Stuff Island - Pack of Cats - Stuff Island #148 w/ Raanan Hershberg

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

Pack of Cats - Stuff Island #148 w/ Raanan Hershberg Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en -Follow Raanan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/raanancomedy/?hl=en Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Head over to Moonwlkr.com and save a massive 30% your entire order with promo code: STUFFISLAND Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

But you know, it's interesting. Movies now, they get in like a collective thing because I think HBO's been pushing Jaws. Why? Do you have HBO? Is it going to be a remake with a black shark? There probably is a shark movie coming out. Why else would you buy a franchise?

Trans. Trans shark, yeah. Well, I'm obsessed with the franchise. Yeah, of course. Well, I love Jaws 1 it's one of my favorite movies but the franchise has a problem

I find really funny which is that there's no reason for a sequel because there's one shark that attacks this town and they were like alright we gotta make a sequel

and so they were like alright another shark will attack the town and the mayor still won't believe the mayor still won't believe that you still won't believe the chief of police lightning doesn't strike twice

the second movie is just that the second movie is just the shark attacking and the chief of police is like we got another shark and the mayor is like ah come on let's keep the beaches open what could go wrong motherfucker last year so then the third one Roy Scheider says I don't want to be on it

anymore you know so they drop him and then they're like we still got to make a movie but they don't know what connects it so the third one it's SeaWorld but his kids now work at SeaWorld Chief Brody's kids and a shark attacks and at no point do they ever go

it's kind of a big fucking coincidence that we've now had three great whites attack us. Like, we had one attack us in the first one, and then another shark, and now we went to SeaWorld, a totally different place, and there's another shark. It's a little bizarre, but at no point are they like, this is kind of spooky. It's one of those franchises you start to hate watch after a while.

Like, it just becomes comical. It's like, this is a fun cartoon. It's one of those franchises you start to hate watch after a while. It just becomes comical. It's a fun cartoon. I just can't get enough of big sharks. In the fourth one... That's your weird fucking ship brain. In the fourth one, they're forced to be supernatural because the coincidences can't... So in the fourth one, the shark is legitimately getting...

Is that Sharknado? That's not part of the same... It's Jaws for the Revenge and the shark is getting revenge on members of the Brody family. So what happened is because it was doing so many coincidences. Look how passionate he is. Yeah, yeah.

You see him come up, he bucked up, he put his glasses in his hands. This is how you sell a movie, Chris. I find it fascinating because the supernatural was more believable than the coincidence.

Yeah. You know, you can't have a fourth shark attack the Brody family. By that point, the shark is like wanting revenge. Yeah. You know? You can't have a fourth shark attack the Brody family. By that point, the shark is like wanting revenge. Yeah.

You know? And it's like a supernatural shark. They worked their way into it. This dude just sat there three hours of Rogan and he's like, finally.

Finally, finally, finally we can talk about Jaws. 45 minutes on Jaws. Joe just wouldn't bring it up. Dude, you don't want to talk about fucking Jaws? Yeah. Three hours you don't want to bring up Jaws? That's funny you talk about fucking Jaws? Three hours and you don't bring up Jaws?

That's funny you talk about homework podcasts. Joe literally stopped doing our podcast. I lost my co-host because of homework. Even he was like, I can't do this anymore. I can see Liz bailing on that. The homework is just watching a movie? Yeah, but I guess that was a lot for him. I don't know.

Was this after the kid or before he was just like, fuck it, I can't do this? He never wanted it to be super consistent. He always just wanted to do it when he could. But then he had a kid, and he cares about the kid more than the podcast. Yeah, God forbid. And I told him, I was like, you've got to get your priorities straight. What do you care about?

Yeah. Your baby? We could be making $1,300 a month. No, we weren't. We weren't making that. Your baby or this podcast that has potential. You're not going to be able to tell your kid about these movies. It's so sad.

We should have done like a fucking Patreon cast when you were absorbing all these movies just to take. What were you doing? He was just watching. I don't know. I just, yeah. I didn't have anything to do during the day. So it's just kind of, yeah.

Watching movies? Yeah, yeah. And you watch another one. Six hours of black and white 1950s films. I love movies. I got back. I got into a big phase watching like oh i know this is gonna backfire you're trying to get me to make fun of it

yeah no i try to do podcasts you're like yeah you're like look at this queer and i'm like no what movies what did you really like uh i got i was just getting into watching like whatever was on hbo max yeah as far as a great collection they do yeah i was watching like the old italian movies like laventura oh nice la note and stuff like that oh yeah antonioni yeah yeah yeah i got big into that and because there was also just something nice about watching old movies like getting out of your phone yeah of, of course. Everything is so slow. They so don't give a fuck about your time. Movies are the new books.

Yeah. You watch a movie, you're like, actually, movies are like a meditation. You watch a movie, you're like, whoa. Yeah, yeah. I was focused for like an hour. Yeah. Did you watch Bicycle Thief? I have not watched Bicycle Thief.

That's a great one. Yeah, yeah. That's like one of the all-time great movies. Yeah, it's just directed to see all his movies. The plot will just make you cry. Like, just the plot. He has one movie called Umberto D. I'm going to tell you the plot. I mean, you're not going to cry, but

you're going to like, it's moving, just the plot. I'm emotional. Yeah, you might cry. Dude, I cry at commercials. Alright, well, you might cry at this. This is the plot. It's an old guy you just start bawling immediately those are like right at the like right at the edge of what i was like willing to step into umberto d he's like i don't know what that is it's like an old guy who's he he lost his job

he has to work for a living still it's a tap still. And they evict him from his apartment. And he's like 60, 70, maybe 60. And he has a dog. And he wants to commit suicide, but he doesn't want to leave the dog. So the whole movie is him just trying to find new owners for the dog so he can go out and commit suicide afterwards. Oh my god, the rules.

Yeah. This is like that pot delivery show on HBO oh wow high maintenance where every episode it's a new episode of him trying to find a dog on it so he can kill himself I assume that's how it ends I don't know how he watches

put this man on a bike it's a powerful movie that's why I got my dog by the way she's only four months old I figure I can't kill myself, just give it to my girl. It keeps you from it. It does. The level of happiness.

This fly. I know. It's going to fire me the fuck up. It's very aggressive. I wish I had a pet. I'm also worried. Our landlord doesn't allow pets, so I guess I'm just not going to be happy in life. Well, there's a...

