Stuff Island - Stuff Island #53 - hot dogs in the park w/ Paul Virzi

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

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What's your take on the Yankees shit in the bag? It's brutal, man. It's fucking brutal, dude. Did it fuck you up? Are you one of those guys? No, it didn't. It's one of those, like, I don't get hurt like that. Like, I get, I, it, like, it takes me, like, two hours,

and then I just, you know, like, I got friends that just get hurt, dude. Yeah. Like, Giannis gets fucking hurt. Oh, yeah. He can't handle it. Like, me, I'm just like, look, you know, like, I rationalize it, but that's how I am in life, you know? It's like, I'll just look handle it like me i'm just like look you know like i rationalize it but that's how i am in life you know it's like i'll just look at it like dude if you strike out 17 times in a

fucking playoff game you're gonna like i do it like that yeah kind of like i kind of did instead of just sleep and i fuck up yeah yeah like if somebody like ods god forbid you shouldn't do drugs you know what i mean like instead of feeling bad even that's, it's like almost like a defense mechanism. No, but that's really what it is. I mean, yeah, that should have used to drive me nuts in like just playing sports in like high school, college and shit like that. Like any times a ref would blow a call so fucking bad

that it really costs you the game. Yeah. You know what I mean? The coaches would always be like, but look at these other plays. Yeah. You gotta like do that thing where it's like, we had opportunities to win that game. we did get fucked i'm the complete opposite i'll take one of those plays and be like you've ruined everything for us and in fact my whole year's ruined you get hurt i get hurt it's sad it's very white trash yeah my whole week's destroyed

really the fact that we were on the road helped and And then we went to the Notre Dame game the same day. That's amazing. That the game, they lost. Yeah, so that eases the blow. Oh, yeah. And they fucking, they blew out Clemson. Everybody charged the field. Yeah, it was nuts.

See that? Yes. But he was still in the stands looking at his phone like. Yeah. Fuck. Literally all the kids are fucking crying and running on the field. And I'm like, it's over. It's so pathetic, dude over the fucking real by the way are we going yeah yeah This podcast is a shit show. This whole podcast is this. Yeah, yeah. That's hilarious.

Yeah, we don't keep up. I'm like, oh, you want small talk before we do this. All right. Get your N-words out now. The funniest part about this is it's like in months you're back to the season. Like that's the lunacy. I know. It's not like that's why I actually understand how crazy they get in a World Cup. Because in a World Cup, it's like it's almost like the Olympics.

Yeah. Right. It's like and you fuck it's your chance and you got the team and then there could be guys that aren't going to be there in four years dude four years is like could be a prime of a career baseball dude and first of all it's not the world championship they say it's a world show it's not the world championship dude it's it's 32 games in a league in our country and it's gonna happen again in 12 months it's kind of ridiculous how people get. Yeah.

You know, I mean, but you guys like jump off poles and shit. Like they got to grease up pole. That's the thing about Philly that I never understood is you guys go bedlam, win or lose. Yeah. It's an excuse. You guys, yeah. There's an underlying mental thing where you're like, oh, I get an opportunity to act out good or bad. Look, I call it out of work.

I'm going to fuck some cars up. You know what I mean? I'm going to get out there and do something. Because you know there's probably guys in Philly who are like, dude, I hope we lose because I'm going to burn a car. There's a guy going, it would be nice to win, but I want to blow up that car.

And that's why when they win, they blow up the car. I feel like the only other cities I feel like that do that are like Canadian. Like I feel like didn't Vancouver go nuts. They're like when they lost or won a cup. They tore the fucking... Dude, they like Canada just turned into fucking Kenya. Dude, they went nuts. Nobody expected it because it was there. I was. I was watching it like, I didn't know Canada had it in them. But I've come to the conclusion. I've come to the conclusion that it's not about the sport. It's about the mental thing going on with that city at the time, with people.

You know, there's a reason why. Notice how like Boston guys, Boston guys are just, they're always against the grain. Boston guy, you could be like, dude, vanilla ice cream. I'd be like, fuck just, they're always against the grain. Boston guy, you could be like, dude, vanilla ice cream. I'd be like, fuck you pussy. It's not, you're like, no vanilla. It's because they don't want to love and enjoy the vanilla ice cream because they're hurt. They're hurt. Because everybody knows vanilla ice cream's good. Chocolate ice cream's good. Like you could say anything and they'll find a way. That's an inner thing. And I think sports allows you to do that. Like

how many times you go to, how many times you go to concessions? You ever see that dude, that dude who's at the game, right? It's an important game, right? He's online at the concession for a beer, fucking half the game. You know, it's like, that's a guy can't sit and enjoy the game. You know, he's halfway done a Bud Light and he's like, all right, dude, lines are low. That's a fucking problem. Yeah. That, that kind of, that kind of stuff a fucking problem. Dude, I don't, yeah. That kind of stuff drives me nuts. I'm also a guy, I never leave early.

Yeah, or the guy that comes back with, I love the guy that comes back with as much as he can physically hold. Puts him down in front like that. He just spills them all. You're so right though. It's almost like a political release too. It's like whatever you're feeling in that moment,

you put all that energy into a team and throughout the whole year you start to like you feel like you know these fucking guys so when they let you down in a way you take it personal yes like everyone's going right right reese hopkins rice hopkins fucking um hopkins dude i'm totally fucking i'm like did he just get drafted? Who's that? Jesus, Reese. You start making guys up that I'm like, shit. Reese. For fuck's sake.

Last night was supposed to be our, like a night we took off. I know. I had somebody come into town and I haven't fucking slept. Here's, like they went fucking hard on him so bad in the last game. Yeah. Because he just watched like three fucking strikes. Yeah, yeah. And that guy got us

you know the game's leading into he got he helped us get there and everyone's like get rid of him hopefully it's the last fucking time we see him and it's like aren't you grateful for any of this yeah this feeling that they gave you this fucking ride they had they shouldn't have been in the playoffs so use your logic i'm like well it was fun while it lasted i'm glad they made it this far we had fun yeah yeah dude you just got me now you're getting me excited because dude the people the dumb here's the thing man there's sports fans that are fans yeah and even in great cities like new york okay i'm a new yorker born and raised that has some of the dumbest and and it's you know you're booing aaron judge i mean this motherfucker can mean, this motherfucker. Can you imagine?

This motherfucker had you standing up for his at-bats for a month. Standing up, chasing down Roger Maris and did it. And not only did the guy get 62 home runs, I think he did it clean without steroids. I really believe that he did. And I think the Maris family and them really do. And I know people go, oh, Paul, how do you know?

I, listen, I was, I've been next to guys that were jacked up they look like fucking refrigerators yeah you know this I think he did it clean and people think if he was five nine you'd be like six seven guy that like holds a bat like I hold my son's bat my kid's bat and and then he bats 314 with 130 something and then the guy has a couple of bad at bats against the guardians and you're booing him dude that's when i'm just like you know if he fucking leaves you deserve it dummy 100 you deserve it i just hope he's gonna go to the mets no if he leaves my opinion is i actually don't think he's gonna leave but if he does leave i think he'll be for california i don't think unless's gonna leave but if he does leave I think he'll be for California yeah unless he he would have to have a real rift with the with the

same thing they were I don't think he I don't Boston they were very good to him I think the fans he didn't like the way the fans behaved but I don't think I think the way the Steinbrenner family treated him and shit I don't think he would do that yeah if you went to the Mets or the Red Sox that would see shit shit like that hurts me more than a loss yeah yeah because i know we're coming back next year but that shit like seeing aaron judge pulling up into the batter's box in a red socks jersey would fucking oh my god hurt oh yeah oh it would fucking hurt what are you doing no offense i don't want to see pain in yankees eyes listen i got dude i'm still not over the 09 loss

i don't like their attitudes so It's all displaced fucking nonsense. I got a great fucking story for you, especially being a Philly guy. And you know Sean Quinn from Philly, right? Yeah. You know Sean, right? Yeah. So we're at a bar in LA. I haven't seen him in a while.

