Stuff Island - Nick Murphy - Stuff Island #231

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

Nick Murphy joins the podcast. Nick is a stand up comedian in Austin Texas Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND Go to https://www.zbiotics.com/LOOK to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use LOOK at checkout. ZBiotics is backed with 100% money back guarantee so if you’re unsatisfied for any reason, they’ll refund your money, no questions asked Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code STUFFISLAND. That’s promo code STUFFISLAND. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information Download the app now and sign up with code STUFFISLAND. Claim your FIVE HUNDRED FLEX SPINS and choose your slots! The Crown is Yours. In partnership with DraftKings Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling call 888-789-7777 or visit CCPG.org Please play responsibly. Twenty-one plus. Physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. Non-withdrawable Spins issued as fifty spins per day for ten days, valid for select games only and expire each day after 24 hours. See terms at casino.draftkings.com/promos Ends May Third at eleven fifty-nine P M Eastern time. Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Stuff Island HQ I don't think I've heard those laughs out of you two before What was the What did I just miss Talking to Josh I was telling my pulse

I gotta stop drinking the ciders Too much sugar I know that's out started But how it finished Was nuclear Because he's eating this baby food Appalachal This guy's cackling over here

You should see him I think he takes his bib and eye chair out He sits there He sucks all these squeeze pouches What are these things Applesauce squeeze pouches That you give a fucking unruly child On an airplane

Because they want gummy bears He's messed to my tits about the office He's got a whole box some And it's like it's all sugar He goes, how much do He's going through like serious problems in his life I don't know what I'm going to do man He just hand him one of those

All right It's fine It's like just sucking his thumb It's all angry Like you're a Chris Pacifier You're not you when you haven't had your apple sauce Dude it's a go sauce

People are sitting in the plane like, yeah, guy writes tires, man. It's a stressful show. He tracks it down and puts his thumb in. Season 7, man, I got nothing. He just says to put another one in. This guy must be saving his money. Not spending on anything big. He's got a whole box.

He's coming boxes are like 40. Family packs. He's got no kids. I know the UPS guy's like, we got to call a cops. I was like. There's diapers getting delivered here. Yeah, dude, I had to reload the fridge this morning. You got breast milk in the freezer?

Oh, you got some of that? Yeah, well, good question. It's in your fucking freezer. Wait, are you being serious? Yeah. There's tired of breast milk. There's dated breast milk. You live here, man.

I don't know. He goes, yeah, that's a good question. I've been away. I come back, I open the freezer. It's full of breast milk. It would be funny if Tommy was responsible for that. I mean, we ran out of room in our place.

He saw the Josh Wolf clip. Everybody thinks I got fucking milk in my tids. Could have been my cousin. Maybe it's like some type of nutrition thing. Oh, I think it was, I think I nailed it. I remember when you bought that bassinet? Oh, yeah, that's probably was Sadie's friend. Yeah, yeah.

Came here with a newborn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's got to be that. Like you guys piecing this back together. Yeah. I was on the case for like a week and a half. Yeah, it's terrifying. Yeah, but I can see you looking at it. Yeah, we're going to figure this out.

But you leave it in there. Yeah, I did. I'm not touching titty milk. It might be his fucking fetish to get some more sugars. I freeze it so I can bite into it. Well, what if that's what's in the applesauce? You don't know, but he's injecting it. You use it as a freeze pop in the summer?

This guy's a freak, man. When he gets a headache, he just puts a bag. He's different. Frozen tit milk on his forehead. He's different ever since he got back. Just licking a frozen bag of milk. It's not a. with the show? Are you okay?

I mean, at this point, we should give it a try. I know. I think it might be expired. Expired. No, it's not. That'd be a clip. The frozen breast milk challenge or something? I'll do it right fucking now. Get Tommy licking one on the pod. I'll cut it. I'll cut it in that and take a little nip.

Oh, my God. Take a nip. We should use it for a look at dish. Yeah, yeah. Do a half-ski? You see these aerolas? Tommy, it's a, all right. I'll just cut a whole. in your shirt and make it feel like it's

real Tommy I don't want any part of that man that would be sick if you had a tit-shaped flask I wonder if there's like a fucking salmonier for tit milk you can determine like the diets of these women spin it and yeah yeah yeah whip it around your fucking dice a lot of red meat with this bro yeah

way too much protein yeah you can tell she's having sighties it's too much sugar Paul Giamatti on sideways just put it under the nose glass and the glass and the thing. You'll use one nostril though. Everyone's in a while. You see that tit stuff on like a porn website,

the milk shit. No? Yeah, you'll see like the thumbnail of it. You're just like, what the fuck? What are they squirting all over? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. That's hot though. Those might be your thumbnail. Aren't those that catered to what you're watching? No, no, no, no, no. There's a bunch

of stuff that happens. He's like, no, no, no. There's not. There's no way. All right. We'll start all right. I can't possibly be. I can't possibly be. I can't possibly I get some randos, but a too shrie. The thumbnail, the guy who's saving milk in his freezer, there's no way. That's targeted advertising. They try to sneak stuff

in there. They try to get you to change. Yeah, man. Chris, I've been trying to be change for 15 years. That's how you need to say that on stage. That's good. While you're looking down, ashamed. They try to get you to change, man. Yeah, dude, that was good.

Yeah, they're always doing that. What kind of stuff are you getting? Release the drop. New hit. Yeah, they'll throw some gay shit. There'll be like a gay porn star whose name's like way too close to a lady porn star. Yeah, yeah.

It's like, really, your name's Andrew Chacheek or whatever? Shut the fuck up. They toss a train in there for me. What? Every now and then. A train will be in a threesome. I know. They're trying to get you.

Yeah. And you're scrolling down so you'll see the tits first. Yeah. And then it's just, whoa. Yeah. Yeah. Because you peruse enough anal. They're like,

fucking throw Charlie. Charlita. Yeah. Show this one out. Somalia. Oh, this one's got a dick. Too much apple sauce. Yeah.

God damn. Yeah, I went down to fucking rabbit hole last week. I started doing midges after having Brad Williams on the pod. Really? Yeah. You got back in it. What? That's what triggered that?

Yeah. The whole episode you're looking at Brad like, man, I got to get back into this man. No, we were talking about a hot midgey that was in our neighborhood. And he brought up this, the most famous, like, only fans, midge. Okay. She's so fucking hot. She got a normal head.

I was going to say that's a big thing. Yeah, of course. To not have the watermelon up there. Can I say that to you, fuck? Down there, can I say that to you folks? As long as you don't look like fucking chunk from Goonies. You got that fucking Halloween adventure fucking mask on. You're playing with fire, though, without the watermelon head.

