Stuff Island - Stuff Island #28 - most unique shape in existence w/ Ryan Long

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

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Boom! Fire away. You shifted, I like that. I'm here. I'm over it. We jumped in the podcast, eh? Yeah, yeah. We have.

Fix that posture real quick. Three amigos. One hit of the vape and he was in. Yeah, yeah. You can enjoy the vape on the cast. We're not against vapes. Oh yeah? Yes!

Yeah, yeah. You ever see Chris? He fucking blows right in. Not my problem. Yeah. Cool. YouTube's not gonna take it down no

YouTube's trying we're trying to get a vape sponsor yeah cheers yeah cheers yeah so far we've only you know what

I offer a vape every time to your guests and they never take it well you're sucking on the one you offer usually so what it's a weird thing to do

no that's not weird that's very normal in the vape community this is very standard vaping etiquette well maybe I'm showing my ass and I'm not part So what? It's a weird thing to do. No, that's not weird. That's very normal in the vape community. This is very standard vaping etiquette. Well, maybe I'm showing my ass and I'm not part of the vape community. I don't need to be fucking... You get sexting or beating.

No, well, you're one of those germ guys. I keep mine in my underwear. I just give them out. We're not a germaphobic community. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it is frightening. It is... I usually...

I'd have to know someone for years before I'm like, yeah, let me pull that. I vape for like a week and then I stop for two weeks i'm off and on yeah good for you yeah you gotta stop yeah because i just i literally i like i think i do it in my sleep no it is you just i'll just be lying in bed yeah you just like one of those can i tell about last night yeah so last night We filmed Fabian during sex with you

Buddy He puts one in his ass This guy's got me fucking Bent over Reaching for the vape But this guy has to be his He won't share Get your own

So we filmed This show This cooking show And then And then we came down This kid Fucking Bert got blacked out by like 3 p.m.

He was sleeping. We're going to do an episode where Burke just drinks like three beers and he blacks out. He drinks like a high schooler. I want to actually time out how fast he blacks out. It's crazy.

Is that for show? Oh no. He sleeps for four hours. He's like, what are we doing? Sorry, man. I got so fucked up to the level of method. I don't even know where I was.

It is truly you'll probably see it tonight, maybe. Nah, you just taint. Anyway. I'm going to tell you, I can't get drunk off Guinness. That's the last time I'm going to get drunk off Guinness. And then you just hear, three,

like four an hour, dude. Yeah. Well, it's, Getting drunk off Guinness stinks, by the way. It's terrible. It's like eating 40 baked potatoes. Yeah, that's a loaf of bread. Oh, God. Every time. Every time. I feel like Guinness tried, by the way. It's terrible. It's like eating 40 baked potatoes. Yeah, dude. That's a loaf of bread. God, every time.

Every time. I feel like Guinness tried to do like a marketing campaign where it's not as many calories as people think. Well, yeah, because, dude, Colin Tyrell does that. He goes to the bar and like just has nine Guinnesses and you're like, this is crazy. Yeah. It is true. Your face swells up.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, that swells up with everything. I've done research. No, it's a bad look. Yeah. Yeah. Just is true. Your face swells up. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, that swells up with everything. I've done research. No, it's a bad look. Yeah. Yeah. Just the drunk head.

Dude, if I stopped drinking, I would look like a, my face would look like a sick runway model. My fucking bone structure would be ridiculous. That is like, that is the worst when you see people get in shape and they get like gaunt. Ew, dude. When a fat guy gets skinny. Yeah. It's an old guy move.

Cause yeah, there is a, you gotta be the perfect amount of fat when you're old yeah because if you're too fat you're like dying yes and if you're too skinny you look like you're dying true there's there's such a sweet spot of like 20 pounds overweight for an old guy i've only known like three people in my history where like they're like don't give him whiskey and Chris has fallen into this category he's number four of he can be started happening it's like watching bird flying off the handle no no he to himself he gets to give you a piece of his mind it's all oh you're looking in the mirror like buddy nothing yes you call that a thing yeah dude it's I'm fucking nobody he was saying it's like at the bar I was like why do you this You're like, you're fucking nothing. Yes. You call that a face? Dude.

Yeah, dude. I'm fucking nobody. He was saying this at the bar. I was like, this is great. Everything's going. So we leave here. He's walking around like, where am I? I should kill myself.

You're like, all right, no more alcohol for the squad. I swear to God. This is a bad drinking squad. When I'm the fucking parent and these two monkeys. He's got a dick in his mouth monkeys He's got a dick in his mouth He's got a gun in his mouth Dude It was weekend at Burke's

We're fucking This dude was sleeping And I look over at Chris I'm like yeah You wanna go to the bar Cause usually after we do a show Or something We have a couple beers

At the bar Celebratory type thing And he's like What are we doing And he's Burke is just Sleeping He got his jacket on

That's like for chicks. He's like a chick drinker. It's crazy because he chats so much when he's drunk. And then all of a sudden, it just powers down. He like talks himself to sleep. He's a yapping robot that runs out of batteries. So anyway, we leave him sleeping. The TV on, we just bolt.

The windows, the doors, everything's open. So Chris and I go to the bar. Chris Chris is it like a hundred percent he's looking great has two beers oh no one whiskey one whiskey two beers and then I got a second whiskey and he decided to get a second whiskey and when I tell you you could see the color in his eyes to shift like he just becomes just gray yeah yeah the eyes go dead yeah you. You know what they say? You ever see like a serial killer doc when they're like something happens. He's not,

he wasn't in there anymore. He's not Chris anymore. And I got to treat him like not Chris. I'm like, where are you going? He's like, fucking, I don't know.

Fucking going outside. He would come back here. He goes, I got to get a fucking vape. And I'm like, this is not good energy. He's just bopping around town, like wanting to kill himself.

He finally comes back in. I'm like, just like like just like kicking rocks around yeah skipping stones in a puddle in my brain there is an assassin and then i also have like a secret service that's protecting me but the whiskey gets flowing the assassin he gets out yeah some guy like bumps into you you're like and i just don't even know what like buddy watch it that's what i'm wearing that's a there's a warning just i'm telling you you don't want to get involved in what we got going on right now we got like three hookah bars that just have nothing but garbage whopping you know uh bopping around the city yeah and him at that level i'm like he's gonna get in a fight and then yeah what do you prefer the guy that gets drunk and he says i'm

the worst or the guy gets drunk and says, you're the best? Oh, that's a great question. That's another guy, right? That's a great question. No, you don't get it. You are so fucking sick. You're a dick, bro. Yeah, it is.

