Stuff Island - Stuff Island #57 - AIDS w/ Lil Sasquatch

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

Tommy and Chris are joined by the very funny Lil Sas to discuss drinking alone, adolescent creativity, baby powder, AIDS, & much more. Enjoy! - Full episodes also available on YouTube & bonus episodes are available on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/stuffisland - Ad: visit http://www.manscaped.com (http://www.manscaped.com/) and use code STUFFISLAND for 20% off! - Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Thank you, and God bless Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

i feel like i'm getting like like fucking babysitter child molester vibes every kid i start to hang out with now is getting younger and younger they're like every time i ask somebody like how old is he like 22 23 i'm like jesus that's just always been comedy that's kind of the nice part about it is that you're constantly hanging out with people that are like 50 and 18 you know what i mean like it's nice literally yeah it's just frightening dude it's everybody you think about my age gets lost double the age of two of these kids what i should be teaching them t-ball and shit taking off for ice cream after the pod and going to a bar it really does feel like your actual age is just like the amount of time that you've been doing comedy you know

what i mean yeah i ignore how old i actually am because i don't feel it because of the lifestyle i live there's no fucking way i like my dad had like three kids and all in high school at this age are we recording right now yeah oh okay you don't want to talk about young kids they got no respect wait how old are you i'm 21 oh nice yes yeah i was exaggerating but i'm literally i've told you that like six times look and every time you sometimes we forget things that is crazy you double his age yeah shut up chris that's my point dude it's not something wild ponder i'll do my own i'm 37 i 37. I'm almost double. No, not even close, actually.

Wait. I don't know. You know how they do it, right? It's still 16 years. Yeah, you become a doctor in that time. Yeah. The difference right now, if he was like, by the time I'm your age, he could be a doctor.

Easily. Or a surgeon. Instead, he's gonna be sleeping on a chair mattress. There's still time to change your life path if you don't wanna do this. I know.'s going to be sleeping on a chair mattress. There's still time to change your life path if you don't want to do this. I know. If you don't want to wind up like us. It is nice being around young kids that just don't have any care in the world.

Do you not have any care in the world? No, I have a lot of care. I didn't mean to do this. Dude, if I started doing comedy at 21, I would be a constant anxiety attack. Well, especially when you have like bad weekends and then you're like is this it like this is going to be the rest of my life

in Bridgeport Connecticut with 30 people in the crowd wait till you go to their other club dude their other club is 10 times worse what the New Brunswick no the other where's the other one oh in Bridgeport holy fuck the clubs are good the clubs are great What, the New Brunswick? No, the other. Where's the other one? Oh, in Bridgeport. Bridgeport.

Holy fuck, dude. The Bridgeport stress factor. I've never been. The clubs are great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the towns. Bridgeport sucks. Everyone, there are heroin addicts carrying around limbs.

Dude, it's a ghost town. There's no one walking anywhere. Bridgeport's scary. It's like a rough place. It was like the only time I've been in a city and been like, I probably shouldn't be like walking around here. Yeah, yeah. Like me and Francis Ellis did St. Louis together and that's supposed to be like, oh, yeah yeah like we me and francis ellis did

st louis together and that's supposed to be like oh don't like st louis so dangerous that was like the best city in the world compared to bridgeport yeah yeah yeah at least like a major city we're at the helium in st louis yeah yeah that's kind of like an office parky kind of area too it's like almost nice like that area of st louis is like good bridge Bridgeport is like just, if Philadelphia was just North Philly. Yeah, dude, it's bad. That's what it's like. I did. There's like one building and then it's immediately like shantytown.

I did a weekend there and I went to dinner. I was like, where's a nice dinner? And there was like only one nice restaurant. It was like the steakhouse. No joke. There's a hooker at the bar. When I say eating bread like cookie monster she was she was literally crumbs everywhere and she was like yacked out of her skull

clearly a hooker this isn't like a classy steakhouse hooker like we had the talk on the yeah yeah podcast this is this is i'm working this town and i'm looking to fuck yeah and i'll eat your bird like the sourdough. I feel like you think that every girl at a restaurant that you're not dating is a hooker. No, Chris, I knew you were going to say shit like this. It's true. Look, I'm not fucking, I'm not

I'm not IDing just some random ass piglet that doesn't know how to eat properly. This woman was she was in a singlet. Like, it was cold. That's what they wear in Bridgeport. And they couldn't, they didn't serve her any food or drink. She just came in for the free grub,

and she kept looking over to our table, and she was, she literally, she would go, and go back to it like a lion protecting a kill. And then on the way out, I was by the window. On the way out, she comes to the window like fucking in Good Will Hunting. And she was like, to me. Really? Jesus Christ.

I guess she was offended that I was staring at her the whole time. Which was hilarious. You definitely weren't just staring at her. You're probably saying the same thing you were telling us. Right, right. Are you going to eat like that the whole time? Yeah, yeah. And hear her fucking lip smack yeah

just i bet she definitely heard you talking shit and then gave you the thing no i think she just realized i was having a good time watching her there's no way you've sat quietly and watched her without she couldn't hear me it wasn't with the way she couldn't hear me i talk very low in public public places i think you know i just i did the situation and i wanted to have fun with it not knowing she was going to be that i do feel like i do feel like when you're out in the world you feel like everyone's up to something suspicious that well like there's no there's no just npcs in your in your world it's all like fucking someone's a hooker someone's dealing drugs someone's selling coke listen man someone's

fucking if you're not playing guess who or clue every time you go out what's the fucking fun in that they all are too yeah everyone's doing something yes they're up to something and they're trying to hide it yeah and my job is to figure out what the fuck they're up to. Figure out who they are. See, I always feel like they're up to nothing. I feel like most people are just like at the bar with nothing. Well, yeah. You stare at your feet your whole life. Yeah, that's what I figure everyone else is doing.

You know what I mean? Like if they had things going on, they'd be doing those things. Instead, they're just sitting there just trying to come up with something to do. So they go to the bar and they get drunk and they go home that's it there's no there's no fun well most people have families and jobs just getting ripped and falling asleep upside down i went when i was in bridgeport we went to a uh we went to a pool bar to play pool and we like were the we were the only i was me and this other kid and we're the only white people in there and people were pissed that we were on the pool

tables and then they like made us leave yeah it's just respect out yeah how did they tell you it was like a whole thing they're like i stared at the hook pretty much it was very suggested yeah it's very suggested that we had to go now really what did Did they, like, how did they lead into it? It was like a whole event happening. It was like a fundraiser or something. And there was like families and shit there. So wait a minute. You stormed the 15-year-old birthday party.

I don't know. It was very weird. But that was supposed to be like one of the nice spots in Bridgeport. Yeah. It's a nasty area. Dude, I lived in, when I lived in North Philly in Bridgeport. Yeah. It's a nasty area. Dude, I lived in, when I lived in North Philly for a temple. Yeah.

My friend's cousin was a cop and he only perused North Philly. He was a white dude. Yeah. And he liked to rile up the locals by taking me to, the first time he ever took me, he's like, let's go get a drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, aren't you on duty? He's like, yeah, gives a shit. Yeah. He takes me to this like old man black bar. It wasn't just a black bar. It was like an old school. It's like going to a VFW as like a young black teenager. You know what I mean?

