Stuff Island - LIVE FROM SKANKFEST - Sam Talent + Tim Butterly - Stuff Island #154

Episode Date: October 9, 2024

Stuff Island is LIVE FROM SKANKFEST with guests Sam Tallent and Tim Butterly! Sam Talent and Tim Butterly are nationally touring stand up comedians and have been featured on Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en -Follow Sam on IG: https://www.instagram.com/samtallent/ -Follow Tim on IG: https://www.instagram.com/timbutterly/ Head to squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND. Try Bluechew for FREE! with Promo Code: STUFFISLAND. Just pay $5 for shipping. Bluechew.com Use Promo code "Stuff Island" at checkout for 15% off your first order at huel.com Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Guys, thank you so much for coming out to Stuff Island Live. It's crazy, you could make it and my co-host couldn't. But I did bring two of my dear, dear friends. You know them? You love them? I'm going to bring out one of my dear, dear friends. You know them? Yeah. You love them? Yeah. I'm gonna bring out one of these animals at a time.

Give it up for Tim Butterly, everyone. Tim the Tim. Tim the Tim. Saving the day for the baby tech! Save the tech! No, I bullied Tommy into letting me do this with him. Tommy was looking at his shoes and scraping the floor. I said, what's wrong, Tom? I said, Tammy, what's going on with you, buddy? I was on Adderall staring at my feet. He said, well, it's just Chris.

I don't think he's going to be here for South Island on Sunday. I said, would you do me the honor of making me the happiest podcasting fill-in guy in the entire world and say yes to me helping you do this show? Yeah. And you were like, uh. I was like, thank you, yes. Wow. He said, uh.

Dude, you are, I mean, the next king I'm going to bring up here, that's so gay to say. Thank you, ah. Dude, you are, I mean, the next king I'm gonna bring up here, that's so gay to say. Thank you, king. My lord. But it's true. You guys are the fucking, you're in the pocket. You're two of the best. Whoa. Yeah.

They don't agree with that at all. They don't. As a human being, people think I'm mean as hell. Do you guys know I'm too ugly? Shut the fuck up. You are hot shit with big fat natural tits. That's it, I don't feel good this morning.

Shut up. They wanna titty fuck you. Okay, if you guys say so. That's the whole point of this. Look at this. I love you very much. We're in a goddamn high school graduation right now. I would. Some of these people,

a lot of them didn't make it to the real one. Jim, did you be able to pay an extra $200 a week and get your GED when you leave? Your yearbook's on layaway? You guys ready for the next guest? Your ear books on the way away. You guys ready for the next guest? Are we having fun?

I'm gonna keep asking that, because I'm not. I'm in my own fucking head right now. Lost a lot of money. Lost a lot of money. Lost a lot of money. You need to... God, look at this pose, dude. That's a silverback. You're crazy. Guys?

I'm looking at a panda's penis and balls right now. Give it up for the next guest. Again, dear friend, Sam Town. It's team one. You see this attitude? Two and two. Go Broncos. Yeah, that's right.

No one cares when you guys lose either. It's the best. It really brings America together. What do you mean? When the Eagles lose, America smiles. You guys have the worst fans, your city has its problems. Do you think we're fans? No, no, I would never put you that high on the pedestal. No, no. Insane. Yeah.

I feel like we went through the fucking muck for a long time so that everyone would respect us. No, no, you guys are like the dude in your small town that you know fucks a dog. And he's really stoked on the dog fucking and you can tell when the dog really threw it back at him that day. He was at the grocery store handing out silver dollars. That's you guys. That's there? Am I insane? No, no, no, no, no, no. First of all, if it was Frankie Lucy... Yeah, yeah. He got nuts with all of us.

Hey, man. Everyone's got his secrets. There's no... No, I disagree with this. Of course you do. You're stupid. You're an Eagles fan. Yeah, he got your ass, dude. Missed me with all of it. Yeah, too. Flat as no flags.

This is actually like a sick idea. Fucking a dog? No, no. Just for this podcast to bring in like the brightest minds just to shit on me. Yeah.

For an hour straight. We both talked and thought that that was what you were trying to do. Yeah. And we and we thought wow Tommy's a genius let this retard run in the backyard for a while tire mouth I mean if Chris couldn't get here because he's counting Netflix money or whatever. Yeah, Jesus Christ.

Don't start. Don't fucking start. You called in two ringers, man. You got Timmy and the old Estelle. Yeah. Yeah. Chris is busy.

Dude, we're here to eat. Seriously, I'd like a calzone by the end of the hour. That's an Italian joke. Did you guys not understand it was an Italian joke? Is this how the pod goes? You spoon feed

them all the heavy hitters? We stopped. We fucking stopped. 500 in the hole. Today. No, Tommy, we love you. Yeah, thank you, Sam. I'm going to look at you right now.

It's crazy. Don't behold a winner. Tommy, the thing I like the most about you being here all weekend is you're, I think, conventionally attractive enough to probably just inspire rage in a lot of their hearts. What do you mean, rage?

Like, uh... It means angry, Tom. And then you win them back with your brain. This sucks so far. Gotta be honest. Losing the over-under In this podcast I bet the over-under Was fun

Fuck You got two friends Two allies right here To help guide your ship man Yeah thank you so much. Yeah, we've had a big weekend in Austin. We did. Yeah.

Yeah. Sam had five sold-out shows. It has nothing to do with me. That's not true. It's Joe Rogan's comedy club. People fly in from across seas to go see Chris Kattan, you know? Is Kattan in here?

Yeah, he's here. He's definitely on the premises, dude. Kattan is on the premises. I know, I heard the alarm. He looks like Gru. Yeah. That boy gets at it. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I saw Tim come out here with double-stacked beverages, That boy gets at it. Oh yeah. Yeah. I saw Tim come out here with double stacked beverages so I said I'm not going to look like a loser out there so I also stacked up. What do you got? I need my cubes. Lacroix? Breathwits?