You're the worst. That's more of a cocaine mascot. You know what I mean? It's a bit of a cocaine thing. It's depressing. Okay, so it can be, yeah. I'm more comfortable with somebody going, dude, this sucks. Because then I can get them out of that hole you can never come down that's at that level

someone that's just like trying to gas you up is my probably least favorite i actually don't even know if i know anyone yeah yeah yeah you can't like those guys don't relent yeah right yeah well obviously they're not gonna i mean they're not they're gonna they're not idiots you're obviously not gonna believe that but i'm like dude what do you want you want 20 bucks knock this shit off right now it's like complimenting your dad's shoes he's going what do you want what do you wait five you want five you shut the fuck up if i give you five anyway he comes home with the vape and then he can't find it immediately loses it so he's fucking huffing and puffing around pulling his pants down and i gotta you know fuck i fucking lost my pants i can't do anything right literally thought

like oh yeah pull my pockets inside out yeah i go to the bathroom he leaves again and then i'm like i can't find him i go into his bedroom his shutters are rattling against the high winds it's like a horror film so now i'm all what do you escape out the window? I wake up worried about him making sure he's home. So I opened the door. He's got a podcast blaring in his face at a level that it would, it's not safe for construction workers. He's when I tell you he's holding the vape,

like a, like a, like an infant holds a binky and he's sleeping like this this and I had to go close to just see his chest go oh yeah yeah that's how fucking weird I was yeah he was on one yeah I listened to talk a man I why he was already talked pretty tight I looked for air you know under my computer and cables and shit yeah I just wanted to make sure the cable wasn't around your neck. You just gave him one of these? Wipe a little spit off the side?

Little old salmon. No, you didn't want to get close to my debate. Yeah. I listen to people just yell at each other. That's what you go to sleep to? In your head, you mean? No. Oh, okay.

No, I like on my phone. I'll just like turn on like some YouTube. Oh, you watch like YouTube debates? Where it's like some people arguing. Yeah, yeah. This makes a lot of sense because that's kind of how you answer every comment I have

is you try to debate no matter what I say. No, that's not true. You need to stop watching. Wait, it's one of those. It's not true. Literally. Yeah, you start every rebuttal with, well, I mean.

I'm powerless against it. I always have to refine someone's take. That's cool. You're getting to the bottom of things, though. I'm all for the refining takes. He's wearing Rocky Balboa shorts. Burke starts busting his tits, and he goes,

Burke's like, I haven't seen Rocky. I'm like, it's cinematic beauty, Rocky 1. It's perfect. Yeahits and he goes burke's like i haven't seen rocky i'm like it's cinematic beauty rocky one it's perfect yeah and chris goes it's not good and i'm like here we fucking go how are you gonna it's objectively great for its time yeah you don't even think that i'm not you can say it doesn't hold up or that is pure drinking though it's like like arguing over like taylor swift's best album and you're like i don't think either of us care yeah it's just getting rid of old energy for some fucking reason yeah you just get fucking uh lined in you know what's funny weird is that when was the last time you saw rocky um i can't remember i i've seen the new i never went back and watched all the movies i don't like watching movies the second time me Me too. So I've watched, the only, yeah,

maybe a comedy, but like, I can't watch like a real movie the second time. I don't enjoy it. Oh man. So, but,

so I've seen the new ones and I remember they were pretty. I disagree with that. You love watching a movie over and over again. You need your comfort blanket. No, no,

I don't like, I move on man. The past is the past dude. I only look forward and up. Unless it's like, no, see, what it means is that

you haven't changed enough to appreciate it differently on the second viewing that's not a bad take yeah if you go back and you watch it a second time and it's just the same thing you're also watching saving private ryan you weren't in war dude yeah like you say private is very good it's a great movie i watched it multiple times yeah have you watched the watched Wayne's World with this new state of mind? Yeah, I don't go back and watch those. Yeah, comedy's probably the only thing I don't, I would never re-watch.

Yeah. Sometimes it's good you can go back and get an old one that's nice. Happy Gilmore, maybe. Yeah. It's probably the only one

I fuck with. I always like Road Trip. Yeah, Road Trip. Fuck. Kicks ass. Dude, I like it. Yeah, because there's just so much classic moments so you're

not watching for the plot because the you don't you don't care you're just watching for those scenes yeah that's why like some of those movies are better to re-watch but you know what's about making me laugh in the way you're just thinking about so you like as far as getting drunk when we were um we went to some party like a while ago and Tiffany Trump was there. Oh my God. And she has the secret service that has to follow her around everywhere. She's a bad job. Everyone's getting tuned up. And we went to the store to get White Claws and fucking drinks and shit. And the secret service has got a trail like right behind.

Isn't that so funny? Like imagine, yo, he's having one of his episodes. And the Secret Service has got to... So, like, every president's kid, and I'm sure there's some wild president's kids, they all have this, like, SUV that just trails them around. Like, you pick up a chick at a bar, they've got to, like, walk beside you. That's crazy.

Isn't that crazy? How long does that last? I think forever. Until they die, yeah. No way. You've got to protect the kids. Yes. You have a detail.

You don't have to protect the kids yes you have a detail you don't have to protect the kids they could be the future you don't know a parent Trump that could be every every president's kid I mean this could be wrong

but I feel like I'm pretty sure every president's kid has a detail that travels with them for eternity yeah

it could be like Milana or whatever what's the Obama's chick's name Michelle no Melania that's another Trump but there's the Obama also has kids It could be. Like Milana or whatever. What's Obama's chick's name? Michelle? No, Melania. That's another Trump, but there's the Obama also has kids. That's not Trump.

It's a fucking Obama. Melania Trump is... What the fucking... You think Michelle Obama's name is Melania? No, I think it's another kid. The dad's name is Barack, and the kids are named Baroque. What's Barack's kid's name? Baroque.

What? Baroque Barack. Who cares? Yeah, these kids need to be killed Jimmy Fallon had like a security a detail to go to the bar because he's such a drunk oh that's why there's like episodes where he just has like a cast because he couldn't like say I'm on vacation having a detail is funny they They got to be bros, too. You know what I mean? You got to pick the right... Like, you're auditioning for the detail.

Like, are they chill as much as you're auditioning? I don't know if you want a bro, though. That has to be... That's like a step below traffic cop, I feel like, is... Yeah, but you don't want a detail who's like a brown noser. It's like, you want a detail looking like, yo, you're not going to tell anyone what just happened. Oh, shit.

Like, me getting a four slice of pizza, that's just like, that's between me and you, right? You want, you want right in the middle. I don't want the tell-all book coming out.

You want somebody that, they're like, you don't, you think I would want to talk about this? This is the worst job ever. I gotta follow fucking Tiffany Trump around

by white claws. Who knows what she's getting up to, man. Tiffany Trump goes down, gets fucking railed by nine guys, and this guy gets to watch that. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Oh, what if the white claws are for him just for his orgies? Just to watch her get plunked. Taps him in. Yeah, that'd be crazy having a detail. I mean, that's probably in the fucking writing any time you get the presidency. Your future is you have X amount of dollars every year for retirement. Probably in the fucking writing. Anytime you get a, you know, the presidency. Your future is, you have X amount of dollars every year for retirement.

Well, I think they can kidnap you and shit, right? Like, so I think one of the big things is, imagine when they were writing the rules. They could just fuck with ex-presidents. Yeah. Because you mean other people could kidnap them. If you got kidnapped, listen, no offense, no one gives a shit. 100%. But if you go, hey, we kidnapped a former president's kid, this is a national emergency,

so let's say a terrorist did that. The government can't be like, well, too bad. It's like, no, this is a real... It's embarrassing. At the very least, it's embarrassing. It's a real... It's so embarrassing. At the very least, it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. At the very least, it's embarrassing. It's a real... Yeah, yeah. It's so embarrassing.

