Stuff Island - Nick Murphy + Josh Francis - Stuff Island #204

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

Tommy Pope is joined this week by stand up comics Nick Murphy and Josh Francis! Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code [STUFFISLAND].' Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code STUFFISLAND. That's code STUFFISLAND to get $300 in bonus bets instantly when you place your first bet of $5 or more---plus over $200 off NFL Sunday Ticket from Youtube and YoutubeTV. The Crown is Yours. Gambling Problem? Call 1800-Gambler. In New York, call 86778HOPENY or text HOPENY (FOUR SIX SEVEN THREE SIX NINE). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789--7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas. Fees may apply in IL. 21 plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. See sportsbook.drftkings.com/promos NFL Sunday Ticket offer for new subscribers only and auto-renews until cancelled. Digital games and commercial use excluded. Restrictions apply. Additional NFL Sunday Ticket terms at youtube.com/go/nflsundayticket/terms. Limited Time Offer. For a limited time only, new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. Just download Cash app, use our referral code STUFFISLAND in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms Apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block INC, brand. Visit cash.appl/legal/podcast for full disclosures Get your first month of Bluechew FREE just use promo code STUFFISLAND at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. Head HTTPS://WWW.BLUECHEW.COM for details and safety info. SUB TO PATREON: patreon.com/stuffisland Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We were just talking about this today We're streaming right now This is what we're doing Yeah, this is what streamers do Yeah You just sit there For four hours straight Yeah, and then you get $10 million from Twitch

That's how this works How did streaming become more popular than just podcasts? I don't It's got to be video games And you're just watching a guy play video game Yeah, but then now it's evolved past video games Oh, that's right

People just do like hanging out It's like there's like a thing where they just like instead of it being like because if you go to the website you can watch any video game that you want so it's like if you want it's like watching sports like if you want to watch football there's a guy that's only streaming football all the time and that I understand and I understand that you're performing a task I want to watch you yeah it's like you want to watch this it's like the same way that you want to watch a louis special because he's the best at the thing

so you want to watch how he does it so then it's like that makes sense but then it's evolved past that from different video games to now it's like there's ones where it's just like I think it's called like hanging out and it's just like guys with cameras in their rooms and they don't do anything and they just go like yeah I'm gonna react to YouTube video you just watch a guy

have a day are these just like guys that are just beating off to like young hot kids no no no that was that was um megal or whatever that was

the chat roulette yeah that was yeah that used to be a thing I've heard about this and then every other swipe is just a guy jacket dude

yeah but I like Tommy going on the Twitch for the first time and he seems to hang out part is like is this just Dude, is jacket on the kids? Can I click on this? Am I allowed to click on this?

Old Tommy no blacks? Wow, that's a riff from before we started. Just trust it was good. That was good. I think he can sit on its own. It's its own island. You can come from the front to the back. This is Epstein pitching the first blueprint.

It can stand on its own, fellas. It's just dudes being off to kids. That's the island I'm pitching here. I mean, it truly. was right it was just like yeah you just me and my boys used to get together because there would also be because i was in like what seventh or eighth grade you'd get together with your boys because there would be packs of ladies too yes you'd find a pocket so like in in pennsylvania there'd be seven girls we'd have seven dudes and then you all start showing tits showing dick

but then they would do a bait and switch they'd have ladies acting like it was a lady a hard-cut indian guy jacking off like they would like trick you with the screen as soon as you hit next yeah And then it's just right, you're like, some of it was the anticipation, though, because you're like, dude, I know Dick's coming, man. You know, yeah, it's your fucking, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You're getting the jabs, right? And then you fucking, you settle in. You find a nice group of ladies who are on a volleyball camp and you're in football camp and then show Dick, show butts, show tits. We were talking about the swan earlier, that show where they fixed the crazy-looking ladies' faces, you know, which would never fly today. But we need a where are they now for dudes that were jacking off on chat. were like, where are those guys? Legal ramifications? I'm saying, man.

They're still out there. Do you think they have? Were they all January 6th? Was that those guys? Go on Nancy Pelosi's desk. Can't get on Omega. One last go, man. That's why that dude fell off the wall.

Yeah. He had too much cum on his fingertips. You're going to prison. Can I have my laptop? Can I have a laptop access, please. Have you seen? I like, a big thing I get on my algorithm is a lot of from prison videos. Do you see? These prisoners smuggle in cell phones and they make content.

There's a guy who's a chef that's in prison. Have you seen it's like today I'm cooking up, man. I got ramen noodles and I got yellow Gatorade. Like he like mixes Gatorade and noodles. Oh, yeah. And then he has hot sauce and he calls it like his terriaki stew. Yeah. They pull out like a perfect pizza.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gatorade and salt. Yeah, just give a couple hours. They just throw a knife in there, shakes it up. It's just sucking. Deep dish. There you go. Look at this prison edition

will be crazy That would be sick Is this guy monetizing at all? Is he like I mean like generating Truly they won't let him keep any of it But they let him keep the phone I don't know

Yeah do you think it'd be easy to Reverse engine You're not state prison You're talking about like I'm not talking about county jazz This is not Penn This is prison It's like federal

It's like federal prison people are doing this And they just have phones and Yeah there's the same dude also There's a specific guy I'm thinking of But he makes cooking videos And then every once in all get a fight video on his page. You don't think of an officer or a warden's going,

did you see this? This pop up in your Twitter? He's in his feed? Yeah. Jamal is making fucking pizza. On an iPhone 15. Nobody's going to check in on this. Then they go to some fat white lady

who's been fucking him for a month. She's been handing them new phones. She's been smuggling it in. That's the last ingredient. Yeah. I love seeing stories of these the ossifers taking the fucking Rajol

you know they just walk into a cell they come out limping you know the cops are getting fucked by the by the criminals are you serious? Yeah you know like the male cops

you guys gotta get off this jerk off that you gotta get in the real world we have very different four of you pages yeah I'm 45 what are you beating off that's what it takes for you to get

yeah you're saying So male cops go in to the cell. No, female. Okay, female. Yeah, female fat white ladies from the Midwest. Of course. Yeah.

There's a pipeline. All whole stuffed. And you just watch the aftermath on Instagram. You see them come in and they come back out? That's your thing. Yeah. And then you get to decide what happened. Yeah.

It's a make your own adventure. 100%. Yeah. Read your own adventure book. Turn to page 47 if you would see Claret get fucking raped. And you're like, no, no, I don't want to see that part. I want to see the thing. You got her.

You're putting her blouse back on that afterwards. You got to respect her, though. That's a challenge. It is a challenge. To step in up, like, that's like bottom of the ninth base is loaded. Yeah. To federal prison with a dude who's doing life. Can I lose my job?

You can do whatever I want. You know, you're going to get the best fucking stick of your life. You know what I mean? Or the opposite. Because this guy has been. Or you're just going to fish hook you and come instant. Oh, he's going to do that twice three times. You're not going to know what that came.