Like heads are going to spin. Like you're not supposed to be here at all. Yeah. So I think you're really dangerous. It's very dangerous. If you're there, you're no, I'm saying they, if they see you walk in, they're like, what the fuck? Yeah. These guys must be serial killers yeah or cops and he was a cop was he wearing like full uniform no no no thank god i would never yeah i would never because he goes i know a place

around the corner i was like dude we're we are not around the corner from any place you should be saying yeah i gotta go to irish bar yeah so he he walks in he's in plain clothes like looks like one of you guys looks like a failing open mic and uh he walks in everybody turns it was only like four in the afternoon so you know those guys are serious boozers or they just live there yep and he puts the one bartender wasn't paying attention to him at all like on purpose and then he put his gun took his gun off his hip put it on this little hi-hat table and it was like two budweiser's and i was like oh my god dude holy shit i feel like that's definitely not you're not

it's the opening of a shitty boston movie yeah yeah yeah that's not fucking real dude yeah this is definitely one of those things where like it winds up he kills a bunch of people and then he's like I had to defend myself. You didn't have to put the gun on the table to order the Budweiser. Yeah, this is, I mean. That kind of set the chain reaction. Two Budweisers and you throw them the nine millimeter up on the wood. That's the behavior of someone that's not getting fucked at home, nor has talked to

his wife or kids in years he wants to feel something for a minute he's got a flex in a bunch of black it's just ruined their afternoon at 4 p.m too yeah throwing the gun on the table at 4 p.m is such a boss the one thing it was like midnight damn what a bucket list yeah you know what i mean that's crazy was the front door, was it one of the ones? Of course. Caged. Yeah, yeah. It was a little fucking, yeah. It's literally like a porthole window that's like

titanium reinforced. No one can crawl into it, let alone break into it. Like all you're protecting is a Molotov cocktail going through the slice, dude. Mayo couldn't be getting into it. Like why are we putting a grate over it? I like the idea that it didn't start off as like a big pain window you know what i mean like a real cheers vibe and then just slowly got dude here as people got thrown through it there's

still wop bars that are like around here like and and in philly like that just had all brick walls and then one tiny open window yeah well when you start drinking at, you don't want it to be light in the bar. No, those bars are always pitch black. Yeah. I used to go to a bar right near our apartment and I would go by myself. I went through a weird phase where I was just drinking alone at bars.

It's fun. It's fun. What's that like? Let me tell you something. It's the greatest phase of your life, my friend. Yeah, it was fun. You might go out of it, but you're going to come back to it.

Oh, yeah. And that was like, it would just be pitch black constantly. Yeah. There's never light in there, ever. Dude, I'm telling you. that was like, it would just be pitch black constantly. Yeah. There's never light in there, ever. Dude, but I'm telling you. It's in a basement, too. Late 30s.

Yeah, yeah. It just stinks. Passionately. Like, holy hell. I said this before, but like, I used to feel so bad for like older gentlemen or older people drinking alone. Those guys are having the most fun time ever. Eating dinner alone.

I was like, oh, man. His family must have just died in like a boating accident maybe a house fire why is this man eating alone and then i got older i was like this is preferred yeah i want to eat at a bar i don't want to eat at a table i don't want a table for one i want to sit at the bar i want elbow room i want to slice into something yeah stare at the fucking the bottles or some shitty volleyball enjoy this five out of ten chicken parm alone and talking talking to gus the bartender women's volleyball league in like croatia yeah or the horse races dude you ever see those Rick and

Shawn horse races it's like man I gotta get my shit together I'm not even in a betting bar I can't even put money down we're just watching with three strangers you're like is this even live this is Spain is this tape delay yeah dude I used to in Philly I used to do like uh solo pub crawls on like a nice Sunday oh Jesus dude I used to outrageous I used to do like solo pub crawls on like a nice Sunday. Oh Jesus. Dude I used to. That's outrageous. I used to just go I'd take like public transportation to the far side of the city and then walk

back to West Philly just hitting bars all the way. Damn. It was the best. You should have saw you walking last night home from the bar. Were you in like the t-shirts and stuff with the rest of the crew? What do you mean it's not like a big thing when there's bar crawls oh no no i'm just doing by myself i thought you were like signing up for bar crawls alone that's actually like a bunch of strangers going on a blarney

irish bus tours if you just had like a screen printing kit. You just make one of those shirts and hop in and be like, no, I was here the whole time. Dude. And then you just wipe out the last date and write it over again every fucking night. Chris O'Connor's Bar Mitzvah. October 13th, 2020. Dude, it was the best. Because drinking alone, if you stay too long at one bar, it kind of sucks. People start to ask questions.

Yeah, yeah. I was at a bar the other day and I was waiting for someone else. And I was like, and I don't know if I told you about this. Yeah, I was waiting for someone else. And I was sitting there and this like, this gay black dude comes up to me. And I was hammered. Because I was waiting for longer than I expected. And I drank like five beers. And I'm waiting for this.

And this guy comes up to me and he's like, he orders a drink. And I was like, oh yeah. I was like five beers and I'm waiting for this. And this guy comes up to me and he's like, he orders a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I was like, nice, nice choice. He said,

well now you want to fuck. You can't compliment anything. I know. And then I didn't, it was like his, he was like turning 56. It was his birthday. Damn.

And you are a young piece of veal. Yeah. And they kept on being like, come over to our table, come out, come over and hang out with us. And I was like, oh no,

I'm waiting for someone. And they were like, no, like no like you're they're like there's no one coming to see you like no one believed that anyone was coming to see me yeah so they just people just keep on being like come sit with us and i'm like no no i'm good waiting on a buddy you didn't go sit down now i sat at the bar uh they were all at tables i would have joined up i know i thought about it for a long time. Because whoever shows up, then you're just like partying with a bunch of 60-year-old guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's crazy. Sounds like a good time. It does. Yeah. It'd be fun. You don't think so? Until you get to the exit part, you know? Nah.

Then they won't allow it. You're going to have to fuck one of us in the ass everyone's trying to fuck me or they're a hooker or they're selling coke yeah no i get it but it's fun yeah the older gay dudes are the most aggressive because i mean it's like older women older women are so aggressive because they they've reached the point of their life where they they want to relive their past and and take take advantage of opportunities they didn't have yeah they're more aggressive they throw the cat around a little more they're more obvious about shut up they're more obvious about what they want you know i mean totally they take risks yeah and it's fun

yeah i know exactly what you're talking yeah you do i want that i want that i want someone you were just getting wrecked by a 65 year old woman in a cab good for you babe do you run into a lot of older women trying to relive their glory days with you no i'm not going i'm not really going anywhere where i'm like i'm gonna breastfeed him dude this kid sleeps in buttermilk that's what i want that i want someone to you guys i actually i actually, I went on Josh, Adam Myers, and Justin Silver's podcast like last week. Yeah. And they asked me the exact same question.

Really? Yeah. Guess it's going around. Oh, dude. It's a pro flu. It's a pandemic. Well, God damn it. Pandemic. How you you doing what's the oldest lady slept with i don't know that old what do you mean i don't fucking know okay so you're not active

no uh no i mean i'm like uh i'm like pretty much asexual really yeah just focused on the grind there's too many open mics to go to that is true horrendous anytime i get horny i say there's probably a mic i can hear it'll save you from stds for sure but you'll get worse shaking hands with those fucking animals yeah that has been the end of many a relationship is i gotta go back to hit the open mics oh yeah yeah that means you just didn't love her what no there's no way just leave a girl that was interesting. You just committed to the career, dude. No.

Yeah, you know, you finally get some lady, and then you're like, I can't just be farting around with this person all the time. Yeah. You ever seen him whiplash when he does that, when he breaks up with the girl? Yeah. He's got to play the drum.

That scene rules. Yeah. I love that scene. I've always feared starting comedy. I mean, I didn't even know. I truly didn't know you could do stand-up. Me? No, no, no, no.

