Stuff Island - Pacifica - Stuff Island #134 w/ Chris & Tommy

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

Pacifica - Stuff Island #134 w/ Chris & Tommy Catch Chris and Tommy on tour now! - https://www.stuffislandpod.com/live-shows Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on t...he paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com/men and enter the promo code STUFFISLAND. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 All right, we got a bunch of dates coming up. We got the 28th, we're in New York City at Union Hall. 29th, Stanford, Connecticut. Then the 30th, are we in Providence, Rhode Island? And then the 31st through the 1st, we're in Boston. And then the 2nd, Portland, Maine. Albany, New York, 6-5. Tacoma, Washington, 6-12. Portland, Oregon, 6-15. San15 San Francisco 616. I'm gonna convince Chris for some LA dates. Stuff on the pod for tickets. Milwaukee tonight too. Check that out. So Mr. O'Connor, I just found out that season two of Tires has been ruined by Netflix. Tell us about the process.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Like how you and your friends got started. Can you imagine? You know, you guys all seem to have a really tight-knit group. Yeah. How did that come to fruition? Did you guys meet like an improv? I don't know, man. You just stay alive long enough
Starting point is 00:01:05 good things happen. Yeah. It's not true for most of my family dude. You just live long enough in a very unexplained way
Starting point is 00:01:15 good things start to happen. Yeah. If you don't die of a drug overdose or die in a car accident or drink yourself to death
Starting point is 00:01:23 you eventually get something good to post. Yeah, yeah. Eventually one of your friends becomes famous enough to give you a career. Don't do that. You're talented enough. Eventually someone punches through the veil. And all of a sudden you have a life
Starting point is 00:01:45 and your parents are proud of you and everything's upside down at least your parents have something to be proud of because at least you're one of the faces of it I just come in and disrespect my father's whole bloodline he's not even going to see it you and Schultz are in the driver's seat. You think so? I do. I think that's
Starting point is 00:02:08 I'd love to switch roles with you, my friend. No, I think that's going to be fun. I think that's going to be you guys, once you guys really get rocking and rolling. Yeah. Because you just pop in for a little bit. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like the first season's not
Starting point is 00:02:23 that long. You know what I mean? And you're like, you've got't, you know, it's like the season, the first season's not that long. You know what I mean? And you're like, you gotta get Gerben and Shane's characters. You're developing the structure. Yeah. Once you guys really get
Starting point is 00:02:32 rocking and rolling, that's gonna be so fucking fun. I already told John to kill off Schultz so I could play two wops. I just have like a different wig on.
Starting point is 00:02:41 Yeah. You're like a naughty Devlin, see? Godless. That's how they should have intro'd your two characters. They just find you two. You've killed your parents. Your whole family.
Starting point is 00:02:57 You're covered in blood. And they're like, hey, come work at the shop. My mom stopped making me meatballs. Oh, man. This has been a hell of a run though i know we're in chicago this is actually kind of a nice back it is cute makes me want to drink and like sexually harass girls while it's like a college does anything not make you want to do that hold on i'm still in what form dude i'm still in character no you don't like you know what i mean like this is like a back or a front porch at a college town where you're just drinking
Starting point is 00:03:28 like Bush Light, Scream, Nick Earls. It's true. It's like a well-built fire escape. They turned a fire escape into a usable piece of... What do you think the numbers of success for college kids was? What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:03:44 Like just leaning over a porch like this like yeah come on up we got kegs. Oh yeah. Two percent? Pretty high. Really? Probably higher than that. Yeah I guess it depends where you are. I don't know. Yeah. I feel like when we were when we went to Florida State that one time it seemed like that was the magnetic fish. That's how you do it. Yeah yeah that's how you do it. Yeah it's like those guys that throw the nets and pull the string. That's how you do it. Yeah, yeah. That's how you do it. Yeah. It's like those guys that throw the nets and pull the string.
Starting point is 00:04:07 It's like that fishing video where the fish are just jumping into the boat. Put a saloon door in your bedroom. Yeah, it is. It probably just, yeah, Florida State
Starting point is 00:04:16 did feel like the dudes were just grizzlies in a river. Man. Salmon just jumping up. I said this before. It's like you want to take your kid on a college run.
Starting point is 00:04:24 If you want them to get good grades in high school, take a trip south. Take them to Florida, Texas, California. Bless your heart. Yeah. Show them what the potential is. Because all they know is school at that point is... I'm glad I never saw it.
Starting point is 00:04:43 I'm pissed I never saw it. I'm glad I never saw it. I would have wanted to I never saw it. I'm glad I never saw it. I would have wanted to go down there too much. Yeah, that's the point. Now, dude, I needed... You needed engineering school. No, I needed sports. If I wasn't...
Starting point is 00:04:58 If my parents didn't hand me off to another guy who could physically abuse me, who had, like, license to... Abuse. Yeah, yeah. Then I would have been an absolute... I was already a wreck. Yeah. So it's like, the fact that there was a guy who was like,
Starting point is 00:05:11 you have to be up at 6 a.m. and you have to exhaust yourself. It's military. Yeah, yeah. You went to boot camp to stay a human being. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I would not have made it through college. Then why don't you graduate it?
Starting point is 00:05:20 Yeah, oh, yeah. The wheels came off, dude. It was Rome springing. Yeah, you can't well essentially we've done social college after college i mean we've been we've been living like we went to college yeah yeah that is yeah drexel drove us to yeah yeah yeah try to live in a fraternity for 20 years. Just a gray cement bullshit campus where you couldn't escape. It's fucking nice now.
Starting point is 00:05:49 It is nice. Of course it's nice now. Yeah, yeah. It's how everything is. Yeah. It's beautiful now. It's a fucking country club now. Everything that you wanted to be nice is nice
Starting point is 00:05:57 and everything that used to be nice sucks now. You know, as you get older. There's like a bell curve there where it's like, you know, the shit that you wanted to be cool when you were in those years was not cool. And now it's cool. Yeah. And now you want the peace and now like shit's blown up.
Starting point is 00:06:13 There's like a lot of things like that in life where it's like, when you first got to Philly, you're like, this is where, when I first got to Philly, I was like, this is a shithole. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:22 I mean, I did love it, but it's still like, you're like, this is a real dump. But if you knew it was going to get better, you is a shithole. Yeah. I mean, I did love it, but it's still like, this is a real dump. But if you knew it was going to get better, you could have just appreciated it. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:30 If you knew it was going to turn into a really nice city. Yeah. You would have just been like, oh, this is fun. We're going to watch the glow up. We're one of the founding fathers. Yeah, yeah. Of what will be. I remember when they started building the Comcast Center.
Starting point is 00:06:43 Yeah, the building. Yeah. Yeah. Like, we were so hyped why it's just because it just an evil corporate entity is coming up they're like let's go dude let's kill this city it is it felt like yeah we got yeah there's progress they thought like and we had no idea we thought it was going to be like taller than like yeah we thought it was gonna be the tallest building in the country. And an entertainment factory. Meanwhile, it just houses the most evil human beings possible.
