Stuff Island - New Studio - Stuff Island #173

Episode Date: February 26, 2025

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Get your first month FREE for Bluechew - use promocode "stuffisland" on bluechew.com to get your first month for FREE Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

if you want to be r jamie and search some stuff but that would require you actually listening to this podcast because every time i look over you're like yeah meth head thumbing through some fucking tiktoks i would be too can you imagine sitting around watching someone have a conversation imagine Imagine listening to a podcast. This is the whole point of a podcast. It really is. Imagine sitting down enjoying watching people talk. Yeah. Are we rolling?

Yo, shout out to Houston for coming to the Riot this past weekend. That was great. Yeah, how was it? How was life in Houston? It was wonderful. Did you do anything during the day? Did you go see some of these guys? Me and Joey whipped around on say it rained all day oh really so we just bopped around went to some fancy french joint got french onion soup my butt almost exploded the little mexican lady was they were all mexican uh down there i heard they got great thai houston thai feud yeah but i couldn't i didn't want to

risk it stage time yeah yeah i'm farting around with thai food rolling the dice on some fucking different continents dude i want american simple cuisine i want a burger and a beer you know just standard cuisine i know it's also the number one thing that brings you back from a hangover. It's also just, I eat my body. I feel like I've created a cult, like a culture inside my stomach that whiskey and burgers just settle it down.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like when you want to go to an Irish bar and next door, they got like emo night for Mexican girls. That's exactly what happened to. So we went, yeah. At the riot.

So you got to check that out. We went to the secret group and they have like two comedy rooms, and the big room was rented out for like an emo night. Sick. And I walked in there after doing a fucking set, you know. I'm just coming off an hour set, and it's the last thing I wanted to fucking do. Three sheets to the wind? Yeah, of course.

Then I'm like, I get the fuck out of here. And then everybody in the comedy room was like all cracked out and then fucking coked out of their face and i was like it it gave me ebgb's and i was like let's go find another weird bar no one's dancing around the cracked ends like they got new orleans yeah yeah that's why i want fucking fat girls and fishnets just fucking dancing all over me with black lipstick on. It's hot as fuck when you're ready for it. If I didn't do what I said, I'd be like, this is great. I mean, I assume that emo night is young people.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they can't really be hanging out. No, me? Yeah. They turn the music down. Everybody hides their pills. Yeah.

It would look like you were looking for someone. Yeah. Like your kid snuck out all the white kids are scared you've seen charlie anyway yeah dudes are shoving bags of coke up their assholes because they think they're gonna get snipped no it was fucking great crowds were amazing that room rules it's upstairs does rule you've been there we did it for the right comedy fest that room does rule yeah it's like perfectly built for good stand-up yeah do you know the everything's closed tight it's just like a little pit a 150 yeah is their sellout which is perfect houston good city too

good comedy city good comedy city surprise and the comics are the the good boys are they're nice yeah do you know the good comics there are good people That fucking helps It's always been the case I can't tell the story on here but one dude just got fucking Banished From the club Some kid I told to do a set

And he apparently asked Another guy To open for him And was talking back and forth with the owner And the owner said no i i control the hosting and all this stuff and then this one comic got hot about it he said you don't be petty and say shit like that and there was like three or four pages of fucking texts that i read through that are like bye you're never fucking working here again all because i said

you could do five minutes yeah there's those yeah there's a lot of drama down there yeah i mean that's i don't think there's that much to do so you got to fill your time with like yeah just some rage yeah like drunk white manufactured drama yeah manufactured drama chris that's what this whole podcast is you manufacture drama that's what this is that's what he does right like when he watches us, he tries to manufacture up some fucking drama and not enjoy just the boys. He doesn't respect this podcast. You think he sits there mad?

Yeah. What's our email? Let's send out an email. We gave you a producer, Mike. You're not even holding it. So disrespectful. Disrespectful. Drama.

It's immediate drama. See? Immediate and constructive. Constructive drama. I do like this setup. You piece of shit. Because we can keep an eye on him He's got to be on his best behavior

I also gave him a chair It's impossible to relax in You can't hide A spinny chair That's too tall It's a saloon chair Your feet aren't touching the ground I should get my hair cut right now

It truly is. Keep them uncomfortable. Dude, if I could put you in a little fire engine. Oh my God. A little barbershop fire engine. Just throw to the producer, Caleb. Just to match his hair.

Holy shit. Houston fucking rules. It's a a great city not much to do you know we just got they got great museums down there the manil you gotta go i didn't i didn't i was coming off of the world it's move week yeah you're also i mean come on my life is hell right now you go you go down there you do show friday right yeah friday sat do Friday, Saturday. You do Friday, Saturday. You go Friday. Two Friday, two Saturday, and then it was... Tie one on, you go to emo night. Yeah.

Things get sideways. I wake up... No one's going to the museums tomorrow. No one's... I wake up with a fucking fishnet mask on, dude. I'm just like... Ripping it off. There's black lipstick all over my earlobes.

No, it's a weird... It's just a weird a weird vibe you know outside of the stand-up itself it's just like uh houston yeah yeah the downtown is really weird the downtown is kind of like um you know when car commercials when they're driving through a city and nobody's there yeah just like making turns that's what downtown houston yeah no one is there no one's there we parked right out front of a a nice hotel next to the stadium and it was like three bucks an hour oh yeah and that's how you know no one's fucking down there yeah nobody's down there none of the buildings like have any character to them no it's just an office park yeah you know like that standard glass cube they put up yeah and the french restaurant there was just like this this older mexican lady that

clearly wasn't a bartender she was on shift it was freezing in there and it took her 30 minutes to pour beer she brought out one of those like kitchen plastic cups for foam because she didn't know how to like angle it against the glass so she just kept shoveling beer into these cups dude she was a chemist dude i was like wait wait wait what happened you know when you overflow a beer yes there's like a yes there's foam in the line or something the lines maybe there's a hole or something it wasn't she just didn't know how to it was an ipa so she didn't like angle a glass she's just going full bore from the top all the way to bottom center and then she thought it was all broken niagara falls yeah so then she slow walks to the kitchen So she didn't like angle a glass. She's just going full bore from the top all the way to bottom center.

And then she thought it was all broken. Niagara Falls. Yeah. So then she slow walks to the kitchen, which took 15 minutes. They come back with all this plastic, you know, these fucking glassware. And she starts filling up these phone glasses. Yeah. While I'm waiting for one fucking beer.

And then we order food. This is crazy. I'm still talking about this. No, it's... No, because I had the exact opposite. This is one of your movie reviews. There's going to be no payoff. We do, we do. Here's the payoff.

The burger was cold. Bartender reviews and movie reviews. Some of our worst material. Oh, horrendous. It's our life. Just bartenders and movies. I did go to Lexington, Kentucky this weekend. And maybe the best bartenders and movies i did go to lexington kentucky this weekend and maybe the best bartenders on earth of course best bartenders on earth you got to go somewhere they're on the job the whole time yeah they're all so sweet let me guess are they old men no it's like guys like my

age oh wow but they'd come up and they'd be like hey how's it going it going? My name's this. I'm working with this guy, Dan, tonight. We both got you covered. Let us know if you need anything. They're also like doing extra. You know what I mean? Yeah. They're like, let me get you something for that. Just to make it feel like I did something for you.

