Stuff Island - Nick Murphy - Ricky Bacon - Stuff Island #219
Episode Date: January 28, 2026Nick Murphy joins the boys this week Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up som...e delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND. #ad Upgrade your wallet today! Get 10% Off @Ridge with code STUFFISLAND at https://www.Ridge.com/STUFFISLAND]#Ridgepod #ad Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code STUFFISLAND. That’s promo code STUFFISLAND. Visit https://www.BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information #comedy SUB TO PATREON: patreon.com/stuffisland Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code [STUFFISLAND] at https://www.Mandopodcast.com/[STUFFISLAND]! #mandopod Click the link http://kalshi.com/r/stuff or download the Kalshi App and use code STUFF to sign up and trade today! #ads Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
It's crazy.
It looks like Chris is dying, and we have to do one more episode.
Yeah, I know.
This is how Norm shot his last special.
Yeah, dude.
These are known us last words.
You should look like I'm in like a halfway house.
Yeah, just trying to get back on my feet, dude.
Chris is on life support.
Like, Chris, the sponsors need one more rocket money ad, brother.
We need to just read one more.
Tommy's got to get his tires rotated.
Yeah.
He hits the Raymore and Flanagan his legs go above his face.
To get blood flow to his fucking head.
Dude, yeah, sweatpants and a hockey jersey is totally fucking deathbed material.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, dying by your own fart.
That's how you want to die.
That's a gas chamber, dude.
You wear a fucking hockey jersey and sweatpants.
You're dying by the gas of your asshole.
You're in the Philly uniform right now.
That is a filial uni.
Yeah, baby.
Stuff you can just put on like a little clip and,
washing like an industrial washing machine.
Stuff you can piss and shit yourself in.
Hockey, jersey and sweatpants.
Versatility.
Yeah, yeah.
This is the depression state after the Eagles lose.
You throw on any other team.
You throw on the flyers.
It doesn't matter what it is.
You're like, I'm over those fuckers.
Okay, so don't bring it up.
Got it Chris.
You can't.
You can't.
Yeah, yeah.
You can't.
I filmed that Soder episode right before we were playing the Niners.
And Dan warned me before we started, he was like, we can't talk football.
This won't come out for a couple weeks.
And I was like, we have to talk football.
Yeah.
I mean, regardless of whether you keep it or not, we're talking football.
Well, you guys can always talk to me.
I'm a Falcons fan, so we can kind of handle whatever bullshit you guys are going through.
We're not getting out of the mud for years, man.
It's going to be a problem.
It's like stopping at a gas station.
No one gives your shit.
Yeah, it's a gas station to like a remote town.
You can tell that guy anything, man.
Who gives you shit?
I got three bodies in the trunk.
He's like, that'll be $7.
Yeah, that's great.
I don't care, man.
There's no passion there.
Yeah, yeah.
It is such a,
such a next level failure
to draft a quarterback who's not ready,
like fifth overall.
Just ruin,
ruin the guy you got coming in.
Yeah.
It's toss him.
We're on the cusp of fire.
We're on the cusp of doing that.
What do you mean?
They'll probably draft.
They'll probably draft a quarterback like,
uncomfortably high.
Who?
Just the Eagles.
Get the fuck out of here.
Put the heat on Jayland.
Just get ready.
Just get ready for it.
Dude.
Just get ready for it.
Don't start,
I'm just brazen.
Look, we all know you had a great weekend, Chris.
We all know you had a great weekend.
This is when it's going to start to get personal.
Absolutely.
Open it for Shane at the fucking garden.
Just the idea that the Eagles might draft a quarterback.
This is crazy.
And Tommy's getting extremely personal right now.
Well, this is insane.
I was about to ask you, how was it? Now I don't fucking care.
It was great. Because you're saying the wrong things.
What do you mean? I'm just, I'm saying the right things, dude. I'm trying to, you know,
this is the Irish way. This is the Irish way as you forecast doom. You know what I mean?
That way if it doesn't happen, you're like, things are pretty good.
Yeah, that way you can only go up.
Yeah, I woke up to that scene. You get left over by Sean White.
That was pretty sick, buddy.
Yeah, that was fucking crazy.
Apparently he had been like snowboarding in that park
just with like a mask and goggles on.
Nobody knew who he was.
Everyone was just like, damn.
Damn, that guy's like really good.
And then I guess like Shane got there
and they jumped, he jumped over him
and then ripped the mask off.
And everyone was like, what?
Dude.
Whoa.
Yeah.
That's kind of be, I mean,
that's kind of, I mean, that's,
kind of like
fucking Bill Murray
is putting your hands
his hands over your eyes
and stealing a fry
and be like
no one's gonna believe this
just going to Central Park
as Sean White
yeah yeah
what story is that
Bill Murray stole a French fry
from somebody
oh yeah
it's one of its famous stories
he put his hands over
someone's eyes
and stole a French fry
yeah
oh was a guy like by himself
yeah yeah
he's in fucking
South Carolina
or whatever he lives
and he'll just walk up
to somebody
put his hands over him
and he apparently
would just like eat fries all people's plates
and they turn around and spill them by her and they go
holy shit and he goes
no one's ever going to believe this
I'm just walking
well then go give me some more ketchup you fucking asshole
yeah
at that level dude
I've only heard the stories where he like shows up to a wedding
and is like congratulations they steal
and going no one's ever going to believe
this after eating one of your french fries is like
creepy yeah it's of course
it's like hauntings yeah
he's also have he's got a lot
lot of creepy stories
about waitresses.
Maybe the French fries.
Maybe the French fry story
came out of that.
I was going to say, no one's,
yeah, that's, you're not only doing that in one area of your life.
There's no,
there's no way that's just a French fry thing.
Yeah.
It's not just for your coming.
No one will ever believe you.
Some girl getting assaulted.
Yeah, wasn't that the whole point of the Me Too thing is no one's going to believe you?
No one is.
Just Bill married dress like Sean White and a snowy and a snowboard.
I think I was just assaulted by 60-year-old Sean White.
I can't even believe that was real.
He did do a kickflip while he was doing it.
It was pretty.
Did you guys get to like hang and chat with him for a sec?
Was he just like, yeah, I was bored.
I just wanted to go show off.
He was pretty surreal.
Like everyone was like trying to get a picture with him.
I said like two words to him.
Yeah.
The nicest moment was he was getting a bunch of pictures.
And he just said, let me get a picture with the boys, which was Shane and I, which is cool.
It was the best day ever in snow, Sean White.
He would do it.
He's also like, yeah, he's doing like impossible stuff right in front of you.
Dude, it was like a bunny slope with like a little mound of snow.
And he would do like a front flip.
And you're like, how?
Yeah.
It was crazy.
Then we just got, then we just got shit face the rest of the day.
you got fucked up with Sean
no no he he wound up going to some other bar
we never saw him again
but
just snowboarding off into the distance
he like doesn't walk anywhere
he's gonna he just
has to snowboard everywhere
he's slipping into a noobr
I only come outside when there's a deep freeze
that's the only way I can travel
yeah we just disappeared
it was crazy also and then
we're we're walking over
to this bar
and the bar was like inside of like a building.
It was like in like a hotel.
And I'm walking up to the front door.
And this guy walks out and I go, hey, is there a bar in there?
And he just goes, yeah.
And then I first, I realize it's Paul Thomas Anderson.
