Stuff Island - Stuff Island #101 - "Condoisseurs" w/ Rich Vos

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Rich on IG: https://www.instagram.com/richvosthelegend/?hl=en Go to shipstation.com and use code STUFFISLAND today and sign up for your FREE 60-day trial Go to waboba.com and use code STUFFISLAND for 30% off Go to betterhelp.com/stuffisland for 10% off your first month Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Who sits there? I do. If it's you, I don't want to take it. You think people don't know us, Rich? No, I don't fucking watch them, though. No, she don't. You think we watch them? I don't even, I've never listened to ours.

Actually, this is nice. Have you ever listened? You like it over there? I feel great. Have you ever listened to, I've never listened to one of my back. This is going to fuck people up, dude. This really is? Yes. I've never done a podcast over here. What's the going to fuck people up, dude. This really is? Yes.

I've never done a podcast over here. What's the name of this? This is out of respect. What's the name of this podcast? Are You Garbage? No. I'm Kevin Hart. He's dead inside.

What's the name of this? We're Not Shane? We're Not Shane. I see what you're doing already. I see what you're doing. You're bringing this fucking Jersey heat. You're being real fucking angry. Take your gum out of your mouth.

You're going to yap into that fucking mic the whole day. I can handle it. I eat pussy with this gum. Oh, dang. I like that. She yelled at me. I lost it. I lost it.

I got a finger in it. She lost my gum. Her pussy's blowing bubbles. It's nicotine gum. You're right. I'll take it out and put it in a new piece. Don't take it out. You're fine. No, I'm putting it in nicotine gum. You're right. I'll take it out and put a new piece. Don't take it out.

You're fine. I'm putting a new piece on. Look at this. She's got three fucking pinky rings on. Just different sizes. Damn, dude. You're getting shit.

Big time. That's why I gave him my seat. Look at his hands. Look at his hands. Five. Fuck the watch. I left mine home. And take the glasses

out of your hand first of all this is Sky Dweller this is look at this this is one of my I didn't know start your podcast

I didn't know you were a SoundCloud rapper dude this is nuts that's what's making me laugh is we were just talking about he's like he loves

Victorian era stuff yeah all he's got all he's he's shown me pictures he's got all Victorian era paintings. Yeah. He's got all these, he's shown me pictures. He's got all Victorian era paintings in his house. He's buying the Victoria era. Who's Victoria? His 14 year old Puerto Rican girlfriend.

He's going to go running in camo pants. Are we on? We're fucking on. He just started. Hey, we're lucky. We don't do that. You don't need an intro. I know I don't, but we're lucky to have Rich V that You don't need an intro I know I don't But we're lucky to have

Rich Voss here Thank you so much, Rich Thanks You showed up late No, I was here early I know, I did Actually, I did not It was only 10 minutes before

Yeah, well, listen Yeah Should we dive into that? What? This is comfortable, this seat Right? Yeah I like this

What do you think? It's not Victorian How do you feel about the style? What? This is comfortable, the seat. Right? Yeah. I like this. What do you think? It's not Victorian. How do you feel about the style? The seat? This is old office furniture. That style. It's very nice. This is mine.

It's very nice. It's a real leather sofa. Relax. What, did you grow up in a barn? Big deal. It's a leather. Yes. Basically.

Yes. Big deal. A brand new leather couch for us is fucking insane. The fact that he's fucking talking down to a brand new leather. Are you Garbage's studio? Look at that couch, dude. This is crazy. That's our rock and roll.

To tell you the truth, if I went into, like, say, like, a store to buy a couch, not new, like a, you know, like where I go to, like, you know, like a thrift or Habitat for Humanity, and this couch and the green one was there. I would take that green one because at least that's... Chase Lounge. Well, it's more Art Deco, the style. Yes. It's more Art Deco.

Mid-century modern. Yeah. Okay, let me finish. And this one... Hold my fucking hand once. Speaking facts. This is why we don't sit together. Yeah, God would like to go over there. I don't sit together. Yeah.

I don't want to be tough. Now I've got to mind my flank. No, you don't. The lamp. Everything. This is like, see, I like it. Thank you. Because it's not like just some fucking dumb comics with a fucking beanbag chair.

You know what I mean? Yeah. You guys must get, like, you must get pussy. You know what I mean? You must get pussy. You know what I mean? That's why I don't wear that many rings. I lost like four. Listen. I'm sure you will.

When you start headlining, listen to me. These aren't middle rings. Headliner rings. No, well, co-headliner. It feels just like your one-ring-shadow. Brass knuckles. Yeah, this is sick, dude.

Yeah. Well, Bonnie used to be a little lippy. Okay? You get a little lippy, you get a little ring indentation. That's all I'm saying. You know what? All right. You go home and you put the ring on the inside.

Just listen. All right. You go home. You put the ring on the inside. Just listen. All right. Go churn butter. Here's what I'm trying to say. Yeah. Here's what I'm trying to say. I don't remember what I was. This is a nice setup.

Thank you. I mean, you know, single guys. Are you saying, do you have a girl? No, we're both not single. Yeah, yeah. Recently, yeah, not single. And she said, I don't care if you don't have any pigment. She still started dating you.

Yeah, dude. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Now, you look like you're a player, though. You must have tons of girls. Thank you so much, dude. Yeah, you can tell. Like, this fucking dude.

He's like. I know. Look at him just staring at you like in awe. That's actually my girl. He's looking at you like you're Tom Jones. Yeah. Dude, this... I can't get over the bling, though.

Well, it's nothing. I just do it together. They're real, obviously. You wouldn't do that. You wouldn't... Cubic Zirconia. Are you fucking kidding me? Chain versus chain.

That's disgusting. That's awesome. Put that back in. Put that back in. Free Palestine, dude. Put that back in your shirt right now. First of all, are you Palestinian? Yes.

No, you're not. Yes, I am. No. Palestinian, Italian, Irish. His lady's Palestinian. He's recently taken sides in the conflict. He met me. He's one of my dumb bits, but my neighbor's really Palestinian.

Well, we just sold our house and bought a bigger one. My neighbor's Palestinian. And every couple months late at night I would wake up and sneak and move his fence six inches closer to his house. By next

summer I'm going to occupy his fucking land so some real technology comes out of there. Is Bonnie Jewish? No, I can't afford a Jew broad. Yeah, imagine. My first wife was Irish and so is Bonnie. Yeah.

Yeah. Good. But you're more Italian, right? I'm more Irish than Italian. You're Irish, Italian, and Palestinian? Yeah, I'm 100% Irish. My father's half and half. But you're not Palestinian.

The Italian won the fight in the womb. All right. No. In the bedroom. Huh? I was going to say, how many times could you lose a war? I got really upset. What's that?

Turn this up, dude. Yeah. What? What if I really cared about this? Oh, yeah, this. Did you get anything at Zara today? I shopped for it. We're talking about Palestine.

