Stuff Island - Stuff Island #25 - wood dust, throw up sand w/ Anthony DeVito

Episode Date: April 27, 2022

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is from Warwick, Warwick, Warwick, what's it say? Warwick Farm in Boston. Shut up, Tom. It's a nice brewery in Bucks County. You asking even questions about where Warwick is seems like a threat. Oh, yeah? It's so funny. Do you want my energy? Warwick, yeah. That's just intense, Tommy Pope.

Yeah, it's so funny, man. Where's it from, Warwick? Fuck you, Tom. I'll fight everybody in this room. Well, I started hearing how douchey I sound. I know what you mean. I'm not good at the whole pitch the sales thing. Oh, awful. Chris and I mentioned that to the Are You Garbage guys. I feel like you'd be great at pitch the sales.

They have an opening thing. I start hearing how disgusting it sounds. Yeah, yeah. And then I get really lagged. Douche chills about trying to be serious. Yeah, yeah, and then there's nothing there's nothing worse than somebody who doesn't

take a cue a social cue for sure for telling a long story and you're giving the I don't give a fuck of course man that's my biggest fear

yeah you know because we I think we all probably because like we're all from the same sort of like you know what I mean same ilk for sure

like that Philly Jersey like salt of the earth like I can't be vulnerable or I'm gay ilk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The minute I hear myself, I'm like,

I know this is boring, isn't it fellas? Let's go to fucking Home Depot and throw some people in a two by fours. Plus, it feels like your whole life mission is to feel like natural.

So the idea of like getting in front of the camera and sounding like you're selling like fucking whatever that rubber paint is that you cover boats with. Oh, yeah. It's just like.

God, do I have the thing to help out your teak wood? It's a fucking nightmare. No, I know, man. I did a set of commercials with McKeever for GE and it was a fucking nightmare because they're, you know, it's commercial. It's a very specific brand. Yes. And the whole thing, the tagline was, caulk it like you mean it. And that was like edgy for them.

Yeah. And they had all their people in the, all the corporate people in one separate room watching all the TVs. And I had to say a copy, which was similar, but every single spot had a different wording here and there. Sure. And I was hungover of course like make excuses for me like I'm more honest when little loose. I'll be loose. They want this. They want method.

Usually I'm tight in the shoulders when I get eight hours of sleep. Fuck that. Give me force. When I'm holding the light bulb, they want me shaking. Yeah, man. You don't want to see me at eight hours, wide-eyed, bright, you know what I mean? Quick. No, no, no. I didn't know what hot mic meant because it was my first corporate gig as well as John's

as a director. And we're sitting around. A couple of sound guys got the business. Well, yeah. Worse. So all the corporate, all the corporate. Worse. All the corporate.

All the corporate schnooks were in this one little television room. Sure. And they were viewing all the kids. And like, I'd fuck up. And then you were like, all right, look, dude, just say, make sure you hit these two words. Yeah. The rest of the copy is pretty much the same right but you get the spot for those two words are now eight words and they're all each other in your head yeah and then they'll be like I cut give this

idiot a break and I'm standing because I know I'm the that everybody's like Jesus dude let's just get the lunch man you're Just say what you're supposed to say. Yeah. Because I should have been studying it for two weeks. Anyway, this woman keeps coming over to check my sound.

And she's funneling and fucking up my shirt. And I had it where I wanted it and all that stuff. And I'm like, God, the last thing you need. And I'm like,

does she know? She's touching? Yeah, yeah. So then finally, finally, finally I looked over and like bodily was doing spots with me too. And I was like,

this fucking cunt touches my shirt one more time. And John's going, hot, hot mic, hot mic. And he's yelling from across the room, down, down, down, down, down, down, down. He's trying to mask me

saying cunt because this woman's already back in the video village. Oh, for sure. So then it was weird. Obviously, the rest of the day. Yeah. What hour was that?

How much more in a day? That was 10 a.m. Yeah. And you had to what? The rest of the day until like 6, 6 p.m. Yeah. Did you? You can move the wires if you want.

I swear to God. Yeah. And if you had nailed all the takes, she would have been looking at her shoes. But because you're fucking up, she's like this fucking. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Also, the reason I didn't have any power. Because I was fucking up is the reason she had have been looking at her shoes but because you're fucking up she's like yes yeah of course yeah also the reason I didn't have any power

because I was fucking up is the reason she had to touch my hand she had to make an excuse buy me some time yeah did she say anything remotely to bring it up

or was it like just super awkward after that no she never brought it up but McKeever made it known that everyone in Video Village that's paying us and hired us

is all listening to you call this girl a cunt, who's just a nice little girl, you know? Yeah. I bet you hit the next take, though. I fucking crushed it, dude. Yeah, I bet. Tears. So this is like Daniel Day-Lewis type performance. You start losing about getting your money, you tighten some shit up.

You sober up. You're like, where's my camera? Okay. We here at GE are serious about our call. My baritone drop. You're like, where's my camera? Okay. We here at GE are serious about our call. My baritone dropped. Did you have any moment where you were like, oh, I have to like fix, like I have to call everyone on set a cunt so they think I'm just like British? You hide it in the noise.

You're just going off in other ways where you're like I'll see how far I can stretch this you're like yeah call everyone oriental too they're just like

that's just the way this guy talks don't take offense to anything yeah it's like the reason I got a decupit monster on that HBO series

got nailed for killing all his ex-wives you don't realize you got a hot mic on wait slow down Tom the fuck you're Durs slow down tom yeah for sure You came so fast from you fucking up on a commercial site to a guy who murdered people. Shut up, you cunts. The guy with the see-through skin was pissing. He was like, of course I did.

I did them all. That Jewish reptile that lived in Westchester County. We're done with it. First off. It probably was just like a hangover anxiety thing. Yes. You know when you're sitting around and you've got hangover anxiety and you're like

fucking the chiefs and everyone's like oh sure you just started admitting to dark things in your past that's the time to let them go no one's even there I totally understand that moment you're just hungover and you're just like I wanted to fuck my cousin at 11

there's no therapist nearby trying to see you on the wall you're just looking here like i didn't want to throw down the whole steps just seemed to like the first couple she'd always talked about she'd never been to an amusement park you don't know how they came up but yeah it's very embarrassing man those are

I have a moment on set I think every thing I've ever done that like it's been like super embarrassing that you think about later in life

and you're like oh god man the anxiety comes to the front and you're like this is I'm embarrassing yeah

there's just so much going on and you feel there's so much going on and you're there's so much going on you're so desperate for whatever this is to like you'll do anything like i remember because i would always go out for these like i don't really they don't yeah they don't send me out anymore because i'm over a million on any commercial or whatever but i used to only go out for like you know from like hot dog vendor you know commercial hijacker yeah like whatever like my face was like he's wild you make me look scottish

i am that like rogue kind of italian where they go egyptian yeah like i don't know what that is claimed by nobody like just an enemy to all so i was in there once it was something it was a cab driver role right and like um so i'm in there and i'm doing the cab driver and i do the first take it's fine i'm a terrible actor but it's like fine so they're like hey for this next one ah can you like make it a little more ethnic yeah and I was like all right I was like I will I can do that but this will be racist I'm not good I have voices so it's gonna be racist they're like I'm sure it'll be fine and I go okay and then I started off I was like you have all this all on film, right?

