Stuff Island - Stuff Island #60 - therapy w/ Ian Fidance

Episode Date: December 28, 2022

Stuff Island #60 - therapy w/ Ian Fidance - Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor are joined by the hilarious Ian Fidance to try and figure out where their lives went wrong, how to fix em, & some much more fun stuff too. Cheers! - Full episodes also available on YouTube & bonus episodes are available on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/stuffisland - Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Thank you, and God bless Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I never think about belts. Yeah. My belt is like, it perfectly wraps around my hips at this point. You know what I mean? Like, you ever take it out? Like, I barely even take it out of pants. What?

My belt. You get two holes in it or three? I'm two in. Yeah, me too. That's not how it works. No, I'm three. They're all different sizes. I go three if I wear a pair of slacks.

It's true. It's a matter of how many fucking holes in. As long as it's not around your neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've been on a... I'm furious, dude. You have been on a fucking kick. I watched the...

I'm worried about you. What are you doing? Notes? No, he's texting his girl. He's back in with his woman. No, I'm looking at him typing notes. He's canceling therapy for this this is therapy this is there tell her you're here she'll fucking she'll

understand you probably get more out of this than you do her what's her name jackie what feinberg alberman that was close yeah it was pretty close why are you furious what i'm just mad i suck and i'm mad about you don't suck i suck and i'm mad about it let's get into that because i'm i'm the therapist are we recording yes oh hilarious yeah i canceled therapy for this yeah because i'd rather be present with my friends. Thank you. That I haven't seen you in a while. Yeah. And I had therapy Tuesday.

What am I doing? Yeah. You know? This is great. And I've really, dude, something will happen and I'll immediately panic and go, I have to have therapy. I have to. And then I breathe.

And then I go, you know what? No, I don't need that. I have the skills to cope with it and go through it. And I'm really proud of myself. This is what you need. Really? Yeah. What kind of skills? Self-awareness. Let me tell you. What kind of skills everyone's talking about? Everyone's talking about therapy and how much they're growing. I don't see anybody changing. help more like not enough bad help they don't help

it's better not help yeah exactly and look where you're at I have worked so fucking hard bruised bloody fucking knuckles doing the work not this bullshit I'm just going Tom I'm talking worksheets

Socratic method of questioning, fucking breathing exercises, journaling, fucking inner circle, outer circle. What behaviors bring me towards my values and what behaviors take me away? It is.

That sounds like a good exercise. This is what you do, dude. Dog. I mean, I have done question worksheets. Like I'm coming back from a head injury. Yeah. Like, you know, when people are like, you're at the, they have a fake grocery store and they're like, you get a carton of milk and you get sugar.

Now, how much does that equal at the checkout? It's like that. Like when I feel this way, what does that make you feel? And I'm like, I am helmet died. Susie has three apples but dude yes but i got all the apples and i feel good that's great yeah yeah that's great dude that's the thing it's fucking tough work and everybody's like i'm in there i mean no you're not you're paying for a friend to co-sign your bullshit yeah true yes i completely agree it's also a way of like at least

if i've articulated the problem that's a step in the right direction without actually doing anything it takes so long to become aware and even longer to turn awareness into action awareness is half the battle and you can get stuck in the aware pit where you're like well i know why i know why i know but when are you gonna know why i make a change yeah there's all this shit now where people go well i'm autistic that's why i'm a dick okay we'll fix it dickhead you know what the problem is yes fucking fix it yep it used to be add now it's autism bipolar's thrown in there a lot everyone's bipolar instead of just going, I know. And these real motherfuckers are going, I've been here the whole time. Yeah.

And I'm dealing with it. Shut up. I want to see the pill box. I want to see the lithium in your pocket. I want to see what you're taking. Bro. Then you can claim your little off. You should see my morning,

Monday through Mondays, and my night. Monday through mondays and my night monday do you have the pill uh-huh smt you do i like i wrote on it morning and then i wrote on it night but sometimes if i if if i'm not regimented and put and sit and go boop boop boop boop boop boop and i leave them in the bottle i forget and then i go i look at the bottle and go, I should do that. Nah, you don't need it. Damn.

And then I go a couple of days and I go to the stationery store because I need new calendars. And instead of getting one, I buy five. Well, Chris, you do this. You have morning pizza and night pizza. Monday to Monday. Yeah, dude, it's pizza time.

That's how you live your life like a ninja turtle i literally michelangelo i hadn't had sicilian pizza in a while i got a sicilian pizza i forgot how fucking terrible sicilian pizza is the next day it's the most overrated cheese bread it is it sucks and you got it for one which means that's three weeks of food dude every time i've seen you recently you're sleeping you're drunk your eyes are closed i've been drinking five days that's good he hasn't slept in five days i feel great do you yeah this is yes yes yes you were literally like i'm bad i'm no but that's but that this is this is reality soaking back into my soul yeah you know what i mean it's the medication is so good you know what i mean yes that it prevents you from

ever like you know thinking about your childhood and your fucking your life and what your identity is and whether you have one you know what i mean my values where my values am i moving towards or away my values dude what are my values do i have values or am i just fucking floating down the river you know what i mean that's where i'm at yeah this morning i went through the whole fucking cycle i got up i went i got coffee i got a yogurt i was feeling great i sat down i was like i'm gonna do some writing i opened my computer and then i looked i just the internet got me it'll get you and i like dude i've been jerking off so fucking much and it's so annoying it's i i fucking open up the internet and i'm like just fill my soul with fucking interesting content and it's so devoid of or finding it is finding stuff of value on the

internet they make it impossible so you just go what's the one reliable feel-good thing that i can do with this fucking window open spanking your mom exactly you know what i mean during the computer into a jerk off jukebox every day i'm putting in the quarter and playing the same song dude i fucking i i youtube series i read a book just about like how memory works a really long time ago i was like i remember that being an interesting book i want to see if there's any like youtube like conversations about memory in the brain and like how the brain how memory in the brain functions and i was like that i will listen to and like i search it it's a bunch of like boring ted talks and then then like four videos down it's just like the same old shit that it wants me to watch which is like fucking like a pat mcafee video it's like i searched a thing about memory and

now you're showing me like fucking all kinds of stupid videos about like just like like bloggers and fucking twitch people it's like yeah get the fuck out of my face yeah what the fuck are you doing guess you're like trying to like railroad me back into like a jordan jordan peterson video or some shit it's like get the fuck out of here look show me the shit about memory i know you have it this is a two this pool is too deep and too long look the internet is built for these bipolar autistics that we just spoke of we need a shelf of an encyclopedia from the 90s anytime i brought my brothers or i had a question my dad would go go look it up and then in corner 95 took

