Stuff Island - Stuff Island #102 - Sweetie Treaties w/ Joe Santagato

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Tommy also chefs up some delicious meals. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Joe on IG: https://www.instagram.com/joesantagato/?hl=en Go to waboba.com and use code STUFFISLAND for 30% off on the wingman hitman! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

homebred queens wop queens my dad was a fireman carpenter oh my god yeah it's my statistic it sounds like a fucking cia agent to me you know just breathing the most stereotypical thing you could it's what it is put them in queens yes there's no more of those you're all dying out yeah i know it's unfortunate you don't think there's any more firefighters? No, they're around. Everyone just looks the same, too. White people are fucking everything up. Italians aren't white, first of all. They are not white.

I got that. Oh, because I have an Italian friend who's like, oh, no, we're other. He's like, I put other. I was like, that's incorrect. You got to get college application. I'm other. I was like, dude, you're white. Look at you.

You're the whitest person ever. What the fuck are you talking about? No, dude, this town's being overrun. We're getting overrun by the Brooklyn Betas. They're coming in. Yeah. I went to Brooklyn. They're coming over here.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, these fucking blobs of yogurt wearing fucking Tevas like the lesbians do to hunt for blueberries in Portland, Oregon. You know, the sandals with like 12 straps. You've seen someone with Tevas? Oh, yeah. The bearded balding guy that's 25 but looks 40. He's got glasses, but they don't fit right.

He's sweating through them. The graphic designer. It's all the cafes on Dentmarsh Boulevard now. Yeah, he's got a comic book and flannel fucking pajamas. They're out there now. A comic book. I haven't seen one. I actually have not seen one of those.

Yeah, they're invading. They're invading they're invading us we used to be that guy where do you run into them huh yeah he's buying time exactly what yeah well i don't fucking i don't pin the map when i get home i want to know what aries do and i want to fucking know what i do is is I'm a neighborhood watcher now. I've been here like 10, 12 years. I'm neighborhood watch.

Remember Fireman Neighborhood Watch you put on the back of your window? I don't remember that. Fireman Neighborhood Watch? It was a big Delco thing. You'd put a Fireman Neighborhood Watch. It would just be like a fireman. But what does that mean? It would just be a sticker you put on the outside of your bedroom window to let other people know that you're one of them you're here to protect the populace what do you use a baby on board but

like for firemen yeah nice no no no i think they're just trying to associate you with like the bad guys or the badasses of it's sick be careful yeah my neighborhood watch I'm a neighbor watcher and then they just put it in like a fuck they was associated with the firemen somehow and they have like cool flames to it to see logo yeah sure it's for merchants I'll look it up we should have a merch shirt but if neighborhood watch as a criminal are you like I better not go over here no it's all bullshit yeah the neighborhood was over it's like the fake ADT sign you put in your lawn. There's probably some dudes who take that so seriously.

They have binoculars every night. They're just out there. There are. Flashlights just searching. Yeah, just looking for criminals. Looking for kids drinking. No, but I sit on the second floor of my gym, which is all glass and cube like an aquarium.

And I just, people watch when I run. Because I can't run and not like the yoga bodies because you just you want to see the hot girls walking around yeah we're seeing everything dude i saw the treadmill this is no yeah no joke like far like are you a psycho or i get to no i only like a second floor window of a of a gym of a gym 5k you're approaching psychosis it's's crazy it's still 1 to 3 miles a day just to get my mind right I've been walking past people at the gym

and it's like they've been running for 8 miles on a treadmill I'm like dude what is what are you doing just slap some

cuffs on this person divorce your wife what are you running from what are you running from let's start there just hit the stop button and go get off I want to talk to you

for a second I feel like you need to talk to somebody once you get past 5 miles it's like therapy now now. I want to talk to you for a second. Yeah. I feel like you need to talk to somebody. Once you get past five miles, it's like therapy now. Now you need someone to speak to. Starts crying on your shoulder. I did see a woman piss herself on the corner on purpose today. On purpose she did?

On purpose. Or you on purpose watched? Well, it started with. He didn't accidentally watch. He was there for the whole peak. You know what caught me? First, what caught me was her humongous tattoos, dude. They were like wheelbarrow tits. Wow. Okay. You know what caught me? First, what caught me was her humongous tattoos, dude.

They were like wheelbarrow tits. And then she had this stance. This bus pulls up, and she had this stance that was just like this, staring at the bus. She's looking directly at the bus, but the way she was standing directed my attention. So now I'm running like a nine and a half, ten miles per hour.

Looking to the right. Not a lot of people can do that and this fucking this monster of a woman is standing really awkwardly so it catches my eye a little bit standing with intent you were leaned back too like the wind was getting her a little bit or something yeah yeah she was today in the rain i'm telling you the tit me she has to arch her lower back is it's like she's been doing deadlifts 24 hours a day, every day. Yeah. Very strong lower back, I'll say this. So this is just after a heavy pour.

I'm like, what is this woman doing? She's not walking on the bus, but she's staring at the bus driver. And she's like three feet away from the opening of the door, of the bus door. I'm like, get in. And then I was like, oh, shit. I looked down. She's holding like a short umbrella here. She's got got very light gray like your color gray sweatshirt sweatpants so she made a choice in the house yes this is the worst shit to piss in yeah it really the worst

color to show up yeah yeah she's got loose fitting so then i just see a constant drip from her umbrella from my perspective i was like i can't be coming off the umbrella it stopped raining a long time ago it wasn't and then there's a full stream coming out the water basin in her crotch no and then i look down the right side of of her leg it's already saturated into a black the light gray went to a black. Oh my God. That's when you know. She wasn't even waiting for the bus. This fucking animal just...

She stood at the bus? She was just... I think she may have just gotten off the bus and then just let out a hose. And then just shook her flap and then walked around the corner. You know what?

I made an observation and I don't know if this is true and I don't know how you guys feel about this, but whenever you see videos of people in supermarkets taking shits and shaking it out,

it's always women. Isn't that crazy? You would think that dudes would do that more. Yeah, dudes have the respect to do it on the street in an alley or on your front lawn. Or on the train or something. But in a supermarket... Well, women can get away with it.

They can just be like, I'm pregnant or I have a hernia and you're just like, this poor woman has a hernia. I don't know about being pregnant makes you shit everywhere. I don't know about that. They can just say anything. Yeah, it's true, I guess.

I just don't think they know how to hold it. You got to pinch. You ever pinch the tip of your dick? Yeah, of course. I mean, I've only done that like thrice because I feel like I'm going to hurt myself

if I do it too many times. I was told in grade school you just hold your, you stop your piss. It's like male kegels. So full stream piss you stop and that helps you hold in your cum. And I learned that in high school

there's not cum earlier. From the janitor who told you that? My brothers were firemen slash janitors. No, yeah. I would stop a full stream. I'd be afraid. I'd go back. I would stop a full stream just I'd be afraid and then go back maybe I'll like

make a a dam or blow your prostate that too yeah nothing's healthy right now dude coming off of four straight days of diarrhea

you think you might have COVID nobody's got the symptoms of COVID dude 30 minutes every 30 minutes diarrhea I think is a COVID symptom some ghost knifes my stomach

and I piss out my ass. Roughly every 30 to 45 minutes for four days. Dude, I've been Googling. I got calluses on my thumbs Googling diarrhea. And now I know how to spell it. I fall asleep, dude. It's such a tough one.

Oh, I butchered it so many times. Where the hell does that H go? I almost went to the local library, dude. Double R, too. Double R. D-I-A-R-R-H-E-A. I always think it's... Everybody goes D-I-A-H.

Yes, because I think it's Daya Haria. Daya Haria. Yeah, yeah. That's the Muslim version. That's the Arabic version. That's the Astoria version. Daya Haria. Oh, my God, man.

Yeah. I had that about two months ago. It's my daughter, Daya Haria. Yeah, you said you got to go to a wedding? Yeah, my buddy's wedding was in Spain, in Mallorca, and I was like super pumped to go. And then I just got hit with this thing like four days before. Same shit.

It went that long? Shit. Yeah, but then I had a day where I was like, good. Same thing that you were just saying before we were recording. Yeah, I thought it was in the clear. You're good. And then I was in the airport and I was like, I'm not okay. Because I was like, I'm going to drink so I can sleep on this flight.