It's real quick. Yeah, yeah. Zara's right in the middle, actually. I did peruse the jean section. If you looked at denim, it's Jewish and Palestinian. No, I didn't. I didn't get jeans today. All right. Why, who?

He goes to Zara every day. Go to Coles and get fucking Levi's. No, you go to Levi's and get Levi's. We're in fucking New York I need jeans. Go to Kohl's and get fucking Levi's. That's the jeans. No, you go to Levi's and get Levi's. We're in fucking New York, not Wisconsin. What are you talking about? Look at his pants right now. You think he goes to Kohl's?

Well, Levi's are Levi's. I know. And you don't get... Right? It's the Rangelers. I agree with this. Listen, there was a time where I had fucking 12 pairs of True Religion up on the shelf. Yeah.

Levi's. You know who told me that? Your outfit right now. You're wearing an Under Armour fucking workout shirt. Yeah. Wait, is True Religion

like bedazzled with stuff? What's that? Is True Religion jeans are they bedazzled? Yeah, they used to be the back pocket used to be bedazzled. Yeah.

They're like Russian boardwalk jeans. Have you seen them? They are. True Religion Russian boardwalk jeans. Yeah True religion, Russian boardwalk jeans Fucking Buddha No, you see a mannequin On a boardwalk It's very tight

There's extreme rips in them It's got that airbrush That's a Russian gene These pants Are my I'm going to New York, doing a bunch of shit, so I need pockets to carry shit. Cargos.

You got cargos on right now? There you go, Daddy. Yeah. I'm a big cargo guy. Yeah, so, you know. Let me ask you something. Go ahead. You're the age that, I find my father, he comes into fashion by accident.

So he stays in his lane. Yeah. So he wears like Levi's. Yeah. And flannels. And he does what he does. But every eight to ten years, fashion comes back around. And I'm like, Dad, you look fucking.

You have no idea. You're killing it right now. Yeah, those cargo pants are back in fashion. I always wear Levi's Yeah But I In the winter When I wear flannels

I button the top button though Me too daddy Okay Because I'm Anybody When it's open You're just a flannel wearer Yeah

But when it's button Character Me too And I wear my fucking hat God damn you And I have my hat Yeah I always wear

And I have hair I don't need a hat Yeah But I'm used to a hat What I don't fucking hat God damn you And I have my hat Yeah I always wear And I have hair I don't need a hat Yeah But I'm used to a hat What I don't have hair Not like you No you got it I'm 30 years older than you

Yeah How old are you 66 Damn 66 You look fucking phenomenal You do You're not an MRI

What the fuck I say that all the time You don't know the insides You don't know It's like You the fucking melting. You don't know the patacombs of inside my body. This is just an exoskeleton. The fucking black and free base melted my insides.

It's a Miller High-like block in my exit hole. So I try to keep it simple. You know, this summer I just wore black V-necks, So I try to keep it simple. You know, this summer I just wore black V-necks. Or I had V-necks. T-shirts, but a nice one. You know what I mean? Usually I wear, in the summer,

Guayaberas. You know what those are? Yeah, yeah. The Cuban with the pockets. Yes. And my hats. Well, this is a struggle. I'll be serious.

This is a struggle I had today searching for pants. Because the older you get, you don't want to look young, but you also want to be on the forefront of what's cool in a way. But you want it to fit you and who you are. So I went there and it's like all flare jeans or these big Japanese skater pants.

And I was like... Every time I see a Japanese dude in those oversized clothes, I think about it. I think about it for a second. If I was living a different life, I would put that shit on. I learned to kickflip at Zara. I bought

three pairs of, I don't know what kind of material, but like checker plaid. Yes. You know, like Jodorowsky pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. You want to take risks.

Two gray and with a white t-shirt or a black t-shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That shit is off the fucking hook. Yes. Low tops. You can't wear high tops with them. You got to wear low tops. That's the whole thing.

Find an ingredient within your repertoire that shines, right? So it's something that just shows you that you have style and then like less than everything else. Make sure everything fits. Dress your age to a certain point, but extend it a little bit beyond your means. But wait, okay. Doesn't he look like he's posing at a gay art class? No one's going to understand.

I know you can't see it, but yes. It is. Not you. Here's the thing. When you say that, one, your entertainers have a pass to some degree when it comes to dressing. If I was

at my age, I should be walking around with a fucking sport. You know. There you go. Oh, my back is fucking killing me. So, yeah, I should be walking around you know, whatever. Loaf. Whatever a fucking is fucking killing me. So yeah, I should be walking around, you know,

whatever, loaf, whatever a fucking 60-something-year-old guy wears to their fucking dumb job. Yeah. But we're fucking comics. Exactly. We're comics.

And yes, sometimes I have to wear a suit. Yeah. You know, if I'm doing some, if I'm doing a poor... All his friends are dying. That's a good point. That's a good point.

That's a good point. You look older than me. Anyhow, you don't have that disease that makes you grow old fast, do you? Jesus Christ. You got alcohol in your... Yeah. I look delicious.

I'm 26. You're not yet to the second power. 26. Second power. 26. Second power. So, anyhow. To the second power is so funny. What was I saying? You know, you wear jeans, a fucking t-shirt, whatever.

But, you know, sometimes I wear a suit. If I have to, like a corporate or whatever. I don't know. No, you've got to walk the fine line of like yeah you like as a comic you gotta you gotta be a regular person yeah but you also can't i can't say when people like if they're flashy on stage like you have to dumb down even if you want to you don't want to distract from the exactly the wisdom it's like hot girls wearing fucking a belly shirt

and really tight pants that shows their fucking labia. It's like, no one's listening to your joke anyway. Yes. But also, you're making it worse. I don't always see your nipples. Yeah, yeah. And all the women. It's like comics and shorts.

A hot comic is a four Starbucks employee. I know. But let's say they are hot, by chance. If they are, then they're... Well, this is why big, goofy, fat guys, people, as soon as you come out, you're a big, dumb, fucking, goofy, fat guy. They want to root for you.

They want to root for you in society. They want to root for you as a person. And then you're funny, and then all your jokes are elevated. You come out with like charm and you're well put together and you're outdressing the boyfriend yeah the boyfriend's like well fuck you dude are you talking about girl comics no now i'm back in the dude yeah and then you sell out you're talking about lady comics you come out with charm You come out with charm. You come out with charm and self-confidence.

And then you sell out seven shows at Radio Seaview. Yeah, I get it. I get it. No, get your bag, dude. Look fucking hot. I understand. What I'm saying is there is a balance there. It's like your content should matter more than the flash of what you're wearing. Yeah, I mean, I...

But that's... But I walk out, and I got fucking... People, they'll see this, they'll go... It doesn't affect... Because I'm such a scumbag to begin with. You know, when I come out, I'm going to... One, be self-deprecating, going, I don't want to do this or be here or, you know...

He told me 10 times before we started. Yeah. Well, no. He told me yesterday. You literally told me 10 times before we started. He told me yesterday. You literally told me 24 hours ago. He said, yeah, I got to go downstairs tomorrow. Do I still have to do it? I said, text me.