over yeah that was nice and the paper clip right we need to go to these old bookstores where no one's using the encyclopedias and how to get the actual information because it's all built for the jerk off machine well that's what they're doing it i know they are they're doing it when you try to find something actually insightful and interesting they're just like no you want the same old shit right and then you're like a car parts ad and you're buying shit you don't need dude it's fucking you don't now imagine okay you're an adult you can recognize that imagine being a kid and that's all you know and then the algorithm is what's feeding you and you don't know hey i don't want to but and it just goes and that's why kids are trans now yeah it's true it's true but i will say brain's getting scrambled what's crazy about fucking the encyclopedia is that was like the truth okay

it's in a book but now with wikipedia anyone can edit it change it and then enough people yeah co-sign it that then becomes a truth yeah and then you go well what's the fucking truth yeah this isn't fucking yeah and and then you go it's they can memory hole shit where something happens and then it literally gets scrubbed and then people don't they go i know this happened but there's no evidence of it yeah but i'm right and then they go we'll prove it you go no no no but i can't and you feel like you're fucking crazy yeah my wikipedia page says i uh you have a wikipedia i was so i was so bad at comedy in in delaware that i had to get a part-time job at a home depot are you reading my wikipedia that's all that's on your wikipedia it's been on it since day one yeah so i think my brother did it or something hilarious you didn't even live in delaware no you didn't do live in Delaware you didn't do comedy in Delaware maybe once with you

yes at Extreme Pizza I think I did stand up there once too was that like arcade games no it was like a high scale pizza shop we also did a theater there I did a theater there with maybe Heskey the baby man

yes that was it though what a dump i can't believe you were raised there maybe the worst of all the states you're from fucking delco it's what it's a wonderful place to go you got fucking sludge in the skookle it's like a story you know you get tight homes lots of aggressive aggression but people support and love you i do like that. But I like Delaware because it made me who I am, and I'm full of piss and vinegar because of it. True. Yeah.

You're right. There is a good side to being raised in a shitty environment. But if you get out, you could stay stuck. Yeah. I got your fix, Chris. You know what? I think the main ingredient that stopped is the gym. No, I went to the gym yesterday yesterday with yeah ferg yeah yeah but before that you skipped two weeks no i

was i was i always got like uh once a week yeah it just wasn't enough the gym is a high value activity for you yeah it brings you it makes your body feel better your mind but still like it's but still the stuff i was doing out the gym makes me feel better but the stuff i was doing outside of the gym is like of absolutely no value whatsoever one good thing that's your first inner circle behavior that's the thing that yeah what are your values what do you want who do you want to be you know i just want to be productive you know what i mean that's just like yeah but then it's still like i can go to the gym and still waste the whole day i just waste day after day after day not thinking about any well thinking about things and but do it not

putting it down not writing anything not really examining it it's just a it's just a day after day like a bunch of like what i think are interesting deep thoughts that i just dump and forget and never really analyze you know what i mean i never turn it into like work product it's it's pathetic yeah but guess what everybody does that it's that's okay it's not pathetic you gotta It's fucking pathetic. It's not pathetic. You gotta stop this message. It's fucking pathetic. Who are you right now? What do you mean? It's a fucking embarrassment. There's a deep anger. It's years, years of

just waste. I gotta re-water the plants every time he walks by them. They all just fall from his head. I was watching like I was watching their life pass before your eyes he's watching a documentary about like uh the the earthquake in nepal and uh they like it was just about like all these people up on everest when the earthquake hit and it's just like dude everyone up there should fucking die.

They're like the fact that like these people, like they're interviewing these people and they're like, I wanted to do something crazy. I had no climbing experience. I didn't really train for it. And I went and did Everest. It's like, dude,

what do you think this is? You think life's a joke? You think you can fucking walk up Everest, you fucking asshole. And you look and they're showing video of like base camp at Everest. It's a whole fucking town. Yeah. It's like,

are you guys out of your fucking minds? This is dangerous. You get what you get. And then the earthquake hits and they get wiped out by an avalanche. And while I'm supposed to feel bad, you know what? My mom then the earthquake hits and they get wiped out by an avalanche and what i'm supposed to feel bad you know what my mom always told me up there you know my mom always told me myob mind your own business no focus on you no no yeah you this is good he you need to be a sherpa you're a sherpa i'm you're sure he needs a little sherpa taking you to enlightenment yeah you gotta stop being so mean to yourself hey i mean to other people

anyone can get it dude you are the dude you're the volcano chris there are people talking about us going why did you hear this guy he's the problem he's gonna explode and kill you. It's your fault. Jesus. Dude. It's an easy fix. Another fix here is scheduling a little structure. You know, I'll do it with you because I can do some. Structure's so hard.

Some time. Time a lot. In this crazy life we're living. Yeah. Wow. It is. It's just like. You know, we're all in this slavery rock. Yeah. Think about a funny joke. Yeah. yeah it's just like you know yeah think about a funny joke

do stuff and use whacking off as a reward no I gotta stop jerking off no no no you're going to these extremes it's fucking crazy it's like so stupid you know I'm not gonna sit here and just have you beat yourself if you're gonna beat yourself up

use a feather instead of a sledgehammer no it's just like i don't i don't i i don't like what it does to my brain everything's bad in my life and we're going on the road and i had the best friend ever and i get to be a professional friend see but? No, it's like, I can see. I can see me. You remind me of my friend, Pagligio, the sad clown. Piacita? No, the clown that's like, I'm depressed. And then the doctor's like, you need to go laugh.

See, Pagligio. No, I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed. Depression is anger turns inward. You are depressed. You hate yourself. I'm furious.

Yeah. Well, I could see, like, dude. I've said three words. This is incredible. It's just like. No, this is nice. You know when you can see, like, you can see how badly you're going to let yourself and everyone down?

You know what I mean? Why would you even think that way? If you don't turn this thing around, you know what I mean? Guys, we got 16 games on the schedule. We got state coming up. You know how tough wins are in this league. You're Girardi. You're killing the morale

of the team. You gotta get fired and then hire a new manager and see how everything will flourish. Jesus Christ. Imagine Girardi coming every morning like I've been whacking off. I gotta stop jerking off. Anyway, just get out there and play whatever base you want.

