Stuff Island - Stuff Island #62 - cigars w/ Bobby Kelly

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

Stuff Island #62 - cigars w/ Bobby Kelly - Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor are joined by Bobby Kelly to sit back, relax, and maybe learn a thing or two - Bobby's hilarious new Special is available now at louisck.com ... Buy it now, please, it's great - Full episodes also available on Apple/Spotify/etc. & bonus episodes are available on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/stuffisland - Gambling Problem? Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MD/MI/NJ/PA/TN/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/KS/NH), 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (http://ccpg.org/) (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), visit OPGR.org (OR), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MD/MI /NJ/ NY/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. VOID IN OH/ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply. Free bets: Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 bet. $200 issued as free bets that expire 7 days (168 hours) after being awarded.  See terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/footballterms (http://sportsbook.draftkings.com/footballterms). No Sweat: Valid 1 offer per customer per day of NFL 2023 Wild Card Round. Opt in req each day. First bet must lose after opting in. NFL bets only. Paid as one (1) free bet based on amount of initial losing bet. Max $10 free bet awarded. Free bets expire 7 days (168 hours) after being awarded. See terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/footballterms (http://sportsbook.draftkings.com/footballterms) - Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Thank you, and God bless Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You called me more in 12 days than Shane's called me 12 years. Look at it. It's nice. I called Shane yesterday. Hey, how you doing? Yeah. Hey, what's up, man?

Oh, cool. That's good. Okay, dude, let me call you right back. I'll call you later tonight. Call me later tonight. I just saw him now. I threw my coffee. He didn't call me.

Did you really waste the coffee at his feet? Half. It was good coffee. It wasn't even a coffee. It was a cappuccino. Oh, man. No. Before 11, it's against.

Are you Italian? No, I don't. This is the first iced coffee I had since summer broke. You didn't answer the question. I'm Italian and Irish. Okay. Well, the Italian, you can't have cappuccino after 11. And you don't do iced.

Wait, why no cappuccino after 11? When you go to Italy, you can't have cappuccino after 11. You don't do espresso? They don't serve it. If you ask for cappuccino, you get a latte. You get a latte. I swear to God. Go to Italy.

What is the difference? What? He's retarded. I'm a Italian. get a latte you get a lot i swear to god go to italy what is the difference what is what fuck did i agree cappuccino is smaller a cap cappuccino when you said you threw half a cappuccino at it, it's like a thimble? Well, I got a cappuccino. I got a large. It's a medium. You really don't get a large cappuccino.

It's just stupid. But it's a medium cappuccino, but it's espresso. Steamed milk. Foam milk, right? With steamed milk on top. Yeah. It makes it real thick. Okay.

But in Italy, you can't order one after 11th. After 11th, you don't serve them. It's a breakfast coffee. They'll give you a latte, which is just more. After that, no, it's just, the latte is just, there's no steamed milk. The steamed milk, which makes a froth, they call it a froth, is on top. You understand? Cappuccinos, they're sweet drinks for. I thought a froth, is on top. You understand? Cappuccinos are sweet drinks for...

I thought a latte had foam on the top. A latte does not have foam on the top. A latte is milk. I've been ordering lattes and getting cappuccinos. I'm not kidding. I don't think so. I'm positive. I get foam on the top.

No, you don't. You just get milk milk you get coffee with milk they're steaming something i swear to god they're steaming something that might be a brevet latte a brevet latte is where they steam the milk but they don't froth it all right this is where you're going wrong steamed milk it's not froth they make a cappuccino. They make the, am I doing this? Yeah. How old are you? This is great.

I mean, let them have it, dude. I don't want to know. Imagine doing this with every subject on here. I feel like I'm talking to a stunt guy. The fuck? You mean there's other things in life other than crashing car and falling off a building and taking a punch? I'm just saying.

Listen. They seem like the same. I don't know. There's froth. A cappuccino, it's like hot air. And they froth like a foam. Okay. That's a foam, all right?

Right. And they do a little, in here, they do a little stupid little hearts and stuff. Hearts and yeah. Don't get that. But whatever. And then a latte is steamed. It's like a, so the coffee's hot.

And how do they steam it? Let me finish. Look at my finger. Follow my finger. Stay right here. They get, you with me? They get the milk and they,

they make the milk, they steam, they steam the milk, they make it hot. So it's not cold milk going into hot coffee. It's warm milk. It's like brevet. They make the milk warm.