At the very least, it's embarrassing. If we can't protect our president's kids, you know, if they just get abducted... Yeah. Outside of the Kennedys. All of a sudden, China's going to get ideas. What kids have ever done anything? I just found out that Anderson Cooper is a Vanderbilt. Oh, yeah.

Oh, that makes sense. I didn't know that yeah i just like i wonder what that means well apparently according to this podcast where someone else also didn't know what they're talking about i believe they heard it on a different podcast you're on the right couch my friend nobody knows what they're talking about apparently they didn't have his mom didn, my friend. Nobody knows what they're talking about. Apparently, they didn't have,

his mom didn't have that much money is what they say. Okay. Because they ran through it. Oh, before it got to him. That's the story he's going with. The story he's going with

is he's a Vanderbilt but he's like, I didn't know help from nobody. Yeah, they were like railroad tycoons, right? I just hear the name. They had all the stuff, I think.

Yeah. I wonder how long. Back when you could make money like a man, you know what I mean? When do you think that child rapes came into high-end wealth? You know what I mean? I think it was always there. Who's the one guy that was like, yo. We got enough money to get a fucking truckload of kids in here for me and the boys.

Some hot dogs. Who wants a 12-pack of k in here for me and the boys some hot dogs i do that's a 12 pack of kitties i have a theory i have a theory that like because pedophilia is so disgusting and terrible yeah that it's like you know people they retreat from it and then they turn to like business you know what i mean they're like well i can't i can't the thing i want to so i'm just going to hide in just business and like you think oh you're saying the pedophiles got into business not vice versa yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you know what i mean yeah yeah it's kind of that thing where they're like hey do boy scout leaders is that pedophiles that take that job or do you take that job and then can't help yourself that's correct yeah closet closet of gays in the 90s went into priesthood yeah the guy who dresses up like the

easter bunny is a pedophile no one's getting 5 15 hour jumping in a 6 000 degree suit the whole kid's on their lap for the betterment of the community that kid loves child buttholes but when it comes to fucking billionaires like i don't think that you don't get that success you know he's saying the opposite he goes he he goes they were trying to uh become that successful to like i want to fuck kids but let me just focus myself on business and then they're trying so hard to get to the top of the business exactly and they go that's the whole reason I was doing all this

to get away from that finally what do you think I've been doing for 20 years finally I have an estate big enough I bought an island

yeah now I can fuck kids on it and by the time you can hear all the doors opening for the cops looking at you like he's in the third chamber slide this kid down

a fucking a hidden slide in one of their castles so that's an option i'm telling you i'm telling you they should look into it you know they say that about people who are like dyslexic or left-handed dude i just imagine like overcome a thing so they it's probably kind of how they you know they get you on you know you start drinking then they're like what about coke then what about heroin it's like they get a good a girl that's 16 and they're like, you want to try 15? I think they wean them.

They wean them in. You're saying, yeah. Oh, that's what Epstein says. It's like boiling a frog. It's like that kind of, that's like. They turn them into pedophiles like boiling a frog. They just turn the temperature up one degree at a time. You barely notice, you know what I mean? It's like a Benjamin Button.

Do you know government agents have CIs they can relate to because they give them inside information around workings of that society of criminals or whatever. They should have a theorist, like you, someone that works among the people that think differently. know like the government should have like all their high acting cia agents and then they're like we brought me is what we brought in a specialist yeah yeah and then it's just you with the eye crusters and a vase i figured out the whole pedophilia they'd be like this guy and i'd be like look you guys are too close to it yes exactly you can't see the big picture you know i mean i do nothing all day yeah

so i'm getting the wide lens here yeah dude how do they find you craigslist dad i found this is this yarn on tax going from like a Chuck E. Cheese to a yacht I figured it out we are there's gonna be there's gonna be they're gonna crack a case and it's gonna be

a Netflix documentary you'll never hear about it how did you you'll never hear about it and they'll be like Stuff Island I was listening to Stuff Island just like you'll never hear about it

or you guys will just disappear yeah yeah cause we're getting too close well you never yeah yeah we've yeah you never hear for scared the son or daughter of a president was kidnapped or even like you know they had to pay out a ransom you'd never know that their details top tier man yeah no one could have fucked with us when we were getting those claws i think that would be national news no we'd hear about it would not you can't show the slip in the armor like that

you know now you i mean that's why you just can't show the slip in the armor like that you know now you i mean that's why you just can't let it happen i'm sure it happens all the time in other countries yeah yeah yeah yeah they kidnap presidents and other you need like four good mexicans to get the president yeah that's it like yeah one gun they don't have it they use the back door because nobody ever locks it yeah they have an headlock they have no money yeah mexico yeah every other country pretty much you pretty much don't fixes this yeah you talked to me off the ledge about russia killing us yeah they're not gonna that's how much i don't pay attention to that i don't give a about yeah i think i'm uh only pay attention to Canada. Yeah. Right. Right.

Have you gone back recently? Yeah. How's it going up there? That's a hell hole, dude. That's a hell hole. This is a hell hole. I think it's kind of,

it's gotta be nice if you get really up there in the Arctic. Alaska. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would want to get it. I want to get, you know,

there wasn't that there's like 10 to one girl guy ratio in the Arctic. Yeah. But they all look like, because all the, because a lot of people move there for work. Right. You know, like you'd be a ice fisher or whatever the fuck. An oil guy. Yeah.

Something. Whatever they're doing over there. A spear blubber guy. Yeah. And and no girls obviously take those jobs. So the towns are just all like workmen. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And the 10 girls that live there, you know, the mayor's daughter. The mayor and the firefighters and the sheriff's daughter. Yeah, dude. She's just mining dick. 19 dudes that went there to work on some rig, you know? Yeah.

See, I thought you were saying the other way around. I thought you were saying there's 10 to 1 girls up there. No. There's no way, dude. I fucking wish. Nobody goes up there unless they have to no 10 to 1 girls that's a good comedy i thought yeah yeah i could believe it they're so wild my university was the men just killed the other 70 30 though really yeah wealth university in canada was 70 30 girl guy because it was all like fucking girl programs like fucking being a vet and like his veterinarian and like fucking I don't know like psychology whatever

the fuck girls take right are Canadian girls hot yeah they're all beasts yeah it wasn't Pam Anderson from Canada There's one Yeah I think there's She was so hot Give me a pencil and paper We're gonna count to ten We'll see if we can get To five Canadian

Tam Anderson is so hot We're Canadian That's fine Like the board Was like hold on Hold on That's like You know the Chris

The old like Chris Farley show Where he Or like the SNL sketch Where Chris Farley show? Or the SNL sketch where Chris Farley interviews the Beatles? He's like, that's awesome. Yeah, it's him. He's like, Canadian girls, they're hot, right? Yeah, Chris is getting nervous. I don't think I've ever heard any stereotypes about Canadian women. Yeah.

I would imagine they're delicate little beauties. I do believe the hottest girls are... Norwegian. No, I'd say South American and stuff like that. Me too. Yeah. Or like half something. I thought you meant white.

The hottest white chicks are like in the... Hottest white chicks. Norway, Switzerland. Those girls get big though. Yeah, they get tall. I changed my... They look very good on paper and on picture. But sometimes you meet those girls and you're like,

that's a size 12. Yeah, I couldn't get over the size of a clitoris. A lot of legs and arms flopping around once you pop the clothes up. It's true. You're doing pull-ups on her nipples. It's true. They are giant women.

