Stuff Island - Stuff Island #46 - take the bones out w/ Rosebud Baker

Episode Date: September 21, 2022

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That shirt is a perfect segue into our first issue. Our first topic. What's our first issue? Can men show aggression? Can straight men show aggression? Pickpocketing women in Spain? That's a... That is a G-Lo fabric.

It really is. Wow. Dude. Put sexy across my ass, Rosebud. Because I'm going for a jog after Starbucks. Tommy put on milk chocolate. It's fall. And I'm feeling juicy.

Tommy had a, what was it? Panic attack? Cocaine rose? Tom had a pair of Manhattan at the bar. And now he's convinced fall has arrived. Yeah, there's clove and cinnamon inside of it. So is something going on? Dude, I bitch out with fall sometimes. What's going on? Did you break up with your

girl? Are you like... No. Maybe I found another one. Okay. Is it a man? Maybe there's another spice in my life. Did he take your shots? This is our first fall with money. He's got a lot of new styles. Oh, shit. Yeah. Things are looking up, Rosie. Yeah. Zara, that's money. This is our first fall with money. He's got a lot of new styles. Oh, shit. Okay.

Yeah, things are looking up, Rosie. Yeah, Zara, that's money. This is money. Zara is money. I don't like Burke shopping at Zara. I don't like him coming to me with fabrics that I want. Burke's got the same color on it. You guys are wearing the same shirt. Burke looks better than you.

Burke looks better than you right now. Zara has Tommy shirts. Yeah. Yeah. Burke is quietly gorgeous. Oh, yeah. I think this is great that you guys are shopping at Zara. First of all, it's brave. It's brave.

Why? Because I don't know straight men that will do it. I've suggested it to straight men and they've said no. What kind of men are we talking about? Comics? Yes. Yeah, guys that dress at a swimming pool who's lost and found. All right, take it, take it. Oh, now you lost and found. All right. Take it.

Take it. Oh, now you can't take it, huh? Take it. Take it. It's intimidating to walk into a clothing store where there's no delineation between straight and gay. There's never two of the same item. Yeah.

True. It's just everything is different. You feel like, I don't know. It's scary. You have to put something together. Yeah. I don't even know where to begin. Well, that's the thing is most comics, I think,

just go to like Shia LaBeouf's Instagram account and just pick whatever's closest to what he's wearing. Oh damn, that's not a bad idea. Level unlocks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's his handle? What's his Instagram? I imagine Shia LaBeouf.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure he's the top Shia. Hope he got Shia LaBeouf'd here. You go to Shia LaBeouf and Yeah, yeah. I'm sure he's the top Shia. I hope he got Shia LaBeouf to you. You go to Shia LaBeouf and he's like the fourth or fifth one down. Throw all accountants and lawyers right above you. One's my landlord. I'm going to Shia and knock the fuck out if he doesn't finish my bathroom. Dude, it is crazy. They are doing a nice job.

They are. They are doing a very nice job. What? Yeah, they're fucking, you know, South of the Border Cats that I love. But he plucked an apricot and fed it to me. Or not an apricot. This was a fake. It was a fake.

Dude. I got apricots in the brain, dude. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's fall, man. It was in the martini. Is apricot a fall thing? I don't know. I don't know.

Yeah, okay, sorry. I knew I was going to give an autistic answer to that. I don't even really know what an apricot looks like. I like this stance, like Elf on the Shelf. This is kind of my thing. Yeah, is it? Yeah, I like to sit like this. Do you sit like this in a chair at work?

I sat like this in my Letterman interview, accidentally. I didn't realize until later. I looked back and I went, oh, fuck. It's not bad. But it's the best pose. It really is. Not for you. Don't do it.

Just smear the sneakers all over the fucking- No, you look like you're about to give birth or something. Yeah, this is a tough- I can't bend. You both look like elves on shelves. You sell us in a little box. Can you even do it? Yeah, walk on a stop. Try it.

Try and do it. In the new shirt. Yeah. Also, it's not a new shirt. It's Todd Snyder. No. Cut that. No.

Cut that. Todd Snyder? Who the fuck is that? Do you know who Todd Snyder is? I don't know who this guy is. No. I imagine he's got some sort of collaboration with Zara going on. No, he's got his own line.

You go to a Soho, bring him to the store. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I imagine he's got some sort of collaboration with Zara going on. No, he's got his own line. You go to a Soho brick and mortar. Yeah, see, that doesn't look... You look like you're in a Lamaze class.

What the fuck? You guys are not. Like you're trying to support someone. You don't want to be there. I look like I'm about to tell my niece that pooping is fine. Everybody does. Even if it's in the living room. Yeah.

Every time you shit's in the living money. Dude. She's like, well, the bathroom still doesn't work. Do you know how badly I've wanted my entire life to be able to sit like this, like against a tree and read a book? Jesus. You know you could do that tomorrow? I can't do it.

No, I can't. Dude, I can. But you're sitting like this now. I'm already. This is my like record time in this it. No, I can't. Dude, I can. But you're sitting like this now. I'm already. This is my like record time in this position. Yeah, it was like, because you look comfortable. Well, because I got to, yeah. But is it just like a massive amount of suppression that's going on?

Yeah, he's afraid to look gay. Right, right. Reading a book in a park. No, it's not fear. I just can't fit in this position very long. I'll read a fucking book. You call me gay, dude? I'll finish 10 pages. You're like, dude, I'm a long. I'll read a fucking book. For sure. If you call me, hey dude, I'll finish 10 pages.

You're like, dude, like pussy, I'll pay. Give me a fucking children's story right now. Dude, I've been texting Sam Talent day in and day out. Give me the books. I want all the good books. I did. I read it last night. I think two nights ago, I was hammered.

Yeah. I wanna change. Yeah, yeah, I was like, give me the best books you got. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I immediately ordered them off Amazon. Dude, that happens to me.

Like every couple months I'll like buy a bunch of books and be like, I'm going to be a reader. Yeah. And then I'll read half of one and I just lose all interest. I can't do it. I know. I did finish one. I finished Stephen King's latest, The Institute. Was it good?

It was good. Yeah. Is this because- Was it good? It was good. Yeah. Is this because- Was it short? Huh? No. I mean, it wasn't long. I mean, it wasn't like Stephen King on cocaine where it's like with it, it was like 700 pages or some shit like that.

Yeah. So, you've read enough that you know different versions of Stephen King. Yeah. Well, I've seen enough books. You don't have to read the book to know how long it is. You can sort of eyeball that just like peckers like a short pecker it's a big book i don't need to take a lot of peckers to know that's a long pecker i like that you're going through the books so just being like cocaine

weed not a good writer all pictures yeah yeah yeah just a lady chef like a couple blurs about the ingredients i remember when i was in martha's vineyard shut up get to the fucking ingredients what's the fucking that annoys me when you're trying to look up not that i've ever really looked up a recipe like and done something about it but when you look it up there's always an article attached to the recipe to online it's like all i need is you look it up, there's always an article attached to the recipe online. It's like, all I need is a list of ingredients and there's a fucking article attached to this.

They just say, you have to tell you about their childhood. Yeah. It's like, I remember in a fall, I'm a journalist. That's Friday. Oh dude, it's terrible too, because I like edited commercials for a while. I told a company that I could edit.