You give us loopholes to that. There's a loophole. And in fact, in our contract, the project management company that's a third party to the actual owner of this property it states very clearly no pets so when you we didn't do this on purpose but i did a lot of research into um what are they called not pets are the new pets are the new weed you can you know what i mean it's like you can get a card that basically means you can right emotional support emotional support animals. Emotional support animals. So I did a lot of research into that, finding out what are the loopholes,

what can they and can't they do. Texas is very strict about if you need one, you can have one. Really? Under almost every circumstance, except our circumstance, if you have a third-party management company and they're renting directly through them to you your documentation and your certificate does not it doesn't work so they can find you

whatever's in the contract which is our monthly rent every month on top of that until you get rid of the dog so they allow no pets here they allow no pets here we got her her contract and then i found out the reason it's a house though. It's a house. Why would they care? Because it's a project management company. Apparently we met the... We know the owner from afar now and she doesn't give a fuck. And it's just a project management

company trying to get money in their pocket because once she sells this house, they're not a part of it anymore. Oh, I see. So it's the scumbags, the third party scumbags trying to get extra money. So they don't know about it. They don't know about it, but at the same time I found a clause saying the only way you can is

the owner of this property, if they own and rent out more than three properties, then it's null and void. And this woman owns 20 properties. You're like a prisoner reading the law. I did, I had to. I fucking had to because once I saw what this dog did to me and my girl, like in terms of happiness, I was like, I have to fight.

I'm paying the fine to get a new house that accepts dogs. I want a cat, actually, but my girlfriend doesn't like cats. Really? Because she found a cat in an alleyway like 10 years ago at her job, and she brought it home like a retard, and then it went berserk and attacked her. And they had to call it animal control, and now she's afraid of all cats.

PTSD. Yeah, so she hates cats. Did it bite her face and shit? No, it didn't even bite her roommate. I mean, it bit her a little, but it really bit her roommate. But it's still like a cat. We can see an argument.

Well, apparently she passed. They called animal control and I think animal control had to bring the police. They arrested the cat. I don't know. It was a whole thing. It's two women in an apartment.

You can't really know how bad it was. You can't hit one of them. We've got an argument. She's like, a cat can kill you. I'm like, no, you can't really know how bad it was. Right. You can't hit one of them. You can't hit one of these two. Yeah, yeah. We got an argument there. She's like, a cat can kill you. I'm like, no, they can't. No, they can't.

We literally would argue, like, no, a cat could possibly kill a person. I'm like, there is literally no way a cat could kill a person. She's like, what if it scratched your wrist and it bled? I'm like, they're not, it's not that deep that they could do that. I'm almost inclined to agree with her here the cats are so nimble your cat is not nimble he's how could it but how could it kill you i mean it could maybe give you like fuck you and give you feline aids but i don't think that transfers even if the hardest scratch it just makes you itch because death by a thousand cuts yeah no a pack. And I don't think feline AIDS is even that bad, right?

But the 13-year-old couldn't kill me. I don't know if it's transmissible. Seven 13-year-olds? Seven 13-year-olds? They could kill me. If they were all like

in some kind of possession. Yes, yeah. And they had like rocks and sticks and shit. Like a vampire. If you were a vampire and a bunch of cats attached to you.

Yeah, and then the lower you go the more you get out of the cat range. But one cat, they're not going to kill you. But she hates cats. They'll eat you after you're dead though. Of course. Yeah. Of course.'re not going to kill you. But she hates cats. They'll eat you after you're dead, though.

Of course. Yeah. Of course. That's par for the course. That's creepy enough to not have a fucking cat. But still, a dog. A dog would need you.

A dog would starve looking longly in your eyes next to you. No. There's a woman in France. She got some kind of operation. She went home.

She probably smelled like cheese emitting from her fat face. She took like an ambient probably smelled like cheese. Committing from her fat face. She took like an ambient. You can't smell like dog food. That is one of the.

She took an ambient and fell asleep and the dog like ate off her face while she was asleep. Or like not ambient something even stronger. You see the story

about this guy who took an ambient just recently. I kicked off a flight. Where's my phone? No, no. He pissed. I'm done looking stuff

up. Jamie, Jamie, Jamie can you pull. Let's not look it up. I'm done looking stuff up. Oh, yeah. Just remember. Jamie? Jamie? Jamie, can you pull that? You got it? Yeah. No, he apparently took an Ambien. Look it up.

He's never taken a sleeping pill before. He took an Ambien, pissed on this old lady for 20 straight seconds. Wait, where? And just slapped some on a flight. Ambien will fuck you up. He was going from Dublin to Boston. Dublin to Boston is like time travel to the same place.

But he just got up on Ambien. I have a joke about it because I time traveled on Ambien. You find yourself in different rooms doing crazy shit. It's blackout shit. Blackout shit, dude. I was headbutting E-Finance when he stayed over at my apartment. You could do that sober pretty easily. True, true. I wasn't even on Ambien that night.

It can be irritating. It's just fucking annoying. Yeah, no. Ambien and Xanax will fucking make you do shit. It's like Dr. Jack and Mr. House. Yeah. Which is fun. Yeah, my brother used to take Ambien.

And he wouldn't take it in bed. He'd always take it while we're doing shit. Same. And then you'd be hanging out with him. And he'd just suddenly start asking questions. And asking questions you're like oh you're retarded like you don't even realize yeah yeah he just starts like asking the most idiotic guy yeah yeah well the goal is to find that little gray area i used to do the same thing with benadryl i used to call benny wallop to me my friend would take like two or three benadryls and drink wine oh

that's fun you'd eventually get benny Wallop and then go night-night. Yeah, yeah. But that little fog area is a nice fucking big wave to surf into the land before you go night-night. Ambien, yeah. Ambien is the same way. You take a pill

and you wait like 30 or 45 minutes and then with the booze, it's like mushrooms hitting. Well, you know what it is too? Yeah. It feels like fucking terrifying. I guess I've never had it, but it feels like laughing gas. You i've never had it but it feels

like laughing gas you just find everything funny you find the zone it's fucking so fun you know what it is it's it's the kind of drug where it makes you dumb but then you find that hilarious yeah that you're dumb yeah you just start laughing at how dumb you are yeah yeah it's a good one it's also oddly one of those drugs where you start saying things that make sense in the dumb realm you know when you know when you make sense of how stupid life is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In a certain way, you're like, actually, that's brilliant.

Yeah, yeah. I never thought, the perspective on your stupid fucking comment is actually smarter than the stupidity. It outweighs it. It scales to justice. I was at, my cousin had a bat mitzvah, not to get all Jew-y on you all.

No, don't. My girl's not going to be here until the podcast is over. She's Palestinian. Oh. Is that correct? I'll get out of here quickly. Jamie, pull up the tape.

I always wanted a bat mitzvah. Bar mitzvah. Bar mitzvah. Bats for the ladies? Yeah. I did a b'nai mitzvah. Me and my twin sister. Joint. Whoa. Yeah, I had a speech. What's it called? What's it called? B'nai mitzvah me and my twin sister joint

whoa yeah I had a speech what's it called B'nai mitzvah B'nai B'nai B'nai like John B'nai Ramsey

yeah that's what it's named after better ending yeah both kids we both we both had speeches and I won first

and just like destroyed you know like best out of your life it was pretty pretty good. Buried my sister. Yeah, she could not follow me. That's how you knew you were calling?

It was like an upstanding ovation. It was just crazy shit. And then she went up and just. Wait, 13? 13, yeah. She went up and just like, just ate a big dick. Good. Yeah, yeah, fuck her for thinking she should go last.

Did she demand to close? Yeah. I don't know why she closed. I don't think she demanded it. I think it was just a way it was paired, but still, fuck her, you know? Yeah.

