Stuff Island - Na'im Ali - The Glory Days - Stuff Island #160

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

Na'im Ali joins Chris for episode 160 of Stuff Island. Na'im is a Philly based comedian. Na'im can be seen on Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, Legion of Skanks and just preformed at Skankfest Las Vegas. Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Get 15% off your next gift! Uncommongoods.com/stuffisland Try Bluechew for FREE! with Promo Code: STUFFISLAND. Just pay $5 for shipping. Bluechew.com Give the gift of comfort this holiday season and get 20% your entire order with promo code "Stuff Island" at publicrec.com Head to squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

well cheers man cheers thank you thank you for coming thank you all the way out to west chester yeah bro like an hour ride yeah not that greedy very nice around here it's so nice nice it's so nice the suburbs man yeah i haven't been in the suburbs in a long time oh you were in new york yeah i was in philly and then i was in new york and then i would live in like downtown austin so i was never like yeah i was never out i was i never lived out in the burbs you know like visit like my parents or something but yeah yeah i've only been out here to go to like uh when i was in college i used to go to parties at west chester

oh really yeah where'd you go to college because now uh because town university you play football there yeah yeah well i put i was on the team i ain't play i never got in i never got it i went up there thinking i was gonna to play corner and receiver. Then I played special teams. Then I separated my shoulder. Then I tore my meniscus after I came back from that. And let's be honest, even if that wouldn't have happened, I still wouldn't have played.

I wasn't good. I wasn't good enough. Really? Fuck no. I was good at high school. When you go to college, it's like, everybody's all dedicated and shit, bro. Like, what the fuck? Are y'all doing all this work?

Yes, dude. I've said this so many times where it's just like, in high school, anyone who looks like an athlete is a good athlete. Yes. Anyone who doesn't look like a good athlete is a terrible, awful athlete. Yes. You get to college, and all of those weird bodies have figured out yes how to do it bro i was getting like we'd be in practice and i would get smoked by a five seven 160 pound white wide receiver

just trash me oh man close this door oh yeah it's all good yeah it's just crazy it's the yeah it's the most frustrating and then you realize that you've just been like yeah relying on your athleticism the whole time that's it just coasting yeah and your athleticism is not really that great fuck no yeah that's not like even when people say shit like oh yeah black people are athletic no it's not true athletic people are athletic yeah yeah like there's levels to all that shit you do seem to have a little bit of an advantage in that department i mean yeah i think you know uh pedigree and people does something you see what i'm saying that does something shit you only let the strongest people reproduce you're going to get something out of

that that's what they did in ireland. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just the strongest, smallest guys possible. Yo, a lot of great Irish athletes, dog. Like, I've seen it firsthand. I've seen guys do crazy shit. I don't know. I feel like you don't really see a lot of them out there. I mean, fighters, for sure. Yeah.

And Division II colleges. There's a ton of them. I mean, when you talk NFL, fuck no. It turns out, yeah, they're all at Kutztown yeah they're all at kutztown they're all at kutztown shipmentsberg you see what i'm saying you come to this area you're gonna find them yeah you're gonna see all the good white athletes d2 moderately good yeah like not professional level but then even we look at that i think it's way more southern black athletes than northern black athletes like we started losing that shit once we came up here

yeah i don't know what's going on it's just i just football in the north is not as good no it's not i think it's a sunlight thing what do you mean uh so you know like all black people are like vitamin d deficient the ones that live in like the are, bro. We don't get enough sunlight. It makes us weak. We're fucked up. Well, you got to get some vitamin D pills up here. You got the football program. You're talking.

That's a real thing that I think. Is that being addressed at all? Fuck no. Nobody gives a fuck. No one's looking into that? It's got to be a problem. Bro, we're out of our natural habitat. Yeah.

It's crazy. We're in cold weather, lack of sunlight. Bro, we don't eat enough citrus fruit. You see what I'm saying, bro? We're fucked. We're fucked up here. Yeah, they need to start shipping some vitamin D up here. Yeah.

Look at how many light-skinned black people are in the north. Tons of them. Millions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Millions millions and they're benefiting from that yes you feel like curry being in the san francisco type climate you see what i'm saying he's powered up it's like fucking superman everyone superman was all fucked with what the kryptonite he had to fly like the outer space to get his shit back it's like superman so that's really what the light-skinned stuff is all about, is it's a superpower.

It's a superpower. Because you get all of the black athleticism with more sunlight coming in. Yes, and you've adapted to this climate. You've adapted to not, you don't need as much sunlight, but you get it. You get sunlight.

Getting all the vitamin D you need. That fucking rules. Yeah. Meanwhile, it's like, yeah, I'm getting overcooked. Yeah, you're getting overcooked. Yeah. You, it's like, yeah, I'm getting overcooked. Yeah, you're getting overcooked. Yeah. You're getting too much.

Yeah, I think you should do, I think white people should get like melanin injections to help absorb the sunlight. Then you've got to worry about skin cancer so much.

Isn't that what sunscreen is? But that's just a topical cream. You know what I'm saying? You need it in your veins. That's all you need. I got sunglasses and sunscreen. I'm good. Nah, nah, nahical cream. You know what I'm saying? You need it in your veins. That's all you need. I got sunglasses and sunscreen. I'm good.

Nah, nah, nah, nah. You need it flowing through your fucking blood. That's what you need. I don't think so. I think you need it going through your... Do people get melanin injections? Yeah. That can't be a thing.

I've seen it. It was that lady. Remember that German lady? And she was like a white lady, but she was black as hell. Yeah, that ran the NAACP chapter is that who you're talking about fucking

no not her it was a lady you're talking about Rachel Dolezal yeah I thought that's who you were talking about

Dolezal is not a German name that is a German name but I don't think nobody took her trans shit serious she's trans she's trans now

I mean she's transracial. That's what she was saying. And nobody takes that serious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody's like, what? No, you can't.

Fuck her. She's a liar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, come on. Well, at the time, you talk about like the light skin power bump. Yeah, yeah.

If you, yeah. If you go transracial, I mean. I don't see the problem. To me, you should be able to switch race before gender. That seems more feasible. I'm just saying, at the time, you could get all kinds of Comedy Central

stuff from being half-black and stuff like that. True. You can get shit from being a lady. I really wish I didn't say that. Comedy Central stuff? From being black? I was talking to someone. I didn't say that. Comedy Central stuff? From being black? I was talking to someone. I didn't know that was a thing.

That was fucking insane. Yeah, no, I mean, no. I was talking to someone today about how it's unbelievable that Comedy Central collapsed in the middle of the biggest comedy boom. Yeah. No one talks. There should be a documentary about that. Yes. The most poorly run.

That is crazy. It's like. Like, how did that happen? Yeah. Comedy was taking the fuck off. You had total control. Had everything. All you had to do was just.

But they could have had y'all. They could have had y'all. They fumbled you guys. They could have taken any. I mean. That's crazy. They could have had all. If they like.

Yeah. If they were on the forefront of podcasting and stuff, they could have done. Yeah. Well, you know what? People got too worried about saying bad things. Well, yeah. That was the problem. That fucks everybody.

When you start worried about that. When you can't say this, can't say that. Then you fucked up. Yeah. You can't worry about that. Especially with comedy. You got to treat comedy like rap. You let rappers say any fucking thing.

Yeah. You have to be saying it with comedians just say whatever you want it's just jokes say whatever the fuck you want fuck it yeah that's i it gets in the way of me listening to rap oh for sure not because they're saying nasty things but just because like they got such confidence yeah bro i'm picking up what you're putting down, bro. There's such confidence. Hell yeah. That shit fucks me, dog. You know what I mean?

Like, anytime they're talking about, like, they're like, I'm fucking your bitch and fucking, and you're like, I'm the guy you're getting. Yes. I never put myself in the right position. No, no, no, no. That guy's doing it to me. Yeah. Yep.

Anytime he's like, yeah, y'all broke niggas can't keep up. I'm like, bro, I can't keep up. I can't. I can't afford any of the things you have. wish i could yeah i fucking wish i could yeah tell me how to do it yeah i don't get it bro i don't understand how i don't understand how people listen to that shit i barely ever listen to rap now like when i was a kid i used to yeah well i mean also like i'm more in touch with my emotions now, bro. I'm 37. Oh, really? I'm an older guy. Yeah, yeah.