And we're drinking. Yeah, he's doing like behind the camera stuff now. I think he's still touching and stand up a little bit, but I think he's like directing stuff and doing stuff. Married. He's so funny, dude. Married. Just a Philly ranter philly sports fan so we're getting hammered at we're at a bar we're at a bar in sherman oaks and we're in california and it was just fucking

a weird like keifer sutherland was at the bar it's fucking weird right and we're just sitting and like it was one of those nights where we need to ruin this bar right it was like an old it was like it looked like a it looked like the We need to ruin this bar, right? It was like an old, it was like, it looked like the shit in like 94 type bar, but they just kept it like that. It was kind of cool, like a lot of wood and we're just sitting there and Sean's getting hammered and I'm getting hammered and we just start talking

fucking hardcore sports and the Yankees had beaten the Philly but this was years later and Sean just starts going off at the mouth about it and I just, I was hammered and I go, you know what, you're fucking lucky we allowed you in the state. You're lucky we allowed the team to play on that grass. And he goes, allowed us? And he smacks the thing and a beer flies all over

Joe Bartnik's fucking socks. Joe Bartnik's like six, five fucking animal. And Joe just, what the fuck dude? And Sean just went from screaming i'm sorry dude i'm sorry i just get passionate i mean he said he said aloud in the stadium i mean we're a major league team and it was just like but you guys go on uh i really respect how much you got i got a friend from philadelphia okay he moved to new york we bonded because i kind of saw him feeling like shit in new york because he moved fromilly. Philly kid moved to New York in high school.

I meet him. I know what it's like to move a lot. So we become friends. I ran into him years later and he came to one of my shows in New York and he's a diehard Philly fan. He tapes every play on his phone and he's, you know, he's an electrician and she's like, but now you start to make sense. He's like, he's like, no, it's the guys are crushing it. Like's an electrician and she's like, but he... Well, now you're starting to make sense. He's like, no, the guy's like crushing it, like construction, electrician, crushing it.

And he goes, he came to a show and he goes, yeah, he goes, I put every play on my phone. And he goes, I need to know who fucked up. He watches game film. Like a coach. Does he own a company? This is a psychotic mentality. Yeah, he puts the phone on, watches every play. And then when the game is over, he... Does he own a company? This is a psychotic mentality. Yeah, he puts the phone on, watches every play

and then when the game is over, he watches the mistake. He goes, I need to know who fucked up and I'm going, why? You can't scold anyone. Yeah.

Like you can't, there's no... There are managers that don't do this. There are positions in the fucking organization that are supposed to be doing this going through tape

and seeing who's going to come up through the farm systems and get somebody out. I bet they don't do it like this. Could you imagine being at a wedding and being like, that are supposed to be doing this, going through tape and seeing who's gonna come up through the farm systems and get somebody out. And I bet they don't do it like this. Could you imagine being at a wedding and being like, dude, what's the problem with our secondary? He's like, I'll show you, get over here.

Yeah, April 21st. We're running a fucking nickel too much. That's the problem. Yeah, dude. So I don't take it, I enjoy it. I love to cheer when I win. And then when you don't, I'm just like, all right, man, we'll come back. You know, I'm'm a knicks fan so i've i'm like that's a fucking

homer that's like the jets of bass i have yeah i have like i have the giants and yankees have i've had some celebrations but the knicks have been the problem you know so it's just you know you wait till next year i always i always like uh when that when all the when everyone was a free agent that one period where like durant and there's a bunch of guys that were like it was like before durant durant was leaving the warriors yeah it would go to the next who else i think harden was floating around there was like a bunch of i was just like i just wanted a group of people because i feel like dude the two weeks where the knicks were good when like jeremy lynn was going off yeah yeah the city was different that's so funny it's crazy and it's like how funny basketball is the two weeks 17 when the knicks were good you know how fucked up that is dude do you remember that thursday

dude do you remember that first day to watch basketball he's got so much fucking passion about these two weeks the knicks were good. No, dude, because basketball's better without the Knicks. Dude, the amount of times... That's true. Basketball's better when the Knicks are good. Yeah, basketball's better when the... There's certain teams where the sport is better when those teams are good. And basketball, like, New York hasn't given a fuck about basketball as long as I've been alive.

What people don't understand is this is a basketball town first. Yes. When the Knicks are good, dude, when we went to the finals in 99 against the Spurs, dude, the streets get flooded, bars get flooded, nothing like the Yankees and Giants.

Yeah. It's like when baseball and football is good here, we're just like, yeah. Dude, when the Knicks in those 90s things against the Bulls, the street, this is a basketball, we had more street legends,

more basketball, the West, West Forth and rucker park and all the and all the major tournaments there so to not have our pro team be good or to do anything it makes people nuts but dude i'm gonna tell you right now if you lived in this city when the knicks were in the finals it's you'll see it you could actually it's one of the only times you could feel the city like that let's also be honest that having an asian at the helm in any sport is good for it's good for the city well look what otani's doing for fucking the angels

yeah i mean that guy is he's a freak he's beyond a freak he is a he's godzilla over there that guy is like i remember when matsui came to the yankees it started like sushi restaurant started yeah dude you're gonna fuck dude i get a fucking hot dog. People are on live for a spicy fucking tuna roll. Yeah dude, that was a good time. Fucking Jeremy Lin. That dude. Dude, I couldn't imagine.

That dude ripped him and no one could stop him. He was putting up like 35. Dude, I'm telling you that two weeks, there was 40 million more people that gave a fuck about basketball. Yeah. It was like, I've gotten drunk and ranted about how the NBA is missing out on untold numbers of dollars by the Knicks not being good. Yeah.

Yeah. I've never heard this passion. It's fucking hilarious. It's hilarious. Because if the Knicks were good, dude, I feel like the whole world would be more invested. I really do. I really do believe that. There'd be less stabbings.

There'd be less stabbings in the subway. I would take the subway if the Knicks were good. Dude, the economy would be totally different. There'd be no inflation if the Knicks were good. Just gas prices going down after the five. They didn't even change anything. More people are taking the subways. Yeah.

I mean, it is nice to have a fucking, you have a comfort in knowing that the Yankees are always going to be good. They're always going to be close. They're always going to be competitive because they're always going to pay. Yeah, exactly. And the Red Sox pay. But you guys have a high payroll, right? We have a high payroll. Yeah, we were like five or six.

Well, that's really what baseball is now. Let's be honest. I hear you. You know, like some teams could sneak in like when right? We have a high payroll. Yeah, we were like five or six. Well, that's really what baseball is now. Let's be honest. I hear you. You know, like some teams could sneak in, like when the Rays did a couple times. But if you're not putting up fucking hundreds of millions of dollars out there in the field, you know, you're really not going to go big. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. We just dumped like six dudes in our bullpen. I think we're going to go after some high-profile starters. Yeah. And bullpen. That's the only thing we're missing right now. Yeah, I love when they're like, dude, man, we're the shit.