You signed off on this. I started, I just go, dooty booty, dooty booty, dooty. It's not in the script. These are just things I felt. And they were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're all good here. Thanks for coming in, pal. And I was like, yeah, man, you did this to me.

You made me a Pakistani racist. You did this. I was just a guy named Anthony. Here I am. Samir. Racist to his own kind. So mad. I like how you didn't even use words and then put an accent on it.

You just... Just went with it. Revved up the engine with a feeling to get to the words. Yeah. That was awful. But I think I think about that once a week. Dude, it never goes away. If I was on the other side of that table, I would think that you were attacking me.

I would think that that was like a direct insult to my face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can ethnic it up a bit. Doody doody doody doody doody. Is that what you want? You did this to me. Yeah, right? That's like my moment where I'm like, you made me this, guys.

What an insane position to take, man. You're right. Did you say something like that on the way out or you just went, thanks so much for... Yeah, of course.

I was like, thanks so much. Keep me in mind for future endeavors. You know what I mean? The whole thing, like just walking out of there, just, oh God,

completely sold everything out. I've had a couple where the casting director was like laughing under paper. Oh, really? Yeah. Like laughing with you or like, I can't believe this is happening. I wasn't killing. I was beating you. I was holding laughing under paper. Oh, really? Yeah. Like laughing with you or like, I can't believe this is happening.

I wasn't killing. I was beating you. I was holding the chopping block live. Dude, the only audition I've ever done was that, I think a bunch of us did it for, it was like a six hour hot dog commercial doing the Super Bowl. Oh, yeah. I immediately turned it down. And it was the first time I'd ever been asked to do anything.

So I'm like, yep. Of course. And I get in there and it's like, the job is going to be speaking in an old English accent. Good Lord. For six hours. For six hours. About hot dogs.

And I went in there and I was like. Yeah. It sounds like what a rich man does to get off. That's what he makes a poor person do in his cabin. Thank you. Literally just gonna say it. It's like a real time. Yeah, how can I come today?

Six hours, not enough. I like too that like he's semi hard with normal accent talking about hot dogs. He was like, try British. And you do that and he's like, yeah, this is working for me. All right. But anyway. Oh, dude, that was, try british when you do that he's like yeah this is working for me but anyway oh dude that was i gotta thank you two words in off jesus christ like two words and it was like thanks man two words two words yeah it was probably like all right i just got in there how about a chip for the queen I've been practicing the mirror every morning since I was a kid.

Well, yeah, that's the saddest. Because you bomb so bad. And you don't even want to be like, I spent the whole day memorizing these 20 seconds. And convincing myself at one point going, shit, I'm a pretty good actor. I made the wrong choice. I'm like a stage actor. And then you get in there and you're like, I don't even know that I can speak English. It's horrible.

No, I definitely, I went, in the car ride home, I was immediately rejected the entire industry. I went totally the other way. I was like, you know what,

fuck those people. I never want to do shit like that anyway. Oh yeah, that's the best. You make that term, that's great too where you're just like,

you know what, I've always said this about Hollywood where all of a sudden you've had a mind about the, too. You're just like, you know what? I've always said this about Hollywood. All of a sudden, you've had a mind about the agency for years. You're like, this is why I do what I do, and they do what they do. And we're on the different sides of the coin. It's crazy. And then you have a sandwich.

And you're like, I've got to change some things. I've got to stop drinking. I've got to write things down. I've got to take a class. Why did you ever stop doing accents? You like accents. Dude, you should. You should be doing accents more. That's my, my, I remember I, it was just like maybe two years ago I went home and I found

like somehow my mom had like our preschool report cards just like in a cabinet, my brother and I. Yeah. And my brother's, the whole report card was like how good he wasn't reading and how like really like precocious and intelligent he was and mine was like chris comes in and he really does like an incredible job of making all the noises from the cartoons and instead of being really devastated by that report I was like I did used to make noises

Someone is Finally in my room Yeah Somewhere along the way You thought it was Two's gay Or whatever To make noises

And that was something You really enjoyed Yeah You know the parents The parents that read through That passive aggressive Like You know that speak

That a teacher is like How do I let this parent know that their child has water on its brain? This was a historical book report. Why are we talking about noises? They erased out the part where they're like, for a kid who was probably hit with a hammer a lot, they're like, that's not right to bring it up. And they just kept the compliment part. You can still read the back of the paper, though.

Dad flips over and is like, son of a bitch! There's whiteout on the text. The word noises to me makes me laugh. Hilarious. They weren't even just like, he does the voices. He does the noises. That's not even like he's doing Roadrunner. He's like, ah, he's doing a bazing.

He's making some kind of sound. I think a remotely like bucks money you probably just ate too much knowing you ate too much class I had to ask me what the noises were from cartoons yeah I was gonna say I don't even remember on whether I really don't I just remember like for sure yeah were there any like growing up that you were like, oh, I could do this guy. Well, you thought you could. Yeah. I just remembered.

I remember being like, like super young, like pre-kindergarten and being like into doing like voices and stuff. For sure. Yeah. And thinking that I was like good at it. Yeah. And like having a lot of fun with it. Like in the report is like the whole class stands around and like we all have a great time.

He like makes every day great. Oh, shit. We have fun. Which also sounds like a down syndrome. Speaking this sentimentally about when you were four years old with a bunch of four-year-olds. Meanwhile, you're just all holding your asshole. Waiting to drink juice and milk. Dude, I do like that they would gather around.

We all gather around. We have to listen to the orator. It was a good time. You were four. Dude, I used to crush at the cubbies, dude. Oh, yeah, man. Yeah, damn, man. Damn, man.

I miss... I used to bring down the house at the cubbies. Yeah, man. I miss the idea of having things in cubbies. Yes. What a wild time a kid is. Yeah. It's so colorful, the cubbies, because you've got all kinds of having things in cubbies, man. Yes, I know. What a wild time a kid is. Yeah. It's so colorful, the cubbies, because you've got all kinds of different backpacks going on.