Especially for me, I'd need like a fucking grappling hook. But did you ever want to like change your bud line? You ever want your next generation to be like your height? I've mostly dated girls that aren't white. Yeah. Yeah. Did you ever want to like change your bud line? You ever want your next generation to be like your, your height? I've mostly dated girls that aren't white. Yeah. So I don't know if it's that I, I didn't have like that where I'm like, get this out of me.

This ends now. I said, I said, I look in the mirror. I go last. This ends today. The white guy's biological clock is just only dating black girls once I hit 40 yeah no

but it it was not not necessarily for the kids yeah no I agree they're

well you're talking I mean I plan like most likely when I have the kids like you know I'll be there for a couple years or whatever

let's be real here you're gonna vape yourself to death it's like you know if I'm a half half black kid half Asian kid half Asian kid half Indian kid

it's all gonna cost me the same amount weekly but if you have short kids is it gonna is it gonna hurt your feelings short kings no if you have a real short kid

you just trans them you're good true I don't know great opportunity you get the CNN like in two jumps short kings

short kings a trans midget is like dude you're a newscaster in like two years True. I don't know. Great opportunity. You get to CNN like in two jumps. Short kings. Short kings. A trans midget is like, dude, you're a newscaster in like two years. I don't think there's a lot of short news. They're coming up the ranks right now. Short trans newscasters out there. Keep your eyes peeled, pal. Yeah, don't forget mine's also going to be half something, right? Okay.

In this scenario. You think so? So we're half, you know some good race And also trans and also a newscaster. So damn man, that's that's a Voltron of perfection. Yes It's gonna be fun like chaotic energy. Yeah, this guy is going they're gonna hate every single one Hate all of dad's content. They're gonna change their last name by 8th grade. I'm trying to tell them, like, yeah, I've got like a little black girl, I'm gonna clean your room. She's like, who the f- you white boy trying to tell me like that?

You think you're my master? Which I kind of am. Not in that way. I didn't mean that, don't tell your mom. I'm a parent, dad. Not that crazy. You think you're my fucking, you own me? I'm. Don't tell your mom. I'm a parent. You're not that great. You think you're my fucking, you own me. I'm like a little, I mean, I'm not. I mean, until you're 18.

Yes, that is kind of. But all that. Going through a legal dictionary. Being like, there's got to be a non-offensive term for whatever, whatever power I have. It's called dad. Yeah. It's called dad. She's called father. Yeah, do they refer to you as my property? That's not how we, okay.

That's not how we want to do this. I agree with this, though. I have like a fetish. I have a desire to have multiple children with multiple races. Yeah, that'd be nice. Like seeing a beautiful half-white, half-black child with big curly hair and blue eyes. Mm-hmm.

I want that. That's a cool look. Where are you going to get the blue eyes from? Huh? I got blue eyes. You don't have to have blue eyes. It's in my family. Okay, so he's just rolling the dice.

My mom's got green. My brother's got blue. My brother's got green. So you're banking on a recessive. I'm banking on a recessive gene to come through when it matters. I got to tell you, I don't think there're banking on a recessive I'm banking on a recessive gene to come through when it matters I gotta tell you I gotta tell you

I don't think there's black people with recessive blue eyes it's coming from me you need you need it on both sides nah you don't yeah you do yes

no there's I mean it would probably help your chances to have a kid with blue eyes so she might she needs like a grandfather had green eyes yes

alright I mean best probably chances if you just had blue eyes I don't like where this is going i have to meet a 90 great great great grandfather that had green you have to essentially meet what you're already describing what you essentially have to meet what you're already describing yeah exactly i do i have to meet one but darker and then we'll make a lighter version of that yeah exactly when's fashion week let's go hang around those baths yeah yeah dude i am at

like i don't even know how like that level of beauty like runway models and stuff yeah they're terrible obviously i mean they they would never talk to us for a second um but i was at all of us they won't talk yeah you might get i'm slamming yeah dude uh you might yeah i was at all of us. They won't talk. Yeah. You might get, I'm fucking slamming. Yeah, dude. Uh, you might. Yeah. I was at Soho house once doing a, uh, a commercial.

I was meeting like this executive team and I've never been there before. I was like, I was in, I was dressed like this jeans and a black t-shirt in the middle of fashion week. It's a flex. It is. Wow. Well,

so one of my other options there, you know what I mean? And these girls are jumping out of the pool and they're just like you know perfect goddesses yeah that like

I don't even know I'd feel confident if it came into my element but trying to get to theirs you don't you can't pick them up like that yeah yeah

no no you gotta have them in your element yeah I don't look I don't mind good fashion but being being being at a party, being a part,

being at an event where everyone's like number one priority is fashion sounds like the worst thing on earth. My ex is a fashion stylist. So I went to like, I mean, the best way to describe them is just their events for gay people. Like it's 90 people being like, I like, like it's just forget it's a gay event it's like yeah so i've been that take the edge off it a little bit or is it no it's yeah it sucks you're just like this is fucking there it's not fun it's just a bunch of fucking yappy bitches on cocaine yeah i mean just people judging you for your clothes

like having to be in a world where like the hierarchy is just do you have a specific brand yeah you don't want to show up i mean there's a way to probably be the guy that like if you have like a leather jacket and you have like a look you could still not you don't need to be high fashion but yeah if you show up in like work boots you show up in work boots and a wife beater, it is a little probably. There'll be a bunch of gay guys being like, is that or they'll be like, that would work. Yeah, I think that might be so aggressive that they would be like,

is this in? Yeah, that's a little Wahlberg-ish. Depends on your face. Is it in? If you've got a blue-collar face and you're wearing a blue collar outfit, they're going to kick you out. But if you have an effeminate private school face. True, true, true.

If you're looking like Zoolander. True. If you dress like a rich kid mocking a poor guy, a poor man, that's fashion. A lot of the dudes there aren't high fashion though. There's rich dudes, girls that love fashion, and then fucking loser dudes that are into fashion yes like a lot there's no there's no shortage of at these events

of just like dudes that are important that aren't they're just there because they're chicks into this yeah so it's actually not that out of place for a dude to not be you, having a wacky hat on or whatever. See, that would drive me nuts. Just a wacky hard hat. I hate fashion brands. Did you watch House of Gucci? No, but I saw a little bit of the movie on the person in front of me on the plane's screen. I watched a good 45 minutes of Gucci

with subtitles two fucking screens up I do that all the time I do I'm just like too lazy to turn all my TV or I don't have like a headphone cable

I have headphones you just watch the last flight from LA there was just some old dude watching a cartoon on the middle seat of like a mom holding a child

and he was just invested that was me and I mean like a low level cartoon this thing was like you know like bubbles put together eyeballs it wasn't me. And I mean like a low-level cartoon. This thing was like, you know, like bubbles put together with eyeballs.

It wasn't like fucking, it wasn't like a funny cartoon. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't like Rick and Morty. The guy was just watching like a five-year-old cartoon. So for the rest of the flight, I got my eye on him too,

going, what's this fuck, dude? Trying to learn how to count. Yeah. And I realized it wasn't the dad. And I'm like, this dude is bored, dude. Wi-Fi was down, so I get it. I do that sometimes. Yeah, like a little kid turns on cartoons or something.