You know these Nepalese retards are dying and I'm here. What's the point? Holy fuck. By the way, Nola, you're up. Well, it also is a distinct lack of appreciation for how well things are going. To be behaving like the way I'm behaving. There you go.

Gratitude. We're breaking the surface. Gratitude. This is great. What are you grateful for? What am I grateful for? I mean, the fact that we've made it this far, I should be dead. I thought I was going to die.

Me too, brother. Yeah. There was a, you know, there was like a real, there was a real couple of years there where you're just like, well, I guess I was just going to drive this thing into the ground. You know what I mean? I imagine it was, I imagine it was like, there's no turning back you just turned into large march i'm driving this truck on the road dude i think about this all the time chris you were like you're like when you started asking me

to do a podcast and i was trying to fight it and you're like let's do it let's do it and i was like didn't you have a podcast he goes yeah i do i i'm telling you once a week i think about this every time i get a coat out of the closet i was like what was your old podcast you go i don't know i just would think of a thing to say and and then i go where'd you record he goes in my closet wait wait what do you mean what do you mean he goes i would just go in the closet and just talk about something i was like i would just rant fucking god dude if you didn't kill yourself after that after one episode of that you were like the benjamin button version of me i got myself out of the closet dude there was there was no joke shutting the closet door and just hitting record and you gotta stop because a fucking sleeve gets on your face

the rustling of like a winter coat? I put up soundproofing. Oh, dude. I would sit in a closet. I lived in an attic. Was this during the pandemic? I would sit in the window of this attic. Like it was like a dormer window. And I would slug like nine and a half percent beers and just smoke cigarettes.

Like a fucking, like a specter in the fucking window. And I would look out onto walnut street and just look at people walking by it was insane how are you not happy now dude you made it you were one head injury away from being the guy that's on that shirt oh my god, dude, you ran a white trash lighthouse. Dude, it was. It fucking survived. Dude, it was seriously. This is incredible. Yeah, it was exactly.

Dude. Yeah. That is so fucking funny. I do. I find those words to be very powerful, to be honest with you. Like when you say, what are you grateful for? Yeah. It always has a negative connotation for me because I relate it immediately to my mother

forcing us around the Thanksgiving table. And you're just like, fuck, you're nervous. Your brothers are laughing at you. You're embarrassed. You don't really want to be genuine because they're just going to call you gay. And like, so you can't be truthful. And then you lock all of these things that you're actually grateful for away. It has this callous around it. And as you age, that callous continues. be truthful and then you lock all of these these things you're actually grateful for away it has

like this callous around and as you age that callous continues like growing up in delaware philly like you can never just be honest with your feelings and how you felt at the dinner table it's the same way now with yourself like you literally have to write down like what am i grateful for it's like the january 1st goals and shit i used to call that shit super corny it's effective dude it's very effective especially if it's just yourself yeah i don't hate on anyone like putting notes on their fucking mirror saying like you're beautiful you're great you're going to get this job i don't hate on that shit if you don't produce today yeah i could never do it because i'm chris and shane but if you live alone i Because you live with two fucking goblins.

If I lived alone, I'd have drawings of Ferraris on mirrors. You could have that coming along, baby. You and Shane are happiness goblins. Just any time. If happiness or gratitude comes up, it's like, Oh, shit. Shit runs down. Dude, I swear to God.

Move. If Shane heard us three having this much fun he'd open that door loud but what are you doing just to let you know he's not happy with you guys being happy he loves walking into a perfect point in the podcast is just going yeah dude it's this weird thing like if you can get back to that kid you were before all this other stuff started beating you down you developed these defense mechanisms and this shell and this wall if you can get back to that think back to when you were a kid and you experienced joy yeah of like nothing outside and you were just like playing what chris is like never you were never joyous you never i think i think when i was like right right before preschool you can get back let me tell you something i don't really remember what it was like god got to the

last couple wires of chris's head And then somebody broke in and was like, hey, we got a problem in the gate, Westgate. And he's like, oh, shit. You forgot to put the wires back in. When God was in the warehouse of making humans, he made you over 4.30 on a Friday. It was after the Christmas, the war Christmas party. He got senioritis, man.

He's like, oh, shit, I got one more. Did you ever lay in the ground as a kid on your side and spin yourself around? Did you ever do that? What? Lay on your side and spin yourself around? Like, of course. Get back to that.

Yeah, we got to get you back to your youth. Yeah, we got to get you back to the thing that made you joyous. I got a patriarchy. Dude, you've seen pictures of that made you hold on joyous let's i got a patriarchy you've seen pictures of me when i was like it's hilarious five it's just like shrinky ding it's the same the same miserable look directly into the camera dude i mean look i'm gonna say it as a friend i love you chris but i think you're broken and unfixable. You think I'm what? Broken and unfixable. We are returning this broken to safe.

At this point, we've got to save me. We've got to talk about me. Let's get me out of here. Before some murder-suicide. Believe me, you need some work, too. I do. I do. I'm in black. From the founder of Adult Children's of Alcoholics, my favorite quote, it's never too late to have a happy quote. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

It's never too late to change your perception of things because everything's perception. If I'm a piece of shit, I'm a yard piece of shit. You perceive yourself as, no, there's good in here. I got to bring it out. You will have the good. You can look back at your childhood and be like, did you have that?

But you can go back and be like, no, actually, that turned me into who I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can do it. Yeah, you can do it. It's just you can go back and be like no actually that's for me into who i am yeah yeah yeah yeah you can do it yeah you can do it it's just it's not so much that there's any one event in my childhood that had like was it it's just like dude i've been this dude for so long. Where does that get you, brother? Exactly.

Do a change. What? Do a little change. I know. But it's just like, god damn it. You can... It's just... No, it can be done.

Let's do a Patreon goal. Focused work. Let's do a Patreon goal. And we'll go to like a kid camp or something. Do like something fun. The living is in the work. Where we get this having fun you know there's laser tag laser tag or paint i was thinking about having a birthday

party and laser tags december 31st would you come that'd be oh yeah no booze i can't be there wait you think i'm fucking playing laser tag sober yeah get the fuck out of here dude all right get all tuned up we'll fucking laser tag look i'm not gonna be here the 31st but i would do that no no i'll do why don't we do it the first weekend in january let's do it yeah i'll do it dude what if there's a paintball indoor paintball place i want to do paintball paintball let's fucking yo i think it is there is an indoor paintball joint in in brooklyn in joint. In Brooklyn in one of those warehouses. It's too cold for the... I tried to do paintball once. I only went once and it was like during this weather.