Absolutely. All open air. You know, you see what everybody's got going on. No borders. Vigorous memories. And the smells. Like, if you ever walked into, like, an elementary school as an adult, and you're like, There's a sound effect.

Takes you right back to fucking five years old, and you remember, like, one person or one situation yeah this girl patricia obviously she's a big meat wagon never met a patricia that was slimmed out so good lord patricia is like panicking and me and my buddy kev bezwick were like best friends in the back and she's huge she was like double the size of me and Kev. We're a little roomies. Yeah, this Sasquatch gets up She's trying she's trying to get to the end of the room to go out to use the restroom and she gets her like Dress caught or something. She steps over one chair. She made it one chair She's wearing a skirt and then just goes and now piss rockin I'm talking full horse seed comes flying out of the

middle of the school everybody's horrified except for me and Ben's are losing our mind the shirt over the face just fucking bouncing you remember like the wood dust the wood saw they would take when somebody threw up or pissed? Yeah, yeah. For sure. So the teacher's just like, lame wood dust. Wait, wait, wait. I said yes too quickly. Yeah, I agree, man. I said the same thing just to keep things rolling on. I've never heard of that in my life.

It was in a bar. It was in a, wait. It was in an 1890s bar that just throws sawdust down. It was in a kind of pilgrim's bar. What kind of school did you go to? What are you talking about? Alright, let me say it in old English, maybe you'll fucking understand it. No, there was this like, there was this like, throw up sand.

Throw up sand. It was like, it was like puke, puke sand that would suck up all the goods. So, so the teacher could do it. I saw that. The snow clouds. I never heard of this man. You're just rolling past this. This is a complete anomaly.

This is one of those I'm showing my age type shit. But back when I was four, I used to throw up somewhere. You're like two years older than us. Your preschool was at Cavs. Hey man, why don't you go to school? It was rough. She stripped and finished her piss all over. Like, she just, that's it? Preschool is a

She was just so mortified and she like got stuck in this this fear action where she was just me So wait, so they poured all the sawdust over it so they just cleared like four seats and everyone just said looking around but at least i was a janitor came in he just lumbers out of his closet let me get the wood bag there are days and there are days oh my god there was a certain material or whatever whatever and it was like a yeah it was like an absorbent dust and wood chip type thing i mean it sounds like a thing that exists yeah i wish foley was here i bet he had it that's what he keeps a bag in the house man that's what he puts in his underwear he's like just in case you know um wait so that's so that's so embarrassing and then once it dries

up it's easier to sweep up as opposed to but man that bag comes out that's so beyond like you're already embarrassed you know what i mean you got you and bets you know left under the shirt all of a sudden the janitor comes out with the wood bag yeah man there's no recovery from there you're that forever you're patricia b for the rest of your life. It's great. It's great, yeah. That's it. All you're hoping for is like, you're hoping you're like,

somebody's got to shit their pants during Halloween, like some big event. Somebody's got to shit their pants. Take the heat off me. You're praying for it every day. Yeah, I'd be putting X-lax in everybody's... Yeah, yeah.

I even think, it's a little dark, but I think you get to high school and you go, I hope somebody shoots up the school. Let me off the hook a little bit. She's the shooter comes in, but he doesn't do it. And she's the only one that pisses.

January gets the bag out again. He's like ducking bullets. That little flag comes out of the barrel instead of it being an actual duck. It's just like it never ends. That's so funny too. If she's like at the table with the kids who are like, I'm thinking about

these jocks in this school. And she's like, I know, right? Get them all. That's what I say. Leave me out though. I'm pretty cool to you. Maybe people start calling you things and i'm good right it's so funny he keeps finding he keeps finding guns and ammo i don't remember subscribing to this magazine i've read on the internet these are you know something for you i don't know throwing up was like 10 times worse than pissing your pants

because throwing up yeah that required of that's a room clearing it's yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a you know and you're not eating good things you're eating like fruit punch and soft pretzels and they're coming out totally man coming out like bullets in a fucking yes i remember i never used i never peaked in school i never wow you got out clean one time i was pissing and i had you know like a giant t-shirt on sure as we did and I had it all you were like three four no no everyone wore big t-shirts and I was pissing and my buddy shoved me and my shirt dropped and I just pissed all into my shirt did you get any shit for it? He gave me his shirt.

Oh, wow. He was a, yeah. Zazie had no shirt on? He was fucking with me and then he felt really bad so then he like wore my piss shirt. Oh, wow. Damn, man.

That's like a really good friend. That's a fucking good dude. That's a good dude. He's like a solid dude. He's making like millions in like oils and oil business.

He's like, oh, he's Jeff Bezos. No big deal. No big deal. Jeffrey Bezos. I should really reach out to him. Yeah's like, oh, he's Jeff Bezos. No big deal. No big deal. Jeffrey Bezos. I should really reach out to him. Sponsor the pod.

How's he doing? There was a kid that did something similar to that, but we just racked on him until he almost like fucking ran out of school. He kept saying

he was chewing on his shirt because he had a big piss spot. He was like, no, I was just chewing on it. He acted like he, you know, like kids do. Yeah, totally yeah totally just chew on the edge of their shirt while they're waiting to get you know picked in dodgeball or some shit yeah just letting all their saliva but this was a huge piss thing he's like i'm gonna chew on the shirt yeah when you're a kid you're like that's better you know what i mean like now you'd be like you're crazy like

you're chewing on your own shirt i'd rather you piss your pants like that's like a thing that happens you know what i mean just like i couldn't hold're like, you're chewing on your own shirt. I'd rather you piss your pants. That's like a thing that happens. You know what I mean? It's like, I couldn't hold it. Whatever. But you're chewing on cotton. It's like, no, man, you're fucked up. Oh yeah.

I know what it would be. It would be so great to be like a, just an adult, have an adult brain in like a lot of those preschool moments. Oh yeah. You get dragged into like the fourth grade and someone's like, why do you keep talking in class? And you're like, I do you keep talking in class? And you're like, I'm fucking nine, dude.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, man. It would be so fun to sit across a principal and be like, do you realize how ridiculous this conversation is? Yeah, of course. Yeah, man. I'm nine. Why am I talking in class? Yeah.

Why are you keeping me after school to talk about this? Yeah, man. What is all this? Yeah. You're like, I don't want to do any of this. Yeah. This scenario sounds wonderful. Couldn't get a real job?