That's what you get. A latte is warm milk going into hot coffee. Yeah? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And what do you put in your coffee? Milk.

Cold. Yeah, cold milk. No, your latte. What do you get in your latte? Just the coffee and milk do you put a sugar in it i'm asking no no no i don't i don't know sugar months so you go on a latte they just give it to you yeah you do a cinnamon spice no i don't do cinnamon spice but i swear to god they put it in a hot thing and it gets steamed like they pour cold milk in and they

heat it in the cup yeah but, but they might be making steamed milk but not foam milk. Okay. So if they're making it foam, they're giving you a cappuccino. That's what I'm saying. Next time you go in there, call these pussies out. I will. I'm going to fucking start a fight. What do I look like?

I look like a stunt guy? Do I look like I worked for Clint Eastwood in 1983? Do I look like Jean-Claude Van Damme? What movie were you just in? You were just in a movie, right? Louis' movie. Yeah, well, Louis and Joe.

Oh, right. Don't let Joe hear you say that. It just sucks. You know what I mean? Even my special, Louis produced it and directed it and they're like, yeah, Louis' special was good. No, it's my special. It's my special. Wasn't as good as his special.

His special's a fucking great. Embarrassingly, I've not seen it. Hang on one second. Do you need a snack? You look like you're hungry. You look very peckish. He's 20. Oh, you're 20? No, he's 20. That makes sense. Well, you're fucking the hair of a 95-year-old. I mean, you look. Oh, thank you, buddy.

I appreciate it. No, you look like a man kid. That's all I'm saying. You do look like. That's what this business does to you, dude. Yeah, he's very manly, but very kid-like. He's like an old elf. Merry Christmas.

He does have an old energy. He's got an old guy energy. Yeah. He's like got an older guy energy, but he looks young, but he looks old. He worked at Barstool for a while. It kills your spirit.

Oh, really? Yeah. I love Barstool. They age like presidents, the kids there. It's a lot of work over there. They don't fuck around. No. 18 hour days. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. I love Barstool. They age like presidents, the kids there. It's a lot of work over there. They don't fuck around. No. 18-hour days.

Was it bad? I mean, what are you going to say? Just go to war with Barstool. No, I love Barstool. That's great. It's good that you're over here now. You produce your own shows? I'm not supposed to talk to him. No, it's great.

He's got no microphone. People need to know about Owen. He's new to us. All right, good. He used to be with Dylan, and now we scooped him. Tim Dylan? Yeah. But wasn't it another guy, too?

Yeah. Oh, they sent you the files, and you edited it. Did I say that right? Yeah, you did. Four times. I edited it. Did I say that right? Yeah. Four times. I edited it. Yeah. Three or four DVDs there.

Fucking edited it. Edited it. Where are you going? Just kick this off. Okay. Yeah. It's like 60 degrees. Great.

Nobody knows how to adjust to it. Every bar we went into last night was like just so fucking hot. You can't tell the heat on. I love it, dude. I'm so glad we fucking killed the world. Yeah. I was out in my backyard yesterday with the dog smoking a bad. It was 60 degrees.

I got to get into that. My buddy John just started doing them. I brought you a cigar. Yeah, I'm going to do one with you. Yeah. I want to get into that culture, you know? Right on. I'm dominating bourbon right now.

Is it really nice cigar? I got you my favorite first cigar for your first time. Okay, good, good, good. But I got you the Cadillac of first cigars. Good. You know what I mean? I get racked with guilt. If someone gives me like two nice whiskey or two nice of a cigar.

And I'm just like, I don't even know what I'm getting here. Oh really? You smoke cigars. I have before, but you put them out quick. No, I just like,

I just don't, I can't appreciate it. Cause I haven't smoked enough shitty cigars. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. No, I got you a, a Perdomo 10th anniversary

champagne which is if you're ever going to get somebody a cigar who doesn't smoke cigars it's the perfect cigar it's not too expensive yeah like 12 bucks okay which is is right there yeah it's not is it like why like do you go like what's like between 10 and $20. Yeah. I mean, unless it's a special case, you tend to go cheap at the beginning and then go way the fuck up. Yeah. Like $50, $60.

