Stuff Island - Stuff Island #27 - will shorts be long again? w/ Andrew Santino

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

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This is it. I think the first and foremost we have to apologize to our listeners. About what? For everything looking good. Yeah, I was going to say, you mean thankful? Yeah, yeah. The fuck are you apologizing for? It took us 24 episodes to get our cameras in focus. No, it took us one episode to have somebody else do it.

Well, I put my glasses on. How does this look? Does this look good? I think so. I don't know. I can't tell. You did it. You did it. All right, take it away. Everything smells like fresh paint and drywall. Well, we just finished all of it.

The whole thing just got finished. And we just did the AC again. They just gave us a brand new AC. Oh, did they fix that? Finally. Oof. You were sitting in here sweating. No, you know what?

It was just they had a mobile one outside. The guy wheeled in one. And he wheeled it in and they suction it to the ceiling and it filters through the mobile one. It's kind of wild to watch it. I don't want to interrupt. Please start the show. Yeah, we're starting. How do you start the show?

We can't do an intro. Yeah. What do you mean? We're not capable of it. Let's do one. All right. Which camera's mine? Wait till you see this fucking bomb from afar.

Yeah, yeah. This one? Mm-hmm. Welcome to Stuff Island from the makers of fucking dog shit comedy. See, that's how it goes. Yeah. That's how you open it up? Yeah, probably.

We've never done it before. Welcome to Stuff Island. Why don't you make an intro for us, the way you feel about us? Give us your little personality flair. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Stuffed Island, presented by two very funny, mediocrely successful comedians,

Tommy Pope and Chris Adolph Sponge, doctor, that is, O'Connor. Yes. Stuffed Island. The worst thing that's ever happened to me is Adolph Sponge went bi-coastal, dude. It's the best thing. I introduce him like that when we do shows. It's 100%.

I'm not kidding. Yeah, no. I brought one of my best friends on earth. You might have seen this guy on his podcast, Stuff Island. Also, you might know him as Dr. Adolph Sponge. Ladies and gentlemen, Chris O'Connor. And I keep hoping to hear when he says Adolph Sponge, people go like, woo! Never happens.

Never happens. I think for sure somebody has known. There's two guys. They're like, Spongebob! It's probably the dude who named you online. He's like,

it worked! Spongebob, the Spongebob man. That's a great fucking nickname. Everybody gets some wild ass nicknames. I know, I know.

Dr. Spongebob. No one successful has ever had a nickname. With Adolph in it? Yeah. Yeah, Adolph's kind of a hindrance if you're going to try to.

Yeah, it bums people out. They're like, how did that happen? You could just're going to try to... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It bums people out. They're like, how did that happen? You could just be Dr. Sponge. You don't have to mention your first name. Dr. Sponge just seems

like a nice guy. I know, it worked for Jon Stewart. He went from Leibowitz to Stewart. This is some anti-Semitic stuff. Go ahead and do it. Go ahead and kick it off with some anti-Semites. I'm very Adolph of you

to be honest with you. To remove the it's from a name. I really... Yeah, that's good. I'm going gonna sit down eventually With someone in the industry And they're gonna be like You gotta dump the eight off

Yeah You gotta get rid of that eight off It's not working for you It's really holding you back Depends on what company you work for There's a couple I'm sure there's a couple of You think so?

I think there's a couple of You gonna spill some tea? Yeah Have you met Alright You met an eight off On your way up? Dude I'm a little selfconscious that I'm in shorts.

You should be. It's ridiculous. But you also, and you wore a hoodie, which is just like, pick a lane. What do you mean? Well, a hoodie usually goes with pants. Because this obviously means you're ready for a nip. Yeah. I mean, the opposite of this is wearing ski pants and a tank top.

Correct. It's visually off-putting. None of it makes sense. Yeah. And you got socks that aren't high enough to be cool, and then they're not short enough to be okay. I think this, honestly, okay, look, I'll be honest with you right now. I don't think shorts belong in comedy ever. You're right.

So it's upsetting. Okay. But. don't think shorts belong in comedy ever you're right so it's upsetting okay but i feel the same way about dresses women that wear skirts or dresses on stage i'm gonna let you have this one they think it's about sexism it's just like if i can see your calves i don't trust your judgment oh you think you think if a woman shows leg i get it it's bad it's so you don't like that I don't like a man showing legs you think women should be completely clothed yeah

like Hasidics are you Muslim? you want an Hasidic comic no no I don't want to see your calves well no anything else you know what I love

you pick calves as an example of what you're staring at when a hot chick who's clearly trying to hide the dog shit comedy that she has. It's usually about her breasts and her ass and she's wearing a tight form. All that I'm fine with. I don't mind you accentuating.

So men and women in comedy have to wear pants. Yeah. And they can show their thighs but not their calves. Oh, okay. So if you have those zip shorts but it's the opposite, you can only wear the bottoms? Right. Zip them back up, baby. Yeah, zip them tight around your legs.

So, down here is fine, but... So, thighs can be shoddy. Yeah, no, I think... I get it. Have you ever enjoyed a man in shorts comedy? I'm trying to think of my favorite one. Bill Hicks was known to wear shorts all the time. What?

No, I can... I don't think... don't well well what what you mean the only time i've ever seen someone do comedy in shorts is like on a summer outdoor show but even then yeah even then no put pants on for the show okay well let's get backstage we all agree that people should be men should wear pants i don't women can wear whatever they want i'm not walking that tight rope telling them what they can wear. I'm not saying what you can and can't wear.

You're saying if she's in a dress, it's not funny? What if she's got bomb-ass calves? Right. It's not about the calves. That's why we should get rid of this whole calf thing. Well, he's stuck on calves. I know he is.

Well, he's trying to avoid the actual conversation. If you see conversation dude with great calves i'm just as upset buddy you haven't brought it up all day i got fucking gorgeous he's been rolling up those jeans slowly but surely all day fine you got decent ankles let's cut to the real fact all right it's more about footwear to me What men can and can't wear footwear wise. Why? Well, sandals are completely illegal. Yeah.

But some guys will wear... Okay, look. I don't like that Seinfeld wears fucking sneakers with a suit or whatever. I'm so anti-against... Well, you're against old dudes trying to be cool that aren't cool. Because it's like, wear the suit shoes. The suit looks nice. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. But he'll wear a sport coat with blue jeans and Nikes. But it's like, what are you saying? It's also his choice in Nikes is always like

the ones where you see him in a store, you go, who's buying that? Seinfeld. These are the Seinfelds. These are air Seinfelds. Yeah.

It's like electric blue with the biggest bubble on the bottom. What's the one with shocks? He loves are air Seinfelds. Yeah. It's like electric blue with the biggest bubble on the bottom. What's the Shox? He loves Nike Shox with the springs in the back. That's him. Nobody liked. It's like when extremely wealthy people, especially white guys, trying to emulate younger culture. Yeah.

They take a risk that 1,000% of the time fails. Yeah, yeah. But they don't know it. They don't know it. They're like, kids love this shit. But no one's going to tell them no. Exactly. Their friends, their family.

Who's going to go, ah, those don't, that's not the thing. It always bothered me. Every time I saw him with like a sport, that's the comedians in cars. Every time I watched a show and he had like fucking Nike shocks on with a sport coat, I was like, what is that? Put on some dress shoes. If you're going to do the short thing, commit. He's got a little bit of duck feet too.

Is he duck footed? He's got a little bit of a duck foot thing going on. Can you imagine Seinfeld just eating dinner listening to this? I'm not. Just staring at his sneakers underneath his fucking diamond encrusted table. These sneakers are great. Duck feet and sport shoes. I feel like next to Seinfeld is always one of those money counters at a bank.

Constantly, all day long. You mean his watch? Yeah. No, it's about understanding who you are. And as eclectic as you can be to as simple as you can be, you run the gamut. But if you stick to who you are consistently, I think you can get away with it. But your outfit has to match your comedy.

That's what I'm talking about. It has to match your comedy. Your comedy comes from your outfits, typically. Like dudes I know coming up, it's like, yeah, you dress like that, and then you act like that, and you're like, oh, I get it. The problem is when they start to have some success, and they go, I'm going to have to put on a little. Yeah, yeah, you know what?

I've been too uptight for too long. I'm going to put on sneakers. Or the opposite of someone going, I've been such a fucking, yeah, I've been crushing corn dogs on my back deck, killing in front of my uncles. All of a sudden, I'm going to put on an ill-fitting top? It's like, dude, don't wear a tie. You can't wear a tie around your fat, weird neck.

Just fucking be you. Just be you. Just be you. Just be you. Don't wear a tie. But there is a problem in this. I've had a problem. Just be you means showing your calves.

All right. Even if you get away from calves. If you overdress for your comedy. I think it always comes back to calves. Always? I think so. Comedy clothing comes back to what you Always? I think so. Comedy clothing comes back to what

you don't like about men showing the calves? You shouldn't show your calves. Men, women. You've been doing it all day. It's amazing that he

has such a strong stance. He's the only one showing calves. I hope we go and do a spot tonight and I get you up and you gotta wear those shorts.