Because it's getting awfully close to just a kid, you know? Yeah. I'm at, that's my, I told you this a million times, but that's my theory about pedophiles. Is what? They just get a tiny little, it's usually Asian. They'll get like a tiny Asian wife or girlfriend. Yeah.

And it's just a child. Yeah. And all I can think of is like, they have like dress up and she's got to get in a fucking schoolgirl outfit or some shit. Okay. Girl Scout uniform. And it's like the only way he can quell fucking kids, which fine. That's going to be my question at the end of your explanation. It's good rehab.

It's good option. It's better than the alternative, right? Oh, yeah. 100%. Well, you lead me into that. I'm just making sure. You know, we're on the same page here, you know? There's always an Asian willing to take the fall.

Yeah. It's the tallest midget syndrome. The one outweighs the other just by a fucking inch. Yeah. Yeah. Did you check out her page, her only fans page? No, but I have a favorite in the porn category. Oh, you already got one.

You have a lady? Yeah. What's her name? Fuck it. You don't remember? Hey, Siri. Okay. It was a popular.

It's so funny. Midgey porn style. It's so funny. Just searching for porn. it being like, I'm terrible with names. I know her face. I know her face, man. I can...

I got it. I got. Bridget the midget. That's hard for you to remember. It rhymes with the thing you're looking up, man. Siri didn't tell me that. It just took a little while of process. I suppose, like, you would forget. It is Bridget, the midgett, just so we know.

Is it dwarf the dwarf? Wild child. She's hot. Tommy's just... But the newest one, holy Christmas. She's like, like supermodel hot. That O-F. I don't think she's got the, you know,

ass spreading bids on fucking, on the webs. I'm not paying for anything. I've never paid for... Okay. Yeah. Fuck out of here. And it's ridiculous.

Insane. Paying for an only fan is fucking insane. Yeah. Unless it's like a girl you went to school with and you always had a crush on or something, which I'm sure there's a billion of those. Or like a teacher that taught you. And then she's like, I can make $100,000 a month.

Why am I doing this? And you're like, let's go see what fucking Ms. Sandoor is up to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that's just, that's research. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what I say about Horn Hub. Yeah.

Baby, let me play back. Yeah, I want to see what people are doing out there. Well, how's Texas treating you? All the midget porn I could ever ask for, man. No, there's no midget porn. No, I know. You can't. It's illegal.

Yeah, yeah. What? Well, all porn, you mean? Yeah. What do you mean? It's illegal. To watch? I think, yeah.

I don't know what the rules are. No, no, you just mean the sites being locked down. Yeah, yeah. No, there's plenty of them. XXNX? Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's ways around it. Let's get these plugs in, Tommy.

Where are you going to be next week in? XNX.com. The Marriott.com. Do not contact tweets. Yeah, I don't know what the are around watching it. Dude, you're fine. No one's fucking banging down your door

because you're ripping off to a midge. Yeah, they're not sending ice guys for porn yet. You got to worry about the tit milk. That's more important. They're going to send guys for that. Get rid of that. You're not worried about that. Believe you jerk away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're fine, dude. I thought we had a great hang last night. That works, yeah. I'm going to tell you something. It was me and this guy, especially. I mean, you were there last night. but you put some athletic equipment out.

Yeah, baby. We're throwing touchdowns. Yeah. We're throwing fastballs. We're stroking three-pointers. Was there a football day last night? No, but we got two out of three. Yeah.

But I remember at the Christmas party at Mothership, there was that sort of carnival. You're supposed to throw the footballs from like three feet away. It's supposed to be easy stuff. Me and this guy are on the other side of the building. We're doing out routes and trying not to hit the bottle girl. Oh, through the fucking target? Yeah, Tommy, you take the end.

You curl, curl it Tommy. Button hook. On three. You're butt-knuck. This is the first route you learned. We went to a park to throw football. We did, yeah. I've canceled a lot of football dates.

Yeah, you have, man. You're giving me a lot of shit, and I'm sorry. Well, you're a busy guy, too, so it's hard to, I'm not, I don't try to give you too much. I get excited, and I'm like, let's do a Tuesday. And I'm like, I got, I got a pie. This guy's kind of dog-like in that way. He's always ready to go for the. walk. And then imagine if your dog, you're like, you're ready to go for the walk and your dog's

like, I got to shoot something this after you. I can't. And you're like, my dog canceled on me. That's crazy. That is crazy. I can't believe you cancel the toss. Yeah, we went to throw one one one time. Ran into, um, I thought you did that. Ran into, uh, Derek, poston. Oh, yeah. That guy has a fucking laser. The way he throws is like his arm is a trebue shay. It's true like it's like a whip somehow Dude it's like old school 90s over the top He was throwing him to me Yeah I'd pull up the Andre Johnson's man

He's got to be ready to catch man It's a fucking dark Is it the Vince Young like trying to get shit off your hands now Vince Young had more of a side arm I remember he throws it almost like a yeah like a tomahawk chop They don't teach you that anymore It's so crazy So when he went to college everything was like top the bottom

They realized that's just not the way mechanics should be It's also it's like a weirdly hard ball to read. Yes. Yeah. Like that, it just is fucking crazy. It's like seeing a fastball

on like Candlesly Park when the shadows come in. Dude. Because you got like a second to catch this thing. Yeah. And he's, he's hucking it like

15, 20 feet. He's cracking the whip, man. It's fucking impressive. We're 10 feet away. I felt like he was throwing it from 50 away.

I gained so much respect. Yeah. Watching that. I was like, oh, man, I see you differently now. You know what I mean? You know the fucking sports boners you get for guys? Yeah, yeah.

That guy, so much respect. And then you lose respect. Yeah. I lost respect for at least 10 comics last night. Oh, man. Some of them should have been spitting the ball out of their mouth. Holy Christ, the mechanics were. Yeah.

Like, where was your dad? Yeah. Feeney had the cricket like... Yeah, Phiney had the Indian overhand. He was bowling. Yeah, yeah. Feeney has the unorthodox of everything. Basketball and throwing, but he was remarkably accurate.

He was. Which is like, it's Sean Marion. Even more upsetting. If it goes in, Let him keep shooting that way. He throws a fastball. That thing is landing on the moon. He won the thing with us because he put it on the closest to the bullseye.

No, he didn't. He was on your team. Oh, yeah, he was on my team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you pay me for that? You're only $20 too. Feetting is the only one of paid me. That's not true.

Ari paid me too. Oh, good. But what a game. We got to get one of those inflatable fucking darkboards. Yeah, that was sick. Dude, I'm thinking about getting a rebounder. Yeah? Yeah.

A rebound. That's the ball. Oh, when it goes into the net and shoots it back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, a rebound. That's the net. Yeah, yeah. Like the net for lacrosse and baseball?

