Stuff Island - Stuff Island #33 - horsewalk w/ Doug Smith

Episode Date: June 23, 2022

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Look around, take it in. I see what you're doing. It's a lot, right? Well, because you guys are plant daddies too. Are you plant daddies as well? Dude, I went nuts. Yeah, me too. Me too. I think we're up to like 46 plants. Holy shit, where do you live? Fucking Ohio? I'm like propagating them and shit.

Huh? I'm propagating them. What does that mean? Taking little trimmings. Oh, you put them in other pots. Get them rooting and then, you know. No, you can't do that. Yeah, you can. What are you talking about? Stay out of this then you know that's you can't do that yeah you can't what are you talking about stay out of this dude the boys are talking that's like that's like saying you're breeding cats they don't need any help

well some of these are truly a little close to your face this is uh monstera that is a monstera you're trying to get me hard, dude. This is the easiest to propagate. Your mustache alone is enough to get me going. See these little nodules right here? Yeah. These things? It's already trying to grow roots when it's not even in water. They're climbers. You cut that right there.

I mean, you got a good thing going here. You pop that in water and it starts growing roots like in two days. See, this is why I want to get sober, dude. And these are expensive, dude. That's right. You're sober now. These are expensive. Well expensive well i still smoke weed but i'm off the songs sure but it's like yeah you think you'll start being a fucking dude you have no idea level of production i would be at for what if i wasn't drinking for what what do you think take a sip of your whiskey and lie to us i don't know what i'd be getting into but i know that i would be because you don't

have anywhere you gotta go somewhere a little more fucking red eye no no no i'm i'm nearing the end of my tinder phase yeah yeah because are you out of yeah have you i mean no i've been with my lady for 16 years so i dodged that whole bullet i i go through like you go on tinder you like you just get absorbed by the apps and then you like literally your soul dies yeah you like you everything that you care about it just vacates and then yeah i mean it's deleted and then you get back interested in shit yeah yeah yeah it's the same addiction as uh i only did it for like three to six months i think it was like three months yeah before my last girlfriend yeah and it's like watching instagram but with the the opportunity to actually have sex yeah so you're you it's all the visuals

dude it's nuts it's it's a game it just becomes a game it's the worst thing on earth and then you actually meet the people and you're like, this is a lot. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You take Chris's point. He just had a date and he beat off right before the date. And then he was like, I don't have time for this.

He's got a lot of time in the world, but he's like, I can't do this right now. No, it is. Because you're going, you know, you empty your nuts. You're like, my schedule's full. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, at least you're like you're thinking i should i gotta get into plants i gotta start propagating plants yeah but that's it i gotta be honest with you man it has not made me any more it has not improved my life to any degree

whatsoever i'm not drinking no what hasn't made me more motivated it hasn't done anything for me yeah are you have the gayest reason for quitting drinking. Everybody does. I quit drinking to clear up my skin. Seriously. That's pretty good. That is a good move. Did you have like eczema and shit? Dude, I had acne for, I'm going to be 40 in January. I had acne for almost 20 years.

Can I ask you what you were drinking? Everything. Everything. Yeah. What kind of drinks? Mostly IPAs, I'd say. Yeah. Wine, okay yeah wine my skin's clear as fuck yeah dude due to the ipas and it started my acne started right when i started drinking i started drinking when i was 18 and then just went fucking non-stop for two for 20 almost 20 years yeah

tried everything else under the sun tried going gluten-free vegan everything i was like what's the one thing i haven't tried booze so is it the gluten in the booze it looks good skin looks uh thanks man i did two rounds of fucking act you know what accutane is yeah that's like it's like poison they got they got pictures of yeah cone-headed babies on every capsule because if you get pregnant later on accutane your baby is fucked up so every capsule because if you get pregnant later on accutane your baby is fucked up so every capsule they're gonna do that for cigarettes here well they just have a slow surgeon warning they went european for accutane radiation for your skin essentially just you're blasting that shit out well no not technically

what i'm saying it's a level the level of potency is is like radiation where they just try and fucking kill everything it is it's like chemo for your skin it's concentrated vitamin a i think is what it is yeah like retinol yes yeah yeah so it's just like your skin is like fucking paper thin while you're on it yeah like you you like it's it's just like your skin is like fucking paper thin while you're on it. Yeah. Like you like it's just like it's like a constant chemical peel for your skin. And it dries you out, has psychological side effects. It can make you suicidal. How many friends did you lose?

Did you lose a bunch of friends? What's that? Did you lose any friends? From getting off the sauce? No, just no accutane. Like people were like people like yo we're not playing frisbee this weekend you've been acting real fucking weird lately get the noose off your neck dude it's not that bad with your boy in uh palm springs i heard i heard maddie wayne yeah how was it it was great yeah it was fun yeah good i mean it's extremely weird yeah it's a weird fucking town

yeah i've never been yeah it's just oh speaking i was just in hudson new york you ever been there hudson right on the water i was talking about what town hudson that's the name of the town hudson new york to the most confusing town you could possibly go to where is it on the river he's like i'm in hudson dude i'm not kidding the river hung up phone. The river was 20 feet from our hotel. I fucking hope so. What were you doing there? Huh?

What were you doing there? Just, I've heard so many good things about Hudson. They're like, dude, Hudson Valley is so beautiful. Yeah. You got to go up there. You got to go up there. Well, Gillis went to West Point, right? It's so bad.

So bad. There's nothing to do. Yeah. We took one hike. You got to take this with a grain of salt shut the fuck up bars if the bars close at 10 p.m there's nothing to do yeah no no no no i was fine with bringing wine back to the hotel and that's that's fine they had a good good restaurant who's we shout out to i went with a friend all right down. I'm not picking on your life yet.

So the restaurants were great. The restaurants were great. Shout out to the kid that worked at the French restaurant. He was a fan of ours. Gave me free danishes. The wonderful croissants. The kids, you know you're listening. Yeah, yeah.

But they were like, you got to go hike in. There's a waterfall hike that's like famous, like by Hudson. You got to drive like 30 minutes away. And you read like the levels of difficulty for all these hikes that are within like a 20 to 30 minute drive. Yeah. And they're like moderate to experienced. And when I say it's experiences like taking the steps at lunch at work. Like it was nothing. Yeah.

It was nothing. The people you see getting to the top of the mountain, you're like, this is what, this is what, like, I forgot water, of course. We forgot to even bring a bottle of water, which is terrible, but- You're drinking malaria water out of a stream? I thought you were going to watch this. I did go on the stream and I did text somebody going, can I drink from the stream? No, you cannot.