Maybe she's in that situation I'm going to kill. Family values, like, as a guy, you usually let the woman go first, like, through a doorway and stuff. Yeah. To alleviate the pressure of a speech,

you'd probably be like, get up there. As a kid, fuck around. Your sister's coming doorway and stuff. Yeah. To alleviate the pressure of a speech, you'd probably be like, get up there. As a kid, fuck around. Your sister's coming up after you. Right, right. But I think it's more like women don't matter in Judaism.

It's like, you know, this is an afterthought. It's true. Yeah. What level of Judaism? Me? Yeah. Conservative.

So do you know the levels? No, I don't. I just know like when you start wearing wigs and doing crazy shit. That's orthodox. Yeah. That's where it gets fucking nuts.

Shit where it gets trans. Shit where it gets so fundamental it goes the other way. It just starts getting into kinky shit. They're really religious. They wear wigs and fuck through a hole. Sounds like a kink party. So you're Jewish the way I was raised Catholic.

I went to school. I went to 12 years of Catholic school, but you don't really... I mean, I'm not like a practicing Jew now. Right. Same. I'm not an idiot. Yeah, same. That's what I'm getting at.

No, I'm just joking about that. But yeah, conservatives in between Orthodox and Reformed. Reformed is like the lesbian rabbi and, you know, it's just kind of like, it's like the very liberal one. Conservatives like in the middle. Ah. It's like we, okay, so Orthodox is just do everything like it says in the Bible.

Yeah. And some Orthodox is like really fundamentalist, like they believe the world is whatever, 5,000, 6,000 years old or whatever. Yeah. And then there's conservative. Oh, you guys have those people too oh yeah oh yeah big time almost flat earth not i mean not flat earth but definitely like the world is only like six yeah yeah the world is only like six thousand years old yeah or i mean maybe they're dinosaurs but it all happened a lot at

the same time yeah they're just so off yeah they're like they're like it's six thousand years old six thousand years old you're like you're off by like billions yeah yeah yeah you didn't carry the billions yeah it's not even not even close you're off by some that's difficult to comprehend yeah yeah but uh i was in the middle it's like it was like kind of liberal but also you follow the rules. Reform is just kind of like you don't have to do anything. Yeah, it's a healthy way to live and raise your children to start a family. You give them something to leave. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the way I was raised Catholic. It's like, here's something to leave behind. It's just to avoid the death talk. It's all just to avoid the death talk. It's all just to avoid the death talk. I also feel like, can't talk about it. One million percent, but it is, there is a structure there that you want to instill within your children, like PB football.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, you start, you got to finish. You just don't realize that Catholicism is like fucking 20 years. Yeah, right. It's 20 seasons of getting your ass kicked in the hot grass. Right, right, right. You don't want to give up.

Yeah, so, but there is camaraderie and like, they like structure. It's 20 seasons of getting your ass kicked in the hot grass. Right, right, right. You don't want to give up. Yeah. But there is camaraderie, and they like structure. It's discipline. It's almost military, you know? Well, you need a sense of community. I mean, you need a balance in life. Yeah, you shouldn't be like all community, but you can't be like just all, everyone out for themselves. You want some sense of community.

And that's what religion offers people a lot, too, is just like community. 100%. Yeah. In Catholic school, I feel like that's what religion offers people a lot, too. It's just like community. 100%. Yeah. In Catholic school, I feel like there's a lot about parents being like, well, if I break them in the same way I was broken. Yeah. They're able to fix it.

Yeah. Or they know my language. Yeah, Catholicism, that must have been wild. I mean, like, Catholicism is so, we're so ingrained in it, we don't realize how, like, macabre it is. Yeah. Just the whole Jesus, just the fact that you have, like, a crucifix up there.

Yeah. You're drinking his blood. It's just, like, so macabre that we're, like, ingrained to just think of it as normal, you know? Yeah. I mean, this is my favorite part. I said this on a pod recently, but my favorite part about Texas is just how Christian everybody is.

Because Sundays, everybody fucks off. It's very peaceful. It has an element of like the 50s. Oh, wow. It's like people are either cooking dinner at a supermarket early. No one's on the road from 3 to like never. Yeah. Wow.

Bars are closed. Not bars are closed. Liquor stores are closed. There's just like a vibe that's just like very old school homey. What kind of Christian are both people? I don't fucking know. Mexican Christian? Fat white Christian? Well, Mexican Christian's probably Catholic.

Yeah. Well, yeah, I don't know what the fat white one is. I don't know. There's some type of Protestant, isn't it? They're all here. I don't really know the difference between any of them. Look it up. Look it up. Kill another 45 minutes and we'll be out of here in no time. By the way, you're so funny in that movie uh sam made oh yeah

ruben off oh yeah with mean lists yeah very funny thank you yeah that turned out really well yeah oh yeah yeah we went to the cabin for like two days and what's it called again civic duty civic duty yeah yeah check it out if you haven't never seen it civic duty on youtube yeah i'm glad i'm glad i made sure to get your plugs in you're just so rogan can you just fucking stay on your horse for a second dude jesus christ it's all civic duty you didn't give me at the end he was like all right it's great being here i'm like what i gotta plug yeah yeah a bunch of shit now i'm gonna cut that anyway this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. You guys know Squarespace.

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And when you're ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com forward slash stuff island to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com slash stuff violent to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You'll succeed. This episode is also brought to you by Moonwalker. Want to elevate your lifestyle? We're talking about Moonwalker, the endless emporium for premium THC infused gummies, vapes, and smokables that promise to give your day a boost. The best part, I don't even have any left. This is all I got. This is the vape. That's all I got. That's how good these gummies are. Every comic that we've had on, know them. They love Moonwalker and they bring them

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All products are federally legal, safe for adult use, and third-party tested. Head over to moonwalker.com. That's M-O-O-N-W-L-K-R.com. No, it was great. Sam's so creative and so, like, dude, the way that kid, he's still doing that film festival, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got in a fight actually because he, we're over and out.

But he like, he messaged me. He's like, hey, we're doing the film festival. You know, I had just made a movie with Joe List. Yeah. He was like, yeah, put your movie in it, you know? And then the other person also asked me to do it. So I just assumed it was a formality because he asked me personally so I put it in there

and then I just got a mass rejection email I'm like what the fuck I only did it because you asked me and then I got a fucking mass I'm the first person ever to get a personal invitation but a math rejection email.

He apologized. It's fine. But I confronted him. I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, trying to make it look like an exclusive club. It's like, I get rejected enough. I didn't need to be asked to get rejected. And he's like, look, we loved your film.

But I'm like, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Don't tell me. You didn't have the votes to pass, dude. Yeah. So, you know, I'm, yeah, not a nominee in the Sam Rubinoff Film Festival, but I made the first round of elimination. Let's go. Which one is this?

Which film? I made a movie with Joe List about like- The one, the last one he put out. The Facebook thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't seen it yet. I'm sorry. It's okay.

