Stuff Island - Pacifica - Stuff Island #134 w/ Chris & Tommy
Episode Date: May 22, 2024Pacifica - Stuff Island #134 w/ Chris & Tommy Catch Chris and Tommy on tour now! - https://www.stuffislandpod.com/live-shows Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on t...he paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com/men and enter the promo code STUFFISLAND. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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All right, we got a bunch of dates coming up. We got the 28th, we're in New York City at Union Hall.
29th, Stanford, Connecticut. Then the 30th, are we in Providence, Rhode Island? And then the 31st
through the 1st, we're in Boston. And then the 2nd, Portland, Maine. Albany, New York, 6-5.
Tacoma, Washington, 6-12. Portland, Oregon, 6-15. San15 San Francisco 616. I'm gonna convince
Chris for some LA dates. Stuff on the pod for tickets. Milwaukee tonight too.
Check that out.
So Mr. O'Connor, I just found out that season two of Tires has been ruined by Netflix.
Tell us about the process.
Like how you and your friends got started.
Can you imagine?
You know, you guys all seem to have a really tight-knit group.
Yeah.
How did that come to fruition?
Did you guys meet like an improv?
I don't know, man.
You just stay alive long enough
good things happen.
Yeah.
It's not true
for most of my family dude.
You just live
long enough
in a very
unexplained way
good things
start to happen.
Yeah.
If you don't die
of a drug overdose
or die in a car accident
or drink yourself
to death
you eventually
get something good to post.
Yeah, yeah.
Eventually one of your friends becomes famous enough to give you a career.
Don't do that.
You're talented enough.
Eventually someone punches through the veil.
And all of a sudden you have a life
and your parents are proud of you
and everything's upside down
at least your parents have something to be proud of
because at least you're one of the faces of it
I just come in and disrespect my father's whole bloodline
he's not even going to see it
you and Schultz are in the driver's seat.
You think so? I do. I think that's
I'd love to switch roles with you, my friend.
No, I think that's going to be
fun. I think that's going to be
you guys, once you guys really get
rocking and rolling. Yeah.
Because you just pop in for a little bit.
You know what I mean? Yeah.
It's like the first season's not
that long. You know what I mean? And you're like, you've got't, you know, it's like the season, the first season's not that long. You know what I mean?
And you're like,
you gotta get Gerben
and Shane's characters.
You're developing
the structure.
Yeah.
Once you guys really get
rocking and rolling,
that's gonna be
so fucking fun.
I already told John
to kill off Schultz
so I could play two wops.
I just have like
a different wig on.
Yeah.
You're like a naughty
Devlin, see?
Godless.
That's how they should have intro'd your two characters.
They just find you two.
You've killed your parents.
Your whole family.
You're covered in blood.
And they're like, hey, come work at the shop.
My mom stopped making me meatballs.
Oh, man. This has been a hell of a run though i know we're in chicago this is actually kind of a nice back it is cute makes me want to drink and like sexually
harass girls while it's like a college does anything not make you want to do that hold on
i'm still in what form dude i'm still in character no you don't like you know what i mean like this
is like a back or a front porch
at a college town where you're just drinking
like Bush Light, Scream, Nick Earls.
It's true.
It's like a well-built fire escape.
They turned a fire escape
into a usable piece of...
What do you think the numbers
of success for college kids was?
What do you mean?
Like just leaning over
a porch like this like yeah come on up we got kegs. Oh yeah. Two percent? Pretty
high. Really? Probably higher than that. Yeah I guess it depends where you are. I don't know.
Yeah. I feel like when we were when we went to Florida State that one time it
seemed like that was the magnetic fish. That's how you do it. Yeah yeah that's how you do it.
Yeah it's like those guys that throw the nets and pull the string. That's how you do it. Yeah, yeah. That's how you do it. Yeah. It's like those guys
that throw the nets
and pull the string.
It's like that fishing video
where the fish are just
jumping into the boat.
Put a saloon door
in your bedroom.
Yeah, it is.
It probably just,
yeah, Florida State
did feel like the dudes
were just grizzlies
in a river.
Man.
Salmon just jumping up.
I said this before.
It's like you want to
take your kid on a college run.
If you want them to get good grades in high school,
take a trip south.
Take them to Florida, Texas, California.
Bless your heart.
Yeah.
Show them what the potential is.
Because all they know is school at that point is...
I'm glad I never saw it.
I'm pissed I never saw it.
I'm glad I never saw it. I would have wanted to I never saw it. I'm glad I never saw it.
I would have wanted to go down there too much.
Yeah, that's the point.
Now, dude, I needed...
You needed
engineering school. No, I needed
sports. If I wasn't...
If my parents didn't hand me off to
another guy who could physically abuse me,
who had, like, license to...
Abuse. Yeah, yeah.
Then I would have been an absolute...
I was already a wreck.
Yeah.
So it's like, the fact that there was a guy who was like,
you have to be up at 6 a.m. and you have to exhaust yourself.
It's military.
Yeah, yeah.
You went to boot camp to stay a human being.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I would not have made it through college.
Then why don't you graduate it?
Yeah, oh, yeah.
The wheels came off, dude.
It was Rome springing.
Yeah, you can't well essentially we've done social college after college i mean we've been
we've been living like we went to college yeah yeah that is yeah drexel drove us to yeah yeah
yeah try to live in a fraternity for 20 years. Just a gray cement bullshit campus
where you couldn't escape.
It's fucking nice now.
It is nice.
Of course it's nice now.
Yeah, yeah.
It's how everything is.
Yeah.
It's beautiful now.
It's a fucking country club now.
Everything that you wanted to be nice is nice
and everything that used to be nice sucks now.
You know, as you get older.
There's like a bell curve there
where it's like, you know,
the shit that you wanted to be cool when you were in those years was not cool.
And now it's cool.
Yeah.
And now you want the peace and now like shit's blown up.
There's like a lot of things like that in life where it's like,
when you first got to Philly,
you're like,
this is where,
when I first got to Philly,
I was like,
this is a shithole.
Yeah.
I mean,
I did love it,
but it's still like,
you're like,
this is a real dump. But if you knew it was going to get better, you is a shithole. Yeah. I mean, I did love it, but it's still like, this is a real dump.
But if you knew it was going to get better, you could have just appreciated it.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
If you knew it was going to turn into a really nice city.
Yeah.
You would have just been like, oh, this is fun.
We're going to watch the glow up.
We're one of the founding fathers.
Yeah, yeah.
Of what will be.
I remember when they started building the Comcast Center.
