Stuff Island - Nick Murphy + Josh Francis - Stuff Island #207

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

Tommy Pope sits down with Nick Murphy and Josh Francis. Nick has a special out on Youtube now called "Live in Tempe" - Josh is the cohost of Friendly Fire Podcast and creator of the "Off With Their Heads Comedy" sketch page Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians See thicker, stronger, faster-growing hair with less shedding in just 3-6 months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to https://www.Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code STUFF. Download the DraftKings Sports book app and use code STUFFISLAND. That’s code STUFFISLAND, bet five bucks and get 3 months of League Pass plus get $300 in bonus bets if your bet wins. In partnership with Draft Kings — The Crown Is Yours. Gambling problem? Call one eight hundred Gambler. In New York, call eight seven seven eight HOPENY or text HOPENY (four six seven three six nine). In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling. Call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven or visit ccpg dot org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (Kansas). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in Illinois. Twenty-one plus age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive Bonus Bets which expire in 7 days. Minimum odds required. NBA League Pass auto-renews until cancelled. Additional terms at D K N G dot co slash audio. Limited time offer. Start building credit with Kikoff today, and get your first month for as little as one dollar. That’s 80% off the normal price when you go to https://www.getkikoff.com/STUFFISLAND today. Must sign up via getkikoff.com/STUFFISLAND to activate offer. Offer applies to new Kikoff customers’ first month only. Subject to approval. Offer subject to change. Average first-year credit score impact of +84 points (VantageScore 3.0) between Jan-2023 & Jan-2024 for Kikoff Credit Account users who started with a score below 600; who paid on-time; and who had no delinquencies or collections added to their credit profile during the period. Late payments may negatively impact your credit score. Individual results may vary. SUB TO PATREON: patreon.com/stuffisland Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

what was your joke what making fun of me yeah that your character would have a problem with jay farrow's character i said i said perhaps his behavior and or work ethic no it's great it's fun it's fucking it's uh it's stressful there's like you get in a booth then there's, you know, live Zoom with the six people in charge, casting people, creators, writers. So they're all watching, you do it? Yeah. So there's some pressure there? Yeah. You feel it or you've been doing this long enough? You don't care. You don't really feel it because they're all like, you know, yeah, I can't really say, but,

um, Jesus Christ. That's the Kanye clip. I can't say what kind of doctor. He was a Jewish shocker. That's actually not what I was going to say. Believe it or not. Well, that's how it came out. But you got to like, it's like the third season. So there's like so many months in between your last session, you got to like re-get the character down.

And there's like inflections that they're very specific to. So you just, it's, it's laborious. I could see you get in the little facial twitches. If they're like, Tommy, can we just do that with a little more, but like three times. Do it a little more what? You want what? What do you want?

After a while you just go fuck it and you start having fun. But the first like the first hours and the long as fuck, you know? Yeah. The most embarrassing parts are like the sound effects because you got to make, he'll be like at this point, it's a cartoon. Yeah. For Fox. So he's like at this point he gets into a like a rubber ducky.

He's a fat fucking baldheaded dude from Jersey. Yeah. And he's like struggling to get this rubber ducky after he has like this strong. strong out in the scene where he's like feeling like real tough so you have to like grunt yeah you have to make like weird fucking noises yeah and it's every time i do i start laughing afterwards because i'm like that's fucking embarrassing yeah well you got you channel whatever it takes right to make that scratch go back to that colonoscopy yeah yeah dude dorosa's on his prep right now you told me that yeah he's prepping shout out to derosa good luck good luck he said i fucking hate this

and I was just imagining drinking the diarrhea juice and pissing out your ass for 24 hours he goes, I fucking, I can't eat. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, that's your biggest issue? They've got to clean it out.

Yeah, I know, but that's what he's pissed off about, not eating. I guess. Well, if he's, that's what he's used to doing, you know? It's true.

Taking away his main thing. Are you two okay, by the way, after Sunday? Oh, dude. You guys back to... He was fucking wrecked. People, Matt was showing me the text messages

that Matt had texts, like our text thread from Sunday from the we watched the Vikings Eagles game at an Eagles bar and I'm a Vikings fan he's wearing his fucking and his gay purple jersey Max showed me some of the pictures those guys look like animals in their Eagles jerseys just standing over this guy just doing the bullying high school just putting the fist into the

palm you know I did respect it though but it's also like it's a fucking Austin Eagles bar they're not they're not hard they're not the real deal no what I didn't like is he would get a fucking mopped up they're like a campus police It's not real police. Only half of them really give a shit. The rest of them are like women dressed up. The rest of them are like, you know what? You've only had two.

Keep driving. We're not worried about it. I just got pulled over. I got pulled over after the game. Whoa. Did I tell you? No. So we get home.

Wait, whoa. I got, yeah, I was. How are you here? I know. That's why he's going through it right now. I was hitting the fucking horn all day. And then I get home, there's nothing. There's no wine.

There's no more sighties. And I go, we got to get more stuff. Luckily, my girl's like, All right, I'll come with you, we'll bring the dog. Okay. And I think this is what saves me. So now it's pitch, it's pitch dark for driving home and, you know, the speed bumps. I go, I swerve into the bike lane and get the speed bump directly in the center of the truck.

And I did it after the second one, lights go on. Yeah. I was wildly calm for being fucking drunk. Well, the adrenaline kicks in. I've been there. Yeah, yeah. And you snap into reality very quickly. Just play it cool.

Yes. I got a piece of gum out of the fucking, the console without him recognizing. I was reaching for something. I took my hat off. I was very polite immediately. Classic chewing gum while driving it at 11. 11 p.m. That'll get him.

But I think as he approached, he saw my dog in the back seat, and he probably, like, reduced his, you know? Yeah. He's like, oh, it's a guy with his wife and his dog. He's probably not getting blacked out on Sunday with a redhead. No, he's getting blacked out on Sunday with his family. Yeah, with his family.

That's a guy. You've got to protect. Dude, he was like in and out. He goes, you got your idea on you. I was like, yeah. And he's like, barring the fact that you or you're not an ax murderer. This will take a minute. And I was like, and he said, oh, he made that little joke.

I'll let you make a joke. And he goes, I'll let you off with the warning if you're not an ax murderer. But he left. I was like, let's go. Let's go. Let's go back. Sure enough, dude. Honey, let's go back and get some more.

It's too fucking easy. Yeah. Let's press our luck here. Yeah. You go get a lottery ticket after that. Outside of 6th Street, that's the first, like, cop I've seen active with, like, his lights on doing something. Yeah. You know, they don't fucking do that around here.