It's only eight minutes and I clearly watched yours, but that's thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't seen it yet. I'm sorry. It's okay. It's only eight minutes, and I clearly watched yours, but that's fine. Yeah, what was ours? 12? Thank you for your service. Might have been longer than that. Might have gotten up to 15.

I don't think so. I just made a movie. I raised $34,000, and me and my buddy, like we've been writing scripts for a whole, like for like 20 years, and we finally like condensed one

into a 25-minute movie. Really? And we went $13,000 over budget. But it was awesome. It was so fun. What is it? It's a thriller. It's not a comedy.

Is it being edited? Yeah, yeah. We're editing it now. It's about a caretaker who has this patience, dimensional guy. And one day, they're playing a record. And he seems to remember the song. He's like, oh, you remember this? And he's like, yeah, this a record and he seems to remember the song. She's like, oh, you remember this? And he's like, yeah, this song was playing

the night I strangled Rosie. He just says it like out of nowhere. But he has dementia, so she doesn't know if he's joking or not. So it's just about her trying to figure out if he's- If he actually killed her. Killed someone, yeah. And he's like this nice, charming old-

Let's go. Dementia already is the scariest thing in the world to me. I'm getting it. Yeah. I'm already fucking terrified. I can already smell it through my right nostril. No, no, but I think if you know it, you're good. As long as you know you're losing your memory, you're good.

Well, that's the point of dementia. You don't fucking know you're going crazy. That's what I'm saying. You're like, I'm losing my memory. You're in a good place. Oh. But it's when you're like, no, no, everything's fine. I'm just waiting for my third grade teacher to bring it up.

I'm late for class. That's why, like, obviously Biden was in not great shape. But I didn't really buy the DeBetje thing. Because I feel like if he had DeBetje, he'd be up there being like, Mommy, Mommy, I'm late for second grade. I'm in that conspiracy theory of the masks and the actors. Jim Carrey is apparently one of the Bidens. Really?

Yeah. I heard that. I heard that. I heard that. I got into it hard, dude. Well, if you heard it, then that's all the proof you know. What do you think this podcast is? It's science.

I was going to ask the source, but you heard it. Is he the only one who can pull off Biden? No. Biden's very easy to do. What is the... I don't understand. What's the theory? The theory is the CIA,'t understand what's the theory theory

is the cia which has been proven to have these masks that are so human like they've been using them since the 80s okay so there's cia by proven you mean not proven what by proven you mean not no proven there's there's like a mission impossible mask yes documented interviews with ex-CIA women that were in the room. They did it to like Bush or Obama where she pretended to do an interview with one of them, which was like clearance, all the clearance.

And then at the end, ripped her mask off to show that she was really this woman that they've already known. Really? And he was like, what the fuck? So they practiced this level of mask. You can buy one.

Dude, it's on my algorithm, my feed on Instagram. Yeah, you can buy them. You can buy one that looks unbelievably good. Yeah. What do you think the CIA's had for fucking 30 years? It's just like a believable looking mask. But it can't be as good as Mission Impossible. Dude.

Because Mission Impossible, it's like moves with some purchasing. I think we're there. And I think that guy fucking was gone a while ago and they just put another dude in a fucking mask i didn't to stumble the way he's been stumbling just to get just to make ends meet to get him the phone they just make him a normal guy yeah why would they just make because he was running through all the all right he died would replace him but make him just as scarily old and out of it

no no no should we make him a little less stumbling no no no we're liars but we gotta be consistent you guys are misimagining all the like

writers room arguments that they're having about like what tone to hit with how fucking senile he is why don't they just make him yeah just make him a good president

I don't believe it and what is the point of it? For him to just drop out? He can just die. You guys, you're missing my time frame here where he started losing his fucking skull

and doing weird shit. And then they were like bringing a couple masks and they continue that weird shit. Oh, delay it. We can delay it to the point where we can swap

for one retard to another. When you move to Austin, do you have to agree to just believe in crazy shit? No, I'm just bored out here. There's so much land. In New York, you're too busy stepping over human shit that you don't

have time to believe in. You don't have time for it. It's so funny to think of them getting mad. Like the guy who did the Biden State of the Union that kind of went well. Oh, yeah. Have them be like, what the fuck was that? That was great, you sack of shit. They almost caught us.

I told you you'd have to get a valedictorian for a fucking man. The plan is very simple. He died. We want him out of there. And he died, which would think that would be the answer.

But no, we have to have him in a mask. And then have him drop out. It's so fun. It's great. It's so fun. That is the problem with those. It's such a more fun way to view the world. I know.

I kind of got a little in it with Rogan. I'm not a conspiracy theory guy. I'm like the opposite. First of all, before you say this, I want the viewers to know, you just got back from Rogan, and the fact that you've been asking to do this podcast and then you drove from Rogan to do this, hats off, Bob. Thank you. I didn't realize how far away it was, to be fair. To be fair.

I didn't realize how funny this was going to be. To be fair, I did not realize I was a half an hour away but but of course you did leave at 530 I left Rogan early I'm like dude I gotta get out of here

I got Pope you know I'm with you on the JFK thing cause I went to Dealey Plaza and I was like same he talks shit about the shot

I was yeah I was just like if you if you can't make this shot, what's the point of a gun? Well, it's also like... The book depository is not... I feel like I could throw a baseball to that one.

Yeah, and it's also like... You can't. Even if something's 100%. Even if something's crazy, it's like 9-11. Like two buildings that never really hit, skyscrapers. But then you had all these guys in basements going, that's not how buildings fall I'm like how do you know this is the first time

that's happened yeah it's like even if it was a crazy shot sometimes crazy shit happens and it's like yeah I don't know I was just saying to him are you saying Bush didn't do his 9-11 I'm saying nothing new let's talk about Jaws Jaws 7 is more

believable than what you're saying right now. I would like the angle on a Jaws movie with that family where they've just had so many of these. And they just start talking about it? Well, they've had so many of the same shark attack them that they just start to think it's like a marine biology

phenomenon. They're just like, no, this is what great whites do. No, this is not normal whites do. Yeah, yeah. And someone's like, no, this is not normal. And they're like, this happens to us all the time. Wait, your family didn't... It's like when your family does something weird, you don't realize.

Your family doesn't get repeatedly attacked by great white sharks? 100%. Oh, wow, I thought that's what happened. I love the job, but I always want... There's definitely a lot of holes. I feel like the big holes... There's a lot of holes. There's a lot of holes. I feel like the big hole.

There's a lot of holes. Yeah. The big hole. The first one is that I don't think it's all about the chief of police. I don't think it's really his jurisdiction. It's a shark in the water. Yeah. Like that's a Coast Guard.

Yeah. And he's like, I got to stop the shark. It's like, you can't arrest him. He's not like a citizen. And then he goes on the boat at the end. What the fuck is he doing on the boat? There was probably a meeting in the writer's room. They were like, no one respects a coast guard. They're only going to respect a mayor or a sheriff.