Yeah. You know what I mean? You're like, hell yeah, dude. This is unbelievable. Yeah, that's unbelievable if you're having a good day. You know what I mean? If you're moving like I am and you're just fighting with your girl about nonsense all day long and that guy wants to give me a little something extra yeah

yeah piss the fuck off dude when i'm staring at an empty fucking glass like dispense with the give me the good stuff now's not the time car Yeah. I don't need to know about your family. I feel like we've moved a thousand fucking times. Mm-hmm. Dude, this is like the 15th podcast setup we've had. Yeah, I hope you guys like it. This is brand new. Thanks for your patience.

Yeah, yeah. There's no common thread. There's a couple paintings you've probably seen before. Yeah, this is common thread. The Jesus painting. Yeah. That was in our story. I know.

First generation. That was behind your head for a while. Yeah, it feels good to be back, Benny. Yeah. That was in our story. I know. First generation. That was behind your head for a while. Yeah, it feels good to be back, dude. Do we still have Bobby Kelly's cigar sticker? I do. The wrapper? Yeah. Yeah, we should put it back up.

We should put it back up somewhere. Tiny little mini frame. Yes. You know? I would love it. Make that fucking permanent. That's a good podcast background. I hide some cigars in Houston, too.

You want to hear another great story? I haven't talked to him in a while, dude. We should have talked before this started. The cigar, yeah. How did it go? It was great. Just like every cigar, it's like, you know, it's like this podcast. Every cigar.

First 20 minutes, you're like, this rules. I know. By the end of it, you're like. Every cigar. Every time you go, oh, you're like, this rules. I know. By the end of it, you're like. Every cigar. Yeah. Every time you go, oh, we're going to do cigars? All right. Well, he gives me those.

Bobby used to give me those mini guys. Which are great. They're perfect. Because you don't have to pretend like you're fucking, you know, like you care. Yeah. Because I don't. I want to care. I would love to just care.

Yeah. Stare out into a lake. Yeah. On a dock Tony Soprano it And just puff through A giant 12 incher It's true

It's kind of like Someone handing you Like a 96 ounce beer Now we're talking You're like No but you're like This is Yeah

Put them in smaller Use another example Use another example I'm like itching dude If you had gigantic beer that you're just sipping i 100 backwash yeah yeah it gets warm it's like just put them in little cups and i'll drink them one at a time i agree i also can't i can't drink beer out of a goblet do you you know the big, it's just a big globe? Yeah.

I've gotten burned. And then it has the bottom chalice. Like, I got a double, it's like what they put the fake margaritas in. Tex-Mex restaurants. It's true. And I've like, for some reason recently, I've been getting burned on that like a crazy amount. Yeah. What?

Just. Well, you just go to a place and you go, I'll get like an interesting beer that you don't think it's not like some fancy sour thing. You're just like, Oh, that's like a kind of different IPA or something. Yeah. And it comes out in like a tiny tulip glass.

Yeah. And you're like, dude, come on, man. That's three sips. You got to tell me if it's going to be in a gay glass. Well,

here's the problem. Here's the problem. You know what I mean? I drink so much that i asked that first i'll be like this is showing eight and a half percent abv are you gonna give me the gay glass that i mean yes yeah okay okay dude i went to i would go into grammar see you say if you get above above seven you probably got a gay glass yeah because it's money because they have to reduce the amount the pint glass is what 16 so they got to give you a 10 to 12 ounce because it cuts back in their cost because you're you're increasing the amount of alcohol and they're afraid you can't drink so i went to gramercy tavern in new york and this kid's like i was like what's this beer

it's like eight percent i'm like you're gonna give me a fucking tulip the guy goes i'll put it i'll put in whatever you want man and i was like go in the back to give me a fucking tulip? The guy goes, I'll put it in whatever you want, man. And I was like, go in the back and get me a bucket, dude. You don't say that to me, man. I bring my own straws to restaurants. Turned out he was a fan. So at the end, like when he checked out,

he knew I had a problem. So that's why he was like, I'll put it in whatever you want. Tommy experience. He's like, oh man, Tommy's here. Can I get you a beer? This ain't coming to fucking Tulip. You gotta say it. You, oh, man, Tony's here. Yeah. Can I get you a beer? This thing coming to fucking Tulip. You got to say it. You got to let them know, dude. Because then again, my first beer is smoked anyway.

It's, you know, too fast. Yeah. You get a double IPA in the first pop. I don't mind it if I'm by myself. But if you're in mixed company and you give me a Tulip glass. Yeah, you don't like that? No. It emasculates you.

Yes. Really? Yes. You start doing the pinky toss glass. Yeah, you don't like that? No. It emasculates you? Yes. Really? Yes. You start doing the pinky toss? I mean, I don't throw the pinky. I mean, I do. Two hands. Two hands.

Two hands. I got to make up. I got to make up for it. Two hands. Two hands. Two hands. Two hands. Two hands.

Two hands. Two hands. Two hands. Two hands. Two hands. Two hands. Two hands. Overly masculine drink of tulip glass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just put your whole hand over like this and spit through your knuckles. There's a cigarette dangling from your left No it does matter Glassware matters It's just like plating Don't put too much shit on a small plate Don't put too little shit on a big plate Get your shit together

I'd rather have too much on a little plate Than not enough on a big plate 100% Chris I knew you would say that The wrong thing What do you mean? I'd rather have too much on a little plate than not enough on a big plate. 100%, Chris. Yes. I knew you would say that. The wrong thing. What do you mean? Because it's not a fucking backyard barbecue.

You don't just start piling on seven things. That's what I'm saying. If I'm at a nice place and they overload a plate, all of a sudden I feel like I'm at a backyard barbecue. If you're at a nice place, I'm not overloading your plate. I promise you that. I don't know what kind of nice plate. TCBY? Where are you hanging out, dude?

You get the lasagna. Oh, my God. Put it all on one plate. I want it to look like my toilet in 35 minutes. Just all groupings of lumped shit. It would be funny if it all came out your ass at different times. Dude, I stopped by a mart around the corner. This house is gorgeous, by the way.

Chris's new place. There's a mart two blocks away that's fallujah it's mayhem dude oh yeah yeah they're still making a sidewalk for it and cars it's bumper cars there's only like three spots i can't reverse because i got all that equipment and i can't see behind me so like i'm just listening for people going you know what i mean i get in there's this fat dude clearly coming off work because he's got I had all that equipment and I can't see behind me. So like, I'm just listening for people. I'm being, you know what I mean? I get in there. There's this fat dude clearly coming off work.

