Stuff Island - Stealing Valor - Dave Landau - Stuff Island #153

Episode Date: October 2, 2024

Dave Landau is an internationally touring stand up comic. Dave has been featured on Comedy Central, was a finalist on Last Comic Standing, and is the cohost of Normal World. Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en -Follow Colum on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dave.landau/ Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/STUFFISLAND Sponsor Stuff Island: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/stuff-island Sponsor Look at Dish: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/lookatdish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

is that true i mean i don't want to it's a wild start he did yeah he had he had all of shane's episodes deleted yeah because he knew that everybody was going to hunt down something that he said yeah because it happened anthony yeah and anthony was right and then shane got canceled like i basically got told he got snl congratulated him but nobody knew yet yeah and then he got it and then i came in a day later and you were pissed yeah and i was like what happened yeah and then i was like oh then we were covering the story yeah i was like i see yeah dude that was such a wild time dude that apartment was so wild during that time just a lot of staring at the floor and then he was very upset yeah he didn't think he'd

bounce back no good thing he did yeah i mean a little yeah i hope i hope he was able to overcome yeah the fucking no he's the biggest man on the fucking planet spot on a show no one watches yeah 100 no but yeah so we we i'm doing this new series called uh toyota takoma tommy they were busting my balls because i got a fucking takoma yeah i remember the day you were going to go buy it yeah okay well i got it and are we live are you against it too yeah we're live well i mean i understand why you bought it but i'm from michigan do you know why i bought it you hate america no no my girl sold her tacoma from la when she moved to new york for me for us for our future yeah so this is my repayment because I was getting a hard time at the Audi dealership, so I got

a Tacoma. I was like, she's going to want to get that anyway. I know you wanted an Audi. Yeah. You wanted that black Audi. Yeah. Because you're trash. Because I'm trash.

And the second you make money. First of all, you sent me porn pictures of Cadillacs. Correct. You're a fucking garbage man. Correct. That's crazy you're coming at me for an Audi, dude. No, because I'm just preaching to the choir. I know.

I'm also, you're Italian. Yeah. Yeah, I'm half Italian. So the first time I got money, I bought a Cadillac DTS. Yes, yes. I bought a DeVille. And you're whipping like a wigger in fucking Detroit. Yeah, but you know what I drive now?

What? A 1998 Eldorado. Let's go. Like, uh, like fucking, uh, like Pauly Walnuts on the Sopranos. Let's go. Like fucking, why am I blaming, like Pauly Walnuts on The Sopranos. That fucking rules. Because people will not stop smashing into my Cadillacs. Yeah.

So now I'm like, screw it. I'm just going to buy older Cadillacs. Yeah. This dude had it sitting in his garage and I was like, okay, you can't drive this anymore.

And it was like this nice garage. He took care of the floor. It had all the speckles on it. Yeah. And then he had a Corvette and that, and he sold it to me floor it had all the speckles on it yeah and then he had a Corvette and that and he sold it to me for six grand

with 80,000 miles on it wow dude it looks brand new chrome everything and I just now drive around in a 1998 land yacht it just smells like burning I love it

oh god that's so great it upsets that's what I thought I was gonna get with these chairs you see these chairs yeah

1978 I like them I got the whole set with the hexagon. I like the wheels. Poker table, yeah. Original wheels. All the wheels are original. That's why they're ripping up this fake flooring. Of course. Just crushing it. Yeah, because they were made by hands that wanted them to last forever. Yeah.

I had a fat friend over. He jumped in one. I was like, don't be scooting. Yeah. And he scooted. You could see every fuck fuck every movement like a snow bunny trail but you like the tacoma i love the tacoma people love it's just like austin man i i fucking i've been just perplexed by how great the the move from east coast to the south has been in terms of happiness and And the truck jump from, yeah. Dude, New York sucks.

I'm a guinea in Hot Wheels, usually. Oh, yeah. And then getting into a pickup truck, which a lot of pickup truck guys are like, that's fucking, that's training wheels for a pickup truck. But that's all I need. I'm not trying to be one of these fucking big, you know, country bumpkin dickheads.

I just, this is a nice A to B place, you know? Oh, I agree. Dude, the car that I went to buy was a 1998 Expedition. That's huge. With 50,000 miles on it. You're such a small guy. Why do you keep buying these giant cars? To prove my cock is huge.

And I just loved it because it's not as big as they are now there it was the 98 was smaller but it wouldn't fit in my garage like i had to go measure it and it was like humanly impossible that i wouldn't have to park this thing outside yeah which you just can't do in michigan so that's why i didn't buy it but no like the the caddies i had an ats which was kind of a small for a caddy. Yeah. But I like a massive car. Is the CTS bigger? Ah, CTS is the one up from an ATS. Yeah, but you like classic Cadillacs.

Dude, I like the... You don't like the new shit. No, I like the DeVille, dude. Like, that was the one I bought, which was the giant. That's why I like trucks. Yeah. That's why I don't blame you for buying a truck, because it's huge. Well, your attitude, the way you said it at first, I thought we were going to have a problem with me buying a truck.

I really was just busting your balls because it's a Toyota. But I also get why you buy a Toyota. They last long. Dude, I almost bought a Toyota. They got a resale value of $300,000 apparently. Toyota Tacoma is like the highest resale truck you can get. Same with F-150s. Any truck.

Yeah. Because people want them. Except for the electric ones. Yeah. That's a big failure for a lot of companies yeah because they thought the f-150 electric was going to take off and then you get up to a certain heat yeah like uh i don't want to say the middle east because i was going to say the isis yeah isis didn't return an email like yeah no more there's a lot of pagers on those trucks

there's no chargers in the sahara we can't piss in an electric car tank you know i mean but they uh they if they get to a certain temperature they like blow up yeah so yeah now nobody wants these this like huge line that ford yeah they look cool yeah but running running from an Apache on the fucking sand. Internal temperature's gonna blast. And that's the main reason you buy one, is to get away from Indians or to build in the Sahara. Why did the terrorists

get all white ones? What's that? Is that hiding in the black and white? He's a marine. He's a tanker. Were you? Good for you? yeah good for you thank you for your service for real now Jesus Christ Dave

honestly I'm sorry calm down look I can't you insulted my truck now you're patronizing my fucking I'm not patronizing are you stealing valor?

uh no I don't know what that means I just say it no I have it's like gaslighting you stealing valor right now dude? uh yeah

yeah clearly I was a marine can you imagine no did I you'd have the longest biggest tank i just pulled in a hummer you would solder two tanks together no this one's for laying down spinning wheels i just have a cigar no i uh i actually went to sign up to be a Marine, though. Yeah, I'm not kidding. It was September 10th, 2001. No.