Yeah, yeah. But I get a baseball glove and a baseball. You can just... Chris, I'm eight minutes away, man. Jesus Christ. What's a rebound I come with a fucking 38? Believe it or not, the first... That's the last step before suicide.

The first thing I thought when I got back to Texas was like, I need to buy baseball gloves. Yeah. I got one. Yeah. We got a toss. Let's toss. I haven't had a baseball glove in front of. I'd be done with that.

It's so fun. Incredible. One of the best times I've ever had was you and I at the Burt Kreischer show in some, what was that, Northeast PA? Yeah, something like that. It was like Scranton or something. Yeah, some minor league baseball field. And they had the big stage set up facing like home plate. Yeah.

And the entire outfield was wide open. Chris and I got two gloves and a ball. And when I say we were doing like outfield drills. Launching balls. Like where. See, this is the thing. know this guy. He wants to do drills right along. Oh, dude.

Way worse. Like, fucking. It must have been 60 yards. Like full, full, like, 70 yards? Oh, dude. Level of tall. I couldn't, I wash my hand with one hand. Yeah, yeah.

Four days, dude. My ring was shot. This guy's trying to throw out people that aren't even running. Oh, dude. They aren't even heading home. Yeah. What a shame's assistance. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just knocking beers out of people's hands. Yeah, yeah. Dude, it was, yeah, that was the biggest dog ever is, Cooch. Yeah. And I, as soon as you see anything that could be tossed or thrown, we'll play until our rig fucking blows out. He's the one who sent me that new ball from the dime lab. Who's this guy?

Who's my best friend, girls? He's the man. He's the fucking man. He's the fucking man. He's the one who got drafted by the Red Sox after college. That's awesome. Yeah. How long do you play with him?

He was only in the farm system for like three years, two years. I don't care. Yeah. That still goes on the resume. Oh, it's amazing. You know? Yeah. Unfortunately, he was doing really well, but it's all based.

on contracts, your signing bonus. Yeah. So they signed some other guy for like, let's say, $300,000. Yeah. And his signing bonus wasn't quite that. Okay. So as an investment from the organization, they're like put that guy on,

even though he's outperforming him. Yeah. We need to see what our investment can do it. So then what happened to Kooch? Burn out. He just burned out. Yeah. Sometimes it's fit too.

He also got drafted at 23, which is fucking dinosaur. But you see guys, I mean, I'm a more NBA guy, but you see guys that, they're riding the pine on what the pistons or something and then they all of a sudden get traded to the suns now they're averaging 17 18

it's just fit in that system 100% yeah 100% you love seeing that of course well yeah you want it to work out you know you don't want to get drafted and then it's over you know well it's also like I feel like any any athlete blames part of their career on coaching yeah well yeah and so to see a guy get traded

and then do well you're like could have been me could you imagine could you imagine they're getting drafted to the NBA or the MOLB these are the best

in the world at your craft and now you suck all of a sudden like obviously it's coach you know obviously it's the Marlins

this isn't on me yeah I went to the Clippers what do you expect they want to say that in the press cover so bad it's the Clippers guys

come on you guys did you guys watch that Odom documentary yeah I keep hearing about it though Is it awesome? It's good.

It's whatever. I thought it was good. The most shocking part is he was like free basing pills. Yeah. I didn't even know. Free basing. Yeah. You mean like melting them down?

Yeah. A straw. On a foil. But like free basing like sucking the, okay, sorry. Sorry. I was thinking of another. Free basing like a percassette?

Yeah. It's huge. It's bizarre. No, it's not. It's. That's the most upsetting detail of the whole document. This is a pharmacist just now finding out of the people do that. Are you serious?

Dude, it's a better high. It gets right to your fucking blood. It goes in your fucking... Yeah, isn't that the whole point? Yeah. Yeah. Because if you take it, it's got to go through the liver, all that. And your stomach eats up a bunch of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas if you... You're wasting it. You're wasting it. And if you bump it or smoke it, gone. Intervenous, the best option, but the most dangerous. Yes.

That's why these pillheads from... He was in Lowell, Massachusetts. Cooch, when he got... That's a lowell spinner. That's a tough town. Outside of a... fighter with those guys

and outside of Kensington and Philly it's like the worst opioid capital of world like heroin and shit but that's what happens these kids they go from oxy cotton

then they start free base in it then they start mashing it in a fucking spoon I watch the doc on these kids I mean it's bad to be laughing about this but it is funny how they edited it

because they'll talk to one of the kids and they'll be like yeah I feel like I'm really turning a corner I'm really gonna figure this out and then the next screen it goes

Chris relapse three weeks We haven't seen him since Oh my just yeah Dude I go Imagine the fucking mutants you're hanging around Someone figures out that you can smoke a perkinset Yeah You can't be around that

Right You're like you can't It's like giving them the new iPhone And you're like holy shit This thing does everything It truly is Dude That's like jerking off to a porn magazine

As opposed to actual porn You're like I'm going back Dude I'll take a couple weeks off But I'm going back. We can skip the stomach on this? Yeah. I can get the porn right here.

Okay. No digesting it. Yeah, I don't have to digest. I don't have to turn pages. Good Lord. Yeah, dude. I brought it up again. My favorite, to you, my favorite 30 for 30 of all time.

I'll say it to your audience. That's the Chris Heron one. So good. You want to talk about a pill head. Do you know about this guy? No. He was one of the great white players of all time. Guard, too, which is like.

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Oh, yeah. That's a good time. Cover with Alan Iverson and Ray Allen and Felipe Lopez. He was supposed to be one of those guys. And he's from Boston, couldn't get off the shit. Drinking, partying, then started doing the pills, then started doing heroin. Still made it to the Celtics doing all that. Jesus.

There's a part of it. where there's like 10 minutes before tip off. He's in the parking lot trying to meet his dealer before the game. Oh, incredible. Fuck. That's how good he was that he still made it. But that's part of the doc.

It's my favorite part of the doc. It's still on YouTube. Because he was so good. Yeah. So no one knew. Right. So his brother's talking to the camera and he goes, this is when he's still in college. He goes, he called me in the middle of the afternoon.

I'm like, I can tell he's high as a kite. I'm like, dude, you got a game in two hours. What are you doing? and then they cut to the highlights and he's dunking on people. And the best part, they cut back to his brother in the interview.

He looks so defeated and he just goes, and he played great. It's so good, man. Shout out to Chris Heron. I love that guy. I assume he's clean now. When did they finally catch up to him?

Celtics. The parking lot? Dude, it's so, yes, Dunkin' Donuts. Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah. Oh, fuck. He was shot up, I think, before he was buying his kids' donuts and never even made it home.

