Stuff Island - Nick Murphy - Stuff Island #253

Episode Date: September 30, 2026

This week Nick Murphy joins Tommy and Chris Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND Don’t sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% off with code STUFFISLAND at https://takeultra.com #UltraPouches #adventure Download the DraftKings Super app now. New customers sign up with code STUFF & spend $5 to get $150 in rewards within 14 days @ https://www.draftkings.com/mobileapps Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

seeing other people do it. It's hellish. When you go, when you finally go, like, you know what, I'm just going to get, I'm going to get a couch that, like, I love and I'm just going to have it forever. That's a, that's a five-month process. Yeah. Where it's like, for some reason, they don't design any normal looking couch that isn't, like, less than $6,000 for some reason.

And then you're like, all right, fine. I'll pay a ludicrous amount of money for this couch that I'm going to have forever. And they're like, yeah, it's going to take about eight months to deliver it. And you're like... In pieces. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, kill a cow. You got to dry it out.

You got to shape it. You go to the store. You go, give me this one. They're like, we could never do it. We don't have that one. Yeah, yeah. You don't have one of these? Yeah.

Yeah, it's in Dallas. Dallas is three hours away. Ship it. Yeah. They act like they can't ship anything. Jesus Christ, what got you in a fucking rug? I wanted to get a desk chair and I... This started about wallpaper.

It's crazy. Anything to a couch? Anything to a boy talking about the Eagles right now. Yeah, yeah, we'll get to that. You go to fucking couches and wallpaper? It's everything else. God tell you ever tried sharpened to the pencil? The Eagles is the same thing.

Covering the pencil. Jesus Christ, breaks every time. They say the sharpers in Dallas, they're going to ship it. Yeah, how long it takes to find an offensive coordinator. it's a nightmare 12 months apparently every 12 months they don't ship them

yeah he had a fucking shitty game last night too yeah Vic Fangio shitty game yeah

it goes to the top the defense was dog shit yeah you can't spend all that money in those those four fatties he mentioned that like five times jack fatties

you know much we spent on this line there's on paper this is like you shouldn't be able to run on them. Write down our dicks and then case Keenham.

Well they didn't need to. He's like he's 23 years old. Electric. Electric. Electric. I knew when he was hugging his sweet

little babies on the fucking field, smiling. It's the motivation. This dude's either going to have the worst in his life for the best. Yeah.

He came right out of the game. Holy Christmas. March down. Even getting hit, the guy was float directly in the basket. And it was, it's a devastating

watching Swift do that to us. Yeah. God, he was so good for us. He was so good. He was so good. He was so good. He was being so good. I was watching Tommy watch the Eagles.

I never watched an Eagles game with you before. Nick was fucking chatty too, thank God. Nick actually saved my fucking TV. I think I was keeping your blood pressure down. He was talking about shit that wasn't even about football. You need it. You need that. Can you shut the fuck up? I was saying something like, you just

asked me a question. I think I was just answering the question. Can you shut the fuck up? You're right, Tom. I was very confused emotionally. I'll wait to the third quarter to answer that. Watching you, So you need an Atlanta Falcons fan to chill you out. Yeah.

We watch in, we watching seasons. How was our season? Nine and nine again? Great. You guys watching plays. Yeah. It's every play this guy's invested.

Yes. It was like watching a dog with a vacuum cleaner. That's you watching the Eagles. You're not, ah, this, I think, I think we're so living moment to moment with it.

It's moment to moment. Moment to moment. Moment to moment. Like, like, because it's a still, we still, even the most battle-hardened, die-hard Eagles fan would tell you, we still don't know who Jalen Hertz is.

Yeah. We still don't know. And like after last week, we started to like mount a little bit of a comeback. No, he is good. And then. They threw that pick. I mean, suck the life out. Then you just watch this.

You watch Dalton. I was going to say, you guys, every Eagle fan knows who Andy Dolton. Andy Dalton. That was a big. It's first goal On the fucking two-yard line It gets hit by a car This guy

This guy calls his mom Hamlet to find out what to do He threw the ball with his mouth I think that's directly to the fucking Defender That's play calling That's play calling No it's the decision

You don't put the backup in And then just do it dive You fucking losers It's like Have a little bit of creativity For once In fucking two years Can we see

some level of creativity in the play calling. It's like, yes, you put the backup QB in, we know you're just going to give it to Barclay. They know you're going to do it. So don't do it. And then in the fucking halftime interview,

don't, I swear to God, coaches, coaches that go, when we're on the one, we got to be able to run it in. Shut the fuck up. No, you don't. And you can't. If they know what's coming,

you can't do it. Shut up. Give him that Peyton Manning naked boots. It's just with, It's lazy coaching. It's lazy play calling. It's just your, be creative.

You're not, you're not going to just be able to hand it off to Sequin and have them punch it in. It's just not going to happen. That's the beauty. Listen, and this is the- Don't tell me it's going to happen.

If you have an RPO. Don't blame it on your offensive line. If you have a Jalen Hertz, then it's not just, oh, it's definitely going to Seekwan. You put in this red-headed fucking, and of course they're going to hand it off to Seekwine, because when he throws it,

he's just going to spit it up to somebody else. No, you do, you do, you play action. It's the, There's no play action with him. What do you mean? Andy Dalton. He did it once.

He threw him right to the fucking defender. Third down. Yes, exactly. You do it on first down. Yes. You do it on first down. I agree with you. Bootleg him out.

But this is the point. Bootleg him out. A hundred percent. Play action bootleg. Yeah. Get his legs moving. It's his first play of the game. Get him moving.

I'll take a corner shot. No screen. No screen. See, you guys. Do not screen. If you guys came to a consensus, then you would have some. No, I'm agreeing with him. Just get his legs moving.

It's his first. Play of the game. What you're not saying Don't hand it off. When you take Jalen Hertz out, you're removing so many obstacles. Look, I'm as mad about the Concussion Protocol thing as well.

I was fucking insane. It's insane. You can't do it. Look, everyone knows. You're not allowed to say it. I said this to Nick. When he laid down, he wasn't hurt.

No. And he laid there for a bit. And now the whole fucking league's like, well, he looked like he was knocked out. put him in the fucking tent. Oh, I've done that before. He jumps up and runs out. He was like thinking about something.

Yeah. But that pause caused the entire league to go, now you have to put him in the tent. But even the refs. The refs on the field didn't even go. They weren't even like he's got to go off because he was down for any. That's how quickly he got up. Yes. No, he was dude.

He was down for like 10, 15 seconds. It was like a amount of time. And I'm sorry. I don't care if the guy, if his skull is. He's peeking out the fucking tent going. And then two more days. So he's already cleared the test. Also, I put that on Siriani and not call call a timeout.

What you, it's, there was what? I think there was five minutes left in the quarter, maybe six. It's like, what else are you going to use these timeouts on? Call a time out, run a play, call a time out, run a play. Get him out of the tent. By as much time as you. Yes. I'm telling you, your first and goal with a backup quarterback, I'd call all the timeouts to get him out of that fucking tent.

Wish all six. Yeah. He comes to the second hand. Also, throw the ball to Mackay Lemon, dude. Lemon rules. Wix is great. His round running is incredible.

This is the one game. Look, dude, I am a diehard fucking Jalen. I believe in Jalen. Nobody can defend that fucking game. For anybody. Anybody. Yeah, but you guys are going to win by 50 next week. Jalen Hurts is the greatest score.