With my buddy Devin. I'm not joking. Devin signed up, and I was like, I'm not really feeling it. And the next day, we're getting high in my garage, and I was like, enjoy war. Oh, my God. No offense. But yeah, it was.

Oh, my God. Dude, and my dad, my dad wanted me to go like when he was alive. And my dad was a nom and died like, you know. Agent Orange. Yeah. But he was still like, you need to go into the military. You are a piece of shit. Right. Like he really wanted me to go into the military.

I hear your stories. I agree with him. Yeah, he was right. Yeah. I'm not saying he was wrong. Yeah. But yeah. But yeah, he wanted me to go into the military badly and i probably could have used it

to be honest oh shit you want to get that it's a military dude september 10th though i'm not joking so you get in a car go with devin i go with devin he goes in and signs up you're sitting in the lobby. Yep. Waiting to talk to this officer. Yep. And I'm like, yeah, I think he's a bit abrasive. He went first. Yeah. And I'm high. Yeah. We're both high. So did your high wear off as he was signing up?

It didn't wear off completely. It definitely didn't wear off enough to where I stopped being lazy and decided not to join the military. Yeah. So I was like, you know what? Maybe I'll come back like another day i wasn't like tomorrow but yeah yeah and he was kind of pissed because he's like you know we kind of had a pact here to join the military oh my god i was like yeah what are you gonna do so you took a car ride home this kid's already working on a salute yes and you and you bailed on him and i bailed on him and he was like all

right i trust you're gonna do this this week and then 9-11 happened yes and you were like see you devon whatever the stories he came back with i felt so bad every time he would tell one can you share or no is it too much i don't even care i mean like one was his bunk mate it was hard for him to share obviously but like yeah one was like his bunk mate his best friend he said he was he had the gatling gun on the back of a humvee and his head was fucking shot off and he said he didn't know but the gun was going all crazy and he turned around and he's like shaking when he would tell me the story and like his head is just missing and the gatling gun is just going all over the place and you know he's like freezing

up when he tells me the story and i can't help but joke and i'm like man sure i'm glad i didn't join that day just like fuck you also great toyota commercial it really was. I mean, the truck, fine. Tacoma. Inshallah. I felt really bad about that, though. I wouldn't have made it, though. Brought you by 910 trousers. You never know when you're going to need them. They keep you comfortable at home.

No, the Tacoma series, I just ride around and answer questions on Patreon. We throw a GoPro up there. I saw. And one of the questions today, literally an hour ago, was like, when are you going to recreate a fair one? When can you do a fair one? I was like, Dave Landau's coming in an hour. Really?

To do, yeah, Stuff Final. I was like, how wild is that? Dude an hour. Really? To do, yeah, stuff final. It's like, how wild is that? Dude, I get so many messages about a fair one. I love that. So did I. I thought there's a lot ripped. There's a lot of illegal episodes up there public from their paywall.

So I don't know if what you're saying is true, that they're all eliminated. I don't know if they were all eliminated at all i know that a lot of shanes were yeah because i know when he got snl uh anthony played a bit of guard and made sure some stuff was taken down just in case because what he got canceled over come on let's yeah right we can be honest he said worse shit on a fair one a hundred percent we all did yes i mean let's be honest yes so yes i think he was just playing a little bit of defense yeah

which is crazy I didn't think he would do something like that that's great oh no he looked out for him I mean he would look out for anybody

because he got screwed so bad on his contract yeah I mean sure they were right yeah but it was but a screw is a screwing

but yeah no Anthony definitely had his shows pulled I remember that very very clearly i feel like was was shane and i well the same amount of time as you and i like was it like a year and a half year and a half probably about that yeah or maybe two and one because i remember it was probably probably about two and one or a year and a half year and a half i think yeah it was close yeah because well shane would come in a lot yeah and then i a year and a half, year and a half, I think. Yeah, it was close.

Yeah, because, well, Shane would come in a lot. Yeah. And then I would come in a lot when it was you and Shane. Yeah. So it just wasn't way different. Yeah. Yeah. It was Shane was definitely, you know, in and out constantly.

Yeah. Yeah. You could tell, like, he really wanted to, but he's like, my agent's on my ass about this. Yes. Well, he had that pop and then he was worried about what he would have to go on, which I don't blame him. Yeah, of course. You know, he's like my agent's on my ass about this yes well he had that pop and then he was worried about what he would have right which i don't blame him yeah of course you know he's trying to i dude i i wouldn't wish i mean i i'd love his career now mine's just spiraled into shit but i'm hoping it's not true oh it fucking is no it's not you're buying the fucking cadillacs out of garages in

detroit that's great yeah who's that Yeah. That's what you always wanted. Who's got six grand for a Cadillac? That's big money, dude. I don't know if you know my fans right now. You're disrespecting everybody. No, I don't mean to offend your fans. That's true. No, no.

I should be a millionaire, but I have problems. So anyway. Yeah, same. Fucking same, dude. God, this could be a whole therapy session. It really should. It always is. Yeah, it does come down to that. That's how you know we love each other. I know. And we have a close bond.

Because when you can finally be honest and vulnerable, it becomes interesting. And people, I think in my head, they're like, I hate this. We're not yuck yucking. We're not talking about headless soldiers and a fucking gunner. I know. That's what they want. That's funny that's funny yeah see he likes it drinking problem not funny yeah i'm the headless gunner in this scenario i feel like you're fucking me

no but then i get a lot of responses people that really appreciate that you know that type of vulnerability talking about issues that they're dealing with, regardless of what their job is. It resonates with them, talking about mental health, addictions. I try to have the mix of it where I don't want to ever overdo that, because I want to always

make it funny. Of course. But then at the same time, I like it when somebody's like, hey, you said something that helped me. Yeah. And I get it more than not, which is, it's nice to think that I's like hey you said something that helped me yeah and i get it more than not which is it's nice to think that i've been able to say something that got somebody sober yeah but i don't know how it's it baffles me just baffles me because i'm completely fucked in the head yeah so i but it's nice but that's what they relate to it is it's more it is more that it's kind of like the

what i love about this tacoma series is like people are starting to ask real questions instead of just jokes yeah yeah so then it gives you an opportunity to avoid the fucking the clown show and just actually have a talk what were you asked? This guy was in a rut. He felt like he was at a dead end of his life. Rated up. Nothing suicidal, but just like

asking. Well, that makes one of us. I feel like... Yeah, nothing entertaining. Just mundane bullshit. Yeah, nothing. He was talking about being in his late 20s,

just saying he feels like he's hit all, and how do I navigate this? Or what's the question? How the heck do I move up in life? I feel stuck. That's a question I love to hear. Of course. You know?

