Stuff Island - Stuff Island #1 - San Francisco Rave

Episode Date: November 9, 2021

We made some technical errors, stayed too long in SF and got laid in a motel 6 after winning a costume contest. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, toss me that... I can't vape on screen. I know, I know. Could you imagine? It's so embarrassing. First episode, vaping on screen. Yeah, my God. But I do kind of...

Don't start. It does help. It does help. Get it out of the way. It does help. Yeah, it's like standing outside smoking cigarettes. It's nice. Yeah, well, I'll just do one of these.

It feels good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blow it down into the shirt. This comes out like a Halloween adventure. Dude, I tried to do it on the plane, and it just a big cloud came out. All right, let's fucking do it. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just TBD, though, right? What? Name-wise? Yeah, I guess. I also don't even give a fuck about doing an intro of any kind. I'd rather just start. Yeah. It's just TBD though, right? What? Name-wise? Yeah, I guess. I also don't even give a fuck about doing like an intro of any kind. I'd rather just start. All right.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I feel like it would be better. I'm not opposed to an awkward start. Yeah. You've been on a fair one. There's no strategy here. No, and it also does feel... Is that awkward for you? Should we move this thing? Everything's awkward for me. Yeah, yeah's no strategy here. No, and it also does fit. Is that awkward for you?

Should we move this thing? Everything's awkward for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no fucking... But I feel like you need a little bit more. No, this is good. Hold on. If I come this way just a little bit, you can like extend that.

That's good. I know you're... I'm glad you have a nice little whiskey holder there. You got it all. Yeah, yeah. Wait, do we need to fix your setup? No. I'll just complain about it passive-aggressively.

Like I do everything else. You have to reach past the mic. Yeah, I got to fucking Jenga this whole thing. But that's fine. We're good. We got some big news, though. You're coming to Skankfest.

I just told you to keep that fucking quiet. You're just jacking it off right now? Yeah, but I mean, by the time this comes out, you're going to be down in Houston. Well, yeah. You're not drunk in a bar anymore.

Yeah, I haven't had a bite to eat in 24 hours hours we had three happy hour beers which is the perfect amount of beer to make a bad decision it is it is it is and i looked up the hard press you did give me a hard press which i appreciate and you also give me a bargaining chip it's true which that we should that was that oh you want to slow play that now? Okay, so all the chips on your side. Let's make sure that gets confirmed. We better fucking get confirmed. That guy confirmed it. You have until Thursday at 1229,

Terminal 4, to cancel this fucking trip. Dude. I'll say it. I'll say what the bargaining chip was. No, first of all, I appreciate the push because I did want to go hang out with my buddies.

Yeah, yeah. I don't have any agenda Schedule wise there Which is why I was hesitant But you're right I should be going there And having fun with my boys Yeah And you know

Nobody has any agenda there Nobody knows I know I know I've been to festivals before I know what the fuck Is going to happen Alright dude alright

You're getting defensive I'm already defensive Because I was like Don't tell anyone Yeah No I But I- You're getting defensive now. I'm already defensive. Because I was like, don't tell anyone. No, but I looked up the wrong flights. Let me say this. Yeah.

This was key. Dude. This was key to getting you on board because you committed for flights in December. That's what happened. I did. I looked up flights in December and they were $157. And I was like, this is a fucking no brainer, dude. I'll spend that here in one day, you know, in Grubhub and Bartab.

100%. By myself. Then you're already committed. Yeah. Just watching you animals. And you looked up the actual flights. I'd be so depressed watching your IG stories back then like I didn't fucking care. Yeah.

You know, I'm like, oh man. Instead, we're going to be there blacked out and not i'm not remembering anything on instagram yeah no i'm still not i'll actually be checking your instagram stories in the hotel that i'm in just not going to the show we're lying in bed together yeah they're acting like they're having fun with fucking pussies they're not fun this is gay shit no. No, but I did it. Yeah. 157 bucks. Made sense. Came home.

The third beer wore off. Yeah. Flights were booked. I'm on the toilet. I set the actual dates. It was like 480 bucks. Yeah. But it'll be worth it. It'll be fun.

You didn't even want to talk about it. Now you're telling the ticket price. The whole story. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because you set it up. And now here's the bargaining chip.

Okay. For my birthday, which is November 21st, you said you and Santino are going to be at the Saints game. The Eagles game. Well, yeah. That day, who knows? Who knows whose game it is? No, no.

A lot's changed. Yeah, yeah. A lot has changed. Winston's out. The Eagles got a chance. Yeah, yeah. A chance. I kind of want him to shit the bed the whole way Yeah, yeah. A lot has changed. Winston's out. Yeah. Eagle's got a chance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A chance. I kind of want him to shit the bed the whole way through, though.

I want Sirianni to be on the fucking, on the Stokes. Right, right. Now, at this point now, it's like, you want to do as bad as possible and get the draft pick. The chip, though, is field passes, which is different. I get spoiled through Fox and iHeart and the radio, sports radio I do. I get spoiled. I have like row three.

That's not the field. These are field passes. Right. This is a big fucking deal. This is like, dude. This is what I'm saying. Oh, man. It's going to immediately not happen.

I would have went to a lesbian book reading festival in Austin for those field passes. So I'm committed. Yeah, yeah. Well, hopefully, yeah. We did get committed. Yeah. Yeah. Well, hopefully. Yeah. We did get confirmation. Yeah.

But he's a stranger. This guy could just be, he could literally be like, Hey, heard your podcast. Yeah. It's all not going to work out. I don't like that dude.

I don't like the way he looks. I don't like his fucking chip. Yeah. He's very aggressive and I don't want him anywhere near me and my, my daughter. Our neighbor really fucked you up. What do you mean? Oh yeah. He did. Dude. Our neighbor really fucked you up. What do you mean? Oh, yeah.

He did, dude. Honest to God. You're looking at everyone with a side eye now. I've been waiting to tell you that story. And it only happened because we passed him on our way to the gym. Dude, I can't believe. I didn't even see because I always look at the ground when I'm walking. Yeah, you are a sketchy motherfucker, dude.

Yeah. How much do you think he hates you? So much. Like I said, I walked him by. Yeah, you are. Sketchy motherfucker, dude. Yeah, how much do you think he hates you? So much. Like I said, I walked him by. I walked him by. I walked him by the same day. Yeah, yeah. And he fucking, he mean mugged me.

Yeah. But I was like, that's just nothing that's in your head. No, I actually heard the words and confirmed it with our landlord. That is so funny. Who was out front talking to him. And I've been waving at this little mussolini hey for for for listeners sakes the dude's built he's built like a like a like a bubbly wine cork he has like he's he's bulbous in all the wrong spots yeah he's bald he's probably

five four five five five six max yeah let's. Yeah, sorry. You're much taller, dude. That's probably why he's mean mugging you. You don't get irrationally angry at people at 5'6". Yeah, he's probably been in two midget fights before. He's like, I got to fight this guy. He's going to take my wife. He definitely gives off the vibe of someone who's never been in a fight before in his entire life. His whole objective is steering you clear of fighting with an aggressive look and approach.

Yeah, yeah. He's dead. He aggressive look and approach. Yeah, yeah. He's steady. He's barking at people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're autistic and you have bow legs. So he's probably really scared of you because you have a dog. I do have a dog body for sure. Your torso is very long too.

