Yeah, dude, I did a whole podcast about it
and we called it Doggie Issues.
Oh my God.
We figured out I have a weird thing with dogs now
because all of them have been taken away from me.
Yeah, so you can't attach yourself.
No.
But every once in a while, I will,
I feel like dogs are like people and I do attach.
Probably every 30 dogs I meet meet I will really like one and be like that's my buddy. Yeah
Yeah, and I'm about the same with people. I bet if you took maybe a therapist would say this if you you can foster a dog
You could spend a month or two with a with a puppy or whatever age well to see if you
Attached to them and they could still be up for that's how we got if you could do two with a puppy or whatever age to see if you attach to them and they could still be up for...
That's how we got our puppy.
Wouldn't it be sick if you could do that with a mother?
Yeah.
Your therapist suggests this.
You can foster a mother.
Once you get to 18, foster my mom.
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Does she still recognize you?
There's no issues there.
What? Your mom.
What do you mean?
Like she's got dementia.
She's not like, no, my grandma has dementia.
Oh, regular.
Yeah, my my regular mom is.
Yeah, she's a regular.
She's aware. She's not a regular bitch. And she my regular mom is, she's aware.
She's not a regular bitch, but she's, her brain is moving.
Yeah?
Yeah.
She's sharp?
Yeah, yeah she is.
My mom and my dad are both really funny in different ways.
There was these producers that did, at Gas Digital,
do you remember Nate, Australian Nate and Tanner?
They were trying to do a project
where they interviewed comedians' parents.
Not the comedians, just the parents
to see like how, what happened.
You know?
And he's like, when they got back from Florida,
they're like, we interviewed like 20 comedians
and yours were the worst.
You should be in prison.
Really?
They're like, your dad brought us around
to different bars he had open tabs at
that we closed out for interviews.
And we ran out of footage because your mom talked about herself the entire time.
Yeah, it sounds pretty similar.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's always something with comedians.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The dad's usually a fucking booze bag.
Did your dad drink?
No, my dad.
Well, yeah, but he's the man.
He's the coolest ever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We talked about this before.
My dad's the coolest guy in the entire world.
Yeah.
He rules.
Wrecked too. Yeah. And I can't imagine it any other ever. Yeah. Yeah, we talked about this before. My dad's the coolest guy in the entire world Yeah, he rules a wreck too. Yeah, and I can't imagine it any other way. Yeah, I look you can't have balance
I can't know I've imagined it any other way
I don't think I would want that life. You ever see so with a lot of money
It's just like that comes with like so many fucking drawbacks. I'm glad I'm not
I'm good even dealing with that. You know what I mean? I'm good.
It's like that with personality.
Yeah, for sure.
And sense of humor. Like someone you find is very entertaining. You're like, you know
how many fucking drawbacks it takes to get to that?
Yeah.
You know, it's like creating a diamond out of shit.
A rich, rewarding personal life. It's like, bro, who wants to go through all that rigmarole?
You know what I mean? I'm fine. Just leave me in the dark.
Leave me in the dark is... That's right.
Yeah. Or someone that just has two regular parents.
Ugh, you know?
You know, they're not hiding anything.
You see what it is, and the person is just.
I'm getting wet.
Clean house.
I really want that, you guys.
I don't know why you guys.
And the fairy tale seems, it seems wonderful.
Dude, what I would have given at my lowest
to be able to go like,
can you help me with a month of rent?
Yeah.
That would have changed my life.
Yeah, no.
But maybe I'm funnier because of it.
100%.
Yeah.
Yeah, they wouldn't even have that money for me.
Like it wouldn't even be...
No.
How do you...
Tied up in hidden cigarettes.
Yeah.
And they're still...
Your mom's got a hip to replace, buddy. My dad would still say I owe him rent.
You know, like he's one of those guys. Very cool. Very old school. Yeah. Yeah.
How about all the years I took care of you? It's a good point. You ever think that was easy?
I guess so. You were a piece of shit. Yeah. You ain't like, yeah, three assholes.
Yeah, you ain't like you had three assholes
You're right we don't we deserve this I could have mini pits
My dad was a German Shepherd guy, of course, yeah big big smart dog
We were we're mutts we were mutt people and
Hit them as whenever they were bad at like total white trash family. Really?
