Stuff Island - Stuff Island #54 - acqua di gio w/ Jeremiah Watkins

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

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Calvin Klein models a producer over here He's so fucking hot dude What is going on? He pegged you What is going on? His brother was a model No way Yes

Dude His brother walked the catwalk His brother did walk the catwalk Whoa Yeah Dude Absolutely Did you ever walk a catwalk?

Dude I'm 5'10 You don't walk the catwalk Did you ever walk the catwalk? What? Did you ever'10". You don't walk a catwalk. Did you ever walk a catwalk? Really? I see something to question. Did you ever walk a catwalk? Have you ever walked a catwalk? Yeah.

You're gay. Dude, honestly. Is your brother hot? Like hotter than you? He's got a little, put a little weight on. But yeah, no, I mean, Saint Laurent picked him. Yeah, Saint Laurent. Yeah, that's pretty good.

Saint Laurent, dude. Saint Laurent. Saint Laurent. Saint Laurent. Saint Laurent. What do they focus on mostly? Probably his fat Irish lips. No, no.

Dude, because that's all I'm staring at. Dude, his lips are unbelievable. No, I mean product-wise. Can I take a laugh in those? Isn't that crazy, dude? Yeah. Most white people have asshole lips like us. Yeah, it's true.

These are fat fucking Latina lips. Oh, man. What would you do to that? What would you do to that mouth? What would you do to that mouth? What would you do to that mouth? I would teabag him so good. Jesus Christ. Yeah, just steep it in there.

Oh my God. So when you see lips like that, your first thing is, I want my penis in there. I want balls. Only balls. Yeah. The penis is for my wife.

Dude. It's not gay. You only get one. It's not gay. Yeah, yeah. Also, I love this because we're gonna hold on

we're jumping right in Chris has long balls like a horse dude me too no shut up that's not the point dude dude get this that is the point

my penis my penis is a grower but my balls are showers true yeah true I'm always cold up top but warm on the bottom

I'm all meat no potatoes no potatoes right now it's good to have a big bag hold on you can slap I'm true. I'm always cold up top, but warm on the bottom. I'm all meat, no potatoes. No potatoes right now. It's good to have a big bag. Hold on. You can slap. Chris, I'm trying to be. It does make that noise.

It makes that noise. Dude. And ladies love it when their butthole's getting a little action. You know, a little tickle, tickle, whack. Yeah. They'd have to be missionary with their legs behind her head for my nuts to touch her ass. And I'd have to put my finger beneath my nuts to go, there it is. There it is.

Yeah, I've been telling Tom, like, your balls sit on your ground. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. If I sit too fast, too hard, I'm going to catch a little bit of a ball. Damn. That's a gift, dude. Yeah.

That's a gift. I do want to get back to the fact. Yeah, no, I had a point to it. Okay. Yeah, sure. What was the point? I don't know. What were we talking about?

No, you know what? Yves Saint Laurent. We were talking about his fat lips. Saint Laurent. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah.

We were talking about the mouth party with the nuts. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, like. Yeah. Yeah, so like yeah Yeah, so you're gonna be my plus one Just like the idea of going home to your wife and be like baby you had to see this guy's yeah My penis is still for you

No, so I understand My penis is still for you Weird nuts But look at his lips My balls are soaked I understand Dick's soft cause I drank too much But my nuts are drenched His lip's so moist It looks like a St. Bernard got a hole You mean a St. Bernard Point is You fucking weirdos You mean I say it, but not. That's how I want it.

Point is, you fucking weirdos, I'm very interested in the testicle play. Testicle. No, honestly, it's very interesting to me, but I have to like. Do you ever pee on your balls? I like how academic you're saying it. No, I want to say this. Yeah, me neither, dude. I'm very fucking insecure about it. You guys are playing around. What, you're saying it. No, I want to say this. Yeah, me neither, dude. I'm very fucking insecure about it. You guys are playing around.

What, you're insecure about ball play? Yeah, because I don't have fucking nuts. Very high nuts. So I have to like push them down. Your nuts are receiving. So if a girl, you know, if a girl, like a dog scratching at the back door going, I want to come in. It's raining.

Yeah. If she's around my nookies, I i gotta push them down and be like no try these i like it like a soft dick fucking porn star like strangling it from the base to get the blood flow up but harden it but it's still hard or still soft and not you know it's embarrassing so i gotta push my nuts so i'm like lick them no my balls have dynamic my balls have dynamic range i'm so sorry thanks so much for stopping by it's so good to be here thank you so much thank you so much yeah no my balls my balls when i'm fucking go up yes everybody's nuts too they go way up my nuts are like before the point where if we move positions too quick and they're on top i can get smushed my balls can get smushed they go up into my like

yeah oh really yeah they go way up there my nuts come out my fucking ears hold on hold on i'm getting a call she thinks it's a bitch She's like you're so funny No seriously slow down Yeah please stop sitting there Oh man My dad said that This is gonna be nuts He's gonna kill himself He's gonna be great if it's such a switch

My dad told me he hates my mom Yeah he hates me But how are you guys doing No no he said that uh he had chalk all over we i was playing pool with my dad last week he came to see a show of mine in st louis he drove from kansas city and we were playing pool and he had baby powder all over his hand because it helps the and uh he got it all he was wearing all black and he got it all over his black pants and his black shirt i'm like dad you got baby powder all over you like he goes it's okay women like the smell of baby powder and i was like what does that mean he goes they love babies

that is so good it is at your age knowing your father still like thinks that way. That's a big fucking deal. He's a horn dog, dude. Yeah. So I told him, I said, so when you get blown, do you have like, it's like you're being chained. Your legs go up behind your head. Every night before he fucks, he does like the LeBron thing he just jumps up on the bed and he's like

the hooker's like that's another half hour there's a cleaning fee now I like the fact that he went out in all black knowing he was gonna hit the powder. Oh yeah, for sure. Damn. For sure.

Yeah, he knew what he was doing. What is your background? Were you Irish, Polish? Irish, German, European, Mutt. Yeah. Yeah, the British, the yeah, all that stuff. Yeah, you look like you're- Yeah, primarily Irish and German.

Nice. Yeah. Okay. Before you, I was like, you look like a piece of crap. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm the same thing. I'm Irish, German, and then I'm Irish. I'm Irish, German, and then I'm Irish.

I'm Irish, German, and then I'm Irish. I'm Irish, German, and then I'm Irish. I'm Irish, German, and then I'm Irish. I'm Irish, German, and then I'm Irish. I'm Irish, German, and German. Nice. Yeah. Before you, I was like, you look like a piece of crap. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm the same thing. I'm Irish, German, and Italian. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You look like you stole your nose from my beak bulb. Oh, dude. I know. Your beak is unbelievable. You know the first time I met you was in- Montana. Montana. Big Sky.