Because who the fuck doesn't no matter what you're doing i think we all are there that's what i said yeah i i think it's no matter what you're at or where you are today i think it's because it's very difficult to understand the concept of what's going on now bingo i i don't ever most people seem to want to be an influencer and maybe i'm wrong people will tell you that's not true but i try to figure out what people's jobs are like i'm at a disconnect where when i started comedy it's like oh nobody did that yeah and now like even like last night i go to see kill tony and there's just lines of like open micers well yeah and it's like you're you're a dental hygienist yeah the fuck are you in line for yeah be a dental hygienist yeah like why do

you want to do this yeah like i just thought i embarrassed myself for a minute on the stage yeah like it's crazy to me to think it's like you don't want to do like i wanted to do this and it wasn't for fame it wasn't for any of that stuff it was just i that's what i thought that's what i had to do those are the thing so but it seems strange now that there's always, there's this odd, like, yeah, fame built into everything now that wasn't there before. 100%. It's very weird.

I don't, weird such a, I don't know. Because we're old. Is that what it is? Well, social media has just brainwashed these kids. They're brainwashed to think that there's an outlet there that's an alternative alternative to a real job or a nine to five whatever it is cutting lawns i don't give a shit they think this is a shortcut into the industry so they're fans of this i was never a fan of this i didn't know what this was i didn't i didn't know what stand-up comedy was

the only thing i watched was my dad throwing like tapes of carlin and richard pryor and fucking eddie murphy yeah and then i went 25 30 years not knowing stand-up was like a school like i didn't know you just like sign up for open mics and then get better and go every night and work on your craft or whatever the fuck i didn't know that was a thing until a comedy club opened up in Philadelphia. And then I learned of the Laugh House, started doing the black club there. Yeah. And I was like, oh, yeah, this is great. This is fun as fuck.

But if you're a warped fucking Marine who's 16 years old doing stand-up, these poor kids don't know anything. They just want to belong to something. And they sit in these trenches, so to speak. These shell shots? They sit in these fucking virgin trenches trying to dodge a shell. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And waiting for their time to act. And it's like you just wasted 10 years of your life, seven relationships. Your family disrespects you. Right. He's doing real hero shit. That's fucking valid. Then he's got to come here and get disrespected by some fucking girl with blue hair. I'm so sorry.

By two guys that have never seen real conflict. 100%. This is combat. This guy doesn't know combat. This is combat. By two guys who have to listen to a bunch of podcasters who talk like fucking comedies in Vietnam. Dude, 100%. 100%, dude.

You know what this is? In all honesty, regular people's Vietnam or fucking the Middle East, their Iraq is putting a mic in front of two people and just hitting go or recording this forever. Let's go. That's war. That's fucking this is battle. This is combat.

So yeah, we are soldiers yeah we're soldiers of yes that's right we're just we're soldiers of misfortune it's so stupid yeah it is so stupid people talk about how hard it is in the slug away and everything i think it's the reality is as if you're you're're good at it and you just do it and you keep doing it, naturally, eventually, you'll get into a line and you'll progress and you'll eventually get better and you'll get paid to work. That's it. That's really all it is.

And if you don't have a talent for it, you're probably not going to have that happen. Yes. I've never seen it where it's like... I mean, I've seen a few instances where somebody who really is terrible happens to make it. Yeah, I agree. It's rare, but it... I mean, I shouldn seen a few instances where somebody who really is terrible happens to make it. Yeah, I agree.

But it, I mean, I shouldn't say it's rare, but it happens. No, it is. Yeah. I mean, yeah, they say that some comics are terrible that are huge, but they're not. Yeah. They know what they're doing. They have a following. It's just your personal taste.

But I mean, when you really look at somebody who's like, I've never seen an absolute genius where it's like, yeah, the guy's just never been paid to do comedy once in his life he's been around for 35 years funniest guy you've ever seen yeah never made a dollar yeah that's never happened yeah ever yeah like it's some people choose to stay out of the spotlight like stewart huff is a guy who does he's a genius but it's like there's eventually if you work towards something, it'll pay off. But I've never seen so many people like the advice giving thing. You've lived a life. You're at an age.

You want to give advice. It makes sense. You've been through some shit. But now you have a 22-year-old sitting in his car trying to be an influencer. And it's like, well, what the fuck could you possibly know that you're going to tell me about? Yeah. What did you learn? Yeah.

You haven't been in the world long enough or in the real world to explain anything to me that I would listen to. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money.

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Oh, Jake? Jake Paul?ake jake paul nothing against him but it's like he's changed his like personality so many different times because he started getting huge young it's because he's growing but he's also growing under a fame spotlight so now you're at a point where you're like all right i want to fight tyson and it's like you want to fight tyson yeah i'm not even saying he'd win or lose i'm sure he'd lose but that's your goal yeah is to fight do you remember the conversations we would have as kids about mike tyson yeah like a million dollars suck a dick or get punched by mike tyson right because in the 80s you were probably going to die from both both there he is well you don't know about dave at the end of every affair one so we did they'd have a clock they'd have a clock and i might fucking my mouth would just be yapping not paying attention

and he would wait for me to slow down and then hit a button on a joke like that and then the producer would have a quick out and it'll just go whatever the fuck it was the fair one thing he's a genius at that he's a sniper thank you yeah there's a lot of jargon going around here military jargon sorry i i was babbling for a minute but i had to find it out no i hear no you don't want to waste too much time with that but no honestly it's like yeah that's the biggest fear of having children. I mean, especially late, because I'm not going to have a fucking nice harness on them. Do you want a kid?

Huh? Do you want to have a kid? Yeah. Good. Yeah, I'm going to start soon. Are you going to start? You guys are going to start fucking now? Start goofing.

Yeah, do it. Just start goofing at my lady. Yeah, just you're playing with her. We've got to get done in another 23 minutes. We do. We'll do it. Even if I'm late, I don't care. I have to go up later on the first show anyway.

Yeah, you're doing the... Bottom of the Barrel. Bottom of the Barrel. The best show on earth, by the way. Is it fun? Oh my... You've never done it? This one I haven't done.

I've done like every other show. It is the most fun I've ever had on stage. Every time. I'm going to have a blast. Every time. Yeah, this is have a blast. Every time. Yeah, this is oddly the only, because my show tapes Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and today I was just like,

screw it, I'm just going to stay. Yeah. Because they invited me, and I was like, all right, I'll do that. It's so great, dude. The only advice I'd give is like, don't waste your time on trying to make something funny that you think is dog shit,

because they just put recommendations, suggestions, questions, topics. It'll just say one word or it'll say a whole goddamn sentence about some girl's gay friend. And then you're like, get out of here. Get out of here.