Jesus.
Nice.
And he just, he was like looking for an Uber.
And I just, I was drunk enough at that point.
I just stood there like stunned.
And I didn't say anything.
I just watched him walk back.
and forth.
Then I ran inside.
I would just scream.
Your movies are gay.
He's like,
who's going to believe you, man?
I say that to him.
You're gay.
Who's going to believe?
Yeah, no.
It's wild.
New York, man.
Only in New York is what they say.
Only in New York City, yeah.
Beautiful.
Yeah, we snowed in New York.
Pretty good.
It's the best.
There's no,
there's no better place on earth.
You were in Iowa.
Getting snowed in.
Yeah, yeah.
But I was in a place I can deal with it.
I did these...
Nick took a brunch show in Iowa.
Yeah, man.
He told me he was flying.
He flew out.
Yeah.
When the storm started on Friday.
Right before we got out right before.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We were throwing a football in the park.
And he goes, yeah, I'm going to go to Iowa for this bar show.
And I was like, you know, like, hell's freezing over.
Yeah.
What time you leave me?
He goes tomorrow and five.
I was like, that's the middle of hell.
I'll wear my goggles.
he goes
Dude he goes
The flights are actually really cheap
And I was like
No shit
Yeah yeah
This is the buy low
Trap
To fly
Yeah no one's buy
Even the pilots are like
I'll sell my dick
Yeah I had my own row
It was great
How did Austin
How did Austin handle the deep freeze
See that's why I got out
I didn't want to even see it
I just wanted to go somewhere else
They handled it
Exactly as you would imagine
Yeah
We got
An inch or two of sleep
and you couldn't hear the end of it for fucking 72 hours.
Yeah, because it's exciting here.
It is exciting.
I was in South Dakota and Iowa where they don't give a shit.
Yeah, of course.
There were eight foot snow piles.
Yeah.
There's nowhere to put it.
People just plow to the end of the driveway and then it just sits there like a graveyard.
Yeah.
It's kind of crazy.
Yeah.
It's cute.
To be honest with you, it's cute.
It's like an inch in Atlanta.
Yeah, yeah.
No, Atlanta shut down too.
The whole city.
They barely got in the ice.
It's adorable.
As long as your power.
hour doesn't go out it's like well that's what happened in like mississippi and
Nashville see it's whackamol nobody knows what city's gonna get it yeah yeah yeah and so
you have to just prepare accordingly yeah and then you go on Twitter like oh good thing we're not
mississippi hey like I don't know around place one more yeah then it got to like hour 36
and I got like PTSD about like quarantine you know just getting fucked up at noon yeah yeah yeah
it's just you and your girl those are the best what do you want to eat yeah like well
what's in the fucking fridge now yeah yeah yeah
you know
Josh was eating
oatmeal
I was eating
fucking cereal
and you just
eat what's in there
and you still
refuse to play
hell at loose
even in the middle
of the
they were hyping up
that game
before we got
when we were off air
yeah
oh yeah
what's the name
that Tommy
it's a new
it's a new thing
for me
okay
look at him
apparently
we got him
we got him
we got him
we have our field
correspondent
Josh
yeah
they're going to
give me
the fucking
business
right now
but look
I don't
I don't play
video games
I don't
I don't.
And then Chris sent me...
This is so funny watching this.
Josh is hacking himself into the Matrix.
No one else can do it.
And he's like, oh, oh, man.
Chris, hold on a second.
Chris just sent me an Xbox
because he knew that would work.
And I'm like, yeah.
That's a cool thing to do, by the way.
It's a great thing to do.
It's a very cool gift, Tommy.
Let's show some appreciation.
Yeah, okay, all right.
Well, I sent him a fucking VR thing.
He never signed on once.
Well, VR, nobody's doing that anymore, man.
And nobody's doing the VR.
VR porn was there for like five seconds.
Yeah, VR does rule.
But he disrespected the VR.
And I respected the Xbox for a moment.
I'm down.
And all I said was, it's very hard for me to turn this fucking machine on when the sun's up.
Yeah.
Because it's very, at my age, I'm 46 years old.
That is true.
It's very weird.
I get a group text from these two going, you ready to fire up?
Yeah.
Fire up.
You're our Bill Murray.
Like, I'm at the gym.
I'm not going to rush home.
I don't know if you're at the gym when we first asked you.
Okay.
What's his team?
I don't know.
I think you were just hanging around the house.
We wanted you to join the squad.
First of all, Tommy played one night,
and it was literally the,
it was one of the best rounds of all time.
It was great.
We all got into a tank.
We all got into a tank.
I'm driving.
Josh is gunning.
Tommy's spotting.
We're blowing up tanks left and right.
We're mowing down people
changing the tide of the war.
Like,
making a big...
It was for us.
It was for us, dude.
Josh is Shilaboff, just shaking.
After that, I was like,
Tommy's got to be hooked.
Tommy's got to be hooked.
That was like an optimistic.
I'm not saying I'm not interested.
Can I play devil's ad kid
on behalf of Tommy, though?
Yeah, I think that could...
Well, that's what makes
some of the greatest nights of all time
is that you just do it the one time.
and then you take a little break.
A little break.
You know, that's not sustainable
to do that all day, every day.
Let's say, three nights a week.
Yeah.
When you're done your ships.
You'll got, you guys be more excited, you know?
They're like, oh, man, Tommy's taking over the tank tonight?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You do it every day.
They become work.
Dad's home.
It becomes work.
Yeah, yeah.
I got to learn the mechanisms of this fucking.
It's way better.
Yes, dude.
Yeah.
I'm bad, I guess, huh?
Yeah.
All right, two cock suckers on this.
Josh, get up here.
Sit up here. Sit on my lap.
Now I'm envisioning all of us in a tank
and we're just arguing with Tommy.
No, that's a lot of that, too.
We're fighting the other guys.
What do you mean? How do I steer?
What do you mean I steer weird?
What does that mean? What are you trying to say?
Dude.
Yeah, we were on the battlefield in Germany.
What did Tommy name himself?
Okay, so you can name yourself whatever.
Tommy joins and signs,
up as Tommy Pope
7283.
That's true.
First name
and social.
Oh,
that was the social?
No,
no.
Yeah,
just four numbers
to be like,
no one will believe
it's the real time.
I don't fucking know.
That's what Bill Murray
would do.
Bill Murray
9412.
People are getting alerts
that Tommy Pope
842 killed him.
You'll never believe
this.
I used my real name.
How do the fuck
what I know?
Dude,
I was just signing up
going through the thing, you know what I mean?
It's like paying a medical bill.
Yeah.
Tommy, Tommy, 7-1-4-2.
Auto-fill, auto-fiel.
Here's my address, my girl's name.
I got killed by Tommy Pope's Amex.
What the hell is this, man?
I got jeans out of this?
You might run into some Tommy Popes out on the battlefield.
That happened while.
I was in the trenches once and I ran into Dr.
Adolph's sponge.
Dr. Adolf's sponge and I was like, hey, hey.
He was like, what?
This is what you'll never believe this.
Yeah, it's me.
I'm actually French for him.
Geotag Argentina.
Interesting.
All right.
Yeah, yeah.
I am also at the Adaf sponge.
That's great.
See, this is good.
This is how you build the camaraderie.
But you do that too many days in a row,
then it's going to get a little stale.
