Stuff Island - Stuff Island #3 - Mature Women

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

Chris and Tommy discuss elderly women and how to cross yourself up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, we're back. Yeah. Against your will. Against my fucking will, Chris. You're pissed off. I'm not pissed. Tommy's sick. Yeah.

Tommy got sick. Yeah. Tommy wanted to take a vacation. I didn't want to take a fucking vacation. Two episodes in, Tommy wanted to take a holiday vacation. It's not a holiday. It's a fucking... It's a bronchial vacation.

Oh, bullshit. Because I have bronchitis. And you're being very disrespectful. And we've been boozing it up the whole time. i earned it you've been sick for three weeks i fucking earned it hasn't slowed down our drinking this isn't this sickness is not due to weather i know that that's what most people say he's like i can't do the podcast i'm sick and then we go black out of devil's game yeah yeah absolutely dude that fucking ruled also you're being that was sick you're being like judas right now I am? I'm selling you out?

Yeah, you sold me up the river, dude. No, dude. I'm Jesus and you're fucking Judas. We gotta tell the people what's going on. We did. Honestly, watching Passion of the Christ while sick is a good move. Yeah. Just watching Jesus get his ass whooped for like two hours straight.

It is kind of. It puts things in the perspective. You know what I mean? You're like, things aren't so bad. Yeah, they're not that bad. Yeah. I got a cough Yeah A little phlegm here and there

I wake up a little sweaty I'm not getting Little wet sheets I'm not getting rocked in the face By Jews all day long It's not cat and nine tails Yeah Yeah that

Actually I am My agents and managers Hey you don't Yeah that movie got you fired up Yeah it did get me fired up, dude. It was funny because we got the- I'm Team Jesus. Yeah.

Well, we were Team Jesus, and then we got the news that- You know he dies, right? Yeah, he dies. Dude, spoiler alert. That was- Yeah. Then we found out Brian Kelly, I think, is going to LSU, the head coach at Notre Dame. You're going to try and shoehorn in ND news?

No, it made Shane turn it off. He was like, fuck Jesus. Oh my god. I mean, what a fucking typical Notre Dame fan. Let's relate this to the passion of the Christ. He was pissed. Good, he should leave. I'm kind of pissed too. I was surprised. I didn't like him. Nobody

did, but now that he's gone, it's more about who's going to be in there. You know why I didn't like him? Why? Because he reminds me of every Delco dad you know they all look the same they're all built from marshmallow they wear fucking pleated khakis no but i like some of those guys huh the fucking the guy the guy who got us you know the passes the eagles game he had a little bit of a brian kelly thing yeah yeah that's. They all look the same. I like that. I like that.

They're built from a mold of Irish mediocrity. Yeah. Yeah, and that's what that guy was. He doesn't have any pizzazz. There's nothing to him. Now you're making me laugh. If you met Brian Kelly

twice in a week, you'd be like, eh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do I know you from? Are you a bartender around here? It's true. It's true.

He'd be like, I'm the coach of Notre Dame. Right. If you put him in a pack of those guys, he'd be inseparable. A pack of, yeah, a pack of Wild Migs Right. If you put him in a pack of those guys, he'd be inseparable. A pack of wild mix. Yeah.

You put him outside any VFW or something like that, you'd be like, wait, he's the... Yeah. If you put Mel Gibson's voicemail, like got him canceled and just put mix in instead of the N word, he'd still be directing some nice films. He'd be thriving. Yeah. It's nice to beat down a Mick, you know? And a Dago.

I'm half an air yeah yeah yeah those i don't get offended by any of that those those guys you can you can go after yeah no problem like they're never going to change the fighting irish no no no they're never going to change that and if they did it would be like it's a compliment yeah what are you talking about yeah irish people love being the bottom of the barrel that's honestly how i felt about getting rid of the names of like the redskins and all that stuff. It's the only time we talk about Native Americans. Yeah, true.

The only time we ever talk about Native Americans. Me and my family always had Sacagawea. It always came right before our birthday. Everybody, I have three brothers. Wait, this is a real thing? No, you fuck. Let me get my bit out, you jerk off. You're so convincing.

We had a cake that looked like a Sacagawea coin, and everybody cut the cake, and you did a Native American dance. Your family's crazy enough I can imagine that being real. The fact that you asked me if this is a real thing is very disheartening. It's a great idea. Sacagawea night?

Get a pinata? It is. There should be a, yeah. A celebration. Yeah. Yeah. But I do. Washington football team.

Great name. It is cool. I like the Redskins. I like the logo. Yeah, yeah, but we got to move on, Chris. Remember when we went to the Seminoles game? The chop? The chop was nice.

The chop's great. But you're also in Florida. What, are you going to get rid of all that? They do it like they fucking need to. Yeah, yeah. The Braves do it. Yeah. They're all shirtless. The Cleveland are you going to get rid of all that? They do it like they fucking need to. Yeah, yeah. The Braves do it. Yeah. They're all shirtless.

The Cleveland Indians. Weird dolphin tattoos on their back. It's all wrinkled from the sun. Yeah, what is that like? Just real piles of shit. Do those people ever, do you think they- SPF? Yeah.

No. Do you think they get to a place where they realize they've overcooked themselves and they just go, fuck it, I'm just going to do this until I'm- No. I think they just get to a point where they become like a bloatedooked themselves and they just go, fuck it. I'm just going to do this until I'm... No, I think they just get to a point where they become like a bloated raisin and they still try and get laid and bought. Yeah, like something about Mary,

kind of old lady, where it's just like, what the fuck? Smoke show. Smoke show. Just an absolute disaster. I'm in the matures, man, the matures. Are you? I'm still in the come up, yeah.

You're into matures? Yeah, I've always been. I mean, from a very young age and I'm still not, I still haven't hit the top of that bell curve. I'm with you. I do have like a fantasy. I've gotten back on. Fantasy?

Yeah, yeah. You haven't knocked one around? No. Yeah. No, I don't think I have. You've never had sex with a mature woman? I don't think so. Really?

I don't think so. I could be wrong. I mean, you're on the, you're on stage. You're on stage. No, I did one time in Florida actually. The old road dog's on stage. One time in Florida actually. Yeah. Oh, now you remember. Yeah, I did. One time in Florida, actually. One time in Florida, actually. Yeah.

Oh, now you remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I brought her home to my uncle's house and said it was my house. Yeah. And your uncle was like, who's this prize piece? He wasn't. Nobody was awake.