Yeah, the building.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, we were so hyped why it's just because it just an evil corporate entity is coming up
they're like let's go dude let's kill this city it is it felt like yeah we got yeah there's
progress they thought like and we had no idea we thought it was going to be like taller than like
yeah we thought it was gonna be the tallest building in the country. And an entertainment factory.
Meanwhile, it just houses the most evil human beings possible.
I didn't realize they would take over everything.
Yeah, it's a vertical pentagon, dude.
They're just out there murdering your citizens.
They built another one.
Apparently the nicest hotel in America.
There's four seasons up there on the roof of the second one.
How aren't the cable companies deteriorating?
Like Comcast and Spectrum
and all those places.
Who's still paying?
This has got to be
the last generation.
You still need internet.
They control the internet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But no one's buying
the fucking $200 TV package
anymore, right?
No, but I've...
Outside of our parents
because I told my dad,
I was like,
dude, just download this.
I know, I know.
I ain't doing all that shit.
But I get it from their perspective.
Because even, like, troubleshooting tech for me is even a huge pain in the ass.
I couldn't imagine if it was like, dude, they don't have, like, accounts.
They don't have, like, Apple IDs and stuff.
They have, like, one shared Apple ID.
Their pictures are all blending together.
I don't know what the fuck's going on.
They can't fix one of their phones without the other one just destroying, you know what I mean?
If they go to the store and they get a new phone, their wife's or their husband's phone just, everything disappears.
Yeah.
Steve?
She's like, where's the picture in Italian?
Oh, they don't want to deal with any of it.
Yeah. It's amazing. They don't just have one of their kids be like, where's the picture in Italian? Oh, they don't want to deal with any of it. Yeah.
It's amazing.
They don't just have one of their kids be like, can you come over here?
Tell me everything you're saying.
Just do it for me.
And then show me how to get on.
Just click this thing, Dad.
Yeah, yeah.
But if you try and tell him, he still looks at you like an idiot.
Of course.
He's like, nah, you're fucking retarded.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My brother goes over there and helps.
But it's like, again, you're at the limits of your own understanding anyway.
So you're just like, I don't know why that works.
It just does.
This happens again.
Repeat these steps.
It's like somebody dropping off a sniper rifle to me.
Oh, dude.
Like an intricate rifle.
I remember when I lived there for a while, I got like a...
What, your parents' house?
Yeah, yeah.
Who says it like that?
No, no, when I moved back there I moved back there
for a couple months
during the pandemic
and like
I remember I lived at home
for a while
and dude they have
like their modem
their wireless modem
like
a router
literally is like a
the range of their
wireless internet
is like
8 feet
around the television
like in order to use
the internet
you have to be, like, sitting next
to the TV. Your dad's got a stand-up desk next to it
doing his work. Yeah, yeah.
And so I got, like, this, like, Google Mesh thing
which, like, spreads the internet out over
the house. Yeah. And, like,
that now is even a problem because
they're, like,
they're, like, what's this other internet that you keep
connecting to? Yeah. How do you replace the Google Mesh?
Yeah. Jesus Christ, what's that, 10 years ago?
You know, they're like vacuuming and they just unplug the internet.
They don't know.
Dude, I mean, I watch Neighbor John just trying to figure out what to do with his day.
If I don't have any technology, I mean, by the time we're that age, we'll have like sex robots that entertain us and stuff.
Like dancing robots.
We'll have live entertainment
yeah you don't even fuck the robot
it just helps you fix the wifi
yeah
you're jerking off
while she's doing all the work
you're beating off
because you're just happy
you're happy to get
the Phillies game on
yeah yeah
that'd be so funny
it just turns into
can you connect the internet
so I can jerk off
oh my god that's so good
you're doing so well sex robots just nagging you
you come and fall asleep you miss the whole game
nobody's like I see him like bopping around and I you know we have our daily conversation and then
he just he's like all right well I better get back before my wife catches me.
And it's like, dude, what do you do for eight to ten hours a day?
You know what I would do?
When you're old and retired.
I would go and I would like, I hope AI allows you to watch sports games with old broadcasters.
And you could
bring them to other sports.
You know what I mean?
I wish there was just an AI mod where I could watch
lacrosse with Doc Emmerich
and Glenn Chico Resch calling every game.
You're saying a great idea.
This is great.
Like Merle Reese?
When I'm fucking 78?
You can just listen to him call the games.
I'm just choking on my own tears.
Thinking of my child who died.
Dude, that would be incredible.
That's a great idea.
Just assemble like all-star, all-time broadcast teams.
Yeah.
And put them in every sport?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh my God.
Dude, bringing Mel Reese to my daughter's, like, volleyball game.
Oh, yeah.
Just a headset in.
Yeah, you're bagging beers.
This is great.
I know they suck.
It'd be funny because it would be pulling from all of the, like, errors they've called.
Yeah.
Rude plays, mistakes, and you're just watching, like, T-ball.
Damn, and you could change the bodies of the managers, like, to be like Charlie Manuel.
You know what I mean?
He's just, like, lumping out there, holding his chin on his chest.
That'd be incredible.
That's a great fucking idea.
You'd be feeding in all of the current day research and stuff,
so they could just, it'd be totally like they were alive all in the game.
I mean, entertainment has already ruined most of our culture, you know?
Just old family cultures are going to be deteriorated so like why not just pump
up the give me more entertainment give me the more nostalgia it's going to i mean what's the
next version of that where it's like you're constantly entertained by something and you
don't i mean you know how many bad parents are just because they send a tablet to the fucking
kid i wonder if they will start policing you you know what i mean like you can't buy flavored vapes
here that's where we're starting.
Well, it's like, yeah, at a certain point, it's just like, if you're under 15, you can't
get on the internet.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
It fucks with your head.
You can't do it.
Yeah, how do you stop that?
They banned porn.
They banned Pornhub in Texas.
Yeah.
But so what?
There's 17 others.
Did they actually?
Did they actually?
Or you just, you gotta like, just.
No, it's totally banned. Really? Yeah. I thought there? Or you just, you gotta like just... No, it's totally banned.
Really?
Yeah.
I thought there was just some thing
where you had to like put your driver's license in there
so you could prove you're over 18.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
Which is essentially a ban.
No.
It's like giving my driver's license to Pornhub.
Yeah, that's like an old racist man
hearing about the transsexual thing with Bud Light
and going, well, I'm just gonna switch back to course.
I'm not doing any of that shit. Me signing into
Pornhub, like there's 17 others I can taste.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm an XXNX guy now.
Yeah. Thanks, Texas.
Thanks, Obama. You're back on E-Bombs
World.
I forgot that one site you
told me to search. Noodle Magazine?
Yeah, it's so funny, dude.