It's like, yeah, well, he gave the guy fuck. Dude, they're going to give, if the judge goes to the Yankees, they're going to give him a fucking half. They're going to back the truck up to the kid's house. It's going to be like $500 million. It's like, yeah, we're doing good. This is why I always say,

if I had one wish, it'd be for George Diamond to still be alive so I can watch him die a second time. He fucking ruined baseball, that cocksucker. I get real angry about it. Yeah, yeah. This is not the first time

this has come up. I know. I always bring it up. But it also could be baseball that ruined baseball. Baseball allows that. Yeah, well, let me have this, Paul. Okay.

Let me blame it on one guy. Do you think they'll ever change it? Yeah, they probably won't change it, right? What, like a cap? Yeah. I don't think so. Do you think they'll ever make it like the NFL or something? Because owners are still making money. Like the guy in Pittsburgh, that guy has, dude,

that's, by the way, that's the most, in my opinion, I've never been to San Francisco. People tell me San Francisco is better. The most beautiful baseball park I've ever been to is where the Pirates play. And he just puts out a shitty product because the guy makes a ton of money and doesn't care. So as long as they're like getting rich, some guys just don't care yeah that's the problem it's like you gotta give up like and why would you want to own a franchise like that's the thing it's like even if you're making money i wouldn't want to own a franchise but yeah we haven't won since the 60s or 70s yeah do you know what i mean like where's

your at some point your competitive like nature's got to be all right there's probably some psychology around this too though like if you live in pittsburgh you know live in Pittsburgh, you're not seeing too many beautiful things, you know? Right, yeah. And certainly not in Hawaii. And like, most of these guys are living in empty warehouses instead of fucking all coal towns and shit, steel mills and shit. So they're like, look at this guy's fence.

Yeah, it's like looking at a beautiful fish tank and just mesmerized. It's like, dude, if we make this stadium. There's bridges in the outfield. Yeah. If you make it like a museum, bridges in the outfield. Yeah. If you make it like a museum, these people will forget how shitty the fucking team is. That's fucking funny.

It's true. Some of these places got pools. It's just nice places to hang out. Yeah, I wanna watch a fucking Diamondbacks game with strangers in a pool. Just to get out of the heat. Yeah, dude, if you go out there, 60 win season, give them a pole in the outfield.

Yeah, they lost 16 to one, but dude, if you go out there 60 win season, look at my pole in the outfield. Yeah, they lost 16 to one, but dude, I was fucking comfortable. Just pissing next to three fat strangers. In a fucking hot tub. Yeah, no, man, it's, sports is fun, but the older I get, the more I realize, like I was just out performing in London and my son, we went to see the Giants Packers in London,

but the day before my son's like, so my son's starting to just the Giants Packers in London but the day before my son's like so my son's starting to just get into he's 13 and he's a basketball player basketball is his number one but he's starting to get into watching English Premier League soccer right yeah he's like dad Chelsea's playing and my wife was like you know Paul I don't know we're taking him to a Giants fucking Packers in London tomorrow then we're going to Paris like do you have to and I'm like you know he's never been I heard how nuts it was. When's the next time we're going to be back? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Dude, you, it's the craziest Philly shit you've seen. Dude. And the playoffs is the first, like, regular season there. Dude. Yeah. On a ball that they kick that misses the goal, you would have thought, like, I'm talking right the way it starts. Dude.

Game one. Oh, this shit. You cunt. He, you cunt. He's a cunt. Dude, it's the only thing. And you know that when you go to European soccer, English Premier League soccer, the opposing fans cannot sit with you. Yes.

So they have their own entrance. Yeah, I heard this. You can't walk around the stadium. This lady was sitting next to me and she goes, in the States, you sit together? I was like, that's mad. She's like, because people get stabbed and shit so the guy was going guys if you're here to see that we were watching chelsea play like i don't know this team was uh black and yellow called the wolves and this guy's going if you're here for the wolves this is

the entrance i'm watching this fucking yeah i'm just watching these people go in and they get their own corner but here's the craziest shit the the rest of chelsea fans allow the wolves to have their chance and they just wait it's almost like go ahead get it over with and then they fucking like triple their chance but they like a lot it's like this weird organized chaos i love it yeah you know and they were like listen if you take your son don't sit here don't sit there you got it he can sit here he's gonna see something i'm just going dude i just spent i just spent every i spent so much money to have like i was like courtside at chelsea first time ever right there because i just still the seats you got to sit like no we were actually like we went like we went there and somebody that's been there for 30 years goes dude you guys got the

best seats in the house really i was just like i'm not bringing my son to have you fucking dumb drunk brits fuck you got hurt my. You're talking like the old school. Well, we went to the Chelsea Man U, I think, in 2020. Like the very beginning. We went to Tottenham. We went to Tottenham Leipzig as well. Tottenham Stadium for the NFL was like surreal. It was incredible, man.

Dude, that one wall. It was incredible. That one wall of seats that just Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00

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Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 Scott Martin 05.00 when you go and you try to go to a bar afterwards and they're like, which team did you root for? You're like, dude, I'm just trying to get a beer. I'm not going to fight. You got to hide your colors and shit. Oh yeah,

dude. Yeah. Yeah. Like I wouldn't like, yeah. Like if you're around Chelsea walk, I wouldn't be like, it's one of those things where you're just like,

yeah, you don't want to fucking push it. Dude. When we went to Tottenham Leipzig, the, the like where they were sitting, it's not like, it's not like there's a usher being like, hey, this

is where Leipzig's sitting. You can't come through. There are firewall metal doors. Well, these guys sneak in flares and shit, don't they? They'd launch flares like 50 hours. They just light your shit on fire. That's got to be fun. It's fun.

It's amazing. It is amazing. It's truly a riot. It's a political riot in the stands. It's crazy. That's a political riot in the state it's like it's and then the whole town talks about the what they won what the score was the all the bars and restaurants are like it's almost like there's a relief when they win yeah they were supposed to win it's fucking weird man yeah yeah that's why their teeth are all fucked up they're constantly getting hit in the face

with flares i never understand the teeth thing it's like you guys what are you doing you have dentists no and but it's also yeah but the ones that take pride in it they go hard like they're like fucking no they're like nicer than any of art like the ones that want it jimmy carr jimmy carr you ever see jimmy carr you're talking like host of game show team jimmy carr the fucking host of a game show jimmy carr like he wants to nice guy by the, by the way. I met Jimmy Carr. Dentist is in there with like a level. Dude, he's like. It's a Cadillac grill, dude.

Yeah, he just shaves them down to match it up. Or it's the opposite. Or it's just hockey players everywhere. Yeah. It's like a Mexican lane marble. Like every single corner has to be exactly perfect. I wonder if it's a thing where like it's hot over there. I could have said that, but I said Mexican. You know, like in Japanese, they like the snaggle tooth. That weird like snaggle tooth. Me too.

They would get, they get surgery to get the snaggle tooth. You know what I'm saying? The canine? Yeah, yeah. The canines go in front of the front two teeth. I think that is so sexy. They get, they get, yeah. Really?

I dated two women that had that. No, fuck that dude. I don't want any fucking shit. Listen, I'm not saying it looks like a sick pug. Remlence of a fucking predator. Some fucking half a Bigfoot chick sitting in my, fuck that dude. I'm not saying it looks like a sick punk. Remnants of a fucking predator. Some fucking half a Bigfoot chick sitting in my, fuck that, dude.

