Stuff Island - Stuff Island #23 - Z balls w/ Matt McCusker

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

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Yeah, I hear you're saying just in case. What was that? What? What was that? Are you looking at the lens? I'm just checking my eyebrows. Did you clean up the eyebrows just now? No, I went to, uh...

I got my neck lasered. Oh, yeah. Right, yeah. I showed you already. Can't really tell. You can't even tell. Yeah, you can. Is that why you switched to the hoodie?

The last time I did it, I got fucking bombarded. Did you really? Yeah. Oh, I guess you have the hoodie on. People are like, what is the fucking lesions on this dude's neck yeah you know you don't want to get in your sexual activities but you start wondering you know yeah from afar let's tell him but it's very embarrassing have you ever had any other cosmetic procedures no that's the first thing and it's it's more it's not self-consciousness it's more like in the summer from getting exposed

to sun this is the struggle of selling kayaks for three years you know you really fucking dive into like the you know true it's a level the costs are true my dad had to get like blasted like that all over the place yeah he's been my brother his whole life his whole face yeah yeah it's the irish got like permanent like scarring almost no you just had to get like the the whatever that was it's like a pigmentation and it peels your skin for you yeah your skin peels or so i don't know what the fuck yeah it's like dying underneath the skin yeah so then they have to they have to layer uh-huh zap the first few layers to get to that burn it off yeah but the first session was fine this is two or four

she dialed it up and i asked her i was like what are we doing today and she's hot some progress you don't want a hot dentist and this is like a and you don't want to cry in front of her and you don't want to you don't want to show pain and I was fucking dude it was embarrassing yeah I went yeah after every one she said it's like a slap of rubber band guess what it was not yeah imagine a tit attack on the top of that fucking rubber band I got a I got a massage I was like seeing a girl for a little while and we got a massage together. But it was like one of those ones where they walk on your back.

Yeah. And like I was on a bad table. One of those ones they walk on your back, which kind of wasn't done. No, they do. Dude, I'm backing up on this for the first time ever. Are you talking about a professional masseuse? Yeah. Well, no.

I mean. Are we podcasting? Are we doing a radio? Yeah. It's two Asian ladies. And I swear to God, it did really feel like they were offering to get us both off throughout the whole thing. But I had a bad table. Wait, it was both?

You guys got in couples with each other? Yes. Wait, wait, wait. Someone's trying to get your girl off too. What? Yes. Yeah, we were in the same room. Yeah.

Whoa. And they're holding on to beams and walking on your back. Yeah, yeah.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30

05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30

05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 05.30 How was bae during the... She was cruising. She was like her idea. She was having fun. She was having fun. I guess, I think she had a good table.

I might literally, I could, I thought I would get like a, like a pressure cut. Oh, were you in the circle? Yeah. Digging into the thing. You got your mug in the donut. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't want to be like, I was, you know, I didn't want to look like a bitch.

So I just weathered the storm. True. Yeah. Couples massages are really awkward, by the way. It's like a, I a i did one recently it's like it's a weird idea yeah yeah it's so erotic it's the most erotic thing also the point of massage like i think the older you get the more it's like i want relaxation anytime my loved one's in the room i'm not relaxed yeah because it also some fucking big sick russian is like on my girl's back, the whole time I'm just going to be staring at her.

I'm not going to be locked into the dome. I was blissed out. I was chilling. And she peeked over at the exact moment. They were flipping me and flipping the sheet. Yeah, bone of time. Yeah, she was kind of. She checked.

I wasn't boned up. Yeah, no. No, I was not boned up. Did you have to think your way through it? Were you like, engaged? No, I was chilling. I told her, I think, if if i remember correctly i think we had sex before it i kept joking around about like hopefully i'm able to contain myself yeah yeah

yeah very erotic man very sensitive to touch yeah it's sensual and they try to flirt with you the one i so the first one i did yes i did one in the dominican republic and it was like it was insane this is a while ago i was with my ex-wife and they were like Flipping the sheet up on me and they were like fully fucking around like yeah My my ex-wife was like laying there. They're flipping my sheet up. Yeah laughing. Yeah being naughty Was jealous type I mean all girls are, but yeah, especially when you're in the Dominican Republic, they know you want to,

they want to suck you up. The Dominican Republic is the capital of jealous types. Yes. Yes. That is the heat of jealous types. Yeah. Also, if you look like you,

you're walking in like an oil tycoon. Yeah. Like this dude wants to go comments. My ex wife's black. So like they thought she was Dominican. So they would like kind of talk shit to her. They would come up to her and like, they would be aggressive towards her. They wouldn't serve her. Cause they were like you, dude Yeah, she was like I'm from New Jersey. What do you got?

Yeah, come up to her and hit her with like a little and she would just be like, I don't know what you're saying They big off. Fuck you. Yeah. Oh really? They thought she was Dominican. Yeah, they were like fuck you and they got mad They thought she hit the fucking page. She thought they thought i was like yeah like joe tycoon you brought in some broke bitch there's just some dude selling weed damn this guy's probably like a oil billionaire i was like no i just got them pounds at the house that is that is probably that that does probably drive them nuts you know what i mean they've probably seen so many girls come through find the right guy on vacation and then yeah dude states think about how many months rent that is if they find the one and then you know yes treat them a little handy yeah you got sneaks for at least six months yeah yeah

I want to get sneaks I'm big sneakers so I want a lot of dirt bike taxi fare that's what I should have said. I got all Americanized in my response. Well, if they're masseuses, they probably have that Skechers, like. Yeah, the walk. Something soft to walk on the spine. Dude, I want to start getting Skechers. I'm at the point now.

I think it's time. These are close in terms of. The Ultras are close, but Skechers. This is a long distance run, dude. Every old dude I talk to are like, dude, Skechers are so comfortable. This is a sneaker you gotta run to a well 30 miles away and you'll still be... Your knees will be in perfect condition. You want the wheelies? You want to get the wheelies?

I kind of want the wheelies for sure. Just, you know, just an extra flair. That would be sick. I just want to stun on my wife. Yeah. Skechers and just be like... Yeah. They've come a long way though. I don't care about pussy anymore. Here's my thing. extra flare that would be i just want to stun on my wife yeah sketchers and just be like yeah i don't care about pussy anymore here's my thing but it is also insulting to her it's like you're

not going anywhere that commitment dude this is how confident i am that you are going nowhere i'm getting sketchersers shape-ups. That should be for your 30th anniversary present. You should get a box of golden Skechers. It's like when you go to a wedding and you see a hot girl with a dude who's wearing ill-fitting suit pants

and a goatee with fucking Oakley shades on. You're like, man, that guy's got it locked down. When the jacket crumples under the shoulder, there's thatumples under the shoulder it's crease because he wore the coat in his Subaru to get to the wedding they look like a missionary from like the 1950s I did I looked up the only time I ever got one massage my life a professional my life, a professional massage. And it was around the corner. It's on like 30th. It was called like Apple Travel Company or something.

Yeah. What it had for his nuts. That's what it's called. And I'm like, this is clearly a geish. Apple Travel. Yeah. I'm getting beat off. But I went with, I went with this ex and, and my friend and they had, you know, the

Ukrainians walking on their spine. They both had that same uh process and i didn't get that there was no i guess because there was no like i don't know pole going through the center of my room they had to balance themselves no they she didn't even attempt they just surf you oh she didn't i got the hot rocks they got hot rocks and a spine walk and i'm like i didn't get a spine walk i know not that i would want it but like they can hurt your back i got a spine walk one time it was just like i think they fucked me up yeah that hurt well i always that happens to me sometimes they'll start digging into what they think is a knot and it's like no i think that's just like yeah my back your muscles yeah i think that's a muscle

yeah get off you've never felt anything that's i'll tell you it's probably a fucking knot dude i've been going to that pt last couple months. It's the hardest pain I've ever felt my life. Yeah He's destroying actual muscle tissue. No, it's got its muscle scarring. It just builds up I think they're cupping or something. I have a problem my left shoulder And I thought was a rotator tear and I went in there and he was telling me this Situation where like a lot of these doctors that throw like a cortisone shot into muscles they're only temporarily uh fixing the issue and the true

issue is that there's nodding around the tendons that go around the rotator cuff underneath the shoulder blade he said it do it's due to either like a certain uh sitting I think I got it just like leaning on a bar true quarantine yeah that you 00R.1.1 Yeah, that you come here often. 132 00R.1.1 Yeah, and I do have a seat at a bar. So like I'm usually in one position, but it could be from anything, but one ball builds up. It's not getting blood flow. It restricts the blood flow and then it feels like a nerve's being pinched. And then you also have the bursa underneath that the ball joint yeah so it's constant pain at a certain angle this angle's fine this angle palm up is fine but if i go here that's my that's my limitation before extreme pain you're

done i lay on this fucking pad i think you're gonna die i lay on this pad and this dude calmly talked to me and i know you can hear in a voice when they're about to inflict pain on you yeah because they start asking about things that i know they don't give a fuck about you know i'm really how's work yeah yeah how's things been it's like i don't know you like that dude i know what you're about to do and then he starts putting his fucking elbow in a spot and it is dude i feel like i i feel like i could handle myself in a fight. Yeah. You forget what real pain is, and then you go for 20 years without getting punched in the face,

and you're like, you look at situations like, I got this. Until something simple like this happens, and your level of pain is just so beyond what your reality is, where I was screaming. Oh. Literally screaming, and I'd slide off of his elbow. And I'm like, dude, you gotta give me a break. I'm losing my breath. Well, how could he be still using an elbow? Because that's what it takes to get the knot out.