You don't want to lose that.
You don't want to lose the spark.
No, no, dude.
You know, hard it is to do anything in the day.
Yeah.
That's not controlling your fucking inner demons.
But it is.
I agree with you.
It's an outlet.
It's a demon outlet.
Yeah.
I agree.
I,
one million percent agree with you.
I've just not locked in to that consistent behavior
that it makes sense to go power up.
My girl's watching fucking desperate housewives.
My dog is licking my nuts.
and I can't be like, guys, I got to get in the mix here.
We got a tank war.
Yeah, yeah.
With my two adult friends.
Yeah, but that's, but isn't that her?
That's better than a desperate housewives.
Come on.
Well, but isn't that her tank war?
It's the same thing.
Isn't it the same thing?
We're desperate house husbands.
Yeah, yeah.
It's the same fucking thing.
You can feel the desperation in the tank.
Yes.
We have to win this.
Maybe if I play in my bedroom, because we only got two TVs,
and I'll put the blackout curtains down and it make it feel like nighttime,
and then I'm not a piece of shit.
There you go.
Like a tank game at fucking 2 p.m.
So it's just the light that messes with you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, the sun.
Yeah.
It's a ingrain thing.
It does become,
it does start to feel a little bit addictive
if you're playing during the day, probably.
It's like drinking.
We said this.
Yeah.
You got a bottle of Jack at 11 a.m.
You need to reevaluate.
You put mezcal in your coffee?
Yeah.
Shit's wrong.
Well, I got to get rid of the shakes.
I got to get rid of the shakes, Tommy.
So I can drive the tank.
That's what they're doing.
So I can drive the tank probably.
shaking until you hit the Xbox
remote.
Dude, well, this isn't just some, this isn't like
Call of Duty or something where you're like
sliding around shooting people. This is
like war games.
I like that you is collaborative
and you can all link in on the same thing.
It's practically Boy Scouts.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the only
and I said this to Chris, it's like
it's the only time we talk.
Yeah. So I was like, fucking yes, send it
to me. Yeah. And I can
finally converse with the guy.
Yeah.
I want a fucking business with.
Dude, I got into Fortnite during quarantine.
In a bang.
One o'clock.
One o'clock.
No, not that way.
Not that way.
Not that way.
The other way.
Go around.
Look, there's fucking,
just send him a number.
Send him a number.
This is how work.
It's so great.
Out left.
Left.
Where's left?
134.
Just say 134.
134.
Yeah.
Josh is like,
oh, we're dead.
And your girl's watching it
and not understanding.
No.
Meanwhile,
you guys are closer
than you've ever been.
She would never.
She would never.
arguing, you know.
Dude, you literally.
Yeah.
The same thing.
You just miss his voice, man.
Yeah.
It's genuinely working with your buddies
to like take a hill.
I mean, it's
Yeah.
And it's all negative
communication the whole time.
There is no, I bet there's not even like,
hey, Chris, that's a really good shot, pal.
There's not even one of those.
No, we had a couple of those.
We did have a, yeah, we did have a couple of positive.
Good.
Heat, because there's three different, you know, three different controls.
You got the tank guy.
Yeah.
You got the, what do you call it?
The gunner.
Yeah.
Who's lining things up?
What's the third one?
Spotter.
You got the troop commanders, both.
Vehicle commanders.
Yeah, yeah, driving.
What's the big tube on the front of the tank?
What's that?
That's the gun.
Okay.
All right.
I'm getting the hang of it.
Dude, it's like a, it's like a, it's like an RPO for a quarterback.
Like, you know when they're good at something.
Yeah.
So after a game, we'd be like, Josh, you fucking killed it back there.
Yeah, yeah.
My bet.
And then it would flip.
Josh is like, can I drive one of it?
Okay, Josh.
Okay.
Everybody wants their kills.
But it's powerful.
Just to line something up going, that was on me too, even though he shot it.
And I think it's important to get some of that out of you as a man.
I think that's why, like, you know, guys at hunt.
Yeah.
You need to get some of that aggression out of there.
The video game is very important for that.
Yeah.
Tank coming.
Oh, yeah.
Blow up another tank?
You got to release your balls on a tank.
Also, when you're spotting, you get to, you're looking through like binoculars, so you get a really zoomed in look at guys just getting their bodies blown to bits. It's a real. Yeah. What is the, who is the enemy? Are these generic looking soldiers or are these slightly ethnic? Can you?
Yeah, you're either, you're either the allies or the Germans. So why do you guys pick the Germans? Just to feel what that was like. We were on the Germans. We were on Germans sometimes. It's sad to say, but like all the German guns and stuff are.
so much better. Well, all their stuff
was better, right? We just had more stuff.
It wasn't that the whole thing?
You can even see like... Their tanks,
their subs.
I'm going to start there. No, I watched the guy
I watched the guy talking about this, that it took
them like, it was something like 12 hours to change
a transmission or something on a tiger.
And then the Americans, it took like, what was
ours? The Bradley, I think. It was like
four hours or something. So we just had more
shit ready to go. Really?
Yeah. Even though theirs were way better.
You see that kid on Halloween that was
dressed like a fucking SS soldier?
He looked amazing.
Of course.
Well, you can get away with an Iowa, man.
Nobody's paying attention.
He was a bouncer.
He's a bouncer in Iowa.
Nine. Nine?
Yeah.
Dude, it's crazy because the game
itself, too, does have like...
Hugo Boss, dude?
Yeah, it's Hugo Boss.
They have, they have, like, way more Nazi
uniforms and they're, like, very cool.
Yeah. You're like, come on.
I know what you guys are doing.
They're beautiful.
Yeah, they spent too much money looking good, you know?
Yeah, true.
We came to play.
True.
No logos on the uniforms, nothing on the helmet.
100%.
Yeah.
We showed up rated, right.
It's just,
it's the Cleveland Browns.
Yeah, man.
Actually,
the opposite.
But yeah.
Cleveland Brown should be wrecking with their shitty uniform.
Maybe the worst uniform in sports.
Well, they are bad, but yeah, uniform wise.
Pick another.
Take another NFL.
and that's worse than theirs.
This episode's brought to you by Ridgewallet.
Awesome.
Yeah.
We've had Ridgewallow on here.
You ever see their commercials?
They shoot the wallet with a gun.
It's so sick.
It keeps up.
Yeah, that's the point, I guess.
Yeah.
You ever see his leathery pack of shit?
He's pointing at Josh.
No, I haven't seen his leathery packet of shit.
He's got 60 cards at Longhorn Steakhouse.
Yeah.
There's a ton of Buffalo Wild Wings.
Josh, we got to get some of them sturdier for you for those cards.
Tommy, do you know what that could be?
I do. Ridge wallet.
Whoa.
It's unique, slim, modern design
holds up to 12 cards plus cash,
which you don't have.
Well, that means we have to get a couple of Ridgewallis for Josh then.
The first of this month, I'll give you a couple dollars.
Yeah.
It's made with premium materials like aluminum, titanium and carbon fiber.
Whoa.
Very strong.
Very strong.
Yeah.
Yeah.
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This is the most...
Your whole life, Tommy.
A whole life.
If it ever screws up.
It's literally the last.
you. Literally. The last wallet
you'll ever buy. No way. Yep, dude.