I don't want any of that shit. It's balanced. It's not a snaggle, all right? So they're not all fucking crooked. They're just perfectly over the top of these two front a little bit. They're just angled. I know, but dude, all I've been thinking about is just like

if I fought her, she'd wait for me to sleep and then grab my neck. Just bite you. It's like a cat on a gazelle dude i don't like seeing that shit i don't like seeing shit like that yeah yeah i got pet peeves about shit like that i don't think i can't hang out with people that have fucked up things you know i mean like an underbite pigeon toes we talked about this too like if you got fucking snaggletooth. Pigeon toes. Pigeon toes are a problem. Pigeon toes are huge. Pigeon toes are a problem.

If you duck or pigeon them out. Yeah. Underbite, tough luck dude. You got any close buddies with an underbite? No. Nobody has a close friend with an underbite. It's true. Nobody I know.

I ask everybody. Do you know anybody with fucking severe underbite? No. No. As a dude at the gym, I have to fucking leave the room. I can't. It bothers me so much. It would be hard to look at.

How do you look at them and have a conversation? How do you take them serious? You're like, how does your jaw even work? Well, dude, look at like UFC, dude. UFC has become so fucking great. We're looking past that fucking clay. We're looking past it. That's how fucking great UFC is.

Like when I first came out, you're like, dude, what the fuck is with that guy? Now you're like, that guy's shit. I know. Now it's like a general star Button stranger, he's like, oh no, he's only got one cauliflower. He probably hasn't done it. That guy's a full bird fucking. Yeah. At the beginning, you look at him like it's a prosthetic. Like when it first came out, you're like, dude, is that?

And they could, can they fix it? They can remove it. Yes. It's hard cartilage. When you stop fighting, because it will come back apparently. I think it's hard. I think it's like really hard. I thought there was a window where they had to get it done or it's like really like a.

From what I understand Then we'll learn in the comments because these guys are fucking cunts about this stuff But oh, yeah, as soon as you remove it if you continue to fight if you're still in MMA They they just they say wait comes right back his way and then it's it now It's like you said it's a badge of honor So like a guy that's done MMA should be embarrassed with his kids when he has these fucking fucked up ears his wife She'd like can you fix this to tumor on the side of your head? But it's kind of cool, like going to the bar,

like that's a bad motherfucker. Yana's pop has had a bit about how like cauliflower ears, like ADT, like it's like a security. Dude, 100%. If you see a dude, if you see, you could see a dude 120 pounds short, and if he's got cauliflower, you're like, that dude is gonna fuck 10 of us up.

All of us. All of us. No, you can go first. Yeah, yeah to fuck 10 of us. Yeah. Yeah. No, you can go first. Yeah. You say something about his ears. We got a couple of buddies that have them. Rainy has them.

Rainy has them? Yeah. He's got cauliflower. Did he just get those? Cause he just started fighting. He started like two years ago or maybe started five years ago. I don't know. I know.

He got them from being passed out on perks and just like laying on concrete? You got him for too many pills laying on a bus? Rubbing your ear on the side of a fucking greyhound?

Damn, dude. You ever wrestle or anything like that? No. No, no wrestling. Also, our fans are going to be pissed about this sports heavy talking.

I know, I know. This rules. I'm getting like rocks off. Yeah. All your fans don't like when you talk sports? They just love giving us shit about what, anytime you talk about a specific subject they're like, fuck you. Yeah, if they find out

we're having an enjoyment in a conversation, they get upset. Talk about movies for too long, they're like, that's not what that movie's about. I love doing podcasts where people are like, they always just, glad I came on to listen to comedy. It's like,

yeah, dude, it's like a great comment. I'm talking to you. Why don't you fucking listen? Also, it's free, you fucking dickhead. That's the thing. I understand comments

if you're like, if you don't listen, go fuck yourself. I mean, if you're not paying, go fuck yourself. Yeah, yeah. You shouldn't be allowed

to comment unless you pay for the Patreon. You shouldn't be able to say anything. That's not true. If you love your comments and subscribe, you shouldn't be able to say any that's not true well you love your comments and subscribe you shouldn't be allowed that's hilarious it's also i i hate when people are like fuck sports it's like saying fuck movies or fuck music it's like it's a great thing

it's i don't get it get into it enjoy it it's fun because the thing is there really is a true beginning end result that's real like i don't mind listen if somebody's into marvel movies and shit and they're onto that that's great that's fine but like a guy that hits a walk-off home run in the bottom of the ninth inning and like mate like that really happened that result happened like people got happy money's being made like that's a real thing talk about the character that you build in fucking Pee-Wee. What Pee-Wee football does for a kid. Yeah. And his progress in early adolescence.

Oh, yeah. Like in terms of camaraderie, teamwork, leadership. Yeah. All that shit comes from sports. It also helps you learn how crazy fucking pressure moments are. Of course. Like you hit a home run in the bottom of the ninth. You realize how fucking ridiculous that is. Fingering a girl in a fucking AMC theater isn't that hard anymore.

I went fucking yard off the best pitcher in the league. Dude, as a dad, I was sitting there and I remember my son was in center field, dude. And I'm sitting right in the outfield and a ball just, you know, and it's coming to him. And it was like a dart. And he just put his glove up and caught it. Dude, you would have thought. You would have thought I caught like one guy just looked at me. He saw my emotion. He goes, nice catch dad. Dude, I, it was cause dude, when that happens, wait, when you have this whole ego is hanging in the balance in a moment

and it's your kid's moment, whether it's a hit or a catch or something. And it's just, it's lonely for you because they're alone and you're their parent and you can't do anything and then you're looking at other then you're looking i remember one time my son when he was real young this one parent was like mocking my son saying oh he carried and like the coach is going like this to the official i said to my wife i'm gonna go listen i'm gonna go threaten this kid i'm gonna go tell this kid that if he ever fucking does that in public like i'm gonna fucking beat and my wife is like you can't I want to go up to him yeah you know that thing that's my son don't ever fuck it like I was gonna it's my community I can't I can't

like I'm gonna see that guy I like his daddy daughter dancing like hey dude that was fucked up you want to go get it like a fucking apple juice in my bag. Like a pumpkin patch next week. I can't believe how you. Like some Christmas lighting thing. I'm just like, hey dude, I'm sorry. Dude, I gotta go carry it away. By the way, happy holidays. Dude, we're down four.

Yeah. Dude, there's nothing worse than those parents. Those fucking, those parents, the kids of those parents turn out to be maniacs. Cause the odds of them making anything out of sports other than you put your kid in sports to learn the lessons and have fun right that's the fucking the odds are going anywhere in this thing it's tough i had two coaches that brutalized the coaches cool fuck

cool as fuck tough guys like real you know salt to the earth blue collar tough guys their kid was either an incredible athlete or incredibly damaged because the father was so overbearing yeah yeah with drills yeah time and expectations he was fucking miserable or the opposite is the fact where like if he's uber aggressive the kid is such a bitch he's such a bitch he might be good on the field wait who's a oh the the kid that's aggressive on the field is like in life, like totally gone. Yes, yes.

Yeah, so he gets it done on the field, but like he's just like passive and, because he's just, his overbearing physical father is just constantly saying, you're not big enough, you're not strong enough. And then it just fucks up your psychology and your development. Your mental and physical development are dwarfed

and muted and stunted because your dad is some fucking aggressive alpha meat bag that won't calm the fuck down. Just let your kid do what he can do and have fun with his friends. Oh, dude. Yeah, that was I remember. I remember I like, you know, I don't know if your son does this, but it's like I would come home all the time and feel like I was getting fucked for playing time. Yeah.