Cause he's got paint like on his neck. It's like a bodega or it's a liquor mart. It's, it's both. It's both. Okay. It's all the marts around here have wine. They don't have the one that's like,

we're going out of business in a couple of days or is it? No, they haven't, they haven't put up that sign yet, but it's coming, dude. Well, it's coming. And there was this fat Mexican dude at the counter buying this type of Mexican beer I've never heard of before, and he's pulling out change, and he's fucking hammered,

and he finally gets his beer, and then he starts putting shit back into his wallet, and he drops a penny. He's like a pirate? Dude. Out of bag. Two pence for you. And then he goes to pick up this penny

and he can't see it. Because he clearly has been drinking all day on the job And now he's going home with a 12 pack of fucking Night night beers And he's trying to grab the penny But he's grabbing the wrong double in his eyesight He's grabbing the one that's not the penny You know what I mean

You're so drunk you see double But one is the physical penny So he keeps clawing at the floor And he falls There's not a kid outside pulling out a fishing line dude remember those I had one of those on Wawa's boardwalk

you put like a sticky thing on a dollar bill and sit on the other side of the boardwalk and zip it up while some old pig tries to pick it up anyway this dude

this dude thumps his fucking his head into the into the like trident gum rack Shit's falling all over the place And me and the owner just looked at each other And just started going Laughing

Because he doesn't care He just wants this guy the fuck out of the shop Yeah Oh my god He's got to pick up all the gum No, he waited for me to get out He knew I waited patiently You got to hit the lock on the door

It's a nice little strip though There's a nice little strip over there He knew I waited patiently. You got to hit the lock on the door. It's a nice little strip, though. There's a nice little strip over there. There's a couple things. Yeah. I don't want to say what bar there. I fucking love. There's a bar around the corner from you here that is one of my favorites of all of Austin. Yeah, I haven't been yet, but I heard it's amazing.

Yeah. And then there's a disco place that apparently is closing. Thank God. A disco? Like an actual disco? There's an actual disco place that apparently is closing. Thank God. A disc, like an actual disco. There's an actual disco place that stays open till 2am. I thought it was called the gay shop. Oh,

it's the bar I'm talking to is right next to it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's not, it's not. I was like, Oh,

please let it be the gay shop. There's a disc, but the gay shops closed. Cause I just passed. I was like, is that what they're calling this bar? And it's not, it's actually just a gay shop.

It is. They sell gay stuff. They sell gay shit. Yeah, tulip glasses. Yeah. This is why you don't listen. But the disco is going. The first week we were here, the disco was going nuts.

Every night, 2 a.m. Really? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Every night, 2 a.m. Really? Oh, it's like bassy. Yeah, it was like shaking the walls. And you didn't walk in or did you walk in? No, I'm saying we were in bed. You could hear the music from two blocks away.

Dude, I swear to God. Nah, dude. I think it was a pack of fucking painters in your driveway ripping through that Mexican cerveza. Dude, that's how loud it was. I went outside once, and there was people hanging outside of a car. I thought it was that. Yeah. And I almost, yeah.

Dude, day drinking. There's no one funnier than a day drinking Mexican guy. Definitely not. Like on the job, and then when they get off at like 2.30, 3 o'clock, because they start at like 5 a.m. Oh, dude. And they're blacked out within an hour. And they sleep on the street.

And they're like in gear. They're not just like the alcoholics in Astoria. They wear their like hard hats. They need to. They're neon. Safety first, dude. Dude. All right.

You want to hear how I really got my black eye? I was trying to pick up a penny in Detroit. Smashed my fucking face. No, there's something so hilarious about the recklessness of it. To not speak the language. Yes. And be completely blacked out. Freedom.

That's the American dream. God. Just imagine going to another country just like building houses and painting shit and getting fucked up everyday blacked out by 5am 5pm not giving a shit

having a bag of pennies and not going like I'm just not worth the transaction why don't you get this guy first do you know what I mean pulling out a fucking satchel of coins he doesn't even know how to say that. He doesn't know what's behind him. It's no idea.

The carelessness of drunk Mexicans, dude. It's freedom. It's truly a blessing. Yeah. It's pretty amazing. That's like where you want to get to. That's like dementia when you're 70. Just not giving a fuck about anybody.

Yeah. I don't care about your car. I don't care about your body position in line. I don't care about anything. I don't care about your body position in line i don't care about anything i don't care that you're a woman you're getting barreled you're getting barreled because i gotta get this bread that i've all of a sudden found a joy and love for all right this episode is brought to you by blue chew blue chew is putting its money where its mouth is and offering you a month free the The process is simple. Sign up at bluechew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. Blue Chew tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door. You can take them anywhere, day or night, so you can plan ahead

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deal for our listeners like i said first month free blue chew free first month visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information we thank blue chew for sponsoring the podcast you know it does work and sometimes i've used it alone really just yeah just to hammer one out well i go we you know we're on the road a lot. We get in the hotel room. Fire one up. You've already hit it maybe eight or nine times. Look, I'm losing a little.

I'm losing the fun. The fun factor. So you're like, let's dial it up. Yeah. Let's pretend it's round one. The engine's blown out, dude. Yeah, I need to put a Ferrari engine back in there. Bluetooth. It's fun, man.

It is. It's an engine upgrade. Yeah. And at 45, dating a younger lady. Sometimes you need a helping hand. Be vulnerable, you know? Be vulnerable and know that it'll improve your sex life. Yeah, it comes in discreet packaging.

You don't even have to tell her. No, it doesn to be just as mentos on the outside it is the fresh fresh sheets ruiner all right guys bluechew.com go there get a month free blue choose the best, Blue Chew. Old men just pick up new items and they just go, I love this stuff. Just white bread. Just white bread. The basics. I got a little bit of that in me, too. Is that window still closed?

No. Are you getting sweaty? Yeah, I'm a little hot. I'll run hot. I feel like the air's starting to get going. I'm feeling cool. All right, fine. What do you got in there?

This is how Chris would drink it. This is good. Everyone in their car. A little ASMR. Just hearing that. That's a canned margarita from the the mart i stopped by for a red bull but after this guy couldn't pick up a penny there was a lot of things shouldn't you know it's inspiring it's inspiring you see a guy that shit face in front of you you're like i'm fine i can

have one yes yeah it's like watching maury povich in high school you're like sure i failed but i'm not like this you know yeah i never i i didn't hit maury as much as i hit springer yeah mario was before springer it was back or age or rock block no i mean like in time i think maury was like five to ten years before him they had and then it was like sally j phil phil donahue sally jesse rafael yeah and then that blonde blonde bitch Who made a guy kill himself Yeah Remember that story? Yeah It was hilarious

Where she would set up There's an episode Did the guy kill himself Or did he get killed? No No he Killed himself Yeah

Killed himself So it was like I'm your crush episode And they bring somebody out And they go hey so you know we're gonna bring someone out and they knew they were in on it we're gonna bring someone out on the stage that you've known for a while and they want to confess that they they love you and they want to eat your loins and they brought out this straight looking good good looking guy straight yeah and then they just brought out this other dude who good looking guy, straight. And then they just brought out

this other dude. Who was in love with him. And this was back when he wasn't that cool to be gay. Couldn't just open a gay shop. He was way less chill. He had to hide your toilet glasses when family came over. Certainly couldn't make a whole shop out of him.