There's no other instrumentation? There is. I got the Theragun, but that irritates. You're getting your skin lasered. Now that's modern technology. This is on the surface, Chris. This guy's using a fucking elbow. You can't, he's got no, like,

they should just have a thing that they strap to your shoulder and he just hits an on button. He's got to find you. This thing is like, yeah, this thing is like, he can give the pressure where he needs it. It's that machine. You know, that's the art of it. Yeah, dude.

There should be, there should be like a, like a sonogram type thing that finds knots. Right, that's what you're saying. And then dials them out. Yeah. Imagine if you were blind and you were looking for a quarter. That's how he is looking for a knot. Really?

Like he feels something. He goes, I got it. And then he goes, you feel that? I'm like, yeah, of course I feel it. And he's like, do you hear it in your brain? Oh. Because you can hear a crunch. It goes.

Yeah. And then after a while, it just goes. How long does it take to get it worked out? It's a hour session 200 a pop nice and I'd like to go more often but I'm like that's a lot of fucking money yeah and then you gotta wait to two months so you gotta do yeah do a lot of simple exercise yeah he had me a PVC pipe and he's like welcome to the heaviest pole that you'll ever feel in your life and I have to like lay Superman style and just lift this up two inches over my head for like 10 seconds of pop and it's like the most excruciating

pain yeah that's bullshit i'm getting there i want to start doing like simple calisthenics in a park i'm getting to like old asian man yeah in your shoes yeah i was gonna take him off i ground captain virginity i'm there i was there today i was like stretching before i ran in the park took my shoes off and i'm like it's time for me to start doing like weird tai chi in the park i think so i know but see i always think about stuff like that and then you like you're doing something of that nature in front of like some young bucks yeah or like some some young ladies and you're just like they better respect you they have to respect it now i tell you you got to commit to your outfit you got to commit to high shorts you got to commit to like high shorts yeah you you got to look like an old man to stretch like an old man without getting

raped by young dudes verbally now young dudes will respect you young dudes if you if you they they would assume you're doing kung fu or something if you're like doing it doing calisthenics in the park by yourself in the morning people are gonna be like I'm gonna leave that guy alone that dude's been to prison yeah nobody's fucking with that dude

you bang out 10 pull ups young chicks 30 push ups then start stretching they won't fuck with you yeah true I was talking to my buddy my buddy this past week

who I hadn't chilled with in forever he was like living in Lithuania and we were like I remembered that we used to separately

but like we got, we got really big into like Dragon Ball Z and like Bruce Lee stuff. Separately you got into it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we would talk about it, but like then, like, like most days I would sit in the bathroom and turn the lights off and try to make like a key ball. That's pretty tight. Yeah. Yeah. I would sit. And I was like, I was like meditating. I didn't know there was meditation. Did you ever get close? Dude, I swear to God I made a key ball once. Really?

Yeah, yeah. And I genuinely... Don't do this to him. I believe him. I swear to God, there was a serious time in my life where I literally thought that I might be able to make key balls and blast them at people. Dude, you should never have given this up. Dude, shut up.

Imagine if you never stopped practicing key balls. Dude, yo, Matty. You would have sent one right at Tommy. He would have sent you one. Dude, a week ago, we did Francis Ellis' podcast, and he just releases this wild, this Z-ball information. I don't even know what that is. Z-ball. You should be wearing the Skechers, dude. Just missing something immediately. The Z-Ball information. I don't even know what that is. Z-Ball. Usually you're wearing the Skechers, dude.

Just missing something in the air. Fucking Z-Balls. I don't know what the kids are calling it. I got my neck laser. Dragon Ball Z, dude. Z-Balls. I would never say that out of my mouth. Dragon Ball Z.

Jesus Christ. You're only five years younger than me, dude. You would love Dragon Ball Z. I bet. You my mouth. Dragon Ball Z. Jesus Christ. You're only five years younger than me, dude. You would love Dragon Ball Z. I bet. You would fucking love Dragon Ball Z. Yeah, I would see that old dude throwing up with the young kids doing the Japanimation all that fucking, that whack ball zigzags and shit. I recently went down a rabbit hole of Dragon Ball Z music videos.

How was it? Oh, it fucking ruled. Did you ever see Steins Gate? No. That's the best anime. Steins Gate? It's an anime about time travel and jumping timelines. I know, but I need dudes powering up.

I need their hair changing. Yeah, this is true. I need it. Okay, fair enough. You need a real deal. When someone gives, they like do their best move and they create like a huge ball and they throw it at a guy and he just fucking takes it. Have you ever tried to like move an object oh dude you're in high school and i was watching

dragon ball z on a regular basis and just listening to bruce lee like watching bruce lee documentaries i do i swear to god i would sit in the bathroom with the lights off for hours and try to like no i swear to god that's how you made it yeah well you just sit there and you like you channel all your energy into it and you're well essentially i could feel it i swear to god i could feel it if dude if you do grounding if you put your bare feet on the ground your feet vibrate i swear to god i try yourself your feet start to vibrate there's an electromagnetic field all over the ground you have it on your body and they interact there's a field of electromagnetic a weak electric signal that surrounds your body that's that's a scientific fact yeah i was just watching the uh that's how sharks find you when

you're swimming i believe it ben frankl documentary explains how he found electricity and just saw like the the hairs of a rope next to the key go off because there's a constant electric electricity momentum in the sky really it's not yeah the electricity is freaky dude it's nice it's nice it's fucking it's no dragon ball z though do you i mean it's close what what's that song imagine ben franklin on an old wooden toilet like dude just getting a ball together did you guys do a ben franklin play in elementary school nah nah we did jesus and m Yeah, we did the May procession. That was Joseph, dude.

That's a big fucking up. You'd be a good Joseph, actually. That's a big up. Did you guys do the May procession when you'd pick like one eighth grade girl and she'd walk down? Yeah, a little hottie. That was a little weird.

Wait, what? You'd select one hot chick. Yeah, you'd select the prima donna. It was. It was? You'd select like an eighth grade girl from the class. She'd get to play Mary.

Midsomer or whatever? Kind of, but it was way more boring because you were just like walking. We didn from the class. She'd get to play Mary. She'd get to play Midsomer or whatever. Kind of, but it was way more boring because you were just like walking. We didn't throw her off a cliff, but I hope. You'd select the hottest eighth grader. Essentially. And they would play Mary and then you'd have a May procession where like you'd pretend she was Mary and you'd all like walk behind her. We walked along some like shitty asphalt path.

Yeah. To like the cemetery or something. We walked to like behind the seminary and the fucking nunnery or whatever and then next to a graveyard and we'd just be following this chick that we all wanted to hook up with yeah at lunch but she's pregnant with god's baby now she is yeah now she absolutely is she probably got pregnant in high school what was her ego like after that it was no joseph's ego i'll tell you that's true she didn't turn up like i did i was wearing shades and a cut off fucking you were joseph and tie yeah it was joseph i'll show you pics was that nativity scene or was that? Yeah.

It was the whole, yeah. That was our first great play. Yeah, dude. We need pics of you as Joseph. And there's an Asian angel next to me and she's still a smoke. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Wow. I want her to walk on my spine. I'll tell you that. So you guys did, you went to public school? Yeah. You guys did Ben Franklin?

Yeah, we did the earthly gods. We did the... Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Statesman? Yeah, yeah. That's pretty cool. Ben Franklin? Yeah, we did the earthly gods. We did the... Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Statesman? Yeah, yeah. That's pretty cool. Ben Franklin.

Thomas Jefferson. What'd you guys... Do you guys do like a real historical representation? What? Do you guys do like the real deal historical representation of like TJ? As best we could. Yeah, without the slave ownership. Yeah, yeah.

Everything? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we skipped a few parts. Skipped a few chapters. Edited. Yeah. Look, with great a few parts we skipped a few chapters edited yeah look with great men you gotta skip

a few chapters otherwise you can lose the plot true and it kind of I know that sounds like it's biting its own tail

but it's true you focus on too much of some of the bad stuff they did you can lose sight of all the good they did I'm looking forward

to like the critical race theory school plays I'm like Jesus fucking Christ yeah and now we're doing 12 years a slave and third graders are like I'm looking forward to like the critical race theory school plays. I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. And now we're doing 12 years of slave.

Yeah. I don't want to watch this now. We had a song. I just remember one lyric from the Ben Franklin song. That was like electricity. I found it. Oh my God. Electricity.

I discovered it. Oh my God. Dude, that rule yeah dude there was a kid on stage with like a kite and a key would you win the play yeah who did you play yeah I was in the background I was stage I was a stagehand and I never got to see the stage in school yeah that wasn't my all black how big was your uh your class I had kids. They made you a stagehand. Oh, dude. 23 kids. That's a fun.