Huh? Lacroix? Lacroix? What is it? Do you smell toast? Dude. I'm so, I'm so. It's not good.

It's not good. I not good it's really not good you for the bus man does anyone have any questions is that is Chris Kattan faking that walk to become a Kill Tony regular? Wait, he's got a limp? Does he have a limp? I didn't know this. Does Kattan got a limp? There's a hitch and it's get up.

He's got a hitch. Does he really? That's hilarious. He's chasing a duck through a pond. It looks like Andy circus is doing motion capture for him. This is so fucked up. The man is here. He's on your Patreon.

He's in the rameoli here or whatever. Oh my god, dude. Just him picking up pills with his teeth. Oh, come on. That's not... There's so many Kataniacs in there. What if he's here and he's like,

I just want to decompress him. Oh my God. It's so funny, dude. Everyone's been so late to be here. That is so funny. I'm going to go watch SI. That's so funny. Just me as an SNL actor,

and then years later, everyone's like, is this a bit, dude? He's like, no, my spine. My spine is deteriorating from my pill use. All my clitoris. Oh, yeah, very funny. My lumbar spine has been destroyed

by gay prostitutes, Tommy. I shit in the bag and you're making fun of me. This is why you play the game. Let's go! This is it! Oh, man. Fuck. You know what was fun is yesterday I did a do-rag in the Deer Tech.

Yeah. You know, the Philly community has... Well, that's your turn. What? Yeah. I call them very confused. Tim calls them race traitors. They are the race traitors. They are the race traitors.

T-R-A-D-E-R-S. So, please don't A when it doesn't hit. Alright? Yeah, but I got to perform a very sincere marriage ceremony for Ryan Foster

and Zoe Compton. It Compton, now Zoe Foster. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life. What? I was standing up. Oh, was it? Yes, it was, dude. Were you there, Tommy?

You have no idea, man. You have no, dude. What were you doing? First of all. What? Calm down. I'm doing a countdown. I need more physical stuff

Tommy let him cook please I'm standing up here and right here is Dr. Drew And like you know We've got fucking Iggy Chris Kattan Chris Kattan was the room there Just picking up napkins He was carrying it under his arm Walking like a gorilla Just picking up napkins. He actually did. He did it inside the pair and I made it right out of it.

He was carrying it under his arm walking like a gorilla. Just picking through trash looking for pills. This is such a nasty thing to do. Chris, come on, come on, come on. Chris, come on. People are getting married.

Ah! But it was like very beautiful vows. Yeah. But I read these very beautiful vows. Yeah. But it was for Philly trash. Yeah, yeah. So I'm trying,

I'm like, you know, and love is the only answer to the pain that is humanity and fucking Peg O'Leary's doing the worm up front. It was funny watching periodically your vocabulary get away from them.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Ryan Shainer had a list of words. He wanted answers for it. What the hell's monogamous? Oh, wait. You did the thing.

I literally married them. Wow. I'm ordained. You're ordained? Yes. What's that, like 20 bucks and a fucking pizza hut ticket? I think, yeah.

I had to read four books over summer break. No, you just fucking mail in. Next thing you know, your cousin's married to your cousin. Yeah. Yeah. Did you...

You don't know him, though, right? I don't know anyone, really. Yeah. The older you get, the more you realize you barely know your fucking self. What is it to know, you know? Look at this.

I need you. Kill yourself. I know, I know. I have to answer this man later. I'm sorry. It's very funny. It's very funny. It's very funny. That's the issue.

Yeah. Well, what was so beautiful about it? I would say Sam's prose, mostly. Oh, okay. There was no cons. Except naive. One black. Yeah, it was beautiful,

and there was a point where Sam choked himself up. Did you? Yeah, yeah. He started crying reading his book. Sam called me a faggot. It was great. Did you really get choked up? Of course. Dude, this is...

It was so beautiful. Truly the choked up of course dude dude this is bro it was so beautiful truly the epitome of being so hung over for so many days in a row that you just get emotional over nothing i mean i'm not even drinking it was not nothing you're sober yeah i was doing this this was just like you cried you cried reading words that you wrote for someone you don't know? What the fuck? That's how good it was. That's insane. Yeah, now that I've brought it up, I regret doing this. No, no, good for you, man. You're emotionally vulnerable and available.

I am. I'm available, man. Sir, what are you doing? Wanting for a pie to steal up? He's gonna piss hard. He might shit in his fanny pack, dude. That guy's got a tongue. He's going to go fight Donkey Kong in a different platform. Oh yeah, you do it too. Let's go. Where are you going, fatty?

Hey, Kirby, don't swallow the couch. Yeah, you over there. Your turn, buddy. Come on. It's a retard pageant. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Oh no, for real? Hey, hey, come on.

Your turn. No, not you, the mutant. No, yes. Come on, do a little stuff. Come on, bring that funky band. That's what I'm talking about. Wow. Let's go.

That's how you won the Beast Barbells. Look at the size of that fucking skull. That is gracious. A short-haired Bronx purebred retard, guys. Look at it. That's why we do this. $200, huh? I'm a race trader, see?

Yeah. Yeah. $300 and a horse. For the man with the skull of a fucking animal. Is there like a fucking Arby's sign out in front of it? It's just one after one. My God. There's a bunch of Oka Shanks in here, fellas. Oh, my God.

Whoa. What the fuck is going on? Now we're talking. Jesus Christ. Get out of the way, little guy. Boo. Get that cat out of the way. You fucking skinny faggot.