It was crazy. And I passed out and she was gone by the time I woke up. It was bad. You woke up, she was just knitting a sweater. She was a hot Floridaida old lady my first my first uh trophy yeah elder was uh i was 23 she was 55 yeah and that's i mean when you're when you're 30s and you're like low 20s that's a milf yeah you don't conceptualize actual age you don't even understand like a 40 year old in a bar at like an Irish pub

when you and your boys are like 22 years old. You're like, look at this fucking geese. Oh my God, yeah. He's a pervert. And it's, yeah, she's 31. Picking up his daughter. And it's just some dude in a fucking Van Hoosen. Smelling like your car,

just trying to finger something in the woods. Don't knock Van Hoosen. Van Hoosen. You were a Van Hoosen. Could you imagine if you saw me in a Van Hoosen? How pissed you'd be? Dude, Six told me at Skank Fest that like when you showed up in my my outfit oh yeah like who is this holy shit looking like george jetson coming out of the fucking future and a fit that actually

that worked for you dude that's the only time i've ever gotten complimented on the street yeah old lady old lady was like oh you look nice in that suit yeah yeah yeah nice like an old white lady was like yeah you look really changes things yeah yeah there's there's two two of the greatest compliments always come from from black people a black guy complimenting your sneakers you know you made the right decision 100 yeah and an older black woman complimenting your look this is an old white lady i blush i feel like an old white lady she just wants a fuck yeah fine but it's like you never get a random shout out on the street for an old white woman true that means it's high level yeah that means it's did she get specifics or was it just like you look delicious no she was like she was like that is a really good outfit where are you going

hell yeah yeah it was good it was crazy i've never had that before in my life i have no wherever you're yeah wherever you put your dentures on your end table. She was sitting on the street. She was also a guy. I am leaving out some key details in the story. Her beard threw me off, but it was fine. No, but I do have a fantasy of an old lady like showing me the ropes sexually. You know what I mean?

That is the fantasy. I always wanted that type of thing where it's just like the pressure's off. Yeah. She just tells me what's what, how to do things. Yeah. You know? And it's just, it's clinical and it lasts for a couple months. Yeah.

Like it's like graduate school or something. A couple months of sex. Straight sex. Yeah, yeah. Just nuts off fucking for two months. That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like wealthy and takes care. A couple months of sex. Straight sex. Yeah, yeah. Just nuts off fucking for two months. That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like wealthy and takes care of it.

Yeah, God. Are you hard? I'm getting there. I'm hungry too. No, honestly, that is. Yeah, that's nice. That's the epitome of the fantasy for a younger man. However, I think the hunger from an older woman for a younger man, it comes with experience and age.

They get older and they go, I only have X amount. It's like a running back in the NFL. You hit 30 years old. You're like, I got maybe two, three years left in this. I always wanted to do these things. Let me see if I can do these things. Try and get a chip. Try and win a championship with somebody.

An older woman is like like I always wanted to Eat the ass of a 25 year old But never did it I know that's very dramatic No that could be No I think that's But yeah Yeah

So they get older and they go I always wanted to explore sexually Right I always wanted to do something That's like crazy Like fucking a bathroom Right right So they get

They get a little loose They get loosey-goosey and they do things that they normally wouldn't if they were, you know, centered and 35 years old

trying to raise a family because of the social construct of going, I need to do this and they're in this little, this bubble of what people imagine. But then they get older

and go, I missed out, dude. I want every hole closed, you know? Yes, you're viewing this more from the standpoint where you're a sexual dynamo and you're going to give it to them.

Yeah, say it again. This mic is just cut off. Cut off. You're a treat for them. Like you're going to do things to them. You're going to do things to them that they've never experienced. Yes.

That's not where I'm coming from. They're also going to do different things that they've never done. Yeah, yeah. You where I'm coming from. But they're also going to do different things that they've never done. Yeah, yeah. You know? But I'm talking about someone who's, they've gone through a million of me. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, I do. And they. Yeah, I've been to the Midwest, Chris. They know how my machine operates. Yeah. As soon as I show up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're're gonna teach me

everything there is to know oh so you think it's gonna be lessons in sex as opposed to yeah things I didn't check off in the sex box yeah like I don't really like

John Leguizamo but he did have a this is so a hole that is a hard turn but he had a bit is this a big long setup to talk about John Leguizamo?

He didn't like his play? I want to go through his whole catalog. I don't like anything that he's doing. How do I segue into Leguizamo's play? I fucking hate that. I know. Old pussy. Well, I found the perfect, you know, whatever it is to get there.

Okay, so go ahead. I'm interested in this he did a bit on stage he was doing one of his fucking one man show things yeah and I was hate watching it but he told this story

about like he told this story about a like an old like when he was like 18 he met like some old woman

who was like probably in her late 30s or 40s and like just taught him everything gave him yeah yeah gave him all the ins and outs was just like was just a good samaritan and it's that to me was like i i never had that yeah but that's not that's not a real thing like i've said this before it had to happen once it's there's like a faux pas is that what faux pas yeah like there's like a

i felt like in my experience sexually the older you get the more you realize just ask for what you want a thousand percent right so yes if if a woman but people don't once uh oral sex a certain way everybody has different different makeup in there right so like obviously I'll tell you where

the clitoris is after this once we close out but like even like like inside there's different working so like

every woman needs something different 100% so as you get older they'll be like no no go here go softer go stronger

like thank you this is not a fucking ego thing dude I had a girl one time So as you get older They'll be like No no go here Go softer Go stronger Yeah yeah Thank you Oh yeah yeah This is not a fucking Ego thing Dude I had a girl One time I put fingers In her vagina Whoa dude

To finger her Hold on Hold on And she was like She was like What are you doing She got mad at me She's never had that done before

No no She had It just does nothing for her She got upset though Yeah she was like That is Like you must be retarded if you think putting your fingers in my in my vagina is actually good well she

and i was like all right i don't know like i know this is a crazy person i'm just telling you but it hurt you just to give you yeah yeah believe me i think about it all the time this is why we have to watch passion anytime i'm going down on someone for 30 minutes and they're going nowhere i'm like no they're broken yeah yeah it's always their fault it's not me no it's not that must be in prison yeah yeah if you're not squirming after like three minutes that is that is a thing that i do have a big problem with is that like making women come? No. Yeah, that. No, but that's the thing where it's like if you don't get a girl off, it's because of your inexpertise. You're bad.