Starting point is 00:07:10 I didn't realize they would take over everything. Yeah, it's a vertical pentagon, dude. They're just out there murdering your citizens. They built another one. Apparently the nicest hotel in America. There's four seasons up there on the roof of the second one. How aren't the cable companies deteriorating? Like Comcast and Spectrum
Starting point is 00:07:27 and all those places. Who's still paying? This has got to be the last generation. You still need internet. They control the internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no one's buying
Starting point is 00:07:34 the fucking $200 TV package anymore, right? No, but I've... Outside of our parents because I told my dad, I was like, dude, just download this. I know, I know.
Starting point is 00:07:43 I ain't doing all that shit. But I get it from their perspective. Because even, like, troubleshooting tech for me is even a huge pain in the ass. I couldn't imagine if it was like, dude, they don't have, like, accounts. They don't have, like, Apple IDs and stuff. They have, like, one shared Apple ID. Their pictures are all blending together. I don't know what the fuck's going on.
Starting point is 00:08:04 They can't fix one of their phones without the other one just destroying, you know what I mean? If they go to the store and they get a new phone, their wife's or their husband's phone just, everything disappears. Yeah. Steve? She's like, where's the picture in Italian? Oh, they don't want to deal with any of it. Yeah. It's amazing. They don't just have one of their kids be like, where's the picture in Italian? Oh, they don't want to deal with any of it. Yeah. It's amazing.
Starting point is 00:08:26 They don't just have one of their kids be like, can you come over here? Tell me everything you're saying. Just do it for me. And then show me how to get on. Just click this thing, Dad. Yeah, yeah. But if you try and tell him, he still looks at you like an idiot. Of course.
Starting point is 00:08:37 He's like, nah, you're fucking retarded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My brother goes over there and helps. But it's like, again, you're at the limits of your own understanding anyway. So you're just like, I don't know why that works. It just does. This happens again. Repeat these steps.
Starting point is 00:08:50 It's like somebody dropping off a sniper rifle to me. Oh, dude. Like an intricate rifle. I remember when I lived there for a while, I got like a... What, your parents' house? Yeah, yeah. Who says it like that? No, no, when I moved back there I moved back there
Starting point is 00:09:05 for a couple months during the pandemic and like I remember I lived at home for a while and dude they have like their modem their wireless modem
Starting point is 00:09:12 like a router literally is like a the range of their wireless internet is like 8 feet around the television
Starting point is 00:09:21 like in order to use the internet you have to be, like, sitting next to the TV. Your dad's got a stand-up desk next to it doing his work. Yeah, yeah. And so I got, like, this, like, Google Mesh thing which, like, spreads the internet out over the house. Yeah. And, like,
Starting point is 00:09:35 that now is even a problem because they're, like, they're, like, what's this other internet that you keep connecting to? Yeah. How do you replace the Google Mesh? Yeah. Jesus Christ, what's that, 10 years ago? You know, they're like vacuuming and they just unplug the internet. They don't know. Dude, I mean, I watch Neighbor John just trying to figure out what to do with his day.
Starting point is 00:09:58 If I don't have any technology, I mean, by the time we're that age, we'll have like sex robots that entertain us and stuff. Like dancing robots. We'll have live entertainment yeah you don't even fuck the robot it just helps you fix the wifi yeah you're jerking off while she's doing all the work
Starting point is 00:10:11 you're beating off because you're just happy you're happy to get the Phillies game on yeah yeah that'd be so funny it just turns into can you connect the internet
Starting point is 00:10:20 so I can jerk off oh my god that's so good you're doing so well sex robots just nagging you you come and fall asleep you miss the whole game nobody's like I see him like bopping around and I you know we have our daily conversation and then he just he's like all right well I better get back before my wife catches me. And it's like, dude, what do you do for eight to ten hours a day? You know what I would do?
Starting point is 00:10:52 When you're old and retired. I would go and I would like, I hope AI allows you to watch sports games with old broadcasters. And you could bring them to other sports. You know what I mean? I wish there was just an AI mod where I could watch lacrosse with Doc Emmerich and Glenn Chico Resch calling every game.
Starting point is 00:11:15 You're saying a great idea. This is great. Like Merle Reese? When I'm fucking 78? You can just listen to him call the games. I'm just choking on my own tears. Thinking of my child who died. Dude, that would be incredible.
Starting point is 00:11:34 That's a great idea. Just assemble like all-star, all-time broadcast teams. Yeah. And put them in every sport? Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Dude, bringing Mel Reese to my daughter's, like, volleyball game. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Just a headset in. Yeah, you're bagging beers. This is great. I know they suck. It'd be funny because it would be pulling from all of the, like, errors they've called. Yeah. Rude plays, mistakes, and you're just watching, like, T-ball. Damn, and you could change the bodies of the managers, like, to be like Charlie Manuel.
Starting point is 00:12:03 You know what I mean? He's just, like, lumping out there, holding his chin on his chest. That'd be incredible. That's a great fucking idea. You'd be feeding in all of the current day research and stuff, so they could just, it'd be totally like they were alive all in the game. I mean, entertainment has already ruined most of our culture, you know? Just old family cultures are going to be deteriorated so like why not just pump
Starting point is 00:12:27 up the give me more entertainment give me the more nostalgia it's going to i mean what's the next version of that where it's like you're constantly entertained by something and you don't i mean you know how many bad parents are just because they send a tablet to the fucking kid i wonder if they will start policing you you know what i mean like you can't buy flavored vapes here that's where we're starting. Well, it's like, yeah, at a certain point, it's just like, if you're under 15, you can't get on the internet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:53 You know what I mean? Yeah. It fucks with your head. You can't do it. Yeah, how do you stop that? They banned porn. They banned Pornhub in Texas. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:00 But so what? There's 17 others. Did they actually? Did they actually? Or you just, you gotta like, just. No, it's totally banned. Really? Yeah. I thought there? Or you just, you gotta like just... No, it's totally banned. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:06 I thought there was just some thing where you had to like put your driver's license in there so you could prove you're over 18. Oh, yeah. I don't know what I'm talking about. Which is essentially a ban. No. It's like giving my driver's license to Pornhub.
Starting point is 00:13:17 Yeah, that's like an old racist man hearing about the transsexual thing with Bud Light and going, well, I'm just gonna switch back to course. I'm not doing any of that shit. Me signing into Pornhub, like there's 17 others I can taste. Yeah, yeah. I'm an XXNX guy now. Yeah. Thanks, Texas.
Starting point is 00:13:34 Thanks, Obama. You're back on E-Bombs World. I forgot that one site you told me to search. Noodle Magazine? Yeah, it's so funny, dude. Of course I forgot. It's called Noodle Magazine search Noodle Magazine. Yeah, it's so funny. Of course I forgot. It's called Noodle Magazine. Noodle Magazine is great.
Starting point is 00:13:49 It's almost like, what's the search algorithm for that? Is it set differently in the background? I don't know. The AI version of porn search? Yeah, yeah. No, you search stuff the way you normally search it, but it just gives you crazy results. Just search on steroids? Yeah yeah it's like yeah there's a lot of like all the new stuff is on there yeah
Starting point is 00:14:13 I'm still see the last time I checked I'm still sweating that yak performance oh yeah trivia no trivia was where you've got hung up I always I mean I knew I was gonna be be better at trivia. Trivia put a couple extra minutes on me, but the basketball was embarrassing. Yeah. You should have seen the streak I went on. I went and shot three pointers after you. Yeah. Three for five? Four for five? No, no, no. Just rimming out. It must have been 20 in a row. They probably had the footage. It was like you couldn't try it.