Oh yeah, hitting dogs was big in our house.
Really?
Yeah.
I just thought that was what you're supposed to do.
Me too.
I mean, I, yeah.
Beat the fuck out of a dog until it's nice.
And I never saw it work once.
No, that's what, it never works with kids.
It's like, maybe if it was a wolf or something,
but like dogs are pretty much set up.
You just like keep them in the living room. If you don't train him the first year, then you're fucked
It's like not raising a kid for the first five years then going what's wrong with this fucking kids got water on his brain
It's like no you didn't fucking tell him how to sit. Yeah and be quiet. I think that was a big like thing
Well, I get I was gonna say East Coast thing, but I guess not but yeah people just hit dogs in Florida
It was kids and dogs and they're still doing it.
I know not to do it now, just so I'm clear.
I hate hitting dogs.
I think that's disgusting.
I don't wanna hit anything.
Now I pet dogs, it's 45 minutes minimum.
If I get my hands on your dog, I'm gonna make eye contact
and I'm gonna find all their spots.
I'm gonna touch all their big weird lumps on them
as they're getting older.
Do you know Keith Carey? the comedian, he's so funny.
He said, um, we were in Japan together and I was trying to get him to do acid
with me and he's like, I can't.
The one time I did acid at a house party, um, I almost got kicked out
for petting their cat too hard.
Just petting someone's cat too hard on acid is so funny.
Yeah. I'm really connecting with this creature right now.
Do you leave me alone?
Well, that's a sign the dog really loves you is when they lock eyes with you.
That's what happened to me last week.
And I had a connection with a Pomeranian who looked at me to where the owner was
like, oh my God, she was like almost like fluttering her.
I was like, are you trying to eat me out?
Like what's going on?
Yeah.
She was fluttering her eyes at me and falling asleep on my lap,
but I could feel that we liked each other.
So I do, it's there.
I don't have a sociopathic hate towards dogs.
Yeah, it's just a protective veil.
Maybe. Yeah.
I guarantee it.
You seem like a loving person.
A dog gives you so much joy that you can't find. Coming home from a show.
I'm not huge on like the drool and the hair.
They don't do that.
You can get a certain breed.
Yeah, I know.
That's what's...
You just don't get fat dogs that drool on your couch for no reason.
You know, I feel like I'm going to have a dog one day.
It's going to be medium to large size.
It's not going to shed.
He takes a picture of the timestamp every time I see him.
That's so funny.
Can I try?
Oh, I feel better.
I've been holding that in all day.
Dude, just bleep it.
Don't remove it.
I did not think that was coming.
I had ducks when I was a teenager.
That's crazy.
That's so trashy.
Perfect pet for autistic dude is a duck, man.
There's not really much of a connection to wonder about.
They kind of just like follow you around.
They quack every once in a while, which is pretty sick.
Yeah.
And cheap, cheap and easy to feed.
I would go duck again.
Baby chickens and Puerto Rico chicks,
and they would dye them different colors.
And you could dye the skin. You you dye the hair, the yellow.
One wing, a different color like your guys is Honda Civics.
In the sun and changes.
We actually put in a dual paint that those fucking beans love.
We actually put toothpicks on their legs and make them fight.
No, dude, we every Easter Puerto Rican kids get like 12 baby chicks that are
like all these different colors.
Yeah, pink, blue, yellow and then and then and then you give them away when they get
older. Is there 13 apostles or 12?
12 or 12. Yeah.
Is that what it's for? By 12?
I just said 12. It was like 12. Oh, yeah. Okay
I thought it was eggs and chickens. I was the connection
You know, yeah one time I fucking nuts with Jeebus
I am sorry Easter plans twice and no one heard me why killed one. You guys had great Easter plans coming up? I did admit that twice and no one heard me. What?
I killed one.
Wait, how?
By accident?
Yeah.
Step on it?
We would keep it on the porch
and my mom would block,
she would keep the door open to let the air in
and she would block with a piece of plywood.
Yeah, and I went to go pet it
and I leaned over the plywood and it fell over
and smashed it when it was looking up at me
for me to pick it up.
Oh my God, like the Pomeranian just give me a couple of winks.