Yeah. And then I was like, I'm going to shit myself. And I just started shitting and throwing up. And I was like, I can't, I can't even go. Yeah. Did you, did you not go or did you? No, I didn't. I didn't even go.

I got back. I was also worried about even being in the fucking Uber. I would like shit so many times and then whatever. And then I was in the Uber home and barely made it it upstairs and i was like in the bathroom the entire night and then for the like three other days i was like barely eating or whatever the fuck because i was like dude well that's what they tell you they say all liquids no caffeine no alcohol no salad foods and all of those things i was like nah no dairy. No dairy. Nah. I ate mozzarella sticks when I thought I was in the clear last night.

I was like, I'm going to get mozzarella sticks because I'm craving something. I went fryer food. You know how I got this fucking thing? Yeah. You know how I got it. Yeah, yeah. I got dessert from Taco Bell.

Is everything all right? Yeah, with me? Yeah. Yeah, this is what you ask a guy who ran eight miles on a fucking treadmill. He's got a sweet tooth. I'll be honest with you. I didn't even know they served that.

Nobody knows. Nobody did. Where did you see it? I'll be honest with you. I didn't even know they served that. Nobody does. Nobody did. Where did you see it? I'll tell you, Joe. So we went to Run the Jewels. Shane comes down and goes, you guys want to go to the Run the Jewels concert? Me and my girl are like, yeah.

Him and a bunch of our boys decided to go to Run the Jewels. I got there. They had private seats. And my girl and I didn't. We were in the, I don't know, the Bull Center, which is a bunch of fucking monsters sweating all over each other. The bowl center? I don't know.

It's called Terminal 5. There's a bunch of fat bulls hanging around, throwing their horns around. I'm like, I'm too fucking old for this. So I had a couple of drinks and I was like, I want to fuck off. I want to get out of here. She apparently bought a batch of cookies from this place around the corner. She's going to surprise me because I do have a sweet tooth, as Chris said. I like getting that nighttime sweetie treaty.

I like that. It's crazy, dude. It gets taken. 2 a.m. It gets taken. Just sucking down gummy bears in a really violent way. I swear to God, right there, my asshole went. I'll pop right now, dude.

You have gummy bears? I will pop right now. dude. You have gummy bears? I will pop right now. He just sits and watches Intervention. This is not a hit piece right now, dude. This is actually pretty sick. This is like a good life. He just sits and watches someone covered in sore smoke crack and just throws back candy.

Fangs? Let me know if I'm not popping over let me know if I'm not living the life in the comments he got super excited he got super excited for tonight

he's like I'm doing exactly that tonight smoking mini margaritas eating spicy haribos so I beat Shane home obviously

because we left earlier then we went to get something to eat went to a hookah bar for some fucking reason but it was like a high end hookah bar that was weird it didn't it's like one of those restaurants that didn't know its identity uh-huh so it started off as like a shellfish place

for rich people and they were like no one's coming here let's just keep going down a level down a level they went to the fucking basement they're like let's get hookahs right yeah yeah so the fucking clientele was like 18 to 64 nobody knew what the fuck was going on. I get a hookah. Dog shit. It tastes like, I mean. You got a bad hookah? Nothing like one of these babies. They didn't have flavor?

This is pure uncut fish scale. Good Lord. I got like watermelon. It tasted like fucking whale cum. It was dog shit. How'd you identify it so quickly? Whale cum? Chris, you know what's weird? When you said that, I was like, ew.

Because I feel like I know what that tastes like too. Yeah, it's weird when you said that i was like ew because i feel like i know what that tastes like too yeah it's gotta be disgusting it's the scent of bleach mixed in with pudding all right guys not where i went but all right that's interesting let me get to my diarrhea we need to start puking and shooting out your yeah good so i get home there's a big bag of taco bell on the doorknob Me and my girl get very excited And then I hear Shane from afar The kid's always close enough to fucking bark He's like hey don't touch that

Don't get out of there boy One of those fucking things Get out of there Yeah it's like a 50 pound bag of fucking tacos I hand off to this fucking Frankenstein monster But now I get the craving for Taco Bell So my girl and I are like, let's get Taco Bell. I'm like, yeah, I love Taco Bell.

Taco Bell's never given me an issue. Really? Dude, for 20 years, I thought society was telling you Taco Bell makes you shit. It's falsehood. It's not the Taco Bell. So I was like, cookies were taken from security. Now you said I-

I'm owed. I'm owed something. I go, let's peruse the dessert menu taco bell turns out they have cinnabon with the glaze frosting that they usually put on it's it's a collab oh my god as taco bell does is it actually a cinnamon cinnabon cinnabon yes cinnabon brand delicious yeah they ridiculous. I popped 10 of these motherfuckers and they had a boatload of hot cum inside. Wait, it's not the big fucking...

No, you finished one of those? Go to the hospital. I had 10 of them. Dude, I know why you have diarrhea. Fucking Jesus Christ. Something must have been in that. It's like, no, you can't eat 10 of those. No, it's the 400 grams of sugar, brother.

It's like when a whale dies and it's on the beach and all the gas is just exploding and all the fucking guts come out. No, it's a little cinnamon donut

and they put the glaze that you would put on the outside cinnamon roll that you would get if you're 700 pounds pissing yourself outside of a bus on fucking

in a story. Yeah. You can't finish those. But these little poppers and the texture. God, it was beautiful. I'd pop, I got to like five and I'd pop, watch the kamus out. Yeah. And I'd finish it off.

I'm like, holy shit, I think I'm going to finish this whole thing. I was like, baby, you got to taste this. She took a little nibble from the outside and she was like, mm. It was like, basically it was like, fuck off, I don't want any of this nonsense. So I finished the whole box. And around three o'clock in the morning, four o'clock in the morning, just

meep, meep, meep, meep, meep. Just getting knifed in the abdomen. Were you puking too? No. All buns. The combo is deadly. My move is I just lay in the shower and shit and vomit. Hold on. I don't really believe that. My move is I just lay in the shower and shit and vomit. Hold on. I don't really believe that. Your move.

Yeah. Oh, that's because you don't know him. You're shitting in the shower? If I have diarrhea and I'm puking, shower on as hot as it can go, and I just lay there and just shit. That's dangerous. I would say no, no.

I'd like to be in a sauna when I'm losing everything in my body. Because I don't like just sitting on the toilet having to turn around and puke it's too much work just hose me down hose me down while I'm shitting

and puking that's insane I've never shit in a shower in my life and you're just doing it on purpose I have

that's crazy I should have told you to bring me outside in the back just wet me with a hose in the baby pool. I shit my brains out.

Shit yourself. I'm a bust out. So yeah, just subsided. It was so bad that my mother's a nurse practitioner. My sister-in-law's a doctor. I waited a couple days thinking like 12 to 48 hours after doing a lot of research. Then I researched.

I was like, all right, after three days, people were like, all right, is there blood in your stool? I'm like, hey.

There is? Well, I got hemorrhoids. They start to fucking, you can't put all that pressure. So much wiping. Yeah, and I'm pushing a bouquet of flowers

falling out of my ass back into my bun every 30 fucking minutes. Jesus Christ. God, the imagery is just unbelievable i feel like i'm there guys link subscribe sign up i don't know how to do it subscribe what do you say like like subscribe like and subscribe cares

it's gay let me get back to my hemlock. So after a while, your internal organisms can't, fucking organs, can't, you know, they can't provide for you anymore. They're just like, I went out too. Everybody's looking for a secret window to jump out of.

Yeah. You should be able to put just like a spout in there. Yeah, like a strainer for their sink. Like to catch all the garlic bulbs. Do they put it in oil sometimes where there's like one air hole and one spout in there. Yeah, like a strainer for their sink? Like to catch all the garlic bulbs? Do they put it in oil sometimes where there's like one air hole and one spout?

Put what in water? In like an oil? I'm confused what you want to happen. I don't know what you're trying to do. I'm saying just aerate my asshole. Just put it in some cancer. Be sure to get a blow hole in my asshole.