You got to prepare for that. You can assume it's going to be like Johnny Simpson. level action here. Yeah. Yeah. And there's a, there's a video of this shot from

you know what I'm talking about, right? There's a video of a woman who was a smoke. Yeah, she was. So hot. Yeah. And one of the other guys

was like, and he's like filming on a flip phone or his cellmate burying this chick. Okay. And she just walks in, unzips,

he turns around, he's, you know. And this is real. This isn't like a set up. This is real. She was fired. Set. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

She just walked in as a hot Puerto Rican guard and got fucking smashed. Yeah. And his boy just videotaped the whole thing. And she didn't see that notice that being filmed. There was a guy three feet away. He did keep a really steady hand for what the stakes were. Yeah. Yeah, you would think he would be like animalistic.

Like I slice the throat of my buddy and like I want in. Yeah, right. You know, caged animals. Yeah. Unless that's their like Josh. He's just the video guy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like the producer. He's got the headphones.

Hold on. Can you guys both check in with me? The mic is off. Can we put the mic closer? Yeah. Can we count to 10? Can I get an audio check? Check.

Check. Check. Check one, two, three, four. Yeah, he does. Yeah, something's going on at the fucking levels here. I need you to moan a little bit louder quick. I got to even out your fucking, make sure you're not. It's like a boom mic operator on set and he's like, hold on, hold helicopter.

Helicopter. A dude screaming. from another cell? Hold for sound. Hold for sound. Yeah, getting in room tone. No, no, stop. Don't do it.

Don't do it. Don't do it. I'll tell you everything. I'll tell you where I. Right. I didn't steal it. I didn't steal it. I got to imagine she was ready

to not be a cop anymore. I mean, you kind of have to. Yeah, yeah. I don't think you would do that if. Right. If you cared about your job. You still were worried about your 401K. That's like a brutal job to get.

Yeah. To be in, to be. Can you imagine. Fucking the, yeah. to be the hall monitor for prisoners. Yeah. Fuck that. Never.

Just a crossing guard for bipolar schizophrenics. Yes. Yeah. Just going, you got to come this way. You got to come this way. Come on.

Everybody hold hands. Yeah. Just, you know. But this is our perspective. We don't want to get fucked by these guys. That's true. This could be the dream.

True. You're a small Puerto Rican whore. Yeah. You know? Honestly, she might be in the big leagues. She's smarter than you think. Yeah.

She got the job known when she wanted. Yeah. Yeah. That was the end result. That's the promotion. I think so. Yeah. Good for her.

She went viral. And this is, in many ways. Because that's the thing. It's not full-blown ADD. Not yet, but we got the end of the camera. The viral load is.

It's crazy that it's called viral load. It is disgusting that that's what they call it. It's true, though. I was so active in my 20s that I was so paranoid about getting at 10. And you were before all the meds that we have now. Yeah. Prep is.

yeah yeah yeah oh yeah and uh i would go to a clinic every like like six months i would just get blood tested yeah yeah and this is before i had to like insurance and stuff so i finally got to a doctor i think i was like 27 or 28 and i went to a doctor instead of just you know pretending everything's going to work out and i told him about like i'm fearful this fearful that and he's like what do you what do you think happens when you get how do you think you get HIV I'm going to have sex with a, you know, a pig. You get in bed with the wrong piglet, and she gives you the fucking bug. Yeah.

And he's like, you know how many times, even if the woman has HIV or AIDS, how many times of sex? Yeah. How many, yeah, how many fucks you'd have to take to get, to go upstream? Sure. And this doctor is like an old Jewish guy telling me, he goes, you know, like a stream? Yeah, stream's going down this way. He's explaining science to you. My mom's still sweating

Can you just stop with the innuendo? Am I going to die? Dude, I used to look inside Well, this is called a tributary. When these move in east, west, it's different. What the fuck are you talking about, man? Do I have the clap? He told me how hard it would be

for her juices to come upstream while everything else is flowing down. Right. And the only other way to do is have an open sore and this is why gay men would get in a lot. No, it's true. It's blood. The rib and the tear in the butt hole.

Yeah. And even if the ripping and the tear Yeah You remember that guy That viral guy Yeah His name was rip and tear No I don't know what this is

He was an old guy in a speedo That was very graphically suggestive Humping the camera He ended up on Tosh Point O He did a web redemption He got AIDS But no There's no

Reb redemption for that No one No no He would say the Rippin in the Tair And the Rippin in the Tair Like he was on a resort or something And he was describing Fucking old women

Oh my God He's like 60 It was gross That's why he was went, I mean, viral before Instagram. It's like YouTube. And OG. Oh, I thought you guys knew about that.

No, no. We'll pull them up in post. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. Yeah. So, even, and then he told me, like, I learned so much more about gay sex.

I was like, I was 26. He was like, look. He's like, Tom, let me tell you something. They do what to each other? Tommy's head explodes. His head explodes. He has no.

I was, you fucking kidding. me Goldstein. I got to make some calls. I got to get out of you. I actually have a fever. They do more than just sing with each other. Well, it's like Matthew McConaughey finding out. You've seen Dallas Buyers Club when he gets totally as gay.

He's like, I'm not fucking gay though. Same thing in EZE. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the fucking whatever. Boys in the Hood. In W.A. No, no, it's not boys in the hood.

It's not boys in the hood. No, wait. This is why this guy is this guy good. This is why your dad calls him the Detroit Boys. No, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, uh, instead of the Pistons. Instead of the lions. Easy boys. No, there was, what is the name of it?

It's, uh, it's called Compton, straight out of Compton. Straight out of Compton. What not call it? Boys in the hood. That's great, man. This guy, this guy is African American attempts. are very funny culturally

oh look at them yeah I know that's why it makes it extra funny yeah well it's funny he's a piece of corn from Iowa

he's a pink piece of corn you know ice cube notorious that guy yeah but yeah EZE

that's his first thing too he's like I'm not yeah I think he says faguzzi yeah yeah

but a gavone yeah but he's like coughing blood I'm just how he's hacking of men

were back then yeah he's hacking up blood and they just puts his headphones back on Dude, you need to see someone.

Well, I guess their lifestyle, you can always blame it on something, you know? It's what you said. It's saying, I want to pretend it's not happening, you know. Men can get into that place. So you're to be commended for checking on your health. Yeah. And educating yourself about homosexual behavior.

Well, it's so much easier. What Goldstein said was just, I don't remember his name, but I'm, you know. There's intervenous drug use and then gay sex We're ripping and tearing And the peggers got fucking the juice Rips and tears throws the juice wad into the hole Knowing you when he said upstream You probably were like yeah but what if she's on top doc

What if it's you know gravity you don't know this one I'm with right here She's very talented she played badminton and gillian you know what i mean she was a prison guard for his five years i met him on omegal back with it was a bit of ripa dance you know how many guys i watched jack off before i met this lady uh anyway i went to the clinic after i won philly's funniest uh to celebrate Well, there was a thing.

I got good news and bad news. You want the competition. You do have a hate. Doc, how bad is it? Well, Healing didn't even give me a prize money to get the fucking appointment set.

You do got a weekend coming up in January. That's the good news. You will not make it to January. That is the problem. We're trying to get it reschedule. How's November look for you? You're going to be weak.

It's going to be a 20 minutes. in headlines. We're talking to the book and we're telling them they're swimming upstream on it. They're swimming right upstream.

The viral loads. The viral load is on the ticket sales. Yeah, we're going to have to pay for the room. Nobody wants to see an AIDS patient. But I was in the magazine at the clinic.