I was like, dude, we don't want to do it either. Who wants to do this? Nobody wants to do it. Are you fucking kidding me? Nobody wants to do it. Tomorrow I got to do my mailman's podcast. The Palestinian? You know what breaks my heart? I bet his numbers are huge.

Yeah, he's killing it. I bet he's hot. I bet he wears a fucking suit. He's calling his podcast. His podcast delivery. No, I just like, I love hanging out with comics. In life, anywhere.

You know what I mean? When I was on Bird's Tour, I did four shows on Bird's Tour. I mean, it was great. But hanging out with comics, being there with all those comics, it's so much fucking fun. Now, I went, I think it was two weeks ago, I meet fucking the richest motherfuckers on the planet from playing golf, right?

So this couple who I'm friends with now brought me out. I did three nights in San Jose. Then I stayed at their guest house. I left the hotel. Stayed at their guest house. They got me into the Clint Eastwood golf tournament out there one took me to Pebble Beach everybody about Alzheimer's is like he's 93 years old he's gone I did like 12 minutes 15 on stage he was laughing the whole time I don't know if he knew what I was saying yeah

so anyhow now I'm out to dinner every night with this couple. Some of them are billionaires. I'm not bullshitting. Billionaires. And the couple was great. Everything was great. But it still was not half as fun as sitting with a bunch of comics at the back table. Of course.

That's not my world. You know what I mean? It's not my world. I'm playing Pebble Beach. This is a dream for anybody who plays golf You gotta turn your hat around Good point I was gonna turn around But I didn't want you guys to feel bad

I can get you in maybe Do you know what I'm saying It is I'm also wearing Someone else's merch What is that I don't know It's just a t-shirt I got

I worked a club once These fucking First of all I never say no To any You know Any feature act That wants to sell

Merch I go yeah Of course You don't make enough Fucking money Just They see me first If I'm selling tonight

But I've had guys I had one guy I think it was in Philly Selling candy bars This black comic What? Yeah, part of his act He was a candy bar

He's like He's on the subway? Yeah He was selling candy bars Was he a Mexican woman? No With his child? He was black, dude

I don't know Bobby Kelly goes Bring me a candy bar So he could have Bobby 101 He didn't know the balls. Bobby Kelly goes, bring me a candy bar. So we could have. Bobby 101. Not to eat. He didn't have the balls to work himself.

Do me a favor. Go get me a candy bar. Give me a free merch. Give me a candy bar. How many comics were selling fucking condoms with their fucking saying on it? Oh, God. Stop. Jesus Christ. You know, look.

There was someone who tried to convince me to sell buttons this weekend. He was like, dude, you can make a killing on buttons. I know who it is. He's the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard. Buttons? What, they pin it on their backpacks? Yeah, I don't know. I'm not a button person.

I've never been a button person. No one's a button person. There are people who are button people. It's a terrorist society. They have the black vest that's all torn and they put buttons all over it. You ever write a button and be like, that's a good point? No one's ever fucking felt that. Well, I know a guy that has buttons of himself,

but he's a headliner. He's allowed to have whatever. No, he's not. Yes, he's a big headliner and they're pretty cool. They look like him. What are you saying, Rich? I'm saying I like him. Don't fucking say a button of yourself looks good good if you if you came in this fucking

apartment and you had a button of you even if the button was like good quality and i was like wow it really looks like you i'd say get the fuck out of here that's why i kept it in my Which one? The seventh? What I'm saying is middle... Headliners... Look, if you're a headliner, you should be selling either... Even though people don't use them anymore. CDs or a shirt. I have one shirt that says

Rich Voss Legend. And I was selling it And the next day I was at Mohegan Sun And I sold it You know Friday night And the next day Saturday morning

I'm going to play golf And I'm waiting for my car And I see somebody Walk down wearing a shirt It was the most horrific Fucking time of my life Seeing some Jamoke wearing my shirt

Yeah You know I'd listen Buy it And just don't ever Talk to me again Yeah Throw it in the trash You know, I listen, buy it and just don't ever talk to me again. Throw it in the trash. You fucking might come off somebody's back with it.

That's good merch. Just a comrade. Rich boss legend. I've worked with people that sell everything from towels to fucking. Yeah. Like, oh, come on. Buttons though, man. Buttons is crazy.

Buttons is not. Towels, I get. It's a black comment., man. Buttons is crazy. Buttons is not. Towels, I get. It's a black comment. Oh, this wasn't a button. It was a pin. The guy had a pin. Is that different than a button? Yeah, it's got like the little needle on the back.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a pin. It's a button. It was a pin of his, of him. A pin. You don't know the difference between a pin and a button? Yeah, I know a button. A button is a round thing that says Nixon Agnew.

Okay. That's a fucking button, you fuck. Nixon Agnew. You got a Union Army button on you? Okay. Oh, JFK, dude. R.I.P. JFK. It's morning in America, dude.

I'm going to get 60 minutes buttons for stuff, Ireland, dude. Fucking dead Kennedys. Yeah, yeah. Specials. So you're saying it's just more nonchalant. It's a little pin. Yeah, a little pin. So people are like, what is that?

And they've got to get close, and you've got to talk about it. Brilliant. That might be him now. Oh, sorry. Is that your ring? That's my wife. Holy shit. Oh, it's my wife. Hold on. Hold on. I'll put it. Brilliant. That might be him now. Oh, sorry. Is that your wife? That's my wife. Holy shit. Oh, it's my wife.

Hold on. Hold on. I'll put it. Hold on. Ship station. Better help. Yeah, yeah. Ship station.

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All right, baby. I love you, Waboba. Waboba is the best. I miss them. Hey, you're on speaker. I'm doing this podcast. I know. We don't want to do it either Bon This is good

It was worth the 40 tolls And they like artwork too Oh god well then They shouldn't be talking to you Why I'm a fucking art condesour Condesour. Condesour? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Half condor, half condesour. No, he's talking down to our art. He's condescending. Condesour. He's a condesour. I love it. Alright, anyhow, I shouldn't have picked up the phone, but I'm sorry. You know, I figured we'd have a little good banter, but I'm bringing this. I'm in. You know, I figured we'd have a little good banter, but I'm bringing this.

I'm not in banter mode. Is everything okay? Yeah. I just wanted to ask you about knives. What do you need to know about knives? What am I, all of a sudden, Puerto Rican? Oh, I'm not allowed to say that, am I? You can.

Thank God you got those rings on. Yeah, yeah. I'm afraid about the knives. Oh, no, but allowed to say that, am I? You can. Thank God you got those rings on. Yeah, yeah. I'm afraid about the knives. Oh, no, but I will. Okay, bye. All right, bye. What the fuck is going on? Did Ian Finance give you that today?

No, he gave me VD. He carries shit like that. He's a fucking... He does? Yeah. His is in a comb and it's a little... Sorry, I had that on. Are you planning on using that? Is that an actual self-defense?