But if a girl can't get you hard because you're a little drunk, you had a couple of whiskeys. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, like they never get blamed for that. It's like, oh, you got whiskey. It's like, no, there's things. Yeah. I know people that could get me hard dude i could knock a hole in this drywall and fuck it and get off most women need a connection but i also need a hold on hear me out i also i also need a uh these girls don't have a connection

no but if it's a one-night stand if if the girl gets off right away and starts squirting all over the wall she's a maniac which is great that's a fun ride that's yeah that's a roller coaster of a woman yes but some women most women need that contact doesn't mean they're not having a good time but they're not going to come because it's it's difficult to understand all of the connection right so it's just like, feels good. You're on this ride for a while. You're not throwing up. Like if you're on a roller coaster,

you're not throwing up. It was fun. I got a couple of whipsy-doozles and all that shit, but it didn't send my stomach. Like bronchitis. Right. But a male... Did you puke at any point? What?

During the past week? Yeah, yeah. No, no. During the sickness? No. You're a real cunt, you know that? What? During the past week? Yeah, yeah. No, no. During the sickness? No. You're a real cunt. You know that? Me?

Yeah. Why? You always bring out this fucking... The doom and gloom? Yeah. What are you talking about? No. Let me finish.

Sorry. Unlike your girls. The point is, these ladies, they need a little more emotional connection to fully get there i remember having sex with one girl and she's like i usually don't come until this is ridiculous no this is great but she's like i usually have to date someone for a while to get there and like yeah no i love my chest like i know look at i i made her come bad yeah little boy scout over here eagle scout there's certain women that need

that stuff whereas men you don't you don't need that I need that I like a performance I need performance I need the energy to be up

I don't mean up I mean just like connective right but what you're talking about is performance no it's not performance you can perform

I mean it in like a theatrical way I mean like you need no we're talking about different things I don't think so emotional energy

is different than physical energy I agree with you so if you're spinning around like a top like a fucking no I know but it's gotta be coupled with a like, like a fucking... No, I know, but it's got to be coupled

with a certain type of eye contact. Sucking her breath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's got to be all kinds... That's part of the theater of it. Yes, but if you don't know that person,

it's fucking weird. Yeah. Like when a woman gets two things that you should be doing at like year one, where they're like doing weird shit to your eyes and like, dude, if a one night stand

treats me like a woman that I'm in love with, I get freaked the fuck out. Really? Yeah, that's strange as fuck. It's strange as hell to me. Wait, why? Because it's intimate. Wait, in what way?

Yeah. Like treat it what it is. We're both on this ride. Let's get off together. And we'll go on. During the sex is a time to imagine whatever you want the relationship is, right? You can have it as intimate as possible. I just don't like the phoniness.

I don't like the phoniness. Don't act like it's more than. Okay, that's great. But I don't like it after.. I don't like the phoniness. Don't act like it's more than. Okay, that's great. But I don't like it after. Like post or pre-coital. Oh, so you want her to act like a fucking midwife and then boot her through a window after you come. No, no, no.

I don't want. No, no, no. But it's not like, you know, it's like after we fuck, don't ask me to like run errands or something like that. You know what I mean? So you're going to act like a husband in the sheets and a dirtbag in the streets. No, no, no.

I'll do it. You ever get back with an ex and then they make you do a chore super fast? I mean, I've gotten back with exes. No, like what kind of chore? What chore kind of thing? It would just be like a... Because it's something that clearly bothered her

when you were together? No, no. Like the fact that you don't ever do shit here? It would be a thing where like... Like if her when you were together? No. It would just be like... You don't ever do shit here? It would be a thing where... Like if I kicked you out of this house. Yeah, yeah. If I kicked you out of this house and then you came back in and as soon as you got back

in, I was like, are you going to leave that class there for 12 hours? Yeah. That would bother you. It would be... Yeah. It's too strong. Yeah. But this would be a thing where it's like...

You know, maybe like a cutesy thing where they're like they're kind of like by the fridge near the cups and they're like can you get me a glass of water yeah because they're going to bed you know they could just do it themselves it's a test though and i like this but yeah yeah but it's like they do that like a little too quick it's like hey we're not back to yeah well she's protecting her heart chris and her vagina yeah you think that's what it is i want to see a control issue if you're coming back to me no but i got the water i got the water yeah we were talking about it 10 years later so clearly that water hit a little different for you yeah well it was just it was this thing where every time we got back because it was multiple times that we got back together there would

always be well that's a red flag it It'd be a fast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be a fast chore. It'd be great. It was, you just kept breaking up about the water. Well,

that was the other thing is like, we keep breaking up. So it's like, don't go get me water. That's basically what it was like. You want this package? Go get me a water. As soon as that water,

as soon as the water thing happened, I'd be like, God, yeah. And you're like, here's your fucking water. Yeah. Yeah.

What are you doing? But you held it against her. It just struck me as odd. I know, I know, I know. These are napkins from your breakfast sandwich. Yeah. So if you come back in my life, if I kick you out. So what, am I going to throw them out?

Yeah. What, are you going to leave them here forever? What? You've used them to clear your nose. I did not. I used a tissue. I don't know. I think you might have grabbed them.

We'll go back to the tape. I think you might have grabbed. We'll go back to the tape. I think you might have. All right. Here's what we'll do. I'm going to leave these here right here. Shane's not going to pick them up. No. These will be here at episode 156.

Okay. I guarantee it. They'll sit here forever. Yeah. Yeah. They'll like brown like an old newspaper. Oh my God. Just like a Florida woman

so how'd it work out with the water well eventually it ended but yeah but yeah about something else napkins yeah yeah yeah

I never brought it up but it always struck me as like this person's a little too yeah it's almost like when you get back to the other

but this is what's great I'm sorry to cut you off this is what's great I'm sorry to cut you off This is what's great About being open About your sexual Likes Dislikes Your needs

Things like this Like Socially Things that bother me Or things If you just have An open conversation With somebody

The other option Is doing what Like our parents did You get real quiet Get passive aggressive Hold grudges And they just fester and build to something that shouldn't have been there in the first place and you just fucking despise this person yeah and that's what marriage is after 45 45 57 years i'm trying to calculate my parents marriage honestly the thing that pisses me off the

most in any given relationship is like when you when when you talk to a yawn yeah yeah yeah and when you ask someone like when they you've been dating them for years and like they do something that obviously would piss you off and you're like they don't even know like and you're mad and they don't even know why they pretend they don't know why you're mad. And you got to do this thing where you're like, dude, what the fuck? You fucking put it together. What did you, you know? Cause when I get in trouble, I always know for the most part why I did it. You're pretty proud.

