Stuff Island - Stuff Island #19 - bridge painting w/Matt Pavich

Episode Date: March 17, 2022

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Matty Pav. Yes, it's me. Hello. Matt Pavich. Uh-huh. You gotta say his full name because he's a viral boy now, dude. The album's out. The album is ripping.

The clips are doing well. Clips are ripping. I'm listening to the kids. I'm doing the reels. Yeah. The reels are lit. Making sure it's under a minute. Yep.

A lot of my jokes are not. Yeah. Do you cut the fat or do you just... I just cut the fat on one joke and it pained me yeah yeah it pained me with every being

in my soul I said this isn't stand up comedy yeah I'm not waiting the amount of time that I normally wait yeah

but it's gotta be under a minute for the kids yeah for the kids it's for the kids they can't figure anything out

that's a Schweppes by the way we're Schweppes yeah we're Schweppes household I try to really I like a Canada Dry Canada Dry well this is seltzer this is not ginger I'm a Halls guy a Halls it's a New York seltzer hello sir how are you dude this is Burke that's

Burke that's Burke's timing we hired him fucking 10 hours ago the kid just shows up the first minute so La Croix is what I looked for I look for like a variety but that's for tick tockers this is where schwartz house this is old school established yeah 1783 baby they've been doing it for a long time exactly that's for bobis hairy drunks to get up hung over roll out of their air mattress and just quench their thirst with how many times you think they've changed their recipes since 1783 i don't know how hard is it to make seltzer i'm sure they've got i'm sure it was just seltzer at one point and now now it's all natural unsweetened lemon not lime i took a shot on this okay because they have schweppes has a plethora of flavors do they yeah pink grapefruit they mix in some strawberry and some cranberry i like a pink

grape pink grapefruit seltzer is so it is good but that's a risk it's divine oh fuck is it but this is all i was gonna do that i haven't seen you in years first off yeah you're great thank you man i appreciate it you have a glow about you you also could be any nationality i can't figure out what the fuck i am puerto rican italian jewish i'm ethnically ambiguous you are you can get any commercial job you want right now that's what I thought yeah but now they're looking for specifics oh really

they don't want ethnically ambiguous really I don't know I mean I don't book commercials so that's what excuse I'm using yeah yeah

I'll tell you what I am my father is Croatian okay and my mom is Italian and Haitian holy fuck wild card how

that is wild I know. An Italian man from Sicily, I mean, he's very Americanized, married a for real Haitian woman. Wow. Back when it was not cool. I was going to say,

that's a no-no. In Woodside. Oh, wow. They couldn't get a house. They couldn't walk down the street. They were all sorts of tales. Holy shit. Yeah. It was a it was

it was a crazy thing did they move or they just they just ride it out they got a house my grandfather still lives there my grandmother rest her soul died before i was even born so i never got to meet the whole haitian family they all died very young which is very sad but uh she was uh she was an amazing woman from what i hear uh he's a real real uh piece of work your father my grandfather oh your grandfather because he's kind of racist yeah but then you go but you married a haitian woman yeah that maybe made him racist no i maybe now i get what you're talking about yeah yeah yeah i mean he says just wild things where you go you can't say that grandpa it's 20 that's what chris says to me yeah yeah almost every day what's what's can you give us an example

no yeah i'll give you an example it's in a context yeah yeah he'll he'll just say something like uh you know that uh're a lazy people. And you go, Grandpa, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. They're the opposite. Aren't they Haitians? Yeah. He doesn't mean Haitians. I'm not even being specific. I'm talking about he will just say a nationality is a lazy people. And you go, how is that backed up by fact, Grandpa? What are you talking about? And he goes, yeah, you know, I read a book and he's...

So it's not firsthand experience. No, no, no, no. I mean, he grew up in Woodside. You read a book where they were like measuring skulls or something. Exactly. That's the kind of shit that he pulled out. This one's got the lazy gene. Yeah, exactly.

And he was a high school teacher. He speaks four languages. He's one of the most well-read. He's a high school teacher. He speaks four languages. He's one of the most well-read. He's a cinephile. And he's just a grandpa that still says out of pocket, what the fuck, we're in a restaurant. They kind of earned that right in a way. Especially, that's the last...

I should have said it like that. What I'm saying is, you know, that generation is the last generation of like, all right, fired out of your mouth hole and see what happens. You know, like he doesn't give,

they don't care. And that's beautiful. There is a beautiful nature. Like there's not when he says that, those kinds of things, but like, it'll be very direct, straight to your face.

I mean you know he's an interesting guy my grandpa well he goes after you if you're hanging out with grandpa he's like throwing shit at you

no he keeps commending me on my perseverance in the industry which hurts yeah yeah like it's like

a backhanded compliment oh it's the most backhanded you really haven't given up yet kid have you and I'm like no grandpa quit you got a lot of mocks here kid and i'm like that really hurts my feelings i'm actually doing all right yeah there's also such a disconnect with like old school pop-ups

and like current media yeah like how do you explain to your father how well your clips are doing on your new album exactly you can Like, he can't fucking do it. There's no way. You'd have to use, like, racial terms. Like, you'd be very insensitive. Yeah. Like, all right, imagine there's this many people. You want to leave there stranded.

I just had dinner with him two days ago. And I said to him, hey, grandpa. You two went out to dinner? Me, my mother, my grandfather, and my cousin. And he goes, how's the career going? He always asks me how the career is going and i go you know i tried to explain it to him some of these clips that i'm putting on tiktok and instagram are going viral and he goes it's not that uh homosexual video you did is it what and i go what homosexual video did i do grandpa and he goes that coincidence that uh i don't know if you guys ever saw this stupid dance video that I did on YouTube a few years ago

went viral yeah with your buddy right anymore oh we can get into that Wow yeah we put out all these sketches one hit and he goes yeah it had a lot of homosexual undertones because we were dancing what he does know the two men they're together, then they change the world through dance. It's sort of homosexual. Oh my God, this actually seems like it's saying more about him than it is about you.

Oh, for sure. 100%, yeah. But also, it's a different time. So like, I understand. I know, but it feels. I say this all the time. Hugging another man is so fruitful for me yeah like when you can be confident in your skin with another guy friend that you love yeah it's so

wonderful but breaking that barrier it takes so many not just years like your father has to be okay with it grandfather has to be okay with it I grew up in a loving family my dad was never a big hugger kisser until like i got to college yeah my mother was because i was a baby she was all over me so i'm all over my friends all the time i've never gotten a hug from my grandfather in my life really he just eats it and this is how he shakes my hand okay yeah yeah just to well i was saying the opposite i don't want to accuse your grandfather being gay but no but... No, no. When you see it everywhere, it starts to go like... It's like ads now.

Like, if you run into someone and they're like, you've seen these herpes ads, they're crazy. No, I'm not seeing that shit. Somebody just got some news. Zero herpes ads in the last 25 years. I've never gotten one no never once I always wonder

how much would someone have to pay me to be the face of a herpes ad yeah I think I would do it I would do it yeah

I'd have to get compensated pretty well yeah you talking like triple the rate let's say sag rate I don't know that's what I wonder

cause then you're the face of herpes for a couple years are you talking about like State Farm Jake type shit where you got to keep coming back? Or is this a one-time thing? I'm just talking about like a picture on the train. That's a great idea for herpes medication.

You got to get a State Farm Jake. That's not the way the herpes market works. You don't have like a charming, like regular guy. Well, maybe we got to switch it up. State Farm Jake. I like this. Hey, it's me. Herpy Jake.

I still have herpes. Hey, I am. It's me, Herpy Hank. Watch me get into it. Stop that. It's phony. Dude, and you're talking residuals for years? I don't give a fuck.

Oh, no, no. I would do it, but I always feel like the rate must be more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For things like, you know, those things. And once it gets out

that you truly don't have herpes, you're just the face of the herpes. How do you get that out, though? Yeah, yeah. That's all hard. You got to back up all the commercials of your own YouTube channel going, I don't have herpes.

