Stuff Island - Stuff Island #47 - I got a glass w/ Emma Willmann

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

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Like I don't love smoking pot, but I do like getting like altered a lot. Yes. So I could see myself like, cause it started with like, just want to take CBD. And then I was like, I'm going to do Delta A gummies. And then I was like, and I would take like pretty high dose. Like I was taking more than full, whatever fully takes like 50. I was taking more than that. See my buddy in LA, we went to Dodger game.

It's fun to take. Cause he did the same thing. He quit drinking, got into doing edibles and stuff. Right. He was eating like a 400 milligram cookie. I was eating like a 400, 500 milligrams on me. What?

I can't even imagine. I would be high. That's like taking acid. I would be really high. I was pretty fucked up. Like... Like, is that just just a it's gonna be sheer terror i didn't feel i felt really paranoid that people would know i was high like i went into eastville one night and i just saw the host and he was like oh your eyes are

all dilated and like i just remember being like oh shit i gotta get it together and i made i lied i was like it's cold out when people are confident about like being fucked up in public it's kind of cool it's good I yeah it is cool cuz I'm like man that would rule but then it's also like that's like a downfall of like everything's gonna cave in you think so yeah if you're just coming out like not fucking being insecure about being lit up on some fucking drug that everybody else would judge you for do you think anyone could do like because sometimes i'll see people like when i see dave chappelle like drinking a lot on stage then i'll be like i wish i could do that because he'll

still be so lucid like that makes when i see him that makes me want to drink yeah because i'm like he's still so with it and then he'll just be like drinking and drinking and drinking yeah i think anytime i see like a rock star playing guitar like shit faced it's like how yeah how do you do that practice how do you do like i don't think there's nothing i'm good enough at that won't break down immediately after like three beers. Me too. That's the problem. I'm not a functional.

When I see people that are like, I was a functional drunk. I'm like, I'm not a functional sober. I know. I know. I know. Well, that's kind of the downfall. This is what I'm saying. Like, thank God I'm not a functional drug addict.

Like I fucking stink at doing drugs. Yeah. But I'm a functional truck I'm fucking lights out beer three see ya yeah you're three to five best I could be in my life you are very good and then like whiskeys I could fucking I could pound a whole bottle whiskey and you won't know really it's not good but what about the next day cuz sometimes I could get really drunk and people wouldn't know oh that was not really it's crazy he does he works out and then it's like

it's gone. Yeah. It's really wild. You knock the dust off. You really can. That's a fucking shame. I'm not saying this. I'm smiling.

I don't know. It's ridiculous. Those jets are airing somewhere. Yeah, the IRS. When you see your account, like, so you went to Maggie Hall's every night last month? I'm like, meetings. Right. Yeah, fucking meetings.

It's a business. Yeah, it's a business yeah it's a business i'm not supposed to meet people i relapse and then there and then i try to go running and i don't run at all and i'm like well tommy pope said he did it that's just for the children i drink like that much whiskey and get in a car accident never matter yeah but it does like you can you can finagle everybody's you know chemical makeup is different right so like you know i've done every drug and you don't get depressed because i i mean i get depressed anyway so it's hard to know what's what but i feel like alcohol then would make me get more i don't know it's so tough i get heavy depressed yeah he goes black but it's so hard to know what's what because like then all when i'm really depressed

like my someone will be like you're depressed i Cause like then when I'm really depressed, like my, someone will be like, you're depressed. And I'm like, yeah, but I should be depressed because this, but then when I'm undepressed, I'm like, well,

I guess that wasn't that depressing. Well, life is so terrifying and terrible that it's easy to justify depression. True. It's scary out here. I completely agree. It's terrifying. That's the statement I'm in front of an AA panther.

Come on in if you feel this way. If I read that, I'd be like, I'm going to walk in. But we talked to Rosebud last week. And she doesn't drink. She doesn't drink. And then I stopped drinking for a week. And I was like, not that that's enough. But I was like, totally not drinking at all.

And I still have the same depressing thoughts it's like still the same self-doubt still the same it's just i know but you're a little more buoyant you know what i mean i don't know if i was they say too that it's not no they would say it's not the drinking it's like you're thinking so if you take the drinking away you're still gonna be the same person have the same thoughts you have to you're gonna still have all that until you find something to replace it with. Yeah. Like what? I don't know. That's where I'm stuck too.

I tried Jell-O, gummy bears are great. Dude, bones. I'm waiting for water slides next summer. I'm going to find a whole lot of water slides. Maybe a like, I don't know. I'm trying to find something too, guys. I think that's a nice thing. That feeling, that was nice because I quit drinking too for like two weeks. And there was like, there was that feeling of like, I got to fill this with something.

That's actually kind of exciting. I have to do something productive to fill the gap. Right. Yeah. Because booze is the perfect. Numb out. I love it. It's such the perfect thing.

And I like it for doing comedy too. It's so nice. I always think that it helps me with like, I like being on stage and drinking too. Yeah. But then it's like, I'm 36 now. Like when I used to do it, it was fine. But then as I got older, I wake up more and more hungover. Yeah. That's why the gym is important. It is, but I wouldn't go to the gym when I'd be hungover. Yeah.

Well, that's why you go to the gym. Once you figure out that's the fix, it's not a good... Okay, you talked me into it. Not a good lesson. No, it is. It truly knocks the fucking cobwebs out of your skull and your depression. I do agree with that. Because you're... You can... I get to a point where, and I've told you this before, where like I start tingling.

Yeah. I don't know if that's the amount of oxygen getting in my lungs, but like I'll hit a certain pace, like on a treadmill to start my workout, where my lips and my fingers will start tingling Wow I know I'm almost knocking the dust off and then my head's clear I feel like I lost a hang over and then I'm like I knew I'm starting over that's cool without working out if I was on the road or something for like three four days and I don't hit a hotel gym or run around yeah the neighborhood i am a fucking dark dark mess and you like you can like roll it over into like food or some other like destructive thing to get lost in again yeah drinking again

some dark type of thing where you're just like alone doing it and then you get a little bit of endorphins and maybe do a show a show usually would knock off a hangover for me yeah but the gym is the healthiest one for sure 100 you ever do creatine no i did creatine in high school and college yeah really i was fucking yoked chris i'm gonna ask my dad to send some polaroids i wish i did steroids at some point it's not steroids she said creatine i know but it's, but it's the gateway drug to steroids. Oh, is it? Yes, it is. Jesus Christ.

Every kid that was doing creatine in high school. So you smoke marijuana and I do heroin? No, no. Every kid that did creatine in high school started doing steroids in college for sure. Yeah. No, I only knew like- You ever took an injection in your ass? No.

God, no. No. Needless to say, I snorted heroin once. Did you really? Yeah. It's just taking opioids like was it a mistake did you know what you were doing yeah i fell into a pile of i was underwater for a while i came up somebody put a plate of heroin in front of my face what do you mean mistake no i fucking I fucking, I chose to snort. But they told you it was heroin. Yes, of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I snorted meth one time by accident. Really? That was an accident? No, no. That's right. I would not do meth, dude. I gotta do meth over heroin for sure.

Yeah. Because I like uppers. Yeah, me too. I'm not a cat. No, no, meth, I don't like that. Yeah. Well, I get you cleaning. What?

If I see you mopping this place up to walk into that and be like something's really wrong yeah yeah he's fucked up dude something's he's addicted to something no i don't i would i i would rather take a drug if a risky drug i'd rather take something that's gonna make me sit around i'd rather do opera i like the Really? I like the idea of doing, like I always fantasize about doing coke. And I've never done coke. But in high school, I would fantasize about doing it. Like I felt like I was already like pictured doing it all the time, even when I wasn't. How did you never do coke?