Yeah. And do like after Effects and stuff. Smart. And I couldn't. Right. But I had- So you just sat like that against a wall? Yeah.

And you clubbed up every fucking shot? No, so I had to learn everything through YouTube like during the day. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like anything they would ask me to do and I have to look it up on YouTube. And you just need, it's like I am against the clock. You get me the info stat. And you're always learning from some like 14 year old kid. And he's like, sorry against the clock. He's gonna get me the info stat and you're always learning from some like 14 year old kid and he's like, sorry guys, I haven't posted in a long time. I had a soccer game and my dad didn't pick me up.

Shut up kid. All my jobs on the line. Everything you described just now is like working at SNL basically. Everything you just described. What's the worst part? Can you talk you just described. What's the worst part? Can you talk about it now? What's the worst part? Yeah.

I don't know, I mean, you're tired a lot. Yeah. That sucks. Cause you're activated so many hours a day. Yeah, but also it kind of makes you go like, oh, I can do a lot without being fully conscious. Yeah. It's amazing how much you can get done without really even being awake.

Being present. Yeah. My last 30 years. Yeah. It's amazing how much you can get done without really even being present. Yeah. My last 30 years. Yeah. It's like you just sort of fumble your way through it. And then by the end of the week, you're like, oh, look, we made something. You know what's amazing about this? Because you're sober now. Yeah. Right.

It's fun and interesting to hear the same problems you would imagine the booze is causing. Yeah. Now, granted, it probably pushes it to another level, but you'll still have those issues. I sleep 14 hours a day, we got the same problem. That's because eight are all booze heavy. I didn't hit REM last night, can you shut the fucking light out?

It's like, it's 3 p.m., we need to get the fucking plumber in here. Tom, I called you fucking from 2 to 4. You sleeping on the bed? Oh my god. We were reading last night, Benny, but it's none of your fucking business. We were up late reading. Trying to read together.

That's a fucking problem. We were raging. It was a book party. Actually, my buddy Gerben said, if you That's a fucking problem. We were raging, it was a book party. Yeah. Actually my buddy Gerben said, if you wanna learn to read more, if you don't have that muscle, which I don't, he's like the most important aspect is picking something that you really enjoy,

a subject that you really enjoy. Right. So maybe the Stephen King novel was based on a subject that you're like, it doesn't mean that. That's like, when people give advice like that, it's always like, it's just another stumbling block. They're like, just pick something that you're passionate about.

You're like, what is that? Then you've got to book on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you've got to buy a journal and be like, now I've got to start journaling. I feel like it. Find out what I like. Hey, you are a human. It's like there's so many steps involved.

Yeah, you have to know yourself to know what you like. And that's hell. That's years of work. I gotta hire a therapist to pick a book. I got a book therapist. I gotta write. I gotta tell you, this reading's costing me a lot of money. Somebody's got a full book,

so I'm like, how much does that cost you? Holy shit. I feel like if I had to pick a book, like a book, so I'm like, how much does that cost you? Holy shit. I feel like if I had to pick a book genre that I like, it's like, how do you pick a book where someone dies at the end? That's always the thing that gets me. It's like someone is dying and then at the end they're dead. So you need constant conflict and drama.

Yeah, it's just like constant, like, oh, I have to, it's like saying goodbye to your loved ones. Yeah. I'm like, this is just a bummer. That rules. They should just have like a section of like bummers. Bummers. Yes.

Bummer section. Yeah, I would be into that. Yes. Right at the front next to best sellers. Yeah, best sellers. Bummers. Total bummers. There's just a black drape over it.

Like a veil. Yeah. Just trying to get my ankles right and be bummed. You're going to be right there. There's just a black drape over it. Like a veil. Just trying to get my ankles right. Being bummed. I'll get to the good novels later. I'm trying to break my own heart. At ten pages apart.

I just want a chance to cry for the first time in three years. If you could just point me in the direction of where I'll feel something. I'm trying to unlock these fucking tears. Yeah. And you can have like, you know how like old school videos when I was growing up, they would have either a curtain or the beads. It would just be black beads walking into a bookshelf of fucking shit that's going to

cry. Dude, I make you cry. Did you ever read The Gentleman in Moscow? No. This is book. Never even heard of that. This guy who's kind of like a hit author now wrote it. And I read it like on vacation once.

And. That's the end of the story. I just read it. That's pretty sad. Put in the bummer section. Dude. No, but this guy, he writes so well. And the character was this really like suave like royal russian guy and uh honestly the way

he was talking it was i i got like the vapors from just being like hot under the car just just like, Ooh, this guy's sexy. Dude, cause he- I got the vapors. Also no one's ever explained it like that. I'm like, did he describe it that way? Did you take that word from him? I may be, but I was like, was the gas on the stove on?

This guy in the book was like hitting, like in a really like 17th century kind of way, was like hitting on a woman. And I was like, this is the sexiest shit. You're just hard as a rock. I've never been hit on. The whole bookshelf is just like Ben Whitfield. Like, who the fuck is Ben, dude? Being hit on by like a well-read guy

who like knows wine and knows food and fucking knows, like... How you doing on time? Shut the fuck up. Feel this. It's like velour. Why do you think you're still literally there's nothing like that though i felt it when you were talking about this now i was like oh yeah i mean i immediately because i'm in my 30s i was like he cheats you know what i mean

i immediately start going like you meet a guy who's like perfect like that and you're like yeah this is this is all the time like he's shivel that dude's crushing trim on book tours you know like target bathrooms he's bent somebody over you want to head over to the starbucks are you been with him oh yeah he's fucking his best friend's wife for sure yeah yeah yeah for free books, I don't think I'll ever get to experience that. Why? Just like a really worldly person just swooning me. No one's going to swoon. Why would someone swoon you, Chris? Why? Why not me? You got to shout in Zara.

You got to go to Zara. You got to go to Zara. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to start wearing capes and shit. It would work. Everything else doesn't match. Just walk around with one glove on. Spirit Halloween's open for the next two months.

Just a cape and sweatpants. It's got one high heel. The next you love it, you've seen them all across the country, get it off of Grisham Carter. So you come down the cape and walk. Just expecting a war and I was like, Jesus Christ.

This is the new me guys. Check the guy's trunk for a kid. Holy fuck, he's wearing a cape. Somebody hit on me, please. Somebody, somebody's talking, I'm like. Am I pretty? Yeah. Yeah.

Holy shit. That's a beautiful image. Wait, so did you go to, you're sober, did you do AA? I did, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I have, I've gone and then I've not gone and then I've gone again and then I'm not gone, but yeah. I wanna join AA and like keep drinking.

Is that okay? Can you do that? I feel like you can. That's disrespectful. No, no, I, because they also do, but they don't talk about it. I mean, it happens a lot in there where people are obviously still- I don't mean relapsing. I mean, like I wanted- You just want to hang out with people.