I've smoked, I've smoked a hundred and $50 Davidoff, but then you're real. Then you see some old guy at the cigar lounge, bite the end of a cigar off, light it with a Zippo and enjoy it. Just the same. I mean, like I want to fuck same. You know what I mean?

Like, what a fucking, what a pretentious douche I am. Fucking, I got a $1,000 lighter. I'm fucking, you know, fuck you. So, it comes to a point where you do that. And then you get mouth cancer and die. Is that like a, how often do you smoke to get cancer?

Let's put it as my doctor. No, I mean like, because like I get lung cancer. I'm trying to die. Like how many cigars a day? Tobacco goes this way. Cigarettes, it's garbage. It's the worst tobacco.

Yeah. It's floor scrapings. It's terrible. And then they add chemicals into the paper to make it smoke longer. Right, right, right. Because if not, you just, you know,

smoke it like Clint Eastwood in fucking two seconds. Or when you fall asleep, it burns the house down. That's true too. I almost had, no, that actually, the fuck, in two seconds. Or when you fall asleep, it burns the house down. That's true, too. No, that actually happens. What the fuck thinks I got? I was told that's why they put the chemicals in them,

so that people would stop burning their houses down. I say this every time. We get a new guest. I get more excited for them to get exposed to Chris and his fucked up head. I get so excited. Yeah, I mean he's really fucking substitute teacher face.

You should teach the clarinet. Fucking inner city kids. Dude, I would love to know the clarinet. See, I like it. This is why I like him already. He fucking just goes. I say anything, he's like's like dude you burned the house down I love the clarinet this guy's like hanging out with a fucking

old broad I wish I was good enough to just jam on a musician on a musician get backstage and suck Tommy Lee off Freudian slip man I want a fucking musician fucking musician oh that would be great if't? We all do. Fucking musician. Oh, that would be great.

If my wife had a great voice. You're married? No, but if I was married. Dude, he's on one. This is good. I wouldn't want to be dating a girl with a great voice. I've never met someone that made me want to piss. It's sad.

I literally want to piss right now. I'd have to go to the bathroom. Your fucking energy makes me have to piss. It's a giant fight. He got stunk at five years old and just kept growing. My wife, you ever married? No. What?

Dude, I'm interested in this. So then it goes cigarettes and then- Okay. Tobacco is the highest grade tobacco you can get. It's the finest. So what they're doing is a cigar, any cigar you get, if it's a good cigar, it took. It's the finest. So what they're doing is, you know, a cigar, any cigar you get, if it's a good cigar, it, it took three to two, three to three to two to five years to get to you. So they got to grow it. Then they got to cut it. Then they got to

ship it. They got to age it for a couple of years and then they got to make it and then they'll age it again. And then it gets to the store and then you go buy it. That could be, sorry about that. That, that could be, that could be years. Yeah. So it's like, it's, you don't, you think that they're making them yesterday and you're smoking it today. It's not happening.

So the tobacco they pick and then there's masterers, like Pete from Tatawahe and Nick from Foundry, Foundation Cigars. These guys are going to Nicaragua, and they're going to Connecticut, and they're finding different blends, and they're rolling the cigar themselves and smoking it and be like, oh, this is, I want to make this. And then they go and they buy all this shit, and then they, it's crazy. So they blend it like whiskey and then age it? Exactly. whiskey and then exactly do they smoke it or they just dry it like how does it how does it dry out well you got to put it i mean you go you take all the tobacco and you put it into like a big uh like almost like a barn or a warehouse yeah like i've been to the one and uh

if you go to uh ybor city the improv over there they have, I think it's J, J, P or something. There's Fuente has a, they make cigars there. So you can go in and take a tour. And I took the tour and they take you in and there's a huge room and it's just filled with tobacco aging. And it smells like sheep's lips. I mean, it smells like ammonia. It stinks.

So they have to let it age out and become, you know, ferment just like ammonia. Yeah. It stinks. Yeah. So they have to let it age out. Yeah. And become, you know, ferment. Yeah. Just like wine. Yeah. And then you got, then you got, you know, shitty cigars after that. Then you got, after that, you got like pipe tobacco is after that. And then cigarettes is the last. Cigarettes is garbage.

Yeah. And there's a lot of chemicals. When you smoke a cigar, it's tobacco water. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. There's nothing else in there. Well, that's why the cancer, it's like I water. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. There's nothing else in there. Well, that's why the cancer, I'm asking about the cancer thing.