Instead of having to squeeze the shit out If you just had like a Spacer I guess if you pop a hole in my belly button Maybe it'll fucking release some gas Yeah like when they stab through Someone's neck to open up an airway Yeah Dude I feel like that all the time

Whenever I'm sick I'm like if someone just cut open my stomach. I wouldn't care. Like a C-section or just let it all out. Let it get, yeah. So this is what my mother said. My sister-in-law said, they're like, look, it's a bacteria. You can't fight it. It's not a virus.

There's no antibiotic that's going to help it. And then I looked up the levels of bacteria for food sickness. And there's like four to five that are popular one was is within like four to twelve hours one goes like 12 to 24 24 to 48 and then like three to six to two weeks can last up to a month so it depends on the certain bacteria some come from poultry some come from milk some come from oils some come from like you know taco bell dessert cinnabons i was looking for the cinnabon maliscus or whatever the fuck it is yeah but there's really there's no like a month of diarrhea dude once i got this once i got to a little bit of solid i know this is gross as shit but once i got to a little bit of solid and it wasn't just fucking highlighter yellow straight water straight water. I was like, we're making progress.

Yeah. And now it's every like four hours. That's pretty good. Yeah. When you're healthy, you get a nice diarrhea. It feels invigorating. Yeah. Because it feels like a fucking eight-mile trek on the treadmill.

You're like, I just lost, what, three pounds, probably? Probably. And then you wake up in the morning, you're like. Yeah. I'll ruin this with a bag of gummy bears, dude. Yeah. Don't you fucking challenge me me a solid shit is fucking amazing I haven't had one in 40 years really I have colitis and Crohn's I think I got my mother gave it to me you have a jeans Joe and had a log dude I get logs all the time my bag beg. I fucking clean them up. It feels too good. It feels...

Shitting in the shower all the time. The toilet looks like a zebra's skin. This boy just walks away from it. I've been taking some dogs. Looks like a carpet you put down in a nice fucking smoking room. Who's jamming a jar of peanut butter into the toilet? What the fuck is going on? It looks like a presidential suite.

Dude, sometimes I try to take some toilet paper and I put it over it to just lay flat on the water so people don't have to look at it. Because I'll streak the shit up. Jesus. God. I can't wait until you move upstairs. It's only two weeks away.

He's flushing peanut butter and jellies in the toilet. Your poor girl. She has no idea the shit storm she's running into. No, she does. There's no way she does. No, she does. There's no way she does. No, she does. No, she comes here. It's party time.

Everybody's having a good time. No. She's going to go up there. Are you suggesting I change? No. I'm suggesting she... Are you suggesting I change when she's here? Because I don't.

No. There's no chance you're changing. I've known you for years. You've got to bring him water when he's shitting and throwing up in the shower. I suggest she watches Rocky 1 to Rocky 5 and gets her regimen down because she'll be cleaning for five hours a day.

No. Fitness-wise, she'll be great. What do you mean, cleaning? Cleaning the toilet? Exactly. You have no idea. What's this cleaning you're speaking of? What are you talking about?

Who cleans that? Jesus Christ. The C-word on a podcast with a guy we just met? No. No, I contain my mess to my room. Exactly. And she's going to have to clean that up. You piss the bed a lot?

You don't contain any mess. What's a lot? Once a quarter? Can I get away with that? I piss the bed in Ireland. You did? Yeah, I couldn't believe it. We all can. It was the first time

I pissed the bed in forever. What night? I don't know. What did it? I don't know. I mean, I was drinking.

Yeah, start there. I don't know, I was blacked out for four days. I was totally fine. I woke up covered in piss. No idea what happened. That's like me going, I don't know why I've beened out for four days. I was totally fine. I woke up covered in piss. No idea what happened.

That's like me going, I don't know why I've been shitting for the last four nights. No, but what you did was order dessert from Taco Bell. But I wasn't blacked out. That's the thing. The night I pissed, it was one of the nights I was the least drunk. Maybe you had a really deep sleep.

Sleep, yeah. Because if you black out and you piss, you're like, eh, you know, that can happen. I've never pissed to bed. Me neither. Ever? Never, no. My brother? All the time. Yeah. Because if you black out and you piss, you're like, you know, that can happen. I've never pissed to bed. Me neither. Ever?

Never. No. My brother? All the time. Yeah. Yeah. When he gets fucking drunk. It's a thing.

Just pisses. You either gotta eat or you don't. Do you guys puke from drinking? No. Not really. I only do that if I like don't eat and then I like fucking drink all day or something. Oh, Shane and I were just talking about this because my girl gets it too. Eating, I have a regimen of vitamins.

I take a multivitamin. Ugh. I take a... What? Ugh. Fuck. You don't like the story? No, no, no.

Vitamins. Oh. Take a multivitamin, a couple milk thistle for the liver. What the fuck is that? Yeah, what is that? I take a prostate pill.

He doesn't know. What does it do? Milk thistle? Yeah. It's for your liver. Liver health health you'll have to get like a cocktail of yeah i take one from my prostate and then i take a pro vitamin in the morning okay probiotic and that's my regimen but if i eat that without stump or food in my stomach i'll i'll start coughing i'll eventually throw up shane and i were just talking about this yeah because your body can't digest it's a lot of yeah yeah it's a lot of shit i imagine they can't

wasn't all those things say like take with a meal yes you're just like nah yeah today uh yeah some days i just go fuck i'm gonna well today you can't well you don't are you taking them now no i stopped all of it my mother says i'm just coming out of you you can't take probiotics you can't why not uh dairy You can't eat dairy. You're not supposed to eat normal food. It's supposed to be all liquid soups, noodles. I thought it was supposed to be like breads. And bread without butter.

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I've done it. No. I know, dude. That's dairy. I've done so much research. You can eat that bread without butter.

I know. Who would do that? I'll just fucking shit more. I'm not going to put butter on my plate. Why would you change anything? Don't change anything. Because it was day four. I know.

You got to keep giving your body what it's used to. It's a battle. If it's dairy, then keep throwing dairy in there. Yeah, you could beat lactose intolerance, dude. You'd be a great doctor. My friend's grandmother beat lactose intolerance. What? My friend's grandmother beat lactose intolerance, dude. You'd be a great doctor. My friend's grandma beat lactose intolerance. What? My friend's grandmother beat lactose intolerance.

Really? Yeah, dementia got her. But the lactose intolerance... No, no, it did though. She had no idea. Dude, I've known this kid my whole life. She has no idea who I am. Chris, Kevin, whatever.

I'm like, all right, whatever. When did she have early onset dementia? I don't know. As long as I have known... I mean, she's been dead. How old do you think she was? Because my mother is telling me my father is early onset. She gives don't know. As long as I have known. I mean, she's been dead. How old do you think she was? Because my mother is telling me my father is early onset.

She gives him quizzes every day and my dad gets... Damn, dude. That feels like a fucked up thing to do. I know. She asked him to count like backwards from 10 to 1 and then spell words and shit.

And I was like, there's no way he's doing that. She's like, Tom, he's doing it. But he busts my balls but he's doing it. He's like, good, he's doing it. But he busts my balls, but he's doing it. He's like, good job? Yeah, he's doing well. Oh, okay.

Passing the quizzes? The fact that he's doing the test makes me think like, shit, he's worried about it too. Interesting. Yeah, dude, you have to do it. I remember Wes Welker was doing that. Yeah, he's got CT, yeah. Well, you get dementia from it.

Yeah, of course. So he's got to do like crosswords and shit with his wife. Does that help? Meanwhile, it's just Twister. Yeah, of course. So he's got to do like crosswords and shit with his wife. Does that help? Or does it just like help like that? Meanwhile, it's just Twister. Yeah, because you're trying to keep... He's so fucked up. He's like, let's do another crossword.

Red. Red leg right. Like, honey, no crosswords. Put the Twister away. Also, get my car keys out of your mouth, you monkey. It's so funny to do it the next day and be like,

Tuesday was the same as Monday's crossword. It's like pre-taping a lottery, a lotto. That helps us. You won again, huh? Like, if you do

those types of things, it, like, helps. Yeah, because it's about, like, keeping pathways open. Interesting. So, like, you're supposed to do, like do a lot of crosswords and shit like that, where you have to access your memory a bunch. My grandmother had that.

Or I don't know the difference between that and... Why can't I think of the fucking... Not dementia. What's this? Alzheimer's? Alzheimer's, yeah. I don't really know the difference between those two things, but she had one of those.