They don't exist down here. I got pulled over in Round Rock up north. I ran a red light, and it was like I took an illegal left turn. It was like, no, there was like a one way, but I just had to get on the other side to a parking lot. So I just went through it. Ran a red light, made an illegal left turn. And then got pulled over and my license was an out-of-state license that I need to have in-state. And my tags were expired, and she let me off with a warning.

And I went, what do you fucking do here? Like, I should be, like, that's, like, five offenses. I could have, like, I should have went, I kind of felt like I should have been in trouble. I don't know if it's, like, property taxes that they don't have to do what, like, scumbag cops in other states do, where it's just all about ticketing. Yeah. Getting a money grab. In Florida, I got tickets for, like, a blinker violation.

And here I had, like, five things. And they were like, yeah, you're good to go. Just don't turn on this street again. Well, what did she look like? Was she beefy? no she was kind she was she was all right for a lady cop i mean as good as a lady cop i was just trying to see if she was too lazy to do the paperwork oh no she had a high i got a lot of cop friends that she said they don't do all that shit because you get yeah she had like a speeding tickets and all that stuff you got to fill out

forms and they don't want to do that oh man take quota i know she had a tight bun i don't like a cop with a tight bun yeah yeah i feel like it's like having like i feel like that's like the lady equivalent of having like a high and tight hair cut of your top was it was it tight up here like a high school or in the back in the back and I go yeah she cares you know what I mean yeah like when you see a cop it's okay she gets out run by anything or anyone yeah she wants her hair

up dude have you seen that have you seen the video of the lady cop who gets her gun taken from her yeah there's that's all of them yeah it's all of them all the time they always lose their guns it's crazy that they're allowed to be god dude you can't there's 25 videos of them just getting their gun stripped and they're like no no

no no yeah it's like a it's like a heavier older lady cop and she just gets like hit in the shoulder or somebody just oh and you're like and almost the criminals just like what that was easy I saw a teenager run away from two

lady cops and the how slow they ran after her like they went like down the block and they're both like they lapped her they're running like five year olds and the chick was gone through a fucking house and they're still running their batons flapping around their fat ass Yeah

They synced up That's what happens Have you seen the videos that people are doing Of like them chasing down their girlfriends It's like a trend on TikTok Where it's like they'll give their girls Like a seven second head star Just to show the dominance

Oh I saw one do with one leg Beat one leg Well did he have like a prosthetic Or like actually one leg He's just hopping Barney hopped Oh my God Dude

Put him in the Olympics With the ladies Show him how it's done Did you correct any of the offenses or you're still floating because you got a warning? I corrected two of them. Yeah, see? So it didn't even work. Yeah, I got the new tags and then I fixed my license plate.

But you still? I had an out-of-state plate with expired tags. So then I got new plates and new tags and then I had, and I still haven't fixed my driver's license. Because you can't, I guess you have to have a Texas driver's license if you live in Texas. I just went to the DMV and the guy told me, only if you're like over a year gonna be still living here because I still have a Georgian woman

yeah yeah yeah and he was like it's kind of a pain in the ass maybe he just didn't want to do the paperwork yeah true yeah it's very simple it's really a pain in the ass for me it's more about just setting everything up

it's like I just got my plates but they didn't get it didn't make me switch I mean I did I did do the like the whole written yeah because I was expired for like 10 years and I stayed like the fort dude I did written and driving test Wait, wait, wait, wait,

You had to take a new driver's test? Yes, too, yes. When? I told you, didn't I tell you this? No. Yes, it's like, you're like 45. It was a year. Dude, you've taken a driving test?

I said it was like, he shows up drunk. I got to grow up before I get. He's got his dog in the back. Dude, I said it looks like a, it looked like I was in. And the instructor's like, wait, well, all right. Fine.

It must be a family man. What a sweetheart. As long as you're swerving over medians, you're fine. Into bike lanes. Yeah. As long as you're swirving into the bike lanes, you're fine. I imagine you were just trying to get away from the bumps, huh?

And I was like, yeah. The bumps. Yeah. Nobody like bumps. Get away from the things that are there for safety purposes. Dude, I looked like a fucking chaperone at a Kintiera. It was just me and a bunch of Hispanics. 50 fucking 15 year old Mexican girls waiting.

on the clipboard. And you call yourself a chaperone, huh? That's what you're going to? You're going to hollas being good that day. Bachelor? Giving Rose. So, but did they give you an instructor to drive with you? Yeah, he didn't give off.

All right, good. Because I can see that you also getting upset with that. Oh, I was fucking nervous. Ten and two. Yeah. You're fucking, okay. Is this your clock or my clock? Stop.

I was STOP. I was STOP. Yeah, no, we just looped around the block once He didn't pick his head up I think he was on his phone He's like, yeah, pulling here That's fine That's great

You guys just get a beer Well, dude, you see a grown-ass man It's like, of course Not your first fucking license You know what I mean You've been through at least three of these things It's so funny It's going off my last suspension

I can drive multiple types of vehicles Yeah I have to go get your license is so funny dude Yeah, I thought that's why I spent like thousands on Uber Because I thought you have to show 30 days Residency before you can get your license To buy it to buy a car Oh

So I wasted fucking so much money taking Uber's So it wasn't the law No, you could just go buy a truck And put it under my girl's name Yeah Which I could have done Or keep it on my name and she just fucking I don't know Shouldn't she have just driven to the store

We didn't have a car No no when you got pulled over Oh, yeah, yeah What's wrong fucking questions, Nick? That's the clip. You got a clip that one. That was good.

That's why I'm here. It wasn't even a fault. The hard-hitting journalism that Tommy doesn't get. Why didn't she do it? I was like, wait a minute. Yeah, I guess you couldn't do it. The dogs should drive. What are we doing?

I had a close call in Atlanta. I was leaving a show that I wasn't even on. And I did the same thing. I rolled through a red light. didn't give a shit, didn't see, the sheriff right there, dinged me,

pulls it over. He made me get out. He asked me if I'd been drinking. I went with honesty. You said two? I think I said one, actually. And I said it was like three hours ago. It was like four hours ago.

So you were confident you passed the breathalyzer. I know, because the real answer was six. You said honesty. Well, what I think he would think was a number that's safe.