You're like, what are they making now? Oh, dude. He said it's like a fucking bank. Some of them are funny, dude. Just creating children's stories. If you go to watch Monsters vs. Aliens, a lot of the... When comedy in the real world like in comedy in hollywood started getting kind of weird and crappy yeah emotional and judd apatow

yeah a lot of the really funny guys started making getting into cartoons because it was kind of the one place you could still like be funny you know i was really paying attention true true oh you mean you're talking about like animated stuff not children's cartoons a lot of children's cartoons are like low-key like go watch monsters versus aliens and you'll be surprised that it's actually pretty funny and like kind of funny for adults yeah damn what is you can just hide behind well a lot of those people too that you're like really funny and then also it's like wild cash grab too so it's like you're kind of wild cash grab no one's really paying attention like i don't know yeah yeah

kind of zone where you can like a lot of people have moved to i know animators that kind of went to that world and they like love it yeah and they kind of say that too you're like you can get away with because the kids will go over their head so a lot of it's for adults i remember i remember watching uh fucking what the hell's the crocodile dundee as a kid You know that scene where he like That guy's doing coke in the kitchen You guys remember this? Not really no This guy's doing coke in the kitchen

I only watch things once So don't pick it up He was like no that's not how you do it And he like takes the guy's coke He like throws it in like boiling water And puts like a Like he thought he was trying to like Treat his nose for some sickness or something

And I thought that was the funniest thing in the world when I was like eight. And I had no idea what. And then I saw it again, like in college. You sure he wasn't making crack? No. Yeah, but he slipped one in. Yeah. And that's a kid's movie.

Yeah. And then the Bugs Bunny ones, they slip in like dicks and stuff. Yeah. Bugs Bunny was funny as fuck. Do you think that's dude being funny or like a creep? Wow, that's a tough question. Well, in the 30s, 40s when they were making like the original ones. Isn't it pretty common that they're all, you know,

like when people are trying to put together their like pedophile boards to say everyone's a pedophile, they're like, look at Disney. It's actually dicks. You know the things, right? But is that like someone being like or someone being like I think they just accidentally made a dick

some of them are pretty obvious aren't they wait are you talking about like the Disney covers where they're like penises of the yeah you'll be like oh look in the clouds

they put like a set of dicks or whatever a set of dicks I think it's just an animal. A couple different dicks up there. It's an amateur. You think it was an accident? No, I think it's on purpose from like an amateur comedian standpoint going like, what if we

put a pack of birds in the fucking sky? You think it's funny? That'd be unfunny. Yeah, I think it's unfunny. See, I think it was- You're right though, because if you were a pedophile, like I guess what would be the end game? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like one kid's going to fucking see this and go, who's the editor or who's the animator? And what's his email address? I want to suck his dick. I mean... I guess they're saying it's like a smoke signal to other pedophiles to be like... Yeah.

You're not alone. Yeah, but it's a... Hang in there, pal. There's other child butt for you. It's also just so crazy to make that connection someone draws a dick in a in a cartoon and they're like there must be other pedophiles yeah yeah why else would a dude draw a dick in a children's cartoon yeah he must want to fuck kids yeah what about like highlights magazines you ever find penises in trees when you're looking for like the key no no I think there was a park by our house where if you went into the tree, you used

to find a penis and you were told not to tell your parents. It was a whole thing. He's arrested now. Yeah. Wait, did you have a local child molester? No, unfortunately we weren't that cool. Yeah. That's more of a big city thing.

Kids weren't hot enough. Yeah. That's more of a big city thing. Kids weren't hot enough. Yeah, that's how you know they don't have hot kids. If there's not a fucking... If every town doesn't have a molester. Or we maybe just had a molester that was good at what he did. Yeah, true.

So he's still out there. I mean, that's a guarantee. That's a guarantee. It's gotta be one. I mean, most families have an uncle that's good at what he does. Right? Because if he gets away with it for 20 years,

you're not going to open your fucking mouth at 42. Why not? I don't think I will. Guys, I don't want to talk about it. No, I'm saying like... Just because he's a fucking cool guy. Yeah, dude. Because I might get his motorcycle.

I don't want to ruin my chances of getting on that high. So I'm going to shut up about blowing his heart. This is why they get rich and powerful. Yeah, true. This is why they go into business. Damn. Because they know they've got a fleet of wild hogs

that can get away with anything. Yeah, my uncle brought me and he's like, Tom, you ever see a dick in the clouds in Moulin Rouge? That's what it's called. You want to see it in real life? Mark Obama's kid's name. Yes, that's her name.

Moulin Rouge Obama. I don't have time to learn the fucking twat's name. Being an uncle pedophiles a little on the nose Malia Malia that's it she sucks

Malia nah she's nice nice girl the other one Malia and what's the other one oh what's the one that went viral she has like cocaine

with her her credit card that's Malia yeah I think that was she's like in Ivy League school yeah yeah ripping fucking

alligator tails with her credit card on a I'm familiar I don't know you know it's like what you can't just do coke but let's go on yes is your name also Tiffany I know that sometimes presidents daughters are in no Obama's not white but yes that's my frame of Tiffany Kennedy a Tiffany Reagan I never met a Tiffany I like I don't think I've ever met a Tiffany what oh my god you're from Connecticut I don't think we had any Tiffany we had a Wiley a Wiley yeah Wiley talk about common white girl names I'm just saying that's the kind of names that we're getting around because my

neck in the woods why yeah Wiley what's that bitch up to I have no idea selling volleyball yeah why would be selling volleyball while he works while he works at dicks this is not like a one thing it's it's it's uh like a common thing where people will be like if you look closely i mean there's so many cartoons and there'll be all these animators squeak like obscene things into the trees and clouds. And I don't know. They squeak everywhere. You're saying in your hometown.

I haven't found all of them. So don't ruin it for me if you know where a few more are. I know. It's like where's Waldo? It's not a Keebler elf. That's horny. And he was an animator. Yes.

He works for Disney He's just drawing With his dick out There he is again He waits on the branch All day Oh you thought If you look into the

If you look deep If you look back There's a guy Getting his dick Sucked by a kid In different trees In your neighborhood In different trees

Yeah That'd be a little More aggressive Yeah You ever see that Viral video The fucking That black guy

There's like two or three black people talking about seeing a leprechaun and like oh yeah yeah that's true there's a drawing of just like the most generic leprechaun you can imagine i just want to know where the gold at that rules but it's just could be a leprechaun leprechaun give me the gold and everyone's like we just want to know where the gold is everyone's the gold there was a good one where we were from where i wish i still had it saved but it was like the local um you know the america's most wanted we had like durham's most wanted like a little region on cable access okay and they showed a sketch and it was legitimately a fucking stick man like i've never like it was going it kind of went like

into viral in our local area just how bad his sketch was this sketch artist was not even trying it could have been a black guy it could have been an asian guy dude i remember uh just phoning it in into the sketch artist the early days of google maps there was like a little pond there's a little pond by my town something first line of a novel that i'll never read the first early days of google yeah we're like the first round of google maps the first set of pictures they took there was uh there was a dick in the pond like a huge dick on this pond in my neighborhood. It's hilarious. How'd it get there?