Big Sky. Yeah. Yeah. And never forget it i know yeah 2015 13 15 was it 15 oh yeah yeah yeah you i wanted 13 yes and then like when you came when you came to do it i was like this guy won that's so cool i hate life no i was in a, the swagger had to be in full effect. No, it was the opposite, dude. Yeah, because I remember being with who's a very funny black comic

who should have won. Chris Rock? No, at Big Sky. Lost to Dolce Sloan. Male. Oh, I don't know. Preacher. Preacher lost.

That wasn't my year. Preacher was a different year than me. Okay, it might have been the year before you or the year after. Yeah, yeah. But he was talking to me and he was like, man, you won. That must be crazy. And I was like, I hate this. Because I was just sitting fucking, I was in a terrible zone.

He's like, what? He's like, huh? Yeah, he's like, you don't respect this? I was like, no, I respect it. I fucking hate it. You want to go to the bar? And he's like, I don't drink. And I was like, well, I hate this.

I hate all this. What am to go to the bar? He's like, I don't drink. And I was like, well, I hate this. I hate all this. What am I supposed to do? Pretend? Is he good drinking in Montana? That's what they do. That's all they do. That's what they major. Yeah.

That is the major. Yeah, it's the major. Call it. What's the landscape like? You major in whiskey, you minor in cocaine. Meth, actually. Oh, yeah. It's got to be heavy meth out there.

Dude, it's nuts. You know, this has been bothering me i know i've never been offered heroin i've never been offered crack this is bothering you yeah because you think you you give off those vibes of like no why is no one asking me i know that i give am i not a fun guy i mean what's on here? I'll shoot up with somebody in the train. I mean, it's not like I'm, you know,

it's not like. I'll fall asleep from Trenton to Washington. I'm out there. I'm out there in the streets. I'm hanging around there. Do well. No one wants it. Is it?

I do have cop energy. Yes. Yeah. A hundred percent. Dude, if you put on. you've cop face, cop posture,

cop energy. You got a cop palate. For real. Yes, dude. You are... Holy shit. I was starting to question everything. Yeah, I thought he was going to pat me down when I walked in.

Just a wand. Yeah, I'm like... No, it bums me out because everyone's getting addicted to this stuff. I've never been offered it. Yeah. How am I supposed to get addicted if you're not even giving it to me every every time i gotta turn on the news it's an epidemic you're like really i haven't been offered it once how can it be an epidemic i'm out there i'm looking for your only epidemic is not being wanted enough to get entrenched in drugs and suicide. That rules. I know a guy.

Oh, yeah? Buying t-shirts? What do you think, what could you get right now if we were to text somebody? Oh. Like in your phone book. The highest level.

In your phone book, what's the most? Yeah, your access. Right, right, right. Not in your phone book, but let's extend it to like, because I have to. I'm dating myself. Why did I say phone book? No, no, no. No, you're, but let's extend it to like, because I have to. I'm dating myself.

Why did I say phone book? No, no, no. No, no, you're not wrong. You're telling me I pull out the Rolodex. I got just my Rolodex. Get the yellow pages, kid. Yeah, but the dangerous people, they come from like, you have to go to like, my dogs, like the dudes that I would call on to be like, yo, we got to, I hate to say this, but

like, if there was like a big fighter like i want someone to fuck this dude up and i can't put my hands on i have to go to facebook because those people don't they're not in the realm of like active social media right the animals the true street animals facebook is everything they have they don't do twitter or instagram right facebook is where all the fucking you know the drunk ants go oh yeah and all the street animals like yeah i always want to know where donnie was hanging out they know they know i have three dudes that i could call in a heartbeat to get anything literally anything anything but i have to travel across state lines. I could get a gun in five hours. You think so?

I think so. Wow. I think so. I'm talking shit right now. Dude, that's better than Amazon. But I true. Yeah, it is. I have heard a cologne at a high volume.

It's taken five days. And I'm upset. I spent a lot of money on this latest cologne. You got a new cologne? I thought you were on Sauvage. Don't worry about it. You run out on this latest cologne you got a new clone i thought you were on savage don't worry about it you run out of no i'm dude i'm fucking what's the new one different savage is johnny depp's one where he like he's playing like jimmy hendrix once i found that out i started searching for other scents i didn't know do you like clones a maniac cokehead sociopath probably knows how to smell good in a in an environment where he

shouldn't belong so i didn't understand cologne until i was a bar back in a bar unrealized how much people fart oh wait what yeah that was that was not where i thought you were going nobody thank god there's other people no dudes are wearing cologne dudes are wearing cologne to bars to cover up farts that's a hundred percent what they're the guys that you're smelling that are wearing cologne are not farting they care about themselves yeah then they care about the fucking meat wagons that are bopping around because they threw hot dogs. It's camouflage. It's fart camouflage. Wait, you don't put your cologne on like this?

Dude, it masks it, bro. You put it on up here so that when the fart comes out, it goes to war with the fart. Here's what you got to do. You got to spend, your cologne budget would be enormous. And I'll tell you why. You have to spread the the front of your nuts the back of your nuts and both sides of your nuts you're it's gonna it's gonna go quick it's very expensive yeah i know that's uncut, right? What is that? Yeah. Et de tolais. Wait, you know?

Et de tolais. Et de tolais. Et de tolais. That's pure. Yeah, Burke knows French. He's married to one. Et de tolais. Isn't that, that's like uncut cologne and perfume, right?

Et de tolais. And then parfum. Parfum. Is a lesson version of that. And then, dude, guys. Wait, do you actually put cologne on? There's no way!

There's no way. You can't. No one in Kansas, no one from Kansas City is wearing cologne. What are you talking about? He'd be a general, he'd be a general in a second, dude. Yeah.

You know how to become the mayor of Kansas City and just spray Jakarta orange? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's this guy? Dude, this guy has style. He's a businessman.

You want my property? This guy, this guy smells different and I like it. Take my wife, please. Now, Kansas City is degree, right? deodorant degree or old spice they old spice but not the new old spice in kansas city there's probably a lot of

old spice yeah i don't like old spice rebranding there's no sovage there's no sovage in kansas city there's no cocaine in this no there is cocaine i cocaine in here. I missed. It's not cocaine. It's drywall. It's Red Bull. It's Red Bull over drywall dried up. And that's it. In a cold, desolate environment. It's the hybrid of Red Bull. Anyway, shout out Kansas City.