Boo, they can all see us. Boo. Bring Honolulu back. I want all of Honolulu to come back here. That's the big island, bro. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's not going to translate to anyone at home,

but man, that fucking parade of adult onset fetal alcohol syndrome i feel like a butcher what who said that what did you say yeah what'd you say why did you say my italian friend just now yeah Does anyone have any questions? Tight spirals! What? Tight spirals baby. Do you like the idea of you know asking questions? I like anything you want man, I'm here to support you, I'm your friend. I think that's fun. We could keep just making fun of you. We could do a coin toss. About what? Heads, we throw to the crowd. Tails, you're fucked.

Yeah. I have a coin with two tails. I'm trying to cum. Dude, I beat off so angrily before I got here. After the game, before you got here? After the game, went home, showered. In the shower or after the shower? Shower beat off.

You beat off after the shower? No, no, no. Okay, sorry. Boom. Before. He beat off on his way to the shower. It's a big hurdle. I swear to God, this is,

if you had a shotgun in my mouth. Lie detector test? No. You know what I looked up? Mature interracial. Whoa. Yeah. Nice.

You should've just jerked off to a picture of your girlfriend like I do. She's beautiful. Yeah. She's so pretty she wasn't allowed in the cooking segment we did in Austin two weeks ago. There's too many fucking dead-eyed freaks out there. Can't trust them.

I understand. Would you end up on a sketch in her butthole? From memory? Yeah, just from memory. The ultimate skank fest. Which interracial combo did you land on? No, just a black dude

pounding some old bitch. Was that black dude also old? No. I can't give him that. I knew a young athlete that beat the Eagles. Yeah, it was a wide receiver.

Beat the fuck out of my grandma. She was probably thrilled, though. Oh, she was just having a ball. Good for her. I'm so pumped for her. Imagine being an old lady and a black guy just beats it up for you. Oh, my God. She had to use the restroom like halfway through.

Like, where's going off the whole time? Still hanging from the necks. Smacking off her big fat tits. Oh, grandma's not answering. She's probably busy. I'll just go check on her in person. Yeah. God, my grandma.

What? I just miss her. When I was eight years old my grandma died at Brookstone in Castle Rock it was an old folks home she died at a shoe store? she was in one of those

chairs that vibrates she died coming just kept putting quarters no but she died it wasn't even my dad's mom, but he was like, we can wait. You gotta get that owl pellet out of your tongue. Shut up dude. We gotta bring it open and read the bones. Yeah, my dad was like, we gotta go say goodbye to grandma.

So I just remember sitting in a room with my dead grandmother who did not have her wig on. She had bird hands. My dad kept rubbing her hand and the skin was accumulating. Oh my God. That's disgusting. I just said I already tamed you. Ew, ew, man. I hate that.

I don't know why I remembered that. Oh, yeah. She used to get pounded by this black guy. Let's go. There is something about being, you know, just visually, it's naughty. Oh yeah, I know. It's perverse. Yeah, it's taboo. Just a man that's jacked.

Throwing up a 4-3-40. Just knock around a woman that runs a library. Loose spirals. Running late. No time for breakfast. You're starving. I've been there. We've all been there.

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In this shitty hotel room? I had to catch a flight. I had no time for a meal. I grabbed a Yule. I did. It just got delivered yesterday. You should know this, but it's the truth. It just got delivered yesterday.

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Who's going to honey bake? What's the plan, people? This is the Q&A we wanted. What is your ham strategy for Thanksgiving 2024? Ladies and gentlemen. Definitely not Kwanzaa ham strategy. No. Answer the fucking question, kids. Let's get a wine and pineapple kid. Okay, pineapple juice, that's a start. Smoker. Smoker? I don't even know him.

Do you smoke your own hand? That's insane. Pause. That's great. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it.

I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it.

I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. I'm not even gonna say it. That's insane. Pause. That's great. Yes! I never gonna see these guys. We're cutting up. We're goofing, man. You're goofing. Yeah, because the next time I see you, I might be looking up from my own casket.

I know I was. Pipes just so fucking broke stone. Eat all the ham while you can, kids. Because one time, someday your doctor wife will say, that's enough. Medical, that's enough ham.

I would go to that drawer in the guest room and put a fucking pizza on there. Hidden ham, dude. I don't have that fucking ham right now. That ham was for everyone. Like a backup garage door. Have you ever been fat enough

that someone preemptively warns you when you go to a casserole or a lasagna and be like, remember, that's for everybody. I was pretty fat, and to this day before i dig a spoon into a thing of anything i go has everyone eaten yeah yeah yeah that's good yeah god that's so i was never fat but uh sleep was that kind of way you know if you slept if you slept in my mother goes musta needed it break my brain with oh look who's up there's like there's lazy bones yeah there he is yeah there he is teenage boy musta needed it yeah that's a second

helping the fucking was on your brains are growing at that age. Yeah, you should be able to sleep Without all that bullshit. Yeah, I never sleep forever. You know, I never slept Your mom is so peaceful and slept Here's something you can't really do it all I was the opposite of you. I never slept I stayed up later everybody so I could watch cool stuff and then I got up before everybody so I could play video games on the TV. So I was probably getting

like four and a half hours a night since I was like six years old. You had your day. Yeah, I was living a CEO lifestyle. I was living three separate productive days. 6.30,, 1130, I'm playing Super Nintendo.

That's one day. 1130, 230. There's a part where the horse racing channel flips over to the TV guy channel and for five minutes it accidentally shows scramble porn every day. That's day two. Then we got a little hot pocket hour.

I don't make my bed because that's wasted money. I heard some fucking shark say that. Whatever that bull Jew is. He's like, I don't make my bed. I can't make my bed. That's money. It's lost money. Time is money.

So does he have like a slave or something? He's paying someone to make the bed for him. Yes. That's lots of money right there. He said he did that before he got, you know, wealthy. Wow. Well, I think technically a bed never needs to be made. It's like the blankets are there, man.