Just start tossing until you find one. Stay in the rhythm. Stay focused. Toss. For being a homosexual. Yes. We don't time for gays.

Like the military. Yeah. That's the bottom of the barrel. Yeah. I can zing too. I can zing. You zing. Like the military. Yeah. That's the bottom of the barrel. Yeah. I can sing, too. I can sing. You sing. I sing.

You sing, you zag. I zag, I zing. How old is your girl, if you don't mind me asking? She's 31. Okay. Yeah, so you can do that. Yeah, plenty of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. We had our son. My wife was 35. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. And he's the best. Dude, he's amazing at baseball. I don't know how he's related to me.

Yeah. He's on a travel team. He pitches. He's, dude, I'm telling you, it's crazy. He loves sports. He's good at football. Fuck you. I don't know what, I don't know why.

Well, it's like balding pattern. It passes through one other generation. Yeah, my dad was. It's every other. Yeah. Yeah. I got this. You're a piece of shit who buys big giant cars.

You're an ex-drug addict. Yeah, my... Your son launches balls into the fucking moon. Yeah, my grandparents were alcoholics and gambling addicts, and my dad was an all-star athlete. Yeah, yes, there you go. Malt-patterned balls. That's good, yeah.

So I just got the fat, short, drug-addict gene with a nice head of hair. You were either in the oven too long or too short. Dude, well, I'm a twin. Oh, there you go. You didn't get enough nutrients. Yeah, my brother got it. Your brother sucked all that out of you.

Well, he is a redhead, no offense. And it's... He's taking shrapnel, dude. This poor boy's just hanging out. Oh, I just want to i'm just saying the truth yeah yeah yeah and uh so he didn't win all the cards yeah but he's certainly won the height card and the athleticism card yeah yeah and the you know do twins have both have tubes to the belly button feeding tube you have. You have to, right? No, it's... Umbilical? The umbilical goes directly to your belly button. No, it's like human centipede.

It just goes right through one... Oh, to your mouth. Yeah, from anus into the other one's mouth. Yeah, he wasn't chewing his food all the way and you didn't get it out. Yeah, it's ass to mouth in the womb. Triplets is crazy. Yeah, you get your own umbilical cord

yeah you pull it out it's a byo you pull it out and share yeah byu i guess is it umbilical or umbilical cord or e you umbilical yeah why you i say umbilical because i'm used to it. Yeah. Because I've mispronounced it my whole life. It's kind of like the word miracle I have to re-say. Yeah. But I always said miracle. Miracle. But it's miracle.

Yeah. I say bagel. See? Yeah. You were getting mad at Croissant the other day on your show. I got fucking furious. But you were right. Of course I was.

You don't pronounce it like a French person, right? It's great. It's so disrespectful. Croissant. He went. He put the Q in there. Unbelievable. What a dildo.

I was so upset. I want a croissant. A croissant. He said croissant? Yeah, you go to the fucking deli, get a croissant. And not laughing? You know the guy at the deli is just like,

Yeah. Yeah, you're being a fagot. What did you say? Did you spend all day sucking y'all? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a rough one when people throw the pronunciations as if they've been world-traveled. It's like doing that.

Reactions I got from people saying, they assumed I'm doing hardcore Italian deli meats, like gabagool and fucking mozzarella. I don't do that shit. No. It's crazy. Nobody really. It's embarrassing.

Some people do mozzarella and it bothers me. It should. Immensely. And nobody does gabagool except the Sopranos. Yes. I've never heard it in life. Oh, I heard it my whole upbringing. Did you? Yes.

Dude, I'm Italian. I've never heard it. There were so many fake wops. Okay. Because it's, again, it's Philadelphia. It's suburbs of Philly, so it's all Irish, Italian immigrants. But, like, they're so blindly proud for no reason. It's like you're the sixth generation,

you fucking zilch. Why do you care what you're calling this meat you don't even buy? You can't afford. You're eating pasteurized cheese slices and fucking ham. Shut the fuck up. Don't say,

Bonjour. It's Bonjour. Oh, it it bejewed? Just grow the fuck up. Sign up for the army and get your fucking head lopped off. Yeah, it's true. You go over there, though, you look just like them. They're not going to know who to kill.

Yeah. I just look like a translator for the Americans. No, in Detroit we had so many varieties of everything, except not a lot of Asians, no Mexicans. Yeah? Yeah, it was all blacks, but we had, yeah, it's like Italian, Irish blacks,

and then the largest Muslim population in America. Crazy. Because it's so cheap. Yeah. Yeah. It is. That's why they get there largely why yeah it's sadly true yeah i mean it's sad they're there but it's also sadly true yeah

just just like there's just a hundred thousand haitians hunting your dogs and cats there's we'll be soon did you see that it was the company that it was like CNN that covered it and they were like

look it wasn't a Haitian it was just this person's neighbor on bath salts that was eating the cat it's like why is that a good thing yeah

like why is that supposed to relieve us as a country like don't worry it's just it's not racist it's just a chick on bath salts yeah no big deal like that's supposed

to make us go oh so we're just there as a country Where you're gonna come out and be like, Janice Yeah, I'd rather the Haitian Because that motherfucker means it They're hungry Yeah, and he doesn't Yeah, Janice has a Girl on bath salts is just confused

Janice has a home and works at the bank And she's so broken That she's doing bath salts and eating Mitten's face. It's like, Jesus, Gus, I'll return your lawnmower. Yeah, this girl feels stuck. If you want to go back to that question. Janice feels a little stuck right now.

She feels stuck. Yeah. Homeless people, I'm sure, have been eating ducks out of a pond for quite some time. Yeah. Yeah. Like, that happens all the time. Yeah.

I bet. They eat wildlife constantly. Yeah. They don't fry guinea pigs. Yeah. That was a true thing, yeah. Yeah. Like, that happens all the time. Yeah. I bet. They eat wildlife constantly. They don't fry guinea pigs. Yeah. That was a true thing, too. Damn, if you can fry and get guinea pigs? They were. They were buying guinea pigs at a pet store.

And then cooking them. On the cheap. In the park. Cooking them in the park? In a park on a grill. That was real. The public grill. In the public grill.

Wow. But, I mean, it's not. Is it a crime? It's your meat. Yeah. I mean, I'm not, is it a crime? It's your meat. Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying you should do it. I think it's odd to not just go buy some chicken, but instead you go into PetSmart and you're like,

let's just skin this thing. Yeah. But the problem, I mean. Can you imagine a guy just voodoo paint, just looking at the ferrets and guinea pigs? Perrots. He's got bamboo around his nipples, just fucking filleting a ferret.

