Stuff Island - Ryan Donahue - Stuff Island #244

Episode Date: July 24, 2026

Ryan Donahue joins the boys in New York at Gas Digital studios Comedians Chris and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the su...n. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks. Check out our second channel @LookatDish where Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor cook elaborate meals with your favorite comedians SUB TO THE PATREON: PATREON.COM/STUFFISLAND Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND. #ad Get 30% off sitewide with code STUFF at https://brooklynbedding.com Your new wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code stuff at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/stuff #chubbiespod Head to https://www.squarespace.com/STUFFISLAND to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code STUFFISLAND. #ad Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope #comedy #comedypodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:01 Start the clock. They get a clock. Yeah, they got a... How nice is that? Damn, we got to get a clock. I know. We got to get a TV and put the clock on.
Starting point is 00:00:13 Oh, this is beautiful. It is pretty nice. Thank you, Lewis, for hosting us a guest, did you? Yeah. In New York City for a special edition
Starting point is 00:00:22 of Stuff Island. Come on. Let me get it out. An extra special edition. Yeah. It is extra special. Yeah. We're coming off the heels
Starting point is 00:00:31 of fucking Shane doing the link. Right. You know? Oh, I heard about that. Yeah. It's been in the news. It's been in the news. It's been on the wires. Holy Christmas.
Starting point is 00:00:45 How are you doing? I'm doing good, man. What's new? How's New York treating you? Yeah, so let's talk about you. Why? I wanted to, I mean, do you bring up the link? You're right. I didn't bring me up.
Starting point is 00:00:54 No, no, no. No, Shane got enough. I didn't bring me up. I didn't bring me up. What did you do? What did I do? What did I do? What did you do this? What did you do? When did you guys were at the link?
Starting point is 00:01:02 I got what did I do? I think I had a nice meal, probably watched a full metal jacket. Yeah. You know? Just a rewatch? Yeah, rewatch. Do you know that's my go-to on the plane? Is it really?
Starting point is 00:01:13 Yeah. That'll set the vibe. I watched full metal jacket on the plane. It's always on the plane. It's always on the fucking, it's always on the screen. No way. Full metal jacket is always on the screen for movies. That's ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:01:25 I know. There's no way. I think they're, dude. There's one, that's, no one's going to talk to you. It's a trope. They're fucking ones. they're fucking with you yeah no I'm saying by putting the public going it's all like you know gay and trans
Starting point is 00:01:39 movies and shit right and then it's just one family metal jacket the grandpa section there's a good amount of like dad porn on there they do a lot of those adult drama do you have Vietnam films something I can relax to war crimes it is nice to see a war movie that's not like appealing to like suburban dads trying to be proud of themselves.
Starting point is 00:02:03 Like it's an horrifying movie, which more war movies should be. That is the phone. I like a good, like, pump-up war movie, though. I think we need to, like, bring a lot of that. I guess maybe there are some going around, but it's always like an independent guy working for the CIA. I'm talking about, like, a
Starting point is 00:02:19 pro-war. But that's not, that's never real. You want a war movie to make you question everything. No, I want I want a real, like, pro- war movie. Like top Grun Maverick was close. You know what I mean? I want like... Top Grown. I like that. Yeah. It's the first time
Starting point is 00:02:37 we had a pro-war movie in a long time. You know? I want to I want to get... Yeah, I want people getting fired up joining the military. Right as you're too old for the draft. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that I... I want people getting jacked up. That would be sick if there was like an old draft.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Yeah, like... They were going to... They were like, this is it, dude. There's no like... Calling all 40 to 65 year olds. Yeah, this is truly a world war. Everybody's going. I wouldn't know. Everybody's going. Wouldn't it be nice, you know, getting pants like this, boots like this,
Starting point is 00:03:14 shooting your wife in the fucking head? I don't think that's right. Before you leave. Telling you you love her? Because I don't want her getting fucking abused. Or, yeah. And bailouts for your own good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:24 It's just, I'm going to save your life right now. The kids are fine. They're already drowned. in the pool because I killed them and then I kill her and then I go out the fucking war with my boys so you watch Full Metal Jacket on every four
Starting point is 00:03:37 it's not it's not actually on the streaming so he's just watching it in his head staring at the back of the seat yeah I love I love this part yeah I love this film dude the hotel I stayed in
Starting point is 00:03:56 for Shane show was uh where was that live casino uh the lincoln financial field holy shit yeah 80 000 the boy did that's crazy it's very emotional it's very wonderful it's incredible fucking night dude you know what i think about it's it had to be a real bummer for like guys that were like pussy hounds during the war that were not serving yeah you know like the guys that that that were like when all the real men were at war yeah no i think that's the ideal time to be no no no no no because dad comes home
Starting point is 00:04:29 home. You know what I mean? We're talking, the year is 1945. And you've been lethario, yeah, yeah. And the real men come back. Yeah. It's like a quarterback getting suspended for a week in high school.
Starting point is 00:04:44 And all the dorks are like, we can get pussy now. And you're like, eh, eh, he's coming back. Yeah, yeah. He's going to come back and get that puss. Do you think that the women wouldn't talk, though? They never gossip. That's why I shoot. Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 00:04:58 You gotta kill your family first before going to war. Dude, I mean, that's an inspirational war movie, the one about the guy who fucks everybody's wife while the real men are gone. Yeah, yeah. And then they come back, and now he's got to, you know. A tone.
Starting point is 00:05:12 He's got to, he straps up like, yes, exactly. He takes out the chest like Mel Gibson and the Patriot, and it's all just like fucking sex toys. He like moved that shit out of the way. Pictures of everybody's wife. He's like burning them. I romanticize the period
Starting point is 00:05:30 I always think that it must have been hard for those guys to get laid whenever one was at war Like every chick must have been like I think it's the complete opposite I think it's the complete opposite They're all piglets dude But come on man
Starting point is 00:05:44 It's literally Support women dude No have a little faith Right now they're They are younger guys that know enough Because of social media To not enlist Because they know
Starting point is 00:05:55 That their love of their life is going to fuck around. Yeah, you know those guys, or you're just kind of... Who are you talking about? Is that a real thing? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:07 So funny. Just had a job interview. I was thinking about joining the military, but I didn't want my lady to get run through. 100%. That would be a factor. So what are we looking at here, huh?
Starting point is 00:06:17 You're not good at sports. You're really not smart. You're going to join the military. But you have a really nice lady, right? you got a nice wife You want to create a home A family If you go away
Starting point is 00:06:33 For four years To fight a war That you don't give a fuck about She has to get knocked around At some point She's going to knock on a door That you shouldn't That door's going to knock on her door
Starting point is 00:06:48 Or someone's going to knock on her door Going dad's not home I'm going to deliver some mail directly into your slot. Yeah. And there's going to be a baby at the race. Mm-mm. Is that, like, a legitimate cause of PTSD, you think?
Starting point is 00:07:04 What? Your lady fucking dudes while you're... It will help you kill, I feel like 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's part of the motivation. Yeah. But they have to do it early before you get deployed.
Starting point is 00:07:18 What do you mean? You'd have to get a video of your wife fucking your neighbor. No, I think that... And then you get fucking maniacal. Mm-hmm. And that becomes, you're the sniper dude. You are the guy. You're the Rambo.