Yeah. Because they had like a Philly mag that like had a profile things and they're on like the table. Yeah. That's my fucking head shot. What? And I'm in the room waiting to get blood.

Yeah. How insane is that, dude? Dude, that's so, it's like a movie scene level of funny. To be at a thing and some ladies like looks over, sees your face, you? Yeah. Like, Tommy, AIDS check. I think it would be funny if you've just been diagnosed. And then you walk out and then you look down.

You see Philly's funniest. Fuck. Throw it. What could have been, huh? What could have been? Philly's filthiest. But that's great, that you were health conscious back then.

Yeah, a little too much, you know. I don't think you could be overly on that, you know? I had a razor bump one time. I went to the doctor three times, three different doctors, three different times because it wasn't going away.

I was convinced I had herpes. It took three dudes to tell me I didn't have herpes. And then every time I would figure out why I thought I did. The first guy looked at it, no, that's like a razor bump. And then like I was driving.

I was like, okay, that's good. And then like a day later, I was like, he didn't even take a swab, though. So then I went to another guy How quick you can convince yourself Yeah, oh 100%

100% Yeah, yeah Because then it starts a whole spiral And if it continues to not go away Yeah Because you go well what the fuck If I don't if I If he didn't even take a spot

I gotta get somebody to swab it Yeah So then I went to another guy And then he squeezed it Yeah And it popped And then he went Yeah well it was an ingrown hair

And then he went Yeah that's Why did you do that? I tried It didn't come out I didn't have the touch Somebody else's hands Oh professional hands has to pop

Yeah No I just made I felt better Yeah I felt less Why I try and it was just nothing was common and then he did it and it popped and I went all right sweet it's not that and then and then I drive and then two days later I went but he didn't swab it I kept telling us if he didn't swab it no see this is a bit right here

I mean what if you did this like 10 more times yeah yeah yeah well he didn't suck it well or just the next test or whatever you know well you didn't do that yeah no matter what the hype yeah just kicks in no matter what you've convinced yourself I've kin in to have herpes and then yeah yeah I had a lady there was a girl that I hooked up with in high school who, uh, she just went through a breakup. Her boyfriend got really mad at me that I hooked up with her so recently after the breakup. So then he started a rumor, uh, that she had herpes and then gave it to me. That was the rumor that he said, I broke up with herpes. Is this prior to the pimple pop? Yeah, this is, this is years before. So this is what bled into

your that's probably. Yeah, dude. Yeah. When the pivel came up, you're like, God damn. God damn it. Mark got it. Mark. Mark. Yeah, Mark. Mark. Yeah, Mark in the trenches. But he, so he didn't want to fight you. He did some girl shit. So he did some lady shit and started a rumor about it. So he said, he said, because you, you were on fucking steroids. Oh yeah, he saw those nipples. He's like this guy, this guy's got herpes. This guy's got some. They should have tried pop in your teeth. Gets in their eye, they get a new disease. They're gay. Yeah, they're gay. Mr. Francis, this is far more concerning. What do you have going on up here.

Enough about your herpes. Let me see those fucking nipples. This dude though. We got to cut one of these up. Got to take this home. We actually have a petri dish right here If we could just put your This is what we want to swap This is hepatitis So he breaks up with his lady

Then he says the reason he breaks up with her is because she has herpes So then we hook up and then he starts telling everybody That she gave me herpes So then like a couple months passed and they got back together And then everybody started saying that he has herpes Because she had herpes Well that's his own defaults And so he created a rumor that he has herpes

In like a roundabout way Which I always thought was so funny No that is funny So he actually had herpes No nobody actually had herpes started the rumor, which means if he takes her back, now he has herpes. Because everybody, that's how high school words. Everybody went, well, he has herpes now. Shut out, Mark.

Shut out Mark, dude. A little fucking, he's all through this. I also, yeah. How old were you? 17. Yeah. He's like, nobody has herpes. I love her. Yeah. I can't get enough of this lady. Yeah. Fuck Josh. Damn. All right. This episode's brought you by Draft Kings. It's football season, babe. Yeah, it is. You understand? Hey, let me ask you something, Nick. What's your favorite touchdown? A... A...

Mine's the next one. Oh, the next one. Or anyone from the Philadelphia Eagles. Well... Because with Draft King Sportsbook and official sports betting partner of the NFL, every touchdown could bring you closer to cashing in from the first touchdown score

to any time TD props or the thrill of live in-game betting, every snap is loaded with opportunity. Who doesn't love live in-game betting? Dude, that's all I fuck with. Yeah, man. Live in-game betting. And then the over under and the odds.

Yeah. The odds this week for Denver, Philly's favorite by three and a half. I like the Eagles on this one. Yeah. Here's the best part. You bet just $5. And if your bet wins, you get $200 in bonus bets instantly. I use this and you should too, obviously.

If I needed this product, it's what I use. So it does not take three to five business days, Tommy. No, it does not. You're saying it's instant. It's fucking instant. Well, who doesn't love that? Oh, my God. Your team hitting pay dirt pays out to you.

you download draft king's sportsbook app and use code stuff island that's code stuff island to turn five bucks into two hundred dollars in bonus bets if your bet wins in partnership with draft kings the crown is yours gambling problem call nick or call one eight hundred gambler in new y eight seven seven eight hope and why or text hope and y four six seven three six nine in Connecticut help is available for problem gambling. Call 8887-8-8-9-7-77 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly on behalf of Boothill Casino and Resort in Kansas. Fees may apply in Illinois.

21 plus an eligibility varies by jurisdiction void in Ontario, because why are you there? Bet must win to receive reward. Minimum minus 500 odds required. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. Seven days, guys. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.com slash audio. All right.

I can help you with your gambling problem. Quit picking the Jets, dumbass. This episode's also brought to by Blue Choo. Blue Choo, you know what you love it. That's awesome. I do love it. Yeah. Yeah.

Just like I did with the bag. I put it right up there. I bleed into my guns. That also gets stuck in the corners. How else can't fill these bowlers? Is that what you call? Shut up. Guys, end of the room, Dick first.

I do. Blue Chew isn't just a tablet. It's a cheat code for your crotch, stronger, harder, longer lasting. Like someone gave your downstairs a pep talk and a gym membership. Yelled at it. Yeah, you fucking yell at it. Nick Sabin at halftime. Yelling at your joke.

Blue Chew is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. You know, Nick? Yeah. Last time I took a blue chew, my dick got sponsored by an energy drink company and refused to do missionary. Oh. Saying that it was bad for the birthday. Extreme positions only. Whoa.

That's what my dick said. Extreme positions only? Yeah, real extreme shit. What's the extreme for you, Tommy? Well, you put her head down here, her legs out. Anyway, this episode brought me by Richard. Go ahead, Nick, you know, I carry my encyclopedia, Brick-Tanica everywhere. Whoa! How long did that take to get through?

Four hands. I've been kicked out of four museums for carrying a loaded sculpture. Tommy, you don't go to museums. True. You ever tried to tuck in a summary? You had a museum calling your dick in encyclopedia. Things that never happened for a thousand. I tried Bluchew, okay?