No, dude, it's not. Look, everybody gets a fucking week. Everybody gets a week. Everybody gets a week. And Kay's got the other ones. Case got the week of his life. He's going to come out next week and get fucking ass right. You know, it was a fun video.

Why did we rush him? He didn't, Vic Vangio didn't put a fucking rush on him. I don't know. Until the third quarter. I'm out. I am out on Jalen until I see him pick a team apart. Throw to different guys. Oh, yeah.

Well, I agree. But it's like. Show us the arm. Yeah, shows the pocket presence. Like there's people that are open. and you can't seem to find him. So head on a swivel. It can't go to Devontas Smith

every time. That was nice in the Titans game that you just got to throw it to him and he caught everything. But it's just like you're going to have to spread the ball around. They did last week. And that means you got to stay in the pocket. Don't leave the pocket and run into the defensive

line. Well, that's offensive line as well. No, it's not. They made a pocket. He left it and he's getting rushed in 20 seconds. He's got to get rid of the fucking ball. It's crazy. 20 seconds is a long time. It's about 10.

I meant two seconds. Case Keenom's getting out in two seconds. He's got two seconds. Hasn't placed in 20. Case Keenham was back there fucking sun tanning. No, dude. That guy was doing whatever he fucking won. He was rapid breath.

He was averaging. The ball was gone in two seconds. That's where are our four fat fucks not getting in there? No, dude. It's just Jalen Hertz. He's got to hang on to it. Hang on to it.

Hang on to it. And then he's got to run. His big loping run. Everybody. He's got to take a sack. Everybody. a bullet to the head for that game. Everybody.

Line them up. Everybody sucked. Except for wicks. But that's the game you need. I told you that. You guys need this game. Sequin was great. Get it early.

Punch you in the face. You still two and one. It's amazing. They were running the ball. Great. Seekwan was great. It speaks to your franchise. You guys have these expectations every year.

I mean. The Falcons, we just chill. We're excited that we beat the Packers last. I mean, that's great. The Packers. Yeah, yeah. In Lambo. That was nice.

Yes. And I like Xavier Watts is on your team. He's the man. We don't know who's the man, except for Bejohn Robinson. Bejohn's the man. That fucking game was crazy. Drake London's the man. Exactly.

It's a pleasant surprise. Yeah. Drake London's the man. Drake London? Yeah. Is this higher? Penix. Is this brighter than normal?

Is it my eye sensitive because of my anger? I think you're sensitive because of your anger. I think you're sensitive, yeah. Well, you got a fucking I got a hat on? Lesbian. Cap on. I do.

You get the visor? I'm in lesbian. Well, I was going to shower. He's got black fucking Yeah, yeah. He's got raccoon eyes. That's right. He's got shades on natural.

I got the cheetah eye black. Natural. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you see the video, though, of it's the bears. They're celebrating.

Yeah. And they're going over. The one you said me and you're like, don't watch this now. No, no. Those were good, those were good to be fun before the game's over. Those were great. But, uh, no, they're in the locker room.

and they gave Kis Keenum a game ball, and the coach is reading his stats, and, like, they're good stats. They're good stats. You had a good game, but they're not. Yeah. Like, Aaron Rodgerson's brought, and the team's going insane,

because this guy never plays. Right. They go. It's amazing. The coach goes, 247 yards. And the team goes, oh! Well, they weren't expected it.

Two touchdowns. Oh! Well, he had three. He punched one in. Oh, yeah, he ran the one. He had two passes, and the other one was a shovel pass. for two yards.

Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty funny. I'd love to see that in our record. Yeah. I was big back in, I don't know.

Can Jalen do that? But they were reacting like he threw for like 500. He's all, it's like watching fucking robocop out there. By the way, and by the way,

you want to have something to be pissed about, you talk about a backup beating you guys for one game. How about Kirk Cousins best quarterback in the league? Now he's no longer with the Falcons.

Yeah. The Raiders are on fire. That's what happens. And we have, our quarterback room's on fire Well, you guys That's entirely your fault

Yeah, oh It's your organization Yes, it is entirely your fault It's like Chris, you're correct You paid a boat load to him He was like a new start I'm excited

And then they were like Here's this other guy To kind of fuck up your mojo Oh dude I'm not blaming anyone Other than the Falcons Did that that Did that swarthy

fucking owner die yet? Blank? Yeah No He's gonna like First of a vampire He's going to forever Yeah, I do like

Yeah, the Home Depot founder. He looks like he sells fucking Cologne in a mall. Out of a coffin. Yeah, man. Yes, that's our boy. Yeah. He rides around in a golf guard and waves to everybody while we lose by 20. It's like Jerry Jones.

He's a parallel to Jerry Jones. They got to die. The promise of every year and it's the same 500 season. I love seeing a Daniel Jones fucking leave. I love seeing a Kirk cousin leave shitty fucking organizations. I'm glad Kirk is having a resurgence now, but it sucks that it wasn't with us. Yeah, it does feel like wherever Arthur Blank's house is,

there always has to be a storm going on. You know what I mean? Yeah. Just walk forever. He never sees the sunlight. It's a constant storm and they're always trying to solve a murder in his mansion. And then the next lighting strike is signed to a sign of him. Sign him.

Get us out of this. Yeah. How many decaying cheerleaders from the 80s, 90s and early aunts are in his basement. In his bowling alley. He probably has bowling balls. He wears bowling clothes. Yeah. Yeah.

Just old cheerleader skulls. Yeah, man. That's us. That's our fellow. But he does look like he smells good. Great, man. Yeah. Great.

That would be my dream. Nobody else in Atlanta does. We're down by 30. Owner smells great, though. You guys say, you guys smell that? Yeah. He's well kept. I think that should be like an NFL wide, like, rule, honestly, that you have to look like that if you own a team.

Yeah. I agree. It should be like a Yankees. Yeah, yeah. You got to have a thin mustache. Arch-Nemesis. Hair slicked back. He's got to be like,

you have to put just for men in it if you aren't like salt pepper. It turns orange, turns like a weird color. Oh, like the Raiders guy with that weird Dylan Roof bowl cut. Yeah.

They should all be. He's got wigger banks, but he's going bald. It's just obvious you own the team. Whatever your look is. Yeah, yeah, that's the guy. Well, he looks like the son of the guy

that owns a team. Arthur Blank? No. He's talking about a... I forget his name, but you know it. He's the... the weirdest looking guy possible.

It actually is Dave's his son. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's, that's too far. Yeah.

He fucked the sweet potato. That kid came out. That guy's hideous. Yeah, man. And no one's going to tell him because he's got too much money. Nobody wants to fuck up their relationship. How you look like Art of Blank and have a kid that looks like that? I mean, dude, that is.

I mean, you know, there is like there's something to that where like they should have. of taking the Raiders back from the Davises. Yeah. I just wish they would do more of that. Like once that guy, once the sun started looking like that, then you're like, you can't.

Well, you got to catch one on tape saying some races. That's so they took the clippers from. This is more just, it's a culture issue. You know what I mean? It's a conduct detrimental to the lead. I agree. I agree. That looks like that.

Yeah. You can't have a fucking, you can't have a son walk around like it's stretched down Friday every day. You got to pick it up. You can't wear jeans. It's also like, Goodell's going to make a call. Dressed down Friday.