I just never. In Maine, it wasn't around much. And then I've been places. Maybe people think I'm already coked up. I don't know. Yeah, I get that a lot. Do you? Just because I admit I've done coke. Everybody thinks I'm on coke all the time. been places maybe people think i'm already coked up i don't know yeah i get that a lot do you just

because i admit i've done coke everybody thinks i'm on coke all the time maybe every podcast looking at your parties like yeah she's had enough do you have it yeah yeah yeah mind if i get one festivals before people been like oh everyone was doing coke there and i was like not one person asked me to do coke yeah i don't know but i'm glad i've not tried it. I think I would love it. Yeah, that's great. I feel that way about heroin.

No one's ever asked me to do heroin. Me neither. Jesus. And I'm hanging around some pretty low places. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put myself in a room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And nobody's looking at me like, here, do you want some?

I've gone to an SPCA where they put dogs down. No one's asked me for heroin. You're sitting in a corner like making soft eye contact. All my friends are dying of overdoses. Like no one's offering me anything. You're taking offense. I'm like, I'm not going to do that. I'm like, I'm not going to do that. I'm like, I'm not going to do that. I'm like, I'm not going to do that. I'm like, I'm not going me for heroin. You're sitting in a corner like making soft eye contact.

All my friends are dying of overdoses. I'm just like, no one's offering me. You're taking offense. You're not going to ask me if I want any? You're at the funeral. Yeah, at Ted Fred's funeral. You're not going to ask me if I want any? This piece is gross.

I thought I meant more to you. No, I heard you have Cocos. It really is, if done. All right, so my friend is trying to get me to smoke weed okay and i did it the last like two weeks but and you'd never smoked weed before oh of course okay yeah i smoked weed in grade school okay yeah but the weed back then and like the it wasn't aligned with so like you said you're an upper so that's sativa for me. I don't like the body high of indica. So she gave me pre-rolls of sativa. And I would only take two, three hits.

That's good that you can limit yourself to that too. Four hours. And I was like, I didn't change. I would know like, you know, if you do three lines every four hours, you're going to start acting a little different. With the weed, it just calmed all the bullshit, all the noise. Really? And I drank less.

And I was like, this is what I want to do towards the end of the night, which ultimately affects the hangover. So even if I drink the same amount of booze when it's bad. Is that going to be a pothead? What? Are you going to be a pothead now? No. I think stevia doesn't make you as,

like I know it's like a bad stereotype of it, but it doesn't make you as lazy. Right, right. You know what I mean? Indica's in the couch, right? In the couch. Sativa's, I don't know what the phrase is for sativa. It's a Tom's Town story.

Night fever, yeah. So I started smoking and I was like, oh, maybe that was just one day. I'm going to try it again. The next day, same thing. I would smoke like we were watching the Eagles game. A couple hits. And you don't get any of the fog? No fog.

That's great. Yeah. And it slowed all the shit down. The fucking, the hangover comes from drinking and not waiting like two hours before you go to bed. Because I would drink right until I'm like, you know, the last episode of Dahmer. Totally. overcomes from from drinking and not waiting like two hours before you go to bed because i would i'll drink right until i'm like you know same last episode of donner totally falling off totally thinking about murdering somebody i'm like i'm gonna go hit this did you watch that show by the

way i just watched it it's dynamite i didn't like it so i i really liked it too like the first two episodes and i was i love the guys acting yes then i read like an article about it and they were the first thing i googled that popped up was about how i forget the exact phrasing they used but they were like it was gratuitous yeah okay that was what the word was yeah they're like it was gratuitous it wasn't needed they already covered all this stuff it's destructive to the victim's families and i was like damn but it's porn it's porn that's what they said it's straight up it's it's 10 hours yeah of not really a story just murder porn right it's and it said. It's straight up. It's, it's 10 hours of not really a story, just murder porn.

Right. And it's like, there's a story. They're just like most Netflix documentaries, but it's not, it's not examining Dahmer in some way that justifies itself. A hundred percent. That's the whole second and third episode is,

is them examining his mind and why he is not really a serial killer. They aren't birthed you build it and it comes from trauma abuse all that at a very young age i always think it's like it's like 50 or it's like a mix of so you know because there could be people that have that that probably the majority of them aren't serial killers yeah they don't want to search out and murder people they usually have to be like raped and and abused something something something something right yeah there there's like there there are like you need to check the boxes of certain things i hadn't seen anything else about him too so to me it was all new but then when i was googling it that's what everyone said and then i was like i could see that too yeah yeah but i wish he never got

it was like it was like joe perra's bedtime yeah. He was exactly Joe Parra. He did look like Joe Parra. I think he was doing a Joe Parra impression. Where's Joe Parra? Where is he? Oh, I don't know. He's murdering people in Buffalo. I haven't seen him in a really long time. I think he's in LA.

They're touring for the show. Oh, are they? The Adult Swim show. Oh, okay. He's fucking killing it. It did look look good though the show looks good and the it is freaky it's very scary yeah yeah the point is i'm trying to smoke weed so that i don't fucking murder somebody yeah i don't want to go yeah you're just sitting down like down with your heads just me go that was too in the couch dude but it has i'm telling you i'm being honest it's worked and it feels wonderful that's great yeah that's really because sometimes when i do stuff like that though, then it'll like catch up somewhere

on the back. And like, I won't feel when I was doing the Delta eight gummies, I didn't feel foggy when I was taking them, but then I noticed I would feel more like out of it the days that I didn't, then if I just didn't do anything. Yeah. But again, it's hard to know what's what. Like it could be, maybe I didn't get enough sleep. Maybe like a red eye fucks me up now more than almost anything.

If I take a red eye, I'm fucked up for like three days yeah same really yeah he goes sleepy beep he can sleep you beep through anything yeah yeah i can i'll fall asleep but i'll be like i'll not when i get off that plane i'm all out of it yeah the red eye my i may as well just run through the woods naked for six hours if i have a red eye from la to to New York done done. It doesn't Yeah, I think you meant like a coffee with a shot of espresso Too much coffee Judge why I was still doing it maybe just don't do that yeah stop drinking the fucking red now it's just one cup that's fine i also you gave her the

most spillable cup look at this cup it's a nice it's a really nice i did that on purpose where does this cup come from it's beautiful i got it from um uh like you picked it out and bought it no i got it from an old roommate. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Steven. Yeah. Maconi. And it comes with a little dish. Oh, really? It's even cuter, yeah.

I was going to give you the dish. Do you want the dish? I'm okay, but I really appreciate it. You have to settle on the dish every time you put it down. I forget. You got a little more real estate over there. You can throw it down whenever the fuck you want. I appreciate that. Yeah, it's a little plain and nice.

Wait, I'm thinking through things now. I'm emotionally sensitive. You're thinking about my guests. Yeah, thank you. You want a blanket? You want a beer? You want a binky? You can get any you want.

I know in my apartment, before we started recording, we were talking about just like cleanliness. In my apartment, we were talking about being a mess. I have no mugs. Not one mug in my whole apartment. What are you talking about? I don't have any. Like if you came over, if people were coming over, I would go scramble out and like grab some stuff right now nothing how many

cups do you have one I got a glass I don't know because I've been I've moved a lot and then I met my girlfriends a lot. This is a dog barking at itself in the mirror, man. I got to get it together though. I don't know. Because I've been, I've just moved a lot. Like I, there's been times in my life where I have bought all that stuff. My mom's brought me a bunch of stuff and then I move and I lose it. But even when you have a lot of stuff, you probably just use one cup. Yeah.