Damn, look how many cards he's got on the back of his phone. Oh, yeah, Burger King. I was going to say, he's got a whole piano on the back of that thing. Dude, I don't know why... That ring, I haven't heard that ring in 15 years. It's from like a Nokia. You've got to download that to put it on that phone.

No, this is the ring that comes with fucking an iPhone. Yeah, have you ever fucking updated software once? No way. That's from like 98, dude. Yeah, it's like a MIDI. Oh, yeah? I gave you my chair, Rich. No, I do not.

I love this. This is nice. That's a nice couch. This is nice. I mean, nice couch. This is nice. I mean, if that couch was a different color and a different style, that's a fucking nice couch. What do you mean? No, it's a great couch.

Yeah, it's a chaise lounge, first of all. And it's nice. It fits the room. No, it's not bad. This is fucking, I'm impressed. Thanks, pal. I'm a fucking major fucking guy. Yeah. I'm impressed.

You can see my fucking house. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. You're in the middle of nowhere in Jersey? First of all, I'm impressed. Thanks, pal. I'm a fucking major fucking guy. Yeah. I'm impressed. You can see my fucking house. Yeah? I bet. Yeah. You're in the middle of nowhere in Jersey? First of all, I'm not. Are you kidding me? Look where you the fuck you're at.

I know where I'm at. This ain't Manhattan. No, it's not. This is Abu Ghraib. Okay. You live around the corner from 47 terrorists. Yes, 100%. And I like it that way.

The government knows that. I'd rather be here than around a bunch of fucking yogurt-shaped white guys in Brooklyn. Well, that's where I just was. Yeah. But here's the thing. Where I live, one, I'm an hour from New York. What's this? A half an hour from New York? Train?

Yeah. And car, yeah, 25, 30. Yeah, okay. So I have an acre of property. I have golf courses all around. I like that. I... I live in a beautiful... In-ground pool, jacuzzi.

Yeah, I like that. I like that for you. We just got a golf mat. We just got a golf mat and a net, and we're gonna set up a tracking system to... Yeah. That's cool. I got that in my backyard. I bet you do. After tracking, I have a gigantic net and I have my archery set up in

the back. Yeah. We should golf soon. What's that? Chris and I are getting a golf. Yeah, we're getting a golf.

We should golf soon. I got two sets of clubs for sale. Actually, I got a private message about Skank Fest. What? Did you get a

message from somebody about setting up a foursome? We already got foursomes, but what? Fuck, if somebody falls out, one guy might fall out. Why? Did you send me one? No. Some guy said he sent

you one. He said Rich is in looking for others. He's trying to set up like a... I work Vegas three times a year. I got hookups there. I don't know if it's the same guy. I don't know either. You're talking about Ben? I didn't respond. I'm bringing my clubs.

Of course, you travel with your clubs? I got a couple sets. This guy, another fucking millionaire. I'll suck you off right now. I'll suck you off right now. I'll show you a picture of it. My one friend from Vegas, he lives in Vegas.

He has a locker next to Scotty Cameron. Yeah. So Cameron gives him putter. You know Scotty Cameron putter. He gave me one putter worth $5,000. No. I got it in a case at home. It says Pebble Beach without a lisp.

There's no S&T at the end. Without spitting on your neighbor. Right here. How is it $5,000? Is it gold plated? Look at you rattling like a janitor. Wow. Is that the knife? That's $5,000?

Yeah. Have you used it? I have it insured for $7,000 On eBay There's only $100 made He's just sent me a driver The shaft costs $7,500 Yeah

It's a pink Korean shaft Yeah Have you ever got fitted like that? Where they take your In prison Yeah Where they take your It didn't really fit i got in korea if they take your actual swing they they get your the the head that you like and then you

go to the actual fitting with a pro yeah and you buy the shaft oftentimes is more than yeah it's like 1200 hours just for the shaft. I got two sets of clubs. I want to sell one of them, and they're good clubs. You got to give everyone a fast. It's like technology, though, right? Well, I got Apex, Callaway Apex, which are great, and Callaway Epics. I had three sets, but I gave a friend a set because I go,

what am I, 300 is not going to change my life. Just take it. How often do you change clubs? Well, the two sets of Callaways I have, I used to know someone at Callaway and he used to send me free sets of clubs. The Epics I have, when they came out, I think each club cost like 300 each iron or 150. They were the top of the line Callaways.

I want to get, I don't use that many irons. I use an eight iron, nine iron, wedge, sand wedge, gap, and lob. So you're saying you're big off the drive. No, I like hybrids or I have a seven wood, nine wood, five wood. Really? Yeah. I like hybrids and woods. Yeah.

I'm big into hybrids now too. Yeah. Hybrids. I played hybrids and woods. Yeah. I'm big into hybrids now, too. Yeah. Hybrids. I played 36 holes the other day. Where do you play? My brother's friends were having, like, I never play, but my brother was having, they do their, like, fantasy draft after they play 36 holes of golf.

It was at Siwanoi or something? It's a 24-hour escape from your wife adventure. What's that? 24-hour escape from your wife adventure. It was at Siwanoi or something. It's a 24-hour escape from your wife adventure. 24-hour escape from your wife adventure. It was wonderful. I bet. I loved it. I know. I don't need a fucking wife to do that. I was leaning on that hybrid. Where are you setting up your net at?

Now back. We got a private backyard. You see it? I sneezed. You're so disrespectful. I'm sorry. It's a very nice yard. You seen a yard in Queens lately? Did I compliment the second I walked in? We got a garden.

Yeah, he likes the yard. Huh? We got a garden. We got a little patio. We could set up fucking... Oh, good. You want to barbecue tonight? Listen, I couldn't think of anything worse.

You think you have plans after this? It's not up to you anymore, pal. I got fucking Bobby's podcast. Tonight? YKW. This is your third podcast today? Second. That will be my third.

No, we did fucking aliens. Yeah, that's fine. It'll be your third, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's crazy. I know. I don't do this. Yeah.

Then I got to do mine tomorrow, which we haven't done in three months. What are you doing this for, then? Pretending you enjoy our company. No, this is fun. Okay. Thank you so much. It's fun. Are you kidding me? I mean, you're our company. No, this is fun. Thank you so much. It's fun. Are you kidding me?

I mean, you're carrying him. You want to get into it? No. You want to get into it? No, no, no. That's why we don't sit next to each other. This guy's like a little fucking marine biologist. Dude, no joke.

I wanted to be a marine biologist. Oh, yeah, yeah. I wanted to be a marine biologist Oh yeah yeah I wanted to be swimming around the world Why start now? I'm just fucking around Don't hit me I won't I'll take it So yeah maybe we'll

Get in for this air cut for a week Maybe all three of us After the podcast will hold hands and walk and look at your backyard Like I give a fuck I know you don't care I'm just saying we got space I'll send you some pics Why don't you set up your net now

Let's go fucking hit balls That would be sick You got clubs? Well you're taller I'm not tall, 5'10 5'10 and a half actually What are you, 5'8". 5'10 and a half, actually. So you're a little longer than mine then. Probably. What are you, 5'8"?