Shout out. Let's all kill ourselves. Let's go. Do you feel connected? Let's go, dude. Do you feel connected to your Kansasansas city roots still or do you feel like you're all la now uh i still feel connected uh but i've spent so much time in la now that like you're wearing so much yeah exactly i've changed a little bit since moving to la

there's a problem my family doesn't recognize my scent when I come home and visit I don't smell like alcohol and barbecue anymore it's a little bit different it's weird walking through the airport again see in a bathrobe sex is everything these days do oh yeah you know man that bomb yeah Kansas City Airport is there a Kansas city airport there is yeah what's it called it's interesting mci mci yeah say you think it'd be called kci but no no i like that yeah yeah make it yeah what what kci it's on the missouri side yeah but what's kci what airport is kci well kci it is it is mci it should be called KCI like Kansas City

International but it's Missouri's something international but it's still there's got to be a KCI being used by an airport what airport I don't think so really mm-hmm Kentucky Central I don't think I think that's kyi like kyi yeah you know what i mean yeah it's got him welcome back to airplane abbreviations where we really dive deep that's my fault into flights flight patterns flight routes i made a terrible joke in 9-11 this whole progress it's fucking it's just brutal no but there are some weird uh what if 9-11 was a scent oh i remember this is a good question this is a good question let's talk about it okay let's figure it out power wow represents no no no because it's obviously

smoky yeah yeah it's like musky kind of no someone has to have described scotch like jeremiah i'm not kidding you like this is i got in a first of all the guys that work it i'm not talking about like fucking low-end lower middle class mazies yeah you go into bloomingdales on fucking 57th these guys very cool these guys are fucking artists, right? So I got caught. I had the perfect amount of beers. I was on like beer three or four. I walked into Bloomingdale's. I'm like, I'm going to take a TT because I know all the secret bathrooms in the city.

Post quarantine. In the fashion district. There's only a few places. No. It's in. I know all the bathrooms exclusively I know where to go first of all I really do

I know all yes it's 5th Avenue by the park hi Tommy welcome back go shit in there and then leave I'm like no I'm looking for cologne just go dump you fucking idiot let me guess taco time with that again huh No, I'm looking for cologne. They're like, just go dump. Just go dump, you animal.

Let me guess. Taco time with that again, huh? Yeah. You got to cover up your fuck. Cologne. Dude, and I also have done that where you just walk through like a shitty mall and you're like, you just want to re-up. You know what I mean? Sure.

You walk through like, ooh, what's this? Grab some cards. Like it's not in your fucking. Rub them against your neck real quick. Like it's not in your bedroom or your, yeah. Yeah, I've done that dog shit. Really? Anyway, come up the escalator trying to get to to the bathroom at bloomingdale's and i'm greeted by the most you know

literally a man that the charm was off the charts insane really and he took me to like three other people both of them women both do you remember opening line how are I don't but you only tell you what my mind would say yeah how are you looking for sin today and he was gorgeous and I was like actually in that moment I was looking for a cent so I was like damn maybe I'm showing him something he knows you know I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna go to I'm going to fucking, I'm going to go to, I'm going to try some sense. And I was like, Creed, I've had Creed before.

He's like, let me. Let me take you higher. Yeah. I'll do more. News and news. that's exactly how the price point went i was like how much 100 he's like and it was what What happened was that... I agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do. It's all based on... But how good is it, really? Little man's a blind man, see?

Sway of professional. It's a charm. Anyway, also short. This is the charm. This is why the charm factor was to the roof. There's a pack of these fucking... These perfume maniacs all, you know, bopped around me and trying to like force me into buying a cologne. I'm like, I'm going to buy it.

We've been spending like 45 minutes. Yeah. And they're all like telling me about pheromones and like this one might work better for your skin type and this. And they're all smelling. I got a fucking, I got a Korean lady. I got a fucking Eastern European woman. And then this guy is like deep in my neck trying to fuck me. Yeah. He's spitting the cologne on me just beat me up going do you so i bought this cologne i get to the counter i'm like

i don't care what it is i'll buy it and he's like i was like how i was like wait wait wait what 1.7 ounces i think with taxes i've spent like 3 325 so i walked in with the perfect amount of beer and the perfect amount of wallet and the perfect amount of happiness yeah and i walked out and got in the wild and in the ass but it's a good set here's what happened before that experience i was i was set on never changing my scent i had a scent that this bartender who i was obsessed with when i was 26 years old she told me to go to this Burberry scent. Before that, it was all dog shit. And I was like, oh shit, this girl's trying to elevate me. Yeah.

And then I went that path for like 15 years. Yeah, the Burberry path. Until this gay South American man was like, we're going to change the course of your scent. And he did. God. And I'm different. And I have a new one coming in.

What is it? I'm not telling you why not because i don't want i don't say it you're worried about the backlash or you're worried about other people stealing your scent there it is yeah there it is dude and i said this before see that's have you ever thrown decoys at people hey that's good what are you doing no i don't do deco dude i thought about it. So I'll get shit on for things I wear on a podcast. Just bring your tiny bottles of toilet. I mix them. No, that's not me, actually.

Have you heard of Adidas? I'll get shit on for shit I wear. But then that's only like two comments in the in the on the youtube and then i'll get like five to ten private messages going yo where'd you get that shirt where'd you get this where'd you get that so now i'm kind of like who gets who gets the actual truth of like what is this yeah where did i get that code go to patreon.com yeah yeah why not it's a great idea

but not the scent the scent is that's pretty intimate yeah but you did someone I mean like that was kind of bothering me about the bartender no the bartender being like buy this scent she wants you to smell like some other dude yeah dude no no no no

she was a stylist. She was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? I hear you. I understand where you're coming from. She smelled a guy and. No, she probably smelled me like I was from the 50s.

It's like, why don't you come back into like, you know. You know what's weird now that I look back at it is my mom, when I lived back in Kansas, she would buy the same cologne for my dad, me, and my brother. Yeah. What? So that's emotional. So, no, that actually is. I know.

When I think about it, I'm like, oh, that's kind of weird. Wait, so you were wearing cologne in Kansas? Oh, yeah. Wait, was it the one from that old commercial? What was the old commercial? Cologne in Kansas is a suicide bomb. What was the old commercial? Cologne in Kansas is a suicide bomb. What was the old commercial? Just old ladies falling over.

With that guy and go like. Oh, Brut? Was it Brut? Yeah, probably Brut. I think it was Brut. Yeah. Were you wearing Brut? Uh-uh.

What were you wearing? Aqua de Gio. Gio. That was my fucking high school cologne. Dude. Yep. Or college cologne. I wore that in high school.

High school was my my was your car aqua the geo was because i'm older than you bro bro when i when i'm not kenya i used to slay i'll tell you right now frosted glass yes and silver cap yep exactly, exactly. And Aqua Di Gio was either in black or dark blue. This is fucking unbelievable. So here's how fucking white trash I am. I took Aqua Di Gio to a pregame before an Eagles game. I had it in my pocket. I gave it to my brother's best friend.