Well, he was like, you can. Only if it's perfectly still. No, you cannot. And I thought to myself, if I have to go into a hospital in hudson i'll fucking kill myself yeah you can all i feel like you can only drink from the top of the stream if it's like at like the top of the rock yeah like where the water fresh rainfall and even then it's probably sketchy freshly melted glacier water yeah at a very high velocity yeah and even then yeah and you get that uh you know like that wild boar sickness you cannot drink new york mountain water i bet you could at a certain a certain elevation i mean you could wet your

palate but you can't drink it yeah dude oh so just a quick swash yeah yeah yeah yeah you can't you don't fucking know i know that you can't i know that that you can't. What a powerful stance, Chris. I know that you can't. You got one mountain jacket. I know that you can't. No, I'm telling you. The Himalayans over here. All the water within a 100-mile radius.

I agree with him. Yeah. Okay. I 100% agree. My wife is trying to start plant. We moved into a new apartment a year and a half ago, and we finally have an outdoor space. And my wife and our neighbors in the building are trying to start a garden in the yard and the soil is so fucking parched and devoid of nutrients yeah and so they're trying to like do all this composting and shit yeah even still

i'm like i'm not eating anything that comes out of that place the problem is so we we had a poison dirt acid right yeah we had a garden here and shit for like three years two three years we had a poison dirt acid yeah yeah we had a garden here and shit for like three years two three years we had a big greenhouse yeah my old roommate was a big planter and whatnot and this old uh european lady yeah senile gets in her car there's a driveway right next to us there's only like i'd say 30 feet yeah she panics blast through the fucking wall knocks over like plenty of room yeah she must have slammed on the gas. Yeah. And you see her goggles.

She's got Coke bottle goggles. She's out of it. Hasn't said sorry once. The bricks from the wall were splattered all over the lawn. She took out 30-year-old rose bushes that the Degos were real fucking upset about. So then we tried to till the dirt. Yeah. And it's all like they had to redo the wall.

So it's like paint. Right. It's like paint chips. And you have to till down like a couple feet and then re-soil with fresh soil, which is very expensive. Right. Even if you're doing like a four by four lot. Yeah.

It's very expensive. Yeah. But you should get into it since you're in the place. But you saw that soil and it was just full of garbage. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He literally told me, he's like, you can't, nothing will grow along that wall.

Surprised you didn't find any human remains. The rose bushes grew. They did. That was 30 years ago before she fucking ruined our life. That's what I'm saying. Well, they lived until they got. Yeah, but you're not eating the roses. You got fucking, you understand?

Like the nutrients are coming up from the soil. I honestly never even saw these roses. Yeah, you came right after the wall was fixed, I think. Yeah. I rode a horse last week for the first time. Yeah. Have you ever rode a horse? Did I?

Yes. I hate horses. Shut the fuck up. I love animals. I'm not a horse fan. Dude, wait. You like horses? What happened?

Yeah, true. Because I was like you. Yeah. I hated horses. And now you're into them? Now, I, well, okay. So like two, three years ago, I got drunk. You're going to become one of those horse girls?

Yeah. I got drunk at a wedding and his notebooks is a trapper dude i got drunk at a wedding and then i hung out with horses and i was feeding them hay and they were nibbling on my ear and it was the best thing ever. Then last week I rode a horse for the first time. It is the fucking shit. Yeah. Have you ever rode a horse? I have many times. Can you just say yes? Many times.

What do you mean many? How could you hate them? Because they can smell my fear and they respond well to me. You got to get over that. They try to buck me off. They turn around and try to bite me on the calf or they try to rub too close to a tree and fuck my leg up. I got a little bit of that. They don't like me, so it's a symbiotic relationship.

No, no, but you got to build up the confidence. Did you have that mustache? I'm not afraid of ants. Dude, I went to Alaska once and I was getting yelled at the whole time for getting too close to the grizzly bears and trying to take pictures of them. You're not afraid of grizzlies. You're afraid of horses? Yes. Dude, fucking fix it dude because i i was scared as fuck they like they literally i went into the barn and they gave me the reins and i like they were like okay we're going this way and they just walked away from me yeah and i was just standing

next to this horse horse's name was dan and i was like big fan of naming animals just straight guy names yeah yeah yeah like the other horses were orion and red cloud and i got dan yeah so i'm like fuck and they walk away and then i'm walking the horse at the reins just like dan knows i'm a bitch dan you know he knows for as a near certainty that I'm scared and I don't know what I'm doing. Walk him around. Then they were like, hop on the horse. And he was going like, he was just like pissed. And they're like, yeah, we gave him a new saddle.

He's pretty pissed off. And I was like, all right, this is great. I'm going to die riding a horse. But I got on and then I was just like, you know what? I got to exude. They were like like he's a drive horse yeah talk to him yeah so i just started chatting him up yeah what'd you say i was like damn what's going on yeah i was petting him i was like damn we're gonna have a nice ride

and then it was then you want some discounted merch yeah yeah yeah stuff i'll ask that besides your saddle day but then it got to a place where like they they let us run with the horses yeah yeah wow this is like a is this a group of people like you have a so you have a leader going like yeah yeah hold to the left i'm gonna start running just like and she was shouting stuff but i couldn't hear she was too far up so at both front horses just sprinted off and then i was like all right dan let's fucking go and i like kicked him and he just fucking took off and then i was like whoa dan chill and then he like pulled back and then all after that it was just like i was talking to him non-stop i was like dan you want some water we like walked through a river so you're telling me you're a horse whisperer in like 10 minutes dude i love horses horses are awesome i gotta spend more time with horses i could be a cowboy because i look as soon as this ride was done i

was like i need to book like a 10 day thing where i'm just in the wilderness with a horse yes and just go like just really get in with a horse. Yeah. Good for you, man. I'm embarrassed by my predicament with horses, by the way. It's fucking embarrassing. No, it's not. Why?

It is not. You just got to find the right horse. I knew a kid growing up whose father had a bunch of horses and he was out in the stable one night and this horse just got pissed off, kicked him in the head, just dead instantly. Yes. Dude. That's all I knew about horses too i watch montages of bulls killing people and i can't tell you the hard one i get it's like the most exciting i could possibly get i was in costa rica

with an ex-girlfriend and we took a a beach horse walk yeah because it's you know i was 22 it's like corny as fucking thing you could do and i was like this rules get on this horse it's huge um just like you yeah i'm kind of shitting myself dude in the middle of the walk on the back horse in the middle of the fucking walk this guy decides to stop everybody else is walking slowly so i'm yelling to this guy who doesn't speak english and i'm like yeah the horse it's not not going hello and like no one can really hear me you can't do that so now they're yeah well yeah this horse goes down you got to talk to the horse well they didn't tell me that nobody fucking trusts the strange american to talk to their horse the guy gets on his front hooves his name wasn't dan i know that gets on his front hooves hold on front hooves so now i'm elevated looking down like a steep

elevation now i'm yelling i'm yelling for them to stop this dude comes whipping around he's like just calm down calm down i'm not calm down yeah he gets on his back oh so now he's just fucking kneeling so i'm like what do i do what do i what do i do and the guy's like take it easy i come i come i come i come and then the horse rolls over on my fucking leg so now i'm kicking and trying to get my one leg out and the guy acted like it was no big fucking deal so So I walked the rest of the horse walk. He tried to get me on another horse. And I was like, I'm not touching a horse for the rest of my life. Unless there's a golf cart, you can somehow fucking strum up in this rainforest.