Oh. I didn't know one. It was like a thing you could do. I didn't know one could do stand-up. I didn't until Helium opened up in Philly. Yeah, he was like, fuck, dude. Send me your six minutes, your best six. We'll have you back

no it's like a i can't imagine being even your age let alone like 16 17 18 year old kids starting stand-up it's like dude it didn't like pete davidson started doing stand-up when he was like 15 yeah yeah see how it could work a lot has to go wrong in your life yeah having any interest in your 15 what dude i also i like my family i was not like encouraging creativity at all yeah i was thinking about this the other day i i like i remember in like first grade i we'd had to do like a report about like what we did over summer break and i like i you know i had some creative impulses you know i had an imagination so i i made up this whole story about how i like built a submarine and like god you were always autistic yeah yeah yeah and

i spent it like i spent the summer just like going around in a lake in a submarine and your parents rejected this beautiful idea i got in trouble they were like you're a liar you lied to the whole class there was no like that's kind of creative i can see how you're trying to like they took literally situation they were like you're a fucking liar you're not a family of lies you're upstairs eating popcorn i did something very similar but i was i was in like uh kindergarten and i and we had to write like what we did something very similar but i was i was in like a kindergarten and i and we had to write like what we did over summer break and i wrote uh i went surfing in hawaii i never surfed in my life and i've never been to hawaii and it was like a big thing because

the kid next to me also wrote that he went surfing in hawaii and i'm pretty sure i think i think i took the idea from him yeah i was like that that sounds fucking awesome. I did that too. Surfing in Hawaii for our class was hooking up with a girl during summer. No one knows. I met her in fucking Wisconsin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you didn't. Yeah, I suck boobs. She lives in Canada.

I suck boobs, dude. You should have seen these eaters. Where'd you meet her? I was in some part of Jersey. My parents took me to a water park. Fucked her behind a pine tree, I think. That's why I wish I went to summer camp. I never went.

I never went to like a... Were you raised Jewish? What? Raised Jewish? No, no, no. No, I'm half Jewish. You're half? I'm half Jewish.

I was raised Catholic. Oh, the good half. Yeah, the good half. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does that mean? I don't know. Because I say it because Goodfellas, right? I don't know. He says that? Yeah, Goodfellas said, yeah, they have... Yeah, yeah, yeah. what does that mean i don't know because i say it's because goodfellas right i don't know that yeah goodfellas said yeah they have time yeah yeah he says she's like my my my

daughter tells me you're jewish and he says only the good half yeah and then i said that and i was like and someone's like what does that mean i was like i have no fucking idea just you'll get by yeah yeah yeah that is annoying when you repeat a line from a movie. Like when you're a kid and you think it makes sense, it's like, well, they put it in a movie and everyone reacted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So everyone gets it. Yeah. And then you say it and someone's like, what the fuck is,

how does that work? And you're like, I don't know, but I heard some other guys say it. It worked. Everyone liked it. Yeah. Dude, you get to that creative thing. I went home from my niece's birthday party and my brother has three kids and the youngest kid james is like uh he's very creative they're

all creative and they're and they're right but he's like singing and fucking dancing just being like an annoying 10 year old as they do he's gay he's gay he's fun yeah actually he's starting to go to like these old black bars looking for parties he's like you can eat that cake uh so my parents at the end of the party my mom and dad are fucking off because it hit like 5 p.m my dad's like cock bobbing on the couch yeah 60 carlo rossi and the kid starts dancing singing he plays a song and he's lip syncing that pirate song whatever it is you know

oh yeah yeah yeah he's got inflection yeah he's doing the gayest shit possible and my parents are like look at him what a talent this kid could be doing anything he should get an acting Look at him. What a talent. Yeah. This kid could be doing anything.

He should get an acting. He's got to be doing something. I looked over at my brother, Steve. My brother, Steve was like, don't. Don't. I'm like, yeah, it almost fucking reminds you of somebody, huh? Meanwhile, they're just like, get the fuck out of the way of the TV. The little shears is on.

Yeah. God, if you can have a dick in your mouth in 10 years, get out of there. Yeah. TV. A little shit on the ears is on. Yeah. God, you can have a dick in your mouth in 10 years. Get out of there. Yeah, no, that's everything. It's like,

anytime they would see someone who's like good at the trumpet, you know what I mean? They'd be like, oh, wow, what a, you know,

musical talent, you know? I wish we had music in our family. I remember trying to practice trumpet in my house. Yeah. They were like, turn that off.

Yeah, but that's understandable. Yeah. Because my little sister played clarinet and she would practice that and I would be like, trumpet in my house yeah they were like turn that off yeah but that's understandable yeah because my little sister played clarinet and she would practice that and i would be like i'm gonna fucking kill myself like this needs to stop right now yeah dude little kids should they there should be like a private room somewhere for them to practice i know having to listen to someone learn something is a fucking disaster yeah it's fucking hell thank god i wasn't raising that a musical inclined family.

In a musical environment. Because they all suck. I mean, there's no shot. 1% of your family members get killed. No, I used to have to go to concerts at our school with the kids playing. What's going on? How you doing? This is always the best part. Where are you coming the best part when shane interrupts a flow

just makes everyone feel bad this was my work this was this was the worst case scenario i was running over in my head before coming here. I'm feeling pretty good. He got some sleep. Oh, we were just talking about it. His walk home from the bar last night was like a baby giraffe, dude. Bouncing over cars and shit. It was unbelievable.

Oh, yeah, dude. Why? Why'd you get so fucked up last night? I started drinking whiskey like late yeah there he goes thanks for the grenade i made it i made it like through i went upstairs and made it through half a white claw you You went upstairs, fell asleep on Shane's couch. Yeah. And then she comes down because Shane walks down and goes, get up here.

You got to get up here. I need another sane person on this couch. Because you and your girl are fucking getting wild. What were we doing? I don't know. I'm not going to speak for them. But I was down here eating leftover Chinese like a fucking 43-year- yeah having fun eating dinner by myself oh my god they come bopping down run into the whiskey cart slam to the fridge they fucking jesus christ they pinball their

way down the fucking hallway it's like bing bing and then he gets into his room and then uh shane's girl comes down gives me your phone and your and your jacket so you left your jacket at the bar i had to pick your jacket up oh really yeah this is all news to you i know and then i grabbed you like blacked out i was so good night dude i woke up i woke up the birds game local yeah yeah but at the bird game was on what he had his first i woke up last night and i was like oh my god like what time is it and it was like 10 30 where it's like i blacked out went to sleep and woke up and it's still the same day that is a nightmare and i knocked on your that yeah yeah no that's a nightmare i had to happen to me but that happened to me when i went to the patriots parade when they won the super bowl that's when you should do it not on a random fucking yeah yeah yeah it's a good game but i was

in high school and i it wasn't even a good game at all. They won. It was domination. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a good first hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. No, yeah.