They hit like rocks. Oh, yeah. Half of them pop. It's just getting hit with rocks. Every time I would run from one tree to another and you're supposed to like sneak, people would know where I was because I was going, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Also, you can't play with strangers. You got to bring exactly... Yes. All those virgins, they fucking, they come geared up, dude. Let's get a fucking... They got cat dude they got like the two tap yeah let's get a fucking crew and play paintball yeah remember how good we felt on the boat fishing true yeah yeah it's great yeah it's great yeah well that's like yeah it's just like yeah i need you know you need a fucking hobby instead of fucking obsessing and analyzing yourself like you're reading a fucking torah i need you know you need a fucking hobby instead of fucking obsessing and analyzing

yourself like you're reading a fucking torah i need to get out get into the world i need to do well we're doing more so january the first second week of january we're doing a weekly look at this so that's gonna that's gonna you said this every podcast no i said starting january we are january 3rd is our first with Foley and Kevin Ryan oh yeah you can help with that I'm saying we need to do other stuff too he's a fucking balls of him

I'm not on your door we said it you said you he's the one who says it every week but I also said it we gotta get you a weekly thing that's what you gotta do i know we have let's get you in the closet once a week you can go back to your own o'connor fucking your old podcast where you talk about one thing in the

closet look it's like hard feelings with fucking are you garbage you gotta say one you'll take one news thing and you get in the closet. I was thinking about doing movie reviews. There you go. You watch them all day. It's like deep thoughts of Jack Handy, but even more of a fucking moron. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

You're not a fucking idiot. We're all idiots, Chris. We're all idiots. That's why we all get along. Everybody here says we're an idiot, except for you. You got to admit you're a fucking idiot. I got you a present. No. I did for Christmas. Dude, you we're an idiot except for you. You got to admit you're a fucking idiot. I got you a present. No.

I did for Christmas. Dude, you said that and that was so sweet. Yeah. For you helping out my friend. I'm going to cry. This is from Bigger Bad Wolf. We'll tag him up. I want to show you.

What is it? Hand it to him, Chris. I thought you could make it. What's in it? Is this it? Yeah. No way! Well, there's the thing inside. Oh!

How fucking cool is that, dude? Dude, I need a new one. The one my mom got me is breaking. Oh, damn, that really works. And these things are snapping off. Dude, this is a weapon, which I love. How sick i love how sick and it's oh my

god dude where'd you get this bigger bad wolf bigger bad wolf yeah instagram at bigger bad underscore wolf or something read the card for me it's inside the slit that's also done that really does that cleans you right up wood Woodworker, artist, painter, vintage restoration, knife handle scenes, reclaimed wooden art, miniature diorama scenes, beard comb. Like, yeah, he woods, like, scenes into it. Rings, necklaces, bracelets, gardening, plant germination. That is kind of sweet. Luthier, guitar repair, buffing.

What can't this guy do? Give his handle. Be brief. That's what he did. Yeah yeah it's bigger bad underscore wolf oh and this is a container for it and that's an actual wallet if you want if you want to use it as a wallet i don't i'll say thank you yeah dude oh my god tommy chris go get go get the rope i got chris he's too short to get even reach the rope no it's all right i'm furious you're still mad at yourself for me what

now just everything the whole world's gone shit we're having such a good time no i just need to i just need to fix everything and these fucking dudes on everest need to die you can't fit you can't climb everest in a day you can't fix everything they focus on what you can change and everything else will follow and also get over yourself god what do you mean sorry for yourself well i don't feel sorry for myself it sounds like it i'm i'm angry at myself yeah it's not feeling sorry for myself i just gotta change you know you'll go home and you'll reset because you're gonna look at what how everybody else i can't i don't even i'm not looking forward to that good christ maybe this is why

our holiday episode we're just talking about. This is truly every holiday growing up at my grandparents' house. Just depressive yelling. People will resonate with this because this is when most people kill themselves. This is a great mental health episode to get you out of your muck. So this is a perfect, thank God Bobby Kelly shit himself all afternoon, all morning. And you stepped in to give us your insight into therapy because we clearly don't know it and need it yeah i guess you should start going yeah you know what i'll go with you yeah i'll do it with you yeah i'm telling you dude i'll do it and like even just in the moment when shit happens not being reactive and just like being like no no just cool it for a second

not just being like like man you're fucking i don't like i don't like having boundaries i never i've never seen him so like dude putting on it really just like i don't know like even even to like yeah i don't know it's just like even going out and it's like i could never be one of those people i literally can't even imagine coming home like coming home after a fun night like sober and like getting in bed and going what a blast we had what a great night that was. That's me every night. Kiss my cat. Kiss my cat.

You need a pet. I need to have fun until it goes dark. You need a cat, dude. I love cats. They're low maintenance. Bro, it would

take care of things. No, they don't. Does my apartment stink? I don't know. I've never been. You were there. It was, I think I was smelling Lenny Dykstra. He's a pet. He shits in a litter box, dude.

Should we call him right now? Call him up, dude. I thought we were supposed to do part two. Oh, yeah. Part two of a phone call. Call him up and ask him if he's doing therapy. Yeah. You got any advice?

We will do. I'll do it with you because I've been I've been meaning to do it. I gotta do something. Oh. Is he ducking me? What is this?

What is this? What is this? Check his Twitter see if he's in jail could not complete your call please try again yeah cannot complete the call yeah yeah he's gonna die of a heart attack

yeah he's gonna have a he'll have an aneurysm something will pop in his brain or his heart. I think he's just going to slowly turn into mush. He's already kind of there. He's mush. He's not that old. What's that in between stage

between like a baked potato and a mashed potato? I know, Connor. It's kind of chopped up. Yeah. I'm not baked at all. I'm fresh out of chopped up. It's kind of chopped up. Yeah. Yeah, your toy's baked. No, I'm not baked at all. I'm fresh out of the dirt.

Hard and inedible. Man. Covered in mud. Yeah, we got it. Just, I'm a spot what if we get volunteering for like soup kitchens yo dude volunteering helped me so much yeah i used to volunteer every sunday at an lgbt center like shelter that's for benefits i want him actually feeding people i was in charge he was feeding people makeup well i got molested the first day there i went to the bathroom and a gal followed me I want him actually feeding people. I was in charge of the toiletries. He was feeding people. I'd give him all makeup.