Just tuck yourself in. Why are we making beds at all? Who are you showing off for? Dude, that's your private space. Stop cam-girling, faggot. Stop fingering yourself in front of your pets, you fucking loser. You think those red flags are happy?

You beat the crickets with those names, bitch. How about this? You know what bed wants to be made the most? A bed who wants desperately to be in the mafia. I brought it back. It wants to be made. It's your people. He's got you, dude. No, he isn't.

Dude, he's locked on. You better get out of the way, man. The missile's coming. I feel like... Go ahead and leave the way, man. The missile's coming. I feel like... Leave the duvet cover. I'm gonna make my bed right now. What? Are you sundown in Tommy? Do you know...

I just found out what a sundown town is. Oh, yeah. What's that mean? Well, take a guess at a sundown town is. Oh, yeah. What's that mean? Well, take a guess at what sundown town means. It's not a sundown town. A town that gets wild when the sun goes down? Kind of. All right.

I would hear people say that. You're going to want the answer. Don't yell it out, but do you guys know what sundown towns are? Yeah, these guys are fucking searching... What's the real estate website for them? Yeah, they're looking for property in Harrison, Arkansas right now. So I heard people say things like, I'm going to see my grandparents, they live in a sundown town. And my assumption was that, oh, there's towns that are, like,

specifically accommodating the people with, like, Alzheimer's and, like, failing cognitive abilities. That's good. I get confused. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I don't know if they fucking, like, nerfed the crosswalks or something.

And I thought, wow, what a great fucking thing that we have. And then last week, I read an article about what sundown towns really are, and I went, wow, what a great fucking thing that we have. And then last week I read an article about what sundown towns really are, and I went, oh, no. I probably had some pretty unfavorable reactions and conversations thinking back now. Sundown towns are places where black people aren't allowed to live.

You mean heaven? Where his fucking mama is? Welcome to Sundown Island. Sundown Island. I'll have none of them. Yeah, so black people aren't allowed to be there after sundown. Jesus. Yeah, so I'm going like, oh, that's nice for them.

Yeah. At least your grandparents are safe. Yeah. I like one day I can retire to one as well. So my bad. The recent term? No, no. No, no, it was like an old one.

Yeah, this is kind of something you learn about in college. Five years ago. Yeah. Yeah, ever since Kamala started running, they've been popping up all over. Zillow was the real estate website I was trying to remember the name of. Remember that 10 minutes ago? Remember when I said a bed that wants to be in the mafia? Remember that? Close me to this. Simple times. Sundown meant one thing.

No goddamn breakdancing. Damn. We're all out of cardboard. What are we going to do? All these fucking Zillows moving in town. I'm not going to let my daughter date a Zillow. You understand? She ain't going to bring no fucking red fin home to me.

We're having fun. Ooh, man. This is it. This is it. We're having fun. As long as this chair doesn't explode, I'm at a great window. Maybe.

If it did, we'd get a pop. Dude, that is... We'd get a pop. That is right up there with being asked if you... I was telling someone the casserole get a pop. Dude, that is right up there with being asked, I was telling someone, the casserole's for everyone. Yeah, yeah.

That kind of chair pops, you have to leave the wedding. Even if it's yours, you gotta get out there. There's that second where you're sitting on the floor with your legs straight out in front of you on a flat chair. Only cool that you have to do the dance move where you pick yourself up. Where you spin like an egg to your feet. Oh my God, yeah, that one makes you want to... What made you emotional during the speech?

Just remembering how much love means to me. Did you write for you and your wife? It felt like it. Yeah, it did. Yeah. It's all the things that we couldn't say to her. Yeah. I get that.

She won't answer. What's that? We made a lot of people cry from that speech. I'm not going to. Let's go. It's good to cry. It's good to cry in public. Do you have it?

Do you have it on your phone? do you have it on your phone? do I have it on my phone? no I threw my phone away if they're winning all your bets today thanks for bringing it up fuck yeah I'm fucking ruined

it was cool that you were reading some of the most beautiful thoughts ever recorded for guys on cocaine and ketamine and then once I said you may kiss each other he smushed her and then bent her over the table

and pantomimed and buttfucked her these were the people that I wrote go birds he fucking did that? yeah and then his like congratulations post for his own wedding, on Twitter it said,

look at that pog. It was a picture of his wife's ass. Pog alert. I'm back in. I'm back in. Foster might be the best dude. Wait, so you got done the speech. They kissed.

He forcibly turns her around. I feel like she was used to it forcibly is putting too many ly's on the end of it pretty words she seemed pretty reassured that it was gonna pass yeah this too shall pass oh my god I mean I've seen a lot of winning. I've never seen one airbrushed before.

A dead Zillow. There's Mickey and Minnie back to back holding guns. All right, P-Zillow. Yeah, it's rat guns, buddy. My grandmother gave me this. This was my grandma's cap.

Her ring was a ring pop. Yeah. Oh, they're gonna make it for sure. Yeah. They're your friends, Sam. Yeah, I love them very much. But it's like, you know, something borrowed, here's my fucking cousin Tiffany's

ankle monitor you know that kind of thing this is an old scab I did yeah I let it air dry for like two to three days hard not to eat it dude

don't chip your tooth on his one came from my right heel Gardini chipped his tooth on a pear oh my god on a what the first pear he ever had he didn't know what to do he ate a pear he chipped he tooth on a pear. Oh, my God. On a what? The first pear he ever had.

He didn't know what to do. He had a pear he chipped. He's fucking George White. He's got wooden teeth. Tommy, Tommy, the fruit's being so mean to me. I've got a tummy ache, and I chipped my tooth on a pear. I don't know, man. I think I'm going to head back.