You can- The odds of getting cancer just from smoking cigars, what level of- You know? Because there's no carcinogens. My doctor is a member of my cigar lounge. Okay. And he's there every day. Okay, that's why I say-

And he's smoking $50 Davidoffs. Yeah. And he's smoking multiple cigars. Yeah. So if he's not worried about it, I ain't fucking worried about it. Exactly. Yeah. You're not inhs. Yeah. And he's smoking multiple cigars. Yeah. So if he's not worried about it, I ain't fucking worried about it. Exactly. Yeah. You're not inhaling. Yeah. You're taking, tasting, sipping,

and spitting it back out. So it's great for guys because we're all fucking assholes that talk a lot. So if we had a cigar right now, I'd shut the fuck up. We'd get a break. I went to Cuba and it was you're a fucking communist dude but that's the first time i really truly enjoyed a cigar because it's not dried out like

well it's fresh it's hand rolled i watched a lady roll them out i bought like three a day there's two facts ready uh you rollers mostly women why women yeah because they're faster yeah the dexterity is better than that yeah you gotta hit them but oh yeah you can hit them yeah you one stick um but also um you made me forget the second fact yeah because i just heard a vibrator how does it what's the vibrator someone's mowing their lawn or something i don't know with a vibrator i think it's your toothbrush it is in your pocket yeah what the fuck was that um oh no the second fact is this. Cuba does not make the best cigars anymore. Yeah. No, Nicaragua.

What happened, there's a great documentary. Climate change. Right? I never want to see that. Finger laced? I feel like I saw 60 Minutes on it. Your hands. I mean, literally, if they were doing an ad from pedophilia

and it was just a hand over a kid's mouth that would be the hand they could use I hate my hands that would be the perfect pedophilia hand over a little kid's mouth because it's all Paul it's all Paul

wow just a soft priest hand i just lotioned him up so nicaragua what so yeah nicaragua so there's a great documentary and it literally goes through the whole you know after cuba what happened to cuba i, this is what a dick we are as Americans. We're just cocksuckers. So we knew that we were going to put sanctions on Cuba. JFK.

So he bought two pallets of his favorite Cuban cigars and then whipped the sanctions on the rest of us. Cunt. Fucking, you got what you deserve. I'm sorry. It's all right.'s understand i just fucking i just i just did a an assassination joke i don't care um yeah nobody's watching this i uh

i gotta piss your face um well how does the cigar community feel about the weed community uh they're they're well the enemies is it like improv and stand-up or cigar community and cigarette community what they coexist but it's kind of like you smoke a cigar you smoke a cigarette in a cigar lounge you're a piece of shit yeah of course but you know who we hate um we hate the fucking vape community i'll tell you why because the vape community they almost they really because nobody knows what vape is nobody knows what's in it nobody knows what the fuck it does to you but we're such

an addictive country that you know I'm quitting smoking are you? you're really still smoking yeah loser you're smoking 10 times as much I tried when I tried to quit smoking

because I smoked around 15 years ago. I tried a vape cigarette, right? Electric, electronic cigarette. I sat there for six hours at my table

until the battery died and it almost blew up. That's fucking nuts. I smoke cigarettes. I smoke one every a half hour, 40 minutes. Yeah.

It's stupid. So anyways, back to the point. Edit that in um it's my roper um yeah they so the government was like fuck it we're gonna we're gonna attack we don't know what's in them and we're gonna go after the vapes and we're going after cigars yeah they were trying to go after cigars to regulate them to so if you were gonna if you were a boutique cigar company or whatever yeah um if you were gonna come out with a new cigar which they do every year different sizes different blends that's how they make their money right uh

like designers like shoes and nike makes a different pair of yeah yeah you know adidas used to make easies but they don't anymore. So they would charge, the government's going to charge you $10,000, every cigar you're going to make, to make sure it's okay to go through it. Now, mind you, cigars are what? Water, tobacco. It's a plant with water. Yeah. There's nothing in it, you pieces of shit.

So you're saying this is because of the vape? The vape. Has to go through the testing. They were going to go through the shit. And thank God Trump got in office and kind of vetoed it. And now even, I think Biden, they kind of, you know, not to say Trump, but I think Biden did too. It was like, listen, fuck that.