Well, I got molested the first day there. I went to the bathroom and a gal followed me and I'm peeing and she just grabbed my cock and she's like, you like that? And I was like, not in this scenario. Because we were in a church basement. Oh my God. She's a homeless trans person from Queens. I have her number.

Should I call her? Yeah. Was she call her? Yeah. That's tough. So did you knock her around? No. Did you think about it? No, you can't. Can't bring work home with you. Yeah. Can't bring work home with you.

She needs help, not me being like, you know, I'm a teacher. Oh, they were in, was it therapy? It was a homeless shelter. Oh, a homeless shelter. That I was volunteering at. What do you have to volunteer for? It was a homeless shelter. Oh, a homeless shelter. That I was volunteering at. What do you have to volunteer for? It was a charge of coats and handing out toiletries. Oh.

Giving them, you know, their fucking soap and toilet paper. Charge of coats. Yeah. What, they have a coat? They got a coat? They had a coat drive. People would bring in coats. I'd hand them coats.

Oh, I thought you meant they like a coat check at a steakhouse. Some lady training for 28. It's like all quiet on the Western Front and they're stitching them up. This one has a bullet hole in it. Woo! Yeah. Yeah. It was fun, dude.

Yeah, it's a fucking job. Dude, go. I'm telling you, volunteer. Yo, it's fucking... I brought a friend who was going through it and we're handing out sandwiches to homeless people on the line and he's like telling me and he's like honestly every morning i wake up and i want to kill myself i just don't think things are ever gonna here's a sandwich man god bless have a good day hey all right thanks I can't find a reason to live.

So that was his, did he just have like a- No, I don't know. He got through it. He's fucking married. He's fucking killing it now. Because he saw, is that like, he saw rock bottom and what he could possibly be? No, no, no, no. He was like going through something else.

He was sober and everything. But that is an enlightening shift to go, maybe I'm not that bad. Yeah, and also getting outside yourself. And like, like i mean volunteering is kind of selfish in a sense yeah it's like well i'm doing it because it feels good but you're helping other people yeah fucking matter yeah yeah but well you can also package the soup and then not see anybody you don't like deliver it yeah you could be in the back that's more for them yeah and just go for a ride it wouldn't make you feel value instead of being like,

I'm a piece of shit. You could be like, yeah, I'm a piece of shit, but I did something good today. No, it's, it's,

it's not that I don't feel value. It's just like, uh, it's, you know, I don't know. It's just about taking advantage of an opportunity and actually like respecting it and doing something,

something with it, which I feel like I haven't done. That's what I'm talking about. Well, that's, that's part. I haven't done. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Well, that's part, I mean, that's great that you can even- Recognize. Recognize that. That's it.

If you're ignorant to that, then you're fucked. Yeah. All you got to do is just pick it up and that's what we'll do. I know. I know. But it's an easy fix. It's an easy thing of being like, is it too late? Is it too late?

Should I have done this a while ago? Is it too, it's like, no, it's never. It's so easy to do in this industry though. It's so easy to fuck i had my shot i had yeah since then what have i done it's like dude you're you're way above water yeah and the opportunities are always coming yeah no i'm not yeah i don't i don't i like i don't think i think the the frustration comes with it's like so easy to turn it around and just not doing it you know what i mean yeah have you connected do you have like non-comedy friends in your life yeah that's good yeah they don't live here though that's the other thing i don't talk i don't talk i like i don't i that's the i that's another part

of my life where i'm just like i'm not a talker i'm not a good friend. That's not true. I've felt that way before, but you can be. I mean in like a, I don't know, not like putting the work in for my friend. Right. That's how I feel like I'm not like, yeah. I'm not wondering what other people, I'm not calling people. I've said this a couple of times. You're definitely, you're great at this. Rainey's really good at this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just texting saying, how are you? Genuinely asking how you're definitely you're great yes rainy's really good at this yeah just texting saying how are you well dude genuinely asking how you're doing i've had to have a friend be like dude you just call me and fucking dump and you don't even go hey how are you so i and then and then sometimes i'd call him and be like hey man how are you how are things he goes what's going on in your life you just call him like hey how are you and he starts talking you just hang up fuck out of here with that bullshit uh no but you got to do it dude i was like so absent from friends lives for so long because i like dude when i got sober i had to leave all my fucking friends and get like new friends because they would drink and they were fine with it but i was

fucking it sucked and i missed like births and families and this and that and i've reconnected and now i go like the extra step like dude i i was at a gig upstate on like a saturday night drove all the way back through the night took a 3 a.m amtrak to my mom's house in delaware stayed up like chatty Cathy's till 7am with her, which was great. And then drove to Jersey to go to my best friend's son. It was like my nephew, his first birthday party. It was amazing. Yeah. Like I showed up, I got, I went and got a gift and like, I got bits out of it too, because I lived a life that wasn't, you know, like, yeah, yeah. Comedy life. Yeah. Yeah. And it felt like good, dude. I'm telling you, if you know comedy life yeah yeah and it felt like good dude i'm

telling you if you like pick up the phone and talk to an old friend and like reminisce you'll feel so much a great conversation with my friend the other day well there you go but it's just i'm saying it's just everything after bud is bullshit yeah what do you think of that everything after you say is but is bullshit yeah that's a fucking a painting. We got to take down one of these useless paintings and put up some quotes. Some mom quotes. Yeah. It's bullshit.

As long as my feet are on Astoria's floor, my heart is full. Make new friends. Keep the old. One is silver. The other is gold. Yes, dude. Yeah. yeah yeah it's very midwest live your life like a sister's bathroom yeah all their furniture is big country clunky shit and they have like

pillows with don't kill yourself basically all their pillows don't kill yourself you're worth it you know don't hit the kids yeah don't hit the kids but in different ways one that just says hitting your spouse doesn't make the team perform better yeah the same people that put like their fucking initials on their robes it's like shut the fuck up yeah why are you trying to be wealthy like you just you're a nurse you're a night nurse and you have kitchen above where your kitchen you got vinyl flooring if i can justify a robe get yourself no i mean if anyone getting it's not getting the robe it's just like getting like i can't imagine where you wear the robe gets slotted in during the day when you wake up well yes when you go are walking around the apartment before you shower and stuff.

Yeah. Like at night when you get home. Just in a robe. You put on a wife beater, your nighttime shorts and put a robe on. Feels good. Get yourself a robe. Treat yourself. But then you put on the robe from the bathroom to the bed.