Starting point is 00:14:45 Dude, I missed 12 in a row by, I would say, a 16th of an inch hitting that front. Yeah, and just going down. And getting that arc over that fucking catcher. I think that actually helped me. I was saying to Big Cat, I was like, that's how you properly should teach high school kids. Buy that trap so you know how to get over the defender. You also know the proper arc, all that stuff. This is a very active back area here.
Starting point is 00:15:13 Yeah, there's a lot of people here. This might be the weirdest place to do this. Growing up in small CYO gyms and stuff, everyone was small. You didn't have big two guards defending you, like jumping like this. So like all darts. All my threes were darts. So playing a proper high school team, I would just, everything would just be swatted into the
Starting point is 00:15:33 universe. Yeah, that's why my dad was a huge basketball player and I never got into basketball because, dude, like how do you even play as a child? No, some people are size. It's like you need to like You'd have to abuse the shit out of your size. It's like you need to like. You'd have to abuse the shit out of your kids. You know, you ever see those little kids?
Starting point is 00:15:49 Yeah, yeah. Double dribbling like China? Yeah, yeah. Their whole life is that. And then they just don't get to the fucking league. Yeah, I'd have to work all on handle and passing. But it's like. Why? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:57 What are you going to do? Shooting is insane when you're five. Even if you make like 50 grand in like Italy. You know what I mean? When you're like 28, 30 years old. That 50 grand in like italy you know what i mean when you're like 28 30 years old that actually does seem like it rules there was one like a bunch of the drexel basketball guys when played over european does seem like kind of a sick life you're not pissed that you're not in the nba yeah it's pretty sweet i also think those european leagues get like good turnouts i think there's a big need in crowd work. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:27 What are they going to do, watch soccer all day? Yeah. That's why they, well, they're also just, they're great at fundamentals and they love basketball. Yeah, yeah. They play team, a team game. A team sport. You know why?
Starting point is 00:16:40 Because they're white? Is that what you're going to say? I figured I'd just wink at you and you'd just pass over it. Dude, the Game 7s have been nuts. Yeah. Jump into a little sports talk.
Starting point is 00:17:00 When the Knicks went down, Knicks fucking sucked my dick. Yeah. We got a lot of Knicks fans and friends thaticks fucking sucked my dick. Yeah. We got a lot of Knicks fans, friends, that are real fucking mouthy. Yeah. It's like, that's why you don't talk shit. But it is kind of nice. You can't talk shit until you win it all.
Starting point is 00:17:14 Because I knew the Knicks were going to have a problem. Obviously, Brunson going down was going to be a big problem. Dude, their whole roster went down. Yeah. They're missing, like, their whole starting five, weren't they? Well, you got to, yeah. Weren't they missing, like, everybody? Yeah, early on. They lost Randall.
Starting point is 00:17:28 Yeah, yeah. They lost, like – sorry. It's crazy. We're very close. I know. It's just very awkward. But, yeah, I mean, they should – NBA should be down to, like, at least 60 from 82 or whatever it is. Games?
Starting point is 00:17:43 Yeah, yeah. It's like that extra and then going into the playoffs. I bet if they went to the NBA PA, I don't know if that's what the Players Association is, but if they went and they were like, we're going to cut 20 games, but your salary's also going to get cut by this percentage, they'd be like, nah.
Starting point is 00:18:00 Yeah, give me the broken knees in 10 years. Dude, 82 games. It's nuts. Nah. Yeah. Yeah, give me the broken knees in 10 years. Dude. 82 games. It's nuts. At that level, that speed, the game has changed, obviously, but, like, how the fuck do you have a future? Like, they're all going to be, it's almost like running backs. Oh, yeah. Like, Embiid. Walking around just, yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:21 Embiid on, like, a rolling chair. Like, how are you going to get him into a fucking pizza? That one guy who's on NBA on TNT or whatever. One of the broadcast guys with Kenny and Shaq. That one guy's knees are just... Who was the guy? Is he a regular? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:42 He's one of the four. He always does breakdowns. They always make him walk over to that giant board and do breakdowns. It's like, there's one guy who four. He always does breakdowns. They always make him walk over to that giant board and do breakdowns. It's like, there's one guy who can't do this, dude. Like, how do you not get an adjustment? Can you adjust that kind of thing? Why are your knees going in like that? Well, maybe he asked to walk up to that thing just to get, like, insurance.
Starting point is 00:19:05 Yeah, he's constantly tripping and falling this deal i feel like every other time i turn on it they've got like the the like the white chalk outline of where he fell trying to walk up his dad they do like a bit about it they're only like 60 and he was i know apparently he's like amazing in the nba too i forget his name but his knees are yeah it's like it's like looking at like a hyper extended elbow yeah does your arm hurt from shooting no mine does right here i'm getting sore i'm getting my arm hurts from sleep because like every time i sleep with my girl i have to be all the way on the edge of the bed my arms arm's like hanging off and just the weight of it slowly tugs. Why, she's all the way
Starting point is 00:19:47 over on your side? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it start like that? That's a rookie move. You gotta start, you gotta hold your ground. Yeah, yeah. If you end up on that side,
Starting point is 00:19:57 that's fine. Oh boy. It's the allergies. It's the pollen. Dude, have you seen how much of that shit's floating around today? It was stuck on my face
Starting point is 00:20:03 when I went to the coffee shop. No joke. It's literally like snowing. No one said anything. I went to the bathroom. Dude, have you seen how much of that shit's floating around today? It was stuck on my face when I went to the coffee shop. It's literally like snowing. No one said anything. I went to the bathroom. I had four fucking, because I just greased up my face. You put the lotion on? I put lotion on. Walked outside and it was like snowing and shit.
Starting point is 00:20:15 You got a tartan feather? I just walked from Boston. Can I please have a coffee? Dude, that coffee shop's so nice. It is nice. And they make food so fast. I love Chicago, man. I would live here.
Starting point is 00:20:28 All right. This episode is brought to you by Nutrafol. Okay? Guys, we don't have to choose between growth and our health. Nutrafol is drug-free, whole body approach, promotes hair growth from within. No compromises, just better hair. Okay? Did you know that 80% of men will experience hair thinning in their lifetime?
Starting point is 00:20:47 It's normal, but it doesn't have to be your fate. Go ahead and get ahead of it with Nutrafol, a clinically tested hair growth supplement for men. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand with over 1 million people seeing thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding. Take the first step to visibly thicker, healthier hair for a limited time. Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 of your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com slash man and enter promo code Stuff Island. Find out why over 4,500 healthcare professionals and hairstylists recommend Nutrafol for healthier hair. Nutrafol.com slash stuff island spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com slash men and enter promo code stuff island.
Starting point is 00:21:35 That's Nutrafol.com slash men promo code stuff island. Do it. Fix your hair. Don't thin, get thick. All right, Chris, you might have to do this one dude look at this squarespace guys you know squarespace.com yeah it's the best our guy yeah yeah we're constantly updating updating with ease yeah new merch yeah they got the new fluid engine it's so easy to uh to buy domains to get a template set up and stuff. Everyone's got a million pictures of stuff on their phone. Yeah. You throw some pictures up there.