You have an elongated torso. I have a long torso? You're unusually jacked. I've said this to many people. Yes. It's don't say that. You started this. You've already.

No, no, no comments. This is a compliment. You have a ridiculous frame that the first, whatever, five years I've known you, six years, seven years, eight years, whatever the fuck it was. I just figured you were doing prison workouts in your bedroom. then i've been living with you for two years and i'm like he had he doesn't do anything physically but he maintains this but you've also saw me with my shirt off it's not well no i know your level of depression and angst and that's usually what keeps your body in shape all just shoulders there's a there's like you're burning fat with your sadness at some point at some point

in like the year 1066 in ireland some guys only survived only survived because he had artificially large shoulders yeah it's usually holding up your drunk wives that are overlarged just giant bulky women and i I descended from that guy. Yeah. So I just like. Yeah. Well, let's compliment you first. I'm going to go back to this little fucking bulldog.

We started going to the gym together the last, what, month? Month and a half? Now? Yeah. And it's remarkable. The compliment here is your strength levels, without doing anything prior in the past, your athleticism is unm unmatched no no you what

they call muscle matched and surpassed it's well dad does it i know what i'm doing i'm talking about the regular i'm talking about regular people it takes a lot to do what you pulled off and you have a natural muscle memory athletic frame there is women at our gym they're crushing wow let's pump the brakes on the w word you look close they have mustaches dude i also they're crossfit that's not there's no more women men category when you're a crossfit door dude the amount of people first of all i think it's bad yeah we both know that it's bad to talk about going to the gym period well

it's why you just look down upon to be being healthy gross you should be ashamed to be there which is the problem with everyone else i'm not fucking taking selfless shirt uh no no no i know i know yeah this is not like a boasting thing no no i know take care of yourself it's part of the dark it's part of this and look good in a dark shirt that's the fucking goals of life dude oh my god it's a nightmare i can't show some eggs no you know i'm gonna wear puffy sweaters wear a turtleneck for the rest of it no way dude i will say that i hate you in a turtleneck i look great in a turtleneck you do look good in a turtleneck and everyone compliments you no not everyone everyone but the women in this industry running yeah when you put that turtleneck on and i it's a listen it's a level of confidence that that takes more than the gym dude it's i

don't have it you have to surpass the bullshit and and you know growing up with with older brothers i knew the moment i stepped to like the third step down my steps like when my brothers were in the living room i knew they were going to bust my balls about anything I was wearing. So I prepared myself. As I tightened my shoes, I'm like, Steve's going to make fun of my yellow sneakers. I know right now he's fat and he has braces. So I prepared myself with bullets.

I had bullets ready going. As soon as he opens his mouth, go, yeah, you have braces, you fucking idiot. And you're in third track, and you're not starting on your football team. I came out hard. Your brothers made fun of you for wearing nice clothes or for wearing shitty clothes?

Nice clothes. More fashionable than our little neighborhood provided for. Wait, when did you make the choice to go? I used to dress myself in first grade. My mother says it all the time. I would lay out my outfits before I went to school. I would have matching a matching chuck chuck taylors yeah and i'd put like a little pant pantsuit out and then a color yeah i'd color coordinate and stuff like this is what i want to wear and then my brother's got a hold

of it and they were like nah we're gonna make you feel bad about this every day they still do they still try to what happens is like let's say when cargo pants were fucking hot in the early 90s in Delco, I got my tits ripped as if I was wearing a turtleneck around my waist. They were like, what are these? And they would just bust. What were they wearing? Well, they weren't popular yet. Cargo pants when they—

You were ahead of the cargo pants? God damn right I was. And then what would happen was, a year or two later, they would get them at like Express or Structure. Do you remember Structure? Yes, I do. So they would start rocking cargo pants. And I'm like, I fucking told you, but I was always way ahead of curve. But when you're ahead of the curve, you get your tits ripped.

It's true. Yeah. Because like skinny jeans started to come in. You're rocking right now, aren't you? No, no, no. These are pretty pretty. These are skinny. This isn't from squats today. I know that. Dude, these are skinny. These are pretty, pretty. These are skinny? This isn't from squats today.

I know that. Dude, these are skinny? You are filling these boys out. Dude, I literally... 2830s? I bought jeans that were this... You look like an elf on a shelf right now. Swinging your legs, right?

I know, I know. I can't. I can't do it. Dude, did I ever tell you, like, I went on a blind date once. Yeah. Was she blind? No, we went to a blind date once. Yeah. Was she blind? No, we went to a sushi. I wish she was.

What a pop-pop joke that was, dude. Delivered it. We went to a sushi bar because I thought I was like, you know, that's fancy for me. Yeah, yeah. Of course it is. I don't even look up how many stars it has or whatever. It's just sushi is. Yeah.

What year was this? This is like 04, 05. Yeah, yeah. Definitely. Yeah. What year was this? This is like 04, 05. Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I, first of all, they sit us at a table and my feet are swinging. Swinging, dude. And I already had. Were you in like a Belgian beer hall? Why were the seats so high?

It was like Morimoto or something. Right, but Japanese are tiny little people too. Well, that's what I thought. I thought there was no way. Was everybody swinging their feet? I thought we'd be sitting on the floor or some shit like they do. Instead, instead. That's not sushi.

We were irrational. Why? That's Japanese. No, that's like Moroccan. I went to a Moroccan place. Everybody had to sit on pillows and shit. Wait, what about in Donnie Brasco when they go to the Japanese place? That's not the part in Donnie Brasco I remember.

Really? They go to the Japanese place. He's got the wire in his boot? No, I don't remember that. And they're like, take your fucking boots off. I mean, it's part of the culture, but it's not popular amongst Americans. American-Japanese fusion. Anyway, I didn't see the

high chair. I didn't see a high chair coming. So she was comfortable. So that's already I'm in trouble well yeah cause there's no way I would've scooted up you gotta scoot up

and pretend you're back straight I'm telling you the floor was forever away how'd you get in you climbing this you were in a high chair

yeah yeah I got one of those like like how soldiers got into a castle. Yeah. Yeah. Like ninjas do. Yeah.

You just waited. Crouching tiger, hidden dragon. Yeah, dude. And then. Crouching tiger, hidden Okani. Yeah. And then I fucking. So that's already bad start.

Yeah. I'm sweating. Yeah. Then the waiter comes up to the table. Asks us if we want any drinks. Yeah. Or six more inches. Yeah. Yeah. Then the waiter comes up to the table, asks us if we want any drinks. Yeah. Or six more inches. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And he was eyeing me. He was mean mugging me. Yeah. Was he American or Japanese? He was an American guy. Yeah. Was he interested in your date?

He was trying to push you down like my brother's pushed me down. Yeah. He was trying. I'll tell you why he was interested. He was trying to get some sushi himself. He takes our drink order. He leaves the table And she goes That's my ex-boyfriend

I just broke up with him Like a week ago Oh my god This fucking savage Took you to Where her ex-boyfriend Works I took her

Well didn't she be like Well it was kind of This blind date thing And my friends Had told her That I was like Look This guy's gonna take you

To like some Irish pub Or something like that Yeah you do have that vibe Don't don't prepare old shepherd's pie chrissy can't swing you yeah don't swing your legs from while you're we're still in the back of well an irish pub has a bar stool yes feet and they also have the copper pole they have they have booster yes they have many different places for short people to put their feet all right it's people to put their feet. Oh, right.