No, but I got to be honest. This is your fault. I think you got to treat horses like cops. The more animated you get around them the bigger problem you're gonna have maybe that's why i wasn't well i wasn't drunk driving i didn't fucking do that you gotta go hey what was the horse's name i don't know hell it was hell dan what are we doing this dude didn't want me he's trying to buck me and i i panicked as i should as

a normal human being should if you stay calm in that situation you're a fucking lunatic there's no other choice this horse sound like a complete raging he's a dickhead the horse was a dickhead the horse is gonna be ornery but like front legs hind legs then on his side yeah also this is a costa rican horse this isn't a lesbian horse from vermont this motherfucker wanted blood he woke up and chose the apple of violence this dude wanted to fuck somebody up dude you cannot panic it's across situations in life i love i think you lucked out with this dan character they can't all be dan was pissed about the saddle. Did it rock me?

No. Also, why are they giving him a new saddle right before he has some stranger on him? I had all kinds of questions. And what are the odds that did I let it rattle me? I stayed calm. And I said, the only way through this is to bond with Dan. If Dan thinks I'm spooked, I'm getting tossed. I think Dan got a hand job. I think that's what

yeah what are the odds of that the autistic horse had an autistic rider this was actually i i enjoyed this we're coloring in the woods i enjoy this part of it you know when you're playing sports your dick gets tiny it's your balls mostly no but your dick gets disappears man yeah yeah yeah gets out of the way yeah yeah horses do the same thing i was excited about that out of the way so the lady in front of me the horse was like i gotta take a piss dick got huge yeah took a whiz and then it just tucked backed up tuck back up for a run yeah it's It's pretty cool, right? Yeah. It's amazing. It's across mammals. Yep. You get a tiny dick when you're running.

Yeah. Yeah. They were doing any activity, really, outside of fucking. Yeah. What a relief it was the first time you talked, confided in somebody else about that, right? Yeah. Because the first time that happens, you're like, what the fuck is happening? Oh, my God.

I didn't go to the hospital? No. I always knew. I was like, I got something. If someone's dick isn't getting tiny when they're running, they're weak. I just say, I always got bugged out by loose bags in general. If somebody's got like a large sack, it's the strangest fucking thing. I got baby balls.

I'm all meat, no potatoes. When I see just a big hanging nut sack, I'm like, like dude you're not a bull like this is a fucking strange thing you need to be doing more activities and i think it's due to like your your lazy upbringing maybe you weren't running around the fields as much you're not playing buck buck or hide the goose or whatever the fuck what he's a street games i'm much more comfortable when my dick gets hard while I'm playing sports. Yeah. You know when that happens? Have you ever had a scare?

Yeah. You miss injury. You miss injury with a hard dick. Yeah. Touch football, everybody just gets out of your way. You just lead with it. Just student body right. And part the sea.

I mean, everybody's got a... Do you have a hard on story from grade school? You just lead with it. Just student body, right. And part the sea. I mean, everybody's got a... Do you have a hard-on story from grade school? Yeah, like in class, for sure. Yeah. It's called the Catholic school belt tuck. You know what I mean? Once it gets high enough, because you wore khakis.

You couldn't hide anything in light pants. The shadows were too... I always got caught in the wrong side of the seam. So you go long down the side. Yeah. And then you're like, you can't- Dude, that's nice. That's a dad boner.

You can't talk to that. It's too late. That's an ER room dad boner. That's a nice one. Kids usually go straight, cock strikes 12. You're fucking- Nah, nah, nah. I'd go down the southeast track.

Damn, that's nice, dude. That's slow blood flow. That's like blowing up like a long fucking, you know, like a balloon artist. It doesn't usually pump that long just to get it going. It usually goes right up when you're young. Well, when it would start growing, I'd be worried. I'd be like, wait, hang in there, hang in there, hang in there. Don't just try to think of something ugly.

Yeah. You got to talk to your dick like Dan. Look, now's not the time your dick's trying to buck you off yeah fuck that never again i'll think but they are beautiful creatures i'm not with you on that i am a horse girl they are beautiful they're beautiful i not with you on that. I am a horse girl. They are beautiful. They are beautiful. I just, they're, I don't think they, I don't think they also, I don't think they want anybody on them either.

You know, they've been, they've been broken. Their spirit has been broken. That's not what they want. I follow an artist on Instagram that only draws horses, paints horses. Yeah. It's called like Heinz paints or something. I'll look it up. But every single time, it's the same idea same horse yeah you know and every time i'm blown away i'm like fuck yeah how much and they're like five feet six feet beautiful horses

i can watch your paintings yeah i can watch a man paint a horse all day every day that used to be like the real measure of a good artist is like how authentically they could draw or paint a horse. Right. It's like, you know. Yeah. They would get like all the, what was the guy's fucking name? I'm not going to be able to remember. But that was like the number one French painter was like drew the most, just Napoleon on horses.

Right. That's what he drew. Yeah. Just battles. Because all the heroicoleon on horses right that's what he drew yeah just battles because every all the heroic dudes were on horses right so if you could make like a really authentic course yeah like the fucking man yeah and then the impressionists came in they were like horses are gay yeah check out this flower you can't recognize these lily pads yeah dude bitch i was thinking the other day i can't believe it's been two years dude what's that just every time i'm in a the subway i think i do thank you a lot yeah because of your accent oh yeah yeah yeah yeah you're fucking crazy on the train now i

got a car three years ago so i drive everywhere on the rare occasion i do do take the train do you get ptsd like i don't get PTSD, but I think, well, I'm pretty glad I'm driving. Yeah. You know? It's insane. Maybe a lot of our listeners don't know,

but your This Is Not Happening story is so fucking funny. It really is. Yeah, it's great. Fucking amazing. About you saving a woman and this dude cuts you with a,

this car is outrageously beautiful. Like, you got so lucky, dude. It's fading a lot. Can you still see it yeah god i need to get out of the joint and touch it up so perfect i mean you're built you're built for horses you're built to be in a western i should i look like i should like horses right yeah if they're if yeah if they're recasting like braveheart yeah in it for sure you're in anything you do an accent i just do the apprehensive cowboy i just walk alongside my horse yeah because you're afraid to get on it

there's a pussy cowboy you could be a pussy cowboy no i thought i did for some reason every time i see somebody that's shady as fuck i get in like this weird stance that i'll never use you know what i mean like i prepare myself my whiskers for violence flutter around and I'm like, I'm going to fuck this dude up. This dude might come out of nowhere with a razor blade. Because look how quickly

you can get to somebody if you're not, you know, you don't put your head on a swivel. So I get, and I think of you all the time. It's a very weird fucking thing.