I'll die with this wallet. Is that what you're saying? Doesn't it give
you a piece of mind? Knowing that all
Ridge wallets have a RFID
blocking technology? That's all I wanted
a wallet. Keeping you saved from digital pickpocketers?
Yes. I don't want anyone
taking it. That's what the titanium's for.
Yes, dudes in Minnesota. Over
100,000 five star... No, I was talking about you.
Over 100,0005 star reviews. Look,
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It is the worst. But would the Ridge Air
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They can put anything in this titanium, Tom. Anything.
Wow. No matter what you pick,
Ridge is free shipping. Whoa.
A 99-day risk-free
trial and a lifetime warranty
all their products. Ninety-nine days
of risk-taking. That I can
get away with. Yeah. All right.
Yeah.
I know what I'm doing with my Ridge wallet.
Go to North Philly.
All right.
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After your purchase,
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Please support our show and tell them our show,
Stuff Island's sent.
Blue Choo.
This episode is brought you by Blue Choo.
Nick, you know it.
You love it.
Thank God.
Yes, thank God. I just took one.
Yeah?
Yeah.
You want to do another hour?
Another four.
You already know what time it is.
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Is that right, Tommy?
Is that what you said?
I can't promise it.
All right.
I can promise 10% more discount.
It might happen.
Well, yeah, because I don't think anyone else doesn't have shit on the helmet, right?
Jets are not up there.
Jets have, when they are, right, the modern-day jet is great.
They have that shiny.
Oh, you're talking about uniforms.
Just uniforms.
Oh, just uniforms.
Browns, the worst.
Is there any other team that doesn't have any logo on their helmet?
It's just an orange helmet for the Browns, right?
It used to be-
Which is already confusing.
Another team.
Steelers have half.
They have just one side.
has a logo.
Yeah.
Still got the cool emblem, though, on the other side.
I'm trying to think of who else just...
Fuck.
I mean, the Vikings technically don't have a logo.
They just got the horns.
Every war is great.
Eagles technically don't have a logo.
It's just the...
No, but you got some of the wings.
The wings are sick, though.
It's a lot of.
The wings are sick.
I'm just saying.
No, something adjacent to your mascot,
you know, but the brown...
I don't even know why they're called the Browns.
I mean, I don't want to go too deep into Cleveland here, but...
I think the guy who made it's name was like Brown.
I think the owner was Brown.
I mean, we got to bring the Redskins back.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I think he like, I'm trying to remember the order,
but I think he made the Bengals too.
Who also had the Tiger Strikes.
Yeah, just some guy.
And I never understood this fucking son.
You ever hear this saying about calling a hot girl,
or an ugly girl with a great body, Cincinnati Bengal?
Oh, I've never heard that.
No.
Great body.
Great body.
Horrible helmet.
Oh, okay.
Got it.
Well, now it makes sense.
You call a girl with a great body and a terrible face a Cincinnati Bengal.
Huh.
And I look back and I go, they're fucking helmets are the best part of their uniform.
It might be the opposite.
That I would buy like a hot face, but a terrible body.
I'd buy a Cincinnati vangle.
Yeah, exactly.
That I could see.
That you can get behind, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
that one, because the uniforms themselves
just feel like underwhelming.
It's just consistently funny that he's wearing a guy.
I could get behind.
It took
it took him like five minutes to tie that up
today. He does look. He looks like an athlete.
This never gets untied.
He looked like you just got cut from like another
team. I would say
picked up. I would say picked up.
I would say picked up.
Oh, now he's still flex.
Look at this.
This guy is the post-signing press conference.
Like a hockey player, yeah.
He does look like one, yeah.
You're zooming in from Toronto right now.
You look fucking amazing.
But he still has allegiance to the flyers, even though he got traded.
Only on podcast.
It's still me, baby.
It's still me, man.
Yeah, man.
Tommy, what are you drinking there?
What is that lemony?
We got a whole bar going here, man.
Yeah, this is a...
Chris, we need you back over here, buddy.
We need to take some sips with us.
Get an Xbox, dude.
We all drink together.
Can I say, and by the way, whatever the game is, the collaboration, the greatest gaming year of my life, I think, was NBA 2K.
I want to say it was like 10 with Michael Jordan on the cover.
You could make a created player and then you could all play with your created players on the same online squad.
That sounds incredible.
And me and three of my basketball teammates all lived in a flat that was on the same hallway and we each had our own Xbox.
Yeah.
You're in the room next to the guy and you're playing.
It was, dude, it was the best.
Dude, I will say
nothing, I would actually enjoy that
quite a bit because I watched...
I watched pro basketball
gaming to see
what it was like because I thought I would be like
it's got to be the most like
efficient, just beautiful
game. You know what I mean? Here's what, here's
the trick. We felt even more
connected because we actually grinded
in the game to get our creative players
better. The reason they got rid
of the game is people started hacking the game.
And so they would make a, they would make
like a nine foot tall Steve Kerr.
Yeah.
And you had to play against that, you know?
Yeah, yeah, impossible.
It was like an achievement if we could beat those guys.
It was the Monstars.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Just an Irish dude that tall.
Exactly.
And he's got the three-pointer stats already, you know?
And he's got that like Pockmark face like somebody dipped a towel on oil.
Oh, yeah.
You're already a little bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's got the scary Irish face.
moving off ball and stuff.
Was it nice?
Yeah, yeah, because, well, we were, dude, we were a college best.
I watched pro-Gamers.
We were a college basketball team.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I want to see.
Yeah, well, and then, you know,
these guys that don't appreciate.
Watching a real person, watching a real person ball watch in a video game is.
Yeah.
It was more than I can bear.
It got some nuts.
I like through my phone.
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, you have to collaborate because again,
you're playing against a 10 foot tall fucking,
uh, uh, T.J.
McConnell.
you know
and so you have to
but these guys that that hack the game
they don't have appreciation for the grind
that took to get good
you pump-pick those guys out of their goddamn sneakers
you know
because again
and let me remind you guys
they're nine foot tall
so they think they can block it
from underneath
they're like Wimbunyama
they think they can block it from under the goal
so if you get it and you just wait for a second
you start timing it
they're jumping over your body
and then you can get in the
there, you know. It was fun. Dude, I just watched a reel on
Instagram where it was a fighter pilot. He was an actual
F-15 or whatever it's called. I don't know. I think F-15's correct. Yeah. So he
was an actual fighter pilot that got into this video game to fight this other dude that was
like really good. Yeah. Yeah. Just really fucking good. It doesn't always translate though.
It does not translate because this dude whipped around him. Yeah. Do you know the best example of this ever?
I read this player's tribune.
Worst guy at playing Madden with his own player, Michael Vick.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The year when everyone, he was like a 99 and he could do everything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The article was so great.
Mike Vick's like, I just couldn't figure out how to make myself do it, man.
I don't know how I do it.
Yeah.
It's like, Goodwill hunting.
He's like, I don't know.
I can't explain how I do all these things.
I could just play.
Dude, I used to feel that way.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's some fat guy that's doing back.
flips over people with Mike Vick.
I used to feel that way.
When I would play like Madden 94
and I was like a running back in Pee-Wee football
and the running backs in that game
couldn't make moves I could make.
I was just like, this is crazy.
Yeah. Yeah.
I like it drove me.
I was like, who's making the physics engine for this game?
Yeah, exactly.
I can't even juke.