It's also to put the rest of your body when you're based to fuck out. They're all just levels of catcher. It's a place to piss behind. Yeah, it's a little trough. And, uh... Yeah, so this guy was our waiter for the whole meal.

Oh, my God. Wait, she told you this after you first sat down? No, no, no. Well, after he took our drink order. Yeah, I would get one drink, fucking piss off. Or did you get off on this?

No, because that looks weak, doesn't it? You liked it. No, I didn't like it. No, it doesn't. What do you mean? You make it seem like it's for her. You go, I don't want you to be in this situation. But meanwhile, you don't want to be in that situation.

Also, aren't you worried about what's happening in the kitchen? This dude doing little cummies in your sush? He was putting a good face on it. I bet he was. I bet he was. I bet he was. Did you get sick? No. I bet you had little bubble guts. I got a pretty durable stomach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard you.

Yeah, no, but you didn't think, I thought I'd look like a bitch if I ran. I don't think. If I was like, alright, let's run. No, I We got drinks already. Where we going? We got snacks. Where the fuck are we going? We got snacks now. No, we got drinks already. Where are we going? We got snacks. Where the fuck are we going? We got snacks now.

No, I think I... Honestly, God, this is going to sound so fucking meatheadish, but I oftentimes avoid situations like this because I don't trust myself. So if I feel like even this girl I just met is going to be disrespected by an ex, I know I'm going to have to act out or, or try and, you know, dethrone this, this dude for being a disrespectful dickhead. And I know

if I put myself in a situation, yeah. Like walking, remember when we walked into the bodega earlier today and the drug dealer was arguing a $10 receipt. There was two people behind, behind him. And I was like, Chris, no. I know you want this right now. I can't do it. Because I think in my head, I've been in situations where you let that shit fester. This fucking maniac is going to say something wrong to the wrong person. If it's not you, you're still in a situation like, well, now I'm going to have to act. And you get older, and you go, I can't be doing that shit anymore, especially when it comes to exes.

Relationship, that's the shit where like i want no parts you don't know what that dude did you don't know what she did you don't know where their their situation or relationship still lies you're just you just met this girl so you why trust her in the situation go look this is kind of i don't i don't want sushi anyway say anything i'm like i gotta get out of here i don't want sushi anyway. Say anything. I've like, I gotta get out of here. I don't want sushi anyway. Whatever. It's a bad example. I would say, look, I'm not comfortable with your ex taking a shit in my, in my sushi. But see, I pride myself on remaining calm. I bet you do.

In any situation. Right. We were vastly different, which is why this might work. Right, right. Well, it didn't. It didn't. Okay. So what happened?

We had the, we had the whole date. He was fine. But she wasn't locked into you because of his situation. She always, every time he came to the table, she probably shifted, right? But at this moment in my life, and probably still, I've never been like, man, she's probably not paying close attention to me.

Right. Because this other thing that she's dealing with, I've just been like well yeah you know what you do have this we just gotta yeah that's actually run the ball i would just describe your personality is every meal we've had together your ex is serving us that's kind of who you are i it's weird that it's funny though because i do believe i i agree with you i think that like that's your comfort zone you're totally okay with Yeah. You weren't bugged out by all, by any of it, but here's what I'm asking you. Can you understand and imagine that her energy

was shifted to the point where she was never invested in it. So look, this is like a deep character flaw of mine, which is I will think that I'm rising above the situation. Yeah, man. We all dressed up like Superman for Halloween. To the point where it's like everyone around me is like, you know you have to try to kill this person, right? Yes. Well, no, that would be me losing my cool.

And then I look sad. That's the one side of the coin I started with. The other side of the coin is she's never going to... You left your bedroom ready to murder people. Yes, true. Now look, I agree. Murder your own family over your shoes. My character flaw is aggression first.

But if you play your character flaw, it's more about her behavior in that situation that's going to alter the course of the night well i tried to be super charming and get it's not gonna fucking matter all she's caring about is looking happy just like he put a face on acting like i don't care yeah she's serving the dude who's gonna dick her down she's filling the belly of the guy that's good he's giving you energy to fuck his ass what are you talking about what I didn't say you're not paying. I said he's literally walking food to the table to give you energy to fuck his ex-girlfriend.

He doesn't know what we're up to. What do you think he was thinking? I don't know. Chris! These are the mental games that I play to stay calm. But you're not that naive and you're not that fucking dumb. You know what? At the time, I think I, at the time, I think I was. I think I was like, look, I'm just going to play this cool. And also like this fucking,

I'm the big man. Yeah. Yeah. I got your girl out on a date. Yeah, no, I get that. That's kind of hot. She's, you know, that I know who you are now.

Yeah, right. And yeah, I'm still going to play cool. You see me sweating? Yeah, dude. You're fucking, you're fucking you're you're talking about my feet are sweating you're just trying to be cool meanwhile you can't touch the floor yeah you think i'm sweating yeah yeah not until this raw chicken and my sushi hits me and i'm just barreled over the bowl.

Do you guys have any cooked sushi? Yeah. Just to be sure. Go get that raw tuna well done. That's what you should have done. You should have started ordering shit off the menu. Yeah, yeah. Stuff to make them really fucking work. Did you have a second date?

No. Exactly. No. You probably would have. I think I could have. I've had a bunch of missed opportunities in my life yeah well i mean who the fuck would say no to that everybody has missed opportunities i could have went out tonight and i'm sitting here with you you could be doing anything anything else

but yeah that happened this weekend yeah with my rave i went to a rave Oh dude Yeah This story's hilarious Yeah Can we tell the other story? That's Patreon stuff Come on For sure that's Patreon stuff No this is goods This is the goods No that's Patreon material

You gotta sign up You gotta drop the popcorn Sign up for the Patreon What? You gotta drop the popcorn Before they get to the Patreon No no It's one of the best stories

I know but they gotta pay for that one Well I don't wanna say it like that Alright you're just not comfortable Telling it publicly Yeah this is our Come on Yeah you're right one of the best stories i know but they gotta pay for that one well i don't want to say it like that all right you're just not comfortable telling it publicly yeah this is our come on yeah you're right we gotta i'm sorry we gotta ease in and also it's like yeah all the dark stuff's gonna be on the page that is holy fuck yeah if i can be i can be that cheese ball to say sign up for the patreon for this for this story i've i've been in many wild scenarios. Not even close to that scenario, but I've heard other stories of that scenario,

but not close to your scenario. I know it's a very weird way to say this. Yeah, that's a good trailer for that. It's a good trailer for that. No, that's a fucked up story, man. It actually gave me... The only thing i'll say about this story yeah he told it to me i picked you up in philly well this is what you do you do this a

lot you have an amazing thing to tell me and it won't come out until like so if you're on the road and you come home on like a monday or sunday night wednesday you'll be like oh so anyway i got this guy who has nfl uh field passes and we can go to any game and i'm like i've been in contact with you for the last 85 hours not my guy whatever yeah this is a again terrible analogy yeah but it is yeah yeah because i feel uncomfortable right right but it's also, it's exposing your diary of something that is so awkward. So we're driving,