Yeah, man, you want the summers off. Fuck off. That's what this is. Shut up. All the kids would be scared. And then your only goal is to change that one person's life. And that's a viable option. You know, maybe she quits and then she starts a career

that's not as lazy true yeah you know 80% of them are lazy yeah how many good teachers did you have

I had two in my family you know when you know them on that level you're like no you're all amp F now and I know amp F

yeah I got guys from home that are multiple DUI high schoolers right cops yeah they're cops oh yeah oh man the dumbest guys I know Aunt Beth. Yeah. I got guys from home that are multiple DUI high schoolers. Right. Cops. Yeah.

They're cops. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. The dumbest guys I know are cops in Delco. Yeah, man. I mean, the level of stupidity is outrageous.

And they marry teachers. Yeah, man. The laziest fucking women in the world. On day one, when they get hired, it's like, here's your bag of sawdust.

You should go to, a pens and paper. Here's the tube you have to blow in to start your car. I was kidding about the teacher thing, obviously, for a giggle, but a lot of them are dumb shit. I think I have like five that were truly that person that like made an impact on my life. And I was like, wow, that person really loved their job. They were good at teaching. They were good at being a father figure. They were good at the whole thing.

Yeah. And those are the ones, the bar is pretty low. So those are the ones that are like amazing. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? You're like, oh my God. It's just like, yeah, everybody else is just like. The same.

Did the same, man. They just want the summers off. They didn't know what to do. So they're doing this. And like, that's really. Yeah. It's like filling a block pool yes you're like we got four squares left do you guys want to just come in and take a paycheck all you do

is read the syllabus you idiot you're going to the same school twice you're gonna you're gonna grade school twice and you want me to fucking put you on a pedestal right yes to be used to be in this exact seat yeah ten years ago yeah so come on yeah yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's why all these teachers... My brother was in your class. Said you're a bitch.

All these teachers are giving out the goods to these kids. I was never good enough at school to know whether the teachers were bad. They're sucking them off

and jerking them off and they're getting all hot and bothered. You guys are on a different road. I was saying it's easy for the teachers to go, this kid fucking Marty looks great. Maybe I'll take him at his attention, you know?

Shit gets weird. They touch hands by chance. It gets all milky, and they're like, I want to try some of this. And once it gets milky, there's no turning back. You can't. Once you get a little cream going. Yeah, sorry.

Go ahead, man. Female teachers should be allowed to fuck kids, for sure. Okay, that's another stance. Don't you think? Allowed to fuck. They can't even do that in college, right? Or can they? It should be a slap on the wrist, at least.

Can you bang your students in college? I'm saying high school and up. It's so funny. It's not like little kids. But dude, it would be mayhem. Mayhem. It'd be Planet of the Apes for everybody to get into the girl. I would just love the idea that they have to write it.

You're talking about prison with a warden. You're just doing high school and making it a prison. Why? Because you're just a bunch of dudes hiding their boners for fucking eight hours a day and you're going to go, I can fuck her? Well, they have to agree. Oh, okay. Yeah, of course.

It should be like this. It should be like. I'm saying that's consensual in my example too, Anthony. It should be like this. It should be like... I'm saying that it's consensual in my example, too, Anthony. It should be a law. I wasn't sure. Because jail... You mentioned jail. Jail operates very differently.

That's all. You're right. You're right. That's all. I meant the way the men are behaving in small quarters. I got you. I got you. I understand.

I understand. I understand. You just ran with that Brisson analogy. I just wanted to make sure. That's all. We do have to the prize. I understand. I understand. You just ran with that Brisson analogy. I just wanted to make sure. We do. That's all. We do have to keep track. Thank you.

I'm sorry. I thought I could jump. I'm sorry. No, man. You're good. I'm just watching it for you. It's possible. I don't want anything

to happen to you. Yeah, good point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. Don't cut that. Play it twice. Yes, yeah. 100%. No, I'm saying

it should be like the speed limit you know like there's a law in the books that you can't go past 25 miles an hour yeah

but treating Mrs. Miss Veronica like a speed limit but come on you know yeah if you're not going

over 35 it's cool I never knew anybody that got even close so you're not going over 35, it's cool. I never knew anybody that got even close. So you're saying, like, free for all? No, no. I'm saying it is against the law. But... On the back streets.

We're not enforcing. We're not enforcing. This is jaywalking. I gotcha. Yeah, man. I think I'm going to be into this. It's there. But no one's really. No one's doing it All right, I got you. Yeah, man, I think I'm going to be into this. It's there, but no one's really, no one's doing it. Yeah, I got you.

Yeah, if you got pulled over going 26, you'd be like, that guy's a dick. Of course, yeah. No, that's, yeah. But if you're going 40, you go, I get it. So you're saying this is only for the women, women and guys. Women and young boys. Yes. So, younger girls. Right, girls right right right for sure yeah i didn't think about that

if you guys really dig into this i'm gonna i'm gonna walk off i think we're all cooked you know man i mean look man i said doody booty doody in the beginning of this we're all cooked man it's fine if we ask two more questions, he's backflipping. Backflipping off this couch. You're going to come on. We're so close. You're going to be like, man, I don't care about the Patreon anymore. None of this is worth it.

If I hear one, so you're saying. I'm like, let's go over this field. That's the worst, man. Because you're trying to get to the bottom of a bit, but the more you explain it, you're like, shit, I've dug myself into a crime here, and there's no getting out. That's the worst man because you're trying to get to the bottom of a bit, but the more you explain it you're like shit I've dug myself into a crime here Like how society deals with the the visual representation of said subjects where like the teacher bangs the student and they're like, oh yeah, dude, good for him.

And then there's some moose or like some fucking woman that looks like she crawled out of the wilderness and like arrest the kid. Arrest the kid immediately for dealing with that. It is so funny though with them because everyone does, everyone pretends to be such good people, but the minute those stories come out, the first thing in everybody's head is let's take a look at the teacher yes if they're if they're attractive in any way everyone has that little bone in them that goes look i get it's wrong but i mean come on yeah can you imagine yourself in that situation yeah yeah yeah i mean there's plenty of people with Casey Anthony who go, I mean, you know, it's a lucky baby still.

Oh, fuck it, dude. That couch has got the energy today, bro. Oh, my God. We're going to delete all this. Ah, man. But it's a good, you know, it's fun to just be around you guys. I'm kidding. It's rules. we were in uh we were in nashville this past week and uh i don't think i told you this story

you definitely did this is how i learned and it always starts with that my dad used to do the same shit he goes like you know this about me right i was a sailor dude i'm like what so we oh yeah i told you i landed gardini nate and i went and did a bar stool, did a podcast with this country music center singer. Who's the fucking man. He was fun and it went really well and we were all jacked up and they gave us a big bottle of whiskey and we left with that and we're walking back to our like Airbnb and right as we get to this, there's like a train crossing.