Yeah, you're out, man. It should be a memo that gets sent out once again to the entire league. If your son gets a nose job, you have to sell the team. You got to sell the team. You see Al Davis' son? It looks like it's got like Coke nose.

He looks like he's got like two just holes. two just holes and just a the Artie Lang yeah he does just got the Hardy Lang I saw that up close dude it's frightening when I did a fucking Coomian oh man I was right to it I was locked in the cavern

he was like right next to me I was in the fucking I was in the deep I was in the deep abyss how is he doing I think he's still great Artie Lang I fucking love that guy I found his JRE very entertaining a lot of the stories he was telling he's the fucking greatest storyteller ever yeah

there's no question He's so funny. You know the real. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. It's not even about your building. Yeah. Yeah.

The guy spent through some shit, dude. That guy lived 20 lives. There's nothing coming out of the hole in that face that you're going, no way. Yeah, exactly. He's the one guy you go, I get it. Okay. Yeah. Right.

In Taiwan. In Taiwan. God damn. all right well that was fine it's 15 minutes of fucking let's get out yeah yeah yeah yeah you guys made through it that was great it's been a weird it's been a weird couple weeks of NFL play a lot of injuries it's just been weird I like when there's no clear like leader like there's no there's no there's no runaway favorite dog that you're like that's untouchable this is like last year was the worst Super Bowl I've ever seen in my life oh yeah he said that like

four times yeah because they kept showing Seattle and fucking Patriots. I don't know why that came up three times. And now the Patriots kind of suck. Patriots have always sucked. They fucking blindly walked into the Super Bowl last year and got their asses fucking wide open split. And Seattle was a good team, but we should have dogged walked them.

Petulow. Suck my cock. And I like this new ice for 15 minutes. I don't know. I don't like this guy. No, he's great. I like he's young. He's got, he can grow, but.

No, he's great. He's great. He's terrible. Jalen's great. He's absolutely awful. I'm still with the boys. Everything's perfect. The boy calling's terrible.

There's zero creativity. I'm not this Arthur Blank fucking dark cloud. I believe in you boys. We're going to win. I believe in the boys. Now you've got to get the ball. You got to get the ball. You believe when they win.

No, I'm saying you got to get the ball of the boys. You're not vested. I see. I got to, how many times I got to watch Mackie Lemon break free and just nobody looks at them? It's like work through the progression. There was one where he don't just stare at a guy.

Jalen got pushed. out of the pocket, Mackay was fucking wide open. Yeah. It's a therapy session. Every time Washington, she's debate this. Could have been huge. It hurts me. Well, how about the Phillies? Phillies. I'll tell you.

Phillies. Let's go Phillies. Philly's Atlanta. They're trying to piss against each other. Game one. I'm telling you, boys. Tonight. I still love you. It's this afternoon. Yeah. Oh, my God. I know. It's an afternoon game where everybody's working. That's great.

That's good. Oh, everyone's bitching about that. It's awesome, dude. Yeah. It's awesome. for us. Those are the best days at work when like, yeah, when you get to watch the game like all the bosses know. You take a 45 minute shit because you're watching two innings. I liked when March

Madness was during high school. Like the games are in the middle of the afternoon, everybody's got there whatever and you're just trying to, nobody cares about fucking algebra right now. We're watching Marquette trying to go all the way. We didn't have that technology. Yeah, we didn't have that technology. I didn't have a computer college too. It sounds great.

Or if they got a TV somewhere or whatever that they would wheel in to try to Yeah, yeah. Get the radio, nobody's wheeling in a TV for March Madness. It's remember the Titans or nothing.

That's the English teacher slash basketball coach and tongo from the night before and goes, ah, we're going to take a movie time, huh? Throw on the March Madness.

Well, that's the, you know, the challenge of life, you know what I mean? The paradox of life is the one guy who would put that on has no idea how to hook up the cable.

Sure. Can't get it going until halftime? smack in the side of the side of the plugged in. He calls his wife. What'd you do with this? I know you touched it last. What'd you do with him?

I want to turn it on. He calls as to call her in front of the kids. In front of the class. They're fighting in front of the kids. Yeah. Don't start, Mary. You did this last time. I had to replace the other fucking TV.

It's just the science. He's yours to walk in and go, Henry, they don't run cable to the gym. Oh, did you talk to my wife? Is it just you tell you? Tell me that? Is what's going on? He calls Mary again. Sit down back there.

Did you talk to the principal? I guess we'll climb the ropes again. Do they still climb the ropes? All right, this episode is brought to you by Draft Kings, guys. The way it is over. Football is here, and so is Draft Kings. Draft Kings is now live in all 50 states, one app, every sport nationwide.

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Ooh, the minigreens, nice. Show the support and tell them Stuff Island sent you. No. That was not true. We used to climb a rope. Have you seen kids these days? What? He's fat.

He should climb a rope. That's the problem. They won't make the fat kid do it. Yeah. I think back in your generation, fat kids go first. He only climbed the rope. We used to climb a rope. Just so we could land.

Everyone else can clearly do this. Just so we get up an hour. James, why don't you get up there, huh? We were like seven years old and we would climb a rope 40 feet in there. And they put the bell. They put a half foot thick mattress. pad from like that was like the back

in case you fell off yeah yeah it's like it was a car mat you land all right take him to the

concussion he's got fourth period going to make sure he's good like the turf at Metlo like this will save

his head oh man they got astro turf when you're trying to ah my knee yeah I mean

I always wondered about that thank God it was over by the time I was in high school, but the whole rope climb, that's like a hard thing to do. Yeah.

You got to get all the way up there. It's all monkey grabbing with your toes. Sure, but that's, you're a one percenter, man. Not everybody can do that in high school. Dude,

I remember kids being like, I'm scared. I'm not going up there and I was like pussy. And you're like, no, they were right. This is insane.

They forget about the height, but also, yeah, the strength, the core you need to get up there is like, well, when you weigh 35 pounds, it's like,

If you were 30, I was 15. Dude, I was dainty little bitch until like sophomore year. Oh my God. I mean, my yearbook photos are like me like playing basketball. Yeah. Dude,

I'm a skeleton. It's disgusting. It does. It does. Like all the uniforms, all the uniforms look like you're lost in a bed sheet. Yeah. And the back then,

it's the 90s. It's so bad. Yeah. I'm wearing clothes like fucking Iverson on draft day. The N-1 stuff where you can put the ball in the shirt. and knock it around and it would come out on the other side. Classic move.

Yeah, but I did it by accident. Yeah, exactly. Every time. Yep. Yep, I know exactly. Doing that trick again. Those are the TJ Ford shorts. Remember those?

Oh, yeah, baby. That famous picture where they're at his ankles at the bottom of the shorts. Yeah, the clam diggers. It was the response to the John Stockton's, right? They went the other way,

but they went way too far. Yeah, yeah. And now it's going back the other way. Now some of these guys are wearing... It's already gotten back the other way. Now it's going back. It's... It's Syngal.

It's Syngal. No, no, he's right, though. I am right. The shorts of the NBA is a sign of society in the times. Yeah. The length of the shorts. Well, depending on how long they go, yeah.

Baggy shorts coming back. I think that's good. It's good for the economy. More fabric? For the economy? Oh, I just said comedy. These raddies wear shorts on stage. Wait, do you see all this long short material I've been sitting on?

