Stuff Island - Matt McCusker + Shawn Gardini - Stuff Island #208

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

Tommy Pope sits down with Matt McCusker and Shawn Gardini. Matt has a new Netflix special out "A Humble Offering" Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis also have a podcast Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. Shawn Gardini can be seen on MSSP and has a monthly show in Austin called Optimum Noctis Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians As always, get your first month of BlueChew FREE Just use promo codeSTUFFISLAND at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. That’s it. Join BlueChew’s mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time. Head to https://www.BlueChew.com Today, get Huel for FIFTEEN PERCENT OFF with this exclusive offer for New Customers only withcode insertcode at https://huel.com/stuffisland (Minimum $75 purchase). SUB TO PATREON: patreon.com/stuffisland Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast #comedians Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is early for a pod for me Really? Yeah, well, this is my prime time Yeah, you got fucking kids Yeah, 10 a.m. 10 a.m. is my real prime time. I don't hold anyone to that, though, but 10 a.m. You take naps?

I try to. I don't get them that often, but... Every time you go to take a sip of water, I'm going to ask you a question. Yeah, excellent. You almost got it out. I didn't even realize I abandoned my quest for water. But no, I take naps. Tomorrow I'll be flying, so I'm going to purposely not drink coffee, hit a nice nap in the hotel. I was going to say, are you on the bean today?

Yeah, I'm on a bean. Whenever I rest from working out, I wake up and immediately hit the bean like a fiend. What's the bean? Coffee. Oh. Sorry. I try to, uh, the days, the days I'm working out, I try not to drink coffee before I work out. I don't like the feeling of my heart, just pounding too hard.

Really? It fucks you up that much? Yeah, for sure. If I had a cup of, like, regular coffee and worked out, tell me. Dude, that's all I do. I know. Most people, no, most people do that. They drink the coffee and they work out.

They love it. Yeah. I walk around with hot coffee in the gym, and I've always done that. And people think it's so fucking weird. Some people do that. Just like a cup of Joe. I've seen people do that. Can you do, like, cardio and shit after drinking coffee? Oh, I can't do that.

This fucker gave me a pre-workout. I was going to. I haven't had, now that is pure cocaine, dude. Yeah, that stuff's rough. It is, now I know why the kids are addicted to it because it's like. You dry scoop, I haven't he does that shit it's the fucking crazy shit

no I was hung over in like Philly or something we had to do an hour pot in the bed Chris and I in the hotel bed damn he took some like ghosts nerds flavored ghost 3D I haven't done cocaine

in a while it was like the first five minutes of that was the closest thing to the kokai I was like this is great that's awesome I was staring at Chris's crotch I was getting all horned off You know horny and gay? That's kind of the main side effect The pre-workout, I would say

It's like horny gay Vaso dilation, obviously Get the nitric oxide Yeah, that's a whole different fucking high though Pre-workout's a very shady Industry man A lot of them get banned Names are fucked up

It's like unicorn blood, pimps lap I've looked into this pretty extensively I think it's like the same flavors as vapes too Yeah Yeah Yeah made by men of unidentifiable race I swear to God, the vape shop guys are like from the future I try to peg those guys

I'm like, Paul's obviously But I'm like, oh I'm like what are you like what are you guys I just go to vape shops just to see what those guys are I went to a vape shop around the corner here Since the tire ofs they can't get in like the two of the big brands So the stock Yeah geek bars are gone

Is that a Chinese brand? Yeah, obviously apparently Yeah the weird juices that you smoke It's obviously coming from China Yeah. But all the shelves are like, like I went to Cuba and the, the supermarkets in Cuba, they all have the same product, but there's like only two or three boxes. Then you've got to walk down three feet and there's like two jars or something.

It's the saddest of shit in the world. Really? This vape shop is the same way. We should get a cigar if you're in Cuba, dude. Grab a cigar. Oh, I did. Of course I did. Every day.

Yeah, but I was looking for, you know, I just want this. I want to smoke in class. I want a Cuban vape. You want a buzzer class. Before Vibre. but yeah that's kind of how the shop is it's like so sad there's nothing on the shelves and yeah all i can think is like what are you going to do next do they drive like the oh is it true they drive like super old cars because of the embargo yeah that's yeah dude it's awesome yeah it's

just stuck in time i like that how was cuba i didn't i never fucking amazing dude was it really yeah i i had such a good time it was like we stayed in this like ex-presidential palace which was like on an air b and it like overlooked their central part And it was only like a few hundred bucks a day. I like that. You had your own chef and cook that came out and made you breakfast smoothies. I like... They just, they shove mango down your fucking throat every morning.

Yeah, the fresh fruit though is amazing, man. It's great. I've been following... Have you followed the passport bros, the movement? No. So they're young men from America who get fed up trying to date American women and they go to like Cuba, they go to like, you know, South American countries that are economically a little depressed.

And then they go down there and go, like, I'm fucking pimping. Let's go. You have sex with, like, semi-starving ladies. Yeah. And then he saw a dating course on the end. You got to fat them up. You got to give him some more mango. Fat and lots of mango. Turns out, these starving ladies think I'm hot right now.

It's very... Hey, do you? That is so funny to be like, the women in America only care about money. I'm going to go to the third world country and get down to earth. And be them here. No, it's like very... It's a good move. It's dilapidated, but beautiful.

yeah it's like all it's got like all these like pastel color buildings that i love that falling apart but i always want to paint my house like aquamarine yeah dude right see that and yeah i just never pull the trigger no well it's ridiculous only a child would do that you're right no i like it whenever i see that i'm like fuck i wish i lived in a place more brightly colored it's shitty but safe because they're they make all their money on tourism so they they look down upon like a pickpock or any of that shit but the only scheme they got is there's always a one-day-only cigar sale. So you'll get chased just because you're white

by some dude who dressed in a suit. Yeah. And this one guy would carry like a bottle of pills. And apparently a scam is, go, where are you from America? Like, yeah. And he goes, where? And he finds the city that's closest to you.

The guy knows the map. Oh, wow. And I said, Philadelphia. And he goes, oh, my sister lives in Pittsburgh. And then he strikes him. That would get me. Dude, of course. I'm like, that's right there.

Yeah, I'm from Lansdown, actually. I'm like, how the fuck do you know Lansdown? Yeah, I'll buy anything you have. Come with me. I'll take you this special shop. It's for today only, you know, three for one. And you get a cost it three times a day doing that shit. The special one day only shop.

Yeah. And then I finally found some old bag that hand rolled them. That's nice. Yeah, she was the best. That's awesome, man. Yeah, I always want to. Can you still not get Cuban cigars here? Is that really?