Yeah. No, I'm talking about the dog, not the chicken.
So I smashed it, right? My dad drowned it in a tub.
That is what he did with the chicken. He drowned it.
Oh, Mary Jo's dad had a...
Instead of finishing it off.
He couldn't do it.
I think drowning is harder.
I know. That's what I'm thinking now for the chicken.
That's how my parents roll, dude. It's harder for the chicken
But my old roommate was trying to stop an opossum from meeting his mother's tomato plants. I think you could just say possum
There's two different things opossum. There's two different animals. There's opossum and opossum and I forget what the difference is
I think it's the oh, I think it's an opossum if you were in the city
Yeah, opossum regularum if you were in the city.
Yeah, a possum.
Regular possums are out in the fields.
The one that has like human-like monkey hands.
I didn't know there was a difference, fuck dude.
And like the rat tail, like the naked tail.
Yeah, the big stick rat tail.
The naked tail.
They almost look like a raccoon.
Oh, they have like the teeth, dude.
A raccoon and a rat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
But their palms are very matted, like a.
They are seriously the most unpleasant creature on the planet
Yeah, and if I saw someone stomp one to death in the street, I'd be like, bro. I understand
I can't judge you at all. He caught one in a cage
I would have roofed it and tried to drown it put it in a big barrel of water
But these things like he said he was on underwater for like six minutes
Oh my god, then came back up and he put a fucking he put a
train rail through its neck.
And then and he's telling me and Shane the podcast. He was going to fuck us up.
He was our old roommate, me and Shane.
And he's telling the story like it's no big deal.
We're both like, wait, why?
Six minutes is so long.
You've murdered this fucking this animal three different ways. I get it man. Look at those things
Disgusting dude, they're like rest you do that. You got to burn them. No hang them
One of those steps I'm like, let's talk about it. What was she wearing?
When uh, when MJ was a kid she had a
Hamsters or guinea pigs or something.
One of the ones that like reproduces a lot and eats the babies and shit.
And her dad got sick of them. And he was in the army. They lived on a military base.
And so, uh, when it was time to get rid of the hamsters, they didn't even like,
let like, you know, maybe you let them go in the woods or something.
He went out into the backyard and he took the mom and the dad and he just threw
them in the woods as far as he could
Yeah, that's
That is I just like a path the only thing I've been able to think since she told me and obviously I'm like
Oh my god, how do you I mean? You're so I you're what it survived
You know what I mean, but the only thing I could think was after I launched that first one
I'd be like that second ones going further. I know
Didn't rotate my hips
Directly the side of an oak tree
That's crazy also if they survive they just kind of slowly starve to death for fucking three hours.
Nah there's shit on the ground that they eat.
Hamsters? Probably. They're not fucking wild animals.
There's pellets in the woods that they can eat.
Where do you think they get them Tommy?
Yeah true.
Could you ever be an aquarium guy? I can see you being an aquarium guy.
I would love to be an aquarium guy. Would you build your own?
If I had that kind of money?
No, no, no.
Like just like there's like enthusiasts that just build their own sick aquarium setups.
Oh no.
Jesse Joyce was our first.
He got us into the apartment, which is considered like a comedian condo in Astoria, New York,
or anyone traveling from the West or Midwest.
They would stay at Jesse's house with Johnno's allay, crash on the couch
and then do sets at like the cellar and all that stuff.
And then I got in there, Jesse was still there,
Johnno was still there,
and Jesse was a taxidermist enthusiast.
Terrifying.
So the whole middle room,
which was like the called a run railway room.
What's it called?
When it's like too small to be a bedroom and it's in between a bedroom in a
Kitchen showing off how many rooms he knows
Pass through one room to get to another bingo right gotcha
That was all wild fucking exotic animals hanging off the wall the scariest thing in the world if you didn't know what you're walking
Into when the lights were
off, like a fucking mountain lion, especially if you're a
spanchora, cut to the door. So a fucking wild boar, you know what
I mean? Like crazy animals. And then he had huge exotic
aquariums along the wall. So fish that you'd have to get from
like fucking is some Chinese man sitting on an egg crate in the
middle of fucking South Philly.
You know what I mean?
Do you wanna hear the craziest fish shit?