Starting point is 00:07:30 Right. But you'd have to watch a video of your wife getting fucking destroyed. Headboard. Deplete it. A level of violence you've never even imagined. Just a friend trying to talk you down. Look, man, she wasn't that great. It's not that bad.
Starting point is 00:07:52 You kidding me? Yeah. The headboard's been depleted. You see what's happening? This is pure oak. This is the strongest one on Earth. Don't be upset, man. Look, I know it's hard.
Starting point is 00:08:04 Her forehead split just like the oak. She's like, you're at war. I figured I should sustain injury as well. It's solidarity. Don't you understand? Why are you always like this? My pussy's Vietnam. Why did you film it?
Starting point is 00:08:24 Damn. I honestly, the AC unit, I want to talk about this. The AC unit in the hotel I stayed at, so when it starts up, this is like every two, three minutes, it goes, ah. That's when it kicks in, right? On the back end, it goes, uh, shutting down? No, it's just, it's just moving. Okay.
Starting point is 00:08:50 But it sounds like a World War II bomber. Right. Just, uh, uh, uh, and I, the whole, my whole bit, the whole bit, the whole, the whole, whole weekend, which... And you've seen full metal jacket so many times. It's traumatizing. Let me tell you some. Mara hated it, but I had a great time.
Starting point is 00:09:10 Because every three minutes would go, eh, and I would hang out the window and go, I'd be on the gunner, dude. She hated it. You guys hate it. That's a good bit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:24 You wanted to talk about that? Yeah, I thought it was funny. Look at my machine gun bit Real quick Can we change subjects? Let me tell you something If you heard If you heard this
Starting point is 00:09:34 You'd be like I like I like when the AC is so cold That it's like frosting the air Like I like to see Smoke almost Did the sound affect your dreams at all? What?
Starting point is 00:09:47 That's your follow-up After disrespecting my fucking Well the whole conversation sucks I'm just saying I think it's great Yeah Yeah You know it's a good to say
Starting point is 00:09:57 you guys. Pissing your wife off? In a towel. Yeah. There we go. I'm out the window. That's funny. You can't open a hotel window.
Starting point is 00:10:08 That's so funny. No, I'm staring at the window. Oh, oh. Pretending I'm killing. Jesus Christ. I'm dealing what Mars doing. Can we start over here? Tom, the window's closed.
Starting point is 00:10:18 What time we're at? Oh, 10, 12. Yeah. We're 10 minutes in. We're cooking, dude. I'm just happy to see you guys doing so well. Did we blacked out last night? The whole squad.
Starting point is 00:10:31 We got to tell you something. We probably been on a run. I got a video. We have been on a run. Absolute mess. Yeah. Shane's the pilot and the rest of us going. I fell asleep.
Starting point is 00:10:42 I'm going to keep doing that. I fell asleep on my knees. I fell asleep on my knees. Last night. It was bad. It's, the last conversation I remember having was with Tommy. Tommy was at a party getting bumped.
Starting point is 00:10:57 Yeah, I was, I don't know. I feel like I did try to sleep at a different angle than that, but that was the one that worked best. That was today, you woke up. Yeah, yeah, that was today. It's amazing that you're just normal. Yeah. You know, I, yeah, yeah, it wasn't so bad. You guys all have the ability to recover, like, instantly.
Starting point is 00:11:15 Oh, well, what, okay, what do you do? I am a total bitch the next day, yeah. No, you're not. Either that or you got a- I spend fucking three weeks with you. I know, I know. You're the same fucking animal. No, I'm not saying your animals.
Starting point is 00:11:28 I'm just saying, like, talking to you now, I wouldn't have noticed that you were like... I would be visibly hung over at least. I'm visibly hungover. That's... See, now that's the sign that we're really not doing good, is you can't tell the difference between a regular face and a hungover face. Right. It's also the sign of a bad and good drinker. It's like you can't tell when you're totally blacked out, but you're still having a good time.
Starting point is 00:11:52 I was trying to compliment you guys. I didn't mean to turn you... No, it is a compliment. It is a compliment. But Tommy was upset last night because he was getting bumped by the I Show Speed guys. Yeah, I got bumped at the Justin Bieber party. Yeah. And I was fired up.
Starting point is 00:12:05 What do you mean bumped? Like, you know. You know when someone's bumping in. And so you, it was like you're not allowed in because they're in you? Oh, no, no, no, no. There's enough space. They're not pumped. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:17 And I got pumped. Oh, they were doing this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. And then I started getting all worked up. Yeah. Well, Tom comes from a long line of bumpers. He just comes from a fan.
Starting point is 00:12:26 family of bumpers. Fourth generation bumpers. So this has a story of history. Some in Italy, some in Ireland. Mostly Ireland. Yeah, yeah. They do a lot of talking by bumpers.
Starting point is 00:12:39 You get checked and you're like, there's so much space. You look around and go, what the fuck? Yeah. You got all this room. You got all that room. What are you doing? Yeah. It's sending a message.
Starting point is 00:12:47 Yeah. It's like an Asian lady. You're carrying fucking luggage. Well, that was the big debate. You can't bump around the whole fucking sidewalk. Pick a fucking lane. We were trying to. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:56 Yeah. You've been bumped before in a house Sure You know what I mean? Yeah Getting in and out of the kitchen And there's plenty of room Someone bumps you
Starting point is 00:13:04 It gives you a little shoulder check Yeah And you know it's sending a message Yeah yeah yeah So did you say anything There's a lot of message yeah What'd you say? Eventually
Starting point is 00:13:11 Third bump I went what the fuck Yeah You had to Where was in Kevin Hart And I was like Dude we gotta get out of here Shane's like what
Starting point is 00:13:19 What are you talking about? I'm getting bumped here I'm getting bumped Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah I'm just
Starting point is 00:13:27 And it's like you gave No no no You get that's grace To not even like fucking Because usually you give one One bump One bumps an accident A typical typical scenario
Starting point is 00:13:38 It was one bumps an accident And then you go I'm sorry Yeah yeah Yeah Two bumps you can fight after two bumps To let it get to three Bro I was very
Starting point is 00:13:48 Took in a massive amount of self-control Like is this what's happening? No no no no No it's just chill It's a back room It's all hanging moving past you and giving you a little giving you the business yeah and so you lot of space yeah and there's not a high pressure situation no one's performing there's no emergency you're getting bumped yeah thank you
Starting point is 00:14:08 it's crazy this is the most support you've ever given me no no no look like i said i defended you last night i know you look you come from a long line of bumpers you know the difference between an accidental bump and an intentional bump you know yeah like you i feel like i i've hung out with you and your brother and you guys deploy a bump strategy. Yeah. You know what I mean? When you get chippy.
Starting point is 00:14:29 Yeah. So what was their intention? They just wanted you to know that they don't see you? I just think they wanted attention. They wanted anger. They're belittling. He's belittling someone. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:40 That's shame right there. I have a specific ringtone for all my friends. Nice. Yeah. That's wild. No, it's not. It's a lot of effort. It is, but I know exactly who's texting.
Starting point is 00:14:53 me. Right, so that you don't even have to look at your phone to know. That's Shane. Honestly, having noises come out of your phone is a real what your ringtone is. Is a real grandpa kind of move? A lot? Having like having your phone not on silent.