Yeah, I think so. Apparently. I don't know if that's so fucking in a way. I don't know if that's like a... Every rich guy I know has a whole box of Cubans. Yeah, I feel like you can still get them. They're not shoving them up their ass and taking a trip. You know?

That's something they're getting here somehow. Also, too, it's like I challenge someone to, like, really show me the difference. You smoke like a nice cigar from like Nicaragua. You'd be like, that's not close to the Cuban. You have no fucking idea. I'm not kidding. I, it has to be, you know, it's got to be a mental and emotional thing. Oh, they're something else?

Hand-rolled fresh in Cuba. Yeah, true. I've had I just had a cigar with Bobby Kelly in fucking Florida open it for Shane and I'm like

I'm like I don't waste it I don't really care after like two puffs I'm like all right yeah it's a fucking whole ordeal it's an hour long yeah

you know Cardini smells like a walking cigarette but like imagine cigar for like three three hours see I like it I'll smoke my dad got me

in smoking them because he loves them and then no one ever everyone's always like I'm good on it so I'd always be like I'll smoke a cigar with you now I'm kind of like

fuck I get it I want to get into it dude you sit there and for some reason the babes respect to cigar yeah like if you that's one activity if you start they're like i'll leave you big because there's like because you can really dig in on them if you have to put it down you get to be like yeah i don't know where to fucking put this thing what the what the fuck

do you really want yeah yeah so i feel like you got a fucking two foot long cigar keep her bitch off my ass i have like a small tripod holding on the other end but no you get a good hour man it's nice you get a little dizzy it's i i enjoy it man yeah i've been i've been really liking it but the problem is i'll i'll go on the road and like if i do a night where it's just one show i'm like i'll have some time that i end up smoking a cigar at like nine o'clock and like it kind keeps me awake for a little bit really yeah it gets me like you're sensitive i'm a sensitive instrument for sure you are but if i have a cigar for real like 11 p.m and try to lay down can't sleep no shit i swear to god you never did coke no never done it my life you'd be up for a week

dude i would i'd be the guy who died yeah i'd do it once and die you don't dude i'll never man i hate cocaine i've always hated it since i was young guard dog you done with the no scratch I've never done it before either I got calls with him in the garage I got a couple Coke garage calls I know when my buddy's are on coat

no I'm taking care of myself now there you go mm-hmm yeah I just don't like it man it's also a thing like I mean I'm curious to get your perspective on this since you're you know raging coke addict I uh it's been years dude I know, I'm kidding. But you have to stop, right? Anything that you have to eventually stop, I'm like, I don't want to start.

Yeah. Because then, like, you do, Coke especially, dude, you're in the 20s. You can't be cooler. You get late. That's what I'm saying. It's a portal to the absolute babes. Yeah. Hotest, sluggiest babe.

It is. It's an absolute portal to the hottest luddest babes. I just sell it. I know too well. You sold it, but didn't even try. Never tried it. I did the gummer. That was it.

When you put in your teeth and I was like, I didn't like it. Yeah. But the, but yeah, man. but the thing is it 20s you can't be cooler 30s it's like all right i'm gonna stop that i could see the light at the end of the tunnel but then like you happen to it what happens i've seen is like people get caught doing it at like the friend's weddings a lot it kind of leads into a yeah best man getting in an argument with the groom yeah what the fuck man yeah anytime there's a pack of dudes on like a trip it's you see it in austin all the time there's like five guys here

for like a golf trip one's whacked out of their fucking i was also kidding i don't think you're raging cocaine I don't care I wish I I fucking was I wish I still still had the balls to do it

I wish we had some right now yeah dude fentanyol ruined all that yeah that's that's the thing too people are like oh we tested

it's like no you don't yeah if they started putting fentanyl and cigars you'd probably stop I'm for sure 100%

I'd definitely do it yeah I tell it for me my dad just to go out like that just to go out like that it's a barbecue in July

the ultimate dad death smoking a fent a cigar just knocked over next to the grill. That'd be awesome. Speaking of fucking... Listen to this...

What do you get? DeRosa called me this morning. Give you a little voicemail? Yeah. What made you think of him? Just curious. What were we talking about? Health.

Cigar's up the ass. He just got his... He just got his... His colonoscopy. Sweetheart, I called you because I wanted to talk to you about this. fucking colonoscopy

I really wanted to just like kind of walk you through it and tell you all about it brother I lost I'm not kidding dude I think I lost eight pounds on the prep day it was nuts all right

he wanted to walk me through and he goes have to die I think I'm going to call colonoscopy that's not a bad idea get a call see what his walkthrough is I want to see what the walkthrough is that's really knock you out Proof. Hey, Pig. So, you're on, you're on Stuff Island right now with Matt McCusker and Gardini. Is that okay?

Yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean, what the fuck is this? I want you to walk me through the colonoscopy that I have. Okay. Are you scheduled? Yeah, next Wednesday. I mean, dude, from start to finish, I hated every second of it. I know you're excited about it, but. I mean, not eating Not eating solid food for a day is And I feel like a pig saying that

There are people that starve for like weeks And because I couldn't eat a fucking sandwich For 13 hours I was like I'm gonna die So I feel like an animal even admitting that But it's true like not eating sucked You describe what the prep would do Is pissing out your ass

But brother that doesn't even scratch the surface I mean, you I documented it. I videotaped the whole thing. What do you? What do you mean? For what? For a vlog?

For a vlog? Yeah, I'm going to put it on my YouTube. I need content. Dude, I took this shit. It's not that bad. It doesn't taste that bad. It tastes like, kind of tastes like pediolite. like very sugary and like a little salty um it looks worse than taste but um i drank it and dude

within an hour it hit my guts i sat on the toilet i am talking like i'm talking like six in a row like in one sitting bucket dumps of water out of your ass i mean dude it's it was crazy It was crazy. Any solids? Zero, dude. Zero. Literally not one solid thing. It was full liquid immediately.

Dude, it liquefies your insides. It's kind of fucking freaky, dude. It's like, it like literally takes whatever's in you and just fucking turns it into liquid. And you dump out and you do, you do, I don't know, I had like, five of those dumps with the first dose and then the second dose is the one you got to do when you're like six hours out so I did

do it at 3 a.m. And I was like well this one probably won't be that bad dude it was fucking worse it was worse I lost I'm not kidding I lost seven or eight pounds. Well that's great you should order another script I know I want to do it once a month and sit there

what was their color to the to the dump I'm actually like It gets clearer as you go. It starts out looking, you know, like chocolate, like chocolate milk. And by the end of it, it's kind of yellow. The lady asked me when I got there, she's like, what color was the last battle movement

you had? And I was like, I kind of looked at her like, what are you fucking gross? And she was like, and she could tell that I was like a little thrown off by the question. And then she goes, could you see a quarter if you put a quarter in it? And I was like, yeah. Yeah, that's a secret. Like a Japanese pond? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, make a win. So then fucking, she, uh... I stayed awake, by the way. I didn't go under. I didn't do the propanol. I stayed awake for it, yeah. Oh, for the scope? Don't do that.