So now, like, when I hear shit about, like, even just, like, vibrations and tones, that shit fucks with my mood, dog. Yeah. I can't really get down. I can't listen to people talking about killing and shit like that. Yeah, you start getting, like, really, really anxious. Yeah. And I know people that got murdered before. So, like, now I'm thinking about shit from, like, when I was 15. I'm like, why am I thinking about this? I'm having a great day. yeah you start getting like really really anxious and i know people that got murdered before so it's

like now i'm thinking about shit from like when i was 15 i'm like why am i thinking about this yeah on a great day it is i do feel like i'm slowly crossing a threshold where like life's getting like too real yes you like the older you get you start going like oh my god man like yeah you realize how much everything matters bro everything fucking matters yeah and you start getting scared even someone coming in the room and just telling you like a bad story dude don't i can't yeah please yeah you just made me feel heavy on it i don't like that don't make me feel heavy yeah nothing but positivity in here please though you know and also i'm the same way with like i don't listen to too many

love songs because that's the same no bro i don't want anything to depict my emotion yeah fuck that no what do you mean like i don't i don't want to hear a song about how in love somebody is yeah that wasn't my emotion before i turned that song on yeah dude now i'm in my head like oh maybe i should call this girl maybe i should fuck it no i couldn't agree more i mean people people always that like when they're like creative they like put music on or like they're constantly just i like i can't do it no i feel like it's it's someone else's thoughts invading my head yeah that's why a lot of religions like ban music yeah like i grew up muslim bro You can't listen to music. Why?

It changes your thoughts and your emotions. You can't even listen to drums. You can't even listen to drums if you're Muslim. Why not? Because it changes your fucking emotions. Is that why it's just the guy screaming? Yeah, bro.

It's just that. That's what it is. He's screaming about how great god is that's how hype he is about god like god's the best you feel playing is he writing some line where in like in that faith he's technically not singing it's like technically not yes technically is not it's not music because arabic is like a rhythmic language i mean i don't know how people say that because i feel like all languages are speed walking and running. Like, where is the divided line? Right.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yo. Yeah. It's a blurry line. But it's there. Like, that's not a song. It's a prayer. But it kind of is like, it sounds like a song.

Yeah, it moves you. Moves you. Moves you like a song. Yeah. Like, I like hearing certain people pray better than other people. That's art. That's art. If you can prefer something to something else, that's kind of like art.

If I could have an opinion about who prays better. Like, if you go to a Catholic church. I went to Catholic school when I was a kid. That shit all sound the same. I don't care who says it. It's the same. Yeah. I don't even remember listening to what the guy was saying.

Yeah. Ever. Yeah, fuck no. And I wish I did. Yeah, I remember't even remember listening to what the guy was saying. Yeah. Ever. Yeah, fuck no. And I wish I did. Yeah, I remember that Our Father. I remember that prayer. Yeah, but that's just the prayers. Oh, yeah, but like the-

I'm talking about like the sermons. Yeah, the sermons. Or the homily. Oh, yeah, no, I don't remember any of that shit. I never listened to what they were saying, and I wish that I did. Yeah, you know what, man? And that's the other thing. Getting older, you realize how important positive words

are, even if you don't fully believe it. No, yeah, yeah. It's important. There was lessons there that we missed in Catholic school. Yeah, dude. Important shit that is like, this probably would have helped me. I probably would have been a better person if I had listened to this thing. I know. Dude, that's been fucking me up

recently. I feel like I have a bad attitude. Really? I think I have a bad attitude. Really? I think I have a bad attitude. What do you mean you got a bad attitude? I think I've got a negative attitude and I think I got to turn it around. Yeah, you got to try to turn it around. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, the thing is that I guess I hated phony positivity so much that i i just assumed that if you were fake positive if you're

being positive you were being disingenuous yes you know what i mean yeah so i don't know but there is a way to thread the needle you got to be to figure out how to be real with people and positive it's a very challenging mode to be in. Yeah, that's not easy. I mean, I don't know. I feel like, I don't know. I guess put honesty first, right? And then after that, manners.

So it's like, I want to say something real, but I don't want to hurt your feelings. You know? Yeah, yeah. But then even that's hard because depending on how honest you've been, this just means sometimes there's no nice way to say things. Yeah. Yeah. Eventually you're going to get,

if you disagree about something, you're going to get to a place where you spaz out. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Hell yeah. But I'm talking about being a good, just like team guy.

I was like thinking about just like my childhood playing sports playing sports in high school and just being like i don't know if i was a good team guy what did you thought i was connecticut but you what did you play to like i play i played lacrosse i played football okay in high school play hockey were you a motivator i was not a motivator. Yeah, me neither. I was more of like the let the game speak kind of. Yeah. I was like, if I'm good, people will rally behind that. Yeah.

And that's not always true. But yeah, I was the same way. Yeah. But yeah, I never like, I wish I was a pump up guy. I wish I was a glue guy. I wish I was a rally guy. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, yeah. I mean, I think you got to be born with that, though. I don't know. I think it's a choice, you know? I think happiness is a choice. But when you're a kid, you're not making those type of choices. I mean, at least I wasn't. I was just there.

And honestly, like, the guy that was doing that, I was like, he's fucking gay. What the fuck are you doing? Yeah, I know. Why the fuck are you trying to hype me up? Shut up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess that's the comedy brain coming through yeah it's like this is fucking stupid this is such bullshit you know it is i hate i hate when people like are doing

movie shit in real life like don't do movie shit like it's not remember the titans it's not fucking this isn't this isn't fucking some movie that we're reenacting stop just say normal things yeah but i mean yeah it'd be nice to see it be around for some of the like the pre-game speeches pre-cinema you know what i mean yeah like a good like 1840s football game right pump up speech oh what are they crazy yeah what are they saying 1840 no idea how to like i mean you'd have to you just be borrowing it all from preachers. Oh yeah, for sure.

Oh yeah, it probably did sound like a reverend. Yeah. It probably was a lot of talking killing in there too. Definitely. Yeah. Like 1840s beach. Yeah. We're going to fucking, we're going to murder these guys.

Yeah. Probably a lot of talk of the R word too, bro. There's a lot of R word in there, bro. Yeah. Which one? The one that rhymes with grape. Probably was a lot of that bro because back then grape was normal i guess i don't think i think they got pretty upset about it i mean yeah they got upset about it people were doing it i don't think they called it that back then yeah what do they

what do they call it i don't think ladies had a choice in much thing or anything back then. Aggressive pressure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, bro. So I can imagine like a football speech back then.

What? Had to be the craziest shit. It had to be nuts. Mm-hmm. I wish I could do it. I wish I could give a pump-up speech. I wish I could,

like, I feel like people would see right through me. They'd see my heart wasn't in it. Yeah, same. That I was like putting on a, Mm-hmm. I was I like, I feel like people would see right through me. They'd see my heart wasn't in it. Yeah. That I was like putting on a, I was trying to be a positive guy.

Yeah. That's why I never did. You know what I used to do though? I was like calling people pussy type of guy. Like you're a pussy. You being a bitch right now because that makes people angry and then they play harder. I don't know, dude. If I got angry, I played so much worse. Really? Yeah. I i couldn't couldn't channel the rage what i would just get i'd get

like schizophrenic okay i feel like i'm kind of the same way now i don't have a good i don't have like a good handle on that yeah that anger i just flip the fuck i completely lose my mind yeah you just fucking panic and shit yeah yeah yeah i don't get like more assertive and like dialed in yeah i like lose my shit yeah all right i don't think i've never met someone more susceptible to shit talking than me really i'll lose my yeah i'll lose my mind you know what yeah yeah yeah see i'm opposite like if somebody calls me a pussy i go out of my way to prove that I'm not, which is also stupid. I've done a lot of dumb things.

Yeah, but what if then they go, look, you're trying to prove you're not a pussy. That makes you more of a pussy. Damn, what? Freaks you out. Oh, bro, yeah. I'm schizophrenic. I'm in the corner. I don't even know how to react to that. I'm in the corner.