We get to this train crossing and it's just starting. Like a long freight train. It's like 10 miles long. We're certain it is. We waited for like 15 minutes and it's going like seven miles an hour. And, uh, what? Yeah. You hopped on.

Yeah. Eventually, eventually I was like, that's guys. I think we gotta just that's great get on and get over you know it's going seven miles an hour is going so slow who are you with it's me gardini and nate marshall okay yeah i thought you i thought you said the other plumper no no no he was convinced he would have made it out fine of course so so i i'm like i think we, I think we can get over on this. And they're like, I don't know, man.

And we walk over to like kind of just scope it out. We walked down like into the gravel a little bit. So then when we'd be jumping off, we'd be coming on the concrete. So they're kind of scoping it out. I just grab one of the ladders and climb up and go over and jump off the other side. When I landed, I hit shit so hard. I completely exploded.

Phone, sunglasses, rolled over like into a ditch. And then I'm laughing my ass off because there was a line of cars waiting for the train. Oh, that's great. That's great, man. So they literally see some kid just climb up and throw it across and go, ah! It just absolutely exploded. And I'm laughing.

I'm laughing so hard. But then I realized, like, I got to tell them not to do it. Yeah. Is it through the train cars? You're just screaming? Yeah. I get up and I see Gardini is on the road.

He's coming over. He's coming over. And I'm like, dude, it's moving way faster than you think. He's already in air and he looks gorgeous in air and he looks gorgeous in air dude everyone jumping off

looks so nice just floating I see you stand by me they came down and was just no one was prepared no one was prepared for the speed so as soon as they hit the ground they would walk

and everything that wasn't on their body just gone As soon as they hit the ground, they would walk. Everything that wasn't on the ground. Yeah, just yards in. So I'm laughing. I'm picking Garnini up off the ground. He's really a matchstick, dude. And I see Nate coming over. No, he wanted to be all right, but I see Nate coming over.

And Nate told me after, like like he had heard me go. It's moving way faster than you think. After he had just. Nate's coming over. Nate's coming over. He's got a bottle of Whistlepig whiskey. Oh, my God. No.

Ten year Whistlepig in his hoodie. Yeah. Pocket. The 10-year Whistlepig in his hoodie pocket. Yeah. The loosest. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No way. He jumps off, lands. As soon as he lands,

his glasses just splintered. The visual never gets old, dude. It was, again, in air, he looked so good. Like, he looked so good because they're both kind of athletes. Yeah. They wrestle. Nate's pretty, again, in air, he looked so good. Like, he looked so good. Because they're both kind of athletes. Yeah. He wrestled, and Nate's pretty, like, good.

They, like, fucking, they looked so good as soon as they hit the ground. It was just, everything went anywhere, everywhere. He gets up, and he's like, oh, fuck, dude. Fuck. I think all the cars still want him. That's my favorite. No, at this point, after I ate shit, the cars all backed up and turned around and left. I saw them driving off.

Dude, Nate Lance, somehow the whistle pig survived. It's thick glass. No, it didn't even come out. It stayed in his hoodie. Was he holding it or just... No, no. He was... We all jumped off like...

That's so funny. Yeah, dude. And then we're like, can you walk back to the house? And he's like, he tries to walk a couple steps. He's like, dude, I don't think I can walk.

We got to call an Uber. What, he rolled his ankle? No, no. He just landed. He was wearing like old school jordans with no yeah protection right and it just fucked his heel up real bad so then he's standing he's standing on this median like waiting for the uber and uh i look away from him i'm like that was crazy and gardini goes nate and i turn around and nate just like, passed out. So we catch him.

And we're like, dude, what the fuck? And he's like, he goes right into snoring. That's a concussion. He didn't hit his head. No, he's tired. That took a lot out of me. What the fuck did this doctor over here do? What about you guys?

Jump in these trains. Logic like this, we would be a cop and don't go. That's nuts. I swear to God, he didn't touch, his head never touched the ground. Well, you could still get a concussion from snapping your neck. I guess maybe.

Cutting off concussions. Yeah, yeah, but I don't think his neck would have his glasses. Something happened. Something happened, man. You don't just go to sleep. Why are you not listening?

We wake him back up. We wake him back up. Well, he did have a lot of whiskey. He had like three big glasses of whiskey. So that was part of it. I don't know. Oh, all right. Yeah, maybe.

It's so funny. That's totally my MO. It's like, if I was part of that conversation or that situation, you go home to your girl or something. She's like, how was today? What'd you do? You're like, nothing. Fell asleep.

I'm not saying that. Yeah. I had a couple of whiskeys fell asleep. Yeah. You skip all the craziness. I'm not repeating this for anyone.

At some point, you give a detail. You're like, yeah, there's like a train coming out here. Long train. Long train.

Yeah, going slow though. Nothing else. I did leave out the best part, which is, as soon as we were picking up Nate, the end of the train came. I did leave out the best part I did leave out the best part which is as soon as we were picking up Nate the end of the train that's so funny

it was done I can't see the way with all the like look down the fucking track was it coming around to her we were no it was we saw the whole thing I was like but we've been waiting for so long the park car is watching you guys going, I think I'm seeing the worst train robbers in the world.

That's why the one turned around. She's like, oh no, Charlie, I can't be part of this. They probably were like, they must know how long this train is. So I'm better to turn around.

I would have been so embarrassed if I was you. I probably would have jumped back on and fucking. Dude. Oh oh tried to do laughing all those people just watched the yard sale on the side of the fucking that's great the total unpreparedness for their life I get 100%. Everyone landed just completely flat-footed and just would... Completely get it. Those parkour guys,

you have to fall in momentum. Right. And then continue. But you're also going side, this lateral movement. That's like... Well, we should have jumped off the train

and like try to hit an angle. Yeah, right. But everyone was trying to stay on the street instead of go into the gravel. Yeah. You guys don't have a ton of experience.

You're not like ninjas. You're like, do this often. I get it. I remember, man, in college. I'm still judging you. Isaac is so funny, man. In college, we were just playing intramural basketball, just out on the courts, University of Miami. And there's this kid, it's just me and friend jafet who's six foot four and like we're

playing there's this kid on the other side of the court smaller than me just kind of shooting around watching us at one point jafet's like hey man today's the day you dunk and i was like i don't know how so he's like i haven't thought about it i'm like cool. Coach. Every time the sun goes down, I try for 10 years. And I'm like, all right, whatever. So he's like, no, man. He's like, I'll stand by the net. I'm going to boost you up. Running start.