Oh, yeah, go under. Do not stay awake. What? Yeah, obviously. Because I didn't want to ask somebody to pick me up at 9.30 in the morning. And I also was, I would have picked you up. That's insane.

You don't even fucking respond to my text half the time. Yes. Did your ass hurt afterwards? That's what I want to know. Did your ass hurt? Matt's asking if your ass hurt. Matt's asking if your ass hurt afterwards.

Um, no, dude. Actually, that part's, my ass hurt from the amount of dumping before. I have a, I have a bidet. And, dude, I'm telling you, the last couple dumps, when I turned to the day on, when it hit my ass, it felt like acid. Like, your ass is raw from that. But the actual insertion of the camera thing, that's not bad.

Like, they, you know, they fucking, they lube you up and, you know, they're gentle enough. What hurt during the procedure was when it was staking through me. He would hit these, like, he would hit these, like, corn. Corners, sorry, man, I didn't mean to talk over you. I'm having a hard time hearing you guys. No, you're good. Oh, okay. They would hit these corners, and the doctor would be like, hey, man, we got a corner coming up.

So try to relax. Which is an insane thing to say. I swear to God, I was on the table, and I was going, there were times during it where I was going, fuck, fuck, fuck. Is it fucking hurt? And this nurse, this nurse, she started rubbing my back. And she's going, you're doing great,

you're doing great. And she's rubbing my back. It's kind of turning me on a little bit. And I mean, but I mean, I was clean as a whistle, dude, not one polyp.

Nothing. Oh, that's great. I got a fucking bouquet of flowers they got to cut out. A bunch of hemorrhoys clock in my accent. dude.

Oh, really? Yeah, when I, when I typically have like two, like over two dumps a day, they swell up and they clog the door. Get the flat boys. I got to tuck them back in like a fucking shit. Yeah, I would, uh, if there's any way for you to tend to that in any way before this, this prep day, I would try to do. No, I think they, they clean all that up.

I was talking to one of the ladies at Mothership. She said they go in there. clean anything. It's not supposed to be there. She said her ass was like a whistle. I didn't know girls had to do that. Well, that's what you want to get to hold out of major medical procedures and the door girl on to mother's ship. Well, she's older.

She's older. Yeah, she's like, I'd love to keep talking about this, but some guy just pissed in the sink. All right, Joe, I'm glad. So what do you say? Like one, one extra. day to like not do shows and not like try not to do anything what's the turnaround time i went out i went out last night got cocked i'm sorry i love you bye i love you bye see you man later bro that's so far that's a great uh i gotta get i got to get that done i'm i'm 40 this year

so yeah i tried to get it at 40 and they the bullshit insurance i had was giving me a hard time They say, let me take my time. You ain't ready yet, baby. Get to wear the fucking plug for three years. I probably should go soon because I think I have a history of like colon issues. Yeah, my grandfather had colon cancer. Yeah.

So, yeah, I should probably get my butt hole checked out. My mom's got like Crohn's and colitis too. Yeah, my mom's got ulceritis, whatever the fuck is called. Yeah, I got all the stuff. Yeah. I got the whole plate more like bats here to make this bullshit, dude. Your butt hole is on the chopping block one way. or the other.

Yeah, my mom my mom gets die verticulitis that's what it is oh yeah contestant's gonna inflame you gotta eat like shit with seeds

yeah yeah I remember I've heard about that yeah yeah she's like a little frail box now because of

yeah you can't eat a lot yeah I gotta I gotta get my butthole checked out I'm like

mine's phases sometimes I'm like I get the health butthole yeah and then I'm just like I got fucking problems yeah

go back and forth I have a lot problems with my nut my nut problems my butt problems my butt problems What's your testicle problems?

I had epididymitis. Oh, so did I. Did you have it, too? It hurt really bad. I had epitomites, too. That sucked. Because I thought it was gonorrhea. I got it when I was 22 years old.

It has the similar, has like an STD type of reaction when you pee and the swelling. I see, it wasn't hurt when I was peeing. This episode's brought to you by Blue Chew. Guys, enter the room dick first. Blue Chew isn't just a tablet. It's a cheat code for your crotch, stronger, harder, longer lasting, like someone gave your downstairs a pep talk and a gym membership. Would you know about that, fat tits?

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Thank you. Heel. Episodes brought to you by Hewled, Josh. I talk about Hew all the time, how much I love it. You know? Making a shake after the gym so I don't have to eat for another 15 hours. Just got my colonoscopy to be done two days ago. Thanks to Hewle.

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Stuff Island. At www.hu.hu.com slash stuff island. Use my code and fill out the post checkout server to help support the show. think of your support not only your your your gut health your ass health but you're also support the show and your and your body the show go to huel dot com slash stuff island 15% all thanks stuff island yeah oh it's the yeah the cord the cord connecting your prostate to yeah it was inflamed and the doctor stuck his finger up my ass and and he milked my prostate what and that's how they

tested the swab. He made me come. Whoa. Forcibly. It was the worst pain I've ever felt my life because it's inflamed. Yeah, I don't know if that's critical, man. They didn't do anything like that. What? They made you orgasm or just dribble? I don't want to get into it that much.

I don't know the truth. There's nothing like this crazy to be like, all right, I'm going to have to make you come. Fuck. Maybe. Yeah, you hadn't do that. Bed over an open wide. Yeah, he basically just like

smacked the ball around a bit and a little cum came out Dang. And then he swabbed the cum and then took that to get tested. So he didn't bring you to O-Town, you're saying. No, no. No, I was screaming. Dude, I screamed. Just like he said, I was going, fuck, fuck. I was like grabbing that

paper. I'm in O-Town, dude. So he just got you to dribble. Yeah, you got me to dribble. He edged you. Yeah, he edged you. Yeah. Damn, that's crazy, dude. I know.

What, he tested your cum? Yeah. For an infection, I guess. How about you just give me a fucking antibiotic, dude? Obviously, that's what they do now. So any time I'm getting, all right, look, I had a rubber break with a hooker once. Okay. And I went.