I mean, and my dad was always just like, be better. It was like oh shit you're not gonna help me out he's like go fucking be better i just i just rises to the top yeah no i tell my kids that in a way where i'm just like look if you put all your effort but like i get mad at like what i what i don't like is we're in a time now where it's really like well don't hurt anybody's feelings or like this person we've known this person so let's let this person and i'm just so now you could tell your son or daughter just go out as fucking hard as you can give everything you got lay it all out there and it's gonna work out

and sometimes if it doesn't you're like fuck dude like do you know what i mean like i want it to be like no no you went to a tryout you did did everything you could. You played D hard. You hit your shot. You're diving for balls. But then all of a sudden, because of like some inclusion. Yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah. And I'm not saying that the other kid, but it's like, we're not in a time now where people get what they deserve.

Yeah. We're in a time now where everybody kind of gets, everybody gets something. Yeah. Everybody gets a fucking party favor. Everybody gets a fuck. I don't know why I'm doing it. I like it. I like Everybody gets a fucking party favor. Everybody gets a fuck. I don't know why I'm doing it. I can't. I can't.

I like talk. It's very tight. No, no. I can't do it. I mean, you see me do stand up, but I fucking run around. I can't handle it. But if, yeah, I feel like we're at a time where I got to tell my kids different things now.

Because it used to be, oh, the best get it. Yeah. Or I think a lot of times, but there was always politics. Let's be honest. There was always political shit in anything in life. Yeah. But I think a lot of times, but there was always politics. Let's be honest. There was always political shit in anything in life. Yeah. But I think like-

There was always parents talking to coaches. Yeah. Now you got to be really careful to go, hey, be undeniable because undeniability will win.

Yeah. But you got to really kind of fucking, really fucking make it undeniable now because everybody's getting something and it's tough, dude. Being a parent now

and the shit that, I got to ask my kids, you know, oh boy, it's it's tough to be in a being a parent now and the shit that i gotta ask my kids you know oh boy it's fucking election day no i gotta ask my kids yeah it's fine i just dive into a fucking no um your listeners like that there's a red wave it's kind of the point of what he's saying though we need to shift back not everybody needs a fucking trophy. No, what I'm really, yeah. That's what's happening right now in our country. Everybody's getting a fucking trophy. It used to be, it used to be where I didn't really know.

I'm sure you guys didn't know what your teachers felt about society. Dude, no. Now, like I could, my kids come off the bus and my daughter will be like, yeah, they were saying that this man is better, this woman is better. And I'm just going, how about like they don't fuck, you know, so I got to really watch what goes on in my kids' school. Yes. Because it's like, yeah.

Half the sexual fantasies I had with, with crushes, my teacher's crushes was not knowing anything about them. So I just built this fantasy world of like, does miss sandora do when she goes home right yeah and then you know i get my weird little bird up in seventh grade whacking around with some shampoo and just build this fantasy land what she does i swear to god i feel i didn't know anything about politics until like 9 11 like i had no idea what like what anyone was doing it doesn't matter i was like what's going? I'm just getting tired of people telling me to fucking vote. I know what day it is. I know what day it is.

I don't need you to tell me to vote. And this is the other thing. I'm actually trying to do this in my act where it's just people are going like, this is the most important election of our lifetime. Shut the fuck up. They say it every time. You've been saying that shit. I remember from the first Bush, they've been saying that shit. And then they try to, no, seriously.

No, seriously, dude. This one, this. And it's like, enough, man. It's not. It's to you it is because you're a lunatic who can't stop going to the same news channel, reading the same dumb shit. So for you, the things are crumbling down. Yes.

Dude, I said this on stage the other day. And it's not a political statement because I really didn't vote for Biden or Trump. I voted for Eli Manning. That's the truth. And Eli knows I really didn't vote for Biden or Trump. I voted for Eli Manning. That's the truth. And Eli knows I did. And it's in my special. I voted for Eli Manning. That motherfucker, I want him to be president.

He's a nice kid. He's a nice kid. I used to hate on the motherfucker. He's a good dude. Probably some of the worst speeches of all time. He's funny, dude. It can't be worse than now. True.

True. True. You know, but... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you just said worse speeches of all time. Biden just said there's gonna be electric cars in 3035. He just said, you know, no, but he just said that shit. But no, dude, like I lost my train of thought with the Trump thing.

So Trump, I said I didn't vote for Biden or Trump. I voted for Eli. Fuck. What the fuck? Yeah, I know your listeners. Sorry, I said, I didn't vote for Biden or Trump. I voted for Eli. Fuck. What the fuck? Yeah, I know your listeners. Sorry, I fucked it up. You got a lot of Philly listeners. No, I fucked it up.

That's so funny. No, but that shit about like vote now, this is the most important of our lifetime, dude. And it's like, no, man. And you notice when people tell you to vote, when people tell you to vote, they're telling you to vote for who they want. Because the people that are pushing you to vote, if they found out that you were going the opposite way, they'd rather you stay home. Yeah. They'd rather you stay home.

Everybody's full of shit, dude. I think you're spot on with this whole, I think it's a personality trait. I think people... Oh, that's what I said. I just remembered. I just remembered. When Trump says he's going to run again, I'm going to get two hot dogs and a Diet Coke, and I'm going to go to Central Park, and I'm going to watch adults drop to their knees

and scream at the sky. Yeah. Because that's what happens without even people- Because I'm a sports fan. You're going to feel my Yankee pain. That's hilarious. Yeah. I got the concessions.

It's just not a game. I got the concessions. It's just not a game. I got the concessions, it's just not a game. I'm just watching people go to the stadium, grab stuff and leave. Just to go to Central Park. Watch these purple bag bitches fall into the fat. I got a phony finger for no reason. Just eat a nacho hat.

My buddy, it's gonna be fine in four years. Yeah, let's watch this librarian cry over her asshole. Yeah, man, when I watch all that shit, man, and that's why I really don't get political, when I watch how people get and they tell you, this is the most important, you got to vote, and what is your family going to do? This is a future for your kids.

They try to make, almost like, you ever talk to people that try to make you feel guilty? They're like, what are you going to, you know? And it's like, I just want, here's what I want. I just want my family to be safe. I want you to leave me alone. I want my family to be safe. And I'm leave me alone on my family to be safe and i'm gonna vote for whoever the fuck i want to vote for i don't owe you an explanation some lady came to my door and my kids were there she came the other day and she was like uh hey she walks up and she just goes hey uh we're just

giving out some literature and stuff we're with the dems are you guys with the dems and i just go i just go i hate everybody and she goes and my son and his friend like that he plays soccer with we're in the front and they just start going like this and I almost broke but I just go I hate everybody and she just goes I'm sorry excuse me I go I hate the Dems I hate the Republicans I hate everybody and then she handed me literature and I almost said I almost said I also hate literature I knew if I did I would broke I knew because she handed also hate literature. I knew if I did, I would broke. I knew because she handed it to me and I tried everything in my power to go, I hate literature too.

Guess what, bitch? I hate to read. I can't read. Yeah, dude. There was like, she had like a car on the driveway. So I wanted to say, I hate that make of car. I tried to go, I hate everything. I couldn't, but no.

And they were just like, I wanted to be like, what if I was, what if I wasn't with the Dems or what if I was, what is that gonna mean? Like, are all of a sudden we're gonna be friends or enemies? Yeah, yeah. It's like, how about you just say, how about you just come to my house and say, hey, this is who we're campaigning for,

go vote regardless, take it. But it's a team thing now, man. It is. On both sides. It's religion. It's all it is, it's a religion. It's crazy. They need some sense of worth, I think. It's like, without that, they have no identity.