Yeah. You are very passionate about that. Well, Tommy doesn't think fashion goes in cycles, so. No, that's not true. When the short shorts were in, he thought long shorts would never come back. Obviously, fashion goes in cycles. Obviously, long shorts are coming back. Because it's fucking ridiculous.

Now, dude. And it's painful. They're never going to go back to John Stockton height. But some of the guys are putting them like, they're putting them like mid thigh I've seen on some of the guys. It's coming down. Now it's going back down, but I'm just saying it'll go way back down. But it will never go that high again. No, please.

Please go way back. Start wearing. I already am. who you don't wear you're talking shit you don't you're not about that life you're not about that long short life baggy short life oh yeah long shorts you don't wear shorts beyond your fucking knees

not out and about not yeah exactly well I'm because you don't want people staring at I'm driving I'm driving back towards the knee yeah when you're home watching fucking when I'm out are you talking basketball shorts are you talking like basketball the only basketball shorts I have are gigantic yeah

yeah I've got like Rocky Balbo like American flag shorts that are actually doing they're sick. I used to wear them to play. It was like they were team for some men's league lacrosse team in Ocean City and they were like they're down to like here. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Why would you wear those playing lacrosse? That makes no fucking sense. The cross is a short

short sport. There's a reason why fucking running backs don't have those baggy jerseys anymore. No, but why would you restrict your knee movement? Dude, because you can't see which way my lens are going. Oh my God. It's the Ladani and Tomlinson eye contacts. You don't know where I'm going to do. Dude, it's just a big...

It's just not moving. Dude, coach, be like, just follow his hips. You can't. I don't know what that guy's doing out there. You can't, you can't. Try to stare out there. It's a big blouse down there, dude.

That's his guardian cap. It's just the long pants. Yeah. Unless you shoot the ball out of your ass, it doesn't matter what you're doing with your knees. Between the legs. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And then your shorts block the ball? No, it's real. Oh, man. God damn. Yeah, this light is fucking brutal. It's beaten down. It's good. It's good.

It's a harsh light. Look how bright he is. You don't think... He looks great. He's blessed. This is blasted. No, it's good. I think Josh looks great.

He does think Josh looks great. I think you look great. I think Nick looks great. Thank you, Chris. Jaylen hurts. It always comes back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But Brave's Phillies, here's the thing. You guys are our Achilles heel.

our last three playoff bounces was you two times and then the Padres I'm talking about the last like five years and you guys do you just fucking Bryce Harper Schwabird they turn into the monstars in the playoffs

and the Braves have these 90 plus win seasons all shiny and then we just crack brother almost every sport there's like a slow fucking horse and then once you get in the playoffs you just got to get in the playoffs in the pros I think there's a lot of guys that are like we just got to get in

And then I'll turn it on. Yeah. It will be good. There's so much talent. Yes. It comes on the bullpen, though, in baseball. For sure. It's all relievers.

I think if we're kind of, dude, this is our thing. We got great starters. If they're throwing the ball, our bullpen is shoddy to get all the way. We're not a, we're either a bounce in the first round or we just catch fire. That's why we won in 2021. Yeah. Now, we don't have Freddie Freeman, which sucks. Yeah.

He's on a bar superior team. I like that guy. But he was our engine. When he left and then he went to the what, the Dodgers? He's on the, currently on the Dodgers. Yeah, yeah. So. On the Death Star.

Yeah, he's on the Death Star. Yes. Anybody but the Dodgers, they're left the fucking Cowboys. But dude, if we can beat you guys, I think that's going to spark us. We're going to go on a run. The Dodgers are the Cowboys too. If we can get past this Thorn and the side Phillies and wake the fuck up in the playoffs, I think we're going to, we're going to take it.

Baseball playoffs are sneaky long. Yeah. Yeah, very long. You know. I did, but they don't. It's a lot. Especially, it's all comes, that's why it comes down to pitch it. I know, it's all pitching and that's why.

Those guys need fucking three, four days rest to the starters. And then the relievers come in and get fucking, their asses rocked. I just hope someone knocks off the Dodgers. Yeah, of course. As long as the Dodgers don't win. Brewers have the best record, yeah. Yeah, I think so.

With the guy that's throwing 150 off the mound. The best union of the game, I would say. Yeah, the Brewers. The Brewers. Yeah. And emblem. They're fucking. Their logo is sick.

Just a mitt with a ball in it. It can't beat it. The colors are great. Yeah. Golly. The Brewers. What a great name. Yeah.

That's why I was talking about this. That's what you could do there. There's another thing. Houston Texans. Make a sweet with that. Houston Texans, they got to change that name. That's a fucking disaster. It's a, just be the oilers.

Speaking of oil, I got an oilless fucking chair. It gets me going every time. Oh, man. When did that start? I got it more panels. Yeah. It's a you problem, Tom. It is a me problem.

I can't hold you. You're doing too much wiggins. He gains five pounds. These lights, man. What is it? Just grease dripping into my fucking my eyes. Dude, this happened, I was, I picked up

Josh. Yeah. And we were coming back. He lives on a highway. I know. He lives on a highway. Dude, the noise is crazy. And it's dangerous to get into

his fucking development. It's very nice development. I know. But it's on the, crux of fucking hell, dude. I know. It's like scary. I know.

I was really... Even having a dog in that fucking place. Like, the door opens. That thing's mush. I know. Where's your driveway? Yeah, you're on it, man. Yeah, it goes right from the, like...

Everyone's going to 85 miles out. I got mad, too, because the GPS took me to the other side of the highway. Oh, that'll kill you. Those seven inches. I had drove that really... That tipped me out. He's right here. Did you have a hard time getting out?

No, no. Oh, because he had to... key or whatever? No. I had to go in the... No, it just opens. Do you know where I went in the one side where you have to, you know, and the entry side was obviously open and then to exit, you had to have a key card, like an owner's key card. No, I think you just got to get close to it. To leave? No. I've never heard of that. And then I had to go in the other side. I swear to God. I hit call button. I was trying to talk to the fucking security. They trapped you in. They trapped me in. I'm going with Chris. Usually just get close to the gate and it opens. No, it does not.

You got stuck in there. I got stuck. I think you might have been a little too far away from the gate. All that aside, right? I was, I got past all that. Besides you being retarded. Let me finish. I got past all that without being furious.

And then we're driving back and there's a funeral procession where they have lights flashing. Damn, I haven't seen one of those in a long time. Yeah, they had lights flat red and blue lights, but I don't think any of them were cops. you think they were cops the motorcycle were are you sure I didn't see a badge you think these guys are just

flipping on red yeah I do you do you first of all they're buying red and blue lights first of all you're wrong right out of the gate I don't

there's no more processions yeah that's out yeah meet us there yes yeah yeah put it in the GPS we'll all meet there that made sense

in the 70s 80s and 90s yeah you don't need to do everybody get in the line also gas is crazy man We're not going to drive around all this shit It's also dude It's like You're also

It's not like you're going down Congress Or Park Avenue Or like this is some event You're driving a funeral procession down Chacon It's like Fucking split up Yeah Get there on your own

No one gives a shit So that's already pissing me off The guy that gets lost out of the procession He's trying to text everybody The bad Just turn Yeah There's some lady who

Did I miss it? What the fuck, man? I got caught my shit lights. Where's the best go? There's a goat's nuts right now. There's like a war lane cut off. She misses the whole burial. She's got a rose in her hand.