Of course I forgot. It's called Noodle Magazine search Noodle Magazine. Yeah, it's so funny. Of course I forgot.
It's called Noodle Magazine.
Noodle Magazine is great.
It's almost like, what's the search algorithm for that?
Is it set differently in the background?
I don't know.
The AI version of porn search?
Yeah, yeah.
No, you search stuff the way you normally search it,
but it just gives you crazy results.
Just search on steroids? Yeah yeah it's like yeah there's a lot of like all the new stuff is on there yeah
I'm still see the last time I checked I'm still sweating that yak performance
oh yeah trivia no trivia was where you've got hung up I always I mean I
knew I was gonna be be better at trivia.
Trivia put a couple extra minutes on me, but the basketball was embarrassing.
Yeah. You should have seen the streak I went on. I went and shot three pointers after you.
Yeah. Three for five? Four for five?
No, no, no. Just rimming out. It must have been 20 in a row. They probably had the footage.
It was like you couldn't try it.
Dude, I missed 12 in a row by, I would say, a 16th of an inch hitting that front.
Yeah, and just going down.
And getting that arc over that fucking catcher.
I think that actually helped me.
I was saying to Big Cat, I was like, that's how you properly should teach high school kids.
Buy that trap so you know how to get over the defender.
You also know the proper arc, all that stuff.
This is a very active back area here.
Yeah, there's a lot of people here.
This might be the weirdest place to do this.
Growing up in small CYO gyms and stuff, everyone was small.
You didn't have big two guards defending you, like jumping like this.
So like all darts. All my threes
were darts. So playing a
proper high school team, I would just,
everything would just be swatted into the
universe. Yeah, that's why my dad was a huge
basketball player and I never got into basketball
because, dude, like
how do you even play as a child?
No, some people are size. It's like you need to like
You'd have to abuse the shit out of your size. It's like you need to like.
You'd have to abuse the shit out of your kids.
You know, you ever see those little kids?
Yeah, yeah.
Double dribbling like China?
Yeah, yeah. Their whole life is that.
And then they just don't get to the fucking league.
Yeah, I'd have to work all on handle and passing.
But it's like.
Why?
Yeah, yeah.
What are you going to do?
Shooting is insane when you're five.
Even if you make like 50 grand in like Italy.
You know what I mean? When you're like 28, 30 years old. That 50 grand in like italy you know what i mean when you're like 28 30 years
old that actually does seem like it rules there was one like a bunch of the drexel basketball
guys when played over european does seem like kind of a sick life you're not pissed that you're not
in the nba yeah it's pretty sweet i also think those european leagues get like good turnouts
i think there's a big need in crowd work. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are they going to do, watch soccer all day?
Yeah.
That's why they, well, they're also just, they're great at fundamentals and they love
basketball.
Yeah, yeah.
They play team, a team game.
A team sport.
You know why?
Because they're white?
Is that what you're going to say?
I figured I'd just wink at you
and you'd just pass over it.
Dude, the Game 7s
have been nuts.
Yeah.
Jump into a little sports talk.
When the Knicks went down,
Knicks fucking sucked my dick.
Yeah.
We got a lot of Knicks fans and friends thaticks fucking sucked my dick. Yeah. We got a lot of Knicks fans, friends, that are real fucking mouthy.
Yeah.
It's like, that's why you don't talk shit.
But it is kind of nice.
You can't talk shit until you win it all.
Because I knew the Knicks were going to have a problem.
Obviously, Brunson going down was going to be a big problem.
Dude, their whole roster went down.
Yeah.
They're missing, like, their whole starting five, weren't they?
Well, you got to, yeah. Weren't they missing, like, everybody?
Yeah, early on.
They lost Randall.
Yeah, yeah.
They lost, like – sorry.
It's crazy.
We're very close.
I know.
It's just very awkward.
But, yeah, I mean, they should – NBA should be down to, like, at least 60 from 82 or whatever it is.
Games?
Yeah, yeah.
It's like that extra and then going into the playoffs.
I bet if they went to the NBA PA,
I don't know if that's what the Players Association is,
but if they went and they were like,
we're going to cut 20 games,
but your salary's also going to get cut by this percentage,
they'd be like, nah.
Yeah, give me the broken knees in 10 years.
Dude, 82 games. It's nuts. Nah. Yeah. Yeah, give me the broken knees in 10 years. Dude.
82 games.
It's nuts.
At that level, that speed, the game has changed, obviously, but, like, how the fuck do you have a future?
Like, they're all going to be, it's almost like running backs.
Oh, yeah.
Like, Embiid. Walking around just, yeah.
Embiid on, like, a rolling chair.
Like, how are you going to get him into a fucking pizza?
That one guy who's on NBA on TNT or whatever.
One of the broadcast guys with Kenny and Shaq.
That one guy's knees are just...
Who was the guy?
Is he a regular?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's one of the four.
He always does breakdowns. They always make him walk over to that giant board and do breakdowns. It's like, there's one guy who four. He always does breakdowns.
They always make him walk over to that giant board and do breakdowns.
It's like, there's one guy who can't do this, dude.
Like, how do you not get an adjustment?
Can you adjust that kind of thing?
Why are your knees going in like that?
Well, maybe he asked to walk up to that thing just to get, like, insurance.
Yeah, he's constantly tripping and falling this deal i feel like every other time i turn on it they've got like the the like
the white chalk outline of where he fell trying to walk up his dad they do like a bit about it
they're only like 60 and he was i know apparently he's like amazing in the nba too i forget his name but his knees are yeah it's like it's like looking at like a hyper
extended elbow yeah does your arm hurt from shooting no mine does right here i'm getting
sore i'm getting my arm hurts from sleep because like every time i sleep with my girl i have to be
all the way on the edge of the bed my arms arm's like hanging off and just the weight of it
slowly tugs.
Why, she's all the way
over on your side?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Does it start like that?
That's a rookie move.
You gotta start,
you gotta hold your ground.
Yeah, yeah.
If you end up on that side,
that's fine.
Oh boy.
It's the allergies.
It's the pollen.
Dude, have you seen
how much of that shit's
floating around today?
It was stuck on my face
when I went to the coffee shop.
No joke. It's literally like snowing. No one said anything. I went to the bathroom. Dude, have you seen how much of that shit's floating around today? It was stuck on my face when I went to the coffee shop. It's literally like snowing.
No one said anything.
I went to the bathroom.
I had four fucking, because I just greased up my face.
You put the lotion on?
I put lotion on.
Walked outside and it was like snowing and shit.
You got a tartan feather?
I just walked from Boston.
Can I please have a coffee?
Dude, that coffee shop's so nice.
It is nice.
And they make food so fast.