It's not. It has nothing to do with what you just said. You're wired like this. I can't fix this. Because if you do a bunch of cups, if you drink out a bunch of cups, you have to wash a bunch of cups. So you just use one you're wired like this i can't fix this because if you do a bunch of cups if you drink out a bunch of cups you have to wash a bunch of cups exactly who's one exactly i wash my one cup you've never washed oh my god in your life i would wash once a month i'd wash that fucking cup i don't give i don't like and i eat with my hands too like i just

comics before no yeah we'll try that you know what they do i always wondered when i first got in this place like nine years ago i was with jono zelay and jesse joyce yeah i don't know if you know jesse i know jono from boston yeah i've never met jesse yeah jesse's fucking hilarious he's a wonderful man he writes for like kimmel and uh oscars and yep and he uh i saw all this like these plates and the front of the plate would be clean and then the back of every plate how many things washing dishes is like the hardest thing in the world it takes i do it all the time i just washed the dish before we did this why did you do that because when i walked in it was on the counter and you went i ate a sandwich while i was setting

up and you left it on the counter and i was setting up all the equipment. I ate a sandwich. And so I was doing a lot of stuff. And then I came back out. You arrived late to our own podcast. No, I didn't. And then he did. Did I answer the door when you got here? You walked in at 5.02. On time.

I was on time. Late to our own podcast. I walked in at 4. They don't know I'm being recorded. Don't say that. Don't give the people. Late to our own podcast. He goes, he goes,

ask him if she wants anything to drink. I'll grab it while I'm out. She wants a coffee. He's like, I'll just make it when I get back. Make a 20 minute long drip coffee. It was a good coffee. Yeah.

It's the best coffee. It was a good coffee. He has no idea. He's got the tongue of a fucking child. Me too though. I'll drink anything. I make pour over coffee all the time. I can tell this is a good coffee.

I used to, when I was at home, I would make pour over coffee every day. Over pandemic, I would make pour over coffee every single time. I could tell this is a good coffee. I used to, when I was at home, I would make pour over coffee every day. Over pandemic, I would make pour over coffee every single day. Actually, over the pandemic, I would make coffee. And I would wash the dish. Yeah, good. That's because your mother and father were home.

No. And you respected them. No, no. I was just in a good cycle. I was in a good cycle. I cycle. I've never been in a better cycle than over COVID. Yes.

Because I had like a routine and I loved that routine. Yes. I was going to bed at the right time. I was meal prepping. I haven had like a routine and I loved that routine. I was going to bed at the right time. I was meal prepping. I haven't met a single comic that didn't enjoy comedy. I loved quarantine.

It was the best time of my life. Everyone I've talked to, like Foley was like, it was the best time of my life. Foley for different reasons. Foley had his mom cook dinner eight times a day. I feel like everyone was like,

everyone was just like, holy shit, you can go to bed at a decent hour and you get up. You're not just staying up till four every night. Totally. I think I was worse. Really? As soon as I saw the sun come up,

we were like, bonzo. That's true. That's true. When I came back to the city, we were... Well, Foley said it was about not fearing things were passing. You know? You didn't feel like things were happening.

I'm not looking at anyone doing other stuff. That was huge. Yeah, you go into the suburbs, you're like, holy shit. You hear animals. Taking out the trash. Talking to neighbors, waving at them. It was nice. I'm here. I liked it a lot. animals taking out the trash talking to neighbors like waving at them like it's nice and they're

like who the fuck but i'm here like i liked it a lot but the second thing started popping up then that's when i like when people started doing shows in the south then i started being like oh all right i wanted to get yeah yeah yeah out and about yeah what would you do if you didn't do comedy i don't know so this is what i always think so whenever i'm like really frustrated this i go to the same thing every time i'll be like this i'm getting a food truck but i can't cook and i don't know how to do business and i'm not gonna customer service so it's not a good idea but that's what i go to i'm like this i'm gonna get a food truck what do you think you could do within the food truck yeah what would you know i don't know i don't know

i was thinking i was thinking i could do like bring your energy to a food truck i would be just like me going you know what i would do open up a lacrosse rink i don't play lacrosse doesn't doesn't doesn't play in a ring yeah i don't even enjoy lacrosse i was thinking you hate it in fact i hate the people outside of this dickhead i was thinking it could do like get a like when i was in college, there would always be these people with food trucks when we would get out of parties and they would upsell the hot dogs and the sausages. I never forgot about that.

Yeah. Financially. Even when I was drunk, I'd be like, $12 for, like, these fucking, and I would be like, give me six of them because it was like, you're drunk. Yeah, yeah. And I never forgot that. So then I was like, I could do that. Oh, so you want to be a landlord.

You want to fucking, you want to rate people in the wallet. I like this. Yeah. I would do like food truck or sometimes like, I don't know, now it gets like harder and harder to tell cause I don't even know how I would like spin the gap in my resume. Cause the gap now-

I don't think you need to, you don't apply for a food truck job. True. I got news for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know how to tell you this. Who books those food trucks? I get rejected.

Third one down. It'd be so funny to have a food truck person be like, there's a bit of a gap in your... Yeah. So you can't do shit. How are we going to trust that you're not going to jump to another food truck in three years? I used to fight back against the late night food trucks i'm really my no my my freshman year roommate was like

he was just like a scam artist like he knew every scam you know what i mean he constantly was just like coming up so he would just he just started printing 20 bills oh my god yeah yeah he was just printing 20 bills just like and he would make like a really pretty good 20 did you were you guys late night food from the food trucks with fake 20s wow fake money to buy food from the food truck that's pretty i mean did you were you friends before did you meet him if uh I feel like Burke, if you're watching this, maybe cut it. What do you mean? You want to go figure out how to do that? Using fake money to buy goods?

No, but I'm not doing it at a real place. I'm doing it at a food truck. Pretend. It's a business on wheels. It's the same fucking thing as a restaurant. I don't know. It is. What do you mean you don't know? Not in 2003.

How are you going to look down on food truck trucks Have come a long way. This isn't this isn't this isn't a fancy food drug with a paint job This is a lot of tin box box with a window that flaps down It's can't be there anymore pretty impressive to be able to make fake 20s that's pretty impressive i just can't be there anymore it's pretty impressive to be able to make fake 20s yeah he he knew how to do like all that stuff he would fuck with me too all the time he he changed he changed like some setting on my computer so that anytime i typed the word the it would auto correct to the like f word and so i'd be writing an essay you know just like like late night just trying to get it out and every time you're like what's happening you'd be grabbing a seat shirt

that'd be great if this is why you're all fucked up he just fucked with me this guy totally changed your wiring what does he do now? He better be in the mob. For sure. No, he did work in construction for a while. Yeah. He worked for some big construction company. You still keep in contact with him? Is he dead?

Every once in a while. No, no, he's all right. I think he did almost die. Sure. By his own hand or somebody else? No, I think he got in a car accident or something. By his own hand or somebody else? By his own hand. That sounds.

Also, I feel like if you pissed off the wrong food truck guy, like they would, it wouldn't be, it's not, I wouldn't want to make them angry. You know what I mean? It's not like a big store where you're getting like, there's not a lot of oversight. I feel like there's a big portion in the food truck industry. It's, it's come so long, so far. It's not like, you're not just some degenerate selling hot dogs in the corner of a park. But I feel like you could. These guys are. You could. You could pop up. I feel like you could not just some degenerate selling hot dogs in the corner of a park. But I feel like you could.

