Stuff Island - Pepé Le Pope - Stuff Island #126

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

Pepé Le Pope - Stuff Island #126 Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs ...up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 I can't believe you thought that shirt was going to be distracting and then you invited Ian Finance onto the... Ian Finance is the boardwalk t-shirt of a human being. I'm a 100% Latina t-shirt like on a fucking Russian mannequin while with New Jersey. Ian fired me the fuck up yesterday. Keep your ears peeled for in your eyes for the uh look at dish look at dish in early april we're gonna try and get out by the first or second yeah uh we filmed last night for the first time in my in my new kitchen
Starting point is 00:00:35 cheesesteak egg rolls unbelievable buddy i gotta say we say in the episode but i i every time i in delco growing up the best cheesesteaks are like local joints, right? That's why they get so offended by like Gino's, Pat's, Steve's, South Street, like wherever you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ishka Bibble's. There are like little bars, little restaurants, little fucking, you know, the boutiques of cheesesteaks. Yes. All these places typically have a cheesesteak egg roll.
Starting point is 00:01:04 Not all of them, but a bunch of the bars that I would meander around. Because the cheesesteak egg roll exterior gives you the sensation and the hangover cure of like a french fry or a chicken finger. Yeah. But with the cheesesteak. Sometimes you don't want to devour a giant fucking roll. You just want all of the best sides along with it. Yeah, it's the Wes Welker of... 100%. ...of cheesesteaks.
Starting point is 00:01:25 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a Patriots slot receiver for hangover cures, dude. Yeah, the Shady McCoy maybe is better. Always one in our recommendations. Great in the snow. Yeah. One of the best in the snow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Yeah, dude, it came out great. It was fun as fuck. Yeah. Ian was late. We held on production our our lighting was we gotta we gotta figure out our just like this this is a great new setup so funny held on production we did yeah yeah just waiting for this goofy jew face to come running through with cokehead five-year-old energy i know and he acted like it wasn't a thing this is what like i
Starting point is 00:02:04 used to get upset with you in the beginning because you didn't understand the timing and control of heat and process and prep and delivery that's why i go sometimes i go bananas somewhere and i don't say a word for 20 minutes because i want to make sure everything is right the heat the temperature the time it's impossible it's very hard to do. And then you got this fucking pack of toddlers yapping about hack jokes that he wrote in the elevator. When you cook a steak and you're supposed to let it sit,
Starting point is 00:02:33 it's fresh-baked cookies, man. You can't. It's impossible. Don't start defending your own fucking actions. It's impossible not to dive into them. Yeah, that almost canceled the whole episode. When all I was doing was getting That's blueberry pie on the window.
Starting point is 00:02:50 Yeah, Pepe Le Pew came over and fucking ruined everything, dude. I'm the Pepe Le Pew of this fucking podcast, by the way. That guy is a pure wop. He's breaking and entering. He's stealing things and sexually harassing the hottest chick in the kitchen. He's breaking and entering. He's stealing things and sexually harassing
Starting point is 00:03:05 the hottest chick in the kitchen. He's a French man. Pepe Le Pope. Pepe Le Pope. Dude, new podcast name. Dude, Pepe Le Pope.
Starting point is 00:03:15 For Look at Dish. It's so nice. I would have took that out. Send in the artwork. Send in the artwork. Send in the artwork. Commission me, dude.
Starting point is 00:03:23 Just a girl trying to catch a bus. Some hot, fat-titted old lady. Youed in the artwork. Commission me, dude. Just a girl trying to catch a bus. Some hot, fat-titted old lady. You sniffing her hair. No, it was fun. The product came out great. You guys are going to love it. Go to look at this channel on Patreon.
Starting point is 00:03:40 But this is our first... It's our third podcast in your apartment, but this is our first attempt at this corner room that looks over the city. Which is going to be tough. Yeah. It is tough. I'm going to take a video real quick just so you can. It's also slowly building.
Starting point is 00:03:57 Oh, yeah. Oh, fucking Ian had something to say about that too. He said something about my lack of artwork. Do you know the walls are huge, and I need so much art. Yeah. It's like, dude, shut the fuck up. Yeah. He paints his toilet with spackle shit.
Starting point is 00:04:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a disgusting human being. I love you, Ian. I'm so sorry. And then he tried to turn it into, that was a teachable moment for him. Yeah. Well, he saw the fucking anger in my eyes. Shout out Usher.
Starting point is 00:04:27 But yeah, I think we flipped this around. i'll be interested to see what the what the fans say i don't think i don't think we can do it together i mean yeah we can do it we'll figure out the lighting anyway this is a nice start you got the you got the bonsai that's done on provia behind you this is i liked it it was like a big bonsai i love it it is a big bonsai It reminds me of the trees They paint on those scrolls In Chinese Yeah The Chinese paint on those scrolls
Starting point is 00:04:50 Yeah yeah When you're walking up the mountain Dude those Chinese I want this to I want this to like I'm gonna trim this like a Tree that Goes around you
Starting point is 00:04:58 Yeah Like a tree that's hanging over a road Yeah Like those old southern plantations Where they connect at the top. Let's get two of them. And we'll just be in like a little willow cave. Dude, I miss those fucking, those Asians that hand you those gems, the monks.
Starting point is 00:05:16 Oh, on the street? They bop around like the M&M store and they just hand you like a shiny coin. And you're like, and all the tourists are like, ooh, thank you. And then they charge you for it or something. And then they run you down and go dollar. Then they send you a sign going dollar. That would be like the fucking homegrown Mexicans that give out that chiclets. Yeah, charging for tacos.
Starting point is 00:05:34 And giving you a chocolate bar and then just be standing there like $10, fuckface. Don't just hand it to me first. You got to tell me it's a charge. I never believed that those were real monks. I always assumed they like went back. They're not. i thought they got kicked out of the seminary dude they got caught jerking off in the in the secondary room yeah they're like the fucking the rejects the guy in a banana costume like i assume they go back to a warehouse and they like take the robe off and they put on yeah regular if you're a monk you're you're either a white guy staring fucking IPAs in a weird land,
Starting point is 00:06:07 or you're an Asian dude trying to break glass with a thought. If you're handing out fake quarters in Times Square, you're the B team of fucking monks, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You did something bad in your home, man. Just begging not to go, being like, the glass. Yeah. Dude, I'm so far. There's a crack's a crack i saw a refraction the other day the density of the glass has shifted we just looked up what refraction means dude i wonder i wonder how bad they beg not to go do that oh yeah it's
Starting point is 00:06:38 hell it's it also might just be a course like a a training course, like level one. Go to the worst place in America. Right. See if you don't lose your fucking skull. True. Your temper. Right. Pass out these coins. How calm can you be?