Like he crashed or something. But this was like five, six times this happened. So there was that one. I think he was playing in Poland towards the end because he kept getting sent to another league because he couldn't handle his shit. And he kept, he got like pulled over and told the cops that someone was following him like because he was going delusional. He's giving talks to guys in prison. But they're loving it because they're pillheads too. They're like been there, brother.

Yeah. And now I think he just like coaches in high school and he's clean and he's doing, it sounds like he's doing good. But it's my favorite 30 for 30, dude. That's a hell of a ride. Yeah, man. It's almost worth it. I mean, kind of, dude.

Yeah. Where's your documentary? Yeah. I'm telling you. Tommy's crushing, man. But he's high every year. We can't get him off the sauce. It is always the dream is to be like a high functioning.

Yes. Addict. Yeah, man. Like an extremely. just productive, drunk is like... It's fun. Yeah. It's like the Hemingway...

Hunter Est. Thompson, right? Yeah. Go nuts on the substance and then put out the brilliance. Hemingway killed himself, right? You shoot himself? Yeah. I think everyone in his family...

That's how we're all hoping to go, man. Yeah, same. As soon as I can't throw a football, I'm fucking off myself. Yeah, that's when you know. It was like a Hemingway family tradition, I think. Everyone killed themselves. Yeah. So he felt full.

forced. Yeah. I can't. I can't be the only one in my bloodline it doesn't fucking take his capital. Is this real?

It was like a Yeah, I think like his dad killed himself. I think his granddad killed himself. My dad fought nom. Yeah, yeah.

It was like, exactly. You're just like, well, yeah. I guess it's time. Guess it's time to take over the company,

huh? Take over the family. Take over the business. Yeah. This chapter's over. Yeah. What if he shoots his fucking typewriter first?

The line stops here. son do something else otherwise I won't do it tomorrow if I don't kill this type of her I mean it would if you like if you were like I know that a huge part of me being like a genius author was that my dad blew his own head off

you go I want to give the same gift to my son did he have a son I think so yeah was he didn't do shit he just he just is still alive yeah he didn't really done anything yeah

well he had a life worth living yeah yeah yeah That's the tradeoff You want to be a legend? Yeah Kirk Cobain, dude Yeah Put out the incredible shit

And then He was murdered Well, yeah, okay But It's impossible to shoot a shotgun Like that with your feet Yeah, you got toes Now that bitch killed him

There's a doc on that too And everyone I've heard his watches Like no she popped Yeah she popped him Yeah Yeah That bag of shit She should have fucking

Well She should go the other side of the earth Yeah All the shit is You should have Yeah It sucks when some people Actually make it through that fucking

Yeah She'll put out a couple albums, I think, that did well after that. Yeah? Yeah, it's like annoying. Yeah. Trying to take the heat off for a little bit. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty decent.

Yeah. I can't have to be. What? After hole? Maybe, I don't know. That was the name of it, but I like how you're saying it. Doesn't matter of, in a disrespectful way? Yes, but you're saying it like.

Yeah, that's how I see her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She was trying to tell the world. She was trying to tell the world. Yeah.

Subliminal messaging. You want to talk about somebody getting fucked up. You ever see her on one of those. She was on some. Somebody's roast. I forget who. And she's, she's just blackout.

Obliterate it? Yeah. On the dais. She's up there, just falling over on people, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

That's like that rock and roll shit that's like, it doesn't exist anymore. There's old school like 70s. Yeah. 80s rock stars that like tear up the hotel room. Yeah.

It's cool to be a fucking menace and show up. Get kicked off the fucking stage because you can't put words together. You watch the Molly crew one, the dirt? Yeah. Yeah.

It's great. Mountain crew ruled. The whole point was just to fuck up the hotel. I like the cut where they're showing one day of Tommy Lee. Yeah. He wakes up already handcuffed to his own bed. And then you find out every day they have to handcuff him to his bed because he's just tearing everything apart.

Dude, he's just probably putting holes in the drywall, just rippin through everything. Yeah. He's watching breast milk videos. It gets all rock heart and starts breaking shit with that fucking absolute hammer. It's very unruly. knock and roll of me to say, but I think I would actually be pissed. Yeah, no, me too.

If he was, I'm like, dude, come on, man. If your friends were constantly just wrecking every hotel room, you'd be like, dude, fucking fuck you. Yeah, man. I couldn't mention doing it. It costs so much money. How is this still fun? You've done this seven times.

You threw a TV out the window? To what end? You're holding up the bus. I know, I am. Yeah, I'm starving. Yeah. I'm going to go to Denny's. Ben Margerer's like, I just got one more TV to wreck.

It's like, dude, get the fucking car. Yeah, man. Yeah. We gotta go to fucking Topeka. Yeah. Dude, even the jacket, like the pranks of the jackass. It's like, stop tasing me. Dude, we're going to the next city.

Enough. Yes. Dude. You get one ball tap every like six months. Right. Right. You hit me twice in a night. I'm going to get really upset.

Imagine that on a fucking, you know? A billion times level. I never would have made it. I don't have that in me to just be cool with that. You know? You guys locked me in my car with a king cobra. This is not cool. Dude,

that's a fun rabbit holes watching fucking. Well, they're the greatest videos of all time. That's the problem. The content is so good. The one where they lock bam in a thing with snakes, he starts crying. You hear Knoxville just go,

are you crying? He's like, yeah, dude, give me the fuck out of here. It's so funny. Knoxville is the best one for me because he puts all the shit on him.

but he does the most dangerous. Like the bull? Correct. The blind bull fight. He makes his own vouch because he takes the most damage, you know? God damn. I saw a clip the other day. I don't know.

I saw a clip the other day of just bam, like sprinting and doing like just a flying like double kick. Oh yeah. To Ryan Dunn. Correct. And he gets knocked into like like a store. And Ryan Dunn literally just goes, see, this is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. He's so. This is what I'm talking about, guys.

It's just aneurysm bleeding out of his head. That is the funniest fucking thing. See, these are the exact kind of situations I'm trying to hold. We just talked about, can I get the peroxide, please? A couple band-aids, please. I think I'm gliding up. It starts rain during a picnic. This is what I was trying to avoid.

I thought you, too. Diane. But didn't, but then, see, Bam then let somebody, I think Dave England did it back to him. Like he was like, I'll take one. Yeah. And Dave,

or David did like a karate like flew through the air. It just knocked him out, man. You can tell by the way a dude smiles in his teeth. You're like, that guy is. Keep the fucking guard on that boy's coming at you. Feet first. Yeah.