That's like a gum in your mouth type of fucking thing. He knows exactly what you. you're doing. Everybody goes, I had two, six hours ago. Come. Well, hey, listen, I passed the, no, he gave me the eye, follow the finger thing. Yeah. Nailed it. I locked my neck like I was bracing for impact. He put me on the hood of his car and then just right here and I just fucking locked in. Ace the test. He almost looked disappointed. Yeah. And he just went, all right, have a good night. And he just handed me my license back. What was the test? Do you make you

walk in a line? No, no, it was just follow my finger. Your eye shake. So that's the other thing. Oh, when your tips? It's either the eye shaking or the pupil dilation a little bit, too. They're looking for other stuff. Yeah, yeah. I aced it, man. Yeah. If that guy hit me with the fucking fly, I'd fucking vampire pupils.

My eyes were floating, dude. That guy didn't give a shit. That's one where he's like, sir, will you step out? You're like, let's just go to jail, man. I'll follow you all the way. I'll follow you. We don't have to tell what she needs to. car.

Dude, I remember, this was like six years ago. I was in Florida. I saw a guy hit a pole, telephone pole, middle of the day, like 2 p.m. Open the door, threw up, and then looked at me and went, don't call the cops. I was like, I can call him the cops, buddy. That's out of a movie. That's great. Crazy.

Yeah. It was right in front of our house. I was like, that's nuts. Dude. Racking a truck at 2 p.m. Holy Christ. You earn that one. You know what I mean?

Well, and then yakking. and then seeing the bystanders and trying to communicate with me fair, I didn't call I listened, I didn't call the cops It's like Team America level vomiting And then stopping

You guys are cool, right? Just get back in Did he get back in? No, no He just started walking. No, he fell over. He like fell over. That's the druggiest I've ever been.

I was trying to tie my shoes and I fell over trying to tie them. Dude. And then I blamed someone for shoving me that was not there. I just fell over. My last black eye was for me falling directly into the concrete. I opened up my eyeball. Didn't I tell you the truth?

Yeah. So I shot a Super Bowl commercial. Okay. And half of it, we shot in Detroit. And then I went on the road with Shane to Cincinnati and Pittsburgh. Had to fly back to Detroit to film with Taylor. talent. I'm in Ross St. Brown and Jemir Gibbs. Okay.

The night before I watched the Eagles playoff game by myself in Detroit and I got fucking berserk I was like, you know, anxiously sipping speed type watching a playoff game solo in Detroit at some like fucking shit hole. Yeah. So I'm cooking.

I'm cooking. I got two horns, right? Walking home, dude. I was so fucked up. I started stumbling and I'd look down and then my whole body proceeded. It follows your head. The head is the weight. My head I felt directly

and my feet shook. My front skull shook my feet from slamming the concrete and then I just had to walk into a five-star hotel holding my and then bleeding down my face. Sir, are you okay? Playoffs. You know how that goes?

Yeah. Did you still do the commercial next to the head? Yeah, I said I ripped the iron door off. They're about to start you put a piece of gum in. Jimery Gibbs is like, why is this dude? It's your eye black? No, it's fine. Did this come out already?

Yeah, they're cutting it. They're releasing it this Super Bowl. Oh, sick. So the first half, yeah, I got a normal face. And the second half, they just makeup up me up, but I have like, fucking Asian eye. No way. Dude, look at this picture.

Well, wait, but people can expect this during the Super Bowl? Yeah. So look out for Tommy's fucked up face on the back half of the commercial. That's awesome.

Yeah, it's so funny. But that was the most embarrassing drunk I've ever been. Yeah. Is falling down, slamming your head on the concrete with nobody around. Well, you don't really do that.

That's like how people die. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can do a lot of damage with just the fall, you know? I try and find it. I was at that Philly playoff game with you. You don't normally,

was there something in particular about this one game that made you want to get blacked out? No, it was a playoff game. Yeah, but so was the Philly game we went to the other day. You didn't get blacked out over there. Oh, the Phillies. Am I supposed to? Oh, I see what's happening.

Yeah, Eagles. I see what's happening. I'm a Braves fan, man. I don't know what the fuck you guys are doing over there. Well, Phillies. If I was at the game or if it was a game that I was expecting to be a little bit. Yeah. And it depends the company, the location.

I think it was because I was in Detroit freezing my dick off. By yourself. This is when we beat the Rams and Saquan had like 250 in the snow. Oh, that was a fucking... So I was having a blast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's great. Yeah, but I glad somebody else did that. You just fall over. You have a fucking crow-magnin head. That is true. Well, no, I didn't fall on my head. I think it was in a backyard. It was in college.

I don't like blacking out. I haven't done it since. Yeah. I don't enjoy it. either. I don't like push into that limit. Yeah. I like to still be in control. Get a little buzz going but then just hang out. I like the

top gun in my drinks. Yeah, you like to go nuts. You're that kind of guy. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I was You got one speed, babe. My lady knew I was like not in a good speed. You were fucked immediately. I do. Matt shows me the text thread from this fucking retard over here. It was not good. It was just

sentence fragments, but over and over and over. And then the last one was, I think I might be fight guy with a and we're like What? I got into it with that dude

that was sitting and then you sent a picture of the angriest looking guy in a Philly's jersey I mean at Eagle's jersey

yeah dude oh the guy that was like he was coked out of his head yes yeah yeah because he

well here's what it was like I was by himself screaming at the television while we were doing well you can't let those guys in no you can't let those guys in the bar

dude coked out of his head like four o'clock to him I don't like that I'm with all of my friends who are all there at the bar

that are Eagles fans in Eagles gear so he thinks he thinks that he's a part of them and it's all them versus me but it's like no these are like my friends we're like fucking around these guys will fuck you up he's way past that level of discernment

he's run our test running into the stands and so at one point one of the picks that Wentz throws Joey Smith and you both like grab me and start shaking me or whatever and like just having fun Oh, no. And the guy thinks, it's dog pile of time.

He comes up and pushes me. And then I was like, not. Oh, I didn't see that. Yeah, I didn't. Gave you a cheap shot. Yeah, he came and pushed me from behind and then I was like fucked up. That was the fastest I've ever seen someone get drunk outside of high school. That guy?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, but you said that. He's a lightweight. It's like I came in, I came in empty stomach, had ate the day prior either. This is how they talk, too. No, no, no, no. I'm telling you what happens. I'm telling you what happened.

I didn't have French toastics. I didn't. My priest. Workout. I took it at a weird hour. My girlfriend was upset. Yeah. I didn't warm up my angos that morning. Yeah. I had an eight. And then I had a double with you right away. And then Joey came and I got a shot. And then I had another double with you. So I was like five drinks in within like probably 30 minutes. Yeah, I guess you're right. And I was just I can't handle that. I don't drink like that. So then I was just like, I'm going to fucking scream at this guy next to me. Dude. Let's let's fight. The whole second half. He's gone. Oh, good for you. Beating a second. Street quarterback. Oh, you did it? He just yelled at the whole bar. He kept saying it.