where are we driving? Oh, Philly to, Philly back to New York. Yeah. We got stuck in traffic. Yes. We were already in traffic for two hours,

three hours. We got the dog in the car. The dog is having a shit fit. You begin to tell me this story very nonchalantly, as you do, like a psychopath. And by the middle of it, I was so anxious that I literally was rolling down the window like the dog, drooling off his tongue, trying to get fresh air,

thinking about I should get out. I was like, stop, stop, stop telling me this because I felt myself in that scenario going, I can't even imagine how you stuck it out and you did just like this date well times a million you sat in that awkwardness and this was dangerous this wasn't like it was it was dangerous but i also like i do that i put myself in dangerous situations out of sheer sheer curiosity just because i want to like feel something yes i want to experience no no chris that's how people die and they go you'll never know like what they were thinking yeah that's that people die that's not how i die oh yeah yeah you always have a way out, huh? Yeah. Not in this fucking

story. There was no exit, no exit strategy. In fact, your, your dick was leading the way. Let's be honest. Your dick was the brain power. Your dick was doing all the power. That happens quite a bit. A hundred percent. For sure. But it is also, I like, I had to see where that went. This is unfair now at this point to be talking about this story. You got to tell it. You have to tell it. We'll tell it on the Patreon. All right.

But I did a similar thing in San Francisco. Oh yeah. Let's get back to the rave. Yeah. Yeah. So in San Francisco, I was ready. This is also like, this is like a definition of autism. Like some of your behaviors.

Honestly, God, dude, I've been watching a lot of docs and you have yeah your spectrum to the max dude you think so we gotta get you on dating on the spectrum at a sushi joint that's essentially what you did i have some uncomfortable feelings about dating on this you forced me to watch dating that's wonderful for it is good we're gonna re-watch it's stressful if that's If anyone watches Dating on the Spectrum like, ha ha, I would never do that. I don't understand who you are. Well, that's me. No.

Dude, 100%. It's very entertaining. And it's adorable. I feel empathy. They're sympathetic. You do all the same stuff. Yeah, what? That they do.

Why? 100%. Can they throw a ball into a trash can from 40 yards? Yeah, yeah. I'm not talking about that part. I'm talking about, I'm talking about the part where you convince you're in love

with whoever you're about to go on a first date with. Yes. Yeah. That's kind of Audie. That's Audie. That's 100%. That's Audie for sure.

She's like, you know, she seems great. It's like, it's literally the first person you've never been on a date with. Oh, I got good numbers. Yeah, you have good numbers,

but you still, which is even worse. You ever read Johnny Bench's career numbers? He's got good numbers, dude. This is your 1,000th date and you're like, look, I just, you know, I feel like she's just so kind and sweet.

Yeah, well, that's, it's a disguise. I understand. You mean the girl who threw up on you at the bar? What? What'd you say? You mean the girl who threw up on you at the bar? What? What'd you say? You mean the girl who threw up on you at the bar? That's the one who's, I just want to meet someone.

She was just very nervous to meet someone so charming. I just want to be in love and love. All right. So the point is, you had a weekend with Santino in San Francisco. You go to a bar to get a meal prior to your flight. And then what? Yeah. Well,

I, Santino left and, uh, like we both, his, he was supposed to leave like early Sunday morning after our shows, but his flight got canceled. So we wound up like chilling for the day.

We went out, we went out to this like roof deck, which was fucking amazing. This, this kid, uh, who is, who is opening this dude

joe avery was the fucking man like we just like went to his buddy's place and we were just like on top of it was like the most beautiful san francisco day ever and then uh and we had a great time and then we like santino i sat next to like some fire in the hotel and just like shot the shit and fucking had a great time would your feet feet touch the ground? Yeah, dude. I got, I was like low chairs only at this point. Yeah. Yeah. Low chairs only. I can't eat. So, yeah. So then, so I'm feeling great. Yeah. He leaves my flights not for another like four or five hours. So I was like, you know what? I'm just going to walk around down. I have nowhere to be. Yeah. And I'm just going to go to the airport. So I walk to downtown San Francisco.

I find this bar. I'm like, I just need to eat. I'll have a drink and just wait until it's a more appropriate time to go to the airport. I sit down and these two bubbly, fun girls come in. And they sit down right next to me. Just start talking, shooting the shit. This is a Sunday. Yeah.

This is Sunday. Drunk idiots coming off. Yeah. It's Halloween. Oh, it's Halloween. It's Halloween. They just got off their shift at the cheesecake factory.

Yeah. No. Yeah. You didn't tell me that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The two cheesecake factory employees,

they're bitching about life with it. They weren't all black with like stains, like cheese. No, I think they had changed. I think maybe they just had a meeting or something like that, but they're just bitching about like other people they work with at the cheesecake factory where they're doing that in like that loud kind of way

that almost wants like other people to participate. Yeah. I dated those people. It's like, I am though. Yeah. Yeah. I've done it.

Yeah. And, uh, so I, I fucking, I just strike up a conversation with them. We're just talking about Cheesecake Factory and whether it's great. How good it is. How many stories do you have about Cheesecake Factory?

Keep up with this. Yeah, yeah. So then I'm just like, what are you guys doing tonight? And they're like, oh, we're going to go get changed. We've been looking for like devil horns for our costumes or whatever all day. And we haven't been able to find them. But we're like, we're going to go get changed we've been looking for like devil horns for our costumes or whatever all day and we haven't been able to find them uh but we're like we're gonna go out we're going to this we're going to this fucking place called the temple and i was like that sounds interesting um so i order another drink yeah yeah of course yeah i order another drink yeah yeah and then uh

they're like yeah we're going to it's this dj the green velvet or something like that jesus christ and i literally i don't think that's where i'm calling check i don't think i've ever been to a dj show but it was outside lands like which i guess is some big yeah was it indoor outdoor this was outdoor but it was like a guy who was in town for outside lands was doing just like a show. Tickets were cheap. They were like 25 bucks or something. Yeah.

So it was like, whatever. I'll just like. Yeah, it's because there's like 90,000 people, right? No, no. It was like, there's probably like 400 people. That's it? It was a small. Yeah.

This DJ sucks. Yeah. No, he was amazing. He's got CDs ready cds ready he's nah there's no way 25 hours 400 people yeah no dude big this isn't a stand-up comic green hornet sunglasses yeah afro just like doing that like he was doing that like power shuffle like the whole you know you know and it's like dj booth yeah yeah and he's in a dj booth that has all like one solid panel behind him everything is panels of just light yeah and it's for everyone doing xc except for you i was i didn't i like actively avoided it because i was

like i'm in girls do it i don don't know. They weren't drinking. You're just coming up with this. Sam was drinking. Sam from the Cheesecake Factory was drinking, but the other girls were not. They're all drinking water. So they're all fucking, they're all mollied up. What? Yeah, they must have been. They were ripping cigarettes. Yes!

What? And I just danced my ass off You were dancing I was dancing Dude Which again Unbelievable

I was like if I knew one person here Yeah I'd be leaving Jesus Christ I'd be leaving Can you imagine But I knew no one And everyone I met when I first got there was mean

Yeah Until you started dancing Well it was all dudes Yeah Like mean dudes in private boots yeah and then sam from cheesecake pack was like it's my autistic friend he likes the movie it was great it was her she was she was maybe my age and there was two like 22 23 year old girls and uh they were they were like she like mother hand me every time they lost sight of me, they'd be like, where's Chris?