Yeah, they get you coming and going. That's why I always, like, whenever they're, like, talking about guys about guys in like college football or in the nfl that are like good players but they need to become leaders yeah you know it's like how do you do yeah how do you do that how do you do that the day one when you go like you start doing a little bit of like leader stuff one of the other guys is gonna go what are you trying to be a leader and then that's got to knock you back two months. Oh, hell yeah. In terms of like. Somebody see it right through you? Yeah. Damn.

Oh, you're going to give a speech now? Yeah, what? The speech guy? Yeah. Oh, that's the worst. And then like, yeah, think about like Jameis Winston. He tries it all day. He just sucks at it.

Yeah. He's trying every game. Yeah. To give these speeches. And it's just the worst speech you ever heard in your life. And like bro you can't you gotta stop you're sucking on your fingers bro what are we doing yeah like what are we doing or you'd have to just be yeah you have to be winning every game then he could slowly turn the tide where the crazy speech would like right actually gain momentum yeah because you'd start going like what he's saying doesn't make any sense but he's

really on one today which means he's gonna go off yes exactly that's gonna make us feel good yeah because yeah because you know he's gonna we're gonna win when he says crazy shit yeah true and i would psych myself out with a speech yeah i would give a speech and then afterwards i'd be like i better fucking play well today you can't give me a speech like that to throw an interception. What did I just do? Yeah, yeah. Throw a pick and be like, I can't believe that speech is getting worse. Yeah, damn.

The worse you play, the worse the speech gets in people's head. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, true. And that would just come on the field that in my mind, that would just compound. Yeah, yeah. And I used to spiral when I played sports. Like I make one mistake and that's two mistakes.

And the two mistakes is four mistakes now yeah yeah like something i have to do something good in order to like clear the slate again yes like if not i'm just spiraling out of control yeah and there's nothing anybody can say to bring me out of it yeah everyone's watching me and they just like they everyone on the team the coach everyone in the stands is like get that guy out of the game yeah Yeah, yeah. I can feel them saying it. You know what I mean? You make another mistake, and they're like, now they really – now they're like, there's going to be pitchforks and torches.

Yeah, bro. Or you got – I would have to do – I don't know if I'm going to have a good game if I made a good play first. Good play, I'm going to have a great game. Yeah. Because I'm just always relating back to that play. Well, I did make that play in the first quarter, so I'm all right. Yeah.

If I make a mistake first, bad game. Whole game shot. All the way. Whole game shot. I had a game. And this is why I didn't play. I had a game up Kutztown. Only time I got in at kick return.

I caught one. First one I caught, fumbled it. Backhand at punt return, fumbled it. That one wasn't even a fumble I just dropped it and then they fucking recovered it at like the fucking seven yard line

so he was about to score and that they scored a touchdown you gotta walk by the defense coming back on the field oh my god everybody was yelling at me I'm like what the fuck

I remember this guy Mike Baldwin shout out to Mike he was like the starting he ended up playing for the Cardinals for like I don't think,

I don't even know if he made the team. I know he was on like their practice squad or something. Yeah. And I remember, and this is my freshman year, and he looked at our coach and he was like, yo, get this fucking young boy off the team. He's not fucking ready. And in my head I was like, yo, he's just right.

I'm not ready, bro. Why you got me in here? The fuck am I doing here? I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for bro. Why you got me in here? The fuck am I doing here? I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for this. All right. This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew. Blue Chew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra,

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those moments i yeah i just i was not good i was not good under pressure or like in the situation i remember we'd go like our i put lacrosse in college and where season would start in fucking january and we'd go up to like upstate new york and play in just like freezing rain yeah and like we rotate on and off the field it's like hockey yeah so like when you're not in you're just standing cold as a shorts yeah oh my god in freezing rain in like yeah 30 degree weather yeah how much how am i possibly supposed to stay warm there's got to be some like sports science person that can tell us yeah how to stay what do you get big jackets what do like right i mean you know coaches tell you like like jump around keep moving but like that's not working for yeah for two hours yeah just on the sidelines like just jumping around no that's not gonna fucking work. For two hours? Yeah. Just on the sidelines? Just jumping around?

No, that's not going to fucking work. And you get on the field and you're like, I can't feel my fingers. Hell no. It's fucking freezing. Then you feel like a bitch because somebody else is balling their ass off. You're like, how is this not affecting him? Yeah, yeah. He's some fat Canadian guy.

And you're like, yeah, of course. Yeah. That guy's used to this. Right. He's just used to the cold. Yeah, that's what i'm saying though like but that's why going back to what you said earlier it isn't you do got to try to develop a better mindset which i'm trying to do now in adulthood i didn't have it as a teenager

yeah i didn't have it in my 20s yeah i kind of developed it when i started doing comedy because it was kind of like all right my mindset going into a show really kind of does depict how I'm going to perform. Yes. Yeah. There's times when I get in the car and I'm like, I'm about to fucking kill. I know I'm going to kill. And I do. Yeah.

But there's times I get in the car and I'm like, I just don't feel like being silly. And then I buy my ass off. Yeah. And it's like, fuck. It's because of how I was thinking. I don't know how to get around it. I don't know. Like, because the positive thing even

again back to the music thing it's like even when i saw dudes in the locker room with like headphones on like getting pumped up i'm like that's not real that's not real yeah that's fake yes fake juice and then there's like there's there is that thing where you're like, I'd rather go into a set being like, I'm going to bomb and then have it go okay. Yeah. Than like, just walking around with tons of confidence. Yeah. Because I'm just saying positive stuff to myself all the time. Yeah.

Then I'm like, completely misrepresenting myself to everyone. Yeah, true. Walking around with like a swag, likeresenting myself to everyone. Yeah. True. Walking around with like a swag. Like, I don't know. Yeah. Like, I don't know how to get off stage after bombing and not look at everyone.

Like, I'm sorry. I'm here. Oh, say I'm the worst person ever. Yeah. This is terrible. Like,

I don't, I don't understand people that get off and they're like, yeah, that went all right. Nah, fuck that. Yeah. That's crazy.

How? That's a delusional person. And then it them somehow it does yeah yeah it does they end up they end up having a good night sometimes yeah it's like what i want to fucking die like i want to die yeah i want to tell the person like you don't got to pay me it's fine i know i fucked up you don't have to pay me for this this is crazy but it leaks into every part of my life yeah yeah i mean fraud feeling yeah oh i feel like i'm a fraud i'm a fraud i'm an idiot i got bad attitude bad attitude this is not good i don't know like yeah i don't know how to change it yeah you know yeah you know

what and yo you're right i'm a heavy momentum guy too if i wake up on the on the right side of the bed we're gonna have a great day yeah, we're going to have a great day. Everybody around me is going to have a great day. If I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I'm the hell for everybody. We're all going to be miserable today. And I don't even know how to. Yeah, it's hard to shake. Yeah, and you got just like stink face on.

And you're like, I don't know. I don't know how to change it. Well, you know what? Sometimes, I mean, it's hard now because I'm like sober. When did you get sober? Bro, it only been like six or seven weeks. That's fucking good. I'm stealing those movies.

You got it, bro. But it's hard. It's hard now. When you're like drinking and smoking and shit, you can just change your mood. You can just smoke weed and be like, ah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Different mood, you know? You get drunk, be like, all right, different mood.

I'm fine. Different mood now. I'm a different guy. i'm drunk and alive yes yeah sober is like damn this is just me yeah how do i get around this dude i yeah i i've gone through the same thing because i took i was i stopped drinking for a really long time and then i was like you know i'd always i'd have like a beer every couple weeks but then i'm like i kind of recently started drinking again because it was that thing i got back to the place where it's just like i was kind of down i had bad attitude and i was feeling bad and then i fucking yeah you have a couple beers and you're like everything's fine yes yeah like what was i even worried about and then you wake up the next day after drinking you go everything's not fine i can't

believe i just i can't believe i just went and got fucked up in the middle of this crisis i can't even stop yeah bro yes you are yeah that fucking stinks i hate that and you know what and that's what i've been scared of recently it's like yo am i one of those guys that like every so often i'm gonna have to drink just to like fix my fucking mood yeah like what the fuck and then you know i realized when you're sober you fucking get sleepy i get sleepy as hell when i'm at shows now like it's like nine i'm like damn fucking tired yeah i'm about to go on stage i'm sleepy as hell the speed at which you turn into an old man is incredible. Oh, it's nuts. Once you start waking up at like 7 or 8 in the morning, and then you get to like 9,

you're like, what the fuck are people doing up? Yeah, bro. Yes, yeah. This is insane. Yeah, I need like a two, three hour nap in the middle of the day. Yeah, yeah. I get a good nap, I'm great. We can party.