Starting point is 00:15:09 It is an old person move. It's a grandpa. My mom has like a 77 year old boyfriend and his phone rings like a... Click, click, cling, cling, cling. Yeah. Click, cling, cling, cling. And then he talks on speakerphone no matter where the fuck he is screaming into it, you know.
Starting point is 00:15:23 Yeah. Doing closing business deals selling rocks. Guy moves granite. It's a very specific tone. Mm-hmm. No, I... Oh, you're seeing what yours is. We'll see when that goes through.
Starting point is 00:15:36 I don't really have a lot of service down here. I saw a guy on the street today. This is what I love about New York. I saw a guy and heard a guy just screaming at someone on the phone. Just being like, no. And you fuck this up. I got something in a mustache. Yeah, a piece of coke?
Starting point is 00:15:52 Oh yeah, dude Did you see that video? No Robbie Williams He's doing like a fucking A post game Soccer interview And a big nugget
Starting point is 00:16:03 falls out of his nostril On to the microphone It sits It grabs it He grabs it off And then he goes like this And it just gets stuck on his forehead Yeah
Starting point is 00:16:13 He's just got a rock of cocaine On his forehead Perfect fucking rock Yeah Like $25 worth of Coke The Rekler in his fucking dome. He sat at there. Jesus. I'm talking to Chris about it. He goes,
Starting point is 00:16:26 why do you do that? For like, save it for later? I laugh for 20 minutes. I think he did. I think he did. Looking back. I think he did. So funny. He probably pulled it off and did a gummy afterwards.
Starting point is 00:16:42 Why do you put on his forehead? Is he a savior? He's on national television. Also, the forehead saved. Well, you know where it is. You know what I mean? Where else couldn't you put it, really? It's kind of like, it's like putting a pencil behind your ear.
Starting point is 00:17:00 No, dude. Cocaine is... But more productive. Cocaine is Batman. Like, everything's in the shadows, dude. You don't fucking, you don't show cocaine. That is true. Everything is fucking in the shadows.
Starting point is 00:17:14 The amount of times... You would never want to show that. I know, but I mean, it's, maybe it's like, I don't know. He's trying to take some of the shame away from it. That would be sick to just put, like, an aim. on a glass case, like on a fucking nice chain, just to let these bitches know, Lou, I got. It feels like cocaine's making a bit of a comeback right now. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:17:31 Do you think so? I do think so. Like, I'll be out and, like, people go to the bathroom a lot. Yeah. They didn't drink water. Well, guess what? Fentanyl's the landlord going, you're not going to do that. No, I feel like people are, I think we're coming out of the fentanyl scare.
Starting point is 00:17:45 You'd be doing research? Breaking news. Yeah, yeah. I think everyone got scared for a couple years. And now Coke's back. It's never going. They cleaned it up. It's never going away.
Starting point is 00:17:56 It's not going away. But, you know. Cigarettes and cocaine are coming back in a huge way. Cigarettes, beer, and cocaine. Things that, you know, they died down for a while. They're coming back, dude. Yeah. They're coming back.
Starting point is 00:18:10 Well, I mean, weed is less, I feel like I see, I smell less of that. What do you do now? I just drink water. We got too strong. The worst thing that happened. Are you sober? I have been. for a minute, but not like
Starting point is 00:18:24 in a, not as a point of you know, pride or like I should announce it or anything like that, but I just want to drop a couple of LBs, you know? Yeah, yeah. Get in shape, get my mind right. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Dry out. Stay clear. Drying out, staying clear. That's right.
Starting point is 00:18:40 How's that going? It's going well. Yeah? Yeah. I don't like the way you're looking at me right now, though. You're kind of bumping me with your eyes a little bit. No, no, I'm genuinely... You've been very confrontational. You're making out what are you doing later face? Mm-hmm. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:18:53 We're like, how committed are you to this? Yeah, what up, guys? Coming to you from the road here, so apologize for how shitty the ads look, I guess. Also, I'm going to be in Indianapolis this weekend in Houston next weekend, so come check that out. You can get tickets at A.Cris O'Connor.com, or you can go to Punchline Houston or Helium Indianapolis,
Starting point is 00:19:19 their websites, and just get the tickets there. This episode is brought to you by Brooklyn Bedding. Your mattress isn't just a place. It's part of your life every day. Treat yourself every night with Brooklyn Bedding. Brooklyn Bedding makes amazing mattresses for every body and sleep style. With cooling mattresses for hot sleepers and hard-to-find sizes, it's easy to find your perfect match using their sleep quiz.
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Starting point is 00:20:36 Our team. Team is three people. But we're excited to be partnering in the Squarespace because you guys, you know them. You love them. It's the best way to make a website. I made my website with it. It's super easy to use, super easy to set up. They've got templates and everything.
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Starting point is 00:22:11 You just can't be it. Especially if you want a really expensive domain, that 10% could be huge. I got a guy. Do you want to, you got a beer guy? It's outside every fucking place. Yeah. You like those? I got a liquor connect.
Starting point is 00:22:27 I haven't had those. Tommy's been pushing these on everyone. Is it one of your sponsors? Tucker Cross. What is it? Just like a dip thing? Honestly, this is the face that you make all the time. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:43 And the hand. And what are these? Do you want one? Yeah. Do one. Carve it. Yeah. It's kind of a terrible name.
Starting point is 00:22:55 That's my girl. That's That's my girl The birdie The second one was Chris Okay Yeah Nice
Starting point is 00:23:06 My girl's Chris is Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Shane's Because it's a taunt Because it's a taunt Shane taunts Right
Starting point is 00:23:16 So Shane's text tone is a taunt Yeah I mean the lady being the bird Makes perfect sense And my girl Yeah Because she's always chirping Nonstop Always chirping.
Starting point is 00:23:27 How angry does that noise make you? I change her ringtone. To keep a bunch. Yeah. Because how mad you get when you get. Yeah, it depends. Yeah. You go a year with a certain ringtone with a person.
Starting point is 00:23:40 You have to shift that ringtone to a different and start over. Right. Because there's too much negative connotation. That makes perfect sense, honestly. 100%. Yeah. Dude. It's such a funny way to describe someone you don't like.
Starting point is 00:23:54 I'm on my sixth ringtone with this guy You've known him a long You love this guy And then probably the first one starts to feel nostalgic So you go back to that We were children When I hated you
Starting point is 00:24:09 Yeah Fuck Dude our honest Like us as old people Like the things that we're gonna like Reflect on And like deal Like we're gonna have like all the same weird
Starting point is 00:24:21 Fucking slang We're gonna be you know We're gonna be too, like, technologically literate to be old people. It's going to be a weird fucking universe. Yeah. I agree with this. Yeah. But it's a choice. You could choose not
Starting point is 00:24:34 to do that. Participate in society. Exactly. Yeah, I mean, look, I respect anyone who's doing that, because I don't, like, outside of someone doing this or something like it, I'm like, I don't know why. I meet people all the time in New York. It's like, he does finance, but he's, like, making funny videos to go viral. I'm like,
Starting point is 00:24:50 what the fuck are you doing with you? Why would you do that? Like you're like six foot four, not ugly, and you make a lot of money, and you're like doing like dating weird videos. What the fuck is going on? Yeah. I don't know, man. Everyone wants to be involved in social media. In hell?