Every like 10 minute. A second street quarterback. Good for you guys. Oh, be proud. Super Bowl to Jam. This episode's brought you by kickoff. All right? You remember in your 20s when you had starting

shitty credit because you had too many credit cards because you really didn't have a job? You got to pay those things off, Tommy. Eventually have to pay those things off. The credit score really starts kicking your ass. And then it's too late because you lost a job. be in unexpected expenses. Your girl's fucking high maintenance.

You're buying purses on this credit card, not knowing eventually it's going to fuck you in 10, 15 years. That all sounds bad, Tommy. Yeah. You just didn't know how important credit was, or you didn't know it worked. I still don't. Well, I'm going to tell you how to help yourself out.

Okay. Because you eventually want to buy a home, right, Dick? Yes. Yep. You want to get your first car or dream ride. You want to take advantage of amazing credit. Oh, that would be great. And a rewards program?

I would love a rewards program. Everybody wants a fucking rewards program. Yes. Start building credit with kickoff today and get your first month for as little as $1. That's 80% off the normal price when you go to get kickoff.com slash stuff island today. That's kickoff without the C. Not a C. Not a C.

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users who started with a score below 600 who paid on time who had no delinquencies or collections added to their credit profile during the period late payments may negatively impact your credit score individual results may vary yeah you got to pay on time what are you doing below 600 man this episode's brought to you by draft kings yeah you know them we love them oh i love those guys yeah dude i just used it this weekend yeah to whoop on the fucking vikings oh eagle birds eagle birds the birds eagles are eagles whooped on the vicans eagles fly you like that josh yeah you don't like that look he's upset draft king's official sports betting partner of the NBA is the place to bet on

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autovenues until canceled additional terms at dkng.com slash audio limited time offer. It's just stuff he saw like somebody else say. Yeah, yeah, of course. He's just going through the Rolex. How do you counteract? bullies. Just Googling it.

Second string. What is a second string quarterback? Can I yell at somebody for this? Well, he was on the on the birds, wasn't he? Yeah. He was like a rock star for you guys until he blew out his knee. He's the reason we won the Super Bowl. He won away.

I mean, he got us very close and the Nick Foles came in. It was the Nick Foles one, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was going to dog walk everybody to get that MVP that year. He was like far and away untouchable if he didn't get injured. He could have shit the last two games. I remember him being buzzing that year.

It's like the world's, like, worst case, the downfall of the yips after you get injured. Yeah, he's like, there's no one to, at that level of what he was doing and what transformed afterwards, it's like the saddest fucking unraveling. Dude, you can't control that stuff. There's this video that's so sad of him and it's talking, there, there's a reporter that's like, if you could switch positions with one player, like for one day, who would it be and why? Barry Sanders. And then he just goes, O.J. He goes. Probably Nick Foles in the Super Bowl.

And just a sad compilation of like his highlights start playing. Oh my God, dude. It is weird how emotional it makes you because you're like, I'm not even an affiliate. I'm not even an Eagles fan. I'm not even like a fan of that at all. I did a commercial with Wentz as well. And he like, he's the man. So now I have this like weird affiliation where like I want him to do good.

He's not beat us. But I want him to have like a, you know, get another fucking last crank of a career. You still want him to have something. But he is like. like a freak athlete. Of course he is. Some of the plays he was making was, they were like insane.

He like cross-body threw like a dot to Jalen. And then the next point he throws it 10 yards behind him for a fucking ladder. 30% of his throws. Not many quarterbacks could pull off. And then some of them it's like a fucking toddler wouldn't even throw that ball. It's just,

it was embarrassing. But he also probably can't, some of that's probably still the injury or the yips or whatever you want to call. I don't know what the fuck is. He still has the confidence of that guy but he doesn't have the body maybe. I don't know.

yeah i was doing fucking 40 yard down and outs in between takes okay just fucking unbelievable dude from wince wents yeah i gotta show you this video it's okay we were playing catch i remember us playing catch when we got back i was i was dropping everything oh my god you were fucking after the game i was so fuck yeah i remember there was one where he i tried to catch it one handed i hit i fell into a car you're like the kid in the sandlot you got to run the ball all the way back you can't even throw it you're like a golden retriever Do you remember that young kid pulling up in his truck? And I was like, you don't throw the ball around?

He was like, I actually have to eat. He was like so scared. He saw this fucking bumbling idiot. I got my angry eyes going, you want to throw a ball around? He's like, I'd actually have to eat. There's a whole frat house that moved in next door. Oh, that sucks.

Yeah, but they're like kind. They're like dorky dudes. To your place? Yeah. Okay. This Indian fucking built up a fortress. Indian frat dudes? No.

Indian frat dudes or the Indian built the house? He's the builder, he's the owner. There's Indian frats, man. Yeah, yeah, there are Indian frats. I think you would move. Not on my blog. Yeah, you would move. Yeah, you would move.

But this dude built like a fortress. The front house is huge, giant master bedroom. I went through the whole thing. The kitchen's gorgeous. And I knew it was going to be a wealthy family. And then I saw like range rovers and BMWs with these rich fucking kids.

I don't know if they're graduated from UT or still in there, but they're just all like, they have like hot girlfriends and they're, They're driving pickup trucks worth like $60,000. They're like 22 years old. That kind of fucking money. And the rent there's got to be five grand. Five grand a month, maybe.

I don't know how many they're squeezing in there. But it's a lot of money for a kid that age. Tom is going to be flicking those blinds. Every day just with the coffee. Let me see them young tetties. Fucking kids. Tommy coming out trying to make them play catch. You're going to throw?

And he just throws up. Don't call the car. Do you want to throw? Do you want to throw? Where are you going? That's exactly what I did, David. You know what, though? I do have a strategy going, like, this is how you start to, you know, maintain a little cooperation in the neighborhood.

Yeah. You show your teeth early. Do it in a fun way. Yeah, it's like prison. You scare them. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to be like, Gabe, move your fucking truck. It's too close to my driveway.

But I will get in his face going. You want to throw the ball around a little bit? You know, like, and then I'll go, ah, I got it's kind of fucking scary in a way. Then you could slide it in. He's like, yeah, I'll throw. Oh, yeah, cool. Move your truck first. Yeah.

You can throw a little bit. Yeah, do your chores first. Sorry. 2550. That's always good. Call out the numbers. Yeah. Just got to make sure we have that in there.