And I remember at this time, she was in an assisted living home, and she thought she was on a cruise ship. And she was like, when does this boat leave? It's my dad's mom. And he's like, in like an hour or so,

they're like getting everybody. So whenever they think they're somewhere else, my dad's like, stay in the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't just be like, what are you doing? You're not on a fucking boat, because they're gonna be like what she was pregnant one time

that's wild my dad's like all right you're not is this your grandma yeah she was like 80 something i'd be great if she actually was with like a little black kiss I mean, you're like... Lebova. One of our favorite sponsors because it's sports related. Dude, shut up. No, this is the Wingman Hitman. This shit is a fucking beast. The Wingman Hitman.

It's frisbee golf. Yeah. But not just... It's disc golf. Disc golf. Yeah, it's not... It's disc golf. Disc golf. Yeah, it's not using a Frisbee. It comes with four of these discs. You can't use it in the pool. He's upset.

He's upset because he was wrong. No, I was right. And he's pissed off. This is what a child does. I was wrong. Well, we're talking about a child's toys, so you should be happy. Well, Boba has a new disc golf game.

You can play indoors. You can post it up on a beach, a park. You can play outside. You can play outside. Good, Chris. Maybe Central Park. Maybe Central Park. We should do that.

Those are four discs. That's in the notes. It's clear the ad person doesn't know anything about New York City. They're like, Central Park, maybe. You could possibly throw in the Central Park. I've heard about the Central Park. You could buy two of these and post up whatever team you want on the edge of this. You get four discs.

It's 100% silicone. 100% silicone in case you eat it and you're blind. It weighs less than five pounds but yeah dude it's nice i'm actually going to give this to my my nephew and i hate it there's a bullseye topper and that falls backwards when you hit it which is cool you know yeah it's like sinking uh it's punt pass and kick kind of stuff dude you ever seen the punt pass and kiss kick with uh... You've got to kiss him right on the mouth. It all comes down to the last kiss. In another universe, you are like one of those

get rich quick guys who came up with the punt pass and kiss. That's your idea. It's just me, 70 years old, in an ill-fitting suit. And I'm auditioning younger women you want to play what's the big deal that's a good punt that's a good pass now comes the finale let me show those beautiful lips well boba is offering listeners 30 off just go to waboba.com and use the code stuff island to save on your wingman hitman today that's w-a-b-o-b-oba.com and use the code StuffIsland to save on your wingman hitman today. That's W-A-B-O-B-A

dot com and use StuffIsland to save 30% today. Waboba fucking rules. Yeah. It's the best. I have a ball in my bag currently. I bring it everywhere with me. I use it as a stress ball. Yeah? Yeah, when I can't throw it.

Sometimes I'll just throw it against the wall. Which one? The moon ball? No, the little guy. Oh, squeezy boo. Squeezy boo. Squeezy boo. Squeezy boo. Kiss me.

No. I got a punting pad. Yo, apparently at the assisted living homes, they're fucking and sucking my eye. I do crazy. Yeah, yeah. I'm looking forward to it. She was probably... Orgy mania.

Also just STDs rampant. The old people, STDs rampant. They don't care. They're dying anyway. I mean, I'd be like, whatever.

It's going to burn when I pee? Yeah. I don't even pee anymore. I'd be doing my piss. I would love a piss. For a reason. I'm going to fold my weird bird into you. Oh my God.

Into your Cinnabon pussy. Nah, I think once you start having to fold the bird, you just start doing the crosswords. Start doing something else. Yeah, it's got to be something. Yeah.

Or you get that like porn dick where you get like a balloon in it and you pump it up. Yeah. Never try one of those. Well, it would require surgery. Yeah, you can't try it. Oh, I thought you meant the dick pump.

Oh, no, no. Oh, maybe that would work too. I think you still need to be able to... It blows the blood vessel out. I think you still need to be able to blow the blood vessel out i think you still need to be able to get like a wreck it's like blowing up a fucking football on the beach is it you throw a tube on your cock and i've never done that you done that you know i would though i take i take a risk any sponsors out there i want to go to stuff i don't take a risk i i never we never talked about this, but the other night, the other night, like my, my,

my girl was flying out and I was golfing the next day and I needed golf clothes and I needed like golf shoes. So I was getting everything from Tommy. He gave me like a shirt and pants and I tried on his golf shoes and then she got mad at me. So I was like in the room, like fighting. And Tommy knocks on the door and is like, hey, and hands me a bag. And I think it's just golf shoes. Oh, we never talked about this. Yeah, I thought it was just golf shoes. And so he knocks on the door and he's like, hey, take this.

And I take it. I'm like, thanks, man. I just closed the door. I open it the next day to get the golf shoes, and it's a kit to make a dildo of your own dick. There you go, Buck. Everything you asked for.

Dude, I was laughing so hard. It works. You never told me about this. I was laughing so hard thinking about Tommymmy because he was we i think we had been drinking he must have handed that through the door heard like i took it and the door closed you must have waited for a second for the laugh no i think i found it and it was just just went right back to us shouting it i'll open it later. I'm like, fuck.

No, my... Where the fuck did you get that? My gay buddy Bobby, our gay buddy Bobby, both of our friends. Just sit on that for a minute. We both know him really fucking well. Yeah, we both know him as well as I do. Don't fucking lie.

He just brought a bag. It was Ferragamo. And he said, I got you shoes. And I thought he bought me like $2,000 shoes because he just got a promotion at this job. He's making a lot of money. And I was like, you're kidding. And I was like blown away.

I was like, fuck out of here, dude. Are you serious? He's like, open it. Open it. You deserve it. And I was like fuck out of here dude are you serious he's like open it open it you deserve it and i was like it's like seriously locked in i was like dude this is fucking too much and he had like wrapping on the top of the bag oh my god i take out this big white box and it's a cock mold kid you have to get ripped hard for like a minute and a half straight. That's incredible. It's for your lover to make a dildo of your own cock so they can... And balls.

Balls are important sometimes, you know? I'm a dildo? Chris, you would need a second kid for those horse nuts, dude. He's got long nuts. Oh, they're swingy. Yeah, yeah. So it won't look right if I just stuff them in there. Yeah.

I got Cinnabon. I got a Cinnabon munchkin nuts. He's got the big Cinnabon. Yeah. He's got the big Cinnabon. Did you clay it up? No. I haven't gotten it back. I'll tell you that. I just opened the contents today.

He's waiting to do it to someone else. He's been trapping all over the place. That'd be sick if you made a mold of your dick And then gave it to me in a box Re-gifted to me Open it, I got you something A mold to the dildo of your dick I mean, there is

Obviously you kind of want to do it Did you open it though? Maybe your buddy's dick is in it No, it's unopened No, it's all like liquids It's a chemistry yeah it's a chemistry kit it's like making a volcano in first grade yeah you gotta it's a yeah you gotta make a mold and then you gotta pour stuff into the mold i'll be afraid about that yeah yeah also if you

didn't i would do it in a heartbeat the problem is you gotta get like blue chews or just you gotta throw porn on and then just not touch your dick and And for like an hour, yeah, it'd just be hard. It's not that long. I think it's only like a couple minutes, but that's, that's a long time. You could edge, you could like edge for a while and maybe get it to stay. No, you'd have to have somebody lay down in front of you and just finger their butthole or something. That's not going to do it for me.

I mean, vagina. Dude, no. That's what he meant. That's way too, that's way too weird. What would you need? I would go soft. It's what he meant. That's way too weird. What would you need? I would go soft. It's for her. Okay.

If someone was fingering their asshole in front of me, and I'm sitting there with a dick kit around my dick, the weirdness factor would be too great. You can't move it, though. You can't, like, fuck the kit. You've got to let it sit. No, I know. That's what I'm saying.

I would be like, this is so weird. It'd be like a fleshlight at that point you're just like fucking this little clay thing you'd be weirded out if your girl was fingering herself

in front of you and I had my dick in a dildo kit cast you can't think about that part you gotta like get rid of that yeah that's the whole point

it's right in between how could I look past it you're driving attention towards the woman fingering herself you keep looking at your fucking dick cast that says a lot about you you're a weirdo I don't know You're giving attention towards the woman fingering herself. You keep looking at your fucking dick cast.