Starting point is 00:25:06 Yeah, yeah. Jesus. They weren't feeling. I mean, also, we're doing a podcast right now. I can't talk too much shit, but like, if I didn't do comedy, I would never like, like, my close friends that aren't in entertainment, they don't have a fucking Instagram they're not all
Starting point is 00:25:26 my mom has one and it's specifically to get jealous of ladies who get like an above ground pool or whatever the fuck is like she's just in and how pissing herself on Facebook is different Twitter Instagram that's like and TikTok and all that
Starting point is 00:25:40 bullshit that's like pay attention to me now it's really interesting Facebook is like Facebook's nuts yeah here's a blanket statement to all my sisters and they're all ants
Starting point is 00:25:51 yeah it's like Oh, Charlie's getting married And everyone's like, who cares? Dude, my hometown has like a Facebook page And like sometimes I'll go on it And I'll see someone being like, you know, Steve If you, if I see you again, I'll fucking wipe your slate clean, buddy And then someone's like, don't do it, Roger.
Starting point is 00:26:11 He's not fucking worth it, bro. And then like you scroll down, he's like, yeah, he's bringing fucking meth to the bond parties Getting kids hooked on this shit And then like his mom will go on. Roger Loggwoff, get off. I'm concerned for you. It's like an entire fucking community coming together to tell him not to kill this guy.
Starting point is 00:26:34 It's fucking crazy. It is, yeah. It's like, it is a fight. It's a fight that should just be in someone's house. Sure. That's just out in public. Yeah, and you know he's got a gun on the desk, like, while he's posting this shit. Do the, the idea, it's the idea that my.
Starting point is 00:26:51 My hometown has a Facebook page. Dude. So fucking funny. Every hometown has a Facebook. It's so funny. There was someone, I think they posted it in this. Roger log off. Roger.
Starting point is 00:27:04 Roger. It's so good. Just walk away, man. Just walk away. That should be our code word from when we're getting too fucked up. Roger, log off. Yeah, yeah. Just log off, man.
Starting point is 00:27:16 Yo, Chris gets so fucked up. I showed you the picture, but the video, I have a video. I woke up, also, we're all fucked up. But he came in a little later than I did. I was sleeping. I woke up at like 7 a.m., 6 a.m. And that picture you saw Chris sleeping on the couch or the chair, knees down, like a dead soldier in fucking Ukraine. It does look like I got, yeah, you look like you got fucking, like.
Starting point is 00:27:47 It looks like a crime scene video. The bombs just dropped. You looked up for a second. Oh, I bet you're going to say like a marionette. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of the most... The strings drops. No.
Starting point is 00:27:58 It's the most vulnerable position I've ever seen a heterosexual man sleeping. I did wake up with my fucking, my button not done. Yeah, your asshole is the highest point of your body. I told Shane, I was like, what did you? When Shane came downstairs and I was just fucking crisp, the fucking chair. Go back upstairs. You've seen the Burton and Ernie merch.
Starting point is 00:28:20 You know what this is. Yeah, yeah. You know how close we are? You know, it's crazy is I clearly woke up, took a piss, didn't butt in my pants, and just face planted into that seat. I'll show you the video after this, but I wake him up. I get up at like seven, six or whatever. Sun's up.
Starting point is 00:28:40 I look at Chris and I literally got worried because his position was like, fucking, I watch a lot of crime. Documentaries, right? I was like, oh, this is death. Yeah. Chris is dead. So I literally walked up to him and I checked his breathing. Like I put my hands on his chest and he went, he finally went, and I was like, he's awake.
Starting point is 00:29:01 And I went, Chris, you got to get up. You got to get up, bud. And he goes, I. And I'm sleeping on the couch. Chris gets up from the fucking chair, gets on his feet, sleeps on the couch. I go, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's my couch.
Starting point is 00:29:19 that's and then I have to, it took me another five to ten minutes to get him off the couch and up the steps. And the whole time we're going, hold the railing. Hold the, dude, the son's up. The fucking son's up. And I'm going, hold the railing, be safe. Be safe. Get up there. A mom, dad, grandmom, grandpa.
Starting point is 00:29:41 I'm just watching this boy get the fucking bed so I could sleep on a couch. So yeah, it's been a good fucking week, dude. Yeah, it sounds like a bad guy. Yeah, shout out Shane Gillis, dude. Dude, he put us in a fucking... He put us in a gasket. Yeah, dude. Yeah, I snuck into an Adidas World Cup party last night.
Starting point is 00:30:02 Nice. I was trying to get these mini soccer balls. He was obsessed with these balls, dude. Yeah, there was a vending machine with these little soccer balls that were, like, so sick. And I was trying to buy them, but you couldn't buy them. You needed a token. Mm. And I went up, I just broke, I like crashed the Adidas party and just asked.
Starting point is 00:30:23 Did you get one? Yeah, I got two. Fuck yeah. Yeah, yeah. That is a satisfying. Hold on, hold on, hold on, no. Ryan, what do you know about Chris when he brings something to a party that he shouldn't? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:30:35 Or take something from a party that he should. I don't know. Not recalling if you're calling back to something. Does it get back home? No, no. No of them made it back home. This man, this man loses shit like you wouldn't fucking. belief and I saw him grab
Starting point is 00:30:50 this ball. I touched the ball and like this is a nice ball. It's a very nice ball. It's a hundred euro. Yeah, tell him the token story. So he bops into this. Adidas fucking party. Allegedly. Everyone at the party. Apparently it takes 100 euros to get a fucking ball. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:08 From the vending machine. He didn't have tokens. So I'm with him with the machine going, don't get it. It's not going to come home with us. You're not going to, you're going to fucking leave it. He goes upstairs, breaks in the fucking party, starts asking strangers if they got tokens. He's asking strangers for fucking tokens
Starting point is 00:31:27 for a hundred, you're all. What's that, $150? $180? Yeah, yeah. That's $600. Yeah, yeah. $600. He gets $2.
Starting point is 00:31:37 That's $12. That's incredible that you were able to pull that off. Yeah, it was great. I did wind up getting in a fight with a Scottish guy. They're ready to fight. Yeah, yeah. He kept saying he was British. And I was like, no, you're not.
Starting point is 00:31:51 I was like, I'm Irish. You're more like the same. And he was like, no. And I was like, you love the queen. And he was like, don't talk to me about the queen. Wow. Then I tried to ball. I would love to be able to say that to someone.
Starting point is 00:32:05 He was so mad. Don't talk to me about the queen. Yeah. So we gave the last ball to the Uber driver the way home. Oh, that was nice. Yeah. We didn't take the same trip. No, no.
Starting point is 00:32:17 Because he separated. Him and his girl. left. Well, we went to the Adidas party. Yeah. They had food. We were drinking for free. It was, yeah, it was a good hang.
Starting point is 00:32:27 I tried to get them to come up, and you guys didn't come. Dude, I pulled a similar move, and I went to the Happy Gilmore 2 premiere, and there was like a bunch of boxes behind the bar, and it was like pieces of shit for breakfast from Shooter McGavin. And so I was like, I need to get one of those boxes, so I walked up to the lady who was running the thing, and I was like, please, huge Shooter McGavin guy. Can you please get me one of these boxes? And so she's like, wait right here.
Starting point is 00:32:50 She goes in the back. She gets me a box. Now I need a pen. I go to the bar. I'm like, yo, you got a pen? She's like, I got a Sharpie. I go, great. So I got the Sharpie.