I went to the Patriots parade and I drank a bunch of vodka because we had to sneak in it because we were underage. We had to bring in water bottles. And I remember I came home. I talked to my mom and she was like,

you see anybody? And I was like, no, we didn't get to see anyone. Oh, God, mom and she was like you she's like you see anybody and i was like no we didn't get to see anyone like she was like you see brady on the float and everything and i was like no and then i and then i like talked to my buddies after and they were like dude we were like next to the float like we saw everyone and i i was i was like yeah we didn't get to see anyone it sucked there's pictures of you with Brady Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

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Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah With strangers, yeah Hell yeah Eagles have a good chance this year though We got Turner Yeah It's a big 11 years, 300 million You guys talk about that in your Barstool podcast No, we don't No, you don't give any love to Phil

You're a Boston boy I got broken up with at the Eagles parade Or at the Phillies parade In 08 That's great, what'd you do? Well, I was Hooking up with another girl in front of her No, I was walking

I was walking around the parade And I was uh Hooking up with another girl in front of her No I was walking I was in I was like walking around The parade and like I was expecting my girl To like call me and I was but there was no Service cause it's just like there's so many fucking People down there and so I was constantly Checking my phone and She apparently thought she saw me

From across the street called me multiple Times and I was like taking out my phone and putting it Back in my pocket she thought I was like nagging her Call and putting it back in my pocket. She thought I was like nagging her calls. Yeah. She was like, I don't want to do this anymore. I feel like that's a,

that would have been a pretty easy just explanation though. I did. I was also, to use the parade during the time, that's like,

I'm sure, yeah, it was going to happen anyway. You don't break up with a man in his best day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a wife doesn't

break up with a husband just after they get married. That's you getting married. She was probably looking for an excuse. Of his best day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a wife doesn't break up with a husband just after they get married. Yeah. That's you getting married. She was probably looking for an excuse. Of course she was. Yeah.

Yeah, but the day of the parade. You still have fun time at the parade though? Yeah, it was a good time. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I didn't know

that I was going to get broke. I got broken up with like later that evening when we could finally get in touch with each other. Yeah. She was like, I saw what you did.

Dang. I was like, I didn't do anything You probably did though I did I can see you taking your phone out Looking and going Yeah

Yeah Especially on parade day Yeah Parade day No No time for that bullshit Yeah God

I wanted to see her I was excited You should have changed your voicemail Been like Don't contact me on parade day Bitch Clearly she doesn't get it. So how long were you with her?

Not that long. It was like a couple weeks. Oh. Oh, Jesus Christ. It wasn't like a big. It was like a hooker and fucking. Yeah. A hooker and a bar.

Munch and bread. Two weeks. It's not girl. I repeated a phrase from a movie one time and got in a lot of trouble you repeated what did you say i was uh it was it was a someone said i forget what movie it was but they were like close enough for government work when something was like it was not great but it was close enough you know and i remember later my my grandfather was moved to our hometown because he was like falling apart. And we were moving shit into his house.

I love grandparents. It's like, that's what happened. The wheels are going to fall off. It's not too bad for pop-pop. We were moving it. Like, we're putting his TV or TV cabinet somewhere. And we got it to a spot. And I just went, well, it's close enough for government work.

And he worked his whole life in the government. In the government? He flipped out. Oh, no. I thought it was just an expression. I didn't put it together in my head that it was insulting. He just starts loading a musket. Dude, getting yelled at by your grandparents is like the scariest shit in the world.

Yes. When you thought you were just saying like a cheeky, clever thing. It was horrible my grandpa used to yell and it would be like out of nowhere usually be like if a dog was like jumping up on the food and he would just let out this like from the stomach i get that and like the whole room because he'd just be in silence the whole time and then out of nowhere that would just like explode through the house yeah and everyone be like holy shit yeah dude they have the respect of the vikings yeah yeah those fucking dudes yeah it's like prison respect

yeah it's they only require a few things if any of those things go awry their whole day is fun yeah yeah well it's yeah it's like you get start getting old the world gets so confusing you don't know what's right or wrong anymore but you know the dog's not supposed to be a volunteer. So when you finally get something that it's okay with you, you'd be mad about it. He starts yelling, he's got both sneakers on his feet. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you get to fucking fully spaz. See, hearing a dude that has a grandfather in their 30s, like getting put down or whatever the fuck i'm always like yeah good run

dude what are you sad about yeah yeah this is how life happens he made it to 70 80 years old yeah shut up what are you gonna take a week off of work you pussy we're stopping by his nursing home feed them applesauce on bread you didn't give a fuck you my dad did i tell the story did i tell the story the last i don't think so about my dad no so my dad's father died i left him when he was like in his late teens yes and he had to raise his eight siblings yeah and his mom was alcoholic or whatever but yeah i want to shit on her she was great and his dad moved to florida because he had a second family he didn't know what he knew about and my mother calls me a few years ago cracking up she couldn't stop laughing yeah and she's like tom you're not gonna believe this your father your your father's dad is dead and she's laughing the whole the whole way through we were never i met him once at my dad's brother's yeah and uh i was five years old it was the only time i met that guy so i don't nobody in the family

gives a shit yeah so she wasn't laughing about him dying she goes and your dad called out of work for two weeks she goes this son of a bitch is taking two weeks two weeks long just yes it i mean yes i mean take advantage if you wish because this is how people perceive all their their grandfather and father relationships regardless dude i have a system i have a grand i have my dad's side of our family the grandparents i've met them like twice and i don't know them and i constantly get shit from people being like how do you not know them yeah it's like because they're like crazy yeah yeah they're fucking nuts yeah my grandparents moved across the country yeah i never saw them no we're not going to california right hang out with you guys yeah good for that out of your mind

you know you get to a certain point it's like it's not my responsibility to raise your kids too oh yeah like at this point i i want to relax and not be bothered with your bullshit yeah it makes sense i helped you color once every three months. I don't give a fuck about your kids now. I wonder what they did out there. They probably fucked and got drunk all day long. You think so? They probably did what they wanted to do when they were in their 30s.

Where'd they move in California? San Diego. Oh, okay. Yeah, it was nice. That's great. Their house was nice. Yeah, so you know what they were doing. Yeah, but I mean, I don't know.

They didn't have dick pills back then. Yeah, they didn't need them. They probably just invited the what they were doing. Yeah, but I mean, I don't know. They didn't have dick pills back then. Yeah, they didn't need them. They probably just invited the couple down the stairs. You know what I mean? Old people get fucking horny. In San Diego? Everywhere. Especially in San Diego.

You ever hear of old home? Old folk home? Yeah. They get ravaged by STDs. This is what I'm saying about old women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You eventually go, you know what? I'll pop over to the local.

Bring Sally in. Bring Frank in. We're all going to wreck each other's birds for a while. But someone's got to be fucking young to bring the STDs back to the home. I'm not talking about STDs. I'm just having like genital fun. What? Like orgies.

Why are you having STDs as well? That's a big problem in old folks homes. There's STDs everywhere. Really? Yes. I've never heard of that. Yeah. I feel like there's no STD heard of that. Yeah. It's chalk full. They got the doctors on hand.

They have an STD. They just get the medicine. It's so sneaky about their fucking the doctors. Yeah, it's true. They get like in trouble for fucking. They know. They just don't want to clean up the mess. It's like if your dick's leaking pus when you're 90 years old. gross why are you talking about the first thought isn't going to be well this guy's fucking you know what i mean it's going to take him a while to diagnose you think he's probably he's got like a liver gonorrhea to some fucking old folk home

where would they get south jersey i'm saying someone's fucking a young person with an std and they're bringing it back to the high this This is insane, dude. This is a true thing. Yeah. Dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got it. They don't remember that they fucked someone with an STD. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait, so you're saying some young buck comes in, plugs Pop Pop's best friend, Barbara, next door? That's what I'm telling you. Well, i'm assuming it's not like couples yeah in the old homes together it's usually solo people right yeah i'm saying her friend his friend oh yeah yeah yeah yeah so this guy gets all horned up he's bringing a fucking a loaf of you know fruit bread a loaf of fruit bread what do you call it it's a

cornucopia no what's it cornucopia? No. What's a holiday loaf that nobody eats? Fruitcake. Yeah. He passes Barbara's room and she's like, hey, answer. And he's like, I'm going to dip into this pool. Yeah. Drops off his gonorrhea.

Says hi to Papa. Leaves. Yep. Papa has a scheduled 10 p.m. orgy. Yep. With another crew. Barbara gives it to everyone. With Barbara, so he's getting it from his grandchildren.