See, that's the ironic thing is that now you have this. You got to not pay attention to anything. Now you have the scar. No one's going to fuck with you. I have wondered that. I haven't gotten in any, watch, I'll get fucking jumped. No, no, no.

Now that you have the scar. I haven't gotten in any altercation since then. I'm wondering if that has anything to do with it. It 100% has something to do with it. I mean, I think people know it's not a fly fishing accident. I don't know. That guy took one and he lived to tell the tale he's a problem yeah i got i got fucking glasses yeah the other day yeah and uh so we fuck with

you no one's ever fucked with me ever and i had glasses on i went into the fucking bodega that we always go to to get a vape yeah two guys caught me in line like when i was literally at the counter yeah yeah did you say so no they're just like this cuck's not gonna do anything literally just went that dude's a bitch and caught me i'll tell you what though and it's never happened before in my life you want to know a trick a trick i used to do because I wore glasses in college. You just take your glasses off before you start anything. And they now know that you're about to fight. And you're worried about your glasses getting broke. So if you go, excuse me, guys, I was waiting.

That's a good move. I guarantee you they'll go, okay, sorry about that. I didn't see you. My best friend growing up used to carry a fucking mouthpiece in his pants when he went out. I know, which is crazy. Went out to bars. And he would lock it in

and people would still fight him. But I'm not trying to get in a fight. I know you're not, but don't take disrespect. It was the first time I was just standing there with my glasses on being like, I can't believe this is how glass people live.

This is horrific. Stop acting like a pussy and fucking stick up for yourself. No. Maybe the glasses did change you. Not a bodega. What are you talking about? What do they look like? Be racist.

It was two dirt bike dudes. Oh, okay. So Latinos. Yeah. Latinos? Young dudes. Oh, okay. So, Latinos. Yeah. Oh, okay. Latinos? Yeah. Young kids. Yeah. 17, 18.

Yeah. Yeah, they don't care. They want to fight you. I know. But they don't want to fight you. They don't want to fight you. They just want to chump you. I had a bag of groceries and glasses.

What'd you buy in the grocery store? This was the first time I ever went to the grocery store. Yeah, what was it? I got eggs and milk. Ooh. Yeah. For you. Dan?

Domestic goddess. Yeah, and they-. Ooh. Yeah. Dan? Domestic goddess. Yeah. And they- Three apples? Yeah. I looked like such a bitch and they just went right at me. Honest question. Did that sit with you for a while? Like were you disgusted in yourself and your behavior?

Not really. Because it's like I don't want to fight anybody. Again, I think you made the right, knowing that it's teenagers, that's a bad situation. I don't want to fight again i think you made the right knowing that it's teenagers yeah that's a bad situation i don't want to fight i can descend like a flock of pigeons out of nowhere are you great and then you're fucked i agree with the action and if it was my everyday life and i had glasses yeah and like yeah i would go you know i might go postal on them like if it was if this was like the 15th time that it happened we're like people just kept cutting me in line yeah with my fucking glasses on yeah i'd i'd spaz yeah but it was like this is the first time this has ever happened yeah it was a bit of a it was like yeah it's like the chicken or the pussy scenario yeah i'm sure oh my god it really does make a difference what you look like no that's just

you just got caught with two dickheads dude there's no which bodega was it what which bodega right on the corner the one the normal one right here right here oh that you can't get eggs there oh you got eggs in c-town i went to c-town okay and then i was like i'll just pop in and get a vape and i was like do you know why the vapes and the dude just stepped in front of me and i was like this fucking glass well they saw weed there he was looking for a vape i know but they probably act like this because they're friends i've been in their situations where their buddies come in and they illegally sell weed out of there it's not a dispensary let me tell you something this is a this is a glasses related incident all right a hundred percent i believe you what are you getting i'm getting my vape out right now yeah dude what do you got we in there

yeah you want it no hit it i do not you don't mess with that i i i take edibles and shit i'm trying to figure out how to do it better you don't want the popcorn lung what happened to popcorn lung remember how that was like front page news for a couple months? Is that from fucking vapes? Yeah. You remember that a couple of years ago? They were like, stay away from vape cartridges. It's some horrible lung disorder. Like your lungs are full of polyps and shit and they call it popcorn lung.

Shit, we got to get you checked out, dude. Killing people. I don't think so. But I think it was a hoax. Yeah. Just to stop the high schoolers? I'm the one I'm fucking queuing on right now. I think, you know, the media just invents these things yeah i

think get some clicks and then it's just like okay we got our fill of that yeah i look i think i think vaping is probably not the best for you yeah but it's also not nearly as bad as smoking cigarettes it's just never enough for these people you know what i mean i think that's the thing it's like we were talking about the other day where it's just like now that weed's legal, everyone's got to make weed. It's not just that it's legal and you can do it freely. It's got to give you a superpower. You know what I mean?

They got to keep selling it. Right. Yeah, because they've built a whole weed apparatus and now they can't just all quit their jobs now that it's legal they gotta come up with like a new reason to work a lot of our uncles are still locked up because of reagan you know what i mean yeah i gotta push the agenda that motherfucker that white chick that was president for a little while take him out i hate him so much i took one of the vowels out of his name

reagan you know what i mean i haven haven't seen him in a while. Dude, I did have one dude confront me, cut in front of me at a grocery store. This was like a month into the pandemic. And I was not wearing glasses. I wear contacts, but I wear glasses sometimes. I don't think I was wearing glasses, though. And this dude cut in front of me.

And I was like, hey, buddy, I was here. You know, not being an asshole. I was like hey buddy i was uh i was here you know not being an asshole i was like i was i was here he's like oh yeah what are you gonna do about it and he was big like native brooklyn dude you know you could just tell like probably maybe even an ex-cop or something just like shaved head tatted up pretty built and he's like what are you gonna do about it i was like i'm just letting you know i was here. And he just goes, social distancing, social, six feet, six feet while he's getting in my face. He's saying, social distancing, six feet. I'm like, buddy, you're the one coming up in my face.