No, no, no. I want- Are you just looking for people to share with? We're here every day, bud. I'm like, you've got a podcast. The problem is we don't talk all day long until this thing turns on they're like I thought about something

last night while making a burrito at fucking 3am no I want the skills to not drink when I don't want to oh okay but I don't want to stop drinking

that sounds like an alcoholic thing to say actually it sounds pretty good no it sounds all you're No. It sounds- All you're doing is controlling the next day. What you're asking for is to not feel powerless over alcohol, which is, you know, you might

belong there. I don't know. I'm not the one to say it. Side note, what you're also asking for is a regular job because that's all it does. That's true. Only accountability. If you have a nine to five, you can't be fucking boozing. You'll go, I got to get up. I got to do this shit. Well, I've drank through nine to five you can't be fucking boozing you'll go i

gotta get up i gotta do this shit through nine to fives but not like this not like getting ripped for fucking 12 hours five days no that's the thing i don't need booze i like i i just You could feel the denial. You could just feel it. It's sort of just through the room. Like everyone just felt, everyone just had to decide whether to go. Yes, sure. I didn't know where to look. I think I went up. It got so uncomfortable.

Somebody tell him. Somebody tell him. I ain't going to tell him. Okay. Okay, but let's say you meant that. How would you finish? Let's say that was real. How would you finish that sentence?

I'm saying that like, it's mostly like, because I can go periods without drinking, no problem. But it's, sometimes I'll get in a social situation where I don't know where to stand or I want to be drinking. You don't know where to put my hands. You're autistic. Yeah, that's literally. I'm a total.

Why don't you go to autistic AA? Oh, I'm still drinking because I don't know how to stop. He's like, no, I have no problem until like, you know, I go out in the world and there's someone to talk to. Yeah. You know? Autistic strength. And then I'm like, someone put some fucking alcohol in my veins. Yeah.

Please, God, it's so painful to be a human. Dude. Yeah. That's a lot of weight. I always drink less because they're always working on a Rubik's cube or staring at train tracks. He's like, did somebody have some ice cubes? You're like, can I count some ice cubes? Can you just count the ice cubes in your drink?

Chris is just in the kitchen like this. One, two. No, I can't. This past weekend, we were doing shows and normally I booze a lot on the weekends, but this time I was going, I was just drinking non-alcoholic beers. Yeah. But taking shots. That happened. I did that. Okay. So, what's the point of that? Slow yourself down?

I actually understand. You drink less. Yeah, I get that. I get that. Yeah. You drink less. I love how I pretended not to know. I went like, why? And then I was like, oh, to slow it down. Yeah.

Because really all I need to do is consume. Yeah. Yeah, because if you have something in your hand, then you're like, if it tastes like beer. I was just going to say, just holding the dildo in the butt. Not knowing where to stand with your dildo. Right. At least you've got something to talk about. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that.

I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't fuck with a non-alcoholic beer. Cause I was like, it's too much of a, you know, it's like, if I'm holding a non-alcoholic beer, then I'm, I just, I'm like sort of LARPing, you know? And then, uh, and I did it, I did it. And I was like, it was like in LA, like two years ago. And I swear to God, within like three hours, I was like hitting on a 22 year old. Like, and I was like, this, I can can't I can't fuck with this because the second that I have something that looks like alcohol in my hand I just want to start I want to start like fucking my life up

you know yes and I never want that that's what I loved about alcohol is like you could just like when I was drunk I could just fucking I would just do something where my life was in danger and I just truly didn't give a shit. It was like that feeling of like, I'll fucking just run right through traffic, hammered with like roller skates on. And just be like, just on the highway. You know what I mean? Like just to see what would happen.

You're like, this is great. It was just that feeling was like, it was true. I went after it for the self-destruction. The freedom, yeah. I loved that feeling of like, I'm gonna fuck up everything tonight. Hell yeah, Burke, look up Amazon. Just burn it down.

Yeah, rollerblades on Amazon. What size do you do? Let's fucking rollerblade. We're gonna rollerblade to AA. It's so funny, she says that story and I'm sitting here thinking like, man, I really haven't given this a real shot here. I'm not rollerblading into traffic with my pussy.

I thought it was bad. I didn't know it. Yeah, dude. I remember one time I bought tickets for, I was hammered. I bought tickets for me and my ex to go heli skiing which is when you jump out of a helicopter with skis on at the very top of a mountain and I bought these tickets to go do that I woke up

the next day I was like I don't even ski yeah you can't I just wanted to do it I just wanted to like it was like 10 grand yeah no I had a lot of it was like money that I'd inherited and I was like hammer I burned through money when I was drinking in a way that was like i can't i had to stop early damn did you do drugs at all no i mean not i didn't seek out drugs but you did it you if they were there then it was like

like nose beers pills you did it all i never did coke you've never done coke i never did coke but that was mainly because everything i ever heard about cocaine, I was like, yes. Yeah, right. I want that. Yeah. And you knew you'd be an absolute fucking maniac. Absolute nightmare. Yeah.

The best rollerblader in town, though. Yeah. You would have picked it up, dude. Great. Your balance on coke is wiped out. And also the amount that I drank. I was like, if I drank more. If you're rolling the line to Formula One.

This highway shit's pussy. More cars. More cars. More cars, more speed. Higher speed. Yeah, I always just wanted to like go faster and like fuck things up. And it was just like my thing, you know? So if I added coke, it would have been bad.

Yeah. How many years has it been? 15. Whoa. 15. Whoa. A long time. That's nice.

Holy shit. Yeah. Except for last week, I got to do fentanyl for like a surgery. But that fucking lives up to the hype too. Yeah. I bet. And you still get groggy and stuff, like just tired. What do you mean?

Being sober. Oh, yeah. What a smooth transition there, Chris is. You still get tired and stuff. Are you ever tired? You ever eat so much your belly hurts? You're a fucking weirdo. You ever eat so much you roll over and you kind of throw up a little?

Anyway, alcohol doesn't consume me. I consume it. Being sober doesn't stop that. Sounds like Nick. You think a human sober doesn't stop that? Sounds like a good bumper sticker, Chris. Yeah, honestly. You still getting tired? You still didn't do what I was gonna do. Put you in the fucking downer section.

You still like call up family members and like irreparably harm your relationship with them, right? That still happens. 15. But honestly, it's like i've there's nothing that i did drunk that i haven't like also done sober yeah like especially in the early years of like having gotten sober i fucked up so many things and did so much fucked up shit because i was like still young and i didn't i didn't like have any kind of life skills yeah and i was just you know

i was just fucking up living yeah so how are you when you stop i'm not gonna say that because then i would get my age yeah beautiful what are you talking about i'm not giving it because i just don't do that all right i don't do that it's it's a it's a horrible mistake i understand do you still get like tired i'm tired all the time morning's still like tough i'll tell you what being sober is more exhausting than being drunk yeah even though like physically you're more tired as a drunk person but like emotionally you're exhausted all the time yeah as sober person. I agree with this. I took one week off and I felt like the days were so long. They last forever.

I was getting up at like nine and then I get to like three and I'd be like, whoa. Yeah. This is when I'd start my day. Yeah, I loved it. And I had to get to like 10 or 11. Yeah. Honestly, most days I wake up and I go, doesn't need to be this many hours yeah in the day so how do you feel your time I mean you have a full-time job that's prestigious at this point but

like what would you do before that um what would I do before that we don't fucking we don't do that you mentioned my job, it gives me gas. Would you fake lojas? I could start farting. No, I feel like- Then what was your question? The fentanyl's kicking in there. Just puking all over my shades. What was the question? What would you do with your- No time.