Now my hog has its own zip code. I believe that. Guys, this isn't just about performance. This is about legacy or third legacy. Legacy is the most important thing. You want people to talk about what you did. Yeah. That's where they're her friends,

fucky after you break up with them. Yeah, man. Give her a group chat, something to talk about. You know, when you lay it down, they're talking about how it gets up. Nothing makes you more of a legend than a little bluechew. Discover your options at bluechew.com and we've got a special deal for our listeners.

As always, get your first month of Bluechew free. First whole month, Tom. Whole month. Just use promo code Stuff Island at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. That's it. Join Bluechew's mission to upgrade humanity. One thrust at a time, had to Bluechoo.com for details and safety info. And big thanks to Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast.

S is silent in Ireland. I screwed that up. I didn't have my dick encyclopedia. it would be better to have herpes than get your bitch stolen by this guy in high school yeah but you're on the football team at some point that's something

yeah yeah I played football and everything it was just I went with that photo specifically is like a lot of niche it was a homecoming net and I had glasses on for a homecoming outfit yeah I had a Jew fro because that's how I looked and yeah so there's a lot of circumstances that were working against me

for that photo specifically sure other ones I'm hot as hell Dude Curly red Jufro glasses Acne and braces Dude Being like it's

A cartoon God wouldn't put that On earth Be like Does this look like herpes By the way Yeah Oh man

Sense of humor Got you that Puss right Yeah I think Definitely I don't think I'm anybody's type How'd you meet her band?

Yeah were you guys hanging out before. Work. We were working. Work. Yeah. Slipping hay bales in Iowa.

Godfather's pizza, baby. Godfather's pizza, baby. Shout out Godfather. I used to be a chef, a cook. Imagine going on a fucking pizza shop. Called Godfathers in Iowa. This guy's your cook.

You're chef, Tommy. Your chef. Yes, chef from now on, by the way. Oh, my God. I wanted to get, because I started as a bus boy when I was like 14, and then I wanted to get promoted to, to,

I wanted to get promoted to the counter And then I got too many I had too much acne This guy's talking about like you started out on Wall Street Or something This is how this guy is talking about this Get in the back We can't show you out front

I worked my way up I was an entrepreneurial spirit You guys don't understand I wanted to be the counter guy I was selling pink sheets at 15 They knew I was going to steal Everybody's bitch if I worked at the counter I got FaceTime with these brawls

It was mine I did that and then I Before I left for the military They said if you want We can offer you an assistant management job It's getting sadder Yeah The beats it never worked out

The beats never worked out He was so ready To take over They're like we're shipping out of the Middle East Yeah The counter of the world Shout out to Godfathers one time shout out to godfathers man

is it still there is it still operational I went back and I was like he's like Peggy she was like who the fuck are they still open they're still open the owner didn't recognize me

I worked there for like four years yeah so funny they're still open yeah they're still open wow we're doing good Tommy you know how much business they're gonna get after this podcast comes out this is the plug

of the day right here yeah anybody goes to Mason City Iowa's Godfather's pizza Godfather's pizza you guys about to get swamped dude they used to have a all the nap It's like Dave Portnoyne.

I'm talking about her in peace. Prepare. Prepare your stay. Everybody knows the rules. Yeah, they, Godfather's pizza where? Mace City,

Iowa. They used to have little napkins that would say like, Hope that's marinera. They're doing like wordplay about. Yeah, they're playing like doing like tropey Godfathers,

the movie references being like a dish you, a slice you can't resist. Stuff like that. Right. Is this a chain? Or is it just the hackiest thing in the world? No, it's a chain.

It's a chain. Where's my slice shaped like a horse's head? What is this? What is this? And where's my brother? We arrive together. And also the toilet doesn't flush. There's like,

I got looked on there. There's a gun in there. I don't know. What's happening here? Oh my God, they got a taco pizza. Yeah, that was our big one. It's a fusion.

Fusion. You know what they used to do? This is disgusting, dude. Yeah, they had a... That's a good like 2 a.m. thing, though, probably. I'd get a top. Taco pizza, hammers. Try it out.

Working in a restaurant that looks like this and going, I want to get to the counter. No, what you do is you join the military. That's what you do.

Dude, I had counter dreams, dude. Oh my God. I had dreams being in the counter. This is the saddest thing in the world. Tommy, it was a different time. That was a big deal.

He's a young kid. You know, he's working his way out. It's like a pizza place. It's like dominoes, but like a different name. No, the actual stop. They have, like, mini pizzas and stuff.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you have managers who are, like, actively trying to bang out the 15-year-olds are, like, 33. Of course. That's a workplace thing, I think, yeah. Yeah. They might have where you work. Yeah. You'd be a landscaper.

You were hoping they hire a 15-year-old hot girl. Yeah, you could be a warden and you hope that the fucking... Yeah, the prisoners. You know what? That was good. That was good. That's good. This is why you brought me on.

Yeah, that chemistry. Nicky. We were going to say the same thing. I love you, dog. Right? You want to do it again? Yeah.

Black. I thought you were going to go with me. I thought you were going to do it. You're fired. You ever hook up with a woman in the sand out there in the military? In the sand. No. No, I did not.

That's good. That's the clip of the episode. I also told me never. I was never in the sand. I was in East Asia. People asked that about the Middle East and about pedophiles. Yeah.

You've hooked up with a lady in the sandbox? Yeah. You ever go? Well, it's, you know, I thought you were in Afghanistan or something. No, he said he never saw action. We asked him this earlier today.

No, no, no, no. Yeah, no, never. What did you do? Make pizza. I made pizza. I wanted to be on the counter, but they put me in the back again. He sat everybody.

The military hostess. But then you think you're like a genius. You're like, guys, taco pizza. Yeah, good for the unit morale. So what did you do? I was an amphibious assault vehicle crewman in the Marines. It's like a tank that goes in the water. They used them off the side of the ship.

So we would never do any. The last time they used them was in Iraq. They like did a Philly fake out where they like acted like they were coming in from like one of the coast. And then Saddam moved all of his forces over there. And then we just like fucking launched an airborne thing. And hilarious. Yeah, we like, you know what I mean? Why is it called a Philly fake out?

Philly special. For the football. Yeah. Isn't that funny that we use football fucking names for a war? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's what they call. I was just using the analogy. Nick Foles put one in Osama's head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But that was the last, they didn't use them. When I was in, they were like not using them. We just, like, went and did like humanitarian bullshit. I was thinking World War II. I've watched documentaries with the guys, D-Day, the amphibious. That's, like, the job I had the guy.

I would be the guy that's like 30 seconds. Yeah. Well, that's the one guy that would live. Yeah, that guy. The guy's driving the boat. The last thing you see is me being like, oh, what the fuck? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Reverse. Go, go, go, go. Oh, my God. You can have France. Jesus Christ. Just don't take Godfather's beats. The Rom Nevo is the Godfather's pizza. That'd be a little naked gun, extra joke.

He's reversing and then takes a bottle of his pizza slides. It's like, why did you bring that? It's a dessert pie. They had like six dessert pies. Also, yeah, still complaining on the boat ride back. I'm like wet right now. You're going to see that? That's crazy.