Taking out the entrails like a surgeon. Like a doctor. He's still in line. Do you want me to bag that? Yeah. He's got 30 siblings waiting behind him, just holding a bag of fucking gerbils. They carried him there in a chair.

He's their king. Yeah, it's crazy because it's like every drug now, since I quit at least, it just seems that they've gone so overboard. So hard. And I thought bath salts were done when that guy got his face bit off on the 101. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Because I always thought that was funny, because you know that somebody just rolled down their window, and if somebody was biting their face, you know that for at least a minute they were like, this is a zombie apocalypse. Like, I probably went into the hospital and were we're like, am I going to turn? Yeah. And it's like, no, just a guy high on bath salts, and you rolled on your window like an idiot.

Wrong timing. Just bad timing. No, but you shouldn't roll down your window when crazy people bang on us. For 30 years, you'd just be thinking, was that real? Did I see that? Yeah. You know?

You've been so hung over at times where I'm like, I don't think I just heard what I heard. I don't think I saw what I saw. I think that was just a facade and I think it's my mind playing tricks. You're worried how it affects you. Yeah, of course it's about me.

This guy's getting his fucking face eaten. Of course it's gonna be about me. This guy's gotta go to a joke store to buy a face for the rest of his life. Dude, there was this one scenario where I was in Philly. I was driving down Kelly Drive. I was taking a left to go up to this Ridge Avenue. And there was one of those giant trucks that had a arrow, like go around, right? So it's like the glowing arrow with the lights saying go around.

He stopped, completely stopped. I'm driving. I'm in the lane right next to him. And as I get closer, I turn around and there's just a small, let's say like a Corolla, like a light blue Corolla against it. And I just remember seeing an old lady's head against the steering wheel like this. Like she didn't see the arrow and just smashed into the back of the truck.

Oh, yeah. And her head was just on the fucking steering wheel. And I just kept driving and i was still to this day i'm like did i see that did i see an old woman drive directly behind into the back of this stop truck you saw a dead asian woman yeah no doubt dude you also and how long would it have taken for someone because no one was like Yeah. No doubt. Dude. And how long would it have taken for someone, because no one was like,

it wasn't like a work environment. They were just, the guy, the truck was just there. Oh yeah, it was just there for like the next day. Maybe the next day. Yeah. So nobody's there to help. No. And you also saw that when she got her car repaired last time

for not being a great driver, they stole her airbags. Kind of like a motor check, they stole her airbags. Kind of like a convertible check, airbags check. Also, her hair matched the color of the car. It was like a light blue. Just camouflaging

her death. But I'm certain I saw this old woman dead on a fucking steering wheel. You probably did. I've seen, I mean, driving around for 20 years doing stand-up on the road, I've seen but I'm certain I saw this old woman dead on a fucking steering wheel. You probably did. Yeah. I've seen, I mean, driving around for 20 years doing standup on the road. I've seen many bodies.

Yeah. I've seen dead motorcyclists. Yeah. I've seen one of those. Yeah. Just laying there and then they put the tarps over them. Yeah. And then sometimes it soaks through.

Yeah. I've seen that. Well, I've seen that several times, but I will get into it in the, this, it won't be fun. I like it.

No, it was an accident with people I loved. Oh. Yeah. See, we went there. That's not a good thing to say. Oh, man. Because then you've got to stand there, and everybody's like, quit masturbating.

It's a real torrent situation. Yeah, it was rough. You're shaking. I feel like you're not a good friend. I'm sorry I didn't go out with you that night, Dave. I had to sign up for the military. Yeah, that was one that I won't forget. But no, I've seen a lot of that.

I saw one where a biker gang, and just for my own safety, I won't say which one, but they kept cutting off like different cars, driving like crazy all through the mountains of West Virginia. And they kept doing it in front of this fifth wheel. And the guy kept trying to stop, trying to stop. And then they were just driving like dicks. I pulled over.

I'm like, I don't want to even watch this. I ate, like, drugs. Because they were just being assholes to everybody on the road. Then I came down later later and it was two parents and a kid holding a teddy bear in front of a dead biker who and they were like cops coming from both directions i'm like this is gonna suck it's like i couldn't feel worse for the kid like holding the teddy teddy the teddy bear just staring at the dead biker. Oh, my God. Yeah. Wait, this is the son of the dead biker? No, it was the son of the dad driving the fifth wheel.

Oh, my God. Who accidentally hit one. Because when you go through West Virginia, dude, it's like. Yeah, blind curves. And especially if you're driving like a fifth wheel, it's very hard to brake. What's a fifth wheel? It's like a trailer you put on the back of your car. So let's say you have like your Tacoma and you want to drag a trailer. Okay. What's a fifth wheel? It's like a trailer you put on the back of your car. So let's say you have your Tacoma, and you want to drag a trailer. That's a fifth wheel.

Oh, so it swings a little wider. Yeah. And you think he clipped a bike on the turn. No, he hit him with the front, just because the guy probably cut him off. And when he braked, the pressure coming from the back didn't allow him to brake in time, and he hit him. Wow. So he just ran over him.

And they let the kid out of the truck? Yeah, well, the kid walked out of the car car and they were just standing there waiting while all these cops came around well that's the parents fault i well i'm sure the kid was aware something happened when his parents were screaming as they barreled over a biker with their truck and he felt the bomb i'm sure i'm sure he felt there was something wrong yeah Yeah. His dad was probably cursing them the whole time for a good hour. And then eventually was like, I told you I was going to hit one, Janice. Yeah. Damn it.

And then you got to move because the whole gang is going to come find you. That's the thing that I thought was horrible was like, that's the thing. They'll take that kid. Yeah. They don't care. That kid is going gonna have a couple teddy bears are hanging over him that particular gang was relentless because i once had a biker gang come after me what for real let's go i had a shirt sent to me on a show that i was on that

was very popular and i was wearing it on the show and they sent it to me and they're like where'd you get that why are you wearing our colors and i was like a fan sent it i thought it was you guys and they were like no we don't just send out our colors to wear we kill people for that basically and i was like it's a weird thing to just tell someone um i'm like what do you want me to do like and like now i'm looking at like a feed on like that they have basically saying like what they're gonna do to me i'm like well this is cool i now have wait wait you found uh like a like reddit yeah type thing red where they were explaining your name and what was gonna happen so i i said what do you you know what do you want me to do they go just send it send it to us burn it we'll send you uh one of ours and i was like okay so i sent it to us, burn it, and we'll send you one of ours. And I was like, okay.