These guys are. You could. You could pop up. I feel like you could blend in with the people. Because how do they know? You could make like a fake like license thing. Yeah. But there's like just like comedians, like you start to learn how sausage is made.

Right. Sorry for the pun. But like the play on words or whatever. Like. Aphorism. The you once you know how the industry is made up like if you're talented enough you can you can have a restaurant on wheels and simplify the the menu sure and only serve the best of what you can offer absolutely people keep coming back as a hundred percent seven fucking you know seven

pages on the menu and paying the rent for all that shit right Right. So now I think it's, it's, it's come so far where you'll get better food in New York in a, at a food truck. Yeah. Authentic Mexican cuisine where you're like, you got to go to this truck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would not have one of those food trucks, but I mean not like I would not have like

a good food truck food. Like I would just want to be like upselling the hot dogs. So you want to go to a college campus, you want to go to NYU, feed these white bitches that are all plastered on frozen drinks. Yeah 1 a.m and like 5 a.m yeah they're throwing up in their dorm getting knuckled around how about a hot dog how about that's right this is what i'm picturing but you're right the food trucks are like can be incredible in boston there was this what was it called clove some clover i think and there'll be like a line around the block for the food truck damn yeah i'm thinking about it it does sound like kind of a fun thing to do on an off night just get like like outside

of a baseball game or something like that just crushing you can't it's you don't just pull up wherever the fuck college you gotta pay a shitload of money you gotta get licensed you gotta pay a you know a fee a permit fee you know just like a slightly like you just you know you you find the the spot because those guys selling waters on the street they don't have permits do they i i don't know outside of baseball yeah i think the t-shirt guys do yeah they put up a thing yeah you can't really no i mean they're selling unlicensed legal eagles shit right there's no way they're paying the fucking government the government's looking the other way. The state.

I think if you're mobile, if it's just one of those things that balances on your stomach and then you can do that. You want to be a hot dog guy out of the stadium. Hot dogs! Yeah, exactly. So I can get out quick. And just cruise?

I got no fucking backup plan. That's the real of it. Dude, that rules. I really don't know what I would do at this point. Probably's the real of it. Dude, that rules. I don't know what I, I really don't know what I would do at this point. Probably move somewhere like, and just sit in the beach and like, look back on stuff. Well, you have that money to do that. I know. Fuck. Yeah.

My, my, my buddy did that. He was like, after college, he went to Motonita, Motonita in Ecuador and just opened a pizza place. Really? On the beach. Wow. And he said it was the best fucking time ever he left he like he it was a six-year lease he was there for six years

and just partying all the time i mean like it was the coolest shit ever and he was like i don't know like he was like if i do this for another six years i'll never leave right and so i guess so why didn't he want to he wasn't he wanted to like pursue something else yeah i think he just wanted like a real life a little bit some stability maybe yeah i think he like yeah it was too it was too like he uh retired way too early yeah he's just like doing uh what do you mean maybe it was too fun maybe he's having fun all the time doing coke and fucking the hottest chicks in the world? Yeah, yeah. It sucks. Anyway, you have his number so you talk to him? Yeah, I think he's...

Okay. Yeah. I want to talk to him. Dude, it was nuts. He had his... The guy he ran the business with got killed. Fuck.

Taking money for rent out from the bank. Maybe that's why he left. No, he stayed there for like another three years. Probably because don't you think

if you did that every day you'd get depressed? Yeah. like you'd have nothing to like balance it yeah yeah and then it would make everything that's not that be even harder because it's like okay if you're not having sex doing coke or making the pizza so you got to go run to the grocery store that besides you know what i mean or whatever it is everything else is going to suck so much in comparison yeah and when you vacation in a place like that you're like oh this is fucking amazing then you start living there you're like well i'm just like on the edge of the earth here where the fuck am i we just talked about this about like living a high level of fun and excitement yeah you start to not respect it as much like you don't sit in the moment so like you're doing all this cool shit and i was guilty of this when i first started like

getting things early in my career and i was guilty of this when I first started like getting things Sure in my career and I was like, I don't remember a lot of it because I appreciate anything. I didn't ever yeah Even now I'm like dude the last three weeks. I mean all the shit you've been doing the way Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is you feel like you appreciate it now. Yeah, I know I would I do I like There but there's also the fear that it's going to go away. Totally. That's the other. That's the weird thing is like you start enjoying stuff like that and you're like, should I not be enjoying things as much?

And should I be like more focused on making sure that this never goes away? Yeah. It's a good balance. I mean, you're doing the right balance. Yeah. It's just a matter of like, you know, you get messages going, man, you look like you're living the best life. Yeah just a matter of like you know you get messages going man you look like you're living the best life yeah I am

and then you think about it and you're like oh shit I think I fucking am I think I am and then how did I not realize that before constantly worrying about to go back to like depression the drugs the boozing it's like will it ever fucking matter or also and that's good too if someone's like you look like you're living the best life and you're like I am and your response is oh it's like will it ever fucking matter or also and that's

good too if someone's like you look like you're building the best life you're like I am and your response isn't all it's just social media like it's totally not actually what my real life is yeah I mean because I've had points where I'm like posting online like and that's not it's not lining up with what my actual life oh yeah I've had other times where like life is good but then it it all it usually matters where I'm at with myself not career stuff because probably when career stuff was good i wasn't feeling good and then i've been times where i'm like way more down and out and i'll feel better yeah but i'll be have i'll be like

thinking about career stuff especially with social media now yeah it's a whole other chain about this about like um like all the he's doing he's like you know obviously he's top of his game and yeah i'm one of the best in the industry if not the best like it's like what he's experiencing and then like when he comes home he's like yo let's me you and chris go to this game and then the joy in his eyes and obviously mine and chris's excuse me it's like oh shit you could be doing wild fucking things that anybody in this industry be like i'd kill yeah to be in that position sure but if like you're not at home or doing something simple like at home in the heart and like totally 100 i don't need all that i just want to come back to earth and be like, this is cooler than. Especially because also I feel like when you do those things and you've like worked your way up to it and worked really hard for it.

That's like when you get, you're still you that whole time. So then people are like treating you so differently. But then you're like this. I'm not like always trying to think of if I have a good show or a bad show. I'm still me. Either one. Like if someone's like, I love you. Or if someone's like, I'm still the same.

You can't believe it if they love you so much or if they hate you so much it's all just like just doing what you're so when he's around all that energy of like i love you i love you the best of the best that's a lot to absorb too yeah i would imagine you know what i mean so that's like you want to just be like fuck yeah it's a lot and also i would probably too like that expectation of like when people so many people have seen you then they are like they expect you to be good yeah yeah they expect you to be really good yeah that's terrifying because the nice the nice part about being like relatively anonymous is like if you kill people are like well that i thought that would suck and it was actually really nice

as opposed to them being like this better be the best shit i've ever seen you're like oh fuck dude i don't have that yeah we were getting back my girlfriend i read at the airport and she was like let's go out for a nice dinner and i was like i don't or she's like let's go out she'll have a good time dinner i was like i don't want to have a good time i was like please like i can't handle the pressure of a good time after like I can't handle the pressure of a good time after all this. And she was like, Yeah, let's eat shitty hot dogs at the end of the bar. Yeah, talk about this fucking food truck.