I'm not proud, but I was like, I can like, if they're pissed, I'm not like, where is this coming from? You know what I mean? It's just like, it's like,

I know I did a thing. I told you I was going to be home at like 10, but I stayed out after the show. I got fucked up. I came home super late. The dog barked. You woke up. Like, I'm not, you know, I'm not going to sit there and be like, are you mad? I got fucked up. I came home super late. The dog barked. You woke up. Like, I'm not, you know, I'm not going to sit there being like, are you mad?

What are you mad about? Yeah. Why could you? What's upset? You know, that stuff drives me. But are you willing to change your mannerisms and your behaviors? No, that's the other part. That's my fault. Yeah, exactly.

Is that I'm not doing the change part. Yeah. That's my problem. Can you understand why someone not doing The change part Yeah That's my problem So can you understand Why someone's like Frustrated going I told you this before I told you this one time

Why do I gotta tell you Three fucking times Right right right But at least I'm aware I know it At least that's a start Is admitting the problem Yeah

This is like a thing Where it's like We would do the same thing Where we would have Multiple fucking conversations About a thing And then they'd do it again And they'd be like Wait what And I'd be like what do you think it was yeah or it'll be

something that they got mad at me about doing and then they do it and then it's like what now i gotta yeah you know there's so that they can react to it like it's new news like well this is the first time i'm hearing about this so you know i'll make changes and i'll adjust them it's like you know in um in television currently the sexiest things to watch on television are cooking yeah and comedy sexiest things to watch yeah not sexy in that term like it's like everyone wants to tune in to see what's going on in comedy. True, true, yeah. There's always room for this. People want to know what's going on in the kitchen.

Yeah. Behind the lines. Yes. People want to know what's going on in the green room. Yes. Behind the lines. Yeah. Behind the stage.

Right. Where do the ideas come from? Yes. What are these people like? Right. How do they create these things? Yes. What are these people like? Right. How do they create these things? How much of it is performance and how much of it is... I can't imagine hanging out with the coolest, funniest guys in the world.

Yeah. Is this chef really this good or does he just hire good people? Yes. And then you get in the kitchen and it's some fucking Nazi backhanding his fucking sous chef going, clean this up. Clean this up. You're never going to be shit. And the guy's like,

he's got tweezers. He's grabbing a tiny little flower, putting on a prawn. Yeah. South America. Miserable as fuck. But you're spending $150 a plate at this beautiful restaurant. And you're like,

man, I can't imagine what's going on back there. It's probably fucking electric. Yeah, it's going to be so cool to be so part of it. No, it's just music. And they're all dancing and doing fucking wild shit cocaine off each other's back

spines no it's true yeah that is the way they sell it too yeah yeah my point is it's too just two sad guys to go back to 99 yeah 99 of people that do both of those environments that I've come across are just shells of normal, healthy human beings. Oh, yeah. That then coexist together, sleeping on newspapers, leaving fucking trash around in their own fucking shitty apartments.

Yeah, yeah. You talking about me? Farting in their fucking sweatpants all day long. Thinking about some dumbass... That's how Ipants all day long. Thinking about some dumbass. That's how I spent the day today. Thinking about some dumbass joke that they think is interesting, but it's corny as fuck. And this is just their existence. But to the public, it's like, this is sexy.

It is. This is fucking something I'm interested in. Unwrap that. What's going on back there? Yeah, yeah. I'll tell you right now, it's a crowded group of autistic, meandering fucking mongoloids that don't know how to take care of themselves. They don't know how to cook.

They don't know how to clean. They don't know how to dress themselves. And they smash their heads against fucking... I feel like this is coming out. This is not you. This is you specifically talking about Shane and I. They're just fucking animals that won't pick up after themselves. They're fucking idiots.

They won't wash a dish. Yeah. They won't fucking do this. They're about 5'8", 5'9", always wearing a Zanies hoodie. No, I'm just being honest. There's a certain mindset that people get into this fucking industry, and the consistency is overwhelming. Yeah.

It is so consistent that there are certain character traits that exist among almost all of them. Yeah. That they just don't know how to be an adult. They don't know how to behave. Yeah. Well, it's like, yeah, any, any genius has to focus on their art. Hell yeah.

And not. Down here. And not on these these fucking yeah like cleaning your own activities yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah things like that yeah moisturizing my face yes dude you look great for not moisturizing really yeah i got moisturizer for you i should put it on but i feel so winter coat i feel so on. I always want to put lotion on my hand. My hands are fucking dog shit, but I can't walk around with lotion.

When do I put it on? At night? Do I wear gloves? I hope the next time you get back with your ex, the doorbell rings and she's like, why don't you go get some moisturizer on? Through your teeth. In almost every relationship I've been in

over the past 20 years, it's been a lot of like, think about going for a jog maybe Or What? Yeah yeah No You like

You think about like Yeah put some lotion on Put some lotion on I got this new shampoo You should try it You got Listen I've been

I've been helping you out with this I got some conditioner I just bought a new three pack For the crew You're gonna be fine Yeah The conditioning thing I'll say this

This is This is props to you Yeah You're a freak What are you talking about? You are a genetic freak the crow you're gonna be fine yeah the the conditioning thing i'll say this this is this is props to you yeah you're a freak you are a genetic freak my one of my best friends from home luke he used to say this about me yeah you're genetic freak taking you to the gym after five six years of not touching or doing anything yeah your body transformed and you you're you're almost the same level i think if you i think if you work out past like 24 25 give me your whole upbringing is this is the true the foundation the whole life it's a whole life childhood yeah yeah yeah all through high school into college if you play sports or something and do physical stuff through 25, I think it sets and you can get it back kind of fast.

As long as you're not a monster. See, I don't eat a lot. Yeah, like the Ron Papil of toasters. Set it and forget it. Is it Papil? Yeah, Ron Papil. You don't know Ron Papil? I know Ron Papil, but for some reason the name sounds like it.