Shots fired by the fucking. I requested. I was like, I'm not doing this. Yeah. Good for you. We would fuck with everybody. Yeah, it's fun. People would go out on stage and I would hold their stuff.

And they would try to walk out. And they would get like. I'm like, stop, stop. I would try to creep out to see how far we can make it without people. Oh, we're wearing all black. That was the point of it. Yeah.

So it's like, all right, let's see if this stuff holds up. Yeah. Just kind of creep on a stage and look out and like, see someone that I was, I was a stage hand. Cause my,

uh, my girlfriend was in a play. It was in Joseph and the amazing technical or dream coat. Really? Yeah. It was at the local church. It was a play. And I want to hang out with her.

So I just became a stagehand. Just to watch her, make sure she doesn't cheat on you? Yeah, well, yeah, not even. You're not splitting a PB&J on my watch. What grade was this? This was like high school. I remember the first time I ever took mushrooms, I got so fucked up,

and then I went and had to be a stagehand at this. Oh, that's perfect. You did mushrooms in high school? Yeah, for the first time ever. Dude, it was so crazy. I did it. It was like exam week. And during exam week, it was like college.

You only had to go into school for just that one test. Otherwise, you could have days off. And me and three of my other buddies took them and then we had two friends that had taken mushrooms before and they were just going to be like our guides and they wanted us taking taking us to a frozen pond i think this video is still on youtube somewhere i have to like look it up but they blew they lit they lit a trash can on fire and threw power max cans in it. What's PowerMax? PowerMax is just this like condensed fuel cells.

Jesus. Dude. It's a bomb. You made a bomb. When they reach the temperature where they're about to explode, you hear this big like bing. And then you have like five seconds and then it's a giant like 30 foot fireball. Whoa. It was insane.

It was a key ball. Yeah. It was a key blast. Meanwhile, Chris is on the toilet missing the whole thing dude he's trying like a ball there's pulling him away from his like dude and then that's crazy it was nuts do you ever throw a beer bottle on a fire 100 they it's crazy they go really the pressure builds up yeah yeah it's crazy they can go really the pressure builds up it's just a big shitty explosion we used to make pipe bombs

we used to go to get butane at like 7-11 throw it in one of the circular cement pipes oh that rules yeah yeah fire one up

toss boom they echo through the pipe cops everywhere yeah it's the end of a party just to fuck with them dude that's what I was

I was fucked up on mushrooms and I was like we gotta bounce like that was incredible but we gotta get the fuck out on mushrooms and I was like, we got to bounce. Like that was incredible. But we got to get the fuck out of here. It's a good idea. And my friends were dilly dallying.

They just hung out on the ice. Just fucking doing. Jesus, man. They just hung around. Death wish. So I'm like standing by the car with my other buddy who I convinced like we have to go. Like we're all fucked up on mushrooms. The cops are definitely coming.

Yeah. There was just three gigantic fireballs on the ice. Why were they burning fireballs on the ice? Because they wanted to show us something cool. I mean, that is cool. They had done mushrooms before and they were like, this will look cool. Maybe just flashlights next time. I don't want to stand on ice though. That'd be terrifying.

So we're standing by the car and then I'm like, we got to go. So we just start walking back to my friend's house and then i literally there's five carp cop cars just come ripping down the street sirens on like speeding going nuts and i'm like oh my god my friends are fucked i like i double time it back to the house where my car was get in the car drive scary flying on mushrooms. The road is, is it's literally like doing like a, what's that Mario cart?

Like start, start away or whatever the, Oh yeah. Rainbow road. Dude. It was literally like that. I drove to the public library. Claim sanctuary. No red flags here.

No, just go to the public library at midnight. The public library was sick. You could just listen to the public library at midnight. No, because the public library was sick. You could just listen to music and just like chill. They had like every CD ever there. This is Connecticut? Yeah. God, what a weird fucking town.

Yeah, so I go to the public library. I run into my buddy Julio Esquivel. I'm like, boy, was he a sight for sore eyes. I've never been more excited to see a dude. So I'm like, Julio, dude dude i'm flying on mushrooms right now and he was like yeah it's all good man just like listen to some music i was like also i think don might have gotten arrested he was like he's like that's fine i'm sure it's fine just like take this he gave me radiohead amnesiac this is like a crazy album what i went and I sat down and I ran.

And so I'm sitting there listening to music. I ran into my other buddy, Andrew. And I'm like, well, it really felt good to tell Julio, like what I'm going through. I want to tell Andrew too,

just to like, he'll help me chill out. And I'm like, Andrew, dude, I'm so fucked up on mushrooms. Like Don Scott and I, we all took mushrooms.

And I think Don got arrested. I'm calling a cop. He takes the headphones off and he goes, what mushrooms and I think Don got arrested I'm calling the cops he takes the headphones off and he goes what and I was like nothing and I was like

sunk like into the chair of the amnesiac and I was just there like oh fuck wait so you ran into multiple friends at a library yeah

I had boys that would just go are we not gonna fucking address this what are you talking about what day is this me and my homies would just go to the library dude don't say homies

while looking me at the eyes, you fucking animal. So I'm acting like that's normal. It's less normal than the library situation. Is this a Friday or Saturday? No, it's like a Tuesday.

Oh, okay. What time? It's probably around like six. Oh, all right. Library hours. I take it back. Library hours. I thought you were getting

It is funny. I thought about that too. I thought he was getting ripped on the weekend. You're a friend of the library? Yeah, this was midweek. This's been library hours. I never thought about that. I take it back. Library hours. I thought you were getting ripped. It is funny. I thought about that too. I thought he was getting ripped on the weekend. You're a friend of the library? Yeah. This was midweek. This was like exam week. Heading back to school.

Oh, yeah. I hadn't been home to my house or talked to my parents in three days. What? Yeah. You had it like that in high school? Yeah. I told him I was studying. I was under strict probation.

Of course you were. That's why he acts the way he does. I was under strict probation, dude. I would be caught drinking and be grounded for a month at a time. So was I. Every single time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I was under strict, but then during exam week, I would be like, no, we got this

big thing we're working on. Yeah, parents make bullshit. You never do homework. I've never seen you do homework. Am I right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do it at school. Yeah, we got to build a bridge, mom.

I do it in open period at school. Yeah. I never did homework. I never did it. No? No. You fucked off your whole high school yeah what about college yeah i didn't do much in college either yeah yeah i started off as a psychology major i did really good and then i was like i want to chill with my

boys in business classes so i switched my major to business and was like i just never did any work for like four years dude he was so easy to use use cram for his bro. Yeah. I'm a good test taker. Yeah. Business at Drexel was, it's the same fucking class a hundred times. Yeah. Just like, and this is how they do Coca-Cola.

I never understood why people want the Drexel for business. I have no idea. It's like so expensive. Why would you, thinking they're the best business school in the world. Yeah. It was kind of like, you don't go there for that.

You also like, it's engineering. Did you do co-op? Yeah. I worked at a real estate place and I quit the co-op. I was like, I'm not doing this anymore. Yeah. And you knew you're just never going to be...

No, as soon as I... It was the first time I ever worked in an office and I knew pretty quickly. That like... I had like an allergic reaction to working in an office. Yeah. First time I ever had a panic attack, I was in the office. Yeah. And I was sitting there.

I was like... I'm like, wow, this feels wrong. And I like ran. I just left. Yeah. Like, what happened? I was like, I don't know. I had to just leave they're like all right dude it also it feels like you're back in elementary school something like it's something like it's exactly to me it was exactly that because it didn't matter how much work i did oh they were just like you have to be here at nine you get you get a one hour you get a one hour recess and you can leave at five and no earlier.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's just like, what the fuck has happened? It sucks, bro. What the fuck has happened? I tried it. I lasted, it was a six month internship. I lasted there.

They paid too. This was a paid. Yeah, of course. It's good money. It was decent. Most of my jobs. I couldn't do it. I could not do it, man.

I made it like three and a half, four months. And I was like, I went and worked for an electrician. I'm like, I'm not, this shit sucks. Yeah yeah i can't sit in a fucking place like that all day no dude the psychological games outside of what you just said it's like there's so many different like pitfalls emotional pitfalls physical pitfalls you get your boss you got that one bitch that looks over you that's underneath the boss that's like i saw you leave a little earlier than this and it's like well she has an incentive to get a promotion she's gonna hold this against you and it's all fucking day no matter what your work ethic is yeah no matter what your

production is you always have somebody in the fucking dark yeah it's my it's all mind games dude i i also i would like i would set my screensaver so like if i could leave for like two hours my thing wouldn't come on and I'd have a dude jiggle my mouse. So I would just go out for walks. Yeah, dude, you got a mouse jiggler. I would leave at like 11 o'clock and like meet Cambodian dudes and like buy five pounds of weed off them,

drive back, drop my apartment, go back to work, clock out, and be like, later guys, catch you later. But even then, I had it set up. Like I would actually hide, my friend worked near me so i would hide outside all day and wait for him so i would like to have a newspaper and wait for like 45 minutes i'd see him come out of the office just to scare him every day i would hide like a new place and like scare the shit out of him there is nothing more suspicious than reading the newspaper

in the car oh i was in i was on a park dude. I was on a park bench outside in like Center City. I would spy him and wait for him. And I'd see him come and I'd get behind him. I take a couple days off here and there. But yeah, it was like a big thing I would do. I didn't do anything there. I didn't know work at all. One time they gave me like a spreadsheet to look at.