It pays me $200,000 a year to not have herpes. Yeah, that's funny. No, but I mean, I don't think you'd ever remember a herpes person from an ad. Right? Also, if someone recognizes you, that's great.

You're the guy from the herpes. Yeah, how do I know you? Which means they're seeing it, which means they have herpes. Yeah, that's true. Right, so they can't say shit. So the moment, if they go, aren't you that guy? And they've seen so many of them, they remember you. It's like, whoa yeah we need to

break this off now yeah you definitely have hurt if you recognize me you have herpes like the only people who like recognize i'm sure anyone from those aids commercials those aids drug they have like an aids commercials they're not commercials for aids it's that what the is he talking about no they have a drug oh yeah yeah yeah it just reduces your um uh bobby the bartender was just telling me about this he said it's straight people are spreading it more and straight people should be on this if they're having unprotected sex in the streets i don't but you should be they're saying there's a big article saying like straight people should be on the show i'm sure it's a pharmaceutical push to get everybody buying this goddamn straight people are spreading aids yeah because they're they're more uh they're having like the i don't know a

little bit of orgy parties maybe people are eating ass i mean i guess it's possible yeah yeah yeah that i do yeah that feels like i don't know that's that's big gay. The whole gay shit. Let me finish on that. It's like, even complimenting a guy, still, in 2022. Like, if I was just like, you look great, dude. Yeah. Hair's perfect. Thank you. You got a glow about your skin.

You get moisturized. If I had this conversation at a bar in my hometown, you'd get the shippy. We would both get the fucking shippy about it. Yeah, I grew up in New York. I grew up in New York, and I went to a theater high school so I'm not as like macho yeah yeah yeah straight as I'm on the spectrum if you will yeah yeah yeah yeah that's why pop pop thinks you're bi dancing boys well I can't boys My boy's dancing. He's much like guys. I don't know. There's one solution.

Even dancing is gay for an old cat like that. I know. I know. If you're not dancing with a woman, you're gay. Yeah, you're gay. You're absolutely gay. You can't even laugh with a guy. What's all this hubbub about?

Keep it moving. Yeah. See, I know I'm not gay uh i can't see the ugly hot guys like i know a beautiful man yeah when i see one for sure yeah but i can't you know like there's for women there's like a kind of weird gross whorish thing that you're like ah i need that i don't have like i can't see that with dudes you know what i mean like i can't attracted to good looking man is not attractive i can only see i can understand i can see i know a hot guy from a not hot guy but i don't know like uh

you know the moxie or uh i don't i can't see the the hutzpah yeah like i can't i can't look at a guy and be like oh that guy would fuck me so good. Oh, my God. You know what I'm saying? No one's asking for that. Yeah, no, I didn't. No, but you can do that with women. Right. Right.

Is what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. When I see a really good looking dude, I'm never like, oh, I want to fuck that guy. I'm like, that guy must get so many women. Right. Yeah, yeah. That's how I know. That's how I think I'm not gay.

I mean, I don't know. Or even that whole conversation I would have with like an ex or a girlfriend, it's like, that guy's fucking outrageously hot, right? Yeah.

Yeah, like if somehow you were doing your hair and like put some lotion on and you wound up looking like that guy, you'd be like, I look good today. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. No, but I also find, I find myself like being attracted to like a guy's character or the way they handle themselves and I'll saying. No, but I also find, I find myself like being attracted to like a guy's character or the way they handle themselves and I'll tell my girl, I'll be like, that guy's hot, right?

And she'll be like, no. Oh, really? I said it so many times, like, don't you think that dude's hot? Yeah, just because of the way he's operating.

Like even a friend of mine, I'll be like. You guys are bonding over the Phillies? Yeah, yeah. His favorite player's John Crook too. This dude's a smoker he's smoking hot how do you not see it

yeah no I do think there's an element of like you can recognize beauty in anything obviously but

yeah there are standard characteristics of a facial structure there's a it's a mathematical algorithm yeah symmetry

yeah it's your eyeballs are one eyeball was supposed to be this is for beauty standards one eyeball in between yeah your nose is two and a half I think and the corners your lips should be at the middle of your pupils buddy you're nailing it you know what that's how I brought this up but I want to check features right's checking features right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.

I think, but there's hot asymmetrical dudes. There's chicks that people are like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to fuck that guy and he's got some crazy French face. Yeah. I'm attracted to women

with like weird beaks. Me too. And I think maybe because they say you're attracted to your own self too. Yes. So I have a wild beak. It's not as wild as mine. I would say mine is wild. You got a nice wild beak too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I like a woman self too so I have a wild beak it's not as well as mine I would say you got a nice wild beak too yeah yeah yeah so I

like a woman with a strong no you do have a strong no people tell me it gives you character it does I used to have a cyst on my face yeah I got that removed people told me I look like Quasimodo yeah what it didn't feel good yeah once when I was 18 and then it grew back and i had to get it removed again when i was 20 was a dermoid cyst uh it's a weird fucking disgusting like it could have been like a tooth or a hair or like oh my god what yeah that gets stuck in your head and it just keeps growing yeah uh and uh and my teeth are all fucked up. And people tell me that that's what I hear. But when I look in the mirror, I go, how is it possible? Because there's too much character.

I have a lot of character. Yeah. Too much character. I don't know. You got good hair. Thank you. I do have good hair. I'm looking at the profile right now, but you got a symmetrical face.

Your concentrated queens is what you are. Yes, yes, yes. And you could have a hairy tooth growing on the front of your forehead concentrated queens dudes that i've met right are charming as regardless thank you thank you thank you yeah being from new york is a is an advantage i feel like sometimes people freak out when they find out that i'm a native new yorker yeah they get so excited yeah yeah that's why i tell them i'm from queens and they're like a little less excited but still excited because surprisingly enough it feels like it's rare it is rare it's very

rare it's weird it's a weird thing to be rare but i guess i you know well native new yorkers aren't you know they're not yeah they're they're paint walls like this pop-up they're not mingling with the rest of the city is what you're saying well yeah they don't and they don't they they wouldn't they they think we're all dancing together every time we pass them well they don't have time for this what are you waiting for this is actually we talked about this earlier i want to bring on like regular dudes so i got i got close to the exterminator at the local bar that we go to okay because he would come in at the same time that i would come in it's his big fat bur, burly New York native.

And he's so funny. Yeah. So interesting. Yeah. And he's telling me stories about rat killings and shit. Of course. At some of the best restaurants in the city. And he's so fucking funny and so likable.

My Queens friends are so funny that they don't think I'm funny. Right. Oh, yeah. In a group chat, they're like, you're not that funny. Right. Like, it's crazy that this is this is your career choice yeah i could i could yeah yeah yeah queen's goons to come that'd be great yeah that'd be fun might say some wild that's all right yeah yeah yeah we can edit it it's not live what's your local bar which is your god oh

yeah there's one on uh 30th judy's oh yeah yeah that's a real nice spot yeah yeah yeah uh there are other plays madams it's a sister bar on, yeah, yeah. That's a cool one. It's a real nice spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are other places, Madam's. It's a sister bar on Madame Marie's. Sweet Afton's great. Great burger. Dynamite Burger.

Dynamite Burger. Yeah, good bartender. Okay. Yeah, he's from PA. I feel like buddies from home, though, that are funny, I need to be in their...

Element. Yes. Yeah, you put it in front of a microphone, it might not job. Yeah, yeah, like putting a, like a, you know, thoughts together. Well, you'd it to work microphone it might not yeah yeah like putting a like a you know thoughts together well you'd have to put a lav mic and a hard hat on in the backyard

put a fucking he'd have to hold a horseshoe and a fucking miller light and he'd be like now go tell me about how racist your dad is i feel feel like that would kill. Yeah, it would destroy. You have to feed them three and a half blunts. They smoke blunts. Oh, yeah. Well, that's, I've always said that construction workers and everyone that's in the union of my family, like they're funnier than any fucking guy. My buddy's a bridge painter. I mean, he's hysterical.