Motherfucker cooks salmon in a fucking toaster oven. Do people still buy this? I bet. Yeah, fat Midwest's gotta be rocking around yeah yeah little beef bags wearing like fluorescent could you actually set it and forget it did that ever work yeah that's what my mom did really with my dad's marriage You know what this week is, dude? You know what this week is? What? This Foley week. Oh, yeah. Foley's getting in.

This is week one of getting old H into the gym. That's going to be... I'm excited for that. Me too. I'm excited for that. You see how cute his texts are. Really? Yeah.

He's so fucking excited. I can't wait to have a third in the squad. Yeah. You think you'll come with us every day? I'll fucking Miyagi that thing, dude. Yeah, he's so fucking excited. I can't wait to have a third in the squad. Yeah. You think he'll come with us every day? I'll fucking Miyagi that thing, dude. Yeah, yeah. That's going to be all over the comments on the podcast. You guys got fucking flies in your apartments?

January. You just sat there and talked about it? How hot is it? Is this because O'Connor will put away his fucking napkins? If they saw how many plants we got here, you got to keep it 70 degrees. We got a lot of comments on the plants. No shit. It's because of me, kiddo. I know. this has been a cause of yours for a while yeah yeah yeah quarantine was the best

thing that's ever happened i got up this morning and i opened up the blinds to make sure they were getting some sunlight baby then we had to walk all these in then we had to game out a little bit i saw you game so when you got closed Shane was like Shane closed him so he could play NHL. Yeah, yeah. He literally woke up and he's like you open these fucking things? Yeah, what's this?

What's all this sunlight? Oh no, yeah. He got a scary video game where he played a little bit of a scary video game. What? A new one? Yeah, it's like I guess

the new Resident Evil or something. Oh, hell yeah. Dude, me and my best friend from high school used to shut up Tom, who cares. No, used to what?

Oh yeah, Foley. So I got him hooked up with my trainer. Yeah. So he's going once a week. I'm so excited, dude. Oh, it's... If he transforms quickly... I think he will.

Well, he's... He's got good bones under there, I think. Bones? You ever been to a natural history museum? Ever seen a T-Rex in the wild? I think Foley's got good bones. He does, and he's an athlete. Yeah.

It's all about the other stuff. You know, if he just calms all the... In Houston, he was drinking, like, fucking pina coladas. I know. I'm like, dude... 15 pina coladas? You can't be drinking all the sugar, so you cut all that shit out. Yeah.

Anyway, he's got... See, that's the kind of shit you notice all the time. If he had 15 pina coladas, I never would have. Buddy, underneath this cube right now, you know how many sours?

You know every item. My night sours. Oh, my God. Dude, you have a candy problem. Exactly. That's my point. You have like a bad candy problem. It's not just him.

It's everybody. Yeah, I got a sugar tooth. It's sugar tooth. It's because of my aunt. My aunt? Those fucking nuclear fucking nerd things you brought back my god yes dude don't touch him you fuck dude my my godmother my godmother mimi i can't wasn't fucking sugar freak she's my mother's uh second oldest sibling her house was it was like going to Disney World. She had a water bed,

like a trash bag. Yeah. Seriously? Oh, she had a serious water bed. Yeah. I tried to sleep on a water bed once. I didn't try to sleep. I was jumping on shit.

But she would, the whole thing was like, come in, and her candy cabinet was like, it was like Easter on steroids. I was just eating the, what's the peanut butter filled munchkins? Reese's? No, no, no, no. It's the Easter on steroids. I was just eating the, what's the peanut butter filled munchkins? Reese's?

No, no, no, no. It's the original Reese's. Peanut butter filled munchkins? Easter candies. There's peanut butter in the middle of chocolate. Oh, okay, yeah. It doesn't matter. I would just get ripped on chocolate.

Yeah. My family, my mother, my mother and father would go to their house for a family party. Ask Mimi if they could stay over so they could go home and fuck yeah right so like I'm like I want to stay here and I was allergic to cats they'd like three cats yeah I'd wake up swollen I can't see shit high on candy like you it's like an adult doing coke yeah it was just me but for me I was like this is the funnest time of my life so anytime I was going to it Mimi the funnest time of my life.

So anytime I was going to Aunt Mimi, Uncle Neil's, I'm like, yeah, dude, I'm getting ripped on fucking candy. Yeah. And I'm going to wake up swollen with no sleep. Yeah. It's the funnest fucking time. Yeah. So I woke her up one day, one morning. Of course I get up.

They're partying all night long with my aunts and uncles and my parents. They're smoking weed in a hot tub and shit. What? Yeah, their parties were nuts. Aunt Mimi was? Yeah. Oh, they were nuts, dude. Yeah, yeah.

While she was babysitting you? Well, the babysitting was... They were just at her house. Yeah, the house was... Yeah, you were just at her house. Yeah, their house parties were bam. So my mother's one of 11 Irish. Oh my God. And my father's one of nine. They all live in the neighborhood? Yeah, yeah. Around, yeah, parties were bam. So my mother's one of 11 Irish. Oh, my God.

And my father's one of nine. They all live in the neighborhood? Yeah, yeah. Around, yeah, a couple miles. Oh, my God. So the kids would just find a grouping of other cousins that you probably never met. Yeah.

Just like, I'm Carl. Come fuck with me on this trampoline. But in the morning, I go to get Mimi because I want cereal or some shit. It's like 9 or 10 ooline but in the morning i go to get mimi because like i want i want like cereal or some shit it's like nine or ten o'clock in the morning and aunt mimi and uncle neil are ass nude on the water i can still see it yeah just ass nude cuddling or just falling off yeah just yeah dick and balls old weird tits hair har hairy bush just all of it's out there yeah it looked like an aquarium and i went to like wake her up and i like pushed her and it's just like a like a wave of old aunt and uncle meat oh my god you know i'm like i want eggos

where's my parents you know like when a high wears off, you're like, why am I here? How old were you? I was probably like six. Yeah, yeah. So you can't reach the Eggos in the freezer. Yeah, no. Nor did I care that they were naked. I didn't even associate them with fucking.

I just was like, my parents don't sleep like this. Yeah. Or I never catch them sleeping like that. Yeah. They also don't have a water bed, so it was kind of cool. Dude, when you're six years old and you're like, this is a bed that has water in it?