If I don't have a nap, I miserable by 8 30 yeah that or you got to turn into one of those people who can somehow only sleep four hours a night which can't be true and that's not healthy yeah that'll kill you yeah that'll kill you that's an early grade bro fucking sleeping four hours a night you can't do that yeah that'll ruin you you got you need at least six seven got it i mean at least at least eight i want me Got it. I mean. At least. At least eight. I need like eight or nine to last the whole day. But eight, nah, that's not good. You got to get your rest.

But that's what I'm saying. I feel like, yo, do I have to get drunk? I don't want to get drunk. No, you don't. But it's a hard nut to crack. Mm-hmm. Because you start, you feel your relationships with your friends deteriorating. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah, yo. Nah, I'm going to go to crack. Because you start, you feel your relationships with your friends deteriorating. Yes. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yo. Nah, I'm going to go to bed. And they're like, then when are we going to see you? Right. I'm dealing with that a lot now. I go do shows and I just go home. And they're like, you're not hanging? And I'm like, no.

Yeah. I'm like mean you guys are fucking losers you have to throw it back out yeah i'll throw it back at them all the time yeah even though you're jealous of their oh hell yeah well the other day i was at helium somebody went to pass me a blunt and i was like don't ever pass me drugs i'm like the fuck is your problem yeah yeah it was like you were just smoking with us like four weeks ago. The fuck are you talking about? I'm like, yeah, well, you guys are losers. Yeah, yeah.

I don't do that anymore. You're ruining my sobriety. Yeah, right. Get out of my face with that. Yeah, man. I don't know. That shit's rough. And you know what, man?

I realized also when you were a kid, we were seeing new shit. Like when I was a kid, I saw you would see new things. Yeah. I haven't seen anything new. Like what's the last thing you saw? Like, Oh my God, I never fucking,

what is, I never seen that before. Um, I don't know. I always feel like it's like seeing like animals do weird stuff on like Instagram or some shit. Not, not, no,

not on the phone. In real life, in real life, a new thing, a new thing. I know right now, the last new thing real life. In real life, a new thing. A new thing. I know right now, the last new thing I saw was, well, I saw a drone for the first time maybe five or six years ago. I was at my son's track meet.

I just heard a buzz. And I look up and there's just a thing up there. I'm like, what the fuck is that? And whoever was controlling it brought it right down to in front of the bleachers where I was sitting. I was like, yo, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah. I'm like, what the hell is that? And then I got up and it right down to in front of the bleachers where I was sitting. I was like, yo, what the fuck? I'm like, what the hell is that? And then I got up and left. What the fuck is this thing? I'm like, this is fucking terrorist in here.

I've never seen this ever. What is this, aliens? The fuck's happening out here? I got the fuck out of here. I didn't know what was happening. I'm like, what the fuck is this thing buzzing in front of me? Yeah, just an Amazon package. Yeah, bruh. And everybody in the stands was freaked out. Everybody was like, oh, that shit was crazy, bro.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of the last new thing that I saw. Last new thing. I went to that house. I went to that house falling water. I saw that house. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. That was new. That was crazy. And it feels great seeing new things. It does feel good seeing new things.

Dude, life sucks. Life sucks. I mean, if you let it, I feel like you gotta find the, you gotta find the joy. You gotta find the thing that makes it good.

Yeah. You know, I mean, I don't know. I do weird shit. Like, I still go to the gym and spar sometimes

just because I'm all, just to remind myself like yo this could be weird I could be getting beat the fuck up like this all the time yeah that's good you see what I'm saying yeah you need a certain

amount of like yeah built in punishment yeah just like give me a baseline of this really sucks yeah like you thought earlier sucked

nah this guy's in here beating the fuck out of you yeah that sucks maybe I should start sparring start fighting yeah bro you get punched in the face like once a month it's a good reset yeah but i don't know my thing i struggle with is the like looking at the phone

yeah that's a struggle because it's like uh not looking at my phone makes me so happy. Yeah. But then you go like, well, everyone's talking. Yes. On the phone. Mm-hmm. And then you go, I should look at what everyone's looking at. You got to see what's going on. Yeah.

Got to check your emails, bro. You got to check social media. Yeah, yeah. People talking shit. Yeah. Yep. Is anybody talking shit about me? Were you talking shit about me? You see what about me you know what i'm saying we don't oh yeah hell yeah i was i did talk shit about you i did because we were doing a podcast yeah and i hit you up you didn't answer i did not answer

and i said hey i said hey everybody out there at chris o'connor and tell him to stop fucking playing with me i said tell him i said tell him stop fucking playing with dude and then i saw it on twitter people were like at you and shit i'm like hell yeah get his ass y'all get him i was wondering what you were saying i yeah i meant to do it that week but then bro i do that i do that all the time i don't answer people all the time yeah you're you ever have like just uh just a bunch of stressful weeks that have no reason to be stressful? You're just, your brain's attacking itself? Yeah, for sure.

And then someone's like, well, what were you doing? You're like, I was busy. Right, but you were just stressed out. Yeah. But really, you weren't doing anything. Yeah. You were just sorting through the pieces of your own life. Yes. Bro, I overdosed on honey a week ago. doing anything yeah you're just like have sorting through the pieces of your own life yes bro i had

fucking i overdosed on honey like a week ago and you overdosed on honey yeah yeah bro i was fucked what happened so much sugar yeah and i didn't know some uh one of my homies josh ryan said he was like yo like when you stop drinking, you're going to want more sugar. And I realized that I was eating more sugar and shit like that, but I didn't know it was related to that. And I was just dumping tons of honey in my oatmeal, honey in my peanut butter sandwiches, bro, honey in everything. And I thought honey was healthy.

I thought this is a healthy alternative to sugar. Yeah, it helps prevent allergies or something. But here's the thing. It does. That's true. But you're only allowed to do six tablespoons a day. It says you shouldn't do in excess of six tablespoons. That's a fuck ton of honey. Bro, I was doing like a half a jar a day.

Are you a candy guy? I mean, now I am. I wasn't before. I never used to eat candy. But like recently, I've been fucking chomping on candy. Yeah, yeah. Going crazy with the honey. Honey more than candy. But I don't even really candy that much. It's honestly just honey've been fucking chomping on candy. Yeah. Yeah. Going crazy with the honey,

more than candy. I don't even really candy that much. It's honestly just honey. I like honey. I like honey and oatmeal. That's what I like. Yeah. It's great.

It's good. Dude. Someone, we got a sausage egg and cheese the other day. Someone put honey on it. It was fucking. That's good. That's great.

I eat my pancakes with honey. Yeah. Honey. Someone made hummus, put honey on it bro it makes everything taste better but you can't overdose on it yeah you can't i didn't know i was like hallucinating yeah like my balance was all off then i got like crazy depressed and shit i'm like what the fuck oh yeah you're a hyper hyperglycemic yeah yep yeah and i was

laying in the bed. You gave yourself diabetes. Yeah. Bro, I was fucked up. My son was like, my son kept coming in the bedroom, checking. I'm like, dad, are you okay? I'm like, no. I don't know what's wrong.

Holy shit. Yeah. Yep. And then I like Googled. I'm like, what did I eat today? And my ex-wife had said it. She was like, yo, I think you're overdoing this honey thing. She was like, it can't be healthy eating as much honey as you eat. I'm like, that's fine.

Nah, bro. I was fucked up. You was like, it can't be healthy eating as much honey as you eat. I'm like, that's fine. Nah, bro. I was fucked up. You ever see, watch Winnie the Pooh. You ever see how he's all fucked up when he eats too much honey? Yeah. It's that. Maybe bears can take it. Or do they get fucked up too?

They get fucked up too. My cat got fucked up. Off of honey? I don't know. It wasn't honey, but he just went hyperglycemic and just like fucking. Damn. He was all like. Wandering around.