I got into like poetry and stuff. Shut the fuck up. Oh, you didn't. No, I didn I got into like poetry and stuff. Shut the fuck up. No. No, you didn't. You bought a poetry book, you dildo. I didn't. You didn't even read it. I did.

I'm reading World War I poetry for two weeks. That's the worst poetry possible. No, it's deep. Dude, it's just some fucking horned dick in a trench in Germany. Well, you're talking shit about World War I soldiers. I hope this latter finds you well. I mean, it sounds like it would be in the bummer section I mean, it sounds like it would be in the bummer section. What?

It sounds like it would be in the bummer section. I'd be into it. 100%. Is it just like letters to wives that are fucking unhappy? It's just people in the house, their best friend, their neighbor. It's poetry. It's people writing poems about the horrors. I get that it's poems.

I think we've covered that the poems are in the book. That's a red flag right there. You keep saying poetry. I'm just wondering, are you gathering any information? It's about the horrors. It's about like the machine that drove them towards war. It's about the horrors.

Yeah, yeah. The horrors. It's kind of like the vapors. You got vapors and poetry. It's about the horrors. Poetry gives Chrissy vapors. A week sober, I woke up just one night furious. And was like i need a fucking poem yeah i need

a poem right now yeah yeah so i stumbled on i gotta say a poem has never done anything to me no i needed something that was not like prose like i needed something that was like not literal not someone trying to write like non-fiction I needed like a weird abstract. You needed something that was done in one page. Yes. That too. But then you also have to like puzzle it to see what this guy or girl was thinking. I didn't. Yeah.

I just wanted the vibe off it. I didn't want to know. Yeah. Nothing that you have to comprehend. Just vibe off it. Yeah. I like that about porn. You don't have to know what they mean.

Yeah. They communicate before they're understood. Yeah. You just, you felt something from something in there. Got you. Got it. I get that. One of these.

Yeah. Take some mushrooms. Poems are like a Rorschach inkblot, but with words. There you go. Yeah. It's a butterfly or my stepdad hitting me with a belt. It's whatever you want it to be. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. It's about the horrors. Yeah. It's about the horrors. Yeah, yeah. and that's yeah yeah

and that's a tough you can't convince your friends to stop drinking if you're like because I'll be more into poems yeah I'm like why did you dude I'll fight you

why did you wake up needing a poem though I just what happened my brain was too tight and I needed something to stir it up right

cut the fucking lawn what wipe one of these tables down that'll get you this is what I don't miss about drinking tight and I need something to stir it up. Right. Cut the fucking lawn. What? Wipe one of these tables down. That'll get you centered. This is what I don't miss about drinking is that you're constantly going like, I got to do something to fix myself. You know what I mean?

You're always like, I got to better myself in some way and you're just sort of grasping at straws. That's my point. It's like, why? Don't you feel the same way even though you're sober? No. Not as much or not at all? No, you feel the same way even though you're sober? No. Not as much or not at all? I don't feel like, no, I feel like I'm fixed. Wow.

Really? I'm not saying I'm fixed actually. I feel like, but I'm done trying to better myself. That's great. We're finished. Really? We've done everything we can. Yeah.

How long have you felt that way? If I'm being honest with myself, like probably four years. Really? Yeah. The last four years, I'm kind of like, we're as good as we're going to get. You have nothing about yourself

where you're like, fucking I'm this again? No. I really don't. I genuinely don't. I really think that like, whatever is, it's not going to get better.

Do you know what I mean? Just radical acceptance. Do you believe in God? Not really in the way that people believe in God. Yeah, you're spiritual. You're not religious. But I wouldn't even say that. Like, I used to be spiritual.

Now I'm just kind of like, it all kind of works out, you know? That's another safety net that I enjoy. Yeah. Yeah. It all works out. Once you just go, well, fuck it. Yeah. You know, like you ever talk to a 70-year- net that I enjoy. Yeah. Yeah. It all works out. Once you just go, well, fuck it. Yeah.

You know like you ever talk to a 70 year old man or woman? Yeah. Never in my life. You think. That's why you're so happy. I see one, I push him over. Yeah, four years ago was the last time. You're like, excuse me, a what?

Yeah, I don't think. Disgusting. I don't donate applesauce to these shelters. But if you see like an older person that's like, oh, I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital.

I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. I'm going to go to the hospital. yeah i don't think it's disgusting i don't donate applesauce to these shelters but if you see like a an older person that you shoot them they're so fucking gone yeah where they're just like they have this mentality like not only have i already lived my life but i've accepted death yeah as a young person you can't understand that because as a young person you think you know in your late teens early 20s you, you're like, I'm going to be successful. I'm going to have this. I'm going to have that.

You're like, dude, you don't even know who the fuck you are at all. 30s, you start coming to a realization going, oh, shit, I'm in the wrong field. I'm not even successful. I'm not bright enough to get to where I want to go. Maybe I shift. I'm scared. 40s, you start sitting going, I think I know what i'm doing yeah i'm gonna settle into where i'm at yeah i'm trying to be complacent and content in this zone if your your emotional

and intellectual iq is big enough you go this is it yeah how many people you know and then you meet an older person going i'm fucking happy because i'm gonna do what i do with my day yeah spend my time how i want it and all your drama that you bring in front of me my face isn't gonna move yeah you ever you ever hear an old person tell you about one of their friends dying they do it like it's just news yeah it's just like yeah i went to the grocery store went to the library my friend died uh that's uh they were a good friend they were a good friend they're a good buddy yeah oh charlie dead anyway dead so um it's like you ever stare at like an old making cutlets tonight yeah it's like what the fuck they just breeze right through it yeah i look at i remember doing this as a teenager

i would look like if like like an old uncle or my pop-up or somebody was like dying or i'm sorry in the casket like at a funeral home and you're just waiting for all these people like you know parade around cry fake cry yeah yeah do all that shit i'm like you i was like yeah they make you like stare death in the face. It sucks. Yeah. I said this on a previous podcast, like a few, a few ago saying like, you shouldn't abuse children by showing them your dead grandparents.

Right. Yeah. That's an early trauma. They're not capable of understanding you. Right. Yeah. Like it's, it's fucking. They carry the, they like walk their kid up and they go like, look at him.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like. Say something to my mom. Yeah. Yeah. Say something to my mom. And you Yeah. Say something to my mom.

And you're like, ew. Get off. Get the fuck off. Ew. Because they always like, if you've seen a dead body, it's disgusting. It's like, they don't look like the person that you knew. It looks like a, it looks like someone like flattened their head or something. It's just disgusting.

Yeah. You ever seen a fox killed and taken to a taxidermist, but his mouth's like off? Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking my mom. Right. My and taken to a taxidermist but his mouth's like off? Yeah, yeah. That's fucking my mom. Right. My mom's a bad taxidermy. I liked it. Of course you did,

you fucking psychopath. I thought it was a good thing. Here's such a sad day. They're always like, she looks beautiful. You're like, no. Oh, they did such a good job. Why are they talking

about my fucking grandma like they fixed the bumper of my fucking Mitsubishi Golan? Of course they did a good job. All they did was poke a hole in the bitch. She drained out into a fucking floor and they put makeup on her clown face. What's going to happen in two days? It's so upsetting.

