Stuff Island - LIVE FROM ELECTION NIGHT - The Reunion - Stuff Island #158

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

After weeks of not being able to Podcast together - The Stuff Island boys are back! Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor are reunited after being on the set of Netflix's Tires. Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Take the first step towards achieving your hair growth goals. For a limited time Nutrafol is offering our listeners 10 dollars off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutarfol.com/men and enter promo code STUFF Unlock a healthier and easier way to eat by using Promo code "Stuff Island" at checkout for 15% off your first order at huel.com Try Bluechew for FREE! with Promo Code: STUFFISLAND. Just pay $5 for shipping. Bluechew.com Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

what's going off put your phone next to your yeah all right cool yeah we're live baby we did it we're live christopher all right yeah we did it thomas thomas th Popinski. We're back. I'll change my name a third time. I don't fucking care, dude. We're doing it, dude. Election night. Yeah, election night where we talk about nothing on the election.

I mean, I will. I'll dabble. It all comes down to this. I'm an old fart In his fucking chair I'm an old Curmudgeon in his Chrysler LeBaron head Heading home from work Like you know the sports guy like every dad

They get like little snippets of information And then they just blast it out to everybody else Like it's truth That's where I sit Well sometimes you're just trying to make conversation. You got people, everyone's talking about politics. You got to chime in somewhere. Yeah.

You know? Yeah, usually I just say, shut the fuck up. I don't care. I just watched a whole PBS front line on January 6th, and I'm totally, I'm fired up. I'm all in. Yeah, yeah. I'm all in.

I'll do my liberal, my liberal juices are flowing. Damn, dude. This guy's a traitor. He's a traitor. Yeah, I'm going nuts. God. What's it do? Was that purposeful?

Unbelievable. What? Did PBS drop that, like, accordingly? No, no, no. It's from, like, a year ago or something, but they updated it. They updated it from, like, recent events or whatever, but I was getting fired up. And then I was going, then I watched,

then I started watching a little bit of like frontline Obama and healthcare. And I was seeing like all the old politicians' faces. It was like watching an episode of Cheers. Like I forgot everything. I was like... You mean six lying drunks?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh my god, six lying drunks? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, my God, Tom Daschle. I forgot about Tom Daschle. It is funny. I mean, it's all such bullshit. Whatever happened to Jim Boehner? Yeah. You're like, just like, oh, that guy used to be the best.

I hated that guy. It does feel like TV characters. You're like, oh, I used to hate that guy in the 2000s. He's the worst villain. They're like the Catholic Church. They just touch a kid as a bishop and then just drop into the system somewhere.

That guy's still leading preach. He's preaching somewhere in some parish. Kill him. Make it some good time looking for some new ass. They're out there It does feel like a dream gig You're just like a congressman for 12 years and then you drop out

And you get paid millions To just work at some firm As a consultant Yeah, yeah, but it's probably not even You're just friends with the guys there You know what I mean? It's so great. It's all back-end funding.

It's illegal fucking funding. Yeah, yeah. To hide their money, like the Clintons. Look how political. I was like, I don't know shit, but I know a few things on Twitter these days. Well, that's the safe stuff. You know what? They're all corrupt.

There it is. I swear to God. Yeah. Nothing's going to fucking change, Chris. Taking my money, lying in their pockets. Yeah, you can just hit the oldies. What happened with Obamacare? Did we get it?

They got a version of it, but they had, like, you know, Obama came in and he, I didn't get through the whole thing, but he basically, like, he came in. I don't know if you remember the Obama years, but he came in like, he had like Trump level heat day one. And then he was trying to get that healthcare bill thing done. They told him right away, apparently Biden day one was like, don't even try this. It's going to get fucked. And then they tried to do it anyway. And like, he appointed some guy to like head it up.

I think it was Tom Daschle. And then they just and then Tom Daschle had like an enemy in the Senate or Congress or something. And that guy just like leaked a bunch of information about Tom Daschle's taxes or something. And they just they literally just like publicly executed that guy. And then it was. Yeah. It was just day one was Obama just found out that you can't do anything productive he just got killed it's dude it's so funny like these elections um it's it's on my television right now so i'm trying to not give a shit about it but i'm gonna look in here and there but like

it's all the same rhetoric every year like Like, I thought it would kind of evolve, you know, from, like, the 70s where it's, like, lower taxes for the middle class, free health care. It's all the same fucking bullshit. And then the rich people are like, I'm going to vote for the right because I might get a tax break for $100,000. Meanwhile, like, I have so many friends that grew up so blue and so poor. Yeah.

And they always thought the Democrats were fighting for their rights and all that shit. And then they got like, I don't know, a fucking, their income went up. And they got like a better position at their company. And they're like, well, I'm Republican now. Yeah. This guy's going to save me like 75 grand in my taxes. Yeah. It's all it takes.

It does. Yeah. A hundred percent. And you're just like, look, no one's solving the Middle East. I don't know what's going on with trans people in the pool, but I just need, like... Wait, are you talking about Palestine? I did see that. There was some guy.

There was some guy. There was some guy. You don't call the Palestine-Israel conflict the trans people in the pool? It's a centuries-old conflict. It goes back to the Bible. You remember the parable of the trans guy in the pool? This is my land. Put him in the pool. Yeah. the pool this is my land put him in the pool yeah your hair is nuts dude i like it i know what the hell's going on i lost i lost my camera somehow what do you mean is it not recording just no no

it's it's the camera everything's recording i just like uh somehow like my view of you just like went away. That's fine. I can still see you. Who gives a shit? I want to make fun of you for a second. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. It's great.

Your hair looks great. You know? I just got rid of my tires beard. I know. You got the stash going. Yeah, dude. It's nice, right? That's what I stash going. Yeah, dude. It's nice, right?

That's what I was looking at. Yeah. It's incredible. I mean, this is the evolution of a man that is forced to grow a beard. You drop it to a stash. Then you go the old Hitler. I feel like this is a,

this is like a, you're accepting. Oh yeah. Accepting your reality. Now you're in Texas. Yeah. You've, you've left the only colored part of your beard on your face.