And they'd get me. And it was so much fun. This is rave on the spectrum. Dude, this is, well, this is, yeah, rave on the spectrum. Well, here's what happened. I first got there, and I was like. I cut you off, by the way. They asked you at the bar to go to this, the rave. Yeah, and I was like uh i cut you off by the way they asked you at the bar to go to this the rave

yeah and i was like hold on yeah your flight was within four hours yeah and they were like just change it yeah they were like change your flight and just come and you texted me and andrew yeah i texted you like feelers yeah i texted you i was like i think i might change my flight go to a you texted me that and i thought you were making fun of San Francisco. And I was like, yeah, pussy, go to the rave. I'll see you in like eight hours. Thinking you're coming home. Yeah.

And then I texted you. I was like, what time are you coming home tonight? You were like, oh, no, I'm not coming home until tomorrow night. I stayed. I'm going to a rave. Yeah. And I was like, wait, what? This is a real story, which is crazy.

Well, and also, your response to my text was like go fucking get it yeah no i did i did i was but i thought you were kidding all right i was like yeah go rave all right well there's yeah yeah that's my one that's my one brake lever that's that's out santino i text santino i'm like i might just stay and go to this rave i just met these two girls. They're from the Cheesecake Factory. And he was like, you should stay. It's like because someday you won't be able to stay. Yeah.

You'll have like real obligations. Yeah. You'll also be as old as I am. And you can't stay. Yeah. Unless you're bouncing. So I'm like, all right, that's break number two. Yeah.

I'm staying. We're going. And you changed your flight at the bar., all right, that's break number two. Yeah. I'm staying. We're going. And you changed your flight at the bar. Yeah. In front of the Cheesecake Crew. Yeah. And then met them later or you went directly from. So the girl that like the girl that is the girl gave me her number and was like, text

me when you get there. Yeah. And I was like, all right. I texted her and I was like, fuck it. I changed my flight. I'm coming. And then she was like, all right, hit me up when you arrive. And they had told me that they knew the DJ or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, of course. They all do. Yeah. So I texted her. Yeah, fucking I'm coming. She's like, all right. I get there and I'm like, hey, I'm here. And she's like, I can't make it.

Oh. So I was like, oh, fuck. But she was like, my friend is there. But that was the lead horse, though. For you and interest. Yeah. This is your sushi date. Yeah.

This is the one you wanted. Yeah. Yeah. And. But you're too late. You already canceled your flight. I canceled my flight. You should have leaned on that.

I got a weird. You should have got some pressure on that going. I just changed my flight to go home. No, because I just. To go dance in a circle with you and your fucking weird cheesecake friends.

Dude, I just can't. You're just a better man, man. You're just, you're just a better man. Look at this stance. You just,

you just knew what you had to do as a, as a bigger man. I'm aware enough at this point, the kind of texts that make me feel empty inside. And one of them is, come on.

You just canceled your flight. And her to be like, yeah, that's great. That's on her. The honus is on her to go, holy shit, this dude decided not to leave. Yeah, her friend was there who was the shit, Sam from Cheesecake Factory. You know what happened? What? She was at like beer three at the bar and she's like, I want to knock around this dude.

And then she sobered up the way I did when I committed to going to Skank Fest. And then she got back home and her boyfriend was like, where are you going? No rave tonight. True, true. Yeah. That's definitely what happened. I'm guessing that something like that happened. She had a man at home Cheesecake time is over

But if there was Dude There's no night time cheesecake It's difficult to get a read On how into you Someone is if you're making Crazy decisions True

If you're like Fuck it i might change my flight and go to the party i'm worried about you now nobody yeah two dudes would be like do it yeah no interest in fucking me they'd be like fucking do that man that's fun as fuck yes yes yes you know like we're not gonna i'm not gonna say you should have been more worried about you yeah yeah you know you're just having a chicken sandwich before your flight, and you're like, I'll come to your fucking rave. And you're dancing in circles, sweating all over these chicks.

Dude, if you saw me dancing. I can't imagine. I've never seen you move. No, I mean, like, you know, like. Dude. Dude, so. I don't move now. At the Huskers wedding, my biggest interest was catching one of you guys trying to move.

You know, like using any level of rhythm. It's the most demoralizing thing as a human being to go, I'm going to expose myself to my friends doing what I would do in a shower. You know? True. Singing, dancing, beating off. All those things are so embarrassing to get caught doing publicly by your best friends. Also, for me, dancing is like, it's like trying to do an accent.

Yeah. Where it's like, I need to give it a couple of tries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to like find the voice. Yeah, if I could hear the Scottish, I could do the dance. Yeah, it's literally that. So it's like, on the dance floor, I need to like sneak a few in and see like how it how it goes am i moving right right right right right i will yeah you're also not a rave guy so

like the rave it's a different it's a different element it's a different energy no and like i also showed up there you could dance at a wedding pretty well to like 90s hip-hop right right old school rock or like old school fucking whatever it is jazz not jazz but rave is so different because it's just it's such a shock to the system every time you hear the song also the dj is making that song his own so even if you were to recognize a beat and you start moving a certain way he's going to flip it around. But you know what? These DJs are... Oh, you know about DJs. Listen to you. Listen to you.

Listen, these DJs... I danced for about six hours one time. That's a long time. It was crazy. My legs, I was gassed. Your DJ card? I was gassed. I felt like a real geezer by the end.

But they know they can't fuck with you too much. Yeah. They are throwing just fastballs down the middle. Yeah. They want you to hit it. Right. It's a home run derby for them. They're not like,

they want to make it interesting, but they want to make sure you can hit the ball and make, make sure you feel confident about what you're doing out there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's only really,

otherwise the pink wig falls off. You got to get back to Cheesecake Factory At 7am Get back to your normal fucking life Dude how embarrassing And fucking Just demoralizing Going back to a Cheesecake Factory

After doing Molly at a rave You've done Molly before right? XTC Yeah yeah It depletes your energy sources Beyond any drug that I've ever had. Because it's all of the drugs compacted into one little couple centimeters. Where it's heroin, cocaine, meth.

It's all the things. Molly, all the things. Yes. So even when your body's stagnant, your mind and your muscles are in motion. So you're exhausted beyond the point where like you feel like, like a fucking sled dog. Yeah. Yeah. And the bigger problem is that we're the bigger problem. You don't like my drug story. No, I do. I do. I'm saying that the bigger problem is that we're like inherently negative people. Right. So if we have that long extended

period of time, just happy thoughts yeah the whole next day oh my god that's another thing we have to be like yeah you do a few what was that you do a few nose beers it takes like three to four days to get back to normalcy which is also depressing state to begin yeah you have to takes like two weeks of you gotta defrag you're like did i have some genuine insights about who i am and that right is that all just happy garbage yeah because that's the way yeah i grew up was it's just 100 if you're happy it's probably because you're not paying attention to something exactly yeah the smarter you are the more miserable you should be the more you know about life the the worse off you're going to be about said life. Maybe.

No, this is fucking factual. I've done research, dude. So, dude, I went to one rave. Years of research into this. I went to one rave when I was... You weren't in Philly at this time. Yeah. It was called Shampoo. Shampoo Nightclub.