Yes. He doesn't even know that he's funny. No. They're the best people. Yeah. I get questions all the time. I'm like, what was that? What was that?

It's the craziest job in the world a bridge painter yeah you're like sandblasting sandblasting for 12 hours yeah

there's shit in a bucket what yeah bridge paint there's no bathrooms on a bridge wait let it fall in the water

no you gotta shit in a bucket then someone's job one of the apprentices has to throw your shit out wait I feel like there's a bucket guy for the shit

there's a bucket guy really he gets the lunch while you're an apprentice you have to throw out shit out wait i feel like there's a bucket guy for the shit there's a bucket guy really gets the lunch while you're apprentice you have to throw out shit you have to get people coffee is this one is like a special bucket or is it like one of those old spackle buckets yeah spackle five gallon ten gallon whatever they call it don't take a shit in the fire just a painter's bucket with a p on it. Not that one. They gave me a special one. Not the P one. What the fuck is wrong with you? That's the P one. Jesus Christ. No seat.

They have a, there is a lid. I'm serious. They jimmy a lid. And they cut a hole in the middle. They cut a hole in the middle. So it's like a squatty potty for bridge painters. Oh my God. They just put two little bricks up.

Unbelievable. Wait, hold on. So are these dudes on like like climbing like i don't know what the climbers have they like a harness i have this like fantasy about wild jobs like this i just want to dance with them first then we'll get to the hugging phase yeah then i'll eat his ass so they sandblast on a harness. Yes. Let's take for reference Queensborough Bridge. Yes. They start at the base where the road starts.

I don't know enough about this to answer your question. All right. I know that they work insane hours. They shit in a bucket. And then they paint the bridge. First they have to blast the whole bridge. And then someone is behind them painting. Yeah. And they work their way across the bridge. First they have to blast the whole bridge, and then someone is behind them painting. And they work their way across the bridge,

and basically by the time they're done, they have to start over. Yeah. That's how long it takes. Yeah, yeah. So why can't these fucking Degos sandblast the railings out front? They just paint over it. Why don't they just paint over the bridge? I don't know.

Is that a security issue when they start paint chips it why don't they just paint over the bridge uh i don't know is that a security issue when they started like paint chips start falling i think you paint you paint things so that it doesn't rust yes and these bridges rust right so i think they have to clear all the shit you want me to call them yeah i bet they're also looking for issues yeah right they blast it off they look how the you know they inspect the steel and stuff that's the guy who shows up in a white fucking button up and khakis he's not the fucking bucket shitter it is crazy they don't just have like a porta potty but they can like rope down well there's like these nets they put like these fabric uh things

and you blast in there and you wear like a gas mask like it's it's hazardous shit yeah yeah and uh they don't want the paint to just fall into the ocean or whatever it is right so i don't think you could put a port-a-potty in these little things yeah also that's kind of like a suicide prevention net too yeah yeah and you got to contain all the sand you can't have like a door is it sand or glass sand sand pretty sure it's glass why would it be glass can you hit power on that i don't fucking know it's sharp glass is just melted sand isn't it? Yes Damn that was a fucking

That was a wild question His confidence in this They melt sand and then they blow it That's what glass is God damn I don't know anything I'm not sure Sounds great. Yeah.

It sounds great. I can imagine. I can, I can conceive of instead of it being sand being tiny pieces of glass, but sand is, seems like it'd be more durable. Oh, you're talking about what they're shooting at?

Yeah. Yeah. It's got a gun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I've never heard. No one's ever said glass blasting. That's a sexual act. The other day I was glass blowing this bitch. It was fucking incredible.

True. Dude, it's so funny. I want to say this. You came in here and you complimented the wall. Yes. This is Venetian plaster for those of you that don't know. I think my father. I've been shitting on this paint to my landlord. Yeah. For three years. Oh, well, I like it.

And you came in. I don't mind this room. It is nice. I don't mind this room. Because you can't fill the holes and then Venetian paint over it, right? Here's the problem. I like it. Another problem, I have bad taste.

Oh, really? I don't mind this room. Every other room needs to be painted. So I think he thinks, he was a baby when he grew up in this. This hasn't been touched since they were kids. That's crazy. I feel like I got bad taste too.

The older I get, the more I realize. What's the thing that triggered it for you? My girlfriend. Oh, well that, come on. She's got great taste in like movies and stuff. And like everything that I like, she tells me I'm wrong. You got gotta break up with this person no i love her very much she's great katie's great and she i'm just no one this

is why i think i have bad taste you never hear someone admit they have bad taste yeah right no one's ever like oh i love that movie but i got bad taste everyone thinks they have good taste true so it's impossible that everyone has good taste yeah so i'm coming to the realization that i i have good taste in some things yeah comedy i feel like i have good taste in comedy uh uh i was just gonna say books but i've read three books in my life yeah same you're just talking about that but i love each and every one of them and i'm going dune that looks i've heard that's good i never read it no they're all coasters dude they are fucking nobody's using any of those finishing a book what it's crazy it's all so hard dude i finish a chapstick and i'm like you know how hard that is in my life i'm three in a row right now that's incredible i have a

fucking i chisel into my bedroom wall like a prisoner counting his years when i get a chapstick dunk yeah and i'm a maniac i got one in every pocket what's your brand so far i've been uh i've been leaning towards carmex karma twist up that's i don't like the yeah here it is the bomb you don't like always i don't like the bomb i don't like the lip applicator messy it's very messy and you're very it's very wasteful the problem with this with the turn... This consistency is much different. It's emollient, so it has like a sheen to it too, which is like you want to get hot lips? You want to get IG model hot lips? Yeah, yeah.

That's what the Carmex is. You say it's emollient? But doesn't it extend in your pocket if you're walking? I think emollient's a word. Emollient? Emollient. I didn't know what it... It's like a shiny oil.

Ointment. Emollient. Emollient. I've never heard it before. I knew you knew what you were talking about. Did you do some research on this, Jeff? Yeah, what's going on? Wait, that's why I don't hang around with you, Matt. appointment That's why I don't know you Matt people I hang around like to just everybody's goes. Yeah, I guess it's right I don't want any questions around me. It's a good word. I'm like Putin somebody asked me a question. You're fucking dead You're out. You're out of my life forever. Oh, yeah. I can't identify like a Latin root of that Blaster Trevor, emollient. Yeah, I can't identify like a Latin root of that at all. I think emollient.

I think it means gas blaster. Yeah, glass blaster. Doesn't it extend in your pocket? Because it's got the twist at the bottom. You walk and then it extends. No, you've got that fucking horse ass which is stretching on the denim in the front. Yeah, it doesn't twist. It's always twisting the caps in your pants. No, it doesn't twist in your pocket. No, not the high quality. It's always twisting the caps in your pants. No, it doesn't twist.

No. Not the high quality. It does. There's more resistance on the ones that happen to me. When you bulk up, you spend the big money, dude. He's just,

he's a chapstick connoisseur. I fucking have you. Batty, I can't tell you how many brands I've been through. Burt's Bees is a joke. Burt's Bees, fuck out of here.

They're terrible. Suck my Burt's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get out of my face. Burt's Bees. I like one that you can. I have some of those too. Get the fuck out of here. Terrible. Suck my Burt's Bees. Get out of my face. Burt's Bees. I like one that you can... I have some of those too.

I got some samples for you. You got some samples? My mother had my Carmex bottle. Yeah, that is the other Carmex bottle. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. I keep the capped one by the bed. It's too much for the jeans.

I remember in high school, a lot of girls used rose petal. Do you remember that blue tin? Yeah. It's too much. You you remember that blue tint? Yeah. It's too much. You don't have a purse. Yeah. It doesn't work. It looks like you have a thousand quarters in your pocket going to an arcade or something.