It's got to be nuts to be Mike Vick
and know that you have the wiring.
to make the guy move and just
come on,
come on,
come on, Mike, we did this yesterday.
That's techmo.
We just did this.
I know, Techmo Paul was fucking Bo Jackson, dude.
Nasty.
Also, what was the,
the hockey game and what was that, like,
98 or 94?
Yeah, 94.
You went around the back of the net
and then took a reverse slap
that nobody could stop.
Yeah, if you backhanded it,
going across the cage was going in every time.
94 is.
is the gaming time where you find the one button that just wins.
There's only two.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it was fucking the best.
Second Genesis, dude.
And you could hit guys so hard, their brain would be, like, bleeding onto the ice.
They got rid of that, too, in the 95 edition.
Chris, I had a horrible nightmare last night.
About what?
Involving us.
The Eagles drafted a quarterback?
No, no.
Don't.
That's pretty good.
Gris liked it.
He's in prison.
Don't even joke about that.
I actually don't even want to talk about it.
Wait.
Why?
Are you kidding me?
No.
You're gonna load us up like that?
You're gonna lube us up?
We were trying to get to some location.
It was me, him and his girl,
and we're all in these fucking motorcycles
and we're on the top of like,
I don't know,
fucking trailers.
What?
Like, we're riding along trailers.
Like the evil can evil?
Like on top of them?
Yeah, and then we get on the street, we're on top of, like, fucking four-wheelers.
Yeah.
And there was a red light.
His girl goes.
And now you stop at the red light.
This already said, this sounds so good already.
On top of trailers.
I love how cool your dreams are.
Yeah, I wish you knew how violent.
You're like, so we're all on motorcycles smoking six and we're jumping rooftop to roof top.
And then the first uncool thing is you guys stop at a red light.
we abide by the rules
dude okay
you're not even on the street
the red light is beneath
we're not whipping around city hall
and Phyllis fellas let's keep it clean here
like a bunch of schicatoly
we all come to the light
Tommy's like there's cameras in this intersection
it was a nightmare
anyway
your girl bobs off the top of this
fucking 18 wheeler
like goes right into a truck
think or somewhere else
and you and I'm like no no no no no no no
and you tried to go for it
and then you turn around going oh shit
and like right
I could see you just drop
right off the front of this fucking truck
oh no and it was like
a ways up
I turn my bike all the way around I'm still on the top of the truck
Tommy runs
he's not
trying to help.
No, I couldn't move.
Could move.
And I look back and you can see people like outside their cars going, what the fuck?
Then I look over the edge.
Yeah, it ain't good.
Yeah.
I'm sorry to put this to a fucking hope.
I know.
No, it's so funny.
That nightmare.
It's so funny how obvious, how obvious of a metaphor it is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We have to dissect the dream.
We have to dissect the dream.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Oh.
Oh.
right?
It's like a man-
Your girlfriend does something
You try to help
You get killed
Oh no
Do not
And there's even
Bystanders going
Why is this guy doing this
What the hell was too
For
And then turned his bike
Going
Oh shit
Oh shit
And then just
Blood in a manhole
There was even a red light
There to try
To stop the relationship
From continuing
It was dead
Yeah, did you wake up after that or did it just spiral into something else?
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no, no.
That's a reset button on the Xbox.
Yeah, he wakes up and it immediately.
That's a power down.
Immediately. Chris, you want to log on, buddy?
I was thinking about you.
Yeah, you want to tank?
You want to tank? Miss you, man.
I do.
Damn.
That's crazy, man.
I haven't had any wacky dreams.
I was going to say, has Tommy been in any of your dreams?
Chris, is this a mutual, or you're not even thinking about him?
No, I don't know.
I haven't, I haven't, I don't feel like having fun.
I'm enjoying the distance, actually.
Me and Sean White.
Fucking every night.
Yeah, me and Sean White, that was my dream or in real life.
Yeah.
It's Sean White jumping over me.
He jumped over my, he frogs me, and then, fuck.
It's on Twitter, I was tagged.
It's actually kind of a big deal.
Oh, shit.
That really happened?
Tell about your kitty dreams.
Both Shane and I survived the whole thing.
That's great.
You're my girl so happy.
Yeah.
Damn.
That's sick, buddy.
It is sick.
But,
it's nice.
We're now back in Westchester.
Snow is,
it's nice to having all this snow.
Yeah.
I miss it.
It's like a real winter.
Yeah,
and in South Dakota,
Iowa,
they don't,
it doesn't,
when I got there,
was it 20 below?
Yes,
but the roads are fine.
There was no ice.
Yeah,
it's like Alaska.
They have a guy for that.
Yeah.
He's just ready.
They probably get tired of snow the way we do with, like, heat and sun in Austin.
Yes.
But on the East Coast, you get all the four seasons.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You get all the breaks.
You get all the fucking, uh, no.
So you want to, well, because you're a real sports fan.
You want to experience the good and the bad, so you can appreciate the good seasons.
You want to change.
So I think, yeah, you want the change.
Yeah.
You don't want to avoid the trials and tribulations.
Yeah.
Again, you don't, you don't hack the game.
You grind your player
You know?
That's how you become a man
Turn through the system
Yeah, you have to appreciate
The system is four seasons
Like imagine if you guys were playing your war game
And somebody had like a 50 foot tall tank
Because they hacked the game
You know
And now you guys got to go up against that
It's just Steve Kerr
It's
It's hanging up
Yeah
It shoots basketball
That explodes
Just gives you CTD doesn't kill you
Yeah yeah yeah
It slowly kills you
It felt that way
the other night, dude, we had a whole
platoon of guys, Josh can
vouch for this. This one dude,
Tiny Tim, on the other team, was
slaughtering us.
Yeah. There's six
of us trying to, six of us
trying to flog something about Tiny Tim.
Josh's making a face.
He's making, oh, he's hacking back into the Matrix.
Josh is drawing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude. I know you can't hear.
We're just talking about Tiny Tim.
Tiny Tim's a motherfucker.
We needed Sergeant Randall.
on our team. We had Tiny Tim
Tiny Tim's foe his
his heel has got to be
Sergeant Randall.
This is something we didn't
address with sending Pop Pop
a fucking Xbox and going
Hey we got this tank game.
I'm like, okay cool, let's have fun.
Yeah. These guys are
There's Tiny Tims out there
that are dominating.
Yeah, yeah. Dominating. And that's all they do
while the sun's up. That's correct.
But I've never
I just want to, and I ask Chris,
go, is there a feature in this game where we can play just the computer?
I would like to do CPU.
Do a couple of warm-up rounds.
Yeah.
Which is us going, let's beat the system.
Most games have beat the system.
Tommy, there's no time for that in the battle, in the heat of war.
No shit.
You think they could say that on D-Day?
Hey, can we practice on a couple of box, please?
Well, I wasn't ready for D-Day.
I was ready for practice, dude.
This is what I'm saying.
I would have more fun if we could just beat the computer.
Yeah.
And they were like, oh, yeah, that doesn't exist.
Yeah, but it's a bigger rush when you can finally kill Tiny Tim, you know.
I haven't had one kill.
You haven't had one?
Well, then you're a drive.
I know.
You had kills.
With the tank, you had kills.
What about spotting?
Can you just be the spotter?
Huh?
Can you just be the spotter?
Why do you have to be the gunner?
Because I want to kill.
Okay.