I'd be like, yeah, it's pot my procheate. I went to a clinic. Cool diagnostic. You got the tip stick. You had the best doctor. Yeah, I want a tire pressure. I want to rotate it to you. That doctor was a hero, dude.

He cared. and they said the same thing Like we're not going to test you It's like here take this pill It's gonna make you piss on your ass for 12 hours True Should I have to bring one from my girlfriend too Yeah yeah

So hey we both got to take this My penis My penis got a cold Hooker Rubber breaking on the hooker Nightmare Tough tough look How'd she handle it

Was she like Ah fuck Yeah she didn't fuck Oh fuck honey Yeah Fuck that makes you my boyfriend right now I forget what city That was in

What happened So It's good to know You're healed You're healed I'm healed now Yeah it was a couple The nuts were a couple months ago

The butt was a couple months before that Yeah And then the gut is just all the time Yeah It's the wheat man I'm telling you It's probably the gluten A lot of people don't want to hear

I think it is the gluten Telling you It's fucking loaded with all kinds of chemicals and shit They all say if you go to Italy You can have the gluten no problem Yeah How was your gut in the motherland it wasn't great

I was also drinking like every day so it got you know yeah it was the same pretty much what if you change up your alcohol of choice because I think maybe the beers there's too much uh that could be it yeah it's tequila bro tequila is the move

McKeever had a real big issue when we were uh shit when we were in Philly he started getting like this rash and he had like inflammation and stuff we figured out it was probably drinking eight fucking IPAs a day and he stopped

drinking IPAs and just went away. I could do it. So you could have a beer algae. I don't know what your brain is. It's probably gluten. Yeah. I drink a lot of Lone Star. Yeah.

Switch it up. Might have to switch to course bank. Get some fucking. Drink a mess cow soda. I have been drinking more cocktails lately. Because it makes me feel better. Yeah. Yeah, ranch water, man.

Ranch water's great. I fucking love Ranch waters. I might switch to cocktails. Yeah. Just do a ranch water. And tell them, like, don't be a hero. And try to give me like a triple. give me a single shot on

a lot of bars just have them already in cans for you so it's like it's 5% the same as most of them unless it's like cut water and that's like fucking 11, 12% and then you're fucking beat. He's dropping Xanax in there. Some of them you see it like fucking 14%.

Dude what do you want to me and punch my wife like fucking chill with that. First of all you chill with that. Exactly what I want to do. I don't want to have to drink seven fucking yeah but they're saying like you know the reason guys get unemployed and like statistically are more likely to hit their wife.

If you give them a triple-strength beer, I think the numbers back up my argument that I am more inclined after the couple of those hit my wife than I would be able to us. That's why there's no more hammock out there. Jokeslammed to the heaven. Oh my God, a joke-slown to the heaven. A nap? You're having a nap?

That's so funny to be like, I didn't want to hit her, but I just had that 14% cut water, and it was totally out of my head. Statistically, it pushed me over the, you know, the median average or whatever. I'm all about the numbers. Yeah.

It's all math. We boil it down, dude, it's all math. Well, that's, that's all I do when I'm shopping for a seltzer or a cider.

It's just math. It's been like, how many of these I'm going to have to put down? Yeah. How much bubbles are we talking here? Because that's a lot on the tummy. Bubbles get your bubbles.

A lot of the teeth. Yeah. On the asshole. Yep, yeah. So I'm going to have to shit if I have six of these. Yeah.

Because they're four and a half percent. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's just so funny. which there's so much extra stuff like if I just have tequila with some lime juice yeah you just shrink all that extra stuff that's in it you get straight to the point

you don't have to the problem is gets away from you I'm good at like calling it a day on those things but I can when the liquor I do still have my critical point if I pass like that four drink mark the brakes come off and you put me on a beach during the daytime all bets are off I have that

pre-workout personality those first three fly, dude. Yeah. The first drink, see you. You might as well order two. See, I know. And act like someone's coming.

I know before I drink. I'll have a feeling where I go like, I'm going to get after it versus kind of being like, I'll go out and have a couple and come home. But if it's like sunny out, daytime, daytime activity, it's like, good night. Podcast is daytime activity. Yeah, true. It's like, good night.

You want to pop? No, I'm all right. Thank you. All right. Those will make you be hanging. Yeah. Ciders, I like, I like ciders. They're dry.

The dry ones are better. They're not as sweet, but... This is still sweet for me. Yeah, they are. You can only have so many. That'll give you... If you drink like six of those, dude, you will shit the next day. Maybe if you drink six apple juice.

It is. It's 5% though. Mm-hmm. 150 calories. Not bad. Not too bad. Just put a little messy on ice. Tony, man, the can cut...

The canned, um, ranch waters. They're not even the cut water brand. I found canned ranch waters that are perfect. They don't add. Some of them are like pure agave. then you look it up and it's like it's sweetened with agave it's just fucking rubbing alcohol

that bullshit shit they put in all the celtzers it's like malt alcohol yeah yeah that's why cup water is like the best it's truly premium liquor yeah it's not the fucking shit you'd you know yeah I found one more I found one more like that but they also it's just 5% that's it it's like regular

agave tequila tequila club soda and just you know is it a black can I don't know if I'm being no it's not black This one is not black. It's like yellow, blue. We'll talk about it later. I'll get a picture for my fridge.

I love those things. Please, I'm always looking for the next brand. Yeah, they call me. They call to me all the time. Yeah. You see, I have my little outdoor mini fridge and I'm always kind of like... Why don't these guys

sponsored podcasts? They should. I don't know. I feel like it all depends. Sometimes if they're like a small company, they just, you know, they don't have the budget. Yeah. The podcast advertising.

We've gotten a bunch of like non-alcoholic stuff, but no one's like... It's coming at us. Yeah. Like, what kind of not? Like, just like regular beves? Yeah. I think these freaking guys are,

you think these freaking guys would give me a shot. I drink them on every podcast. Do you really? Yeah. Well, fucking say it. Do you say it on the podcast?

I don't think that's a problem. I don't think Mountain Valley wants to align their company with, you know, some of my stuff. With the funniest guys in the world? You'd be surprised. Speaking of,

you guys are number two, that's fucking. Yeah, for now. Again, we go up and down. We go up and down. Yeah. Sometimes we slum it around seven. Yeah.

Pathetic. What a cock sucker I forget It's just like every now and again I'll get a text and be like sweet Yeah And whenever I go to show someone I'm like check it out

I'm like you look I'm like oh we fucking dropped again Yeah I'm a bitch Well you got the world by the balls right now Matt You know you can't be paying attention The one thing You got six fucking things going on

True You know That's true Oh no I don't No For me it's all about the vibe That's all I try to keep high man It's all about the vibe

Yeah Trying to get lost in the sauce Yeah It's too easy to you know what I mean that's what I'm saying are you lost to the sauce yet at all?