Did you see your uncle's belly rise and set behind it? His bird's like... His bird just smelled in the air like... You have a big hog? No, I can't remember. I only see my dad's dick once yeah he was shaving ass nude what a hunk where he shaved his balls no it wasn't shave his nuts he was just new

he was shaving shaving yeah yeah his face he went to his nuts shut the door tom i thought you were like he was shaving like he, this wasn't Miami in 2003. Dude, I didn't know. This is my father in 83. I have no fucking idea. I thought you guys were having Sacagawea parties. No, no, no. That's how you prepare for Sacagawea birthday parties.

Honestly, dude, the way that you grew up, I could see your dad. Eyebrows off, Sacagawea. Everything's coming off, dude. You got to cleanse yourself. Put a little sackage away a day. Dude, the way you groom, I can see your dad easily shaving in the 70s and the 80s. I don't think so. Cutting against the grain.

My pop was, my pop's a man's man, dude. Yeah. That shit was. No, but he's the guy who's tough enough to make it like, well, you don't shave your fucking balls. I think him just trimming his mustache for 60 fucking years. He's 77 now. Said this before, like I've never seen his top lip. Never once.

Really? Never once in my life. He's never shaved his mustache. So a joke we have with my brothers is like he's got a cleft palate. And he's just growing like nose hairs down the cover. Never once have I seen his. but he's got a solid stache if there was some skin trouble down there

it sucks it sucks you know seeing your parents get old one of the hardships I have with my father is just seeing the

the life leave his mustache because his mustache had like an energy like the energy a woman needs to come yeah doing sex when you talk to my father all his he poured all his mustache in your mother's vagina yeah piss all dude can i say this i said this before yeah i've never said this one but

we had this conversation earlier uh one time I caught my dad going down on my mother. Good for him. Yeah. So there was no, the rules in the house where there's no, there's no locks on any door except for my parents' bedroom. Yeah. Even the bathroom. Like, like you're not allowed to lock the door. You literally took the locks off.

There's no locks. There's no lock capabilities. Nothing. Just doorknob open. I don't like that. Well, for parents' sake, it's like me and my brother slept in one room. My oldest brother slept in this room. There's the bathroom.

And then my parents' room. Well, every lock is unlocked. The master bedroom that was the size of this. Every lock is pickable. When you lock a door You just It's an hourglass You're just buying time

We're kids Wow My dad's gonna fucking Yeah you get the knife out And turn the thing No Or you get one of the What do you need a lock for

When you're fucking six A little privacy You need privacy You're a psycho Eight years old You're like dad I need privacy Well it's not permanent privacy.

It's not a bank vault. What are you doing? Fucking a pillow? Yeah. You don't want to see that. It's not that embarrassing at eight. It is. It's not.

It is. Let me figure out what fucking a pillow is all about in my own... What would you need privacy for? Before I get back to my dad going down on my mom, Chris. All right. Sorry. Let's talk about your need for a lock on a bedroom because it's it's not it's not it's not permanent it's just time you're saying it's principal as an eight-year-old i need i need independence i need a little buffer

every once in a while unbelievable who are you to come charging into such a my space mentality no it isn't it is just it builds a rich person's neighborhood no This is a rich person's neighborhood mentality. No, it is a rich person. Yeah. Locks on doors? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't think so. Did you lock the outside doors? We did lock the outside doors. We didn't.

No locks. No locks. On the front door, there's no locks. We never locked the doors. See, that's rich person mentality. It's poor person mentality. You know who's not breaking into poor person's house? Rob. You couldn't even take a breath. Rob, it's because

I had bronchitis and I didn't want to do this to them. It's just upper chest. Here's the thing. So your mom's going down on your dad. No, my dad's going down on my mom. Yeah, yeah. I walk in. It's the only door that should be locked and it wasn't.

So I did like a light knock and then I just opened and that's a no-no no no in the house see I broke the rule you could have jiggled the handle and they could have come unlocked it well they were busy my father is under the cover Under the covers Yeah Sweat He had bronchitis He had the chills

You ever try to eat pussy Under the covers Yes It's a hot house Yeah it is Yeah It's a steam bath It's a sauna

Yeah Like go to a fish market Yeah My pop is Like this That scene in Star Wars Where what's his face gets plastered.

Mission Impossible. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's plastered in that thing forever. Yeah. My dad, as soon as I opened the door, he shifted and then didn't move. Like this. And just sat there.

Yeah. And my mom's like, Tom, get out. I'll come to you. And my dad's just, I can see the shadow. Was his ass in the air or no? No, no. He was, but the blanket was.

Yeah. It's like etching a dead body in a crime scene. I see all the parts. I know exactly where dad is. His legs are coming out. It's not a highlights magazine. You're not finding the frog in the tree bark. I know exactly where that is i know

what's going on yeah yeah just bonching what did you hear any sounds from mom no that's a weird question no so i like it wasn't going in the matures no i think your dad and i eat pussy the same there was no emotional connection they didn't they didn't feel oh nice nice no there's you're gonna pass you need to clean that up 44 minutes in 44 minutes in we're gonna have to i'm glad that they got to see you spill something shut up yeah yeah no one's after complaining about all our shit the napkins are perfect yeah the napkins got used I'll replace the napkins

they won't work yeah I gotta text my father he's listening live yeah this is going live on YouTube damn we had a hell of a couple weeks though insane couple weeks yeah insane couple weeks my Insane couple weeks Yeah

Insane couple weeks Nice Eagles game Flyers game Yeah went to the Eagles game Flyers game The Eagles game was fucking sick Yeah it was We hung out with

We got on the field We hung out with Mac Yeah From the Tony Sonny Got to tailgate with him For a little bit I tried to We should have went to the

The one The one regret I do have Is not going through the that one section taking Santino off the train it was so calm

it was weird dude I think it was Thanksgiving it was so weird the train was weird the tailgates were calm everything was so dead Philly subway is fucking fucked

it's usually it's usually but it's usually better it's usually nuts and that's kind of like the charm yeah from 9am 8am it's usually better. It's usually nuts. And that's kind of like the charm. Yeah.

From 9 a.m., 8 a.m. It's just people cheering, throwing. We caught a real early train, though. We were, what, we were at 8.45, 9 train? It was like 9 o'clock. It's usually late, dude. I'm telling you. Damn. I go to every home game.

At that hour, it's usually nuts. I feel like it's normally like a 10 or 11 o'clock thing. Yeah. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I'm telling you, it's usually nuts. I feel like it's normally like a 10 or 11 o'clock thing. Yeah. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I'm telling you, it's all Thanksgiving shit. Eagles or Flyers games, it's only like, you know, 30 minutes, an hour before the game. Same thing with last night.