Last time Tommy and I almost came to blows, we got in a fight about shorts. He doesn't think long almost came to blows, we got in a fight about shorts. He doesn't think long shorts are coming back. They're not. Long shorts what? Past the knees?

Yeah. I don't want them back. No, they can't. Why do I? Well, you have no real estate to fucking brag about. It goes past your knees. That's pants. It's over.

No, no, no. First of all, this is not the room you start throwing shots. No. Because you're going to get fucking bombarded from both ends. This is your dad, and I'm your stepdad. And I'll tell you right now, the reason he's your dad- And we both walked out on you. You know that.

We're trying to. But his cares keep bringing us back, baby. I had all week to set up this podcast, and today at 11.30, I was like, you don't have like mics, do you? Yeah, yeah. I go, Chris, what do you need to shoot the podcast he's like almost everything yeah 100 what did you bring he's like some knickknacks in my suitcase jangling around at the bottom of my samsonite yeah he thought they were cords they were just vapes banging around you seriously don't think long shorts are coming back 100 no chance why chance. Why? Here's why.

Because anybody who has nice legs that likes to wear... First of all, if you have shitty legs, you don't wear shorts. Shitty leg guys always wore pants. I have friends who have shitty legs because they're unathletic or they're too skinny. They'll always wear pants. And they'll wear pants when it's 1,000 degrees outside. So if you have nice legs, why wouldn't you want to show a little bit more? It doesn't make sense. See, what I'm arguing,

the position I'm arguing from is that in... You don't like knees. I love knees. You don't like knees. You don't think I like knees? See how he said it though? This has nothing to do with knees. This is going to get all good. Don't you do this.

Not you, Andrew. Not you. No, I'm saying that, look, in the world of short fashion. Uh-huh. Which you know a lot about. I cannot believe you'd show true this. No, I don't know everything. Short fashion. What the fuck would you know?

I know a couple things. Let's let him try. Don't show me. No, there's just, they're in a corner. Okay? When the shorts are short, which they were in the 70s. Super short. Yes.

Yeah, they were up here. What could they do to change the short game? Make them long. Exactly. So they made them too long. Then the 90s were down to here and they didn't like them. And then it got rejected. I'll tell you what.

I'm going to crush this theory. I can't wait. It got short again. So what's going to happen now? We're going short. It's going to keep getting shorter until it hits a breaking point. And they go, you know what? How do we change everything?

What camera? I don't know what camera you're on. Let's load it up right now. All right, here it is. I'm going to demolish this whole theory because he thinks it's about physics. No, no. It's not about fashion. Go ahead.

Keep going. It's not about... Thank you, Andy. So when it comes to... He's got to set everything up. I did everything. Yeah, he's our producer. He did.

Put this mic closer to your mouth. See? Me? Yeah. When it comes to... I'm shouting. Go ahead. It's fashion and function when it comes to sports what's transpired is people will wear clothes according to

culture right so if you see your favorite sports player wearing bigger shorts that's what happened in the 90s the early 90s late 90s you see even early aughts. Early aughts, you see these. New work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I learned it like three episodes ago. Early aughts, you see like Allen Iverson suits and all these baggy shit. But when it comes to function on the court for athleticism, even football, if you go to football jerseys, they're never going to go back big.

Right. Think about it because people can grab onto it. It inhibits their progression down the field. Running backs will never have big jerseys again, regardless of how you feel in a big jersey, because you've got fat, weird gorilla tits in the middle of fucking Wisconsin. Basketball, the shorts, if you look at LeBron's son,

those kids are 15 years old, wearing fucking five-inch shorts, showing off their fucking hands and their great knees and their sexy calves, because they know it's functional in the performance rate. And it looks sexy. And it looks great. You look way better when you show off your more muscle.

Nobody wears ill-fitting suits. We're a thing in America for a short amount of time. You don't think ill-fitting suits are coming back? Absolutely not. You're out of your mind. Nothing drives me more crazy. Maybe you want them to. Hot chicks are wearing baggy

because women can wear anything and because we still want what's underneath. True. Men need to try to show we're peacocking. True. Look what I have underneath. True. This honestly. We have to do this all the time. This bothers me so much. Of course because you got two guys

fucking power on you now. This bothers me so much because men we were in the perfect situation. We had baggy pants, we had baggy shorts. Wait, 56 years? The women stayed in the kitchen. They did what I said. They fucking earned it. We had big baggy clothes. We could be out of shape. Now everyone's

tightening everything up. You gotta work out. Yes! Tiger Woods changed the game of golf! Tiger Woods changed the game of golf. There's no fat golfers, There's no fat bowlers. And there's no calves on stage. I don't know what I got to do to get this dude to your fucking skull. You did make a good point about the baggy jersey and football thing. I don't think that's ever going to come back.

Function. That's function. Function over fashion. It's the same thing in the NBA. When the NBA had baggy shorts, crossing over was weird. AI talked about that. He was like, going through your legs was annoying with bigger shorts. He said that? Yes. Dude, I live by this code. I like, going through your legs was annoying with bigger shorts. Yeah. He said that?

Yes. Dude, I live by this code. I live by this code. Can you imagine? No, let's practice. Let's practice. I'm AI. And I'm going to treat you

like AI would treat you. Okay. All right? What up? Hey, man, do you think baggy shorts ever come back? You got to say hi back.

Yeah, what the fuck? You didn't even say hi to me? It's a real conversation. Yo, act like you're meeting a fucking superstar. Yo, Chris, great to meet you. Oh, Alan, I can't believe you even agreed to take this interview. Yeah, I'm shocked that we did this. Yeah, how did we meet?

This is through my publicist said that this stuff show was getting bigger. Yeah, well, we got a big kind of Philly following. Look, I don't want to take up too much of your time. Well, you already have a little bit. I just want to say, baggy shorts are coming back, right? It was so cool when you were little with baggy shorts. Do you want a picture or something? We got to wrap this up.

No, I want to answer the question. You're being demanding to AI? Yeah. This is all bullshit. This is why. Yeah. What? I'm not going to answer the question. You're being demanding to AI? Yeah. This is all bullshit. This is why... Yeah. What? I'm not going to get the interview?

Yeah, that's exactly right. Why not? Because you've got to have fair and balanced... No, everyone treats him with kid gloves. You've got to be more aggressive with Allen Iverson. And that's a lesson learned. Of all people, he needs to get fucking back in. Everyone's so afraid of the practice rant.

You do need to know, baggy shorts will never come back. No. You right now are wearing short shorts. I know. I'm just a man trying to make a living. Why would you want them to come back? You can't afford that. What?

Leg space-wise, you can't afford longer shorts. All I did was wear long shorts when I played. I know, and it just... It looked ridiculous. It looks ridiculous. Yeah. It looked ridiculous was wear long shorts when I played. I know and it just It looked ridiculous. It looks ridiculous. It looked ridiculous. You gotta be a taller man. All you could see was my ankles. I was wearing pantaloons.

You know what I got? I have a pair of basketball shorts that we made for bad friends. We made like basketball like university basketball shorts for Rudy and they're like just at the cut of my knee.

They're a little bit too long. Oof. I roll up up top. Oh fucking 100%. I like a young lady. I roll up. 100%. Everyone told me to roll up and I could not let myself roll up up to up top i like a young lady i roll up 100 everyone told me to roll up and i i could not let myself roll up i rolled up that's how by the way that's how shorter shorts started you watch that footage watch footage of like um of uh the dream team magic there's a magic rolled

up no no he's tucking his jersey and they rolled because i think they probably he probably got shorts that were one size too big size wise. But can you imagine being magic Johnson and not getting the right size? Well, I'm sure it was like, just grab something out of a bin during practice and what I thought you were going to talk about. Also that role.

I definitely didn't think about ill fitting. Can you imagine? Age you can deal with long shorts are just an inconvenience. The wrong size can't control it. Just like AIDS. Out of control. It'll ruin a whole game. Yeah.

If you look closely, he took his dick, put it up into the roll. It's a tight roll. My buddy Jim. It's like a Catholic pant where you tight roll. You crease it over, throw it up. Just his hammer and his fucking waistband. See, this used to be nerd clothes. High waters like that.

That was nerd stuff. But again, you know what? Again, this is my point exactly. If you have a nice body, if you have a nice body, you want tighter clothes to show off your nice body. Because again, men need all the help we can get to convince women that underneath the cloth is something good looking. A woman can wear ill-fitting clothes.

I like all of it. I'm sure I'm going to like it. Yeah. The chances of me not liking it are so slim. Yeah, but don't you feel like we did this to ourselves? No. It used to be all about our personalities. When?

From what experience? What are you talking about? In the 90s, you wore baggy shit. In the 90s, you were like six. They couldn't tell how small your dick was or how out of shape you were. It was just, what's he saying? This is putting you to the fire. It's saying, show off if you have a shitty body, and I want to see if you have a small penis.

Yeah. True. This is women getting the advantage of, I'm not going to waste my time with this small dick, shitty body guy. I can tell if it's going to be nice already. I thought we were in control of this kind of thing. But this is all this doing is making you healthier. Now you should take better care of yourself so you can fit in better clothes. It's not saying be a thin guy.