No not really I'm just chilling for the most part I gotta check on you every now and then I appreciate it yeah I do get lost every once in a while but I always find my way back

you find your way back to center nice well today you're going to a haunted park yeah I'm going to a haunted house and I'm really scared about it I wish you didn't bring it up to be honest with you yeah oh I can talk about my ass problems

you can't talk about a fucking haunted house with eight year olds I'm very scared where you're at uh I think it's in Buda oh you're going out there okay scare grounds got you so you know yeah that's awesome it's one of those where like a fucking autistic kid chase you with a shovel yeah I'm scared oh my god you have a right to defend yourself I might bring my firearm and discharge it just a warning shot say watch it get stay away from me ghouls I think dance a little I'm very scared because there's a lot of people going with us like all my ladies friends and like comedians and stuff and I'm very scared I'm going

going to shriek, I'd be really embarrassed if I shrieked in front of all those people. No cameras, dude. You got to lock them up. Yeah. You can't. You can't be had. Take a beta blocker. What is a beta blocker? Like, you make so your heart doesn't like go over a certain amount of BPMs. Everyone's been pushing beta blockers on me. I'm like, I'm not fucking taking them. What's the point of that? They take them for public speaking where you can take a beta blocker and it makes it physically impossible for your heart to go over a certain beats per minute. so even if you were to be nervous mentally

your body can't support your anxiety it kind of just bottoms out if that makes sense yeah but you do stand up so I'm saying it I'm like I don't want to do that that'd be fucking weird if I like The whole point is to feel something like that's my rush that's my take man I'd be like and it's also like

God forbid I have to run but I'm on a beta blocker and now I'm fucking like I don't just jog because my heart's just like don't boom I'm like you're stuck in like yeah I would think about it the whole time

I'd be like how fast how fast is it going is it only going this I don't know people are like tossing those things out like oh dude they're the best yeah fuck that man dude that opening for Shane that walk to the round no boy yeah that wouldn't be nice that wouldn't be bad to have a beta blocker for that actually dude it feels like you're gonna have a heart attack for a second yeah it's tough I don't know if you get like that but that's like yeah those big arenas freak me out man every time I do that's the wildest feeling I've ever had my life yeah I was really scared

after two yeah it took me like three hours to not be scared after that I just kept getting spun out about how like there's only so many people that have ever talked to that many people in person at once that's a fair point it's kind of felt like hitler i was thinking like i should have said something more important while i was up there yeah true or what if what you said you think it's a good message but then later on you learn it's just as bad as what hitler were saying true there's a video of you on in the round being like i don't know i was so scared i was with james and i just like didn't talk which is out of character for me in the green one Usually a chatterbox.

You usually have a chatterbox. Life at the party. I was so freaked out. I'm going to go smoke again. It is kind of, and it's like, I don't know, there's something about, if you throw up like a mid set in a club, at least you can just get off stage and shake it off. When you throw up a mid, it's almost getting like a national survey on your stuff. A quarter of the city saw it.

And it turns out 25% of them kind of liked it. And then, like, famous professional athletes come in, and you're just like... Caitlin Clark was there. Really? Yeah. Fuck. That rules. Wait, were you in Vegas?

No, it was in... This is a while ago. Indiana. Indiana, yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. We played in her house. The Pacers Arena.

True. Yeah, dude. This is the house she built. The house of Caitlin Clark did. Did she come in the green room? Yeah. Oh, how she looked. She looked nice.

Yeah. And she's very friendly. She watched us play UFC. I was beating Shane, too, until she walked. walked in and then I got nervous and I lost. Classic excuse. Yeah. If Kaila wasn't here,

how tall is she? She's probably like your height. She's probably like just under six foot. Okay. Well, you're probably, yeah, around you guys. Yeah, I'm just on her. A little taller than me. That's awesome.

I want to get my height measured again. What do you think you got taller? I think you're shrinking. No, yeah, I think it was shrinking. Really? Yeah, I thought I was, I think I was five, ten and a half at one point. You think you got taller? I went back to back.

You're taller than me, aren't you? I don't know. I always assumed you were. I'm 5'10. I thought I was six. I just assumed I was six feet for a while and then someone measured me. I was like, son of a bit.

It is true. My mother's like 3-8 now, dude. It's fucking crazy. She's a little garden house in a shoe. Were you worried you of pesciitis? Italians do, I think, shrink more than mother. I don't know what it is about you guys. You try to do shrink.

It's the fucking anger on you. your shoulders. Press it down your spine. I caught myself driving the other day and I was like... Yeah, gripped up. It was magically leather gloves on your head. Oh. I was telling Nick Murphy in the last pod.

It was at the Patreon, right? We could talk about this. I got pulled over by the cop. What happened? My first time I got pulled over. It was Sunday after getting... You've never been pulled over until... No, no, in Austin.

Okay, okay. Yeah, because there's no cops in the neighborhoods. They're just all down six years. Yeah, you don't see him. cleaning up hookers and stuff yeah scraping them up with a spatula they have that thing at the fucking hockey game that just comes down

the hooker zamboni hooker zamboni on six there's his fucking heels flying out no I just got fucked up on Sunday watching football I bet I don't know how many

fucking mezcal sodas I had for the Eagles game and then I watched the second set of games and I didn't have anything in the fridge so me and my girl and the dog get the truck we go to the market pick up some sighties

and the way home you know the speed bumps I know what you mean yeah did you catch your hair so I know dog goes flying we gotta pick her up

no no I I swerve into the bike lane yeah because I want to yeah I got a Tacoma so the width of the wheels you can get around one of those boys and it's a mild little

Yeah, give it to her. I always sent him to Brittany's side. She's like, will you start putting the speed bump on my side? I'm driving. Just went to home. I didn't realize I was doing it to her. I'd always go around and hit her side. Well, we got pulled over.

We got pulled over. On the rationing. Yeah. Who was driving? I was driving. You jumped out and switched seats. No, I just slapped a piece of gum in. Oh, nice.

And which is probably like the bread flag for all cops. Smoked four cigarettes. How do you? just jumping. Didn't even break the seal yet. Did he get the wrapper on? It's a spoon of peanut butter and big red gum.

And I was wildly calm. Like I didn't fucking, I didn't really consider how much booze I had in my system. Yeah, yeah. And I think it's because my girl and my dog were in the car.

The cop was like, oh, this is a family man. He could possibly be screaming the N-word at the TV for fucking six hours. That's funny. And he just grabbed my, He's like, you know, as long as you're not an ex-burner, I'm just going to run this real quick and I'll let you go with a warning.