Go for it. So I'm like, yeah, all right. Let's just do it. So I do it. And same thing, man. When you're in there, no rehearsal. Yeah, no rehearsal. No nothing.

I'm not used to it. I'm on the way up. And I'm like, I can't believe this is working. I dunk. I'm like, this is incredible. What a feeling. No rehearsal, no nothing. I'm not used to it. I'm on the way up, and I'm like, I can't believe this is working. I dunk. I'm like, this is incredible. What a feeling. But you have no sense on the way down of where the ground's going to be. I fall down.

I think I land halfway through. Not yet. I hit the ground, pop my ankle immediately. I'm screaming on the ground. The kid, the shorter kid comes over to us, and he just looks at me like I was a betrayal of our kind of people. And he just goes, goes that's for doing you ain't supposed to be sage advice yep could the other kid dunk the kid who said that no he was i mean i'm five foot six he had to be like five foot three i mean maybe but no i don't think so but then yeah i do remember

like because i heard it pop and you know you know you know what i mean yeah but your fat was like no man you're being a pussy whatever so like the next day i couldn't walk black couldn't fit in my shoe i'm at the doctor on campus yeah and the doctor I'm like yeah man I don't know I don't think anything's wrong with it he's like I've never seen he's like a sprain

this bad borderline you fractured your ankle and I was like well my friend like told me and he's like who's your friend

and I was like oh he's a sophomore he's like is your friend a doctor nah man he studies theater like he said he saw

something like this once before yeah yeah on a production of Spider-Man there's nothing funnier than seeing somebody fucking yard sale though Oh, dude, it was when you're on a ski lift and you see somebody coming down the slopes and everything's off I've never heard of called that. That's hilarious. I feel bad. Goggles are going slowly down the mogul.

You pussy! You know how long when you yard sale do, which I've done obviously. It takes, no joke, it takes at least 45 minutes to get all your goods. Yeah, yeah. Can we put our matte finish on somebody's poles? Oh, my God.

Slow down a little bit. I mean, I'm not in the Olympics. I'm a Shawnee. You got one skier in your lodge drinking a beer. Your fucking glove is like in a tree. Your goggles are smashed. And then there's just no, you know, the only recovery you have is just laughing because

you're all your boys are at the bottom pissing themselves. Right. And everybody coming down is annoyed with you. That's the worst feeling. It's like a mountain when you're humbly walking back up to gather your things while people are breezing by you at top speed. Can I look like I'm kind of athletic in what I'm handling? So true.

You're like chipping into the mountain. Alpinist. I remember fucking up so hard getting my skis back on after wiping out, thinking I was cool. And I got one locked in because I was holding the other one. The other one, I just started sliding. And then I just bobsled the whole way down on my skis. Yeah. Left my poles.

So frustrating. Especially when you're a kid and you don't have the strength to like pop it back up. Yes. You can only do it with one foot. You don't know why it's getting it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's, it's so humiliating.

And then the other thing, cause you know, like that's the thing where like skiing, I always like pictured it's like Colorado, it's Aspen. It's these places where like, I guess there are people that know how to like handle their emotions like I would go skiing in like Jersey it's just like a bunch of like furious Italians they're already mad

at the situation just they hate nature also it's not snowy it's icy the grass is coming up in some parts it's like fucking mud they got a gun

going down the slopes you know no 100% man if you dump you could dump into gravel dump you could dump into gravel like you'd jump into stones like broken glass

yeah what part of Jersey are you from I forget Bloomfield so Essex County like North Jersey yeah

so we would go we would go to Mountain Creek which is where Action Park was but in the winter yeah was like skiing

and it was just like yeah it's as dangerous as Action Park it's just you know it's just that as Action Park yeah it's just you know it's just that and you got a bunch of just dirtbag Jersey kids yeah

just snowboarders like cigarettes like on the ski lift like throwing them down at you as you're going like it was nuts the best yeah it was great

New Jersey is crazy New Jersey is yeah it is the it has everything in it I stick up for New Jersey I like New Jersey. That hack bullshit, like it's the worst.

I agree with you, man. But there are a couple areas. I think the best people come from New Jersey. Wow. I do. I do. That's ridiculous. I don't think so.

I'm trying to say they're not the worst. Dude, every kid in New Jersey is like, ah! They're coming up with something. Yeah, man. They're motivating people. That's true. We are a motivated their whole life

is New York being like pussies yeah true yeah yeah but Philly respects them because we steal their beaches yeah their culture

true true South Jersey's just like West Philly yeah that's Philly you own Wildwood I completely concede that to Philly but then there's like

farmland there's like Hicks oh yeah there's like Hicks down yeah there's like Hicks down south in Jersey there's beaches the Jackson Whites live in Jersey

they're like these like the crazy clan of like woodland people yeah and then the random people the wonderful whites of West Virginia

oh yeah yes they're like yes related to that I've asked a few guests about that because it changes their lives

you've seen it though I have seen it years ago it's the best thing I've ever seen in my life. It's crazy. Yeah, it's great. I imagine that family is very similar. Yeah, I believe so.

They're like hill people. Yeah, yeah. Like six jagged teeth. Yeah. They always have an axe. Yeah, Steve. You know, half of a hair. That's kind of a dream though.

You know what I mean? What? Like being of that fucking, that mental i'm so dumb oh sure that you'll fuck your sister or fight your kill your dad right right and you only have like two acres to to protect from nobody it's true man the world is true man the world's a different place for you you know what i mean like the laws we've come up with all this stuff you don't live there you live a different place Please go for it

You're so dumb that you think like Clarence go get him and there's like six or seven fucking rabid dogs with eight nipples. And they're always fucking, somehow always getting fucked and giving birth. They don't have food for themselves, but all the animals are fat. That's a good point. And it's just, it's a way of life that like I envy sometimes because, you know, my mother always used to say like, you know, don't feel bad for people that are really dumb because they're happy. Right but he'll don't

it's like that's a fun dumb yeah we're not talking about mentally challenged um we're talking about like there they weren't born dumb they fucking their frontal lobe is rotted from pills and booze and drugs that they became super fun Yeah, yeah, super fun dumb is The only thing left in their brain is how to fix everything Anything mechanical I can make this Electricity with a working pinball machine from like 83 just take a fucking tooth out and like jam it between the back but you know in summary i think i truly when i watch documentaries like that i'm like man that must be really fun there's no there's no of like, they don't wake up and go fucking bills, man.

I got that second callback for that fucking job. It's like, don't come down here. The government hands you a check. They look at the one acre. They look at the second acre. If they're secure, they're good for the day. That's all they have to do. Let's get fucked up again.