Yeah. It's the greatest. It's the best content ever. That's why they do that stuff. It's so good. We saw Shane and I saw Jackass 3 in the theater and I fucking, I was the throw up laugh. that fucking beginning intro sequence

oh with the hands it's all slow mo and things are blown up in the fucking bitchy gets tossed dude he's doing a fucking he's flying through the air like a bag oh dude it's unbelievable we man we man you're watching him fly through the be man yeah yeah you're watching him flying slow mo you're like man man I gotta get back to these searches man I gotta get back in a bridge at the mission midget bored yeah let's bridge it up too yeah yeah well the boys are like the ladies. They got big fat asses too.

It's an easy connection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just waiting for one of them to turn around. Yeah, just put a wig on it. We, man, if I don't see your face, man, it's gonna get in the head. You're getting squeezed or pinched. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

God, fuck. That shit is so funny. Yeah, that was good. That was good time last night. It is funny seeing those guys like fucking throw and interact. Yeah. I was very upset with Nate, too. He's black.

Oh, yeah, man. Well, he kind of admitted it going forward. He couldn't shoot a basketball. I think he said it before. He, like, warned us, like, just as a disclaimer. Stay off to court. Yeah. Yeah.

But he loves basketball, too. That's the shock. Wow, that's the constant struggle, you know. I love it, but it's embarrassing. But you're born into that. Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen the footage?

Into the family business. That's a gift and a curse when you, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's their family biz. Have you seen the footage of him missing a, uh, it's like a 12 footer in like the bar stool. Oh no. They have it on their like CCTV. Yeah, yeah.

He like takes a ball off the rack, like dribbles over, like jump shot and it just falls. It might be 10 feet short. Yeah. And it was a it was a 20 foot shot. It was 10 feet short. Could you tell what was coming based on the dribbles? No. I could.

Sometimes you can. It looked like he knew almost what he was doing. I mean, it's inconceivable how short the shot was. You're just saying that. because he's black. It looked like he knew what he was doing. No, from anyone. And he's doing like this.

Dude, no joke. It's something you'd expect for like a six-year-old. A bottle of whiskey. Yeah. And get closer. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like,

your whole equilibrium would have to be shifted after a car accident. And then say, shoot this ball. It would be closer. You actually get double kicked in the head by Ben Marjorie. And they're like, all right, I'll take a free-for-up. Yeah.

He handled it well. He's adorable. Well, you can always tell. I told you, man. I told you. Yeah. I defy expectations. He's the fucking best.

You can tell when guys dribble. I'm the exception that proves the rules. I ever tell you that time, if he fucking spazzed on me? No. But I mean... I'll start by deservingly so. You hit him?

We're all ripped now, worse. We're all hanging out on the plane, say. And Nate's across from me. I'm playing cards or whatnot. And we're just chuckling, having a great time. We're all fucking hung over from the arena show the night before. And I just took a sip of my drink. I went, and I just gave him a squirtie.

Oh, no. So you hit him. No, that would have been better. That's out of your mouth, man. And I knew, dude, he went, fucking, I've never seen him. Yeah. Yeah, like he threw shit at me. And he, like, wouldn't talk to me for a couple hours.

And I was like, dude, I'm sorry, man. I thought it was... I'm sorry I knocked your mom out, man. I had to, like, it was jackass or something. Like, even that. Did it hit him in the face? A little bit. Yeah, but that's what we're just talking about.

I know. We're not those guys, Tommy. I said I did the wrong... You can't just go hitting people with a hammer. But it was fun watching him unleash and just like see that fire. I was like, yeah. You felt like a coach. I got the king cobra out of the car.

You got him out of him. He could dunk right now. It was nice. That's how mad he is. He would have shot seven threes in a row. That boy was fired up. You see Greg Popovich give his guy a little before he goes a second.

Dude, Bruce Bowen had 40? What? Bruce Bowen. Okay. Dude, just clinking on every sub. Yeah, it was bad. But it was fucking wild to see him so fucking fired up.

It's funny looking back, but yeah, I should have done that. Dude, you can't be doing that, Tommy. Nah. That's for the jackass guys. Yeah. It is for the jackass. It is for the jackass. Yeah.

Did you let him get you back? Did you give him like a... Yeah, you threw something on me. Okay. I didn't do anything about it. Sorry. But you're still thinking about it. Yeah, you got to take...

You got to take your lungs. Yeah, whatever. Yeah. Gleek to the face. He threw his drink like at me. Yeah. Deserving. Yeah.

And I was like, what the fuck? Jesus. Wait, wait. Wait. What do you want? What do you want some apple sauce? What did he threw his drink at you and it's still laying 10 feet short? Yeah.

I think he's playing paper football He just got to like halfway to the table Oh man He's the fucking best I love that boy Yeah dude You got a little stroke You know, I was asking

Because you were in kind of a tight shirt Yeah I was still well You were still putting them up there Ironically Yeah That was the same shirt When we did The Golden State Warriors Arena

Okay Me, Shane and McCann Okay And we went through like the Golden State Warriors Locker room. Yes. It's very quaint. It's small.

It's like it looks like a small like kind of like a hipster bar or library. It's really cool. Yeah. Usually they're just big and overlit. And then we played on the practice court. And I was wearing that same fucking shirt that you almost have to like jack the sleeves

all the way up or else it's restricting. It restricts here to here. Yeah. What is that? The shirt I was wearing last. Oh, oh, oh. You get no. No range of motion.

You got you in a straight jacket which might be good for three throws because it just keeps you locked in. But when you're trying to stretch out for three, yeah. You know? It's full range of motion. Yeah,

I was happy with my performance. I thought, I thought, you were fucking smoking. He's a dying in my best. Well, that's the whole thing. That's a whole,

yeah. Damn. You're going one hand at left. Yeah, I had a beer in my hand. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. Oh, that's right.

I did switch to the left hand. Yeah, that's when I was like, all right. Yeah, so I saw. Enough pussy for you. you're naked. Yeah, from these comics.

I'll tell you what, that one fucking girl was better than all the fucking boys. Oh, Miranda. Oh, Miranda Meadows. She has a cannon, man.

That girl was hooking. Yeah, she's cool. Really? It was unreal. Yeah. And she had like, hand-eye coordination

when we were throwing it back to her, she would just like, the way you do it. From the thud on the impact of the inflatable. Yeah. That's how you know if somebody's got a rocket. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Even if they miss, it's like, you guys are like scouts looking up. The bird dog? Yeah. Yeah. You hear the way it hits the mid.

Yeah, we got a right-handed, we got a right-handed lesbian that likes to tell jokes. Might be good for your bullpen. And they're like, we don't have room. It's like, yeah, look at these other fucking idiots over here. These comics, just not even close. Lamar had the ball in his mouth at one point. Oh, yeah, we were making jokes about that.