Yeah. I'll tell you what, dude. I got to be honest. It's paint by number at this point. I know. It looks thick from this distance, but it's not as black as you'd imagine. But it is more vibrant. I always imagined I'd be just jet white everywhere except for my eyebrows.

And this is the last thing going. I'm starting to get gray in my eyebrows. But I like this look just because, yeah, I did commit to, like, the jewelry. Once I hit, like, over 40, you're like, I always wanted to look like that anyway. Yeah, yeah, you got to just do it. These kids in Texas that are rocking full mustaches at, like, 25 always wanted to look like that anyway. Yeah, yeah. You got to just do it. These kids in Texas that are rocking full mustaches at like 25, it doesn't work for me. You don't mean it.

That's a costume. I'm thinking I might go like full clean shaven. This is something I've always wanted to do with my life is just go full clean. Get the chin out there. Have my face be my face. I can't tell you how much i fucking hate this i know i know but it's you are one of the rare human beings that look better with a beard i know but that's not that's not fat you know what i mean because some people are like yo lock in those fucking those steps on the bottom of your chin you know what i mean like yeah or

they have a weak jaw or like a someone has an underbite or a cleft palate You grow a mustache to hide all your insecurities You look great with a beard Even if you lessen it I mean this goatee is insane It looks like you put on a fucking hanger when you get home Also your hair looks like the cartoon you drew In the neighborhood The showberhood

It is yeah I'm losing it up top i might get the surgery you know what's adorable real quick about the the showberhood that cartoon you created yeah the the character you drew for yourself was such a was such a showcase into the mindset of where you were as a person with like depression and shit you you're like, I'm going to make me the smallest, biggest piece of shit. Bald with fucking mud flaps coming out the side for some reason. Yeah, yeah.

It's like those psych war drawings where they're like, draw this and I want to get into your psyche. You know, like psychotherapy type bullshit where you draw off whatever it is and they're like, what is this? Yeah. Drawing something at your lowest state. If you had a diary, just like draw yourself. That would be exactly your lowest state.

What's that cartoon? I don't know, man. You got lower? I might be fine. Only you would fight this I got some other pictures I can send you I got some other drawings I can send you We found a new low for sure

Yeah It's just a pencil sketch on the inside of a fucking 24 pack of blue Yeah, we're finding it We're finding it How's your sobriety going? Did you kick it in? No, I talked to my mother. Just once, back on the wagon.

Just her voice. No, my mom left me a voicemail. Now I do coke again. No, I was honest with her. I told her how much I was consuming and stuff. I needed a medical opinion, so I talked to my sister, who's a doctor. I talked to my mother, who's a nurse practitioner. And I was like, my girl texted my mom.

She's like, so Tommy's thinking about going sober for a bit, and we're thinking about this start date or whatever. And then my mom started hitting like, hitting me with questions. Like, all right. What's going on? What are you consuming? Like, how much are we talking? And then I was kind of like, ah, six.

Six, six, six a day? This is me. Oh, my God. This is me looking and going, ah, six. And then I had to get, like, real because, like, you know, it's dangerous. Yeah. So she's, like, get down to, like real because like I you know it's dangerous yeah so she's like get down to like she said this one interesting thing and I've gotten a lot of comments I'm going to continue

with this without being corny a lot of comments on uh from our fans about like weaning off and like people stop drinking or having trouble drinking so I'm going to give this information but it's almost like running on a treadmill. It's the only analogy I could come up with. It's like running on a treadmill. That's the only other thing I do. The only thing I can relate it to is fucking hot girls. And lifting weights.

So you fuck eight hot girls every night. You can't just do it all in. No, what I'm saying, like, your body, the point is you're trying to not shock your system and wean it off so that you're still absorbing some of the alcohol so that you can not be so delegated to, like, the certain amount of drinks every single night. Yeah, yeah.

Relegated, right? Relegated, yeah. Relegated, so... Your relegation has been delegated yeah so i think what her point was you don't just drop down to like four every night you'll go like let's say you're five or let's say you're two and then three and then maybe zero and then one but have within a five to seven day period your your your limit on day yeah so that's friday where i gotta tell you this is not gonna work you don't think so no way why not a chance dude you i feel like

if you're gonna curb the drinking you can't give yourself an option route you gotta you know what i mean you gotta know exactly what you're doing because it's like yeah no i know i got i got a chart i wrote down some stuff i'm projecting here big time but if i ever ever had look i got 10 drinks for the week yeah you know the next morning you wake up, you're like, I got negative two. Yeah, yeah. No, I get it. I owe someone else two. I got to buy someone two drinks. Neighbor John's knocking on my door.

Where's those Coronas? There's no way. You know what it is? What I've done well is I took all the hard liquor out. I don't drink wine every night. It's more of like a celebration in a way, like with a good dinner, like a nice glass of wine. And I've just been drinking seltzers.

And that has extent seltzers. Hard seltzers. Hard seltzers, yeah. Call me soft, Chris. I'm still trying to fuck, dude. No, I've just been, yeah, yeah. I've just been, yeah, just cut out the sugar. No, fuckface.

Liquor's 40%, okay? Seltzers are five, six. The heaviest they get are, what, seven? Yeah, yeah. And all I'm doing is killing time. So you sip on a seltzer you kill time what you gotta do

is go nuts cut it all out start doing yoga meditating drinking whatever weird vegetable stuff just go nuts go fully nuts

get into like weird spirituality stuff. All the stuff that preoccupies your mind while the delirium tremens takes hold and you start having to live with the panic of just being sober. Get nuts into some weird stuff and then wean off that later. Right.

We'd like to thank Vice President Kamala Harris for the gayest thing ever said. That's what you got to do. It's not easy. You got to get into some weird mystical shit just to distract yourself from how painful it is to see the world clearly. No.

You know what I do? Then you just slowly unwind from that by reading textbooks or something. Yeah, the reading's out the window. I've tried. I can't do it. I have the attention span of a fucking mentally deranged pit bull. I can't.