5'7 and a half. Yeah, I do half. You are shrinking. My parents shrunk. My mother's like fucking, she shrunk like three inches. My dad. It's a shame. She's a little Asian woman. My dad's different. It's not that different from a little Irish woman. Dude, she fucking

plummeted. My dad shrunk July 31st because he died on my daughter's birthday. He died on my daughter's birthday. What a fucking asshole. I go to my daughter, happy birthday. Oh, grandpa's dead.

Let's get a cake. What a narcissist. He couldn't wait a fucking day. 100%. But great way to go out. It's funny as fuck. Yeah. I hope to die on my goddaughter's birthday. This was my real daughter. I don't have a goddaughter.

I don't have a daughter yet. She just got born. My wife. I'll die when she gets birth. Let's talk about golf real quick. Yeah. Our fans love golf. They do?

No. No. They hate sports. You think fucking podcast fans like sports? They shit on us all the time about it. When you told them

it was sports? No. Fucking motherfucking why did I take Cleveland last night? Yeah, too. You did? Yeah, like a dummy.

The halfback didn't get hurt. They also had like four turnovers. Yeah, I know. It's like everybody's giving Pittsburgh the fucking thumbs up. It's like, no, dude like five, four turnovers. Yeah, I know. It's like everybody's giving Pittsburgh the fucking thumbs up. It's like, no, dude, you had four turnovers.

It took everything for Pittsburgh to win. It was a fluke that Pittsburgh won. Outside of T.J. Watt, that team. Yeah. I like Kenny Pickens. Pickens is good. I like that kid. I agree, but they need so much more help. Yeah, I mean, if what's-his-name didn't go down with that fucked-up knee,

get fucked up. He took that surprisingly well. I listened on the radio today. Oh, my God. It's got to be fucking... You've seen the video? No, I can't watch it. Oh, it's fucking horrific. It's unbelievable.

It's as bad as it could possibly be. Yeah. Dude, it's completely sideways. The same knee he fucked up in 2015. Yeah. Done. He's retired. You can't do that again.

No. He took it so well, though. After it retired. You can't do that again. No. He took it so well, though. After it happened, he just sat on the ground, and his buddies tried to lift him up, and he was like, I can't. Yeah, nah. He knew. Apparently, he wasn't throwing up.

And I don't know this, but apparently, the Achilles, as well as your MCL, ACL, you can limp off. The pain is obviously grandiose, but it's not over the top at first, so you can just limp off. The pain is obviously grandiose, but it's not like, it's not over the top at first. So you can just like walk off. Is that your Achilles right there? When it snaps like a rubber band. Wait, you're talking about this part?

Yes. Oh. Yeah. From your fucking, this is what happened to Aaron Rodgers. What was that movie that I saw where they cut the guys? Hostile. Hostile. Oh.

Dude. I never watched it because I saw it. It was like in the trailer, I think. Yeah. It was like just the beginning. I was like fucking no. Dude, I would be so good at... That's a...

What is that? It's just a tendon that attaches all the way up to your... And that fucks up and you're done. Dude, look up Aaron Rodgers' injury.

Yeah. You can see the reverberation up through his calf muscle and this goes... It's a rubber band and it goes... Do I have to look up the word reverberation

we'll fix it for you yeah yeah just play this back to your wife she'll look it up for you yeah yeah i gotta look it up i haven't finished her book from seven years ago two more chapters gotta read about that other guy She wrote a book? They're making a TV show in Canada Based on her book Based on her life growing up on a farm My wife's on fire her career That's awesome

She's hilarious Do you know how many female comics have copied her style Throughout the years? I'm telling you Her one night stand back in the day was the fucking Who was it? Female comics have copied her style throughout the years. I'm telling you. She's fucking. Her one night stand back in the day was the fucking. Who was that? What comic was that?

Who fucked her? Chris is bringing the heat. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, no, me and her probably are the most copied comics. Attell's copied. Brian Regan used to be copied. Rich Voss. They all do me.

But Bonnie, yeah. On fire. Power couple. Yeah. You guys are a power couple. You know. Does she golf? No.

No. Because I don't want that. Is that how you got into golf? I've been playing for years. I would love if my wife played golf. Yeah. Then she would see the addiction. See why I have tattoos of a lady swinging a club

And a lady holding a club And when I fuck her from behind I look at them Yeah Jesus Christ No she doesn't golf We were playing tennis together for a while We didn't play this year because we moved So the whole summer was moving

It was a fucking nightmare But we played tennis Playing golf goes beyond It's psychological It's an addiction because we moved. So the whole summer was moving. It was a fucking nightmare. But we played tennis, you know. Playing golf goes beyond, like it's psychological, right? It's an addiction. It's an addiction. Right. You're an addictive person.

Yes. You were a drug addict for years, right? Not for years, but I mean, I got 37 years sober. I was a drug addict from, well, I started getting high. You knocked it out in what, 18 months or something? What's that? Not a full two years. You can't put a natural on it. I was a drug addict for years.

I packed it into like seven, eight months. It was 23 months, dude. I started at 15, and I got clean at like 28. But it worked its way from smoking pot to, you know. Are you saying that's a gateway? Without a doubt, it's a gateway. No, you don't think so? I don't think so.

That's 100% wrong. You think weed's a gateway to crack? No. It might have been back in the day because it was harder to get. Listen, here's the thing. No one starts off with meth or heroin. You don't see somebody going their first high as heroin or meth. You can't say nobody, but yeah, I get it.

The majority, no. It's heroin or meth. You can't say nobody, but yeah, I get it. The majority, no. It's heroin or meth or any of it. So I'm not saying, if you have an addictive personality or you're whatever, you know, filling an empty hole, which I, so. Eventually pot's not going to do it for you.

Yeah, of course. So what's going to do it for you after pot? And then whatever, that's all. It's not going to do it for you So what's going to do it for you after pot And then it Whatever There's different parts of the universe here Where it's like pot Opioids, downers And then uppers You know what I mean

No one's ever offered me hard stuff And I hang around some shitty places Skankfest is next week No one at Skankfest has ever offered me. Because you look like a cop. That's what I'm thinking. I walk in the room and everyone's like, put it away, put it away. Here he comes, here he comes, here he comes.

Yeah, 5-0, 5-0, 5-0, 5-0. Chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. Yeah. And then someone's like, Chris O'Connor. I'm like, oh, you really do? I'm going to grow my hair out, dude. You got little time you have to fucking wear a wig in two weeks you got that wig yeah yeah anybody here got drugs just saying confident that you sitcom anybody here got that come on guys i'm different this year

no you don't want to try i mean mean, I've tried everything but crack. I snorted heroin. Have you free-based? It's the same as crack. No. God. You got to try it. You just smashed.