Yeah, probably. Probably. And you could die from gonorrhea at 90, I imagine, right? I mean, syphilis killed half the army. Sure. It's curable now. Yeah, little antibiotics. Yeah. They probably got it flowing through their system anyway.

Syphilis is crazy. Is it? What is it? No, it's not. I've never had it. Exactly. What is it? No, but it's like if you don't treat it,

you'll just die like 30 years later out of nowhere. That's true. Yeah. And a lot of people don't know it. Chlamydia, men don't know it. Yeah. And then you just drop dead. There'll be like an infection in your brain or some shit.

Yeah, yeah. It goes to your head. Yeah. And then you die. Yeah. It's just like that guy's going know. Yeah. And then you just drop dead. There's like, it'll be like an infection in your brain or some shit. Yeah. Yeah. It goes to your head. Yeah. And then you die. Yeah. It's just like,

that guy's going crazy. Yeah. God. Syphilis. What is it? What, what, what happened?

I don't know. I've looked up, I've had like symptoms of things. You have a bunch of the symptoms so far. Dude, it's like everything is a symptom of like syphilis. Yeah. What, like uh like what everything

no like what rash see syphilis like chlamydia they give you signs yeah syphilis yeah i'm sorry syphilis and gonorrhea give you signs chlamydia doesn't give you any signs men and women shit that sounds just like you chris it does sound like me running nose and feeling blue blows you can get dude anyway give me tissue what a horrible have you been feeling blue lately a little dude that shit is they gotta they gotta they gotta tighten up that list of symptoms for those things. Yeah. There's conspiracy theories that they don't want to give cures for that type of shit to pump the brakes on. That's mostly AIDS, right?

Yeah. Really? Yeah. You got to thin the herd. AIDS was a big one, right? AIDS was a real big one. They wanted to kill off all the gay people. Yeah. No, that's what it was.

That's what it was. Well, now you can- They withheld the cure for AIDS for like years. Yeah. You think? There's you think there's people that say yeah i think it's like a fact what yeah i don't think so government like could have cured aids but they chose not to yeah it's like a real thing no way yeah 100 no way yeah so what they just gave it to magic johnson is that yeah yeah the first dose yeah you dude that's what they're giving everybody now now you have to take like a certain pill now So what, they just gave it to Magic Johnson? Yeah, he got the first dose. Yeah. Dude, that's what they're giving everybody now. Now you have to take like a certain pill.

Now it's like anytime you watch the NFL, there's always like ads of AIDS medicine. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, you're talking about the black dude on the beach with the giant fucking weird goatee? Dude, there's like 40 of them. Yeah. And they're like, it's always just videos of dudes making out and they're like, I'm undetectable. Yeah. Well, you could take one pill a day or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my buddy told me about this. He's like, you should do it too because it's going straight. What's it called? I don't know. Gay. Yeah. Gays.

Yeah, but he's like, you just take one pill and you become undetectable forever. To protect yourself to get it. Yeah. Even if you get it, you're fine. You can live a long life on aids with aids it's not on aids yeah or you know i think if you have aids you're fucked it's hiv right no you can aids is advanced yeah yeah but even now once the aids kicks in isn't aids and hiv the same shit no. HIV becomes AIDS. Oh, I see.

I see. Yeah. So if you're HIV positive, you can survive. But once you get into AIDS territory. We're a science podcast here. Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure they're all like maintainable now. They are.

Yeah. Even if you get the big boy, the big A. Are you guys sure that that's true? Yeah. What? That AIDS is like HIV but worse? Yeah. The big A. Are you guys sure that that's true? Yeah. What? That AIDS is like HIV but worse? Yeah. What?

Yes. Yeah, because HIV is what? Human immunosomething virus, right? Yeah. And then AIDS is advanced immunodeficiency syndrome. Syndrome, right. Yeah. Yeah, it's just an advanced level of that.

So if you catch HIV, you just take a certain amount of pills. It never gets to AIDS. If you have AIDS, it's a different level of pills and different life expectancy. Yeah. Damn. Anybody can live with the HIV. But this new pill, this new pill, you're good to go. Yeah. AIDS is like stage 5

cancer. HIV. No, no. We didn't learn about it. Really? What? Yeah. Never. I don't think they ever even brought it up. no no we didn't learn about it really what yeah never they never even brought it up really it was mostly just used as an insult like you'd say oh that's aids like no you would yeah yeah dude this homework is aids that's like what you would say well for us yeah but nobody knew what it meant nobody had any idea that was like that was like a legitimate thing for years. Yeah.

That's the same thing. The way my generation said it. It was like, it's gay. Yeah. No, but we would say that. Which is so funny. Dude, we used to say, it's crazy looking back on that. That wasn't even that long ago.

We were saying the craziest shit. Yeah. In middle school? Of course. Yeah. Yeah. It's so weird that it went one generation from like everything being gay without saying the term or being anti you know homosexual now it's everything's

a so now it's double down i'll be shocked if people still said that's aids no one says that it'd be kind of fun to bring it back i know you guys never heard that no no it's so fun it's so i used to be a huge thing yeah this is what happens when you don't talk about shit in school you know you make a joke of it it's not fucking funny did you did anyone ever slapped you on the wrist for saying aids no no no never really no would you be like mom it's fucking bologna sandwiches aids yeah like probably yeah i probably said that many times and she's like a second bite it's not yeah yeah yeah yeah it might be hiv but it's definitely not AIDS. Good Lord.

Yeah, dude. Oh, and you're right. To get back to your point, I sent my mom that holiday movie. Oh, yeah. I thought she'd be interested in that. I'm still bent on it. Did she ever watch it or no? No. She still hasn't watched it?

No. Have you responded to her text or other books? She just asked for my ex-girlfriend's phone number. Yeah. Because she went to send her nursing books. I was like, watch the fucking holiday movie. You know? Yeah.

Grow the fuck up. Yeah. That's a hard one for adults to find, though. It's on like Roku. Yeah, but she downloads, she's got Hulu and Amazon. I don't think it's on Hulu or Amazon. It's not, but she knows how to get an app on her smart TV. Or at least my dad does.

Yeah, I don't know if they do. Roku's good. Roku knows how to get an app on her smart TV. Oh. Or at least my dad does. Yeah. I don't know if they do. Roku's good. Roku's the best. Is it? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Why? Why is it good? Apple TV's AIDS. Apple TV is AIDS. Apple TV is. Apple TV sucks. The remote is too sensitive. I don't know. I've never had it. I just know it's

AIDS. It is. It's yeah. know it's AIDS. It is. Apple TV is AIDS. The remote is AIDS. This will be my thing. It's the worst thing because you'll be watching a show and then if you touch the remote at

all, any part of the remote, it'll pause it, put something else on. It's like a touch screen. Yeah, it's annoying. What the fuck Yeah, yeah. It's a thing. You're like, what the fuck? Yeah. Are you watching the show you like and then you're still holding your remote? No, no.

But it'll just be like in bed next to me. Wow. And I'll accidentally touch it. Yeah. You know. Your fucking thumper hit. Yeah, yeah. My ass touches it.