He dropped it. It broke. And I was so worked up, I tried to fight him. And me and my brother didn't talk for like months because aqua did you because of aqua do you but dude that was that's like dropping a fucking kilo of uncut coke yeah out of a boat right this cocksucker drops it in a fucking alley while we're smoking pounders a bush light and i was like i got upset and he's like it's fine it's cologne but it's not just cologne yeah that's my whole savings my scent yeah that's who i am as a person

yeah i've been cutting all over it cutting lawns for fucking months oh yeah to save dollars to get my own aqua geo it's very expensive yeah i got it for like Christmas. Yeah. Did you keep it a secret from your friends? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't, because you don't want to freaking, you don't want your other friends like smelling like you all of a sudden. Yes, dude.

Well, not that. I'm saying. I mean, dude, I want to smell like my brother and my dad from my mom. We want to keep it in the family, dude. I'm going to hand it down to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Out of respect dude you're on your death fence like you're like yeah check your friends wearing cologne and for you henry um i think some of my other friends maybe were but they we didn't really talk about it because i feel like that's

like that's when like back in high school like, I mean, I'm not asking another guy. Well, that was my fear. I remember, like, yeah, dude. But I used to get compliments from girls all the time with my Aqua DiGio. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Aqua DiGio. That's top two, dude.

Yeah. Yeah. You know another one? Ready for this? A flabbergast. Jean Paul Gaultier. It's the one that looked like a manne a mannequin was a man it was a mass of a man so it was like the arms cut off and then just went to his bulge in his bird small balls

mostly meat and then cut off cut off with the knees dark blue with the gold stripes. Jean-Paul Coutier. Coutier. And Acqua di Gio were the newest Jacquard. And all three of those scents got me HPV. Yeah. Beyond belief. That's all you need. Do you want to start a kit in the 90s, early 2000s? I don't know a single person in high school that wore a clone.

Really? Yeah. No way. Get out. Are we supposed cologne. Really? Yeah. No way. Get out. Are we supposed to be like, it's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. No way. Well, I mean, I didn't think it was crazy.

Now you're wearing cologne. That's insane. I can't believe that. I can't imagine you wearing cologne. You're bettering yourself. You're bettering yourself. Listen, I'm trying to get the smell of garbage. Dude, honestly.

How do you even apply it? well do you want to go first and how do you apply it you know what this is a great question you do a little on the i actually am not going to shit on this it's a very good question i will go first so do you want to go first you go first and i'll show you my technique right after. Okay. Number one. Cologne does not go on the clothing. Cologne goes directly on your skin. Cologne has to... This is unbelievable. It took me years.

This guy's speaking the truth over you. It took me years to figure this out. Because I would squirt directly on my turtleneck in 94. Yeah. Before to go on the fucking dance. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because I worried about what General would think about my fucking skin's tasting different.

Because I wanted to suck my neck. Yeah. As you get older, you realize your pheromones. This is why it's important to go to a true. The oils in your skin. Chemicalologist. It mixes with the oils in the skin. 100%. And helps. Yeah. Yeah. Get it out there. That's why you have's in your skin. The oil's in your skin. The oil's in your skin. The oil's in your skin. The oil's in your skin. The oil's in your skin. The oil's in your skin. The oil's in your skin. The oil's in your skin. It mixes with the oils in the skin. 100%.

And helps. Yeah. Yeah. Get it out there. That's why you have to find your scent. Your scent may be different. You ever smell just a regular woman, a regular skin of a woman or a man? Yeah, it smells great.

All right. Well, sometimes it doesn't. So, sometimes the scent of that person doesn't smell, it doesn't mesh, right? And you don't know why. Yeah. You know how some people just smell like waffles that's a good smell great that's a good smell that's a great smell you mix it with something else could be even better or way worse space waffles yeah waffles in space

that's an immediate moment dude waffles in. Do we talk about bath bombs for vaginas? Not yet, Chris. Hang in there, Bob. Jesus Christ. Are you taking notes? You want to know? Chapter two. Well, no.

Dude, that's a second level of Macy's. It's like, no. Bath bombs. And our vaginal bath bombs are right over here. The worst part about going... No, but it makes sense now. You know, the mixing with the skin oils thing. Yes, yes, yes.

So the application process is, number one... We're so conservative as a culture. It depends on... Yeah, women got to be able to go into Bloomingdale's, get their pussy smelled, and have someone hit them with the right scent. Don't you think? Chris, you asked a question.

You want to hear it? You want to hear the answer? Because I've done a lot of fucking research. It's taken so many broken relationships. I'm sorry. We just found a rich vein here. I know. Where the fuck did it start?

A pussy smeller sounds like an occupation at Bloomingdale's. And it looks like I would have that job. Right this way, my days. Your nose is like that thing you spray, that little wand you spray cologne on and you waft it. Yeah. Just wafting your nose. I'm getting notes of 1967.

A bit of honey. Lots of trash. Back backyard raccoon trash so here's what you do this is the truth backyard this is the truth yeah so you put on skin directly yes do one to two squirts you could put on your wrist you're not supposed to smear so people just like putting on lotion lotion they rub and smear it's like no you're supposed to gently rub and press into your pores okay with cologne it's a press into you yeah driving that sex juice directly into your pores right okay so when it comes to to wafting people that spray and then drive into it you're wasting it's a funny adjective i know well the price point is fuck you're wasting it yeah you're wasting it if you want to do anything spray directly into if you're gonna sink into the fibers of the clothes it does but it gets lost it gets lost and it also dies to

you you go around one person who smokes a cigarette it's done yes if i hung up this bar whatever it's literally done yeah if you're in the bar you fart it's time to he keeps you in this fart thing and eventually i'm gonna believe it it's 100 about covering up do you know my preparation i can't be convinced my preparation for frying chicken or meatballs or meat any any any style of cooking yeah you take the jackets off the hangers there you go the reason for it's going to bleed into the clothing it's going to affect everything yeah yeah you don't fucking spray cologne first of all do it right out of the shower as soon as you're dry when you're bare you're giving yourself to christ or allah yeah that's when you spray yourself when you're wet inshallah no dry oh yeah you wait for the the beads of sweat to go away yeah you give

you give a dude a fucking fresh squirt of Jean Paul Gaultier and how do you look at yourself in the mirror to Allah I get on my knees I do this really yes and I can't hear what why can't i hear that well from my bedroom yeah because it's not up to you you're not ready yet dude you got a lot to learn i'm so sorry what kind of prayers do you say when you put your phone on i just put both yeah i put one hand on both sides of the sink i look into the mirror i go you got this. Like that? Not as religious? It's a very Christian way to deal with it. It's about fucking passion.

Cologne choice is a passion. It's making a decision to embarrass the decision. It's making a decision. It's getting the decision. The cologne is just, you know, it's the pathway of life. All right? You don't choose the cologne, the cologne is just, you know, it's the best way of life. All right? You don't choose the cologne, the cologne chooses you.