Somebody that talks to the people. And they're like, that guy with a badge knows about sharks. He must know about sharks. But then he leaves the land where there is crime. So now Amity is lawless because he's on a boat. Yeah. But it's like

with his cop gun? It is such a it's like it's such a fun idea to me. I feel like it would never land though. It's just like take all of those types

of movies and just make it realistic. Yeah, yeah. Just have them be like call the Navy and they like come in and just neutralize it. And Twister

and Twister they don't actually get in and just neutralize it. In Twister, they don't actually get in harm's way at all. That's not what happens. It's way too dangerous to drive away. Twister is so funny because they have a new one, obviously. Twisters, which is like aliens. Right now? Yeah, they have a new one coming out.

Yeah, Twisters. Dude, you got to get back on this movie podcast. You're fascinating, dude. But the Twisters thing is funny because in the first, did y'all see the first one? No. They have to make... Oh, I saw Twisters. Yes, I don't remember it. I saw it in theaters with my grandpa. So they have to have a bad guy.

So the bad guy's just another meteorologist. Yeah. So it's just a meteorologist, but he's like the villain. And you're like, he's just trying to help things. Collect data. But he's like, no, he's bad. And then he gets killed. You're supposed to be really happy. Like, fuck it. Does he get killed by the Twister? Yeah're like, he's just trying to, you know, help things. Collect data. Yeah, but he's like, no, he's bad. And then he gets killed. You're supposed to be really happy. Like,

fuck it. Does he get killed by the twister? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He gets, it's Carrie Oles, or however you say his name.

Oh, yeah, the guy from, yeah, Princess Bride. Saw, he gets, a pole flings through the window

and goes through. The Jewish student, Princess Bride? No, that's Wallace Shawn. Oh, there's actually two Jews because there's also Mandy Patinkin, but that's Wallace Shawn actually two Jews, because there's also Mandy Patinkin.

But that's Wallace Shawn. Mandy Patinkin. Mandy Patinkin is the, you killed my, whatever you call him. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Dude, I'm so hot, dude. Some of the hardest I've ever laughed in my life was like,

there was one time on vacation where Mandy Patinkin came up and my parents were like, i fucking hate that guy really why and they were like they were like he was everywhere for a couple years there oh really yeah well introduce him to the rock hell are you talking how do they feel about kevin hart princess bride has one of my favorite the funniest line ever, when Wallace Shaw, he talks about how smart he is, and they're like,

really, are you really that smart? How are you that smart? He tries to prove it. He goes, well, you know, Socrates, Aristotle, morons. It's just his proof. You know, it's another movie. Me and my girlfriend were watching.

I used to say that guy, I used to quote him going my name is antonio venderez you killed my father yeah it's like puss in boots yeah another me and my girlfriend are re-watching who framed roger rabbit oh roger rabbit so underrated the funniest character it's unbelievable well he's he's a really tragic character because he can't help but be funny yeah so even in desperate well he's he's a really tragic character because he can't help but be funny yeah so even in desperate situations he's just forced to do gags yeah you know like but he's like scared but he still has to like oh i only put the handcuffs off when it's funny but he's like it's like terrifying he's like afraid for his life but he can't help but be funny and it's some of the funniest just like like when he's like uh when he's like afraid for his life but he can't help but be funny and it's some of the funniest just like like when he's like when he's just like looking at

Donald Duck and all on the movie what finesse what timing no one takes a fall like Donald it's like a comic talk about their comic that was the first cartoon I beat off to is that Jessica Rabbit I was gonna ask which cartoon I was gonna try to guess I was gonna go with the shoe the shoe thrown

to acid the shoe was so fucking hot dude and most recently maybe five six years ago I beat off to you know how

cartoon porn is just being like funneled in like porn hub and stuff yeah I didn't search it you don't have to you don't have to

adjust it you know how they force it. You don't have to adjust it. He's like, you know how they force it on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It popped up, dude. They caught me with my pants down. They forced it. Pornhub,

they're just forcing it on you. You just have to give in. Look, my adolescent years was Marge Simpson, but I wasn't, I wasn't fired up. You know what I mean?

There wasn't enough coal in my steam box. But were you really, so you really jacked off to... Yeah, Lois. Yeah, well, it does... At some point, it does... Lois getting fucking knocked around.

You like cartoon porn? I'm not judging you. No, no, no. It was so interesting. I was like, this is hilarious. And I was like, oh my God. It's pretty fucking good. I've never actually got into cartoon porn.

I was jacking off to a porn star that I realized after a couple years was AI. What? Oh, no. Yeah. You got catfished by a fucking AI porn star? I got catfished. I thought she was real.

Oh. She looked really real. It's a little, it's creepy, because I'd rather just found out she was a man or something. Yeah. Because now I just jacked off to some Indian nerdy computer programmer's imagination. Yes, I just jacked off to some Indian nerdy computer programmer's imagination.

Yes. Like I jacked off to what his ideal woman is. That's the future. It's crazy. Yeah. The next generation won't know what they're beating off to.

Like Patel made me come. Yeah. It's just bizarre. Yeah. It's pretty sick. There's a Rajneesh Patel. It's pretty awesome. It's like, I don't know,

the idea that you can make something like that, it's pretty cool. I was always jealous of people that could draw really good naked women. Yeah, right? You create your own porn. You'd be like, I don't know. The idea that you can make something like that is pretty cool. I was always jealous of people that could draw really good naked women. Yeah, right? You create your own porn. Oh my God.

Yeah, yeah. But it was too good to be true. What if I was able to do that? What type of women would I create? You know what I mean? I've never had that kind of power before. Do you want to see her? Do you want to see her?

I really... I just want you to know, I'm not an idiot. It's pretty believable. It's not like pixelated. It's going to be a stick figure. It's pretty believable. It's not like pixelated. It's going to be a stick figure. It's like sprites. They've gotten so good.

The AI show. I should have known though because she has huge tits, but her face is like that girl next door cute face. If you have a cute girl next door face, you don't usually have monster tits, but her face is like that girl next door cute face. And I don't think usually if you have a cute girl next door face, you don't usually have monster tits.

If they're naturals, they're out there. Yeah, I guess so. I've been dipping in the natural pool lately. Of course. Because the older you get, it's the reverse bell curve. I'm not seeing these high springy tits anymore. Fuck that shit. These memory foam boobs sitting up high in big fucking heaters. Now I'm not seeing these high springy tits anymore. Fuck that shit. These memory foam boobs sitting up high in big fucking heaters.

Now I'm just seeing, you know. What are you seeing? Where are you seeing this? Online. I'm saying, like, I'll peruse the fucking natties. Yeah. Natural bombs. Yeah.

And it's like, when you see a high swinging natural tit, it's so strange. Like, the ski slope sits up and then it's got a big bulbous pair at the bottom. Yeah, it's great. Wait, what are you talking about? Fake tits or big? No, real natural. Why are you guys not listening to me say natural? Real fat natural tits.

I get it. I'm struggling with what you're so shocked about. I don't like fake tits. I'm not shocked. I'm saying the older I get, the more I appreciate it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because I'm going the opposite direction.