Starting point is 00:32:57 And now I'm loitering near the sandwich table where Shooter McGavin and Steve Buscemi are just like hanging out and talking. And I'm trying to figure out like a way in. And I have a ghost world shirt on with like the main character from that movie. And Busemi's in that movie. And he like stopped the conversation and was like, hey, I'm honored. And I was like, dude, huge fan, also shooter, bang. and then he signed it, and I got out of there.
Starting point is 00:33:20 I was like, this is not going to get any better than this. I have it on my mantle. I love Shooter McGa... I love Shooter McGavin. His whole goal in that movie is to make sure that Happy Gilmore's grandma stays homeless. And that's exactly the kind of guy I want to get behind. I love a fucking putrid villain like that, dude.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Just a pedestrian psychopath. I mean, that's what all these people... Like the Facebook people in my hometown, it's like, you know, these people, they live in condos, but you're a psychopath. Like you're not, you don't murder anyone, but you, like, will, like, report someone for having a wreath on their door past January. Yeah. You know? Like, it's like this kind of shit. You're obsessed.
Starting point is 00:34:04 Yeah. They're, like, staring at each other out the window. Wondering when Kathy's going to go for a walk. Does she have a dog? My mom was convinced. Oh, she woke up late today. Must have been drinking. Must be.
Starting point is 00:34:16 Must be drinking last night. Dude, my mom had a drink. She's had a drink, and she tries to hide it, but I can see. I go through a trash. I understand. I'm not kidding. My mom had a dog visit her. A person came over with a dog, right?
Starting point is 00:34:30 And then she went for a walk like the next day. My mom had a dog visit. Right. I mean, she's old. As she do. Exciting stuff. Yeah, yeah. So she's walking down the street and she hears one woman put like a speaker of like a dog.
Starting point is 00:34:47 barking at her, like, while she's walking, to be like, I saw the dog. Wait, what? That's crazy. Now, I can't tell what's crazier if this actually happened or if my mom imagined that this was happening. Like, both are equally insane. So a lady, you think the lady was trying to change her route? No, the lady was being like, I know you had a dog over.
Starting point is 00:35:12 You're not supposed to have a dog over. Oh, here comes the dog broad. Woof-wolf In the fucking window She wasn't supposed to have a dog over You're not allowed to have animals You're not allowed to have any animals On your property
Starting point is 00:35:28 You own this fucking thing And you can't like piss How you want to pick Everyone's policing everyone's behavior The entire time No it's a condo Yeah it's a condo But it's like a bunch of old people
Starting point is 00:35:39 Who are psychotic That are on the board And then people get into the board They change things But really they just want to know You know It's psychotic Yeah
Starting point is 00:35:47 And then they're on Facebook and they're getting Intel and then, you know, you know who's moving back to, you know. I feel like crazy white women like this. Dude, my mom gossiped about a baby to me like two days ago. I swear to God. What was the gossip? I can't really say because it would be too hot. But it was something about like, you know, their baby has a, you know. Big problem.
Starting point is 00:36:07 Yeah. And I'm like, it's a baby. Yeah. You're 66. Yeah. This is six and a half decades of wisdom. Old people, they have to strum up some, they're writing their own fiction. Yes, exactly.
Starting point is 00:36:24 They're writing their own fucking, like, lower. You create your excitement. Yeah. So everything has to be dramatic. So they can take their mundane life to be interesting. Correct. So you're looking at something, you're interacting with somebody. Everything has to be elevated.
Starting point is 00:36:42 It's a fake story. Everything is a fake story when you're old. It's kind of great. And you're isolated. Otherwise, you can't feel anything. Right. Because if you don't have a story. So every day.
Starting point is 00:36:53 And it could be anything. Yeah. I walked outside. I got the mail. I came in. I made chicken pawn. The same way I always do where my husband hates it. And we ate chicken pawn.
Starting point is 00:37:03 We didn't talk. He's pissed. The whole fucking dinner. We sat down. I didn't watch a show that I wanted to because he wanted to watch his show. So we watched his show. And then we slept separately. and a giant fucking square
Starting point is 00:37:18 way apart. We didn't touch. We didn't have any of that. That's nice. There's no... Sounds like a nice evening. Of course it does right now. But when you're old,
Starting point is 00:37:28 you've got to bring drama into it. Yeah. What happened when you wanted to get the mail? It was a dog. There's a raccoon. And you're not supposed to have... You know how we always wanted a dog. We always wanted a dog.
Starting point is 00:37:39 Oh, yeah, I'm sorry, the pot shot at another guy in the family. Something happens. Some people can't get dogs. Yeah. They got a dog. The male guy. I didn't like the way the male guy looked at me.
Starting point is 00:37:49 He said something to be frank. She goes and goes, Frank, the male guy, again, he's looking at me different. And he goes, Jesus Christ. And he hits the fucking recliner. He's like, oh. Where is he at? Where is he at?
Starting point is 00:38:05 Frank's not there. Because Frank's not real. Right. She wants some fucking story to tell herself sure she feels something. And she's kind of hoping her husband trips on his way outside and hits his head. Frank finally gets back inside. He goes, where's the chicken palm?
Starting point is 00:38:20 Where's the chicken? She goes, I'm starting it. Starting it. She starts a chicken palm. He gets back to a show that he's watching. Yeah. That he doesn't give a fuck about whether or not she likes it or not. She finally gets on the chicken palm.
Starting point is 00:38:37 No, he's got comments. Don't do the palm like you did it the last time. This is his peace. This time is his peace. Don't overcook it She's... She's making a dog shit meal This is Frank's time
Starting point is 00:38:50 But she's turned on Because he defended her honor Against the ghost she invented Jesus Christ You fucking end it We're at 36 Dude speaking of old people with stories I was watching a sports century documentary
Starting point is 00:39:05 Tommy You know those sports century documentary? Yes It opens on all the gold trophies It was a Babe Ruth one And they're interviewing all these old guys who played with Babe Ruth.
Starting point is 00:39:17 They're like 150 years old. They're like animals, turtles and shit. And one guy was only in it for one second, right? They cuts to him and he just goes, yeah, one time I was in the bathroom, I was taking a shower in the locker room. I felt this hot stream on my back. I turned around.
Starting point is 00:39:35 The babe was pissing on me. And this episode is also brought to you by Chubbies. Chubbies are to the best. Summer is here and you know what that means. The sun is shining. The pool is calling and it's finally seasonally appropriate for you to unleash your thighs. And fellas, we all know that there's no better shorts
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Starting point is 00:40:54 Look good. All right. Now back to the episode. But that's just the way he was. And then it just cut away. Beautiful. He's not in the documentary anymore than that. That sucks.
Starting point is 00:41:06 And I'm like, dude, that's your only story in your whole life. Yes. That rules. But, yeah, he's at his daughter's wedding being like, this is so beautiful. Reminds me the time Babe Ruth shit in my mouth. I love you both. This guy was a fucking, he was... No, that doesn't, that's not good.
Starting point is 00:41:21 Babe Ruth thought he was a urinal cake, and this is the most interesting thing that ever happened to me. This guy spent his whole life in the fucking minors. Dude. The only thing you do to be known. No, he's probably on the Yankees. To get the documentary. He was on the Yankees. Back then, who gives you shit?