No shit. Wait, I think I... You may have heard stories about it. It was just a big open warehouse. Where was it? I think Spring Garden, like third and spring. That's funny. It's like right next to McFadden.

Yeah, it was like down that area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, McFadden's was down there too. McFadden's was down there. New Deck was on the water. What the fuck? And in Penn... Whatever.

Finnegan's Wake. Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. Um, so, uh, I go to this party with my older brother and his, and his girlfriend who's now his wife and we're just getting fucking wrecked.

Yeah. And at this time, I, I, in college, we both went to Drexel university. I didn't, I didn't know about cocaine. I didn't do Coke.

Yeah. But looking back, I'm like, Oh, those dudes that closed the door in the house party and then just like disappeared that were my boys for a while and then came back out, you know, looking to sell fucking bombs. I'm like, oh yeah, they were coked out. We did ecstasy every single weekend. Every weekend for like three years.

It's when it first came out. Ecstasy was it. When it first came out? Yeah. I mean, on the scene, like, 2009. This was the cargo pants of... Yeah, it's the cargo pants of drugs, dude. I was telling my brother, I was like,

you're going to get into it soon. No, he... So anyway, I remember going to this club, taking Ecstasy, meeting a stranger, doing the same shit you were doing, like, dancing. I tell my brother and his girlfriend, I'm like, I have to... I'm going to go with this girl

back to this house party. She takes me to a house party in like central Jersey. It was a fucking hike. We take a car all the way to this place. It's a giant home. Place is going nuts. Everybody's all mollied up

or doing some crazy shit. I have to use the restroom. She walks me up to the restroom. I'm still, this whole time, I'm like, I'm getting late. I want to get late. That's all I want to do. I do high on Molly in that house, being like, is there a restroom? Well, I probably didn't ask like that.

I was like, I got to pass. Just looking like a fucking bulldog with peanut butter on his tongue. You got a fucking bathroom in here? So she brings me to the bathroom. On the way to the bathroom, we pass this, it's a mansion. We pass this laundry room. And this kid, which I didn't know what it was, she goes, he's in a K-hole. This kid, K-hole is ketamine.

It's a horse tranquilizer. So they were taking the liquid form of ketamine, putting it on a microwave plate. So you just put it directly on the glass plate of a microwave, pour it out, throw it on a couple minutes, and it dehydrates into a powder form. Then you take a blade, scrape it up, and you snort it but the K-hole sends you into a universe that you just can't escape from and you just become paranoid and flip the fuck out

this is literally like the natural history museum but for college experience yes dude I went through all of it in one and this here is a man in a K-hole

one time I went to a rave and this is how I ended up in central Jersey watching this kid crying in front of a fucking dryer just going rocking back and forth going screaming I'm like i'm just trying to get late so i i went through the whole

process we sat at that party for like three hours we went through and then she's like well we have to go back to my place i'm like you don't live here like what are we doing Now it's like 12 hours Sun's up We have to go to her place And then like You know Try and Stir some Energy up Yeah you gotta sleep

And then fuck Nah Yeah we stayed up You just did it Yeah I just did it But she was You know It's weird

You get You sober up And you're just like What The depression kicks in Yeah But your genitals Still wanna kick off.

Do you get hard? Yeah. Molly was never an issue for that ever. I don't get problems with, with booze or, you know, most things. I used to have a problem getting hard.

The first time I hooked up with a girl. Really? The only time I can't get hard. Just be weak. Is when the girl on with X is serving me food. So one time I can't get up. We got to leave this sushi restaurant. My dick is not going to work.

This beer stinks. Oh my God. Yeah. I think maybe that happened to me too. Cause we, I went, I went, no,

like after that train wreck, we left that place and I was just like, all right, well, it was nice to. Yeah. Yeah. I imagine that. I mean, that's And I was just like Alright well it was nice to Yeah Yeah I imagine I mean that's a

That's a wild story Finnegan What is that? Finnegan's I don't know Maybe it's a Maybe it was a camera Turning off

It's probably Yeah check it That's alright We can go from my angle The whole fucking time Yeah yeah yeah I took a shower Did my hair

Look guys Yeah, yeah, yeah. I took a shower, did my hair. Look, guys. This is number one. We had some technical difficulties. I don't know. The cameras shouldn't shut off. They've got plenty of battery life. They've got plenty of... Are you explaining the pause in natural progression?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I feel like I had to. Because you're not going to be able to edit it properly. No, it's going to. I mean, I'll be able to edit it somewhat, but I think, look, we've got smart fans. You can't salvage the great boner joke from my angle. Probably not.

Should we start over? Start just completely over? Yeah, let's start talking about different things. Yeah, yeah, we will. Well, the bottom line was, you've never had a problem getting hard any time ever. That's not true. I had a problem with new people that I would meet.

That's true. I would feel self-conscious. That's true. And I would, yeah. Yeah. My boner greater than your behavior on a first date. Fucking Halloween. You were at a rave in san francisco on halloween

yes if you if you said that sentence to me or even wrote it down and passed me a note saying this is where i'm gonna be i texted you i know you did but i didn't think it was i know and you were like fucking do it dude i like the idea that if i if you thought I was serious, you'd have been like, get home. Get home. Come home. I'll make you dinner. Chili night, Chris. What the hell's wrong with you?

Whatever you want. Yeah. Field pass. That's a mistake. Do not do that. Get the fuck over here. You're going to feel weird and old. I would just imagine, you know.

You put your one tie-dye shirt on. Yeah. And you're there forever. My dad has a sibling that went to woodstock and never came home what never came home yeah he's one of nine what do you mean like he lost like three siblings not just the woodstock one was the cancer the ultimate woodstock but the woodstock was worse cancer is not your fault.

Yeah, cancer. Woodstock. Yeah, you have an answer for cancer. Jesus Christ. Let's shut these back off. Dude, Halloween weekend, to me, it's ludicrous when you get to a certain age, right? Yeah. And looking back, I went through a good time period where it was ludicrous how intense I was about Halloween and getting dressed up. Yeah. And I'm looking back, I went through a good time period where it was ludicrous how intense I was

about, about Halloween and getting like dressed up. Yeah. I'm talking like college years. Yeah. I wish I never had that phase. I wish I had that. Me too.

Looking back on it. I'm good with it. Yeah. The problem is taking it too far. So there was, you said McFadden's on third street. There was another bar. I can't remember the name.

McFadden's was on spring,. There was another bar. I can't remember the name. McFadden's was on Spring, but on 3rd there was another Irish pub. All I know is Finnegan's Wake was on 2nd and Spring. 2nd and Spring. McFadden's was down 2nd Street or 3rd. Yes, so it was McFadden's. So me and my best friend, every year we got excited for Halloween

and we would dress up to ridiculous portions. Yeah. I told this story recently on a podcast. This might be Patreon stuff. No, no, no. This one's not bad. There is a Patreon aspect to this story, like a Halloween dress-up story. You had a Canadian Prime Minister level costume.

Oh, yeah. There's one that, yeah. Yeah. Cancellation station. What's his name? Trevor Bauer or something like that. Some fucking Canadian shit. But so we're like year three

into like dressing up and being like known for like our good costumes. So we had to fucking bring it. This is hours before going to McFadden's. McFadden's had a $600 score for the best costume. Score? Shut up, Chris. Like you're robbing a bank? You're goddamn right we robbed this place. Wait till you for the best costume score. Shut up, Chris. Like you're robbing a bank.