So I sent it to them, and then a guy jumps in and goes, no, he's really cool. I think you should actually come and perform at our clubhouse sometime. And he showed the thread of our conversation, and then it was all cleared up by the end of the day, and I was like, holy shit. Who would be a dick about that? I'd be like, I'll wear your patch whenever I want. Yeah.

But, dude, I was terrified. One percenter? It was one of them. It was a big gang. Wow. They were pissed. But yeah, I was lucky. But why would I be a dick?

I honestly thought they sent it to me. So did they give you an address to send the shirt back? Yeah, and I sent it. And they sent me another one. They sent you another what? They sent me a shirt with a colors without colors and it was just like a honoree shirt as opposed to a actual member member yeah do you think that was sent to you or given to you on purpose obviously as that person would know this is a fucking he said this is a red x on your

he told me that sometimes they'll make them in China. So somebody could have just ordered it not knowing it because they knew that I was from Detroit and it said Motor City, you know, the Detroit chapter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that might have been it. So he wasn't, like once he thought about it, he wasn't that pissed.

Yeah, it wasn't malicious. It was just more like, he might like this. It's interesting. Yes. But it turned out that, yeah, they took that shit real serious. Dude. That's insane. But boy, I could not get the taste of his dick out of my mouth.

Did you, like, truly lose sleep over that? That night I was pretty worried, man. Like, there's been only a couple times in my life I've slept by my front door with a gun. Yeah. That was one of them. I was pretty freaked out yeah was this when you were in harlem uh that was when i was in harlem yeah yeah dude dropping you off in harlem was nuts i had no idea i lived in such a bad neighborhood you helped point that out but when i moved there i'm sorry a friend with eyes

i remember when i got there, I went into this thing. The rest of his buddies are just all fucking ground moles. I'm pulling up and you go, why do you live here? Dude, yeah, well, he's fucking successful. He's doing great. And he's like, can you mind giving me a ride home? And I was like, yeah, sure.

And we hit like 156. And I was like, Dave, where are we going? He's like, it's just up. And we went like another 30 fucking blocks. I live at this MS-13 bus stop. Dude. I swear to God, I took a right and it was mayhem. Yeah, it was, dude, it was bad.

Streets were alive and it was early. Oh, yeah. It was, oh, no, it was, you would seriously, I would get off the train and walk up and you would see like a seven-year-old with a joint in his mouth. Yeah. I remember one time, because we played a video of it on the show, I think.

We put the song New York, New York to it. Yeah. This is midday, because the show would start, my show started at three. Ours was seven or eight, right? Yeah, so the show. I'd get you home by like 10, 10 something like that 10 probably about 10 10 30 if we didn't go eat yeah so i would i remember one time i got out and there's just a guy sitting fully clothed and a guy standing like superman just fucking and fucking his mouth also fully

clothed but what i i didn't get was neither one of them looked like they were enjoying it yeah and i'm just no camera guy no no camera guy sounds like a good sketch just like in my peripheral i'm like what do you guys like owe each other 50 bucks and this is what you came to and there's just fantasy football is not easy no is this how you do a trade yeah so's the loser of the league what's the worst dare blow me in a superman outfit you know the deal and there's just like in harlem at at the subway stop and there's just kids getting off the subway not even looking like there's nothing weird about it it's just an everyday occurrence yeah so for some reason never connected that i'm living in this shit dude it was like gta it was like you

know like just some random characters meandering you know there's just a hooker that like slowly walks into a dumpster and like oh yeah that was just crazy shit once covet hit i'd be like oh that's a cool it was is that a? And then it's just like this giant rat walking down the street. I'm like, oh, this isn't... I don't want to live here anymore. We still did a fair one during COVID. We did.

We got to do it online. Yeah, we did it online for a while. I was going into the studio for the first, I'd say, six months. The hardest six months. I have videos of me in Times Square. Just me. Yeah.

And the fucking homeless people carrying their limbs. Open carry type shit. I remember standing in Times Square, taking a photo of nothing. Yeah. There was nobody there. Yeah. I've never seen it since.

No. And I, just nothing. No person. Yeah, you would the only, I've never seen it since. No. And I, just nothing, no person, nobody four miles. a $300 million movie to close that off. It was, fascinating.

Dude, it was incredible. I remember, I loved it. Yeah. I loved all of it. And when it was happening, it was mayhem.

Yeah. So I remember going up to like a couple of cops and I was like, there's a dead guy laying right there and they're like trying to take care of this one and i was like all right yeah yeah yeah that was something that i i don't think people could grasp unless you're really in the city every day yeah because you couldn't walk down the street without somebody just like forearming you yeah but then you couldn't find someone dude it was it was incredible yeah it was awesome god it was awesome i loved it and the story stayed open because it's all like

it's muslim and fucking eastern europeans and they don't abide by our rules they're just still out and about cooking the fucking delis are open everything's they all they had to do was close the doors of the bars but then they figured a way to just serve drinks on the sidewalk. Yeah. It was a big carnival. Dude, I loved it. People were like, how can you travel during COVID? I was like, you mean get upgraded to first class

and fly in a plane with three other people? Yeah. In a clean airport? Oh, it's hell. Yeah. Yeah. Give me more space aids, man. I'd like to do that one more round it was the best

i learned a lot yeah it's the best summer of my life the zoom the zoom can fuck right off though yeah that was a pain in the ass but we did get to interview a bunch of people great dudes like we got to interview eric roberts i'm like i want to interview eric roberts because the best of the best too and then we got to interview dmc twice yeah then we got to interview isham which now everybody's interviewing icp and isham and like now everybody's jumping in i don't know when you and i were doing it in this fair one did it first first yeah fair one did it first via zoom yeah dude yeah that was a blast. I enjoyed it. Eric Roberts.

I totally forgot about that. Yeah, we interviewed Eric Roberts. He was great. He was awesome. Did he talk about the relationship with his sister? Or he said, don't. I forget. No, he said he liked her.

I thought we were like, should we not talk about it? He's like, no, I love my sister. It's fine. Because he told us about how... Julia Roberts. Yeah. My young friend. Yeah. It's her brother. Do you us about how... Julia Roberts. Yeah. My young friend. Yeah.

It's her brother. Do you know Julia Roberts? I do. Pretty woman. She's pretty. She was. No, she was still pretty. But he was talking about...