That says a lot about you. You're a weirdo. I don't know. I'm weird because I'm getting weirded out by molding my dick while someone fingers themselves in front of me. Well, if they weren't fingering themselves in front of you, then it would be a little weirder, don't you think? Yeah. If you were just rock hard, sitting in bed, watching CNN.

Adding a woman fingering himself. Just getting a fucking newscast. I don't know. I think I'd rather do it alone. Yeah, but what would you do? Let's talk about that. Because then it's just my memory and I can box it up and bury it. You wouldn't even put on porn. You would just be like

I'm going to think of... I'm saying just the memory like the whole experience to me is so weird that I'd want to be in sole possession of... Do you think you could keep your dick hard long enough with just memories? No. Yeah, that's crazy.

Nobody has that good of memories. You'd have to have an... Even if you do, it's not that invigorating to keep your... Maybe it was in the 40s or something, but I've been on porn since... Yes. So just throw a compilation to keep your maybe it wasn't like the 40s or something but I've been on porn since forever just annihilating ankles yeah

rolling your dick yeah so just throw a compilation on whatever you like a compilation yeah fat ass midgets big fat heaters

fat ass midgets yeah do you mean like fat or fat ass fat ass midget ass I was going through a big midget phase

I did for a while how long was that while was that like months at a time or years usually Christmas season Christmas no I can understand because it's cold

what and also yeah I get it Santa Claus and then they well they're all built like the quintessential woman one more time big top

big ass big top hourglass they're all shaped they just dude again just pinch in a screen if you took every every little person pinch the screen stretch you're like that's perfect keep it you ever see

the video that's like viral the dude is driving and he has like a little person in his lap and he slaps her ass you never seen this video no sounds incredible got a fat ass i gotta be honest yeah and he's driving yeah and she's sitting right here yeah because he can still drive yeah because she's not yeah all her meat goes to the back cabin that's what yeah or the front porch no it's true yeah front porch i haven't seen that i know i know i know I thought you meant like a fat You don't have to Fupa Yeah yeah I gotta say It's not gonna translate No it ain't

I gotta say I wasn't into the midget thing Until you talked about the driving The driving thing Sounds pretty sick dude Sounds pretty fun Kind of crazy We're taking a Tesla too

So he's like Oh my god Manually driving that thing You could put That's dangerous You could put four of those fuckers On a fucking wave runner.

On a wave runner. Oh my God. Get a couple of them on an ATV? Yeah. I mean, if I was a rapper, every video would only be little people. That would be interesting. It would set you apart. Lil Pope. L-I-L? Pope? Now we're talking.

And your thing is always small women. Lil women Oh, yeah, yeah. Now we're talking. And your thing is always small women. Always. Lil women. Yeah, Lil women. That's a song. Lil women by Lil Pope. Yeah.

And there's fucking midges everywhere. Just delectable midges. Delectable, yeah. Yeah, what do you think some of the lyrics would be? You know what's interesting? Don't do this. Isn't midges what fuck? I was just talking about this the other day

but like Tootsie Rolls yeah they have they have a version of them that are small and they're called midges are they how did no one come for this

let's cancel Tootsie Rolls literally on the box midges I'm like bro how did no one say anything about this that is wild

also who's eating Tootsie Rolls bro time out yeah I fucking hate Tootsie Rolls Halloween as a kid I fucking full stop Chris you didn't

you don't like Tootsie Rolls you ever had a flavored Tootsie Rolls. Also, Halloween as a kid, I fucking... Full stop, Chris. You don't like Tootsie Rolls? No. You ever had a flavored Tootsie Roll? No. It's an old-timey chocolate. Underrated, the flavored Tootsie Roll. The vanilla ones are good. Vanillas are decent.

Blueberry, outrageous. Strawberry, sick. Oh, I never had that. There's a fruit punch. Sweet Tooth guy knows the blueberry ones. That's fucking crazy. Blueberry. Wait, which one did you say?

We should have a whole other channel on Sweetie Treaties. Nah. Sweetie Treaties. With the midges. Two midges, Sweetie Treaties. Sweetie Treaties. With the midges. Two midges, Sweetie Treaties and midges. That's a good podcast. That is a podcast. It's a great name.

Yeah, it's like hot ones where you take fucking dumbass celebrities that have nothing to say. You throw a bunch of cayenne in their dumb fucking mouths. Yeah. They stop talking about Biden for a minute and say something interesting.

But you just, you ask little people about their experiences while mouths. Yeah. They stop talking about Biden for a minute and say something interesting. But you just, you ask little people about their experiences while eating tiny candies. Yes, tiny candies. Dude. Offensive named candies, eh? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Clip it! Yeah. Try this out. That's what dudes do, right? They yell clip it. Anyway, link, subscribe. Link. Link and subscribe.

Clip and vibe. So you moved to Brooklyn, huh? Yeah, I just moved to Greenpoint. Greenpoint's nice. Yeah, it's nice. I like it over there. Nice parks. A little by the water.

Yeah. I played frisbee football over there with a bunch of boys. Frisbee football? Frisbee. Ultimate frisbee. Ultimate frisbee. Frisbee football. That's what I call it

When I play It's Frisbee football I never When I was You never play basketball football I play all different kinds of football I play all the footballs Softball football

I played baseball football For four years Football football Now we're talking That's a real man sport You You fire up some football football. I don't need any blue shoes to get this chaos going.

I've never played ultimate frisbee in my life. Or frisbee golf. I've seen videos of that. I've never done either, but it looks pretty sick. I'm not that good at throwing a fucking frisbee. Take a week. You can get it down. You look like you're good at that.

And fucking, what's it called? Cornhole. I'm decent at cornhole. I can do alright at cornhole. Yeah You can get it down You look like you're good at that And fucking What's it called? What? Cornhole No I'm decent at cornhole I can do alright at cornhole Can jam's a lot of fun though Can jam is a lot of fun Then you know how to throw a frisbee

What are you talking about? Yeah but I'm like alright I've slotted it once It's harder to do I've never done anything As great as that Yeah That's the best feeling in the world

Yeah I don't think like the birth Of my first child Is gonna be better Than slotting it in can jam Yeah You're just like Get the fuck off Yeah It's slotting in a can jam. You're just like, get the fuck off. When you're down, you're just like, fuck you.

Just slot it. I feel like can jam got taken over by that little trampoline ball game. Spike ball. I played that game. I tore my ACL in 2016. Playing spike ball? No, i was playing football and then

uh in 2018 i'd never got like surgery because i was like that's i'm not trying to do an eight month on my back type of thing but uh i just like no you rehabbed acl no i know but i had i'm like fine i could like run and fucking lift so it. So it was a slight tear. Huh? Slight tear. So the doctor told me it was a high-grade tear, but it never swelled up super big. Yeah. And I was in pain, but then once I kind of let the swelling go down and icing it and keep it elevated or whatever the fuck,

eventually I was able to lift, and I just kind of rehabbed everything around it. I had this personal trainer that helped me, and then I just didn't go back are you fast not anymore what were you slot receiver or running back slot but i i uh that position didn't exist when i played football it's all they had to invent something for the whites yeah yeah yeah that's right in the slot there best walker reinvented yeah yeah it's the white slot receiver yeah it's huge was huge. Wayne Krabat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That guy, you were talking about concussions. What's Krabat up to now? Is he... Krabat, dude, I hope he's all right. I haven't heard from him.

I'm pretty sure he is, like, actually really suffering from, like, CTE. Yeah, I bet. Because he had, like, a thousand fucking concussions in the league.

He makes zero appearances at Jets games, and he was, like... thousand fucking concussions in the league. He makes zero appearances at Jets games. And he was like. No, he shows up. It's just Tuesday. Like, what happened? Yeah. He gets on the mic.

He's like, ladies and gentlemen, name your best. They let him in. He runs down the steps but falls. He's just like, loaves. Loaves at a bobbin. It's fucked, man. But spike ball was like the reason I re-injured it too because I fucking was playing

that on a beach and I just heard my whole fucking knee make some wild disgusting noise I was like alright I gotta take it easy did it pop? it sounds like you could hear bones like it's gross it just feels like that it's disgusting

dude that shit gives me just like two rocks rubbing together yeah it's not good but i could watch someone get their head cut off before i could watch i can't like break a leg ever since that and this is like the craziest thing too because like the shit that adrian pearson did where he like tore his acl in the next year like broke the record the russian record or some no the next year he beat his kid then the the year after that he broke his leg. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's easy, though. Yeah. But breaking the Russian record, that's a big feat. But I can't even, to this day, watch videos of people hurting their legs.