Well, you're not good enough to do that yet.
Yeah, you got to jump back in.
You got to ride.
You got a ride.
You got to ride.
You should hear the first fucking 10 minutes.
Yeah, yeah, you have to practice.
The whole purpose is wanting to kill.
Yeah.
You got, yeah, low and slow.
So this guy was really taking you guys out.
Yeah, he was fucking us up.
Dude.
I'm fucking them up.
It was fucking us up.
So wait a second.
Is it one tank versus one tank or is it like a...
It's like 50 on 50.
Oh, okay.
So some guys are in a ditch.
The infantry, the tanks, the artillery.
Yeah.
And how do you coordinate with your other 50 guys what you're going to be doing?
You got a headset.
There's an officer.
There's an officer.
the officer of the
I hate
Chris takes the initiative
Chris is everyone on the same
channel to chat
Yeah the officer
No way
You have to get 50 guys
On the same page
Well it's there's
50 racist redditors
Yeah yeah
It can be a problem
It can be a problem
We ran into that
The other night too
With this guy Ricky Bacon
He wouldn't shut the fuck
Ricky Bacon
He would be
He'd talk about Ricky Bacon
These sound like local
Comedy legend
Bro
brother you ever follow Ricky Bacon in Jacksonville
you ever have to follow that guy
yeah his final joke is he just brings out one puppet
Ricky Baker
but you should be the officer Chris
I mean of anyone I know
you're intellected
how do you get a random dude in his mom's basement
to like obey your commands how do you do that
it's it's tough
It's tough.
You say the end word.
It's tough.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Guys get frustrated.
Well, Ricky Bacon, it's always like some nine-year-old kid who's like the most racist person you've ever met in life.
Of course.
They're not listening to their parents.
He's so good, though.
He wouldn't, no, he talked a big game.
He sucked ass.
Tiny Tim got the best of them.
Tiny Tim.
Hold on.
Tiny Tim was better than Ricky Bacon.
Oh, yeah.
Tiny Tim.
I don't believe it.
Tiny Tim.
And then Johnny Screwballs.
What a lineup.
If you weren't at that show.
Who's the host?
Who's the headliner?
They're interchangeable, you know?
Who had more kids that night?
That's the question.
Welcome to Tampa Yuck Yucks.
Give him for Ricky Bacon.
But then he's refusing to go on stage.
Yeah.
But he's got his head set on?
He's got one more game.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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You don't want to talk about it?
I don't think we need a dollar amount in the ad.
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Wow.
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What's Mando, Tommy?
Mando's one of our favorite fucking sponsors.
Are you kidding me?
What do they do?
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No way.
Yeah.
Oh, mine are artificial.
They don't ruin my armpits.
Yeah.
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Thank you.
I was going to ask if you were using Mando.
It's not just for the armpits.
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Whoa.
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You mean for the I wouldn'ts?
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Oh, it's spray.
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That's W-E-I-G-H-T.
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Do you see you roan that?
You can cut that.
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You see how you got too fucking loosey-goosey?
Yeah, let me be loose.
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72? That's all three days.
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Yeah.
Every time Ricky Bacon picked his head up, Tiny Tim was sending a bullet right through it.
It was nuts.
Tiny Tim's dirty.
He's just sitting on it.
Tiny Tim was.
Let me ask you guys.
Josh and Chris, do you, is there, every time you log on, do you see a consistency in these guys that are playing?
Like, is Tiny Tim, is he in the playing field every single time?
No, no, no.
But you'll run it, you'll run into the guys like, again.
Like, you'll see dudes again sometimes.
But, yeah, no, it's always different.
There's so many games.
There's so many people playing that it's like, it's kind of rare.
But then you'll see that you'll see a good guy.
again and if he's on your team you're like you like if i ran in a tiny tim i would be dude i'd have
my hand on his back wherever you're going dude what do you need yeah can i get a pick can i get a pick
you're asking you're asking for a pick in the airport with tiny tim that's what you said
that's off tiny tim are you Sean white yes could you jump over my head can you jump over me please
I'm such a fan yeah no it's
It's always, it's always different.
Dude, I've never, I've never experienced anything like that.
Because there's six, seven guys potentially in a platoon.
All seven of us were getting worked by one guy, Tiny Tim,
who was in like a bush somewhere.
We couldn't even find him.
He was just, it was slaughterhouse.
You imagine this report back to like actual military guys?
To your wife?
He was in a bush somewhere, man.
He smoked so many guys.
Imagine prepping a meal with your wife going,
Tiny Tim, we couldn't get him.
He was everywhere. He was nowhere.
Yeah.
Yeah, but she's got the same story for you.
Yeah, Angelina, man.
They couldn't cross the check, man.
She had every different argument for every husband that she had sex with.
And it was the same thing.
She kept fucking him in a bush somewhere.
They never figured out where she was doing it.
It really is the same.
And, you know, Nick, the maps, the maps are huge.
The maps are like five miles by five miles.
If it's 50 on 50, it has to be, right?
Yeah.
The maps are huge.
And so we, like, switched.
like we went totally the other side of the map to try to like come into this point from the other
side and Tiny Tim once again.
It was like,
the old switch the side of the map trick.
We're a kilometer away from the last where Tiny Tim was killing us before.
And he somehow on the,
like on the other side is a legend.
He's a fucking legend.
He's a Russian legend.
Yeah, man.
Who's that Russian sniper that,
has like the most kills in
World War II.
Brittany Griner?
That was fun for Josh.
She's a WMBA player who was being held.
Yeah, she got stuck in Russia.
Oh, the trainee.
Okay.
That's all you have to say to Tommy.
You can say that about any WMA player.
Tommy, what do you remember about Caitlin Clark?
Oh, the trainee?
No.
They can play with the boys?
No, Kate Clark's in Iowa 10.
Except for K.
That bitch is
She's the hottest woman ever, man.
She's a tango.
Cincinnati Bangle.
She's a tanker.
Cincinnati,
man.
She's,
oh,
yes,
Galen Clark is Tony,
too.
She's in a bush somewhere.
That actually does.
She's been in a bush her whole life.
In Iowa,
in Iowa Hawkeye does sound
in a bunch of other names.
She's figuring her to boyfriend,
man.
She's that good.
Yeah.
Her boyfriend's Ricky Baking.
That's great.
Is this a crossover game?
Can you play on PlayStation?
Yeah,
yeah, yeah.
Because boys,
I have a PlayStation.
I haven't fired it up in forever
because I'm busy.
But if it's time to,
if it's time to tank up.
Can you do that?
Cross,
cross platform?
Yeah,
yeah.
Chris is saying yes.
No,
Chris said the same thing.
But Josh is making a face.
No,
no,
no,
no, no.
My cousin Sean plays with that.
he's got a PlayStation.
Okay.
Shout out to Sean.
Sean does rule.
Sean's nice.
The concept.
Sean's nice with the MG, dude.
He gets,
you get him.
Me,
Chris and Sean,
we locked in the onward
with the VR.
Yeah.
Oh, good.
Boys,
let me tell you something.
Mm-hmm.
We already got two.
I'll buy another.
Another two.
If you want to get in the VR.
No.
VR is,
VR is so fun.
It hurts.
Yeah.
It's unbelievable.
If that's on the tape, if you're going to buy me, I would love you.
If that's what the point of this story.
You did a bar show in Iowa.