I go, this sucks. If you soak it in alcohol, every page I read, I eat it. Maybe it's a debate. Yeah, dude. That would be nice. That's pretty sick. That would be really nice. Someone that doesn't want to read, and you soak it all in grain alcohol,

and every page you read, you can consume. Yeah, you can take a sip. Yeah. Make a game out of it. Yeah, yeah. That's a great game. It's like that Chinese game on Netflix. You know?

Oh, Squid Games? Squid Games. Is that what it was? It's like an AA Squid Game. It's a power hour. It's a reading power hour. Every time you finish a page, take a shot. And if you're into like fucking acid or pills,

they lace the sheet with like a perk. You get a perk 10 on every page. Yeah, you get to lick the picture. Yeah. But all the information is based on how to learn about how to be a better person. So then the conundrum, it's like that, what's that, choose your...

Own adventure. Your own adventure. Where it's like, if you'd like to go to this page to fight the dragon, turn 52. Your own adventure. Or it's like if you'd like to go to this page to fight the dragon, turn 52. Yeah, yeah. In AA, it'd be like, look, are you serious about AA? Because you need to be serious about this to make a change for yourself. If you're going to eat page two that's filled with Percocet,

you might, or stay the course, get to page 15, you might call your dad and tell him you love him. Well, that's true. Yeah, yeah. That would be an interesting yeah if if if there was a choose your own adventure but it all involved like to take a drink or not like the whole book was like here you have a beer yeah and if you just keep choosing the beers like your night just you know the book goes crazy you take them out back you shoot them in the back of the fucking head and throw them in a woodshed less taxes for everybody i think you got it i want to see you go i want to see you go a little wild i want you to see i would start exploring some just get on

youtube start listening to like huberman or those guys and just no i'm just gonna get fully zen out i want you like yeah listen i want you i want to i want a mystical tomm fully Zen out. I want you like, yeah, listen, I want you. I want to I want a mystical Tommy. That's what I want. I want like I did listen to Huberman. I did on alcoholism. Mara found she found this. Yeah, she found this fucking one.

I listened for like two and a half hours. It was incredible. Yeah. And I'm telling you right now. That's what I'm talking about. That's the road I want you to go down. I want you sober, Jordan Peterson, fucking Tim Pool. I want you getting into weird Twitch debate stuff.

I want you fully go. Rip that fucking kid's snow cap off so hard. I think it's just like an old man's ball sack on his forehead. Like, what do you think he's doing? Yeah, what do I think? He's got my hair under there, I think. Yeah, that's your great hair. What are you talking about?

It's flowing. From this angle, I see... I actually... We set these cameras up at a decent angle. My left side's... Right up at a decent angle. My left side's, right side's a strong side. Left side is a weak side. I need to be one of those guys who doesn't part their hair.

I need to figure out whatever that hairstyle is. The moment I put any part anywhere, it's bald. Yeah. It's just right down to my scalp. Do what the young kids are doing where they do this kind of thing. Yeah, the forward. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, over the eyes.

Yeah, like the Milk Boys. What are those dudes called? Is that what they do? Yeah, this is what the young kids do. I don't know. Try it. But then you get zits all in there because your hair is just on your fucking forehead. It's just an armpit.

It's gross. I'm actually worried about my skin's going to be great. I'm going to be ripped out of my fucking skull, dude. Yeah, dude. You're going to be jacked. And you're going to be into alternate science. You're going to get great. I'm going to be ripped out of my fucking skull, dude. Yeah, dude, you're going to be jacked and you're going to be into alternate science. You're going to get into Eastern medicine.

Dude, imagine me trying yoga. Like how funny that would be. I want it so bad. I want you to know like chapter and verse just like Greek mythology and like I want, yeah, Jungian archetypes. I want you

going full... Yeah, dude, you should. Get into it. Read some of the Jung stuff. It's really fun. Battling your shadow self, your animus. It's such a blast to even think about it.

You say that now, but when you start reading it, you go like, oh, yeah, I do have a shadow of myself. And I'm only at half power. If I were to find and conquer my shadow self. Because the danger is you can just become your shadow self, and that's bad. You need to learn to conquer it and control it. You know what I mean? That's what you have to do.

The trick of discovering your shadow self has dangers that you may become the shadow self? Yeah, yeah. You can go like full evil. What is this wonderful story in the Old Testament? Yeah, it's where all that stuff is based from. Of course it is. You drink Dayquil and NyQuil at the same time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you tell a story to a five-year-old who gives a shit. You robo-trip and talk to your mom. Yeah. Well, I'm fucking serious about it. This episode is brought to you by Nutrafol, everybody. Tommy, you know Nutrafol. I do because I'm staring at that fucking healthy goatee

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I'm trying to be less of a goddamn asshole. And it's hard. It's hard. The anger. The anger. That's the thing about when you stop boozing. Ironically, at least for me, is you realize how fucking angry you are all the time. Yeah.

And you have genuine primordial rage that you're just like, I need to address that. Yeah. Instead of just covering it up. You're doing therapy. I know, but I skipped it today. Yeah, yeah, I skipped it today. I was supposed to go today.

I was supposed to go today, and I was like, I can't do it. And I was just like, I'll talk to Tommy. It'll be fine. I'll just do the pod. I'll do the pod. I don't think he was right for me. I don't think it was a good match. We're going to talk about that on the Patreon now, but

when you have this experience with somebody and you're like this isn't Alright let me start that over Yeah Because I think we have a very unique situation Where as a podcaster As a podcaster

You are saying shit that you would probably save A normal person Not an insane person like us A normal person would be like Oh this is perfect to say To a man with a plaque behind them, you know, a certified psychologist or therapist, whatever the fuck.

Yeah. Do you feel like when you talk to that guy the first time you're like, I'm getting so much less out of this than you, than I would talk to my best friend. Uh, definitely because, you know, I only went once. so i'm talking to a

stranger you know what i mean like at least if no matter what i'm saying to you i'm gonna get better feedback on it than i am to that guy you know what i mean yeah because you'll you'll know the parts of the stories that are bullshit you'll know the parts where i'm like misrepresenting how like how i was acting and all that stuff. You know. Yeah. So it's like I think that's the tough part is you're just like, you know. You want to give the person a chance to get to the place where they can actually do their job. But it's also just like I don't know how to catch you up on this.