And she was like, okay, we'll go out and not have a good time. And I was like, okay, then we can go out. And she's, sometimes I feel like I'm like from love on the spectrum. She's like, I saw someone on love on the spectrum say something similar to that. But I just like not have the expectation. I feel that I like it's planning planning an event to have a good time if someone's like let's go out and have a good time it's the most stressful thing on earth it's the most stressful thing on earth totally going out to dinner or something like that yeah it's just it's it's horrible even even when like, yeah, if something is my plan, it's agony.

Please, please. No, but I mean, it's like, let's say if I get tickets. Give us a little look-see into what your date night would be. And be honest. My date night? I don't know about you, but I can pull on a horse carriage. I can make it. Pure, uncut Chris O'Connor date night. Date night? Dude, I mean. Take the hat off. I can pull on horse carriage.

Uncut Chris O'Connor date night. Date night? Yeah. I mean, I mean, it's all, it's all like, if we get to the spot and eat the meal

and I don't mispronounce anything, that's like, that's a win. Sure. That's a win. What if she was like, I want to do something fun. You're,

you're, I don't know. Red alert, red alert. That would be a, that'd be a, I'd say this isn't going to work out. Do something fun. What would you do? Gross. Jesus Christ.

I would not like that. Come on. Like, honestly, like, back against the wall, I'm going like, go to the massages, that's a good one. Park. Just go to the parkages that's a good one park just go to the park yeah eat in the park get a blanket yeah sit in the park you get a blanket or you would you i would get a would you make me make you a sandwich would you make her no i make her i would not i would never

make someone food why i've done a bunch i'll do the beginning, the first couple times I'll do it. In the first one or two times, I'll be like, I can't cook, but I'll make you grilled cheese or something. Yeah. Or whatever. Okay. And then like, but in the beginning, I'll do that. Yeah.

And then after that, you're like, never again. Dude, but a picnic food? I would do a picnic. I think that would be kind of fun. You'd make food for a picnic? I would. I think it'd be great. What about a charcuterie?

What? Do you want to make a charcuterie board? Absolutely not. Yeah, I've made a charcuterie board Do you want to make a charcuterie board? Absolutely not. Yeah, I've made a charcuterie board. That's very romantic. Yeah, I could buy some cheeses. Boursin. I don't even know what that is.

Boursin. He likes flavored. He gets an herb boursin like it's. It's so white trash. It's so white trash. Boursin's high class, dude. It's the most basic bitch shit. It's the one that's got a little circle. You unfoil it. It's already got the herbs involved. It's the one that's got a little circle.

You unfoil it. It's already got the herbs involved. Oh, the chives in it? Yeah, those are good. Yeah, it's fantastic. Those are good. I do like those. That's a charcuterie.

I love charcuterie. It's that and the dinner. It's just more sun and wheat. Yeah, yeah. That and a big thing is salami on and then we did. Yeah. Yeah. That and a big thing is salami or something. I love salami. Yeah.

See? Yeah. You can do that. Actually, yeah, my friend recommended that we do a charcuterie board, a small one for like a dish. Because it's a very powerful thing to do on like a day. It is. It is.

I mean, it's a lot of preparation. It is. But something always goes wrong. Someone's always like, oh, do on a date. It is. It is. I mean, it's a lot of preparation. It is. But something always goes wrong. Someone's always like, oh, Brie, I hate Brie. We'll say, don't eat the fucking Brie. Don't eat the fucking Brie. Absolutely. Also, who would say that?

Go to the next cheese, you ignorant cunt. Absolutely. That's why there's options. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good way to, ew, eat you out? Not going to do that. 100%.

You should be, it's a good way to suss people out, I think. Yeah. A charcuterie boy? Yeah. Because if anyone good way to suss people out, I think. Yeah. A charcuterie boy? Yeah. Because if anyone had the audacity to be like, ew to one of the options. A hundred percent.

Yeah. That's a fucking, that goes, okay, let's finish this meat and cheese board. We'll pretend to fucking bite our teeth through this movie that I'm enjoying. What if they call my boursin

what trash? What do I do? I wouldn't do that to a woman. If a woman does that to you, I'll fight her. Yeah, that's like evil. I'll fucking knock her out. If you open your heart and put that to a woman. If a woman does that to you, I'll fight her. Yeah, that's like evil.

I'll fucking knock her out. If you open your heart and put dancing doors up to this poor little sweet baby and she disrespects you, I'll backhand her out the door. I would never. Good. I'd be very upset though. Do you plan dates? Do you like ever plan a date? I haven't in so long.

Yeah. I should. I mean, I feel like when my girlfriend and I first started dating, we were going to like, but it was during COVID and we would try to plan a date night like it was easier when it was long distance because i didn't be like okay i'm gonna be in town for four days you're gonna be in town for four days and then we would plan dates then but now no but she's cool with it she's not like how come we never my mom was in town we went out to like a really nice steakhouse yeah not to um also i put my shoes on the couch a couple times i'm sorry i mean no disrespect you're fine thank god you said that sorry about that i get a lot of comments

about people putting their shoes on the couch because i went nuts on chris once yeah yeah oh but the ladies are off yeah sorry about that no it's bad habit stop you're fine well that's also i think the tough part about like how much fun we've been having is that and i now it's like planning something seems ridiculous yeah yeah but because it's just like you're like plan fun we we just go out and then fun happens that's that's how life works that's what i'm saying you just go out into the world and then fun stuff starts happening i can guarantee around for fun. I can guarantee that. Like I'll be like, I don't know what's gonna happen, but something's gonna happen.

It might not be fun for me. You're gonna have fun soon. But any minute now, bitch. There'll be fun happening. She's like, oh shit, it's my manager. How about that fun? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put fun here, you feel that?

No, but I think this is the most powerful aspect of this entire argument or conversation. But something, I know something, whether I have fun or not have fun here, you feel that? No, but I think this is the most powerful aspect of this entire argument or conversation. But something, I know something, whether I have fun or not, something fun will happen. Yes, of course. Something entertaining will happen. I'll screw something up. There'll be an amusing moment for the other person.

Sure, you're gonna bring the fun regardless. Yeah, in some way. What matters to, what I found, what matters most to the other person, regardless of whether it's the first date or hundredth date care is if you yeah yeah if you think and it could be something simple it doesn't have to be a fucking boat ride amongst the ducks in central park or whatever the fuck you could go to you could go to a dart league with free hamburgers and be like stuck in a boat with ducks

you could be anything if you just go look, there's this fucking hot dog festival. Totally. And she'd be like, aw, I don't like hot dogs, but like you're thinking about something. And that's the right kind of girl. Because like that's the attitude. Right. Unless they said, look, my dad died from eating a hot dog. I told you that.

Because that stuff happens too. And you're like, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it could be anything. Right. There's such a simple search of like things to do this weekend in whatever city you're in. Things to do. Like, oh, there's a fucking, you know, there's a bunch of Scots rolling a cheese wheel down for their fat wives to go tumbling.

Totally. Let's go watch them from, you know, the plastic gates. Because if you don't plan anything, nothing can go wrong. So this is a big thing. If you plan something, you're false. Something can go wrong. It's actually the opposite.. If you plan something, you're false. Something can go wrong. It's actually the opposite. I would argue it's the opposite.