Starting point is 00:06:52 Yeah. They're like, they're pissing people off. Yeah. Yeah. It is an exercise. Aggressive black women? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:00 You're going to find a man. Yeah. It's like plucking the flower in Batman or whatever. I want you to give this coin to Tommy Poe. Then wait 10 minutes. Yeah. Then tell him there find a man. Yeah, it's like plucking the flower in Batman or whatever. I want you to give this coin to Tommy Poe. Then wait 10 minutes. Then tell him there's a charge. Send in an old Asian guy to rip off an angry black chick in Harlem. It's like before you go to scuba school,
Starting point is 00:07:20 you have to rub the underbelly of a great white and fucking Australian dude. Put him through the muck he comes back his eyes are changed it's like a soldier coming back from vietnam you're like he's he was uncle dave's different now he's still a nice guy after four miller lights but uncle dave changed man he saw some shit dude i like the or i don't like i get those mixed up sometimes you know i was uh no no i was uh i was listening to the meditation app and sometimes they have monks on there that are just white ladies yeah get the fuck out of here they're taking everybody's job it's for real it's the opposite of television it's like a woman whose name was like stacy williamson and then all of a sudden they start calling her like vasami or something like that and you're like oh vasami repoushay i'm gonna listen to what he has to say yeah you know or you know yeah i'm gonna listen to what he has
Starting point is 00:08:19 that bitch should be a hostess at a panda king You can't just fucking be a monk out of nowhere. It does feel like a Spanish class name. It's the name they give all the white waiters at fucking Benihana's. Jeremiah Rempeche. I'm Wang Watkins. Are you? This white wine's hitting different. Dude, that's the Riesling.
Starting point is 00:08:53 You taught me about that. Great new chairs, Chris. Yeah, the chairs are better. Life is better in the chair. Life is nice in this chair. That fucking, the first two episodes, I was sleepy beanie. Dude, you can't. You can't.
Starting point is 00:09:05 Do you remember? It's a hollow rock. Like fighting ex-girlfriends. It's like when you're laying down. You're in a cot in Cuba. And you're already out of love with them.
Starting point is 00:09:21 Everything they're saying, you're just like, yeah, I know. We'll talk about it tomorrow. you're just constantly like fuck that's what it's like and then you just got to be entertaining and funny it's like you have to be in a stiff upright position we should be in those fucking it is full when your girl's breaking up with you and you're laying down just chester cat not see, I'm not all here. You disappear. Not affected by any of her threatening actions or words. In repose.
Starting point is 00:09:53 You're just like, no, I definitely hear you about that. Because you've already, your bag's been packed for months, dude. I'll let you get this out because it'll make you feel better, but I am so gone. I fell asleep during half of that shit.
Starting point is 00:10:07 My ex-girlfriend actually fell asleep. When I first met her, she told me a story. When she was breaking up with him, he was, like, going nuts, and he would show up. He'd drive from Jersey to her place, and he'd show up, like, crying and, like, just being a real bitch about it. You know, trying to keep something he needed yeah yeah and she said she literally fell asleep during an argument like where he was like pleading his case
Starting point is 00:10:33 and she went full out it wasn't like a wasn't like one eye had like paralysis like she was just oh i'm jealous i'm calling the cops because the murder's getting cold like if i'm opening my my heart and like look this is how i see what you're saying i know we need to change first of all but here's what i'm yeah but i'm not saying i would do that no no i know but you would have enough you've done comedy wherewithal to know five minutes into the set whether you can turn it around you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah five years into the relationship you you if you if you show up at someone's doorstep crying yeah and you've driven two hours and you don't have them yeah yeah it's like francisco or what's his name? Pablo Francisco. Yeah. He was like, you think you can get out of this?
Starting point is 00:11:27 I mean, you think you can get out of this? Just walking. That's what this guy was doing. Are you, are you sleeping? Oh my God. He tried to shake her and she was like,
Starting point is 00:11:40 oh, please just go. Like, get out of my fucking house and life. Well, that's where it does turn. Because if you're two hours middle of the night, you're not driving back. Man. You got to figure out a way to crash.
Starting point is 00:11:52 That's why I say you build a cold heart, even though you're warm to everybody that deserves it. I give all my bounty to a very few. Oh, yeah. Everybody else can fucking suck my dick. Yeah, yeah. You give me a reason gone like the movie heat 30 seconds i can walk away from anything yeah lost a brother years ago do i think about it every day not anymore once in a while only when i'm thinking about podcasting and women
Starting point is 00:12:20 because she's a bitch no you got it you got to open up you got to let yourself be hurt i think that was that's what was difficult on the first two episodes on that couch because i have been at peace whereas i i feel like in historia or even you know just our our life before where you come in with this energy and rage that ian had yeah yeah where it's like you don't realize how activated you are on every level so now i feel my my comfort level is starting to level out whereas the first two weeks you're busy with a move a lawn a repair guy and all that stuff it wears you out all day and then no one else is fucking ragging on you and on the streets yeah everybody's being great john's coming over to see if my lawnmower's working well how many volts are in the fucking
Starting point is 00:13:04 thing yeah i see them every day now it's no well. How many volts are in the fucking thing? Yeah. I see them every day now. It's a thing. No one's crowding you. No one's like. Yeah. So what I'm saying is I don't have that activated energy,
Starting point is 00:13:11 but now I'm starting to get it naturally, especially with these chairs. Chairs are nice. I still got it a little bit. I'm downtown. I do. Oh yeah, you do.
Starting point is 00:13:22 Cause when I come down here, I always forget. I'm like, Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. But it. Oh, yeah, you do. Because when I come down here, I always forget. I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. But it's also, this is Austin to New York in terms of the homeless. This is Austin homeless to New York. But there's not as many of them.
Starting point is 00:13:35 No, there's not. There's a lot. But they're, and they're also very centrally located. They form like camps. I just saw a fight on the walk here. Really? Yeah. I saw a fight between this security
Starting point is 00:13:46 guard that was kicking this dude out of this little fucking area and the guy was like banging on the glass. The other chick's tit was out. Oh, dude, yeah. She's trying to dig through the trash. This one white lady cut her hair with a shoe. Dude, it's gotta be It looked like someone did a moon dance on the back of this chick's wig. It must be
Starting point is 00:14:02 like a rookie, like a greenhorn homeless. Yeah, he doesn't know yet. Because if you came down as a New York homeless to here, you would have no idea what's going on. It's a vacation. All the trendy, all the cool places to hang out are perfect homeless spots. Yeah. Like that bar we went to last night is like,
Starting point is 00:14:18 oh. Just some dude waiting for the lights to get turned out. Yeah, it's just all benches. Yeah, and dog hair make you feel at home that's the only issue with the fucking everything's a outdoor brewery by me because i'm south they're nice and they're so nice there's nicer breweries and then there's like honky tonk breweries so i like to get it's a nice little range yeah but i like walking in everywhere is like a low ceiling it feels like you're on like tatooine or something it feels like you're
Starting point is 00:14:49 natural like a normal yeah yeah it feels like i'm tall as hell you're not even that short you get a lot you got a little flack or someone stick up for you today yeah it's it's wide body yeah it is your frame wide body you got the frame of a 6'4 baseball player wide shoulders big fat ass I get it though I saw someone recently I don't want to say who but I saw them on like I saw them on Instagram and shit a ton and I thought they were taller
Starting point is 00:15:15 it's like meeting an actor how you doing what are you doing you doing Mission Impossible again what are you up to did again the little plane on wire yeah and even that was like r&b singers you're like dude you are a fucking bitch how about p diddy you've been he's been reading no what's going on well i heard he's he's making people suck his dick dude no he no. He's apparently getting cornered as the curator of Epstein Island for hip hop. Really?