Unfortunately, this is exactly correct. When I was 13 years old, aqua chose you. It popped up out of the ground. Yeah, dude. Dude, Jakar Noir threw a stick in my pants and I flipped over the bike. This is the one for me. You got bit by a radioactive cologne bottle. Give me your phone.

How do you apply? I apply like this. Sometimes I put on, if I know I'm out for a while, I'll overdo it a little bit at the beginning of the night so it'll last the rest of the night. Okay. So I'll put it on both. I go on one left wrist. Yeah. Right wrist.

Neck. Rub in. And then pits on the clothes. I like that. On the clothes. Okay. Over the clothes. I like that.

Over the clothes as a backup, as a fail safe. I like that. Just in case I'm working a little bit too hard yeah to be honest yeah if i really like a woman and i know things are going you spray it pretty good i choke the fuck out of her yeah i give her one back elbow i drag her up by her feet i take her sneaks off first so i can resell them no i fucking i'll do a i'll do a little squirtski right here yeah in there you understand yeah yeah yeah in the in the pocket in the pocket between the tits yeah you know hopefully yeah hopefully like a yeah like a rat chasing fucking raisins rats like raisins yeah rats like raisins? Yeah.

Yeah, rats like raisins. So they go here, behind the ear, neck, down the trail. Night, night. Zoo time. Now we're feeding the goats. You know what I'm saying? Now you're putting a quarter in a machine for some corn. And we're feeding goats.

I didn't know anything about fainting goats. Do you guys know about fainting goats? Fainting goats? It's hilarious. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen, dude. I never, I saw it today for the first time. There was a UPS driver. What do you mean? You've never

seen a fainting goat? I've never seen a fainting goat. And there was a video of a UPS driver trying to drop something off at like a farm and he accidentally hit the fence a little bit. A whole gaggle of fucking Vangos. Yeah, dude. It's like a dude getting knocked out. Dude, it is the funniest thing in the world.

What's funny is goats, they scream like men. They scream like adult men. Yeah, they go. Dude, I was on a fucking kit of watching goats scream. They sound like a guy in a goat costume, just yelling. And there's nothing

funnier. Nothing. Dude, I mean, that has to be the result of some type of inbreeding or something, right? Jews? What? I'm sorry. I'm saying the locking up. The locking up like that? No, no, no.

Let's not just move past that. What do you mean? What? What do you mean? Jews? What? You wanted to say something about the Jews. No, I didn't my coats

oh Jesus Christ dude oh man I thought you said Jews man Jeremiah I thought you said really good for you

to stop by he's like holy shit dude was that real yeah dude that was unbelievable if I get it going real hard wow you really

that came from your your throat not your nose yeah that's not always unbelievable i know holy fuck you want to suck it do you use it do you use it down there i I've used it before. Yeah. Getting in there. He's married. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I guess you can still. Jesus, that's all I meant.

Yeah. He's married. He's married. Give the kid a break. He's married. He can't possibly be sexually happy. Let him go. Yeah.

Is there structure in there? It's all bone. Really is all this this is if i get hit i gush blood it's happened a couple times i freak i would be the worst ufc literally one punch in the nose i'm like faucet waterworks when's the last time you got punched in the face uh the lot so the last time i got like hit the cologne wars yeah cologne wars 2005 i was auditioning to be an abercrombie and fish male model things took a turn for the worse yeah coals and clubs and lights i've been elbowed way more in the face than anything like through basketball and then uh and then one time at a a summer camp uh i got elbowed we were doing a bit out on the

baseball field uh and um i i thought that a friend long story short a friend was acting like he was punching me out and i was like oh and he told me he was only going to punch a couple times. He wound up for another one. And he hit the ground. And I thought the bit was done. And I literally popped my eyes up. And I leaned into his elbow coming straight down into my nose. I started gushing blood.

Crying uncontrollably. Because you know when you get hit up here. You just start waterworks. But I started going, it hurt so bad. T-shirt, covered in blood, concussion, had to go to the hospital. That was the last time I got like seriously hit in the nose. Yeah. And I was loopy.

I was literally loopy for like eight hours after that concussion. Cause I went to, I took a nap. I'm like, I'm tired. I gotta go to sleep. Oh, that's like the number one thing you can't do, right? You die if you go to sleep. Yeah. No, they literally were having trouble waking me up.

Yeah. Yeah. I felt that like, I guess they were like shaking me to wake me up. And then like a guy, one of the counselors was doing a sternum rub to me yeah i broke my nose once playing uh we're playing like the kind of like tag or whatever but if you got tagged you'd go into like jail oh yeah in the house yeah and to walk you to jail we put a baseball bat behind your back. And I was walking back to my house,

and we have like slate stairs in the front, and I tripped. And you couldn't block yourself. Couldn't put my hands out. And even worse, because it's like your hands just automatically go forward. So I literally like slammed my head into the stairs. I remember just everything,

just mayhem. Yeah. Right? And I remember, I remember like pounding on the door and my friends were inside like, you can't come in here. And I remember they like pulled the blind back and saw my face and were just like, ah! Just panicked. Yeah.

Went, got stitches, never got it fixed. Still can't breathe through my nose. Really? Yeah. It's terrible. Like, I can crack it, like, open. Oh. Yeah. Do you think, if you had to kill one of your parents, would it be your mom or dad?

Kill one of them? Yeah. Should I switch it up? I don't know. Hey, man. If I had to kill one of my parents. Mission accomplished. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I had to kill one of my parents accomplished yeah yeah if i had to kill one of my parents it's been switched oh man what a shitty yeah i don't think

i could kill my parent i think i'd kill myself first yeah really yeah in front of your parent that's worse i think that's worse yeah do you imagine being in that room where there's like whatever guy's forcing you to make that decision and your parents one of your parents is like why do you wait so long yeah probably there's got to be one of my parents is like jesus christ we've been asking you to do this for years that would be a bummer if you were like guys i'll kill myself and they're like yes yes no no no i was like an option c like i didn't really want to do it please come on actually you put the if you had to kill one of your parents who would you kill um i don't know that's why i see but uh i think i'd kill my

i'd kill my dad yeah yeah because i know he's he's deeper he could take it he could take it and he probably at this point he's like hey i can't stop by lowe's anymore and say hi to frank yeah you know if you killed your dad, your mom would understand. Yes. And she'd be happier. If you killed your mom, your dad would... My mom would love to... But are both of your parents still together, though? Yes. See? She would be fine.

Mine are divorced, so it adds another layer. There you go. So who do you kill? So here's the... Probably my dad. Yeah, probably. Do you think it's like a man thing? I think it's a man thing. So you think a woman would only kill the mother?