She could throw in the hole. It's her dad. Dude. Then the tail bike cop. I don't know if he was a cop. But he had blue and red lights flashing. He just juts out. into the lane that I'm driving in.

I like that you say you didn't see a badge. That's why you're supposed to do. I'm just show me your badge. Red and blue lights aren't official police. What do you mean? That's not a badge. Right.

Anyone can buy a red and blue light and flashing. Yeah. You get arrested. Now you don't. For impersonating a police officer. Yes, you do. That's what serial killers. New York Rangers do it all the time.

They throw one on the fucking lid. Yeah, you can do that. You can do that. You can buy that. I used to buy, we bought one of the Army Navy magazine. I'm sorry I interrupted you, Chris. But this guy is driving in the lane at us. He just got into the, it's like, what are you doing?

And then he yelled at me to like get out of the way. Yeah, he's a cop. I don't give this shit. Then he asked me to step out of the vehicle. Where does this guy get off, man? Yeah. I went to school, too. Told me to say the alphabet backwards.

I mean, what kind of power trip is this guy on? Dude, he wasn't racing to arrest somebody. I don't get out of the way for an ambulance if it's just driving around town. That's fair. You know what I mean? It's like, it's not an emergency. The horn's not going. You're not racing to arrest somebody or police something.

Technically funeral, also not really. You're just on a cruise. So you can't go into the other lane. There's also nowhere to go. I got a bike lane. I got the sticks. This guy fighting life. He's on a cruise.

I'm not moving over for this guy. He's getting a fucking Uber. Yeah. It wasn't like he whipped out of the lane and was like, get out of it. He just like he went into the opposite of traffic lane and just was cruising at me. And I was like, all right, well, he'll duck out of the way. Because I imagine also like... What he's doing doesn't matter, and I can't go anywhere.

There was a bike lane on the right side. There was sticks. It's probably also like a normal employee of any company is trying to milk like a meeting. You know what I mean? We're like, if we stretch this out here, I don't have to get back to fucking paperwork and I don't have to get back on the road to do regular shit. So yeah, he's probably fucking slowing shit down. Let's take another lap.

Let's take another lap, fellas. Body's not going anywhere. Let's take another laugh. Holes dug. Let's go left on Guadaloupe. Yeah, hang on. Let me just flag this guy down, tell him to fuck off. This is Chris fuming inside his car.

I got a podcast to too. No, I would take it from the front cycle. The front motor cycle, I would take it. Yeah. But not the guy in the back. Oh, it was the caboose. Yeah, it was the caboose. Yeah, it was the caboose.

Yeah, that's the case keen of, dude. I'm not taking it from the backup. He's the backup. You don't tell me to pick up the bags, Case Keenham? Buddy had a good day. Oh, that's right. He case Keesonanen did. I bet that cop just threw for $2.50.

Yeah, hugged his kids before he left. I'm back on the bike, girls. He's going to get this game ball. He's in the back of the line. We're going to get this game ball. Honey, did you see me? Did you see me on TV? He calls the news to meet him.

You did yoga today. You should be a little less stressed. You did yoga? I did do yoga today. I needed a stretch. I had kind of a wild car-related thing as well. I told you, I was going to tell you this. It was like a week ago.

Oh, yeah. I had a battery. So I got the battery bug from you. Remember I jumped you? Yeah, yeah. Mine went out. Battery, but they replaced it. It's easy.

When I jumped you, mine went out. Remember you took all my juice? It would have been my first thought as well. As soon as my battery died, it would have been that mother. It's still all my battery. It got all my head. Yeah. No, that was months ago.

But I think it was going to go. But no, it affected it. It affected it. My battery goes out. Jalen fucking hurts. Took the rest of my battery. Sucked the energy right out of my truck. They,

you know, they test you for it. I don't like my battery doing things that doesn't normally do. Stay in the pocket. Just put red and blue lights on it. It'll come back to life. We should get one of those.

Yeah. For a look at this. There's a little. There's always a beer in the car. I can't do that. Exactly. Exactly. You hide the plane sight.

When you see these Asians with their fucking their booming exhausts and they got tails and fucking tinnet windows and lights flashing. You know that guy does a booze. You just got to let him run, man.

He's got to let him go. You know he does booze. It's a goddamn thing. That might be one of my all-time lines of the podcast. These Asians with their booming

exhausts you know what I mean? The ones go We've seen the movie That also I think should be A legal Yeah Tokyo drift

That should be like Like serious penalty Like 25 to life Yeah Yeah So yeah we can't do it No we can do it You can't half in the bag

You can't draw attention You gotta fucking act like a dad You gotta put a dog in the back It's not even yours There's nothing more dad Okay, that's how you got out of that DUI. Yeah. There's nothing more dad than putting the dirty hairy light on the roof and just cruising.

Not even speeding and racing, just cruising. Yeah, just watching people get out of your way. You get pulled over and you're like, I'm late for this funeral. Yeah, yeah. I hit a red light. They used to give you the sticker. The fucking magnet was like the newest invention from what I remember from processions. But growing up.

You'd see a procession every fucking week. Dude, it was all... You get caught in red light every week. It was all over in Philly. They would just... They put a yellow card in the window and act like the rules don't apply anymore. It's just like, no.

Yeah. They would be, like, running through red lights, and it's, it's per... You know, someone in a fucking... Just Mazda. And you're like, that's not... No. I'm not doing that.

Not doing that. Yeah. I hate it. You got to be in a Lincoln town car looking like Arthur Blank to fucking, for that card to make sense. The only way you can even, I'll even entertain a procession is if it's all the same car in a row. Okay.

Then I know it's official business. Now we know the uniform. But you can't just have. What if there's six Mazdas? Not good enough. All maroon. You're getting close. Six maroon Mazdas.

You know what? It kept it, you know. You know what? Six maroon mazes? Yeah. Zero tint in the window. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, if you can see through those... All white drivers. Then I'm okay with it. I mean, fucking ISIS does it, right? It's all white Toyota pickup trucks. You know they mean business. And they got big flags. Procession?

Procession. They got their fucking procession flags. I'm just going to fucking die. They do it before death. We're going to make a procession. I know. Fules tomorrow. Well, that's the other thing.

Get your shit together. It's going to be a bump. Your possessions. I liked it. Yeah, I like... There's a M. 50's coming right at you,

yeah, yeah, yeah. They got good possessions. They're always speeding. They're always speeding. Always speeding. No, cops pulled over. Yes, man. He's a dude in the back

with a machine gun. Some cops can be like, he's on a mule. So funny. Isis, every, every street's the Audubon. Audubon still exists. Like,

in that terms, where you could go as fast that you want. Yeah. Nice. Yeah, Tom. What are the average deaths at the automobile every year? I don't know. Fluctuating?

I imagine. I don't know. Oh, like how fast people are going? How many deaths on the automobile? Oh, death, sorry. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. And then, yeah, what does that even affect?

Because it sounds like if there's no... That's what I'm saying, yeah. $300 to $400. A year. That's it? Yeah. That's great. Yeah.

How many deaths on 95? The auto bond? Yeah, that's great. You let these boys rip. They get to where they... I bet everyone knows what they're doing. No one steps on the Autobahn and they're not ready to play. You know what I mean?

You don't party with the big boys. Don't show up. Yeah, exactly. You don't just cruise on to the Autobahn. The Interstate 95, it averages 285 deaths a year. Yeah, wow. Really? A little lower than the automobile.