Making it about me. I watched this interview with this guy. He said they dropped the door. Everybody died. Except me and like two other guys. Yeah. 30, 40, 50 guys are dead. Well, think how fun that must have been.

Jesus Christ, though. No, to be the Germans. You're playing a video game. The crowd just sitting there With a 50 caliber machine gun But they're waiting for that But they don't even wait You just shoot until they

Because you don't know what they're going to just keep going I got a bad feeling man I don't think you're going to have had here man I think Tommy would have been good in the military I'd be fucking great I think you'd be great You'd be so good in a war movie man One of the best characters

Like a general smoking a cigar Yes You throw the helmet at the guy You're gassing everybody up You know what you would do You would hype everybody up and then as soon as you guys get close you slowly start moving to the back

where we go push forward push forward Tommy no blacks No it would be fun to be like an officer No you'd be perfect I'm seeing you already Like band of brothers

Like that era Yeah Just Tom Hanks But with an edge Like I'm not a teacher You know I'm just like an abusive father From the middle of fucking country Yeah

Yeah. And I look at these guys like my kids. Yes. And everybody's firing me the fuck up. You Tom Hanks from Private Ryan coaching a bunch of Forrest Gump's. Yes. That's what it would be. 100%.

Yeah. Lieutenant Tom. Yeah, man. Lieutenant Tommy. He's got our back. He's got no legs, Lieutenant Dan. But it is camaraderie. There is, like you were saying about football.

You're going from all these sports that are camaraderie driven. Then you go to the military. And then you go to stand-up comedy. I remember you tell me this, which is very interesting, where it's fight every man. for themselves in a way. Yeah, you go from like all units working together for everything that I've ever done. Yeah.

To then going into comedy. And then I had that mentality. And then I realized nobody had that mentality. Yeah. Where I would like book people on show when I was running shows. I booked people and they wouldn't book me back. And then I was like trying to, I would get a gig. And I'd be like, oh, dude, come and do this with me.

And then I realized like, I'm splitting half the money for no reason. I could just be doing it on my own. Like I had that mentality. And then I was like, oh, you have to be like a selfish dickhead most of the time to coming back every night from Mike's just robbing his dog tags. what am I doing wrong you do have to like be a dickhead in comedy though you really do you have to like be selfish

you don't have to be well dickhead selfish are two different things first of all yeah yeah yeah I agree I agree you don't have to be a dickhead I was very quiet I would stand in the corner creep everybody out not on purpose but just stay away

yeah because I figure and a lot people thought I was a dickhead when I started out just because I wasn't doing the buddy buddy shit but I always saw like you just got to prove it on stage you know and then people will like your shit I think you slowly find your group Yeah yeah for sure takes a while for sure

Which I think is necessary in stand-up comedy Because you have to get better at the There's people that start now And they're all buddy-buddy to start And it's like well of course you're gonna laugh at each other It's your little open mics you know That's not really that's not helpful I mean if it is funny yeah

But if you're trying to just come up together Because we're all laughing We're all having a good time It's like you gotta get kicked in the teeth a little bit Yeah you have to yeah for over a decade For sure You have to get fucking... And then that's where you meet your soldiers.

You know, the guys that... All the guys that made it to the beach. Yeah. That's the analogy. How many open micers are floating in two feet of water? There's a bloody beach. The rendezvous was helium. You could meet your guys.

Right. And then we were outside helium. Yeah. Trying to get dates. Tommy, get in there I'm throwing my veil Tommy's gonna host and then Tommy just takes one

to host Tommy is not gonna host Tommy can no longer host Radio Evac Tommy's dead Tommy the flamethrower would be fucking terrifying I'd run out of gas

so fast You use it on the boat Everybody can get it Look at you Today we're cooking Koreans It'd be fucking with everybody. Everybody could get it. Here's what I'm going to do to them.

I'll show you right in. You're just out by the time you get to the fucking... Just wearing 80 pounds for no reason. Tell me, we don't need to weld anything, man. Put the gun down. Pick up a rifle. And then what? And then what?

Sleep? Huh? You can sleep through this? Either that or Tommy. Who can sleep for a time like this? Come play with my gun. I'll let you shoot. Tommy no blacks

Yeah man 1920 that's appropriate Heaven Just after World War I World War II hasn't started up yet You're swinging You're getting back to your wife She hasn't been fucking any

Yeah man Cut that Is that the signal What is that give it to Sega one Is that what that is Wasting all my energy 32 what do we think coach Short and gold

I'm saying If I was through the 20s, maybe I've changed I'm different I'm soft softer Now I can throw bricks through the window I don't want to hit them

I'm not going in there I don't want to ruin my shirt that's the other character you can play the guy that throws the brick and remember the Titans in Denzel's house just chucks the right you're not even on screen

he's my daughter in there another riff from a podcast riff but it is funny another it is still funny the only black guy's house in the neighbor it's gone in there

No, no, I was lifting. I was lifting. I didn't mean... Yeah. Mystic River Pizza. Oh, man. Good times. Well, Nick, I'm very excited for you to be here, man.

Thanks. Truly, me too. That fucking rules. Thank you. What's your situation? I'm sweating. Yeah, it's hot as fucking here. Can we do the fan?

Is that a thing or no? I don't want to ruin the podcast. Let's see how loud this big is. Oh, is it a noise issue? It's the remote's on the wall. Right next to where he touched it. That's why you never got to the county, you're retarded. What a monkey.

You just pulled it off the wall and started eating it. That's the test. Can you turn on the fan? If they can't turn it on the fan, Afghanistan. You know what you're going? 100%. He went through boot camp. Couldn't figure this shit up.

That's a confusing. One of the water tanks. He made it through a whole gas chamber. He's just vomiting, but he made it. And they're like, all right, now turn it on the fade. These flashbacks are doing an army car on their knees, fucking barbed wire. Yeah, man. Can't even see your remote next to the goddamn switch.

It makes it all the way out of the beach. Turns around. Turn the fan on. Francis, turn on the fan. He just. Panics. It's like, same pride, Ryan, when he's in the hallway. Yeah, he can't bring myself into, like,

he can't grab the remotes. It's 10 dead Germans. He's dying upstairs of heat stroke. Ten dead Germans around Josh. He killed him. Turn the fan, oh, Josh. Turn the fan on Josh. You're right.

He starts putting in his mouth. He'll kill himself. Good stuff. So we would have never had that fan content If I didn't ask about it. Yeah. It does feel nice. We should always do it.

Guys, this is great. I thought it was going to be too loud. It's really nice. That's a Florida room. That's the best part about Florida to them. Okay. But you were talking about Austin. Yes.

I live here now. Yeah. You said some very nice things to me. I did. I've always said nice things. And I knew they were going to be nice because you said, I'm not gay. butt.

Well, you suck my balls. Yeah. No, it's nice to see guys that like you you fuck with, you know? Yeah, man. Dudes that are funny. Dudes that are great hang. We made it to the beach. That's what it is. You made it to the beach. Yeah. You did.

And there's a lot of fucking floaters out there. Right. There's a lot of fucking dead bodies. We, we found each other. Yeah. In the capital. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're stealing the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, we're We're sharing bottles of wine from Hitler right now.