Going to an arcade. No, I fucking, I am nuts about the lips and face. Another gay conversation we could have. I don't use chapstick at all because I read somewhere that the more you use chapstick, the more chapped your lips get because the lips become dependent on the ointment to be wet. That's why you need natural stuff. Yeah. This Carmex is good because it's straight oil, essentially.

I don't think it's going to make a difference. If you're applying ChapStick all the time, your body's going to adjust to it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's just the way it is. Some of these are like the chemicals they put in a cigarette to make it go faster yeah i think some of these other brands of chapstick are putting some stuff in there make you dry out if you're not using it you know i don't i don't buy it big pharma

well the thing is most americans are brand loyalists you know for sure like basic go in the gap or shit you find one brand you go well my mom always gave this to me as a kid so now i got seven pounds of it in my yeah in my cupboard you're so out of touch that you think basic bitches go to the gap i know well yeah i fucking you know where do they i didn't sleep well aritzia aritzia true wait you said that place was nice zara zara's my jam zara's great i love zara's my jam aritzia is nice too but it's for it but i understand it's very basic yeah this is the thing about style when you say i don't have good taste yeah women take that i think men and women go okay as long as i'm wearing what everybody else is wearing

to me that's basic i have good taste in clothes we didn't get to the the good taste things that i have yeah i think i dress well i know comedy and a little bit of rap. I know those are my, those are the things where I go, I have actually good taste. Rap has, you have to around this area, right? Yeah.

You have to be, you're in the know. Oh yeah. Being so close to Brooklyn and Queens has a lot of fucking hits. Nas, you know. Nas, yeah, boy. Nicki Minaj.

I'm trying to think of what I have good taste in. 50 Cent. Yeah. New York. Nicki Minaj has I'm trying to think of what I have good taste in. 50 Cent. Yeah. New York. Nicki Minaj is a bad breath face. Yeah, yeah. You want to get into that?

No, no, no. Tommy has a theory that all minorities are bad breath faces. That's not right. What the fuck? I'm not Pop Pop Pavich. That's pretty much it. I didn't say that at all. The last time he brought this up, I was like, ooh, ooh.

And Nicki Minaj. I said two rappers because there was a connective tissue in my fucking head it's not about racists it's they come in all colors and sizes

bad breath sees no color exactly give me a white bad breath it's the face when you see someone's face

you just know they're bad breath is this the game you guys play it's very funny I brought it up I play it all day long I was hoping

he would say you know someone like fucking I don funny. I brought it up. I play it all day long. I was hoping he would say, you know, someone like fucking, I don't know, I think they said Meg Ryan or whatever. Listen, dude, if you want to play a fucking flip game next episode where you just, there's a, you know, we'll just get a laptop out and we can just rotate. What about Adele? You think Adele, bad breath? Not when she was bigger. Skinnier.

I thought about this. Good point. Skinny Adele has picked up a little bad breath face. Good point. Yeah. Good point00 Good point. 05.00 She overlines her lips. Bad breath face people have like heavy lip lines.

I don't like that. 05.00 Good point. The poison can't hide in the fat anymore. It's got to be aspirated. 05.00 It's like blasting paint off a bridge. 05.00

No, I knew I had bad taste I remember in high school I when the PT Cruiser came out I like that yeah I simultaneously was like I like this and something's wrong I know there's something's wrong in here there was a video game I think was Gran Turismo where you could soup up a PT Cruiser. And me and my cousin were like, this is the ugliest car we've ever seen. Let's soup it up. Yeah. And we souped that baby up in Gran Turismo.

Did you come around a little bit? Did you make it look good? I liked it. Yeah. I mean, we still will text each other like pictures of PT Cruisers we see in the street. Yeah. It's the silliest. I know.

It's a hearse. I got it I like those old Dick Tracy kind of stuff Yeah The ones with the Thing that goes Well you don't know

About Chris He's a big fan of boats Boats I do like boats Yeah he loves boats And I think The PT Cruiser Looks like a pontoon boat

It does kind of look like It's got boat I don't like it The one boat I do not like Is a pontoon boat I hate Boat energy PT Cruiser has big it does yeah that's why he loves it wait hold on is the pontoon boat is that like when the floor room is like on top of a fucking floor on top of like three metal logs yeah yeah yeah but it has like indoor it's like a box right

on top of a yeah there's literally like a metal fence around the deck yeah i but it has like indoor it's like a box right on top of a yeah there's literally like a metal fence around the deck yeah i mean it's the most bare bones shit yeah it's like to get off an island type shit so you like boats i do like boats when did you find out you were autistic thank you dude thank you it's almost like we're doing a replay of like episode four i still don't know i I mean, I like... Were you from somewhere where there's lots of boats? Yeah, Connecticut. Yeah, there was this amount of boats, but I just always like...

I like big boats. Okay. I like trains. No. Yeah, I like trains a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same with X-Cube. We'll cut this off right now.

Yeah, yeah. I kind of like any big machine. Love planes. Okay. Love planes. I was going back and forth. I was going back and forth. I was going back and forth. Do you like taking TVs apart?

I was sending... Do you play Blackjack at all? No, no, no. I have none of the positive elements of it. Okay. It's not giving me any advanced skills. Okay. It's just that I like...

I was sending Mike Feeney videos the other day of planes going super fast. And when they go super fast, the air condenses around it and they'll literally be like... Sonic Boom, right? Well, the Sonic Boom is... Breaking airspeed. Yeah, yeah.

And so you hear this loud crack. Oh, you're talking about the ring. That ring thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That shit's crazy. That is crazy. Same cousin with the PT Cruiser. He sends me videos of boats not docking properly.

Yes! I love that. He sent me a three and a half hour YouTube clip. And it's just the most legendary boats just fucking blasting. Blast blasting into fucking the, it's crazy. You're talking about the weather. That's where boats go to die that that like Beach No, no, no, this is where they run up onto the beach This is people fucking up docking the boat because I like the ones where yeah

Like I took a cruise ship and they like smash all sorts. Yeah, I saw a yacht. Yeah blasted through You hear the crew in the distance like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Turn it, turn it, turn it. Also, how do you not, how does it happen? I think maybe. Like, you know,

old lady smashed door wall here in the backyard. I do not know that. She's like 85 years old and there's like 20 feet of concrete where they parked her car. There's a little thing and she parks it this way facing, we have a brick wall aligned with this wall outside yeah it's like a

cinder block yeah it's thick yeah cinder block she goes up it's six feet and she got nervous and she's got these fucking you know coke bottles and whatnot and she got nervous and hit the gas breaks the fucking it breaks the wall. The center blocks were all the way across this way. Her car is up like this. Oh my God. And this fucking bat gets out and she's like,

it's just some old Eastern block. Would have been so perfect if you went out there and you can't park there. Miss, I have no standing zone. You can't park there. Dude, that reminds me, that reminds me of i lived in my grandfather's house for a couple years and he he's the king of duct taping things and like i got an idea for this shelf it's gonna float he's a tinker yeah he's a

so we uh we're sitting in the living room one He's a tinker. Yeah, he's a... So we're sitting in the living room one day. We were living on the first floor. He's on the second floor. And we're just here. Vroom. Vroom. Vroom.

A perfectly circular cube of the ceiling just lands right on the floor. And we hear, Ah, fuck! He's got the hole saw on the second floor trying to connect some cable. It got to the ceiling?

It got directly to the ceiling. It was crazy. Dude, I have a theory that older men start to pick up these crafts just to get away from their fucking wife. My father's been telling me the shit he's doing. And I'm like, Dad, I know you don't have interest in this. You have no technical ability in it. You have no knowledge of anything. You're going to get hurt.

Pick up golf. He does. But he had like a, who cares? He had a little surgery where he can't golf every week like he does. That sucks. So now my mom's retired

and he can only bop around one floor because it's a rancher. He can only spend so many hours down the basement. So he's like, well, I'm going to make this thing. And I was like, what are you making? He's like, for the garden. I'm like, you're not planting anything this year. And he goes, yeah, I will.