It's saying be a healthier guy. Look, I can make my body look good and still be out of shape. You're doing it right now. Your mentality is out of shape. Your body is. right now. Your mentality's out of shape. Your body is definitely... All it's done is make us focus on the exterior. That's the problem.

We've just hit the fucking... This is exactly where I want it to land. Your issue is not your body. You have a fucking... You're chiseled beyond belief. It's unbelievable. But he dresses like a fat, insecure child. Because he doesn't understand. And I don't want to see anyone's calves.

I don't know what happened with the calf thing. Maybe he had an uncle that beat the fuck out of you and you just stared at his calves while he's wailing in your face. I've just never seen anyone make me laugh. If I could see your calves, I don't have any confidence. Do you have a problem? Let's switch to the ladies. Do you have a problem if a woman is good looking?

It happens more in L.A., obviously. Beautiful comic comes out, and you have a difficulty of listening to her words and the quality of her jokes because she's dressed in a tight-fitting dress. Yes, I do, and I'm not afraid to say it. No, of course. You're distracted. I'm the same way and I'm not afraid to say it. No, of course. You're distracted. I'm the same way. I'm distracted. The same way if I see a hot guy.

Yeah, yes. I'm just focused on that. Well, let's broaden this more. Hot people doing comedy has always been hard to receive. A hundred percent. Yeah. I don't care who you are. When you're very attractive and you do comedy,

it's hard to listen to because you're like why is this person doing this doing our thing yeah yeah they're better than this yeah you know what i mean like they don't yeah it's just weird it's it's like you don't need to yeah it's like a rich guy not valeting you're like what are you doing yeah they'll park it for you yeah yeah yeah yeah That's why when you see someone hot doing comedy, you're just confused if they're that hot. I don't know what it is because most comics are average to a little above average.

Yeah. Most, right? Most are just average looking to a little bit above average. Like, we know the phrase comedy hot. You know what I mean?

I've never heard that before. Oh, you don't know this? I know immediately what you're talking about. Yeah, like a friend just said to me, a girlfriend of mine goes, yeah, I mean, you've never heard this? I know immediately what you're talking about. Yeah, like a friend just said to me. It's like when someone sings opera on stage. A girlfriend of mine goes, yeah, I mean, he's comedy hot.

And I was like, oh, I guess I didn't think he was that attractive. And she's like, no, no, no, he is. She was like, most women would say he's comedy hot. And I was like, oh, yeah, because of the presence makes him hotter. Well, the level is, the bar is so low. Yeah, but for us, if you're funny, you automatically get a half a point. 100%. If you're a six and you're funny, you almost might be a seven.

Yeah. If you wear nice clothes. Yeah. You go from me, you go from a six to being funny, six and a half. Well-dressed, seven. You only get half a point for being funny? Yeah. Yeah.

I think funny is- This is the ugly guy I think I don't want to give myself enough money is you funny is only worth a lot of points if you're very unattractive if you're already average you get less as the scale goes up you get less points yeah okay you're already good-looking so it's it's on it's on a sliding scale if you're very ugly and you're funny you're gaining three to four points but also that that point system is is off base because if you're really ugly what you're saying is not that funny you're just very funny because because you're ugly you look like a you know a bottom feeding fish in the middle of a lake that's being bombed. Yeah. You're, if you look like a fucking, you know what I'm saying,

like. But somebody wants to eat that fish now. A hundred percent. It looks a little bit more appealing. A hundred percent. So when you're very ugly, you get a couple of more points for, for,

for humor. When you're a normal looking, average looking guy, or a slightly above average looking guy, you, okay, you being funny, doesn't knock you up that much higher.

I think it does. You're already a solid looking cat. The funny thing, a girl will go, yeah, and he's funny. It's nice. Yeah. That's it. You're not, it's not going to, unless you're super successful, which is not the case. Yeah.

So you only get a half a point. Until you get very successful, then you're going to boost up a little bit. I try to sell an upside. And you deserve it because you know I think you're one of the funniest people on earth, Christopher. I do want to say this. Let me take time to say this. The reason that I like to go work with Chris is because he's reliably

funny. He's never let me down. He kills every time. And you don't have to live with him. I don't have to live with him. Sharks. Invest in Chris O'Connor. If that doesn't convince you of my evaluation, I don't know.

But you will be bigger. That's a fact. A hundred percent. No, no, no. I would bet my bank account right now that you'll be very big. That you're going to be very big as a company. There's literally not a doubt in my mind. Chris, I can't wait to see your... What if I start wearing shorts on stage? I think you're even going to get bigger then.

You'll be selling out Crypto.com Arena. You and Kevin Hart and Fluffy or whatever. Gabriel Gleises did Dodger Stadium here. Crazy. Look, cool. Why would you ever want to play an outdoor, a baseball field? There's no way that's good for sound

who said that to us we were somewhere and someone was like we're at the comedy store party Dodger Stadium and I was like where did they put the stage yeah and they said behind home plate right isn't that what they said behind home plate no no no I'm saying sorry he's facing home plate

no no in the midfield he's facing home plate so the fans you know he's performing to a V. Behind the diamond. Uh-huh. That's where the fans are there. No, no, no. He would be basically at second base. Yeah.

Kind of. That's where the stage is. Terrible. I just, and it probably, it actually sounds terrible. There's no way the sound carried right for comedy at an outdoor stadium. It had to be awful. The whole reason, outdoor stadium, the sound lifts away. Yeah. Even music yeah even music it doesn't work no see i you know what's so funny i've only seen music at a stadium once terrible yeah you're there to get high and drunk stadium or a football stadium

no it was a football stadium and i still didn't like it yeah because first of all i did it when i was poor so i could we're super far away yeah it was a waste of time. You can't see what's going on. We should have just stayed in the parking lot and kept blacking out. Yeah. Yeah. Because by the time we got in there, I wasn't paying attention. Yeah. I saw Pink Floyd in eighth grade, and my brother introduced me to Whippets.

Love Whippets. Yeah, because I wasn't drinking. Dude. Man, I used to love doing Whippets. Yeah. And he was just like, I would get upset. I'm like, yeah, I tried it. Like, fucking, I don't want it anymore.

He's like, I want to see you breathe in. Look at me and breathe in. He's like, and he's like, and I'm holding the balloon, but he's behind the balloon going, like he's giving me all the, teaching me how to get higher. Yeah. And then I want, we're doing about the Philly nitrous scene for a second. Yeah. It's great.

It's insane. I had no idea. That's the thing. You know what whippets are? No, no, no. I'm saying, I don't know. There's a nitrous scene. When you were growing up in Chicago, there was no nitrous scene for a second. Yeah, it's great. It's insane. I have no idea that's a thing. You don't know what whippets are? No, no, no, I'm saying, I don't know if there's a nitrous scene. When you were growing up

in Chicago, there was no nitrous. No, no, in high school, a couple of guys, I did it at a guy's house who kind of, we could go do drugs at his house

because both of his parents were deaf. I swear to God. Well, they're not blind, so what the fuck is the problem? I can see if you said that. They can't hear you

filling up the balloons. Yeah. Whiskey's not making noises. They can't hear us causing trouble. They could never hear. I mean, but also, it was a crazy house. One of the sons, I don't know if I should talk about all this shit. Don't say names.

It's fine. No, no, no, but they were both very sweet, deaf people, but they let us literally do drugs in the house because it was kind of a house of chaos. One of the sons had Down Syndrome.

This is the coda that they scrapped. Yeah, this one didn't make it. The Academy just did not accept this version. One of the sons had Down Syndrome and they let him

kind of fucking tear the house to shreds. And the other older brother was like a quiet musician who we would do drugs with and they just never seemed to give a fuck. We would just come and go

as we pleased. Yeah. It was fucking wild. Too busy cleaning up all the drywall. Little animals smashed through. Just Donkey Kong in his whole fucking room.

It's like, dude, Carl. He would literally rip a railing like right off the fucking, like just rip it with his two hands. They're very strong. Dude, he would rip it right off.

Was his brother playing into it? This is a great band. This is my band. He's like. Holy shit. It was always I the Tiger. What a video for your first fucking, your launch date. That's where I started doing whippets though with those guys.

Yeah. Me and my buddy, me and my buddy Tyler, we did whippets with those guys and we get high as a fucking cat. But it was, it was, you guys had a house like that where you could go in high school and do drugs. Someone had a house in the neighborhood where you could get away with literally anything. Yeah. We could go in the garage, rip a couple fucking darts.

Yeah. Steal beers. Yeah. Go and smoke weed inside. I mean, it was like. Yeah. We could go in the garage, rip a couple fucking darts. Yeah. Steal beers. Yeah. Go inside. Smoke weed inside. I mean, it was like. Yeah. It was too free.

It was way too free. It was weird. There was only one. Should have been busted. One of my group of friends. I think I had like three or four friends of my high school buddies that had the cool parents that were like, I don't want you drinking, but if you do, you can drink in the basement here.