Starting point is 00:15:51 In the entertainment industry. Yeah. Jay-Z's on the heels, too. They're nipping at Jay-Z. Wow. Everybody's getting it. Apparently, there's this hodgepodge group led by him and also these executives who got Diddy into...
Starting point is 00:16:04 Again, this is not word for word. I just could consume this in an Uber on the way here. It's a dramatic retelling. Yeah, you need to put that, like, the dramatized thing. Yeah, this is the CW version of the documentary of how someone got fucking clipped. But they picked him up already. They've raided both of his mansions.
Starting point is 00:16:21 P. Diddy? Yeah. Warrants, taking all his computers. They got his drug mule that he brings on the road. Oh, my. Some little skinny white dude that brings all the pills. Apparently, he's been drugging young kids, young ladies. All the younger male artists are forced to perform sex acts on other guys. So there's a whole crew of gay acts for if you want to be in this business.
Starting point is 00:16:47 And it goes all the way back to his start. Because there's apparently these executives that make you do certain things if you want to be the next big star. So there's a whole fucking popcorn trail of all these fucking artists that even when you were like, yeah, they're kind of
Starting point is 00:17:01 Ian Finance. They might be playing both fields i wonder and sure enough it's all coming out now it's gonna be great that'd be wild if like there was like a gen like a rosetta stone where like all the lyrics that are about like slinging rock and like fucking cock guns is just really about getting molested by like yeah the heads executives yeah yeah good christ yeah like those white monks just really about getting molested by like. Yeah. The heads of state. Yeah. Yeah. Good Christ.
Starting point is 00:17:27 Yeah. Like those white monks just coming in and getting their ass. That's got to be different now. Right. I know. I think what they're saying is if you're not part of that, because I watched like they're doing all these like throwback videos to like when people like us,
Starting point is 00:17:42 like the layman not understanding when they're on the, where they're on like hot 98 or seven or whatever the fuck it is. And they're just like 50 cent, like throwing hard fucking haymakers at P. Diddy. He's like, I don't do what P. Diddy does. And he's like on like the view
Starting point is 00:17:56 and they're like, what? Yeah. And he just wants to get this out. He's like, yeah, I thought it was like a good time. So I didn't feel the need to put pills in girls' drinks. And they're like, let's get back to the interview. And he's like, yeah, yeah was like a good time so i didn't feel the need to put pills in girls drinks and they're like let's get back to the interview and he's like yeah yeah sometimes i say some wild shit and it's showing all of like the history of these guys that are putting your
Starting point is 00:18:13 foot in the sand saying like i'm not a part of that side of the business yeah apparently this is overarching just like your tree that's like pedophilia, sex trafficking, all the parties. This dude had cameras in every single room of his house. And just like Epstein would do with the politicians and the high-end stars, you invite them over, bring out a fucking smorgasbord,
Starting point is 00:18:37 cheese board of young children. You can pluck one, go in this room, not knowing you're being filmed. Or you have to pluck one. Yeah, but then they hold it against you, going, well, now you can pluck one go in this room not knowing you're or you have to pluck one yeah but then it's they held they hold it against you going well now you can't say shit because i got you here getting sucked off by a 14 year old and diddy apparently is doing the same thing he's the epstein jesus christ yeah do you think this episode is going to be not
Starting point is 00:19:01 like not dark in the sense of what we're talking about but do you think we need a light right now we need a light right now i We need a light right now? I don't know. I think we're still getting some good light. How do I look? Provia. You've been with us over these many weeks, these past few weeks. You know that the hair saga continues.
Starting point is 00:19:16 I've been using Provia. How disrespectful to call that a saga. This is our Super Bowl, dude. All of your loved ones have been tracking the locks. The fucking wig and lettuce you have been grooming. When will they get cut? Nobody. It's up to Provia.
Starting point is 00:19:33 Looks better with a hat. Only Provia can decide. Provia features and benefits. It's got natural ingredients. It's prescription and drug-free. It's direct to your door. All right? So you don't have to go shopping around for this.
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Starting point is 00:20:27 that's 60% off. It's like you're giving it away. It's 60% off if you do it right now. Sexy wigs. Yeah, you want to look like me? That's ProviaHair.com slash Stuff Island. This view looks, it's so beautiful, it's distracting.
Starting point is 00:20:42 Yeah, it's nice. It's nice, you get to look at, this is, this is perfect for me just looking out into the distance yeah when your autism kicks in yeah it's tough to look into the distance when there's something right in front of you now you can like a greasy smelly walk squarespace to manage this plant this episode is brought to you by squarespace squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting or managing a growing brand like us.
Starting point is 00:21:12 Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time all in one place, all on your terms. It's got a fluid engine. Yes. With Fluid Engine engine the next generation website design system from squarespace it's never been easier for anyone to unlock unbreakable creativity start with best-in-class website templates if you're not creative yourself they do it for you it's plug and play as chris says yeah customize every design detail with reimagined drag and drop
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Starting point is 00:22:11 No, I did. I took it off before you filmed because it was too distracting to look at this. Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, I thought you wore it. Look out the window. I thought you wore it the whole time. What did you wear?
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Starting point is 00:22:43 Organize your video library. We've got to get our producers on that yeah yeah and showcase your content on beautiful video pages and sell access to your videos with member areas oh yeah yeah so go to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch going to be nice. Yeah, we're all right. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like...
Starting point is 00:23:17 I think it's going to be beautiful. There's a big white building reflecting... You know what it looks like? Two 23-year-olds wearing ill-fitted van hoosen shirts waiting for their interview at a job it's gonna suck their fucking soul yeah the total the plants this was put together and put some fucking art up there get a fake plant even though these are real these are nice plants i dropped a dime on plants. The plant store is unbelievable. Don't say it. It's unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:23:49 It's not a store. It's a nursery, right? I don't know. Planetarium? What do you call it? Nurseries. It's a nursery. I think it's a plant store.