And I also don't know how much money. Yeah. How much the money and time to catch you up on where you could start helping me. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. And what's the average?

What's the average cost? It's like 160 bucks. 180 bucks. It's crazy. And they're like, come three days a week. And you're like, what? Yeah. And it's like, yeah, they just need to you know i also can't

i i can't tell i don't know where to start and then i don't like when they're not questioning or trying to get a better idea of of like who the people in my life are you know if they're not like investigating my parents or my my my brother or my girlfriend or any of you guys. Or friends from the past or stories from college or high school friends or any of that shit. If they're not like... There's just a certain way of someone trying to investigate my mind that I expect. And it just doesn't seem to be there they just kind of listen and you're like you know I don't know if what I'm saying is right or whether

I'm getting all the information out there you need I don't know what's the what's the first like if you were a therapist what's the first question you would ask somebody? If I was a therapist? The one question that could skip some of that time, without all the relationships, get into your fucking skull and get enough information to go, okay, we can start here. I'd hope that I would start off with something funny, and as soon as they sat down, I was just like, well, shit, how bad is it? You know what I mean? That's just, what the fuck?

I'd want to hit him with a, what are we dealing with here? Just so I know what I'm getting into. Yeah. You know? Like one of the good cops. You want to be a good cop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got personal problems?

Or what's the, do you have some weird, crazy thing that we're working towards or like – It literally is like you go to a trainer and they're like, are you familiar with the equipment? What kind of – do you run at all? Do you play sports? It's like that kind of thing where you need – I don't know. You want someone to like just – what are you looking for? I'll let you know yeah what are the odds of of

someone of our personality and sense of humor to meet a therapist that's kind of fun and fun loving but knows what the fuck he's doing you know what i mean those people are no they're squares because they have to deal with mostly square people and every facet of life. I think all their training, too, is to just let someone walk through their own process. 100%. As opposed to being like, did something happen recently? Not just what brings you in here today,

but it's like, yo, man, what's going on? Yeah. You know? I mean, of course. You're 40 and you're just starting this? Yeah. What happened?

I mean, I'd love nothing more than to say, yes, I'll try therapy. Walk into a dimly lit room that's kind of nice. Nice old weather that's been chapped in. You know? Curtains like this. Maybe some plants like this. Yeah. And the guy just swings me a whiskey.

And he's like, anybody ever fuck you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, you're my guy. But that won't fucking happen. Dude, if you walked in, yeah, I would immediately go, let me guess. Girl problems? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Micro penis or girl problems? And then just. Yeah. Micropenis or girl problems? And then just slap you on the back like, I'm just kidding, pal. Sit down. How you doing? For real, what's your problem? Yeah. Like, you're never going to get that. Yeah.

And it's like, yeah. Yeah, you fucking, yeah, you just be like, what, are you drinking a lot? You get fucked up? How bad is it? You hitting people yeah what's what's the can you tell us any question that he asked or like what you what's the worst you said i know you're not allowed to really do this right no he can't do it you can do it he can't i could do it i i he didn't i mean i only went that one time, and he didn't, like, he was just, like, so what was the first thing he said? He was just, I think he literally said, like, what brings you in here?

And, like, what are you dealing with? And I was just, like, I don't, I was, like... I was going to ask you that same thing. I don't know how to start. I'm sorry, dude. You know what I mean? I just picture when he was like, what brings you in here? And you just slowly unzip your pants.

It's just beating off. Sorry, this happens from time to time. Yeah, it's just what I do. It's just what I'm into. Then he starts to try to address the psychology Sorry, this happens from time to time. Yeah, this is what I do. This is what I'm into. Anyway, I'm going to show you. Then he starts to try to address the psychology behind that, and I'm like, oh, that's not why I came in. Yeah, yeah.

That I'm okay with. That's been working out for me. Me and my mom. Just don't get along. That's been working out for me. Well, that's good, man. Did you think it was? I don't know.

If you go in and you're frustrated about like the current moment it's like it doesn't make any sense for me to like walk through my feelings right now because the reason I'm in here is I don't trust my feelings right now. Yeah. That's what I'm, you know what I mean? It's like, that's the whole thing is that it's just like, I want to have a conversation with someone where I'm figuring out, it's like, am I seeing things clearly? Yeah.

How do people, you know, deal with stuff? Yeah. Well, also, this is a testament to you and your IQ, but I think that's an emotional IQ thing where you are going to hold your guard up for good reason because you want to establish a relationship. It's almost like going on a date with a girl, and she says, I love you on, like, the third date.

And you're like, you don't. Yeah. Not only are you telling me you don't know me, you don't know me. You don't know yourself. And I know never to do this again. So I would think it's the same experience. But I'm going to do it again, and that's a problem. I hate that you did that because it's such a red flag,

and I'm not going to walk away from it. Yeah. He's not going to be around someone that loves him. That's crazy. It's so easy to trick yourself into being like, yeah, I guess I am pretty cool. Yeah. Third date, she said she loved me. I mean, I always knew this would happen.

You're drinking after shows, though, right? Yeah. I feel like I'm on like a one day a week kind of thing. And even then, keeping it fairly light. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking great. I don't know.

It gets addictive a little bit. You get addicted to kind of being sober, I think. Really? Yeah, a little bit. Is that because the hangover when you finally drink once is so bad that you're like, I liked how I started feeling? Yeah, like you, once you start having like foolish days and you wake up, like, fine. Like, you wake up fine and rested. Like, when you wake up hungover, you're, like, even more mad than normal.

Right. Because you're like, this day sucks. And I fucked this day. And it's my fault. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, I don't know how many of these I got left. I can't be pissing them away.