It's fucking wild. The Prudential Center. Dead. Yeah, yeah. Prudential Center was dead. They're weak. That's a weak fan base. Yeah.

I didn't... A lot of good looking ladies. Unbelievable amount of hot chicks in North Jersey. I think it's... I can't tell if it's the juxtaposition between how ugly, like, the women in Philly Flyers games as opposed to, you know, Northern Jersey. No, there's hot girls.

There's hot girls in Flyers games. It's hard to find, though. It's hard to find. I. It's hard to find. I don't know. I think they're there. But it's not the same as like, I feel like those Devils games, it was a lot of wealthy, young.

Yeah. And they're dressed. Home from college, Jersey. They care. Yeah, yeah. In Philly, it's like a needle in a hostack. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

But they all have like, they all have bedazzled jeans on. Some ill-fitting sweatshirt. Well, yeah, they wear the big, like, authentic jersey as opposed to the cute, form-fitting, like, jersey. They're always being followed by, like, their big mom that's loud-mouthed. Oh, my God. Philly's a ugly town. They're actually truly savage.

Philly's a beefbag beef bag town dude you should see fucking Pittsburgh I've been to Pittsburgh Pittsburgh is yeah not cool yeah Pittsburgh looks like like it's there's something in the water yeah like you guys they put fries on their sandwiches to distract you from the window just eat eat this, get full, and come in something. Oh, my God. It is horrific in Pittsburgh. When's the last time you were in Pittsburgh? I was there two weeks ago, three weeks ago.

We did a show there. And, like, dude, we were coming from Columbus. We weren't coming from. Yeah, L.A. Yeah. It was like. Columbus is hard. As soon as we landed in Pittsburgh, we, like, went and got something to eat. And it was like columbus is hurt as soon as we landed in pittsburgh we like

went and got something to eat and it was like whoa like there's a lot of like there's a lot of like straight up like emo like final fantasy kids like where it's like there's like an adult working at a bar with like like this is all shaved and then there's like a long ponytail. You know what I mean? Like they go home and they pick up like a big sword. Yeah. Like it's weird. Yeah.

But are they a good bartender? No, no. A lot of bad bartenders. The best bartenders come from shitty towns. That's why I question this. Oh really?

Yeah. Because they're mostly lifelong alcoholics. Yeah. So the best bartenders in my existence in delco or philly are degenerates that as soon as they're drinking on the job and as soon as they get done they drink until they fall asleep the reason they're great bartenders their attentiveness yeah so when they see you at this amount of volume in the bottom of your 16 pint yeah they know that you're starting to get worked up yeah you have this amount of volume in the bottom of your 16 pint yeah they know that you're starting to get worked up yeah you have this anxiety going where is he yeah where is she yeah what are they

doing yeah he knows what that means to him when it's down that low so he's scaring around this is he's zipping and zopping this is good this is good great theory this is good you got a lot of good theories you know what i'm saying you got a lot of good. You got a lot of good theories. You know what I'm saying? You got a lot of good theories. You got a lot of good theories. Yeah. We had a good bartender the other night at Caboose. Oh, yeah. At the Penn Station.

Yeah. There's a lovely lady at Caboose. Yeah. It's not something you should say publicly. Why? No, I'm kidding. Give her business. No, not her.

I meant like, yeah. One of our favorite spots. The bar at a train station. We had a favorite spots. The bar at a train station. We had a couple pints over at a train station bar. Yeah, she's lovely. She was on point. Yeah. Yeah.

But you could tell she was raised in like, maybe like a Dominican neighborhood where like, you know, she's on point. She had a complicated racial look. Huh? Don't you think? What? Her racial makeup was very confusing.

Very confusing, which means if she was an actress right now, she would get 10 times the job, more than some of that. I don't know. I don't know, because she looks like... She'd be in every commercial. She looks like David Spade. She looks white. She looks black.

She looks Asian. She looks Dominican. She looks white, and then you get up close, and she looks black. And she has, it's very obvious freckles. Yes. Freckles to the point where they're like, they look painted on.

She's beautiful. Yeah. She's beautiful. She has a pizzazz. That's like street. It's not. Yes. Yes.

She's authentic. Yes. Street. It's like, she'll fight a bitch in a fucking. Yeah. She's a little intimidating. Yeah.

She'll fight you over like $10 hoop. And yet totally nice and bubbly and wonderful. in a fucking cab. Yeah, she's a little intimidating. Yeah. She'll fight you over like $10 hoopies. And yet, totally nice and bubbly. Ah, wonderful woman. And Johnny on the spot with the drinks and the waters. She's a unicorn.

That's who you marry. Yeah. That's who you marry. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I don't know. Not in Connecticut. I don't know, but no. Come on, dude.

That's my girl. Yeah. You guys would be locking horns. I said this to you at the bar. This whole place would be on fire. If you... You guys would fight every second of every day. If I said we just started dating,

the next episode we'd be on fucking lawn chairs because all of this furniture would be in ashes. Oh, a thousand percent. Yeah. She looks like she would fist fight you. That's the scary... With her car keys in her fingers. One thousand percent. Yes, yes. because you forgot oranges or something yeah it is like or

what was the thing what was the thing that chapped your ass about your ex yeah yeah yeah she makes you get a water yeah where's my water chris i'll be right there she yeah she like that's the intimidating part of her Is that like You wanna be with a person like that That's a whole lot You gotta enjoy fighting Yeah Yeah

Yeah I do I am just saying I will I don't like emotional fights I like physical fights That's If you fight for If you

Don't say that on air If you fight If you fight for no fucking reason, I don't get it. Like emotionally. Like, you know, that's what I'm saying. I just want to stir up. That's she, she strikes me as a no reason fight because we just talk about this just for the action.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. I dated a girl. Yeah. Half black and Asian. Oh yeah. Absolute beauty.

Ford model. Yeah. She would dress to the nines she was so beautiful publicly that it would cause it would cause privately disgusting i mean she wasn't for those damn kids no she was she was stunning and knew it. And she would dress for attention. Yeah. So I couldn't go to South Street because dudes would be like, yo!