Starting point is 00:24:00 It's got to be three acres, four acres. Yeah, it's big. Four or five different sections you you walk around with a giant home depot carts where you look building a deck yeah loaded those in yeah and again it's just like the the experience of shopping for plants was such a welcome break from shopping for fucking furniture yeah or backhanding your girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're so happy about the plants. I need to let these bruises heal. Can we go shop for ferns? Dude, it's just like, if I walked through a nursery and was like,
Starting point is 00:24:31 hey, what's, how much is that? Can I get it? And they were like, yeah, you can get it to you in 10 weeks. Yeah. I'd be like, I'm never buying a plant. Of course. Fuck this shit. We had to pay. So I paid
Starting point is 00:24:45 somewhere around like $800 worth of plants. But most of that money came from the potters. The potters. Planters. It's really not that bad. I mean, they're expensive. And they last forever. There are pieces, Chris. So I go up. I couldn't believe how
Starting point is 00:25:01 cheap they were, to be honest. We don't have a car. That's the other break from furniture shopping you're like like if that's in any other store it's ten thousand dollars well you also have to think of what's native to that area and what grows easily in that area so la has cheaper plants than new york new york city has to get all their shit dumped in there yeah so you're paying the surcharge on delivery to there. So the same plant is going to be $60, $70, $80 cheaper than... I'm talking about just the potters. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, furniture shopping warps your brain
Starting point is 00:25:36 for what something's supposed to cost. Right. And also, at least with plant shopping, you walk away going, I didn't get what I needed, but it was fun. Yeah. You just went to a museum for a day. It's a plant museum.
Starting point is 00:25:47 I went to a garden and just enjoyed some plants. It's a plant aquarium. You're staring at something you're never going to own, but you're like, that's neat. That's fun. Oh, dude. Yeah. There's so many different kinds of plants.
Starting point is 00:25:56 Anyway, this dumb bitch. I'm into plants now. Yeah, welcome. I told you this a year ago, two years ago, three years ago. If these die, I'm going to be heartbroken. No, they won't. This is perfect. 70 degrees.
Starting point is 00:26:08 Yeah. You got the indirect well-lit room at some times. Yeah. Baby, call me. Light in the morning is harsh. From this distance, you're fine. Yeah. The refractive light is going to be fine.
Starting point is 00:26:19 Yeah, it is getting refracted, too. Yeah, yeah. So I go up and I'm like, what's the delivery costs? And people still don't, if you tell them you don't have a car, it's like you're showing up with an AK to a fucking kindergarten. Oh, yeah, yeah. They can't fathom the idea that I don't own a vehicle. And then they hear me speak and they're like, all right, well,
Starting point is 00:26:39 this fucking guy's vagrant. He's looking for a job, I think. He did get a tan real quick so she goes well it's forty dollars for one person job eighty dollars for a two-person job so i was like all right i loaded my cart one person yeah jack but one person i bring it up she goes okay yeah it's gonna be two person she looks at it's gonna be a two-person job i was like for what this is all we have yeah so i'm like trying not to argue with this fucking lessee i'm just going no this is fine we got these three planters that aren't that heavy without the plants then we have
Starting point is 00:27:14 the plants this is one one person right she goes no it's gonna be 80 this two-person job and then i feel like my girl's hand like on my wrist like squeezing me i'm like all right fine two two weak people you bring two of your weakest customers yes employees and yeah you should be able to pick yeah yeah the employees yeah yeah let me test their stuff yeah you're looking for that one russian hiding in the weeds but a wonky eye you're like that's my guy. That's one person. Yeah, that guy can do one. He's killed two people. He's killed one person's job. He's moved bodies before. He can move my... Yeah, he can deadlift. Literally.
Starting point is 00:27:50 He can move my rubber plant to... Oh, man. It has been weird, though. I haven't been like... Yeah, it's been so nice down here that it hasn't been i've i've been doing like a lot less complaining yeah it'll pick up i know it'll pick up once i'm already settled in once i settle in but i'm finding i'm finding reasons altercations are happening nothing in the wild but just like with myself and in the house about stuff i'm'm just like the fucking Lyft and Uber money every day is crazy.
Starting point is 00:28:29 Yeah. It's insane. A month of that is insane. And it's all my fault because I didn't get an active license. License beforehand. Yeah. It's easy peasy switch if you have an active license. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:40 You might still have to pay a fee to get a new license and all that, but I had to do the fucking... I just called today. I got my driver's test next week. Really? Hopefully before we go to Houston. The written or the... No, the written's done.
Starting point is 00:28:52 I passed the flying colors. I told you, I went to the... Yeah, yeah. I didn't know if that was just for the permit or whether that was the whole kit and caboodle. The permit certification that you complete at the permit course, you show up with identificationifications uh residency proof yeah of 30 days so my girl said it there was this cute little girl younger on the left there's a giant
Starting point is 00:29:14 line of me and you know i'm a fucking chauffeur in a quinceanera it's me and 115 year old mexican girls and i'm just in line holding all my documentation and i get to this one bitch that was upset with life and she gave me she pulled out this pamphlet she's like you have to be here 30 days didn't even ask me like she didn't smile once didn't say like she wasn't cordial whereas everybody else was customer service in texas has been wonderful yeah but it's it is that thing where it's like every once in a while you go to subway and the wrong guys working there. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:47 You weren't, you've been to subway here. Not here, but I'm saying that like when you were a kid, I would go, I love subway. I'll be pissed. You're going to be fired up to go to subway and just the weird guys.
Starting point is 00:29:56 Yeah. Just like shit coming out of his nose. Yeah. Like I can't fucking always piss. There's a glass wall between touching your buttholes. You only get some online. We didn't know that at the time i wonder if he was connected with p diddy it is weird you don't know enough about pedophiles and then you get older you're like oh it's like gay priests or nuns growing up in catholic school you just thought they were like a little harder you know why does she have a shaved head and why she act like that and then you get
Starting point is 00:30:25 older you're like lesbians right they were always around i i can't believe how many pedophiles there are yeah is it just like almost automatic if you get molested and you're a dude no that's like saying you're an automatic murder or serial killer if you were beaten right right no it just it has to have a perfect chemical situation you have to have like a few different things and then socially you have to you like innately you have to have a few different things wiring is a little wonky right right and all it takes is to get you know hit with sticks by your friends and then your your father molest you or something like that and then you start killing animals and shit maybe it's the only thing left that you can really like control well that you can like it's the only thing left you can have like certain power over someone
Starting point is 00:31:18 with you know what i mean like yeah because way back in the day like just being like kind of like like way back in the day you could be just like kind of like like way back in the day, you could be just like liberal and people like you're a commie. Yeah. And now you're out. Yeah. You know, and then that's that goes away. You know, people get less conservative, more things become OK. And then now the only thing that you can have, you can't be like, hey, guys, guess we got to fire him. You know, like you start just going like we got to get footage of this guy fucking a kid so that we can have the type of like is it a recent phenomenon yeah you're right it's been an all-inclusive resort here for way too long we got to get back to our conservative ways then yeah there were socially unacceptable things you could do back in the day yeah now it's
Starting point is 00:31:59 flipped so hard that this now is so liberal people just like you're racist yeah you're a communist you're this you're hitler it's like dude even that's starting to go again people you know but like way like you could be like just like you had sex out of wedlock and then you're like done yeah now now it's like dude we need concrete yeah never gonna be okay stuff isn't it nuts that like you know i'm not gonna talk shit on certain religions but yeah they still there's certain religions still you know extreme christians and extreme muslims and like they still wear the garb because man you couldn't even look at another person's wife yeah yeah decapitate it i watched i watched a stoning yesterday dude yeah that's kind of the
Starting point is 00:32:44 only one that's really kind of fluttering me a little bit that's the only one a stoning yesterday. Dude, yeah. That's kind of the only one that's really kind of fluttering me a little bit. That's the only one? Yeah. Stoning? Yeah. I watched a dude jump off a balcony and that was like crazy because I'm staring at one and I can't go on your balcony anymore. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:56 Because of the imp of the perverse that we've spoken about many times. But the stoning videos are fucking hard to watch. Well, that's working your brain on two ends. You got a guy with a noodle arm throwing a bad rock. That's going to be... 100%. That knocks you off kilter. And then the slow murder is what puts you over the edge.