Starting point is 00:41:34 He was on the Yankees. Fucking mailmen were in the Yankees. He probably had like a four-hour... You know the fucking, dude, in the 60s and 70s, like the New York Giants linemen had second jobs. Dude. They were construction workers. Yeah, I'd be so pissed. Just imagine, though.
Starting point is 00:41:49 This guy... Here comes a pitch. This guy... I mean, Shane's joke about old Carly. It's... Dude, they're regular guys. They weren't fucking athletes. Dude, they were.
Starting point is 00:41:58 Well, athletes for them. And this guy probably did a four-hour interview. I mean, just imagine... Imagine him taking the lov mic off going, like, was that good? I mean, did you get what you did? Like, dude. They're like, oh yeah, we got it. They take one soundbite.
Starting point is 00:42:13 Yeah, we got it. He's like, and then the chicken palm is terrible. He doesn't even know where he is. Dude, sits down to watch. You know, I did an interview for this. That guy for four hours going, and then the AC was going, and then the AC was going, like, getting most of the way through it. Getting most of the way through it and being upset that you're probably cut out.
Starting point is 00:42:38 And then there's just that clip. They didn't take my good stuff. Dude, I'm going to send you. It's on YouTube. I'm going to show you after this. It's so funny. It's truly insane. It's so funny.
Starting point is 00:42:48 It's incredible. But like interviewing old people. There he was. They cut me out. The babe pissed on me. And then just that story. Yeah, he was making sure he got in there. He had the piss story.
Starting point is 00:42:59 That's funny. That's going to get him. And also, speaking to the athletes, my grandpa, he used to be, like, pissed that athletes were in shape. He's like, in my day, Babe Bruce would have three hot dogs, two beers and go out and hit some fucking dig it. Like it was better that way. Yes. Yeah. It's like these are just, they were fat and like fucking retard.
Starting point is 00:43:17 Yeah. And he's like, what is this Mani Ramirez? Yeah. Yeah. In shape, vaguely tan. Yeah, dude. Yeah, I feel like Mani was one of the last. The fact. Like, threw his legs in a lot, but it was like, wow. Back then.
Starting point is 00:43:31 Holy shit. Yeah, yeah. Bob Cousy, put a ball through his legs. Just practicing, doing. What's this guy black? Enough to see. set you apart. Just a sports announcer being that they must have been able to be that overtly. It also would suck if the story was that he pissed on Babe and then Babe pissed on him back.
Starting point is 00:43:52 You know, like if there was like more, it was like more even. And they just took the chunk that was like, yeah, and they just pissed on my back. That's just the way he was. That's just the way he was. Which is the thing old people say when they realize the story they just told is not good. Yeah. It's the way it was Probably wouldn't understand that now
Starting point is 00:44:10 But time was different back then Piss was actually harder At that time Piss was clean it It doesn't have all the plastics in it Yeah Oh God Plastic pissing hit with rock salt
Starting point is 00:44:21 Yeah Oh my god That's a shitty shitty shitty shitty thing to have in a document I just wouldn't want that To be my only story
Starting point is 00:44:32 Like that's horrifying You know Like I grew up You know, the guys just had one story. That was the, you know, not my grandpa's generation. Everyone just... What would be your one story? Today.
Starting point is 00:44:45 Probably this moment right here with you. What would be your one story? That's a horrifying question. I know. Just imagine that there's like, in 35 years they do, or 40 years, they do like a Shane Gillis documentary. And all the things that you experience in the friendship. that you've had. And imagine if
Starting point is 00:45:07 that whole thing was distilled down to he pissed on my back once. Well, it's gonna end with the video that I took of me.
Starting point is 00:45:15 Sleeping on that. Dude, that's what I'm saying. And then the narrative's going to be like, but Shane persevered through the clan of drunk retarded,
Starting point is 00:45:24 man. You just, dude, the credits come up, and it's just you like that. They're just doing the director's cut and you're sleeping
Starting point is 00:45:35 on a fucking, A lovesie While this was happening Shane was on a call With Kevin Hart To discuss an upcoming Brand deal Which would later chase
Starting point is 00:45:44 To change the face of advertising I made an ass out of myself In front of Justin Bieber's wife Last night It's so funny It's so fucking funny Did you say anything to Justin Bieber's wife For real?
Starting point is 00:45:56 No, Shane was talking to where I didn't touch Yeah I saw the beam I saw the beam Is he as attractive As he is on TV in person He's smaller
Starting point is 00:46:06 He's small. I was, you know. How tall is he? I would say like five. Oh, you saw the beach? I would say like five, yeah. Oh, no shit. It was his after party.
Starting point is 00:46:15 Oh, my God. You're upstairs at the Dean's party getting basketball. Oh, it was Bieber's party? Yeah. Oh, wow. I wouldn't trade those soccer balls for anything in the world. Well, you did. Also, we left his wallet.
Starting point is 00:46:29 Oh, yeah. That's why we went to Pete's today. We can pick up his wallet. That's awesome that someone recovered. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Well, I was the only one left in the bar.
Starting point is 00:46:40 So there was no one there to steal it. I was... It was just him and the bartender. The bartender was like, Jesus. Just looking at the cameras going, I can't steal it. That reminds me of... I did that with you guys. We were the last one in Maggie's, and I left my backpack in there.
Starting point is 00:46:59 Yeah. And then I had to go back, like, the next day. Yeah. You get it. I think we ran it back. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's what we started. You were starting.
Starting point is 00:47:06 beers again. Yeah. We went back to Pete's and I, uh, I order, I got a, I got a steak. And the guy is how fucking hungover I was. The guy's like, do you want any sides? He got a ribby. It comes with two sides. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:19 He was like, do you want these sides? And I go, yeah, I'll just get like fries. And he's like, all right, so fries and I was like, yeah, fries. He goes, you want two sides of fries? He didn't say it like that. He went. You want two sides of fries? Like he said it very direct, also concerned.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Yeah. You want two sides of fries? And I'm next one going, wait, hold on, hold on. Give me the menu, dude. Get some mash. Do something different. They're going to call the cops, dude. I'll take the fries.
Starting point is 00:47:54 It's an immediate 911 call. Yeah, what else? Fries. Hello, 911. Because we're just so hung over and he goes, you want two sides of fries? Yeah. Did you eat both of us? No, I wound up getting, I didn't even get fries.
Starting point is 00:48:07 I wound up getting mashed potatoes and onion rings once I realized. See, this is why I didn't think you guys were hung over because you had a hair of the dog. So that explains everything. Yes, we hear the dog. We still hung over. No, not really. We're working our way out of it. I'm starting to get hung over again because I haven't had a beer in about 45 minutes.
Starting point is 00:48:24 Yeah, that's going to be a problem. Yeah, yeah. We'll get back at it. We'll get back at it. This new death stare you got. Mirror? Isn't that way you're what? says to do oh yeah what he doesn't realize how crazy his face is sometimes yeah you know it's bit
Starting point is 00:48:47 and she says mirror no well that's what she says now but uh so when i talk to her the way i talk yeah i have a expression on my face yeah and she'll go what do you mean and i go uh well what fuck you mean yeah and she'll go why are you talking like that And I go, talking like what? Yes. And she goes, hold it. Hold your face. The first time she said this to me, dude, it fucking broke me.
Starting point is 00:49:16 She goes, hold your face right now. Look how you're talking to me. And you don't think you're angry? I'm not fucking angry. It's how I talk. And she goes, hold it. And I have to hold my face like this. And she goes, go to the mirror.