My dad was a commercial fisherman
and one of his side, probably illegal jobs,
was collecting tropical fish from the ocean
and selling them.
And we had $30,000 worth of tropical fish
and tanks in our bedroom that my dad was gonna sell
to buy a house for our family.
The electric went off. No, he didn't come home in time for the bar and pissed my mom off and she bleached every tank
Well, your mom's a fucking psychopath yeah, Jesus Christ
She's poured bleach into the fish tanks. Did she know about the exotic fish?
Yeah, did she know what they were worth? Yeah all the exotic fish. Yeah. Did she know what they were worth? Yeah.
She was so angry she didn't care.
Because you chose booze.
That was not worth a house for your children.
That's nuts.
She chose booze over her.
Over her.
Puerto Rican dude.
She was like, I don't care about the house.
I fucking love this.
You're gonna regret that Bud Light.
Damn.
I would have been begging her to stab me instead.
She was probably great in bed.
Dude, do you know what's crazy is that she probably is great in bed because the way my dad talks about her, he
like hates her, but he's always like, I saw he lives in Puerto Rico.
She's got that grip.
We saw these Puerto Rican slots on the beach and they were like drinking and twerking and
doing Hennessy.
He's like, they remind me of your mother and her sister.
And I was like, okay.
And then the whole time he brought them up for like 12 hours.
Like remember the Hennessy girls? And I'm like, okay. And then the whole time he brought them up for like 12 hours, I remember the Hennessy girls.
And I'm like, eww.
He loved them.
I'm like, I know you miss that bitch.
Do you think the Hennessy girls are still on the beach?
Yeah.
Can we go back, please?
That's why he was late to get home.
I have to talk to the Hennessy girls.
Come on, yo.
Yeah, now my dad gets hard every time he sees bleach.
So how did you find out about the fish thing?
My dad told me.
And you could smell the bleach in the water?
He showed up and they were all dead.
Every fish is dead.
Yeah.
And she admitted it to him?
Who else would have done it?
She lived there. She was pissed.
She loves to clean.
She's Puerto Rican.
She has bleach.
Oh, my God. Fabuloso with the fish.
Clean with the fishes.
Oh man. Yeah.
But yeah, it'd be cool to have a nice aquarium.
Yeah.
No, I get the appeal like for a minute,
but it's a lot of work.
Oh man, all the little dioramas you could do on the inside.
The upkeep is nuts.
I want to have the little diver
with the bubbles coming out of his head.
Yeah, he's cool.
He's cool as hell. That's my guy. And the flippers are constantly moving. I want to have the little diver with the bubbles coming out of his helmet. He's cool as hell. And the flippers are constantly moving.
I want a sucker on the wall.
Sucker on the wall is cool. Because it cleans the algae.
Oh yeah. Classic sucker fact.
Yeah yeah.
Few things I do know.
Did you know that Frankenstein was actually the doctor?
Well I meant the upkeep.
You got to get a bunch of suckers in
there so you don't have to dump the
tank out every three months.
No, you have to call the maids that
clean his tank.
Yeah, yeah.
Sticker to the wall.
How much to rent one of your suckers?
This place looks great.
It's called a Mexican made a sucker.
So funny.
How much are your Hennessy girls, man?
Those Hennessy girls are crazy.
Anyway, thanks for filling in for Chris.
No problem.
You were going to be here anyway.
Thanks for filling in for Tim.
No problem.
Chris' house is really nice, guys.
I don't know if they tell you guys about where they live,
but Chris' house looks like a fucking
very cool coffee shop, it's nuts.
It's crazy.
It does look like a coffee shop.
It does.
It's so nuts.
It looks like it's a store.
I can't afford anything in it.
It's mind blowing.
Yeah, it is nice.
It's really nice.
Dude, we went to one of those,
I went with my boyfriend's mom
and his sister and they were like,
let's spend some time together.
And we were walking down a neighborhood
and we went into like a few of those expensive stores.
And then the third one we went into was one of those stores,
but they were doing like a Down Syndrome.
Awareness.
Sort of like everything in the store,
every craft was replaced by a person who with downstream him who made it
Which is really sweet
Yeah
but then they had a down some room girl in the middle of the table making the crafts and
Like selling them and you know how you have to like go in and like look around
Then we just had to walk past her and her fucking $22 drooly bracelet
drooly bracelet. I was like, I don't want that.