Starting point is 00:22:10 You make it look nice. You can link to videos. You can link to tour dates. Yeah, if you're thinking about just bringing this small business to another level, just use Squarespace because you're probably too dumb to get it done yourself, which is what we are. Dude, we did it. We managed to do it.
Starting point is 00:22:22 This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is an all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time. All in one place, all on your terms. What are the other? Tom, what's the promo code? I can't do that yet. We got to talk about some other options like flexible payments. Make checkout seamless for your customers with simple but powerful payment tools. Accept credit cards, PayPal, and Apple Pay. All ineligible countries offer customers the
Starting point is 00:22:59 option to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay. It's what we do with our merch on the road. Yeah, yeah, we've been able to link all of our merch stuff to Squarespace too. It's pretty, pretty, pretty sick. Squarespace Blueprint AI and SEO tools. This is what Artie's been using. Start a completely personalized website with new guided design system Squarespace Blueprint.
Starting point is 00:23:19 Choose from professionally curated layout and styling options to build a unique online presence from the ground up, tailored to your brand and business, and optimize for every device. Easily launch your website and get discovered fast with integrated optimized SEO tools so you show up more often to more people and grow the way you want. We need to talk to Squarespace about some of our SEO. We need to investigate the SEO tools.
Starting point is 00:23:41 Search engine optimization. Because we heard that if you search Pope and O'Connor, Sinead O'Connor's anti-Pope SNL thing comes up. That's kind of cool. It is kind of cool. Well, if only there was a Stuff Island promo attached to that. All right, last one. Sell content. Sell exclusive content on your site.
Starting point is 00:24:00 This is big for us. Yeah. By adding a paywall to sell memberships or courses or sell files, your customers can download like PDFs, music or eBooks. All right. Here's the head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com forward slash stuff island to save 10% off your first purchase or website or domain. That again is squarespace.com slash stuff island to save 10% off your first purchase of or website or domain. That again is squarespace.com slash stufffile to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
Starting point is 00:24:29 All right, now back to the episode. Chicago is superior to New York. Yeah. People are great. And there's just as much entertainment with a lot less anger. It's the perfect in-between, Philly and New York. Yes, it's perfect. It's just sized up.
Starting point is 00:24:42 Philly's mostly anger with not a lot of entertainment. New York has a lot of entertainment with too much anger and too much filth. Yeah, too much anger. This place has it all. Yeah. You know, if you're in the right area. Obviously. But there's plenty.
Starting point is 00:24:56 That's part of the all. Yeah, yeah. It's part of the all. It's the other areas. The non-fundamentals. It has it all. It has everything that you could possibly want. Good looking girls.
Starting point is 00:25:09 Midwest people. Yeah, but they're not the chunk of monks. It's not your standard Midwest. They're all put together well. I don't know. Vape life though is terrible that's good
Starting point is 00:25:27 I need to slow I got a zero I got a nicotine free oh really yeah that's pretty smart this might be the the way out
Starting point is 00:25:37 no yeah might be the way out I don't even think I feel the nicotine I guess because I've never taken time off yeah that affects your sleep too definitely feel the nicotine I guess because I've never taken time off
Starting point is 00:25:45 that affects your sleep too? definitely just smoking nicotine all day? yeah just drinking coffee all day I do that too the booze puts me down I've got a nice balance going right now god
Starting point is 00:26:00 what a disgusting way to live just constantly balancing all vices God, what a disgusting way to live. Just constantly balancing all vices. It's the equivalent of doing coke and then taking some heroin at night. It's a speedball. It's a natural speedball lifestyle. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:21 Might be nice to get off it for a while and see what happens. The juice? Yeah. I already put something in plan. Yeah. I'm waiting until after the tour. Yeah, and then it just starts slowing it down. Yeah, I'm going to cut off I'm going to go from a certain amount
Starting point is 00:26:34 like number wise and then go down a couple days off and I'm going to try and do the whole week and then just drink on the weekend. I think you've got to go cold turkey. Yeah. I really do. to go cold turkey. Yeah. I really do. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:26:47 Because weaning off is impossible. Really? I think so. It's like, dude, once I have one. I feel like I did it well last time I did it when I took that week off. I feel like there was like two days I was like, I'll drink a quarter of what I normally do. And then that next day I was like, nothing. Yeah, but it's still, it's just like once it gets right once you I don't know once you have to it's like it's impossible To stop for me. No, I know I hear you unless you like that's the thing. I have to start so late
Starting point is 00:27:15 Mm-hmm that like no you gotta do it like Ricky Gervais style or he just has like two glad Two big glasses of wine at night every night Yeah, like if you don't drink the whole day that just kind of eases you and puts you in a but dude comfortable state there's i'm sorry but i will not go to bed if um two wines in and there's a good show yeah 100 it's just like yeah why would i stop this train yeah yeah it's such a feel-good feeling when it's a new show. Yeah. And it's rocking and rolling. And you got two drinks in you. This is why I yell at you.
Starting point is 00:27:49 You're like, I got to finish it. This is why I yell at you for starting movies because I'm locked in. I have a rule. You can't start a new series if it's like 10 or 12. Yeah. Because I'll watch the whole thing. Yeah. I'll go to four in the morning.
Starting point is 00:28:04 Yeah. Like, thank God we finished Godless. Yeah. Because if that had three more seasons, I'm not going to bed. It would be crushing. Oh, Godless. It was so good. I don't know, man.
Starting point is 00:28:13 It got corny at the end. And then that last scene, that last, the fight scene, the big fight scene. So corny. It was a complete disaster. They just went so woke. It's like not even. And just the, yeah, you're talking about how no one was shooting. Well, it's like, again, it's like not even... And just the... It was just bad.
Starting point is 00:28:26 You're talking about how no one was shooting. Well, it's like, again, it could have been... That's that turning off. So when does Tires come out? Thursday, right? Thursday, 3 a.m. Thursday, 3 a.m., so Friday's for normal people is the typical time to watch it. I guess they'll start, yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:42 Are you going to be in Philly? Or Connecticut? No, yeah, I'm going to go start, yeah. Are you going to be in Philly? Or Connecticut? No, yeah, I'm going to go see the fam. I'm going to hang out. Spend Memorial Day. I do, yeah. What are you doing for Memorial Day? I don't know, dude.
Starting point is 00:28:57 The lacrosse national championships are in Philly. There's a piece of me that kind of wanted to go to that. No, let's go to the beach. Let's go to your parents' beach. I don't think I'm going to Philly. I think I'm just staying in New York. After all this, dude, I'm like... You just want to be set somewhere?
Starting point is 00:29:13 The two, three days off we have, I'm not going to grab a giant bag and go see my parents for a half hour. It's literally 12 hours of travel for my mom to ask me three questions about insurance and then... My dad to tell me I'm gay. It is true. It is true.
Starting point is 00:29:32 Good to see you. Yeah. They go to bed at 8 p.m. All right. And they're like, all right, my day's just starting. It's crazy because talking to your parents, for me, it's like when you see them in person I'm the alright
Starting point is 00:29:48 you know what are we doing she's the alright well let's settle up like she's the alright in person and I'm the alright on the phone when you're like alright you're trying to hang up you're giving her the cue going okay alright man let me
Starting point is 00:30:04 in person she's's, all right. So, you know, just touched her chicken once. Yeah, yeah. So what are we doing? My mom, yeah. You should come hang out. My mom likes talking about food. It's almost all she talks about.