You deserve it, Bob.
Thanks, man.
You did our podcast?
Yeah, I was just playing whackamol with a bunch of drunks for like an hour.
Yeah.
This is 11 a.m. too.
It was an early show.
Yeah.
People were drunk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Those shows are so fun.
Here's the cool thing about the Midwest.
They're the happiest fives and sixes on earth.
Yeah.
It's just a bunch of fives and sixes.
six is, they're not concerned with
appearances, they're not concerned with, they're just
trying to get fucked up and have a good time. Because the dudes are
zeros and ones. Yeah, man.
Yeah, so fives and six, that's like a hot.
There's smokes. Yeah, my god.
It's great.
It's a binary system.
What's that?
Zero one, zero one. Yeah, yeah. Oh, binary.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't really, we don't do the
10 thing here. We don't do the one through 10.
We do zero.
Speak computer talk, my fat, bitch.
Would or would not?
Honestly, some nights
You're just going to flip a coin, brother.
Would and would not zero and one.
The map of Iowa.
Yeah, dude.
Zero one, zero one, zero one, zero one.
One, one, zero one.
That's good stuff.
But, uh, that was a great time.
Can I just be real quick?
Tommy, you do whatever you want.
Yeah.
While you're back there, if you want to grab your boy, another...
Is that a surge?
You got a surge going?
Yeah, they didn't have the regulars.
So we're getting fired up over here.
You know, the high octane?
Yeah, we're putting the tank in the high gear today over here, man.
The monster energy drunk.
Yeah, man.
Chris, we need you back here, man, getting fucked up with us, pal.
I know.
Can't wait.
Can't wave it to be back in the nice weather.
Although I'm enjoying the snow, but when it's not snow and it's just cold and dark.
As long as it's not, as long as it's not all the time, I'm happy to do some snow, but I just don't like, as an adult I realize I don't really appreciate it as much.
It's sort of, it's almost a hindrance in some cases.
The snow?
Yeah, because we're not making snowballs and sledding anymore, you know?
I want to go driving.
I want to go somewhere.
That can be pretty fun too.
You get a nice...
I guess I didn't think about it that one.
You got a nice base.
Actually, Nick, you can go drinking and driving is what you can do.
Yeah, no one will stop you.
Especially in Austin.
I will say, shout out to the Okaboji, Iowa police.
Boy, are those guys hands off.
Let me just say, there are no rules and regulations.
They drive around, but I think it's just for show.
I didn't see them, like, pulling anybody over, you know?
No, no.
Yo, Ginojanoi.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, we found a new rule.
slur for Tommy.
If it's a town he's never heard of
and it sounds native, that
is now the slur for whatever
demographic he chooses.
He's going to say that the next time you guys play your war game.
Got a couple more Okajawi's
to the right. Look to the right.
Two o'clock.
Four Okersnawis.
Is my daughter in there?
It's my daughter in there.
Now we're back. Now we're full circle.
I had forgotten about that.
Chris, this is a callback to, we had a big, a good riff before the...
I can explain it again.
I think it was Eddie Hall.
It's one of the major power lifter guys, world champion.
They were asking him, Chris, how he generates the power to break a world record for lifting.
And he said that he, a psychologist taught him how to envision that his family was in danger.
And that's how you tap in to the extra adrenaline that can cause you to like lift a car off your wife.
for something, and so thus was
born the phrase,
is my daughter in there?
It's from
Majestic River, what's it called?
Mystic Oka Jawi is that the name
of the movie?
It's from the film Mystic Pizza.
Also, Mystic Pizza
sucks. It's bad.
We went, we went to
Josh, did you hit the fan again? I always read that.
The actual pizza is terrible. I'm sweating over here.
You sweating? I'm sorry.
Yeah, because you guys turn it to
97 degrees every time we record this shit.
They don't fucking live here.
Well, Chris, get over here, man.
I don't, dude. That's the problem
is that, like, you got to keep it 100 degrees
in there, otherwise the pipes freeze.
They were like, they were like, you got to run the water.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to drip. You got to do
the faucet drip. And I was like, why?
And they were like, oh, because the pipes are on the outside
of the house. It's like, well, put them on the inside.
That's how everyone else does it.
It's all fucking dog shit.
It's crazy. How do they not know how to
build a house down there.
I don't get it.
These animals went nuts about this one inch of sleep.
You know?
But what happened in the bathroom, dude?
What happened in the bathroom?
Me?
Oh, just now?
I don't know.
Does you look different?
You came back and you're like, these fucking animals, dude.
I don't know, man.
I think he just heard of saying Okoboji again, and he got excited.
You get sad in the bathroom?
Total energy shift in the bathroom.
I was hoping it was done
Did you get a weird text?
No no no
You have another bad dream about Chris
That was a fucking terrible
I didn't even talk about it
As much as how bad it was
All I did was
Explain the whole thing in detail
To all of our listeners
That's all I did
No it got me going
It was bad
It'd be really interesting
To see that weight lifter
Like if he sets like a record
For a lift
what his energy is afterwards
because that can't be an easy thing to shift out of
what if he gets hooked on that though
what if he makes them hold a gun to his daughter's head
before he lifts you know
it's like only being able to sing
while you smoke math
something crazy yeah
I watched American Idol last night
and I'll tell you I haven't watched it in years
every time I watch American Idol I cry
now
yes why
because it's beautiful
oh the singers
unbelievable.
So we're talking these are the later
these are the later rounds.
I don't know.
What?
Well, no.
Okay.
No, they're still getting the ticket to do it.
Peak American television?
I mean, there's other examples,
but one of the peaks
was the original American Idol
Randy, Paul, Simon,
and it was the prelims,
the trials where all the retards
were trying out.
That was the last, listen,
my family,
it was the Kill Tony of American Idol.
Yeah.
My family,
does not, we don't really communicate.
There's four of us.
We're in four different parts of the world.
You only talk about it?
The last thing we all did together as a family was watch these retards on American Idol.
I vividly remember seeing these different guys.
One guy went on in a bumblebee costume and did, I like big butts and I cannot like that thing.
And it was terrible.
But it was killing so hard.
It was hilarious.
And they were all like, yeah, you're out.
And he was gone, you know?
People were going.
on just to fuck around. I mean, it is kill Tony.
Because the guys do that now. They dress up in a bumblebee costume and now they're going to go
viral, you know? But when it works, man. But that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, but it was so good.
We're talking all that. And then Paula would tell them, you're amazing, I love you, but you're not
right for the show. And then Randy would be like, not for me. And then Simon would be like,
you should kill yourself. It was so good. The three of them, man.
I know, but of a three-day ice storm where I'm
Watching American Idol and Shark Tank in the background because there's no sports.
Shark Tank's not bad.
Shark Tank.
I'll watch some of those clips, yeah.
And I'm getting like emotional because I, it's just me and my girl.
We're eating the same dog shit every day.
It's truly dog food.
We're eating whatever leftovers are.
Two, three times a day.
Yeah.
I got caught by American Idol and I got emotional.
Wow.
Like truly
like wiping my fucking eyelashes
So I can see
The finale of this
Do they ever do a check-in
With Simon Cowl
On the modern America's
He really paid the ultimate price
For criticizing everyone
Yeah
For everything
His face
Yeah that's a fucking pedophile robot
Is crazy
Is he a pedophile?
Does he have accusations?