Yeah, yeah. If you don't plan anything, it can all go wrong. The relationship can go wrong. Yeah, yeah. If you plan something, you can then take your own, as Emma was saying, like your own sense of humor and your own spontaneity and your ability to make light of lighthearted situations. But it's hard to know what to plan. Like, I feel like every time I pick a restaurant,'s like something's weird yeah then don't do a restaurant

yeah do a fucking like you said do it go to a goddamn food cart and then walk around a park or whatever right because i never make reservations at restaurants so that's been a thing i don't either i'm into being like where do you want to go to like well let's start walking down the block we'll find a place that because it's like then how do you know if the place is good i'm like i don't really care the place is good yeah there'll be something there so i mean i'll take i'll be i'll start it was a relief when my mom was in town because my girlfriend planned all the stuff we were going to eat so my mom was like thrilled yeah but that's huge i should plan a date i mean i don't even have you what's your longest relationship thanks uh probably like four years that's a really

long relationship yeah mine's like a year i'm 36 it's always like my longest relationship is the one i'm in now what happens at the the year mark wow they run out of cups the one cup breaks oh you know you gotta go they're both laughing at the fucking hands like dogs by the sink i can't do this anymore i'm done laughing sorry when i look back at some of the women i've dated too that they've been okay with like a me with the one cup i'm like i was putting in work in the personality department you know what i mean to like

that's a good way to spin it positive i must be a good guy i am charming i really have something here because that's like your big dick uncle always having a hot girl and like god that guy's a piece of shit he must have the brown gold out there he's gonna drink that in one cup yep yeah my what happens at a year so in the past usually it would be this is what would happen usually it would be like i would pretend i was way doing much better than i was in the beginning so they'd be like two to six months of like everything's going really well like you're like everything's fine and then they'd start like my like the way i deal with stress or everything would start kind of like

get the cracks would start start the show yeah so then once i felt like they like figure out more like oh like you you have something's there's problems then i'd say we like drag it out we would drag it out for a couple months and then i would maybe find meet somebody else yeah i i've ever since stand up i've been in that bit a bit of a thing like that especially like if i bomb real bad i'll be like i need to break up like if's like i literally need 300 girlfriends a year i need to dump everything in my life everything's gotta go just clear the slate that is a vulnerable thing just call your mom up you're like you're a bitch you're just dumping everything you love when someone sees you have a bad set that is like a vulnerable yeah yeah even, they don't even have to see it.

Really? It'll just be like a thing where it's just like, I'm not good at this. I need to, I can't drag someone else into this. Like. You're a hero. You're trying to save lives. It's about them. Because all of you.

Sometimes if I'd have a bad set, I'd want like the comfort maybe. Like I'd be like, whew. Actually, no. But I do want that. But it is tough too. Because like then if someone was like, oh, it wasn't bad. Then that bothered. It's a lose-lose situation for the girl.

Because if I say, there's nothing they can say. If they say it wasn't bad, I'm like, well, now I know I can't trust you. And then if they're like, it was bad, I'm like, you fucking. That's the last thing I want to hear like there's nothing making yes and also it's like i'm not good at being comforted and i'm also not good at comforting because oh i can comfort you can't comfort i can comfort if i got if i got something good to say can i say this is this is the importance of domestication what I believe what the lives that we lead and the insecurities and depression and The addictions and all all the shit that comes with our livelihood and our careers

the importance of domestication and thinking through like dates or like Giving someone thinking through like dates or like giving someone uh offering someone a small meal or like doing their clothes or making sure the apartment is clean these things are important because you're showing love in a way that they're going to have to rescind or reciprocate in other ways through through our faults yeah yeah so if i if i don't wake up in the morning and do my bed and make sure things are clean for her and make sure she's happy, then when I'm in a fucking hole, it's like the thick and thin thing. Yeah. If you're, if you're always on the ledge and whether it's personally and also collectively, then there's nothing for her to go. Well, I know he means it and i know i want to be there for him

so you want to provide for somebody else emotionally when you're not there for her emotionally so then it's rescinded you know reciprocated rather what do you mean i like the fact that you said what do you mean you've got a lot alerted what i'm saying is do things for them that you want in those times of desperation and despair. You're saying to overpower the feeling of wanting to get them out of your life. Yes. Do something nice instead. No, I'm saying like if you're doing things nice for them in times that you're not in despair, she's going to want to pick you up and she'll be able to foresee these depths

when you go on your breaks for four or five days. The depth thing is just like, I don't like taking, I don't like having to be responsible for anyone else and their happiness, you know? All right, well, you're fucked. I feel like being responsible for someone else's happiness isn't fair too,

because it's like, if someone's putting their happiness on you, then it's like, no, you got to be happy and then they can outcharge you. No, I mean, you're not responsible for someone else's happiness isn't fair too because it's like if someone's putting their happiness on you then it's like no you got to be happy and then you're not in charge you're not responsible for all of their happiness but you're there you know it's like if you're sharing a life at some point it's like you are responsible for like you should want that though yeah like if you're truly in love with somebody you should want them to feel a certain way or trust them to be like. No, I do. I do. Otherwise it's entrapment. Like if you're trying to get pussy

and you're just like, look what I made you in the charcuterie, booze on board or whatever the fuck. Yeah. It's entrapment. You're just trying to get laid and it's like, you don't really care about that person.

We're talking about different things, I think. But she might just be trying to have sex or something too. So who knows? Of course. Yeah. This is date one or two.

I'm saying this is like month three or four. But also it's like a trust thing because it might be like having to trust the person to be like okay if i say you start to feel unhappy then she'll be able to leave on her own like that she's not gonna put up like i know when i started dating like more balanced people like they would like get out like if something was like not good they then it'd be like okay we're just not gonna be together anymore anymore. Instead of them being like, what happened? We have to make it work. Like, and then I'm like, oh shit. Yeah. You know, like the right person probably, or the right person probably wouldn't feel like that much work.

It'd just be like, I feel like balanced people would leave me. Right. Or that wasn't right, man. I can tell someone's got a good head on their shoulders. Good for her. Good for her. That got a good head on their shoulders. The bricks. Good for her. That's a good woman. I knew she was a good woman. He's just sadly eating boards on the couch. The whole box of wheat thins.

This is great. There's some good people in this world. No, I'm saying like finding that balance for, it also matters in my experience. I was in a six year, I was in two, five years. Wow. I was in a four year. Wow. So you could say I'm a monogamous.

Serial monogamous. Serial monogamous. Six years is a long time. But like I also, throughout parts of those time periods where I knew it wasn't right, but I like the comfort to your point where like you want some type of stabilization or like comfort, like going to bed and like all the peace that comes along with it. It's one less thing to have to think about.

Like you get used to it. So your best friend and lover then just becomes a best friend. The lover goes in parts ways in your head and your, your heart. And then you just keep it's selfish. Totally. And now you're like all right well i have a a very high need for both of those levels which requires a very special woman to put up with our bullshit to want to love and support you and then also like be independent and take care of yourself yeah for sure because that's so

nothing's more important to me than someone says like i'm interested in this i'm taking care of myself me first then that to me is a weight off it's like yeah because the one of the most unattractive things someone can say is if they're like oh if they're like you're the best thing that ever happened to me then i'm like then your life is fucking like what are you you're not attractive this is not a good or at least leave that at an emotional level it's like you should have your own career 100 i want better things for you in terms of like that makes me very very very nervous like you want to be like a a garnish yeah so then you talk about this so now now you have this field of experiences and dates and stuff now you're narrowing this down to go like, you need to be like a very special person.

Yes. That's why everyone goes, Oh, you're single at that age. You need tons of free time and to be completely independent. You are broken at a certain, a certain rate, but like at the same time,

I want you to fulfill the little broken area, but like, I'm also not broken in many other areas. And then finding that it's like Tetris. It's like I'm finding that one little fucking lock. Totally. So I'm not going to suffice for somebody that's not like that exact lock.