And I was like, absolutely fucking not. They're like, make sure these numbers are right with this one. I was like, no. I literally, I Bartleby'd them. I was like, was like no i'd rather not i'd prefer not to do this they get they would just give me that was the thing too that's when i got fucked up i'm like dude i'm pretty sure no one fires anybody because i would be like i'm not doing this yeah all right we'll give you something else i'm like no i'm not doing that yeah i got fired from a co-op we talked about this did you really yeah what engineering o'donnell nacarado i worked at engineering firm in third and

uh market really and it was like two two weeks before and i hated that there was this little stumpy who owned the place and he asked me to refill a water water bottle he's like i kind of like when you lift it up and that's like the one thing it's fun if you want to do it yourself bro you're like yeah that's probably why they asked me because he was a little stumpy little yeah yeah and he asked me and i was like no i'm not doing that really i was like dude i don't pay forty thousand dollars a year to fucking refill your water i'm like actually doing work in the basement with this old dago that's gonna eventually rat me out he was taking my time sheets he was logging my actual times and then ratted me out and they walked me into the office and they were like you you can either resign, get your credits, or we can fire you.

I was like, give me the fucking paper. Did you guys have any bodybuilder dudes that would work in the office? No, I know what you're talking about. Every once in a while we had guys from New York that would come down and it was just like, dude, you're a bodybuilder? I've had some dudes that get jacked in the office. Yeah, it's pretty sick, actually. It's funny.

It's hilarious. It's hilarious. Dude, they make sure you know. They fill it out. Yeah, but what are you doing? Building the body, dude. You're working marketing. Yeah, they're getting jacked.

What is any bodybuilder doing right now? Outside of the ones in competition. When you go to the gym there's like there's 13 fucking dorks that were slammed in their locker their whole existence and they're eating all this they look like fucking they're built like wine corks they they they they look like shit they look fat little toads i don't know there's some guys that look really amazing the guys that bother me the most that look like they stretch before and after the workout. 15. That's not bodybuilding.

16. Well, there's... 17. Oh, hold on. Not bodybuilding. I meant powerlifting. I'm sorry. 18. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 19. I'm sorry. I'm talking about powerlifters. 20. You get guys in an office who get into like fitness, but somehow are super unhealthy about it. They come in and they're all like, they just look like sweaty and tired and they're eating like powders all day. 21. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

22. Pretty sure you're soiling. 23. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 24. They get like jacked, but they look like they're about to throw up all the time yeah yeah dude the power lifters that are like they're the same height as the width you know what i mean they're just like what do you do if you're dude if you're five eight five nine five ten you can't be you can't be power lifted no that's because then you're gonna look five four five six you get jacked and shaved for what for pussy in case there's a dog on the a fucking Mazda Miata? You're not gonna fucking ever need that muscle, dude.

These guys don't socialize. They hang around the gym. It's their time. They're like theater kids who find other theater kids that just want to build muscle. And they sit around, no joke, you'll fucking back me up on this,

three to four hours. Oh, yeah. Three to four hours they sit around, they get on their phone, they videotape themselves lifting an enormous amount of weight form check form check their form check for a while they posted somewhere else and then they the one guy was wearing like uh uh a virginity shirt or something he was trying to like claim he hasn't had sex yet yeah he's dating this other guy's rule guys rule, dude. What are you talking about?

No, no, dude. Dude, claiming, taking back male virginity is sick, dude. It'd be like, that stuff's not for me. Nah. Nah.

I'm a different world. That's terrible. Beat off multiple times a day, lift an appropriate amount of weight and look tall and skinny. That's the fucking goal. That's your hand. You're playing your hand.

These guys are short in squat. They're recovering fucking. I got fucking aces. No, but we got a lot. There's a lot of lady power lifters in there too. Yeah, that bothers me when you talk about that. It's at least 50-50 in the power lifting world. It's 50% chicks getting gigantic thighs.

Yeah, that's absurd. We saw one Muslim lady teaching another inexperienced Muslim lady how to deadlift. That rules. That's not bad knowledge. No, it's not. It's not about the knowledge. The knowledge is necessary. It's over-consuming the knowledge to the point where you want to change your disposition emotionally.

Where it's like, dude, look, I get the fucking high of running on a treadmill for two miles. It's great. Going to the gym every day, it changes the disposition. It changes your outlook on life daily. It makes me healthy in my head, purposeful. Going out there and go, dude, you bust my balls about the deadlift I do, and that's half of what they're doing. I know.

Yeah, you should not be deadlifting. Deadlift is necessary. It's completely unnecessary. should not be deadlifting. Well, you should, deadlift is a necessary. It's completely unnecessary. Deadlifting? Deadlifting. It's not necessary. You're balancing your body. I do it a couple times a year.

Yeah. You're balancing your body. How much do you do? How much do you deadlift? He's deadlifting like 385 pounds. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. It was 285.

Oh, 285. Still. A set to, three sets of eight. 145 on each side. Make sure the back works. What is working? It25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25.

05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25.

05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25.

05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. 05.25. telling you stop no it's not it's not taking off yeah i like to get the blood pumping i get the blood pumping i feel good oh my god i'm done that's when you go to one of these fucking russian dens and get them walk all over your back and you're gonna need that you're gonna be yeah true going back to apple vacation that's how you know they jerk you off they were a travel planner and then it's like travelosity came out and they were like we gotta change everything anyone know how to walk on anything it's back. We also paint nails now. Yeah, travel agency.

That's a tough business, man. You're like, I'm a travel agent. I go like. Dude. Yeah. I said, every time I walk past one of these mattress stores, this mattress store is all on the third. Yeah, there's.

Who's going to a mattress store on Steinway? Dude, I feel like there are drug fronts. Yeah. It's got to be something. It's easy to smuggle drugs with mattresses. You can make all these mattresses are made in mexico yeah yeah and the prices are exorbitant room in a box oh yeah no one's buying them it's like a piano like you only buy it once every fucking five ten years yeah it's

bizarre mattress stores and then like they're always like a 50 off too so it's like yeah no i don't once in 2000 when it says like everything has to go and you pass that store like three years later, visit your parents, you're like, everything has to go. It's like, eh, you're up to something. I think the markup on mattresses is insane though. It's like super high from what I heard. More than booze? I don't know.

Are you talking about like retail booze? Wow. Retail booze is like 600%. Yeah. That's what I thought. It was like, yeah. Cause that's what a keg is like 80 bucks. And then what is it? Three and a half cases per keg. Yeah. Then it's like five bucks. Yeah. that's what I thought. It was like, yeah, because that's what a keg is like 80 bucks. And then what is it?

Three and a half cases per keg? Yeah. Then it's like five bucks. Yeah, it's insane. I just did this math on the way up here. What? Keg math? Yeah.

The markup on alcohol, how much money you make. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. Trying to figure out how much comedy club owners make. I'm like, they make so much fucking money. A keg is, you know, do the whole math. They don't care about the food. Oh, dude.

It's booze. You get asses in the seats or making all the money off the fucking booze. Yeah, it's booze. You get themes in the seats that are making all their money off the fucking booze. It's booze. You get them drunk. Yeah, that's why there's a two-drink minimum. It's like $8 or $10 for a shot or something.

Oh, yeah. And these animals are getting like daiquiris. They're getting like fucking, you know, these colorful drinks that's all sugar, one shot of liquor. There's no price in that.

And it's well liquor. They're buying these things that cost, of a bulk cost, probably five, six bucks a bottle. Yeah, it's pretty insane. Bankers club type things at cost of a bulk cost, probably the five, six bucks a bottle. Yeah. It's pretty bankers club type shit. Put one shot in $20. What?

Well, it's people get pussy at bars. So it's like, it's true. Big premium on that. If you had a place, human mating grounds. Yeah. Have you been trying to push the booze when you're on the road? Are you like, let's get fucked up? No, not at all.

So the club gives you big dollars or something? I don't really drink. So it'd be weird. Yeah. It'd be weird. But it's not a bad idea No, not at all. So the club gives you big guns or something? I don't really drink, so it'd be weird. Yeah, it'd be weird. But it's not a bad idea. I just, no. I like to go the opposite and be like, guys, let's play. Let's take it easy.

Let's take it easy tonight. Get sober. Reclaim your virginity. Yeah. No drinking. We get all powerless. Let's get even powerless. Yeah, let's deadlift 70 cases of beer.

Well, deadlifting is dangerous because you can lift a lot, and you get a taste of being able to be in there and be like pull it up. So it's hard. I was stacking them last year. I stacked them up pretty heavy. Fuck my back up. 45s on the size. That's fine. That's it. But if you get the bouncy plates, they look like it's more.