They're just drinking so much of shit and aluminum. You know what I mean? Like, just what a wonderful lifestyle. Dude, but Ramapo is... Yeah, please. Ramapo is scary. What's this about? Dude, North Jersey...

Ramapo? Yeah, like the Ramapo Mountains, dude, are like... They're fucking... It's West Virginia. It's like scary hillbillies. Right back to you. And they're 25 minutes from downtown Manhattan. Dude, it's so strange. Yeah, it's so crazy. At, and they're 25 minutes from downtown It's so crazy anymore they go see a Broadway show You're freaking out. How is she supposed to tell the waiter to meet you? See, they said put this down fire and go away.

That is a great call. I think you should make that a Patreon tier. If you raise enough money, you'll bust some people into a Broadway show. Dude, collecting them would be the hard part. Oh, sure.

They're squirrely. They're like snakes they own how much is it in a blow dart what a side of elephant net going hillbilly hunting with a blow dart and elephant net it's fired up oh man

and then having them catch you and be like, what the fuck are you doing? We're trying to take you to a problem. There's a Puerto Rican on the anchor too. The coolest, a bunch of them in Times Square eating ice cream cones. They love the M&M's store. Hand over fist, eating directly out of the bin. There's like one weird thing we don't know that they would love.

There was like an M&M wrapper under a grass patch that they didn't know what it was but they'd look at it their whole lives and they'd see the whole store dedicated to it. I do have a fear of the craziest person in the world hasn't tried chocolate yet. Like a good fucking gummy bear.

Loses his shit. Loses it. That's what tends to move me. That's a murder. You ever try these M&M's, Carl? I mean,

that's the closest you'll get to bringing someone from back in time. What? Might be going for an early pee. You going for an early pee?

Go take a pee. Yeah, go take a piss, man. Usually when I say I'm going to pee, I usually wait until an hour. Okay. All right.

Yeah, man, you're fine. We'll survive with that, man. We'll be just fine. Did you ever see that movie? Tommy Comes Back. We're in each other's throats about how 9-11 never happened. We'll be fine. What movie?

Out of the Furnace. What's Out of the Furnace. What's Out of the Furnace again? It's a movie with Christian Bale and Casey Affleck and their brothers. Oh, yeah. I saw this years ago. Yeah, yeah. It's fantastic. But he goes to the Ramapo Mountains and he's like, fight.

Woody Harrelson's in it. That's right. That's right. Yeah, that's a good movie. Yeah, it is. It's a fantastic movie. It's like one of the best movies I've seen. Ramapo. It's Ramapo where he goes to fight. Yeah, that's a good movie. Yeah, it is. It's a fantastic movie. It's like one of the best movies I've seen. Ramapo.

Ramapo where he goes to fight. Yeah, yeah. Where there's like the bare knuckles. Yeah, yeah. Right. Yes. Jesus Christ. Dude, we were coming back from somewhere.

It was like me, Shane, and Six were coming back from some, I don't know where the fuck we were coming back from. Upstate New York somewhere. We were probably driving back from Buffalo or some shit. And we were coming back to New York and we caught right through there just to like avoid traffic. And it is like, it's crazy,

dude. Yeah. It's crazy, man. There used to be, it's doesn't, I think it still exists, but it's not like called the same more in Jersey.

There was, it was literally under a bridge too. It was called Midgetville. Did you ever hear this? This is a real thing in Jersey it's not see I told you they have everything yeah

and it was so I think what happened they could have shot Lord of the Rings in New Jersey if there wasn't so many people there that's so funny they're like is it is this New Zealand or Parsippany you can never tell

but um so Midgetville was this like, yeah, you know about Midgetville. Yeah, there was a Midgetville and there was a Yes. A Satanville. Oh, in Jersey? No, there was a Midgetville just outside in Delco.

That's hilarious, man. Did you ever go? Midgetville's like a chain town. We went in Jersey, yeah, there was one. Yeah, it was like a cluster of small homes. Tiny homes. All little people. They throw rocks at your club.

Yes, they throw rocks, man, amazing. Come man amazing come here. Yep. Come on what? What the hell are you talking about? Any delco Listeners, please verify this story because my brother couldn't verify the last one. I'm stolen shit can't can't be much velocity behind those throws. Dude, they rip up. You'd be surprised. It's all in the legs. I bet they could train hop without fucking going yard sale. They stick like garden gnomes. They turn into one of those sonic balls. They throw other midgets. So what? Is it a baby, not a rock? No, they had a fucking arm. Is there like a grocery store that's tiny? I don't know.

That's a good question. We always went at night just for fear because you see a normal size vehicle. I'm not kidding. We all cruise around little dykes. Slow down! We're going two miles an hour. They're tiny squeaky horns. We're the first Teslas

they had charging stations. They were just outlets. Just USB plugs. Oh my God. No, like they, as soon as they saw normal people, they knew they were coming just to jeer them

and fuck with them. Yeah. So we were not welcome. So we go at night after getting all fucked up. On the way to Midgetville, there was this guy called Porchman Dooman. I spoke about this guy before.

This is kind of a sad story. But in the back roads to get to Midgetville or Satanville, there was this dude called Porchman Dooman. He would chill. He would chill all night.

Sounds like fan fiction. Well, he's here. Verify it. No, no, no. Midgetville. I know, I know. Asshole bitch. I believe you. You get so catty. No, I know. I know. I know. Asshole bitch. I believe you.

You get so catty. Yeah, he does. Call him an asshole bitch. Every time he comes back from the bathroom. I don't want to get my Porsche Mandum story fucking in a postcard. So this dude, he only slept on the porch. He had a big single home. Right.

And he would always, no matter what time of the day, he'd be in a rocking chair or on the front stoop. No matter what season, Porsche Man Do Man. He's always stuck there. And the legend was his son went to Vietnam and never came home. Cool legend. That's a cool legend. Try to make that funny, Burke.

So why was he called Porsche Man Do Man? He's like the Porsche. But why the Do Man? We supported him. So why was he called Porchman Do-Man? He's like the porch, yeah. But why the Do-Man? We supported him. Everybody you support gets a nickname in the stand, dude. Fair, fair, fair. Because people are probably like, why does he do that?

It's like Porchman Do. Yeah, man. Yeah, I'm curious. Hold on, Tommy's got a story laid out here, I imagine. Oh, okay. I fucked up the one Porchman Dooo Man story, but it was good. I liked it. There's no dismount. There's no fucking sadness.

You're taking us on a journey driving past Porchmantoo Man. So yeah, where are we headed next? We're all in the car and we're excited. I don't care. I love all the sights. I love Porchmantoo Man. Don't you dare. Roll down on yourself over Porchmantoo Man.