And they put it on hold for a while. So you're upset that the government's just trying to get their fucking dirty calls? Well, no, they were going to make it. They were going to kill the business. You're a boutique company. You can't afford it. Monte Cristo, Hoyo, Podigas, those are huge. Padron, they're fine.

Those are the Cuban big ones that started the whole thing back in the day, right? They were going to be fine. Yeah. Because they have the Tatuajes, the My Fathers, all those guys, Foundation, they can't afford $10,000. So you have eight cigars. Yeah. That's $80,000 that you have to put down and give to the government. It was crazy.

I'm probably doing the math wrong. There's probably some cigar nut on Reddit going, there's no way you're talking about it. Look it, I love these guys, but Tom will never have him on again. He's giving you misinformation. There's going tommy never held him on he's giving you misinformation there's gonna be a lot of those on the youtube comments but fuck you no no no they won't it's every time he's off by five grand i can't even listen to this part you're like jesus mispronounced this is real right yeah you guys are gay yeah i'm trying to fucking ease up give me a starter

kit for how to do how do i start this I'm not going to start wearing glasses like you, but I want to, I want, they're fucking great on you, by the way. Let me tell you something. Let me say, I'll tell you something.

I lost my eyesight. They're glasses. You know what reading glasses are called in England? Something stupid. Something gay. Yeah. Let her read is or something. This is their own.

Sure. Sure. You got one. Come on. What do you think? They're called the f on. What do you think they're called? Le Fags. All right. What do you think?

Give me another one. Fucking. Spectacles. Wow. You guys got one each. Spectacles. You guys are one and done. Listen, we usually.

I mean, Letter Readers was great. Le Fags, I was with. Even though it's politically incorrect. We don't usually do this at noon. I usually get a couple beers in me by this time. What? It's usually 6 p.m. You're not funny when you wake up.

Yeah, no. You're funny all the time. This is a fucking, I'm getting used to it. Dude, you're wearing the same sneakers John Travolta wore in that aerobic movie with Jamie Lee Curtis. That's what you meant by that comment on the street. I thought you were complimenting me. You're making fun of my fucking sneakers. No, I was complimenting.

I called you John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever walking down the street. That was a compliment. This was an insult. Okay. No, I was complimenting. I called you John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever walking down the street. That was a compliment. This was an insult. What was I going to say? No. Walking like John Travolta. Glasses. This is what the kids are wearing.

Yeah. You got to scuff them up more, though. I don't wear them enough because I got 17 years of sneakers. They always scuff their way through those as if I could just silly sneakers. Bobby. I'm sorry, buddy. Listen.

They're called 45s. they're called 45s they're called 45s because at 45 you lose your sight oh okay most of most people around 45 yeah you try these on you might be a little dirty but i'm telling you right now when i when i started getting these are fucking they don't make cool guy reading glasses they just don't make them yeah he's a sick dude yeah every every they don't make them so i'm like fucking i went to uh anthony aiden down look at dude i'm not kidding dude dude no dude fuck that you look the shit where's your camera right there look at the camera i want you to just repeat after me look into the camera and say it though listen to me look at the camera. Listen to me.

Listen to me. I'm telling you right now, kid. I'm telling you right now, kid. You don't have my fucking money tomorrow. If you don't have my fucking money tomorrow. Your fucking mother's getting a slap. Your fucking mother's getting a slap. You understand what I'm saying?

You understand what I'm saying? All right, now go. All right, now go. Here, let me look at yourself. You want to see yourself. Dude, come on. You look good. He looks good. He does. I mean, put him on him. Put him on him. on you look good he looks good I mean put him on him put him on him

let's see what he looks like you look like a fucking yeah put him on him come on let's do this let's see I'm going to look like an undercover cop that's about to get exposed yeah he looks like a mom he looks like a mom on the beach

you need a hoodie and a bomb. There you go. There you go. That's the uni-bomb right there. That's it. They are something else. Dude, technology is killing us. Hang on one second.

I got to wipe his prints off this fucking thing. They are nice. Hang on. Let me get your prints off this. I don't want your fucking... Whatever you did with those hands last night. This is going to tie into the starter kit for the cigars. Buddy, I'm telling you right now.

Did you graduate to these or was this something you went from zero to fucking? I was in Denmark with Ari Shafir. Now it's a name drop. Now you can tag him in this video. Denmark's more of a name drop. Tag Ari in it. People are like, where is he? That's it.