I wanted to like do something today, you know? Yeah. Dude, I'm telling you, even dropping down like five, six drinks over the course of 24 hours or whatever, say eight to 10, waking up like wide awake at 9 a.m. And then I had wine a few nights ago. I went a little harder than than usual I was so fucking pissed I was just so pissed like I wore it for like five hours where I'm just like

well this workout's gonna suck I'm gonna suck at the gym I can't look anywhere near the sun you can't think at all I can't run with my dog it's gone but I do think there is a way son yeah like you can't think you can't think at all i can't run with my dog i can't fucking it's gone but i do think there is a way to manage this where it's like you know a few of our friends

do like weekends like you know old school employer type fucking mentality yeah we drink on friday and saturday just a few beers during sunday football but this Sunday, we're playing the Cowboys, and I'm not drinking a fucking beer. There's no way that's going to happen. I probably swear. What a piece of shit Dak Prescott is. It's like, yeah, right, you have a hamstring injury. Yeah, right. That pussy got his back, dude.

You're terrified. You know what's going to happen. I'm going to this Eagles bar downtown. I mean, there's no Cowboys fans at all. Yeah, you're going to get hammered. You're going to have the time of your life. I'm not. You definitely are.

This is the biggest challenge of my alcoholic life. Is going to a bar? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. No bar doing the Eagles-Cowboys game. Yeah. On a Sunday. Yeah.

You're not going to. My hand, I'm going to, there's going to be nothing in my hands I'm going to be doing this every fucking 30 seconds. Don't ask yourself to do it. This is, this is, yeah. Don't, don't do this to yourself. You're setting yourself up for failure.

Yeah. Don't challenge my dark self What do you call it? What's the half? No, what you do is You don't booze everywhere else And that gives you the freedom To drink at the Cowboys

Well, that's the point Then you go good Hold on, you're right Don't go You're going to kill yourself Because you're going to get shit-faced And you're going to be sad about it. Instead, you should just be enjoying it.

My plan. The boat leaves on Friday from my plan. I can't paddle back to get fucked up on Sunday. It's going to warp everything. I've got to go at least to my birthday, have a couple pops in New York, and then Christmas. And then after that, every month I'm going to decide, like, okay,

maybe I'll get down to, like, one maybe the weekend. Yeah, yeah. There's no way this Eagles game, the Eagles-Cowboys, you're not drinking. There's just no way. Well, it's good to see you, too, Chris, and I'm very proud. There's just no way. And supportive of you as well, you're not drinking. There's just no way. Well, it's good to see you too, Chris, and I'm very proud and supportive of you as well. You know?

You fucking cunt. I hope that derp is killing you. I got to go see another guy. I don't know. There's not that many guys, you know? Well, you're in Bumblefuck. Yeah, yeah. I'm in Bumblefuck, but there's just not that many dudes.

And I don't know. Maybe I'll see a lady. Yeah? I don in Bumblefuck, but there's just not that many dudes. And I don't know, maybe I'll see a lady. Yeah? I don't know, maybe. I bet you should be so turned on by your curmudgeon behavior. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's true. You know?

Yeah. It's the same way men think about, like, I can fix her, you know? Yeah. When you come across in a pant. Women love a cranky old man. Yeah. You see a pan handler woman in Austin, she's got a great body, and you're like, just get in.

We'll get you a part-time job. Get you something to eat. You know, a big belly full of fucking tacos. We'll set this fucking ship right. She's probably looking at you going, man, he's handsome. If I could shave that goatee off just enough not all the way bare this kid that is i used to think that was like a really like like uh just fucked up part of my psychology is that like yeah you you'd always

be like what's the hottest girl I can find? I remember just feeling this way in college that has some type of physical deformity that I'm willing to cope with. You know what I mean? Yeah, just something no one else is going to be going after, but it's the full she's all that kind of thing. It's like, where's the girl with the smoking hot girl with glasses nobody even realizes is hot. Dude, it's she's all that, but she's not all that there. She's missing one arm or one leg.

Yeah. I mean, I've come across a good collage of, you know, women with... Strangers, yeah. Yeah, strangers with something fucking wonky. Yeah, yeah. Things I can't... It's usually their brain. I can't, it's usually their brain, which we all deal with.

Oh, my God, this girl's beautiful. I can't believe no one's locked her up. Yeah, I mean, most of my exes should have came with a handicap plate, but I got, I got to whip around the whole foods parking lot. Fucking 30 times. Yeah. Yeah.

It is that, it is that thing where it's like, if they're interested in me, something's wrong. Yeah. There's something wrong. There's something nobody, nobody walks up to this of sound, mind, and body,

and he goes, that guy, he's got it. Yeah, see, I think this is where you're wrong. You're a special boy. You're bright, hilarious, fun. But your problem is how you look within. And somebody told you that at a very young age, and they were wrong. Well, yeah.

Guess what? You owe me 160 hours you want to do this tomorrow it all goes back to your past i'll take all your tires money dude dude that would be the most annoying thing is if if after all of that time they just like they blamed it on on your parents or something you'd be like dude yeah no shit what's the point yeah yeah what's the point most of them are chiropractics dude chiropractics they're all it's all fraud but everyone's getting it who are they getting it from you know what i mean they get it because they want to do something yeah they just want to say they did something it's like you know you see a girl at the gym

that, you know, she should have been there ten years before, but she's like dancing, and you're like, good for her. Good for her dancing in the mirror. This girl's at the gym dancing? Oh, she's dancing in the mirror? Yeah, I'm talking about yeah, fucking beef bags, you know, there's like meaty broads that aren't there to actually work out.

They just go, or you see like a mom that's fit pushing like a baby carriage and she's in her gym gear just going to get bagels and she's like i walk today i walk today she like everybody just wants to belong to something and i think therapy is like a heightened version of that going like oh i am i'm trying to assimilate with this group of people that are trying to be better. And I want to tell people that I am stronger than you because I'm taking this approach to life and enlightenment. I'm better than you. I think people wear it like a badge.