What? Everything after bed is bullshit. Also laying in bed is nice. Yeah. With a robe on. Yeah. Dude, lay naked with a robe it's fucking awesome yeah is it um why would i lie why would i lie about laying naked no chris it's terrible i gotta be honest it's not good i don't know. Dude, I have a fuzzy robe.

Oh, look at that. Wow. Gold jacket, green jacket. Who gives a shit? Look at you. This is what the merchant is wearing. If you can relate to one thing,

it's your fucking video game. He's got this video game now that Shane got him hooked on. What is it? We got one battle with Shane that was apparently epic. No, keep it, keep it, keep it. It's called Bannerlord. Yeah, you got to let it settle in. Why don't you go put shorts on?

No, no. Try to fuck me? Look at some comfy on yeah now imagine banner lord is awesome no i know but i just like i everything after butt is bullshit okay well i understand what you're saying. The thing is... You know what's so funny, dude? If you smash cut the beginning of this episode... The beginning of this episode to right now god damn it god fucking damn it dude

you mother fucker you mother fucker you see yeah you're right he's, yeah, you're right, he's broken. Damn. The therapist, after getting off

the first call, she's gonna be like, that fucking, that Popeye's order? That Popeye's guy? Sitting outside like, fuck. This dude just warped me.

Yeah. Huh. Yeah, it's like, not only is there a wall, but there's like centuries chain guns just guys in metal helmets chain mail seven dragons oh fuck holy shit that's amazing well don't kill yourself kids there's a suicide prevention don't kill yourself that's i mean we can populate right here that's you know there's

no point like you're you're down in the muck i get a lot of messages a lot of anti-suicide messages what do you mean anti? I mean, Tommy, don't kill your stomach. Wait, I wasn't really thinking about it. Yeah. People saying they were good. They were in bad shape. And then our podcast is.

Yes. Yeah. Think about that. I don't, I'm not going to kill myself. I'm not saying you are. See, it's not all about you,

Chris. Yeah. Think about that. Just by literally having fun and sharing it with the world. People are like, Hey, you make my life. That's cool. I know. Yeah. I'll start sending them to you i don't think they're they're afraid probably to send them to you you call them gay go kill yourself i get messages they're like you

help me realize i'm gay or i'm okay with being la la one guy's like i became a male prostitute because i listened to it i'm like cool it yeah you're gonna blame meth on me next year which episode was that damn dude i don't know man it's it's pretty neat we can do a it's fantastic yeah everything's great yeah yeah there you go not saying it isn Dude, hang out with your fucking friends. And then when they're like, oh, the kid and blah, blah. Dude, I was just at a wedding. Take your friend to work day.

That's what you should do. You should go find a nine to five buddy. I worked a nine to five. So did I. So did I. 20 years ago. Jesus Christ. My earning didn't need it. I did that before.

It didn't need it. Go to a real job, nine to five, and sit there there all day am i getting hazard pay for this are you not entertaining are you not it's just not what you're here i'm done vaping on january 2nd You look like the leader of the Warriors. Come out to play. I'm done vaping on January 2nd. Wow. That's a good move.

This shit's got to go. Putting it out there. I'm done listening to BLM on January 6th. Yeah, it's useless. It's a nice little binky. Are you going to go back to smoking? No, I only smoked for like three months we're in quarantine i don't i don't i have no affiliation with smoking this was just fun this

is fun smoking's all the time i know that's the problem i'm only saying the second because i said 15th at first and then my trainer and girl called me on they're like why why why not today yeah i was like well the holidays and i started feeding myself all these fucking excuses yeah and i was like all right i'll meet in the middle january 1st i have this ru garbage live cast yeah i'm gonna be plastered for it'll be fun and it's the last hurrah well what if you get plastered and the next day you get like anxiety and stuff i'm gonna have anxiety no matter what this is useless yeah i gave up sugar for all of December. Oh, nice. How's that fit?

Really fucking hard. It's better now. I'll have fruit, no added sugars, and I'll look and be like, make sure I'm not gorging like I was. And I'm not even at no candy, no nothing. And I went to that wedding and I was like, you know what? Maybe I should...

It's a wedding. I'm in Mexico. I'll have a fucking dessert, whatever. Tapas, right? I'll eat chocolate out of a trainee's ass. Bro. Oh, I wish. That's on my birthday, December 31st. I earned it.

So there's tapas desserts. And I'm like, I'll just have a little one. And I'm eating it and everyone gets up to go dance. And I brought my own spoon to all the other tables and ate the rest of everyone's desserts oh my god and this is it i i need to watch this oh my god i like when boom when you were that bad before off the fucking bat oh dude i would go home and eat five water ices half a pint of ice cream, fucking candy gummies, wake up in the middle of the night, go to the fridge, pint of ice cream, like crazy.

Well, I found that when I stopped drinking beer as much and I just drink liquor or wine, I have to eat so much more candy because it's sugar and beer. So you're replenishing all the void that you had when you were drinking all the beers. I'm coming up on eight years sober. What the fuck am I doing? Yeah.

My hotel routine is get bags of candy, lay in the bed in a robe, watch forensic files, dump the candy on the bed, eat on my mama, fall asleep, and then I wake up with candy stuck to my body. Holy shit.

That sounds like Final Burn guys that shit. Holy shit. I know it's a fucking problem. Holy shit. Yeah. So I cut it out. It feels good. And you know what?

Jordan did it too, and we're holding each other accountable. And we go, I want candy. Don't do it. Blah, blah. So it's good when you team up with a friend. Is she sober too? Yeah. Yeah.

It's good when you team up with a friend to quit a thing. Like when Tommy was offering you, I'll do it with y'all. And you go, mech. Mech. Yeah, yeah. Mech. No, I didn't say but to that i was like i'll do that butts are only good when they're on a fat ass one brother butts are universally good

i think oh they're great yeah i wish you were drunk sometimes though me yeah you were so fun i'm glad i'm happy for your eight years. Sometimes I just miss you and Nunn so much. Because you lose their friendship. Because they're not actively next to you all the time. Yeah. And you're a good person to not drink around, though. Yeah. I'm still fun.