His eyes were like fucked up. Yeah. It fucks you. Yeah. It was scary. He had to rush him to the hospital, dude. Dude, he was in the emergency room for like three days. Yeah, bro.

It's fucked up. It was scary. I almost lost him. See what I'm saying? Yeah. You almost lost me. Yeah, bro. I was fucked up. For like three days saying? Yeah. You almost lost me. Yeah, bro. I was fucked up.

For like three days, I was just in the bed like, oh. Did anyone do anything? No, because nobody knew. Three days? Three days, I was fucked. Barely getting any work done. Barely doing anything. Just fucked up.

I thought I was going through some type of depression. I'm like, yo, what is this? Why does my body feel so weak? I feel high. There's no way I'm high. Yeah. And it was the honey. Made a doctor appointment.

Fucking honey, bro. And he was like, yeah, that's way too much sugar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like, yo, you got to fucking. She was like, your blood sugar level was nuts. What are you doing? Oh, she took your blood? Yeah.

I got blood work done. That's how fucked up I was. What was your blood sugar at? I thought I had a serious disease. I'm like, what do I have, fucking cancer? What the fuck is this? What was your blood sugar at? I don't even remember the number whatever the number was she was like hundreds for sure really yes like bro this shit was nuts yeah like i was about to like she was like yo you could have like really killed yourself and i'm like i

thought you could just eat the honey i thought. I thought your body metabolized honey easier than sugar. She's like, fuck no. She's like, that is sugar. It's just pure sugar. Yes. And I had no idea. I thought that you could eat unlimited amounts of honey because it's natural. I'm one of those guys.

If something's natural, I'm like, you can eat as much as you want. Yeah. Yeah. Well, is there a limit to how many like strawberries you can eat? I don't know. You see what I'm saying? Is there a limit to how much oxygen you can breathe no i think there is too much oxygen can kill you really yeah you ever breathe too much to get lightheaded

oh like if you're hyperventilating no like literally i think you can like and also like the the oxygen level like if you're if you're getting they'll give that to you. That's like laughing gas. I think is like, Oh shit. Like pure oxygen. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. It'll fuck you up.

You'll yeah. What? So there's limits to everything. Yeah. Your, your delicate system. That's fucking crazy. My mom used to always say everything in moderation.

I was like, that's bullshit. You can do it. You can do anything. You can do whatever you want. You got to moderate, man. You do.

That's why you got to check the phone a little. You got to not check the phone. Yes. You got to get beat up a little. Yes. You got to not get beat up. It's so hard to balance these things. Yeah.

It's so hard to balance. You got to get some criticism. You got to not. Yeah. You got to get support. True. Sometimes. You need a little support.

Do you ever have a mentor? No. I mean, I used to coach little league football that's not really mental no have you ever got have you ever did you ever have no yeah someone who just sees your passion for something and helps fuck no who does that that's some people have these what you ever you ever talked to someone and they're like i had a teacher and they totally just oh yeah one of my homie kev is a lawyer and he had a mentor he had like a guy older guy that was like a lawyer or a judge yeah yeah and was like i see your passion for this i'm

gonna encourage it yeah focus i don't even ever like me that much to do that for me i i dude i've been this has been fucking me up over the past couple days. It's just like no one ever. Nobody ever cared enough. No one ever encouraged me to do anything. Yeah. Aside from like stay out of the way. Stay out of the way. You know what I mean? Hey, watch out.

Just stay over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like I've never. And I'm like, I've been like, it's been fucking me up because I'm like, is it me? That's what I. Yeah, right. I mean, that's what I always been like it's been fucking me up because I'm like is it me? That's what I yeah right I mean that's what I always assume that it's just me

I'm just the type of guy that people are like I don't give a fuck about what he's doing yeah but it's like you really did you what like

what were you passionate about as a kid? Oh nothing video games nothing bitches and hoes bro what that's it

it was nothing else what about football you loved football I thought I did but no I didn't i like you never had a coach that was like i see something in you here's what you should do yeah but then i never would do the extra shit he would tell me they would give up he would just give up like you don't really want to do this shit yeah yeah yeah i just never yeah like i thought i

loved football comedy is the only thing i ever done that nobody had to tell me what to do or like to put the word in i just do this shit because i like doing it yeah i like writing jokes i like going to open mics i like performing i like doing shit yeah i'm the same way but even yeah i don't know there's not a lot of like i don't know like i fucking i loved playing lacrosse as a kid dude i loved it but do you love it enough to like i dude i was training at it all the time yeah i was like crazy but nobody encouraged me to do that did your dad play no one was like no one was like i see that you're really care about this and are pretty good at it and you should you should really like here's what you should do here's what you should be working on

here's like yeah here's how to get more mentally tough. Right. Any of that stuff. It's like, there was nobody who was like, but I'm like, maybe I was, maybe someone tried and I, I wasn't receptive to it. Yeah, you missed it. That probably happened.

That probably happened. I don't think so, man. Nah, you never had a coach that would like like try to give you like a good talking to you and you were like, all right. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Guys, you know it. You love it. Squarespace is incredible.

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just selling uncommon goods so check that out uncommon goods.com slash stuff island and now back to the episode i got good talking to's but i never got like you're focusing your energy in the wrong direction okay here's what you should do yeah you know what i mean yeah i never got i never had again i never had like a mentor yeah no i never had a mentor it was more like stop turning the ball over yeah yeah yeah don't do that again yeah it was like it was like paring down what i was allowed to do yeah on the field yeah and i don't think i don't think i was ever gifted enough

at any sport for a coach to want to pour into me like that like i don't think i was ever because like i boxed for a long time and i was good like for that for that age when i was that age i wasn't nowhere near the best guy in my gym yeah and i would see them like pour into the best guy at the gym they would go do shit outside the gym they would like take them out to eat and shit like that like yeah it's like i was never like that. I'm like, all right. Like, yeah, it's like,

I was never like, even when I played football, I was never, there was one year where I was the best guy on my team. That was like, I think when I played for the one 15, I was like 12. Only I ever played quarterback.

And that was the only year that I was the best guy on the team. And even then I used to get yelled at. Cause I was just selfish. Yeah. Like that. Like my athleticism get yelled at because I was just selfish. Yeah. My athleticism kicked in before a bunch of other kids, so I just would snap the ball and just run. Fuck the play, bro.

Touchdown for me. It's broken play as soon as it snaps. Hell yeah. Because when I ain't, what are you doing? You missed two reads. I'm like, nah, then. I'm in the end zone. I i got it we're good yeah yeah we don't need i don't need to throw it what am i throwing it for dude yeah i i i think i would i want a mentor yeah i do want one i mean i feel like i might be too old now 37 is old to get a

mentor it's pretty old yeah yeah i did my my, my senior year of college, started trying to be helpful, but it was too late. Not that I wasn't receptive to it, but it was just like, there's just not enough time left to fix this problem. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, you know what? I had uncles that tried to mentor me.

My Uncle Sam tried to mentor me. Yeah. How did he approach it? He was like just a man mentor just like uh yo this is what men do this is what we don't do yeah this is how you carry yourself like he just laid down the rules of being a man he was a very manly man yeah he just laid down the rules like yo this is how we operate and you don't operate outside of this. Like one time he told me, I was 13 years old. He said, yo, he said, every woman

in your life is a damn bitch and they gonna turn their back on you one day. He said, from your mom to your sister to your future wife to your future daughter. He was like, all of them. And I was like, what? And I went home and told my mom. I said, mom, Uncle Sam said that all y'all bitches, you, all my sisters, my future wife.

And then she called him and freaked out and then i went to his i go to his house like every weekend i went to his house and he was like listen men don't do that like certain things stay amongst men you don't go tell them women what the fuck we talk about i'm like all right my bad bro see i'm saying but i was 13 like that's heavy to drop on a 13 year old brother oh it's just god damn yeah yeah there's probably also also a piece of you that thought you could somehow get around that law yes by being like mom this is what the other side is thinking yeah right like prove him wrong mom prove him wrong please yeah yeah yeah we gotta start a new trend we all get along yeah like this can't be true she turned on you she ratted you out

she ratted me out immediately and i felt so i felt like i let him down so bad i'm like damn yeah well you got a rule yeah you got yeah you got caught up in someone else's war yep yep that was her and his war exactly and yeah you tried to try to play peacemaker nah it didn't work you're 13 you didn't know how to do it yeah you don't know how to do that you know how to delicately put it fuck no you didn't know you couldn't like sit down and like work her over for a little bit and be like mom what do you think about uncle dave or whatever uncle sam sam yeah no true what's going on with you guys? You guys all right? Well, he was fresh off a divorce.