Starting point is 00:49:29 And I walk all the way to the mirror. I look at my face. I'm like, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. That's fucked out. I can't believe I looked like that. I didn't mean anything by it, you know?
Starting point is 00:49:42 Yeah, yeah. It's like your wife last night. I said bitch. I said bitch to Chris's girl. I didn't mean anything by it. I was just like, give me the keys. Bitch? No, no, I said bitch in conversation.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was wrong. Right, but it's more like colloquial. It wasn't. You didn't intend to. Yeah, of course. Of course not.
Starting point is 00:50:02 I wouldn't say that. Yeah. But it was exactly that. Just like getting fucking worked up. Right. It's one of those situations I'm not saying you are a bitch. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:12 You're acting. I didn't say that either. That's crazy. Surprising. No, that's coming from you. Because I don't think of you that way. But it's amazing how much you resemble a bitch. In this moment.
Starting point is 00:50:28 In this moment. If I didn't know any better, I would say that you are a bitch. But I do know better, so I'm not going to say that. Yeah. I just want you to. know that you're coming awfully close to the textbook definition. Well, it's funny. Of a bitch.
Starting point is 00:50:44 This is like, I don't know. This is like... I'm helping. I'm being helping. That's, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you're about to fall off. I'm teaching you something. Dude, I didn't even like...
Starting point is 00:50:55 Someone's about to fall into a pool. Yeah. No, I was just saying, like, get back. Yeah. Because you're close. No, but language... Bro, bro, bro. This is...
Starting point is 00:51:07 language to women it's like it depends on like how you're raised right obviously she was raised in such a different home where is she from again Midwest yeah that's there's a different world and she's younger and I grew up with fucking animals I got two older brothers and a father bumpers is a family of bumpers
Starting point is 00:51:31 a whole family no notes whole family of bumpers you guys do a lot of bumpers You guys do a lot of... When we talk aggressive, it's like, I'm just talking you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is how I talk. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:51:43 I'm letting you know. So, like, when I'm emotional, I get fucking aggressive because that's all I know. Yep. So that disconnect has been... It's not been like a struggle. It's hard to, like, navigate with a woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Where you go, I'm sorry that. I'm talking this way.
Starting point is 00:52:08 This is how I've always been spoken to. This is how I navigate a conversation. This is how I react. Yeah. It's not what you. So the way I speak when I'm just normal is the way a regular person would speak when they're upset. Right. Like,
Starting point is 00:52:25 Fuck you. New England has the same thing. And it wasn't until I moved to New York that I met people from the Midwest and like realized that it was a problem. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like it doesn't need to be a problem if you will just accept. my culture of anger.
Starting point is 00:52:38 Yes. Well, it's like where I, it's like where I come from, this is just, I need to do this to demonstrate how committed to this position I am. Bingo bango. It's not, but for them, it's a like world-ending nuclear holocaust. But I don't like that because, like, no, no, I just, if I didn't say it this way, you'd think I didn't care about what I'm saying. Total backfire.
Starting point is 00:53:03 Dude, I would rather know. Just God forbid if you said it's soft, they'd be like, do you care? Oh, do you want me to tell you like this? Yeah, you go, you didn't even mean that. I fucking love you. I'd rather know where I stand with someone than, like, the Midwest thing is tough because it's like, I don't even know what you're feeling. Like, you could be very nice to me. I have no idea where you are.
Starting point is 00:53:22 And then later, as soon as I leave, they're like, he's a real kind. And I'm like, okay, well, I thought you were being very nice to you. So I hate that. I'd way rather someone be directly, you know. I don't. Yeah. That was what was so nice about hearing the guy on the. phone. Like it was just like the way he was speaking to the person was so violent and it was so like
Starting point is 00:53:43 it felt warm. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like you could fall asleep to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's truly. It was like, I can't fall asleep without the audio of slamming doors and someone calling someone a bitch. Fuck you queer. Yeah. It's great. Yeah, I don't like, I mean, there's just no data inside of like politeness. It's just like, very intentionally vague. It feels deceptive. I guess it's like the right thing to do, but it feels so foreign to me.
Starting point is 00:54:15 I'm like, thank God I don't work in an office or something. Yeah, the pleasantness would... It would kill me. Yeah. It was just like, what are you really saying? Like, I'd be saying that a lot. Yeah. What's crazy about...
Starting point is 00:54:25 And they'd be like, you need to leave. I'm like, right. What's crazy about the United States? You gotta draw them out with your anger. Yeah, yeah. What are you even fucking trying to say? Like, truly. the United States is like it's
Starting point is 00:54:37 different continents right so like yeah you date a girl from the Midwest it's like well the East Coast it's ingrained like you're gonna you're gonna talk the way you talk you're gonna be the way you are right you fall in love
Starting point is 00:54:53 and they're like oh I like this it's fucking romantic it's you're different it's like I watch you on television or something you're somebody I've never seen before and then you finally get in the fucking muck right you're getting the sheets right and then they go why are you talking like
Starting point is 00:55:09 that yeah it's like wow what am I gonna do unwire this I've been spoken unwire this fucking and you know what if you did unwire it she'd leave you yeah 100% that's how I feel about it we'll be right back
Starting point is 00:55:22 just the view but it's three doucheback it is crazy when someone's like I can't even imagine like how could you talk to me this way and you're like I've heard worst things said to me about the way that I mowed the lawn. Right. I've had a more like... Yeah, that takes time.
Starting point is 00:55:43 I can't imagine watching you mow lawn. I mean... I'm already pissed I feel like it's perfectly straight lines. I doubt it. He seems like that... Way too slow. Of course. Way too slow. Well, you've got to go slow so the mowler... Too meticulous. Yes, exactly. No, no, no, no, this is a certain speed.
Starting point is 00:56:00 No, you can't go too fast. You guys never hit a toad with the mower? Yeah. tough do you know do you want to hear a story especially if it's like mulching like if it's if it's if you're not put it in the bag and you just it's like you know yeah yeah yeah yeah in the no I get it yeah yeah you got to go slow no correct you're not wrong and then your dad goes well you wouldn't have to go slow if you cut it when you were supposed to cut it now it's gotten too long yeah so I I cut lawns for four years with uh my my brother's best friend
Starting point is 00:56:34 John Doss, right? And his father worked... Was your brother jealous? Just missing with... It's going to take forever. Why? John Doss, what happened to John Doss? His father worked across the street from the nursery school I went to, right?
Starting point is 00:56:54 Century 21. He was a real... Oh, you got the Century 21 property. That's good stuff. Yeah. He's big. He was big. No, he was doing good.
Starting point is 00:57:03 Shout out. Shut up, Pop John Dodd. 97 was a good year. So, we would go long along. I heard they have. I knew it. I know what he was going to be. Come on, you did your gun thing.
Starting point is 00:57:16 No, because a lot of people think it's just that front area. There's actually a whole back section. There's an acre. It's not a flat acre, but it's an acre. It's going to take forever. It's going to take forever. Why? You got seven minutes.
Starting point is 00:57:31 17. John Das' dad. Yeah, John Das is dad. his dad. He's working across the street. From the nursery. In an office. And you're mowing lungs.
Starting point is 00:57:37 We got to cut the fucking century 21. We got to cut the nursery school. Yeah. The nursery school is next to an open lot. A bunch of broads in there? We're kids. If we don't get it done by 10 o'clock, they're at recess. We've got to wait.