A whole shop. One section tops. Came a whole shop. And the dude A whole shop. One section tops. Give him a whole shop. And the dude within like, I don't know, a few days just killed himself. I thought he killed the kid. Maybe he killed the guy. I think he killed the kid that brought him. I think you're right.

I think he murdered the dude that brought him. And the lady was just like, hey, you know, sometimes. Yeah. That's the way the cookie crumbles. Yeah. She lost her sometimes. Yeah. That's the way the cookie crumbles. Yeah. She lost her job. Yeah. So funny to just have her ranting about like cancel culture.

Oh, it's first it's Kevin Spacey. She's on Compound Media. She's got her own podcast. I said one gay thing. She's probably working in the administration right now. True. How are you holding up with the new administration? I'm actually doing surprisingly good.

Yeah? You staying out of the, out of the news? No, I look at it. Are you lessening your load? I look at it, but I, it's kind of like,

it is kind of like, um, it's an interesting experience. Cause you're like, I don't, this is against everything that I believe, but how often does this, you get this to happen?

Yeah. You know what I mean? Get what to happen? Just everything that you believe be completely challenged. That's what happens. I think it's going to be total failure. But what if it works? So you're not just talking about the party representation.

You mean everything they're standing for and doing. Everything they're doing right now, in my mind, should fail incredibly. Yeah. But if it doesn't. Then everything in your mind has always been wrong which honestly it was coming for me one way or another chris is behind the decision or an idea just be ready for three months of hell going yeah i probably should have done yeah i probably should have done that

probably should have done that yeah so it's like you know you kind of get to run the experience you know what i mean yeah because they're not really letting anything stand in their way yeah you know what i mean yeah it's really like it feels like it's almost going to be a like pure experiment in what they want to do yeah and i don't think it's going to work but if it does yeah then you go wow i was wrong about that i really don't it does i don't pay any price yeah exactly for it you know you gotta keep reminding yourself it's like you're not going to pay if it works amazingly yeah then you just go oh well yeah i was wrong about all that stuff i didn't really act on in the first place. Yeah. Yeah.

Let's let him do 12 years. Yeah. All right. Let him ride. Let's just keep one president until he dies. Yeah. I mean, the fact that he's already like, no more Ukraine. We're not doing that no more.

Yeah. You're like, that seems like a gigantic mistake to me. Yeah, I bet. But they've just been blowing each other up in backyard football for three fucking years. Did you see all the footage of Ukraine and Russia besides the drone stuff that I beat off to? It's unreal. It's not a missile. It's a nerf vortex.

Yeah, just imagine. Yeah, just fucking great quarterbacks out there nerve vortex and you just getting shelled with nerves with bombs attached to them it's a new west modern i mean like yeah it's it's like it's so old school it almost looks like the Civil War. Like how some of the forests, I imagine, were just destroyed. And it's just all bomb holes and dirt. And old forests that are just littered with tanks still on fire from three weeks ago. And they just chase each other through the woods and they all look the same. Right.

You can't tell the uniforms apart, their language apart. It's all camouflage. You don't know who you're killing. And they've just been doing this for three fucking, three straight years and we're losing billions and billions of dollars.

It's so funny that that's how televised the war is. Yeah. That you're like, we gotta get some jerseys on these guys. Yes, dude. Yeah. Can't tell one side, but let's go back to Red coats yeah yeah under armor's been

doing some really big stuff let's get under armor ukraine yeah there's got to be some like version of the camo to the naked eye yeah it looks all the same and you blend in but if you put the right lens on the camera you know it's your guy it pops and it's green or it's orange yeah yeah yeah it's like how a bengal tiger sees exactly or how a deer sees yes it's just all green and white it's true it's nature's camouflage only the yeah only fox or cbs get those cameras yes you gotta keep them out of the war you gotta keep the game honest you can't give dude russian laser tag man that's all we're playing right now is russian laser tag

in the woods do you want to you want the war to continue uh well without i i just think if we gave them what they needed we'd fucking dec decimate Russia in like a week. The whole point was just to try and stay out of like a world war. They would never do that. They're too big of pussies. They're just saber rattling. I think you could absolutely butt fuck their army. Yeah.

And they would just retreat back to Russia and hold on to it. Ukraine's holding their own. Yeah. Well, we're just giving them, we're giving them like enough to keep it even i imagine ukraine's like fighting canada it's like you know yeah yeah for the boys out there let them let them fall on their faces for a while yeah but like if it came down to it one backslap you're fucking done dude but i don't know it's like i don't know i could be totally wrong on a podcast totally wrong yeah yeah so you never Yeah, yeah. So you never, it might work.

Yeah, but from a humanistic standpoint, you just go, yeah, what's the point of all this shit? We're losing money. Who are you keeping in line? So you're saying. I think they want to kind of hold on to their country. This is where you almost start to get a little serious. I think they want to like, you know,

the reason they're, they could not fight if they just wanted to be part of Russia. Right. They just, they just want their country back. Identity. Yeah, yeah.

Of course. It'd be like if someone invaded us. Did you ever hear a place called Palestine? Yeah, well, it sounds real fucking similar. They don't have

the same friends. Yeah, true. Yeah. Their neighborhoods are just shitty though, dude. palestine's in a real pickle they're in a real pickle yeah i like staying in the fucking you know i'll stay in the outskirts i'll get to the cliff notes version yeah from different networks and just go that's not true i haven't that's definitely not true yeah yeah and then you go about just get business yeah you

just ignore it yeah i've been dude I've been on the battlefield myself. I bet, dude. You know what I mean? Every day. Yeah. Oh, in the Xbox. In the video game. Yeah, so you have a different perspective.

That's really what I'm worried about. You know what I mean? I'm trying to figure out how I can be a better soldier. Right, right. And we actually, we have a soldier right here who's actually not opening his mouth right now. Because of his war atrocities. Look, it's about keeping life small. his war crimes. He's got a fucking disgusting

past, dude. Has he ever gotten drunk and told you about what he's done? No. But every time you get a military guy drunk, they're like, I was scraping guts out of a Humvee. The farm lady. Tell them the farm lady story. What you did to that lady. What happened to the farm lady?

Shot her in the head? That was the ending. No'm kidding dude that would be sick if he did that like it's a word yeah dude i do i do killing an old lady yeah dude we were watching i was watching i was watching fucking blackhawk down with my girl and there was like trying to get her all hot and bothered yeah just trying to fuck

dude and I'm talking about Netflix and chill dude it's Netflix and chill to fuck out there's that one scene

where there's one scene where the guy steps out of a doorway and slips and a little kid with an AK shoots his dad and then goes over and

cries over the dad and she was like, what would you do in that situation? I was like, I would shoot that kid in the head so fucking... He's terrified. Maybe you get enough training that you can hold on to your... Decipher? But I would... Isn't that like the fucking... What's that, like from the 80s?