It's not, the people that really need it, hide it. Like our parents' generation, they would never fucking talk about it you don't fucking do that no and if you're doing it on your own do it on your own read your own fucking books the people that are the loudest are the frauds 100 it's always it's always the case i've been feeling that yeah yep i've been having some hot political takes recently let's go dude who. Who's winning? I don't know. But I was just kind of like, I just feel like if you're making money off of your political opinions, they're fucking bad.

That's a pastor. I feel like anyone's real politics would be disgusting. You know what I mean? Nobody's going to be on your side. No, they'd call the cops if you heard real politics. Yeah. No one, yeah.

They would come from... You're in a drop basement in fucking West Chester, PA. This is where politics are born. From old men in goatees saying shit that you can never say out loud. Yeah. All right, dude, I've done this read before. And I did. Chris, I don't know if you saw the episode, but this is this is one of my favorite products we've ever been sponsored by. It's called Huel. I'm sure you have a batch of this waiting for you when you get back to a day.

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Guys, stuff filing. And now, back to the episode. I'm talking about, yeah, yeah, like real choices that would get made. Yeah. To make a better life what to make a better life for a better country yeah yeah we're would be like sloppy and disgusting i just like for some reason this like political this political like i don't know i hate to both sides it i hate to both sides it but it's like there is like there's a level of grift going on with all of these fucking YouTube politics people that drives me crazy. Crazy.

I can't take it. I can't take it. They live in a silo and that's all they have. So like my biggest issue is like celebrities. Like when people come out and like they make it their badge of honor and their identity. It's like, dude, no one asked for this. I feel like it's almost like someone of power and wealth that only surrounds himself with yes men. And they start to believe their own bullshit going, I just say whatever the fuck i mean it essentially is true

we're joking about there's like there's been sort of like a group of people that are like not really that famous that have come out and been like i endorse kamala harris oh my god it's like dude who the fuck cares are you out of your mind aunt diane is underneath going you're right charlotte yeah you did a 30 person at a fucking brooklyn bowl last week no one cares you know what i know everyone's been waiting Which side I'm going to choose In this battle Do you remember that Lizzo clip? Where I talked about Yeah, yeah

Her fucking blowing McDonald's into the Yeah, into the flute There was an LA comic that like I don't know, she did a couple things But she came out so hard against that like like this was a message for the empowerment of women and she like stood her ground or fucking heels in the dirt kind of thing and it was like so sad to me where i was like dude we've known each other for years you clearly know i was trying to make something funny

you know it's just just and it's so And it's so funny. It's so funny. You're going to use it. You're going to use that line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to steal it. Yes. Quietly at a bar, you're going to hit the moment where it's the right time to say, it'll be about a fat Republican, and you'll say they're blowing McDonald's into something.

Yes, yes. And it will destroy. And you'll say they're blowing McDonald's into something and it will destroy and you'll ride home and it's like, you know what? That's real politics. The conflicted feeling you would have of feeling like you used something you saw

your enemy do against your enemy and you're conflicted about it. Yeah. The art of war. It's the art of war.'s sun that's classic sun zoo that's the kind of stuff that's the kind of stuff i want you reading dude 100 i want you walking around can i join the military 44 i want you walking around with Sun Tzu, like dog beard, posted notes all over it. Oh, man.

I fucking hope my comedy is OK. Dude, this dude's sober me is scary. But my energy level, everything's everything's fucking nice so far. But this is like, again, phase one. It's the best. You got to try it. Try it. Yeah, it is a trip

it's a fucking weird brain it's a weird brain thing when you're drinking all the time i was talking to this the guy a little bit about that where it's like it is weird it's like you're drinking almost every day for 20 years and then you just stop yeah yeah yeah every day yeah every day and you stop you're like this is whoa dude i said something weird schultz and i were taking a the sprinter van back from the shoot yeah and i was i was talking to the the driver uh whatever his name i know his name but uh south philly jack guy you know yeah so funny an older guy and we're talking about like fighting and doing all the how you doing kind of shit.

And we got to drinking. I was telling Schultz. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to stop soon. Because I want to say this to everybody. You know, I want to tell you because I'm held a little accountable. Listen, I'm just telling you the truth. Quiet. You got to do it. Fucking Navy Seal, dude. You got to just

quietly do it. No. There's no. No. You got to just quietly do it. No, there's no fuck. What? You made Navy SEAL and not drinking? Dude, yeah. Dude, hold on a second. You ever have any fucking drop dead drunk friend or family member who's always got a glass of wine, a woman? Yeah. Or drinking a fucking triple martini?

And all of a sudden she's like no no no just eating doritos and you're like what's wrong with you what's up of course she's fucking pregnant women women have it out and then they put like i don't know sherry into like soda water and they pretend they're drinking so people don't know she's pregnant yet there's no male fake pregnancy i I can't. I mean, I can walk around with a cider that's non-alcoholic. There's no fake in it. So Schultz is like, he's like, drinking every night?

And I was like, yeah, for a while. Like my answer was, yeah for for a while because internally i couldn't conceive the reality of saying yes like i wasn't just being like you have you drank every day for the last 20 years yeah yeah i can't be it can't be every day can it yeah even my there's no way there's had to be yeah there's no way there had to be There's no way there had to be a break I was like yeah for a while And he laughed So hard

The instinctive Response and deflection And protective nature of My voice just like yeah for a while It was like the other half of me going For a while it's not full time It's like yeah but it is You know you have to just, it's not full time. It's like, yeah, but it is. You know, you have to just fucking lean into it and go, yeah, you're a piece of shit for this many years every fucking day.

Yeah. You know? Yeah, it's tough. But I will say, this is what you made me think of this earlier, was like, they always say men age better than women. But I also think old men are way better drunk than an old woman oh my god yeah oh a woman that's been drinking every day for 20 years and we know it's not good no dude it's not good i ran into one i ran into one over the weekend. Boy, howdy.

Did she die? No, no, but it was just like... I thought you said you ran over one over the weekend. No, no. Is that why your car got totaled, dude? Oh, my God. Yeah, old women can't drink as well. I ran over one the other weekend. Yeah, they're like deer out here, dude.