And thank you.
And it was just awkward.
It was hard to leave that store.
I felt like a trap, dude.
This is mean.
These are all locally sourced.
I met them myself.
People hate when you do that on Sunday.
Your voice, by the way, it's going to get you to really can't stand.
Just lost a bedroom in your children's house.
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Oh shit, we're just doing a bit.
It's a bit.
It's a bit. Doing a fucking bit.
We're just hanging out, having fun.
Sorry, man.
Paulie Short has been a terrible influence on me.
He wants to break bread with us.
You said, huh?
He said you don't like him.
Me?
He said Tommy doesn't like me.
That's not true.
He said it.
And then he said you're gonna have to choose sides.
That's so funny.
I picked Paulie, honestly.
You're so funny. I feel like I can't talk to anymore, Paulie. to have to choose sides. So funny. I picked Paul. You're so funny.
I feel like I can't talk to anymore.
Paul.
Yeah, sorry.
I told me.
Yeah, that's my family.
You're talking about, man.
Me and Tommy been through a fucking lot, man.
Like, don't get me wrong.
Do I love wheezing the fucking juice?
It's my favorite thing in the world, but that's my fucking dude.
Look, man, I think I should go.
I can put my pants back on. I'm just gonna grab a Waymo, dude.
It's been cool hanging out with you, man, but it's just like...
Just gonna grab a Waymo.
Oh my God.
Yeah, where would we go to eat?
And I don't hate him.
I love him.
He's great.
Good, because I told him we were gonna hang out with him tonight.
I just don't corner people in fucking green rooms and talk
to them too long, you know?
Is that what he does?
No, he's saying he just doesn't do that.
He might not seem friendly.
I try not to, yeah, like I wish I knew Kim a little more,
but I feel like I give people their own space and I feel weird
unless it's like, you know, a purposeful, like three person hang if there's like ten people I'm not gonna lock in the one
guy sure and yeah sure dude yeah no it's great I punished him last night I see
him I literally go like this hey Paulie we hug dude fucking Todd Barry came in
last night and everyone was freaking out and Matt was like this is my favorite comedian in the world and I accidentally got drunk and made him do a magic trick with me
No one would talk to him and I was rubbing ash on his hand
My big social move was getting everyone to do eye drops. Yeah, I saw that I was like I'm the king of Mitzis man
Everyone's everyone's holding their eyes and screaming. I was like
Let's go tell everybody was acid
They wish yeah, yeah
All right, it's been a while. It's been a while. Did you travel with any drugs?
Just weed mushy yeah, no
Yeah, no, I had a two kilos of cocaine hidden away waistband. Yes
Yeah, of course I did why you don't Tony? You don't Tony coke
I've only ever I thought it two times and once was with you
Yeah, probably we stood on the back patio at a like a bar show and it was freezing and neither of us is wearing jackets
And we didn't shut up for like 45 straight. Yeah
Neither one of us stopped. Yeah. Well, that's's a good reason to have coke if you forget your jacket.
Yeah. Honey, I forgot my jacket. How was I supposed
to stay warm? It's like throwing a backup sweatshirt in your
car. Exactly.
That's why you have a little pocket of coke.
Oh, for sure. Yeah.
The other time I did it- Just two Pomeranians in the back of an Irish
pub.
Getting stepped on by Puerto Rican girls.
I did I tell you about the other time that I did cocaine? So I was hanging out with these like Asian mafia dudes in Philly.
I'd say mafia, but it was just like Asian drug dealers.
Yeah.
One of them had like a like a tax haven IT job where he just like kind of
fucked off and like was just selling drugs. And I of hang out with them all the time because I was also fucking I wasn't making any money I was just fucking off at work.
Yeah. And so I got invited to a children's birthday party was going to, and it was just all these like Chinese and Vietnamese.
Didn't you introduce me to your boy sing. You ever sing. Yeah, he used to fucking he used to deal to me for a while Yeah, he's the coolest guy ever. He was great
So he took me to this kids birthday part like a like a two-year-old birthday party
I'm just a cheap his fucking name. I mean brother
Asian guy named sing. Yeah, we're okay, man
But APB for all the detectives trying to find him. It's like a guy named Tommy on Coke.