It has to be.
Yeah maybe
I don't know
You have to say allegedly
It is a real like
Portrait of Dorian Gray
Situation
You should that video of him clapping?
Where he's like, oh, he's the most uncoordinated.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's uncoordinated because he's been finger and toddler.
He's not actually.
That throws you off a little bit.
His joints are all discombobular.
He's not like an actual musician, right?
He's just like a producer or something molester.
He's a good money from everything.
Just one day.
I'm sorry, he's just like juke-cund.
Is that how you said?
That's one word.
Okay.
Ocajab with you.
Ocajooie.
That's what he is.
It's one of us
Akajibuishes.
Ashkenawi, you know.
Ashkenazi.
Ashkenawa.
Ashkenawa.
Ashkeno.
I'm just laughing to the idea that that affects your crew of office.
Yeah.
Not going to be working here anymore.
Not going to be working here.
Just one day a pitcher shows up to practice.
He's not throwing quite right.
Coach is like, what did you do this weekend?
Yeah.
I've only seen this once before
This guy
It was decent three
Yeah
Yeah man
American Idol was an all-timer
And then I
I can still name some of the fucking people
Kelly Clarkson won first
Ruben stuttered he beat Clay Aiken
It was very controversial
And then Fantasia
Berino she won
Yeah first black
Ruben Stutter
I think one before
First black is crazy
man
Godfrew but we have fun
Ruben Stutter
Carrey Underwood
I think is one of the only
like still active
She's on there now
Yeah I'm sure she's like a whatever
I couldn't recognize
Bo Bice I remember that guy
He was a big deal
Yeah
Chris Daughtry if I'm not mistaken
He made a run he had a couple
Yeah I didn't like that
I don't like that grunge fucking...
Sure.
90s.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Act.
Yeah.
From a...
You don't like...
He was like punk rock country, wasn't he?
He was like that weird...
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Like studded belt and the like...
Yeah.
Bandanas around his wrists.
That was a thing for it, dude.
Total costume didn't work.
Yeah.
Good voice.
But the whole thing.
He looked like the lead singer of Disturbed.
Yeah.
You ever seen that guy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
But he was doing like country Christian shit.
It was the other side.
Yeah.
There's a lot of artists.
Justin Warini, he's who lost to Kelly Clarkson.
Yeah, the current here.
They made a movie together.
Yeah.
It was a big, it was a big deal.
Yeah.
So I still remember.
Did you watch the movie?
I think I saw a couple of clips.
I'm like, this guy's gay, obviously.
You're lying.
You're lying.
You saw a little movie.
I'm out.
He's 100% gay.
I'm trying to go back through the logs and who else was in there.
But I think that's a lot.
I just named like seven people.
her fat arms
oh Kelly Clarkson
yeah well she's like Adele man
she can't she's she's you know
yeah she's binary she's the binary code
it's wood and wooden
no but Adele was like look
I'll go black and I'll lose some weight
which is the opposite of what you should do
but Kelly Clarkson
she was always built for the blacks
she had this
I call them fat arms but it's fat arms
No, we understand what you're saying.
Yeah, she had that.
We decoded that one pretty quick.
Oh, you don't think it was that brilliant?
We also know what you mean when you're saying blacks.
We also know what you want to say instead of blacks.
All right, I'll coach you.
I call it a big ass.
I'm a tanker.
I'm a tanker on Xbox, dude.
I'll switch it up.
Yeah, yeah.
So what makes you emotional when you watch it today?
Is it the success or the failure or just the...
Dude, they do it so well.
like watching 60 minutes.
60 minutes is the best program.
You cry when you watch 60 minutes.
Well, no, it's just so well produced and so well edited.
And these...
I think Tommy selected...
I think Tommy selected like a few things that he's given himself permission
to like feel things while watching.
That's not gay.
One end of the spectrum is the Eagles, Eagles games.
And the other end of the spectrum is American Idol.
I cry when the Eagles...
minutes.
Yeah.
Man, if only when they go to commercial on the Eagles games, it could be that
T, T, T, T, T T T T T T T T T Tmmy would just start bawling his eyes out.
That's my sleep machine.
That's my sound machine.
That gives me a panic.
That was like the, you haven't done your homework clock.
Yeah.
Dude.
Sunday night 60 minutes.
It just put the pressure on.
It felt the pressure.
No way.
Simpsons come on.
You start, your feet start sweating.
It's seven.
That's a good throwback.
It's seven.
And I didn't draw
Julius Caesar from my book report.
Right.
I am fucked.
Draw for my book report.
Well,
the time slip is my brother.
The time slippage is so real.
When you're a kid,
a kid in the Northeast
and that sun starts going down at like four.
Yeah.
And you're like, I got plenty of time.
And all of a sudden it's 8.30.
And you're like, oh, no.
Yes. Yes. You don't have appreciation for time or other people's time. I certainly, I certainly waited until the last minute and watched and watched the beginning of my parents' divorce because of the book report I took too long to get started on.
I feel like we're all locked in this, this late time zone where you just go, I'll wait until the exact moment I have to act.
Yeah. Yeah. And it's way too fucking light for everything.
Well, you like, auditions, reading scripts, podcasts, stand up.
Right.
You build the pressure to a point where it'll be like, it'll be easier to potentially get an extension
tomorrow than to attempt to finish this homework that's due.
So what a lot of guys do is they don't, they won't even like fully study.
It's almost like an excuse you can put it in the back of your head where you go,
wow, I didn't.
Didn't John Jones say that on Rogan where he was like, I would go out and party the night
before a fight.
that way if I lose I know
I wasn't at my best
He has an excuse you build in an excuse
It says an Ishkenawa
So you don't
Yeah man
He's one of us
Yes Tommy
Yes Tommy
He would have been attracted to Kelly Clarkson
Is that what we're saying
Or pre-addell
Yeah
Yeah
Priadel
Carrick
Carrie
Yeah
Tommy
Let's get one more
All let's get out of here
I got to go
Just just on the phone with a guy for the first time being like, you sound like you're like an early Adel kind of guy.
Yeah, I would.
Yeah.
She's very talented.
All right.
Well, enjoy.
Enjoy your dinner, Tom.
Hopefully when you get back.
Chris, we miss you, pal.
I know, dude.
I miss you guys too.
I got to.
I'll see you next week.
Yeah.
You coming up?
Yeah.
Hell, yeah.
What are you going up there for?
Tires?
Tires.
Oh, duh.
Four, five, six.
Oh, that thing.
Let's go.
That old thing.
Yeah, yeah.
And what do we got?
The Super Bowl on the seventh or the eighth?
What do we do?
Oh, yeah.
It's my birthday, baby.
Woo.
Super Bowl is your birthday?
Yeah.
Whoa, dude.
All right, I'll figure out my schedule.
I'll call you tomorrow.
All right, cool.
Uh, love you, see you.
Yeah, love you.
See you, bros.
Bye.
Head over to the Patreon.
Yeah.
Brought to you by Rocket Money.
Did I do that right?
Maybe.
Brought to you by American Idol.
This episode is tough on.
That's true.
Brought you by Fittarmes.
If you got Fittarmes,
I'll do it.
Be the most
beautiful singer in the world.
Otherwise, you're just lumpy at a fucking pool.
Yeah, you got to be talented still.
All right, that's great.
All right.
See you, boys.
All right, see you.