Oh, yeah. Did you see fucking Saquon Barkley? No, I won't. I won't watch it. Dude, watch the footage. His knee goes sideways. Chris, you were right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's ankle.

Yeah, yeah. I showed you the foot. I was like, there's no way this... It went this way, and this folded in, and I thought all the, you were right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's ankle. Yeah, yeah. I showed you the foot. I was like, there's no way this... It went this way, and this folded in, and I thought all the CLs were gone. All of them. His right ankle just went... Or maybe it was his left.

But the way it bent, I guess he took so much pressure on this, it took off this, because maybe if his ankle stayed... It was one of those classic situations where his foot was, like, cleated in, and the guy right down this way so he was able to bend his knee but his ankle just yeah he's the best case scenario turned around

because if this stuck you're blowing everything this way that's what that's what happened to me because when i when i tore my acl i was wearing i had rolled my ankle i used to play in like this fucking like rough touch league over here and i they do a one day tournament rough touch dude it's bad but it's bad playing rough touch is an adult no dude

you might as well fucking bare knuckle box that's crazy for real it's gonna come down these dudes are fucking crazy yeah these dudes are showing up

with ankle monitors to the game I'm like I'm not playing this game anymore it's not worth it anymore guy runs a 4-2 with a monitor on

imagine when he gets this off he's flying there's no half time he's like I gotta get home worth it anymore. Guy runs a 4-2 with a monitor on. Imagine when he gets his song. He's flying. There's no halftime. He's like, I gotta get home. No halftime. But I rolled it. I rolled it at a game. So I was wearing an ankle brace and then I was doing this other thing out in Long Island. It was like an Olympics

thing. So it's like you do football and then basketball and then whatever. A bunch of different sports and it's like an all-day basketball and then foot uh and then like whatever a bunch of different sports and it's like an all-day thing it's the first thing i like this a lot the first thing was punch a heavy bag the first thing was football and i was the dude who was like our quarterback was like horrible and he's like can anyone else throw i was like yeah i'll throw so i like was juking and then i was wearing this ankle brace and like like the dude was like, can anyone else throw? I was like, yeah, I'll throw. So I was juking, and then I was wearing this ankle brace. And the dude was far away from me, like where he is.

And I just felt my whole knee do that shit, because I was wearing the ankle brace. So I had nowhere to go. So the fact that you were saying his leg was kind of caught, if his knee keeps going, you could tear everything. It'd be horrible. I accidentally, because I didn't want to see it, but I forget his name.

Heath Miller, maybe? The tight end on the Bears? Remember when he fucked up his leg really bad? Is this the one that split through the... I think that was Alex Smith. Oh, Smith. That was what he was watching. His leg went this way. From his knee.

But someone hit it and it went the other way. From his knee. But someone hit it and it went the other way and I was like, I can't even watch shit like that anymore. No, no, no. It's horrific. NBA games are tough. Even when people drive to the hoop, I'm like, I can't. Because I'm watching when they land. I can't even. It's crazy. I don't know how offensive linemen... Skateboarders falling down a railing?

Let's jump off the side of this building and hit this guardrail. I'll slow-mo watch a beheading and watch, watch a fucking skateboarder scrape his hands. Yeah, yeah. I get chills.

Yeah. I don't like the hand shit either. Ugh. Remember going through gravel and you had like little pebbles in the palm of your hand? For like days. Trying to die for a Nerf Turbo?

Been there. God, the 90s rule. You kids are fucking gay. Jesus. A Nerf Turbo. Remember a Nerf Turbo? Been there. God, the 90s rule. You kids are fucking gay. Jesus. A Nerf Turbo. Remember the Nerf Turbo, dude? The Screamer was the... Screamer sucks.

Oh, yeah. Vortex. Nerf Turbo is the guy. Is that the one with the fucking, like, spoiler on it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. That's the Screamer. Oh, yeah.

The Vortex. No, this was just an actual football that just had the aerodynamic channels in it. Half was like magenta red, magenta pink. Half was black. Two and a half times the distance or whatever you would throw a football. Two and a half? Two and a half. Oh, shit.

The commercials were so sick for the screamer. Remember toy commercials? Just launching it and being like, the whistle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God, that's so good. You're so good at that. Thanks, man.

Joe, tell us about your upbringing. Well, I was hit a lot. What if it was a series show? What was it like? What was the biggest challenge you had? You grew up right around the corner from here. Yeah, I grew up fucking on... I was about to give you my address

i'm not gonna do that but uh no yeah i grew up in the neighborhood though not too far away like closer to dipmars though yeah go to public or 15 minute walk both from here less 10 yeah okay closer to 10 10 healthy walk where are the wops man healthy pace where'd the wops go where'd they go bensonhurst i don't know There's a lot in Brooklyn I guess But The story was WAP land too It was also very Greek Which it still is

No it's extremely Greek Yeah it's extremely Greek Yeah Every building I passed They got marble and lions On their fucking Doorbells I'm like that's a

That's a WAP or a greaseball A lot of cigarettes A lot of wife beaters The Serbs love the smokes Like the Chinese Big time yeah Yeah Serbs love Also you guys are right around you know you're right over here

in the little Middle East dude over here dude you should see when Morocco was going like making a run in the world oh my god the Muzzies were buzzing

dude dude dude it was going crazy they were adorable do you know what was great

kids were no kids were playing soccer and like fucking like in the middle of intersections. On Steinway, just getting after it. Dude, just locking up intersections, cars, flags, going nuts. And it was like 9 a.m. on a Tuesday. Were you guys here for the pandemic?

Yeah, I was. Do you remember Stiamy? Do you remember that? Stiamy? Stiamy. That's what they called Steinway. Because it was just filled with fucking people yeah dude and they were just like basically rioting for like

no reason it's great best time of my life there's a when i was on the way here i passed a place and it's called stiamy vip so they called that because like miami and steinway whatever and it was just filled with people in the streets no cars could pass by whatever and people were calling it Stiamie and then I guess they opened up a fucking club that's awesome

like fucking on like 30th Avenue or something it's like that fucking that place across from our gym that has

it's like yeah that place gets packed of course it does there's like a line around the corner to this club that looks like

dog shit fake lips fake tits fake asses, fake women. I love every second of it. Load it to the gills. I love every second of it. You guys also don't live too far from the place where people just get killed

at all the time. I know, it's great, dude. This is the perfect place to live. Wait, where is that? It's literally four blocks away. Yeah, it's awesome. Really? It's on the other side of the railroad bridge. Yeah, like it's on the other side of the fucking highway. Do you know when we take Ubers from LaGuardia? Yeah, yeah.

And sometimes they come up the back end, they go towards this chip joint. Yeah, yeah. All that back area. Yeah, that's where you always used to tell me to park my car. Well, it's free. I'll pay for the wheels. You got a job.

Yeah. But like, it's free. I was like, no, I'll pay. What, four free cinder blocks? I'll pay to take it. Yeah, yeah, yeah'll pay the ticket. We got to build a pizza oven.

We just keep putting it back out there. We got to build a pizza oven. That's so funny.

Yeah, I love this fucking neighborhood, man. Yeah, it's nice. And when I was younger,

it was like way more like mom and pop. There wasn't a lot of like kids around or whatever. Even like now, I drive, I'm like, if I'm driving the mom and pop. There wasn't a lot of kids around or whatever. Even now, if I'm driving the neighborhood to go visit my mom or something, and I see kids that are 15 years old, I'm like, what the fuck?

Whose kids are these? Because everyone that lives in this neighborhood, when I was growing up, no kids left. There was people who lived next door who ended up moving, and then there was one girl across the street, two kids that lived like five blocks up no other kids on my block. That's crazy. Yeah, none. How old are you? I'm 31.

Where did you go to get fucked up underage? Park. I would just go to the park. But like you would go to any deli and they would just give it to you. No one gives a fuck around here. We would walk in and the guy was like, oh! He was giving us a deal. He would say, oh, special for the here. Like we would walk in, the guy's like, oh, he was giving us a deal.