Right. Yeah. Drink in the basement. And they would allow us, only one of those four, like, actually survive. Because it's a pure sign. If you have, like, cool parents of a buddy, don't hang out with that buddy too long. They're going to die. Because that dude, yeah, he's going to get on pills and hard drugs and shit.

But one of them made it out of it. And he's showing his calves every weekend. But the best is to be the guy that's invited to those plays yes of course

because it's wonderful you're allowed to sneak in yeah dude one of you guys his buddy's listening and he's like no I mean

it turned out he's like I'm the guy I'm the guy he's talking about that made it out the house that I always went to was my buddy his mom would let us get fucking high

as high as we wanted we could watch cartoons and just experiment with the nachos. That was it. You guys were out of control. Wait, what? Get high as fuck, watch cartoons, and experience with nachos.

Experiment with nachos, yeah. Experiment with nachos. Yeah. Well, what's the fucking gamut of experimentation with nachos? Well, there's got to be a lot at this point. You can do literally anything with these things. Everyone's gone to... Cheese, no beef? Beef, no cheese?

I don't think I know a single restaurant on earth that makes good nachos. Time out. Are you going to restaurants for nachos? First of all... If he says a dumb shit, he fucking believes what he's saying. Isn't this frustrating? Imagine doing this

every week for two hours. But he's so confident the way he says it. I know. No, but... There isn't a restaurant on Earth. It's almost like a planet Earth like David Attenborough. There's not one restaurant on Earth that can make good nachos. There's a drone shot. It's so definitive.

It swoops over shitty restaurants, and they're holding up nacho bowls as it just flies by. They suck in the one fat guy in the corner. He's like, mm-mm. Yeah, restaurants don't make nachos. Bars make nachos. Exactly. Well, there's not a single bar in America that makes good nachos. That's ridiculous.

Nobody layers the nachos. After this, we're going to one. There's one right up the block from my house. Really? Of course. We've gone multiple times and ate just their nachos. They layer them? Yeah.

Actually, they do. Cheese on the bottom. Cheese on the bottom. They burn the cheese on the bottom. Chips, cheese. Chips, cheese, meat. See, now you're talking. A couturement.

That's where we arrived after many years of experimentation. You got to burn the cheese first. You burn the cheese on the bottom. Then you... So I figured out your plan. Didn't take long. Well, that's part one. Yeah. You burn the cheese on the bottom. Then you... So I figured out your plan. Didn't take long. Well, that's part one. Yeah.

Okay, sorry. Break it down. You layer chips. Oh, God. Sprinkle, you know, a mixed... I love hearing this, dude. Wait, wait, wait. Sprinkle a what?

A Mexican cheese? This is a boy who can't boil water. A mixed Mexican? Yeah, yeah. A Mexican blend. Sure. That's what they call it in the back. And also, no no you don't.

I say get one of those mixed Mexicans. You go to the grocery store and go, you guys got mixed Mexicans here? I'm looking to have a baby. I'm looking to make a mini pair of calves. You got a mixed Mexican brought around here. Excuse me, you guys thought I mixed Mexican? Hi, I'm here for

a Mr. O'Connor not only the cheese blend but the your Mexican cheese blend then what okay nobody buys that it's dog shit

you should never buy that it's cheap it's dehydrated it's covered in chemicals so that it doesn't coagulate within the bag I know 100%

buy a separate bar of each of those cheeses pepper jack maybe a sharp cheddar and something that has a melt to it. But we're high. We don't have time to grind that up. Well, that's why you don't understand the quality of certain nachos, because you're

always fucked up looking for long shorts. All right. Well, it's better than just dumping nacho cheese on the top and then just cooking it. True. I like that. Okay, but let me see what's the accoutrement. Do they layer? I need to know what else goes into your nachos.

We did a mixed blend of seasonings. If this is Chris O'Connor's, so listen up, Stuff Island fans. Yes. I like that. Okay, but let me see what's the accoutrement. Do they layer? I need to know what else goes into your nachos. We did a mixed blend of seasonings. If this is Chris O'Connor's, so listen up, Stuff Island fans. Yes. This is Chris O'Connor's best nacho recipe because he figured it out. So what is it? They're going to bust your tits and they're going to make you make this on our show. Yeah, you better make it on the food show.

Okay. Think about what you're saying. I'm thinking. I already thought about it. I did it. You put cheese down on the bottom Be a little more confident Oh that's new

You didn't know that Mexican blend You didn't know that No I did Oh okay That happened by accident Pipe up with your confidence There were no chips

We would just throw cheese down And be like Sick Then Layer of chips Yeah chips Tostitos None of that lime bullshit

Hint of lime This is deep dude None of that hint of lime Tostitos. None of that lime bullshit. Hint of lime. This is deep, dude. None of that hint of lime. Tostitos, what are we talking? The rounds? No, no. Restaurant style? The triangles.

Restaurant style. Is that the restaurant style? Big chips or the smaller ones? No, you want the big ones. You got to have thick stuff. You can't... And none of that thin... Because you can't...

You can't pull the thin stuff out from the cheese. It overpowers it. It cracks. Not arguing. Let's not do it. Go ahead. It's true. No, go ahead.

I want to hear the end of this. Regular chips. You throw down a layer of mixed blend. Then you sprinkle all the seasonings that your mom has in her house on it. Like what? You got cumin. Ooh. You got probably red pepper flake.

Mm-hmm. Any of the ones that are next to that one. Do you know what else is right over there? No. Is cardamom in there? I don't know what's cardamom. No, he's not fucking with cardamom. That sounds like a metal.

No, I'm just saying. It is. It's on the periodic table. It goes iron, lead, cardamom. All right, so what else? What else goes on there? Neon. Then another layer of chips, mix, blend.

Select just one section over in the periodic table of these things. You put that on. Garlic powder. Got it. Okay. Any jalapenos? Don't give them ideas. it. Okay. Any jalapenos? Don't give him ideas. Let him finish.

Fresh jalapenos? I want jalapenos on there. No, this is just cheese and seasoning. Pass. And you've never had a good nacho anywhere else, and this is what you're... This is your top nacho? Yeah. This is dog food.

Yeah, that's dog food. This is absolute dog food. I think it's tailor-made for the stuff I want. First of all, you mentioned no beans. No one's got fresh jalapenos. No beans. You mentioned no beans. No sour cream.

No sour cream. No cilantro. No cilantro. No jalapenos. You mentioned nothing good. You got so much to fucking learn. No one's got any of that. You embarrassed me in front of my phone.

No one's got any of that in the house. You're just doing chips and cheese. That's it? Yeah. Yes. What do you mean no one's got that stuff? We had all that. We had sour cream and jalapeno at my house. You didn't have that at your house? No. just doing chips and cheese. That's it? Yeah. Yes. What do you mean no one's got that stuff? We had all that. We had sour cream and jalapeno at my house.

You didn't have that at your house? No. I've been to your house. It is fucking weird. It was fucking weird. They had two fridges just for drinks. Like, where do you keep the food? It's like two bottom-out fridges for soda.

Dude, my one buddy from Boston. You have a seltzer fridge? Yeah. Have you guys talked about this on the show? No. Do you know this? No. This man at his home, at his child's home. He's never been to my house. Oh, you gotzer fridge. Yeah. Have you guys talked about this on the show? No. Do you know this? No. This man at his home, at his child's home.

He's never been to my house. Oh, you got to go. Yeah. The guy's got a floor fridge. It's like a cabinet fridge. Yeah. It's all seltzer. It's about 50 fucking cans of seltzer water.

Yeah, yeah. They have a fridge just for that. My dad likes seltzer. So does my mom. I know, but most people, they keep a couple in the fridge, and then they replenish. Yeah, they have them in cardboard and whatnot. We don't replenish i don't think i don't have time no no we got we got a chain gun this is your dad your dad was eating your shitty nachos one day and was like i want a whole fridge of fucking salsa yeah it'll spice flavor. He goes more for the, he likes a peach iced tea,

a Snapple peach iced tea. That's my pop. You had a fuckload of those too. You had a bunch of those. Yeah. He loves them. Let's go over dad drinks.

Dad drinks. Yeah. What's your dad's main drinks? Heineken, Carlo Rossi. He's into Coronas, which I don't like. Really?

He's drinking Coronalites. That doesn't sound like those guys. He shifted. He was Miller High Life Then he went to Heineken And now he's Corona Corona Light Ooh

Yeah And then at night He brings a Snapple To uh That's his end table drink To go to sleep Really Nothing in the Snapple

I shit you not When I say this I swear on my mother's eyes Shotgun in my fucking skull I've never seen my father Legitimately order a water Or just take a random sip of water. You've never seen your father drink water? No.

Because water's already in all that other stuff. I'll take a lie detector test tomorrow here. I promise you. Never had a cup of water? I've never seen in my entire life my father drink. He drinks coffee, wine, beer. He doesn't drink liquor. And then he drinks Snapple.

A lot of water and all that stuff or tea cooler can you imagine I just see his dad in the shower in the morning just like hiding it from his family

he brings a cup in yes dude just giraffing it until he gets out of the shower dad when are you getting out get out of here nothing never seen your father drink never once man but that's a good it until he gets out of the shower. Dad, when are you getting out? Get out of here! Nothing!