Fair. I'd rather, you know how many fucking years we've spent together with my best friends crying alone in our own separate bedrooms. And that's kind of romantic. I put the fucking time in. This is depression boot camp. I know what it takes. i don't need you to tell me how to be poor or sad i need you to fulfill things

and if you can't fuck off totally and no offense to you good luck to you but like um i i want it but i'm not gonna i'm not gonna you know i'm not gonna just force it yeah totally the worst part is when you find that person and then you're still like why do i still not want to do this i've never been with someone that is it's like like my girlfriend's really funny and i never like thought of that as something i would like i dated one other funny person but i've never been with in a relationship with someone that's so funny like she helps me with material and stuff really yeah wow yeah but she's not

like show well kind of like she works in advertising so she's always like working with words so she like helped me like clarify stuff and I'm like mmm that's nice yeah being in love with her for more years yeah yeah yeah until my next special comes out.

Yeah, right, right. No, she really is. But it makes you enjoy talking to the person too. Because then I'm like, it used to be like, I'd be like, oh, fuck, I got to spend time with my girlfriend. But now I'm like, oh, good. I hope I want to spend time with my girlfriend. Yeah, because you're kind of working at the same time.

There's that. And I'll be like interested in what she has to say. Her worldview, that's interesting. I'll be like, what'd you think about that? Like I'll be interested in it. Yeah, she's like, yeah well, do you get the more you rose like the looks and all that bullshit like Do you remember what it's like to have sex with somebody that's just beautiful and doesn't fulfill like anything you care about Do I remember what that's like? Yeah, some of the best sex i had was actually

with someone in the story and they were not attractive yeah really yeah and i was coming off of someone had that'd be really hot and then there's this fucking not attractive but she was so fun because she was like real like like horrorish yeah in a great way like she was like because i think the hottest thing is like desire like I'd rather watch someone who's unattractive in porn but is like really like into it than someone who's really hot and not into it

yes like you want like I'd rather take the most unattractive person that's like I'm more I need to get fucked back that's attractive than someone who is

attractive but not you know what I mean someone who's totally unselfconscious right in the maybe for like a one-off you'd pick the more

attractive person but for like a regular thing you yeah yeah yeah i remember i introduced that girl to this friend of mine and he literally went whoa the first time he saw her that was his react i was like mike this is dead and he just went wow and then i was like hey come on he was like what the fuck because she's so ugly or hot unattractive yeah yeah it wasn't like. He was like, what the fuck? Because she was so ugly or hot? Unattractive. Yeah. Really? Yeah, it wasn't like, whoa. It was like, he literally went, wow. And I was like, hey, what the fuck?

He couldn't even contain it? He was surprised. He went, wow. Is this like Adam Sandler in a wig? How long have you talked to him? Kind of. A little bit. But I've been with lots of attractive people, too.

You said it was over a year? No. No, no, no. I mean, not attractive people But you introduced her to people wow we were like we ran into He had no heads up I hadn't seen him in a while, too. So I was like, oh this is He had no heads up. That was the other thing. He was just running a food truck that you and her stopped by. I hadn't seen him in a while, too. So I was like, oh, this is it. And he literally went, whoa.

And I was like, come on. Otherwise, I would have been like, hey, I'm with someone. Like, just so you know, this is the situation. Yeah. He could have handled it a little. He could have been a little smoother. Did he try to cover it up? Did he try to like. No.

He just. She was like, what was that about? Did he do a second wow? Because to be like, whoa. Wow. And then one of these, holy shit. He just keeps getting softer and softer. My God.

I think there was like a good... Good Lord. I think I was like, oh oh i think you remind him of someone or i said something like that like he thought you were someone else or like something because she was like what was that and i was like yeah he he's he's crazy yeah yeah he's all fucked up drug kid i went to school with him years ago never healed i don't know that guy. Do you think she gets that a lot? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, it wasn't like...

Oh my God! That's so funny. Holy shit! I really want to get a coffee I want to startle everyone Oh my god Alright well we gotta do an ad read Oh do we?

You guys will probably get one of us to TV Like ad sponsor they sponsor a lot of podcasts Really? I think The weed gummies for sure wow i was good with gummies for a while i was good with like um you read the weed gummies yeah i thought gummies i was very scared about the the puff puff for a while really yeah you're still smoking yeah and i also didn't like it just hit me so differently and i would do like five to ten milligrams very low of gummies.

But to your point, like the next morning fog, I'd be like hungover. From the gummies? Yeah. Hmm. See, I only did the gummies, but I was taking such a high dose. I never tried taking the smaller dose. I didn't even consider it. I don't know why.

You're just trying to get sent. I guess it was like the ones I bought were a high dose and that's just what I was trying. And I liked how it made me feel. Yeah. But now I'm on, now no more gummies. Yeah. You're doing nothing. You're totally clean.

There's this comedian I saw, I'm totally paraphrasing the line, Mike Gaffney. I know Gaff. Yes. I saw him on this, I think it was Last Comic Standing, but he was talking about, I forget, I just really liked how he said it, but sentiment was like he's like I'm just taking life straight to the face and that's what he was like not drinking or whatever I kind of want to do that

you say it every podcast just fucking do it it's hard take it right to the face I do during the week but then no you don't I think last week I didn't drink Tuesday Wednesday Thursday even one day of not doing it is like you're Yeah, I think last week I didn't drink Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Even one day of not doing it is like you're doing the same thing.

That's getting it to the face. I take 24 hours off. Yeah. I'm getting wrecked to the face. I get it. Yeah. I'm getting at least, I think, three days a week every week. That's great.

Yeah. I think that's great too, but it's not like I was the most well-balanced person. That's medical. That's good. Yeah. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday? Only drink Thursday to Saturday? Well, not Sunday anymore.

Football's on. Hey, Dom. Right? I might try to go, too. We have a show October 5th in Philadelphia. We do. Go to the show. I don't know what to...

Go buy tickets. Yeah, go to... Just go to the Helium website. Yeah, Helium Philadelphia. October 5th, 8 p.m. I'm going to wet my beak and stand up for the first time in five six years yeah what yeah you haven't done stand-up in five or six years yes wow i know we used to work every weekend at caroline's but also good for you yeah good for us

i mean that's like great to not do it for five or six years i think like that's like my i don't know to me that shows a lot of like power yeah i don't know why but that's like my immediate reaction is like good for you yeah that you like didn't need the validation that's what i was trying to get at yeah i didn't even know how to articulate i was just like chris is in a new relationship he says things better taking life straight to the face. Five or six years is a long time. I have no idea what, I haven't even thought about. I talked to John today about it. McKeever?