Or the woman would kill the father too? Okay, think of animals in the wild even. Yeah. To procreation. Who are they going to protect? Are they going to protect the mom or are they gonna protect the dad yeah right this is probably you're gonna kill the dad this is why the chinese are all fucked up because they're killing the the girl babies that's what i heard

yeah you know what i'm saying yeah man a logical person like let's get rid of all the men right you know i mean yeah there's too many dudes chasing two futures. Happy holidays. And a happy Hanukkah. Yeah. Yeah. You dink. You dink. It's going to be

a happy Hanukkah. Yeah, it's going to be eight days of Christmas. Tell you that. Hey, don't. We're doing okay. We're doing okay here. Hey, I like Hanukkah.

This is like eight days of Christmas. The most American thing to say. Do you have anything to plug, Bob? New Stand Up On The Spots on my YouTube. It's an improvised stand-up show. Comedians go up with no prepared material, ask the audience for suggestions,

and create stand-up on the spot. I got a bunch of episodes up with some of yours and my favorite comics. Just shot one at New new york comedy club on sunday that'll be coming out and then jeremiah wonders and scissor bros which i gotta get you guys on when you come back to l.a yeah absolutely yeah they're yeah absolutely stand up on the spot is a sick show i've seen it in l.a a couple times oh everyone seems to love it it's super fun it's super fun yeah this is improv yeah yeah people like throw ideas out and you fucking just try to

make a bit out of it yeah it's like it is one of those things that actually helps i feel like you like actually write shit so yeah no a lot of people get material out of it yeah yeah yeah yeah so you guys have fun you say stuff and then i'm like which parent would you kill and i ruin the entire right flow of the yeah yeah the whole show what's we got an ad we got to read? Jesus. You pulled it out. I did, but I didn't show you. You big ad energy right now.

I don't. We don't have to do it. We have to do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Jean-Paul Cudier. Come on. Dude, I'm'm gonna read this You want me to read it?

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Very impressive, dude. Very impressive. Give me my phone back. Dude, be a kid fucker. Yeah Very impressive, dude. Very impressive. Give me my phone back, you kid fucker. Yeah. Well, no. Apparently. Apparently you can't do that anymore with ExpressVPN. You can.

Stop. Stop. Stop. I don't know. Yeah. You can get. Stick it to John Wayne Gacy. What's the sickest thing you ever searched?

The sickest thing that I've ever searched? Yeah. Sorry, dude. No, I've gotten in there. what's the sickest thing you ever searched the sickest thing that i've ever searched yeah sorry dude uh no i've gotten in there i've gotten in there like you said i went i went through like a phase of like trying to find you know there's all those crazy people getting like their heads crushed by stones and shit you know those like crazy fucking oh they like the entire like a tire and light them on fire stuff like that yeah those fucking dark ass videos yeah worst video i ever saw that still haunts me to this day was uh you ever have a friend

back in the day they'd just be like hey look at this no context whatsoever and you're like i can't imagine i can't imagine that guy that's me right now uh there's just a an empty frame with a just a shot of a jar in the middle of the frame and you're just like okay there's a jar and then slowly you see a man's anus squat into frame and start to try to envelope the jar and then as he's but it breaks it breaks and then there's just blood that starts dripping out of the butthole and you hear him go oh no oh my god end of video i'm like that guy had to have died yeah that's straight to like yeah that's glass i mean it is crazy because that is a whole other like you get elbowed glass ass you don't do that you don't survive glass ass you can't go ass to glass you gotta go glass ass come on

I mean it is crazy cause that is a whole other like subsect of those like fucking gore videos is like dudes electrocuting their dicks or like cut

like flaying their dicks and shit it's just like what the fuck is that yeah the first if you're not doing suicide right after that

what's the plan cause you can only fillet your dick once that's not something you can do again right right after that, what's the plan? Because you can only fillet your dick once. That's not something you can do again. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? 1998. That can do... What?

1998. Yeah. I swear I got bit by the bug. The what? The Gore bug? Yeah. Watch the video. What was the gateway video?

It was a Russian soldier. Yeah soldier yeah killing a Chechen Rebel okay and he was hogtied and he pulled out a Rambo knife went through the trachea outward and this dude gargled like a pig in his own blood and we're watching it in his parents basement and i was like holy shit yeah that's insane that's insane also that was ogre so ogre's became livelyotic. Ah. So there's like levels to this shit. Oh, they keep like closing the sites down? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I think it is strangely healthy to watch a little bit of it. Yeah. Watch a little bit. This is what I say. Dude, I said this on stage. Just to see it and then don't watch it ever again. Do you know the funnest part of those type videos? Or like dudes getting crushed like, you know, waiting at an intersection.

And a car being like, you know, out of whack. The funnest part? Yeah, like a fucking Mitsubishi Gallant just fucking spinning, bopping some bitch like, you know, 40 feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun. Indians love walking on trains. Dude, but you're not supposed to keep watching. And grabbing live wires.

Indian dudes love train walking. Grab live wires. I don't think they love it. I think the trains are crowded and they have to get up there. Oh, true. True, true, true. I hope that becomes like a new stereotype that comics are doing 10 years from now. Like, and these Indians.

Keep grabbing the table. Come on. It's like you never learned. They don't got a dining car in there? Dude. Dude. That's how they get from place to place because there's so many people that need to move around. They don't have the infrastructure.

They got to sit up there. I understand. But we're having fun i'm not really trying to get to the bottom of it you gotta stop watching those videos you gotta take a break listen you gotta take a break it's not good for well maybe there's an element of like you know of realism and you you you understand there is the yeah but you spend too much time there it's like you go on vacation you have a nice time you get a little bit of sun you stay too long you get burnt yeah you get addicted to what daiquiris dude that was poetry yeah it's crazy dude you've been wearing cologne

because you're acting like a real idiot your fragrance you're wafting towards yeah you're power creaming onion yeah by wise you got you got some long ball bottle it up long ball energy no but you get you i think there's a power in in witnessing that's what i'm saying unadulterated. Watching a little bit of it to know how bad it can get in the world that can help. Maybe what I watch, like, I mean, it's not those videos, but I do like very gory horror films. I know it's not real, but like, I watch like all the Saw movies and the Hostel movies and stuff like that. I like those. I don't know why I like those. Yeah.

Okay. movies and stuff like that yeah i like those i don't know why i like those yeah okay so to this point i think there's a there's a an ability due to the availability right so there's an ability to to gain a tolerance to violence so let's say you're just a gore person for for videos or not videos for a film yeah the same thing can be said for if you're exposed to fighting and wild aggression in your upbringing yeah you have a higher tolerance to go all right well this i feel something when i watch this up video and then it continues going i need more that doesn't mean you're just going to kill somebody on the street out of nowhere. Not while.