That is his first second. I think I'm going to head back. He's such a little wet rat, man. He's either really wet or he's fucking dangerously dry at all times. Sometimes it looks like his skin is going to tear. And sometimes it's like, do you fall in all of a sudden? Oh, man.

Oh, man. Oh, man. And then they heard Sam Talen said some mean things on a podcast about me. He's the best. I love Sean Silver. I love him dearly. I'm always trying to cheer him up. That's a fool's fire. Didn't you really chip a tooth on a parrot?

Yeah, man. What, did he bite the stem? No, it was a fat parrot. Oh! Oh, he walked right into that. Sam Talen jokes. We're having fun. We're having fun. We're having fun.

Yeah. Are they? Are they having fun? I just realized there's people here. I've been blacked out since four days ago. Are you guys having fun? Yeah. See?

I mean, who here is just barely hanging on from partying all weekend? Yeah. Anyone have a horror story from the weekend? Zac Amico. I tore my own. He just said Zac Zach Amico. Was anyone visited in the night

by Chris Kattan? Ma'am, ma'am, we'll send someone up, we promise, but there's no Chris Kattan in your room, we guarantee it.

He's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony like, he's on the balcony

Someone said they tore their ACL is it the guy in the powered wheelchair? Are you doing mashing yes tour your ACL this weekend ever ACL at the comedy gym? I haven't been to a hospital or anything. This weekend? Ever. I was born in a wheelbarrow. We went to the fair already. Did you rent this? Scooter? Yeah, from the hotel. A hundred bucks. Did you Google scooters? No, I just went down.

You're like, oh, fuck. I can't fucking walk. I got oh, fuck. I gotta fucking... I got a bum wheel. I need a scooter. What hotel? Fremont. Fremont Hotel. Yeah, a casino.

They were just lined up like a go-kart race. He's like, I'll take yellow. I'll take yellow. So I spent Mario Karting around DUI-ing this thing. Let's go. Good for you. He's so embarrassed. Can I ask what kind of moshing you were doing?

Was it pushing fat guys? Was it, you know, throwing this? I was the fat guy. You were the fat guy getting pushed. You still are the fat guy. Yeah, yeah. Present tense. I is fat fuck. I Is fat fuck

Yeah, you fucked or something oh, yeah, it just kind of collapses in the wrong direction Jesus Christ all right, so what do you do with the cart? So you get to the hotel. I get to go to the front of the line. That's what I do. So you didn't go to the hospital. Is that a diabetic sock that you put on to treat it? No, that's just for being fat. That's what it is.

Bro. Oh, my God. You're moshing wearing prescription clothing? That's fucking bananas, my friend. It's not always diabetes, by the way. A lot of people have diabetes. Sometimes it stays a stomachache. It's an arresting injury. Sometimes you're hiding as long as you can tattoo.

It's not a good business. It's a medical device. His favorite band is Spanx. Man, dude. You know what I'm saying? Let's go medical device. His favorite band is Spanx. Man, dude. You know what I'm saying? Let's go, babe. Stanks. Does that work?

I like that. You cook a chicken in a bag and then you just eat the bag. You have any bag chicken over there? Is it fucking Dormanto? Or whatever you're talking about. What's the name of the town you're from? me? yeah

Drexel Hill. Drexel, I knew it was the D yes we have baked chicken these people are like mad at me, I know you guys are on the fucking wikipedia everyday up there Tommy was smoking a black and orange vape today yes of course every day after we get home. Tommy was smoking a black and orange vape today. You can play snake on this one. I did it for Daven.

What? I did it for Daven. Thanks, man. Daven needed it. Cut me off a piece of it. What'd you win? I didn't win anything. I ain't been on the Broncos.

I wouldn't be sad twice if they lost. You didn't win? Yeah, I know. You bet on the Eagles? What's that? Oh, no. Can I borrow your car? Before I get into who sponsors this podcast this week,

could you please just hit the subscribe button? It's in the thing you watch every day and for some reason just can't hit the button. It would help us out. Nick Sirianni. You suck. He's a coach of the Eagles. Actually, Sirianni. You suck. He's a coach of the Eagles. Actually, Sirianni's dog shit. The Eagles are a good squad.

He just needs to know what the fuck he's doing. The Saints couldn't even beat us at our worst. Insane. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. You guys know Squarespace, right? Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website,

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That's BlueChew.com promo code Stuff Island to receive your first month free. BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information and we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring our podcast. I should be cruising around in a car. Get one, they're cheap. Yeah, this whole weekend I've made

nothing but wrong decisions. You had the right choice having me and Butterly save the day. Sure. I mean, you know, Chris, let's face it, he's no longer part of the podcast, alright? This is now the Tommy Pope hour. New Pope in town. Pope's up, hose down. You ever see that movie?

Pips up, hose down? The documentary? Wait, what? Yeah, dude. That, Hooker's on the Point. Oh, I saw that one. Dope Stick Love. Dope Stick Love is the best documentary

you'll ever see it has my favorite the entire gamut of HBO film documentary the fucking young Kevin Federline guy his girl is done fucking for money for the day to get drugs Sebastian

Sebastian they get into a fight in a crosswalk and he knocks her bag of trash out of her hand. She goes, get my bag, Sebastian! And so he goes, all right, we need to score again. I'm taking over. And he starts calling up all the dudes that he tricks for. And he ends up, dude, they have the camera

from like street level of him going up this walk up into a guy's apartment. And he's still mic'd up, but they can't follow him in. And it's just a... 80-year-old dude with dyed jet black hair. Greasy black comb-over, Sam Tallen glasses. Yeah. Tim Butterly mustache.

And you hear that dude... No, no, no, no. Probably post-section. No, no, no, no. Listen, none of that. None of that. I just got powered. Yeah, I can shave this. He has Warby Parker, bro.