Do you think quarterbacks do that? If they throw a pick, they look it up at the score and call out what they won't cut out of the game footage. 2617. Yeah, you guys are fucked Cut it out Oh yeah We're done Our season's done

Yeah I mean Wence is not the answer JJ back next week JJ's back Well we have Thursday night This week So they said that if it wasn't

For it being a Thursday game They probably would have started him But now it's like Too short of a turnaround And they're not gonna I don't know They don't want to like

Throw him into the light Dude he's only played in Uh Three games He's only done two games And both of them have been Prime Time And then so throwing him back

On Thursday too It would have been like It would have ruined his confidence Who are you playing the Bears No It's the Chargers. Why is that prime time? It's just Thursday.

I don't know how they... How do they pick schedules? Usually it's a good team, you know? Or a great rivalry? You know what it is? It's Harbaugh versus J.J. McCarthy. That's probably what that's selling point would have been. There's always a storyline.

There's always a story line. It would have been JJ McCarthy's head football coach when he was at Michigan. Yeah. And now they're head coach and starting quarterback or whatever. That's cute. It would have been a fun one. Are the Chargers any good? Yeah.

Yeah, they're good. Okay. Yeah. So Harbaugh's starting to figure it out. Yeah, Harbaugh's the man. He is the man. Dude, I love an old dude whose whole life is football. That's all he has.

It's Gruden. Gruden's the apex predator of that phenotype. It's so sick. Yeah. It's so sick. Because what you see is the younger generation of, it's like McDaniels is like that. The younger version of that and it goes, ah, it's not as cool. But they have the personality with it, too.

It's not just Belichick in a hoodie not saying anything. Yeah. Well, speaking of Belichick, this is like what all these guys I imagine have to do. you have to date some young fucking dingbat to, you know, to save face. Because these guys are demolishing their families. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. But that's a head coach.

Success is what it takes. Yeah. Tom Brady. Yeah. You know? A hundred percent. Dump the family. Get me another ring.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's what he did. Yeah. And he wants to be an analyst. She's like, dude, I sat by you for fucking 25 years for you to retire and then play, catch with your kids.

Maybe sleep with me. No. No, no, because it doesn't take. It's like being a billionaire. I was talking with some comics about this the other day because I'm like, as far as going after a billion, well,

the type of guy that gets a billion dollars isn't just going to stop at a billion dollars. He wants 50 billion. And then when he gets to 50, now it's time to go for 500. Yeah. There's no stopping. No.

It never does. How many relationships he's headed to get to billion? I just want seven Super Bowls and then that's it. Yeah. It never stops. There's no way. Yes. I'm sure he still gets some phone calls.

That's like, buddy. Yeah. Can you just play the second half? Can you come in and just do a drive? Do a drive for us. That'd be a fucking good. That's a fun idea though.

Yeah? Yeah, Tom Brady for one. Tom Brady's your fourth quarter of a quarterback. Come in a pinch hit in the bottom of the ninth? Bringing him. Yeah. Yeah. Can you do that?

Like, Lee, like is that part of the rules? Could you sub be in a quarterback? You just have to be second string. Yeah, yeah. You're only allowed three quarterbacks. One on the roster. No, you just do what you do a one-day contract. That's a thing.

Brandon Graham just came back for the Eagles at a retirement. I thought they only do that to like retire people. They do sometimes, but you can still give them an actual contract if once play a game. Yeah, I know that you can't. I know that there's like a such thing as like a, they do a thing now where you have a third, a third string quarterback, which is your injury reserve quarter. It's your second punner. It's your second pun.

But that does everything. Dude, you can dress it up however you want. Well, I think there's like a rule though that says you can't have more than three, like you can't have more than two that are active. And then the third is your like reserve quarterback. for an injury. So the answer is yes. So the answer is you could.

He would just have to be second string. Yeah. Yeah. But would Tom be okay with that? No, he would not, dude. No, he absolutely would not. He'd be on the bench with all the rings just going like this. I'm going to wait another quarter?

Yeah, whenever you want. Just let me, you guys let me know. He's making out of the sun. That video's fucking crazy. You know? That video is crazy. Well, okay, do you trade that for the Super Bowl rings? Yeah, dude

Fucking make out with your son And get us another bowl He's just socially awkward Because he's never home He's too busy winning He's just I've the stories Of new players

They come in It's 3 o'clock in the morning It's just Tom with some coffee Hey come on in He's just watching film He's been in there for four days Insane It's nuts

But that's what it takes You know Michael Jordan You're gonna piss some people off Yeah You're gonna ruin your family That poor guy Smoke cigars and gamble

Yeah Dude oh my God Forget about the wife Forget about the kids. Forget about your own kids. Just cursed strangers on a golf course betting fucking hundreds of thousands of dollars. Yeah.

The janitor, you know? It's a sick life, rolling dice with a janitor that has nothing. Ian Finance? But then you go out there and drop 50 and everybody's like, all right, we got to keep that janitor, man.

Mike likes picking on this guy. It's part of his process. Whatever keeps him happy, man. Whatever keeps the horse happy. Yeah. Get that circus Jew back. here and play with Mike. That is like the only sport where they call you out of retirement, you know, because they need you.

I mean, the only job. The fact that Brandon Graham's doing is crazy. As a DND, dude, that's like a detackle. That's fucking insane. Yeah. How old is he? God, he's got to be 40. Maybe 40, 42.

That's crazy. 42 for a D. For a D.N. For a D& to come back. How old is Brandon Graham? Hurry up, bitch Siri, no you, Tommy I got to use

I would never say that to you Yes, you would No, well That's why I respect you Off camera Brandon Graham 42's nice 37, sorry

That's still up there Yeah, dude Too old Yeah For the end That's crazy I'm 33 I have no interest

I'm doing any Athletics I'll throw the pig around At that level Well exactly Yeah then you gotta fight It offensive line fucking 60 times a game or whatever.

That 22 you'd have, you know, you'd be confetti. They beat the fuck out of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a beast. That's crazy. It's a good story, too. If we actually start doing some stuff and he gets a sack, it's like Black Rudy.

You know what I mean? That is the one script you would hand in. Tommy, you got any groundbreaking ideas? Well, I've been working on this one thing. Black Rudy. Randy Graham was Black, No, no, no, same script. Well, I made a couple adjustments.

Yeah, imagine if the janitor was in his place. Yeah. It's so funny. He's late to the games. He doesn't have the headset. Here comes the next 10 minutes of the podcast. His sack comes after the whistle. Vontes perfect.