He got divorced that summer. He probably wasn't giving you great advice. He was just telling me mean shit. And I was like, all right, bro. I guess that's how life works. You see what I'm saying? He was fresh off a divorce. Just hitting me with real shit.

Did you just call your mom and be like, I need someone to hang out with? Yeah. Well, Uncle Sam used to pick up me and my brothers, my brothers and all my, like, cousins and shit. Like, all the boys. Yeah. And he, like, he was rich. He had a huge house. Yeah.

Yeah, and, like, he had sons that were, like, my age, and we all just hang, swim in the pool, fucking play basketball. Yeah. Like, he just liked to be that guy, and he was, like, a labor leader.

Like, he was the business manager at Local 332. So a lot of times, he wasn't even there. He'd just pick us up, be up be like hey have fun in my fucking huge house i'll be back i gotta meet him see what i'm saying and we just ball out with his house he'll leave like 300 bucks hey buy whatever you want eat pizza order wings i'll give a fuck just don't break anything shit yeah and then we respected him because he was like a tough guy so we were like yeah we're not gonna fuck anything up in here yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. He would kill us.

Yeah. And you lose the 300 bucks and the house to put it. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, bro. But yeah, he just fucking. But he was like a man, bro. I remember he told me, he was like, yo, he said, if you tell somebody you're going to

be somewhere, get there. He said, even if you pop in for two minutes and say, yo, I'm just stopping by. I told you I would, but I got to go. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Like shit like that. I don't live by that one at all. That one, I fucked up.

That seems like a good one to live by. That's a good one to live by. I'm trying to do it now. I know, yeah. I'm trying to do it now. It's great. Yeah, that does feel like the key to sobriety, too. Yes.

Just pop in. Pop in. Say what's up. Mm-hmm. And then get the fuck out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And he also was a sober guy.

But that's what I mean. Like, I think he was trying to mentor me, but mentoring somebody on being a man ain't shit. The fuck is that? I can't make money off of that. How you make money off being a fucking man? Like, what is that? That's nothing. I think it comes around in the end.

He was making money off of it. I mean, he started doing construction when he was 12 and worked his way up. You were 13. You would have been only a year behind. Damn, you're right. I should have started doing construction. Yeah, you would have. I should have asked him for a job. were 13 you would have been only a year behind damn you're right i should start doing construction yeah you would have i should have asked him for a job yeah you could

have and he was in management at that point yeah he was running the whole fucking you could have done a couple years of that damn he'd been like this guy's been doing this job since he was 13 yep you go right to the top well you know what though like when i went to college before i went to college i wanted i asked him for a job and he told me no he's like no you're smart he's like go to school get a fucking degree and i was like all right so i went to school and i was gonna major in art that's the worst feeling ever someone lies to you just to not give you just not to give me a job like bro i'm a normal guy and you're a genius yeah like what the fuck are you talking about you need to go to college like yo i want to i want to make 30 a hour let me do construction please he's like nah go to school then i went to

school my other uncle my uncle tony who's also he's a fucking millionaire he's rich as hell he was like would you major and i'm like all right he was like he's like yo you're good at math being an accountant and i was like yeah all right so i'm with the college of accounting got out and like to this day i hate every job I have. I have the most boring. Were you doing accounting? Yeah. Yeah, it sucks.

It's the worst shit. Bro, my days go by so slow. It's hell. Yeah, yeah. It's hell. And I'm not good at it. No. I'm horrible.

I'm not a good accountant. I don't even give a fuck about it. Yeah. It's horrible. Dude. And I'm working like forensic accounting now, so that's like catching people stealing. Oh's kind of sweet no it's not i don't be goddamn snitch the fuck is that no no but you're like i mean who are you looking at are you looking at why we're gonna no i work at yy headquarters so i work in a lottery finance department so i catch

i'm literally catching like cheating the lottery oh cheating the lottery? Oh, hell yeah. Like managers from the store. I called a lady like a month ago. And she was like... Every time she would load the machine, she would wrap like her... Like tickets around her arm. But she would do it with her back to the camera. So for like for a month,

I couldn't tell what the fuck was going on. I'm like, where are these tickets missing? But they're getting cashed in. What the fuck is going on? And this is how I caught her. Someone working at the Wawa. Yes, at a Wawa in Florida. Yep. Hell yeah. and this is how I caught her because I was working at the Wawa yes at a while in Florida yep hell yeah and this is how I caught her because I saw her load the machine because once it gets to a certain point like you could ask them to pull camera

footage like yo we're losing this amount of money on this shift can you please like send the tapes yeah and then you're just looking through looking through and then the only thing I caught her because she loaded the machine and then she hugged it and then i saw she had the tickets wrapped around her arm she fucking hugged the lottery machine like thank god yeah like she hugged it like oh this is the best thank you so much you're making me rich it's crazy they had the tickets wrapped around her fucking arm holy shit yeah bro so yeah I had to tell on her. They prosecuted this lady. She's probably going to jail. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, that's the thing. She's a poor lady. She's probably making 17

on the hour. Yeah, that fucking blows. Because at first, I was like, damn, that must have felt so good to catch someone. Well, it felt good catching them because my boss was on my ass. Like, yo, what the fuck is going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, how have you not figured this out yet? And I'm like, you look at it. He's's like i got my own work i gotta do all right well

fuck you want me to do bro i'm trying so like it was good to get him off my ass yeah yeah but like send him i don't want to send anybody to jail yeah and it's also like i don't know if you handle enough of those cases you gotta just i mean you're like a jaded cop yeah you're just like i don't know. If you handle enough of those cases, you got to just... I mean, you're like a jaded cop. Yeah. You're just like, I don't know. Am I helping? Yeah, and I'm not. But they have an expense account with like $200 million in it just for people that steal. Yeah.

Like this shit is a write-off. Just give it up. Fuck it. Yeah, just let her take it. Give her a raise so she doesn't steal. Give her a $10 raise. Yeah, whatever. Yeah. Like, come on. I'm sure she had kids. Yeah. She was like a 50- she doesn't steal. Give her a $10 raise. Yeah, whatever. Yeah.

Like, come on. I'm sure she had kids. Yeah. She was like a 50-year-old lady. Do you know how much she was making off the lottery tickets? No, because I don't know. Put it like this. I know that that store had lost something like $5,000 to $7,000 in the last three months, like off a lottery shit.

That's nothing. It's nothing. She's probably bringing home $ bucks every two weeks they probably lose that they probably lose 10 times that bro they lose 10 times that off of just milk going bad yes bro yes like yes yeah milk going bad eggs all that shit bro they lose they lose 10 times that off of it. So at Wawa, if you're going to play the lottery, play at Wawa. At Wawa, what happens is when you cash, let's say you got a $4 winning ticket, right? You cash it in. They scan it.

They give you $4. They're supposed to hit clear after every one. A lot of times, they just don't hit clear. So let's say somebody came in before you, and they cash in a $400 winning ticket. They cash this person out. You come in with your $4 ticket, give it to them, they scan it. It says that they owe you $404 because they didn't clear the last winner. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, they'll give you $400, and you walk out like, oh, shit, I thought I only won $4, but I guess I won. So, they lose millions just because people forget to hit clear and just give people fucking double winnings quadruple with all type of shit it's crazy god damn but then i'm catching thieves and getting them fired yeah it's a bullshit thing i wish there was a way around it oh there would be like robin hood yeah yeah if you somehow could get them out of trouble yeah Yeah, like if I could call them? Let them keep the money. Do they have to give the money back? I mean, no.