Never seen your father drink? Never once, man. But that's a good top four. Is Corona, coffee, and Carlo Rossi. Yeah. What's your dad's liquids? My dad's straight up Snapple iced teas, seltzer every once in a while. If he's

building something, or if he's on vacation, it's straight Diet Coke. That's all he'll drink. That's a serious liquid. All he'll drink is Diet Coke. And he'll be like, it'll be like, yo, man, I've had too many kind of things. Dad, can you drive? Yeah. Six Diet Cokes.

So no booze, no booze, no liquor. He'll have a Sam Adams, but my mom's on him like a hawk. She doesn't want him to get fucked up? My mom doesn't drink at all. They're both kind of teetotalers. But were they kids of alcoholics? Yes. That's why.

Same. That's 100% why. Yeah. That's like one of my best friends from home. His mom's mom or dad was like that. So every time we would go have a couple of drinks, she was always like... Yeah. That's the only...

Peering over the couch. Yeah. The only story I know about my grandfather was just my dad saying that he would go, Fresca! Fresca! And if you didn't get him a Fresca fast enough, he'd cut your ass.

But that's a good policy. Yeah. It's his house. He asked for a Fresca. Get him a Fresca. What the fuck? Why else pay a mortgage if. Get him a Fresca. What the fuck? Why else pay a mortgage if you can't yell Fresca?

I don't know. My mother had the most. I don't know. But when they pitch you the living room, they go, and these walls bounce Fresca very well.

We'll be able to hear you on the other side of the home. No, I was like, you know what? One day we were out to lunch somewhere and I was like,

you know what? I might get a Fresca. Can I tell you? I love Fresca. It's great. It's such a delicious. It's sparkling water with a little bit of good juice. A little bit of good jazz juice.

Do you Pellegrino over Fresca or Fresca over Pellegrino? I don't think anything. You know what the best Pellegrino is? San Pellegrino. Yeah. That's the one I'm talking about. The blood orange one? Yes.

Oh my God. But it's got to be. Did you ever look at the label? It's like 84 grams of sugar. I'm trying not to look at the label, Andrew. Why would you look at a label gotta be, that's, did you ever look at the label? It's like 84 grams of sugar. I'm trying not to look at the label, Andrew. Why would you look at a label? Dude, that's like four cans of Coke. You'd rather just have a can of Coke.

The sugar in those things is comical. It's a special event. I have it every day if I could. When we buy a case from Whole Foods, I drink it in a week. Yeah. You gotta get a Pellegrino fridge. That's what I need, a Pellegrino drawer. My dad drinks Diet Pepsi. Pepsi, my dad's Pepsi. This is the kind of guy my dad is. You got to get a Pellegrino fridge. That's what I need, a Pellegrino drawer. You need a drawer.

My dad drinks Diet Pepsi. Pepsi. My dad's Pepsi. This is the kind of guy my dad is. I like this. No, I like this. Here's what, because these remind me. My dad is Reebok over Nike, Pepsi over Coke, white people over black.

No. No, he's, no, but seriously. I love it. Pepsi over Coke. Him and I see eye to eye on that. Yeah. Yeah. My dad thinks Coke is shit. Him and I see eye to eye on that. Yeah. Yeah. My dad thinks Coke is shit.

We have the same dad. Refuses Coke. But for booze, my dad, like your dad, keeps switching it up over the years. Yeah. Beer was never my dad's thing. Opposite of yours. My dad was always, dude, loves Captain. Loves Captain.

Really? Loves Captain and Diet Pepsi. What's the spice for him? If all if we go out he'll go does this bar have coke or pepsi and if they say coke he's like i'll have and he'll pick something else but if they have pepsi he'll drink captain and diet pepsi what is he audible from till he can't speak english no no he'll have he won't have he won't have captain without diet peps. He'll have another drink completely. Like he'll do a Manhattan. Like he likes bourbon. He'll do that.

He'll have a Manhattan or something like that. But if they have fucking Pepsi, my dad will fucking finish your Captain. If you've got four bottles in the back, bring them up front. It's a difference. You can taste it even when you put liquor in. You can taste the specific difference. Pepsi makes liquor, in my opinion, taste better, oddly enough. Even though I'm a Coke guy, whenever I mix it when I go home, I'm like, ooh, this is better. Well, it's sweet on its own, but it's not too much sweetness to kill the liquor combination.

Right, because Coke is sweet. It's too much sweet. Too much sugar. When someone does a Jack and Coke, I want to watch their teeth fall into the cup as they drink it. It's way too sweet for me. Jack and Coke, to me, is pure. It's just way too much. Yeah, it's like gummy bear juice for a dart champion.

My friend's favorite thing to do when they were in college was to order a Mount Gay and Coke extra gay. A Mount Gay and Coke? Yeah. What is that? Is that a kind of drink? It's a rum. Yeah, yeah. It's a rum.

Mount Gay's a rum. It's a cheap rum. Is it really? Yeah. It's called Mount Gay? Yeah. And they would say, can I get an extra gay? And then like giggle.

Yeah. So this is a crew of dudes that drank a specific rum just to get a laugh out of a bartender. Yeah. Right. And not get fingered because they're showing their calves at a bar on Saturday night. Can I get a Mount Gay extra gay? Extra gay. Yeah.

What would be your extra gay? I'd stop drinking with those guys fast. Yeah. I'm like, we don't even like the taste of this shit. I actually think we're going on a fishing trip with them on Saturday. No, no. Wait a minute. Wait.

I want to hear about this. He told me when the Patreon hit a certain level, you guys are going deep sea fishing. We already set it up. I'm going to be in New York. You guys will be gone. You could be in the ninth. What do you mean?

I can't. You can't. I'm going to a wedding. Yeah. I'm going to a wedding. I fly in. We're playing Jersey. You're coming with us, aren't you?

Yeah, I think so. Why don't you go tuna fishing with us? Why can't we just switch a day? I'm going to a wedding. We'll switch a day. You've got a wedding on the 9th. I have a wedding on Thursday. I fly in Friday morning, right?

Friday morning? Yeah. Don't I? Yeah, yeah, that's the 10th. Yeah, I fly in on the 10th. So we're getting on a boat at 3 in the morning. We'll talk to the guy. Maybe we can suit it to the 12th.

I get it. I don't... Fuck, I lose three hours going to you guys. I know. Listen, I'm not looking forward to it. What do you mean? I mean, once we Get something on a fucking line Or something

I'll have fun What time do you need to be out To go fishing like that? 3 a.m 3 a.m I remember my dad woke me up One time to go fishing With my grandfather

And I was so mad That he woke me up At like 2.30 So we could go pick up my grandfather And then go down to Lake Michigan And then go fishing But man once you're out On that fucking boat

And nobody's out there Yes That's great That's what happened Two weeks ago Three weeks ago I've never gone fishing With a real fisherman.

Oh, never? Never. Oh, you're going to lose your shit. Yeah. You're going to lose. It's the most. Actually, once I did. Once I did.

That's the most fun. Is he going to have Dramamine patches on his little wrist? No. All right. No, he rocked it out. Is that you? Dude, I'll chew on these fucking patches. Yeah.

I don't know why people get so sick from that thing. You get that much? Have you ever gone out in the deep sea? I don't know. I've been deep sea-ing. You get that much support? I don't know. I've been deep sea in my whole life, buddy. Bro, don't fucking question me. I'm not talking about lake life, dude. I'm not talking about...

Let me tell you something. Have you been deep sea? On the way out to Capri, the island. Capri? I jumped right off the boat. Where's Capri? I've done the same. It's Italy.

I've done the same thing. First of all, it's Italy. That's not deep sea. Have you ever gone deep sea where the boat rocks and you throw up all of your friends' girlfriends? I never threw up. I've been on boats that are rocking like crazy. I've never the same thing. First of all, it's Italy. That's not deep sea. Have you ever gone deep sea where the boat rocks and you throw up all over your friend's girlfriend? I never threw up. I've been on boats that are rocking like crazy. I've never thrown up. I got a good core.

No, it's not about the core. Yes, it is. I was at the peak of my athleticism, staring at the horizon. They're like, just keep looking at the fucking horizon. Just barking like a dog all over the bar. But you're rocking back and forth. That's like taking a whiskey bottle, sloshing it a bunch. You got all that booze knocking around.

No, no, this is years ago. This is years ago. When you were still drinking? Yeah, but not as much. My infancy days of booze. What do you think was the main factor? The ups and downs. Oh, maybe the 10-foot drops.

Yeah. Dude, it's fucking frightening. You're not used to that shit. You guys are shooting all this, aren't you? Yeah. Who's going to record it? We're going to put GoPros on. Do you need me to fly out and set up all that stuff too?