Starting point is 00:30:16 Me and your mom have a bond. We have a culinary kitchen bond. Yeah, she's been going through recipes. She's trying to figure that out. That's awesome. Yeah. That's awesome. And when I try to engage her... It's never too late in life to pick up a fork. A knife. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:32 Start cooking. Yeah, drop the fork, pick the knife up. She's making fresh tomatoes. She gets eggs from Mrs. Sullivan. Let's go. Yeah, she gets farm eggs and stuff. Mrs. Sullivan has chickens. She gets fresh, deep orange eggs. Once you go there, you're never going back. Sullivan has chickens. She gets like fresh. Once you do those deep orange eggs. Once you go there
Starting point is 00:30:46 you're never going back. We do too. We go to in Austin my girl goes to this little farmhouse that takes it directly from the farm.
Starting point is 00:30:53 They're like golden rich. Yeah. It's crazy the consistency. Yeah. You see those eggs you're like this would have been
Starting point is 00:31:00 an incredible chicken. Yeah. It also makes you go what have I been fucking eating? Oh for everything. Why are they yellow? Yeah. Once you go, what have I been fucking eating? Oh, for everything. Why are they yellow? Yeah, once you go organic or all natural
Starting point is 00:31:08 and you get, like, good meat, then you see this painted meat you're getting from a fucking acne. It's literally painted with chemicals. Just spray the airbrush it? They put this fucking red dye so that you can't see it going bad, and they also spray, like, a chemical on it
Starting point is 00:31:24 to keep it from browning. Oh, man. Yeah, dude. The shit we've been putting in our body for years. I hope that doesn't kill me. I mean, I was saying this yesterday in Barstool. It's like I feel better now, but yesterday, you know when you're so tired? Well, you were hitting it hard the first
Starting point is 00:31:45 couple days yeah yeah i was you were hitting it hard and then i took two days off of hitting it hard and i was like oh this is great yeah i want to live forever yeah then you go back to hard and you're like i can't see myself live until 80 i'm exhausted if i die now you know it's like being hung over on a plane you You're like, you're so hung over. If it goes down, look. I had a fun ride. It's like, dude, you're 44. You're not 85. With grandkids.
Starting point is 00:32:14 It would suck to die right now when things are starting to pop off. Season 2 is huge, though, dude. That is nice. That's the start of good things because then they're just going all right what's next because season two blends into season three easily then you're talking however man you want to do my friend yeah yeah syndication
Starting point is 00:32:35 john starts like wearing a wig gerbin's got a weird mustache thing going he's trying to get elongated legs rich gerbin would be so funny he's tall i know he's funny he trying to get elongated legs rich kirvan would be so far I know he's funny once get taller dude yeah rich kirvan well that's gonna be fun wealthy government will be German throwing into a superstar is gonna be very fun to watch I hope he gets angry in public when people want to take pictures I hope he gets like very upset with it yeah except for like young women he gets a red carpet all the flash bulbs and be like what i can't can you just yeah yeah okay just give me a second you'll enjoy it though yeah i mean just walking around in a robe he does have like very
Starting point is 00:33:20 weird eclectic style in terms of, like, he's mysterious. Yeah. I've known him for years, I mean, obviously. But I don't know anything about him, really. What do you mean? I mean, I just know he's a brilliant mind that's the goofiest fucking kid I've ever met. Yeah. Which is why it works.
Starting point is 00:33:43 And he just, like, reads and... Yeah, he's got good discipline. Yeah. Once he starts on something, he, like, does really stick with reads. Yeah, he's got good discipline. Once he starts on something, he does really stick with it, which will be fun. It'll be fun when it's cocaine. Just him as an addict. Dude, he's, yeah. It's just an open, giant palace. One couch, one glass table, big mound of coke.
Starting point is 00:34:01 He's going to have a private course. Like Richard Pryor? Yeah, yeah. I can see him getting a pickleball court or something goofy like that to get him back. He plays golf, right? Yeah, yeah. He's gotten real into golf. That's funny.
Starting point is 00:34:11 He's pretty good. By my standards. That's very funny. Consistent. Yeah. He's got a consistent swing. That's the only negative about him. Which I've heard is everything.
Starting point is 00:34:22 In Austin. It's going to be too hot to golf. I got that indoor golf thing. I want to try to really set myself to using it. I'm going to put my mat up in my garage. But even my garage is going to be 120 degrees. What are you doing? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:34:37 There's no AC in there. I can maybe put it in my kitchen. That won't piss her off, huh? She's making golden rich eggs it's like fuck I'm coming across the ball shank one just hits her in the eye I was getting pissed missing those threes man it wasn't bothering me that much I was surprised I wish I just slowed down you were doing it right you like yeah my heart's jacked up I'm thinking about the racing and like. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:05 It's like take one bounce. It's like a three throw. Yeah. Line up, relax. Yeah. I've never been a line up, relax kind of. That's not my personality. The only thing more embarrassing than missing a bunch is freaking out.
Starting point is 00:35:18 While missing a bunch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, let me tell you something. How you doing? You just described me. How can I describe Tom's personality? You know when you miss a bunch of shots and then freak out and embarrass yourself? Although it did work against me when I was just calmly staring at the trivia.
Starting point is 00:35:36 What did you get hung up on? I forget. Your categories were tough. Yeah, I had more top 100. I don't know. I immediately I immediately forgot everything you also forget this those guys those barstool guys are working 40 to 60 to 80 hour weeks in every facet yeah of life yeah they're the TMmz of sports right so like you're dealing with popular culture current culture current sports yeah and they're also like die hard like they're they're just intrinsically built for trivia yeah because there's just a vast a range of things
Starting point is 00:36:19 you know what i mean of information that they probably process on a daily basis consistently for a job. Whereas I just meander around finding a little bit of interest in very little things. Yeah, it's like a thing I think is like a flaw. I need to like figure out how to fix it. I don't know. You know what I mean? I don't want to open that box, dude. I don't have like a whole bunch of nostalgia about Nintendo 64 games.
Starting point is 00:36:42 I don't either. You know what I mean? I don't like, even like the Drake-Kendrick Lamar thing. Everyone was going nuts about that. Who gives a shit? I was like, I don't, who's... I'm into like the Diddy. Drake and Kendrick type thing. A murder has to
Starting point is 00:36:55 happen. That'll strike me. Yeah. The Diddy thing. Now we're talking because there's a lot of, you know, we're talking sex trafficking. We're talking kids. The Diddy thing is fun. Beating the shit out of his wife. We're talking, yeah, abuse. It's nice to see him. These are the elements that I need in a Netflix series to really get me going. Yeah. And in life, you have to have
Starting point is 00:37:12 the same elements that makes me want to watch a crime documentary. Yeah. So if you're in real life, you start spitting out these things, oh, that story, that's interesting. Yeah. Now I'll start studying that fucking thing. Yeah. If it's just like pop culture about what this bitch is wearing and how she got her face done shut up yeah i can't yeah
Starting point is 00:37:30 like if you know anything about the kardashians outside of their dad is now a mom yeah yeah you're a fucking dildo go outside and throw a tennis ball against a wall. That's how I spent like five hours of my day growing up. Just wall ball. Yes. Constant wall ball. Definitely. I would do that because I was trying to be a goalie. I would throw the ball at a wall and then try to save it on the back end.