Just knocking people out. He sacks somebody on the sideline. They're like, no, you got to go do it there. Jesus Christ. Rudy, you can't bring all your friends into the locker room. We've told you over and over. They're smoking in the locker room, Brandon. No one's rooting for him by the end of the...

No one's chanting for him. It's a fun script. Black comics and green rooms are so fun. They bring in like a posse and they only know half of it. And then they go on stage and you're just with like four... And you're just like, what's up? Bro. Funny guy, huh?

Yeah. It's just both a green. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been in some black green rooms where I had to, like, get a buzz cut to next day. My head just smelled like we.

Oh, right. Like, my dog hated it. Oh, I thought you did it to fit in on the Saturday shows. No, no. I opened. See, Tommy got a fade? Why did you do that? Fucking, there's a famous rapper.

T.I? No. No, I got T.I. stories. He's a rapper that comedy. The dude's still active. The dude's still active. He's fucking. Still active.

what is it your d-end you're calling it back in he's my third string favorite black what is his iced tea he's their emergency no he's a big fucking he's a big rapper

anyway right now I headlined a show in Seattle and he was he was doing a show afterwards so by the time I got off all his posse was in the green room and they were like fucking mad

no they were angry yeah because they're like who the fuck is this guy Yeah, yeah, who's the fucking, I was like, I gave me his. I was just on stage. My fucking green room. They're like, yeah, get out. I'll remember it.

But anyway, yeah, I just remember, like, the vibe. They're all smokery. Who is motherfucker right here? Who is this motherfucker? You're just, you're always, excuse me. You are on a razor's edge at all times, man. What? I said, motherfucker.

Just, and he just, what the fuck's about these guys? What are these guys doing here, huh? You guys know these guys? It's kind of fucking taking an ice bath, dude, getting all stage coming in. There's fucking seven black dudes smoking blunts next to your coat. That's like taking an ice bath.

Yeah, shocking when you see you. It shocks the system. Resets the system. Tommy can't sit in a room full of black people and not going, ah, ha, ha, ha. Okay, all right, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. I'm good. I said.

Start the timer. Excuse me, sir. You're sitting on my jacket. You're sitting on my jacket. You're talking yourself sitting with black people. Is that my daughter in there? Is that my daughter in there? Is that my daughter in there?

Is that my daughter in there? Is that my daughter in there? That callback will never not work for me. It's so funny. this is when we're on. That's our thing. That's our call. People should come to expect that. Is my daughter in there?

Did we even explain what that was from? I don't think so. Okay. I don't want to read it. It happened out in the kitchen where we first started talking about it and then we just started doing it on camera. The third episode we're referencing it. People just don't know.

Our goal is to get at least one is my daughter in there. Every episode. And it's got to make sense. Black Rudy Are my brother's in there? Is my mom in there? It's my mom in there? It's my mom in there?

I would love if my mom got pounded up by a bunch of blacks. Oh, Jesus Christ, man. Anyway, square space is your one-stop shop for all your website needs? You know what I mean?

Tommy, no, I don't. You think she needs that? Is that what you think? No, I think she's, maybe She comes out of retirement for one day. Hello, Mrs. Popper, you've got to sign this one-day contract. One-day contract. You know, one-day contract?

Yes, defensive end. Yes. You guessed it. And this ain't no backup, baby. You're in there. You start. I'm sure it's on a bucket list for every old white lady, you know? Like, damn, I wish I took that dude down when I was 30 and active.

You know, my wrist wouldn't hurt from bowling. Just working that fucking John Dong. Right, but what is, what are you getting out of this? You just want your mom to be happy? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And flowers is not enough?

You think we got to. This is the, this is her getting her flowers. Okay. It's me giving her her flowers. She just ordered. Giving her her Brandon flowers. Order to. Order to, you know, strippers.

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dude it's the doorbell rang and there was like three hot black chicks for my dad and I was just like oh chicks happy birthday oh yeah yeah yeah oh you know my dad to get pounded out well you were same line of train of thought we're saying fucking bucket lists yeah I know but you were okay I thought it was still black guys all across the winter of their life yeah yeah three black chicks were your dad yeah I mean that would stop that would stop is hard you know that the leaves are covered with snow that they're never going to see those leaves anymore Before the snow melts for spring, they're gawny. Yeah.

They're dunzo. That's like oddly poetic. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, like this is their last. Not the black guy fucking your mom thing, but like the winter of life. Yeah. I've never heard that.

I thought dentures in the wall is a metaphor too, right? That's a. I feel like it did pretty well. I think, yeah. The first 10. Ooh, boy. Hey, yeah. Josh, you want to tell us a little bit about yourself?

Yeah, Josh. What? They're going to kill you in the comments. You don't say something good. Yeah, dude. You better fucking fire one out. Fucking ginger. Well, make your mom sexual.

You said what? I mean, say something sexual by your mom. Say something sexual like your mom. Make your mom sexual. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think. What do you think she wants?

What do you think she wants? What is she craving sexually? Hmm. A different son? I probably, sexually. She'd rather give birth. She'll be more relaxed, you know. She probably just wants not my dad anymore.

My dad, I don't know if this is a thing. Was this a thing for you guys too? My dad you should just walk around our house and naked. Donald Ducking? Yeah. Well, like wighty tides or fully naked? No, like fully naked. That's a you thing, pal.

Donald Duckin or just? No, just fully naked sometimes. Your dad would walk around the house fully fucking noon. Yeah, like from upstairs. Were you in a diaper? That was like probably six, seven. That's not a fucking diaper, man. I wasn't a teenager.

Dude, he was doing steroids at 8, man. We don't know what this kid's been through, you know? Yeah, just coast through the house naked sometimes. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, just like upstairs. Like, if he's like going to, he'd like go from his room to the shower. That's worse than like molesting you, man. Well, hold on.

He's just going from his bedroom. Yeah, he's not like just like going. Oh, well, don't say it. How you said it? Well, that's how. What? He said. He's like making breakfast naked or something.

Yeah, you're asking. Like the guy's doing his. Balls aren't out like cooking eggs. You got to say it that way, man. You said, do your parents ever just walk around naked? Yeah, so what do you would do? He's going to point A to point B, walking through. Wow, but you made it sound like it's point A to point B to point B to point Z to point A.