He did a buddy of mine's movie, John Anton. And he flew in and he goes, the only day I can tape is Christmas Day. He's like, okay okay we'll do it whatever and he just had to do this one scene flies in because he would work every day like the guy's work ethic is nuts and he flies in and he's bringing him to the airport

and he's like oh we didn't discuss what your pay was and he goes well you don't really have a film budget and he goes no and he goes alright well I'm hungry you want to buy me an omelette and I asked him we asked him like film budget. And he goes, no. And he goes, all right, well, I'm hungry. You want to buy me an omelet? And we asked him, like, is that true? And he goes, yeah. He goes, I'm working on some big movie.

Because he was in, like, Batman Dark Knight. Yeah, don't need the money. He's like, then they can pay me. But he's like, in that one, I was like, yeah, buy me an omelet. I'm like, that's just amazing, though, that it's like each movie that he does. Yeah. He just loves to act.

Yeah. And if you've never seen Best of the Best 2 with him and Chris Penn, it's the best action movie. It's the best of the best. Yeah. Wayne Newton is the ringleader of the fights. It's a masterpiece in every way. Best of the Best fucking role.

Dude, it's such a good movie. And was that 86? The sequel? I think in there. 86 might have been best of the best, but the sequel was definitely late 80s, and it is just a masterpiece. Because Chris Penn is still fat in it.

Chris Penn was only thin in Footloose, and then never again. Yeah. That's why he's one of my favorite actors ever. Yeah. He's so much better fat. He was way better fat. Yeah.

Like, for the rest of our dogs, Chris Penn is the best. 100%. Dude, he looks like a Har way better fat. Yeah. Like, for the rest of our dogs, Chris Penn is the best. A hundred percent. Dude, he looks like a Haribo gummy bear. Yeah, he does. He's, like, so perfectly rounded in every edge. He's got a perfect little belly. The shoulders are round, like, the cheeks.

He's the best. Yeah, he's a cartoon. Even in, um, it's such a, it's not a great movie, but it just makes me laugh. Corky Romano. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever seen it? Of course. Yeah, where it's him and Peter Bergberg and peterberg's illiterate and it just says chocolate vanilla and strawberry and

he's like i'll take the rocky road it's like we don't have that he's like what all right mint chocolate chip there's just all these kids behind let's get all pissed off dude let me show you the list of 1986 movies. This is going to fucking blow your skull. I want to read it. I want to hear it. You won't believe it. Canon Pictures was around. I might believe it.

Dude. Which is the finest film company that ever existed. And many were made in Texas. All right. Domestic box office for right. Domestic top. Domestic box office for 1986. Top grossing. Are you ready for this?

Yeah. Dave? Maybe. Number one, Top Gun. Two, Crocodile Dundee. The Karate Kid Part Two, Back to School. Aliens. The Color Purple.

Star Trek IV, Ruthless People, Out of Africa, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Down and Out in Beverly Hills, The Color of Money, Stand By Me, Legal Eagles, Cobra, The Jewel Denial, whatever. Police Academy 3, The Golden Child. Poltergeist, yeah. Poltergeist 2, Short Circuit, Pretty in Pink, The Fly. Are you still listening to this? It's everything's good. Dude, The Fly, Rocky 4, Running Scared, The Money Pit. Did I say The Money Pit?

No. The Money Pit. That say The Money Pit? No Yeah The Money Pit That's with Tom Hanks Gung Ho Hannah and Her Sisters Still a known movie An American Tale The Bible Goes West

Nothing in Common Heartbreak Ridge Jumpin' Jack Flash Friday the 13th Part 6 Soul Man Wildcats Soul Man. Wild Cats. Soul Man, which is, it's the best John C. Howell, or C. Thomas Howell movie with blackface. Yes, blackface.

Easily. Yes. With blackface. Wild Cats. Do you remember Wild Cats? Goldie Hawn. Goldie Hawn? Yeah.

The football team? Yeah. Spies Like Us, Iron Eagle. Hold on, dude. Number 42. Three Amigos. Are you serious yes holy shit 101 dalmatians back to the future is 47 flight of the navigator that's a great movie the delta force howard the duck in at 54 what young blood 58 lady in the tramp 59 sleeping beauty psycho 3 What? Youngblood, 58. Lady and the Tramp, 59. Sleeping Beauty, Psycho 3.

Nightmare on Elm Street, 2. Little Shop of Horrors. It's the best year of movies. Of all time. I try and say this to everybody. All these... That's incredible. How many fucking bangers in one calendar year?

I didn't even finish. I had enough because I don't want to piss anybody off. Do you know who plays the voice of the ship in Flight of the Navigator? No. Paul Reubens. Does he really peewee herman what's it sound like it's not him right no it doesn't sound like regular until he laughs at one point yeah i was watching with my son and i was like oh shit it's paul rubens yeah which he was he was not people kept trying to pin the pedo stuff on him and he wasn't. Yeah.

That poor guy. He got fucked. Yeah, he was definitely... I did some weird shit, but like beating off in a... But he was in a porn theater. Yeah, in a porn theater. He just got recognized.

Yeah. If you saw Shane in a porn theater, he'd be fucking... You know. You'd be like, the guy in the Notre Dame hat. Yeah. I've seen on Netflix. Notre Dame cond seen yeah you gotta you gotta do a lot less but yeah he was that poor guy got fucked well he it was

weird because when he got arrested he looked like buffy the vampire slayer paul rubens so he had like the creepy vampire mullet yeah so i'm shocked anybody was like that's peewee herman it just looked like any piece of trash that would jerk off. Jerking off in a nudie booth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he really got unlucky. That's a costume for beating off in a movie theater.

Yeah, really. It's probably what he was like, this is my, do you think it would work for the film? Yeah, I bet it was on his coat rack and he was like, well, here's the wig I got to wear. And I'm fucking,

emptied my nuts in this dirty booth. Dave, talk about your show, buddy. I want you to promote. Oh, I have a show called Normal World. It's on Blaze TV, but also YouTube, which is more important. I'm really trying to stick into the conservative sphere. It's done wonders for my career. Well, I'm glad you're out. Huh?

You're out. Kind of. I mean, I'm still in the sphere because it's blazed. But it's not really. That's a different sphere. We're sort of in a, yeah. It's a different planet. Yeah, I just, I'm tired of it.

Yeah. Of all of it. Yeah. I don't know. I should promote this better. Sorry. Of all of it. Yeah. I don't know. I should promote this better. Sorry. My show, you say? Well, you being tired of like, it's just exhausting carrying the weight of hardcore conservatism.

Yeah, or any of it. Instead of just what you are, which is naturally funny and fun-loving and jolly. Thank you. And yeah, people definitely want you to be something you're not a lot of the time. Yeah. But yeah, we actually filmed it in the old Paramount building where a lot of those 1986 films may have been connected to. Yeah.