So I like that too. Yeah. Rubber plates? Rubber plates. They're like that thick. You're just like, fuck yeah. I hate when people drop weight though. Would you slam it? Yes. Do you slam it thick. You're just like, fuck yeah, dude. I hate when people drop weight, though. Would you slam it? Yes. Do you slam it? I don't slam it as hard as I could.

Yes, you don't. I don't get the full bounce back. You know what? Bounce it back up to your hands, but I'll drop it. If I'm doing it, I'll let go. I don't know. I think, in my mind, if you have to drop it, you shouldn't. It's too much.

I'm a lunk, dude. Fuck it. Do you know the best part about ferg's workouts there's uh it's a very thin ceiling so they won't allow you to drop like if you're dead lifting and you're on your final rep you can't drop you have to slowly place it down as you should i agree with you yeah yeah yeah my issue is splashing the pot you earn that dude you fucking your last one i agree i also agree with you you're giving up halfway through a rep i'm done you gotta bring it back you're fully done you gotta do an extra one just so i can drop it it's like a dude benching

and then slamming against the iron bar application of bringing something down to the ground once you're up here you're done with it you drop it because when you start it's on the ground yep right you lift it up that's the objective okay then then to feel fully finished you need to get back down to earth no i look it it's not sure actually you just watch the Elon Musk Documentary a full night. It's about getting back to earth. Yeah, but that's not we're talking about fucking space travel In the boys home. Z-Balls. True. Are they coming back? What?

Are the boys coming back from Apollo? Have you seen it? Do you know the ending? They're still out there. We're working on it. My mom's aunt watched that on TV and thought it was real. Wait. She called my mom.

Apollo 13 is when they got lost in space or whatever. She saw the movie and thought it was the news. No. Wait, your mom's aunt? My mom's aunt. She was old. She was old. R.I.P. She saw the movie and thought it was the news. No. Wait, your mom's aunt? My mom's aunt, my great aunt, she was old. R.I.P.

She was from Ireland. She's like, Mary Ellen, just say a prayer for the guys that are up there. Oh my God. Mary Ellen,

there's a couple of people stuck in outer space. Mom was like, flipping through the news, like, what the fuck is she talking about? Landon Apollo 13 was on like USA.

She was like, Jesus fucking Christ. Mary Ellen, there was something. I almost want to get to that point though. I know. Every movie is like reality.

Oh, yeah. You think you're always watching the news? It's like the news has gotten so good. True. True. Bruce Willis is in the news. They're in the shuttle with these guys. Yeah.

Yeah, she was banged up about it. She was like, Mary Ellen, say a prayer for them. They're stuck up there. Mary Ellen. They went around the moon and back in like an hour and 45 and they got stuck oh yeah the movie yeah i remember every christmas someone would come in while playing video games go oh giants are playing look they look at the screen every time there's always an uncle who's like oh look is that real

game real game my whole life as a kid yeah and that's that's where you want to get to yeah my dad said this was like 2002 with terrible graphics every time oh yeah you're playing like game day 98. i i thought it was a real thing i have like a memory i was playing uh nfl 2k for dreamcast and i was playing and my dad came home from work and he was like oh it looks real is that a real game and I was like no it's a video game and he was like cool and I remember being like wow the graphics

are that good and then ever since then every time I remember that I was like but my dad fucking with me he was just mad I wasn't doing homework Since then, every time I remember that, I was like, but my dad fucking with me? I think so. He was just mad I wasn't doing homework. And then he said a thing he thought I would, you know. He was basically gauging my intelligence.

Yeah. Wow, cool, dad. Give me a quick IQ test. And I was like, no, it's a video game. And he was like, good. Jesus Christ. I got a retard for a child. Snarky interaction. Is that real?

Yeah, he's hit me with that. Back then, it was probably impressive to them. Yeah, dude. I remember being kind of blown away by Madden. I had Madden 94, the first Madden. Being like, whoa. Yeah, I was like, this is crazy. From the Sega Genesis to PlayStation Jump was like, what the fuck?

But if he was genuinely impressed, he would have come over to the TV and been like, really? True, yeah. That's impressive. No, he must have fucked with you. Instead, he just went upstairs. You know what I mean? Which means he was clearly a shot. Yeah.

Taking it. That happened once when he brought a bunch of glass. We had broken a bunch of glasses for most of my life my dad got a 20 28 pack or 30 pack of new york jets glasses from a gas station that was that was all of our that was all of our glasses for 15 years your mom's a lucky lady she's just coming in all those. Girls love that. High classes with sports teams. Merry Christmas, darling. Until I remember in high school,

it was early high school, maybe my freshman year, we got down to about two. They just broke. Yeah, yeah. And so we bought all new glasses and I hated the design of them. And I was like,

I was like, Dad, how do you feel about these glasses? And he was like, how do you feel about your shoes? And he was like, how do you feel about your shoes? I had just gotten new sneakers. It was the meanest thing. No, that rules, dude. What kind of shoes are you rocking?

Your dad bullies you. You're on your fucking place. I know, but I really liked my sneakers. What were the glasses? What was he working with? It was a Jets glasses. It had like the old... They were Jets glasses?

Well, no. They were big, heavy glasses with like... It was like a glass that's a big glass but holds no liquid. I don't know if you've ever... Yes.

Oh, I hate those things. It's a heavy bottom and it was like this thick a glass at the bottom and it was like a shot glass that was as big as a pint. Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

I was like, this is the worst... Well, you broke. You're fucking 18 out of 20. But the jazz glasses, dude, these jazz glasses were the a pint. Yeah, I know. I was like, this is the worst. Well, you broke. You're fucking 18 out of 20. But the Jets glasses, dude, these Jets glasses were the perfect glass. Yeah. They were super thin,

which is why I all broke. Well, you shouldn't have broke them all. It was probably cheaper than getting you a helmet. It was like a lightweight. Do you think your mom had any say in the glasses? No. No way. No.

Really? Yeah. He came home and he was like, I did it. Oh, no. Yeah. And I was like like these are bad he just dumb proofed the glasses for you

that's probably what he was looking for my dad brought him to Boston Market like that he was like guys get around the table I got something to show you guys he showed us Boston Market and we were like what the fuck this is so good he's like yeah this is healthy food guys this isn't like McDonald's this is the real deal we were all dug's like, yeah, this is healthy food, guys. Yeah. He's like, this isn't like McDonald's. This is the real deal.

We all dug in like, damn, dad fucking knows everything about food. I remember being genuinely like, dude, this is awesome. Yeah. We got it once, and then my brother's called a Boston mortgage because it was so expensive. We only had it like once a year. All of our glasses in the drawers were old. Anytime we went to an Eagles game or Phillies game all 32 ounce plastic cups with designs on the side Yeah, yeah, never got class never got class, but that was our day-to-day fuck around cups like the

Like the ninjas like these boys. Yeah. Yeah, this is how you consume you consume in large glass or large plastic Containers that you feel terrible about. Instead of drinking out of the Brita, Tommy fills up this giant thing and puts ice in it. New York tap. Yeah. Nice. Yeah.

Did you ever get into solarizing water? I recently just got into this. You leave water out in the sun. It charges it up. Really? Yeah. Dude, you Dragon Ball Z me right now. I swear to God.

I was sitting there with my water recently and I'd always hold it in the sun for a little bit. Like, dude, this has to give my water properties. And I finally looked it up, and it's a whole thing. They use it to purify water. The sunlight purifies water. Matt, you need to take your shoes off. I think that's bullshit. I'm telling you, look it up.

Look it up. It's not me. You're electrified right now. It's pumping it full of radiation, dude. Yeah. The sun, you can't make vitamin D without the sun in your body. You just set it in front of a nuclear reactor.

Tell that to that thing. What, the plants? Well, this is, this is billions of years. Don't touch it. Billions of years of evolution have created the perfect filter. You know why it's green?

Yeah, it's chlorophyll. Dude, what the fuck do you think I did? Why do you think a sweatshirt's green, man? This guy's fucking, he's all chlorophyll out yeah that's why

if you're no cause this is the least this wavelength has the least amount of energy in it the blue and the yellow that's why you wanna charge that's why you wanna

sweatshirt screen cause it's taking all the red yeah dude that's why if you're ever growing plants and you need to work on them with light and you don't wanna actually

put light on them you have to do a green light that way the plant doesn't feel like it's getting light I like this you can still see I like this you don't wanna interrupt actually put light on them you have to do a green light that way it doesn't the plant doesn't feel like it's getting light i like you can still see like this you don't want to interrupt like a light cycle of like indoor tomatoes yeah we need to do it really wow that's like creditor stuff pretty cool so i've heard that you know this is what children play should be about you know what i mean for sure following one leaf oh yeah but dude i'm telling you kids solarizing water it charges it up according to one study a lot of dudes from india are all over this yeah see that's how you know

it's no i'm telling you dude here's the thing water so this can contain if this can hold energy from the sun why couldn't water why can't water hold energy from the sun because it doesn't have what this has what is that this is this is a this is a biological it doesn't have cells water doesn't have cells this yeah the water can't break it down it doesn't have cells water doesn't have cells yeah the water can't break it down it doesn't have to break it down

it stores energy water stores energy look it up it chemically alters water when you put it in the sunlight but I feel like it's got to be for the worst right

it's probably splitting atoms in there that's good for you dude this does sound like Dragon Ball Z technology Z ball technology this is Z ball technology this is basically

where is Z ball now I'm'm going to start doing it. I'll let you know. I'm going to start. Dude, it's so fun, too. You charge your water up. I charge my water up. I leave it in the windowsill and charge it. Like, oh, my water's charged.