The money's spent. They just prosecute. They fire them and prosecute them, depending on how much it is. So that lady, like I said, hers is like $5,000 to $7,000. She's not going to go to jail because it's got to be in excess of $10,000

for it to be a felony or some shit like that. Yeah. But she's going to get fired. She's going to get fined. She's going to have a mis, like a felony or some shit like that. But she's getting fired. She's going to get fined. She's going to have a misdemeanor theft on her shit. It'll be hard for her to get a job at another retail thing. But that's about it.

So she's still not even really getting penalized, so you just say, fuck it. Yeah, just give them the money. Give them the money. What would have to happen? Okay, if your friend sent you a photo right like how bad let's say somebody just like send you a text text you a photo how bad would the picture have to be for you to call the cops like what would it have to be for you to be like i'm calling the cops on this

i'm talking about a friend a friend a friend stealing no anything any crime i mean we know the obvious. You fucking kids, bro, I'm calling the cops. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But outside of that, outside of that one. Yeah. What would it have to be for you to be like, I got to turn him in?

I mean, it'd have to be a crime against me. But he wouldn't send you a picture of that. Like, your friend wouldn't send you a picture like, oh oh i stole 30 grand out your bank account like no i wouldn't i mean look i mean if he if yeah it would have to be the only thing i would have to be worried about is if there was some digital record that could prove i saw it oh okay okay that's the only thing i'd be worried about other than that i'd be like dude well i mean there's nothing if someone told me they stole 40 million dollars worth of gold bars out of fort knox yeah and i and no one would be any of the wiser that i know that information i wouldn't tell anyone i'd be like that's cool yeah that's just cool now if one of my friends like told me they planted a bomb somewhere or they sent me a pic of domestic terrorism, I'm snitching, bro.

I'm snitching immediately. I'm going right to them. I'm calling FBI. I mean, yeah. I'd hope they were lying. Yeah, I would hope so. I would assume that they were lying. I don't know anyone that I would take seriously if they were like,

I put a bomb. They send you a picture of a suitcase with wires and shit? Y'all left this at City Hall. If the bomb went off, I would call the cops and be like, I didn't think it was real. Ah, you could have saved so many people. I didn't think it was real. He texted me that he made a bomb. I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm snitching on that one. Yeah, a bomb. What about a murder? Who are they sending you a picture of a body in their trunk again it's like who'd you kill

some stranger just some guy just random stranger just a random guy like yo I just fucking killed this guy look at this let's say they didn't

send it to you let's say they just show you on the phone like yo look how close to a friend are we talking childhood you've been cool with this guy since you were seven years old yeah Let's say they show you on the phone like, yo, look. How close of a friend are we talking? Childhood.

You've been cool with this guy since you were seven years old. Yeah. I mean, I would, yeah. I would just be like, don't do that anymore. Yeah, bro. Yeah, I'm not snitching though. I don't know if I could. I had a motherfucker told me they killed somebody before. Yeah.

And he joked about it. Really? Yeah. And it was two. Never would say a name ever one of them's dead now so it don't fucking matter

but bro two of my friends yeah and they were like one's in jail one's dead and they told me this shit

and they were joking about it bro and I'm like what the attitude that's a bad attitude that's a bad you talking about bad attitude

that's a bad attitude that's a bad attitude if they were confident about it but this nigga said he said we shot this motherfucker until he almost caught on fire I said attitude. That's a bad attitude. If they were confident about it, I would be. He said, we shot this motherfucker until he almost caught on fire. I said, y'all crazy. You can't let them know that you're freaked

out about it. I'll stick around for a little bit longer. You got to sit there and land like, yeah, what else is on? I'm like, what the fuck? yeah you got to you got to sit there and land like yeah yeah what else is on yeah yeah yeah after that i was like i can't talk to these guys if they were laughing about it i would be like yeah you gotta that's a problem that's a problem i yeah but if if it was panicked dude yeah yeah now that is like damn yeah i don't know like yeah yeah yeah i would then i would go okay i gotta i gotta help this guy right if they were like yo that's crazy this guy's my trunk i'd be like i'm sorry man i can't yeah you're gonna do this again that's fucking yeah

but you know what karma takes care of people like that karma's real when i was a kid i didn't think it was because i knew a lot of bad people that were like making money and doing shit but then like a time goes by you're like oh he's fucked yeah like he's in jail or he's dead or he's whatever the fuck i don't know karma it's but that lady that lady who stole the she probably doesn't deserve that she stole she did deserve it that's karma no come on you can't steal you can't bro all right if you're stealing bread if you're stealing shit like so you can't eat difference no no no you don't gotta steal lottery tickets that's nuts right you know there's cameras company line is this the company line you're not allowed to say this on a podcast yeah right nothing is more stupid than

the lottery you should be able to steal money from the fucking lottery no you should what do you mean the whole purpose of the whole thing of a lottery is such bullshit it's like you give me money and you might get buy your tickets fair and square don't fucking why are you taking them if it's the lottery's bullshit well here's the thing if you're going to steal at least do it in a way that's off camera what are you a fucking retard you can't do that she did it she had a miss she made a mistake she fell in love with the lottery machine she hugged that innocent mistake yeah that's not innocent mistake that's yeah that's that's repeated if she'd have done it once she'd have got away with it if she'd have done it She was an innocent mistake. Yeah, that's not an innocent mistake. That's repeated. If she'd have done it once, she'd have got away with it.

If she'd have done it four times, she'd have got away with it. Yeah. If she didn't hug the machine, you never would have caught her. Yes, if she didn't hug the machine, I'd have got fired. This guy's a dumbass. He doesn't know how to do his job. I'd have got fired, and that would have been that. It's you or me.

Yes. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, I get it. Bruh, karma's real. You ever do some shit? My karma is almost immediate. Yeah? I do shit and I get the immediate smack on the wrist like, hey, don't.

Really? What? Anytime I've ever done anything. I never got away with anything, bruh. Yeah. Never. I stole $12,000 from the state representative. I used to be her treasurer

Really? Yeah bro And how'd you do that? They put all the accounts in your name Like her accounts was in my name Because I'm her treasurer So I was writing all her checks You were working for the state government

Pennsylvania? Yes, PA And you stole $12,000? 135th district, yeah Stole $12,000 But she didn't pay me for 18 months. She wasn't paying me. But I was seeing that she was paying everybody else.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I wrote myself a check for $12,000. Yes. And then she freaked. She was like, I'm prosecuting you. I'm like, wait, what? Yeah, yeah. I'm like, but you didn't pay me.

Yeah. And she's like, I told you I was going to pay you. I think I reelected. And I'm like, you paid everybody but me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, this is crazy. It's been 18 months. Yeah, so what?

She dropped the case? Well, I tell you, I got two rich uncles. So they just gave her the money back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, this is crazy. It's been 18 months. Yeah, so what? She dropped the case? Well, I tell you, I got two rich uncles, so they just gave her the money back. Oh, really? Yeah, so she didn't prosecute me. But that's fucking bullshit. But then I made my uncles, who you asked, would they mentor me? Then they turned it back on me. They were like, you fuck up.

We got you a good thing over there. Like, why'd you steal? I'm like, she wasn't paying me. Yeah, she was stealing from you. Yeah, and my uncle was like, well, you should have told us and we could have talked to her. I'm like, yeah, I guess I should have. Yeah, that was probably the right move. Yeah.

But if, I don't know, people always say that, but if you told your uncles that you weren't getting paid. They'd have told me to wait. They'd have been like, she's going to pay you, just chill out. Yeah, yeah. Then she wouldn't have. No. She didn't get reelected. Right.

She didn't. She didn't get reelected. Yeah, yeah. Which is why I'm saying this now did the other the other uh person running for office campaign on you stealing money from the treasury you know she probably can't even run the office yeah right she probably did that's crazy but yeah i got caught immediately i wrote myself that check and then she was like you know what it was? The next day she needed like $90,000 in checks written out. And me taking that 12 grand made it short.

So I just admitted to her. I was like, all right. I wrote myself a check for 12 grand. And she freaked, bro. Yeah. Freaked out on me. I'm like, Jesus Christ, lady. I'm like, you didn't pay me.