They love these election times because they can fucking boast and be a person that they, I don't know, it's like some sense of fulfillment. It's easy to get sucked into. I think. I don't know. I went through the phase. I was like in, you know, college, post-college. I was like, I was pretty fired up.

But you do really believe any of these fucking guys are going to, it's a sick. No, no, no. You live long enough. Like you said, it's like you go through, you go through seven or eight elections where everyone is like, dude, it's this, or it's like the end of the world. And then you start going. I respect the people that have their set opinions, say it. And then just like, my dad's hilarious.

My dad just goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no. I go in the booth. It's Republican across the board forever. That's it. And then he just, but then he'll give no, this is why. Yeah, he doesn't know anybody. And then there's people on, there's other people in my family who were just, you know, on my wife's side who were just like, no, no, I just like what the Democrats do across

the board. And then, but listen, I don't want to talk about it at thanksgiving don't bring that shit up no well you know i'm not doing that yes like that's my free time i'm not on the road i'm with my family take that shit the worst is when somebody else that's not normally in your life they're not normally there and now they're intruding their shit it's always a person where i want to fucking drink wine eat and watch football and the last thing i want to hear is you who you never come to my house go you want to know what the problem with this country is yeah fuck you no yeah no yeah and not from you i don't not from you i don't in my house it's brutal it's

also like you got to realize like when for those people it's like when once you start like reading like once you start deep diving in like legal documents about like something that happened it's like and you're not a lawyer you just like you know you work in like a fucking sandwich place it's like you got to start thinking what the fuck am i doing yeah i could be thinking about like a person who's in my life yes maybe helping them that's how i feel like somebody that has three kids and is on twitter all day it it's like, go talk to Charlie. Throw a Frisbee at this fucking kid's forehead. Walk him around and get some ice cream.

How the fuck are you on Twitter all day long? Yeah, it's crazy. Some fucking maniac I saw the other day, I saw him like ranting and I was like, wait, this guy said something two hours ago. And then I go to his homepage, you could like go up, I found out, and you could see how many tweets they have oh yeah this guy had like 80 000 tweets it's like 80 000 tweet 80 000 fucking tweets he had like a thousand it's the saddest shit in the world and then i click on him i was like this guy's got

family yeah he has a wife and kids and a job yeah and he's spending all his fucking energy and time social media gave a social media gave a platform to people like that yeah that just want to be He has a wife and kids and a job. And he's spending all his fucking energy and time in the religion of politics. Social media gave a platform to people like that that just want to be heard. They're just fucking blowhard. They just fucking say everything. And it is. It's sad. It's like, go fucking put that down and go hang with your family, dude.

Hang with your kids, dude. I hate to be this old fucking man. But like, you couldn't go down to the VFW and yap for a while. And then everybody would be like, shut the fuck up, Gary. We've had enough. Now everybody just like constantly gets reinforcement. I know this, everybody knows this as a social. That's actually a great point, Tommy.

It's like, call your friend, bitch at your friend. And then your friend goes, all right, dude, enough. Great. That's what my friends do. We call each other. Like if you want to vent, you just let them have it. They let you have it. You have a good talk.

All right, great. And then you're like, all right, I'm going to go. Now it's like these people are alone and angry and they're just doing it. And it's like, it's almost a relief. They know that it's not changing the world.

They know that that's not Elon Musk putting that shit out. Right? So they're going to get a hundred people. This next generation is going to, they're venting to their friends about some stranger responding to what they thought and said.

So it's like, you won't believe what this fucking guy said about this dumb shit that I said. It's like, dude, you are three rungs down from me giving a fuck at all. Not alone three steps of strangers that like, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? And it's like, dude, get into model trains

or like fucking building a rocket or something. You should have seen this guy we got we went we got to chicago two days ago i was on my phone for a fucking hot second answering a text he goes pick your head up look at all these bridges the fucking guy he loves that you don't know christian swell but he bridges and boats and trains. Oh, you're one of those. He's a little autistic. He'll take apart the fucking toaster if you don't pay attention. He's never talked to me like that before. He was like, pick your head up.

Look at this. Oh, that's fucking weird. Dude, we're turning on to that main drag where there's all those bridges and a beautiful river. It was a beautiful day. It was a beautiful day. No, you know what? He's a guy that enjoys- He's texting. It's like, dude, we're in Chicago. Yeah, you enjoy your surroundings beautiful day. He's texting. He's a guy that enjoys Chicago.

You enjoy your surroundings, man. That's fucking great, man. Yeah, it's all an unhealthy thing, man. Do you want to get political? I still think that this is my opinion about the mask wearers. Is anything funnier than somebody goes, do you want to get political?

And then they dive into it without an answer. Do you guys want to get political? Here's what I think about these mask wearers. You guys want to see my nuts? Look at this thing on my dick. No, no, nobody. No, I went to. You're not looking.

I went to vote today. And it's so funny when you want to see who votes because going to what you said, you could just see. I could look at somebody's fucking mask. And it wasn't like a normal mask. They wanted to make up. There was like four rubber bands around. Like it was just a fucking mask.

Like they wanted it secure. I'm like, dude, you didn't wear that in the height of people. I go, you can't even breathe in that fuck. We get it, dude. You're voting for that. You're fucking guys wearing the man, like the fucking screen over top of the man still. No fucking way.

Dude, that's what they should do with gun control. You know what they should do? I'm doing a bit about this. I'm serious. I'm actually, I'm serious about this. Since there's not any laws right now, you should just, when you, without knowing though, right?

The person buying doesn't know, but you should just be called in a room and just fucking have, be assessed by how you look, right? You just look at their shoes, you look at their outfit and you're just like, no. You got a tattoo on your neck? No. You see a guy with a fucking button down, be like, all right, we'll give you a shot.

100%. 100%. That's like the first line of defense. It depends on the button down. It depends on the button down. If it's from Kohl's. If it's a Carhartt. If it's a Carhartt button down.

If it's one Kohl's. If it's a car heart. If it's a car heart button down. If it's one of those Van Heusens that has the tie already in the packaging. You're not getting the gun, dude. That's funny. You're going to kill your boss and your wife. You're going to get two bullets. Only.

One of the rest. Yeah, I'm going to do something about that on stage. Like, look at their shoes. Yeah. Look at their, you know. It's true. They have their Velcro. stage. Like look at their shoes. Look at their, you know. It's true. They have their Velcro. Like Crocs or like boots.

You'll be like, ah, you know. But it is an identity thing and it's just like politics and religion. They want you to know. They wanna convert you. They want, because they get a sense of realness. I think it's like younger people, what Twitter and social media is and Instagram

and all the likes and the release of endorphins and serotonin, when they get a like and a follow and all that shit, older people that didn't have that, I think follow the politics line or the mask line, the mandates, the, these, these ideals about religion. Let me, let me tell you about God. And like, it depends on what, what area of the world you're in, but that's the release every day talking about something, what he says about this so you said yes just getting some form of reaction because their their sense of worth i think is a little less and they don't

have a value to any other thing in life so i agree with that fills this void yep oh yeah within their personality and their life they don't have anything they need it. But that's the problem is you sit at home planning arguments. Yeah. And also regurgitating information. And then you leave the house and you're just like, somebody fucking say something. You know what I mean? It's like one of the M&M's. I want a three documentaries to you, dude.