My wife disappointed in it. Doesn't it just make it? You got to drink it in like three days, though. Because you heat it up. It heats up. You put it outside. Give it like a full six hours. Even hot water has more energy than cold water. You tell me, me dude what's going on with those particles they're moving well that's

what i'm saying if the cold water that you keep it's also bad for other things that you need to contain in terms of like what not just raw minerals if that's natural spring water it's bad for other ingredients if you're adding like you can't power up anything but water of course not yeah you want to power water you shouldn't be drinking anything but water i remember shut up matt what are you talking about so wait hold on you would put that capped in the backyard during the summer you let it sit in there for six hours and then you take it in you let you have a couple days you let it like chill for a couple hours and you just sit for it how come nobody's doing this nobody has power people are doing oh they are yeah people are so it's a whole thing i i intuitively for a couple hours and you just sip from it. This is probably just a water mogul going, what about the old cases that weren't picked up behind the warehouse? It's centuries old.

It's a century. It's Ayurvedic, whatever, however you say that, medicine. It's a thing that's been around forever. Charge it. The Hawaiians do it with deep, dark blue water. In India, they do it as well. Then you can get into the whole thing of like, you can put it with a certain color spectrum.

And they claim, I haven't looked into this so far, they say the different color bottle will alter the process. So what about like boiling off regular stream water to get rid of bacteria the sun dude you're just heating it up and boiling so the sun is providing the sun's providing energy for your if you put if the sun hits you you create vitamin d what do you think it does to water i just take a pill of vitamin D every day yeah but dude that's a replacement I wonder how much

sunlight water absorbs or does it reflect it it absorbs I'm telling you from what I've read again I'm not fully done my research none of us are high

and this is why I'm telling you this reminds me of one time how to energize water mantra by Sagar Doro Sivarabha

I didn't see that I didn't see that one by Sagar Doro I didn't read that. I didn't see that one yet. By Sagdaro? I didn't read Sagdaro. That's the first thing that comes up. Damians have entrapped your mind.

Dude, they're on some stuff, man. Yeah, you're in the Indian mindset right now. I am. That's a compliment. Thank you.

Thank you. I drank. I didn't want to bring that up. You can power your water too if you want to. Put some crystals in it? You can.

I haven't researched that yet. I drank super oxygenated water once. Really? I. Put some crystals in it? You can. I haven't researched that yet. I drank super oxygenated water once. Really? I was at hockey camp in Toronto. It increases the oxygen level in your water when you put it in the sun. That I believe. What the fuck do you think I'm saying?

Energize your water. Well, take it a step at a time. Energizing the water and super oxygenating, and I feel like are different things. What about the squidward? No, but dude, I was playing. I was at goalie camp in Toronto and it was like eight hours a day of fucking just hell. There's a sentence on those.

Goalie camp in Toronto. Just goalies? Who the fuck shot it? Who shot the shots? Dude, hardcore Canadians, dude. And I was not good. I went up there for like an extreme, it was like a two-week training thing.

I like, it was insane. These guys were, every goalie I was playing with, like was like about to go pro or something. It was insane. I was so bad. You just came home in awesome sneakers. Yeah, yeah, dude. You're sketchers.

Like a weekend, the weekend I buy these like super oxygenated waters to have. In the toy bottle on the net? Dude. Wait, because you're high elevation? No, I just thought it would help. I started chugging

super oxygenated water, immediately had to shit my fucking brains out. Like hardcore, I'm about to explode diarrhea. Yeah. And I had to sprint I don't know if you ever tried to take a shit dude stall like oh it was it was

hell I literally almost shit my whole you almost shit yourself a goalie can yeah it was your pads off no I had to shove my like cuz you have at goalie camp. Yeah, it was embarrassing. Did you get your pads off? No, I had to shove my, because you have big... You had your goalie pads on while taking a shit? Yes. You are. Dude, it takes an abomination.

It takes 10 minutes to get out of goalie shit. It takes 20 minutes. Like, it's long. Lacing up and getting all your shit on. It wasn't just oxygen. I'm holding up my chest protector

and trying to shut down my pants. Meanwhile, the net's wide open. Yeah. We lost 20. Did you ever fuck with the oxygen bar at the boardwalk? No. They had that. Oh,

do they? When I was younger, they had this thing where you go to the boardwalk and they had like an oxygen bar. We could breathe pure oxygen. They told you it was supposed to like make you kind of high. Yeah. So people will go up there and just be like like hit the o2 and just be like there's a company now that has uh oxygenated water that's like killing it like every you know a few years there's like a

beverage company that just destroys the whole industry yeah and it's like a o2 company which is all water that's like double or triple the oxygen really of a daily dosage or whatever pros are drinking it and shit I don't know what it's called pros like breathe oxygen on the sidelines

apparently that doesn't help what to get do you want to get it into your bloodstream or something but you're like your blood can only hold

so much oxygen yeah but if you're deprived of it from the no but if you're if you're like at sea level you're observing every breath you're absorbing the massive like the the most oxygen you possibly can so if you're getting extra oxygen you're like it doesn't even get into yeah what's what belly breathing is good for because when you breathe in through your diaphragm when you release it he balls

keep going dude exactly you gotta breathe in your diaphragm because when you don't breathe in through you breathe in through your diaphragm it's like a pump when you release it it pushes all the stale air out of your lungs so that you can absorb more oxygen. Show me how to do it. Let's talk more show. You just put your hand on your, one hand on your belly, one hand on your chest. Yeah.

And you breathe. You want the hand on your belly to expand before the hand on your chest. If your hand on your chest expands first, typically it happens with smokers. Yeah. You ever do yoga? No. It is diaphragmatic breathing. Usually when most people breathe, they go and breathe into their chest

just go up here right do I see that chest rising supposed to go right no I did the opposite because I want to see what I was doing wrong we see that you got to extend the belly and then fill the chest Krishna and that's your diaphragm the belly and then the chest and you later you when you let go of your belly you can even you don't have 13. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 010. 011.

012. 013. 014. 015. 016. 017. 018. 019.

020. 022. 023. 024. 025. 026. 027. 028.

029. 030. 031. 032. 033. We got Toronto buggies. Mine got a... I've opened mine back up. Goalie cam. Mine used to be more closed. I've opened it up. Do you have a truly deceptive? Yeah, bro. Mine was like 80%. This is flat as fuck. This was 80% blocked, dude.

This thing was fucked up. How did you open it up again? I gotta go get the test, but I could not... Before, I would go... I would go... Yeah, nowhere. You couldn't get anything.

Now it goes... That's nice. I probably got myself up to 30% yeah are you gonna get it uh eventually all I do is I just go like this every now and again and push it in as hard as I can oh my god Matt that's not what you do yeah it's over time I'm getting more I'm reclaiming more and more of the deviation dude it's coming back you should use a q-tip that's not a bad idea q-tip you can really get up in I like to give it I give it with some pressure and get it in. A deviated septum is not old boogers You gotta get your fucking boogers. I'm pushing my nose over.

Yeah you need someone in there with a chisel. That's cartilage, that's temporary. You gotta get fucking you gotta get a nodule shifting. I'm telling you I'm gaining more and more of my deviated septum. You were doing some practice with this. I was taping my mouth shut every night and you just breathe in through your nose over time. I would die. Yeah, I would die immediately. I'm a mouth breather. You think, dude? Sleepy mouth breather.

Yeah, you got to tape that mouth. Dude, do it for a night. Tape your mouth for a night. Like, tape it up real good and go to bed. The first couple times you wake up like... Yeah. You feel great, dude. What kind of tape are you using?

You're supposed to just breathe through your nose. I know this. Cause, yeah. If I had to go to a hospital... Mm-hmm. Not on fake concrete. True. what kind of taste just breathe through your nose uh i know this cause yeah if i had this if i had to go to a hospital yeah i'm on fake concrete true if i had to sleep on my back and through my nose kill me yeah i can't sleep on my back i can't breathe through my nose if i sleep on my back yeah well i could do it i can sleep on my, I, yeah. When I, I pinched a nerve because I was looking through Tinder too much.