I'm not moving. You want to cut in front of me, go ahead. He's like, you're lucky, man. You're lucky I'm in a good mood. I knocked your fucking ass out. And I was like, gee, this guy's really flying off the handle. He gets to his register then the next register adjacent to that opens up and i get there and the lady in front of

him is still paying he gets slowed down to the point that i pay for my shit and i'm done and i'm packing my stuff in my bags while he's still waiting to put his stuff on the conveyor belt so it's like this beautiful karmic moment of like you're gonna cut in front of me and now you're in gridlock in this line you know and the thing that he was getting dude icing on the cake buying one package of nilla wafers oh i like this guy but also i love that like i'm so jealous of people that are that psycho. Yeah. Where they somehow know exactly the perfect non-sequitur to throw back at you. Right. Where you're like, hey, you just cut me. And he's like, social distancing.

Yeah. You're like, wait, but I don't even know. I can't even get my arms around how stupid what you're saying is to me. Yeah. Like, it'll stun you. Right. Yeah, yeah. I feel like Trump had that quality.

Well, he'll say something nuts to you. with bullshit yeah yeah where you're like man i don't even know how to have fucking i can't i can't you can't respond to it because it's hard to make sense of right it's the perfect bully tactic it is yeah one of the positives of me watching like death videos and shit is because you you you do tend to back off in situations like that where like i was just watching one today where this dude tried to rob a bank quietly and got shot in the neck and he was squirting everywhere it was beautiful um just incredible but now like i i treat even the train like the train platforms i go against the wall a little bit yes oh yeah i've been doing that for years, man.

I fucking do the fucking columns. You just see too many fucking whack balls. Yeah. The switch turns and they kick some innocent person directly into a train. Yeah. And, you know, no one's helping. There's always crazies down there sleeping and shit, just waiting for, I don't know, a warm meal and a warm bed, whatever the fuck.

Yeah. a warm meal and a warm bed whatever the fuck yeah so now my whole life is trying to it's kind of comforted and and calmed down because of these videos like even like so many like colombian delivery scooters just showing up at like a fucking bodega disco and just bopping some dude in the back of the head on a lawn chair you know what i mean so now now i see these motherfuckers go the wrong way down the street or like you know what i mean so now now i see these motherfuckers go the wrong way down the street or like you know seamless drivers i'm like what's this guy up to my my fucking my awareness is lights out it's it's outrageous but it's taking up so much so much you know real estate my skull and emotional energy i can't i can't physically

keep up with but it will save you in situations like this launching in a vigilante mode yeah yeah yeah but it's all a fantasy right right but the fantasy is worth it because it's fun you know you're right it is all a fantasy because right before i got fucking carved up i had never gotten in a fight in my life and i've been wanting one really dude yeah i've been thinking about it for years just been like how do you know what you're made of if you haven't been in a fight yeah i mean how do you know how you handle a certain situation yeah and then i got the ultimate serving and you're just like this all right yeah no more did he punch in the face before he sliced you no i thought it was a punch yeah yeah okay that's right

i didn't see i didn't see the blade yeah was he holding a singular blade or a box cutter yeah singular blade damn that's a professional right yeah because it hides it with a hand shit he was kind of holding his hand like this that's a man who's been to prison what's that that's a man that's been to prison i don't know if he had been to prison before i think his only priors were like public intoxication i didn't think he had i don't think he had like a crazy rap sheet. Because that's what they do in like- You just snap that day. Not state penitentiaries, but like the smaller prisons where you can still use a razor.

Right. They'll take the little blades out and in fights, they just hold the single blade. Yeah. Just cut you? Yeah. And that's how they cut up like child molesters and shit. They give you that child molester mark. So you might be taking these trains and people are like,

this kid loves fucking kids. Yeah, wait, what's the child molester mark? If you're a snitch or a child molester, they mark your face. They'll come in and do a very similar swipe right up the fucking face. Yeah. So that's the reason that that hasid family changed cars yeah yeah yeah i think it's snitching gave him a complex i'm gonna get fucking called out in the comments swear to god i'm not

yeah there's an incident on the subway i think it's i think the swipe is definitely for snitching child molesters i think they just try and kill you or beat the fuck out of you yeah yeah yeah but i think the marking for that i think is a snitch if i'm correct so people think i'm a snitch well you don't have the disposition of someone that's spent years in prison you're still young yeah but when you get to like 50 60 years old you know i mean if you start to be a curmudgeon and shit yeah you're gonna get that snitch mentality i'm gonna get a few more of these fucked up in there no but they told me if it was like even an inch higher i guess uh yeah some major nerve that i would have had like paralysis no smile on my face i just would have been all you know like

been stroke face on my on my left side instead you look good he looks great dude he looks great did you meet your lady before or after this uh uh before before yeah i know i never got to man bummer the video the picture you post in how many stitches was it uh only 20 no only 23 actually but it was pretty uh really yeah i don't want to have to go searching through my phone i I don't want to kill a bunch of time. But I'll text you a picture of it later before they- I've seen the picture. It's nice, dude. The open one?

Yeah. It's awesome. Yeah. It's fucking awesome. I know. It doesn't sound like that many, right? But it was from all the way here. I think you had a bad surgeon.

Yeah, I know. He still did a good job. Yeah, that's good. That's a good one, dude. Yeah, that's not enough. She just ran out of thread. She was like, that's good enough. Dude, I got one on the top of my head that was like not that long.

It was like 25. Yeah. Yeah. I took a bottle to the face and I just missed my eye. It's right here. This is about 20. Jesus Christ. Goes from here to here.

Yeah. And then over here. A bottle to the face? Yeah. Great fight. Wonderful bar fight. This dude. I was holding his best friend in

a headlock choking him out yeah and i blacked out looking for like my friends and this kid i recognized from a shore party down new jersey shore i was like i know this guy and i was like go help chris and this dude was getting fucking worked on a couch by like three dudes. It was in Philly. It was in East Falls. Manioc. Jesus. Yeah. Three story bar. Every room had a different theme.

So we walked in. This kid I just met. He was my new roommate. We lived in East Falls. I knew him for like two weeks. Just broke up with this scumbag girl. This scumbag girl was dating this new scumbag dude it was flat brim rock sparrow piece of shit dirtball he's got a whole crew with him and i'll never forget this he grabbed my arm we were just talking hanging out he grabbed my wrist

when this other dude walked up and i was talking to somebody else just to let me know like this dude was approaching him i said then i took my glasses off from my pocket and then mayhem ensued and it was quintessential like dude it was like a like an 80s 90s bar fight movie where everything was working so perfectly yes dude the first three hits somebody have a boot knife a dude uh yeah that's out for no reason pops up the first three hits were perfect knockouts i was crushing it dude wow and then this dude i got one guy in a headlock and this kid was like let him go and then i kept going go get chris go get chris he's like let him go let him go and then i said go get chris one more time. I turned around. He took a Bud Light bottle and overran full speed. And I opened up, fell to my knees.