Yeah. Oh my God. it oh yeah yeah because I'm going the opposite direction yeah oh my god Wow what what it's good right she's Italian Irish not Indian no I didn't say she's Indian I thought it was like a computer programmer I was racially typecasting yeah yeah that's I mean it's believable, right? I'm like, it's believable. You're getting hard right now. Dude, I love how it says. This has 56.3 thousand likes. It's just a photo on Instagram.

And it says, birthday cake. Today I celebrate my birthday, rabbit ears. See? It seems so human. That is so human. But it is what a girl with big fat tits in a little dress would say. Yeah, and she's Spanish, so you never see her talking.

And there's like video of that? Yeah, there's video of her naked in the shower. I don't know how they do it. Did you see the latest? I saw a montage of Trump. Oh, is it? With Kamala. Was it like making out?

They're kissing. Yeah, walking on the beach. And then it turns into her pregnant and he's rubbing her bare belly. It's fucking hilarious, dude. It's so funny. Those are really fun to create those. Yeah.

I used to hate when people... Can you just buy the software? What do you buy, like a monthly subscription? Yeah, I did one. And you type in anything. I did one. I mean, it's not even that good, but like when, you know,

when Trump was like talking about Kamala, she's black, she's Indian. Yeah. I like just did one, just like I thought it was funny, but it's not, I mean, it's like did it for free so quickly. It was just like...

Look at the video quality. I didn't see it. Dude, that's insane. I know. So is this an app you bought? No, I just found it online really quickly. I just wanted to do that bit i just looked online it was like so quick this isn't even that good it's like not even fully dubbed yeah dude that's insane i know people are like how'd you do that i'm like it's literally right there just google it once yeah yeah yeah but doesn't that fuck that

doesn't freak you out about like the future does, but once you have a funny bit, you stop caring. I would hate when other people, I'd be like, that's really irresponsible to do that. We should, you know, this is really scary and misinformation. But I got five new minutes. Yeah, I was like, if you make something funny,

I have control. I was like, what? I'm back in the driver's seat. You defending it. AI's doing what I want. No, no, no, no. It's not that bad for everybody. Give it a chance.

I mean, yeah. I mean, we're fucked. But people already believe false information all the time. Yeah. What's the difference? Yeah. He thought fucking fuel can bend steel. Yeah, I know.

I'm an idiot. I thought the Mission Impossible mask were a thing of movies. You brought the Rogan dust on your shoulders and we all just went fucking ham. I wonder if any of the top makeup artists have been recruited by the CIA. I bet. One million percent.

One million percent. You started SNL doing goofy mustaches for fucking Jimmy Fallon. And then you end up in a CIA bunker. But isn't the CIA supposed to be people you don't know? It's not like celebrities hiding out. Isn't it like people in a different country

are spies? So why do they have to look different? Or why do they have to be that extensive? I guess because once you get identified, it's like Michael Jordan trying to go to a Burger King right right right Shane Gillis going to any Irish pub good voices but doesn't have a face for it Shane just missing like man I wish I

wish we could just go play darts somewhere right now. I'm like, I got a girl. I got a girl. It's good for you. She's your height. Throw this mask on. Let's go play fucking.

But even like, so like I was with Louie everywhere. No, I mean like some people recognized him, but like, yeah, people aren't like looking for it. Yeah.

It's different though. I think dude, seeing, I don't know that even the last year with Shane, it's like, you can't even, you can the last year with Shane, it's like you can't walk through the airport. It's like hustle. Like he has to start being a dickhead. Really? Not a dickhead, but it's like, I can't.

I gotta. Yeah, it's wild, right? He gets done a stadium. It's like you're not going to go to a local bar. Dude, I forget what city it was. It was like Houston or something. I opened up for him and there was only, it was like a cul-de-sac area. It kind of looked like a mall. And he's like houston or something i opened up for him and there was only it was like a cul-de-sac area kind of looked like a mall and he's like yeah where are you boys at we all left

the hotel and we found one little like bar to get some mozzarella sticks or something a couple beers and he couldn't even first of all the bars in this little area that was close to the venue they were in the weeds, dude. Oh, my God. Because they had no idea Shane was performing that whole weekend. So they couldn't, like, properly staff, because I guess it's like next to Banana Republic and fucking Elaine Bryant. And this place is just mobbed. And they ran out of glasses.

So then when he comes in, they're all just like. Yeah. And they're like, sit over here. We'll get you a beer. We don't have glasses. We have when he comes in, they're all just like... Yeah. They're like, sit over here. We'll get you a beer. We don't have glasses. We have to wait for them to get cleaned. It's like, that dude will fuck up a town. Just stop and buy, dude.

I forget how famous people are. Because I'm like a nobody. But then I'm at the cellar. They're all just there in shorts writing jokes. You forget how big certain people are. Oh, yeah, yeah. In our world, it's like, you're just boys. I have friends where I'm like, you shouldn't be friends with me.

We're in a different tax bracket. You shouldn't even talk to me. It's crazy. Well, that's why they're friends with me. I feel better. Feel human. That's what I think makes New York City nice for some of those people, is that it's like nobody gives a fuck there. Well, I think that's why Joe List, I mean, I think

he might be moving. We live in the same building. I think at one point he probably realized me and him have the same life and he has way more money. He was like, this is wrong. That's a fucked up thing to feel. We both just leave the apartment and go to shows. But he has

so much more money than me. But we're living the same life someone just looking at your life and going I can do better than this I should be on parallel what am I doing every day I wake up and I see you is it opposite of goodwill hunting

I hope you're still here being a comedian is one of those jobs where you're still here Being a comedian Is one of those jobs Where like You're just friends With like rich people And famous people Oh it's crazy

And then it's like It's weird And then you're like broke Yeah Yeah Well not broke But you know Close

Yeah But you could stand next to them Did you know Shane Or did you start in Philly Yeah I started in Philly, and I met Shane through... He started in Harrisburg.

What was it called? Second Street or something? Comedy Zone. Comedy Zone. And then he started coming down to Philly here and there, and then we'd meet in between. He booked me on his show out there, and then we just became friends, and then he eventually moved to Philly, and then I eventually moved to New York, and then he moved to New friends. Then he eventually moved to Philly.

Then I eventually moved to New York. Then he moved to New York. I remember he moved to New York. I saw him. He was featuring. Maybe I was featuring. I can't remember. I was doing a guest that I think he was featuring at Helium.

It was great. I saw him once. He was great in the crowd. The crowd kind of turned on him a little because he was making fun of stuff. And I remember thinking, like, wow, he really takes risks. Yeah.