It's so upsetting. I don't know. We're showing it to her. She'll have big tits that feel good. That'd be great. That's your family. I don't think that's a Catholic tradition. Yeah. If you walk around with her, her tits that feel good. That'd be great. That's your family. That's not a Catholic tradition. Yeah.

If you walk around with her tits look good though. Oh my God. What'd you use for that? I wanna see it like in a show where they show a dead body instead of it putting a person in a casket, where they show, they just build like a flatter version. Cause it's like a two dimensional.

Deflate it, that'd be great. You know? That's a great idea. It really is like somebody took- Take the bones out. They put the face on a balloon and. It really is like somebody took. Take the bones out. They put the face on a balloon and then they stretched it out. We gotta take the bones out.

Take the bones out. Holy shit, log it for us. Take the bones out. She's yelling at the TV, take the bones out. What's this, take the fucking bones out. Let me see how good she looks. Let me see what the makeup part is. Let me see the tail of the makeup artist.

Take the fucking bones out. Take the bones out. I think you took your grants on the- Take your body, you dead, flat grandmother. Piece of shit. I just love the idea. Touch her dead, cold hand. You directing a movie. You're like, how was it working with Rosabeth?

The props department was like, it was a nightmare. Couldn't get the bones right. Couldn't take the bones out of this dude. This woman wants everything. There's not flat as hell. There's way too many bones in her face. Meanwhile, the makeup artist was like, do you want rouge or like a light purple?

I don't give a fuck what color she is. Fucking bones. I want you to pull her bones out like a xylophone. Do it from the back because I want to see pull her bones out like a xylophone. Just pull her out. Do it from the back because I want to see your belly button intact. You got to sexualize dead men. This is fucked. Oh my God.

Oh, that's funny. I used to sit. I'm going to be yelling that to myself tomorrow. I'm going to be walking down the street yelling, take the bones out. I'm sorry. We used to take take the bones out. I'm sorry. Take those damn bones out. We're way behind schedule.

We're losing daylight. Get rid of the bones. I got to go home and read poems. Get the fucking bones out. I would sit in the very front section of the funeral home with my, whatever, my mom and dad. And I'd watch all the old people like come up and cry and then i go see them sit back down and then i would look at my grandparent

and then i i just like look back at the the old person in there going like my five-year-old mind's like same age pretty much the same age yeah so they're watching i imagine when you get older you're observing this entire social yeah experiment for your own right how many people are going to show up i knew genie for 35 40 years right i thought karen would be here freddie and his wife look at this. No one cares. It's like the scene in Godfather or whatever,

the father of the Goodfellas. Any movie about the mom. Any fucking movie about, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, about sociopathic pariahs like Italians. Oh, this is some good Godfather. Right.

So like, I really got like emotional thinking like, well, at the end no none of this fucking matters and then after the funeral you go to some shitty vfw and you get fucking blacked out with your family that's the party yeah the party's not where it should be the party should be in the funeral home or something right you act like it matters and people will show up that you don't even know just to get fucked up at the vfW. You don't think it was interesting looking at your grandparents' face and there's just no life in it?

Interesting? Yeah. You're fucking psychotic. What are you talking about? Why is that insane? The fact that he doesn't know that, is this a bit? This is not a bit.

You're crazy, dude. I remember looking at my grandfather's face for a while and obviously feeling sad about, feeling guilty about not crying, but just looking at it and being like, why? What am I gonna be crying about? Well, cause if you're, cause, did you love him? He died days before.

Did you, yeah, we all know that. I mean, nobody puts him in a box that day. You gotta see him fall off the ladder. I had some time to get over it. But there was some turnover. Yeah, I'm sure you were crying over your poems before. I had a new granddad at that point. You had some time to get over it. There was some turnover. Yeah, I'm sure you were crying over your poems before. I had a new granddad at that point.

You moved on, and you should too, mom. Yeah, everybody, let's wrap it up. Yeah, I'm not even hearing that from an eight-year-old. Like, come on, what are we doing? What's all the hubbubble about? It's been a week. Yeah. It's been like a year in my timeline.

Yeah. It's a decade in five-year-olds. Yeah. How old were you? I think I was like 15 oh my god 15 i remember like being like wow this is so you had him for 15 years was he like alert and with it oh yeah yeah he was great and you felt nothing other than interesting yeah that's i think you were like dissociating. Yeah. That sounds like you.

That's a sociopathic behavior. Yeah. There's been a lot of moments like that in my life where I don't, like I can't get my arms around how big the moment is. Same. And like I had, you know what I mean? Same. And so I'm just, I don't.

I actually really relate to that. I'm caught in the confusion. Yeah. I actually really relate to that. I'm caught in the confusion. I'm more like just, I guess, overwhelmed by it than having the. It's like I haven't decided how I feel yet. I don't have enough momentum to go down a road of crying. I don't know what I feel. I remember my dog died. I remember my family.

It was just me, my mom, my dad sitting in our house watching TV. My dog was so old at this point, I would have to hold up his ass so that he'd get like piss and shit in the backyard. Yeah, Jesus. But we could- Put him down. We were like, we're not putting him down. Why?

Because- Just let him torture himself for fucking five years? Dude, shut the fuck up. It was the 90s. Oh, you're touching about your dog but not your papa? It was the 90s. I was about to be worried if he was like, I felt nothing when he died. I was going to be like, okay, well, that's where you lost me.

No, but I remember he started having a seizure. And you were like, let's get him back alive. And I went down and I put my hands on him and I sat there being like, I need to remember every piece of this. I need to be like connected to this moment. Cause I don't feel a lot. So I was trying to be really present there. And then he passed and then it was gone. After the seizure? Yeah.

Yeah. He was like, he was just like seizing on the ground. Dude, that happened to my dog, except she came back and she tried to fucking attack me. I was like, I had the same moment where I was like, all right, if she's gotta go, she's gotta go. And then she like woke up and she was like, who the fuck are you? And I was like, ah! She's trying to kill me!

60 pound pit bull, I had to fucking wrestle her down. Yeah, I had to put her in a fucking crate, take her in an Uber to the fucking hospital. She's like seizing on and off and then coming out of it and being like, fuck you! Was she old? Oh my. She was like seven, she wasn't that old. Oh no, that's old no that's not she was like a fucked up you know oh you rescued yeah

how old was your dog 17 yeah it was a lab that was like 17 yeah it was old that's sad yeah i feel like that's animal down keeping a dog alive that that long and they can't like take care of themselves i wish i was taking care of him what i wish we could do this with humans instead of putting on a fucking now who's the fucking psycho no i i kind of agree when she when we took her to the hospital they were like you can give her drugs for this but she's gonna keep having seizures and i was like we're putting her down today i was like i'm not yeah i'm not gonna watch this happen. For what? It's selfish. Yeah, she doesn't understand it. And it's like, why?

I can't like, it just doesn't make sense to me. Oh, so your dog's blind, deaf, you gotta pull shit out of its ass. Yeah. It can't digest food. I didn't have to pull shit out of its ass. It's just gonna hold his ass over his chest. Oh, right, because his legs are hurting.