So was it the glass that cut you or just broke the skin? It broke on my head. And then the open glass cut through all my skin. I had this was open like a shark fin. This was closed completely because just like your face, it just explodes. So I can only see out of one eye. Tackled the guy and I'm bleeding all over his face. And that's when it hit me. I was like, oh, fuck.

Dude, you got to hit somebody hard with a bottle to break it. It's not like it is in the movies. It was great. That does not happen easily. And then I fucking crawled. Crab walked into the pool room where no one knew what the fuck was going on in the other room. And this girl drops her cue, called the cue.

Just roll under the- She dropped her stick and just started screaming. Just screaming. And I was like, this is bad. This is real bad. Yeah. Jesus Christ. What the fuck, dude?

Why do they always scream? Why don't you do something? Right. Talk to them like, damn. I should've followed myself. It drives me nuts yeah just fucking do something productive it's not just go warm up the car i mean imagine if you've never seen like a fight or any type of violence it's pretty you know she probably talks about it with

a therapist still saw a kid get opened up it's like yeah yeah yeah it's a fun time no you're just having fun now you go hold on hold on hold on everyone hold on get in the middle that's if you you hit someone with three or four hold-ons people start calming true that's true once you get to three to five dude you know you mean serious shit what the fuck are we doing yes yes jesus christ give Christ. He'd be a great crossing guard. I know. I know, I know. Believe me.

Look, I love talking to the cops. Yeah, you could be a good fucking- Dude, I'm the best at talking to the cops. I got it. Yeah. Canadian fucking trooper. You can ride a horse, wear that stupid fucking hat you had on in Vermont,

cruiser on the mountains. I can definitely see you pulling that off. Yeah. No, no. I just, I need to be like a... I don't know. I think if I could get a job that was not comedy, it would be just helping people get out of

trouble. Because I'm so good. First of all, I look like a cop. The lies you tell yourself. What do you... Dude. What experience do you have of getting anyone out of trouble? Dude, I have successfully avoided. I'm like-

That's true. The mushroom trip? Yes. First of all, mushroom trip, I got you home. Yeah, but you also took me into trouble. No, I got you home safe. Because look, I don't really care about my life. I really don't. I I don't really care about my life I really don't I really don't I know that

the same way with that when I was on Dan it's like he's gonna kill me if I spaz the only thing I do is stay calm I when I'm around police it doesn't matter how fucked up the situation is I can defuse because I know that the only thing i can do is eventually they'll be like dude you're lying i'm taking you to jail and i'll be like okay but so i just stay so calm it rattles them yeah you could be a domestic terrorist you'd be an american terrorist you can get through borders oh you know you'd be you i could see you being uh like one of those uh like a marshal that rides on a plane, just undercover.

Air Marshall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to high school with a kid that does that. Still? Yes. So he flies what, once, twice a week? Yeah. They just rotate.

Just strapped, just sitting there. Is this a myth though, there's like three or four Marshalls on a flight or two Marshalls on every flight? Some bullshit like that? I feel like you guys are coming at this from the wrong angle. We moved on because we don't believe in

your fucking future. Well, you're saying I should be an air marshal. What I'm saying is that if there were terrorists taking a plane they would hire me and I would defuse the air marshal. You've been to the supermarket once. You're talking about helping the underdog.

They don't know that. You think you're reaching for your sidearm and taking out terrorists? I'm not taking out terrorists. You're going to be conked out, hung over from too many people in the airport. The terrorists would hire me. And the air marshal would get up and I'd be like, yo, man, just take, hold on just a second. I love how you think if you just talk calm. Just let them have some fun.

Dude, overwhelming calmness in a crisis situation. Yeah. People know how to deal with it. Again, it's baffling. It's almost seems like psychotic behavior. Why is he so calm? He must be calm for a reason. Do you know when it doesn't work?

He must be in control. Do you know when it doesn't work? Crazy women. No, it does not. If you try and lower your voice and be calm with a crazy girl no yeah you know she will escalate that fucking thing to no it is like day in on crack dude that hoops will start kicking it's like throwing water on oil fire if you're just like stop yelling please stop yelling to your yang yeah if the moment you go

like if there's a woman is spazzing and you're like, hold on, let's just walk through this from start to finish. Yeah. That's enough. Yeah. That's enough to light the house on fire. If you lower your normal voice to something she's never heard in hopes of lowering her natural voice at that moment or unnatural voice.

It does not work. That sends her. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or if you actually blatantly ask them to lower their voice yeah could you well yeah you can't see your voice there's no one else in here yeah but i can hear you very clearly yeah i remember going like this like i'd be like i have neighbors could you just have some respect for the neighbors yeah that that was it. Right. Fuck your neighbors. And then just like,

have respect for me. Fuck the neighbors. Just screaming and shit like, whoa. They fundamentally don't understand people. Women or horses. Women. They just don't. What's the difference? They're like, I'm gonna

go to your family and tell them you're a piece of shit. It's like, they don't know anything about families. Who do you think they're like they're like i'm gonna go to your family and tell them you're a piece of shit it's like you know anything about families yeah who do you think they're gonna think is an asshole yeah you yeah and they also know already first of all they're like no shit also get off my fucking lawn yeah we're team chris bitch yeah yeah it's sunday yeah i'm trying to watch the game you're gonna come here tell me about my son? Yeah. Get the fuck out of my house. I've said this before. Disgusting.

It's supposed to be kept in house, you fucking moron. I don't know if I said this on the podcast, but like I used to know like women bruisers growing up, like girls that would love to fight and like would look to fight if like some other women or fuck up other chicks. Yeah. true bruisers yeah i always fantasized about having a sister

that was like a bruiser yeah for instances like that where you're like you're gonna do nothing right i'm gonna call maria she's gonna come to your house she's gonna come to your job and she's gonna slam your fucking teeth against you Mitsubishi Golan until you stop raising your voice in my living room. And if that continues, Marie's got nothing to lose. She's an auto mechanic. No offense, auto mechanic. She's bringing a tire out.