And then afterwards, I'm like, I don't really take, I mean, I want the people to like me, but taking risks really pays off. Yeah. Like, everyone likes me, but no one knows me. Some people hate it,

but some people really love me. As long as you get the majority of the country to love you, that's who wins elections. Yeah, no, it's true. Well, Philly's forgiving in a way where they... I've always tried to explain this

where they have a fuck you first mentality where they feel like you don't deserve anything. Right, right, right. From a male perspective. Yeah, it's called being assholes. Yeah, 100%. But you break that shell

and then they're like, this guy's fucking... Right. This guy's the best dude in the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, yeah, you're the same person. But eventually, you know, it takes time to prove that so the first 10 minutes

of a 20 minute set can be like a battle for the tough head dickheads that are just tough guy dickheads that are just combative for no reason other than prove that you're funny I worked a long shift today I paid my babysitter $100 who the fuck are you

coming out with this confidence you gotta disarm them. But that thing, like, sometimes the, you know how you get a crowd that's just collectively, like, just all pricks? You know what I mean? It's usually, like, not that big of a crowd. Like, I've done funny buns where everyone in the audience

is just like, make me laugh, comedy guy. And I'm like, that makes me not want to make you laugh. That's the one thing where I'm like, I don't know how to deal with that. Like, I can deal with a crowd that's just not that into it. I can deal with crowd talk. But if you're like, let's see you make you laugh. That's the one thing where I'm like, I don't know how to deal with that. I can deal with a crowd that's just not that into it. I can deal with crowd talk, but if you're like, let's see you make me laugh, I'm like, well, now I can't do it because that's what you want.

Yeah. I will say, my act is not like, watch how good this is. You're going to see this. It's not like a twist ending. You come on stage and wash your hands in a bucket first. You guys.

You have no idea what's about to hit you. Yeah, I fucking hate that shit. I had that a funny, I did a funny bone recently. It fucking broke me. Oh, man. Have you done those? Which one? Yeah.

It was a Syracuse and it broke me. Broke, like really broke me. Not like, not really, but like it was tough. Syracuse is tough because it's like it's all stick people for the most part and they're like

they're not, I feel like they're not they're not comedy fans. They're just entertainment fans. They're retards. Yeah, they're like mountain mongoloids. Yeah, yeah.

Just say retards. Well, it's alliteration. It's a little funnier. I like the political correctness. Mountain mongolians alright wetback waterheads it is

it is that thing though where it doesn't matter where you are it's like when you have a bad a bad enough set you can you just have that feeling

like oh they finally found it yeah they found out that I suck everything is turned no one's ever going to laugh again it was it was like it was it was one of those sets where like most of the shows so i'm headlining but they're like papering you know yeah and most of the shows were just fine i like just survived but it was

tough but i just in my head i just i just go just pretend it's going well. It's fine. They don't know the difference. And on the last set, it was like they were just so cocky and obnoxious. And I just hated them all. Yeah. And then finally I did like, it was just awful set. Just bombing. Finally after like 40 minutes, I'm like, I think it was like 45. I've been doing an hour every night. I was like at 44.

I'm like, I think that's enough. And I was like, I think I've done enough time, right? And then the guy in the sound booth goes, you still got a lot of time. Fucker made me do an hour. Yeah, I had to do another 15 minutes.

Yeah, it was awful. I think the positive, wow. The positive of like coming up and like those. Just getting to fight with him. You sure?

Yeah, kill the 20 minutes. What time did you start? Just burn 15 minutes on. Yeah, yeah. You like You sure? Yeah, kill the 20 minutes. What time did you start it? Just burn 15 minutes on, yeah, yeah. You like Jaws? Yeah, yeah. You're just talking to him

in the telephone. I think you're wrong. I think I've done enough time that I'll just watch it. Trust me, I've done enough time. Dude, but cutting your teeth in like bar shows

when the fucking games are on. Oh, yeah. That's why I yell. Yeah. That's how it started. Yeah. I started at bars where no one's listening

and now I'll do, sometimes I'll do a theater and everyone's like, why is he yelling? We're all listening patiently. Trying to talk over the game. I know the games. That's how Gilbert Gottfried,

he said he yells because like he was just trying to get people to listen to him. That's how I feel. I feel like I just like, starting out, you're doing bars. You're not doing

comedy clubs in the beginning. You're doing pizza restaurants and bars and you just have to yell a lot. Yeah, those are always fun streaks too. When you go on a run of doing those shows and you have to scream and fight everybody. You get in a nice room and you're like,

what the fuck is your problem? And they're like, Jesus. Look at this fat shit. That's your opener. But I, it makes you like, at this point now,

like, if it's like a loud place, I'll do okay. Cause like, I know how to get their attention. I actually like, I like when it's a tough audience. A little,

yeah. I don't like an audience that's just been laughing at everything. It's too much nerve. Same, same. Cause it's just like, you can only either do as good or just fuck up it almost activates like there's something within you that activates other abilities that don't come out yes so you start to go like art self-preservation yes a little aggression yes and then you already have your joke writing already in bed right yes so then it's like a now it's a full course meal and you're not nervous yes you're done you're in a different world you're not like this sucks

yeah or not even nervous you're not like i nervous is the wrong word you're not like i hope this goes well you don't care don't give a fuck and that's the best place to be in 100 you get there if the audience sucks and you see them suck yeah or if you're really sick yeah i have my best sense when i'm like about to die i take three glasses i don't give a fuck yeah yeah and then fucking swim in it yes yes i wasn't saying you should be an alcoholic but yes and we'll be right back you're like that's right that's why i drink a pint of whiskey sometimes i gotta fake it but i yeah it's great when it's a shitty crowd. I love when, I hate when someone tells me the crowd's good.

When you can turn a shitty crowd. It's the best. It's so much better than killing a live crowd. But like, if people tell me a crowd's good, first of all, I don't think anything's good. So if people tell me a crowd's good, I'm immediately like, they weren't that good. Yeah.

But like, if you tell me they suck, I'm like, I'll have a good set. Gear up. Yeah. But I hate when people are like, they were great. Yeah. And then sometimes people do that, even though they weren't great. good yeah yeah but like if you tell me they suck i'm like i'll have a good gear up yeah but i hate when people are like they were great yeah and then sometimes people do that even though they weren't great yeah yeah and then it's just like sabotage that gets you going yeah it does get that gets him going that gets your man yeah yeah yeah when you when like you're like you got a rant coming yeah when like you know when you watch someone do bad and you know you're going into a shitty situation and you're like how was it and they're like it was great those people should be shot

yeah come on man you can't be that daft or when you did shitty and they did shitty and they're coming off and you're like what'd you think and they were like it's and you're like, what'd you think? And they were like, it's awesome. Wow, I could kill you. Fucking dude, can we talk? Yeah. Can we talk about what happened up there? It's so annoying. Can we agree how bad that was for both of us? Because then you just take that aggression home, and then you're fighting your girlfriend for no fucking reason.

And you spin out and start going like, should I be one of those people that says it's good all the time when it's bad? He was about to get really personal. Big universal. Hey, go home. You're yelling at your girlfriend. All of his issues right now are. The dog's barking.

Not anymore. I solved that fix. I got to get her barked down. No, you just get home and you're just like. All of those. There's so many fucking factors right it could be a good joke bad show you're worried about the booking you're worried about the manager you're worried about the conversation you had with a comic that you respect maybe you're out

of pocket maybe you said some shit you got an attitude about nonsense in front of a young comic that doesn't know you but you maybe was i dick you're coming home with all this shit when it's a great set you're like i don't care i don When it's a great set, you're like, I don't care. I don't give a fuck. I'm an army of one. Nothing can stop me. Can I just enter the door? She helps me take my armor off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just hold my helmet, lady. I made us $50 tonight. There's some sets. For me, even when I have a good set, most of the time now, I don't care. It doesn't make me happy like it used to, but there are some sets that are so good where you're just like, it almost reminds you that you're funny.