Isn't that like the cop training? Well, they'll from the 80s? Isn't that like the cop training? Well, they'll just throw one guy up and it's like a robber. And they're like... Yeah, yeah. And they just throw up like a nice neighbor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, put him down.

They do the same thing where it's like... Is it three feet or ten feet? Yeah, now that's tutorial mode in Hell Let Loose. Yeah, dude. Let me tell you something. It's like a driving test. There's a lot of fucking war stories where I'm like their best friend gets their fucking head lopped off i am now on a different mission oh yeah anyone can get it oh 100 but then on their side i get that too right if my fucking

kid is my innocent family's is bombed at a wedding from a stray missile from America. I'm now a terrorist for the rest of my fucking days. You wipe out my entire family. 100%. What are you going to do? What do you do? Yeah. What do you do?

Get drunk and paint like the Mexicans? I'm going to learn Photoshop. What's wrong with Chris? He's not talking to anybody. Think about downloading a creative suite. Not avenging my family. I'm going to edit reels. I'm just going to edit reels for a popular podcast.

You know, let's let bygones be bygones. I'm really into muffins. I'm going to make some muffins and have a cute little muffin. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't have the discipline no i think if you get instilled and you ever watch those those things where they like they fucking they break you down and they build you back up they don't describe the training yeah they just like assassinate your identity right and build you up as a team yeah that's every time i see those i'm like man i wonder i that'd probably be good yeah i i feel like you just erase my individuality and just make

me a team guy i mean that was the whole experiment with like vietnam right you just took all these these kids in terrible cities that had nothing going on and they were a bad character or poor as fuck yeah and their parents were like your number can't go to school this might help you get into a college or something yeah and they just take some fucking derelict who was a street fighter eating crayons at school and they're like get out there and sign up and then the boot camp breaks you down hopefully you lose that identity and you become a different person yeah that would be they die in 30 seconds in the jungle and you're like well that would be so scary getting rushed off you know if you're

like if your boot camp is like oh yeah yeah yeah we need we need more guys. Quick? Yeah. Like World War II when there's just like boot camp, ship, Iwo Jima. Yeah. You'd be like, damn, I don't think boot camp was long enough. Yeah. I'm the same age as when I started. That's like pretty bad, right? Shouldn't I be a little bit older? Yeah, grade school was eight years.

Boot camp can't be shorter than yeah grade school was eight years shorter than college training can't be shorter than college right i'm going to war you see the boot camp for the iraqi soldiers we had they were doing jumping jacks backwards for like three days get out there load your rifles you idiots that would suck so bad. Just being on the shores of just some Asian island. Going like, what are they? It was three weeks ago. What did that guy say about

wind and bullets? Decreasing my gun or something? Yeah. Something. I don't know how we got here, but support the troops. I couldn't do what you do i've had a lost voice for two and a half weeks yeah it started coming back and then i started yeah emo night screaming again Emo night. Screaming again. Emo night. Emo night hits. Dude, blowing out my eardrum at the after party of the Eagles Super Bowl.

Now I come back from the gym and it's a problem. It feels like it echoes in your skull. You're having Super Bowl victory PTSD. So much fun that my fucking brain's like, we got to remember this, man. Because you won't in 10 years. This is the war stories. That's our war stories.

The base at the Super Bowl party, it was... Yeah. I still can't hear. I'm sure Iraq was hard. Did you ever go to a Super Bowl party and stay close to a speaker? Huh? Tough guy.

What happened to Uncle Tom? Was he in the war a Super Bowl party and stay close to a speaker? Huh? Tough guy. What happened to Uncle Tom? Was he in the war? Super Bowl 25. Got stuck in the VIP section. I was stuck. Didn't know how to get out. Couldn't find my trenchman. Why were you in Kentucky?

I was visiting my girls' friends and family. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What did you guys do? Went to a bar, just got fucked up. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. We went to a nice little vineyard out just in the hills.

Yeah. Lexington, Kentucky is nuts, dude. Landing, it's literally all horse farms yeah like all like training horses for like derbies and stuff yeah it's truly wild i feel like that area has like poor people have horses yeah i think so yeah there's parts of this country where like yeah they grew up with a horse but it's it's just like a an offshoot of one of the the mainstays whether it's like we don't want this horse it's not going to be a racehorse right right clearly not going to be a stud we're not going to feed it do you want it right and then a poor family's like my daughter

loves horses and then you gotta feed this thing for 30 years yeah just feed it oats yeah remember the fucking uh what's his face just sold a? Just sold a pig to your brother. Oh, yeah. Send me a video. Kyle, the pig farmer. From our look at this pig farm. He said the latest pigs are the best pigs he's ever raised. That's what he said.

He said your brother got a better pig than the one that we slaughtered. Damn. Yeah. Because he tasted it, I guess. But he has a horse for the same reason i believe he's got this horse that just sits by itself and it was like on another farm his daughters loved horses and brought it home and his wife was like what the fuck are you doing yeah what are you doing but it's one of those things it's like it's like if you live around like

lake michigan or something it's just like everyone's got a boat somehow. You know what I mean? There's just so many fucking boats. Yeah. You wind up just getting some shitty boat with the fucking... So you're not really rich enough to have a boat, just like you're not rich enough to have a horse, but somehow you have one.

No, no. It's just, yeah. There's just leftover boats everywhere. Yeah. You know? Yeah. You just got an old hull. Yeah.

And then we just... You just take a lawnmower engine. Yeah. Put one of those hats on the bottom of it. Your cruise... See, this sounds like a dream. This is the dream. Of course. This is fine.

A piece of land that's cheap enough to be near a lake where you can get an off-brand boat. If you're like upper peninsula fucking Minnesota... Yeah. There's just boats around. Yeah. Just in a yard. You ever drive up around those places. There's just boats around. Yeah. Just in a yard. You ever drive up around those places and there's just boats? It's been a while, man.

It's been a while since I've been upstate Minnesota. Looking at boats and driveways. Dude, there's boats out there. This is just a boat from the 50s. Yeah. Hull's still good. Well, Hull's still good. Yeah.

Yeah, but the fucking... The engine sucks. 100%. But if you know a little bit about engine repair, which you probably have to up there because you're in the middle of fucking nowhere. That's how I describe half the girls I fucked. Hull. Good hull, no engine.

Engine. All the inner workings. Dog shit. The wires are spliced up top. I do like that. I like you. Yeah. Just that's how you fucking. Like an old mechanic is like, I could get that engine working. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he could deal with it, dude. He could deal with that thing shorting out every other week. I can't, dude. I'd rather have a shitty haul on a great fucking Ferrari engine under there. Yeah, a bad carburetor. That's called growing up, Chris. You don't worry so much about the hull. You worry about the engine.

Right. And how the machine will get you to destinations. I think you gotta worry about the hull more than the engine. At first, in your youth, yes. You think the hull is all that matters. No, you think the engine.