If you can, otherwise it's going to sound like shit. Santino, it's Connor. We're out on a boat and we kind of need you to set up a bunch of stuff. I got everything. I just need cameras and microphones. it's Connor we're out on a boat and we kind of need you to set up a bunch of stuff I got everything I got everything I just need all of it I need cameras

and microphones it was my pleasure to set it up this was this was a lot easier you're in my home yeah now I feel more comfortable

you're in my house I was worried you were going to be mad no I wasn't mad I was mad about other shit during the day I brought this has been great

that stuff pissed me off earlier you know stuff pissed me off yeah yeah yeah whenever that when real life gets it's like when you go to a comedy show and you're you want to have a great show and then something in the real world just fucking stabs you and you're like how do i not bring this to the thing because i'm fucking so mad and you can't it's it's so hard yeah then you go you know what this is good i'm gonna ride this energy you're like fuck you and someone's like whoa portland fucking sucks you're like dude that's your opener where were we where were we that you where where were we that you were like, fuck these fucking people? And then the whole set, you were just, where did we go?

I don't know. We both. And then I know, because we do this exchange. Whenever Chris and I do an exchange, it's always the same thing. I always go, how are they? Or how are they? And every time as we're passing each other real quickly, he'll either go, they're great. Or he goes, have fun.

More than likely, it was a casino somewhere. Oh, yeah. It's probably Foxwoods. Foxwoods. Yeah. Foxwoods. That was tough. I hated Foxwoods.

I did that with Josh Wolf. Casinos are tough, man. They're just so tough. Yeah, brutal. And we had done- I'm about to do Foxwoods specifically. That's Connecticut, right? What did we do?

No, we did Borgata. Borgata? Did we do Borgata? Borgata's. Oh, yeah. Did we do the Borgata? In Atlantic City? We did, right? What do we do? We did Borgata. Borgata? Did we do Borgata? Borgata. Oh, yeah. Did we do the Borgata? In Atlantic City? We did, right?

Yeah. Yeah. That was funny because- That was because it was post-COVID. Yeah. It was like our one of the first- Did he tell you about this? Probably.

Maybe not. COVID restrictions weren't lifted yet, so they had six feet gaps between the fucking chairs. And this room was for like 10,000 seats. It was like a college basketball stadium yeah it was for for what and i sold and they sold like 3 000 tickets and it was empty but they put it in a 10 000 seat room god it was so many good seats sold and a theater would have looked fucking amazing yeah they put us in and that when we got there by the way is that's when we found out i was like

are we in the theater and the guy's like because of covid we have to be in out. I was like, are we in the theater? And the guy's like, because of COVID, we have to be in here. And I was like, what the fuck? Where's the stage? The stage was no shit, six or seven feet off the ground. And the closest table was 30 feet away. Yeah. It was fucking bonkers. And it was like, when are you lifting these COVID restrictions? And they were like, oh, like 12 hours.

It was literally the next day. Oh my God. Legitimately. Tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. If we pushed it a day, we would have been fine. Yeah.

That's fucking brilliant. Thanks a lot lot Atlantic City shout out shout out to the people that went though that was a good show we actually had a fun time that was fun

but at the end of the day COVID made it the most miserable brutal it was just so hard to get around I did this thing

where I walked around the casino floor being like maybe some girls saw me yeah he was yeah he never know

he was fishing you know how I know he's in a good mood and he did well? Is, you know, he'll go out to the crowd and he'll go. Rip the bottom half of his pants off. You guys, you bitches want to see some calves? Yeah. He'll go, I want to go out there. And I'll go, I'm going to chill right here because I'm tired.

I just got off. Yeah, yeah. And he'll go, you think we should go out there? Yeah. He'll keep kicking it around. I think maybe we should go out. We should, should I go out there?

I think we should both go out there and you should compliment me while we're out there. Don't get into my wingman tactics. I should be wingman of the year. You are the wingman of the year. I have given you many assists to be in the right situation

to hang out with nice people. Yeah. Did I ever tell the AC story on stuff yet? What is it? I don't think so. UFC?

AC. Oh, no. Yes. Wait. The Bob Dylan one? Did I tell Bob Dylan's story? Oh, man. Wait, you saw Bob Dylan?

Yeah. In high school. Sophomore year. So a bunch of a group of dudes from our high school went to see Bob Dylan a bunch of, a group of dudes from our high school, Bonner, went to see Bob Dylan. I don't like Bob Dylan.

Bob's senior Bonner. That's his high school. By the way, I love that. I don't like Bob Dylan. Let me tell you something. I don't like Bob Dylan. I don't know if you've ever heard a sick, dying dog howl into an empty coffee can. Yeah, dude. That's all he did for like an hour. And I was like, I gotta get out of here. I heard a sick, dying dog howl into an empty coffee can. Uh-huh.

Yeah, dude. That's all he did for like an hour. And I was like, I got to get out of here. I've heard he's terrible. Me and my buddy, so a bunch of us went to this shitty motel on Black Horse Pike. Black Horse Pike is the main strip in Atlantic City. Is it? Yeah.

Black Horse Pike. Black Horse Pike. Okay. So we get in this shitty motel, pack our shit, take a taxi cab collectively. There's like two groups of us, maybe eight or ten. So we get to this place. We get to the Borgata or whatever the fuck it was. This is 1996, 97.

Okay. None of us really truly like Bob Dylan. But our brothers, our older brothers' influence and our father's influence is like, why do Bob Dylan's fucking play in AC? Right. It's a chance to go hang out with our boys for a night or two. It's also a great thing to say to your parents. Yeah. Because they're like, oh shit, he should experience this before Bob Dylan dies.

Yeah, sure. It's just going to be me and my friends with no supervision, but we're going to see Dylan. Yeah. And they're like, I like that guy. Yeah, it's classy. It's very classy. Yeah, it's classy. It's very classy. Oh, he's great. So we get into this theater,

wherever the fuck it was, and me and McElhaney, which is Rob's cousin. Oh, shit. Yeah. Did we meet him at the game? We did. He was there, right?

Oh, no, you never met his cousin. Oh, oh, oh. I was just telling you. Yeah, we were with McElhaney. No, I thought he was at the game. You met the talented one. No, I mean, yeah. Not the dude do that Ryan down Black Horse but I know Rob you know the other guy yes yes yes it all lines up so we're like yo let's go sneak in the to HBO boxings get out of this this concert is terrible so we sneak upstairs I smooch to this this older black woman that's

guarding the door and I you know just just fucking threw my eyebrow at her. And then she lets us in. When this kid shakes his tail feather. It's crazy. What does he not get? It's crazy. Yeah. So they let us in.

We watched like two rounds, three rounds of boxing. And I'm like, this is fucking, this is the Dylan I wanted. You know what I mean? This is all I wanted. I'm hearing fucking bells. So we're like, we should go back downstairs. We go back downstairs. They're collecting fold-out chairs. I'm hearing fucking bells. So we're like, we should go back downstairs. We go back downstairs. They're collecting fold-out chairs.

There's no one around. And again, this year is... It's a dealing concert. Yeah. Everybody's gone. There's no cell phones. There's none of that shit. Right.

We have no idea where our hotel is other than it's on Black Horse Pike in that direction. And I guess we're just going to have to look on both sides and visually capture what it looked like when we left. Right.

Right? Obviously it's going to be a great easy thing to do. Also we don't have Bonnie. So we get in the cab. Me and Macalini are whispering to each other going

we'll just fucking beat it. We'll just beat it. Yeah just jump out. Just jump out. He's never just let us let me know when to beat it. Look you can see his calves he's never going to catch it. So we just jump out. Just jump out. He's never just let me know when to beat it. Look, you can see his calves. He's never going to catch it.

So we mistake. We eventually pass what one of us sees is like, that's our place. So we tell the cab driver, like, yo, you just passed

to take a jug handle and we'll go back around this way and I look at him and he's like, yeah, well, next red light before you get the jug handle,

we'll beat it. And I was like, yeah, and I next red light before you get the jug handle, we'll beat it. And I was like, yeah. And I look back this way and I was yours. The dude just fucking bolts. The car was still moving, like slowing up to the red light. Yeah. Guy locks the doors and starts just screaming. You pay!

You pay! Going fucking wild. And I was like, I got to get him. He has the money. And now I'm like shitting myself. All of a like you're in the bone collector just begging him like open the door open the door I'll go run and then finally guy probably looked at me I was very young and he's like what

am I gonna do you're never gonna pay never and we're both running down the opposite side of traffic on black horse bike which is a double lane highway with a median so we have to hop the median run across and then we jump into the our our uh motel as soon as we open it our crew already has two strippers dancing to an old school television playing like mtv remember the box the box on mtv yeah yeah yeah it was like a box it was like a separate channel and they didn't even have like a jukebox with them they just played on the shitty tv blasting with like static music and one is a big old big old lady and the skinny one you could see

like the knife scars like they're fucking they're hardcore they're hot AC they're hot for toss I was like thank you God was Dylan there huh these girls were shaking their tits he's like oh yeah the knife scars

you do and then the stretch marks the rest of the night was just the one guy said he was the bachelor so he was gonna sleep

with the one skinny girl and then the meat wagon went around beating everybody off. Really? You got beat off? Did you get jerked off in front of your friends?