So we went, I went and it was just all these like young Asian couples and their
babies and stuff. And it was just like, dude, they partied hard.
They were drinking expensive liquor.
They were eating expensive food and then they just started passing around cocaine
with like the kids crawling around on the floor and stuff.
Yeah. And they had me do a line of it. And and I was just like it was the first time I really did coke
And I called my wife and I was like do people know about cocaine. This is crazy
And then I rode a motorcycle home. Yeah, okay. Maybe I'm the coolest guy
I feel like your brain structure would work like you'd really love coke
I should I shouldn't do it because because it's the only time where I'm just like whoa
It turns out I've been the man the whole time. Yeah. Yeah, that's a bad idea. Yeah, it's like Adderall. I mean
Adderall's nerd coke. You know, I mean sure people like yourself
Take Adderall and they just go I'll take six of these a day. Yeah, I see where it goes
I see where it goes and I go, you know what being able to like having a little bit of energy and being able to think clearly and like articulate myself,
I get why people would be into that.
I'm just gonna mumble and play PS5.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm fine.
I'll be in the gaming chair if you need me to.
I'm not gonna leave the house.
But we're about to spend so much time together.
I'm so excited, buddy.
Dude.
And Kim, we're about to hang out all the time.
I know.
This is very special.
This is a dream for me.
For real.
When's Rainey coming?
Shortly after me.
So you're coming July?
June.
June?
June, right around the fucking corner.
Cause you gotta sign a lease with him.
Yeah, but then the whole thing takes like two weeks
and you're in, so I don't want it to start now
and drag my feet or anything like that.
But they don't care about this. I just wanted to express. I'm very happy to be hanging
Care about when you're gonna enter
Austin that's very nice that they think that but I they're probably just typing gay right now
This whole podcast man gays fuck
What it like throwing hamsters in the woods?
You're like that's the gayest thing are you doing anything like hobby wise that I could like latch myself on to I mean, I think we should start a sports
Podcast really what sport I think we should do all sports
Yeah, what I mean, I'm looking for a hobby the hobby is golf
But I have an injury right now or haven't been swinging a club. Would you hurt my ribs?
Why'd your producer laugh at your injury?
I popped my ribs because it's the most embarrassing thing.
Would you do 45?
I did it on stage.
Doing what? The tight spirals joke.
You were miming throwing a football on stage
for the soft tissue connected to your rib cage.
Bro, we're going to put you down. I think your hobby is going to be physical therapy dog.
We're going to start hitting you if you don't behave yourself.
Dude, I had a mild pop the night before and then I really I
had like four shows.
Did you have to stop that show mid throw?
Stopped it.
It like like when I tell you the pain was like I couldn't
cough shit sneeze fart. None of it for like five straight days. I've now I now I can it. It like, like when I tell you the pain was like, I couldn't cough, shit, sneeze, fart.
None of it for like five straight days.
I've now, now I can sneeze.
It's crazy.
Just got to it.
Now I can sneeze.
Seven days.
It's been nuts, dude.
And it literally went, like it felt like a, like it felt like a pop, like a pop rib, but
it was just a tearing of the muscle wall, intercostal muscle tear.
That must have been one hell of a throw, dude. It was a great throw. You muscle wall intercostal muscle tear
Yeah, that fucker would have went 50 yards easy
But no, so the I don't have a hobby here, oh man. No, do you want to learn to fix motorcycles with me?
That's if any listeners in the Austin area are selling a used Honda Interceptor VFR
700 from maybe 85 86. Let me know about it, dude. I'm gonna have garage space
Specific bike dude, it's the coolest looking bike in the entire world. It's so fucking good. so 80s it's like got like a boxy body on it and shit it's very
expensive because it's so no it's kind of cheap they're pretty affordable if
but you have to watch a lot of YouTube videos for how to fix them and that's
where that's where I come in yeah yeah I couldn't I wouldn't be any help I'm
gonna post it would be like helping my dad with something growing up you like
go get the dustpan you don't have want to hand me a wrench and get fucked up?
Sweep this.
Yeah, yeah.
And I would just wait around, you know.