You know what I mean? You're a kid. Forever. Warby Dark. So he goes into the guy's apartment and they start talking about, like, so what are you looking for? I mean... You're a kid forever. It would be dark. So he goes into the guy's apartment and they start talking about like, so what are you looking for? And he's talking about how much money he wants. And the other guy's talking about what he wants done.

And so the old guy wants to suck the young guy's dick. And so you're seeing like kitchen window silhouettes in the blinds. And hearing like And he's a straight guy that has to like shrug. You guys get the picture, right? It's like the worst shadow puppetry ever. And the old guy drops my favorite line ever as he's hitting with his mmms and ahhs.

He goes, uh. And cluck, cluck, cluck. You got any calm in those balls? That was my friend's very first teacher. Yeah, Dope Sick Love, man. Fucking, you know, do your homework, man. Check it out. It's crazy out there.

Watch my neighbor Totoro watch Dope Sick Love, man. Fucking, you know, do your homework, man. Check it out. It's crazy out there. Quit watching My Neighbor Totoro and watch Dope Sick Love. Also, quit commenting, hey, it's My Neighbor Totoro under videos of mine. Please. I mean, spiritually, same impact.

And possibly the same silhouette. Totoro. What are you going to do next? Probably a big box of cookies. Totoro. Wow. Sam Talon. Sam Talon.

Sam Talon. Yum. This is my thing you guys delight. My podcast co-host Nathan Lund has been doing a bunch of commercials for Lighthouse Ranch wherein he has to rap about ranch dressing. Boy, has he even got the smile on me and Becker's face. Fucking lunge. Dippy, donkey, spicy, spicy. Let's fucking go, dude. Get that money, baby.

At least he put the mystery box. What do I got to do today? What do I got to do today? Yeah. Well, at least he showed up. Didn't disappear for six fucking weeks do today? What do I gotta do today? Yeah. Well at least he showed up. Didn't disappear for six fucking weeks. What?

He's talking about O'Connor. I understood. Yeah. I miss Chris. Yeah, we all miss Chris. Happy birthday to him. Oh, I beat you. Oh, I beat you.

Drown at the bottom of that big pool full of money. Yeah. Should've taken the gold doubloons, Chris. I told him that. You're not in luck. You can't swim in those. He tore an ACL carrying a backpack full of money. Imagine Scrooge McDucking into

$36,000. We don't have that many pennies, sir. My money will deliver to me as requested. You get any fucking rupees so you can swim in it? The economic systems of this fucking crazy world are so tenuous. What do you think about it? I think money's going to. It's continuous. What do you think about,

I think money's gonna go away pretty soon. What do you think about that? Oh, yeah, the dumbest idea I've heard in a while, yeah. Vape, vape. Again. It's the same shit. I'm fucking, again. Me in ten minutes.

Babe, let me call you back. Can I fucking call you back? Chris, please. Spaghetti's not just for dinner. Spaghetti's all day. Faggots. Tommy, do you have any questions for the audience? Will anyone like to kill me?

Shoot me in the fucking face. Do you guys have any questions for this bunch of luminaries right here? Want more pills? Sorry. Want more pills? Sorry? Want more pills? Who could you be talking to? Pills? I've never even heard of those.

Yesterday I thought I was eating a Klonopin and I hit a fucking Adderall 10 and was zooted from completely. That's like when you go think you're about to drink soda and it's iced tea. Yeah, yeah. You've never experienced that?

And you go What the hell man I was getting bubbles It's more like you thought You were going to drink soda And it was buttermilk Yeah That was bad Sam what's your next book

Coming out? It's Skankfest We can do both of those At the same time You take the I'll take the one about Sam's book, and then you take the one about Skankfest. We haven't really talked about the book at all,

so I don't have any real details for you. But, I mean, it's coming up on the time where... Running the light reads critical consumer in play. And I think his stock's never been higher. I think it only doesn't put... Just scoot around in a goddamn car. I would use actual crutches. Because I fucking pride for myself.

I don't have a chance to pour anything before thinking August 2025. I would use fucking crutches. Quack, quack, quack, quack! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That was a good bit! That was a good bit! That was a good bit! That was a good bit!

I will take the pills. Let Tommy get his smilers. I don't take powders from strangers. What's the gayest shit y'all done? I fucked a guy. What's his fucking problem, dude? I'll fuck you to eternity. That's crazy.

Ask me that gay shit. Blow my knee out, daddy. I fucking die from being real fucking weird gay. The other day, I have this fucking weed pen and I always take it to United Lounges on layovers

and I get high and I'm having panic attacks. I'm like 0 for three getting high pleasantly in the lounge. And the other day I had to bail on the lounge after getting blasted and there was a luggage shop in the fucking hotel, in the, in the airport. And I was like, what the fuck? You know, it was so high. And I took a picture of it and I sent it to my friends and I was like, there's a luggage store in the airport. is this my problem it makes total sense in the moment like it was on me somehow

it should have been here at this fucking rental I don't have the time to sort this out for them but there's a luggage store in the airport guys how dare they put this on my plane there's nothing sadder I got my own problems. They can't completely blitz on Chucks or Poos and write a joke in your app and you read it the next day and you're like, holy shit.

Definitely not Mach 5. What? I haven't done any gay shit here. Yeah, I fucked a guy. Like a regular guy? Like a regular guy? I haven't done any gay shit here. Yeah, I fucking have. I mean, I'm married. Like a regular guy? What? Like a regular guy?

No, it was a hot lady. Like a plumber? It was a hot lady. You guys know Slogan, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, you got swindled. Yeah, I got swindled. By a pro.

Right before the swindling was a thing. She was fucking... Honestly, she was a hipster of trans. Really? Yeah. She started early adopter. Yeah. She started.