He said it before he ran the tick, the car. You're just holding your breath. This guy was, he was the fucking man. That's cool. Yeah. And I thought that I was talking to see your face on this and go, oh, there's a drunk driver. I'm going to get him next time. The next day, I'm just going to swear.

What was the original pullover for? He goes, I'm guessing you were trying to avoid the bumps. I see you're swerving over there. She said, yep, definitely not drunk. Because you're going You're going to the bike lane You know, to avoid the bump bump Yeah, she'd be like I was just trying to see if my vehicle

would turn into a bike Once I went into the bike lane Turns out it doesn't That's cool. He just kind of ran your stuff and... Yeah, very rare. Very rare that happens. Again, that's a testament to, I believe,

the tequila because I feel like the beer you would have been stanking. Yeah, you're swollen, your eyes get bloodshot. Yeah, you've been stanking up the car. Little mezcal, they don't know that smell. It smells like fucking burnt, weird. stuff. Yeah.

It smells like his wife. Yeah. He was Mexican. I was picking that up. You were putting it down. She put a hat on a hat. If I was a Texas cop, you best believe I've had a little fat little Mexican wife way for being in home.

You best believe that. Long day at work, homemade tortillas. Oh, man. It'd be so nice. Look at the thick as palms, too. Oh, yeah, just pressing. Just making pasta. They're mashing shit constantly.

Avocados. sometimes you say something about a race of people that I've never noticed before and it's always not on Some Mexican ladies have thick palms Yeah, because they're fucking slamming down I never thought of that before You ever see like a plumber's hand or a carpenter

You got an uncle And you shake your head and you're like Oh, I feel like a little boy Yeah It's because he's constantly fucking gripping a wrench You know It's like there's little rubber things That Rogan was trying to

You get a nice chin What's that? I've seen those before. It's like a rubber thing you put in front of your teeth and you just it's a stress ball for your for your mouth yeah what's that called and it built a jawing it's like oh okay yeah yeah yeah yeah

you can build kind of like yeah chad moustin face yeah that's why coke heads have nice fucking jails yeah true no teeth great jails it's like a dog underbite what's your next move Matthew

you're busy thanks for thanks for coming by please yeah dude I nothing really dude I'm trying to write a book me and Pedro Salinas are writing a book right now so we're almost done with that I have I'm gonna put a secret present

on our Patreon Gargles Incorporated which is a radio play about a group of bikers who are once just like badass bikers who stumbled on a meth so powerful it turned them all kind of gay so that's really it's almost done so I'm looking forward to that

and yeah from there just like writing stuff really that's kind of my plan that's awesome really just kind of just keep it rolling bro kind of keep rocking and rolling. It's kind of, you know. Yeah. What's a book about Pedro? So it was actually the book that I self-published.

I was writing another one with Pedro and then, you know, I was like talking to a literary agent. Like we're like, how we can do a two-book deal. So I was like, let me go back and get the self-published one. We're going to like a traditional publisher. So I was like going back through the one I self-published. And then I was like, it's going to take me forever to rework this. So I just brought Pedro on. I'm like, let's redo this one.

He ended up like completely changing it. So it would be like a totally different story. Yeah. Can you say, what's the story about? Yeah, the story is about a, so it's like a same as before where it was like a group of people living in Roxborough from like different backgrounds who kind of lives kind of clash together. But this is around more so same thing, a guy who's growing weed, but he's like obsessed with this jam band. And it's hard to say honestly. I'm going to get, I don't want to get.

I can't summarize stories about giving way the whole plot. Don't. It's funny though. I'm like really happy with it. It's a, it's just a twist on the same story that we just, like, really changed a lot of stuff. Yeah. So it's pretty cool. It's exciting.

I'm pretty happy. I lived in Roxborough. Me too. Next to the shop, right on, uh. Off Henry or Ridge have, which one? Yeah. I lived in Roxburgh for a couple years. I liked it.

Yeah. That's where I got the idea to write a book about Roxborough. Oh, that's where I got in the face of the bottle. It is rough. It's where I got 50 stitches. My fucking face. I remember my neighbor calling the mailman a slur. Yeah.

I was thinking like, damn, that's pretty intense. You're just dropping off the mail. Oh, my God. As soon as the mailman left and he, like, talked to my other neighbor, hit him with the sand one. Oh, my God. I was calling him a sand guy. Oh, no.

Yeah, and I was just like walking around like, God damn, bro. Those guys are heroes to me. This is Tuesday afternoon. You're hitting a mailman with calling him a sand guy. I go out of my way to tip my cap to those guys. They're not even delivering a mail. I'll slow down. Especially trudging Roxborough is a hilly terrain.

It's like, the guy's walking 15 miles a day up, slugging uphill. I know because I walk dogs in Roxborough. It's, you know, anyone, any walk-based job, I had respect for it. You can't move your car in the winter. I wouldn't call him a sand guy behind his back when he left. That's just what I'm called for. Yeah.

Just for no reason. Yeah. The guy left and, yeah, he was in fact kind of Middle Eastern. And the guy just like, they're having a conversation. He just stopped. Yeah. I got the, like, quarantine brain for people that deliver stuff. You remember during quarantine?

Amazon was still rocking. Yeah. People would bang pots and pants for him and shit. Oh, yeah. It wasn't just the nurses. They were like celebrating. Yeah. Amazon, yeah, yeah, I still feel that way.

I was essentially working during, yeah, I was, I didn't stop, I didn't, I didn't, I was, I was selling weed during the pandemic. Yeah, nothing's, I just, I just would go to people's houses and like, yeah, I never got a fucking parade. I had a show on Kumiya's network. Oh, did you really? Yeah, you fucking worked through. It kept me alive. Nice. I was, I got a picture in, uh, Times Square. There's no one around. It's awesome. Oh, that's pretty cool. Just desolate. I would get on the train, no one's on the train, drop off 30, you know, 34th. That's awesome. Walk to the studio.

It kind of looks like you photoshopped out all the Chinese people. Yeah. That's awesome. The ultimate dream, dude. Just like that. You see them down there. They love that place. You put some big screens outside.

Oh, you wait. They're fucking coming. They're coming. I just sign up for a dog park and they just put up a big screen. I was like, that's not a good idea. That's not a good idea. The one group you don't want to come to your dog park

but a fork a knife too put the screen down you'll hear those cannon those cannon neck cameras dude is coming dude

you hear the cannon just hitting someone in the chest as they come you go oh my god your water starts shaking you know they're coming just carrying a fucking

turn around there's five of them four inches behind you you're like Jesus fucking nice give me my personal space I was

I'm from a non-personal space country. I kind of, that'd be a cool thing to just... And not caring. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. Get on a subway and just be like this close to a dude's face and be like, what?