That's one of those clips that I can, that, like, Instagram will constantly show me to try to get me to, like, segue into, like, horny shit. that Asian chick throwing that like backdoor slider for Oh yeah That's how they get you start to change That's they'll hit you with that

You'll be like not looking at that kind of shit And you'll be a good person And then at 100% 10pm they'll throw that in And it's like Yeah And then the ass bounces a little bit After the flow

And you're like Asian natural Oh this was just about baseball man God damn it Oh that's like that's like the Instagram's version Of like a Netflix Like are you still watching Yeah yeah yeah It's the most egregious people who like baseball

Also like double anal age What? What? What Netflix? All right, I'll check it out. They love doing that. If you clean up your fucking algo And you get nothing but like sports and like history stuff. You do so good. You do such a good job of purging.

They'll show you it's like, well this chick is sprinting And her ass is amazing. Yeah, yeah. So that's close. No, it's not. Is Pol Wolter from Sweden? And you're like, what the hell? Yeah, you like hockey?

What about gymnastics? You like gymnastics, right? Can she jump with a black pole? Can she do that? Yeah. Oh, man. Pure white breads from Europe. Yeah, dude.

Big fat asses. That's one I get hit with a lot. The Polish lady? Yeah. It's going to. I know you've seen it. Yeah. There's a Polish tattooed track lady.

and she like before a race like bounces her ass you show me you show me there's no way called to the vaulter you brought to the vaulter dude you show me 30 to 60 seconds of lady volleyball the next sound you're going to hear is my zipper all right this episode is brought to you by blue chew all right guys if you're lady or your fella or that person that sends you an eggplan emoji at 2 am is ready for better sex then you should be too that's where blue chew comes in They've been on a mission for years to get you bricked up, build your confidence, and help you actually perform in the bedroom. Their new arousal boosting formula, Blue Chewold, is helping millions of men have better sex in 2026. While most ED meds only focus on blood flow, blue chew gold goes further by combining two ingredients for blood flow with two ingredients for mental arousal and connection.

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and we thank Blu Chu for sponsoring the podcast. Dude, that's the most of the green just one man, the volleyball man. It's so great, but it's like why? Well, it's laundry. They're wearing lingerie. I know. They're all booty shorts. It's great.

The fat tips are hanging out. Yeah. Those things piss me off so much. Every once in a while I'll get like, there's two Asian ladies throwing like a ball up a thing and it lands in a, have you seen that? Ski ball? What's the sport? It's not ski ball.

It's a, It's a totally, you've never seen the game before. This is an Olympics sport or there's like a game? No, it's just a thing. It's just like, you know, it's like the Indian guys, the Indian guys, the Indian guys. There's just two women pissing on each other. Have you got to see this game? There's no ball.

It'll be just rolling in the world. It comes back when you pull it. No, you know, you get, you've seen the clips of the Indian guys playing whatever that like flick game is, right? Where they like flick a thing and it hits another little. Yeah, yeah. You play box hockey's kids? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Knock hockey, we called it. Oh, yeah. In Catholic school, you break out this little box and there's a little permanent, you know. The square, the wood square. Yeah, the wood square. And you take a little wood cylinder and you have a little circular stick. Okay. And if it was within the range of your hand, you could take it to the block and just fucking

fire off it. No, I didn't, I never played this. Knock hockey? Oh, great. Knock hockey fucking rock. We played that in four square. Four square was massive. Yeah, four square was the best, dude.

You thought you just had war to the kid that could actually play. Well, and then it turns into like how long you're the king or whatever, right? Yeah, yeah. And then when you finally lose everyone, the whole town celebrates when you finally knock this guy off. Yes, dude. Because you could make rules. Once you became the guy in charge, you can make rules, you know. And the dudes that are unathletic, you just spin the ball and they can't figure out how the physics of it.

They don't know what's going to go that way. That's how you diagnosed autism. Dude, that's my favorite part about like basketball court. If you're just fucking around, somebody just go like this. They run the wrong way. That's what my girl does. It's like they're fucking dogs. So funny.

No idea of physics of the ball is going to go that way. The autistic mind has no physics engine. We're all cracking up. Yeah, man. That's why we're here now. That's how we all got here. Yeah, four square was literally four squares in a box cut off. And each person sat in one square.

and you have that red rubber bounce ball the kick ball and then you would just bounce it and then they'd catch it okay and they throw back and they would start with normal rules where you just one hit one bounce but then they started doing shit like popcorn do they do that where you just do this for a minute and you're just staring this autistic kid down and then you just look this way and just do that you're out the power the power struggle that's right to your head My favorite drinking game, we used to play a game called whiz boink.

Okay. And you'd like add rules. Yeah, you just go like whiz. And if someone goes boink, then it goes the other way. So that's like how it starts. Okay. And then you add like you can like fucking shoot and the person has to like make a... It's when you start ad rules.

It turns out of the Lord of the Flies, man. Dude it's so great. Next thing you're killing the fat kid with a rock. Killing Piggy. Yeah, yeah. That was his name right? Peggy? I think so.

Lord of flies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You leave kids in charge. It's a great, it's a great sample of what that would turn into. Yeah. It's like my parents went away to dinner or something.

Did anyone make my brother's Lord of the Flies? Yeah, yeah. Did anyone make a little girl's version of Lord of the Fries? Sister heard of the traveling pants or something. Wasn't that there? No, let's explore how they're shitty to one another. Was there a girl on the island or no? That's what we're saying.

There's some version of that out there. It's like, that's all my gosh. It's the real housewives or whatever. When it's up to them. And they're all pigies. It's an island of pigies. They all suck their ex-husband's accounts dry. Yes.

God, those fuck. Wood chippers for all those pigs. I'd save their handbags and resell them. Yeah, every one of those. It came into a bunch of handbags. The lawns, pink mist. There is a freezer. Yeah.

milk a couple of them on the way out. Yeah, that's right. You take the breast milk, get that dust out there. It's almost summertime. I need some popsicles. Oh my God. I wonder if the breast milk leaks out when they die. That's a good point. You're like pissing your pants. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, like when your bowels release when you're dead. That's got to be the most, like they're holding it in. I would do that on purpose. Like if I was Hemingway, I'd have like three quarter pounders before I blew my fucking brains out. Just to make more of a mess. You got to clean that up. You got to clean the share up. Taking it off my pants.

You got to take him outside and hose me down like a fucking walrus. God. Even an hour later, it just starts to come out again. What the fuck is this guy? It's like that fat fucking stand by me in the pie eating contest. He takes a raw leg and castor oil. Oh, yeah.

Complete total barforama. Yes. Yeah. Scene fucking rocks. One great scene. That movie shaped my life. Stayed by me, platoon. Yeah.