We're drinking it, man. Yeah, we made it to the palace. Josh is over here eating the remote. Eating the cork. He doesn't know how to get the fucking bottle open. I'm just happy to be here. I'm just happy I made it. Gets the cork out, starts chewing on it.

What the fuck is wrong with this guy? We're making out with the free Jews and he's fucking trying to figure out how to open this bottle of red. Is that the first thing you were trying to do? What? That's his only motivation? Yeah, but think about how hot they're going to be so skinny, you know? Yeah. Well, the free ones, the free ones are.

greet well. They had nice curves. Yeah, yeah. You seen docs? For that to be a takeaway from a documentary, it's crazy.

No, but I like the idea of him saying that during the war. You ever seen docs? They haven't made ours yet, Tommy. The fuck is a documentary

yet in the 40s. They have no idea. Just wait. Yeah, I like it here. I've been here like just over a week. Yeah.

It's great. Where do you live? Riverside. Oh, nice. Yeah. What about Atlanta? Do you still have a house? Atlanta.

No, no, no. Left. Gone gone. I had the apartment, but yeah, I'm just switching apartments. So you're fully here? Yeah, man. Oh, I thought it was going to be like a transitional period. That was this past year, basically.

That was like, that's what this was. Yeah. Yeah. Because I'm coming out here for almost exactly a year. Like once a month, too. You were making rounds. Yeah. I mean, I even got an Airbnb back in March just to feel it out.

And I still made trips. back to Atlanta during that month. Monetarily, that's pretty fucking pricey, right? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's some good weekends. Let's go. Yeah. But also, you know,

it's, this was the time. This is the time to do it. Fuck you, dude. But I also don't, I don't have like a lady. I don't have kids. I don't have like a... Of course. My expenses are not, they're not nothing, but they're also not...

Yeah, you can manage it. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is selling out a weekend somewhere. You were doing, you were getting nice weekends in Atlanta just to like fill oh yeah I mean yeah like not even club stuff I just had good like rounds of bar shows gigs that would sell out how's the helium the you guys went to is that the same club yeah I'm sure it is yeah yeah the one it's up north yeah yeah with Chris yeah with Chris oh great okay yeah yeah yeah yeah it's good it's only like six months old maybe eight yeah

yeah yeah everybody there is really friendly everybody there the staff was nice the crowds were great. It's funny. I just got and plugged in there as I was leaving, basically. Yeah. It took them a second to kind of figure out the scene. Yeah, of course. It's also kind of a pain in the ass to get up to Alpharetta from Atlanta. So, you know, but I like the club. I like Kristen. She's great. Yeah. The GM over there. Yeah, she's, yeah, asking me to do a weekend there. Oh, yeah, because you guys all know her from Philly. Yeah. Shout out to Kristen. Yeah, shout out Chris. Tommy, do you use cash out? Of course I use cash out. Of course you do. Otherwise, I would ask you,

what the hell's wrong with you? Yeah. You got to use. Cash app. Yeah. If you didn't know, Cash App is more than just a safe way to send and receive money with the cash app card, Tommy. Yeah. You get tons of perks without any hidden fees. That's crazy.

Who wants hidden fees? Those are the worst. Yeah. You know? I know who I call hidden fees. Yeah, man. Think early access to concert pre-sales like Kendrick Lamar, Tommy. Wow.

You're a big Kendrick Lamar guy, right? Yeah, I mean, I've used, well. Yeah. Okay. How about Sabrina Carpenter? Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Plus discounts on everyday purchases.

at brands you're probably already spending money on guys. It also keeps your money safe by automatically flagging suspicious transactions. Like a Kendall Kumar purchase. You ever have suspicious transactions? Yeah, you see 10 tickets of Kendrakemaar flag me, cash-hack. Yes, yeah. It flags suspicious transactions and lets you know,

it lets you lock your card instantly if it's ever lost or stolen. That's huge. Spend with confidence with the cash app card today. For limited time only, new cash app customers. can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash for real. Just download

cash app. Use our exclusive referral code, Stuff Island, in your profile. Send $5, Tommy to a friend within 14 days. How many weeks is that, Tommy? Yeah, it's two weeks. There it is. Right there. No hidden fees on that answer, Tommy. Wow. And you'll get $10

dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash App. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank, Tommy. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC. Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block Incorporated brand. Visit Cash.app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures.

All right, Nicky. This episode's brought you by Squarespace. Oh, I love Squarespace. Yeah. It's when you can build your own website to, you know, promote your business. Who does your own website, man? Yeah. So, you know, Squarespace is the, all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're

just starting or scaling your business. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, get paid all in one place. It's going to make it look professional, Tommy. Yeah, if there's a video component, we can also, they can add it in there too. They got video on Squarespace. Yeah, you can put some stand-up clips and all that shit. Oh, my God. Yeah, it doesn't stop there, dude. You know what else you could do? Tell me. You can add some videos, and you can also add... You just said that. I know. I'm looking for the one I really love. like sell content. Oh, you can sell

content. Sell your merch. Whoa. Yeah, you're going on tour. Oh my God, I've got to start getting it on Squarespace. Yeah, you have to. Squarespace makes it easy to monetize your content by selling access to online courses, blogs, videos, and memberships start with a fully customizable website and earn recurring revenue by gating your content behind a paywall.

I can customize my own website. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, dude. Isn't that fucking crazy? I want it to look how I want it to look. Yes, and they give you analytics too. Whoa. Yeah. So I can see how it's doing. Yes, you can make... And make smarter business decisions. Oh, man, I need help with that.

With their intuitive, built-in analytics tools, because you don't have them. Yeah. You don't have that built-in you. I need them intuitive. Yeah, you need them to... From somebody else. Yes.

You'll fucking screw that off. But you're saying Squarespace does all this. Square Space does this feel. Well, I better get on the website. You know, that's why I'm trying to give me the goods. Okay. Tell me more. Be more intuitive and shut the...

All right. Guys. Um... I'm going to go back up. Head to Squarespace. Space.com slash Stuff Island for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code Stuff Island to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. The language here, it's genuine and honest.

We've used Squarespace since we started this podcast three years ago. Tommy, you say 10% off. I come running. This is a big fucking deal. That's what I want. I've had friends text me going, what was that code? I heard you say this a couple months ago. Somebody offered me stuff.

They say it's $100. I say I'll do it for 90. Yeah. Give me 10% off. Yeah. Yeah. And you're saying Squarespace is already offering that. Yeah.

Get out there, guys. What are you doing? Do not cut the fan pit. I won't. I will not. Don't save your own ass. I won't. You'll take that fucking bullet right in the skull.

I'll take the, I still stand by the fact that I don't think it's that crazy. It's a, I don't have a fan that gets, I don't have a remote fan. I don't live like that. Yeah. I have a fucking string that is broken that I pull on. I'm not. What do you think that giant black thing is next to the TV? Yeah.

I thought I was going for the prison guard. I mean, is that not the podcast already? There's undertones. That's what we call Puerto Ricans. Undertones? It's actually very funny. Yeah, yeah. What I just pulled off there?

No, no, that's good. Your fans will appreciate it. That's our Tommy. That's our boy. That's our boy right there. That's our 1920s Tommy. Yeah, man. You think I would have forget that?