Starting point is 00:57:52 You fucking cut. We're going to have to wait. A shabby brother's movie about Mowing Moulon. Then I'm not going to get home. I'm not getting home until 3, 4 o'clock. My fucking deal is wearing off. John Doss. John Doss.
Starting point is 00:58:06 He's dad. Yeah. I'm weed whacking at the nursery school. Yeah. John goes, let's switch. I got to come over here, but he's got to clear the bottles, glass bottles from the lot
Starting point is 00:58:19 that kids were playing fucking hockey, roller hockey. Yeah. They're actively playing roller hockey next to the fucking the preschool. Just a pile of you-hoo's? Yeah, 100%. So he's picking up the bottles,
Starting point is 00:58:31 doing all this shit. He's got a number of. old 48 inch mower, right? Right? Right. There's three... No, not riding. Oh. No. Fucking full active. The two guns? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:43 The two guns? Yeah, two guns. And I'm on the other side across the street at Century 21. Just weed whacket, dude. And... That was good. No, my wee waker's insane. So I hear screaming.
Starting point is 00:59:01 And I shut the wee wacker down. It's like, when I hear like true scream it stops and I'm just like oh that's just kids play they're playing
Starting point is 00:59:14 fucking roller hockey yeah it's either someone's being raped or kids are having fun it freaks me out every time so I kick it back up I start weed whacking I'm fucking doing all my stuff hear it again
Starting point is 00:59:28 pop it off what's that look across the street John is on his back holding his foot up. The mower runs over his boot, cuts off his foot. Oh, my God. Blitzed right through the top of his foot. And he's on his back.
Starting point is 00:59:49 And the mower is against the fucking nursery school full blast. Ghost mower? Yeah. Some dude jumps over the fucking back fence with a giant sheet. Because he was the first to see it and hear it. jumps over with a sheep covers them up yeah what
Starting point is 01:00:07 covers them up like a horse they're gonna kill yeah just his face like the wife before war I knew I get that one so I run back over and he's literally holding his
Starting point is 01:00:28 fucking leg up it splits as I mean this kid had seven surgeries, eight surgeries over the next like five years. Skin grafts. Oh my God. Dude, it fucking splintered all those tiny little bones in your fucking part.
Starting point is 01:00:44 Metatarsals. Yeah, metatarsals. Was the mower okay? Moor was good. Yeah, we put it to sleep, though. I respect. You had to put it down. We dumped it off in Ocean City, New Jersey.
Starting point is 01:00:57 And that's how we lost the Century 21 account. Yeah. There's blood everywhere. You've got to hire us again. Give us another chance. Also, have you seen the rest of his foot? I got this rental property. You wouldn't even believe.
Starting point is 01:01:15 You think that was bad? His father, Mr. Das, runs out. So this kid on roller skates that I went to high school with was playing hockey. He runs across the street, tells me, John's hurt. John's hurt. So I run across the street and that's when I saw John, right? Man, what an old-timey story. John's hurt.
Starting point is 01:01:39 John's hurt. I know, dude. It was like legit. Mr. Das, come quick. John's been hurt. Is that because of my gray hair? I make everything to tell him old? No, no.
Starting point is 01:01:56 No, it feels like a thing. Mr. Das, someone sent a telegram. Yeah, yeah. No, for real, someone before someone, now someone just text someone. They're like, yo, John's fucked up You gotta get over here Dude. No one, no little kid ran
Starting point is 01:02:08 To a place He was gonna fucking rollerblades Dude, he got there, No, honestly God He was on rollerblade He was pulling up to the door breaking He rolled up to the door breaking He rolled up across the street
Starting point is 01:02:18 Go Tommy, John's hurt He's in the fucking yard Holding his foot up Guy jumps over the fence That's when he grabbed the thing The Klansman I run on the door And I get his father
Starting point is 01:02:29 Yeah And I go, John's hurt We run across the street his fucking his foot weed wax is still running just in your hand always stay on dude just still trimming Chris you gotta always stay on duty dude dude you never know when there's a weed
Starting point is 01:02:44 that needs to get I gotta be out of here three o'clock lunch break Mrs. is making chicken cutlet again what time is he over time so anyway his father this is the funniest part his father was so like clean
Starting point is 01:03:02 that Josh Das is ripping the grass and when I say ripping ripping the fucking grass Like a lady grabbing bed sheets
Starting point is 01:03:12 This one's gonna hurt bitch And not that you're a bitch I just think it I mean anything by it I just said it I'm helping you out I'm trying to help you out
Starting point is 01:03:25 Hold your face John Please respect my culture So anyway His father goes John he's going fuck fuck
Starting point is 01:03:35 and his father goes John watch your mouth and then he goes ah shoot he said watch your mouth his fucking foot was hanging off this is the pedestrian
Starting point is 01:03:49 psychopathy I was talking about is the crazy shit I've ever seen like being a medic at war being like language yeah he's holding your buddy's head in your lap. I don't like you talking about Jesus Christ
Starting point is 01:04:04 like that. I don't think I should fix this. You said the F word? It's a nursery school, John. There's kids around. John, I'm selling real estate. You've got the grass all fucked up. I'm trying to sell a shore house, John. How am I going to sell this place with red grass? Answer me that.
Starting point is 01:04:25 Oh, well. All right, right, right. I'm gonna sell this place with red grass It's me, man It's the fucking nightmare You're heinous You're heinous You're heinous
Starting point is 01:04:42 Who you are and what you've become That's really the core of this problem Would your mother like this? You know, this is a symptom Of a much larger problem You're going on You're very careless I notice you don't tuck
Starting point is 01:04:53 The keyboard away After you use the computer I got you that Gayway 2000 for a reason This is what I was warning you about Oh fuck Raiga, you got something to plug, bro I just find me on Instagram at Ryan Donahue
Starting point is 01:05:08 And I post all my dates on there I'm starting to do little videos Because, you know, it's all been colonized By TikTokers So, you know, here I am Adapting and thriving One of our best friends, Ryan Donahue The funniest fucking guy we know
Starting point is 01:05:23 Yeah You know Go to hey chrisocconnor.com For I'm being in St. Louis In Indianapolis this weekend, check it out Yep Well, thanks for What about you, Tommy?
Starting point is 01:05:34 Look at dish. Look at this. I made my family, the Greek salad. Yeah. It was wonderful. With the lamb chops. With the lamb chops. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:42 Huge hit. Yeah. Huge hit. Let's go. Huge hit. Yeah, check out. Look at this. If you haven't, we got a bunch of cool shit.
Starting point is 01:05:50 We did a run in New York a few weeks ago. So those are coming out? Yeah, we got some good stuff coming up. And, yeah, I got a little mini tour coming out. I don't have the dates fully solidified to plug yet, but stay tuned. Tommy J-Pope, I guess. I've never done that before. TJP.
Starting point is 01:06:12 Yeah, thanks, guys. And thanks, Louie, for using gas ditch. Thank you. Goodbye. Thank you to all the producers. You understand? The protein bars are delicious. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:27 We've got to go to the cellar for AYG. Yeah. Okay. You want to go? Sure. Going over there's cellar. Going over there's cellar. What time is it?
Starting point is 01:06:35 5.15. All right, let's go.

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