Yes. You're like, oh, fuck. I am really funny. One million percent. And those are great sets. I don't have them. I mean, I have them sometimes, but those are great sets where you're like,

because you stop believing it after a while. It's always when there's new stuff in there. Yes. It's new jokes working. It's like when you do get to a place where if you kill with old stuff, you're like, it's only a matter of time. I'm slowly dying. Of course.

That was nice. Yeah. That's a beautiful sunset. Yeah. Well, I think the hard thing about comedy is you can't really see that you're funny. You can see that other people are funny, and you can recognize that you can say funny shit,

but you don't like, I don't find myself funny. Yeah. So it's hard. You're like, I don't think I'm funny. You know what I mean? I mean, I know I get laughed. I know how to be funny, but I'm just not laughing at me.

You know what I mean? But when you have those sets that laughed. I know how to be funny, but I'm just not laughing at me. You know what I mean? But when you have those sets that are great, it like reminds you that, oh, you know. Yeah, this is how I'm... None of this is supposed... This is all shit I believe. I'm just out there saying what I think. You know what I mean?

It's like hard to tell if you're... Yeah. You can see other people with such clarity. Like, see Joe List. You're like, he's a great comic. You He's a great comic. You know the whole thing. Yeah, but ask Joe to look at himself. He'd say the same thing. He's the biggest of all of us.

He's probably the first guy to be like, I stink. He's brilliant. He has the ideal thing of a comic to me, which is that he's funny when he's bombing. And sometimes he'll not be doing well but like so funny now i think he must feel great after like that must be a great riff and then

he comes off he's like oh they were awful i'm like but you were so funny yeah i don't think there's another comic on earth that's self-deprecating and charming yeah the way he is yeah because self-deprecation should it almost comes off as like reverse arrogance where like it's like it's off-putting yeah in a way where you're like it seems like an easy out you're just pulling the parachute from it is reverse falling point and the way he does it it almost ingratiate yourself with like his charm and like i'm back on board but he refuses to get on the boat with them you know what i mean yeah he's like no i'm dying i'm gonna die and you're like

no no we love you and he's like somehow so loving and hilarious and his self-deprecation feels like it comes from like this old tradition of comedy yeah i mean he's he's so interesting because he's like so natural on stage but also feels like comedy is just in his bones I think he's naturally the funniest person I think it's like to be funny when you're bombing that's like a hard thing

like you know but yeah no he's great but yeah everyone hates themselves that's the message before Kafka when he was dying or he'd like demanded his manager to burn all his manuscripts he just thought they were terrible he didn't want anyone to read them and then he did it and that's why we have like you know a lot of his books now like a lot of his books didn't like the trial and stuff really he wanted to

destroy those because he thought they were so bad you know so if he thinks that yeah I guess what help is there for anyone he literally was like I'm so bad this stuff needs to be burned like the trial is considered like a classic I don't want any wrecking I'm so embarrassed by this the battle is like

I don't think I've ever gotten along with somebody that didn't have this thought process of going, yeah, I fucking stink. And the struggle to know you're not. You know you're not a bit, but you're like constantly going, you're good enough. So you don't get along with black comics. Dude, white comics act like black comics is what I'm talking about. If you want to announce

my girl and I talk about this in every every industry it's like god you meet somebody and you're like how are you this confident

yeah knowing what I know of your value and your your like your talents yeah you should not be

parading around as if you're flawless well it's like it's because they're an idiot yeah yeah exactly it's like they're not thinking Well, it's because they're an idiot. Yeah, exactly. It's like they're not thinking about it. It's because they have little value that makes them cocky.

It's because they don't have any self-awareness. They're mongoloids. Yeah, they're mountain mongoloids. I always hope that it's a strategy. Syracuse, I'll be in your town. Are you really? No. Oh, God, thank God.

I would say kill yourself now. don't even find the dog a new owner i'm not afraid though i love see your kids no no whatever it was fine yeah it was good sometimes you just need a show to break you yes yeah you also you also like you have to do bad like i feel like sometimes i'll be doing really well for a while like i'm on a streak and i'm like i will do bad eventually you just have to yeah and then you have to feel bad. I feel like sometimes I'll be doing really well for a while. I'm on a streak and I'm like, I will do bad eventually. You just have to. And then you have to feel bad and want to get them back. Because you get cocky. Anytime you get cocky,

you bomb. What's your point? The fulfillment of doing great with old shit only has a shelf life. And if it doesn't have a shelf life, you're going to be that dude for 10 years doing fucking 10 minutes. Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Philly had a bunch of those guys. The 10 minute oh my god there's a lot of them there's a lot of comics

who just do the same 15 minutes and i and they get booked a lot and i'm just like can we just admit that yeah people are putting on hours are just in a different class or like people have different material you know yeah it's also yeah you just feel like it is kind of wasting everybody's time. Yeah. It's like, well, if they're not thinking of anything new, if they're not tired,

like if they don't believe anything different, well, what I don't get, what is the point? Yeah. What I don't get is like, I just lose my mind doing that. Like it would just be boring to me.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I write new shit just cause I'm bored. Like, yeah. How are they not bored? And it's because they're alcoholics. Fuck, I gotta write.

Solutionary. Let's wrap this up so I can write a bit. I gotta piss so bad. Do you? Yeah. We're good. Plug away, baby. All right, yeah.

You're just on Rogan. They're gonna see you. This is gonna come out next week. I'm kind of used to doing a four-hour podcast now. It's fun. You can condense in 60 now. We're doing it a little longer. See how much fun you can condense in 60 minutes? You do an hour? I thought this was 12 minutes.

Get the fuck out of here. Get out of here, Jew boy. You're up. My time's been so fucked up by the Rogan pod. We just got started, right? That's a good sign, baby. We haven't even looked at anything else. The second hour, Patreon's just all looking at us. It's just reading Warren P. I thought I checked out a second ago.

You're like, we're not recording this. And then I was like, oh, we're done? Well, we do have to shave a minute off when you were shitting on Rogan. Oh, shit. Right, right. Thank you. Yeah, well, yeah.

My special Brave. Check it out. Fuck yeah. When does this come out? Next Wednesday. Next Wednesday? I have a new movie that I, that the Memory Room,

my co-director is my buddy Dan McCabe. We went $13,000 over budget. So if you want to see the preview and see how you can be involved in the movie, there's different rewards. Go to memoryroommovie.com, watch the trailer, and see how you can help us finish the movie. We're going to drop your Venmo right here.

Just give me money. How do they find you online? I'm just like, I'll suck your dick for $10. I really need money right now. I believe in this movie. That's the actual ending of the thriller. Whose dick do I have to suck for this to end? And follow me on Instagram, Ron on Comedy.

Hell yeah. Thank you, Ron. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, have fun. Check out the Patreon. Subscribe.