A Chinaman will just, they'll jump in your back pocket. It will jump in your back pocket. In a fucking Starbucks. You're like, there's no one behind me, dude. I know. You turn around. He's just right here.

You're like, what are you doing? Nothing gets Britney's fucking, nothing gets Britney going. And she'll get encroached upon by an old Chinese lady. and she'll just for real be like excuse me that's what my girl does

oh bro like you drive it it's I'm like damn I wish I grew up like that it'd be so fun you know I describe them as uh it would be I describe them as like helium balloons

like the day after a birthday party how so like the way they walk they're so unaware socially of anybody you said that's so like you know

when the balloon loses helium and it starts floating and it drifts like this that's how they walk down the side They have no ability to decipher another human being anywhere in their area. Same thing with old immigrant women, the first generation immigrant women.

They get out their door with their fucking big heaters down there, their fucking knees, and they just walk to where they have to go. They walk to where they have to go, and nobody else is in their frame of reference or mind. They just, they don't barrel right through you, you'll get hit with tit me. They don't switch, you know, angles. I do like the, when you see the old immigrant couples and the husband walks like 10 paces behind his life. I always, I don't know what that's about, but I'm kind of, I'm for it too. How do you pull that off?

My girl gets furious if I'm ahead of her. Yeah, sure. Furious, like a three-year-old. Yeah. So like, hey, babe. And I'm like, I'm walking as slow as I possibly can. Oh, dude. And then they'll hit the jets on you too.

My wife will do that. And then she'll hit the jets on me. And I'm like, I'm back. And then I go, and then I go, I know, I know you can do it. True. Now you're doing it on purpose. Yeah. But then you try to bring up.

something from a week ago. She goes, why are you even talking about this? Fuck. Fuck. I knew you were farting around yesterday. I thought you could walk fast. Yeah. Yeah, she'll hit the jets on me, and I go slow-mo.

Yeah. Turn into a slow-brough on her. I like that. And then I just wait until the... I mean, it's one of my favorite moments is when she hits the jets, I hit the brakes, and then eventually she's going to look back. And she just sees me among the crowd, just lost. Just a lot.

And she turns around. I just go... What do you do? What's doing? That's my favorite. What time is, uh... I can't stop staring his fucking mesh meat.

He's going to... Squeezing through the fucking holes. Someone's going to grab it at the haunted trail. You better... You might put on some pants, dude. I will. That hogs are flopping. Forgive me.

That is prime. My eyes are up because of it. Yeah, it's got shiny fucking mesh shorts on It's like glistening under the light I'm sorry man Count your veins Forgive me Forgive me

There's holes in it It is a wild choice You know I'm just dressed for comfort man Yeah no again I'm comfortable Yeah I went with the long pants today You look great

Thank you man I just decided I like the crocs a bit I'm new to Crocs Bro I'm thinking about getting Crocs for the kitchen So nice Yeah Dude there's a place near my house

house that sells it's like a dick sporting goods yeah but it's i i say this respectfully no opposite purely mexican yeah it's mexican dicks dude you go in there and it's just i swear to god it's sporting goods hey jami look up what the dick and mexican is comote i think they used to call it like a sweet potato but i could be wrong there's a bunch of words camote was the slang i picked up working with some bros yeah they're fucking nice these are like industrial like crocs yeah so they're like super thick they're for like standing all day Yeah. Somewhere like a fucking slaughterhouse.

Yeah. The Lakers colors is a wild. My kids painting them. Oh, really? They had, um, they got cowgirl boots and then the only pair left in my size didn't have like a pink flower on it. So I was like, just fucking paint your boots pink. Yeah.

So then Chloe got jealous. You have to paint her boots. I was like paint my fucking crocs. Oh, you're a good dad. I like them though. They look great. Splash a color kind of pumps. Yeah, it kind of pumps me up.

They're very artistic. They are Lakers color now that you mentioned it. I'm sorry. Obviously it's for fucking. Kobe, dude. IP, man. But yeah, so the place is cool because it's all sporting goods, but then you can go get like industrial footwear too.

Yeah. So it's for like working bros, take the kids get a soccer ball and like, I need new steel toe Wolverine boots. Yeah. They really have everything. It's the weirdest store. They have everything.

Maybe Dick says that too. I don't know. I don't win that story. I don't think so. Dix is a fucking sleeper, dude. Dix's got some good stuff. Don't make me say I love Dix because that's, we got my dad on that one time.

He got pissed off. He's like, he's like, I love that place. Like, where do you love? He's like, I love dicks. I'm like, yeah, you guys think you're real funny, huh? Is your dad still in the construction business? Yeah, dude. Waste management?

No, he does a demolition. Oh, yeah. They sold it, they sold the trash company to waste management a long time ago. Oh, yeah. So he just does demolition. He still fucking does it. Is that? He loves working.

Is that what waste management does like any other industry? They just look for like the smaller companies that have a big business. Yeah, well, they did it, especially in the 90s because, I mean, I'm going to talk about some waste management stuff. It was owned for a while by Wayne Hizanga. It was a guy who owned Blockbuster. Sick name, dude. He's a great entrepreneur.

Wayne Hazanga? I believe that's the same. He owned Blockbuster. If he wasn't a shortstop from Venezuela, you've got to own a business team. That's a baseball name, dude. Dude, he got out, I believe at the right time of Blockbuster, he had that, sold that, bought waste management, or he was somehow involved in waste management, but he went around the tri-state area. I'm buying up every independent trash company in the waste management.

completely took over. Damn. Yeah. Yeah. My dad, it was a sick move because he heard about people buying out businesses. So he started buying independent trash companies knowing he was going to sell. Yeah. And then he got to sell those to waste management who had much deeper pockets and be like, I got another one.

Do you want to do this? He's not, is he retireable type money? I think so. I don't know. My mom loves crying poor. That's her biggest thing. Yeah. You've got to turn the air conditioning off.