You got to me with like 17 rings in 30 years. I'm not a Victorian person. I didn't free-base for years. It was only from like 2023 to 2036. Better help. Has anxiety got you paralyzed? It's really hard to live the life you want. Boy, after a weekend in Vegas,

fucking betterhelp.com is looking awfully friendly. Therapy is an amazing way to break down your anxiety so you can live more fully. With betterhelp.com is looking awfully friendly. Therapy is an amazing way to break down your anxiety so you can live more fully. With betterhelp.com's online therapy, all you do is take a quick quiz to get matched with a licensed therapist. I took the quiz. It was pretty... I took the quiz and then I bailed.

Yeah, it's tough. I need to get through this. The quiz is easy, but it's also... It's so easy, it's hard. We could need BetterHelp more at this point. I know, I know. It's really... What's transpiring with our living situation yeah yeah i wish i could just dial up karen oh dude i just yell at somebody yeah yeah yeah have them try to come up with an

idea yeah just destroy them so that doesn't affect our personal and professional relationship yeah you you eat this better help you eat the fucking pain that i'm going through that really is what a therapist is right it should be it's just a pain yeah eat it yeah just fucking yeah oh that would be so fun if there was just someone you could call to attempt to come up with ideas to help you and you could just shout at them and how stupid they were. A whole time. Oh, it feels so good. Try again, Karen.

Yeah, yeah. What are you, an idiot? What life are you living? Hold on, let me get a cigarette. Come back here and yell in your face for another half hour. But it is, apparently, it's good for you. Just put the AirPods in for the call and then go to one of those smash rooms.

I'm just buying old 90s projection televisions. Hit them with a fucking hammer. Yeah. That's what I can't do with my own bullshit. Shoot some beer bottles in the backyard. If you don't gel with your first therapist you can easily switch anytime for no additional charge, no questions asked.

Get a break from your thoughts with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash stuffisland today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash stuffisland. Betterhelp.com slash stuffisland. Okay? Yeah. Skank Fest live pod is going to be on the patreon uh this week by friday yeah

we're going to drop it friday for the patreon members we have not looked at any of the audio or video so it doesn't matter it was good it was fun it was bobby kelly was there it was so fun sam talent came out cut his hair he asked me to cut his hair two hours before acting like i'm a traveling barber yeah i didn't have my clippers so i only have my beard trimmer yeah and we made it work i cleaned him up he actually looked pretty good at the end but it's but bobby got to cut his hair that was crazy well bobby bobby didn't realize like what i already learned was running he's got thick oily hair yeah he's got very powerful hair in the back. And the trimmer

wasn't going through it. Yeah, that was a tough situation. He can't possibly, whatever. But yeah, check out the episode. Drops Friday. There's also another look at this for our Patreon members coming up. It's the AYG Seafood Boil. Oh, yes. That one's a good one, too. So loads of content

coming your way. It's a big week. Alright, back to the episode. Yeah. Listen, people, addiction is not the drug. It's the person. Yeah, of course. You know, obsession, compulsion, and your whatever, you know, your fucking chemicals, your brain. You know, when I shoot craps, like, I can't bring all my money to the crap table because I'm going to lose it all.

I have to leave some in the room, leave it in my car. Yeah. You know, that's how I am. I can't. The other night, I was playing blackjack on my phone. I'm in bed. I want $100. Good, let me go to sleep.

Go to sleep a winner. It doesn't matter how much. I'll go to sleep. I'll play a couple hands For a dollar Well lost that hundred Cause that dollar Turned into five

Yeah Whatever Yeah yeah So It's you know what I mean It's But I'd also argue It's like

I have the same personality I don't know when to stop But I also just stop Cause I think it's a choice I love cocaine I decided not to do it yeah every day and i haven't done it i've done it maybe once in the last 12 months but before that i'd be like yeah every weekend a couple dudes you didn't start with coke you start with pot pot introduced you to the lifestyle no i spent pot in high school

but i didn't enjoy i didn't enjoy pot'll find, you'll find what you want. Yeah, pot, yes, of course. You'll find what you want. Like if somebody hands you an Oxycontin and you never smoked pot, you're going to go, I like the way this makes me feel. But it's very seldom that you're going to do an Oxycontin and you not already have smoking pot. It's an anomaly.

I agree to disagree. I think it's a choice. I think addiction is a choice in many ways. It's not a choice. It's in you. Look, you're right. Your personality is in you. I get it. But it's like, look, alright. Dude, I drink too much. I mean, on paper,

objectively an alcoholic. I don't wake up in the morning and go to a bar and go, I'm going to drink every hour until I shake my bed stand at five in the morning to fucking make my body feel better. But that does not make you not an alcoholic.

There's functional heroin addicts that go to work nine to five and they're heroin addicts. They're functional. No, I'm trying to learn this because I've read stuff. I see stuff. I've had experiences with people that take that corner and they go,

all right, I'm going to go from pills to direct fucking mainlining. And then, you know, obviously heroin's different because your body then needs it to be healthy. Yes, different than coke, yes. Yes. Coke is not a physical addiction. it's mental That's a choice Well, here's the thing Addiction

Like, let's say coke, not heroin Like you said, heroin, barbiturates, they're all physical Alcohol's physical Cocaine, I don't know, uppers, whatever they are I never did those That's a mental. But you're dealing with obsession and compulsion. Yeah.

Now, after you put down any drug, heroin, coke, say you got a month, two months off of it. So you're not physically addicted anymore. Same with cigarettes. Yeah. But you're not physically addicted anymore same with cigarettes yeah but you're still obsessive compulsive about something meant your uh your obsession and compulsion can still be there yeah so you fight it a day but at some point in everybody's life the obsession and compulsion will be lifted okay so now your body's clean and your mind is clean. So, and you just,

and I'm not a preacher. I do not preach. I do what I got to do to stay clean. The Reverend Rich Rose. Then you live, to me, a day at a time without picking up. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. Yesterday's gone.

So, you know, and I have gambling to fall back on. And also golf. And a lot of these guys they go from addiction to working out. Like guys that are alcoholics are like, I'm sober now, but they're in the CrossFit. And they spend every hour

of their day getting fucking ripped. Because it releases an endorphin in their head going, well this is what I'm addicted to right now. But it releases an endorphin in their head going, well, this is what I'm addicted to right now. Well, it's a healthy addiction. But when you say, you know, I drink on paper, but I don't wake up with the shakes. Everybody, to be an alcoholic, you don't have to have the shakes.

Everybody's bottom is different. If someone questions, if someone questions, am I an alcoholic? If they question it, I'd say eight out of ten times they are. They are, yeah. Because if you got a question, hey, am I a rapist? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know if that's a good comparison. No, it is. That's not a good. No, but it is. Yeah, cool. I think it's like that rationalizing voice in your head that's like, I can, when you kind of know you shouldn't drink, like you have something tomorrow or you got something and you're like, no, I can do it because like, I feel like if you have that voice in your

head, it's just different. It's different versions of how convincing that voice is. Yeah. Well, it's, it's, it's, it's a disease. It's powerful. It's a disease that tells you you don't have a disease. Yeah. You know, if you had fucking liver disease or kidney,

you would take care of it. You know, most people. Okay. Or you'd go, fuck it, I already have liver disease. Well, whatever. I just want to have fun on my way out. You know. That's all right.