People put it there. So then it was in snow. It was in snow. It was like, they took it in the winter and someone had stomped a giant dick for airplanes, I guess. Great move. I'm still thinking of the guy under the snow with his hard dick. The whole time I'm like, how was the dick in the water? This guy doesn't understand the concept of like a non-human dick. You're like,

so it's like a dildo. Yeah, this girl had a dildo. You're like, so a guy was there with his dick. You can draw a dick with a pencil?

Just struggling with the concept of an animated dick. Oh, so it was a real dick but he traced it. So no, you don't need a real dick to draw a dick.

I would like to talk to some animators, some of those old school guys. I wonder if it's just like you do enough drawing, like it's so hard to avoid being a dick. Like on accident, just on accident, you know, because it's like animation's expensive. They probably animated the scene, watched it back and we're like, fuck, I drew a dick. What? Yeah.

It's going on. I think that's what happened. I think, I think they just, they're drawing dicks by accident. I used to know you sort of get like, you're possessed by the work. Oh,

cock possession. I think, I think, I think it could, I don't know because I'm not involved in it, but it could be easier to just, you know, you draw yourself into a corner and all of a sudden you got a dick on the page.

Chris, it's... That's probably it. It is one of the most unique shapes in all of... It's not. All of existence. It's the most... There's nothing organically looking like a dick that grows out of the air.

No, but you're... No, that's not true. You're shading. We ate them last night. Dude, there's dicks everywhere. You got a dick in grows out of the earth. No, but you're No, that's not true. You're shading. We ate them last night. Dude, there's dicks there's dicks everywhere. So I got a dick in your mouth last night.

Dicks are everywhere, man. Anyone can make that mistake. Dicks are everywhere depending on what you look at. That's not my point. You know what I mean? My point was you don't draw them by accident.

I made a dick. What? There's no fucking there's no artist drawing clouds going oh shit, that one was No, you're you're focusing on drawing like the guy's kneecap and his his thigh and then all of a sudden like his kneecap just

as a weird you know what he is an apologist i just i just think that it could be easier to draw an accidental dick if you're drawing a lot of trees and a lot of clouds and honestly you've accidentally get on a flight you're on the logs next thing you know you're anyone can make that mistake yeah i thought we were just going to like a regular island yeah man i didn't know i didn't know he had his own my cousin was the main animator for bojack horseman and director and stuff into tuka and birdie and all these all these fucking shows in la and uh that show is funny as fuck yeah yeah he can't stop drawing dicks

just everywhere if you go to his house just everywhere they're all over the place accidental they are funny I bet it's like draw me a thousand clouds

and don't make a dick I bet you can't I fucking I fucking draw a whole forest And don't make a dick I bet you can't That I

Yeah I bet you can't If you tried to draw a mushroom You'd be like That's a tiny dick Or is it like The giant head Or is it

Because the people who finish It then has to go through A couple rounds of quality control Is it someone like At the end of the assembly line Dude You know what I mean Yeah but you know

Yeah yeah The color correction guys i need 24 hours surveillance on my dick my dick but at that point it's already too late i mean the foundation's been poured yeah he's trying to get up the right the original animator like why'd you draw dicks he goes what i didn't i swear i didn't yeah yeah check your work yeah there's one guy that's guy you know somewhere in the chain yeah I'm gonna get mark fired today how you gonna do that it's been incredible he's had this leaf on his fucking head dancing he didn't give a fuck about it yeah that's

good it was unbelievable he didn't even shift. Every time he moved his head, the thing would dance with him like a little yarmulke. Just when we thought we had that plant fixed. Now it's on people's heads. No, I turned this way

when we went to LA because a baby needed sun for seven straight days. So I gave it the bear ass. Now if you turn it, you give the bear ass to Ryan. I think this is the

first episode that we've had the poles in. Maybe. The plants? Yeah. Well, the plants. You're bugging me, yeah. Yeah.

You should have said something. I didn't, you know. It's tough. I was seeing if this was like a plant. Can we get the prop guy in here to move the plants back a couple inches? Yo, go get the car guy. No, you can turn it all the way. Honestly, with one of those poles.

Well, no, I was just hitting my head a little bit. One of those poles. Not a professional studio, but I mean, whatever. We're never going to have that, pal. I'm willing to bet. If you, at certain angles, with those poles and that shape of leaf, it could look like a dick.

That's how it starts, yeah. True. You know? Yeah. You just made a dick. You made a dick in the background of our podcast. I actually do want to draw a dick right now. Stents are mine.

Let's do it. Fuck it. I'll fucking draw a dick right now, dude. It's getting to you'll draw it right now dude yeah i'm very good dick trawler really yeah in high school i drew this thing for my buddy and he got he got him kicked out of uh out of class yeah and it just said the hung drawer and it was a a number of drawers in robes and then one dude just had a fucking a snuffy cock coming right out of the middle hung jurors nice hung juror and just said hung juror and he fucking shook until he got kicked And then one dude just had a fucking snuffy cock coming right out of the middle. Hungjer is nice. Hungjer. Just said Hungjer.

And he fucking shook until he got kicked out of class. Then he went and got a cheese pretzel. Do you have like an idea of like an ideal penis that you try to draw? Bobby, they say what you draw is the only thing you've been staring at and whacking around. Well, that's what I'm wondering. Are you looking at your own dick and seeing deficiencies? What about Andrew Karaoke's Asian Karaoke? I don't doubt it. I'm sorry, what? What'd you say? Looking at your own dick and seeing deficiencies. What about Andrew Karaoke's star? Asian Karaoke star Andrew Hong.

I don't doubt it. I'm sorry, what? What'd you say? Sorry, what? We both missed it. I said, how about Asian Karaoke star Andrew Hong. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's pretty dicks.

I think there's pretty dicks. And most dicks are hideous I think they're all pretty There's a You've never seen a dick You didn't like There's a gorgeous I've never seen a

After pu I've seen a Pre-pubescent dick Baby dicks are perfect They haven't reached You know Adolescence yet When you go through puberty

Your bird gets all wacky You think so? Yeah the vagina gets Tight tighter and tighter and tighter. It looks like a little tulip, like a professional tulip. You think old ladies have it just like that? You think babies have baggy vaginas? No, babies, they just continue to stay perfect. Baby boys.

Perfect is how you describe a baby's vagina, huh? Hold on. Everybody hold up. Burke, get the time stamp on this. You see, when a baby's vagina is perfect, I mean, a 30-year-old's vagina, it'll do. I got it.

I got it. What I'm trying to say... It just keeps getting tighter and tighter. It's not what I said, you fuck. Imagine if we could fucking put that still in the womb. With standard upkeepkeep a vagina will continue on the course will continue on the course of beauty and perfection

shut up and let me get it out what's standard upkeep standard upkeep is not plunging it with giant utensils what I mean is what the hell

dude shut up give me a second stay off the Sibian you know standard stuff stop trying to change the natural

fundamental foundation of the thing and it'll stay a beautiful little peach this is his long pitch to stop fucking black guys

stay away from my daughter Tiffany so we can make a half black kid. No, but a dude's bird. The natural order. It's going to be nice and beautiful. Like a baby vagina. When it sprouts into a forest size bird, it becomes fucking gangly.