Yeah. Dick out right in the room, circling the room? Did you do two at a time? Apparently, I was the first one to be naked. Yeah, it was exciting. You were quick to get it out. I was excited. I watched boxing after Bob Dylan.

Who doesn't pull a bird out in front of their friends? Hollywood, baby. Did she do two at a time? At one point, I imagine. Just give him the image. Just say yes because you've got to take that with him. I mean, if you saw the girl, you'd think she did four at a time. Big lad.

Like when you're punching those gophers at the thing. She goes, pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa. You could pull them out. That's exciting to me. It was. It was ambide's exciting to me. It was. It was ambidextrous. Yeah. It was very exciting.

Also frightening as fuck. You know? You drumming? Yeah. Two dicks? Yeah. Wouldn't that turn you off? I think if someone was pulling on my penis and then pulling on my buddies, it would be

hard to live in the moment. I'd keep looking over at what she was doing and him. I would lay down in the bed and go like this. Well, you've got experience. Well, there's a freedom of being that age where it's just before where you give a fuck. Yeah, you're right. And also like a perfect zone of not giving a fuck. I will say your dick used to get so hard then, though.

Yeah. It was almost like, it was almost uncomfortable how hard your dick could get back then. Yeah. Isn't that the best feeling? When your dick got really, really hard? Oh. Yeah, buddy. See, that's why I like, I think girls like when you come fast.

I keep trying to make this point. Yeah, no, I know. Everyone. I know. Don't you think? No. Let him go. Yeah.

Tell your theory to him. I want to hear the theory first, and then I'll explain it. Well, because if you come fast, it's because your dick is so insanely hard. That's not why you cum fast. It's not because your dick's hard. It's because you can't hold your cum. Coming fast is a symptom of a super hard dick. No, it's not.

You don't think so? No matter what your father's told you, that's not true. A super hard dick is a symptom of having all the blood rush to your birth. Correct, yeah. Look, it can't be every time. No, no, time out. Go back to the beginning. Why do you think they really like it that you come fast?

Because you're so turned on. Because you're so into them. It's a compliment. You think, I'm so into you, I came too fast. Yes, yes. I think it's a balance, right? I think when you're a young man, yes. If you're just hooking up, when you're in high school.

I think the older they get, the more exciting that is. No, that's a red flag. No, that's wrong. That's insane. That's a red flag for- You're a 36-year-old man when you're in high school... I think the older they get, the more exciting that is. No, that's a red flag. No, that's wrong. That's insane. That's a red flag for... You're a 36-year-old man. You come in way too fast. They're going to be uncomfortable with that.

They're like, what's going on with you? I'll dial it up again. How quick, though? Give me 20 minutes. 20 minutes. I want you to come right now, and I'm going to put you on the clock. Enter the beef bag. Let's get the knife wound lady in there.

Jerk us all off. I think it's like another sliding scale. Like our ugly scale with funny. When you're young, you come fast. They love that because they're like, oh, he's so into me. And it's also they know you're young. Then you get older, they expect maturity.

They're like, you should be able to hold your cum. You should be able to know how to hold your nut, or you should know how to clean your pipe before we went out to dinner and got to fuck. And then when you get really old, they barely want your little slaggy penis around, so they don't care if you get rid of it fast. When you're really old,

you're throwing your bird into the jet of a hot tub. I don't subscribe to that theory at all. I posit the exact opposite. When you're young and you come fast, girls are like, he's a little fucking bitch. He's a little young. Is this girl your same age?

Yeah. She's 16. She doesn't know any better. You're 16. She's 16. You're both kids. They have an idea of how long it should go. No, they don't.

No, they don't. They don't at all. No, they don't. 16-year-old girl? 16-year-old girl. No, they don't. You're the first or second. When you first started hooking up with people, we all had no idea.

We were all blank slates. There's no 16-year-old girl hooking up with another 16-year-old guy that's going, I can't believe how hard he is. But she's definitely not going, I can't believe he came that fast. Yes, she is. No, she's not. Also, you're not coming that fast. You're not coming that fast when you're a kid.

Oh, I'm coming that fast. You're not coming that fast when you're a kid. Oh, I'm coming that fast. But did you never use a condom when you were that age? Yeah. You did use a condom. No, I didn't. That's why. They invented condoms not for safety and health. That's so you can keep that cum in that pipe for longer.

100%. There was one time. They should sell condoms They should sell condoms With like a minutes restriction on it They're just thicker and thicker That's what a guy said Like guaranteed 20 minutes A condom company called Ego

Some scientist goes Check it out If we put a bag over our dick We can last another 10 to 15 minutes Some guy's like Will it keep us safe He's like shut the fuck up What's gonna happen is We're gonna last? He's like, shut the fuck up.

What's going to happen is we're going to last longer. This is about confidence. If you're about confidence, try Ego, the condom that's as thick as a knit hat. You ever fucking and realize how much better it would be if you had an extra layer of skin on there? A callous hand wrapping your dick.

Why don't we just, all the chickens we're killing, take their skin, make an external shell on the condom so that they don't know it's not your bird. Hi, I'm Tommy Pope and I'm selling chicken skin condoms. Chicken skin condoms. Sharks. Mr. Cuban. Dude. Chicken skin condoms

Could do it And they also have The little bumps Like at the shell Of your bird Oh yeah The little bumpy bumpies Yeah yeah

Look that is smart That is a good idea Yeah Cause ribbed is nice Ribbed is nice Ribbed is very nice You know what For her pleasure

No it's actually For yours too I just flip it inside out I just shove one up my ass Wrap her on I just choke on one While I lose oxygen Cumming all over the place

I remember the first time I fucked without a condom And just Unbelievably embarrassingly fast The first sex I ever had Was without a condom Same Tommy we know

I would poke There was not a piece of me That thought That was my 8th grade girlfriend And you poke panties You just fucking You stab around Just let it in

And then you're looking For the break point So your eyes are like Staring at like The corner of the wall And she's Yeah she's hot breathin' on you My Drakkar Noir

Is dripping all over Her fucking lips Yeah dude And then you're You're're dodging so you feel like oh that's smooth that's smooth that's smooth you have a good you find that that like curb it's like the curb of a street where you're like i gotta get around that curb you hit another piece of soft and then you go oh then you're in and then then you lose your fucking mind oh my god. That's a clip. Then. I mean it is.

It's like mushrooms hitting you, dude. It's the greatest. When you start tripping, the feeling of starting a trip. Yeah. It's that. Yes. To a new level. Yeah. The moment you start to trip is the way you feel the moment you get in.

You're 100% right. Oh my. The first time I ever did ecstasy, when that first thing hit college, was the same way wearing a condom, condomless sex. Oh my God. The first time you ever did it, you're just like,

like the endorphin release. And then you're like, could I have sex on ecstasy? I did. Without a condom. Yeah. You met my son, right? He was bartending at that bar in Philly, right?

How do you think he was born hey pop no no way you ever had sex on ecstasy no who i don't i mean that sex on drugs is tough it's the what sex on drugs is tough when i'm really tripping that's tough i have a hard time ecstasy's not tripping ecstasy's just all emotion no i know but I still say that's tripping in a way. It's not visual tripping, but it's physically tripping. Yeah. Because my control of stuff, I feel like I look ugly. Yeah.

I feel like I look ugly when I'm on drugs. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like everyone's looking at you and I'm just like the whole time I'm like, Hunter S. Thompson in my way. Because you are. Yeah. So I just feel very unattractive on drugs. I was in a position to have comfortable sex

with someone. But I decided to have uncomfortable sex anyway. But it was up to me and I said no. It was like my girl at the time and I had taken

I had taken ecstasy and I like I ran home and you know because that's what You're always running. I do. Half of your childhood stories

are like we did it then we had to run back. Yeah, yeah. Because I, you know... He's running from a lot of stuff right now, too. Yeah. And there's no better way to deal with something than running away.

That's why he's always in shorts. Dude. Yeah, no, I was like... And I remember I got home and I was flying. And I was like... home and I was flying. And I was like, she was basically asleep. I was after a show and I was like, can I have sex with you? I need to have sex right now. And she was like, I'm so tired now.

And I just sat there and I was like, fuck. Do you jerk off? No. Jerking off on drugs is even more uncomfortable. Yeah. I jerked off on mushrooms one time and off on drugs is even more uncomfortable. Yeah. I jerked off on mushrooms one time and it was the worst idea I've ever done. It was so dumb. That is tough.

Dude, looking at your phone on mushrooms. Yeah. Were you jerking off on your phone? Huh? Were you jerking off on your phone? I was jerking off on a computer. Yeah, but still. Desktop.

I was desktoping it. Because I wanted a bigger scope. Because I think when it was so small, I would start to feel even more strange. Like, I'm holding up sex in my hand. I it to be stable you know what i mean you gotta listen like boom boom boom yeah oh shit oh fuck beer and weed are the only the only drugs you can truly like get the best it's the best high best the best uh what's that called cross fading that's what they call it yeah when we were younger beer and weed getting stoned and getting drunk cross-fading okay that was always to this day

is my you know when you talk this is sad you know when you get really fucked up and you talk to yourself or you say something to yourself and it makes yourself laugh you know you're by yourself like you're outside of a party pissing and you're pissing outside of a party and then it just hits you that you're that stoned enough but that drunk enough but you're still capable of like moving through the night and you're pissing and you'll say something and you'll just be like feeling fucking good.