You can check the mail, you know, come back. Hitch your mom, you know. I'm going to go get gas. I'm going to go get gas. Put the dog in the back seat. The coppoles from over his son. He's fully naked. He's like, well, he's got the dog.

dog in the back though. All right. Take it out of his mouth. I have no idea. He put the God in there! Still works. It fixes it every time. The cop is asking the stars in there because the guy's naked. Did you see the video of the dude that pulled

up to the drive-thew that was jacking it? Naked? Yes. Oh, yeah. Well, he got a lot of trouble. He killed himself. Yeah, he did. Oh, that's right. He got in all the trouble. Extra trouble. Yeah, all the trouble is crazy. Yeah, wasn't he, like, back-ending, too? He's been so fucking...

Yeah, you're doing some for it. It's called Western grip. It's a tennis grip on the racket. Raphael Nadal. Yeah. He was the doll in it. He was the doll in the dog, man. She was like, oh, my God.

He was like, I'm sorry. And he was like sober. It was in the day, wasn't it? Yeah, it was like 9 a. Why are you putting on Capriese? Just get out of the house. I got to get, right? I got a set for this.

Did he walk to the car naked? No, he was already in the car, I think. He just pulls up. Point A point B. Window one to window two. I'm going, man. Yeah, he pulled up, he was already J in it, and then they all flipped out, obviously.

No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm saying like... This is where we need to be able to pull it up. Yeah, Jamie. Can we turn the fan back home, by the way? We forgot to do that. Yeah. I'm overheating. You want something else?

Yeah, I want three black dudes to pile drive of your mom. Patreon.com slash stuff on we got a new tier promo code STU F F stuff

stuffed damn we'd lose followers okay so that's the takeaway yeah it's like Tiger King when that lady's arm

got bitten off and then the guy was like I will never financially recover from this this isn't about you man she's dying Josh said something so fucking funny

And he didn't even know It was a His girl picked me up To go to the game on Sunday Lott went down with John We got a new Josh on Sunday man Sunday Josh You gotta drink more dude

You gotta drink more Dude you gotta put a fucking bike helmet Get it before we start too You're a fucking problem Put a spit card on me I'm gonna buy some cones Some parking cones And put around you at a bar

Viking jersey helmet That's crazy man mouth guard yeah it's his favorite team you know I'm in the back he's got a gruel bucket next to him I'm in a back seat he's got

fucking tripods going up he's sitting back like a fucking rapper you know my knees I'm in my way to top it's all about rappers in this time it's a callback so my my fucking knees are like this

I'm like you got room, Josh. You comfy? And he pulls it up like an inch. And then he tells me his story. He's like, yeah, my belly hurts. I fucking, I ate Indian food last night. Oh, yeah. I was there for that. We were on the same show.

Yeah. I said, I ordered Indian food last night and, you know, it wasn't even her fault. And we just, uh, and I was like, what? His girls were driving like, he's just so used to blaming everything on her. Yeah. It came out.

so instinctively. Yeah, so I ordered Hindi food like one morning last night. It wasn't even her fault. Oh, he meant like the ordering was not her fault. She had nothing to do. She wasn't even there.

This poor girl was probably sleeping. Tidy with his dog. It wasn't even her fault. I lay for 12 hours. It wasn't even her fault. Thinking about that. Just the poor girl catching strays about anything.

It was like, the fuck. So I shoot my pants yesterday. It wasn't even my girl's fault. Yeah. You did everything. Nothing to do it. T-bone this Mexican family last night intersection.

My girl was at home and what ain't even her fault? Just organically always blaming everything on your girl. It's so funny. Does she have the energy of like a kind of a battered wife? No.

She's just adorable and sweet. But just like, you know. No. Oh, okay. No, she didn't even, I don't even think she realized what happened until I brought it up the rest of the ride. Yeah, because she doesn't hear it anymore.

He just blames her. Yes, that was me. You're right. I did order the chicken tiki masala. That's right. What a funny way to say. Well, we were on Creek and I remember he shows up and he's frantically looking for water. And he's like, wait, do they not have water in the green room?

And we're like, what? And he goes, I hate some really odd Indian food. I got me and Lucas McCrary, Lucas McCrary, and I got it Indian food. And then I housed it in the middle of me eating Tiki Masala. Dude, it's an eight-minute set. Do your set first and then- That kind of shit drives me fucking nuts. Yeah, man.

People act like you're going to go to a fucking war or something. Yeah. It's like you're, go do your fucking set. Do your spot. Then you can relax. Stop eating standing up. Stop eating in public for the most part.

Unless you're at a restaurant. Right. You're in the creek green room. Yeah, well, I brought the food there. I took it to go. Your stomach was like, we have to get something in here immediately. Were you drinking?

Wouldn't have affected your set if you didn't eat first? No, but I had like 20 minutes to kill. So I thought, who cares? I'll eat, man. Yeah, let's feed these tits. Yeah, let's feed the tits. Yeah, but then there's so much that could happen in the 20 minutes of digestion and heat and all these things. Totally, totally.

Do the spot. I mean, you saw it. Yeah, man. You saw me come in, pour and sweat. I need some water. Your mouth was on fire. It wasn't even your girlfriend's fault. It wasn't even her fault.

Your mouth was lit up there. I bet you, if you had a bad set, you go home and you always. get up this one's on you that fight you started with me before I left that's because

I bought that's why I bombed You think I was thinking about my jokes or what you said to me when I left the house 100% What do you think I was thinking

On an empty belly By the way Yeah I've literally had this conversation I left the house I have to be arguing And I'm like Look I gotta talk about nothing

For two hours Yeah You can't be giving me This negative energy Okay You know what I mean How did it affect Your performance

Later in the night No it was before I got here today Oh, you saw the slow start Yeah, you said, you warned us I'm shaking off this fucking, yeah, negativity So you're in an active fight right now No Well, you went to a dog park earlier today though

I did all the right things Yeah, he did a good thing I went to a dog, I signed up for a fucking Monthly subscription to a dog park That alleviates any fights for two months Well, but did the fight happen after that Or you were still, so it's still active Yeah, it was just a pen up

Like boiling batch of India in food, I guess, in her stomach. Was it about the dog park or other stuff? No. It wasn't even her fault. This one was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's her fault. I don't know.

I need more of the facts. So I don't know. It's a whole personal thing. I don't know how much you're trying to air out. Yeah, we don't have to air you out. No, it's more about like location here, activity. What, what, uh... I know more about what your mother's going through than what you're going through right now.

It's all personal stuff for her that, like, I need to ask. actively help out with. Yeah, that always bubbles up. Josh probably knows a lot more. That'll always bubble up, man. Especially because she's like... They can't just push it down, you know? Yeah, well, she's landlocked.