That fat ass. Yeah. Rubbing the circle remote. That's right. I got a lot of, I can't watch. I got no visibility Thunderbots dude Well happy holidays guys

Yeah happy holidays That's why I brought this This is a gift Chris rip it off dude Can you grab me another one of those Bud Lights Thank you Do you manscape dude Of all the time

21 years old man i was doing some wild shit at 21 like i was i was playing around i was the first kid i was the first kid in my grade to shave his balls i think i bet dude i like in all honesty i don't think i've ever like fully shaved my balls oh really yeah it's nice i did it once it's the worst thing in the world no i think every time i try it's well i won't is it a manscape dad yeah all right every time you try what you get cut the the hairs are just getting ripped out of the out of the pores yeah dude it's nuts yeah it's not just that right yeah and it'll be going smooth and all of a sudden you'll be like when you'll just scream yeah dude well are you using the lawnmower

2.0 4.0 i don't have the 4.0. That's probably my problem. Yeah, that is. That is your problem, okay? Tis the season for clean balls. It's time to clean them up. Manscaped is a one-stop shop for all your holiday needs. Save dad from his nose hair with the Weed Whacker nose and ear hair trimmer.

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That's in the script? Yeah, no, that's in the script. The skin-safe technology makes your dick look bigger. It reduces nicks and kicks. If you have a giant bouffant taking over two inches of your dick look bigger it reduces nicks and kicks if you have a giant bouffant it definitely over two inches of your dick then maybe i had that i shaved recently you had a big bouffant i swear to god no i didn't shave for like seven months no yeah you don't clean up at all now jesus i told you i'd say oh say, oh, I got to shave.

Oh, no, you know what I got to do is go hit an open mic. Yeah. There's more important things to be doing. This is great. Your pants are sitting off of your pelvis. I hate this so much. No, I'm like, actually. Yeah, no, I let it go.

It's more comfortable that way for me. What, full hair? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's advanced technology. You got so excited. Yeah, I mean, it's advanced technology. Yeah. He got so excited. Yeah, yeah. Hair is, like, especially, like, pube hair is, like, is probably the most advanced technology there is.

Totally. Yeah, it's, like, it keeps it from smelling down there. It wicks away moisture. Get 20% off free shipping with the code It does What are you fucking rope swinging in the rainforest naked? What are you talking about? You sweat sitting down Yeah, it's got nothing to do with

What's happening to your balls? Your balls are sweating No, they're not No, but the pubes aren't You're telling me your forehead's sweating and your balls aren't? 100% There's no way 100%

There's no way Freshest nuts in the county. I need the manscaped ass shaver. What's that? I mean, they need to make one. Yeah, yeah. You could use a small, a small beard trimmer is small enough

to get into an orifice unless you have a tiny, tiny butt. A weed whacker? You want me to put the weed whacker in my asshole? Yeah. You got a thick in a fucking brush in there, don't you? You little piglet. Dude, I ripped my asshole last night.

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biggest hit. I've never eaten enough that would bend landscape.com. Manscaped for a perfect gift that will be the holiday's biggest hit. Like this is like, I've never eaten enough that would bend the requirements of my ass. No, it's just, you'd have to eat so much and let it pile up. No, no,

no. Just stretch it out like a fucking hyena. Taking a dump in a field. You take runny dumps. No, I don't. I take healthy, fibrous dumps i'm saying i normally you're dropping a fucking tangerine last last night i got caught with a

i got caught with a tough one it was thick it was thick at the i wish there was other sponsors why then we have to talk about your fucking dingleberries and giant shits every week i'm just saying that's what happened you You're talking about shaving your asshole. I did not. He brought it up. I was helping him put the weed whacker in my asshole. Yeah. Just my mouth with the light on.

And I was thinking that if you're shaving your asshole, you're, you're risking injury. No, you don't need to do that. I got to fuck. Not with the weed whacker. You're not.

It's got that. I got a skin. Sensitive technology. I think you'd wax. I think you'd wax. I think you'd want to wax the asshole. Right? Probably. That would require so much more.

What do you mean? You got to keep waxing until you're dead. But isn't wax, it's like one and done for a good bit, right? Yeah, but the hair follicles aren't dead. See right here? Yeah, that's why you got a laser. 15, 20 years. I would actually consider getting like laser.

You could. Laser on the asshole. Yeah. Is that a big of a problem? Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. That's where the smell generates from.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Anal leakage? Oh, no, no, no. You got a little anal leakage going? No, I'm not leaking out of my ass. Well, it sounds like you might be. No.

You have a bidet at home. I got sweaty ass. You got a bidet. Swamp ass. You got to get a bidet. Do you think some poop's mixing in with that sweat? No, no, no, no, no. What time we at?

Are you sure? Are you sure there's a little bit of poop mixing in? That's why I got the dude wipes. Use code sun. Bringing my own ads. Dude. Are the dude wipes fragrant? Yeah, they are.

Which, they don't actually even sponsor our podcast anymore, but I don't know why they are. Why they are fragrant? Why they have scents. Yeah, that's good. They got menthol. Did you ever put Gold Bond on your balls? Yeah.

I did that in the 90s for basketball practice Does it work? No There's no angle that you could be at to get it where you want it and have it stay there You just wreck your parents bathroom Gravity is a thing

You're slipping all over the bathroom There's just now a layer of dust covering the floor It should come with like a swing yeah yeah whatever that exercise thing is that's like literally the only thing that would work that's the only thing that would work the only only reason that chair would be useful. I know. You swing all the way down, you hit a button, it just ejects like a... It's the only thing that would work.

It's like powdering a donut upside down. That would be sick. If you had ankle straps and you just swing up. Yeah, it just gets weird. Also, like, I feel... Jesus Christ, dude. I just feel... I don't want to talk about sweaty nuts anymore.

Why not? Yeah, I don't know. I don't even use that for the sweaty, though. I use it for chafing. What, Gold Bond? Yeah. You won't chafe if you don't shave your nuts. No, my thighs.

Your thighs rub together? Or my ass. On your ass? What are you, a cross-country fucking runner? What do you do? Wait, your thighs are rubbing against your ass? No, I said my thighs or my ass oh the cheeks you're chafing your cheeks my cheeks shake sometimes really yeah when i go like hiking you like i well i did for a bit and now i don't you're out of the hiking well i would like to get back into it i just haven't had time

and your butt cheeks would chafe against one another yeah dude that's obese people they have like different discoloration and they have a callus on their ass crack it's also like you ever knock around a beef bag why are your ass cheeks honestly they have a discoloration on their ass cheek also i don't i don't think my ass cheeks rub that much like like they definitely do yeah i don't think your ass cheeks are just separated they're just not touching no but i'm saying that like how is your ass fully exposed at all times you got like a lego body fully aerated yeah no my ass cheeks stay together yeah my ass cheeks stay together when i'm moving yeah also it would take an enormous amount of friction like you know this happened it happened bad one time when i went on a 14 mile hike yeah well you

weren't a bathing suit because it's the only time it happens to me no like if i'm active i did go swimming and then i walked back down that's probably what it was yeah that's yeah if you get sand yeah a little grit and grime you go body surfing then toss a pill around for a bit oh geez body surfing is awesome it's the best thing in the world do you ever get folded over though yes scorpion legs are legs are up at your shoulders yes i used to i tried to be cool one time i i used to sell kayaks in wildwood new jersey as my job for two years and anytime there would be a tornado like off the coast or any type of major yeah yeah hurricane or whatever the fuck they closed on the beaches but if you were

part of like the squad which is like the lifeguards or anyone that sells something on the yeah you go hit the waves yeah and i i tried to kayak once and i didn't put a life preserver on and i got dumped and shredded like i like i fear death it's no that moments like that are like the closest i've ever felt to being like i might not not be making it out of this. It took me about 35 minutes to swim back in. You don't know which way is up. You're just getting buried.

And you're like, I don't know where I am right now. And then you come back up and you just see another wave just coming, crashing down. And every year there's some dude our age at that time, which is your age. Yeah, it dies. Yeah, it dies.