And he's making just these wood box planters with no intention of filling them with anything. Just to escape. Yeah. My dad does that shit, but he builds stuff for my mom. Planners Yeah With no intention Of fulfilling them With anything Oh my Just to escape Yeah My dad does that shit But he builds stuff For my mom You know what I mean It's like a way of

Yeah Like what a car to get out It's just a way to like Push him away Up onto your boat It's like It's like I'm gonna go down here And not talk

I'm gonna build you something Yeah So you can't bitch about it Right You know And now you're sort of In debt to me too Sure So there's like I like this play There's a good Yeah yeah You're bouncing the ledger That's a real sociopath so you can't bitch about it. Right. You know? And now you're sort of in debt to me too. Sure, sure.

Ooh, I like this play. Yeah, yeah. You're bouncing the ledger. That's a real sociopath move. I like it. Yeah. Dude. Oh my God.

My dad, my dad did this thing. He like, he wanted to put a TV in his workroom and he was like, he was telling me about how he's going to do it because he was like, I'm going to run all these like cable. He was like, I wanted to run the cable down there i was like why yeah i was like you can just stream stuff he doesn't know he was like he was like what are you talking about i want to watch sports i was like yeah yeah you can just stream it yeah yeah so i went downstairs and i showed him how to stream

stuff to the tv yeah next. Next week I came back. He had drilled all kinds of holes. Same thing. Just like drilling holes through fucking everything. Yeah. To get that cable down there. And it's just like, dude, why? Why would you do that?

Yeah. Do you ever fear like aging to that point where you just go, I can't even understand what you're saying. Like I try and learn things just for the podcast and I'm like, I'm out. I get to like sentence two. It's like reading a book. It's like finishing a book for me.

I'm looking at you. I'm acting like I'm listening to the knowledge. Nothing is breaking this fucking wall. That's how I feel about NFTs and crypto. I don't even try. My buddy sat me down and he gave me like a three hour tutorial and I still couldn't even try i uh my buddy sat me down and we were we were he gave me like a three hour tutorial and i i still couldn't really even yeah that stuff worries me like like look if

there's some like unique new investment that i'm not aware of that worries me less than like the way that you will be able to like click on accidentally click on something and lose all of your money. I feel like for us, when we're geezers, it's going to be like a real problem. Like you'll pick up like a beer can and be like,

and then you'll have to call your kids and be like, I don't have any money. What happened? They'll be like, which beer can did you pick up? That's interact. You can't touch that stuff, dude.

My buddy forgot a password and he's out three, $4,000. Is that real? Yeah. Password to get into a- One of these crypto wallets. Oh yeah, yeah. And there's no backup. There's no backup.

That's it. It's gone. It's forever. He gets an attempt every month. He gets a new attempt to try- Oh my God. And he tries every month and he's like, I thought I wrote it down. You know what I do Matty?

Every time I get out of a relationship, I'm like, I'm going to get out of a relationship. I'm like, I'm going to get out of a relationship. I'm like, I'm going to get out of a relationship. I'm like, I'm going to get out of a relationship. I'm like, I'm going to get out of a relationship. I'm like, I'm going to get out of a relationship. I'm like, I'm going to get out of a relationship. I'm like, I'm going to get out of a relationship. I'm like, I'm going to get out of a you know I do Maddie every time I I get out of a relationship every password gets changed smart to a new one that I can only focus on that one I have a plethora of ones that like classics I went to one time I locked my computer I used to work at

this company called Deloitte Deloitte and Touche They're a Big five accounting firm I did IT support And they gave me A work computer And I had My password

For like a decade Was poopy Okay Yeah And then I had to go Like poopy five Right And that was like

That was my go to For like 15, 20 years Right Yeah P-O-O-P-Y Eel Eel here So The thing fucking Locks up Jams up I was like, that was my go-to for like 15, 20 years. Right. Yeah. P-O-O-P-Y? You'll hear. So the thing fucking locks up, jams up.

I got to go to the IT department, like the, you know. Yeah. And I handle my laptop and there's just three nerds in a booth. You know, they're like in a room half the size and they're just like, they're working their dicks off. Yeah. They got a pile of computers on both sides, just like unlocking computers for dickheads like me and he goes all right what's your password he doesn't even look at me nobody's looking at anyone there's no eye contact in a room like this no energy it's just like you're in my fucking way you're my problem how can i help you i guess yeah

so he's like what's your password and i was like and I tried to stagger it yeah of course yeah I was like Pio OPI e5 yeah and then it was like immediately because he's fucking genius he's they all turned like all three heads just turned to me they're like poopy so yeah that's fucking so I had to change it up now it's a it's I can't even say it. It's so pathetic. I would do it every, the job that I worked at, it would every month, you'd have to come up with a new password every month. It would like reset. Yeah. And like, inevitably that like, I'd get the alert, like in the middle of like an emergency. So all of my passwords wound up being like,

suck my fucking dick, hashtag want. Like they were awful. Because you were getting upset for me. I was furious. So I was like typing in passwords that were like, eat my fucking shit, hashtag want, because you got to get like exclamation point or whatever. And so anytime, and our IT person was like a little old lady yeah and

so anytime she was like hey we're like updating stuff suck my dick my mom i have to be like i'm so sorry this is my bad just write it down and turn your back i literally would would have to like like through our corporate email type type each shit, one exclamation point or something. It was horrible. I have one password and you could ruin my life. Because it's everything. It's everything.

Me too. Oh. Me too, dude. You could take it all. The house, the kids. At that point, it's on you. Yeah, I know. I almost would settle differently like because i it was

my decision to make it one through all of them if you find it yeah have it have it yeah you can have it yeah i'll start over yeah it's really the like the the biggest reason to get famous so if your identity gets stolen you can be like to the whole world be like come on it wasn't me it's me yeah i'm scared all these people are getting instagram hacked now yeah and they gotta start over that would be fucking detriment i would quit i would quit comedy wait hold on when you your account gets hacked you gotta start the whole thing yeah they take your name and then they you some people like you'll just look at their story and it'll be like, send me $7,500 on cash app. I'll send you 10,000.

And you're like, Oh yeah, buddy, you got hacked, but that's it. Right. You can't get back into your account. Cause they changed your password.

Yeah. And everything. And then you have to report the account. Wait a minute. Yeah. Happened to a couple of friends of mine. Cause I just saw this. Make sure you have the double two factor verification on your Instagram.

Anybody that has, that this shit matters, make sure you do the two-factor verification. Because then it'll send you a code. This is also exactly what they say to you when they're trying to steal your... You need to update to two-factor. Send me your social security. No, no, no. It's so true. It's like a text.

You got to, if someone that's not on your device, because you log into Instagram pretty much on one device. If another device tries to log in, it'll text you, is this you? Yeah, right. And that's huge. Right. Yeah. I just, I got laser surgery on the sides for sun damage

because my father, it's not Croatian I got Irish patches. Uh-huh, and they I spent a good bit of coin and I couldn't get a coffee around the corner So like TD Bank sends you that yeah, so I just got embarrassed because the text didn't come For like it took like 10 minutes to get me saying like is this you you're trying to buy a coffee? Cuz you just showed two grand was spent in a spa. Right. Like this is not, we looked at all your bar receipts. This is skin graft at a fucking salon.