With a butcher knife. You're getting close. Like the people there, because there's like a whole team of people that work at YouTube that have to like fucking flag videos and take them down. Like not. Well, they're doing a bad job. No, I'm talking about. Because I got, I got a bunch.

I got a bunch. I'm saying this is ruined. Mr. YouTube, give me a fucking email. Dude, i'll give you a heads up i'm talking about like the real fucked up shit that people just like post on youtube like and those people they do literally do tours like soldiers like they like only can do it for a couple months at a time yeah because it's so too it's too much on your eyes and yeah craziest shit yeah because people are uploading stuff all the time every second yeah yeah yeah around the world the darkest most fucked up crazy shit yeah and they gotta like find it and fucking take it down fast damn so do you think those guys in

those positions are like they love that shit right i yeah i'm sure that someone someone was like i'll do it like kind of the guy who works at the morgue is kind of yeah he's into yeah fucking dead bodies what are you talking about he cuts them open open drains them hi miss frederick yeah let me paint your lips i always knew you like rose. Try to run. Dude, if you're in like painting dead bodies, there's something deep there, right? Yeah, there's something wrong. You can't be

Morgatician. What do they call them? Morticians? You just call them Morgaticians? Did you think that was fun? I liked it. It added a little zhuzh to it. A jambal. You know. fun i liked it well then here we added a little zhuzh to it that i like that's what i'm saying a jam you know yeah a good to kill myself a little ham a little ham on it what i might do you see now yeah i mean I would I would hope that

If someone's gonna drain me When I die in a couple years Yeah Spray me with some First my wife drained me Real life What's going on here It's so sad

How real it is Do you think you can Fuck a dead body No It's a great question No it is. Do you think you can fuck a dead body? No. It's a great question. No. Well. No, the.

We're hitting tonight. No. Well. No. Come on. No is the short answer. Come on. Come on.

What if you heat it up? 12 hours of time. Yo. Microwave it? Yeah, you got a microwave. 35 seconds in the mic, dude. Yeah. Chef Mike. Wait, that's a. I didn't realize that that yeah yeah chef wait that's a i didn't realize

that that's a setting yeah it's a preset on there and dead bot cadaver what is it's between dead crush dead crush reheat that bitch that's your objection is it the heat yeah because i mean what if they were still hot that means you killed freezing cold though what it's freezing cold though what do you mean the body is freezing no no it's still warm they just died that means you killed them now how are you coming across a dead body that's still warm? Let's say you're in a foxhole. Have you heard of the lottery? Heard of it, Tommy?

It exists. Do you believe in miracles? Thank you. Thank you. Yes. Oh, yeah! Jesus Christ. Oh, that is a dream.

Yeah, you call the police, they're like, we're 30 minutes out. You're like, perfect. Take your time. 30 minutes, you said. I can name that tune in 20 minutes, Bob. No, I think you would. What if it was like... No, I think you would. What if it was like... What?

Jeremiah, I think you would. Yeah. I think you would. What if... Anyway, origami's weird, huh? Oh, man. No, I think... What if you're in a foxhole?

You're with the hottest chick ever. The hottest chick soldier next to you. Why would the hottest chick? Yeah. And she just got sniped. And there's a, you know, like a mortars on its way. Jesus. Yeah.

You can't get out. So your first thought is not to save your body, but to rape her. You can't get out. It was not rape if they're dead, man. The evidence is going to be exploding. It's to rape her. You can't get out. Well, the evidence is going to be exploding. It's not rape if they're dead. You're right, it's not consensual.

But you said the more... Everything's going to be bombed, so everything's going to be blown to smithereens. Oh, you mean DNA and evidence. Everything's blown. Oh my god. Investigators will be numb to why We're getting cans What?

What's that? Are you getting grunt? Why? This is a hypothetical This is a Buzzfeed bomb going Going right into our fucking tank I don't think so I think we're on pretty solid ground This is a classic

Would you fuck a dead body Hypothetically Real patriot talk I don't think so. I think we're on pretty solid ground. This is a classic. Okay. Classic. Would you fuck a dead body? Would you fuck a dead soldier? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? There's just a couple guys hanging out. Real patriot talk. Yeah. 100%, dude.

100%. Yeah, it's your last moments on earth. What are you going to do? So the mortar's coming midair. Yeah. And in this hypothetical, how long do you have? Because are you already hard in the foxhole? You know what I mean?

Because I think a lot of it would be just like the rest of your life is just like, come on. That would suck. That would suck. Trying to get it up. I need to have sex with this dead body. Come on. And then you're like, oh, no. That's your last words.

Come on. Just jerk it off. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. come on and then you're like oh no I guess your last words come on just jerk it off get up get up soft and dry and upset like I've also said

so gnarly my biggest fear and then it kind of misses you just get hit with some shrapnel and die and then you're like pants down

I gotta keep going dude my biggest fear is like finding out like what you're into do you know what i mean like if you're not being surprised by something yes if you're not a normal sexual person and then you have like a very wild awkward sexual moment where you're like your body just reacts a different way you know yeah your serotonin is fucking flaring. Yeah. Your dick is hard as shit, and it's something so weird. But have you had that with anything else in life?

No. That's the biggest fear. That's what I'm saying. Our house is haunted. But what if you don't know? Yeah. Why does the door keep open? I don't know.

I think Shane's coming in and out. But anyway, so you're worried about getting caught. I'm worried about recognizing something about my body that I didn't realize was a thing. But have you had that with anything? Like, have you had that with like another experience? Is there like a type of music or have you ever like. No, I mean weird shit. Not a fucking, not a Dave Matthews band.

Yeah, there's weird music out there. Yeah, dude, we're talking. I'm saying like. I'm saying something weird just happens in your life and you go. Oh, no, I like that you know, yeah, like a girl like You might like killing like ogre stuff if you had to kill you might really enjoy killing I feel like you could I don't get sexual with that shit. I just get stimulate. It's Walt's it's it's still I guess it's a level of stimulant that you'd have to question I think

that's more for my my therapist you know going like why do you feel this way why are you so elevated watching this stuff why can you go to bed watching this stuff I ever fear on that because at six years old my brothers maybe watch platoon yeah and that was my comfort and it was in my parents bedroom so i was ingratiated with extreme violence oliver stone's first epic war movie and the purest depiction of war and you've been chasing that dragon ever since i don't know yeah i wonder i wonder i'm trying to think the last time I was really like blown away by something and went, oh my God, I like this. It might've been NASCAR.

Was it when fucking what's his face? The mustachio buried himself in the wall? I went to a NASCAR event being like, I'm not a huge car guy. I don't really care about this sport. And I walked in and I heard the roar of those engines and I was like,

oh mama, this is dope. Yeah. It's cool. I get it. I had like a visceral, like, I like this kind of feeling.