She was so fucking hot. Should I listen to Pavement? You guys have any gay shit? No. Gay shit. What's the gayest thing you've ever done? Probably podcasting Who said Justin Silver?

That's not funny It's not funny that I accidentally outed a seriously gay guy I didn't know I thought we were doing a bit and I accidentally revealed that Justin Silver is in fact gay That's crazy I'm not friends, I don't know a lot of people in New York.

And I went, yo, this guy is being extremely fucking gay to me. And it was just like... And I went, okay, is this funny to talk about on a podcast? And they were like, well... And then they lie-detected him, and he does in fact, factually, truly want to have intercourse with me. That's good. And it's just like... And he's in complete denial he goes like yeah that's

crazy what a great bit we're doing she's like bro you are seriously texting me asking me for pictures of my body all the time it's nuts what was the lie detector they put a bell around his penis This is a regular lie detector. I hope I never run into that thing. So you might as well come clean now. No, no, I never only come clean with ladies. I don't ever pull any TPs. No, she was a woman. She was probably a very generous lover.

Yeah, she was a liar. Yeah, yeah. What was it? You don't think that was the greatest lie ever told? No. lover yeah she's alive yeah she paid me I drove one of those home for like 10 hours. Because he couldn't walk. Told my gay CL. That's great. That's a good bit. That is great, man.

Tim's the man. Tim is the man. What the fuck? Anybody have any questions? You guys got anything up there? Yeah. Any cool bits you've been working on? Let's go.

Yeah, you guys have been so chatty all fucking weekend. Now it's like, what's up? What's really up? Yeah. That means they like us. They love us. They're being so kind.

They're being so kind and patient and fast. This is awesome, dude. This is sold out fucking stuff island. Congratulations, Tommy. Yeah. I want to thank you. Congratulations. That's dude. This is sold out fucking stuff. Congratulations, Tommy. Yeah. I want to thank you. Congratulations. That's crazy.

There's people sitting on the fucking floor like homeless. Yeah. Where is he? What? Where is he? Who? Chris.

Who? We've been kind of dancing around it the whole time. He's run by 72 merchants. We don't even know. Yeah, that's the thing, man. He's just like, he's an artist,

and he's in the wind, and you can't put him down. He just turns his phone off and fucking heads to Nepal sometimes, man. It's just like, yo, let him cook. He goes state to state and just does like weddings. He's a wedding guy. I'd love to be a wedding guy.

You should be a wedding guy. If you were here yesterday, you would've been fucking crying. You would've been like, you son of a bitch! Yeah, you get it, come on, man! That's how you get it. A fucking tongue in his mouth! One tear out of the eye, just going, oh.

That's beautiful. A Hawaiian wop is so funny. A wop just racing Hawaii. What would that be like, Tommy? You just did it. Oh, okay. Wait, did you do an Italian Haka? Yeah.

I mean... I'm fucking playing rugby over here. Yeah! Yeah! Dude! Point viral! An Italian The Italian is so funny. Dude, everyone's wearing aprons. Yeah. In Hawaii, it's been tough over there.

Why? They were attacked with a laser from space. They were being attacked? Maui was destroyed with a laser from space. They'd be attacked? Mally was destroyed with a laser from space. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Moana was pissed.

Is that like the blue rooftop shit? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so you paint your roof blue like Oprah. Yeah.

It's crazy. I guess they don't make that paint for fucking, like, beachside shacks. Yeah, that's what Oprah is. It's good. I guess they don't make that paint for fucking like beachside shacks. Yeah, that's what Oprah is. That's good. That's good.

Count it. Shaquille O'Neal was a prominent African-American basketball player. And he was typically abbreviated as Shaq. Tommy was making a joke about Oprah being an immense black person who lives near the water. Yes.

So when he pulled it apart forensically, it was actually a great zinger. You see that? Sad in the moment. What if, is this what we're doing, like a post game for that kid? We went out there, we executed what we practiced, and you know, sometimes you don't get what you want.

I thought it was gonna be different than how it came out. Yeah, do we have some things to work on? For sure, for sure. But next week's gonna be different. We're doing out? Yeah, we have some things to work on for sure, for sure, but next week's going to be different. We're doing the work and we're showing up. We just got to get right back down

to fucking brass tacks. One joke at a time. Think about it. Thank you. Blow your fucking brains out. What do you think about the picture of Shaq with that tiny lady

that he probably split in half with his penis? Her butthole. You think? Yeah, you ever, you ever had... There's certain... Face it. There's certain...

Dynamics, right? Uh-huh. Small little girl. Yeah. And you're talking about pliability right now. Of age. Yeah, for sure. The butthole percolates.

If you all know. You're the coffee maker of the body. Yes. Bingo. So you know what I'm talking about. Around the corner, coffee's big. Just the prolapse of what her butthole must be. She probably has to cork it

yeah she's walking around champagne yeah they probably have like a guy that with like a mallet just bangs a cork in after they're done so she can go on with her life normally yeah they do a new year's eve countdown every time she has to wear you know look the horse carriage where they have the thing that catches their shit? She's just catching Shaq come out of the back of her ass all day. Whatever, man. I thought you guys would like that shit. My bad.

I remember when those guys got a hold of me in Tucson. I was wrecked for weeks. I was gang raped in Tucson. Picking that up. We took some chances out there, okay okay not all the shots went in yeah personnel changes no we're not talking about that uh no no no practice trust the process how about back to the drama boy does anyone have a question back Back to you guys. No, honestly. New book! Oh, it's due July 1st. It's due July 1st.

Woo! It's all weddings. Yeah, it's just my musings on weddings, and duptials. Sermons by Sam Towns. Not to be confused with my cookbook, Sirloins by Sam Towns. I like that. That was good to say. Not to be confused with my cookbook, Sir Lloyd and Spice Ham. That was good. Hey, you know what?