Starting point is 00:33:14 You just invented an incredible TikTok. Just two announcers analyzing the arms of locals, local villagers throwing rocks to murder a rapist yeah guy's got a pitch count dude i watched one where the girl apparently like this woman like cheated on her husband yeah and they just they don't even dig holes anymore apparently well they i think you can just accuse you can just be accused of it yeah yeah yeah if the guy's just jealous and he's a piece of shit yeah let's see you you're taking fucking courts to the back of your skull for an hour but depending on the village and the athleticism of
Starting point is 00:33:54 the village i guess they they kind of bring you in closer to the circle oh yeah yeah and the size of the rocks differ too so you if you're closer you can launch a giant puddle shaker dude yeah i bet there's some i bet there's some i bet there's some dark stories of good cricket players. We're like, how'd you get so good at this? Yeah. Or the opposite. Like the monks that retired cricket players get sent to these villages to just throw fucking seeds at cheating wives.
Starting point is 00:34:22 Open up this chick's eardrum. Dude, it's hard to watch. Yeah, it's awful. Yeah, I mean, obviously it's hard to watch. It's fucking awful. I'm saying for my palate. I have a nice tolerance for death. And maybe I'm just growing up a little bit.
Starting point is 00:34:38 Is there a piece of you that doesn't feel that it's real? How are you doing with the chair? I'm great, dude. Yeah? Yeah. Do you feel like you need an extra pillow back there no this is perfect yeah length how do you feel with your feet touching the ground for the first time in two and a half years well the other i really wanted the swivel and now i'm not so sure it's a good idea no i like it it's too much you got to control you don't have
Starting point is 00:34:59 any your tootsies are out you got to get a nice base on the sneak. Yeah. It's like it's so nice to move. It's so nice to wiggle. You got to get these fucking working man boots when you don't work. Yeah. There are a lot of people talking shit about it. You got me some of those. I did. Why don't you wear them?
Starting point is 00:35:13 I haven't. It's been too hot. No, it's not about the heat, baby. You got to wear them in. Yeah. You look great in them. You're just self-conscious. No, I like them.
Starting point is 00:35:21 I was rocking them a little. I was rocking them before we left. I was rocking them. You get to a certain them before we left. I was rocking them. You get to a certain age, you can't wear sneakers every day on stage. You look ridiculous. It's true. That is true. You know who started the Air Max 90 thing in Philly?
Starting point is 00:35:37 The revolution? No, what was the Air Max 90? Tommy did. Oh, you did? Yes, I did. Air Max 90 was, and multicolored Air Max 90s was my thing. Then Ian started doing it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:49 I got fucking... I got receipts. Really? I got photos of me wearing that shit in 2008. Yeah, I have a thing like that. I feel like I started the love of the Big Lebowski. Across the planet? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:03 Somebody heard you talking at a bus stop yeah yeah i want to look at the box office numbers i think it bombed until i started pushing it to my friends that movie always ruled it did always rule and there was a massive marketing campaign behind it and i think the coen brothers were already big at the time but did you hear shane's gonna be in happy gilmore too. Well, yeah, this podcast just becomes a Shane rumors podcast. That's so funny. How come they haven't made a happy Gilmore too? It's because Adam Sandler has too much credibility.
Starting point is 00:36:34 No, it's in production. Oh, it is. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. That's why I asked him on Matt and Shane.
Starting point is 00:36:38 Oh, dude, that was, he's there. I had to fly for his big shoot. And I was like, that'd be Gilmore too. I wish dude, happy Gilmore too? He's like, I wish.
Starting point is 00:36:46 Dude, happy Gilmore too. With him? I mean, that's more, I grew up on Sandler films. He was younger. You guys were younger. But that was the peak of like the goofy, funny shit that I could watch. Oh, dude, we all, yeah, I was, yeah, I grew up on Adam Sandler films. They were all bangers. That's all we could quote it was Adam Sandler.
Starting point is 00:37:06 That's it. And then it slowly became Owen Wilson stuff. Yeah, which I never got. I didn't fuck with any of that stuff. After that, I didn't fuck. Before that, it was like airplane. Dude, like old school shit. Yeah, Hot Shots.
Starting point is 00:37:21 Hot Shot. Unbelievable movie. Hot Shots, part due. Part due to part due d-a-u-x i can't believe you you you knew that movie i was so proud of you when she takes the the birthmark off her face my favorite was when he's trudging through like the cow shit in the fields oh that's uh that's hot shots in the fields. Oh, that's... That's Hot Shots 1, isn't it? No, no, that's... Oh, you're right.
Starting point is 00:37:47 Whatchamacallit. God damn it. I can't believe I'm forgetting it now. What happened? With that blonde dude. And the boots come out of nowhere and he thinks he's getting caught by like the Nazis. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:57 And he looks up and he's just a pair of boots. We've talked about this movie many times. I can't believe I'm fucking forgetting it. That's the one I was very impressed with. Yeah. And I forget the name. Val Kilmer. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:04 Val Kilmer. Early Val Kilmer. Yeah, that one's fucking awesome. When they're parachuting down and having a relationship conversation the one i was very impressed with yeah and i forget the name val kilmer yeah val kilmer early val kilmer yeah that one's fucking awesome when they're parachuting down and having a relationship conversation and there's a fireplace on a parachute all that shit as a kid got me so hard so brilliant damn val kilmer that poor guy he got that cancer and went bye-byes yeah he was great yeah he was and he apparently although he made that documentary he seemed like kind of a i didn't i was so upset i watched it yeah being val or something yeah and the guy was filming he was like a tiktoker before he was living in a content house just filming himself all day long and everything he did and then he collected all
Starting point is 00:38:45 these things and they made a movie out of it and i was like wow i thought you were just chill and then showed up on set and fucking destroyed filming everything all the time was cool though when i think back in the day i feel like it was nobody had a fuck if i if i knew one guy that had a camcorder we wouldn't be friends with him because we would berate him for being rich. I know. But like my one buddy got like a shitty digital camera and like was we would always be recording stuff and we'd be like, dude, stop. So annoying. And and then at the like our senior year, he made like a huge compilation of just us getting fucked up.