And reward that kind of behavior. Yeah, right. That's a promotion. It's a lady promotion. But I've always like, there's like two or three people i'm not gonna say their names but like they're legendary like lady fighters just known for fucking chicks up yeah like a tapped in they're like bruisers what did they get tapped in tapped in yeah like wwe no i mean like they fought a lot

a lady comes into the ring you gotta tap in another lady i get what you mean it doesn't make any sense this is what i'm saying these girls fought all their childhood and in high school it's literally what you were just talking about they're not getting that you'd hope your sister would show up and fight a woman in oh and then my sister would have to tap him out she steps in yeah yeah okay yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Chris. Because I'm right. Give him the weed pack. Let's sober him the fuck up. What the hell have you been doing?

What are you up to? Are you on the road? Are you doing stand-up? Here and there, here and there. I'm doing stand-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you are. Are you back in the stand-up now?

I'm getting there, kiddo. Are you? Yeah, I'm getting a lot of pressure. Yeah? We're doing it. I bet. We're going to do it. It's been a while. Yeah yeah it's been like four years five years really yeah damn yeah that's that's a stretch but i'm ready not ready um emotionally to get back on the horse you'll

jump back into it yeah you don't say yeah okay i'm sorry back on the the Dan. Yeah, I've been pretty busy. You know, my son's going to be seven in September. He's so stupid. I'm still in stay-at-home dad mode, you know, because my wife's working full-time. Yeah. How's he turning out? How's he turning out? Is he doing good?

He's great, man. Yeah, he's, like's changed me a lot because he's such a fucking animal whisperer that we've had bugs as pets for years now. He will find cockroaches in the apartment and they wind up in a terrarium and we're feeding them fucking fruit scraps. Really? Yes. That kind of rules.

Are you learning anything about cockroaches? Yeah, they can survive for like a week without a head. They're fucking badass, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Without a head? Without a head.

What do they do? They stun their prey. They have like a, they have slave venom in their system. They stun their prey, kill it. They're like fucking

apex predators, the bug world. Yeah. I don't know and it's apex well for the they'll fuck up a polar bear yeah they'll fuck up a polar bear oh yeah there's no way i mean they're cockroaches i mean the only reason that you're designed to live without a head is because you're getting fucked up on a daily yeah yeah yeah they're expecting you to be without yeah no one nothing is designed to live without a head that's at the top of the food chain.

Right, right. That means if you lop my head off, I'm going to eat some chickens. Because I'm getting fucked up on a daily basis. Just getting hammered. Yeah, anything that's designed like octopus, people like to talk a lot about octopi, but it's like anything that's designed to get a leg cut off and still survive is a bitch-ass animal. Nah, dude, octopuses are aliens.

Yeah. When they change color and shit. I agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sends me. It's incredible. Right? It is.

It's incredible. It sends me too. Did you see Octopus and Me or whatever? I did. Octopus teacher. Yeah. Yeah. It is incredible.

What they're doing is incredible. Only a prey has that type of technology. Well, I'm an animal lover of technology well I'm an animal lover Chris I'm an animal lover I love animals too I mean you guys fucking hate horses

I'm the one I love horses I just don't want to ride them I'm saying that a cockroach a cockroach you know I want to get it I want to see what I want to do

I want to fucking I want to ride that stream of consciousness that his son is doing I want to have a pet raccoon I want to domesticate a raccoon dude they are so cute dude they would rip this place to shreds no no they're chill you don't know that i can't wait for you to get a raccoon squirrels will fuck this place up i

want a raccoon or like a like a like a little baby beaver or like a little pig. I'd love a pig. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A little pig would be incredible. The only problem with a pig is you don't want to be that guy walking a pig because that's just such a plea for attention. Yeah. You know what I mean? But you might get some ladies walking a pig around here.

Yeah, I know. It's a cute pig. It's peacocking for sure. It's peacocking. True. Yeah, I would love it. Peacocking. Yeah. Walking a pig would be amazing a raccoon

i mean i they're so fucking cute they're so cute they got opposable thumbs yeah my dad was telling me the other day that he uh he had a pet crow as a kid jesus i was like pet how'd you get a pet crow he's like i saw a nest i leaned the ladder up against the tree i plucked him out of the nest he stole a baby he said his mom dive bombed the shit out of me and i was like and you held on to the baby crow he's like yeah i wanted a pet crow oh my god did he got attacked by the mother huh did he lie to his mom i think she was okay with it and then he fucking pruned some of the feathers so that it couldn't fly away and it would just sit on his shoulders shitting down his back he would ride to school with it he knew how to fucking yes i know i said the same thing no i said i said i think you just saw i said how did you know what feathers to remove

he's just like i just kept plucking a few until it stopped flying oh this is a crazy question your father's a serial killer did you i mean this is nuts story about oh cool you had a pet crow i stole him i kidnapped him and then mutilated him oh my god he lost his will to teach him to talk or beat him with a hammer well you and your dad used to booze together quite a bit yeah yeah yeah you and your pop yeah for sure yeah no shit that's what's bad dad's yeah yeah it was bad tell us it was real bad oh man there was one time i went to my uncle's wedding and i i picked up a bottle of doers and i just did not let go of that bottle for the duration of the wedding didn't even pour it in the glass just straight out of the bottle so i was in rough shape and you're sharing it with your dad

yeah yeah yeah and my dad was equally hammered and then at one point you know you get real hammered it can tip it can tip from loving drunk into violent drunk just yeah yeah yeah so i went to give him a hug apropos of nothing i was like i love you and i went to give him a hug and he just timber just went back slammed his head on a doorknob i land on top of him so i'm laying i can barely get off i'm laughing so hard i'm like lying on top of him i roll off and he's just instantly furious and he's like you motherfucker and he starts charging after me and i duck behind a chair and I'm still just giddy with laughter for some reason. I just keep popping up and giving him the finger.

And he's trying to charge at me. And my brother has to get involved, pull him apart. Had to give him a ride home. He had to leave the wedding early. It was ridiculous. How old were you? 18, 19. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that kind of, I wouldn't say that kind of shit happened a lot but you know it was sloppy yeah that's also not a switch out of nowhere i mean you tackled the man smashed his head against the fucking doorknob it wasn't like the scarier turn it's like when you're just drinking and all of a sudden you look at somebody and they're gone in their eyes they're like yeah fuck are you looking at you're like we were just talking about baseball dude that's scary but i i have a my switch is like uh i know your switch you're drinking it at the moment no i know but if i'm like i know the switch is coming right now i'm having fun and i'm feeling like i'm being like

charming you know like because it happens very rarely yeah it's very rarely but all of a sudden i'll be like oh everyone thinks I'm like kind of fun. That's when I'll choose to be like, let me see if I can get this message across that's hurtful to a lot of people. Jesus. Because they will take it in a good way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I say the thing and everyone gets upset.