You spent four grand on whiskey last week. We don't think you're getting your skin done. Plus it's one of those eye tooth cysts growing out of your liver. Dermoid cysts growing out of your liver the dermoid dude i've seen videos of uh women giving birth to like just balls of hair and teeth really yeah like it's like it's like a medical deformity you know that um yeah no shit what's that uh what's that uh that music that mutter museum in philadelphia oh yeah crazy yeah it's all like weird i'm not into that at all i have a uh nerve deformity every time i blink

my nose twitches really whoa oh yeah isn't that crazy that rules no it sucks yeah it's a nightmare it's a you don't notice it you don't notice it until i say it yeah yeah and like what does it feel like? I can't feel it unless I touch my Unless I'm holding my nose Dude that's wild Isn't that crazy? That's fucking great

I always like I like doing mushrooms Or whatever Chris likes taking mushrooms without telling you That's how much he likes doing mushrooms He won or like taking acid or so whatever that Chris likes taking mushrooms without telling you know these days that's how much he likes doing mushrooms he won't tell you no we got these little chocolates we got these little chocolates those are the best yes we got chocolates and gummies we got chocolates and gummies they're cookies and cream chocolates yeah it's unfuckable quality the quality is really good yeah yeah but anytime someone's like oh it's just so good and you like you like they think

they're tapping into some other universe or whatever it's just like i don't really i like every time i take mushrooms if i if i take even a little bit too much i always have the experience where it's like i am messing with a very delicate machine that i should not be toying with you know what i mean like like everything depends on like on this thing operating smoothly yeah like the slightest fuck up like i got so fucking balled out once i like i started to it started to be crazy to me how fast my brain like you look at like like anything in this room like that light or that tv like nothing about your like your brain is like that makes sense in this place in time you know what i mean like you're not you're not looking at anything being like well that doesn't make it why is that that tv is like out of date or something like that like any a street light

a telephone ring i would just stare at a cup and it would take me 30 minutes to remember that it's just a cup yeah you get like lost in it for a second oh yeah yeah yeah you can get in this hole where like you you start uh you start thinking about being a bridge painter without the paint you know i mean like i'm going to the bridge for a reason and it's to end whatever the fuck is going on in my skull right now. I'm not looking for any sand. I'm just hitting straight water to end this fucking... You get through all that and that's the coolest part of shrooms, I think. Yeah, the come down.

Yeah, not the come down, just like I was able to get through that. And then you go through like you have a stressful day at work or something, and you remember, like, oh, I got through that mushroom trip. I can do anything. Yeah. Because I thought the world was about to end. Yeah, yeah. And the anxiety was shooting through my body.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really thought about jumping into the fire. Yeah. And I got through it. So, like, i can make it through this yeah i'm like pretty robust yeah well you are you you i know you talked about this you talk about this on your stand-up yes your mental yeah i'm bipolar bipolar yeah so you take medication for that you're like legit yeah my brother grew up this way he still is still medicated and stuff

so i'd love for you to like fucking like so you don't you don't take any of this anymore because you so you can't with any marijuana no mushrooms no i quit the booze and the weed because i was starting to feel guilty about indulging in these things because i was like i'm not doing everything that i can to stay baseline and like my family's been through the fucking ringer like honestly my 20s i was a fucking mess hospitalized six times really yeah like i was i it was not good so i felt like i was doing some like i wasn't even enjoying being drunk or high because i was like oh if my family finds out i'm drunk or high like they're gonna feel some type of way yeah so i just cut that shit out and

then if you're not drinking or smoking weed you're not really gonna go do blow or like a thousand percent yeah yeah yeah and i loved blow and i loved i loved it all but i was just like if i'm not doing every single thing that i can to make sure that i stay baseline i'm doing a disservice to me and my whole family and the doctors that are helping me out at this clinic. Like, why am I taking these meds if I'm not even making sure that I'm sober? Yeah.

And then I told myself that like, I'll still do mushrooms. Cause like, that's not a drug. That's like an experience. Yes. Which is bullshit. That was a way of me just like...

Is it cope kind of thing? Yeah. Not having to be sober at parties and like tripping a little bit on mushrooms and like still feeling alive. Yeah.

Yeah. And then my family found out that I was still doing mushrooms and they were kind of like what the fuck? I thought you said you were sober.

So I was like you're right and my girlfriend didn't love it either. She was you know she was very nervous every time. Did it ever spiral into anything or was it like? Since I've been sober, you mean?

Yeah. Yeah. Like when you took mushrooms, did it cascade into? No, I really think that, that mushrooms can't do have like medicinal properties. Yeah. Like if I was doing it with like a doctor present or like I was micro dosing, I wasn't even taking full doses. Yeah. Like if I was doing it with like a doctor present or like I was micro dosing, I wasn't even taking full doses. Yeah.

I got these little pills. This kid grew them like he was measuring it all out. Yeah. Micro doses. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. It is.

Yes. You pop a couple to a couple hours later and you felt fucking amazing. Yeah. It just elevates your. Elevates your mood. Yeah. Literally not even tripping. Yeah. Right. no visual no distortions just like giggly and like yeah you you would forget that you took it and an hour and a half later you'd be hysterical laughing

at something and you'd be like life is so good then you're like oh yeah i took fucking money so that was chill but i i realized i was cheating myself and lying and telling people I was sober and still doing that. And it just wasn't my vibe. So does this come from therapy as well? How do you cope with being bipolar and saying I have to cut everything out and putting all that pressure on yourself? I don't know. That's a good question because there's days where I wake up and I go, I'm going to celebrate my whatever day sober I am by getting fucked up because I deserved it. And I have to realize that would be detrimental to my life.

And I'm doing so well. I've been baseline, which is like what I call not being manic, not being depressed. Three and a half years. That's the longest I've ever gone. Wow. Holy shit. I've taken my medicine for three and a half years straight, which is the longest I've ever gone ever in my life. So I'm sort of at a place where I'm just like why fuck this up yeah that's what's keeping me going

i'm not a 12-step program i don't go to aa i might like start going just because like as it's as the time is going on it is getting more difficult to like like i said like i wake up sometimes and I'm just like, I want to be bad. Yeah. I don't even care what it is. I don't care which drug. I just want to... Like fly off the handle a little bit. I want to stay up all night and dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That doesn't even make sense. No, it makes perfect sense. It's the demons in me. It's the mania in me. Whatever it is, it's just... I did that for so long my whole life since i'm like 15 16 yeah i coped by just getting fucked up yeah and i thought that was normal so you're deadening your instincts through what behaviors other than telling yourself you're better than that uh right

now it's really just me telling myself i'm better than that shaming yourself shaming myself on the other side telling myself that my family is more valuable than anything yeah and the people that love me have been through so much that i and people tell you you gotta get sober for yourself you can't get sober for anybody else i think that's kind of bullshit because i literally look at my girlfriend i look at my sisters and i go i am doing most of this for yeah yeah yeah i don't want to be a problem for them yeah yeah i can't call my dad from another psych ward i can't call my mom from another psych ward yeah and scream at her for half an hour you know what i mean like yeah it's it's i'm 30 i'm about to be 33 it's not cute anymore yeah it used to be oh matt's you know he's eccentric

he's an artist and now it's just like no he's a fucking idiot well there is also to that thing where you're like well if i'm gonna be like a professional artist i have to like be professional about it that's another thing you're like you're like i do like i need to be able to like show up and do shit and i need to like have my stuff together. You can't live a whole life that's just totally insane all the time. You can, and people do it. Some people have more success than others, but I wasn't doing it. I wasn't being successful.