It's about getting in there. You gotta commit. You gotta commit. Yeah, that was a sneak for a first down. We're back. We're back. That was a push push. Pause.

Tommy. Yeah. You're still jacking off to your own voice. Yo. What? Is everyone going to bully me here? Like, I don't know. He thought he was his sister, man. It was a closed loop.

Sam texts me, like, once a week about this. He can't get over it. It's insane. It's insane. I know it's insane. It makes me nervous whenever I think about it.

Oh, my God. Hey, Tommy. Yeah, you still jacking off to your own voice Recording like, uh, uh. You're like, yeah, you like that, don't you? Oh, oh, Tommy. Tommy. No, I was on. First of all. Am I being ridiculous? No. I'm sorry.

I'm not saying you are. I'm trying to fucking say what I want. Oh, Tommy. Oh. You got me coming, those balls. I tore my ACL when I was on pills. Tommy, can I tell them

this is my absolute, you're not going to know exactly what I'm talking about at first and I want to get your question. How bad is it? To me, this is very funny. They know what I said. What are you going to say? Yes. Okay. So one time we were at we were out with Tommy and it was one of those things where people start passing a phone around you go yeah did you got to see this and it was a video of Tommy eating pussy but the girl was holding the phone

Michelangelo I think it was under the blanket too so it was the blanket over his head and he's going you know when sl's eating off the train and goes That's gonna be a dude When I kiss my fingers and touch your casket, that's what I'm gonna be thinking

about when I kiss my fingers and touch your casket that's what I'm going to be thinking about shut up he's shooting eye contact up every once in a while too just check him in he was doing Chris Cadet in the pussy. Does anyone have any questions? I had so many after that. That was pretty normal.

Where was the phone being handed around? That's his phone. That's his phone. He would have loved this. So that's my favorite Tommy thing. Oh, Tommy. No one's better than Tom. Tammy.

It's fucking Tom town. We're all living in there. Let's go, man. Let's go, man. Let's go, Tom. Let's go, Tom. Yeah. Of course, I hear it whenever I go. You got a fan, man. Everywhere I go, they're like, man. Let's go, man. Let's go, Tom! Let's go, Tom. Hear that? Of course, I hear it whenever I go. You got a fan, man.

Yeah, everywhere I go, they're like, Tommy. Tommy, oh, hey. That's what they say. Oh, my. Wow. That's right. Tommy.

What? I know what you're doing. Oh, Tommy, oh, oh. You want a good Comma-doo, he'll do it. You know what I mean? That's how they say comedy. Maybe Comma-don't do that one again. Look, I'm not gonna do that one.

I'm not gonna do that one. I'm not gonna do that one. I'm not gonna do that one. I'm not gonna do that one. I'm not gonna do what I mean? That's how they say comedy. Maybe Comma don't do that one again. We're learning the plays in practice, you know, it's just a matter of putting it together on the field. It's a rhythm thing, you know? We gotta take our shots when they're open. I just put four cubes in,

I'm gonna chew for the rest of this pod. Back to you guys. What time is it time huh? I don't know what the time Three whoa dude, I think we've gone on half as long as we need to work going This is the best time I've had all week. This is fun as fuck. I am wondering... I am wondering if there's a gas leak in here or something. There's a sass leak coming out of me.

How you doing? How you doing? Any questions for anybody? Yeah, let's take one more question. I heard one over here. Destroy my heart. What are the cubes? Wouldn't you like to know?

They're a medical device. How much money do you actually lose? How much money do you lose? Yeah, Tommy. That wasn't terrible. Whoa, give him a fucking break, man. It was his first question. He's trying it out. Next one's going to be great, though. Watch this. That wasn't terrible. Whoa, give him a fucking break, man. It was his first question. He's trying it out.

Next one's going to be great, though. Watch this. It's not six. Hundred or thousand? A hundred. Six hundred. Damn, that's still life-changing money for me. We're having fun.

Losing $600 would honestly... It's a lot. I'd have to move back to the farm. I'm not being tough. Fuck me. I lost $600, too. I lost 602. Hope you find it. Pounds?

There you go. I lost more at the strip club. What'd you get for it, though? I lost more at the party as well. So you spent more than 600 at the strip club. That's like full service. Why don't you just get a hooker? Yeah, you're standing 69ing on stage for $600.

What are you talking about? Insane, that is. Would you get teased that it was just like 20 more, 20 more, 20 more? Did you actually fucking pull the basketball shorts down and let her go to town? Yeah. You just got fucking robbed by a couple Zillows. Two Romanians? Bro, their brains don't even work.

You got duped by Romanians? For real? Gypsies. Yeah, just fucking hit them with some garlic. Well, I hope you slashed the tires on their caravan. I wanted to kill myself.

You had to invite them in, stupid. Yeah, $350. Boom them right to your home. Cut it in half. Is that the going rate? What? So I wanted to hire a prostitute for me and my wife, not to have sex with her. I just wanted her to like take a look

and see what we're doing. Like any of the notes. Yeah. Be a therapist. I think that's kind of kosher, babe. MJ? If I can get Louis to pay me more for doing all the fucking fighting bullshit. Can we get a professional to evaluate? Yes, sure. Yes Yeah, well here's the thing we can go kind of cheap cuz she's not getting involved, you know what I mean

I don't need to look her. She's just going to be happy to be inside for a couple hours. Yeah, just say whatever. I think we're probably going to start with some kissing and see what happens. She's like, I've never sat in this chair before.

Usually you're over here. Guys, I want to thank you. Aw. Truly want to thank you Aw Truly want to thank you Give it up for Sam Talent Thank you Tim Butterly I really fucking appreciate this

Let's go I fucking love you Thank you so much Have a good night