Goddamn right. We robbed this place. Wait till you hear the end of it. So it gets to like, it gets to like 5 PM. We're sitting in his parents' basement. We both lived on Temple's campus, even though I went to Drexel.

I lived with those guys just cause it was great. It was a whole baseball team. It was the best time of my life. And we're sitting in the parents' basement and he's laying down frustrated. I'm not even thinking about it anymore. I just want to go get drunk and hang out with, you know. People our age. Yeah.

But that's not a rave. And he picks up and he's like, I got it. I fucking got it. And the look on his face, I was like, this is going to be great. I'm like, what, what, what is it? And he looks to the corner of his parents' basement and there's a full size

white Siberian stuffed tiger. Full. Yeah. I'm talking fucking seven feet. Wait, where the fuck? This is in his house. Yeah.

In, in Alden, uh, the Delco. In a full size stuffed tiger. Stuff, full size, white stuffed Siberian tiger.

Who has that? I don't know. That's pretty Italian. And the fact that I didn't even notice it, he goes, I fucking got it. This is five to seven days after Siegfried and Roy got attacked by said white Siberian tiger. Yeah.

One of them, one of the, I can them, one of the, I can't, one of the guys got, got mauled and he had like a neck wound and he was in the hospital. So this is so fresh in the minds of the public that no one thought to be this for Halloween. Someone died,

right? One of them didn't die. He was in the hospital for, Oh, they died yet. They're now they're dead. Oh, okay.

Not from the wound. Oh no, really? No, from San Francisco. Damn. from hanging out in san francisco raids so so he goes sigfried more we're gonna be sigfried roy there was this place called the uh the trading post davis's trading post in glenn olden that had all of the shit it was one of those year-round halloween places yes that's how you know you're in a dog shit town. It's like half an army Navy store,

but half. Yes. Yeah. They had little, and they had like lingerie section just to keep their head afloat during the off months. So we go to Davis Davis's trading posts and we're like, all right, how do we dress up like Siegfried and Roy?

And he's like fucking sequined Elvis suits. We're going to get two sequined Elvis suits. So I get black, he gets white and he's's 6'4", 220. Jacked out of his fucking skull. They had one in his size. In his size, yeah. He's the dude who got drafted to the Red Sox.

Okay. Incredible athlete. Yeah, yeah. Incredible build. This guy was just fucking beautiful. Beautiful, man. God, huge dick. Gorgeous dick.

If I had mashed potatoes, I'd form it for you just to show you. So he goes, I need a neck wound to get the rubber neck wound, glue it on there. He's got all the things, all the kit and caboodle to make him look like the guy. And then he ties the tiger because if you tied the tiger around me, it'd be like you swinging your legs. Like the thing would be dragging halfway down the street. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait street give me a clearer picture of this tiger i thought it was i thought it was like a full like you know when you got like a he-man so when you pick it up it's not alive oh it's like a rug no no it's stuffed it's a stuffed animal but giant full size it's a full-size stuffed animal

chris if you had a full-size stuffed animal bear Chris. If you had a full-sized stuffed animal bear, it'd be the size of a bear. I think... It doesn't have bones. The fucking thing folds. I thought it was like almost taxidermy. No, it's just a regular stuffed animal, but giant. So he has the height... He's the guy that has to wear the tiger.

So we tied the paws around his neck. He's got a neck wound. He's like bleeding out of his mouth. He's wearing a neck wound. He's like bleeding out of his mouth. He's wearing a white Elvis sequin. The whole thing sparkly. Yeah. I'm wearing a black sparkly sequin suit with no extra curriculum. Yeah.

Yeah. And I have my ears pierced. What? That's a different story. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it's very relevant. No, it's not right now.

It's not Chris. Wait, wait. You had both ears pierced. Wow. Studs or earrings. Yeah, yeah. I feel like it's very relevant to the story. No, it's not. Right now, it's not, Chris. Wait, wait. You had both ears pierced? Wow. Studs or earrings? Oh, wow. I went through a stud phase. I had hoops and studs.

This was in your shampoo years? This is what a rave does to you, and this is why I told you to come fucking home. If I knew who was serious. I know. If you knew, You'd be like He's gonna have You'd be rolling your suitcase in Just like hiding your earrings

Like a Hey guys It's cold in here It's freezing So he It's cause I got I saw my ears So we get to this place

And it's fucking mobbed Dude Nuts to butts You can't walk anywhere you know that scene in like uh karate kid where like the one guy's like a shower curtain and they're all like dancing and everybody's like bumping into each other all dressed like werewolves and whatever the fuck it was it was that it was fucking mayhem you couldn't you couldn't find your way anywhere yeah so the way they did it because of uh how how packed it was, they had like judges come around, seek out their favorites.

And they would tell you, and they're like, look, you're a top 10. You gotta come to the kitchen. Were all the judges hot chicks? No. No, they were like older owners and managers and shit. That's a missed opportunity there. Yeah, yeah, that's missed, totally.

You think I fucking picked the judges? Yeah, yeah, but how many, you'd be buying drinks, they'd be like, I'm a judge, No, they. You think I fucking picked the judges? Yeah, yeah. But how many would you be buying drinks? They'd be like, I'm a judge. No, they were like comedy critics. They were comedy critics.

They were like old, creepy white dudes that wanted to beat off on people. So we get to the back of the kitchen. They wanted the girls coming up to them.

Yeah, probably. Trying to win the contest. Trying to win the contest. What are you going to do for the 600 bucks? Classic McFadden's scumbags. Yeah, hell yeah. You own a fucking Irish pub in the, you know, 90s early 2000s yeah you only got a couple opportunities especially

those especially especially no you didn't just do that especially yeah yeah yeah what did i say especially especially especially i want to get to this halloween so he goes oh we also got to remind the audience that at this time in Philadelphia's history McFadden's was literally like was it

but also in the middle of no man's land oh yeah yeah it was it wasn't that bad I lived the way I remember it was like

there was nothing I mean now it's like now it's like a fancy right it's like it's nice cool to live there this is where Shampoo was now it's like, now it's like a fancy, right. It's like, it's nice to live there. Shampoo was cause they had like open warehouses that were like,

yes. Empty because the business went out at a, at a, uh, business, business, one of the business. And they just filled it with suds.

So these kids could finger each other in, you know, four inches of four feet of sun. Yeah. It was also a place where the cops were never to run no no they didn't they didn't fuck with you so it was mayhem absolutely yeah it was but two of those bars were like that's where all all the college kids from temple drexel 100 i went to finnigan's wake yeah yeah every thursday yes yeah so we get in the back of the kitchen, and he's like, all right, everybody's going to be paraded along the bar.

And there was like an hour and a half where we had to wait for them to parade us. We stood on the bar and then walked to the bar. While the rest looking down on this crowd of all these costumes, they would cheer for you. Meanwhile, your boy, everyone's like, sick costume. And everyone's coming up to you being like, so who are you? Yes. I just look like a gay Latino at a rave in San Francisco.