Yes, yes. Dude. But it makes only you laugh but you're like I'm in this and it's perfect. I'm gonna be great. I'm gonna get back in there

and I'm gonna kill it. Yes. I like that. When you're in the perfect little groove the problem is you smoke one more you drink one more and right off the other side. Yeah, yeah I like that. When you're in the perfect little groove, the problem is you smoke one more, you drink one more, and right off the other side.

Yeah, because I was going to say, most of the time it's the opposite for me, where I'll be like cuddling a girl. I'll be like, I'm going to fucking kill myself. Oh my God. I'm an idiot. I'm going to die.

And they'll be like, what? And I'm like, nothing. No, I was just, Nothing Yeah Nah I was just You know I was just saying some stuff You wanted smoke? Dude if you could lock a camera In the bathroom

Where you're doing that little The wee wee dance You're like I'm feeling fucking good Dude And there's like An hour and a half later You're like

What are you fucking doing pussy? You're just staring at yourself In the fucking mirror You fucking You're handling yourself like this Cut to someone outside going just don't go you're like i'm going i'm gonna go i'm going if i need to go jesus christ you don't fucking tell me stuff dude come on man like you're one to talk you're one to talk how much for the uber to swat don't fucking come into connecticut no more that's's how I know Chris is fucked up.

When Connie's fucked up. When he's reached a level of, not just drunk. When he's drunk, he's fine. When he's too fucked up, he does this a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. Ask me, like, why didn't those guys end up going out with you? Say that. Why didn't those guys end up going out with you?

Fucking. He does that dude he'll do it all night long yeah you'll ask him a question and he'll just

so true like it's just like everything yeah it's like when men in black and they start turning back into a fucking that's how he does that

because my brain is like it's like an old timey rifle I gotta like pour the gunpowder put the shot put it down That's how he does that. Because my brain is like, it's like an old timey rifle. I gotta like, pour. The gunpowder. Put the shot, put it down.

And all that is reloading the barrel. You need to, yeah, that's processing time. And then finally it comes out, he's like, so these guys are fucking bitches. The answer will get there, it just needs to go through the face. That's like a spinning rainbow wheel. Yeah, when someone asks you a question, your brain, those guys work, and it goes, go. Come on, come on, come on, come on. We got to keep up, man.

They're asking a fuckload of questions. They got to send it to eight different departments. Yeah, but eventually the information gets there. But you don't get... If anything, when you get drunk... Not drunk. When you get fucked up in that realm, you get quiet. Yeah.

You get very quiet. Yeah. Then I really know... If we're tanked, if he gets like... If it goes away, I'm like, we gotta get Chris back to the room.

Yeah. Because then I'll know you're too fucked up. Yeah, yeah. Some people get annihilated and they're just like... which is closer to me. But I know when you're in a bad spot, when you get silent. I'm the same way. Thank God.

That you don't get louder when you get drunk? Thank God. I thank God that when I truly black out, when I'm really fucked up, I close it down and I run home. Back to the running. Yeah. Yeah. No, I, that's like, there's nothing like, there's nothing better than an Irish goodbye.

People complain about the Irish goodbye. It's like the Irish goodbye has saved humanity from so many fights. It's gotten a lot of, it's closed a lot of things out the proper way. Yeah. The Irish hello has also ruined it. I got a piss. Yeah. Yeah. has also ruined it. I got to piss. Yeah, yeah. I got to piss.

I got to piss. We talked about this, right? You have a bad bladder, huh? I don't have a bad bladder. I had fucking seven beers waiting for you. Waiting for me? No, no. I mean like waiting to get the...

Oh, you got to stay. Oh, Jesus Christ. But wait. Okay, so wait. Let me ask this though. The thing is he's always having seven beers, so he's always going to blame it. And I have a water with every beer, so people think, like, oh, you've got a bad bladder. It's like, no, it's a lot of liquor.

That's great. It's a lot of liquor. What color is coming out? What? Is it clear coming out? Yeah, it's a good color. It depends on... I take a lot of vitamins, so it's...

How about the consistency? Is it that the stream is thick? It's viscous. You've got a big, thick stream. Nice stream. Are we talking, like shh, shh, shh? go pitter-patter, stream. And then it's almost like it's transitioning to another barrel to get processed through my urethra. You know what I mean?

I've held it up so much that it's in different apartments. One guy's just like, come on, Tommy, wake up. Get out of bed, Tommy. We're going to drop this fucking thing if he doesn't get up. Just a bunch of piss movers like, oh, shit, you got it on your end. You got it on your end. Have you ever held a piss too long? Yes.

Do you get the belly feeling here? Never. No, no, no. I'm telling you. Have you ever held a piss so long? There was one time. Held a shit. Well, this might relate to this.

No, but go ahead. I've held shits, but I've never held piss too long. No, piss is different. I'm coming out. Mine's coming out. What do you mean? What if you're like driving? Pull over.

And just piss? Oh, dude, I'm a weird, I'm vulnerable with piss. I'm always quick to piss. If I got to go, I'm gone. Me too. I got to go, I'm gone. I don't wait. Fuck that.

Pull over. I feel the same way, but one time I got caught just like in Jersey on like one of those fucking, you know, Jersey streets. It's like, it's a street, but it's a highway. Interstate or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.. It's like, it's a street, but it's a highway. Interstate or whatever. Yeah, but it's like, it's complicated. There's no real easy place to pull over. Yeah.

And I was holding my piss for so long that I literally felt part of my bladder like bulge, like a balloon. A side fell out. Yes. Like, I just couldn't do it anymore. Yeah. And I was like, that's going to be a problem.

Did you walk on that? Because that's the feeling that I'm trying to get to. What do you mean, did I walk on it? Like when you walk feeling that way, every time you step. Yeah, I went into a Dick's boarding school. It feels like you're about to burst here, up top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where it bulged.

It was just like. And then the urgency to piss kind of went away for a second. Yeah. And I was like, this is bad. Why can't piss reroute itself? Yeah, just go into the poop. Go where the poop's hanging out. Yeah.

The poop's playing cards. And piss is just like, what's going on? It's like, dude, chill out. Yeah, yeah. He'll get it to us when he gets to us. Your boyfriend that's on coke in the afternoon. Chill the fuck out, dude. He's like,

is he fucking pissing again? He's fucking losing his mind. Yeah, what are we doing after the car game? What are we doing after the car game? That would be amazing. If you could negotiate with piss, just be like, yo, join up with a poopy diarrhea

and a little, like, just be diarrhea and a little laugh. And then puke's like, you guys want to come up this way? I haven't seen you guys in years. Dude, if you can puke piss. Don't talk to him.

Don't talk to him. Don't talk to him. Don't talk to him. Nobody likes that fucking guy. You guys, come on up and ruin his teeth. There's just a shit pit boss. Nobody go nowhere. Nobody open any doors. Nobody answer any windows.

We only do shit in this house. All right, we'll get you this house. Oh, fuck. All right, we'll get you to piss. Yeah, let me go pee first. Okay. Do you want to cap this off? Yeah, yeah, I think so. We usually go until Tommy needs to piss.

Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah. It's pretty consistent. Do you want to know how long we went for? Yeah. I bet it's almost exactly an hour. 111.52. Look at that.

111. He has to piss every hour on the show. Close the show properly, though. Oh, okay. There's no way to close it. 111.52. Look at that. 111. He has to piss every hour on the island. Close the show properly, though. Okay. There's no way to close it. You closed it properly. You opened it properly. Listen, I hope everyone that's watching Stuff Island continues to support these gentlemen

on their Patreonage as well, because deep sea fishing's only the beginning. They're going to go skydiving. Ooh. You said you'd do that. We talked about this. I said that to you? You said if we get another tier, we might do some- How many going to go skydiving. Oh. You said you'd do that. We talked about this. I said that to you? You said if we get another tier, we might do some...

How many Patreons skydiving? Well, what is it now? Deep Sea was how many? Deep Sea was 3,000. Monza... Monza's 5. It's 4. 4.

Yeah. 5,000 is skydiving. Okay. 5,000, you got to go skydiving. I feel like 5,000 should be base jumping. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Take it away. Base jumping, you have to last years of... Squirrel suiting. You got to do squirrel base jumping. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Take it away. Base jumping, you have to have years of...

Squirrel suiting. No, you don't. No, you don't. You just put a wingsuit on. You jump off the Eiffel Tower. Chris, you have to have years of fucking... Tommy, let him do it. It's 5,000 Patreon members.

What could possibly go wrong? And 10,000 of you guys are going to scale the Burj Khalifa. Using just... We're going to free climb. We're going to free climb. We're going to free climb. A couple of plungers. 100% what I'd use. Like, we got to cut costs.

You know how much a train wants to get here? You know how much rope is going for these days? All right, boys. Let's go get a beer.