Is this like Tommy's bar fucking shoulder? No, because I would literally just lay at night just on my left shoulder and just swipe. Yeah. And I would do that. Looking for the one. Yeah, yeah. And then sometimes I'd have to switch hands

because I just want to get tired from holding it off the bed. Having your arm fall asleep on Tinder is tough. What's the average like, what's the average like swipe time what do you mean i mean what's the average swipe time how long do you say it different hello that's why i said it the same way because it's insulting i was trying to fuck with you like how long do you swipe how long do you

what's your average swipe time how's this how long do you swipe you need to hit like control alt delete on your keyboard in one sitting how much time do you swipe what the fuck is going on i thought you meant how

long do you give each person to look at yeah so how that's what i thought yeah what's the average average average slash yeah oh i mean the length of time between your swiping sessions. 06.02 Sessions was the missing word. 06.03 I mean, I got to get an injury. It's gotta be crazy with it. And we know it. Yeah. And we're doing it for like hours and hours on end. Like you had to pay for the, for the unlimited. Yeah. And I was just going to pay for it. So you don't run out, you pay for unlimited and really, if you want to be efficient, you can just go. Yeah. Yeah. And I was just going to town. You can pay for it so you don't run out. You can pay for unlimited. And really, if you want to be efficient, you can just go. Yeah, yeah. And do as many as you can and then just sift through your matches.

See what comes, yeah. So I'm going to go, how do I feel about Emily? Paper swipe? No, no. You can pay to get unlimited swipes. So that you don't, because I would max out and get to the end and be like, oh, man, and go to bed and wake up. All guys max out.

And if you ask girls, girls don't even know that there's a max out thing. I know, dude. Whenever you ask them, they're like, what are you talking about? Because they match so much that they never max out. Yeah. They don't even know it's a thing.

There's nothing sadder than waking up in the morning and being like, my teenager matches. You go to see if there's anyone and you're like, yeah, there's nobody. I do get it.

There isn't a door for me. I'm not like talking above you because when I did Bumble for a while, I was like, yeah, it's talking above you because when I did Bumble for a while I was like yeah it's exciting dude but I don't remember

like a pay match or like a I paid for all this shit I did the things I did the super whatever the super like was like yeah you get one of those I would hold it

and just go so when you see those like videos on like Barstool the dude's just doing all this shit that's what he's doing yeah you just swipe

as fast as you can then you sort through the matches yeah they always be like yeah maybe i don't know but i always assume that they know that you're a dick if you're doing that not the women they don't know you're doing that i'm not the women but the the tinder how do you think they punish you who cares i think they're like this guy it's not a quality match you know what i mean we're not gonna do him To the top of the No What's your profile

What were your profiles Mine What like the tagline Yeah Mine was I'm a goalie that shit himself Once in Canada Toronto goalie camp

I used to have Burns with a passion Of a thousand Latino love Betrayed Latino lovers Or something It was pretty good It worked

Really Yeah Burns with a passion Of a thousand Betrayed Latino lovers Or something. It was pretty good. It worked. Really? Yeah, I burned the passion of a thousand betrayed Latino lovers or something. Yeah. I always worried about getting too unique or too funny. Yeah. Because then they're just like, this guy's too much.

I did. I am a New York Yankee. That's the worst thing possible. That is worse than trying to be funny. But it does, because every time you come back to it, if you have anything that you thought was funny at the time, it just feels like you're wearing the same t-shirt with a joke on it for fucking 10 days. It's like going back to watching a joke you told five years ago.

You're like, Jesus, what was I doing? Nah, I was pretty determined to get pussy, so I was like, any means necessary. I think we talked about this once where it's like they were you're supposed to say something clever when you first that sucks that's i would resist that i hit him with a hand nothing no gifts and it's like yeah how are you yeah we should hang out right now yeah yeah i would put it on i would try to get it into the dude three dimensions immediately this is why the gays do it right true it's all about sex it's all about your your bodily fluids your animalistic behaviors where are you are you close let's fuck separate

ways yeah the problem is with straight people it's like i gotta come up with this clever little poem who's your favorite poet it's like dude shut up well you have to prove you're not a murderer in i think so yeah true it's also the problem with men yeah yeah you to prove you're not a murderer in i think so yeah true it's also the problem with men yeah yeah you gotta prove you're not gonna fucking yeah girls are cowards them down that's a fucking problem yeah they're scared you have to both talk a little bit of shit and prove that you're not a murderer yeah in two sentences they do like a challenge yeah they do like a super sleuth thing too on you they go online they they dig deep into your like all your profile yeah 100 yeah but another good yeah true right i'd rather you dig around than you try to like disarm this but i mean

i'm not you know that's why you give the public if you have a public profile that's why you give your like instagram handle and stuff you do the research because i know you're gonna do it yeah so then when you match you go she already did it so then when you say just hey yeah they're interested yeah i didn't have a Facebook for a while. That was tough sledding. I didn't have a Facebook account. Yeah. I was like, nah.

Yeah, if you're in the dark, it's difficult. Yeah, it's tough. Telltale sign that you're a creep. Yeah, you got to fire it up. For them. It's not a real thing. No, it is. I'm telling you, they get freaked out.

Yeah, if they look you up on Facebook and it's just the white silhouette. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy's got a couple bodies. Yeah, good on them yeah that's uh that stuff chris how many boat pics you got you're on a boat in all your pictures right no no no no no you're supposed to hold a fish up in one no that's true that's good and one with a pretty girl right one with like some random pretty girl i didn't like your i didn't know that's a no-no no because then they have to ask who the girl is or they assume it's my cousin.

I had one picture of me on a hike. That's big. That's cool. That's a big one. Yeah, you're a big hiker. Come on, dude. You're fucking ruining my profile. You do a lot of hiking.

Yeah, that's, well, you got to sort of show that you're active, you know? Yeah, true. That's something they, you know. People like someone that's active. You got a pain in the life for them. Yeah, I do. I'm a hiker yeah i went skiing yeah here's me at the art museum i don't know yeah i'm on the other side of corn they're going like show see you're on the other side of corn coin oh we're like uh you see like that was like a genuine

expression like you show enough of your body with without being a corny pussy where it's like here's me shirtless on a beach Oh, well, that's a no-no when I was on tinder. I would there was no I wasn't showing my body off. It's my point Yeah, let me finish So if you show if you show a t-shirt where you got a decent arm You're like, oh, yeah, he's active without you going like I'm in the mountains Cool sunglasses on right, but that's not you. That's not who you are. What do you mean? I mean, you don't hike in the mountains with cool sunglasses.

I do. I do. I got the photo. I got the photo to prove it. All right, so, all right, look, I went to Disney World once. Dude, if I was anyone. That's a good one. That's a good one.

That is a good one. Shows that you got, you know, you're lighthearted. You got fun time. Whimsical. Yeah. Whimsy. Yes. No, dude. Yeah, it's all about activities. Girls do have activities for girls you're all right fucking show like a dart league or

something with you and your boys yeah activity i'm out and about i'm married that's a red me holding my kids sketchers that's why girls don't like the fish pick because it's like you're active, but only with your boys. Yeah. Right. Yeah. You're not taking me on a fishing trip. True.

Yeah. Where'd you go hiking with? Whereas a hike, what? You and Buddha? No, I fell in love once in Denver and I fell madly in love in Denver once. this girl took me on a bunch of sick hikes. You just met her once. Everybody falls in love when they meet someone for the first or second time. Yeah.

Because it's perfect. You don't know anything about her. It's not because you were in love. All right. Why are you shitting on my love, dude? I just don't believe you. Tell me about this girl. What happened?

She just lived in Denver. So it never really worked out. Yeah. She was the shit. She so it never really worked out. But it was, yeah, she was the shit. She knew all these sick hiking spots. She drove me. It was summertime, and she drove me up into the mountains where it was freezing, and it started snowing, and we were just running through the woods together.

Whoa. It was amazing. That's love. I've met a girl. I went trail running in the woods. Yeah. So I do stuff like that if you're anywhere close to the mountains. Yeah.

I met a girl in Las Vegas one time. Same thing. Fell in love. Yeah. Memorized her phone number. My phone was dead. Wow. The whole way home.

Got back and called her. She's like, yeah, we're never. We're not. I live over here in Las Vegas. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I have a good one. You know, that's a good thing. Yeah. I completely fell in love in Vegas. Yeah, dude. And you're like we were just talking about

come back to the east yeah it's like no I'll go out there yeah you could fall in love every day if you go to the right area

of this town really yeah in the big app there's yeah there's women that are so magical yeah

that you just lock eyes and you're like yeah I love her yeah it could be a coffee shop You have to interact you do I'm afraid all that bullshit. Yeah, but I'll I'll I'll This is it. This is a summer project for Tommy. He's gonna start. Yeah, I'm gonna start interacting This is the time to do it actually, yeah, be a PUA. Sure. Yeah the show we we went Francis' show then post show he had like a group of friends

from like Harvard or whatever like yeah hoity-toity a little crew and there was just one girl I was like whoa

yeah didn't have the balls saw eyes a few times it's tough in the winter time more times I'm not just not that person I'm not gonna walk up and be like hey

what are you doing for the rest of your life you like running in the snow like I'm not gonna be you know there I'm not going to walk up and be like, hey, what are you doing for the rest of your life? You're like running in the snow. Like, I'm not going to be. You don't have to think there. Just go up like, hey, what's up, babe? Yeah, I don't want to. What's up, babe? Yeah, you just got to go and be like, this is so weird.

I've never done this before. Yeah, true. Tell them about the Gerber thing. The Gerber thing is so fun. If I wasn't married, I would have went right off to her. No, no. Here's the thing. I would have said a fucking thing.