I love Chicago, man.
I would live here.
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All right, now back to the episode.
Chicago is superior to New York.
Yeah.
People are great.
And there's just as much entertainment with a lot less anger.
It's the perfect in-between, Philly and New York.
Yes, it's perfect.
It's just sized up.
Philly's mostly anger with not a lot of entertainment.
New York has a lot of entertainment with too much anger and too much filth.
Yeah, too much anger.
This place has it all.
Yeah.
You know, if you're in the right area.
Obviously.
But there's plenty.
That's part of the all.
Yeah, yeah.
It's part of the all.
It's the other areas.
The non-fundamentals.
It has it all.
It has everything that you could possibly want.
Good looking girls.
Midwest people.
Yeah, but they're not the chunk of monks.
It's not your standard Midwest.
They're all put together well.
I don't know.
Vape life though
is terrible
that's good
I need to slow
I got a zero
I got a nicotine free
oh really
yeah
that's pretty smart
this might be the
the way out
no
yeah
might be the way out
I don't even think
I feel the nicotine
I guess because
I've never
taken time off yeah that affects your sleep too definitely feel the nicotine I guess because I've never taken time off
that affects your sleep too?
definitely
just smoking nicotine all day?
yeah just drinking coffee all day
I do that too
the booze puts me down
I've got a nice balance going right now
god
what a
disgusting way to live
just constantly balancing all vices God, what a disgusting way to live.
Just constantly balancing all vices.
It's the equivalent of doing coke and then taking some heroin at night.
It's a speedball.
It's a natural speedball lifestyle.
Yeah.
Might be nice to get off it for a while and see what happens.
The juice?
Yeah. I already put something in plan.
Yeah.
I'm waiting until after the tour.
Yeah, and then it just starts slowing it down.
Yeah, I'm going to cut off
I'm going to go from a certain amount
like number wise
and then go down a couple days off
and I'm going to try and do the whole week
and then just drink on the weekend.
I think you've got to go cold turkey.
Yeah. I really do. to go cold turkey. Yeah.
I really do.
I don't know.
Because weaning off is impossible.
Really?
I think so.
It's like, dude, once I have one.
I feel like I did it well last time I did it when I took that week off.
I feel like there was like two days I was like, I'll drink a quarter of what I normally do.
And then that next day I was like, nothing.
Yeah, but it's still, it's just like once it gets right once you I don't know once you have to it's like it's impossible To stop for me. No, I know I hear you unless you like that's the thing. I have to start so late
Mm-hmm that like no you gotta do it like Ricky Gervais style or he just has like two glad
Two big glasses of wine at night every night
Yeah, like if you don't drink the whole day
that just kind of eases you and puts you in a but dude comfortable state there's i'm sorry but i will
not go to bed if um two wines in and there's a good show yeah 100 it's just like yeah why would i
stop this train yeah yeah it's such a feel-good feeling when it's a new show. Yeah. And it's rocking and rolling.
And you got two drinks in you.
This is why I yell at you.
You're like, I got to finish it.
This is why I yell at you for starting movies because I'm locked in.
I have a rule.
You can't start a new series if it's like 10 or 12.
Yeah.
Because I'll watch the whole thing.
Yeah.
I'll go to four in the morning.
Yeah.
Like, thank God we finished Godless.
Yeah.
Because if that had three more seasons, I'm not going to bed.
It would be crushing.
Oh, Godless.
It was so good.
I don't know, man.
It got corny at the end.
And then that last scene, that last, the fight scene, the big fight scene.
So corny.
It was a complete disaster.
They just went so woke.
It's like not even.
And just the, yeah, you're talking about how no one was shooting. Well, it's like, again, it's like not even... And just the...
It was just bad.
You're talking about how no one was shooting.
Well, it's like, again, it could have been...
That's that turning off.
So when does Tires come out?
Thursday, right?
Thursday, 3 a.m.
Thursday, 3 a.m., so Friday's for normal people is the typical time to watch it.
I guess they'll start, yeah.
Are you going to be in Philly?
Or Connecticut? No, yeah, I'm going to go start, yeah. Are you going to be in Philly? Or Connecticut?
No, yeah, I'm going to go see the fam.
I'm going to hang out.
Spend Memorial Day.
I do, yeah.
What are you doing for Memorial Day?
I don't know, dude.
The lacrosse national championships are in Philly.
There's a piece of me that kind of wanted to go to that.
No, let's go to the beach.
Let's go to your parents' beach.
I don't think I'm going to Philly.
I think I'm just staying in New York.
After all this, dude, I'm like...
You just want to be set somewhere?
The two, three days off we have,
I'm not going to grab a giant bag
and go see my parents for a half hour.
It's literally 12 hours of travel
for my mom to ask me three questions
about insurance and then... My dad to tell me I'm gay.
It is true.
It is true.
Good to see you.
Yeah.
They go to bed at 8 p.m.
All right.
And they're like, all right, my day's just starting.
It's crazy because talking to your parents, for me, it's like when you see them
in person
I'm the alright
you know what are we doing
she's the alright well let's
settle up like she's the alright
in person and I'm the alright
on the phone when you're like alright
you're trying to hang up
you're giving her the cue going okay
alright man let me
in person she's's, all right.
So, you know, just touched her chicken once.
Yeah, yeah.
So what are we doing?
My mom, yeah.
You should come hang out.
My mom likes talking about food.
It's almost all she talks about.
Me and your mom have a bond.
We have a culinary kitchen bond.
Yeah, she's been going through recipes.
She's trying to figure that out.
That's awesome.
Yeah. That's awesome.
And when I try to engage her... It's never too late in life to pick up a fork.
A knife. Yeah.
Start cooking. Yeah, drop the fork,
pick the knife up. She's making fresh tomatoes.
She gets eggs from Mrs. Sullivan.
Let's go. Yeah, she gets farm eggs and stuff.
Mrs. Sullivan has chickens. She gets
fresh, deep
orange eggs. Once you go there, you're never going back. Sullivan has chickens. She gets like fresh. Once you do those deep orange eggs.
Once you go there
you're never going back.
We do too.
We go to
in Austin
my girl goes to
this little farmhouse
that takes it directly
from the farm.
They're like
golden rich.
Yeah.
It's crazy the consistency.
Yeah.
You see those eggs
you're like
this would have been
an incredible chicken.
Yeah.
It also makes you go
what have I been
fucking eating?
Oh for everything. Why are they yellow? Yeah. Once you go, what have I been fucking eating? Oh, for everything.
Why are they yellow?
Yeah, once you go organic or all natural
and you get, like, good meat,
then you see this painted meat
you're getting from a fucking acne.