It's a two hour long podcast, man. You're going to have some disses. No, this does happen in real life. Porchm Do-Man? It's a two hour long podcast, man. You're going to have some disses. Are you nuts? No, this does happen in real life. Porchman Do-Man. Dude, watch. Wait until you see Porchman Do-Man. He's not out there.

You're like, fuck. Yeah. Well, there's still Satanville in the video. There's always a backup player. Some regular sized guy comes out of a tiny home. You're like, I swear to God.

If all those don't work out we just go to little italy look at all these fucking freaks i'm just sitting outside eating all day every night but wait what were you gearing up for nothing i just want to tell you i when i anytime i coordinate or correlate those two locations i always think of porch manduma right right we have to go down this hill and you pass Porchmandooman on your way to Midget Bay. That's kind of great though

that there is that other, you know what I mean? It's almost like he's like the gatekeeper for these like weird sort of towns. Yeah, it's like that. Two, three questions. Right, right. It's like that, what's that?

It's so funny, he never knows the answer. So he's just like, he's like, yeah, that sounds pretty good. I got two more. Go, go, get on through. It's like, do we have to do that? No, it's just fun he's like yeah that sounds pretty good i got two more get on through do we have to do that no it's just fun to talk to me he likes it i don't know it's like what's satanville it's a small world in disneyland you know what i mean like you get in a boat and you see all these weird yeah yeah people

so because i remember our midgetville was it was like you know it's like a small community of tiny homes and then yeah it was road blocked off because for the same reason people come in the midgets would go nuts they throw rocks you weren't allowed in there kidding swear to god yeah it's still there nobody would believe no i know there's a road a military police guard. Yeah, yeah. They have, yeah. They have the National Guard. It's like the movie Outbreak. Yeah. They have one junior National Guard member who is there.

The local boy scouts. Yeah. Oh, man. I mean, did they have, what was the barrier? How big was the barrier? Was there a barrier that midgets could move? No. No, no. Think about how much harder it would be to tell this story if you had to say Little People World.

I know. I said it once and I was like, I can't. It's just not, it doesn't roll off the tongue as well. You just can't. It's also, we're talking about how we used to be back then. True, true, true. We don't do that now. Yeah, man.

And they named it Midgetville. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, we're just saying. This is a big thing to make. This is a history podcast. Yeah. We wanted to be called Midgetville. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We wanted to named it midgetville yeah yeah yeah i'm pretty sure yeah this is a big thing this is a mystery podcast yeah we wanted to be called freak town and they said let's call it midgetville okay fine you go chasing the little deer holes whatever you say guys

so wait what was satanville it was just a, it was a population of people that just worship Satan. Oh, okay. And it was like dark. And you know, they're fucked. They're like cosplay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it wasn't like legit.

Like you weren't scared to go to, I was more scared to go to Mitchieville. Of course. Because they literally would fucking hurl seeds of rocks at you. They were like. Satanville is a bunch of cowards who like velvet. Yeah. Yeah. That's not.

Kids are dressed up as like trench coat mafia. And they were like, yeah. The devil. Was there parking outside Mitchieville? You can maybe walk through. don't know you don't you don't you don't peruse yeah man they can't go in there being like i gotta no i'm looking for real estate i'm looking for a house to park my Corvette. I'm looking to buy in this market. It's so up and down. It fluctuates.

You've got to get your money. You've got to diversify your bonds. So what did they do? I mean, is it still there? I don't know. Was the mayor eventually like, look, our economy is in patterns. Sorry, guys. I know you just want to live your lives. But people.

Yeah, go ahead, please. Of course it's your action now. I think people just go and take pictures in front of small houses. I guess maybe they've changed where they need the money. Oh, probably. That's a good move. It still exists, apparently. Is the one in Jersey?

Yeah, it still exists, yes. Look at the one in PA. Last time I went, it was blocked off. That's great if they've turned a corner and they're helping the economy in New Jersey. But last time I went, because I think I tried to show Julia, who's completely uninterested. Like, I was like, man, wait till you see this. You're going to go crazy. It's my Porsche Man Duman story.

When you guys hear this. I love this story. I like Porsche Man Duman. I am, man. No, don't. We're all. We're moving on. No, man.

Porsche Man Duman. I got a picture in my head. Yeah. If anyone's out there, draw a picture of Porsche Man Duman. And we'll hang it on the All right. We're all. We're moving on. No, man. Portsman and Duman. I got a picture in my head. Yeah. If anyone's out there, draw a picture of Portsman and Duman. And we'll hang it on the wall here. I like that. And we'll hang it on the wall here of my home. I said wall, hang it on the wall.

We got a little real estate, you know? Oh, yeah. Between the Van Goghs and the. Couple blocks. We got a couple blocks up there. Duchamps. We're going to be like, who's that? That's Portsman and Duman.

Long story. Actually takes 10 seconds. No one goes nowhere. Did you ever have your son go to Vietnam? But yeah. He really did. He just drank every day all day.

Yeah. Sat on his porch. Alone. I know. That's kind of, that's pretty sweet. Yeah, you think that's the life you'd like too, huh?

I like the, there's a romanticism to it. Yeah, there is for sure. Yeah, yeah i like yeah there's a romanticism to it yeah for sure yeah yeah there's a romanticism in giving up because of a big loss yeah i've always felt like i'm definitely drawn to that i would love to have that feeling without the loss you know if there was any way that you like yeah you could just you could you could have that without having the pain of the loss but yeah the romance of being this lifelong drunk because something horrible happened have you ever tried molly no it's close the good news is that if you are a lifelong drunk eventually something terrible

that's very true reverse engineering You're 100% right. You could will a disaster within three years of being a pile of shit. If something terrible doesn't happen within five, you're not that good

at being a piece of shit. Yeah, you need to work hard. You're right, man. Yeah, fucking... Yeah, man. I've been sitting around waiting for something terrible to happen to me. You know, you need to work hard. You're right, man. Yeah, fucking... Yeah, man. I've been sitting around waiting for something terrible to happen to me. You know, you start to look at rings differently.

Maybe it's something he fucked up in his marriage. Damn, man. Oh, fuck. That's funny. Fuck, dude. Yeah, dude. I always think that, man. The trailer by the beach with a dog

Yeah, seems incredible eating eat a bed a can of baked beans every night You can only reminisce on like the one girl yet sex with this is hard to find a woman that's gonna lay with you Unless you're closer like a Roy Rogers truck stop you can knock her on a paid girl, you know Dirtiest full sentence you've ever said front to back great man i'll back it up on the patreon that was terrific