That's the voice. That's the fucking. Dude. Let me catch a frontal lobe tumor. I'll be freebasing everything. You gotta stop. It doesn't smell that bad. Yeah, yeah.

Just beating off on the podcast is great. The podcast is great, but Tommy's not doing well. You could be... You could be... The red light goes off. It's a problem. You could be the tumor comic. That'd be great.

For about a year. Yeah, I'd make a lot of money. You had that thing growing out of your head? Yeah, that one kid got that HBO special. Remember that kid that fucking fake having cancer? Oh, yeah, yeah. Was it cancer? Yeah, yeah.

He didn't have it? No, he was fine. It was a guy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The black guy, yeah. Oh, what a great idea amazing i gotta you know what i gotta fake i'm transitioning yeah i didn't tell you that yeah you did your sneaks did

no i don't i'm not talking down like don't, it's like a constant battle with like how I can understand my conflicts, my own addictive personalities, but also my experience with my family members, my immediate family members, and then my extended family members of like seeing people either die, friends overdose, or like, and you try try and conceptualize how and when is that decision made if it's not for them, if it's out of their powers. And I have a conflicting thought process about it. Here's the thing. Many people do. You don't compare, you identify. Yeah. You can't compare yourself to the next person,

whether they lived or died or did this or that. It's you. Everything is you. Yeah. You can't compare yourself to the next person, whether they lived or died or did this or that. It's you. Everything is you. Anything else is just rationalization or pointing the finger. Yeah. And it's taking the focus off. Do I have a problem? Yeah.

Do I not? Me. What the fuck do I got to do to not have a problem? Do I not? Me, what the fuck do I got to do to not have a roommate? We got two more weeks. Two more weeks. Shane's off. Christopher goes up there.

And then I'll free base alone. With no fucking problem. That's how you rationalize drinking. He's moving out in two weeks. I can finally find wine underneath the couch. I gotta tell you. He used to... I mean, I used to have him, not a lot, a couple places open for me.

Ooshay? Yeah. You know, I had him on the theater once. This dude comes in a wrinkled t-shirt. It's a fucking theater. Yeah. He was sleeping on an air mattress at that point. I got pictures of him

sleeping on an air mattress right fucking there. I can't find it because three phones ago I broke. That's funny. There's no, I don't watch specials.

Bonnie watches everybody's specials. There's maybe three or four comics I sat down in the last couple years and watched an hour. I watched Chris Porter

in Vegas. Very funny fucking cat. Yeah. I sat down in the last couple years and watched an hour I watched Chris Porter In Vegas Very funny fucking cat I watched Oh what the fuck He was so funny I can't think of his name He was on a podcast He left Anthony's podcast

And went to this guy Crowder Dave Lando God is he fucking funny. Yeah, he's great. Dave is so funny, dude. Not only is his delivery, it's so fucking funny. Shane and I had a podcast with him on Kumi's Network for a while. Oh, you did?

Yeah, called A Fair One. And then I watched Shane for an hour. Yeah. And it's not ego. It's just I've been to sit and watch a comic for an hour. It's tough. For me, they got to be fucking good. Yeah. To watch a comic for an hour, for me, they gotta be fucking good. To hold my attention for an hour,

you know what I mean? I'm fucking all over the place. Yeah, yeah, same. You know, so those three, and, you know, I mean,

I'll watch Stanhope anytime I'm around, if I'm around him, you know. So there's certain ones that are, that, like, Shane goes, you know,

I say, congrats on your special. He goes, I mentioned you know, I said, congrats on your special. He goes, I mentioned you, I guess in the credits or whatever. Yeah. In the credits. He goes, did you watch it? I go, Bonnie loved it. She watched it.

I go, I haven't seen it yet. I can't handle that jealousy of watching anybody else's special when mine is on Viewmaster coming out. You want to see my special? It's on paper. It's Vimeo, dude. You got to download the AXIS TV. I'm the same way, though.

I can't watch a comic because you know whatever well it's the same way you feel about hanging out with comics that's why we love doing this I'd rather do this than go to a comedy club and hang out in a fucking green room or shake hands unless it's my close friends

Chris was saying this about golf which is like he's brand new to it who? Chris I thought you played for a while Chris was saying this about golf, which is like, he's brand new to it. Who? Chris. Oh, yeah, yeah. You mean Chris? No, I know. I thought you played for a while.

Who the fuck is that guy? No, I knew it. The marine biologist. I knew it. I knew it was you. I just forgot you were here. No, I thought he was somebody else. I thought you played for a while.

No, no. I played as a kid, and I just got turned off to it. And then I just started trying to get back into it. And I remembered what I hated. Golf is fun. Golfers fucking suck for the most part. Oh, yeah. I told guys to go.

I pulled up on a group. These guys were playing the back tees, and they stunk. Dude, that fucking thing. Yeah. My father used to do that for a while. These guys were playing the back tees And they stunk Dude why That fucking thing Yeah My father used to do that for a while I'm like dad Stop playing the fucking blues

I go up to the seniors sometimes now But these guys were playing the back tees In front of us They were all over the place So we're behind them Part three I pull up on them And I go to the guys

I go hey listen I'm a writer I'm doing a story for the times on golf And I'm writing A paragraph On delusional golfers Playing the wrong tee boxes Is there anything you guys want to say

They moved up The next hole They just took it on the chin They didn't try to fight you? No Because they One I fucking I have personality

Two they knew Deep in the back of their heads They had to know They shouldn't have been back there Dude nine times out of ten There's one guy in that foursome That's like No no

I've always played for the Mets Yes But it's like yeah The last time you played this course They've extended it 1,000 yards. To get past the pond or wherever the fuck, it takes like a 200-yard drive.

You're batting 180. Because you're 65 years old. After age. Shut up. Back tees, move up. Yeah, dude, get on up there. It's pure fear, too. They just can't stand the idea of someone coming up to them and, what are you, playing for the ladies' tees? Hey, listen.

It's just like, yeah, man. I'll put a dress on if it'll make my game better, too. The guy behind you will be pissed. Dude, my father's... I swear to God, my father has the first tea time every single Saturday. Where are you from? He's just outside of Philadelphia, called Delaware County. Okay. It's like 15 minutes outside the city

And my dad moved to Westchester So you play Scotland Run? No, he plays Westover now Which is like by Westchester PA It's a small course That's by the Blue Route Kind of a links, by the Blue Route

Avondale, exit of the Blue Route. Kind of a lynx. By the Blue Route. Right off the Blue Route. Yeah. Avondale exit off the Blue Route. And his tea time is so early. And he's so misogynistic. He's like, I don't want any... No women. I don't want any Asians. Asian women. Guys, hold on.