We're always, we're always paling around. We're always having fun and then going out and doing shows, traveling. She's in fucking Austin, and she doesn't have her base here, you know? She doesn't have her friends here? No. So she came here for you. Yeah. Yeah.

So... It's a good lottery ticket. Well, you know, or it's all, you know, it's all on Tommy to provide the... Yeah. there's only so many times you can say that you like your bed you like the couch it's my daughter

that's I mean that's the goal I want to scream on the lawn is my daughter in there that's the whole point of this that'd be beautiful otherwise Tommy with a little rug rat running around

if I didn't want kids I would just close my eyes and jerk you guys off and hang out all day we'd probably close our eyes to it yeah it's not gay

everybody close your eyes is that still Tommy or is that Josh now what's going to Do you have a jerk off parties in high school? No, man, what is that? Exactly. Thank you.

Did we talk about it on this? No, I don't think so. But I've had friends who say this and I go, that's crazy. The amount of friends I have that have stories about everybody getting under a blanket and beating off. Yeah. That's crazy. What the fuck?

I don't get it. I mean, I do have a really actually fun story that's kind of close to that. Well, then why did you even bring it up? Because it's different. We had a black guy. Ours is different. No, we went to, I think I had Bust have told this story at some point. We went to Atlantic City in high school, a pack of us to go see Bob Dylan, a Bob Dylan concert.

Okay. In Atlantic City, New Jersey, rented this motel. There was like eight of us. So I see why you guys are so hopped up, ready to jack off. Yeah. To a Bob Dylan concert. It was the worst concert. First of all, fuck Bob Dylan.

Okay. I don't... Halfway through the concert, he sounded like a sick dog, yodeling into like a coffee can. Well, but that's what happens when you're that famous. The fans aren't going anywhere.

You sound like how you sound like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So me and this kid, McElhoney, go to HBO boxing on the second floor. Yeah. I coerced this nice black lady to let us in.

She was security, and she lets us in. By the time you get downstairs, they're like folding the chairs and stuff. And the concert's done. We don't know where our boys are at. This is like 92. I think so there's like no cell phones

or like we didn't remember the name of the motel we're going down black horse bike those are the times for the jackoff party no cell phones yeah nobody's recording no proof yeah today you gotta put your phone in a yonder bag before before everybody starts

jacking off sign an NDA we pay a mothership yeah they only happen in the mothership green room you have to go in there Steel team six blocking the doors yeah yeah this is serious Nobody comes in or out.

Yeah. So we say we're going to beat the cab. So me and Mac when you get in and we're just scanning both sides of the double highway looking for our motel. We come across it, he slaps me on the knees and he's like next red light. And as the car is like getting close to the red light,

he just jumps out. Door shuts. He just flies down the opposing side of traffic because our motel is on the other side. So he's just running back this way. But why? Okay. He leaves me.

Yeah. He left me in the fucking dust. To pay? Is that the whole point? We were both supposed to beat at the same time. To not pay. Oh, okay, okay. That's what I'm not to beat the cap.

Got it. Yeah. Steal the fair. Yes. I mean, I grew up with Uber. It's like an old-timey phrase. He locks the doors. And he's going nuts.

This old Arab dude's yelling at me. Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. So I got to convince him like, he's got the money. I got to go get him. And then I'll get you the money.

Put gum in your mouth. he puts the guy and the driver oh no problem I trust you I trust you I hopped the wall we start running down

the shades are are closed we open the door and there's two Atlantic City is a very seedy place there's two white strippers one's fat as fuck the other one you can see

like the little knife scars on the sides and shit and there's a jukebox on the table playing you know 90s hip up yeah and all my boys are just like laying around and one of my friends claimed he was the bachelor and he was the one that was going to get fucked okay and a little bit of time went by and the beefy one was taking dudes into the bathroom at one point jerking everybody off okay and then still a lady involved though this isn't like you guys it'd be different if you guys

one of a time. Yeah, but then we all started taking our dicks out in the, in like the bed area, and she was just going around Pogo sticking. That's still a little weird. That's still a little weird. Yeah, that's the closest I've ever gotten to it. But it's still a lady doing it. Yes. I think the ones where it's just the fellas, just the boys jacking off themselves. Yeah, yeah. Is insane. Yeah. Right. And then we didn't have money for that one either. So. Scram! Oh, yeah. We got to beat the, beat the cab number two. Got like 60 bucks Take you

Can you do Call the cops You just beat us all off And how old were you guys Like 15 And they thought And they thought one of you was The Bachelor

Yeah Well that's her fault then Yeah Yeah No shit Yes I'll jack you off for $7 What do you have A Babe Ruth rookie card

Yeah I'll take it The Hamptons That's where you're getting married Is that what you said 15 All right You should have seen

Bargating was a yo yo yeah They were like cartoons Like their deformities and Their teeth Was that the first hand job for a lot of you guys? I mean 15 that's You mean ever? No No

But for some of the guys maybe No I think it Because I could see them being like listen If it's not gonna happen now I feel like my crew guys We were active early I got late in eighth grade Okay

Summer eighth grade And then I had a girlfriend What was that 14? 13 13 13 See that's crazy 13 14 it's crazy It's crazy When you're going through high school and college, you don't think it is. And then you get older and you go, that kid's 13 years old.

Yeah. I was having sex at that kid's age. I look at 23-year-old girls. Or you go the other way where you see a 12-year-old. What the fuck you're waiting for? Yeah. You know? Yeah, I will for my baby.

Should have been like me. If I'm still alive, I'm going to, you know. You're going to push them. I'm going to say, get your bucket list ready, probably. Throw them into the defense. There better be a gag already on one of them. Throw them into the black end. That would be the shirt.

Shallow and if you... All right, guys, that's stuff Ireland. Nick Murphy, Josh, Francis, stick around for the page. That's it? Yeah. All right. You want to do the Patreon with this? I'm doing everything.

I'm doing whatever. All my episodes go to YouTube. You promise me. Yeah. Check out the Friendly Fire podcast. Me and my co-host, Matt's a very funny comic. Both of them have been on it. Cut that.

It's a good pod. 56.53. 56.53, get it out. Nick Murphy on all platforms. Stuff Island regular. Right, Tommy? Regular, yes. I just got a message from DeRosup.

You weren't kidding about the pissing out your ass. It's like he didn't know. What did you think was going to happen, dude? Yeah, it's a medical thing. Suppress. Yeah. Suppress your hunger? I'll be in San Diego.

When? Next month. I'll be in St. Louis also. It's all on my website. website. Nick Murphycomedy.com. Okay.