I'm not going to like, dude, that night when you were playing Dice, that's one of the only times I've ever stuck around to hang out with drinkers. Which one? The night we played Dice. Yeah to hang out with drinkers. And it was. Which one? The night we played dice. Yeah, yeah. When I died. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That was so fucking fun. Yeah. And as like a sober guy, I never do that. So to do that with you guys. And that's a testament to like you guys as friends, because I wanted to be there rather than like like when you go out and people like other comics, you're not like close to what they start drinking. Like, OK, no. Yeah. there rather than like like when you go out and people like other comics you're not like close to it they start drinking like okay i know yeah but it was like so like i felt like i was drunk because it was like such a fun yeah atmosphere it's also like you know they say like who's who's your all

time dinner table yeah that yeah that upstairs was that's everybody yeah holy yeah kevin you chris shane yeah you throw mckeever in there that's my death table dude that's my everyone's got one bullet left in the chamber. Get out what you're thankful for. And then we all blow our fucking brains. That will be the most genuine. What are you thankful for? We call that the final Patreon.

Dude. Yeah. The Patreon. Patreon. Yeah. That was, that was, that was great.

But I, I don't ever do that anymore of like hanging out with drunk people. Yeah, it must be tough. I mean, you're probably getting stronger, obviously, every day. Oh, yeah. Do you ever still have weaknesses where you want to have a drink? Or is it more towards drugs? No. Sometimes it'll seep back and I'll go, gotta watch what i'm doing what am i doing oh

i'm not sleeping enough oh i'm not yeah or oh i'm over sleeping i'm sleeping all the time you know like sleep is a big yeah and then like it i'm trying to think of the last time well that wedding was like tough because i lived with all those guys. We went to college together, lived with them. And I was like the dude like I had to leave New York because I was such a bad fucking drunk and I left all them stopped. I mean, they had to live with me when I was in a bad fucking way. So getting back with them and they're all like, you know, and it was tough because I had to clean my life up.

Meanwhile, they're all like, you know, and it was tough because I had to clean my life up. Meanwhile, they're like getting promotion. Wives and kids. And I'm just like, whoa, whoa, I have cheap rent in my halfway house. What the fuck? But I was kind of nervous about that. Like being around that and being like, what if I don't remember when?

You know, I'll tell you what is kind of hard. Sometimes seeing comics fucking handle it and like drink all the time I'll tell you what is kind of hard sometimes seeing comics fucking handle it and like drink all the time and then still be successful and I'm like yeah I just gotta remember like some people just aren't wired for that

even beating a hangover you know like some people just can't do it you can't drink all night and then be productive so that when you're drinking your next day is fucked You know, like some people just can't do it. You can't fucking, you can't drink all night and then be productive. Well, I thought I would get up and drink. So that when you're drinking, your next day is fucked. So if you have no accountability, you can get away with that shit. But if you have accountability, like scheduling and shit that we're going to talk about, like

now that third, fourth beer is bleeding into 12, 1, 2 PM. And now you're just like, it's not worth it. If you had a regular job, you're not out at 12 AM.m. Because you're going, shit, I got work. I got to get the fuck home. Same thing with kids. You got no kids, no dog, no job. You can get fucked up and sleep all day. Well, that's what was wild when I was drinking.

I was like, God, I wish I had no job and I just could drink and sit around all day and never have to go out. And then the pandemic hit and I was like, I need to stay busy all the time. And blah, blah. It was like that. It gets that gets old quick i had when i was drinking happened and i'm so proud i didn't i got through the pandemic i've gone through so much sober it's pretty you know when i always stick up with the sleeping thing when it becomes a problem like the sleeping too much or like it's so easy to shift from like that six hour to eight hour and that for me is too much and then you go i if i'm still tired at eight

i'm like oh my mind's not right i know i'm when i'm depressed yeah because if i can lay in bed for 10 yeah if i hit 10 yeah i could go 18 are you laying awake or yeah waking up sleeping i'm laying awake like i can't sleep or like i'm tired enough to sleep but never truly falling asleep and then i'll do like an interval of 20 minutes but then i'm like i i need more sleep but you don't no it's just you're fucked up yeah and i always think of gary goldman gary goldman's uh his whole hour on depression was like great yeah yeah it was incredible and uh i think he said it on a podcast rather than the actual joke but he said just get out of bed yes Yes. Like the easiest thing. It's the simplest thing to say. It's so self-serving when you're, when you're talking to somebody who is depressed,

but it's true. It's like, if you just get out of bed and go somewhere all of a sudden like that, for some reason, lying down and telling yourself you're not doing enough, or you're getting anxious about somebody else doing more than you, you get upright. You're like, oh, now I can compare instead of compete. Yeah. I have this going on. I know this is coming up. And that's why the gym to me, I'd be dead if it wasn't for the gym.

Yeah. I'd be rewiring the fucking neurons and getting testosterone and serotonin flowing from a quick workout. It shifts all that negativity to the back. And you're like, dude, fuck it. Yeah. You don't get to it.

Well, even like, I'll do a thing where I'll get out of bed and be like, good work, all that negativity to the back and you're like, dude, fuck it. You don't get to it. Well, even like, I'll do a thing where I'll get out of bed and be like, good work, dude. Go to the couch. Yeah, that's fine. But dude, Gary helped me a ton during the pandemic. Like we were talking a lot and texting. Really?

That was like really, really nice, yeah. Like the pandemic helped me get back into like phone call. I would just talk on the phone for hours with friends so just like alone yeah we would talk all the time remember like yeah it that the phone and everything like really really helped and i'm a phone call guy like calling and checking in is important and stuff i feel like i annoy people sometimes too because i'm like a like a puppy like hey hey well you have to find out who's actively listening yeah you know like i don't like to hang out with people that aren't active listeners totally like they truly daughters yes sitting next to a friend or somebody considers himself a friend and you're clearly throwing a line out there like hey i want

like to talk about something and they're just like yeah man that's uh yeah they're just like fucking playing video games or like that's why i said the thing about like usually with other comics i'm like well i'm gonna go home but there are some that they can be fucked up and i'm like no we're like yeah yeah yeah yeah let's go get a coffee or beer and talk about anything yeah yeah that's what none was wonderful about that you're really great listener when you when you want it like you are a great friend to talk about anything yeah yeah that's what none was wonderful about that you're a really great listener when you when you want it like you are a great friend to talk about like anything with when you're active and like around yeah yeah the whole thing with the the new thing the new thing you got going on needs to end what's that yeah that needs to end oh that's a good thing i'm not gonna bring it up yeah yeah what the fuck Ever since that happened, he's been going

a little down. Don't talk about it. Until the next one. We'll talk about it on Patreon. I think that's more coincidental than... Maybe. Guess what you just did? You just put up a boundary.