Yeah. All of 95. That's crazy. That's, wow. I was thinking 1,000 easy. Yeah. The rest are dying of COVID. 95, the entire stretch?

That's what it says on Google. That can't be real. From Miami to... In a 12-month span? Yeah, from Canada to Miami. 285? The automons is a shithole. Where are they all dying?

The average is 15 deaths per 100 miles. That's pretty good. That's incredible. Yeah. I've had two friends die on fucking 95. Two college kids. Shut out. I went to college with.

Inflating the numbers. Was the same 100 miles? Chris. Jesus. Tom just starts crying. Oh, your friends inflating the numbers? Oh, your friends inflating the numbers? Yeah, yeah.

You know there's someone part of the, like, transportation board that was like, Jesus. Yeah. Now our averages are going to go up. These two Italian kids just killed themselves. Only one was. Damn. How did they die?

Speeding? Uh, one, overdose. Hit a bridge and died in a fire. Okay. And the other hit a tree. Oh, hit a tree on 95.

That's pretty good. Boosin? Uh, no. I don't think so. Just being reckless. Just chasing that adrenaline. He made it. He made it really far off the highway before he died.

He was trying to find a tree. Yeah. It's hard to do. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. On 95, there's not that many trees. Actually, I think it was Garden State Parkway. Yeah.

Yeah, that'll happen. That's actually where I saw my first body. On the Garden State? Yeah. I said this before. You know how there's like, it's like 50 to 75 yards in between the lanes going in opposite directions? It's a huge drop-off where a car could fall into a kind of a gully ravine. And there was just one tree.

And this dude wrapped himself around it. Found it. As all the rubber neckers on the one side, they started draping this dude in the grass. I was with my mom taking her to a nursing car. conference. Yeah. God damn. Yeah.

It has to be tough. Yeah. Because you can't take your eyes off the one tree. No. You know what I mean? Oh, I don't think he, maybe. I don't. Do you see some,

some fucked up looking? Now, it's far away enough. I just saw them draping them. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. It was getting tucked in.

It was night night. That was so much. The paramedics to the, the paramedics do the Stefan Curry. Sometimes they'll like Because to avoid rubbernecking They'll put up like the same type TARPs

Like a horse gets you know Before they shoot it They'll like put it up so that no one can see What's going to block it off My buddy We were playing basketball This is a very long time ago But he his foot

I mean it was 90 degree angle He had low tops And he went for a rebound Did the bone come out? No It was one of like Just the ball joint The one of the worst dislocations

I've seen But I thought the same thing. But was it just the ball joint? He didn't break his? No, no. And I had the same thing where I'm like, I don't see bone here. So I'm thinking it's just a really bad dislocation. But everybody.

Saying that to him while he's screaming. No, no, I didn't say that. Just in that calm of voice, too. Well, I did think. I don't see bone here. He's having a panic attack. So I'm thinking it's a really bad dislocation. Dude, we're, you ready for this?

We're in Croatia. I don't even say this. Oh, my God. Yeah, we're overseas. His family's Croatian. they took me for a summer. Jesus. And we went to play basketball.

With some of their, so many professional players. What's the hospital? Like a fucking chicken coop? I'm getting to that. Yeah. So he, dude, it was 90 degrees. He went for a rebound and just came down on somebody's foot.

But he's a pretty big guy. So the whole foot just went. And he now he's hopping on one and screaming. And everybody bails. There's kids on the other side of the plate, like playing on a jungle gym or something. They're all panicking. First thing you do, shirt.

Throw it on the leg. Yeah. Cover that motherfucker up. Yeah. For the other people, but for him also. He sees that he's out. So then it was like Vietnam. You know, am I going to be okay?

And you tell him, yes, I don't know. This looks really rough, man. But they took him, it was like a Sunday. Took the ambulance like 45 minutes, man. He was laying there, just going through it. And we had to just wait it out. And we don't know these Croatian guys. No procession.

They got hung up. Yeah. You know what they would do. for those red and blue lights, dude. Yeah, man. That we could just buy on Amazon. Regular traffic. They don't have them.

Yes, so we had to. Amolets is a Mazda. We can get an overnight deletary of the lights they need to pick somebody up. And right away, these European guys are so, like, casual about this. They see my buddy's leg and he goes,

does it hurt? And my body just screams out. Yeah, it hurts, man. So they have to, you know, get him on the gurney, whatever, throw me in. I jump in the ambulance. I'm going with my boy, because I don't know where the fuck

they're taking this guy. Yeah. We go all the way to the hospital and, uh, but that, I feel like that's their wisdom too. They're like, they're, like, it's like a good question. They're like, does you hurt? Yeah, yeah, just make sure everything's,

everything's working. You will keep it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We get to the hospital.

You can walk again. I remember this actually pretty well. It was a, It was an empty hospital Sunday. There's nobody at this hospital until we show up. And now it's everybody's problem.

Put your shoe on. I'll never forget the doctor, the head doctor. They bring him out. He sees my buddy's leg. And he goes, like he knows this is my afternoon now. This is the rest of my day. Oh my God.

They take him back. And here's the thing that I do regret. This is one of those trips where we're like, hey man, we're an exotic place. Let's leave our phones at the apartment. Let's go play some basketball. Let's go see a beautiful country. None of us have our phones.

Of course. So we're just flying. Thank God it's like a kind of a small town area. So everybody knew, everybody where to go, how to do this, that. But I wish. He's like a young newsy boy running. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

And I wish to this day I had a video of them fixing my buddy's foot. I would have shot it right. I was watching right over shoulder. Like it was my wife giving birth. Oh my gosh. I was standing over his shoulder. They let you in the room? Yeah.

They don't have the germ theory of disease yet. It doesn't reach the east. You're the doctor next week. He might have something wonderful. Well, it's not like surgery, right? Nothing was out. Nothing was exposed. But, dude, he starts.

Nick, what do you think? Exactly. And I'm like, brother, go for it. I'm a doctor, yes, but you're his friend. Dude, they, he, he does a couple of pokes. My buddy, ah, ah! And then he does a quick, a little test. And now it's 11.

And then he's, and then he's. He's like, we're going for it. And I watched him. He just popped the joint back in? He cranked it. He like slowly cranked it back into position. My body's going nuts. They didn't numb him?

No, not for the correction. That's what it. Dude, he was jumping, man. It worked on two levels for me then. He's just in the hospital kitchen. Yeah, yeah. That's their bed. We have no room.

Put him on the stove. But they, they cranked it all the way. and put it back. And I guess he knew when it was back. I don't know if it clicked or he felt something. Then it was, all right,

let's get some, I think they put him on like, then they put him on like Tramadol. They didn't even put him on like heavy oxies. I don't know if that's a different thing over there. Tramadol is still a controlled thing, but it's not the heavy duty. Did he have tears?

Nerve damage? Nerve, I don't know. It was a problem for a while. They didn't take an x-ray before doing the spin cycle? I don't remember. Because you can't just. I don't remember. Maybe. We're talking over 10 years ago.

So I don't remember. I mean, they did whatever the protocol is. My buddy can walk now. He's okay. They kept the foot. But also European healthcare, he had to share his room with like three other guys that had other fucked up stuff. Yeah, but it's free. I exactly. I'll share a fucking room. And he had to try to sleep with these other guys with like growths on their stomach. Oh my God. I shared an apartment with Christian James. for fucking six years. Give me free health care.