Those are good ones. Those are the boys. That's why you feel that. Whenever I, there's always that in you that we're in a platoon together. Yeah. And we got to make the next move. Isn't that great? Dude, that's shaped part of your demeanor.

Hell let loose Vietnam. Coming soon. Oh my God. I can't wait for this. But you're always also on edge like there's Charlie. Yeah. Like that might ambush us. Yeah, Chuck's around the corner.

Yeah. As you take a hit right there. We're on a podcast, man. We're not in the jungle right now. Yeah, you never know, man, Chuck's everywhere. Chuck's in the weeds. Yeah, man. God damn.

I forget what else I was going to say. Something about war, probably. Yeah. I can tell you about that left-handed shit. I mean, I know that was a minute ago. Yeah. There's a reason for that. Yeah.

My dad took me to a hawk's game back when we had ISO Joe. Do you know about these guys? I love that, too. Yeah. He's so good, man. And we were playing. the pistons right off their championship with Chauncey Billups.

Was I said Joe a six man? I liked that. No, no, he was our guy. He was our best player. Really? Yeah. Maybe I just know him as like the most underrated all-star of all time.

He was a superstar. But yeah, it wasn't like, he didn't have a big personality. He was kind of quiet, dude. Yeah, yeah. But, uh, no, he was incredible.

Did he have a 30 for 30? No, again, I think just not like a big enough. Yeah, yeah, he wasn't getting high before the year. That's how you get the 30 for 30, you know? I think I just sold like a documentary on him or like some of something. I'm sure he's got, I'm sure he was. And like, no one really knew him, like, globally. Well, he was in Phoenix and then he like broke his face.

So he was a mask guy for a while. Oh, okay. Like Rip Hamilton. Rip Hamilton ended up being permanent. Yeah. But he had one for a while. And then somehow we got him through a trade or something. And then he just was our guy for a while.

Do you think Rip really needed it permanently? At a certain point, I think it just becomes second nature. I was like part of year. It's like Batman putting on his uniform. Yeah. And then you get comfortable with it. You take it back off. It would feel weird.

mechanics are all fucked up. But I also wouldn't be surprised. eyes if he had some kind of nasal something. It was like, dude, you can't take another hit. Didn't that become like a thing in the league for a while where they had to like, they had to like make a rule where you can't wear it? Really? Oh, yeah, because Kyrie and LeBron were doing it. They were like a black one, I think. And they were like,

no, it has to be regulation clear maybe, something like that. I'd have to Google that. It made their eyes harder to see or some shit. I don't know. There's like some. That's probably the excuse they made. Just try not to get black eyes wearing too much too much excess guys no more chains on the we can't see your muscles

so we can't yeah Sicilians are all out of whack but yeah so my dad they were coming off with the chip with Chauncee Rip

yeah Tashon Prince and the two Wallace is Ben Wallace Rashid Wallace such a good team they beat the Lakers when the Lakers

were supposed to rekindle with Carmelo Carmelow Carl Malone and Gary Payton their last ride and my dad took us early

and we got there a couple hours early you can watch shoot around despite where your tickets are they would let you down I don't know if they still do this but you can walk down pretty close to the court and we were watching Rashid warm up and he was stroking it from you know

35 out and then he fucking switches left handed. Oh my God I never seen someone do this and he's still stroking and I'm like that's what these guys are doing you call the commissioner no more face masks for these guys

they're too good now And it was incredible. And I was like, man, maybe that's... Because you don't do it during the game, you know? Yeah. But I think it's just an almost like an extra confidence boost in your shot. Yeah. That you're like, I could do this left-handed also if necessary.

Yeah, it's got to build the coordination. And builds probably extra coordination with your brain. Keep it... It's funny. Just like we were talking about the quarterback throw from 12 to 6, it's adapted to like this is considered correct. Yeah. You know, like the Bob Coo's...

window. Sure. You know? It's like a squared off window. Whereas now, now it's just all feel. It's like whatever you,

it's like Jim Furek on the golf course. He's got the ugliest fucking swing in the world. Now it's just about like ball placement, accuracy. However you get it there, get it there. I'm telling you, I thought it got more technical nowadays.

I thought everyone's shooting like up here. It depends. I think as the technology gets better. Like I can't think of, I mean, I'm kind of on the spot here, but I can't think of off the top of my head, somebody that's just got a crazy shot now.

like that used to be more of a thing Like I said, Sean Marion Lamella Ball has a wild child Loneso more so before he fixed it I don't know if you remember when he was in college in high school He had this weird It was like his arm was a snake

Yeah and then he would shoot it like sideways At the last second What's his face? That was like our The worst draft pick of all time For the Sixers number one Oh yeah Oh that kid

He had dog shit Well his thing was his like shoulder He got fucked up What the hell was that kid's name Why am I blanking He's on like the magic now I'm glad I fucking don't remember. Well, if you watch him in, because if you watch him in college,

he had a pretty normal looking shot. Yeah. And it was going in. I mean, that's why he got drafted number one. He was something, he had like that Ben Simmons worm where, like, he got to league. Well, I think also switched. No, he had actual nerve damage.

Something happened in his shoulder. Oh, he did warm in the shoulder. Ben had his head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It leaked somewhere else. But he had something medical where it was like, this is not all on him necessarily. That was the era of like the Flyers and Sixers just getting rat fuck.

Yeah. Draft picks. Yeah. It was that, that dude had that bizarre, like a one in 10 million nerve thing that fucked his shoulder. Nolan Patrick, our number two overall picks.

I can't find it. What's the fuck is his name? Because I want to know his name too. I can't stop. Is it M? Something with an M? Oh, yeah. It was Marcia or Marcus Marcian?

Marcus. Markle Fultz. Markle Fultz. We got it. That was it. Markle Fultz. Yeah. Bridget to Midgett.

Sir didn't tell me that I figured it out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, man. But you guys always get sort of rebound. I mean, I don't know, the Sixers, what do you guys? Just still waiting on Joel to stop him and whatever. We wasted all his good years.

Yeah. It's not going to happen. It's unfortunate. I always said they should have just traded him for a haul. Yeah, but that would have been two, three years ago now. Yeah, yeah. I know it's, it was probably upsetting to you guys at the time, but it was on the time.

the other end, the Ben Simmons worm, it was one of the best playoff times ever for Atlanta Hawks fans to watch Trey Young piss off the entire Northeast, starting with New York. Yeah. Or maybe it was the other way, but either way, it was New York and Philly. What shelf is that Elph on now? Yeah, I know. Washington, the Wizards. And actually the Hawks are good now.

I don't know how we're doing against the Knicks. I don't know if we're going to get out, but we lost game one at least. It was pretty funny. What shelf was that Elf on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was great. It got overlooked. Yeah.