He would say, oh, special for the special. And he would charge us like 40 bucks for like 12 tall boys. And we're like, dude, this is a good deal.

Yeah. Yeah. They can't run it back. Also, all of them expired. Yeah. Well, that's,

yeah. But it got the job done, you know? Also, I've told this story before, but it's like funny. I love telling people it for the first time, but when we were younger, one of the ways that we would get fucked up is i don't know

how someone came across it but there was a a business card that someone gave us and it was called sesame drinks and it just had pictures of like big bird and fucking oscar the grouch and shit and there was just a phone number on it and you would call this number and you would say let me get two big birds one elmo and an oscar the grouch and they'd be like all right cool and then they would call you when they were like we're on your corner because you get them like uh cross streets so you go meet them by the way 14 maybe young third 14 15 and someone on like a scooter or something would just hand you a bag and there would be styrofoam cups just filled with like

this one the red one was Elmo the green one was Oscar the Grouch and I don't know what the fuck was in it but we drank it it's green alcohol

and Hawaiian punch yeah probably it's what they sell on fucking Rockaway Beach probably but we called the number and they were just giving it to us

at 13 that's fucking unbelievable that's so funny I wonder who ran Sesame Street dude I really do too and they could have killed all of us. That's a pedophile. Or just drugged us if they

wanted to. If you were hotter, you'd get scooped. Yeah. He's probably just waiting for a hot chick. Yeah. He must be furious about Uber Eats. He'd be like, oh my god, dudes. Fuck. He was doing Uber Eats before Uber Eats was Uber Eats. Yeah. There was a thing. Sesame Drinks.

It was seamless, but dreamless. There was a thing that's to be drinks it was it was seamless but dreamless there was a thing called pickup kings that was that before uh like uber eats or seamless or any of that shit around here because it was called pickup kings and you would call this number but not like no one knew about it but you could call a number and they'll go go go get anything for you like at any place and i remember being like oh dude that's such a good idea like we should like yeah let's make an app but now it's now it's that i wonder if that's the guy i think so many everyone has had so many good ideas i know you know i thought there's a kid on this earth that didn't think like i want the straw to be here so my fat little face doesn't have to get away from my Cheetos dude post-its

post-its post-its adhesive paper oh god it's unbelievable I'll never forget the first time

I saw those drawers where you try to slam them they like stop and they're quietly closed you know how many toilets I've almost broken now you know they have the toilets where they do that

if you don't ever we have one they got a toilet that does that yeah no baby we got a resistant we got a toilet that does that? Yeah. No, baby. We got a resistant... Babe. We got a resistant lid.

When I go to... Like, my parents still have... We have a resistant lid? Yeah. Never. I've never touched a lid. He doesn't use it. He shoots it in the shower.

What the fuck is cleaning? Yeah. I go to, like, an adult's house house And they don't have a resistant lid It's like what are you doing You know what I hate It's like five dollars extra If you go to someone's house And they got like a pad

A pad You never sit on like a cushioned toilet seat Oh my god that's the fucking 80s Yeah that's what I mean Oh my god Dude they used to put fucking rugs Oh yeah yeah yeah On top of the top toilet seat Yeah, that's what I mean. Oh, my God. Dude, they used to put fucking rugs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

On top. Yeah. On top of the top toilet seat and then around the base of the toilet. More rugs. So they didn't have to clean. They would just have a piss catcher. Wait, what? Now you've lost me. What are you talking about?

All right, think about the base of the toilet, like a trunk. Yeah. And you put a tray? No, it would be like a little rug. To the shape of the bottom of the toilet would be like a rug. To you put a tray no it would be like a little rush the shape of the bottom of the toilet would be like a rug to put your bare feet on and then you would just never move it so the old drunk dad would just come in and piss everywhere that's good you'd be a sponge for urine yeah i mean yeah don't want to you don't want to clean that dude that was the worst the places we would rent in Philly without fail they would have

the electric heater on the far side of the toilet and it would be rusted from piss spray that was like the worst the worst thing that ever happened to me every fucking house

on Drexler Temple's campus had the electric heater on the side rusted from piss. Like bubbling. Oh. It was fucking hurt. I saw a fucking video

of like... We could develop a new urinal where you have to fully walk into it where it encapsulates your nuts and your peck. And you just get,

you know, like a... I don't know. A glory hole. Yeah. A glory hole where there's a guy on the other end who sucks your dick. Has anyone had this idea? Every kid's had a good idea. And he just blows you. You can only

go to your best friend's girlfriend's house. You know what I mean? There's gotta be a spray catcher. You can only go to your best friend's girlfriend's house. You know what I mean? There's got to be a spray catcher. You go to some bars. I like going to a bar that just has trough. A trough with ice.

What is this? It's crazy. I actually do love pissing on ice, though. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Pissing on ice is the best. I love the trough, too.

Yeah, trough is nice. Oh, I don't like the trough. Except when there's a line of fucking Irish mongrels. Yeah, you get nervous. Of course I get nervous. Why? You got a huge hog. Whip it out. Oh, I don't like trough. Except when there's a line of fucking Irish mongrels. Yeah, you get nervous, but I just... Of course I get nervous. Why? You got a huge hog.

Whip it out. No, it's about being abused, and we only had one... I say it all the time. If you're standing behind... It's not about that. It's about abuse. Yeah, no, it is. Deep emotional abuse.

If you... Dude, if you had... We had one bathroom growing up. Me too. Six people. No locks on doors. My brothers always fucked me up. I was the youngest of three. If they wanted to

come in the bathroom when they came in the bathroom, they'd just fuck with you. So you're constantly on edge. So no matter how old I am, I have to make sure in my setting of taking a piss unless I have to go really bad or I'm drunk as fuck. I have to be aware of my surroundings. Like a woman

opening her door and there's no street lights on. I have to like be aware of my surroundings. Like a woman opening her door and there's no street lights on. I have to be like ready to go. You think your brother is always right around the corner? Well I think because of that I've been like PTSD from no it's like dude if I'm at a bar I don't like sitting by the front door. I don't

like my back to like I can't like face the wall. I don't like my back to everybody. I need to see everything. i don't my back to everybody i need to see everything tony soprano what's going on i i have the same thing i like to be in the corner without my like it doesn't it's not it doesn't stress me out that much but i'd prefer to be looking out than looking at a wall for sure one million percent looking outside oh i don't know looking around the environment yeah yeah yeah i want to see people coming in i want to see them moving around yeah we were just me and my girl

were just talking about this like you sacrifice obviously you want to give her you go into a nice place in brooklyn or manhattan or even queens and you're just like this place is known for its ambience you get to this little booth everything's beautiful as you're walking through and you're just at a two seater you got two options you're three feet away from a wall looking at nothing or you got a cushioned booth looking at the fucking lit candles the golden lampshades

the fucking the wall paintings from the 1700s and you're just like get ahead take it you gotta get a mirror back there so at least you can get some reflection from the 1700s and you're just like, get ahead. Yeah, yeah. Take it. You got to get a mirror back there. You can take it. At least you can get some reflection.

The whole time I'm just staring at the mirror looking at another table. This place is nice. You're just not looking at it or you're like, love this place. Yeah, dude. If I'm on a date,

I like to sit facing the wall. Dude, I double, I double. So that I can, I'll actually pay attention to him. If I'm sitting on the other side, I'll just be like, what's that guy doing?

I don't see, is there, like, I don't even'll actually pay attention to them. If I'm sitting on the other side, I'll just be like, what's that guy doing? I don't see, is there, like, I don't even know the etiquette behind that. Like, I don't even know. Like, booth is,

I don't even know. Here's my etiquette. Yeah, yeah, what is, yeah. Etiquette is give them the most comfortable seat with the best look.

I just say, take what you want. Take what you want. But I don't know which one is the one. Otherwise, I would just take this. But she also knows how crazy I am, so she'll go,

I know you need it. I can deal with this. You can't, because you're going to wear it on your face, and it's going to become a problem. You just look it over

your shoulder the whole time. And then I go, no, no, no, no. Please. This place is gorgeous. God. And then I'll be pissed about it a little bit,

but I try not to show it. I always go to the bar. I've always been a bar, even in a nice restaurant. Go to a bar. Go to the bar. Sit've always been a bar, even in a nice restaurant. Go to a bar. Go to the bar. Sit down, you get immediate response.