No, you said you had to pull it out. You said you put on a glove. You mentioned that your dog dug into the stomach. He's got broken ribs again. We understand the arthritis, but his ribs are shattered. He can't do positive attitudes. He never said a word. We would never put him down. But like, you know, we had to keep him down but like you know we had to

beat the shit out of him by punching him every couple hours yeah make sure his eyes were open wow a little Labrador shock therapy no I remember in that moment

I didn't cry either yeah I cried after we it was the next morning I remember we picked I picked him up to bring him to the car

because we needed to take him to get cremated yeah and all his like whatever was in him spilled out like all over me yeah that was intense yeah i remember i remember on the car ride home after cremating him i cried a little bit dude that fucked me up like my i had to put my dog down that fucked me up i was like oh this is where all the tears were you know what i mean it was like all the crying I should have done for all the other stuff just came out when I had to put my dog down.

And then I think people around me could tell because I talked about it for so long that people were like, she's really fucked up about this dog. You know, like, yeah. And it was like, oh, it wasn't about the dog. I think that's just what happens. You're kind of like asking people to probe into other stuff. Yeah. Like keep bringing up the dog. Yeah. It seems like this is about something more. You're like, I'm glad you just what happens. You're kind of like asking people to probe into other stuff. Yeah. By like keep ringing up the dog.

Yeah. Really? It seems like this is about something more. You're like, I'm glad you asked. I was clueless at the time. I was like, no, what are you talking about? Just love that fucking dog. I just love that dog and how it would read me bedtime stories when I went to bed at night

as a child. They're like, okay. That one time he took me to the circus? Came to all my baseball games. Yeah. I took a, actually, the worst thing was, you ever say bye to a human?

No. That's like on. No. That's fucking brutal, dude. Yeah. My ex's father was dying and he was only like he was like 60 oh that's a nightmare and you had to say goodbye to him you're just in the room you're like i know

i'm not like one of the main players yeah well i was i was with her for six years and we loved each other thanks chris that's uh 42 years in dog. So you probably would have kept me around for another 42, you fucking psychopath. As far as social anxiety goes, that would be my worst fucking nightmare. You just picked her up the night before and she's like, oh, by the way, thanks for the fucking, we got to head to the hospital and put my dad down. I'm in the back with a male parent trying to wake me up. You want to say bye? Yeah. You got a say bye? Yeah. You got a Ford Taurus?

You mind whipping me through Memorial Hospital? Say bye to my dad? Did you have to? So when you went in there, did you? Let me ask you this. This is probably not the point of this story, Tommy. But did you know that you guys were going to break up? No.

Okay. Absolutely not. No. Well, at least you didn't have to break that to him. Yeah, no. No, it was like two years after that after that yeah but i lived in their house for a little bit like we stayed there i was like up with her through his last finally he died i can get this off my chest no i was at her uh her house on 9-11 when We were supposed to go to Paris on 9-11. And my brother called me and goes, guess who's not going to Paris?

Oh, my God. I was like, 8 o'clock in the morning before the second plane. I went, why? Why are you calling? So he goes, turn on the TV. Jesus. He was taunting me about 9-11. It's a fucking great line.

What a great older brother. Yeah. Guess who's not going home? You're. What a great older brother. Yeah. Guess who's not going home? You're not going to Paris, bitch. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. Damn. What did you say? What? What did you say? Like when you had to say goodbye? Oh, I can't do that. You're not going to give us the entire speech word for word? I let him do the talking. That's not funny? I just, phone machine goes off. Hey, he starts saying something, you're like, excuse me, I was talking. But I feel like we're at the age now where it's like more of our friends are dying, you know, where it's like, I have a couple of friends, I mean, maybe it's comedy, but I

have a lot of friends who are dead. I mean, I have probably more friends that are dead than you should have at our age yeah yeah you know like it's but it's getting to the point where like i almost am callous to that where like i hear the new and i'm like you know what i mean like it's like yeah i just have heard it enough times now where it's like my my mom called me yesterday to tell me that like growing up this next door neighbor that i had died and i hadn't seen him since i was eight but like my first reaction was oh yeah he used to like torture me with like dead animals in the in his yard and my mom was like what kind of a response is that? But I didn't talk to the guy, you know?

I didn't realize that you're supposed to- That's the kind of guy who dies early. Yeah, that is the guy that dies early. Hopefully, otherwise he's taking a lot of bodies with him. Right. That's a serial killer mentality. It is a serial killer. But he also was like absolutely my type.

I had the biggest crush on him. I thought he was great. Yeah, really? Yeah, he would just like- Back being a dead animal? He was fucked up. Just smelling like formaldehyde all great. Yeah, really? Yeah, he would just like- Begging a dead animal? He was fucked up. Just smelling like formaldehyde all day long? I would come around and he'd be like,

he'd call my name and I'd come around a building and like trip on a dead possum and be like, ah, you know, and then he'd like run away. And I was like, I love him. I'd just be like- Something about him. I'd be like, he's great. You know, it's like,

and if you look at like the people I've dated nothing is the anniversary baby we're not even dating put the dead raccoon down he like set off fireworks in front of my fucking face i'd be like like every time he scared the shit out of me and i just loved him uh i don't know i'm assuming i'm assuming self-inflicted yeah yeah because i think it was like it was like give money to like a mental health organization I don't know. I'm assuming self-inflicted. Yeah. Because I think it was like give money to a mental health organization. Ah, yes. That's gunshot or bridge jump. Yeah.

It's a pencil. He didn't do the right pencil. He didn't break the tension on the surface of the water. His spine went directly through his fucking skull. No bones. That's went directly through his fucking skull. No bones. That's a no bones funeral right there. Save some money. Less bones.

We were talking about whether you could survive the GW jump if you penciled properly. If you what? Pencil it? Did a pencil. I guess so, yeah. If you're straight. I don't know. We talked about this. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, and also you could do like what he did in flight, what Denzel did in flight where he flipped the plane. Yeah. You know, if you do like if you start straight and then you bend and then you flip or something, just something to like stop. Drag, yeah. Drag the air.

Yeah. Get a little drag. Yeah. I think you could probably survive it. At a certain height, it doesn't matter. It's all concrete. It's all concrete. If you want to survive,

you just have to do a flip at the very end. A flip and a twist at the very end. Just add a flourish, that's all I'm saying. Add a flourish, get some drag, and then you're going to be, you know, you slow yourself down a little bit. There's not enough gymnasts killing themselves, so we can really work this theory out.

I feel like- Gymnasts should this theory out. I feel like- Gymnasts should be killing themselves. I feel like there's probably more than we know. I 100% agree. Yeah. Yeah, they're monkeys. They're trained monkeys. They lose all their adolescence, all their childhood,

and they're oftentimes just molested. I mean, all the time molested. Yeah. Well, they're hot babies and singlets. They're getting- You know what it is, they're getting mistaken as adults. If you didn't say it, I was gonna say it. I think they're getting mistaken for adults because of their muscle mass. Yes. Yeah. True.

They look like Ninja Turtles from the back, as McKeever would say. They're small, strong adults. With after shells. That's what McKeever says. CrossFit girls look like Ninja Turtles with their shell off. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. crossfit girls look like turtles with the shell off

the traps go from their ears to their assholes it's unbelievable it's just a giant circular bulb of steroid hemorrhoid dude it's unbelievable they're hemorrhoids yeah jesus christ and you see one of these girls at a wedding and you're like, calm it down. Why are you going to look like you're going to crush this martini glass?