Call me out on World War II. Give me a fact about Poland right fucking now. You know, yeah. And some people will take information and they want you to know they know. Yeah, be like in an uber and they'll be like so you know about leon trotsky no but you do so go ahead enlighten me because they yeah they plan they go out with dude there are times and i learned i haven't done any political posts on social media for seven or eight years yeah and it's been one of the greatest because, dude, I would sit there and I would, somebody would say something,

dude, I would argue with a dude from fucking Arizona or argue with a dude from fucking, you know, Jersey while my kids are like,

Daddy, can I have something? And I'm like, hold on. I remember my daughter was like, can I have something to drink? I go, hold on a second.

And I just started fucking. This guy's about to get really angry. And I'm like, she's past that. She's weak. Hold on, I'm talking to this guy from Ghana about something. to get a guy i never met guy never want to meet but i just had to make sure and i and ever since then dude i just absolutely stopped there are times where i see something and i and i have a good point like i know i could fucking eviscerate somebody like i could fucking i can take their

point again but then what's it going to do? Then they're going to either screenshot and go, oh, well, I guess comedian Paul Ruddy thinks like that. And then all of a sudden, now I'm arguing with people. I don't need that, dude. You know what I mean? It's like, I'm trying to fucking live my life. It's so hard, though. But it's hard.

It's really hard. Especially when you know that you're right and you know somebody is out of their fucking mind. When somebody's out of their mind and adamant about something being right, that's when I can't handle it. I'm like, dude, you're out of your fucking,. When somebody's out of their mind and adamant about being something, being right, that's when I can't handle it. Oh, dude. I'm like, dude, you're out of your fucking, you're fucking mentally ill. I walked away from a fight during quarantine

and it was still to this day the most embarrassing yet the proudest moment of my life on Steinway. Yeah. Me and my ex were walking past this couple and this guy said something. He was with this girl.

It's like older, like Latino dude. Yeah. And he's like, like this and this guy said something, he was with this girl, this older Latino dude, and he's like, "'Like this, pussy." He said something like that, and granted, I was drunk, but I took it personal. You were drunk? Yeah, so I turn around, and I walked right up to his face. I was like, what the fuck did you say? And he was like, I ain't say nothing.

I said, naughty. And I was like, no, no, I fucking heard you. What did you say? And I thought he was like he's trying to jump me and i got like really viscerally angry and then she was like come on don't don't and then that chick started yapping and in that moment i was like just hit him because i was like dealing with so much pressure and stress from all the bull everybody was but i was like this is this is my moment. Yeah. And I have a reason.

And I lied. Take your mask off and put it in your pocket. I put my New Yorker bag down. Dude, I thought that was gonna take a turn where you're like, and then I hit her. I told you not to call me baby if I'm Latinos. No, but like, to you, Paul, that's all i felt was like the comments thing it's like i felt so proud of myself to be like yeah it's not worth it people are it's not fucking people are on edge

and everybody's worried about everyone's worried about money and what's next and all those different things dude and all of a sudden you hear that and you're like but yeah it's like you're not you you have so much more to lose than that dude and it's like for what well maybe not he's a ceo of a fucking license expired license from a state i don't live in i'm doing a podcast on a rip couch i feel like he had more to lose that's why you hit him first oh that's fucking he's fucking way to fucking out like this No, man, you got everything going for you you got so much shoes like I know Yeah Fucking that. I need this. Have you seen my apartment? Yeah. That's fucking great. I got to do a read.

Oh, okay. What time are we at right now? 8.50. All right, perfect. What do you do? Two hours? Yeah. Nice.

You can do whatever you want. No, I'm good. Oh, hell yeah. You can stick around for the page. For what? The Patreon. We do like an hour, a public hour, and then an hour for the Patreon. I'll stick around for all of it.

Oh, sick, dude. You want to promote something? Yeah. Yeah album right yeah nocturnal emissions my special on uh netflix yeah yeah when you want me to do it now do it right now i'm gonna learn this read oh okay uh yeah we haven't figured out how to do a podcast this is the first episode this is fucking hilarious i mean i don't know if you guys are throwing lines away you're just like dude you want to do you want to promote something are you gonna edit this we're not cutting it it's fucking hilarious do you do you boo oh people appreciate the fucking role

zero professionalism no i love it man so you know what i love about it it's so east coast and what i grew up with and it's like it's the best but uh no man the special is doing well man it was globally trending it's called nocturnal admissions it's on netflix right now it's doing great uh i got two podcasts the versi effect anything better i co-host with bill burr we do football picks for bed mgm and uh yeah this when does this come out this podcast this will be out tomorrow oh nice you got fans in well yeah shit you got a lot of fans in Philly, Jersey I'm gonna be at

the gorgeous New Brunswick I'll be at oh hell yeah Stress yeah I'll be at the Stress Factory this Thursday Friday, Saturday

it's my birthday weekend come hang two shows Friday two shows Saturday one Thursday come out and yeah man go to paulverzi.com

for all of their dates you have your age out there in the wiki can I ask how old you are no you could you could do you want tell me if my my birthday my birthday is coming up what is how old you think I am I'm November 21st oh shit I'm November 11th oh yeah yeah yeah score Scorpio how long you been here I've been in New York this like eight nine years so you used to do a show at the philly punchline yes dad no philly helium yeah with with keever and that's how i first met you and you would play those sketches you play those

sketches that was the first version of gillian keys john and i used to do a sketch show called bird text i remember that and dear i remember that we i was on one of the helium shows and you guys played the video i think sean quinn was on that show quinn was on the show yes to hang out with us a bunch shit dude yeah that was that was probably 11 years ago 10 years ago so you moved like a year after that here i think i moved here in 2013 yeah 2014 because i started 2012 and i think you just yeah we only met each other like once or twice for a couple years what in philly yeah oh he was the next generation underneath me mckeever yeah okay yeah mckeever's great he's the man dude i'm gonna see him this weekend he's coming up for shane shane's doing town hall this weekend

oh for the uh yeah festival nice yeah nice yeah no mckeever uh mckeever's great i missed him recently he was gonna come and stop by and see me at the punchline in philly but i guess uh he couldn't make it but i was with uh your boy brian six dude who is yeah we were just with him for the last week with him all weekend dude yeah holy christ i took him to a cigar lounge and it was like a high end it was like a high end i took him to like a high end like like and it was just up there and i go do it you know and i love the way he talks i go dude what's the guy he goes i don go, dude, what's the guy? He goes, I don't know, dude. He goes, I don't know.

I don't fucking know, dude. Fucking Dutch master. Fucking blunt. I don't know, dude. I'm fucking, oh, dude, the shit that he talks and says. But we had a really great time. Yeah, once you get past the water on his brain, it's fucking nice. This holiday season, I'll be giving thanks to our friends over at Manscaped.

Nice. Pretty good start. Yeah. Yeah. We met the dudes at Manscaped. Nice. Pretty good start. Yeah. Yeah. We met the dudes at Manscaped at Skank Fest. That was a smooth transition. You like that? I got Manscaped. I know them. You fuck with them. I got the fucking lawnmower 4.0. People are going to think we set these guys up for this stuff. I know. Because it's coming up. Manscaped is making sure you have everything you need to stay fresh below the equator. But here's the thing about Manscaped.