Starting point is 00:39:22 Yeah. And you're like, thank you for that. Yeah. Thank God. Thanks for annoying me for a year i can show this to nobody yeah dude if you're if you're diligent with it yeah they're the only time if you keep it secret in the 80s and 90s we started there's like footage of me in football as a peewee yeah and it was because this one guy had a camera he's like the guy, and he would film our championships and big games and stuff. Yes.
Starting point is 00:39:48 And I'm grateful that that exists, but, like, nobody, we have zero, like, my dad has, like, six pictures. Two of them are his license and his marriage. Like, we weren't a picture-taking family, so I was very turned off by all that shit. Yeah, same. And I got, like, really high anxiety when they're like, all right, let's get a picture for whatever main event.
Starting point is 00:40:11 It wasn't, like, daily stuff. Yeah. Which is why I'm so bad at it. I'm trying to be good. The producers are pushing us to, like, do content outside of this gay shit. I know, I know. But you always go, live in the moment.
Starting point is 00:40:22 Just fucking enjoy it right now. Yeah, but then you forget everything because you're too fucked up. Then you realize you're an alcoholic. Yeah, three margaritas and I forgot Cuba real quick. And you wish you had a picture. Do what you were saying last night. You see a picture of your parents and they're like...
Starting point is 00:40:41 Yeah, we were showing each other a picture. They were on a trip somewhere. You're like, you guys went on... Where'd you go on a trip? Yeah, think that's gonna be so dull because everybody's gonna have a billion fucking pictures of everything they've ever done and it's like we're out of pictures man yeah that'll be interesting though who cares like when these little sluts that are taking videos and starbucks, when they get older, they're going to be showing their kids, like,
Starting point is 00:41:07 ew, mom, like, what are you doing? Oh, dude, I mean, if we have kids and they see this, this is going to be this is going to be fucking insane. Yeah, true. This is going to be insane. So embarrassing. How do you explain what's happening here?
Starting point is 00:41:20 You don't give them a phone until you die. It's in my will. Yeah. That's the benefit of having children at my age and i'm gonna defend myself on this i'm gonna write a bit about it but like being 44 wanting to start a family like 45 yeah by the time they're older like 18 20 baby i'm gone i don't mean dead i hope i'm still alive but like i don't give a shit bub here's a hundred dollars fuck off with your black boyfriend i've got no problems nothing's wrong i'm in my own little lair i don't care i'm one to ten might be the greatest years you know that's when you want
Starting point is 00:41:59 to give all your love to your child and they give it back you start getting early teens i just know from my nieces and friends and cousins and everybody, that's when they start thinking they're somebody and they're a piece of shit and they don't know yet. 20s, you don't know shit. You think you're a person. You're not. 30s are when you start going, if you're a good person, you go,
Starting point is 00:42:17 oh, now I need to rewrite this ship. Yeah. I'm supposed to be this guy in this world and I want to do this for the society or for my family. In 40s, you just engage, lose the excess weight in your life. All the friends that aren't there, they don't matter. Cut them loose. Cut them loose.
Starting point is 00:42:36 Start living for yourself and for your close loved ones and your family. 50s and 60s. Buddy, it's me time. I'm talking, I'll sand a boat that's not mine no you're gonna be raising kids yeah i know but yeah that's all i care about right right you know what i mean so like you have kids late 20s early 30s you still have things you care about that you won't when you're 50 or 60 yeah you might be on to something here i think it's like you either have a kid at 18 or you have a kid at 40 yeah yeah i mean it's more safe no because if you haven't been 18 by the time you're 36
Starting point is 00:43:13 you're cruising true you're done but yeah but what you're providing for this person from 18 to 36 is probably exhausting and horrible yeah and you're you're not yet a person, so you're going to act accordingly because you're a child. But you're going to be like the old guy. You ever see that one courtroom thing with the nice- You think I'm driving? The nice judge? No, you're going to be- I'm in the back of a pickup truck like this.
Starting point is 00:43:37 Slow down! You made me spill twice! You're just an 18-year-old jackass son who's like, my dad's the man, dude. Yeah. My dad, he let us drink in the house. Yeah, of course. He let us do whatever future drug. Yeah, I'm going to have a moat around my house so I can hear him splashing when they try
Starting point is 00:43:55 and go out and get fingered in the woods. It is a thing where it's like you got to imagine on some level for parents, it's got to be exhausting most of the time, but on some level, it's got to be on some level for parents, it's gotta be exhausting most of the time, but on some level it's gotta be fun catching kids. Yeah. Fucking around. Yeah. Being a detective.
Starting point is 00:44:11 I'm not saying sexual stuff. I'm just saying like trying to sneak out. Yeah. Trying to fucking drink beers. Catching them has gotta be a fun. Let me tell you something. Yeah. The experiences I've had in life with sex,
Starting point is 00:44:23 drugs and rock and roll. It's going to take a mile to get past me. My father, every time he knew when we were drinking at the golf in the woods, golf course at kegs, he knew we were drinking in grade school. He knew when we were like fucking off and he kept his reach. Cause as long as your mother doesn't know,
Starting point is 00:44:40 and as long as you're not doing it too much, right. Too often or too dangerous with a certain group of kids, he let me become my person. He let me experience life. Right. But if my mother knew, whew, boy. My mother put my brother in AA when he was like 18.
Starting point is 00:44:56 Yeah. Because he was just being an 18-year-old. Yeah, yeah. So scared. So we had the balance of overprotective and social life. And then a dad who's been through hell and knows he can read. Well, that is the good boundary. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:45:12 Because it does illuminate a path. Yeah. Which is like, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So I know what you're doing. Yeah. And you're going to do it.
Starting point is 00:45:22 So I get it. You could swim this far, but there's sharks there. Yeah. And you got to come back out of the water. And once your mom knows. Yeah. I get activated. And also because you're fucking me.