They can't hold something simple. They're just all like,. It's like, Jesus fucking Christ. It's like, take a ballet class. Spice it up. Or if you spice it up or if you're dude if you're like elongate yeah if you're if you're an asparagus asparagus clipping lesbian i get it that's kind of that brute force that brute force is cool yeah smack some softballs into fucking jupiter you know if you're a rug eatingke? I watch that CrossFit competition every once in a while.

Some of the girls are pretty hot. How are you not like 65? I don't understand your age. It's fun. Boy, I'm fun. Smack some balls into Jupiter. It's like, what? You know what I mean? Who are you?

Softball. The girls. They're very good at it. The girls. Yeah. Softballs head more towards Jupiter than any other planet. They do. Because they pull hook. I can't wait for Tommy.

Tommy's going to turn 65 and be like the greatest actor of his generation. They're going to be like, well, you know, Tommy didn't make it until he was 72. Yeah. Then we'll run this back. I'm like, he sat dyke one time on a couch. Right. It's going to be a problem. Yeah, then we'll run this back. I'm like, he sat dyke one time on a couch. Right, it's going to be a problem. Yeah.

Speaking of Isabel. I think the youths are going to be real. I think what's going to happen is it's going to flip. Yeah. And they're going to be like Gen Z's worst nightmare. Yeah. Because I already heard that there's a lot of them that are like anti-vax kind of like.

Yeah. There's a turn. The bubble's going to burst soon. Definitely. Right. It has to. But I thought, I thought that years ago. Because you're going to do the opposite of whatever your parents fucking energy was.

Right. Yeah. And it's all millennials, right? It's millennials, kids at this point. No, or no, I guess it's not because millennials aren't really having kids. They're such dog shit. This next generation. Such dog shit. This next generation. Such dog shit.

Why? I'm so grateful for growing up in the 90s in a lower middle class, like hanging out all day, playing sports in the streets, drinking in the woods. Yeah. Finger fucking in the park.

That was a line in a song, right? I don't know. Doing crazy shit like that, just fist fighting, stealing shit, looking through the fucking porn section, doing all crazy things that develop the personality, a social personality. Yeah.

You're around different friends. You pack a wild dog. Yeah. Right. They don't do that shit. Parks are empty. Kids are pussies. The streets too.

The parks are empty. Kids are pussies. They are. It's unbelievable. You really sound 65. Go get me a lawn chair. I want to sit on a lawn chair right now. Put me outside of a deli right now.

Put me outside of a deli. now. Put me outside a deli. I got pants to match this shirt. Yeah. If I... I wanna talk about the youths. Those sunglasses that fade from top to bottom. Yeah. Who is it Biggie wore on his album cover?

Just the fucking Dior glasses? I'd like to get up to pee, but I'm hard as fuck. Just shaking his head. My dream role. Yeah. just shaking his head at his grandkids go play but you understand what i mean right i know i went my niece just turned 16 i went to her party thank god there was no none of her friends were there so they hung out with me my two nieces and my nephew yeah that's like it's exactly what everyone's been saying for years so it's just like when we were kids and we would hear that, I would be like, ah, shut up. Like that's like what we're doing still does whatever you're taught.

Cause I'm like, I have a personality, you know? I agree with this. They're doing that crazy shit on the internet. Right. Yeah. They're getting into all kinds of who knows fucking what. That's not real. That's just words.

I understand this. I understand this. I understand this. What? You only got pictures and videos, too. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't thinking about that. I thought you meant just commenting real crazy shit. It's not real.

It's just words. It's words, dude. No, but I thought about this theory. I had a theory going like- You think you can live a life on a GeoCities? Everybody's generation says the same shit like yeah you kids you never understood you because truly we're bitches compared my dad's generation was in vietnam you know all that stuff yeah and a lot of stuff but the shift

the generational shift from ours to technology and beauty. Yeah. Kardashian and Facebook fucking alien have ruined children. What Facebook alien? What's that pussy's name? Mark Zuckerberg? Yeah.

Okay. Zuckerberg and Kardashians have destroyed our youth and the future. But they're preparing for a different future. Yeah, the worse future.

Well, here's what I do agree with you about. But they're building skills for that future. Well, what's great about it is that we did get like the last, we got the last bit of like analog life. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like calling up a friend and having like their parent answer the phone and like having to talk to the parent and then go through you know what i mean like technology

driven i mean just socializing i had this conversation my father no no joke about seven days ago i was asking about the the party i was going to yeah and somehow brought it up and i was like dad i just want to say i'm grateful for like how we were raised and you being a part of our life for like the coaching and like sports every day and like going outside and and just being in that environment like that some people would be like oh shit you grew up in this area it's like yeah but we developed so much so much character yeah i'll never have that he said that's you're done this is your this is the last generation will never happen again you couldn't say that to previous generations you could say it in certain ways like technology going like oh now you can swing your phone over here instead of fucking spinning this yeah yeah yeah it's just

it's such a dramatic shift that things are altered beyond repair and it's changing the course of of how people interact yeah everybody's truly has a bit of autism everybody's adhd everybody's fucking pilled up everybody's this and that because the world's so much bigger you're fine right you're fine i'm sick i never took medication growing up my belly hurts it'll pass i'm not allergic to fucking peanuts this is this feels like a multi-faceted problem that you're dealing with yeah well we're all dealing with some fucking multi-faceted issues yeah it feels like you got a lot of arms on this conversation you know i think it's pretty i'm saying no i agree i just think like i mean i never had any of that like my dad i would never

have that conversation with him because he wasn't he was not i mean he had money you know what i mean like he wasn't yeah my dad when you come from money you don't like have that yeah your family's not there all your needs are met if they're not emotional you know what i mean yeah so like you're on your own in terms of like how you feel or what you're going through but you know yeah let's throw some money at the problem yeah Yeah. Right, so. We also did the same thing with no money. So this wasn't until later in life that you could verbalize your emotions.

We didn't talk about shit until I was in college, little after college. But you guys had an animated house. But you spent time together. Yes. Like I never, I didn't, I never spent time with my dad. I had no idea. When my parents told me they were getting divorced,

I was like, oh, that's why they're sleeping in different rooms. Like, it was like, I couldn't put two and two together for like three years they were doing that. And I never, and I was like a teenager. I just never put it together because no one was in, you know. Yeah, they'd be like,

well, I guess one of them snores or something. Right. That's what my mom would say. Yeah. I remember seeing my mom puking into a toilet and being like, oh my God, she's bulimic. It was like she got sober like a year later. I thought she was fucking bulimic. I thought she was like a 30-year-old woman who was dealing with bulimia. Did she work?

My mom? No. Yeah. I feel like rich white women just, they spend a lot of money or a lot of their time just day drinking, getting fucking ripped. Yeah. She got fucking ripped. Dealing with depression and their existence. Yeah.

She had like five kids. She was a painter. And then she gave that up. And then. Oh, wait. I've seen some of her stuff. It's great. Yeah.

She's great. She's really good. But like, she didn't focus on it until they got divorced and then she like got a house like on a lake in maine or something and uh sick and just started painting that's awesome you know so you feel like it made me so happy for her i was like oh shit like you were never meant to you should have never had kids yeah you know yeah like i she would never say that but i'm like yeah she's so good that i'm like fuck can you paint are you painter no i i mean i i can like draw a little but like i'm not i don't

it's too slow for me yeah my parents had no skills okay Outside of their jobs. What do they do? Just listen to talk radio and stuff. No, I mean, what do they do for work? Oh, oh, oh. Watch the news. It's like interviewing a five-year-old. You know what I mean?