Here's the thing, though. You got to get married to do that. No, instead we just sit and talk. I would have said a thing. I would have been like, yeah, she's married to do that. No, instead we just sit and... I would have said a thing. I would have been like, yeah, she's pretty hot anyway. Yeah, yeah. Let's go get something to eat.

Yeah, that's what happens. Instead you just sit in the corner and you're like, I gotta start writing. Yeah. I gotta get more of that. If my material gets to a certain level, dude. I wouldn't have to think about stuff like this.

Yeah, that's the worst. It is refreshing though. Like there's a certain element of our neighborhood where it's like, it's a neighborhood. You know what I mean? You have all your consistent normalcies where it's like, you know, you have your normal day-to-day gym

and I have a normal routine. When you go out of that routine, if you're going to a show or you go in the city and you're just like, oh, you forget you're in this metropolis where it's like exciting and entertaining and you have access to all these beautiful people or beautiful minds. And it elevates your,

your, your desire to like create. You're like, I want to do something. You know what I mean? It's like you get in these elements and then you see these people. You gotta start fucking some of these guys. Yeah.

You're trying to get pussy. That's like the nicest way these there's always great pussy here i haven't fucking really want to achieve no but there is a i think there's a level a healthy level both where it's like oh shit this is top shelf puss and it's also uh it's it's it's in order to get it i need to be a better me. True. True. Yeah, you always got to do stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. I was watching Apocalypto last night. I got to be Joseph. I got to get back to Joseph. You got to get back to Joseph. Yeah. I got to be holding a staff. I got to go to a bar with a staff and a fucking robe and just wait.

And just don't say anything. And just wait. And people are like, what are you doing, dude? I'm like, I'm the father of Jesus. You should be like, my wife left me. I'm the father of Jesus whose wife cheated on me yeah and she's denying it

I raised Christ yeah accidentally impregnated apparently yeah I feel like it gets older or it gets easier to like

get pussy the older you get there is a fine love I should say yeah but if you're trying to just get pussy I feel like

the older you get as long as you don't completely fall apart, I feel like it gets easier. There's an inverse bell curve with attraction from younger women to older men,

but also your care and to the ease of puss. Yeah. Kind of bizarre. That's something I like. It's true. I wasn't prepared for that. I know, I know.

If I, like my 17-year-old self, I was like, I'm at the height of my pussy getting powers and it's like, no, you're just a little guy yeah dude you're lighting trash cans

of fucking explosives on ice you have no idea what you're doing yeah it's crazy that was something I was kind of delighted

to learn as I got older I'm like oh nice thank God for being like dude the rules for dudes mid 30s is when you know who you are you know what kind of woman you're willing to

invest your time with or at least women assume that that's the case I'm not even talking about the woman. I'm saying you know who you are. Because people have said that to me. They're like, older guys are so much more mature.

I'm like, yeah. No, I'm saying you know. I took mushrooms and watched Dragon Ball Z music. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but you can do it. You can be like, I was, you know, this is how I unwind. Yeah, yeah.

It's more about the investment of your own time. Sometimes you like what you like, man. True. I, that's how I unwind. Yeah. It's more about the, it's more about the investment of your own time. You like what you like, man. True. You know, you're not, you can't fight it. The investment of your own time, meaning like what you're willing to go through to get laid, whether that's one specific girl or one specific opportunity. Like you just, you get older and going like that. I know I've been through that.

I know what that person is. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're i know i've been through that i know what that person is maybe you're right maybe you're wrong but i'm not gonna invest in that so then you start getting to your comfort areas where it's like i like you get better at crowd work i get i like this bar i like this bartender i like the fucking discomfort because it it settles the anxieties of everything else you're going through and then when you get thrown in a situation you start to like oh i've been i've been hitting fucking balls you know i've been i've been warming up for this i know exactly what i've been through if you don't have a lot of experience if you don't have a lot of relationships you can't every woman you meet you're like i was in love now you are yeah i still do that yeah i i've recently found out i like witnessed firsthand

like how dudes get comfortable in bars. Like, I was meeting my friend who goes to this one bar all the time, and he would go there early, and, like, we were there for a Friday night. We were there for Friday, we were there early, and, like, the weekend night thing came in, and then I was like, oh, this is the power of, like, ponying up at a bar. Because he already had the good seat, the bartender felt good, like, good terms with him. Girls come in and sit down, and he's just like, yeah, you know. Nah, I'll get you a drink. Yeah, it's pretty i actually witnessed that i'm like oh this is why this is like a good good thing to like be a regular at a bar and then like the weekend crowd comes in you got like the prime

seat yeah but then you realize how much effort that takes yes i literally saw that i was like i'm cool but i was like oh i could see why this is all you have to do is get to a bar three hours early yeah three times a week and then maybe one well yeah yeah yeah it's like once every two months that translates into i would love i would love to have a place i go to like that like a bar type i just don't i can't drink like that but i would love to just pony up there and be like they know me in here see no i'm on the hours before like the sun goes down like with like ego like five to seven six to eight those hours are great because you still get to know the bartender there's not a lot of you know not a lot of fluff going on you can stay and then once the young kids come in like fucking when i say young kids like if you're like in your 20s

like i'm not yeah i can't. Unless it's a setup. Yeah. Door opens or like there's a date or something. That's fine. I'm not mingling with the youth. Dude. It's a fair move. Yeah, yeah. Because the shout, it gets so loud.

Yeah. Everybody, they don't know how to be drunks in New York. There's also a lot of bars that turn the music up. Yeah. So then you just elevate your voice. Yeah. It's like, well, you're just making this harder to talk. Yeah. the music nobody's dancing nobody dances nobody's grinding at all no i've been there's so many grind on her right now it's not the lagoon 1998 damn when did people when did they stop doing that though like when did that fall off

grinding you're just like grinding on a stranger at a bar i don't know i'm gonna grab this girl's ass and dance dude there's bars that used to be like you would go and just grind 100 yeah grinding just grab a girl's ass at a bar and grind on her yeah early 20s yeah yeah i guess in in a more like yeah but that was where there was like a bar and then a big just like open area that was sort of dancing small areas too it depends on the neighborhood yeah you can't do that you can't go and just grind on something philly's a grinding town philly's a grinder philly is a grinder that's why they call it the heated hoagie grinder well now you're fucking that sandwich right but that's the problem now is because of like t and shit, you got to have dances. Chris, you got to get off TikTok.

Why? Yeah, why? Every once in a while. I did a good job with TikTok. I curated it so I don't see any hot chicks. That's pretty good. Yeah. Wait, why not?

Why do you block them out? Oh, you have a babe. No, I just like, I don't want to see that. True. True. It's for your mental health. It is. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of, yeah, it's torturous.

Yeah. You just said never. It's nothing. It's something weird to brag about, but I've never got into like super hot chick culture. No. Like Maxim hot chick culture. Never. Never.

I never had a Maxim magazine. No. Like this is the hottest chick ever. And it's like, all right. Girls are just kind of hot. Fine. She's the hottest. Right. All right. Give it a kind of hot. Fine. She's the hottest. Right.

All right. Give it a couple years. She won't be. Yeah. That'll fade. Yeah, there'll be a new one. Yeah, no. Hot chick culture is crazy because you can't get into it.

It's just babes. I mean, it sounds, again, it's nothing cool to brag about, but it's like, I never fell for hot chick culture. Dude. I mean, yeah. It's like, I mean. I love babes. I fall for hot chicks.

I fall for. I really like babes. Yeah, yeah. Let me get it. I love pussy, all right? Just hot chick culture. Like, yo, she's like, I, I mean, I fall for hot chicks. I really like babes. Yeah. Yeah. I love pussy. All right. Just hot chick culture. Like, yo, she's the hottest chick right now.

Like Kim Kardashian was definitely pushed. I was like, it was the hottest chick ever. Yeah. Like way back when I was like, yeah, she's for sure. Hot. My friend was like, he like kept the magazine. He like, yeah. I mean, that shit's crazy.

I don't know about his business out there. I'm pretty sure he masturbated to the magazine. That's insane. I would, I would do like, my expectations were way more. I would just masturbate to the magazine that's insane my expectations were way more I would just masturbate to like Kohl's magazines I never did that I just used my imagination I'm back to that now

I'm back to the imagination beats the imagination beats are the best I gotta say even when I'm jerking off and watching porn it's somewhere between 15-60% imagination anyway yeah how because i have to believe that it's something that i could pull off so emotionally distraught you know what i mean like i have to imagine like i i so the porn sets

the scene but you have to finish this i. I plot a route to maybe getting that. Getting that scene. Yes. Like that actually happening to me. I like think about someone that I can maybe do that with if I, you know, if I hey, hey the right person. It's got to be realistic. Yeah.

He's got to find the right chick to grind on and then fill the body like ghosts. I want to bring that back, dude. I want to bring that back. What. I want to bring that back. What? Grinding. Grinding culture, dude. We should have grinding culture. Just go to a bar and just fucking.

Yeah. Yeah. Grinding wasn't wrong. You got to take a sip of your drink as you walk. True. It's your entry, dude. You see how it looks real casual? Yeah, true.

It's like starting your car With a DUI Alright let's go to the page Yeah let's do it