We can clip that. I mean, cut it. It's not racist. It's sexist. It's fine. No, he's he's fucking adamant about shitty golfers

especially on the weekend yeah he's gotta be the first out I don't want anyone in front of him I don't want anyone fucking around he's my hero

yes that's the but there's a point where he invites his children I'm one of three we used to get fucked up

me and my brother would get fucked up and sleep in the parking lot. Because we'd be out until like 2, 3 o'clock in the morning. He times it like 6.30. We'd drive right to the clubhouse, sleep in the car, and he would just go, come on, fucko.

He would just knock on the window and be like... Just still hammered doing practice swings because he didn't want anyone know he didn't want anyone in front of him and i understand it but i get it i never played golf with my father you had that memory at least yeah yeah that memory of i don't think it's that great dude unless you're like fucking decent at golf i'm good enough he wouldn't take me out when i was an athlete like i played three sports in high school. I was good at golf, but golf coincided with baseball season,

so I couldn't play on the golf team. Yeah. And I actually had a swing, and I could hit the ball. What position are you playing baseball? The center field. I actually had a good swing, and I could hit the ball. Anytime he took me out, he'd be like, ah, you're not ready yet.

And I'm like, Dad, I'm fucking. And then when he he took me out, he'd be like, ah, you're not ready yet. And I'm like, dad, I'm fucking, and then when he finally took me out, I played twice a year and still compete with him and his friends and he would get

fucking fired up. I still think he was like pissed that he wasn't that good. I remember what my father said to me once, too much teeth. Boss. He's bitter swallowed. Dude. bitter swallow it's so funny how we get to a certain point

you're pulling a joke book from the 80s drop a fucking heater is your dad alive still no he died on my daughter's birthday. Oh, that's right. July 31st. I thought that was a joke, too. No, that was true. That was true. I told two jokes.

I'm just an ad-libber, baby. Yeah, you're so good, dude. You're so good. We've never worked on the road. Yes, we have, you fuckface. Not on the road. Yes, we have. Where?

Philadelphia. I don't count it as a road. What do you mean? At Helium. Yes. Yeah. We worked the whole week together. Yeah, no, I meant...

But I was also my second year, maybe. Because if we were on the road, I would have said, let's play golf. I mean, not Philly, because I go back and forth. Yeah, well, don't... Or something like that. Don't, no, the back feet out of this. I know, I don't remember. Yeah.

Why would you? I know. You're a road dog. You're the road dog. So we worked at Helium for... Six shows. Yeah. Yeah.

I was a feature. It was my first feature was after... Yeah, it was after I did Montreal. It was one of my first feature dates. What club did you work in Montreal? Huh? What club did you work in Montreal? It was a fucking new faces

Oh the festival Oh alright relax I thought you just did a club It's the way you stand New faces I'm doing that fucking I'm matching the Oh yeah

Oh you did Nude Jacks Yeah I just remember the first like Five to seven minutes You just shit on me Did I? Every set yeah No I didn't

You didn't host it No I featured Why would I shit on me. Did I? Every set, yeah. No, I didn't. Yeah. You didn't host it. No, I featured. Why would I shit on the feature? I don't know. Maybe I wasn't doing that well. No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't shit on somebody if they were bad.

Maybe it was a host. Maybe I hosted. Yeah, you probably fucked up my intro or just something stupid. Yeah. But I didn't do... Give it up for Larry Voss. I didn't do fucking...

I didn't do five or seven minutes. No, you didn't 30 seconds maybe Sounded like it though In my heart In my head Well we When I was on the O&A tour

I felt bad now We were doing 10,000 people And what's his name The wrestler came out To do a few minutes Mankind Yeah Such a great guy

Yeah yeah And he just started trying to Yeah And it was very hard Wait there's a wrestler That's really good though right Who's the wrestler I don't know

I just remember Mankind would come through Healing him a bunch And do sets I remember Yeah he's probably good now But I said don't fuck with me I'll bring Mankind back

And it broke him I felt bad Oh He told me on radio He goes That really hurt Oh no You're a wrestler You should be used to pain Yeah Didn't he break his back Falling off I felt bad. He told me on radio, he goes, that really hurt. Oh, no. You're a wrestler.

You should be used to pain. Yeah, didn't he break his back falling off? That's different, dude. That fucking. An actual insult when you care? Dude, I'll lay on railroad spikes. You tell me I'm not funny or interesting, I'll fuck you up, dude. I know.

That's like Bonnie. Bonnie says, look, I don't care if you flirt, talk with girls, but if I see you laughing, I'll break her arm. No, you were nice. You were nice that week. You gave me like 20 bucks for gas. I remember that. 40.

I don't know, man. Oh, maybe in the middle we got more. It was at the very end. You were like, thanks so much. It was to that degree, okay? Fucking internet troll. You know what? Now that I think about it, I definitely was a host.

I definitely was a host. Because I was scared to be in the green room. Really? Dude, they were fucking nuts at Helium. They ran that shit. Jeff Lewandowski. That dude was a motherfucker. In a good way. I appreciate it. He's not there now. I don't know.

I work the punchline now. He's a fireman now. I work the punchline. Yeah. They're nice. How's that going? I don't know. I'm there Halloween weekend, which is not a great weekend coming up.

But the last time I did a weekend there, it was good. Everybody was nice. Yeah. The hotel's amazing. Yeah. You know, it's a fucking, you know, whatever. Yeah. It's the club I'm at now.

Why? You don't do helium anymore. No. No. No. You know, you think somebody, you think there was loyalty in this business. I love this. I love it.

You just earned another pinky ring. That's the one right there. You think someone should be loyal in this business? Someone earned another pinky ring. That statement right there. You think someone should be loyal in this business? Someone you play golf with. Yeah. Ugh. I know you're talking about. The worst human beings.

Yeah. I mean, there's tons of them. Some are great. Some are great. Yeah. You know. Are you talking about Jews? Jews?

I'm saying the reason some people hate Jews. Dude, where are we hate Jews So close Plug what you need baby So next weekend Oh no next week When does this come out? This week? This will come out Three weeks

Three weeks Yeah Actually we get Yeah Three fucking weeks. We're leaving for two weeks, so we had to do a bunch of pre-records. Put this. Huh?

All right. Then my special will be out on YouTube. Rich. Just say my special's out right now. When's your special out? When's it come out? Let's speak. It's out now, stupid.

Okay. Give it a listen. Go to YouTube slash Rich Voss or go to richvoss.com, my website. Get it. Listen to me. I might have failed in life, but I don't fail on stage. I'm a fucking killer, bitch.

And my wife hates me podcast. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Fucking killer, bitch. And my wife hates me podcast. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. You don't come to this house with no picture frames and talk to Tommy Pope that way. Okay? There's no picture frames. I do respect that.

Frames are expensive, dude. Frames are more expensive than this shit I bought. Frames are nuts, dude. It's crazy. Frames are nuts. I want frames so bad. You don't come to a bunch of open micers' house with a picture of Louis C.K. on the wall. That's it.