Starting point is 00:45:33 The glass breaks and I come out and I break you. I pulled that fucking. Yeah. So it's like, that's where. Firelight's going off. Yeah. Go have fun. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:44 If she finds out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go have fun. Yeah. If she finds out, you're fucked. I also... I have a theory that, like, a lot of that anger... Shane always tells that story about his dad going nuts on him when he disrespected the mother, his mom. Oh, yeah, yeah. When he, like, totally loses his shit. And normally he's cool with, like, the ribbon and all that stuff,
Starting point is 00:46:03 but he went too far. Yes. I feel like men men they like their peace and if they're at a peaceful place even though it's kind of mayhem with the children and the whole lot if you start fucking with the mom then the mom has to start fucking with my peace as a dad true so if you get out of line it's not so much just to to you know to protect my wife right and respect her from your disrespect teach you a lesson but now the lesson's going to be bigger because you're fucking up my piece right now well it's also now my now my garage beers aren't for two hours yeah yeah and i got a fucking issue and you open yourself up to all kinds of manhood questions which it's like you just that's hell on earth yeah you know what i mean you can't
Starting point is 00:46:51 control your boys yeah yeah fucking yeah dude and it's like you're gonna let him act like that that's why i've been telling you for years that's rocket fuel for dads yeah yeah that's so true fuck go get the flamethrower little Ricky's getting a lesson in them yeah yeah it's like it's questioning
Starting point is 00:47:11 your like virility it's like you think I want to do this you've let things yeah I just wanted to go to the park have a catch now I gotta beat the fuck out of you
Starting point is 00:47:19 because it's also you backlogged all the nights where your dad's sitting around having a drink yeah and your mom's going I think I think they're doing something yeah right I think it's also, you backlogged all the nights where your dad's sitting around having a drink. Yeah. And your mom's going, I think they're doing something. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:47:28 I think it's wrong. Now she's got to fucking. And he's going, they're fine. They're being kids. Yeah. Don't fucking lose your mind. Just relax. And that goes on for years until you do genuinely fuck up.
Starting point is 00:47:40 And she goes, I told you. She's got a whole box of I told you's. She's just pulling them out. Remember when I told you? They're all barking. Like unruly puppies. And here's another I fucking told you. Christmas last year. Threw up.
Starting point is 00:47:58 I told you. He was drinking Bailey's Irish Cream in the basement. Rick. No, he was sick. He was sick. He Irish Cream in the basement. Rick. No, he was sick. He was sick. He had a long basketball game. They were on the road for the playoffs. We don't want to do.
Starting point is 00:48:12 Pizza Hut, probably have too much grease. Get off his ass. Get off my ass. Fuck. There's no way this isn't dark. It's getting there. Yeah, it's dark as hell. It's getting there. It's all right.
Starting point is 00:48:24 Where are we at? What time was? We're in a learning phase. Yeah. We're in a nice spot. it's getting there yeah it's dark as hell it's getting there it's alright where are we at time wise we're in a we're in a learning phase yeah we're in a nice spot you're gonna watch the sun go down on us
Starting point is 00:48:31 Jesus Christ god damn it where's your sun it's a blowjob joke you like that so I'm hanging out with Ian and David for a day
Starting point is 00:48:42 I do wanna have a natural light podcast is kind of nice. Yeah, it's ideal, but it never fucking happens. It's so finicky. Also, it's setting over there, so there's nothing. Well, it'd be worse if it was setting that way. I'd be getting blasted. We'd also have to film in this location at 12 to 2.
Starting point is 00:49:02 Yeah, yeah. I'm not doing that. I'm not talking into a mic before 5 p.m. Do you think this is dead? Do you think this is dying? No, just let it go. It's sun exposure. That's too much sun?
Starting point is 00:49:13 Yeah. If it's all like that, it's over-watering or under-watering. You just have to rotate this plant. Yeah, yeah. Or you could move it to a different spot. You'll be fine. Just don't overwater.
Starting point is 00:49:28 It looks healthy. I hope it booms. This boy is easy as fuck. You don't have to do anything to this. Just don't overwater. Yeah, they're easy as hell. My palm.
Starting point is 00:49:36 That makes me happy. My palm makes me smile every time I see it. Yeah, you got a nice palm in the corner. Oh, boy. And that Monstera I have is different than the Monstera
Starting point is 00:49:43 we had. It's a different strain. It's thick. Yeah leaves split and i found out my girl told me this monstera leaves split due to sun exposure so the ones that i thought they were different like uh i thought they were different species of monstera's yeah because the ones that split so it looks like some's have a leaf like this and then others have like this. Yeah. And it's all from how much sun they're getting
Starting point is 00:50:08 during their growth period. And the one I have right now has like the splits and then has holes along the spine. It's art. And that's cool? That's good? Oh, yeah, baby. Holes along the spine.
Starting point is 00:50:20 It's like a flute? Yeah. What's a Monstera look like? We had it in our house. I don't know, but I still don't know. Behind the couch. Oh, yeah. Behind your head.
Starting point is 00:50:31 Oh, yeah. They split like that? Yeah. Yours has solid leaves. Yeah, they're huge. No. The one in Astoria did because it wasn't getting proper sun. Growing rights.
Starting point is 00:50:41 Okay. They grow like weeds. They're very easy. Very low light. Moderate temperature, 70, 65 to 75. Yeah, these are great. They got big prehistoric leaves. And they're very easy to care for.
Starting point is 00:50:52 And they take up a lot of space. Damn. Kind of looks like a sick logo. That's what mine are doing. That's the holes on the spine. And that's good? It's beautiful. It is beautiful, but is it good yes
Starting point is 00:51:06 does that mean what is it what's that for what why why the holes i guess to allow more sunlight to the their lower brothers and sisters yeah it's a good guess that is a good guess that is a good guess because they're taking all the fucking meal yeah they're having all the steak right a little bit of sunlight from my brother Rick. Yeah, it's like how people set up the things down here where they don't have the solid roof, like the solid awning over the patio. They build those slatted.
Starting point is 00:51:37 So you get a little bit of shade as the sun's going. It's not solid, just fucking beach. We got to get to your pool pool Your pool is nice as hell The pool is nice What do you think next week? I would've liked to do it today Thursday I think Is gonna be a nice day
Starting point is 00:51:52 We're going to Thursday's gonna be a nice pool We should shout out real quick Our dates You got the dates? I've got some of them On the top of my head April 4th Fuck that through the 6th,
Starting point is 00:52:07 we're going to be doing the Riot Comedy Festival in Houston. Then the 10th, we're going to be in Addison, Texas. And the 11th, we're going to be... Yeah, the Addison Improv in Dallas, Texas. And then the 11th, we're going to be in Austin, Texas. Yeah, we set these dates not knowing we were going to live in Texas, so we thought that would be a fun little treat to come see Shane. Yeah, we'd be like, we're going to be in Austin, Texas. Yeah, we set these dates not knowing we were going to live in Texas, so we thought that would be a fun retreat to come see Shane.
Starting point is 00:52:28 Start there in the middle of the country. Yeah, now it's playing a home game. Now we're walking to the show. Well, Houston will be nice. Have you been to Houston? Yes, I did a theater with Shane in Houston. In San Antonio. Oh, yeah. I haven't been to San Antonio.