Yeah, he's like, dude, you should be so excited. I was like, I am excited to, I'm excited just to bomb. I truly am. And I've never thought that before, but like, I just want to like get, get it out and get it rolling. Cause I know we'll be doing this. Dude. And I know I'm going to fall back in love with it it because i'm in a different place in my head and heart

totally gonna like i'm gonna really want to talk about things but the the safety net of like here's a joke where i know it's funny but i don't give a fuck i don't i don't ever want to be there again you feel so That's just so like such a fucking loser to jerking off in a while It is so filthy It is read it and it feels so that you seem like such a monster too because if someone's like that was great or something and You're like I hate myself, but you just seem so it's so weird And it's yeah, I need a reaction to them when they're like, I'm just compliment and you're like I hate myself like you just seem so it's so weird it's I need a reaction to them

when they're like I'm just complimenting you you're like ew stop they don't understand it's not fair yeah it's disgusting

it's not fair to yourself first it's gross I've been taking it on the chin dude yeah no you've been doing great but that means you're growing yeah yeah

I need to get out I need to really push myself dude I started just doing like in featuring for Santino I just just doing like featuring for Santino I just started doing like 12 minutes of shit I literally never said on stage

and you do it right in the middle yeah see that's how you gotta do it oh boy it's rough it's rough yeah it's

that's fun though I mean 12 minutes of it is good that's good cause it's like the quicker you're gonna develop it you know the worst part was is that the first show that i did it went really well fuck and i forgot to record it son of a fuck bitch and i said a bunch of stuff like i just you know like when you just you kind of have a loose plan about how to get through it and then

you you you got through it like the right way you took the right route through it and then i didn't have the map totally so the next night i'm just trying to remember what i did last time and it was just oh yeah and you're trying to recreate like shreds of memories and you're like but last night i was on fire like it was just i don't know what it's like that feels like the algorithm's broken just a theater full of people being like what are you talking about? Philly's funniest my second year. Yeah, and I crushed on like the first round I did like improv and the next round I tried to like recreate the improv and it was the most embarrassing moment of my life So bad I saw Mayo you're remember Mayo? You were reacting to stuff

that happened in last night's crowd. No, it was, no, truly. Truly, I used like, I was making fun of this dude's shoes and it crushed. I called him like step ups or something. Remember those like, those are the big heels. Yeah. And I tried to like do it the next time. And everyone was like, who are you talking about? i just recreated this moment to try and be funny holy fuck was it i've done that before yeah it was so bad yep yep we're all like riff on something up top and it works really well but then the next night and especially if it's a long set and you're like ah last night fuck yeah i don't know if this copy is because uh we're from philadelphia but um looking for something different to cover up that hole in your wall. Oh, okay.

Displate is a cool new metal poster you want in every room. They have millions of cool designs available featuring gaming, movies, comics, and anime. Displate also features officially licensed designs, including Star Wars, Netflix, and many more if you want to be a real fucking dildo. That's our Displate thing. That's that poster that black. Let me grab it. What it's just a metal it's a metal yeah yeah it's a metal poster oh cool i have one of those in my apartment magnets on the wall and you can just stick it to it don't have one of those so you don't have to like drill into the wall or like cool so these are related to my cooking show that's really cool yeah so it's just how do the

magnets stay in the wall they put like you put little stickers on this on the top on the wall so these are related to my cookie show that's really cool yeah so it's just how do the magnets stay in the wall they put like you put little stickers on the top on the wall itself and then the magnet sticks to the

metal yeah to the metal here yeah I've had tons of problems with drilling holes in walls there's no drilling there's none of that shit

it's great and you can quickly pop it off and put another one back on if you want love to see it yeah so there you go you're gonna see it alright actually when you go in the bathroom you're not

gonna be able to see your face did you see how high our fucking do you have anything on your walls our mirrors oh my god my apartment now nothing yeah because my other apartment i have this one metal thing i bring with me everywhere it was it was a quote from a coach where it's like it's you're it's not i've had it for years i don't even know what it is but it's like about how the difference between like a so a fighter and not it's not I've had it for years I don't even know what it is but it's like about how the difference between like a fighter and not it's not how many times you get knocked down it's how many times you get back up I've been trucking that same little

thing with me the only thing I bring and I don't even I would have never guessed this is your existence but it's a piece of metal and I've like drilled it into walls before I don't drill it up anymore because I had this girlfriend that said it was depressing I've been. I've been there. I've been there.

Just lying in a bed full of dirty laundry, watching like Gladiator. Is that motivational? It's like, how many times do you get back up? And I'm like,

I'll be a guy. The thought of you walking out of every apartment you have to move to, you just have to get back up sign in one glass in a box.

I'm moving again. It's box. I'm moving again. It's bad. Emma's moving again. I mean, my parents always gave me bunches of stuff. It's not for a good reason that I rule like that. On top of that is 95 key fobs. It only takes 20 seconds to hang a disc plate. No power tools, no damages, no frustrations.

Once you mount one, you can switch out a new plate. Click the link in our description to see some of our favorite disc plates and save up to 29%. This gets me every fucking time. 29%. What's happening? Why did they do that? Why not 30? I don't know.

29 sounds original. Cool. Yeah. Yeah? Save up to 29%. It's a little weird it's very strange yeah get 25 off when you buy one or two at 29 off when you buy three or more whoa get 25 off when you buy one or two and 29 off when you buy three or more. Discounts will automatically be applied to your cart when you click the link

or use the code StuffIsland when you visit Displate.com. That's Displate.com, code StuffIsland, or click the link in our show notes. There you go. Yeah. Get some posters. Get some shit on your walls. These are light.

They're easy to move. This is what I was going to say. Can't really break them. I was actually going to ask this to Displate. to can't rip them if they come in different sizes because we have we just got our our bathroom redone oh yeah which is yeah pretty fucking sweet the new bathroom's nice and the plumber is six eight it's big six eight italian and he he looked and positioned this into we have tile they put tile in

very nice very nice but once you cut the tile you can't just pop in another piece of tile it's a big fucking job so he's looking at himself

and places the mirror not for fuck not for us dude I feel like he should come back and redo that if I did that to someone

but there's a huge hole in the wall where he put like electrical because the mirror like lights up. We can't drop it. What was he thinking? We can't drop it. We can't drop the fucking mirror. Because most people aren't that tall. So he must.

He wasn't thinking. If he met the guy, he's a fucking. Because he can't do that usually. He must have to be. Yeah. Did you look in the mirror when you were in there? I didn't notice. Holy shit.

I looked over a fence. You didn't see yourself in the fucking mirror. Didn't holy shit i didn't even yeah you you'd be here chris is here i'm here it's like you're not going to see he just wasn't thinking and then you guys went in and were like what are you what are you doing all this time we spent five weeks getting this thing done yeah so my point is with this but i was like you don't you don't have to get a he's trying he's looking for a three three foot mirror because he's got that push button it's kind of nice it's a nice makeup thing yeah i like to exfoliate and do my eyebrows you got all these lotions i got a lot of lotions i gotta i need a mirror that's uh that's right size mirror i need a right size mirror i gotta start

doing lotion chris i'll help you up dude den Denver is so fucking ridiculously dry. Yeah. It's insane. It's like it just because the altitude I was there. I was there this summer and I was at the improv, which isn't in Denver. It's the Denver Improv. It's like an hour out of Denver. Okay. Because like people kept being like, it's not in Denver.

It's not in Denver. I don't know where the fuck I am. It's close. It's close. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, my skin got dry there, too. It's fucking not. You don't sweat. Yeah. But yeah, my skin got dry there too. It's fucking not.

You don't sweat. Yeah. Like you start to sweat and it immediately dries. I kind of like that. Your skin starts to, it's kind of nice, but it feels like, it feels like when you go swimming at the beach and then like the salt dries your skin like instantaneously. Were you moisturized in your face? No, I didn't. Why?

You have moisturizer. I told you what to get. You got Kiehl's. No, they took it from me in the airport I said it was for this is four ounces the kills. Yeah, that's that's $40 fuck Yeah, you I use like a face oil when I started using that that started change. That was a game changer and what I say We use a oil cocoa butter oil at night. Yeah That's what you do

Yeah, I need something cautious I gotta piss do it you gonna stick around for the page what's the page you do another hour of Patreon you do another hour

for the Patreon yeah yeah yeah say yes yeah say yes let me see what time it is okay yeah she had a great time

alright see you later