It's a compliment. It's like George Clooney type of guy. Well, now we're getting there. That's what I mean. Yeah, Classically handsome. Salt and Pepper. You know that you are.

Classically handsome is something I fuck with. Yeah, that's what I was saying. Like a Grant. Yeah. Like a what? The actor. Yeah.

Grant? Yeah. I actually don't know Grant. I agreed because I thought that you were going to. No. I agree because I thought you were going to move on if I agreed. I have no idea who Grant is either. We're going to have to cut this.

Carrie Grant. Carrie Grant. Right? Who's the oldest actor you know Because we probably have different answers Paul Newman You came up with like Charlie Chaplin and stuff Yeah, Carrie Grant

What fun Yeah, but you're talking to Wait, how old are you? I'm 33 Oh, I'm 30 I just turned 30 Oh So I'm not that far

You have a youthful spirit Yeah, I have a lesbian face That helps Yeah, that's Carrie Graham Talking to Rachel Maddow over here he's a legend okay but what was he what was his big this is my own ignorance I mean Tommy these photos are all in black and white

yeah he's fucking born in 1901 I get that but you he was on the beach you're showing you well he said 1920 he was showing your age here you just said well who's the oldest actor you know next slide Frederick Douglass who is this

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no why'd you put X's all over his face why did you do that That's not an ex, my friend. Bullseye. He spin it that there's a cross here. Are we splitting this last one? Yeah, sure.

Okay. I did kind of pressure you into that. What else you want? See? He's a good actor, man. I've seen some of you. No, he meant that. I've seen your clips.

Yeah, but that's where it comes from. Yeah. Real place. Yeah, he'll like... What else you want? Dad? Yeah. Cheers, buddy.

Yeah, cheers. Look at that. Perfect poor. Is it you, Nick? Perfect poor. Here's to you guys. Here's the you fellas. Having me back on the island.

Yeah. You're going to be on the island a lot. Chris has gone in PA. I appreciate that. Yeah. Do you trust me to be able to fill those shoes. Chris's are big shoes to fill. Yeah.

Yeah. Stepper. As we run out of things as... No. Never. You guys have something to say, don't you? I can sit in this. Say anything.

I do it on stage all the time. You want to sit in it? I can sit in it. We'll take a breeze for a bit. That's nice. Enjoy what Josh did for us. Yeah, man. It's back, bringing me back to the beach.

How do you feel? It feels good. I feel like I'm in a normal room now. I really felt like I was baking for a sec. Well, we do haze people. I think it's going to show up on camera. It's how sweaty I was. Dude, I just, we just learned about the,

they throw the lights on. at the mothership Yeah Well I've known that What do you mean? To like when you're like doing the open mic The open mic before the crew show The lights stay on for the open mic

Yeah yeah yeah he didn't know that I don't know that's crazy I guess I haven't noticed but I guess I don't really It seems normal right Because Yeah I think it's supposed to be like a It's psychological Yeah it's like to

Because it physically fucks up the crowd And you have to work harder I see It's brilliant in a way Because it's like who you know who else does it Who's gonna deserve this lap Are you going to work through this? I get what you're saying.

You know who else does that? That's why they throw fucking fake grenades next to these guys when they're doing the wire run. Fake fan remotes. Yeah, yeah. It's my kryptonites. Don't fan remotes out of them? The, uh, well, Tracy Morgan also turns all the lights on.

Have you seen? He did the improv one time. He walked in with like a crew of six people. One of them had music playing at the, improv and he went, turn the lights on. Like a boom box? Yes. Okay.

And then he said, turn the lights on. You know what a stereotype here. And then he, dude, and then he performed all of Godfather's piece right now. These weren't Korean guys, surely. And then he performed the whole weekend with the lights on. Yeah. He did it every show. It was like his thing.

He would come in and go, turn the lights on. Everybody's lights would, they turned the lights all on. Did he ever explain it? Did he ever say? He just likes it. Huh. I like this. Wow.

He likes to see their faces, is what he said. He's one of the greats. Yeah, which is the exact opposite that I like to perform to the abyss. I like to just imagine nothing's happening out there. You're getting audio feedback so that way you don't have to look at faces. And faces freak me out just in general. Like I don't like eye contact with people at airports or like getting food. Anytime I'm in public and I lock eyes with somebody for too long, it does something to me.

I don't like. I get like a fear of them. I shift when I lock in with somebody that like it, I don't. I enjoy seeing people having fun and then I also understand that people are just going to be like watching. Yes. But then every now and then I snap

so I'll shift my energy when I see someone just staring. Every once in a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You snap it all the time, Tommy. Yeah, but I mean like, I'll like, I'll like ruin my setup.

Like, what's your fucking problem? You know what I mean? Like in the middle of a joke that's doing well. Yeah. Because like I just see somebody that I think is being interesting. I can see you seeing thinking somebody's laughing at you

like the whole room you're killing and he's like what you fucking problem yeah yeah why don't you like this like there's one guy yeah well there's always one dude

because his girl's fucking googling or something well there's that no I mean like you're looking at a guy like you're misinterpreting yeah like the guy's having a great time first of all

the mescal is misinterpret you fucking making fun of me right now I didn't I just you fucking better than me pal I'm just trying to enjoy it yeah Yeah, I thought I thought I thought I said you're right, but yeah But well Louis said that that there's always because he's when he was doing like the garden

Like those first runs of that there's always dudes just arms cross of course There's nothing you can say that's gonna fix it it's like yes just not the show for you I guess I don't know doing the round with chain is so fun I'm sure he gets to say you guys get the same experience It's so fucking fun right I'm doing it again this week in Florida do you do you are you seeing that when you're up there you see just a couple of guys peppered in. It's not like, obviously it's dark and it's whatever, 20,000 fucking people.

Tommy's five minutes to turn the lights on. Who wants the lights on? I am upset. Fuck this man. That would be sick. Shane's like, what the fuck is you doing? What the fuck was it? What?

They liked it. They were fine. I got lucky. I got Pittsburgh, Cincinnati. Buffalo, Albany, like the real dog shit towns that, like, this is their one time out for the month. And they're going to get fucked, they're going to go hard. But you're their guy. Yeah.

You know, you're the relatable presence out there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. But you'll still see those guys. Oh, yeah. You can still see like the front.

Peppered in. Yeah. Like in the round, you still see the equivalent of the, let's say, fat man. Yeah. Like all the way to the back. So you're still looking at 500. That's crazy. 500 people.

Mm-hmm. Do you do the circular state? Like you go behind you? Yeah. Yeah. Because the first time I ever opened for him, he was like, he was like, dude, you killed. But you got to turn around. Yeah, man.

The whole time I was just looking, because your face is a- Well, it's like jarring the first time you've done it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a show shock, dude. Yeah. Yeah.

All of a sudden, you're Shakira. Yeah. You have to. Shake your ass in every direction. Yeah. Yeah. I had to pig out. Yeah, man.

I figured it out. Yeah. But yeah, it's fucking wild. It's got to be crazy. It's so fun watching Shane blow up like that, man. It's like... You're going to be proud. It's so proud.

And every single fucking week, you're just like, what? You forget. And I have to constantly be like, the uncle being like, fucking don't forget this. This is pretty fucking cool. Don't forget this. And then you scream at the audience for 20 minutes. What's your fucking problem, guy?