Starting point is 00:37:54 That's kind of cool. Yeah, yeah. I put like little foam pads on my legs. You'd be nasty if you grew like another five, six inches. You'd be a nasty goalie. It would be fun. Goalies are so fun. I feel like every goalie looks like they have bow legs,
Starting point is 00:38:10 but you actually would, so you cover all of that. Yeah. I don't know. I think I need legs like that guy on NBA and TNT because they all go down in that butterfly. Oh, he's got fucking clothespin legs? Yes, yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:38:24 The worst. Knock knees, bad. Yeah, yeah. Knock knees. Buddy, clothespin legs. He would down in that butterfly. Oh, he's got fucking clothespin legs? Yes, yes, yes. The worst. Knock knees, bad, yeah, yeah. Knock knees. Buddy, clothespin legs. Sick butterfly. You're not going to believe me when I say this. Supermodel. You can pick one girl.
Starting point is 00:38:36 I couldn't survive if she had knock knees. I couldn't be with her. No. I mean, I'd take a ride. You know what I mean? We'd have a nice vacation for three months. I could not look at clothespin legs. There's nobody hot enough to overcome clothespin legs.
Starting point is 00:38:54 There really isn't. I'll take a lisp, an underbite. Yeah, yeah. Cleft palate. Wonky eye. Ears like this. Yeah. Oh, my God, yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:02 I could get behind ears like this. Yeah. I could overcome almost anything but dude and I check in traffic across the town yeah give it that's fine yeah yep you just put it I there was a girl in our gym in Astoria that wore an eyepatch for like six months and I was a great honest yeah yeah great throw an eyepatch on that great yeah talk about mysterious yeah see her walking into a wedding in a gown? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:27 She's like a villain. Yeah, God. She's like that chick from... Sexy and sweet, a little bit quiet. Especially if she was always customizing the patch. Yeah. She's got to go to an Eagles game. She's got to go to an Eagles game.
Starting point is 00:39:37 She's got a... It's got... What's his face pissing on... Hey, where's my Sixers iPad? It's got... What's his little cartoon pissing on? Dallas Cowboy star? Calvin. Calvin pissing on a Dallas Cowboy star. Calvin.
Starting point is 00:39:46 Calvin pissing on the Cowboy. Yeah, that would be incredible. But the knees. I wonder how the Cowboys fans are going to treat old Tommy boy at the bar rocking a satin Eagles jacket. I think there's like some Eagles bars. I think. Yeah, somebody told me there was. Yeah. When we went by Shane's house. Yeah think there's like some Eagles bars. I think. Yeah, somebody told me there was. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:06 When we went by Shane's house. Yeah, there's always some friendly territory. Oh, that's where it was. There's a restaurant by Shane's house. It's like a bar. It's a weird shaped bar. But the owner came up. Somebody recognized me or let me, I forget.
Starting point is 00:40:21 Yeah. And then the owner came over. He's like, you know, this is actually an Eagles bar. He's an old Jew. And I was like, is it? He goes, yeah, I forget. Yeah. And then the owner came over and was like, you know, this is actually an Eagles bar. He's an old Jew. And I was like, is it? He goes, yeah, it's a problem. He's like, it's great for sales, but yeah, it gets to be a cocktail.
Starting point is 00:40:31 It's like all the cocktails coming through the windows. Because, you know, the door swings open and you're just going to watch a game and it's just, you know, 70 fucking Burns fans. That rules. Getting rowdy. It does rule. That actually is going to be fun.
Starting point is 00:40:42 Yeah. It is fun to be like a fan as part of a contingent in enemy territory. Yeah. Actually sounds like a lot of fun. Yeah, but this is like, Eagles-Cowboys is, that's levels of like Yankees-Red Sox in football. Yeah. You know, it's truly one of the best rivalries. Yeah, it's good.
Starting point is 00:41:03 Which brings the hell. The potential hell. And then on top of that, people call me Wop. Wop? Wop! Hey, Wop! Damn. What a nice day to...
Starting point is 00:41:17 It's crazy that we've done so much in Chicago and have not seen any of it. I know. That's because we logged these three days to really do a shitload of content. Dude, we did four hours of podcasting yesterday. Today we have
Starting point is 00:41:29 another hour and then another cooking show. Yeah. And then two shows. Two shows tonight. I texted him to see what the tickets are like.
Starting point is 00:41:38 Don't check it right now. I can't. I can't. I can't. I'm on airplane mode. We got ballsy. Thanks to Chicago for last night.
Starting point is 00:41:44 That was fucking awesome. Oh, on airplane mode. We got ballsy. Thanks to Chicago for last night. That was fucking awesome. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. First show, dynamite. Second show, we'll let you know. This podcast is going to be like a Tarantino movie.
Starting point is 00:41:55 It's jumping around. It's Inception. Yeah, yeah. We're thanking you for coming to the show last night and also concerned about the ticket sales. Yeah. Milwaukee. Still got a chance to come see us tonight. Milwaukee Improv. Yeah, come on out, Milwaukee. I don't know what time
Starting point is 00:42:08 it is. Check stuffislandpod.com for tickies. And then next two days, Chris and I go back home, and then we got the Union Hall on the 28th. Yeah. Stanford, Connecticut, 29th. And then we go up to Baston, Providence.
Starting point is 00:42:23 Providence in Boston. Rhode Island. And then Portland, up to Boston. Providence. Rhode Island. And then Portland, Maine. Yeah. That'll be sick. And then we go west. We should fill dates, dude. We have like holes. We need for LA dates. Why do you keep doing that?
Starting point is 00:42:40 We have fans in LA. I don't want to go to LA. You were just in LA before you purposely extended your trip. I don't want to go to L.A. You were just in L.A. You purposely extended your trip. I was just there. Well, we have to go. We have to go to fucking Cobbs in San Francisco. Yeah, maybe Cobbs. And we have like three.
Starting point is 00:42:53 We got to go Portland. I'd rather just hang out in the Pacific Northwest for a couple days. Well, we can fill it after. Go see the Redwoods. I don't know what's going on with you in L.A. I'm going to find out. I don't know if you have like a second girlfriend there. No. We have you in L.A. I'm going to find out. I don't know if you have a second girlfriend there. No.
Starting point is 00:43:06 We have fans in L.A. It's like one of our top three markets. Yeah. Well, say something. I don't want to go. Yeah, but you have to have a reason. I don't like it over there. This is like a parent.
Starting point is 00:43:16 What? You can't just say you don't want to go to school. Give me a reason. Are you getting beat up? No. I just don't. Did you pee your pants at school yesterday? I don't even really like the idea of doing shows in New York to be honest yeah you guys put Philly on the
Starting point is 00:43:28 map way too early yeah that was dumb you should have the Philly in New York last which I said which I said don't fill here New York last which I said to you before. Man, it is nice to hear what you actually sound like. Which I say. My girls do that and I lose it. Which I said to you before. Before this whole thing came together. Which I said to you. Or Philadelphia.