I'm not going to talk about this right now. We've already talked about it so many times. We never talked about it in this light because I think this is what, even if it is coincidental, it's coincidental that it's coincidental because it's been consistent. True.

Consistently coincidental. Yeah, yeah. You doubled the coincidence. That's a coincidence on top of coincidence. That's a coincidental. That's coincidental for a coincidence. Look at Boundary Chris. Yeah.

Wow. It's the robe. He's a different man. I know. I'm telling you. You guys are right. I'm starting to settle into it. I swear to God, Owen and Burke, I want you guys to put a quick montage of his attitude

from the start of this, a couple bit of words, a couple bit of recognitions, a robe, and then him going, you guys are right. Dude. While plucking the robe. Dude dude i literally this i've been playing this fucking video game right i does feel like i'm i've bought the rich merchant robe but i don't i don't have enough money for the rest of the outfit and so i still got fucking see how far you've come in one episode in a kelp yeah yeah work on yourself a little more and I'll work on myself. Look at this. What a good way to go into the new year.

Yeah. See? Dude, I'm... Let's get signed up. I'm telling you, maybe I'll... See, I have a fear if I plan a thing. Let's all go paintballing. Day of people.

Well, I can't. My God. Oh, we'll definitely go. I'm just like alone paintballing a child also i do this just like i team up on someone else's team and i'm like you know what i'm guilty of i do this kill or be killed yeah yeah i i really think we should absolutely we will i control my surroundings and my comfort and i always regret it because i'll be like if you ask me to go paintball i'd be like i'd love to with you who Who's going?

And then I find out another guy's going that I don't really know or like that much. And I'm like, I can't. Instead of just recognizing that I could probably learn something about that person and just go, oh, I was way off. Yeah. Because that's 90% of the time I was like, I was way off. That person's actually pretty cool. Yeah. Well, it's, yeah, I have a tough thing where it's like scheduling stuff is tough cause I like to be able to do anything. You know what I mean? If, if,

if something fun starts happening, I want to be able to just ride that until into the sunset as opposed to like having things to do. So, but it's like, all that really means is that you just have nothing to do. Yeah. You know what I mean? Just waiting around for something to happen as opposed to fucking actively doing shit. convince myself taking your own fun yes there it is wow boom fun chris i i uh put it on the wall yeah you don't you don't wait for fun you make your own fun that's a beautiful one yeah it's amazing i'll do the cursive i got all the awards in fucking grade school i'll make it a puzzle you can put it together

oh i'm missing the eye for the the dot on the eye dude i do a thing where i convince myself i suck no one wants me around everybody hates me they're mad at me so I'm like no I won't go and it's a story I tell myself and then I get there and people go where you been man I miss you and I'm like oh I'm creating this to keep me away from like joy and every time I go you shouldn't go don't go it'll be

dumb and I go no if you don't want to go it means you probably should I go and I have like the best time and then I'm like what did you do to the mor tomorrow you want to go tomorrow and that's when they're like we do hate you they're like we're doing it next week and then the next week comes you're like i did that last yeah it's like there's sense to go back who would you bring who's your paintball squad can you say publicly who who are you thinking who we your paintball squad can you say publicly who you're thinking who we'd go paintballing with yeah our guys the table guys all right fucking uh jordan racine

the dice game is now the table guys yeah but here's the thing though we would have to that would be like one team, I guess. And then maybe we could play a team of strangers. Because I don't think, I don't know who I'd invite to have like enough, like 30 people. No, I don't know 30 people. No, yeah, me neither. So we would have to go and be a team against other people. But that'd be really fun. Yeah, it would be really fun.

Cassidy, you know. Because even if you lose as a group, it's fun. Yeah, everybody's taking one of the fucking skull and then we can go oh you need one more and then like I team up and I'm like these guys are my real friends or the whole group looks at each other like and whoever we select

he knows right away he's at the very low rung I think I'll look it up and I would really like to, cause I never do anything for my birthday. I'm always afraid no one will show up. But like, uh,

I think that'd be like fun. Did you have like a Chuck E. Cheese birthday that no one showed up or not? No, people showed up. Yeah. But then like, I just didn't secure any money.

Cause it's December 31st. But you never had a bad experience growing up? With a birthday party? Yeah. Yeah, good. I mean, there's probably only four people in Delaware that were close to you, right? A lot of them were busy. Yeah. They had jobs.

It was six. No. But yeah, that'd be really... And then we can get pizza or eat or something. I don't know. But I'll look at it. That'd be really, really fun. I just feel like a burden when I ask people,

Hey, do you all want to come and celebrate me? I would rather just be like one big hang rather than like, it's my birthday. Yeah. Yeah. You know, but like,

I would love that. And, uh, I just feel like a burden making people make plans for me. Nah, dude, that should be so much fun. Anything like that.

Paintball, laser tag, go-karts. Oh, yeah. Go-karts are sick. I played laser tag with a tell in like Ohio. Jesus Christ. How hard was he to flag down? Dude, he walks backwards. I'm going around.

He grabs me. Smoking a cigarette. He wears a 30 30 pound hoodie dude he's not that elusive I killed 36 children because I was against kids

I'm running around and he goes I'm a field medic holy shit dude he would be a field medic oh man in laser tag against kids Holy shit, dude. He would be a field medic. Oh, man. And laser tag.

Where is there a laser tag? There's got to be one indoors here, right? Can you look? There's got to. You can buy a laser tag. It's not expensive. What? Yeah, you can buy fucking laser tag kits and just anywhere you want yeah yeah i know but that's like you know we already have enough my mom took me and

like a van of friends to laser tag in ben salem in like fifth grade it was fucking awesome yeah and then i had to sleep over and we had like you turn it on it it makes that sound like a proton pack like yeah i bought them when i was in uh like eighth grade but they always broke and like you had to get this close to it yeah the laser was like duracell battery or someone could block their chest yeah yeah that's fucking weird i just i've never heard a laser tag anymore until now what happened to that i i don't know i think that's like it might be they're just not advertising towards us. Yeah. You know what I mean?

I remember like growing up, like being, you know, 15 and being like, whatever happened to like cereal? They don't even advertise for cereal anymore. You're not watching cartoons. You're drinking a 40s of Mickey. Sitting on top of an old broken down train.

What ever happened to Rick the Miller King? They still making Fruit Loops, Donnie? I haven't seen a fucking honeycomb for a while. Damn. How fucking great is it? Are you making new ones of that? Yeah. All right.

Let's get to the Patreon. All right. Let's do it.