Starting point is 00:52:44 San Antonio's nice. I heard the Alamo is yeah. I haven't been to San Antonio. San Antonio's nice. I heard the Alamo is sick. I heard the Riverwalk is sick. The Alamo, I told you yesterday, is like you're going to the middle of Iowa to see a giant popsicle stick in the fucking ground. It's like, dude, there it is. It is cool. Is there any battle?
Starting point is 00:52:59 Unless you're a dude jerking off the history like Shane. It's like, cool. You can't get in there. Also, when we went there, it was under construction like restorative construction yeah yeah so they blocked it off you couldn't even see luckily our hotel room was right across the street they do that thing that 30th street station does where they just put like a yeah a big blanket with an image of 30th street station what is to come no not even just what it was dude they would just have the columns outside just on like a burlap bag do you remember that building that they they tore down at our story
Starting point is 00:53:32 location on the corner for the last year yeah yeah yeah and they put up the futuristic apartment building that's coming into historia yeah and it said in cursive graffitiing it just said get out get the fuck out you gentrifying scum yeah i was like hell yeah and they went all right yeah they literally like stopped they stopped yeah they were digging that hole in like 2021 yeah and i haven't touched it it's funny i was there for like a decade and i read that and I was like, yeah, get the fuck out of here. Oh, dude. I thought about it. I was like, that's me.
Starting point is 00:54:08 I'm the guy. No. Well, you're not. I mean, I guess. But it's like we're not bringing, at least we weren't. No, by the end. We still aren't bringing like big money into the area. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:54:18 By the end of it, it started turning into Brooklynites and stuff. You started seeing like multic-colored dyed hair beta males walking around with fucking new yorker tote bags and i'm like that's the problem dude we're from like i'm the i'm not your fucking problem i'm a regular guy that was that was the thing with like south by southwest yeah where it's horrendous it felt like brooklyn it's all people were like it's not normally like this We were like Yeah Yeah The whole fucking festival
Starting point is 00:54:46 I've seen this area It's all industry Pussies And fucking corny NPR Dick Bags I'm trying not to say
Starting point is 00:54:55 Something real bad But boy do they bring out The stars You mean a guy that had A failed sketch show 30 years ago Wasn't fucking running the tickets They bring out all the stars Go to stuffislandpod.com
Starting point is 00:55:14 For our tour dates And That's it Yeah yeah this episode is going to be a little short No it's not Yeah Because we did ads up front Yeah but the ads's going to be a little short. No, it's not. Yeah. Because we did ads up front.
Starting point is 00:55:27 Yeah, but the ads are added to this. Yeah. All right, we'll just keep talking. I thought that said 60. Yeah, I guess it's true. It'll be 57. It won't be a full hour of content. Well, let's fucking give them what they want. It won't be a solid one hour of content.
Starting point is 00:55:38 Give them what they're not paying for, Chris. Let's give them a full hour. Dude, I watched the movie. Relax. Yeah, I watched the movie Vertigo. You're going to end on a fucking movie? You know you do this for 10 minutes. You're going to tell us every step of the way with nothing.
Starting point is 00:55:52 No, no, I was just going to say it was a lot weirder than I remember. The whole second half of the movie is him just trying to convince a girl to dress like a different girl. And it's not cool. He's bullying this bitch and they're dressing the way he wants her to. Yeah, yeah. He's like, look like this. Dye this hair. D hair dye your hair i bet he had a girl come on he met on a vacation somewhere that was his optimal this is alfred hitchcock alfred hitchcock wrote this so that okay so alfred hitchcock was fucking a taiwanese girl yeah that fat pervert and he
Starting point is 00:56:23 probably said this is the look i want because I can only come with this look. And then he met a girl that he wanted to be with who had a good inside, a good mind, a good heart. Right. Good character. Right. Integrity, all of it. Now I need you to just dress like this little Cambodian fuck queen. Yeah, put on this little gray suit.
Starting point is 00:56:40 Yeah. Yeah. It's like old white men who walk around with dainty little Asian girls. Pedophile. Yeah. Now you just got to dress up your doll that's always weirded me out yeah like that kind of stuff where someone's like change your hair completely it's like that kind of shit spooks me a little bit. Yeah, also like the whole, you can coerce a loved one into being like, I like this style better. Yeah, that makes sense.
Starting point is 00:57:11 I like this look on you. Yeah. But you can't, like my girl's 14 years younger than me. I can't wear skater pants the way you grew up on. I'm never going to fucking dress the way guys of your... 100%. You know what I mean? And I wouldn't want them to. It's weird. But people do that. way you grew up on you know i'm never gonna fucking dress the way guys of your 100 you know what i mean and i wouldn't want them to it's weird right but people do that people are like i want you to dress like this i've had guys that were like not really close friends but friends of friends
Starting point is 00:57:35 were like you see them totally shift when they get into a new relationship yeah and they start dressing like a complete fucking right right there were their keys are on a carabiner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like, dude, what are you doing? Yeah. I'm wearing salmon shorts. I don't know where a boat shoes. What's crazy is they have to start, like the subject that you choose to do that to
Starting point is 00:57:57 has to have no friends. Yeah. Yeah. Right? Or friends that care about you to bully the fuck out of you. Yeah. Or be like, what? Yeah. Well, you can't wear, or be like, what? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:06 You can't wear that. What are you wearing? Yeah. It's like me walking in with Spurs the first week I get to fucking Austin. I do want to get some Spurs. No, I'm going to fuck with Cowboys. Eventually, I do want the boots. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:18 Because I've always loved to snap up Levi, that country style shirt, but I don't do the lapels with like designs that's too much yeah i like the classic cowboy look with like wranglers and like a nice like rustic i don't know how you say it the snap you know what i'm saying with the snap buttons they have like the little yeah yeah it's like the version that was like marketed to towards like east coast people is that my crazy no it's southwestern in a way southwestern style that made its way towards i would like the all dental like this color full kit oh dude call my dad i said this many times my father every like decade comes back
Starting point is 00:58:59 in this style so hot because he never he's never changed but like he'll start wearing denim on denim with like a thick plaid shirt yeah like a flannel yeah and it goes away and you're like you look like the biggest fucking idiot and then when you start wearing like oh dad can i borrow your clothes damn dude yeah i did steal a couple shirts are you gonna going to get one of the thin, the bolo tie? No, I can never. Oh, you can and you will. The bolo tie would only be used as a sex instrument around my dingles. Just tighten that up underneath your ball sack and your bird hangs out and it's got a little ball underneath. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:38 But you can't see it until you get hard. Is that going to be like, is that a new, are you on the front end of some new, like girls like getting choked? Dudes are going to like want the balls choked. That's kind of sick, actually. Maybe we'll ask the producers to cut that and we'll look at the trademark. Bolo boners. Yeah. Choke my balls. Choke my balls a little bit.
Starting point is 00:59:54 Choke my balls, yo. All right. All right. See you on the page. The parachio.

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