Then you start getting to a place where you're like, as long as it floats, I'm good. You know what I'm saying? Because you can row. You can row a whore. You can row a hobbit. You can row a decent hull anywhere. That's my point.

You're one and you're two. You're rowing, dude. You're rowing. And then you finally realize you can't put an engine in this beautiful anywhere. That's my point. You're one and you're two. You're rowing, dude. You're rowing. And then you finally realize you can't put an engine in this beautiful hole. I'm not going to row the rest of my life because it's one-sided and I'm getting fucking calluses

and blisters. I see where you're going. And she just thinks I'm going to row everywhere. You know? This analogy can go on forever. Where are we going to go tomorrow? Well, I got to do the rowing. What are you going to do? When are you going to start tomorrow? Well, I got to do the rolling. What are you going to do? When are you going to start fucking rolling? We already went there.

Now I got to come all the way back. There's only one or. I can't. I couldn't possibly. Just got my nails done. I like that analogy. It's funny. It was fun.

It's funny to think the lady is the Hulk. Yeah, she's just waiting. You're just on top of her. You come once, you're like, just paddling back. Just trying to get back home. Shoot a gun in your yard. Good margarita it's good looks good

you want to try it your ice cubes are too small yeah i haven't i haven't checked out the ice cubes at all i am missing the fuck that's old ice for years yeah it didn't smell you know ice smells like fucking cum it has like a weird what's it they're actually there's a scent i haven't smelled it in a while metallic yeah it's yeah it's almost like nickelish yeah it's like yeah like if you came on a nickel because it's like it's got a little fucking it's got a little clorox in there and it's really metallic oh nice ice oh no so it's just come cover nickels in here he's son of a gun why can't they just do they have metallic ice

dude this is crazy but why don't they just put like metal balls? Frozen metal balls in your glass. I think they do do that places. Really? I think, right? Aren't there like, some people don't use an ice cube. I'm trying to remember. Yeah.

Because it bleeds water into your drink. Exactly. So it's a way of getting the drink cold without watering it down. Changing the, yeah. I don't know if it's in a. What's the material? I think it's, I think it's a metal ball. Yeah. Just straight up metal.

Frozen metal. Yeah. Circle. Yeah. A sphere dropped into a glass. Pretty great. If it's not out there, Josh, look it up. Right.

There's gotta be. It's also, it's gotta be the douchiest way to have a drink. It's like those fucking whiskey glasses with a bullet going through it. You ever see these fucking things? No, no. Oh, my God. Literally suspended. It's a bullet stuck into the side of it.

It says like USA or fucking Trump. 2024. God damn it. I know this because so many people I grew up with, like it posted on Facebook. 2024. I know this because so many people I grew up with like it posted on Facebook. Right. Like buy this. Yeah. Look what I got. Or like Friday night starting on strong.

So sad. Sharing a Facebook ad. Dude. I don't know why this is the saddest thing to me, but like seeing locals share like their first beer on a weekend. It'll just be like a... Just a picture of the beer. Being like, have a good weekend, guys.

And it's like, dude, you're 45 years old. You're at a local bar. You probably just had two beers before that and you're like, this is gonna fucking... This is a flex, man. I'm having a third beer at my local saloon. People need to fucking see this dude i'm envious of it a little me too i'm a little bit jealous i'm a little bit jealous i'm like man it's been

a tough week everything we talked about just having my first kind of want to be retarded i the freedom of being dumb as shit is awesome dude there's a there's like people now who's like instagram thing is like they don't do anything special. They just like wake up, make some breakfast, go to work. Yeah. It's like a little bit, you know, it's like one of those like kind of like mashups. You get a montage. Go home, you know, kiss my wife, play like some beer league hockey, play with the dog, go to sleep.

And he's videotaping all this? Yeah, yeah. It's like one of those sort of like mashups things. But it's just like my day. Oh, wait, no, I see. And it's like fucking, you're like, damn, dude,

that's a nice little routine. Yeah, you're gone, man. You are gone. Me? Yeah, go to stuffislandpod.com and let me know if you want to be a host know if you want to be a host or if you want to be a producer

because both of these dudes are fucking out of here, dude. You're fucking gone. Dude, the routine. I did see the routine of some guy that was really hell and it backfired. He was like, here's my regular day. He's like, get up at five. You see him slap the fucking alarm clock

and then he takes a shower and he comes out and he gets ready he makes a sandwich for his lunch this guy was like 25 26 yeah well then you see him sitting in traffic you know his mundane fucking day oh so he's just like putting you through hell he's putting you through hell but he didn't know that it wasn't like wait you see how bad i'm living he just did the same vlog going this is my daily routine and every comment was like bro if you have access to a gun don't use it but you might want to think about it well it is true that like once you once you were in, you know,

every routine is actually a small prison. Yeah, of course. But I do want one. Me too. I'm incapable of living all the lives that I'd prefer to live. Yes. Yeah. We just talked about them.

Yeah. That's why we're talking shit. Cause you're like, yeah, I can do that. It would be so nice. It's just like, you know what? Yeah. You just. Yeah. And then once you were in it you'd go i've created my own my own little hell yeah i can't get out of it dude the guy then he gets back in his car sits in traffic again comes home i think he put on like a gym uniform to fucking walk around the block

but he had did he know once he cut it together that it was insane? No, this was not comedy. So what, when he's in the car, is it like, No, no, no. He's like, just driving home, taking the same path I took before. And then dinner, he's like, dinner I had prepared earlier, because it was like leftovers from a restaurant. Or like, he

pulled out like a frozen thing. And he was like with it. It wasn't like some fucking degenerate that was working. Like, the pulled out like a frozen thing. And he was like with it. It wasn't like some fucking degenerate that was working. Like the guy was like a nine to five corporate, seemed to be well put together. And then he's like, all right, time for bed, you know, brush my teeth. And then he shuts me.

He's like, time for bed. It was like nine o'clock. I'm like, oh my God, dude, save this man. And he was just doing the same thing. He was just vlogging on there. This is the monotony of my day, but he wasn't saying that. Well, I did one of those,

oh, great, there's still pizza on the toilet. Yeah. I was going to order Chinese, but there happens to be one more bite of the pizza on the back of my toilet. I had a stomach pain. Luckily, I shit my pants in the shower. Stared out a window with no view.

Yeah. Had a few 9% beers. That'll help me sleep. Wrote a eulogy for my dad. Went to bed. Oh. I don't know how that came up. I was talking about just that guy.

It's nice to have a routine. Well, you said you have a routine now. I'm in a little bit of a routine. I'm living a better life than I was. Yeah. For the past month and a half. Yeah. I can tell.

But, dude, went for a run today. Building a home gym. You're building a home gym. Putting a little home gym together. Wow. Nothing crazy.