I don't care how many limbs are in the room. I'll take it, too. But I don't think he needed surgery. I think they just corrected it and then everything had to heal on its own. But he had to stay in the hospital. He was in a wheelchair, the rest of the trip. We couldn't take him to all the other places

we were supposed to go. It was crazy. Couldn't give him one of those knee scooters? I don't think they were around yet. I don't know if that was a thing yet back then. It was a wheelchair for sure. I remember pushing him over the cobblestone in Zagreb, the Capitol.

Dude, you're outdoors with a knee scooter. Fucking kill yourself. Nothing's that important. Knee scooters are for... Unless it's a funeral and you're behind the procession. There's one cop. You're the knee scooter in front of them. Knee scooters are for head coaches

that fucked up their knee, but they still got a coach. And it's got to be like a playoff game. It's a big game. It's a big game. Mine is the Georgia State coach. Remember that game against Baylor? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And his son, his son hit the fucking game winner.

and the coach fell off the thing on the sign-latch. He fell off the knee scooter. He forgot he was on it. That's how happy he was for his kid. Yeah, man. That was just such a cool moment. Pop off the knee scooter. But that's who it's for.

It's the coach that's got a, you know. It is nuts. Like, I think I'm taking a knee scooter central market, dude. Come on, man. I don't mind it. I don't mind it. Of course. I don't mind it.

But if I see you getting on a plane with a knee scooter, uh-uh. Fuck right off. Yeah, dude. stay down. You gotta stay home. Or you should still have to get in with your zone. Like you shouldn't get to skip the line with a knee scooter.

That's not enough. You should be on. You shouldn't be traveling. To get on first. If you're not first class, do we knee scoot. They need to implement like fucking roller coaster rules for flying. You know what I mean?

Size limits on people, injury. Jesus price. We'd be the only one on a fucking flight. Yeah, well. I guess what I'm driving it. Is that a bad thing? Yeah.

ran out the plane. You know what drives me fucking nuts is the fatties and wheelchairs getting carted around by these fucking Sudanese. Yeah. Yeah, you feel bad for them. And they're just sitting there

just like looking at everybody. Yeah. And they're, you know, they're all done up with their jewelry. And they're only like 55, 60 years old. You're just obese. It's funny to mean when they can walk off the plane and then sitting there ready for the ride

to get in the teacup. Yeah. me back. It spins a lot of these guys pushing him. That would be so sick.

If the forward motion of the wheels spun that it. It makes you spin also. Like that old lady in the fucking

helicopter. Oh yeah. You talk about yeah. Centrifical forest dude. Just like 80 years old

dude. Her teeth are and her sneaks. And what is she do? Dude, if you're the pilot and you see that,

what can you even do? Nothing. You're gonna get down there? It's too late. It's fucking physics. It's science, I think there's supposed to be,

there's supposed to be like a second rope, right? That keeps it from spinning like that? I don't know. I mean, stabilize it you would think. Yeah, supposed to be a rope.

I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw, remember when they tossed that bitch off the fucking side of the side of the clip. It's no bungee. They got the rope and there's a middle schooler

climbing in. Of the thing while she's spinning down there. Dude, did you see, I saw a clip of there's like a little girl on like, uh, Like a fucking

on a rope swing Rope swing? I guess it's not a rope swing It's one of those things that you ride. What are you, what are the ones that you ride? Oh, Zipline.

Oh, Zipline. Yeah, yeah. She's on a zip line. She's like little girl. She's like eight maybe. On a zip line, it's like,

Woo! Gets to the other end and the guy goes to unhook her and realize it's, it's not hooked. Amazing. So she was just holding herself? Yes,

she was just holding yourself on a rope. She wasn't like hooked into the whole like, the hardest. The hardest. The hardest. Yeah. that's great. It was nuts.

Do you even tell her? No, I don't think you said anything. Great job, sweetheart. They just freeze-framed it on him. They freeze-framed it on him just like looking at it. Mamed it. Oh, fuck. Got away with that one.

Imagine if she just let go. Oh, yeah, my car. Yes, get back to the car. You've been trying to tell me the story for a week. Let's get through. No, it's okay. This was a great where we went with this. but the starter was also showing up shaky on their reader thing.

Yeah. Battery definitely needed to go, but the starter was also... And it's like, are they fucking with me? A hundred percent. Dude, maybe. But it's an old starter. I've had it for however many miles. It's like, could I've gotten another 10K out of it?

Yeah, probably. But I also buy a new one. Now I'm good for, you know, the rest of my days driving this fucking thing. So I'm like, all right, fine. Let's do the starter. I don't know, man. You got a Tacoma. That thing's going to go 300 E's.

Yeah, no, I know. So it's whatever. I'm happy to get a couple extra hundred bucks put in a new start. Sell to the ISIS. Yeah. Can you imagine? Yeah.

You see here to come on the next? Holy fuck. I miss her. I see that Starter's still working up. I paid for that. It still has Calvin pissing on the back with you. It would be sick if I was to start to put me in the United States. That's how you identify.

Just piss on the Dallas Star. But yeah, they said it came back whatever. And it's an auto zone, advanced auto parts. There's two of them connected where I live. They share a parking lot. So you take your pick. Yeah, that's like Pizza Hut and KFC. Correct.

But they don't put the part in, right? They're not the mechanics other than the battery. Well, the parking lot is filled with Mexican guys that will put that shit in for under the table cash. And they chase you down. They see you walking with a box. They're all over you. Let me do it. I like this.

Well, the guy says, yeah, this guy says, yeah, this guy. good. So I go, okay. And he goes, have him take it out right now. I'll go get the part. The guy takes it out. We go inside. He's like, we don't have it. Sorry. Well, he's already taking it out of my truck. So now I have to go back outside. She put it back in. And tell him he's got to put it back in

and it breaks this guy's heart. This was like his whole day. Well, you gave him some money, right? Well, here's the thing. He won't put it back in right away because he wants me to come up with something else because he doesn't want to have to do it. So now I'm like having to go. He'll speak English. My translator is the guy that

works in advance auto parts. Isaac, I think this is his name. Oh my god. So I'm like, dude, you got to put this back in. I got to leave. I'll come back. He starts going, O'Reilly. O'Reilly. That was one of the only English words he could say. And that's the auto parts. There's another, a third auto parts store. O'Reilly, up the street. But it's up the street. It's not in this parking lot. I don't have a car. I'm like, dude, I can't get over there. He starts pointing. And I look and it's the shittiest burnout. van to the side. He's trying to get you into he gives me his van.

I've never known this before. He puts at his van and goes take mine. I'm not driving this. You know Riley shuttle? Yeah, dude. But I have to drive it. I have to drive this guy's van. Oh my God. But I go, so you're telling me. Describe the insides of this thing.

Dude, tools everywhere. The door, the windows fucked up. Everything just doesn't make any sense. Yeah. It looked like some guys' tools shop in the van. This is like how chefs eat fast food when they get home? Yeah, man. Like all these mechanics have like

the worst shitty fucking cars. Dude, there's a traffic cone in the van. Inside. I don't know what he does. In case of a procession. One of his mexie friends dies. I go, so you're telling me

I'm trying to put the traffic cone on the roof. He's just holding it. Yeah, go round. I go, you tell me if I drive to O'Reilly Auto Park, they have it, they got it. He's nodding the whole time.