Hey, idiot.
You know, get me a beer.
Well, I think it sounds like a pretty cool time.
Kim, if you want to fix motorcycles with me, I mean, I'd love to have you.
I don't get turned on by that type of mechanical bullshit.
He's not asking you to get hard over it.
He's just asking you to hang.
I'm talking about getting fucked up in the garage.
Everything's not coming.
Well, if there's a fight, yeah, put a basketball net up next to the bike. You know who's gonna love this poly shore. Yeah
Another strike against everything about Honda interceptors. Where we at? I gotta pay
Fuck you got 13 minutes until you're allowed to piss. All right, dude
You know what now that we're making announcements if there's anyone in the Austin area that thinks they could beat me at Big Buck Hunter
Whoa, I'm pretty sick with it. You're Buck Hunter. Whoa, I'm pretty sick with it.
You're not better than me.
I'm pretty sick with it.
Not better than me.
And in fact, I learned Big Buck Hunter from the Devil's Keep.
Druid's Keep in Northern Liberties, Big Coke Bar.
Yes, I get ripped on Coke and my focus was crazy.
I'm talking Army Ranger sniper level.
Yeah, I know.
And even like, you know, the wild...
The critters, yeah, I know the critters.
Yeah, the critters.
I know everything about it.
Oh, wow, you serious?
Yeah.
I'd like to play you.
I'd love to see this.
I know where it is.
So do I.
It's right around the corner.
Huh?
Where do you got one?
Go ahead.
Because we got one...
Right around the corner from the...
Big screen or small screen corner from the mothership.
Big screen or small screen?
We're doing it right after this.
Good guns or bad guns?
Good guns or bad guns?
Decent guns.
It's probably like three years old.
Okay.
I'll challenge you.
We're talking 2020s.
Okay.
Dude, you're gonna watch.
She's gonna spaz.
It's right around the corner.
I don't give a fuck.
She's gonna spaz.
I'm gonna fucking spaz.
And I'm gonna be the dark horse.
Watch out for me.
I mean, I know I don't see well, but bro
It's you're in my domain. Yeah, she can be Tim shoots and he's pointing at golden
Yeah, get me in there how'd you get dirty with it I
Did it it was in a bar next door to where I worked in college and I would go like every day after class and get a
Pitcher a beer and play for
Way too long me and my friend Kelsey see that rolls
Yeah
We would play for hours and we would just try and get the high score and almost every time I go somewhere
I can at least get on the leadership board. Have you been to cidercade? No, that's what you said first, right?
Yeah, it's $12 for a day pass and all the games are free. First of all Wow
No one's ever going to see when I get here
I'm only gonna be at cider cake. Yeah 12 bucks for every game no matter what
Yeah, that's like modern shit and they have a bar and they have a bar. Here's
It's all like ciders that they make it's all great. It's nice prices. The foods pretty cheap
I would say I would say modern like are they up to date at least?
Are the games modern? Like are they up to date at least somewhat? Yeah, I will say and I maybe I'll get a job there because there was the Jesus Christ
Do you remember fucking we wrote a role for you?
originally was
Running an arcade. Yeah. Yeah, you had the fucking belt with all the quarters on the boardwalk in Wildwood
I can see that
That's what I do at home. Yeah, all I do at home is repair video games
Put custom shells on a dreamcast and shit, but yeah the fierce button on Street Fighter 2 turbo
Inoperable I would like to see a little bit more upkeep. Maybe I can get involved and help them out. Okay
Yeah, but other than that other than that was like but so she's playing big buck hunter HD and
She had these two 10 year old boys
Standing off to the side waiting their turn
and they got really heavily invested in her run.
Really?
To the point where they started like,
dude they started like stimming.
Yeah.
They were like,
when it was like the bear was on screen,
the one kid was like jumping up and down.
I paid for all four trucks and it takes a long time.
Yeah, I hit the bear.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I hit them all, dude.
I can get straight bucks, bear, all critters.
Are we talking one shot?
The cougar's a problem though.
No, I do couple shots, not one shot drops.
I'm not that good, but.
That'd be insane.
But I can get on a scoreboard.
I'd rescind my offer.
We're talking one shot bucks.
Every one would be nuts, dude.