I love this. The basics. Couple dumbbells. Here's the thing about a home gym. Now we're talking. You know? Home gym, you got to have a fucking internal fire buddy because it's hard for people to drive five to ten to twenty

minutes to go to a gym and everything's there for you yeah getting in the right mindset to go my gym's right there i gotta put in 30 to 45 a day that takes a different person easy peasy yeah i think you're crazy enough to get it going it's just you know you need the engine part is going there huh the hardest part is going there to the gym yeah see i like that i like getting that i can't write my house i can't do anything in my house yeah i'm up and out and my it hate my it kills my girl because she likes eating breakfast she likes relaxing i. She likes relaxing. I make a coffee, put it in the to-go cup, get in the fucking truck,

go right to the gym. Otherwise, I get crazy and lazy. It's true. You can't. That's my thing. I think I'm going to try to get up and just run. Yeah. To get it going. Or get up and do the gym first.

Yeah. Just get a workout in. 30 minutes. You don't even need that much. But it's in like a basement room under the bed. Of course it going. Or get up and do the gym first. Yeah. Just get a workout in. 30 minutes. You don't even need that much. But it's in like a basement room under the bed. Of course it is. Of course it is.

I knew it was going to be some hellhole. Just my girl. She's scared to walk out. I knew it would be a five-year-old's worst nightmare. There's also a weird pit in the middle where I can't get the right floorboards to fit.

Jesus Christ. Girl's still sleeping upstairs. Let's do the pod down there, dude. The light's not working. You just spit in a bucket in the corner. That might be what you need, though. You might need a hell hole I do need a hell hole

You need a 9 to 5 boot camp That's what the fuck that is That's a 9 to 5 for a dude that's lost all will in life But he wants to look good He's got 3 months to look good Look I just need to move some weights around Just need to get the blood flowing Yeah

I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel Willpower of the dumbest people i knew growing up was like they cared about the right things i want to i want to drink with my buddies and i want to keep a good beach bod way too long you know dudes with six packs at like 50 years old like those fucking animals but they're dumb as shit they come come from broken homes. Their fucking wife's sucking dick at work. You know what I mean? Sucking dick at work? Yeah, cheating on them. Do you know what I mean?

The kids are all doing pills. Yeah, yeah. But he's like, I got to stay fit. Right. I got to keep a good fucking bitch body. You got to set a good example. I got to set a good example. Yeah.

I got to hit a home run in my rec. They don't realize that their dad's a fucking moron. Yeah. They're a moron. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but they get their own freedom. And if I'm going to turn into that, I might as well just take a bunch of pills and die.

100%. Yeah, I might as well get on Oxy's and not feel what my dad feels. And that's also bliss. True. Not having enough technical know-how to do anything. You know what? You know what I'm really good at?

Getting fucked up. Right. I can live in an imaginary. Yeah. I'm the best clown at the local VFW, and I'm going to hold that fucking crown. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That's my fucking job.

That's my future. That's how I'm going to retire. Just being the greatest clown at the VFW. Just on life support. Yeah. Or killing yourself. Yeah. I think if Yeah. Or killing yourself. Yeah.

I think if you talk about killing yourself, they'd dock you on YouTube. Yeah, probably. Probably ding you up a couple times. You got to say unalive yourself. They don't catch that. Oh, right. You mean on this pod? Yeah.

Oh, you can't say that. Yeah, you can't. Well, maybe he'll do his job once and fucking cut it. Just catching strays is so funny. Just because you're sitting like this. That's the craziest chair. It's awesome. Definitely, definitely don't wear these shorts again.

That's showing the worst tattoos I've ever seen in my life. You ever looked at his tattoos? No. Look, he's got a dragon. He's got fucking Lord of the Rings tattoos. Yeah, what is happening here? It's RuneScape. What is it?

What's that? It's a video game. That is like a lot of... Is it really though? And that's what that is? Yeah, it goes all the way up. Whoa. That's a video game. That is like a lot of... Is it really though? And that's what that is? Yeah, it goes all the way up. Whoa. That's kind of sick. Once I saw the soldier, dude, that was pretty sick.

This is the whole castle world. Yeah, I was 18. And you just went... Just went and got it. Give me my whole thigh. Yeah. This... Yeah.

Wow. When it was happening, did you have any doubts that it would be yeah i didn't think not the worst you've ever seen i didn't i didn't have the foresight to think about it when you're 18 you don't think about it yeah you just go oh the next couple hours are gonna suck and then you're then you still just have it you're just going you don't think about it. Yeah. You just go, oh, the next couple hours are going to suck. And then you still just have it. You're just going, I like RuneScape forever. Yeah, a decade later. What did the military boys say about this?

Oh, they have worse. Yeah. Really? This is a sick one in comparison. Just all swats, I guess. Yeah. I feel like the number of actually good sleeve tattoos on any limb

are Dude, I forgot to tell you this. It's like.0001%. Yes. Every cool person with tattoos, you get close and you're like, this is crap. I wish I didn't get this close to you. It's a junk drawer.

It's fully a junk drawer. Yeah. You just need one paper clip. A bicycle. A pen. Playing cards. Tokens from fucking Chuck E. Cheese. Your mom's Lee Press on nails.

Old AAA card. Gummy bears, but you're still like, they're good. This is actually, we're coming up with a pretty cool tattoo honestly candy corn from candy corn from 85 dude a couple melted hershey kisses yeah a magnet of your local oil change place ron's auto body ten dollar coupon off your barbershop. A junk drawer full back tattoo is so sick. That is very funny. Pretty awesome. Your girl just left in a fucking hurry. It was a big door slam.

Yeah, it felt like an emergency probably just food yeah you it's an emergency when you guys see food it is all that i've also i made a sandwich today yeah this is big we're making food at home dude i'm i'm changing everything tell us about the sandwich before i throw up laughing i made a wrap yeah Yeah. Mayo, obviously. Yeah. Mayo on the wrap. Turkey, monster cheese. Yeah.

Freshly sliced onion. Yeah. The basics. A little salt and pepper. Then I put some hummus in there. And then lettuce and a little Newman's own Italian dressing. Whoa. It's good.

It's a great sandwich. All right. I'm telling you, that sandwich would beat most sandwiches. In restaurants. Yeah. Dude, 90% of sandwiches on the deli menu are like, who came up with this fucking sandwich? Yeah.

It's a bunch of crap yeah it's like just give me you ever like go to a deli and they like they only have like one type of roast beef sandwich or something and you're like what are you doing well it's because there's not a lot of dogs walking in asking for roast beef sandwiches sandwiches are you know roast beef sandwiches are good look The one we created because I had to, yeah, I had to sear veal.

But why, that's not on a menu anywhere. No, because it takes a lot of fucking time. No, but you could just get some good roast beef going. Yeah,

but what made this sandwich good was not just the roast beef. You have to add so many elements to it. You got to make a horseradish sauce. There's no, I walk into these delis, there's no shortage of elements. It's just they're new elements no one cares about yeah they don't care about it because of the same pill heads we went to high school with that are getting fucking ten

dollars an hour i'm just saying they're not coming up with the creations even the high-end delis man i don't think they got a lot of you know this would be a good food consultant for delis i do i get in there chris say this is chris's conco Get in there, Chris. This is Chris's concoction. I would. I would strip it down. The O concoction. Strip it down. Get the O concoction.