That's all you get. We mentioned that fucking Jew. He's already done our show. he was a good guy to us he's a great he's the best all right relax he's my friend too this is fucking joking i didn't know you're defending the world fucking does that come with the sneakers you know what tell us about your fucking glasses he's a big kobe i'm sorry i'm sorry this fucking coffee's nuts fucking whipped up it's cold bro i'm sitting like a fucking queen. Let me put these down. It's fucking.

All right, there you go, dude. We'll do it opposite. So tickle. One to twin powers. So I got glasses. I'm like, dude, all the reading glasses are stupid. They're thin, Bausch and Malone. I'm like, fuck that.

But I was over in Denmark and they had cool guy. They take risks. So I bought this pair. And I'm like, fuck that. But I was over in Denmark and they had cool guys. They take risks. Europeans take risks. And I'm like, fuck it. And then I started looking at people in show business who wear glasses. I'm like, that's fucking, what is that? What is this? So then I go to Anthony Adeno in the East Village. I just stop in one day. On my way to Ari Self,

call back, tag him again. People watch. He's not in it. And I walk in and the guy, Italian guy, just cool. But he's like an artist with this stuff. And I found these glasses and he goes, I want to do this with the lens and give you this. Yeah. I was like, fucking do it. Expensive as shit.

Yeah. Can I guess? Yeah. 1800. Yeah. That mean, I guess. Yeah. 1800. Yeah, that's exactly right. I want to throw a coffee at your face. I mean, I don't know what the fuck. The other pair I got was, guess what?

I'm very good with stuff like that. Guess what the other pair I got is. What? Guess how much the other pair I got from it is. They're more expensive. A little more expensive. I can tell by your attitude. Yeah.

I'm going to say 23. I mean, you should play the lottery. This is mind-blowing. I mean, fucking nuts. And I just got one more pair today. If I nail this? If you nail this, I'm sucking your dick. I'm blowing everybody. I'm sucking your dick I'm blowing everybody

I'm sucking his dick I'm only going up a little here higher or lower but do you before you go up oh you could go like that

I don't know but you're just assuming shit you got one more alright I got I got this is the first pair

at 18 and then I got the second pair at 23 and then I got one more pair another pair today and I'm out

I'm done after this. I'm done. 21. No. Fuck. 16. Seven. Shit.

Seven Gs? 700. Oh, Jesus Christ, Bob. This guy's fucking you up. I was going to say. No, no, no. My wife would leave me if I was 17. Get a Vespa.

Get a coffee, man. I had to fucking get rid of that. I got a white Vespa. Did you? Can I get get it i sold it a week after i got it because i got made fun of at the cellar so bad oh you can't go to the cellar i showed up at the cellar with a white vespa with a white trim no it was silver i'm not a fucking side queer i'm not full dude might as well come in on my little pony that's like i wasn't even thinking that's for side streets in different countries. I pulled up in front of the cellar on a summer night.

Oh my God. And everyone's out. Voss, Norm. Oh my God. They were out front and I pulled up with my, and I kicked the kickstand down like it was a Harley. And I think I pulled next to a Harley. I think there was a Harley out there.

But how nice was the ride over? It was so beautiful. Oh my gosh. I went up 10th after because it's a nicer ride. Oh, dude. I went up 10th. I came down 11th

and then I did the West Side Highway the next day. I sold it a week later. Honestly, I had some Russian bread. I'm still thinking about it because I do like the idea of bopping around Queens on a Vespa.

Nope. One of the best. I won't go to fucking. I wouldn't go in front of my friends. I don't even wear certain shoes. You say you won't. Yeah. But one night you will.

Yeah. And that's the night where your fucking soul gets crushed. You didn't have a helmet on, too, did you? You have to. Dude, I had to go get the license. Did you get one of those little like. You take it off the block before. Did you get a little German helmet?

Like the war helmet? No, I got the one that went down over the license. Did you get one of the little like- He'd taken it off the block before. Did you get a little German helmet? Like the war helmet? No, I got the one that went down over the ear. Oh, no. It was white, too. It was white on white. I called it the white unicorn. I had a name for it. Oh, my God.