It's literally painted with chemicals.
Just spray the airbrush it?
They put this fucking red dye
so that you can't see it going bad,
and they also spray, like, a chemical on it
to keep it from browning.
Oh, man.
Yeah, dude.
The shit we've been putting in our body for years.
I hope that doesn't kill me.
I mean, I was saying this yesterday in Barstool.
It's like I feel better now, but yesterday, you know when you're so tired?
Well, you were hitting it hard the first
couple days yeah yeah i was you were hitting it hard and then i took two days off of hitting it
hard and i was like oh this is great yeah i want to live forever yeah then you go back to hard
and you're like i can't see myself live until 80 i'm exhausted if i die now you know it's like
being hung over on a plane you You're like, you're so hung
over. If it goes down, look.
I had a fun ride. It's like, dude, you're 44.
You're not 85.
With grandkids.
It would
suck to die right now when things are starting to
pop off.
Season 2 is huge, though, dude.
That is nice. That's the start
of good things because
then they're just going all right what's next because season two blends into season three
easily then you're talking however man you want to do my friend yeah yeah syndication
john starts like wearing a wig gerbin's got a weird mustache thing going he's trying to get
elongated legs rich gerbin would be so funny he's tall i know he's funny he trying to get elongated legs rich kirvan would be so far I know
he's funny once get taller dude yeah rich kirvan well that's gonna be fun
wealthy government will be German throwing into a superstar is gonna be
very fun to watch I hope he gets angry in public when people want to take
pictures I hope he gets like very upset with it yeah except for like young women
he gets a red carpet all the flash bulbs and be like what i can't can you just yeah yeah okay just give me a
second you'll enjoy it though yeah i mean just walking around in a robe he does have like very
weird eclectic style in terms of, like, he's mysterious.
Yeah.
I've known him for years, I mean, obviously.
But I don't know anything about him, really.
What do you mean?
I mean, I just know he's a brilliant mind that's the goofiest fucking kid I've ever met.
Yeah.
Which is why it works.
And he just, like, reads and... Yeah, he's got good discipline. Yeah. Once he starts on something, he, like, does really stick with reads. Yeah, he's got good discipline.
Once he starts on something, he does really stick with it,
which will be fun.
It'll be fun when it's cocaine.
Just him as an addict.
Dude, he's, yeah.
It's just an open, giant palace.
One couch, one glass table, big mound of coke.
He's going to have a private course.
Like Richard Pryor?
Yeah, yeah.
I can see him getting a pickleball court or something goofy like that to get him back.
He plays golf, right?
Yeah, yeah.
He's gotten real into golf.
That's funny.
He's pretty good.
By my standards.
That's very funny.
Consistent.
Yeah.
He's got a consistent swing.
That's the only negative about him.
Which I've heard is everything.
In Austin.
It's going to be too hot to golf.
I got that indoor golf thing.
I want to try to really set myself to using it.
I'm going to put my mat up in my garage.
But even my garage is going to be 120 degrees.
What are you doing?
I don't know.
There's no AC in there.
I can maybe put it in my kitchen.
That won't piss her off, huh?
She's making golden rich eggs
it's like fuck I'm coming across the ball shank one just hits her in the eye
I was getting pissed missing those threes man it wasn't bothering me that
much I was surprised I wish I just slowed down you were doing it right you
like yeah my heart's jacked up I'm thinking about the racing and like. Yeah.
It's like take one bounce.
It's like a three throw.
Yeah.
Line up, relax.
Yeah.
I've never been a line up, relax kind of.
That's not my personality.
The only thing more embarrassing than missing a bunch is freaking out.
While missing a bunch?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, let me tell you something.
How you doing?
You just described me.
How can I describe Tom's personality?
You know when you miss a bunch of shots and then freak out and embarrass yourself?
Although it did work against me when I was just calmly staring at the trivia.
What did you get hung up on?
I forget.
Your categories were tough.
Yeah, I had more top 100.
I don't know. I immediately I immediately forgot everything you also forget this those guys those barstool guys are working 40 to 60 to 80
hour weeks in every facet yeah of life yeah they're the TMmz of sports right so like you're dealing with popular culture
current culture current sports yeah and they're also like die hard like they're they're just
intrinsically built for trivia yeah because there's just a vast a range of things
you know what i mean of information that they probably process on a daily basis consistently for a job.
Whereas I just meander around finding a little bit of interest in very little things.
Yeah, it's like a thing I think is like a flaw.
I need to like figure out how to fix it.
I don't know.
You know what I mean?
I don't want to open that box, dude.
I don't have like a whole bunch of nostalgia about Nintendo 64 games.
I don't either.
You know what I mean?
I don't like, even like the
Drake-Kendrick Lamar thing.
Everyone was going nuts about that. Who gives a shit?
I was like, I don't, who's...
I'm into like the Diddy. Drake
and Kendrick type thing. A murder has to
happen. That'll strike me. Yeah.
The Diddy thing. Now we're talking because there's a lot
of, you know, we're talking sex trafficking.
We're talking kids. The Diddy thing is fun. Beating the shit out of his wife.
We're talking, yeah, abuse. It's nice to see him.
These are the elements that I need in a Netflix
series to really get me going.
Yeah. And in life, you have to have
the same elements that makes me want to watch
a crime documentary. Yeah.
So if you're in real life, you
start spitting out these things, oh, that story,
that's interesting. Yeah. Now I'll start studying
that fucking thing. Yeah.
If it's just like pop
culture about what this bitch is wearing and how she got her face done shut up yeah i can't yeah
like if you know anything about the kardashians outside of their dad is now a mom yeah yeah you're
a fucking dildo go outside and throw a tennis ball against a wall. That's how I spent like five hours of my day growing up.
Just wall ball.
Yes.
Constant wall ball.
Definitely.
I would do that because I was trying to be a goalie.
I would throw the ball at a wall and then try to save it on the back end.
That's kind of cool.
Yeah, yeah.
I put like little foam pads on my legs.
You'd be nasty if you grew like another five, six inches.
You'd be a nasty goalie.
It would be fun.
Goalies are so fun.
I feel like every goalie looks like they have bow legs,
but you actually would,
so you cover all of that.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I think I need legs like that guy on NBA and TNT
because they all go down in that butterfly.
Oh, he's got fucking clothespin legs?
Yes, yes, yes.
The worst.
Knock knees, bad. Yeah, yeah. Knock knees. Buddy, clothespin legs. He would down in that butterfly. Oh, he's got fucking clothespin legs? Yes, yes, yes. The worst.
Knock knees, bad, yeah, yeah.
Knock knees.
Buddy, clothespin legs. Sick butterfly.