There's 40,000 people all being like, we're having fun. I thought we're having fun. I'm so sensitive to him I go out there and just lose my shit. You guys be good to him. You guys, that's my boy.

He's crying. You're not fucking proud I am. Well, you had to all You're like, oh, I got to turn around. In general,

though, you're not proud? You got to cry. You got to cry. What's your problem? Oh, what's this fucking I did good,

yeah? You saw me talk shit behind me. Yeah. I turned to talk shit. Turned to talk shit. Well, yeah,

you also have to think, though, some people just laugh like this. People just enjoy things to themselves, but as a performer, you feel like you're doing a bad job if they're not like, you know, like, give a smiling, giving a thumbs up. It's like, no, some guys like just sit there like this and they're like, front row. That's killer. Yeah, they go. It's a killer.

It is killer. You have to remind yourself to that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Some people are just like, he's having an awesome time. Yes. But it's not enough. But he's just got like a grunt style t-shirt on.

He's just got like a black rifle coffee. That's like his persona. He's like, I can't smile at this guy. I'm a fucking. Oh, there's definitely. still probably those guys was like if I laugh I'm gay 100% yeah yeah I mean I've done I've done like trying to laugh challenge well that's the white version I've done

like black rooms in Atlanta guys doing hookah they're not half paying attention where it's like again if you're if I laugh I'm giving something to a man right it's like yeah it's checking my manhood yeah and then you see him in the lobby's like man you're funny he's fucking yeah you're wild boy we're thank you so much yeah thank you you want to follow my social shit I ain't gay I gave her

I ain't got all that you gave her yeah because a black a black guy complimenting your set is the best a white guy saying good set you go yeah thanks a black guy

you go really like it did you actually like it no there's two of the greatest black compliments right a black guy stop you on the street about your snakes

and a black lady at the end of closing time at a liquor store will give you the most love that you've ever experienced in your life you're saying if some guy likes your shoes a black guy likes your shoes he's going to give you a lot of compliments yeah just just simple compliment

on my sneaks yeah what's the best one you got with the woman they go fucking ham are you talking like the last 45 minutes of a liquor store shift when you're saying compliments what kind of compliments does she give you stuff does she no no just gives you all their affection and love yeah that you weren't receiving otherwise

damn baby wait you where you come from? You handsome as shit. I like that shirt. Yes. You look good. There's several comics with bits about this that a black women's compliment is

top notch. It's the most uplifting, yeah. Of course. Right. It can really, but catch her in the beginning of a shift. You wore their own shoes. Yeah, you're switching towns.

You're going from Atlanta and Austin, Texas. Josh walking out, looking at a sort of man, there's really boys in the hood in the hair. Geez, guys. The mistakes

straight out of cops too with boys in the hood. Do not shop on hair. So funny. So funny. Yeah. That's, I mean,

that's classic. Pretty bad. It's like top tier bad. It's something I would say. And you guys would laugh. Remember when Lawrence Fishburn gave Cuba Gooding Jr. AIDS guys,

remember that? And boys in the hood. They couldn't touch Ricky because he had AIDS and who's bleeds They couldn't provide medical assistance right away Yeah The blood was upstream It was going on the floor Wasn't the plastic on the couch where Ricky bleeds out

Boys in the Hood? Is that like a behind the scenes thing? No, I don't know Oh, they do, they bring him into the house, they do I forgot about it. Like a wap couch, yeah, wasn't there was a plastic on it? wouldn't that be so funny then and then whoever put it on there's like

fuck I do it man they're tragic but they're like so glad I'm so glad I mean my son's gonna get his fucking face blown off at some point we can all agree it's tragic Ricky's gone but we can also agree what a call

I told you everybody complained for years everybody complained you know where we live leave the plastic on and they're like RIP Uncle Junebug he was the one

who told us to keep the plastic on It is Uncle Jimbaugh. Case we lose his son. You got to him to promote? Yeah, I'm going on tour. We're kind of the Boys in the Hood tour. Yeah, I like that. Better than the Detroiters.

Storm in the beaches. Dr. Goldstein, leading the charge. RIP, Goldstein. He's got to be dead. Was he a pretty old guy? guy when you were checking. Yeah, I think it was like 65. That's where you get the realest guys. They just don't give a shit anymore. They don't. My favorite one of my favorite characters and Louis was the doctor. Yeah. What he would just tell him.

Yeah. Louis's like, yeah, my, he would like set his back or his ankle hurt or something and the doctor's just like, you know there's a disease where your bones dissolve? He just says it to him. What's you're worried about is irrelevant. There's a disease where your bones dissolve. Get out of my office it's something to that it's something like that yeah yeah that's great that's kind of how my dad was growing up when you come home like bitching about something like grade's cool then he's like get the fuck out of the room like I don't have time to talk to you yeah you know hard regular life is yes I'm feeding you every day that's a other thing from boys in the hood they have a moment yeah Cuba gonna junior yeah acting up a little bit yeah and he starts

asking too many questions yeah Lawrence Fispern says because I'm your dad yeah my job is to put food on the table 100%. It's one of those tea as the talk. Yeah. Because as a kid, you don't realize like how powerful that is. And you just, yeah, you just have no idea what it takes.

Just to keep this fucking roof. Oh, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feel like there's like a, I don't know, there's an innate fire that burns in my fucking belly about, I look at my dog and my girl sometimes and I'm like, you fucking, you know, how do I work for you?

Yeah. So it's a little flit. of the lighter fluid into your spirit yeah right yeah it comes up fast but then it goes away it gets me fired up yeah

yeah and I see a check and then I gotta go to Petco yeah a hundred dollar bag of food yeah you just deducting as you go down the aisle yeah

yeah yeah I get it and she doesn't say thank you you know are you listening she's too fat and stupid okay no my dog knocked

oh yeah I'd be crazy which bitch bitch Fun wordplay Too fat and stupid Can't even turn on the goddamn fan

in our bedroom To be quick, you forgot how do you use the fan It's brutal He just actually says it He's like no Yeah That's how I feel Okay

Just dead serious My dog's great Who that is You think I'm fat? No you're right I guess you did buy the dog food this day I apologize I apologize honey

there is something I don't love when like dudes truly will like say horrific shit about their ladies and you know them you're like come on dude what are we yeah you gotta just talk at that point man I don't like my buddy just cheated on his wife all right let's plug that they got they're divorced

this is like a thing that happened like a year ago we'll say their names uh well and he's like he's like messaging me and he's like he asked me if I'm mad at him and I'm like I'm not mad I just don't like I'm just disappointed. I just don't want to talk.

Did you pull another one? Did you fuck his wife after they got divorced? Yeah. Oh, little. No. No, dude, it was... Josh Francis has herpes. I do have herpes.

And then he gets back with her. Two cases. Second case. High school herpes. Cured. Adult herpes. Active. Dude, he calls you first to see if you're mad and then he goes,

Josh has herpes. He's not made enough. All right, we got to do ads. Nick Murphy. On all platforms. If I'll Nick. I got it in. I think I got it in.

Well, you're still on. Oh, I'm still on. Yeah. Do it now. He'll cut three seconds. Nick Murphy on all platforms. Yeah.