Dude, anytime he went to take a piss, I would just sit there not knowing how to behave. But when it was both of us teamed up, I perched up. I'm like, yeah, look at this. Look at this. Fuck. So we get to the bar. We get in a line. We're three or four from from the start and then all the way to 10 so they put their hand over each costume and they would judge the top three based on the crowd response and then we go to top three

we get a fucking boom in response yeah we're in the top three so now we're the first of the three and they have the hand back over the third place guy you know asking for a cheer yeah and the entire time that i'm gonna say like 600 700 people are screaming sigfried and roy sigfried and roy they didn't even get to the cheering yeah and it was that was my first moment of being like in a in a public environment yeah it was like i never felt that way before he cried my boy cried out of complete joy and he was doing like he was doing that fucking Billy Madison pony walk along, along the bar.

Yeah. With this giant tiger behind him. And I took my, I took my $300 winnings and I remember putting it inside my shoe. Cause I was afraid of that area. I was afraid to get fucking get smoked. Cause everybody knows what I look like. And I just won this purse and I can't just be like cruising around. so i hid the money in my boot we sit in a booth it kind of like they

had booths like like denny's at that time yeah and uh these girls came up to us and uh i took a girl home to the red roof inn on uh on on route one i got 300 bucks what are you doing yeah the red and i've been it was the it was the worst walk of shame the next morning like leaving this hotel I got 300 bucks. What are you doing? Yeah. The red roof in. It was the, it was the worst walk of shame the next morning, like leaving this hotel dress day the way I was with like, you know, what did your boy get anything or is he,

yeah, he went with the other girl. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. It was great. He also go to the red roof in or no,

no, no, we split Siegfried and Roy were no longer. Oh, we had some issues that night some creative differences yeah pussy splits up every big group dude oh fuck you heard about the Beatles right that is amazing never gotten laid off a Halloween costume really yeah that's what that's what the whole costume thing is that That's why girls are always slutty, whatever it is.

The whole thing is like, there's a, as I, I think this is just my opinion as a youth, you know, it's like, it's like your first, it's lingerie with, with a, with a theme for kids. Right. True. So it's like, I'm going to dress like fucking hot Minnie mouse. And you're like, that's lingerie. This is what my mom dresses up once.

But I haven't been unable to find the dude equivalent to hot Minnie mouse. You ever, you never dressed up like a, like a chick on Halloween with like fishnets. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I used to get hung up. I did it one year. It was fucking, yeah,

it was wild. You did like, I just dressed like a, yeah, like a two Wong Fu kind of thing Yeah like a Yeah Just like a

Just like a That's crazy Well the thing is The Siegfried and Roy Is a nice Yeah it's funny as fuck It's funny as fuck Yeah

I don't know Like I just don't have I feel like there's dudes Who have it They have that ability To do a good costume. I don't like. Well, this year for Halloween.

I'm trying to think of what my best Halloween costume was. Next year for Halloween will be, will recreate that scenario at the sushi place where you can't touch the floor. I'm going to beat that joke down. It would be funny to do. You know how like they do like, they'll do one of those things where it's like,

it's a guy riding a horse. Yeah. But but the horse he's like the horse's legs and he's got like two like it would be funny if it's like i'm the chair like my legs are the chair but they've got two little legs dangling yeah and they're on like slinkies the most creative non-creative costume of all time that might do it for me i can't believe you never you never dressed up and like had a good time during college? No, I've dressed up and had a good time.

One time I think I went like as like the dude. Yeah. That was fun. Yeah. That I enjoyed. Lebowski.

Yeah, Big Lebowski. You never got laid on Halloween. I've gotten laid on Halloween but only because I like had a girlfriend at the time. That's not what I'm talking about. I never got laid. Dude,

my game is so bad. I see. I also like, I don't have whatever it is that allows you to come up with a fun. Yeah. That that, yeah. Like I don't have whatever it is to allow me to come up with a costume idea that people go like, no, that's a fun guy to fuck. Yeah. I don't have whatever it is to allow me to come up with a costume idea

that yeah but the fact that you do that's a fun guy to fuck yeah I don't have that I don't have yeah but some women are into that like docile you know very contained and you're in the moment type of mentality and and yeah maniacs yeah true maniacs are into it and when you're younger it's really this guy's like so calm yeah crazy when you're younger it's really this guy's like so calm yeah crazy when you're older and calm they just assume you were beaten down by like a wife or kids that you never wanted when you're young and calm that's a scary scenario you're like that kid they're into it but then they find out that i am a little crazy yeah and then it the whole thing is ruined

you know what i mean they have one conversation with you yeah yeah like i have i have like i have a sort of monotone voice i'm making myself sound like now you know psycho trust me everyone that's listening this knows who you are but there is that thing where it's like it's not being released in the netherlands everyone knows who chris o'connor is yeah i i it's like i'm very i'm very but i can be convinced to do anything yeah which is really unique though anything dude i'll play i'll play i'll play this i think that there's a charm in that though and this is probably because i'm the complete antithesis of your behavior. Yeah.

So I look, you know, to your, the way you behave as like, oh, that's kind of like, it's, it's almost sexy and handsome in a way where it's like, he's so self-contained that he's in the moment, but also focused and in control. Yeah. also focused and in control yeah but whereas i start a sentence and i have no idea where it's going to end and then i just try and figure it out to make you to like what i'm saying yeah i don't really believe well that's called it's charisma yeah yeah it's also pretty psycho yeah but i feel like sociopathic yeah yeah yeah but i think you also are a little bit more reserved than i am what in what way in the i'm saying in the in the in the there's shit where you'd be like like when i was telling you that story you were like dude i would get the fuck out of there so fast yeah i i will stay but i'll be like yeah that's reserved

though how am i more reserved no i'm saying that you'll actually make better choices while being more effervescent and charismatic i think that comes versus making the wrong decisions many times and then being taking us ecstasy a shampoo every weekend it takes a lot of like oh i have scars on my face for the wrong reasons yeah yeah because i i made the wrong decision yeah yeah i got one i'm just gonna leave you do have one is this new yeah yeah what's that from santino i got hammered and we wrestled in the green room Shut the fuck up In the green room Yeah

And I came at him Yeah I came at him And he put his hands up And he got me with a thumb He doesn't cut his thumbs? Dude that's what I said And he's like No they're trimmed

Yeah dude They're trimmed Nothing grosser than a dude With long fingernails He doesn't That'll end a relationship I looked at them They're not that long

I'm not saying he has long He dug in I'm saying that will end A relationship. I looked at them. They're not that long. I'm not saying he has long fingernails. He dug in. I'm saying that will end a relationship for me, a friendship, 100%. Really long fingernails? Oh, dude. Fingernail beds

are the most important part. Which part's the bed? Oh, the whole thing. Oh, that's the whole thing? Yeah, the whole thing. What's the back part? The cuticle? You have back fingernails?

No. What the fuck are you talking about? What's the, what's this part? Yeah, it's the cuticle. That a cuticle that's where you're getting enough calcium are they high i see i take multivitamins i don't have that shit anymore i used to have that in like fifth grade wait do you like polish them no i don't i'm just you have like a nice sheen on those things you don't have any of this i see it yeah the white stuff that's lack of calcium.

I got some multivites. That's lack of calcium? Yeah. I'm not going to show you where the stash is. I don't want you digging into them. Why? That's a beep beep. Let you shut off.

God damn it. Something's wrong. There's no fucking... That shouldn't make... That shouldn't happen. There's a setting or something.