I was getting kicked off of things that I worked really hard to do. I was fucking up at every stage of the game. Well, from what I understand, and I don't mean to speak for you, but from my experience with my brother, the bipolar aspect is so different from just excessive partying or drug addiction. The control of the mania and the depression, for him, it spiraled out of control because he no one knew he was born in 74 yeah so there were there was no like they used to call it manic depressive back then yeah they didn't even call it bipolar yeah and he was taking like lithium and shits

and like nobody lithium nobody knew how to like handle him but we just thought it was like oh he's fucking nuts he's yeah he's just steve yeah he's just fucking he's a dude that's you know at any moment will kick your door open and fuck you up yeah it's that's terrible and uh what is it like now is it like um like over the course of that three years have has it been like uh you're just steady or is it a thing because you're sober you're better able to like recognize when you're starting to like go off the rails a little bit like get into one of those episodes and because you're sober you've got like more strength to kind of like bring yourself back to baseline i think that's a hundred percent a huge part of it is me recognizing my mood swings and saying okay i gotta go to like my doctor and explain this to them my support system my family and my girlfriend a huge part of like identifying

when i'm acting a little bit uh erratic or just like too high or like staying out too late sleep is a huge yeah huge part of it. Like I have to get eight hours every night or it's not good. It starts to get dicey. So like just making sure that I go to bed every time. But to answer your question, sorry, that being sober part I think is a double-edged sword, right? Because like the chemicals in my brain are working better

and the medicine is working better. So that, in one part, I think, is greatly helping my sobriety and my baseline and that. And like you said, also just like, ooh, I'm feeling really good. Like, uh-oh, let me fucking simmer down a little bit. It's a lot easier to do when you're not going on a bender every weekend. yeah yeah you know i'm not numbing my thoughts with anything

so i actually can sit in a cafe and go that was kind of weird when i called that person or like demanded to you know what i mean just like that behavior was irrational yeah yeah why did i do that am i in a good mood because these tiktoks are going do that am i in a good mood because these tiktoks are going viral or am i in a good mood because something's wrong you know right and and it sucks because like i want to be happy yeah we all want to be happy we know it's a fleeting emotion and like i said two seconds ago like every time i feel really good, I have to go, oh, fuck. You know? Why do I feel so good?

I'm just being fucked with. Yeah, yeah. Why do I feel so good? Do you think there's going to be an opportunity in the future for you? Because it seems like you're getting a grip on who you are now for being three years level. Yeah. Right? now for being three years level yeah right to not judge yourself so much towards the happiness and like fucking you know self-shaming yourself for feeling one way or the other you think you'll

level out and just riding the emotions of a day-to-day it's such a slippery slope man because these manic episodes for me it's like three days i'll go from matt Pavich, cool, chill dude, to me at the comedy cellar screaming, I think I should be passed here, you know? Yeah. And people going, you got to get the fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah. What are you doing? Yeah.

Yeah. And I'm, you know, saying all sorts of irrational shit, fucking doing dumb shit up till. And this is without booze? This is, the booze doesn't help yeah obviously um but i'll do this sneaky thing when when my parents and when my mom like my family comes to me and they go we think something's up i'll go fine i'll go sober i won't smoke i won't i won't drink and then i'm still manic so it's not it's not just the booze. I have a chemical imbalance. Yeah, right.

My brain works different, whatever the fuck you want to call it. Yeah, sorry. No, no, go ahead. I was going to say, it also feels like it's extra tough in this line of work because there's so much

that feels borderline delusional about every piece of it. You know i mean delusions of grandeur is a necessary part of this and i'm at the smallest level like a new bit a new bit is this good i have to i have to go yeah that's a funny idea matt not you know you know is it funny because i'm not even talking about them i'm just talking about your head i know but idea Matt not you know you know I also have horrible bouts of depression in my life yeah and that's like less fun to talk about and like less cool and what I mean the fact that's it to Chris's point this this this line of work is the

worst it's a roller coaster if you were like an accountant for this you would just right right yeah exactly any any good stand-up comedy career is a fucking roller coaster yes they get something they're hot yeah they come back down they're hot you add fucking a literal roller coaster mood disorder to that yeah yeah yeah and it's like come on what the fuck are we even how do even know and maybe it's like yeah if you you can't tell your pop pop that that guy's dancing in the same room is not gay exactly how do you describe this career to somebody while having a a chemical imbalance it's like you don't even if you've never slept on a fucking air mattress and ate eight dollars sliced pizza for for a year and a half you know and it's like yeah

of course for longer than a year yeah yeah several years and then you to your point about the drink like for me drinking and drugging and and lack of sleep i'll start where like worrying about my anxiety my anxiety will then give me a panic attack sometimes yeah i've only had like three serious panic attacks yeah those are awful the rest of them i'm on the verge where i get tingly my nose like when you wink and the lips and the finger the fingertips and shit and I just I got breathing techniques that I learned not to pull over on the side of the road and act like I'm dying on the retreat and I just my mother like refuses to hear it anymore because my brother's bipolar my other brother's a fucking nut and I was she's like well tell me about your diet and she sets me up for

this shit yeah she's like okay well in the morning still drinking a craft of fucking cold brew yeah yeah okay at night you still drinking yourself to sleep basically yeah are you getting up after like five hours of restless sleep yeah are you doing that for fucking years at a time coupled on each other yeah your anxieties gonna be a bit higher time yeah until you fix your own shit all these thoughts should be in your own mouth in your own head because you are in total control so i commend you for this because that it truly is it's a decision to go i'm not gonna do that well i talked to this dr nirenberg on my podcast you're talking nirenberg

is that not the trials yeah, that might be the wrong name. No, it might be the same name. I'm sure there's a couple Nurembergs. It's a famous trial. Oh, okay. So maybe that wasn't it. Oh, then that wasn't it. Fuck.

I didn't mean to call him a Nazi. That thing that you said about showing up in the county cellar in Yale and actually that club really hit home for me because I did that. Yeah. Why? And it's the best thing I've ever done in my whole career, not at the cellar, but I, I like, I had problems with our home club and there was like a, the booker there was like, I thought irresponsible, not doing right. But, and I like, I went there

many weeks in a row and I would like i would go to watch features that he booked bomb yeah and drag him into the showroom i was kind of drunk yeah are we talking whiskey quests or regular quests uh i was already hot like i was just like my my like i was it was you know you go through those phases where you're like, my career is really not going anywhere. And I've been really putting in a lot of work. And it's like, I either fucking blow the roof off this fucking thing or it's going to die anyway. You start going, what could I lose? What the fuck could I lose?

And that's not a good place to be. No, it's not. It's not. Hold on, but this is great for story. So you grabbed this dude by the arm? No, no. It was many weeks in a row. I would go there and I'd be like,

watch this motherfucker. He sucks. She sucks. Are you fucking kidding me? I would go into his office. And you wonder why you weren't booked. And then that forced him to start booking me. The first weekend I ever got was with Santino.

Oh. And then, boom, I was just on the road. Someone else had the manager by the arm. This guy sucks. This guy fucking eats eggs. Yeah, well, dude. Hey, shit's in buckets. But that's what's crazy is that it's like you have those things

where it's like sometimes it is okay you're really out of control and this is inappropriate what you're doing but then there's sometimes it's like you know what man i gotta stand up for myself i gotta fucking do something this was not that though no no i'm not saying i was psychotic i'm saying like uh that's what's crazy about this business is there is like. A fine line. Yes. It's a fine line, man. What's a Nuremberg thing?

So I go, what's the greatest advice that you have for someone suffering from mental illness? And he said, listen to your mom. He goes, she's going to tell you to get more sleep she's gonna tell you to eat right she's gonna tell you to not drink and do drugs and fucking be a be an idiot listen to your mom and i was like wow i have been not listening to my mom for so long i know of whatever deep-rooted shit we had. And it really hit home for me. And it's, I think it's great fucking advice. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Listening to like an old person who's like, you know, settling down. They got good advice. Yes. They got good advice.

Well, also like who else would care for you more than a mother? My mother loves me. I mean, it's crazy. Yeah. It's, there's nobody else. And I'm so mean to her when I'm manic. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah. else would care for you more than a mother my mother loves me i mean it's crazy yeah yeah it's there's nobody else and i'm so mean to her when i'm manic it doesn't make any sense yeah what's the what's the energy like like what's the are you like you want to reenact the call chris no i don't know i just like i'm interested to know is it like so are you referencing things that she did to you or you just kind of like

dumping anger at somebody i'm mad about everything and i i think i have so much control over these situations and that people aren't seeing through all this bullshit and people are and it's just embarrassing man i'm i'm psychotic i'm i'm uh i am manic it's a specific energy I'm I talk really fast I don't shut up every thought that I have I think is some genius plan a comedian yeah how do you have such a balance on your your acceptance of your imbalance and your behaviors knowing going in and then going through the motions, yet still holding yourself accountable with said embarrassment. Like, how do you clear your conscience going,

well, if I'm going to tell you that's who I am, I can't help it. I can try and control it. I can't totally control it. It's going to have ebbs and flows and then shame yourself knowing that i went through that i'm sorry your family has to have a a level like my family has a level of like empathy yes of course acceptance and understanding and if they eat no matter how yeah they always tell me like you don't have to apologize and i'm like no i do

the the shame that you feel after a manic episode because not only did you do and say and spend all your money and do all this dumb shit you have minus two thousand dollars in the bank account whatever the fuck it is now you're clinically depressed right every good feeling that you had is the exact opposite yeah you literally and physically, for me, I'm speaking for me, can't get out of bed. Yeah. And you have all this time to just ruminate. And that's not the right word, but just. No, that's right.