You're not going to believe me when I say this.
Supermodel.
You can pick one girl.
I couldn't survive if she had knock knees.
I couldn't be with her.
No.
I mean, I'd take a ride.
You know what I mean?
We'd have a nice vacation for three months.
I could not look at clothespin legs.
There's nobody hot enough to overcome clothespin legs.
There really isn't.
I'll take a lisp, an underbite.
Yeah, yeah.
Cleft palate.
Wonky eye.
Ears like this.
Yeah.
Oh, my God, yeah.
I could get behind ears like this.
Yeah.
I could overcome almost anything but dude and I check in traffic across
the town yeah give it that's fine yeah yep you just put it I there was a girl
in our gym in Astoria that wore an eyepatch for like six months and I was
a great honest yeah yeah great throw an eyepatch on that great yeah talk about
mysterious yeah see her walking into a wedding in a gown?
Yeah.
She's like a villain.
Yeah, God.
She's like that chick from...
Sexy and sweet, a little bit quiet.
Especially if she was always customizing the patch.
Yeah.
She's got to go to an Eagles game.
She's got to go to an Eagles game.
She's got a...
It's got...
What's his face pissing on...
Hey, where's my Sixers iPad?
It's got...
What's his little cartoon pissing on?
Dallas Cowboy star?
Calvin. Calvin pissing on a Dallas Cowboy star. Calvin.
Calvin pissing on the Cowboy.
Yeah, that would be incredible.
But the knees.
I wonder how the Cowboys fans are going to treat old Tommy boy at the bar rocking a satin Eagles jacket.
I think there's like some Eagles bars.
I think.
Yeah, somebody told me there was. Yeah. When we went by Shane's house. Yeah think there's like some Eagles bars. I think. Yeah, somebody told me there was.
Yeah.
When we went by Shane's house.
Yeah, there's always some friendly territory.
Oh, that's where it was.
There's a restaurant by Shane's house.
It's like a bar.
It's a weird shaped bar.
But the owner came up.
Somebody recognized me or let me, I forget.
Yeah.
And then the owner came over.
He's like, you know, this is actually an Eagles bar.
He's an old Jew. And I was like, is it? He goes, yeah, I forget. Yeah. And then the owner came over and was like, you know, this is actually an Eagles bar. He's an old Jew.
And I was like, is it?
He goes, yeah, it's a problem.
He's like, it's great for sales, but yeah,
it gets to be a cocktail.
It's like all the cocktails coming through the windows.
Because, you know, the door swings open
and you're just going to watch a game
and it's just, you know, 70 fucking Burns fans.
That rules.
Getting rowdy.
It does rule.
That actually is going to be fun.
Yeah.
It is fun to be like a fan as part of a contingent in enemy territory.
Yeah.
Actually sounds like a lot of fun.
Yeah, but this is like, Eagles-Cowboys is, that's levels of like Yankees-Red Sox in football.
Yeah.
You know, it's truly one of the best rivalries.
Yeah, it's good.
Which brings the hell.
The potential hell.
And then on top of that, people call me Wop.
Wop?
Wop!
Hey, Wop!
Damn.
What a nice day to...
It's crazy that we've done so much in Chicago and have not seen any of it.
I know.
That's because we logged these three days to really do a
shitload of content.
Dude, we did four
hours of podcasting
yesterday.
Today we have
another hour and
then another cooking
show.
Yeah.
And then two shows.
Two shows tonight.
I texted him to see
what the tickets are like.
Don't check it right now.
I can't.
I can't.
I can't.
I'm on airplane mode.
We got ballsy.
Thanks to Chicago
for last night.
That was fucking awesome. Oh, on airplane mode. We got ballsy. Thanks to Chicago for last night. That was fucking awesome.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
First show, dynamite.
Second show, we'll let you know.
This podcast is going to be like a Tarantino movie.
It's jumping around.
It's Inception.
Yeah, yeah.
We're thanking you for coming to the show last night and also concerned about the ticket sales.
Yeah.
Milwaukee.
Still got a chance to come see us tonight.
Milwaukee Improv. Yeah, come on out, Milwaukee. I don't know what time
it is. Check stuffislandpod.com
for tickies.
And then next two days,
Chris and I go back home, and then we got
the Union Hall on the 28th. Yeah.
Stanford, Connecticut, 29th.
And then we
go up to Baston, Providence.
Providence in Boston. Rhode Island. And then Portland, up to Boston. Providence. Rhode Island.
And then Portland, Maine.
Yeah. That'll be sick.
And then we go west. We should fill
dates, dude. We have like
holes. We need
for LA dates.
Why do you keep doing that?
We have fans in LA. I don't want to go to LA.
You were just in LA
before you purposely extended your trip. I don't want to go to L.A. You were just in L.A. You purposely extended your trip.
I was just there.
Well, we have to go.
We have to go to fucking Cobbs in San Francisco.
Yeah, maybe Cobbs.
And we have like three.
We got to go Portland.
I'd rather just hang out in the Pacific Northwest for a couple days.
Well, we can fill it after.
Go see the Redwoods.
I don't know what's going on with you in L.A.
I'm going to find out.
I don't know if you have like a second girlfriend there. No. We have you in L.A. I'm going to find out. I don't know if you have a second girlfriend there.
No.
We have fans in L.A.
It's like one of our top three markets.
Yeah.
Well, say something.
I don't want to go.
Yeah, but you have to have a reason.
I don't like it over there.
This is like a parent.
What?
You can't just say you don't want to go to school.
Give me a reason.
Are you getting beat up?
No.
I just don't.
Did you pee your pants at school yesterday?
I don't even really like the idea of doing shows in New York to be honest yeah you guys put Philly on the
map way too early yeah that was dumb you should have the Philly in New York
last which I said which I said don't fill here New York last which I said to you before.
Man, it is nice to hear what you actually sound like.
Which I say.
My girls do that and I lose it. Which I said to you before.
Before this whole thing came together.
Which I said to you.
Or Philadelphia.
No, we hadn't been to Philly in a while.
No.
Well, it was like two months after I started getting back into full time.
Also, they were asking us to do stuff.
Yeah, I mean, that was the whole thing.
We thought we'd still be living in New York when we were doing all of this hanky-panky.
There's more insecurity about not having a brand new 30.
Which wild next year.
But that'll be nice.
You come back, we'll be ready to rock.
You know?
All good?
All good.
Nice.
The GoPro crapped out.
Fuck.
It's nice to hear
kids playing again.
Not this morning.
They're driving me
fucking crazy.
Oh, you're in the
front bedroom.
Yeah, yeah.
They just started screaming.
Yeah.