And- No, I'm not taking it off a block away. I get hit by a fucking taxi a block away. Just so you don't make fun of me, go fuck yourself. Come on. Buddy, don't get a Vespa. I won't even get a bike because I wouldn't wear a helmet. You know what you should get?

I can hear my brother's voice in the back of my head. I would never put a helmet on no matter what I'm wearing. You have to. You'll get killed in New York. You'll get murdered in New York City. I'll ride on the sidewalks like these fucking seamless drivers do. You're close to it. You got very close to fucking using the wrong word.

Like these bars. I was sticking to the app I use. Okay. Not the color of the skin, Bob. Oh, who's saying that? I'm not down that road. Give me the fucking glasses back. What do I want to wear?

What do I want to wear? These are so sick, dude. Yeah, those are my favorite ones. You look incredible in those things. I might truly go back to glasses. Dude, I'm telling you right now, you fucking look like a million bucks. Thanks, man.

Yeah, you look like you'd kill all people. You look like you'd date rape. You look... This is going to be... I mean, dude. You go from zero to 100, right? You don't... But here's the thing with good glasses, dude.

They last longer and you take care of them better. You take care of them better because they actually mean something. Well, this is anything. You go higher quality if you can afford it fucking then you yeah yeah I mean whatever I fuck it and there's only I think there's only that's one of 500 ever made in the world really what yeah the other ones I got is one of the one of 200 ever me what's the name of the guy it's right on the thing I can't see it you got my glasses what it's on the

inside what's the name It's right on the thing. I can't see it. You got my glasses. It's on the inside of it. What's the name? They really gripped your head. Jacques-Marie-Mage? Yeah. Yeah. Anthony Aiden. Go check him out. East Village. I'm going. And he has glasses, though.

I'm going to go in there with a lit cigar and go, Bobby said I could come in here. I'm going to wheel in there with a lit cigar and go Bobby said I could come in here I'm going to wheel in a Vespa Rogan got a pair Rogan went to him I mean they're great I love good glasses like a watch like anything as a guy you go back to the cigar thing

when you smoke a cigar it is a it's such a good conversation thing because you're talking you'll take a puff you go yeah it slows everything down huh you want a light one in here yeah can you it's our job yeah yeah it's our house it's our job it's our job we gotta fix the bathroom close my bedroom door let's fire one up you know what we got if you I got three let's go

I bought I bought three cigars for us three of the ashtray no I got my Zippo I'm gonna shout out no don't you you can't use a Zippo why

you can bring it out but you can't use it you gotta use a lighter the gas the fuel yeah the gas and a Zippo I bring it out

I gotta pee you face me yeah yeah go pee I gotta go where's the gas it's just to your left to your left The gas in a Zippo, I bring it out. I got to pee. Yeah, yeah, go pee. Where's the bathroom? It's just to your left. To the left?

Like, you got to give him his glasses back so he can see where he's going in the bathroom. Is this the backer? Yeah. You know what? He doesn't need the backer. Like, it's like the backer. Hang on. Dude, shout out to Finn.

Oh, he made those. Finn made these from Stratford. We got personalized Zippos. All right, here we go. All right, so. I'll wait till you're done pissing. All right, I'm going to leave this here.

You got cutters. You guys get that. is this your whole kit let me see those no no no no this way I told you you need his glasses yeah don't use it

what are you talking about I just washed Yeah, don't use it. What are you talking about? I just washed the dude. That's going to light a fuse. It's just a little drippy because I just showered. Oh. Show them that new shirt. They are sick.

This is a full-on fashion pod. Yeah. Where are you going? Look at the camera. they are sick this is a full on fashion pod this is yeah where you go look at the camera no no I've worn it before it's rose yeah it's coming out soon

it's beautiful it is beautiful that's Owen they know you Owen maybe you'll sit in and Bobby fucks off he seems like the type dude I will say

I told you 10 minutes in the Patreon. I did. What time is it? My buddy had a Vespa in Chicago. And I was going around doing shows. I didn't know where I was going. But I had headphones in giving me directions and listening to music. And it was the nicest experience of my entire life.

Yeah? Yeah, just cruising. And I'd be listening to music. Yeah. And then the lady would just be like turn left and i was dude it was the most pleasant that's you i was wondering what is i was gonna ask you what is that that's your your coffee or you're leaking i know you got these if okay okay it's wet that's from last night. It can't stay wet.