Yeah. I like that this was like... Yeah. The undertow is fucking real. They got big waves in Long Island too. You don't need to be surfing the fucking hurricane waves. Yeah, yeah.

And also like, what are the waves? Like the waves in Long Island maybe say they get up to like five feet. Yeah. Like at most. At most. Yeah, yeah. But it's like what are the waves and like the waves in long island maybe say they get up to like five feet yeah like that's a at most big ass yeah yeah but it's like you don't like you don't need to go from that to them be going like 10 footers when the hurricanes are going on for body surfing because it's enough if you know what you're doing to no dude five is too much for body so i need like you need like two or three for body three is body surfing five dude five when you go body surfing

and you get a big wave and then all of a sudden you realize like i'm way too high up on this wave yes and all of a sudden you feel the front of your body is like 10 feet off the ground and then that's when you just go face first into the sand problem is that jacob reese you go right into the fucking sand like the only big waves yeah yeah it just goes right into the fucking sand unless it's a a rare storm opportunity do they have sharks out in long island yeah yeah great whites yeah apparently as i think more and more yeah more and more yeah they got them on the cape real would you rather see somebody get eaten by a great white or watch a plane go down eaten by a great white because actually i would actually really like to see a great white like in the wild yes yeah And just demolish them.

And someone might have to be sacrificed for that to happen. Yeah, I agree. I've never seen... It's good juju for the whole community. Videos of planes going down are easy to find. Videos of people getting eaten by sharks is tough. I know. I know.

There was one last year there. Yeah. Like off that pier or whatever. Was that in Maine? It was one in Maineine very recently yeah but i don't think they got that one on video no that wasn't on video no it wasn't on video this video was like somewhere southern yeah i think it was like california yeah i don't know dude the summer that i graduated from high school i was uh in martha's vineyard with my friends we got like

an airbnb for like one night and we went out there and uh we were out on the beach and all of a sudden like the the lifeguards come flying down on the atvs and they're like everyone out of the water yeah and there's like a great white like 20 feet off of the shore but i didn't get to see it dude i want to see a big shark so bad fucking i want to see like you ever watched like the old shark week when shark yes huge and the ones where they jump out of the water yes yeah dude seeing that in real life would be fucking just dragging a styrofoam seal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A kid I went to high school with does that for a living. He fights off sharks for National Geographic. That's crazy. Photographers and shit. Yeah. Yeah. You see how easy it is for the most part? What?

To push away a shark. You just put your hand on the tip of his nose and you're like, get out of here. Did you see that video on Reddit? It was like the... I don't know if you guys are. You guys probably aren't on Reddit. of his nose and you're like, get out of here. Did you see that video on Reddit? It was like the... I don't know if you guys are... You guys probably aren't on Reddit. I tried to be.

It's too vast. No, Reddit fucking rules, dude. You just go on the popular page. It's the best. It's literally the best part of the internet. Yeah, every day. There's nothing dumb. It's just like cool ass videos.

Yeah. And the pages will be like r slash next fucking level. And you're like, this is awesome. What's your favorite bit? What do you go to that like i just go to the popular page so whatever's popular on yeah on on all of reddit and it's like that's where everyone gets everything from the internet that you see so it's like that's the best part of the internet what did you see what did you there's a video of a guy with a tiger shark and he just grabs the nose and just

moves it. Yeah. And they're like so fucking dumb that they don't even know what happened. As long as they're not already like. Like, I guess I'm moving now. Yeah. Yeah. They have no idea what happens. Unless they come up like behind you already like locked in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They just like peruse. They're dumb as fuck. You can see it in their face. Yeah. They're dumb as shit. There's nothing going on between those eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just.

Sharks are AIDS. Yeah, sharks are AIDS. No, sharks are not AIDS. Sharks, whatever the opposite of of aids is that's what sure i love sharks rule i got so big into sharks as a kid dude sharks scare the fuck i would say sharks are probably like my number one fear really yeah but i also am like fascinated by them yeah well it's it's there's also the thing where it's like i feel like you can't really appreciate how fucking huge, even like a 16-foot shark is, unless you're near it. Yeah, I've never seen one. I just remember being on a boat and someone would be like, oh, this is like a 20-foot boat.

And I'm like, so there's sharks that are the size of this boat. Yes, yeah. Dude, you ever see that? There was one where they were tagging. There was one show where they were tagging Great Wh yeah and they they got like the biggest one they would bring it up on like this little like elevator and tag it and like put it back in the water and this thing was fucking gigantic it was like 24 feet long or something like that it was like dude it was huge this thing would swallow you in a bite oh man i'd like to cut one of those fuckers open and just see i think i think i'd have a better chance surviving a shark or surviving like a

grizzly bear attack than a shark attack no way yeah you're out of your fucking skull because you don't have you're not mobile on a teenage grizzly will rip you apart but dude you're not like you have no control in the water they They pull you down. There's nothing you can do. All you have to do is tap them on the nose and go, get out. No, no. I've been watching. Yeah, if you can hold that level of composure in a shark attack. Well, that's the key.

Well, they have your entire torso in their mouth. You gotta be like, dude, just give them a little knock on the nose. They bite you and then they peace out for a little bit and let you die. Supposedly. Yeah. But one bite is enough to kill you. One bite is bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you get lucky with the bite, a grizzly is not going to bite you and then they peace out for a little bit. Supposedly. Yeah. But one bite is enough. One bite is bad. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But if you get lucky with the bite, a grizzly is not going to bite you and walk away. Yeah. Grizzly is going to tear you. Yeah. They'll stomp your head off. I talked about this before.

What? Listening to the tapes of the grizzly. Grizzly man. I think that's fake. It's not fake. I saw something that I would know. No, the tapes are fake apparently.

Oh really? Yeah. Sorry. What? I hate to burst your bubble. 21 year old in the basement. I hate to burst your bubble, man. Screaming? No. that I would no no the tapes are fake apparently oh really yeah sorry bro what you're so fucking 21 year old in the basement hate to burst your

bubble man screaming no reenactment no fucking no way no way wait that movie

was made by no no the movie's real but apparently there's like an audio of them dying apparently it's fake I don't believe this I'm not sure I believe

it either I've heard things we'll find out I've heard things. We'll find out. I've heard things. The comments will tell us. Yeah, and people love proofing me wrong. Dude, I... Insane.

Yeah. Who made that movie? That fucking... That weird guy. Dude, I watched that movie recently. I rewatched it, and there's a scene where the guy that would fly... What was the main guy's name? I don't remember what his name was.

I forget. The guy that would fly him in the helicopter and drop him i don't remember what his name was the guy that would fly him in like the helicopter and drop him off in like the woods with the grizzlies yeah they like interviewed him and they're like they're like so like what did he like did he ever tell you like why he wanted to do this and he's like he's like i don't know man he's like we all we all thought he was a little retarded or something and then he goes and then he goes like i think the bears knew he was a little retarded. So that's why I killed him. Bad gene pool. Yeah.

He's a little smarter. He wouldn't do this. Killing the runt of the litter. Just the bears all meeting up in the woods. Like, look guys, you guys see what I see? Looks a little retarded.