7 a.m.
You should have just opened the window and did a helicopter dance with your dick.
Get them all riled up.
Let's go right to prison.
They are.
Guys, the rest of this tour is just going to be me.
Yeah.
We're worried about ticket sales tonight.
Chris got arrested.
We'll just FaceTime you from the prison phone to do a dual mic.
Just an orange jumpsuit.
That would be sick.
Talking about the commissary.
That would be next level.
I bet you would love prison.
Rapists record albums
in the prison.
I bet you would love prison.
Structure.
Structure, simplistic.
Yeah, I would be scared.
Too many egos in prison.
If you had your own bunk,
if you had your own cell,
I think you would love it.
You could just veg,
dry out,
read, eat nothing but bad food oreos doritos i don't eat a lot of that stuff i wonder if that prison is like is is still
like it's portrayed in movies in like the 90s where like you the lights go off you hear the
cells lock and then it's just mayhem
like these kids in the yard but dark not the skin but i mean like yeah yeah yeah dark i think it's
more when they get a little free time bad things happen yeah i feel like at night you're probably
chill unless you're in one of those bunks where there's like 15 people in there yeah
but like when the lights go out and it's like it's your first time to like yo Con
yo Spongebob
Spongebob
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Spongebob Spongebob though recording recording albums from prison for comedians a full album yeah or just anything
doing the pod from prison i wonder if there are any prison in prison podcasts it'd also be sick
for writing like you know like these rappers get locked up for a year or two they come back with
like one of their best albums because they just like focus yeah they're just like you know doing
beats and shit yeah it's all they have to do. Writing lyrics. Just writing lyrics about struggle.
That'd be so funny if you got locked away for like a year
when your album was like so dark and demented.
Yeah.
Well, it already is.
So maybe it'd go the other way.
Maybe it's just so lighthearted.
It probably wouldn't be, yeah.
You're about settling down.
Yeah, your life is so bad that it would just be like about,
be all like fun children's jokes. You like about be all like fun. Yeah.
Children's jokes.
You had no idea what you have.
Yeah.
That's my idea about putting everybody in prison for a year.
So the way they Europeans do, like everybody has to serve.
Yeah.
Like the Jews do.
Mandatory.
Mandatory.
No, they serve in the military for a year.
Oh, yeah.
They should do prison for Americans.
For these kids, I think everything's easy.
I think mandatory military service would be sick.
I do too. Yeah. Just two years military service would be sick. I do too.
Yeah, just two years of just...
16 to 18?
...food camp.
Yeah, yeah.
Or 18 to 20.
And then you go to college after.
16 to 18, I think, would be good.
Because then you come out as an adult and you decide what you want to do.
Yeah.
You want to stay in the military or you want to go to college.
It would suck if you were playing sports
and you didn't get to
have your junior
and senior year.
Well,
yeah.
You're right.
We're talking American.
Sports is everything.
It is.
It is how I got into college.
Yeah.
You couldn't get into college
without sports?
Mine was just a...
I just got a scholarship. It wasn't because of sports. Yeah. You couldn't get into college without sports? Mine was just a... I just got a scholarship.
It wasn't because of sports.
Yeah.
No, I don't know.
I don't know if I would have...
Really?
I can't see you being...
I mean, being a lazy student, I can't see you being a bad student.
Yeah, a lazy student for sure.
But I don't know.
I mean, I would have no...
Honestly, my only motivation to go for
going to college was to play sports in college yeah because it would have been embarrassing not
to play sports in college i don't know if i would have like that was literally how i felt yeah like
not playing sports in college so funny having massive family having like a 2.3 gpa and
mocking people for going to college and not playing sports.
Like, what are you, a fucking idiot?
Look at these idiots.
They're going to start their own company in 10 years.
What a fucking moron.
Going to like Harvard or something?
It's crazy to me.
Well, if you're white, you got no shot anyway.
I guess so.
Unless you got a legacy or some connects
yeah
shit load of money
connection
or legacy
did you ever see
that viral video
that white kid
it was like
number one in his class
4.0 GPA
he was like
electorate
and like
valedictorian
he had everything
that was hilarious
hilariously perfect
yeah
and he just got denied he read through all the top like 10 schools and he was doing it valedictorian valedictorian he had everything that was hilarious hilariously perfect yeah and
he just got denied he read through all the top like 10 schools and he knew what he was doing
it with a smile yeah he was like he got down to stanford he's like no but it also depends like
where you're from you know what i mean it's like where are you valedictorian some fucking oh no no
no he went to like like he was like oh oh, yeah, yeah. He was a fucking nerd.
Like at a prestigious private school.
Yeah.
This wasn't like Monsignor Bonner in Drexel.
Number one in your class.
That guy was sick.
At Albright.
He became a fighter pilot, I heard.
Our number one.
Yeah, our valedictorian.
That rules.
He got one wrong on his SATs, and he came out of the SATs, he goes, fuck.
And I was like, what?
His kid was brilliant, obviously.
He goes, I got one wrong.
You can still get a 1600, though, if you get one wrong, can't you?
No, no.
I think you can.
No, he got a 1590 or whatever.
I remember him saying, I'm certain I got one wrong.
That's crazy. Yeah. Dude, I walked out of it like. Yeah. I hope I don't wrong. That's crazy.
Dude, I walked out of it like.
Yeah.
I hope I don't have to take that again.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
That was all that I was hoping for.
I was like, I hope I don't have to take that again.
I only took it once.
I refused.
I was so lazy about prep.
That's one of the regrets I had.
Oh.
It's like not taking that serious.
My parents were aggressive about the prep.
They should.
I prepped hard.
Yeah, yeah. My parents were aggressive about the prep. They should. I prepped hard. Yeah, yeah.
My parents were not aggressive about prep for that.
They were not aggressive about filling out applications for college.
Like, imagine pressing your kid for perfect attendance.
Yeah.
Being top 10 in your high school.
Getting straight A's for your entire life.
And then getting to the years of sophomore, junior, and senior.
And not being like, hey, where are those applications?
Oh, dude.
Dude, I scrambled the last, like, month to get five out.
Oh, dude, that's the only reason I went to Drexel.
Same.
I didn't have to apply.
Same.
I applied, but it was one of, like, three.
I remember there was, like, a couple other schools I was looking at, and they had applications.
I remember I, like, sat down.
I'm not doing that.
I was just like, I'll just go to Drexel.
This is crazy. And my parents were nuts about the SAT prep because it was like, my grades were bad and they were like, we got one shot. You know what they
say? Hail Mary, annexation of Puerto Rico, dude. You know how they say it's really bad for parents
to do their kid's homework?