Yeah. Yeah. How? Well, the poor brain is just, it's permanent. It's from her, from her youth. she can have a million dollars and she's just like yeah it's not going well if you talk to her this guy's following yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you met Chris right

speaking up stop pitching about fucking O'Connor he's gonna we're gonna turn this thing around yeah and we're gonna be together again also it's life has seasons you know it's good training yeah it is it's been fun I think we've had some guests that are very fucking funny and it's like I know I know fans just want to see Chris and I sometimes and I get that but I don't know if the Zoom thing's going to be we have to go

I gotta fly to PA he's got to fly here yeah yeah Zoom is tough Zoom's tough it is tough it's so much more convenient but it's tough it's very tough why don't they change that

why do they make you stare at your own fucking face too yeah it's not helpful when you're trying to concentrate and talk and you're just like well you could turn that feature off you just load it up with whoever else is on the screen oh yeah I guess you could maximize the other person yeah I don't want to look that closely at someone else's facing to though

I knew you'd find something else. But have you ever talked to someone the whole time where you're literally like, yes, hello, hi. Yeah. Yeah, I fucked a lot of those girls. They're fucking, they're hard to run from, dude. They'll be in your pocket like an Asian. You know that about Asians?

No, I didn't. You never gotten bumped into? I'm sure I have. I celebrate cultural differences. I'm saying this in celebration. So don't get a misconstrued. No, no, I'm not. It tickles me when I'm at a target,

and I turn it right when I when I smell Pickled in your neck That's another one I saw right too They love jarred goods Yeah You put a thing in a jar For like four months bro

They're gonna go God damn what the fuck is that Are those six month old carrots And liquid Get those Which is you know They know a lot about health dude So

We can learn a thing or two I'm celebrating I don't get a misconstrued I am celebrating. No, of course. It's also just, it is what it is. We're just telling the facts. True.

They're balloons. I'm going to go to say facts, but yeah. But no, I do. I celebrate differences, man. I can't, man. You can't stop me. I love it. Yeah.

Love it. Wap, shrink. Asians float. You can make fun of anything. They came, they come pre-shrunking. like rinky dinks you remember those things yeah shrinkie dinks

that's not what I meant I mean what is it what is a rinky dink yeah what is a first of all I can't believe that but that is what they're called so we're safe you'd put them in the oven

and they get small there are plastic things you cut out like toys or like characters I know you're talking about you put them on a sheet pan put them in the oven and they would shrink down

OG creepy crawler, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's nice. They were big in the 80s and 90s. I like that. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, the name itself. It is funny, too.

The correlation with what we're talking about. Also, you're not supposed to smelt plastic in your oven. They're like, cool new toy. 100%. Checking on it every five minutes, just breathing it in. What were the other ones that came in like a tiny pill? You put it in water and would be like a dinosaur. They still have those.

Those are sick. Really? Yeah, you can throw the pill in and let it. Yeah, they're still in like vending machines. Oh, no shit. you can grow a cool thing they also nobody gives a fuck you do that and a kid just is like wow nowadays yeah yeah no they're into it but it's like as soon as it's done they're like all right fucking yeah there's nothing to do with it like we just wait it two days for that tolerance for kids

and games and toys must be nuts right how much money you spend it on like yeah you really don't need a lot of toys they forget about them instantly it's like if you're if you have boys you need like a fake back oh and some dinosaurs yeah girls you need like a bunch of like baby dolls and that's kind of fake tobacco no no no a backo like a Oh, backhoe. Yeah, backhoe. Backhoe?

Yeah. Call them backos, bro. You know. Because you're in construction? Yeah, your second generation? You got your own language? I'm like 90th generation.

A lot of shovel guys. What do you want to plug? I know you got to get out of here. Oh, just Matt McCusker.com. I'll be in, when's this come out? Next Wednesday. Cool. Yeah, just Matt McCusker.

I have a bunch of comedy club dates coming up I'll just be returning from Tulsa and then uh dang you can thank the fans of Tulsa yeah Tulsa thank you guys ticket sales looking into it we're not great so we turn that around and I'm eternally grateful for that

guards I'll be in Cincinnati for Thanksgiving weekend Sean Gardini.com sorry I didn't really say that much but you know you're chilling I was just happy to listen you're scared dude

you're born and you're born and Yeah, I don't know. Oh, watch the special on Netflix, humble offering. So fucking funny, dude. Thank you, man. You're so good. Thank you. Watching you truly has been pretty fucking special.

Thank you, man. Yeah. From Philly to what you do now is... Thank you, man. Light years. You're getting better and better. It's fucking awesome. I appreciate that.

Yeah. Makes me feel bad about myself. I was there. Matt handled the special like a general would. Really? Very impressive, yeah. Yeah. I bonged my head, man.

It was a big guy fucked up. I bonged my head. It was a big... It's a big thing I had at one point. There were all these people were, like, going over, fretting over my head. As it good as it not, I had to be like, stop. Let me just fucking do it. It is what it is, man.

Maybe I fucked it up, but we're going to do this, and that's it. Good for you. Yeah, it's out of my control. That's awesome. Yeah, it was a victory, yeah. It's good to think about your inner victories. That's a dream. Seriously.

I had a victory last night. What did you have? I did a character before my set on the Fat Man. Ooh. I did the Holtzman, but nice. Nice holtsman. Nice Holtzman, yeah. It's a big victory.

I jacked my pants up to my tits. Slicked my hair. I forgot that. You do kind of look like a young holdsmith. Yeah. And I had his whole mannerisms going. I was like, fucking chaps!

And then I would compliment them. All right. Well, thank you, man. Yeah. Thanks for coming, Matt. Fosho. Thanks for coming, guard. No problem.

We'll get you yapping next time. Yeah, we'll see. I'll pull your cord. Are you nervous about tonight? What's wrong of you? I am nervous about tonight. this is real yeah yeah I've never been to a haunted house before so I'm kind of scared no I don't get you man I get it and I'm all for the Halloween spirit like I like Halloween a lot

but like I'm a little scared of the frights and what I have been liking a lot lately is doing Halloween voice around the house there you go it's very fun to do Halloween voice what is it let me see me hear um it's like oh well thanks for listening to the podcast boys and ghouls or there's some things like that be careful for things that go bump in the night Happy Halloween

I have a little pumpkin I can't Every time I walk past it goes Halloween just brings out The ghoul in me Did you come for a treat Or did you come for a trick Dude I would cut that fucking thing

I'm gonna get you one of those I do there it's insane Two blocks away It always scares people Like whenever I put it out at first People don't realize it's out there they walk by and they just Christ

you should have had that come instead of me to be the guest on the podcast he probably would have just waved my foot in front of it I'll do a podcast

with a Halloween decoration you are a little pumpkin on you pumpkin with huge nuts all right guys thanks

head over to Patreon talk dot com slash stuff I don't do this a lot to sign up for some stuff yeah comment down below

like subscribe and also yeah Well, we'll be, Chris and I are going to be, we'll be linked up soon. So stay patient. Do you think old Chinese people get too close to you? Let us know below. Let us know in the comments.