Yeah, they come out of nowhere. Their husbands go to the golf course. They just drink and they wander. They wander. Yeah. They really. I do. Yeah.

Oh, man. I ran into one over the weekend. That was. That was. Yeah. It was. They really, I do, yeah. Oh, man. I ran into one over the weekend that was, yeah. She had a really drunk face, and she was with another guy who was also, like, hammered. My girl and I were just sitting there,

and they started a conversation with us. And it was a classic, like, drunk person moment where they were like, oh, like, how long have you been living in philly i brought up that i played lacrosse at drexel and then she was like oh do you know a kid named this and i was like yeah yeah i'm like good buddies with him he's gonna stop by here because he lives in the area and she was like oh no no if he stops by i gotta i gotta leave like it was like, oh, no, no, no, no. If he stops by, I got to leave. Like, it was like she had destroyed her life so much in whatever corner of the world he was also in.

And then, like, they, like, the couple, they had, like, a private conference after it. You know what I mean? Like, the drunk couple sitting next to each other. Do we leave or not? Yes. And I was like, no, no no he's not gonna come he was just he i was just i was just making conversation kind of thing yeah yeah yeah and they're like all right and then two seconds later the bartender walks up and goes listen ma'am you look like you've been crying you gotta leave she hadn't been crying what time this? It's like 7 p.m.

That's a drunk white woman's fucking 2 in the morning. She's been going after it since 10 a.m. Dude, it was brutal. Did you find out her name? I did, but I don't remember it. I genuinely don't remember it. What do you think it could have been? Did she fuck him as a kid? No, no, no, no, no.

It was this. This had to do with just like, I think she had been in a relationship with someone that he knew and that they had gotten divorced or something like that. It was crazy. Or she's cheating on her husband

with the guy she was with and he might know her and her husband. That could be. It was crazy. Or she's cheating on her husband with the guy she was with and he might know her and her husband. That could be. That could be. Either way. Either way, I hope they don't listen to the pod because I might be... I hope they do. I'll tell you what. I don't want any of this to wind up in a courtroom

proceeding. You know what I mean? They're deciding how to split the assets. It's like, roll clip 21. A 60-year-old white rich woman that gets blacked out on Chardonnay daily is a Patreon member. That's a woman that wants to waste some time listening to dudes talking about some wild shit.

Dude, they're full gossip bots. All they do is they're just gossip. They're just gossip. That's why the Real Housewives are even a thing. They're paid for by men that are probably sleeping with secretaries. They don't have anything to do all day long. Humans need drama. Humans need experience. They need to do all day long humans need drama humans need experience they need to do something

so they everyone fights for this this lifestyle of like mansions and high profile wealth and then you realize you're just captured you're just your dog in a bigger beautiful cage but you're not getting out no one's fucking run taking you for a walk or a run and your owner doesn't love you anymore so you're just sitting around going where are my other dogs that feel the same way i do so you find seven debbies or martha's or whatever the fuck that are still wine drunk in their own little cages and then you create drama among each other going tell me about charlie what did he do that's what's he up to yes that's the scariest thing is that like you yeah you spent a whole life getting fucked up and not building learning how to

do anything zero skills yeah no ability to just yeah yeah enjoy your own brain and you're now you're trapped in full hell and so you're just inserting yourself and you're just yeah you're trapped in full hell. And so you're just inserting yourself. You're trying to throw a party all the time and have arguments about the logistics of getting the shrimp there and whether there's going to be ice. Right. You're just like, that's the... And you know what?

They don't know how to do a party. I told her. I told her. No one's going to eat... Slice deli meat? You brought slice deli meat? Yeah. She hasn't had a job in 15 years. No purpose.

No sense of self. It's like you leave a dog... That's what I feel like I'm heading towards. I'm in panic mode. I promise you you won't because... You're my dog. I've got to run. That's what I'm worried about. I need,

I need like, yeah, I need a rock of St. Peter. I need like, yeah, I need to learn how to do something. Nah, man,

I got a big puzzle. I got a big, big fucking, not a puzzle. I got a big Lego thing that I'm going to build. A big Lego thing. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Are we rolling? Can we start over? I got, I got a gigantic 4,000-piece Lego thing. It's a house, and I'm going to build it. You only got until you're coming home soon. You're coming home in a month. I know, but I'm going to start it.

I'm going to start the project. Oh, yeah. You're going to travel well with this fucking half-done Lego house? Chris, you know how many things you've lost? Maybe I'll sell it. Maybe I'll sell it on Etsy or something. To a drunk lady? I'll finish it.

Completed Lego house. It's Lego. It's falling water. It's Lego falling water. I'll look it up. Frank Lloyd Wright house. Yeah. Frank Lloyd Wright, the man, by the way.

Yeah. You've been researching this? I went and saw the house. It's in Western PA. It was sick. And then, yeah, it was, then I bought a Lego thing. But he is the man. Again.

He built that house. He built that house or designed that house because they left him out of the top architects conference. He went nuts. I miss you so much, man. I swear, our fans i i apologize for the break

but we'll be back dude because i know his brain's broken and i'm just as worse i'm like i'm digging the zoom yeah i fucking hate it i'm digging the zoom i just posted a pic of what this looks like it's horrendous yeah i gotta get close to my router. You look great. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you've got to sit next to the router. Yeah. The back is the... Now I'm putting everybody up.