What's the first part? I feel bad for the girlfriend. Why? Cause she went out with him she went out that was like her first summer out there wasn't it yeah yeah yeah he was like i got to come see this is so fun you know she's she's the dependent girl it's like i want to go to the open mic he's like okay you want to come you come on yeah come on you've been begging me to come out and he's fucking annoyed and she she probably got him killed of course she probably answered a call from one of her friends or no it's just like she probably just had weird energy yeah they probably got in a big fight yeah it's like you know when

you like you know when you have someone who's like afraid of dogs and they start acting weird around the dog that shit dog starts dog starts acting weird and they're like we're talking to your dog it's like it's you it's your fucking shit energy the dog comes up to them there's nothing worse than somebody just fucking with a dog yeah just like riling them up it's like dude this is not your dog oh really my dad does that well not to our dogs oh yeah yeah but it pisses me off like a stranger's dog oh that's weird just like and the dog's like confused yeah what the fuck is gonna happen yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna get a dog this summer really what kind i don't know yet vishla that's one of the options really yeah i don't know

hunting dog i lost it in one of my relationships so they took the dog i raised i raised them and then she took them and then one time she showed up to my door a month later because i had to give her a check for rent yeah and she didn't tell me the dog was going to be there and the dog didn't know i was going to be there obviously yeah the whole situation was aids this sounds aids yeah and the dog started doing this helicopter spin crying so then i'm crying oh and then i have to hand over a check on the stoop of fucking Northern Liberties. Maybe we cut this part out. Just revealing your lowest moments.

Oh my gosh. What's the point of a podcast, sass? The fuck you think we're doing here? Dogs crying, I'm crying. Doing it over championships all day? No. We're talking about our low moments here. This is Reddit for our heart.

Reddit is for children, right? No, Reddit's for everyone. I would say probably the average age on Reddit is probably 40, if I had to guess. Reddit, I think it is the internet. It's got everything on it. You peruse Reddit. I peruse it every

once in a while. I can't get my arms around it. Somebody sent me a private... Yeah, we probably have one going i'm not going there yeah i don't want to go there also never never look at your own right now i look at my i look at our reddit every day no seven times a day that's insane it's like right when i wake up and right before i go to bed you need to look at your reddit less and shave your balls more. Yeah. You got to get your shit together. Somebody sent me a, you have a private Reddit that you can access of coming on figurines. Oh really? Somebody sent me,

you send this to Chris. Yeah. It's coming on figurines forward slash whatever, Reddit or something. That's crazy. Is it? Of course it is. And you did it.

You were coming on figurines? I jizzed on a figurine when I was a kid. It came in Jasmine's face. Damn. When I was a kid, my back was against the wall. I didn't have anything else. It wasn't like a fetish. How old were you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say. You were 16? 16. Yeah. I was probably old. That is like kind of, that's around peak horniness. I would say peak horniness is like 14. Yeah. Let me tell you something. When you're of, that's around peak horniness. I would say peak horniness

is like 14. Yeah. Let me tell you something. When you're like, you don't even know how to control yourself because you're so horny. It is not.

But it's pumping through your veins. Yeah. I feel like peak was like the late 30s for me. Really? And even now. No.

It's still right. No, maybe that was like, oh, I want to go fuck. When you're like, when you just start jerking off, you're like in class. Like the first thing i do when i get home is i'm gonna fucking yeah yeah yeah like talking to yourself in math class well

that's when you came the first time did you know what it was gonna be no because i didn't cut i was shooting blanks yeah me too some dude john reavey told me to beat off with shampoo when i was in sixth grade yeah same thing and i got shampoo in my little pee pee hole. And then it stings. I just, you find out the way. You find out the hard way. Yeah. I remember being at hockey practice and I like, and I like a little bit,

a little drop came out and I was like, and it was like fire leaving my body. Yeah. It was like squirming around. Yes. Yes, dude. That's gonorrhea.

Yeah. Imagine that, but with a little Colgate coming up. You got anything to plug Bob? yeah I'll be in Buffalo New York I think the 15th through the 17th then I'll be in Boston in early February

I'll be in Plano Texas sometime in January I don't know when ok nice Buffalo Helium Buffalo what are you looking at there? oh my god it's figuring it and coming on look at the layers it's like four layers of icing what the fuck

so how long do you think that is like a couple months and her hands are tied behind her back and she's on top of an ashtray just catching a little that's something that

that person should be put away yes of course you've shot in the back of the head you're coming off the green they tied up a toy's hands I'm good I don't need to say not anymore

not anymore looks like a marshmallow peep ew look look at how interested he is everyone else is like i don't want to see more you're definitely looking at that as soon as this ends no you love it dude look at you he's like dude he's, this is so weird. All of them. Look at him. You are in heaven right now. This is so weird. That's a hot one. Alright, Chris.

Alright, Chris. Do this on your own fucking time. That's crazy. What are you saying now? Buffalo, 15th through the 17th, December, and then Plano, Texas. Wait, what? Time in January.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What? Oh, I also have a podcast. Yeah, Son of a Boy Dad, The Yak. Yeah. Yeah. Check that out.

That's it. We have fun. Yeah. Thanks for coming on. That's all we do. Yeah, thanks for having me. Yeah. Chris and I will be in Irvine, California this weekend weekend oh yeah hell yeah shame boys ninth and tenth with shame how

many shows you guys doing uh six i assume yeah that's a long weekend we're getting field passes at sofi yeah that'd be crazy my buffalo dates actually have to get moved well like moved around the show because the fucking bills game just got moved to the Saturday that I'm there. It's like Philly. Yeah. It's a home Bills game. Yeah. It's a home Bills game.

And they're rematching against the Dolphins. Yeah. It's like a huge game. That's a big game. They lost to the Dolphins earlier in the season. But you're going to be there for Thursday, Friday? Go to the game. Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

So I think we're going to move one of the shows to Thursday. Because usually I do one Thursday. But you're sticking around for the season. But you're going to be there for Thursday, Friday? Go to the game. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So I think we're going to move one of the shows to Thursday. Because usually I do one Thursday. But you're sticking around for the game. Yeah, I'm going to try and go to the game. Dude, you got to go to the game. Yeah, especially if it's on Saturday. You hung out with them, right? You hung out with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With Shane, yeah. Heard you were playing VR

in the middle of a strip club. Yeah, yeah. No, it was at Dave and Buster's. There's a lot of strippers there. How do you know they're strippers? Were they eating bread? They were hired to be there. Are you sure? I don't think they were

hookers. I guess whores. Also, they're working women. Chris, your serial killer baseball watching t-shirt. Yeah, we made a t-shirt. Oh, hell yeah. That video was so fucking funny.

Isn't it so funny? Yeah. He made a t-shirt. Were you like that the whole game so funny isn't it so funny yeah he's gonna drop on uh was that like were you like that the whole game this would be up him yeah was he like that you ever hung out with chris yo yeah that's nuts yeah dude that was crazy yeah dude he locks in you don't know when it's gonna click into it yeah yeah do you bet a lot or something no just just a big fan of the sport yeah yeah yeah i just it's there's high pressure moments i like seeing what you know i like seeing the way the guy they walk up you know i like to do

body language think about the stress whether i'd be able to handle it oh my god the fucking prison your head is dude what do you mean instead of just having a good time i had a good time i was dancing you were yeah yeah yeah but you had the stress of the of the manager of the team yeah while watching it was stressful what could do we won by we had five i know i know but when you buy tickets to a thing and it could potentially go terribly wrong yeah i went to the only fucking eagles lost this year yeah i know it's really yeah i dropped like fucking eight eight hundred bucks yeah it's the worst i got free tickets really it's the worst i went to the bills i went to the bills jets and i i put so much

i put like like 300 bucks on the bills i was like dude they're gonna fucking destroy the jets yeah and then i go i get like fucked up turns out met life they stop serving alcohol at the half oh no so i'm like hung over at the half and then the bills just get their asses kicked by the jets i was like dude this has sucked so much oh my god it's like a two-hour drive back into the city losing money on top of that night that's the worst city or the worst stadium in the country dude it was a nightmare is a fucking yeah it was it sucked yeah all of it including the people join us on the page yeah see you guys on the page