She's like, well, you can't just take money. She's like, you know this is a serious crime, right? She's like, this is a federal crime. You're going to jail. And I'm like, what? Yeah, but all that shit's, lady. I'm like, you didn't pay me. She's like, well, you can't just take money. She's like, you know this is a serious crime, right? She's like, this is a federal crime. You're going to jail. And I'm like, what? Yeah, but all that shit's, yeah, that shit's fucked up. It's like, no, you owed me money. You owe me money.

I took it from you. Yes. That's. I did a job. Yeah. For a year and a half. Yeah. Received zero compensation.

You didn't like the transaction, but it's like, this is the same thing that fucking Comcast does. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. It happens to me all the time. Yeah. Dude. like the transaction but it's like this is the same thing that fucking comcast does yeah you know what i'm saying yeah yeah it happens to me all the time yeah dude i i like i i i this has happened a million times where it's like there's like fucking some tv thing that i got years ago and i was like i don't want this anymore i have no idea what the login is fucking they could have changed it yeah no idea and i went to i like went to so i just i have no idea what the login is fucking they could have changed it yeah

no idea and i went to i like went to so i just i have no idea how to get in and cancel the subscription so i went to my bank and i was like uh yeah just don't pay them yeah anymore and they were like we can't do that yeah i was like no. Like, if you get a bill from this company, do not pay them. And they were like, I mean, we can do that in the system, but they'll just change the name. Yeah. Of who's billing. And it's like, that's stealing. That's stealing.

That's what my Microsoft was scripting. Yeah. I'm like, don't pay Frank. And then Frank can put different clothes on and come in and you still pay him? Yeah, take it. Yep. Yeah, bro. It's fucking bullshit. It's crazy bullshit it's crazy corporations can do that individuals can't which is nuts it's like what what the fuck is the difference yeah what is the difference what if i incorporate

myself then you probably yeah then i could do that probably could do it i there's a bunch of stuff like fucking the place i'm staying in austin there's a like you stuff like fucking the place I'm staying in Austin. There's a, like, you know, sometimes like the gym can't use the gym today. It's like, well, I take that off the rent. Yeah.

It's like, but I know I can't do that. No, you can't, you can't pick and choose. Why can't I pull amenity fees back? You can't, you can't.

What's the, yeah, that's, yeah, that's all the, everything's the logic behind that. I should be able to just take, I should have as much access to your bank account as you have to mine. That's the logic behind that I should be able to just take I should have as much access

to your bank account as you have to mine right that's the way I see it yeah it should be a two way street so I can just come up with charges

yeah right you know what I mean yeah if the fucking whoever's working at the apartment complex spilled something in a hallway

I'm gonna find you yes that's my carpet that's my carpet that's my carpet as far as I'm concerned yeah yeah it's on the way that's fucked up the elevator's broken that's gonna cost you that's gonna cost you yeah i'm walking up steps yeah why the fuck am i if i can't walk up steps yeah that's why i like renting

from um like private people like i don't like i don't like staying in i've stayed in like apartment complexes before i've stayed in like apartment complexes before i've stayed in like i rented houses where like it's like a management company but like i like just renting off a guy because i'm like yo fucking sink's broken yeah yeah what are we doing here bro yeah they can fuck you too though they'll be like i'm not coming yeah i mean then you ain't getting no rent and we live And we live in PA. True. The renter has all the rights here, bro. You know what I'm saying?

You want me to become a squatter in your shit? Is that what you want? So you know, though, yeah. This is good information. Yeah. I like renting from just a guy. Yeah. A guy who's just investing in properties. Let me rent from him. Yeah. So I can be like, alright. Yeah yeah i would love

to live here i'll pay you fucking three months in advance but the moment something's not working bro you better show up you better come in here right now and fix it send somebody in here today yeah yeah where are you living in philly west philly like university city sick i wasn't in mania but me and my girl broke up. Yeah. Had to break up with her, bro. University City, dude. It's a good town. It's nice down there.

It's great. I lived there for fucking forever. Yeah, very nice. A lot of trans down there now. Really? Yeah, I got trans neighbors. Really? And they're fucking swapping. Like one's male to female, one's female to male yeah you got to get

their numbers yeah just because it's just like just let me know if this doesn't work out yeah you're right i just want to know just keep in touch damn my shit yeah i just want to know they're cool as fuck too they're super cool yeah yeah and they're both in medical school super cool whoa yeah yeah they gotta have some interesting takes oh i'm sure yeah, yeah. And they're both in medical school. Super cool. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, they got to have some interesting takes. Oh, I'm sure. Right? Yeah, just be like. I don't bring that type of shit up.

What kind of medicine? I don't know. I don't. Here's the thing. Like, with neighbors, though, I like to keep it very much on, hey, how you doing? Yeah. See you later. You see what I'm saying?

Hey, I'm having something tonight. I hope that's not a problem. You guys are welcome to come. Yeah got the welcome to come yeah you know i'm having a couple friends over you want to grab some come here and grab some beer get something to eat you can come through and then when they do come over we just talk about normal things yeah they're both into sports i bet they're great yeah they're great that's that's like that's like my my because everyone like imagines people always talk about trans kids and stuff they always i feel like they always imagine that their kids gonna be like a fucking they're gonna be trying to be trans and they're gonna be like an idiot yeah you know what i mean yeah but it's like i bet not

bro everybody rebels against their parents yeah those kids are gonna be transphobic i bet there's like like if my kid was trans i know that they would be like a straight a student they'd be like a straight A student. They'd be like, they'd have their life completely in order. Yes. And they wouldn't be crazy at all. And they'd be like,

no, I'm just trans. Yeah. Yep. And you'd be like, you're just trying to find a problem. There's nothing there. Ah,

yeah. Yeah. You got nothing. Yeah. They'd just be like completely. Just normal. Just like more put together than I am. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just like like completely just just normal just like more put together than i am yeah yeah i'm just like no i'm just trans and that's it i don't know what your

problem is yeah you'd have just not yeah and that would be that's the scariest that is i feel like that happens more often than people would like i'm sure we only hear about extreme cases yeah yeah we never hear about the normal shit yeah yeah just a regular like fully functioning we never hear about those people we hear about the extreme case though my oldest daughter is a lesbian and when she told me she was like first of all she said it wrong she was like she was 14 years old she said dad i'm a dyke i'm like hold up you know that's not how you say it like and i kind of i knew it i knew she was like four she hated dresses didn't ever want to get her fingernails and didn't like earring that she

was in the heavy in the sports bro she knew every player's name on the sixers when she was four years old starters and the bench yeah knew everybody bro so i kind of like i'm like all right this ain't no surprise yeah but then like me being a dumb ass i'm like all right wait a second i'm like are you like a lesbian or are you like a you think you're like a boy on the inside and she was like what she's like no i'm a girl i'm like i'm sorry i don't know how you handle it yeah what do i say i don't know what to say i would have no idea i don't know how to handle yeah i was happy though i'd like to think that i would handle it with like just this yeah some yeah a fucking pre-game speech yeah right just the perfect speech yeah i would have no fucking idea oh yeah just so you know we're gonna score this fucking touchdown yeah like yeah bro shit was scary scary you never know what to say

all right naeem. Thank you. Thank you. This was fun. You got anything you want to promote? Oh, my podcast, Do Rag and a Deer Tag. Check it out. Sick, yeah.

When are you coming? Dude, I can do it. I can do it. Give me a weekend. You want to do it on a weekend? Yeah, I can do it on a weekend, yeah. Or I could probably do it like a weekday night. But it'd have to be late. Like how late? Like eight. Okay, we'll figure it on a weekend, yeah. Or I could probably do it like a weekday night. But it'd have to be late.

Like how late? Like 8. Okay, we'll figure it out. Yeah. Do regular Deer Tag. My other podcast, Ayo Actually. That podcast is all about facts. You got to do that one too.

Ayo Actually? Ayo Actually. And it's just facts. There are no lies on there. None. How do you do that? Who's fact checking? We are.

Me and my co-host, Ben Stopp. We come in there. We come in there with maybe three to four facts a piece okay and we just talk about we just flesh through facts bruh the details all right sick and um shit i got a show with ryan foster december 6th at burke and co sick and um yeah yo follow me on. You want to do a Patreon episode? Let's do it. All right, all right, cool. Oh, hell yeah, let's do it. Come to the page, yeah, yeah. All right, we'll take a piss and then we'll page it up.