Sometimes they rip to the left. Sometimes they hook up They do And they got small heads Thick branches Their fucking dicks are hideous I know When you find a nice dick

I know It works out And girls go Oh my god it's a beautiful dick It is You go how? Why? And then you search Google dick

You don't believe me? Google dick And take a look Take a peruse A hundred birds And I guarantee you, you'll find one piece. This is Disney thumbnails.

Yeah. Oh man. They're just having dicks. Yeah, Moulin Rouge brought us here, dude. This is, this is a dick heavy episode.

A very dick heavy episode. Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Don't worry about it, man. We got, we got, you know what I was watching this morning?

You know, let's talk about something about dicks. No, that's dicks. Okay. No, that's dicks too, actually. You don't want to eat for lunch? Wait a minute. No, I tried to watch some of the Amber Heard Johnny Depp trial.

Oh, that bitch is nuts. Yeah, but I don't... Good stuff. She's perjuring herself right in the lap. Is she that bitch is nuts. Yeah, but I don't... Good stuff. I can't... She's perjuring herself right in the lap. Is she Canadian? I guess, yeah. Uh, no, but...

It sucks to watch. I thought it'd be fun. Why? It's like being in a... I'm not watching the highlights. I'm not watching it the 12 hours live. But that's the thing that...

It's like watching your ex for fucking three hours. I will... Go step to the stand. Yeah. Do you believe she was doing... It's not... Like... What? Do you believe she was doing coke in the stand? I do not

I think she was blowing her nose it's one of the worst I've watched courtroom stuff before and it's the least entertaining I've watched Rittenhouse, fingers crossed they constantly object everything is objection they can't get a sentence out but it's also because it's such a rare I feel like, but this is constantly, they constantly object. It's every, everything is objection hearsay.

They can't get a sentence out. Yeah. They like to object. But it's also because it's such a rare, it's, it literally is hearsay. It's you, it's this girl saying she was abused and this guy saying he was abused. No, but this will be like, uh, on, you know, January 2nd, 2016, uh, this article was written and it said this and they'd be like objection hearsay yeah and it would be or it'd be like

it would be one of their own quotes and they'd be like objection hearsay they literally and then they well then they could just say the journalist took their words out of context I'm just saying don't watch the Johnny Depp right well apparently she's she there's this whole thing where she basically said that

she used all this makeup to cover up her bruises. And then the makeup company came out and said that makeup didn't exist till like two years after this happened. Right. And then she went up and described what the makeup she put on and the way that she described it was allegedly the wrong order to cover up a bruise. She said she put the foundation on and then she like basically described like making a fake bruise of like putting, but yeah, yeah,

so the way that she described it, it was like, it's, she's kind of, I mean, it literally is a fucking crazy girl that we all know

that's finally having to fucking, like a crazy girl that's always been like, fuck you and you've never really been able to pin it down and one thing's like, every card on the table

and you're like, see, this type of bitch exists. Yes. It vindication yeah for dating a fucking maniac after it is because every person's dated some girl like that and you've now you've been like okay what are you about this you said this like shut up you don't respect you know yeah yeah you can't keep them on the train of thought where you try to pick like let's get with this pick this one thing yeah prove that you lied. Yes. And it did get that crazy.

I swear, it finally got to an exciting part where they were asking, she like... How much you watch? What? How long do you watch? I watch for like 30 minutes. Okay. And it got to a part where they were asking her about, because she got money in the divorce.

She got like 7 million bucks. And she was like, I'm donating it. She was like, I donated it to the ACLU. And Johnny Depp and she was like i'm donating it she was like i donated it to the aclu and johnny depp's lawyer was like as of today as of today you have not donated that money and she was like yes i did and she's like you have not donated she's like i pledged it and she was like yeah but you haven't donated it and she's like those words mean the same thing to me it's just like yeah i'm going dude yeah yeah. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. And the lawyer has...

It's literally, yeah. It's like that classic girlfriend... She's been watching so much Gary Vee, like, just pictures. Yeah. I've visualized I've done it. What's the... Basically, I've done it.

And the lawyer has to be like, well, those words don't mean the same thing. And she's like, well, to me, they do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if this was your girlfriend, you'd be like...

I know. Yeah. Yes, dude. I fucking swear to God. Punching walls. Whatever the fuck Johnny Depp was doing, throwing stuff around the house. Yeah. You're so obsessed with definitions.

This means that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so controlling. You're so controlling. The words have to mean what you want it to mean. And then like a dude ahead. I've had that exact fucking same argument where it's like, okay, well,

I don't know. I don't use it like that. And I'm sure a lot of other people don't do like, maybe it's, I always get like, I don't know, whatever. Like you're from Canada.

Like you probably get it. I was like, no, I'm pretty sure the word television. But she already got you to pretty sure. Yeah. I'm pretty certain that donating plaids are two different things.

God damn it. I gotta look this up now? Dude, and a half hour later, you're like undoing like a wire hanger trying to get your car keys out of like in between two pieces of drywall from like three feet. Like, I fucking knew it.

I fucking knew I should have broke up with this bitch. Oh, fuck her. drywall from like three feet like fucker yeah that is the worst yeah they mean this well let's look it up you're such a dick yeah oh yeah yeah yeah look it up yeah is that what we're doing now look it up why don't we look up your text to your ex-girlfriend from last night shut up yeah he none of her tricks work in a court of law yeah right that's the point and then she's like well i'll post on facebook that you push me like i didn't push you we were in line at disneyland i got pushed from beyond this was a rare win for the fellas 100 well it's not over billions of dollars to take a bitch to court to get her to go you know what I was full of shit

this whole time she's still not gonna say it no she won't she's gonna be with some guy like in the future in two years that's gonna be like I mean you know

you had to pay all this money because you lied and all this stuff she goes yeah that was a conspiracy against me are you with them or are you with me she'd be the perfect beard

for a billionaire pedophile. You think so? 100%. Because he can live his life, she can live her life because she's a fucking gold-dinging scumbag.

She's going to be oblivious to it. Some big, fat, smelly, hairy billionaire just smoking coins. You know what I mean? And she's just like, Daddy! Fucking doing her own thing.

It'd be the perfect target for her because she could just take all his money. You ever had a dated girl that's like, that's the dynamic of like, come on, Daddy. Fucking doing her own thing. It'd be the perfect target for her because she could just take all his money. You ever had a dated girl that's like, that's the dynamic of like, come on, daddy. No. No, I've never had.

You look like a girl that likes a daddy. Like that's, you look exactly like him. What time's your show? Like a 20 year old girl. A 20 year old, like a 21 year old girl that's like, oh, this is my boyfriend, daddy.

Oh, yes. Hold on, hold on. If I'm picturing that, I close my eyes. You're dead right. And I open my boyfriend, daddy. Oh, yes. Hold on, hold on. If I'm picturing that and I close my eyes and I open my eyes, nothing has changed. Yes. If I look your direction.

Let me tell you something. I was talking about a different type. Am I right? Yes, you are right. I was talking about a different type of daddy. I was talking about a financial daddy,

a psychological daddy. What's a financial daddy versus a psychological daddy? A financial daddy is some fucking dude that pays the bills for some piglet that doesn't do shit all day.