As well as Walker, Texas Ranger. Yeah. Every episode was shot in that building. Really? Yeah, yeah. It's beautiful. Yeah. Chuck Norris.

His legacy lives on. Is Chuck dead? No, no. He's still going? He still does weight training videos. The commercial for his fly machine? Oh, yeah. He's got to be 86.

Suzanne Somers is dead. She's dead. And she was the one doing the, was it the ass blast? Yeah, yeah. The Thighmaster. Yeah, ass blast. Jesus Christ. You in the fucking nudie booth with Pee Ass Blaster? Yeah, yeah. The Thighmaster. Yeah, Ass Blaster. Jesus Christ. You in the fucking nudie booth with

Pee Wee Arman, dude? I was. The Chuck Norris Ass Blaster. Ass Blaster 3 is on this list. Oh, is it really? At 74. No way. And Police Academy? April Fool's Day. Oh, 68. Labyrinth. Loved Labyrinth. Dude, Labyrinth is great with Bowie. Bowie, unbelievable. Critters. Critters is great with bowie bowie unbelievable critters critters is

great big trouble little china coming in 72 russell one of his finest and john carpenters except the thing that beats it uh sorry no you're you're crushing blue velvet uh i'm trying to skip over some here haps blue ribbon quick silver mac wise guys she's gotta have it that was joe piscopo yeah piscopo yeah he had a run baby piscopo had a run he did he had a very good he had a very good career from about 1986 to 1986 the transformers the movie the very first one 110 oh the cartoon yeah yeah troll invaders from mars troll that was about troll as opposed to troll 2 that was about nothing The very first one. 110. Oh, the cartoon. Yeah. Yeah. Troll. Invaders from Mars.

Troll that was about troll as opposed to troll two that was about nothing. This is incredible. This is why I'm firing these off, dude. We're Siskel and Ebert with sexual problems. People want to know this. Yeah. This is why my dick don't work. Yeah. Keep going.

Broken dick Siskel and Ebert. I think that's pretty much it. But it keeps going. I'm sure there's a bunch here. But isn't that Rad? The biking? Yeah. Rad at 153.

The dirt bike movie. Yeah. Platoon. 157. Platoon. Platoon. One of the greatest movies of all time. Platoon's a masterpiece. Platoon. Platoon. Dude, Platoon's a masterpiece. One of the greatest movies of all time. Platoon's a masterpiece. Oliver Stone's masterpiece.

And besides Major League, Tom Berenger's finest hour. Oh, by far. I just love Major League. I can't. The fact that they got rid of Chief Wahoo and they call it, I just, it's offensive. I'm sorry. Going to interrupt again. Hoosiers.

It's a great movie. 170. Gene Hackman. I can't believe that was made that year too so was everybody just at the movies every day yes that's all you did how else could you do it that's no you had to go to the movies was that was a thing to do was gremlins gremlins had to be 85 or 84 it was probably right around there yeah yeah isn't that nuts dude I love I love exposing people about 1986 movies that's a damn fine year.

It's the best ever. Because I did the thing that you're doing now. I remember a great movie coming out on either side of that. I looked up 85 box office top hits. There's a bunch of masterpieces in there. Well, and they're all bizarre. Not all of them. But they all have a weirdness to them that I like.

Even Top Gun is just such a gay fantasy for an hour and a half. Yes. People have overblown. Yeah. But I like it. Yeah. But have you ever seen the trailer cut of Top Gun as a gay porn? No. Where it's just the romance between Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise. It's great. And it's like, it just cuts between them playing volleyball shirtless to like the scenes in the bedroom with just the curtains moving. Dude,

who's the, and then there's also one of my favorites, which is over the top, the arm wrestling movie. Yeah. With Stallone. Yeah. With Stallone. And it's the kid gets in the arm wrestling movie. Yeah, with Stallone? Yeah, with Stallone.

And the kid gets in the truck and he's like, why do you have all these pictures of me? And then by the end of it, it's like Stallone chasing the kid down the street and it's just called Molester Stallone. Dude. Yeah, that's one of my favorites is when you just take those trailers and turn them into anything.

You gotta cut that part out. Yeah, there's a comic. We're done anyway, but there's a comic. All right, Jesus. Yeah. All right, I'll take it off camera. Dave, thank you. No, my show.

What? You said to promote it. Yeah, promote it. You didn't let me. Yeah, yes, I did. They can go... They can go to Blaze TV or YouTube. I wish that was beer, baby, I did. They can go. They can go to Blaze TV or YouTube. I wish that was beer, baby.

I know. I would smash your car all over fucking Austin with you. You're not the only one. Damn, if you ever want to do it. If you ever want to relapse. This is not something you want to tell your boy. If you ever want to relapse. I'm your guy.

I'm not. Yeah, no, maybe one day. Yeah, no, don't. Oh, please. No, don't. Don't send me with a good time. Don't, don't. I've your guy. I'm not. Yeah. No, maybe one day. Yeah. No, don't. Oh, please. No. Don't tempt me with a good time. Don't. Don't.

I've only crashed. I'll drive. Oh. You know what I mean? I'll put a little helmet on you, a little bike helmet. I never thought about that. We're getting a little bumper ball, like Fat Sean Penn. Oh, yeah.

Or Billy Penn. Billy Penn. Billy Penn or whatever his name is. Sorry, Fat Sean Penn. Sorry, Fat Sean Penn. It's so sad that Sean Penn starring fat Sean Penn it's so sad that Sean Penn's the one that's alive and it's not Chris Penn I know

we get the angry guy who wants to go shake hands with El Chapo instead of the fat guy who's a mess of our dogs who looks like a gummy bear brilliant work though oh man he was the best. Anyway, yeah, check out my...

It's Normal World. You can go to YouTube. We do sketches, conversations, a lot of movie talk. And also, my movie, The King, is going to be coming out

again soon. We re-released it for a day to see how it would do. It got a bunch of hits and a bunch of love, which I was shocked by. Let's go.

Because I just never realized people would like it. Yeah, of course and that's ingrained with with regardless yeah quality so yeah it was from 2013 and I was like I just put it online see people like that's awesome and they loved it so it's gonna go on sale again soon and then it's gonna go on to a few streaming services let's go so yeah thank you for coming here thank you for having me yeah fuck that guy for taking the wrong route dude he's a piece of shit he's a piece of real piece of shit i gotta film 20 minutes in the car right now we gotta go i love you i love you i'll see

you soon okay bye thank you bye bye you bye you want the last word or something? No. I like root beer. There's not root beer in there, baby. Oh. We going for a ride. Hope you like this.