But he's not saying anything. Was he in the car with the van with you? No, he gave me his van. You went by yourself? He's working on other shit. Yeah, he's got stuff he's got to do. They got four cars lined up. He's working on other people's up.

He's got the line. Yeah, he's got a line, man. So he's nodding. I'm like, fucking inspector gadgets. He just went. He just made me. He goes, yeah, take mine. So now I'm talking to Isaac,

the guy that works at advanced auto parts, who spoke. some Spanish. I go, does he understand what I'm asking him? I go, so you're telling me they have it. They got the part.

You've already checked. I'm going to drive your car to a Riley auto parts. Pick it up. Come back. You put it in. The guy's nodding. I go to Isaac.

Does he know what I just asked him? And Isaac goes, if he's saying yes, he's saying yes, man. And I go, okay. That's a good translator. The translator didn't know Spanish. Dude, no, no. This is one of the funniest things.

He just wanted all this off his hand. This is one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me, dude. I go over this with him like five times. I'm taking your car. Please tell me this van breaks down. I'm taking your van to O'Reilly Auto Parts, getting the starter, coming back, you put it in. See, all of that. I get in the van, I drive all the way to O'Reilly Auto Parts, I go inside, I got all the paperwork,

I show it to the guy, he looks at it and he goes, yeah, I don't have this. I can get it on Saturday. I go, great. Not going to need that. Let me get those bavers back. I drive all the way back to advanced auto parts. I get out. Mexican guys waiting for me like this.

Ready to go, yeah? I go, dude, they don't have it. And he goes like this. He goes, ah. I'm like, you didn't check. He never knew. He was just guessing. So I had them order it at advanced auto parts

and got installed on Wednesday. How'd you get your truck home? He put it back in. I said you got to put it back in. I got to leave. Okay, so it did work. So he did. Yeah, he did put it back in.

It needed to be replaced, but it still worked. Yes, it was able to last until they could replace it for the new one. Would you pay him? The part was like, it was over two, and then I gave the guy $150 for installation. That's great. I think that's fair. What am I going to take it to Pet Boys and pay $600 or something, you know? That's great.

Yeah. So I'm like, let's just do this because he was fast. The new one? 10 minutes this guy. Yeah. Including jacking it up. Like, they're so fast.

It's so good. It's fun to get that opportunity to watch like what it really takes. Yeah. You know what takes longer? You know what they got to drop it off for five hours? That's like, come on. You know what takes longer is waiting in line at advanced auto parts.

Yeah. That's the problem. Yeah. If you have to get back in line. Yeah. It's another 20 minutes. Yeah. Just add that to your trip.

So if they go, here, take this outside, tell him, you're like, fuck. Because when I come back in, they don't just go, oh, Nick, you're back. Great. Let's continue. Yeah. Now they got some other guy who's buying spark plugs and they got to talk to him for fucking 25 minutes. And he's evaluating all of the spark plugs.

Yes. Yeah, dude. The guy in front of you is always... Dude. There was a guy. I think it was 45 minutes. He was at the front counter. Employee left six times.

Checked, came back. Checked, came back. An old bat hit the fucking... He's on a knee scooter. Everything's wrong. An old bat hit the change purse on me last time I was at the supermarket. I've seen a change purse in years.

And she's like, how much? Oh, God. But she was out of her fucking mouth. She doesn't even know what year it is. I can just tell by like the way she was like very disheveled. Yeah. You know, mixed match jumped through a fucking lost and found with her clothes. Yeah.

She was a crazy ratty fucking woman. Yeah, no. If she was organized, she would have it on the belt. Yeah. True. True. Like an arcade queen. Oh, the little flick.

Like the Pets dispenser. Yeah. What do you need? And then she pulled the receipt Like an extended it She's got everything It's like That's old school man

I'm hopping a puffin Yeah Yeah I got two bottles of wine And a fucking thing of chicken Dude you get stuck behind those people It's three days It's my fault

I saw her fucking Her wild ass head It's like above like the magazines You gotta know You can see your fucking hair In her head And you're like You don't get behind

That fucking muskrat Yeah Yeah It's a sharp There's danger in the water over there. You got... You got... Sharky going through its coin purse.

It's hunting on the other side of the magazines. I know I got enough in here. You got popcorn kernels in your blue hair. You don't stand behind that bitch. All right, guys. Nicky, you got something to plug? Yeah, I got some dates. I'm in Phoenix on Saturday.

Then I go to Edmonton. It's just going to be fun. I'm coming back. I was just there in March. It's pretty sick. I'm back now. Yeah, yeah. And then, uh, check out the month is, uh, Denver.

Uh, and then, and then comedy works. Yes. Nice. That place rules. Yeah, man. I got a phone October. It's going to be sick. Thank you guys for having me back.

Can I say this? I've started doing some shows and had people come up to me. Dude, saw you on stuff island. Yeah. So, nice. Thank you, boys. Rabin as far as. I appreciate that.

Thank you to the fans. Yeah. And I'm in Seattle, uh, tomorrow. And then Portland this weekend. So come check that out. Josh and I are in San Diego tomorrow. Double trouble. Or today.

Well, tomorrow will be Thursday. ACC, yeah? Yeah. Great club. Did it last year. Shout out ACCC. You guys are going to have a blast. ACCC.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Go to Tommy J.Pope.com or what's the other one? Oh, yeah. Mine's just Nick Murphycom. What's the comedy website? Everybody's doing? Punch. Oh, punch up.

Punch up live. Punch up live. Punch up live. We're all up. Tommy Pope. Yeah. Either one. Yeah. But yeah, thanks. And then Nashville, October 8th.

Sick. Come see me in Nashville. All right, bye. Let's go to the Patreon. Patreon.com.com slash stuff island. And check out, look at dish. And check out, look at dish. Jesus Christ.

It's a great show. Look at dish is booming. Josh, thank you. Thank you to you. Boys are cooking. Josh is the brains of the operations. This guy's taken off. Look at dish.

He's cooked. He deserves so many more polos. They grow up. They grow up so fast. So many more rugby. All the rugby. We're going to buy all rugby in San Diego. Yeah.

Me and him, we're going, we're going to run. Oh, we're going to the zoo. Oh, you have to go to the zoo. The San Diego Zoo is the best in the world. That's the zoo. Yeah. We're going to the zoo. I've been there, I think, twice.

It's great. We might share a hotel room so I can keep a cool. You get up early. I get on Josh's timeline. Go for a jog. Yeah. Go for a jog. Every time you shower, I beat off.

Every time I shower, you beat off. Double Queens. Hit the zoo. You do both beat off I was just I was literally just thinking Yeah Yeah Well if one of you're in the shower

He's probably beating off Don't beat off in the shower And then the other one's beating off Out of the shower You cannot beat off in the shower What do you mean It gets all fucking clunky in the drainage No

I don't think it In a week In a weekend Huh What are you spray it out man? No You just kick it down A couple of rubs

You gotta mash Yeah yeah It's like putting a potato Or a rice It's like making wine Doing this on the grapes And they told me would fall like the lady. He just said him in the band.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. He's hurting and coming at the same time. Josh, I slipped on your come. I break my ankle. Come in and out me. I slipped on your come.

I break my ankle on a fucking knee rollers. Yeah, and then Josh's over here. Josh's with the glass going, yeah, that's me. All right, later. Yeah.