Psst! Oh my God. Psst! I'll let you right quick. Yeah. What you doing with this motherfucker? They were fucking hunting her. And she would go,

what the fuck? If we were in a restaurant, she'd be like, what are you looking at? And I'd be like, baby, stop. Because then I'm going to have to... Yeah, yeah to yeah yeah then i gotta you're causing a fight now i don't have that i don't have whatever dressing to be looked at you want the attention but when

it comes to you're offended yeah what what's the point there because that's how they enjoy the attention yes but then you're putting me in a. Oh yeah. It's a nightmare scenario. I could never date someone like that. Like as I. You either going to be the someone who enjoys the looks.

Hey you look good. Yeah. Great. Thank you. That's nice. Makes me look. And it's not like these dudes were like running up

like beating off underneath the table. Yeah. But it's like. Yeah. Because she's beautiful. Yeah. And they could clearly

kick your ass. Right. looking at her yeah because she's beautiful yeah and they could clearly kick your ass right no what do you mean no it's not clearly what do you mean clearly clearly no just just why why chris dude if a dude because i'm hyperhidrosis because my lung capacity is not that high dude Come on Some of those guys had to be Scary boys That doesn't matter No no dude You bark back They fucking balk

Oh you think so? Yeah I know so A few of them might not A few of them might not Yes A few of them See I don't know

I'll get wrecked Yeah Is that what you want to hear? Sometimes I might get my ass kicked Yeah Guess what I don't want that for you No I'm coming back And I don't want that hear Sometimes I might get my ass kicked Yeah Guess what I don't want that for you No

I'm coming back And I don't want that for me If you beat my ass You come back with a pipe Next day I'm ringing your doorbell going Where's my water Remember that guy we saw on the train What

Remember We got on the train to go to the devil's game And the guy was like What's my address This is my address What's your address I'm gonna come down there I'm gonna fucking beat your ass

And you right away just go Yeah what's my address? This is my address. What's your address? I'm going to come down there. I'm going to fucking beat your ass. And you right away just go. Also, that wasn't real. Yeah, they talked for like a while. Exactly. That's why it's not real. It was confusing because they didn't know each other's addresses. Yeah.

But they were talking on the phone. They exchanged information. I'll fucking work you, boy. And then they just had kind of like a nice chat. Yeah. I'm from Harlem, baby. I'm coming top And then And he's got an open

Fucking He's got an open fifth Yeah yeah And a fucking black plastic bag Yeah And then Ten minutes later They were like

Nah I don't really talk to her anymore Yeah No I don't like her No cause she It was like a big thing That kind of rules Yeah it was amazing It was amazing

I mean if If you call me On the road I hope it starts The first 30 seconds. Just violence. What you would do. Where are you right now?

Where are you right now? What fucking hotel are you at in San Francisco? I'll fly down there. I'll fucking open and talk. I'll Passion of Christ you right fucking now. That movie's nuts. It's nuts. Did you finish it?

No, no, no. Yeah. No, we cut it off. We cut it off. Turned it on South Park. We turned on the South Park episode about. It was much too much it was crazy yeah yeah yeah god bless yeah is it left shoulder first yeah it's a father it's a son it's the holy spirit yeah yeah yeah it's the holy in the spirit and it it's the amen. Yeah. Yeah.

It is, it is, right? Watch wallet. Yeah. Watch wallet? Yeah. You got a fucking anagram?

Spectacles, testicles, watch wallet. Is anagram spelled the same way, frontwards or backwards? Yeah, that's an anagram. What's the, I think you're thinking of,

north, south, east, west, never eat soggy waffles kind of shit. Yeah, that's like a— You have to remind yourself how to bless yourself. Mnemonic device.

You're a bad Catholic. It's a mnemonic device. What do you mean a bad Catholic? You're a bad Catholic. Are you Catholic? Or you just pretend during Notre Dame Saturday games? You didn't know chesticles, testicles, watch wallet, dude. You just pretend, dude.

You're a fucking—you're a fake Catholic. No. You didn't know the expression. You never had to be reminded? No, because we went every day. You still don't know whether you just do it by memory. You still don't know whether it's, you just go, this feels natural. It's left to right.

Yeah. Too many hits. Dude, I'm a Navy SEAL of Christian. That's what they train you. That's why you go to boot camp. I went to boot camp. You's why you go to boot camp. I went to boot camp. You tap?

I went to boot camp for Catholicism. You actually tap your chest? You fucking... Oh, I tap. It's all air. I go full tap. No, it's all air. Nah, you gotta feel it. No.

You're telling your body. You're absorbing... You do not. You're absorbing Christ. It's cursive. Through your body. It's cursive. No, it's not cursive.

Yes, it is. It's just a quick... Nah, dude. Cursive is also not real What a colossal Waste of time Cursive was All it did was Ruin my handwriting

Yeah cursive is not A colossal waste of time Catholic school was Cursive writing is Is gorgeous You know how Impactful that is No

Giving a birthday card With nice penmanship Is this how you get Girls to come on the first date? In grade school? Dude, I was a penmanship. Me and Joey Lane. Every year, back and back. You had a penmanship competition?

Me and Joey Lane. Huh? You and Joey Lane had a penmanship competition? My penmanship was outrageous. Really? Yeah. Can you write cursive now? Yeah, dude.

It's not fucking native. What are you talking about? What do you mean it's not native? I don't know. What does that mean? I should have picked a different language. It's not fucking native, dude. You just thought you'd bulldoze me with the energy on that one?

My mucinex just hit, dude. Where are we at time-wise? We're done, though. No, no. We started late. We didn't start late. No, no. We started late. We didn't start late. I got to piss. All right, go piss.

All right, well, this is the episode then. Yeah. We didn't talk about anything. Yeah, we did. Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are. A thousand percent we are. That was good.

I liked it. You did? I enjoyed myself. Yeah. What's going on here? You're moving the whole table. What? I got to get some rubber flappers. Well, you spilled whiskey all over the floor. No, I's going on here? You're moving the whole table. What? I gotta get some rubber flappers.

Well, you spilled whiskey all over the floor. No, I spilled whiskey on the blanket that's mine and I'm gonna have to wash. Otherwise, it would sit here forever. I washed it the last time. You did. You actually did because you brought a dog in here for a fucking week. Yeah. Yeah.

So you did it. And you needed everything cleaned. You did it out of respect. Yeah. I also did your laundry before Skank Fest. Come on, baby. Come on, dude. Come on.

I'll take care of you. I'll take care of you. You know, this is what you got to teach the kids. You got to be up, down, left, right. You got to teach the kids. I got to piss. All right.