Yeah.
That would be the only thing
I would do for my child.
I would sit down with them
and be like,
look, I know this sucks.
Yeah.
This one matters.
The homework I do for my child
is the application process.
Yeah.
It's the last thing you have to do.
Yeah.
And I just got none of it.
It's like the guidance counselor
thing I was telling you about.
Yeah.
How's that bit doing? What? I haven't been doing it. You's like the guidance counselor thing I was telling you about. Yeah. How's that bit doing?
What?
I haven't been doing it.
You did it like three times the last five days.
I think I did it twice.
I just get violent when I think I'm a guidance counselor.
But that's the same thing.
Your parents have to become guidance counselors the last year of your high school.
Yeah.
And then they can fuck off.
They have zero involvement in college.
They just go, how you doing?
You have food?
That was order of business number one
when I got to college is like,
take my parents off my mailing list
for grades.
I'm an adult now.
I'm going to go online only, password protected.
I can fail on my own.
That was crazy. I remember I got like a point Yeah, I can fail on my own. Yeah.
That was crazy.
I remember I got like a point.
I did a summer semester at Drexel.
I got a.17 GPA.
What?
Yeah, I didn't go to any. That's not even possible.
Yeah.
It's like failing every class and then getting a D
in one class or something.
Oh my God.
It was crazy.
Wait, a whole semester?
Or the whole year?
A whole quarter.
There's quarter systems.
Are you going to tell me
how Drexel works?
Well, you said semester.
Trimesters.
Trimesters, yeah.
I guess it was trimesters.
I thought we had quarters.
No, trimesters.
Right. They're thirds. No, trimesters. Right.
They're thirds.
They're not quarters, essentially.
See, I did math.
I did calculus.
Yeah, well, anyway, that trimester I got.17.
That's a lot of time to do nothing.
Yeah.
Without feeling guilt or, like, anxiety.
That's a serious mis wiring in your in your head
yeah just wasn't important crazy dude yeah i could still smell the leather of my dad's belt
if i just didn't well they didn't know
well they have to know at some point and And how do you make up for a.17?
You don't do extra credit in college.
I don't know how I did that.
You don't clean chalkboard? Oh, I had to do an extra term.
I had to do an extra trimester after I graduated.
You're just fucking yourself over.
Yeah.
I'll show me.
Yeah, yeah.
Send the grades to me.
No, yeah. It wound up great.
I think I wound up at some point
just like canceling that term.
Somehow.
Like a payment?
No, I just like
withdrew or something.
And then I wound up taking a year off
because I was out of my mind.
Oh God, dude.
It's crazy. I guess we are all the same person all the time. Because I was like out of my mind. Oh, God, dude. Yeah.
It's crazy.
I guess we are, we're all the same person all the time.
Yeah.
You know?
There's bouts of you can see me at five.
Yeah.
I'm no fucking different.
Yeah.
I'm just picturing you all the time with this brain.
Yeah.
Must be hell. This is kind of weird with the tires thing because it's like successful.
I don't know.
I kind of thought I would just die.
I thought I would just like, you know, be mediocre and then die somehow, tragically.
Wow. Or kill myself.
You got time.
Now you have money for a nice revolver.
Before that,
you have to sit in a park asking for
find and connect.
Can't spend the whole Patreon
money on a nice gun.
Still got bills.
You can't put that off on your girl.
You gotta pay all your back debt, then kill yourself.
Yeah.
Can't do it with a BB gun over time.
Yeah, offshore it or something.
Put it on to a shell company.
What would be your first big purchase?
When you get some loot.
I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know.
It's funny.
I wonder what Shane's going to do.
He hasn't even bought a house yet.
The idea of spending a lot of money on something
seems crazy to me.
Not if it's, I mean, a viable resource,
like a house.
Yeah, yeah.
I guess that would be the only thing.
I'm not saying like a gold-plated jet ski.
I mean like something that warrants a product. I guess that would be the only thing. I'm not saying like a gold-plated jet ski. I mean like something that is like warrants a product that, I don't know,
navigates life but gives you fulfillment.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't have anything like that.
Right.
That's why you start with a car.
I don't have like a, oh, my God, I'm in a nice car.
Yeah.
I don't.
Yeah, I would get a car.
I would go, why did I get this?
What am I doing in this car?
I don't know, man.
The way you thought about that Pacifica.
That's what I'm saying.
That's all it takes.
We'll get you a high-end Pacifica.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I don't need any like, I just want the maxed out Pacifica.
Yeah.
I don't need any like specific, you know.
It's like I want a mini van.
Pacificas.
Yeah,
yeah.
And the Pacifica's
only fun if you're
driving around
with your friends
in it.
Yeah.
You know?
It's sad as fuck.
There's a seven-seater,
it's just you.
Yeah.
Actually having to
just go somewhere
by yourself
for the Pacifica
is pathetic.
It's sad.
Jesus Christ.
But having a full crew.
You just start the car,
you're like,
is everybody ready?
Oh,
fuck,
there's no one here
You're pissing out
Water's just dropping
On the ground
Launching fruit rolls
To empty seats
Come on guys
Let's go to the ball game
He's constantly pulling
Into drive-thrus
And ordering like
Eight things
Yeah
Ice cream's just melting
You're like
Oh my friends are dead
Oh dude
Oh my friends are dead. Oh, dude. Oh, my friends are dead.
Yeah,
I know.
All right,
well,
yeah,
let's wrap it up
on that sadness.
Yeah,
is that how
I'll fit that?
Yeah,
we're good.
We gotta do some ads.
Guys,
again,
thank you for coming
to the shows last night.
Milwaukee,
we'll see you tonight.
Check out
Stuff Island Pod.
Were we supposed to be at that place at 2?
At Barstow?
Yeah.
No, 4.
Oh, okay.
4?
Between 3.30 and 4.
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
Oh, that's actually fantastic.
It's only an hour.
I thought it was 2 o'clock.
No.
Why?
What are we going to do?
I don't know.
Get some meat? Yeah. Get some food do? I don't know. Get a...
Get something to eat?
Yeah.
All right. Let's get some food.
Let's get some lunch.
Yeah.
Oh, that's fantastic news.
He's back, baby. He's back.
I thought it would be back-to-back.
I should have told you.
I wish you told me at the beginning of the podcast.
I know. This would have been so much better.
Now I'm ready to do another hour, dude.
Glasses back on.
Hey, Tom. You good?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, man.
Sign up for the Patreon if you don't have a Patreon, right?
Yeah, sign up for the Patreon.
Subscribe to the channel.
Yeah.
We're supposed to say this dumb shit, but it hurts every time.
We love you.
Bye.