We still like Ice Trey. It just wasn't working out. I like him too. I like the way he fucking fired people up. Yeah, he was so good. Yeah. Well, I think, well, you want to talk about getting shit fucked. We were in the conference finals against Janus and the Bucks who would go on to win it.

Yonis hyper extends his knee. Now we're in the driver's seat. We're starting to take control of the series, potentially go to the finals. Trey rolls his ankle on a what? Referee. I've never seen this happen in my life. it was not another player it was not

was he stepping back from a three it was something maybe a pass but the ref was like behind him and when he landed he rolls it on the fucking referee because they do that and then they jump back and then they jump back on the three

well now they take like nine stepbacks and a lot thanks James Hardin the fuck face it's crazy they gotta get that MLB's shit on well now dude you can do anything check the tape dude six steps yeah I know he's seven five and it's cool

but I saw Wembenyama do a spin move but he just like cups the ball in his arm, completes the spin, and then starts dribbling again. And you're like, that's not, that wasn't that. And he's not, he just goes like a, it's like a cowboy dance. But you do like, yeah, there's like double stepbacks now and weird, they just don't call traveling anymore. I'm starting to sound like the old head now.

But no, you're right. But it's like, dude, the rules are a little loose now. Yeah, you don't care until your team's good. And then you go, oh, shit, this is going to affect our fucking outcome. Yeah, exactly. That's when he starts getting bitching about it. Well, that's why all the OKC guys are just like, No, everything's perfect.

What are you talking about? What is flopping? I don't understand the problem. They got to clean it up. Basketball and soccer need to get cleaned up big time. You a soccer guy? Soccer guy? I do like soccer.

There's no way this guy's a soccer guy. That's just gay to Tommy. Soccer rocked. It's fun to watch when it matters. You watch the highlights. I turn it on for like the flyers for like the end of the season and playoffs. That's my. That's my one.

Flyers and Sixers. I'm going to say like my sports. mentality. Because that's not, okay. Philly season's too long. I jump in like midway other than highlights. Yeah.

Eagles, every breath of 17 weeks. Yeah. I'm fucking locked in. Yeah, yeah. But like, same thing with soccer. If it's like the World Cup or something, it's fun. I get it. If the game means something to Chris or Shane,

they get me locked in. I'm asking questions like a five-year-old, pissing them off. What's this guy doing? Who's that guy? And then when you're forced to watch a game that matters, it's great. We went to...

But they got to review dives and just fucking find the fuck out of people. Yes. It's just like find the fuck out of these guys if they're faking injuries. That's all it is. That's all it is. I know.

Just stop calling that a foul. Yeah. Yeah. And then SGA starts averaging seven points per game. You know? Yeah. You're like, what the hell happened?

Yeah. Well, you can't just sit on the court and then come back out. You can't sit on the court and fake a fucking injury. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I guess you can. But they don't do that.

Because it's part of the rule. Yeah, so they know to do that. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's just all extra penalty time. There's videos of penalize the fucking team. There's videos of coaches walking over to their like midfielder whispering to him walking away and then the midfielder just, da! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it falls down. It's insane. Yeah. Yeah. And everyone started moving slow at the end of the game to like burn the extra time. Yeah. It's fucking drives me nuts. Which almost defeats the purpose of the extra time. It's like you're just, you just waste, just end up having to waste it on behalf of the rules. Yeah. If you, if you you get them off the fuck.

Like my father would say, get that fat fuck off the field. Yeah. And these guys have like, they're blowing their ACL on the football field. Yes. My dad's go,

get that fat piece of the field. Yeah. Because it's blowing to his extra time. He's got to cut the lawn or some shit. Yeah, the whole aspect of the extra time

is so funny to me because it's like, they just decide, you know, six minutes. And you're like, how'd you come up with that? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And he's six minutes. I don't know. And they go, well, I guess we'll see. Yeah. The most annoying thing is their overtime

isn't sudden death. Yeah? You want some sudden? Yeah, it should be the first goal. It's ridiculous. Yeah. When you watch, you're like,

you're 110 minutes into a game. Yeah, until the other team scores in the 110 minute to tie it. And then the stadium collapses because they're celebrating so loud. But that pisses me off because like,

once the team scores a goal in overtime, they just go in full like prevent defense mode. And then the other team just goes nuts. Hail Mary's. Yeah, yeah. It's like they're going to score. Yeah. Yeah, it's fun.

They've got another 30 minutes to score a goal. Yeah. It's fucking unbelievable. It should be like hockey. Like, you lay down too long. Get them the fuck off. Yeah, yeah. And you got a one man advantage for two to three minutes.

Sure. There should be a clock. It's if you lay down for longer. However you lay down, yes. No, no. If you lay down for 10 seconds, it's like boxing, it's like you're out. Oh, I like that. You're out.

You got to get up. So you better really be fucking hurt. Accounting about on his fake injury. I like that. I like that a lot. Yeah, dude. And then he doesn't get up and the guy just goes. Yeah.

And he's just out of the, and then red car. He's just out of the game. Dude, imagine how embarrassing it is to be on like the medical team for a professional soccer team. Well, you don't do anything. Yeah, yeah. You run out there with a five pound stretcher with three your fucking gay friends. Well, they have all their.

You put icy hot on this. Yeah. They have all their euro shit. They go out with a spray can and spray. like ice on them or something I don't know it's like perfume or something it's France I don't know

how he fixes guys man Spray with collo that's their smelling salts it is it's a car to war dude you just wave a little bit under his nose Italian national team

it's just savage they won seven to nothing after that pervert. All right, Nick, you got something to plug, buddy. Thank you for coming. Yeah, Atlanta. Wait, when's this going to come out?

Will it come out by... Oh, it'll come out tomorrow. Or Wednesday. Yeah, no, that's in time. Thursday. I'm doing Atlanta healing. Come out. It's going to be a blast.

It's the homecoming. That's your hometown, baby. It's the hometown, yeah. This is your first week there? It's my first one-nighter. They're letting me do the big room, which is tight. Let's go. Yeah.

I don't know how it's going to sell, but I figured I'm from there. You're going to do great. Maybe. Yeah. That's a great room. Go see Nick. He's fucking hilarious. Thanks, guys.

Chrissy, you want to plug your... Oh, yeah. I'm going to be in Tampa, Arizona this weekend, and then... What are you doing in Tempe? The improv. It's a great place. Yeah. Yeah.

Hopefully people, please come. Please come to that. We're all just begging, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please come to that. Just go. Yeah, yeah. And then May 7th, I'm at the Hollywood Improv Lab.

Sick. So come to that. I've been on the lab. Netflix is a joke. we got to pause the flyers game yeah oh look who showed up to work thanks guys head to patreon dot com slash stuff island

check out the next hour with the booze