I thought he was going to say. Here's the thing about politics. I'll tell you what's wrong with this country. The Manscaped 4.0, which is fantastic because you can't clip your nutsack or anything. But the thing is, there's a light on it. And I was just thinking, who's shaving their dick in the dark? Like, there's a light on it that's bright. And I'm like, and I'm going. Wait, it works? I don't know. it could be for the gooch oh you can't see under there you gotta be a fucking lunatic to spread your cheeks and I'm fucking look

back What you got, a wife or a friend? If anyone's doing it, it's him. First of all, I read it online under a comment. A YouTube clip shows you. Well, maybe they're looking for other things, you know? Dude, he doesn't fade up to his chest at all, dude. I'm sorry, go ahead. Anyway, what's the wildest shit you did with like fucking, what's the biggest mistake you made with shaving? Because I have one.

The biggest mistake I made with shaving because i have one the biggest mistake i made was that well the biggest mistake i made with shaving is way before any of this fucking tech i'm talking like yeah yeah high school shit yeah you're like i'm talking about like yeah like i'm talking i i just disposable i just and and i just clipped it dude i didn't even real like i didn't even realize like the damage i just thought since it had a guard and it was for your face i could dude yeah it was but your face, I could, dude. Yeah. It was, but no, the biggest.

It bleeds for like a week. Oh yeah. The fucking, when you, when you nick a fucking, a bird, it fucking, it squirts and bleeds for, for a long time. Oh, but another one mistake is my buddy. You can't just put a piece of tissue on it like your dad's neck before work. You can't just clog it. It fucking, it's so.

My buddy had done that. I've so- I haven't done that. I've spotted it up there. Oh yeah. Look at dad going for his boy collar job. But it's just your dick. Fucking need a blood spatter expert. I had a buddy in high school- That's a great commercial for Mainscape.

It's just a penis shaving and then nicking himself like, ah, and it just looks like, and then you just see fucking splatter on the wall. He's got a piece of toilet paper underneath the head. Is this fucking forensic files or he got shit in his dick? Um, no, my buddy had icy hot in high school and he just, he dared me to put it on my balls. Oh no. And I did. And dude, it was fucking hell problem it was hell it was probably a good 25 minutes of like a feeling that i just i actually thought i might hurt myself for like dude right right because i'm just like you know you know when you're an asshole and junior or

senior in high school give me that shit dude you want your friends to go he's funny you know that's why we tell dick jokes in malls right that's why you know and i did it and i'm like this is nothing and dude that fucking cold icy hot feeling hit my sack, dude. And I just started going, no, dude, it's not funny. And then they started laughing and I'm laying down and I was like, what am I doing, dude? Yeah. It's like eating a ghost pepper. You're like, this is going to be cool.

Yeah. And then you eat it and then shit settles. You're like, oh, I'm sick. I'm sick and it's not funny. Everybody just get the fuck out of the room. It's funny how it just goes from not funny to you and way funnier for everybody else Phil right into the trap

I'm sorry I meant to interrupt you Manscaped premium package 4.0 has it all the lawn mower 4.0 body trimmer weed whacker nose and ear hair trimming is a fucking that's a problem I'm Greek and Sicilian so it starts to yeah

it's not like full. You got a hairy back? It's not like full bush. I shave, I shave the, I use the man groomer. Everything, yeah. You use a man groomer? Wait, wait, what do you put the trimmer on? A fucking clothesline?

No, dude, the man groomer. You never saw the man groomer? Who does it for you? Me. It's a fucking, dude, it's crazy. Wait, wait, wait, you said what? There's a product called the man groomer. The man groomer.

It's got a, and it's got a fucking, dude, it's hilarious. It's got an extender and it's got, actually, wait. Say what? There's a product called the man groomer. The man groomer. It's got a, it's, and it's got a fucking dude. It's hilarious. It's got an extender and it's got actually now the new one is got a higher motor. Like a brush. Yeah. Like a back brush. And, and yeah. And now the new one, the head of it's got a motor and a bigger thing.

So you could get like, it's like fucking quick. Like cutting a lawn. Like cutting a lawn. Quick. Keep pulling cord. And then, and then you take the head. It comes with a chainsaw on the side. No. Cut off all the chainsaw on the side. No.

You got to get a fucking Home Depot to put it. No, so. It's just got a dual belt on it. If you order now, we'll give you two handles for 3.99. You get a buzzsaw table with three payments of $24.95. No, dude, it works really good. And then you could take the head off of the shaver thing and then get down to like any little stubble. Wow.

That's crazy. You got to do that for like a beach or pool, dude. You can't. What are you, Italian, right? Yeah, yeah. But I get like going down like, you know, all my nieces and nephew and I had it too. Like little wops, baby wops have like, they got a trail. They call it a trail.

Goes from your forehead to your asshole, basically. It's a striped zebra all the way to your fucking butt. Once you hit your forties and you're hairy, dude, you look like a fucking. That's unbelievable. Dude, I had a friend look at me once when I was fully hairy. Like, dude, I don't know if I should shoot you or not. Damn, imagine shooting your fucking, your most Italian friend.

You're like, dude, I'm not in his head. That's my buddy Paul. I couldn't fucking, I had a juvenile Sasquatch in my fucking living room. Look at the ear hair on your face. It's like a 12 point buck. Damn. How much did you pay in that reserve for this? 10 point walk.

No, but dude, there's hairy and then you got a YouTube. Dude, you got a YouTube videos of fucking hairy. Because me or you, me or you, they'd look at us amateur hour. A hundred percent. There are some dudes that really look like a fucking, like a prime, like a mammal that's fucking beyond mammal. Yeah, there's dudes that walk around. Larry got blown down at the fucking bar last night. We've seen a dude walk around and his shirt's

literally sitting just like off his body. It's like an inch off. Oh shit, dude. Oh fuck. like all this body anyway they're waterproof to my girls gonna walk back I'm like, Verzi was here earlier. Like a fucking pet Labrador was chilling on the podcast. Oh shit. Who'd you have on here, a black bear? No, Verzi was over here. I chewed down the fucking microphone. You got to throw me a treat every 15 minutes?

Sorry. Sit and be good. Oh shit. Get 20% off of free shipping with code stuffisland at manscaped.com.. Get 20% off of free shipping with code STUFFILAND at MANSCAPED.COM. That's 20% off of free shipping with code STUFFILAND. One word. STUFFILAND. S-T-U-F-F-I-S-L-A-N-D at MANSCAPED.COM.

Be thankful this holiday season for the best gift of all from MANSCAPED. Your balls will thank you. Also, I do want to give a shout out to the guys at MANSCAPED. They're fucking great. They came to Skank Fest. They came to our shows. One dude looks like a lion. It's un-fucking-real.

I couldn't stop looking at him. I was like, dude, you look like a legitimate lion. That's probably why they got the idea from us. What? He does look like a Thundercat. Remember Thundercats? Thunder, thunder, Thundercats. Bwubwubwubwubwub. Whatever the fuck it was.

Yeah, it's like remarkable. They're two handsome younger dudes. Gunner cats hoe, dude. Yeah, they're hot dudes. What do you think about the dudes that go to the beach and don't give a fuck about taking it off? I kind of like it and I'll tell you this right now.

It's like there's a freedom to it. Like where the guy's just like, I'm taking it off. I don't give a fuck what I look like. There's a freedom to it. But then at the same time, it's kind of like, I don't want to look at it.

Like my kids are around and shit. True. Save this. Because I want to piss and I want to talk about this, it's kind of like, I don't want to look at it. Like my kids are around and shit. True. Save this. Because I want to piss and I want to talk about this because it's changed my life. What a cliffhanger. What a cliffhanger. I'm glad I brought a topic up that changed your life. Just hairy dudes on the beach.

You don't know what I mean. Hairy dudes on the beach. He goes, stop this. Stop this right now. This is my life.