It's like, these are the answers that a five-year-old would give. You know what? When he says shit like this, I'm glad his dead eyes are staring at you and not me because sometimes I'm like, turn the other way, dude. Turn the other way. I can't handle this, dude. He's like, just listen to talk radio.

Talk radio and stuff. You know. What do they do? Listen to talk radio. This is like that clip when I was like, do you make noise when you're sexy do you talk having sex he goes

what are we gonna talk about it's like don't you make a noise I'm fucking Changes came in Changes came in and gave

a mean stare and then ran out he doesn't like giggling down here yeah he doesn't have too much fun he came down

like he owned the place he's dead he owned the place. His dad. He's the man upstairs. He's got a spot at nine. Then we're going to Stan's party. Are you going? Yeah. Did you decide?

Yeah, I'll go. Why the fuck not? We can all go together. Oh, it's 825. Yeah, I got to read. We wrapping this up? Oh, shit. We got to ask.

We'll just end this with what do they do? Listen to talk radio. Yeah, dude. We can end on that for sure. Betterhelp.com You got it, dude. Yeah, bro. You know what? I've been really showing

my ass about this because I need it. Obviously, you recognized it and pointed it out. Yeah, I'm not against it. I'm not against it. Obviously, you recognized it and pointed it out. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not against it. I'm not against... Are you trying to do a therapy ad while... I'm not there yet. ...while being homophobic about therapy?

I'm not against it. I mean, I think it's for girls. As long as they stay together in the same room. That's a good one. They can talk about whatever the problems are anyway sometimes you can fixate on a problem for so long oh shit this shirt rules then you don't take the time to find a solution it can be tough to train your brain to stay in the problem solving mode when faced with a challenge in life but when you learn how to find your own solution there's no better feeling oh boy therapists can help you

become better problem solver chris make it easier to accomplish your goals no matter how big or small okay poetry is gay that's weird that they put that in there. Why is therapy important? They had verbatim above that. They did. Therapy's gay as shit. BetterHelp's online therapy that offers video, phone, and chat therapy sessions. You can choose not to see anyone camera if you wish. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy. When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash stuff island today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash stuff island today to get 10 off your first

month that's betterhelp.com slash stuff island and i'm gonna do this i get three i get three months the company is just texting right what it's texting right i'm doing fit i'm gonna you can do anything you can do face to face you can do face to face and you can do face-to-face and you can do audio without face. Okay. Yeah. No. I do audio without face. Really? Yeah, but I also, I did it in person with the same person for like eight years. Oh, so you already got it out of the way.

Is he that ugly? You're like, I'm done. It's a guy. Is he that ugly that you're like, I'm done? Yeah, he's fucking hideous. Yeah, dude. No, he's like a small Italian man. He's kind of a hunk.

Hell yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, he's a small Italian man. He's kind of a hunk. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, he's a small Italian man. He lives in Brooklyn. Why do you keep saying small? How do you know his skull structure? Because he's small. Does he hold a quarter up next to his head?

He's small. No, she saw him in person. Oh, you met him in person, not just saw him. Yeah, we saw each other in person for like years. And then I finally was like, I don't want to come in anymore. And he was like, you can just call. How small? He's like 5'4".

Holy shit. No no he can't be because that's a little five no yeah he's five four because i'm five three he's probably like five four five five what's he sleeping a shoebox that's time little keebler elf well i'm gonna i want to come back to uh i'm gonna do i'm gonna do three months of that. Good for you, Tommy. Good for you. Good for us, Bob. You know us creeps, we look at plenty of stuff online when we don't... Oh, this is our proper read for ExpressVPN. Oh, VPN?

Last time we didn't have any copy. We just told you to wing it? Yeah. We literally were just like, go to ExpressVPN and see if you can put Stuff Island in somewhere. Just figure it out, dude. Yeah. All right. See if you can make it work.

This is a big day. This is a big day. All right. Because now I know what's up. Okay. Now I know how to direct my soldiers. Less bones. Soldiers.

We should have like a corny ass name for people that follow us. Our fans? Yeah. Like stuffers. Don't do that. I would never do that. Don't do that. that's the whole point you know what's creeps we look at plenty of stuff online we don't want other people to know about

i know what you're thinking why don't you just use incognito mode let me tell you something incognito mode does not hide your activity no matter what you use or how often you clear your history your internet service provider can see every website you ever visited that's why even when i'm at home i never go online without using express vpn it even protects my phone when i'm your internet service provider can see every website you ever visited that's why even when i'm at home i never go online without using express vpn it even protects my phone when i'm on the road reading poetry because i'm gay this is really this is about accessing illegal content right this is really what they do goofy shit what if like your wife doesn't want you don't want your wife knowing you like a mature with natty hooters mature ladies with natty hooters that's pretty benign for as far as getting caught

maybe there's a mormon dad that's like if fucking betty knows i like natty hooters from all gray heads you know all these mormons with their wives with fucking fake tits true yeah 100 it's a huge thing in the Mormon community. Yeah. Yeah. Tit jobs. Yeah. Really?

Are Mormons like Jews where they just like sneeze and dump in them to have more kids for tax purposes? What? ISPs in the US. You need like a translator sometimes. ISP.

Guys, let me get this out. Those dudes, you ever sneeze in a mansion, you fucking... ISPs in the US can legally sell your information to ad companies. ExpressVPN reroutes your internet connection through their secure servers so your information is secured by the most powerful encryption available. All you have to do is tap one button and you're protected.

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Nine out of 12, baby. What's sick is I've heard you can watch other Netflixes. Like, Europe has a different Netflix than we do. Oh, yeah, that's cool. So you can watch other programs that we don't get. And then you're reading.

Then you're reading. Yes. Then you're reading and watching. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa. Maybe that's what you got to do. Holy shit.

Start watching shit with subtitles. Get a base. Express, E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V as in the V-G-A-N-E-P-N dot com slash stuff island. Express VPN dot com slash stuff island to learn more. All right. Sick. Yeah. We did it. We fucking did it, dude. Done island. ExpressVPN.com slash stuff island to learn more. Alright, sick. Yeah. We did it. We fucking did it, dude. Dunzo. Holy shit. Rosie? Yeah. That was fun. My dear, do you have anything that you would like to

Palugo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a special on YouTube called Whiskey Fist. God damn right you do. Yeah. I need some merch. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got extras. You can have one. Yeah, I want one. Yeah. I need some merch. Oh yeah. Give me a hoodie. Yeah, I got extras. Yeah.

You can have one. Yeah. I want one. Yeah. I'm not buying it. Well, my husband won't fucking wear it because he feels like he's being a cuck. Yeah. He wears my merch around the house.

I get that. I get that. We'll support you. Even though I'm into that. Great. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah, we'll support you.

I'll give you guys. Yeah. And then I have, you can just check out my stuff on Instagram I'm off Twitter but Rosebud Baker and YouTube and all that whatever that's great

yeah you're the best dude it's great you're the best fucking pukes on his mic I got a TT