Yeah. Well, that's fun though. That's just loud machinery. I know, but I guess that's what I'm saying. Well, I'm sorry. I was, you know, I'm trying to find something. Don't be sorry. It's just loud machinery. I know, but I guess that's what I'm saying. Well, I'm sorry. I was, you know, I'm trying to find something.

Don't be sorry. It's the same thing. I hear you. When's the last time you had like a visceral reaction to something like that, that you just have never, you never thought you'd like it and you went, whoa, that's for me. I don't know. This is also one of my biggest fears. Yeah.

Sorry. Jeremiah, do you have something something mine's kind of boring i think the last time i had like a visceral reaction to something uh it was a food what's it called um poke bowls i was like what the frick is this dude oh my they are so good it was unbelievable i was like, what the frick is this, dude? Oh, my. They are so good. It was unbelievable. I was like, you caught the fish this morning? This is unbelievable.

I went to Hawaii and I had a poke bowl in Hawaii. I've had them like in the past. I was like, I don't really get what all the hype is. And I was like, is this what everybody's been talking about? It blew my mind. Yeah. Fresh poke bowl. I wish it was poke bowls.

Yeah. I love how I'm like, I mean, I watched a movie of Asians getting their limbs blown off. You're like, have you tried their food? A very exceptional cuisine. I appreciate what they were fighting for yeah I guess it depends on what it is but that is the other scary thing that nothing

gets you going like that you know yeah new frontiers yeah are there any that's the point also I had a conversation with Shane about this earlier it was like you know his path and his success right now is like, we're starting to experience things that are so grandiose and so fun that it almost deadens the nerve of like, what is contentment and fun.

Sure. And having like an elevated like sense of like, holy shit just awareness but like happiness and then if you do it so much at a higher level as opposed to going let's say you know growing up i only went to like one philly's game or one eagles game and now you're absorbing all this shit and now you start to get all these things going on it's like what what is happiness for me yeah do i need to turn it up do i need to like yeah do i need to shift what you know like you get addicted to it right because it's like yeah of course it's it's literally it's a drug yeah yeah because you do a bunch of cool shit for like three or four weeks in a row and then you have like a week of just like normal life again and you're like ah am i failing you know for sure up bad for sure yeah yeah because otherwise i'd be at an

eagles game right yeah if things were going good i wish i'd be like in front of a thousand people right now yeah yeah i think that i've known people who you know they'll do they'll book a tv show or a movie or something like that and then they get used to the catering on set and that being like a normal thing where their breakfast is being delivered to them. And then they get super depressed as soon as they go back home and do a normal life because all of a sudden their expectations are way higher than what reality actually is. Yeah. Yeah. But at the same time, you go back home and you realize that was it.

That's out there. That was it. Right. Simplistic lifestyle. Yeah. So this is like what i'm thinking about it's like all right well all that cool shit elsewhere the best part about those those experiences is if you're with your boys yeah if you're not with your boys you're like oh this is just fucking you're putting there's nothing to yeah you're just you're a strip joint getting a dance by something like that's what that

is to me yeah but like if you minimize it and you could go home and go to like your local bar just like this is the life yeah yeah that's true it's like it's on every level this is what they say about like fucking people that like really make it you know like fucking millionaires and whatever the fuck listen listen to eighth great people out there with this guys you know what i mean they get so they get so rent for them not even an issue they're so distant from reality and what like they what makes them happy that they're chasing something that's not fucking real yeah yeah if you're alone during that then but that's in every industry i'm not saying this because we're doing what we're doing.

It's every fucking aspect of your life, no matter what you do. It's like, are you... My father said this to me. My dad retired, but he couldn't retire. I don't know if it was because he couldn't handle my mother at home. And he goes, I got to get a job. I got to keep active, right? And then he had a job at Lowe's.

And he's trying to get fired at lowe's because he knows everything he's old school and the new school guys he goes tom the fucking these guys don't know anything they're terrible yeah these kids are pussies and they know nothing about anything and they just fucking get by and they're getting paid i don't like that so they keep they keep my dad as a manager and he goes i don't want to get promoted they're trying to promote me and every my mother comes in to into the room he goes tom did dad tell you about his report card and i was like what's that so anytime i go i go home my mother loves trashing my father because it's the only time she can get over on him because she knows I'm going to bust his tits in front of her.

So I'm like, report card. My dad's like, Gene, will you fucking stop? And she goes, tell him what you got. Steve, tell him what you got. And he's like, it's not that. And she goes, and I. Needs improvement. My father's getting a report card at 74 years old at fucking Lowe's

because He's so good his job. The only thing they could say to him is like you need a problem So you gotta stop cursing at people My dad's going around going don't be a fucking dickhead and go help her out and they're like Steve We appreciate everything you don doing. You got to stop cursing the staff. These guys were- Hey, bitch tits, we need you in the locker room now. What? Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe you'd get there sooner. You wouldn't have to ask me if you weren't so fucking fat. Right. Like, he's fucking, he's wild, dude. He's old school. But you know what? I bet most of the customers go there for the cussing.

That's what I'm saying. For that damn cussing. And that's a dying breed. Yeah. And they keep trying to promote me. He's like, Tom, I'm saying. For that damn cussing. And that's a dying breed. Yeah. And they keep trying to promote him. He's like, Tom, I'm trying to get fired.

I've had enough. I can't keep doing this. He's like, I'm so good at my job. What does he get if he gets fired? Does he get something? No, he's good. The point is he's good.

He just has the mentality of working. He doesn't want to stay home. Yeah. He wants to work. He's fine. He's got a pension. He's got all the things from the union. He's good. He doesn't doesn't need to yeah i mean your dad just lived a life of highs and lows yeah true true what are you doing yeah dude blowing your brains out in the lumber section that's that's how you finish it that's that's how you finish it. That's how you finish it.

Come on. Yeah, yeah. Come on. Get out of here. What are we doing? What are we doing? Goes right into the room. What are we doing?

What are we doing? Multiple things. Huh? Look at this. Look at this. Jesus Christ. All right, should we switch to the page? Yeah.

All right, where are we at? One away. One more. What? One away. One away. What? Sign for the Patreon. yeah season up alright what are we at one away oh one more what one away sign up for the patreon yeah I've never done this before

but sign up for the patreon yeah sign up for the patreon yeah sign up for the patreon literally we've never ever said to people in three episodes

well episode 54 we thought it wasn't cool to do it's not cool yeah but at this point I don't give a fuck promotion self promotion yeah scary I'm gonna kill myself I thought it wasn't cool to do. It's not cool. Yeah. But at this point, I'll give a fuck.

Promotion. Self-promotion. Yeah. It's scary. I'm going to kill myself. No. No. Don't do it. If you must.

Even throw the dick. Don't do it. All right. Switch the page. Dickheads. Let's go.