He looks like you. That's all I'm saying. Fuck you. I fat pig what no i want to be a sexual daddy he's a psychological daddy i'm not i'm not a daddy in the sense that i pay for anything or security or pay or pay your rent. But I'm a daddy in the sense that I'm like, you know, you can call me that, I guess. I'll pick you up from class. You gotta play to your strengths.

You gotta play to your strengths. I'm a psychological daddy. What I meant is psychologically, they always wanted to have sex with an older dude. That transpired like six months ago. And then they wake up and they're like get out yeah no no no you're doing it get out of my spongebob bed daddy can you buy me a cab home you go oh oh sorry you got the wrong impression different daddy different daddy

i'm a psychological you're looking for a financial daddy? They do exist. Honest mistake. You can hold on to the daddy powers though by being like, Uber, that's a rip-off. You're such a dad that you like a good deal. Take the bus. We took the bus. I used to walk home. When I was young, I used to walk home from every hookup.

Psychological daddies. You know, it's disgusting. They're fucking the cabs over. Psychological daddies Come with hard dicks Financial daddies Come with thick wallets Alright Okay

Well some of my I have Some of the financial guys Probably have hard dicks as well True You get the point The bottom They all look like you

That's the fact of the matter Any little babies out there Want a daddy Oh shit Oh god They all look like you. Any little babies out there want a daddy? DM me. In the context of the rest of this podcast, that's a bad sentence. What do you mean? Oh, right.

Holy shit. Of age, little babies. You putting it out there like, yo, a daddy looking for someone to take care of and then they get there and it's like you're two days in and they're like, so do you want to pay for my rent? You want to get lunch? Oh my God, this is embarrassing,

but I'm a psychological daddy. We must have missignaled the much time a daddy I have. I'm the swinging dick daddy. You're looking for money, daddy? Oh my God. Oh my God. I had no idea. I'm so sorry, Sarah.

I must have said something that took you on guard. You gotta be my friend, Buzz. Yeah, no, no, no. I don't do that. Anyways, I'll be on my way. You want to split lunch?

I'm gonna piss. Anyways, I'll be on my way. You want to split lunch? Anyways, separate checks. What time are we at? On a mistake. Oh, fuck. This has happened before. Are you a financial daddy now? A financial daddy? I don't mind being a normal normal like pay for 80 financial daddy

yeah yeah starts getting into but that's 80 like i've dated girls i remember my ex was like looking for a financial daddy i remember like this is the kind of thing she would do she would go on uh like her christmas would be coming up or something and she'd be like hey uh this is what i want and i'm just sending you something something but it's always like you know I'll just send you and it'd be like a $9,000 purse and I'd be like

what are you what are you on your mind and she'd be like can't hurt a girl for trying like it was that kind of energy and she's like

get the hell out of here so anyways I bought her $8,000 purse no one takes advantage of me would you like suck your dick and stuff yeah yeah you're like

oh fuck it's $7,000 no one's taking advantage of me The Corvette with deluxe normal Corvette dude, I just won the Corvette with deluxe seating. You get a normal Corvette, dude. I ain't no sucker. I ain't no girl who can take advantage of my fucking... I think I'm going to try to embrace being more of a psychological daddy maybe going forward. Let's see how that goes for me. You ever tried to be a psychological son? I did. It's too hard

The bad The bad boy son Yeah Like show up with a girl Like some you know 55 You show up with your slingshot Like

I've tried to do You have an F on your paper You know Or you just failed some other shit Like just failed my driver's test Fuck I'm late for school I uh That's an option I uh yeah i've tried to go with

just be the most reasonable person nice possible yeah like you just try to put it all up there up front you go doesn't work like first date you're like hey how's it going you're like so this is gonna shake down we're 50 50 on everything let's get it all out there yeah out of the gate 50 50 on everything when i get drunk i cry honestly most. Yeah, out of the gate, 50-50 on everything. When I get drunk, I cry. Honestly, most of the girls I've dated have not liked when I pay for stuff. Really? Yeah.

Like it's a thing. It's always a thing. No, it's not a thing. Huh? Yeah, it's always like a battle. Yeah. You know, you go out to dinner, you're like, I'll pay for it. And they're like, no.

I work. You're like. Were you saying pay for everything no no every time that you go to pay they're like no i work i'm gonna pay for us yeah well there's the best i can negotiate look that's a dream dude a lot of times a lot of times i will i will fight every once in a while to pay for a whole thing but a lot it's a lot of 50-50. Yeah. That's a good woman. Yeah. I get that. I get that sometimes.

50-50 is tougher to me when I'm out there telling a girl, like, I'm so fucking rich. Either they feel rich, like, you don't have to fucking... My game is very, like, I'm the best, heavy. Yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which makes it a little tough. I'm very modest about it. I'm like, I fucking have no idea what my millions do.

I'm humble, right? You know what I mean? It's more organic for them to go. I had a night, a couple nights ago, I went into that zone. Yeah, you were picking up a girl on the heavy. And borrowing from potential future fame it's like no i'm huge right now it's like no you're not no no no this is i when i was back here i was again shit-faced whiskey yeah i've always tried to pick up girls on an i'm important

game really yeah yeah which has always been bad for the pocketbook even when i was pretty broke yes some of the things i remember what would you say i remember when i was in like the band days too and like we're pretty popular but it's not like rich but like i remember specifically being like 20 years old and like with this girl that was like she was pretty famous and then going through this long story but like honestly it's like i gotta stop blowing through money like we've been taking the limos everywhere and like it's just stupid like what are we doing like i was telling her like yeah like the other day we just went on this like crazy trip and i dropped like eight grand it's like i gotta stop it's just stupid what am i doing yeah yeah and then it's like i'm yeah and then you leave and you're like what the fuck are you doing right

yes i gotta stop taking pictures with drake you're 20 years old can you not pick up and also like she's not stupid i live in a house with nine of my friends and i'm like oh i see he's just fun for me like yeah i want to be around my boys yeah it's just like those kind of those kind of material things don't matter to me looking back like i'm there's none of these girls believed it they know they were like down with me despite all of like my absurd lies they went home like this mentally deranged fucking idiot no they're in on the fantasy too yeah you know yeah they're getting off on it too no they believe that they like the fiction that they're not just fucking so look if a girl if a girl wants to fuck if i wanted to

fuck a girl and she just listened to my nonsense Or I had to listen to her nonsense I'm like yeah you absolutely baby I understand you're constructing this new development And you know You're going to live in this palace soon right Let's fuck I'm waiting until you get done this fantasy story you're telling

Because I don't give a shit They don't give a shit She was like yeah I thought your band was cool You seem interesting You whatever you could have took that you're like popular or whatever you know about pac-man no one thousand and the same result and instead what i do is do you do that thing where it's like all it does is make your life harder in the future like gate three it's like yeah you got to be like listen about all that liberal shit yeah yeah yeah you got to be like, listen to all that liberal shit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you gotta be like Chris going,

I don't usually drink whiskey and talk about y'all. That happened just that was one time. I don't know. All right, let's go to the page, dude. Because you got a show at seven, right? What time is it now? Do you want to promote your album real quick?

Yes. White Immigrant, youtube.com slash Ryan Long Comedy. Check it out. The Boys Cast with Ryan Long. Yes. Listen to it youtube.com slash Ryan Long comedy. Check it out. The boys cast with Ryan Long. Yes. Listen to it. It's good.