Just have. Emollient. That's the word you're looking for. You guys are good at callbacks. Talk about a backhanded compliment. You guys got that moxie. Yeah, you guys do that. You're real kind of writer types, huh?

This dude's big time green in the middle right now. I really did. But I feel like we've all been in the back of the room being like, this guy does nothing but callbacks. Nothing but callbacks. Yeah, I'm sorry. Another I feel like we've all been in the back of room being like, God, there's nothing but callbacks. I'm sorry. Another act out. Um, yeah,

it's, it's, it's the shame. So the depressive hole you say is, is so much. So, so this shame that I do for myself isn't, doesn't even come close to the shame that I have for all of the dumb,

embarrassing things that I've done while I'm manic. Yeah. And through therapy and through the just time heals all fucking wounds. Yeah. Is, is a, is a statement that is a true, not really,

not really, but, but it also like, well, if you spend that time trying to correct the wrongs yeah and also like you just forget you black out when you're manic so like there's things i've done that i don't even fucking remember yeah yeah so the things that i do remember i've i've tried to apologize i've tried to make amends some people have cut me out and i completely understand

it um but yeah the i hope that answered the question. I'm interested to know like what your relationship, this may be too probing of a question, but it's like your relationship with your girlfriend, is that like, do you feel like really in debt to her in a way that like? A hundred percent. But does that feel uncomfortable? feel like like a good relationship in my mind i've never been in one but uh is built on like balance yeah so we met while i was in the

throes of a manic episode three and a half years ago okay and she rode with me the whole fucking way, visited me in the psych ward. Didn't really. Right off the jump? No. I mean, I had like a long manic episode. I was going for like three or four months of just like nonstop partying. I was destroying my life. And she was there like trying to get me to come home, like finding me at a party and convincing me to leave.

And, you know, she rode with me this whole way and rode with me through the depressive state and said, you know, I just saw something in you that I knew that you were a wonderful person

and I wanted to see it through. And we've been riding for three and a half years. Holy shit so she you met her in the middle in the middle or the beginning of the episode like first two times we met i was probably hypomanic which is like not full-blown manic uh it's like right before hypomanic it's kind of like the sweet spot clearly i know you're not you pulled a dime no yeah yeah you're not supposed to like celebrate mania in any way.

But like, if I could be hypomanic all the time, I would be a fucking superstar. You micro-dosed on mania. I micro-dosed on mania. That's exactly what I did. Micro-mania? Micro-mania.

I've never thought about that. But I literally dosed out the perfect amount. I was getting shit done. I was crushing on stage. I was crushing on stage. I was fucking hitting on podcasts. Still sleeping for some reason. Still sleeping, yeah. Not as much as I should have been, but you know.

And we met and she was, you know, I'm fucking fun and going out and we're going to cool places. And we met at the box. We, I don't know if you've ever been to the box. It's like this burlesque uh wild show and you know we uh we haven't stopped being together since that's awesome yeah oh man that's also makes the the come down extra frightening because you're like i've been

the fun guy yeah they've been the fun me. You don't ever have to worry about that, dude. Let me tell you something. Once you get out of your hole, I'll let you know when fun Chris shows up. That's what I'm saying. So you can imagine how deep the hole goes when I stop being fun me. Jesus, we ain't that fun.

But there is an indebted quality to our relationship that is probably a little unhealthy that I am trying to address. And we are addressing the fact that I feel very indebted to her. And that's not really fair. And she also keeps tabs on me. Yeah. Which is not the healthiest dynamic to have in a relationship. When she's like, you have to come home. And then she uses the excuse.

Do you feel the anger building? Oh, yeah. Her excuse is you have to get enough sleep because you are bipolar. And my excuse is like, yeah, but i'm at a show and i'm hanging and i'm like working it's part of your work yeah it is it is 100 and like convincing anyone that hanging out at a bar and watching a comedy show is work i lost two relationships because of it and she's the best she's a performer herself she understands it i'm not knocking her in any way but like it is a fine line of like is she my babysitter or my girlfriend sometimes yeah that

can get yeah and it becomes patronizing in a sense where it's like you don't like i get fucking i get upset with even family members about like oh look at the fucking mr big shot don't come around here no more until it's fucking easter it's like pussy ride a bus yeah take a bus from New York to Philadelphia yeah take the train to the bus yeah the tour to the fucking New Jersey transit to another train to a fucking it's six hours to get to my parents house I'm not kidding six hours there are 45 minutes away from Philadelphia there's no public transportation to get from suburban station 30 30th Street, rather, to their neighborhood. Yeah.

I have to take like six trains. I can get the fuck in LA. Yeah. From LaGuardia, 10 minutes drive. Yeah, yeah. In the same amount of time, it takes me to sit at my parents' house. When I get there,

all I hear is, you know, come around. Yeah. You don't call your mom. Uh-huh. And I sit down like, well, I'm here now. And then my mom goes, I gotta go to bed. I have work in the morning. she fucks off my dad goes downstairs and vapes while drinking Carlo Rossi in the basement yeah and I'm just sitting there in a fucking a rancher what did I do Chester PA I'm

like yeah why the fuck what I do this did I do any of this I don't even get to return the conquering hero right that's not even like everyone's I put in first of all you're never around also are you gonna be okay yeah right you can't talk to him about anything you can't say I'm going through this I'm going through that your mother is a let she's the best person to listen to for advice the worst person you could tell anything to mine at least because she has no life experience outside of being a mom and then being a nurse. That's it.

She skipped everything else. That's a lot of experience. She's done nothing with her life. Hold on. She's a nurse and a mother. That is a lot. I'm sorry. That sounds very disrespectful.

I drink coffee and booze. What I'm saying is, I do while I make some food. She's not, she doesn't, you know, she has one Kalu and cream

at Christmas. No, you don't want to confide in her because then she'll worry about you. Exactly. A hundred percent. That's my worry

is that, and not only was she just worried, she'll set herself to work on the product. Yeah, yeah, and then it's like, it's like a thing that she needs worry is that, and not only was she just worried, she'll set herself to work. She'll call me. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's like, it's like a thing that she needs to be like working on and engaging and like grinding through.

And it's like, no, no, no. The worst thing you can do to me is, is investigate what I meant by that. Exactly how my life is going. She is a simple mind in terms of like, some people decide that they, they don't have relationships outside of their job. Sure. that they they don't have relationships outside of their job sure yeah they don't have friendships they don't have a rewarding situational relationships that like provide them a different perspective what you're doing exactly yes so even if I were to engage with my mother in a friendly manner which I was never capable of my father and I hated each

other for years and then we became friends when I got older because he could respect my experiences and we could talk like like friends as opposed to dad mom sure I was always five years old in a fucking in a shopping cart it's in my mother's eyes regardless of what I do so to start that conversation with her would be insurmountable yeah because then she she would have that worry the concern like how do I help you? Uh-huh, but there'd be no Conversation or relationship building to like for her to understand my perspective This is such a hard world to explain to someone who's lived the life that you and also some of you trying to protect you could

Take her with you to work for six months. She still wouldn't get it. A hundred percent. People really listen to podcasts. They think they get it. Nobody fucking gets this. No. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a lot of comedians that don't get it. Yeah. You get a lot of callbacks, huh? I got to take a piss. So do I. Can I smoke a cigarette? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.