Starting point is 00:43:59 No, we hadn't been to Philly in a while. No. Well, it was like two months after I started getting back into full time. Also, they were asking us to do stuff. Yeah, I mean, that was the whole thing. We thought we'd still be living in New York when we were doing all of this hanky-panky. There's more insecurity about not having a brand new 30. Which wild next year.
Starting point is 00:44:20 But that'll be nice. You come back, we'll be ready to rock. You know? All good? All good. Nice. The GoPro crapped out. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:44:36 It's nice to hear kids playing again. Not this morning. They're driving me fucking crazy. Oh, you're in the front bedroom. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:42 They just started screaming. Yeah. 7 a.m. You should have just opened the window and did a helicopter dance with your dick. Get them all riled up. Let's go right to prison. They are. Guys, the rest of this tour is just going to be me.
Starting point is 00:44:55 Yeah. We're worried about ticket sales tonight. Chris got arrested. We'll just FaceTime you from the prison phone to do a dual mic. Just an orange jumpsuit. That would be sick. Talking about the commissary. That would be next level.
Starting point is 00:45:09 I bet you would love prison. Rapists record albums in the prison. I bet you would love prison. Structure. Structure, simplistic. Yeah, I would be scared. Too many egos in prison.
Starting point is 00:45:17 If you had your own bunk, if you had your own cell, I think you would love it. You could just veg, dry out, read, eat nothing but bad food oreos doritos i don't eat a lot of that stuff i wonder if that prison is like is is still like it's portrayed in movies in like the 90s where like you the lights go off you hear the cells lock and then it's just mayhem
Starting point is 00:45:45 like these kids in the yard but dark not the skin but i mean like yeah yeah yeah dark i think it's more when they get a little free time bad things happen yeah i feel like at night you're probably chill unless you're in one of those bunks where there's like 15 people in there yeah but like when the lights go out and it's like it's your first time to like yo Con yo Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob
Starting point is 00:46:07 Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob
Starting point is 00:46:08 Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob
Starting point is 00:46:08 Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob
Starting point is 00:46:09 Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob
Starting point is 00:46:09 Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob
Starting point is 00:46:10 Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob
Starting point is 00:46:24 Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob
Starting point is 00:46:24 Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob Spongebob though recording recording albums from prison for comedians a full album yeah or just anything doing the pod from prison i wonder if there are any prison in prison podcasts it'd also be sick for writing like you know like these rappers get locked up for a year or two they come back with
Starting point is 00:46:36 like one of their best albums because they just like focus yeah they're just like you know doing beats and shit yeah it's all they have to do. Writing lyrics. Just writing lyrics about struggle. That'd be so funny if you got locked away for like a year when your album was like so dark and demented. Yeah. Well, it already is. So maybe it'd go the other way. Maybe it's just so lighthearted.
Starting point is 00:46:57 It probably wouldn't be, yeah. You're about settling down. Yeah, your life is so bad that it would just be like about, be all like fun children's jokes. You like about be all like fun. Yeah. Children's jokes. You had no idea what you have. Yeah. That's my idea about putting everybody in prison for a year.
Starting point is 00:47:10 So the way they Europeans do, like everybody has to serve. Yeah. Like the Jews do. Mandatory. Mandatory. No, they serve in the military for a year. Oh, yeah. They should do prison for Americans.
Starting point is 00:47:21 For these kids, I think everything's easy. I think mandatory military service would be sick. I do too. Yeah. Just two years military service would be sick. I do too. Yeah, just two years of just... 16 to 18? ...food camp. Yeah, yeah. Or 18 to 20.
Starting point is 00:47:32 And then you go to college after. 16 to 18, I think, would be good. Because then you come out as an adult and you decide what you want to do. Yeah. You want to stay in the military or you want to go to college. It would suck if you were playing sports and you didn't get to have your junior
Starting point is 00:47:48 and senior year. Well, yeah. You're right. We're talking American. Sports is everything. It is. It is how I got into college.
Starting point is 00:48:00 Yeah. You couldn't get into college without sports? Mine was just a... I just got a scholarship. It wasn't because of sports. Yeah. You couldn't get into college without sports? Mine was just a... I just got a scholarship. It wasn't because of sports. Yeah. No, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:48:10 I don't know if I would have... Really? I can't see you being... I mean, being a lazy student, I can't see you being a bad student. Yeah, a lazy student for sure. But I don't know. I mean, I would have no... Honestly, my only motivation to go for
Starting point is 00:48:25 going to college was to play sports in college yeah because it would have been embarrassing not to play sports in college i don't know if i would have like that was literally how i felt yeah like not playing sports in college so funny having massive family having like a 2.3 gpa and mocking people for going to college and not playing sports. Like, what are you, a fucking idiot? Look at these idiots. They're going to start their own company in 10 years. What a fucking moron.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Going to like Harvard or something? It's crazy to me. Well, if you're white, you got no shot anyway. I guess so. Unless you got a legacy or some connects yeah shit load of money connection
Starting point is 00:49:08 or legacy did you ever see that viral video that white kid it was like number one in his class 4.0 GPA he was like
Starting point is 00:49:17 electorate and like valedictorian he had everything that was hilarious hilariously perfect yeah and he just got denied he read through all the top like 10 schools and he was doing it valedictorian valedictorian he had everything that was hilarious hilariously perfect yeah and
Starting point is 00:49:25 he just got denied he read through all the top like 10 schools and he knew what he was doing it with a smile yeah he was like he got down to stanford he's like no but it also depends like where you're from you know what i mean it's like where are you valedictorian some fucking oh no no no he went to like like he was like oh oh, yeah, yeah. He was a fucking nerd. Like at a prestigious private school. Yeah. This wasn't like Monsignor Bonner in Drexel. Number one in your class.
Starting point is 00:49:54 That guy was sick. At Albright. He became a fighter pilot, I heard. Our number one. Yeah, our valedictorian. That rules. He got one wrong on his SATs, and he came out of the SATs, he goes, fuck. And I was like, what?
Starting point is 00:50:08 His kid was brilliant, obviously. He goes, I got one wrong. You can still get a 1600, though, if you get one wrong, can't you? No, no. I think you can. No, he got a 1590 or whatever. I remember him saying, I'm certain I got one wrong. That's crazy. Yeah. Dude, I walked out of it like. Yeah. I hope I don't wrong. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:50:27 Dude, I walked out of it like. Yeah. I hope I don't have to take that again. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That was all that I was hoping for. I was like, I hope I don't have to take that again. I only took it once. I refused.
Starting point is 00:50:35 I was so lazy about prep. That's one of the regrets I had. Oh. It's like not taking that serious. My parents were aggressive about the prep. They should. I prepped hard. Yeah, yeah. My parents were aggressive about the prep. They should. I prepped hard. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:45 My parents were not aggressive about prep for that. They were not aggressive about filling out applications for college. Like, imagine pressing your kid for perfect attendance. Yeah. Being top 10 in your high school. Getting straight A's for your entire life. And then getting to the years of sophomore, junior, and senior. And not being like, hey, where are those applications?
Starting point is 00:51:05 Oh, dude. Dude, I scrambled the last, like, month to get five out. Oh, dude, that's the only reason I went to Drexel. Same. I didn't have to apply. Same. I applied, but it was one of, like, three. I remember there was, like, a couple other schools I was looking at, and they had applications.