Oh my God, you guys, I mean.
Do you have a strategy outside of alignment like like I know that's an insane thing to say
yeah talk through your process this is actually very interesting to me Tim when
you calm down with your motor telling you now we found my motorcycle brother
no one wants to be here more than me well it's pretty where do Well, it's pretty, Where do you hold?
It's pretty elaborate.
You go up?
Oh yeah.
You go up and over?
I go up deep shoulder sniper style.
Deep shoulder sniper, okay I like that.
I go up like deep like this.
Do you use the sight or do you just mimic
that the sight is possibly within a range?
I use the top of the gun as my sight and I adjust.
One eye closed?
Yeah, one eye closed. And I check the site before the game starts to see
where it is.
According to picking the player or the well, because it points in writing your
name in and you can kind of test out where it hits because it's got the
cursor on the screen.
So you're saying too much.
You can.
You fell right into my trap.
Do I look scared to you?
Fuck you are going to beat my ass.
I'll practice off.
I love big Buck Hunter.
I challenge anyone.
It is so good dude.
Big Buck Hunter Golden T best two games ever.
See ya.
And they were right next to each other at this Coke bar.
Same one as this one.
Just incredible.
They know which ones the best ones are time travels
You just like fucking
Yeah, big boy
15 minutes and you go well I could spend five bucks on five games and then it's like where's Tim? Yeah. Yeah
My wife's texting me in the same building
Yeah, there would have to be two fat titted black girls to walk in and my brother like hold on hold on
We got three rounds left.
Yeah. I was originally going to give the game to the little boys because it takes so
long and I had just started and their kids and they're waiting and I was like,
all right, I'm going to just do this one.
And then I got three in a row and I go boys.
Yeah.
Find another game.
No, I went, I'm going to have to go for the high score.
Are you here to support me?
Yeah.
And then when little boy is tiny went, I feel you.
Or he wants to. Yeah. Or he wants to.
Yeah.
They were so cute.
And then I went over to the Mario Kart.
They had four player Mario Karts.
And I found her boyfriend, Chuck.
Are you in a?
You're sitting in the thing
and it takes your picture with like a cool thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like bro, I don't need much, man.
And I go over and I'm, we're trying to claim all four seats so that we could race each other. And we get there and her boyfriend, yeah, yeah. Like, bro, I don't need much, man. You know? And I go over and I'm,
we're trying to claim all four seats
so that we could race each other.
And we get there and her boyfriend, Chuck,
it's just him and two like teen girls.
And I said, are you guys playing
in the same match right now?
He said, yeah.
And then I sat down next to him and I swear to God,
he was looking at their screens the entire time.
To drop bananas on him.
He was bullying them.
Dominating them, dude.
I respect it. making them cry.
I respect this one first place and got up and went good game
ladies. After he cheated.
Let's go. I love this.
Good. Fuck them.
I just went home to put my dad to bed and I played ping pong
with my 10 year old nephew.
My brother Steve is watching me and he's like, relax.
And I went, fuck you mean to relax?
Go easy on him, Tommy.
Yeah, he's like, Jesus Christ, you're really pulling out
all this stuff.
And I was like, yeah, just fuck them.
Fuck them.
Fuck them kids, dude.
That's what an uncle's for, dude.
That's what an uncle's for.
You do the soft play for a while.
That's how I am with my nephew.
I'm a little rough with him.
My sister's like, don't pick on him.
I'm like, yeah, I'm going to pick on him.
I'm his aunt, dude. Yeah. Where's don't pick on him. I'm like yeah, I'm gonna pick
Well thanks for coming you juice you're about to piss your pants I gotta pee real bad
Do you have anything to plug yeah Kim Kongden comm for show dates. I'll be at skank fest and
Portland Maine and LA and all the show dates are on my on my website and my podcast the Kim Kong to take over
Tim bodily calm for dates checkterly's show on YouTube.
Check out Metal Girl Solid,
where I make my wife play through metal gear solid
for the Sony PlayStation.
It's actually a pretty enlightening piece of content,
and I think you'll really enjoy it.
Obviously, Dad Meet.
And hey, Tommy, thanks for having me, man.
Yeah, man, thank you.
And I love you guys.
Love you so much.