My dog and my other dog. How is the dog? The dog, she's the best, man. Yeah. Both my girls are great. They're doing great. Oh, that's nice. She's six and a

half months now she does a lot of jumping she jumps on josh she jumps on she doesn't see a lot of strangers because in texas there's like uh i don't know if they get like dog aids from licking water or smelling grass there's like this strain of something they have to get shots for months so she was landlocked for a while it's like a corona baby you know yeah uh so now we got to go to dog parks and you know beer gardens and stuff she's getting she's getting acclimated fuck yeah smart as hell she's a fucking runner man it's crazy that's great i mean i'm running you got the frisbee going you got the frisbee going not no frisbee yet because our yard is is too small and too narrow but i can i could do the training frisbee going not no frisbee yet because our yard is is too small and too narrow but i can

i could do the training frisbee which is like you start with certain trip i dude i looked it up i saw this fucking asian guy he was probably this was at a beer garden when she was probably four months it's like two months ago i see this guy working like this uh australian shepherd and he's pulling around and then whipping it australian shepherd is running a fucking a 3-2-40 like just dark dude and i waited patiently and i was like hey man big fan i reversed who knowed him i was like you big fan i saw all you were doing out there dude i gotta i gotta be honest i would love that for my dog eventually she i think she's gonna be a runner i don't know if she's she is a hound in some sort i don't know what the fuck is going on yeah this girl likes to fucking sniff and and get at it how do i train her and he's like i just looked up youtube videos

of how to train a dog with a Frisbee. That rules. Patiently. So you start with like a small toss. You get to like four feet. You get to 10 feet. And then you teach him how to like start running before you toss. Yeah.

That's my dream. And you got to teach him to bring it back, right? Yeah. The back is the hardest part. Even with the backyard toys. I bought this pouch. I have a treat pouch. It snaps on like a fanny pack.

It's a fanny pack with dog treats. It's an extension for the fanny pack? No, it's its own fanny pack. It snaps onto an existing fanny pack or it's its own fanny pack? I know what you're doing right now, Chris. I don't like it. I'm not wearing a fanny pack in this scenario.

You're getting fanny pack accessories. It replaces my old fanny pack for dog treat fanny pack. And it's got a little magnetic snap. So, like, you throw it to her. When she brings it back, when she's bringing it back to you, she likes to chase. So part of the game with her is the chase, not just the toy. She likes when I run around and try and catch her.

And she'll do that. If it's not a toy, she'll grab something she shouldn't eat. She's not going to consume it, but she wants to fuck with me. So I chase her. So the whole thing is you let her sniff it. She gets close. You say drop. She drops the toy, give her the treat, pick up the toy, keep doing it.

And if you don't do that every day, she forgets. Yeah. So what people do incorrectly, what I did with my last dog, is you start tugging on the whatever it is, a Frisbee, a toy, and you keep saying drop. And their sensory, they go drop means fight. So you're constantly pulling saying drop, and they don't stop, and they think that's what drop means.

They love a good tug of war once they get tired. Oh. Yeah, after they get a couple sprints in, they're just like, no, let's wrestle with this for a while. I'm going to stand. I said this to you before, and I want to apologize again, when I was like, my dog's not going to be on the couch. It certainly won't be on the fucking.

Dude, she sleeps, when I say in between our faces, like, she'll crawl up and like... Just breathe in between our ears. It's the greatest thing in the world. And it's fucked up because you enjoy seeing their face more than your loving girlfriend. Yeah. Cut. We got earbuds in too, right?

I feel so guilty when I wake up. No, 100%. When I wake up and the cat's next to me, I'm like, oh, beautiful. Yeah, yeah. And if I wake up and she's next to me, I'm like, get on your side. Can you move over? Get on your side. Jesus Christ.

Look at the hair from the side of the bed hair When it's a cat I'm like oh yeah we're sharing a little body It's nice I'm warm I'm safe It's a queen my 28 pound dog And I'm on the side like Are you okay baby Yeah if I could just teach my dog To put on lipstick and a nice hot dress

I think I could you know Save some money That is true every guy is just really looking for a good dog To fuck Teach my dog to put on lipstick and a nice hot dress. I think I could, you know, save some money. That is true. Every guy is just really looking for a good dog. To fuck. That is when they get, like, fucking robots you can fuck. It's just like, just put my dog's brain in there.

Oh, my God. Just happy and licking all its everywhere. The one time I can't stop saying stop licking Just saying the same kind of shit I swore I wouldn't let it sleep in the bed But now it's like I just love it She's running out of battery like I wonder if like every generation knew There was some type of technology that was about to be advanced that they knew they were going to miss that turn. No, dude.

That's only the past like 100 years. Yeah. That's what I mean. But every person that was about to die was like, God, I really want it for most of the Internet. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like whatever whatever your weird brain is into. but, like, sex, that's the populace. That's everybody for the most part.

99.9% is like, give me the best version of a sex robot. We're going to be so close to that because my bird's already dying down. You know? Like, it's. Yeah. It can only. It's like an old laptop. It can only take, like, a certain amount of charge.

It gets to, like, 63 an old laptop. It can only take like a certain amount of charge. It gets like 63%. It's not full 99. It overheats real quick. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So now I'm like, ah, we're so close. The next 20 years, you're just going to have someone walk in the door. However you design it, however you paid for it. Your dream girl.

It's going to have all the squishies and the suctions and the pressure shots, you know? Yeah. And then you just go lay down, just like a dog. Yeah. Go lay down. But, I mean, think about it. I got a podcast to do.

What's crazy is back in the day, nothing changed. Yeah. It probably made it so much easier to die in, like, war and stuff. No, I'm talking about before cars. I'm talking, like, the 1200s. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just be like, well, it's just going to be this. It's always been this.

Right, yeah. So heaven seems pretty good. You know, I'll fight in the battle. If I die, then whatever. I'm not going to miss anything It's just going to be farming again Next year They burned his wife because she questioned religion Once

He's raising three kids None of his vegetables are growing That would be tough to live with Your wife getting lit on fire Because they thought she was a witch Yeah just because she said one, you know, one off comment. She cast one spell, yeah. Yeah.

Let a woman have one spell, dude. Yeah. Let them live. Do her thing. All right, Chris, thanks for being my podcast guest. Do you have anything to promote? Anything to plug? Yeah, I'll be in Westchester, Pennsylvania.

For the next six weeks. All right, bro. We're back. We're doing it. I think we figured it out. Yeah, hopefully we got this eyeline right. Yeah, I think it'll work out. I should have done that kid bangs for so long.

I'm probably going to have those zits you feared. Yeah. My hair's fucking nuts, too. So we're good. We're doing it. All right. I'm going to get to... Thanks for listening, guys.

We're back. Thank you, guys. We are back.