Starting point is 00:51:22 I remember I, like, sat down. I'm not doing that. I was just like, I'll just go to Drexel. This is crazy. And my parents were nuts about the SAT prep because it was like, my grades were bad and they were like, we got one shot. You know what they say? Hail Mary, annexation of Puerto Rico, dude. You know how they say it's really bad for parents to do their kid's homework? Yeah. That would be the only thing
Starting point is 00:51:49 I would do for my child. I would sit down with them and be like, look, I know this sucks. Yeah. This one matters. The homework I do for my child is the application process.
Starting point is 00:51:57 Yeah. It's the last thing you have to do. Yeah. And I just got none of it. It's like the guidance counselor thing I was telling you about. Yeah. How's that bit doing? What? I haven't been doing it. You's like the guidance counselor thing I was telling you about. Yeah. How's that bit doing?
Starting point is 00:52:06 What? I haven't been doing it. You did it like three times the last five days. I think I did it twice. I just get violent when I think I'm a guidance counselor. But that's the same thing. Your parents have to become guidance counselors the last year of your high school. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:20 And then they can fuck off. They have zero involvement in college. They just go, how you doing? You have food? That was order of business number one when I got to college is like, take my parents off my mailing list for grades.
Starting point is 00:52:36 I'm an adult now. I'm going to go online only, password protected. I can fail on my own. That was crazy. I remember I got like a point Yeah, I can fail on my own. Yeah. That was crazy. I remember I got like a point. I did a summer semester at Drexel. I got a.17 GPA.
Starting point is 00:52:57 What? Yeah, I didn't go to any. That's not even possible. Yeah. It's like failing every class and then getting a D in one class or something. Oh my God. It was crazy. Wait, a whole semester?
Starting point is 00:53:10 Or the whole year? A whole quarter. There's quarter systems. Are you going to tell me how Drexel works? Well, you said semester. Trimesters. Trimesters, yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:18 I guess it was trimesters. I thought we had quarters. No, trimesters. Right. They're thirds. No, trimesters. Right. They're thirds. They're not quarters, essentially. See, I did math. I did calculus.
Starting point is 00:53:32 Yeah, well, anyway, that trimester I got.17. That's a lot of time to do nothing. Yeah. Without feeling guilt or, like, anxiety. That's a serious mis wiring in your in your head yeah just wasn't important crazy dude yeah i could still smell the leather of my dad's belt if i just didn't well they didn't know well they have to know at some point and And how do you make up for a.17?
Starting point is 00:54:08 You don't do extra credit in college. I don't know how I did that. You don't clean chalkboard? Oh, I had to do an extra term. I had to do an extra trimester after I graduated. You're just fucking yourself over. Yeah. I'll show me. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:23 Send the grades to me. No, yeah. It wound up great. I think I wound up at some point just like canceling that term. Somehow. Like a payment? No, I just like withdrew or something.
Starting point is 00:54:38 And then I wound up taking a year off because I was out of my mind. Oh God, dude. It's crazy. I guess we are all the same person all the time. Because I was like out of my mind. Oh, God, dude. Yeah. It's crazy. I guess we are, we're all the same person all the time. Yeah. You know?
Starting point is 00:54:54 There's bouts of you can see me at five. Yeah. I'm no fucking different. Yeah. I'm just picturing you all the time with this brain. Yeah. Must be hell. This is kind of weird with the tires thing because it's like successful. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:55:13 I kind of thought I would just die. I thought I would just like, you know, be mediocre and then die somehow, tragically. Wow. Or kill myself. You got time. Now you have money for a nice revolver. Before that, you have to sit in a park asking for find and connect.
Starting point is 00:55:37 Can't spend the whole Patreon money on a nice gun. Still got bills. You can't put that off on your girl. You gotta pay all your back debt, then kill yourself. Yeah. Can't do it with a BB gun over time. Yeah, offshore it or something.
Starting point is 00:55:56 Put it on to a shell company. What would be your first big purchase? When you get some loot. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's funny. I wonder what Shane's going to do. He hasn't even bought a house yet.
Starting point is 00:56:11 The idea of spending a lot of money on something seems crazy to me. Not if it's, I mean, a viable resource, like a house. Yeah, yeah. I guess that would be the only thing. I'm not saying like a gold-plated jet ski. I mean like something that warrants a product. I guess that would be the only thing. I'm not saying like a gold-plated jet ski. I mean like something that is like warrants a product that, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:56:30 navigates life but gives you fulfillment. Yeah, I don't know. I don't have anything like that. Right. That's why you start with a car. I don't have like a, oh, my God, I'm in a nice car. Yeah. I don't.
Starting point is 00:56:45 Yeah, I would get a car. I would go, why did I get this? What am I doing in this car? I don't know, man. The way you thought about that Pacifica. That's what I'm saying. That's all it takes. We'll get you a high-end Pacifica.
Starting point is 00:56:56 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't need any like, I just want the maxed out Pacifica. Yeah. I don't need any like specific, you know. It's like I want a mini van. Pacificas. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:07 And the Pacifica's only fun if you're driving around with your friends in it. Yeah. You know? It's sad as fuck.
Starting point is 00:57:12 There's a seven-seater, it's just you. Yeah. Actually having to just go somewhere by yourself for the Pacifica is pathetic.
Starting point is 00:57:19 It's sad. Jesus Christ. But having a full crew. You just start the car, you're like, is everybody ready? Oh, fuck,
Starting point is 00:57:24 there's no one here You're pissing out Water's just dropping On the ground Launching fruit rolls To empty seats Come on guys Let's go to the ball game
Starting point is 00:57:34 He's constantly pulling Into drive-thrus And ordering like Eight things Yeah Ice cream's just melting You're like Oh my friends are dead
Starting point is 00:57:43 Oh dude Oh my friends are dead. Oh, dude. Oh, my friends are dead. Yeah, I know. All right, well, yeah, let's wrap it up
Starting point is 00:57:53 on that sadness. Yeah, is that how I'll fit that? Yeah, we're good. We gotta do some ads. Guys,
Starting point is 00:58:00 again, thank you for coming to the shows last night. Milwaukee, we'll see you tonight. Check out Stuff Island Pod. Were we supposed to be at that place at 2?
Starting point is 00:58:08 At Barstow? Yeah. No, 4. Oh, okay. 4? Between 3.30 and 4. Oh, nice. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:15 Oh, that's actually fantastic. It's only an hour. I thought it was 2 o'clock. No. Why? What are we going to do? I don't know. Get some meat? Yeah. Get some food do? I don't know. Get a...
Starting point is 00:58:25 Get something to eat? Yeah. All right. Let's get some food. Let's get some lunch. Yeah. Oh, that's fantastic news. He's back, baby. He's back. I thought it would be back-to-back.
Starting point is 00:58:32 I should have told you. I wish you told me at the beginning of the podcast. I know. This would have been so much better. Now I'm ready to do another hour, dude. Glasses back on. Hey, Tom. You good? Yeah, yeah. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:58:42 Sign up for the Patreon if you don't have a Patreon, right? Yeah, sign up for the Patreon. Subscribe to the channel. Yeah. We're supposed to say this dumb shit, but it hurts every time. We love you. Bye.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.