Yeah. You get immediate assistance. You still get the great experience of being there as long as it's night. So we go to Keene's Steakhouse. Mm-hmm. Ever been to Keene's?

I haven't, but I need to go there, yeah. The bar there is gorgeous. The whole place is gorgeous. But, perfect example of like, it doesn't take away from the experience you don't have to sit i don't want some fucking just a pair of rich jews yeah

a pair tell me about the struggles here this is a pair of a gag a gaggle a gaggle yes exactly a whole gaggle i mean i know it's too much i don't want to gaggle A Jew's gaggling About how wealthy they are Yeah I'm trying to enjoy My $35 burger No But you just get You get access

You have control Of your ambiance I do like Baller is always the way to go Or if you get When you get really lucky You get the corner Sort of booth

And you both get the Oh Corner booths Yeah Jesus Christ What You call me soprano get the bow and corner booths yeah jesus christ what you call me soprano you're in a corner booth with two people sometimes they put you in like a weird

like little makeshift corner it's like then we both get to kind of get that is nice that's a fucking five seater but that's also a conversation not like a whole booth you talk like a little you're a diner in the corner i do like dining they don't make tiny circle booths sometimes yes they do you've seen a tiny circle booth yeah where are fucking david busters i don't make that for a full family we went to david busters the other night good why when in fucking fort lauderdale we went to fort Fort Dave and Buster's to watch. Why don't you tell me good stuff? I mean, you come home like, how was your day? Dave and Buster's is good stuff.

What? Yes. They got cool frozen drinks, I heard. Yeah, they got some nice stuff there. Last time I went there, I just played Guitar Hero

for like an hour straight. Or the racing game, the car racing games at Dave and Buster's. You know what fucking really pisses me off there? They have like that reaction game where it's like,

you gotta press the buttons and I feel like I'm in the NFLfl combine i'm like i have to do well that's for japanese teens you stay the fuck that's right no the fucking no the dance dance revolution yeah that's not for you that's fucked up no it's true no the dance dance revolution that that's very japanese to me yeah it's like if there was a spaghetti making machine and japs were waiting to fucking in line in front of you that would be hilarious to have a spaghetti making video game

what race did we cover here today I think we got all of them Russians oh Russia what do they do Russians? they invade Russians are pretty...

What do they do when they're traveling? What do they... Yeah, what do they... They probably just do what everyone else does. You know, they're people, you know? I only see, like, rich. I don't know if they are. I always feel like...

I don't know that I've even met, like, a raw Russian. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's just like a random one. Yeah. If I hear them, if I'm like, I was, I heard some in Fort Lauderdale.

I was in an elevator and the bunch of them walked out. I just assume they're human trafficking. Do you hear a Russian woman's voice? It's not good. I always assume they've got some side hustle going on. A Russian woman's voice is like a bottle rocket in a coffee can. It's the most, it's a sharp language. It's a sharp language.

It's a sharp language. A lot of Ks and Vs. God. It's too much. You think it's worse than Arabic? Yeah. What's the worst

sounding language, you think? I don't think they have... Oh, okay. German because of the violence. Arabic because it's like pigeons

trying to speak English. It's too... Yeah, it's too throaty. I actually... I was in Portugal recently and it feels like pigeons trying to speak English. Yeah, it's too throaty. I actually, I was in Portugal recently and it feels like Spanish in reverse. Like in rewind. And I'm like, this sounds like Spanish.

Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah, it's old school VHS. Lovely wine, but the language sounds like it's in reverse. I don't know what this is, but it sounds backwards for some reason. I would say Russian's pretty bad. Russian also

doesn't have... I'm so good. My bladder is so good. You don't think they have pronouns? I don't think they do. I don't think they have I or... I probably would have a pretty difficult time explaining what a pronoun is right now. I'm not going to lie to you. It's he, him, she, her.

They, them. I should know this. What's wrong with me? Yeah, you got to be up to date. When you say it in that, I was like, I get that. But then when you go pronouns, I'm like, grab her. I'm like, but what is that? That's the only way Americans know what pronouns are.

Yeah, it's so crazy. That actually happened in real time. I had no idea. I was like but what is that? That's the only way Americans know what pronouns are. Yeah, it's like, it's so crazy. That actually happened in real time. I had no idea. I was like, what is that? They've gone too far in the opposite direction where they don't have, like, I think the whole point of the language is to, like, assassinate your identity. You know what I mean?

That's why they kill gays. Yeah, yeah. They don't have, like, he, she. I don't think so. No. What are you talking about? I mean, I don't know. You think the Russians I don't think so. No. What are you talking about? I mean, I don't think they have. You think the Russians are like.

I'm pretty certain. They. No, he's saying like in general in their language. Oh. There's no like. Yeah. That's what you were saying. Are they abiding by the.

No, no, no. I'm saying they like. They're not a woke culture. Yeah, they're not woke. They're Russians. Oh, so you guys don't know they're not woke? Yeah. You guys know Putin is not down with the whole like. Yeah, they're not woke. They're Russians. Oh, so you guys don't know they're not woke? Yeah. You guys know Putin is not down with the whole, like...

Yeah, that's... They don't have zers. Yeah. All right, it doesn't matter. Joe, do you have anything to plug, buddy? You guys can just go listen to the podcast. It's called The Basement Yard. It's on iTunes and Spotify, wherever you can catch it.

Yeah, check it out there. Thanks for stopping by. Yeah, I had fun. Thank you for having me. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. They do have pronouns. Yeah, check it out there. Thanks for stopping by. Yeah, I had fun. Thank you for having me. Nice to meet you. They do have pronouns. Nice to what? Meet you.

Nice to meet you as well. I'm sorry I'm meeting you under these circumstances where you're shitting your brains out. That's okay. I can't wait to piss on your sweatshirt. Got a lot of color in your face, though, if that means anything. I do, thank you.

Come back to life. I do. You know what I do? Dude, I was so lethargic. I slept like 10 hours. It didn't mean nothing. Wow. I was falling back Dude, I was so lethargic. I slept like 10 hours. It didn't mean nothing. Wow. I was falling back asleep.

I was just an old woman. What do you do? Are you listening to anything, or is it just the white noise? White noise. I throw the tornadoes on. Oh, you got a white noise machine? I got two of them. I sleep in silence.

That's crazy. Isn't it? Yeah. I sleep with people arguing. I listen, I turn on, I go to YouTube. Well, there's our personalities all in one, guys. ASMR, you ever get into that? People eating like food and shit i listen to him every day you like that though asmr yeah yeah well i understand it i don't like seek it out but when i when i hear people like here i'm opening a bag of potato chips and you're like i'm gonna

i'm gonna listen to these chips i get it oh my god i get more i get without the visual you just listen the visual one is i think is like better where it's like they're cutting like soap or something like this is cooler than eating than watching like some fat dude eat like a whole fucking yeah 10 000 burgers i see like a japanese woman like poke those like little balls here's something i will say about japanese people who do like the mukbang shit on youtube they can put them away i have no idea how what's mukbang it's dude sounds great it's not what you think because i know it sounds like sex like thing that they bite into and it explodes everywhere yeah i don't know what that's called but it's like sounds like monk it looks like that's porn i think you're describing no but There's like a sea animal that they bite into and it just explodes. And it pisses on you.

Yeah. Piss. You would love it. You would love it. You would. But mukbang is like them just eating a bunch of food. But it's also like ASMR.

So they have a microphone and eat a ton of food. And it's crazy. Wasn't there like a YouTuber that started getting money? A bunch of them do. And then he got like 600 pounds and now he's like dying? Yeah, I getting money a bunch of them and then he got like 600 pounds and now he's like dying yeah i think that's all of them yeah that's so funny i mean that sounds

hilarious it is that's america baby oh yeah that's as american you get eat yourself to death for money yeah just eating eating fast food testing fast food yeah yeah imagine imagine going out and like eating off a Taco Bell dessert menu Something like that Now we're talking crazy Yeah exactly Now we're talking scumbag I gotta take a shit

I gotta take a big shit