Do you realize how fucking crazy what you just said is? I don't think so. You said you're in the zone of everybody going, look, he's charming. And you said, I'm going to fuck this up. No, it's not that I'm, I don't plan on fucking it up. I just like, oh, now the- You think you can get away with it because of your charm? Well, get away with it sounds like a really, you know, bad.

It would be more palatable. I'm like, oh, I can finally say that thing that i wanted to say oh you're leaning on the the positivity of the overall oh my god i've built up enough good stuff in the bank yeah i can really yeah yeah yeah yeah and then yeah you know and then you're telling lacrosse stories you're like your mom's a whore jesus christ and you think that's not crazy i thought he meant about the switch flipping no the switch flip is somebody that is fucking my brother's bipolar and the switch flip you'd never know what would come 20 20 to 26 going to like the polish american club or going like some this waverly bar that we used to hang out with yeah you never knew when the switch would

flip this fucking this fake biker that used to hang out this place he had a bald head neck tattoos giant goatee it's like the quintessential um costume for someone that's not truly part of that life not about that life yeah they look the part with like muscles or fucking, you know, neck tattoos, face tattoos and like all the things, all the fucking things that make someone from the outside go, that's a scary man. So what's scarier is somebody that doesn't embody that, you know, physically, but naturally. And this guy fucked with my brother's friend at one point. And I saw my brother beat the fucking shit out of this man and like it changed the way I looked at him forever and it was during a switch where like we were hanging out watching a flyers playoff game everybody was having a good time and he just

went doink and it didn't even the guy who insulted my brother's friend did it did that was we weren't there yet yeah you just saw him him like he just was acting weird and just like shifty and fucking just acting crazy. And then just decided to walk calmly around the bar by himself and just unleash on some dude to the point where it was like scary. Yeah, that's terrifying. It's terrifying. It was like a bad movie scene where you're like i don't even

know who that person is yeah but we're gonna get free drinks for a while here i saw the craziest fucking beard this weekend i saw a guy he had a big full beard like down to here but he had shaved out like the goatee yeah so the goatee was moving independently of the rest of the beard that's a magician you're talking about a magician no no it was it was it was like you look like a biker guy and you blow a bubble inside of a bubble dude it was the worst thing i've ever seen yeah i couldn't imagine why someone would make a choice like that was he on a unicycle no he was hanging out at the bar what a dickhead dude yeah that's worse than walking a pig yeah a hundred percent a thousand times yeah it's actually a great name

for that that style of haircut he's got the walk in the pig god dragging a pig around just dudes in costumes fucking drives me nuts just stop yeah you know i mean you're not you're not that guy just fucking stop every day you gotta live this lie yeah you know i always just picture them standing in front of the mirrors being like all right you're ready one more piece of jewelry yeah yeah yeah yeah like what's the gauges gauges send me where they stretch your earlobe out to fucking the dick flaps i've been getting into girls with gauges really no you haven't little ones that's disgusting it's not disgusting yeah because

there's chum in there what there's chum any piercing in a body there's chum what does that mean yeah like i hate to talk about it's disgusting like fucking nipple piercings gross yeah yeah belly piercings collects stuff there's nothing wrong i like a belly piercing they're just not clean yeah yeah it takes a lot of cleanliness maintenance typically people that do that shit they're not uh up to. They're not cleaning the tabletops. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but little gauges and a nose ring. How is this attractive?

I don't know. No, to you, I mean. I get it's attractive to some people. I'm not saying you can't be attracted to it. How is it attractive to you? It says something a lot about their psychology. In what way? I want to know what you're attracted to.

What you think their psychology is. Someone with gauge earrings and a nose ring is down to fuck in a crazy way. Okay. Yeah. You'd think. I'd say if they weren't, that'd be a real,

that'd be serious false advertising. Or to my point, it's false advertising. She wants attention. She wants to believe she's on the path of craziness because she's from fucking Iowaowa and trying to yeah yeah reinventing herself upon her arrival in new york city and she only lived in this plastic fucking cornfield i'm willing to roll the dice yeah you know also if it's a little gauge no

that's just the start age is nice now well you to go, if you want to truly get to that point, you meet a chick. I like when they change the gauges to match their hair color. Jeez. Have you dated a girl like this? No. Or is this just like a- No, I'm just thinking. You peruse an imagery.

Yeah, yeah. I'm just thinking outside the box. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like arranging a room. I think there's some truth to the cleanliness aspect, though. A hundred percent. I mean, yeah. There's scuzz. It's like arranging a room. I think there's some truth to the cleanliness aspect, though. A hundred percent. I mean, yeah, there's scuzz in there for sure.

It's gross. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never not had a gross situation. It's like... You never had an earring? Yeah, both my ears pierced. Both your ears? Yeah.

My brother pierced my ear on my 21st birthday. Yeah. I woke up the morning of my 21st birthday. was one of these things we were they had like a surprise party for me at my uh my sister-in-law's house and a bunch of friends and family showed up we got hammered you know intending to go to a bar never made it to the bar and i woke up face down on the living room floor i had mustard in one ear this year was pierced i had swastikas drawn on my forehead and sharpie and i had a big chunk of hair shaved out of my head yes is this buffalo you're from buffalo right connecticut that's matt's oh right i know matt's

from ridgefield you know yeah you do i do? I do. The Richfield Tigers, dude. He's from the Richfield Tigers. Dude, we played them every year. Wait, no, I think you did tell me that. Yeah, I'm from Connecticut. You grew up where? Greenwich. Oh, yeah. Fuck, how did I forget that?

Yeah, we played it. That's FCAC, dude. Richfield Tigers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was 20 years in Richfield. Who's FCAC the coach? Yeah, Fairfield County Interscholastic Athletic Conference.

You fucking dildos. You're killing my plans with this Ridge talk. I was not a jock, but you know. Yeah, he's right. Did you play any sports at Ridgefield? No, I wasn't allowed to. Jehovah's Witness shit. Wasn't allowed to play sports.

Whoa, what? I always forget this. Jehovah's Witness. What kind? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude. Yes. You know, plug your shit, because i want this next hour show is actually not happening now okay all right but i will be i am going to philly in september

i'm going to be at kyber uh what's that i don't know the exact date yet but great food by the way follow me on the gram i'll i'm gonna update it soon as soon as i get the trainer used to be a uh bouncer there yeah no he used to work there and then he burned the place down yeah he burnt the fucking bar now i don't know if i ever met this dude but his artwork is fantastic huh seems like a fascinating guy yeah he's great great stash yeah yeah you guys would fucking if you kissed you connect for like a week all right follow doug smith the way you want to plug uh who doug smith on instagram yeah twitter we're going deep on jehovah's for patreon so go over to patreon