Chris O concoction, dude. Let me spice up your sammies. Yeah. I would like to see. Is there a Kitchen Nightmares deli edition? No. No, they only do it at restaurants. They should do a deli thing.

Actually. And just like, it's like, strip it down. It's like, get rid of all these fucking weird sandwiches. Yeah. And what you think belongs on a chicken parm sandwich that definitely does not belong on a chicken parm sandwich. Yeah. Get rid of all that. Give me a baseline good turkey. Yeah.

Good ham. Good roast beef sandwich. You do those good. We'll move on. Yeah. What I was impressed with is because the Italian dressing that you put on at the end, because the fat to... I had to shake that baby up.

To acid. Oh, really? Well, because a good turkey sandwich, turkey cheese or roast beef and cheese, I would put a mayo and a grape au pain, a Dijon. Yeah, yeah. Because the vinegar will cut all that fat and it gives it like a tang.

Yeah. I do have Dijon mustard. I was going to mix it in there. I decided against it. My Irish mother used to make me a cheese hoagie. She called it cheese hoagie. And she'd get an Amoroso roll, and she'd put provolone, American cheese, lettuce, and fucking wishbone Italian.

Nice. And drizzle that pig. And my taste buds would go fucking bananas. I'm drooling right now thinking about it. The most simplistic of things. Do you heat that thing up at all, or no? Just cold hoagie? No, cold.

I love cold cheese hoagies. It's like getting up drunk and there's a mozzarella stick in your fridge. That tight cheese wrapped around like a nice fucking roll. Yeah, because you get the bread a little wet with the dressing. Damn right you do. And it really grabs that cheese. Yeah. Yeah.

She would do it right too. She wouldn't over soak the roll first and then she would drizzle over the cheese on the inside so it wouldn't get too soggy right you got a little r.i.p gene a little cheese tub did i tell you my mom died what are you kidding yeah i thought it was You got more family business I was too busy with the move

I didn't want to talk about it I was too busy Fighting with my girl About moving shit That's why you Move the pod Yeah I told my dad

I was like We'll do it later Push the funeral Yeah I lost my voice I gotta was like, we'll do it later. Push the funeral. Yeah, I lost my voice. I got to move again, Dad. She's all nice. Who gives a shit? Yeah.

It's going to last at least a week, right? No, Janie's doing great. Good. Yeah, she's in good shape. Still teaching. Nice. She gets word back on all this stuff, too. There's a leak.

Her students. Somebody's leaking. She hears me making fun of her fat sisters does she ever go don't tell me that no she says you can make fun of my sisters don't make fun of me oh yeah that's i get it yeah oh no that's not true she said make fun of me don't make fun of my sisters oh yeah which is which is better that's true, though. That's what she said. She was like, you can make fun of me, Tom, but don't pick on my sisters. They don't deserve that.

And I'm like, well, you want to go through stories? Don't deserve? You got time? Are you done teaching? Because I could tell you some stories. Yeah. Do you have a good mom-sister story? Just her and her and her sister,

or the one that I was exposed to? One of her sisters, they had like a waterbed, and they had chocolate next to it and stuff. No, Mimi. That was my godmother. Oh, not family. Neil was in Vietnam.

He went to Drexel. Really? Yeah. He was a dragon but he was an engineer so he didn't like see battle but he was he went to vietnam oh nice he just went over there just went over there have a good time play some video games came back little grass yeah no i'm sure it's hell dude i'm sure it was hell yeah dude. I'm sure it was hell. Yeah. No, Mimi was the story I told you where, yeah, I would just eat candy and go ham when my parents wanted a break from me. So I slept over at Mimi and Uncle Neil's house and just gorged on candy like a little cokehead. And then you got stuck with a sweet tooth.

Yeah, I'd get hung over. Somehow a waterbed, hot sex with Mimi and candy got fused in your brain. Yeah. Maybe that's why I only watch mature porn. Whoa. While you're eating sweet tarts. Mimi naked while I'm crunching on sweet tarts. Yeah.

Whoa. You may. Damn. How's therapy going? Because that was crazy. We got answers now, dude. Yeah. No, I don't have any.

I mean, I have some, but I'm not going to talk about them. Oh, yeah, you can't. Yeah, I got fun ones. How many sisters does she have? Nine sisters, two brothers. Yeah. Great family. Yeah.

Fun parties, man. Yeah, I bet. Holy shit. Yeah. yeah great family yeah fun parties man yeah holy shit yeah and then my dad had seven sisters i'm sorry four sisters five brothers our family parties were fucking mayhem everybody getting fucked up and having a great time yeah the polaroid pictures of our family parties are like it's funny another great back tattoo it was the juncture dude it was a million people mostly kids somehow yeah there was just i have like 100 cousins it's like yeah i don't talk to anyone but yeah but yeah it was they scattered so fun they scattered to the wind and we're talking 80s growing up in the 80s and 90s like that. Nobody gave a shit.

You know, you just had fun. You went outside with all your cousins and just fucked off for six, six hours. Then came home and drank all the booze on the end tables. That's what's crazy about families that are that big is that all the siblings have little stories about each other. Because they all split off and came back together and split off. And they organized a million different ways. It's like high school too where they're they're age grouped yes so my mother's sisters yeah they're all different and then they would have kids that would align with my mom and then there are other sisters so those people would become close and i

didn't have anyone in my age group this is what you were looking at before this what's going on with this straw? It's bothering the fuck out of me. I just realized it now. This is crazy. Yeah, this is very liberal of you, dude. Because Trump has said there's no more paper straws. There's no more paper straws.

They don't work. They don't work. This thing's broken in two different places. You've been sipping on it. You haven't gotten anything out of it. Dude, I got nothing. There's six holes in this, dude. Yeah, it's emphysema coffee yeah the lull's great there's

no engine i said lull fuck all right well we gotta go now it's cruising welcome to our new studio we're gonna we're gonna fix it up we're gonna do stuff yeah we're gonna we're yeah we're gonna make it nice because we're gonna be here for a while we're going to do stuff to it. Yeah, we're going to make it nice. Because we're going to be here for a while. We're going to be here for at least a year. We're going to dance it up, you know, dress it up. And it's going to be locked and loaded so we can actually make this embarrassing. Yeah. Like other podcasts do.

Yeah, send us some stuff. We'll set up a P.O. box. My girl's been hiding all the fan art. We'll set up some junk to put on the walls. I got fan art that just sits in the garage. Yeah, you know the one that my buddy... Oh, yeah, yeah. ...put the thumbs up?

That could go nice. Forgot this is my house for a second. I know. Dude, I know. It's too much. I get it. I get it. I get it.

I get it. It's so weird. All right. Yeah. Let's head over to patreon so weird. All right. Yeah. Let's head over to patreon.com. Thank you, Josh Francis for being on the, yeah,

Josh, thanks for being on the mic. Yeah. And in the high chair, the man in the high tower.