I wasn't here. Yeah. Sponged up. I mean, look, I was sitting there, but- Nobody's respecting the couch. What the fuck, though? We had somebody spill last night. All right.

So here's the deal. All right, listen. I'm going to give you this. Talk to us like children. I'm going to give it. Take that. Okay. You got your cigar?

Yeah. All right. So here. How far do you cut in? I would have brought you one, brother. I didn't know you. You. Take that. Okay. You got your cigar? Yeah. All right. So here. How far do you cut it? I would have brought you one, brother. I didn't know you. You can share mine. Okay.

Boom. Listen. First of all, never say those words again. What? What? You don't share a cigar with anybody. Maybe a hot chick can take a puff. You never say to another man.

I was just going to let him try it. You don't. It's against the fucking rules. I'm a good person. Tommy! All right, fine. You don't let him. I was just going to let him try it. You don't. It's against the fucking rules. I'm a good person. Tommy! All right, fine. You don't let him. I won't do it.

Ever. Ever. Especially if somebody looks like a ghost hunter. Ex-special. If he says ex-special, he's a good person. Listen to me. You came prepared with that? Right here.

So now look on the top of the cigar. Holy shit. Look on the top. I can't see. But on the top of the cigar, if you see the top i can't see but on the top of the cigar if you see look at that there's two lines yeah one two right those are the caps yeah see the lines yeah now the the first line right the bottom there's the bottom and then the top that's the top cap yeah okay top one so when you cut a cigar people how do i cut you want to

cut where that top cap is you want to just cut that top cap off above it a little bit or right on it okay top cap you see okay and don't be fucking messy with your top cap don't just you know what i mean don't be a savage come here come here come here you did it you did it why is my poking out like that give me this give me the thing give me the thing give me the thing give me the thing what did you do look it's got a fucking haircut look at that dude come on perfect let me see mine's not sharp all right give him give him this one yeah i swear i can't go i can't wait to fucking get in a fight about cappuccinos dude cigar oh oh i gotta do this kind of smells like a fish tank okay now all right. Oh, you did it. You did it. Okay, now.

Did you do it? No. There you go. Okay, perfect. So that's how you cut a cigar. My shit was dull. You cut. I mean, do you just blame everybody?

You can't just take the hit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be a man and take the hit. I mean, just take the hit. All right. All right. You probably just can't see right in those fucking glasses. These are amazing. Dude, shut up. Okay, so here's the deal. All right. All right. You probably just can't see right in those fucking glasses. These are amazing. Dude, shut up.

Okay. So here's the deal. Now you're ready to go. Now, this is what you want to do. Take a little sniff of that. Okay. Smells like the old grass you pull out of a lawnmower. You know when it clogs on the side?

Yeah. You want to take a little suck on it. You wet it? No, you don suck on it. You wet it? No, you don't wet it. Just put it in your mouth. It's not a dick. Right? Now, where's the lighter?

All right. So when you light a cigar, you really want to use a torch. I got a torch? Get the torch. You know where it's at? No. But he will get it. So, I mean, you did way better than him.

That's nice. I mean, he was fucking panicking. And this is sharp as shit, by the way. That's like a razor blade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he panicked. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck.

You did a good job. I'm proud of you. Thanks, man. Thank you. Yeah, no problem. You know, I got a box of Partagas once. What did you call it? Partagas. Part you. I got a box of Partagas once. What did you call it? Partagas.

Partagas. There you go. Partagas. And I let them all go bad. I smoked one. But you can bring cigars back. Can you? Yeah.

That's what you do. You get a Boveda pack, right? You put it in the box. You put all the cigars in a Ziploc bag. You put the Boveda pack in the bag, and it will bring them all back. And that's like a moisturizer? Yeah. It creates an atmosphere of humidity inside there, like a tropical

atmosphere. I need a but I wanted to show you that I did have one. I got no butane. We don't have. But I want you to know that I had a torch and we could have possibly torched. Don't you feel better knowing that he had one? I don't.

I feel worse. I'm doing a small talk with this guy trying to get you back into the mix. You can bring cigars back to life. They can be resurrected. If a cigar ever goes hard, you can bring it back to life. You can put a Boveda pack in it and put it in a Ziploc bag and you

wait a couple months. Here's how you light a cigar. You have a humidor? You want a... Can I use a match? You can use a match here's how you light a cigar, right? You have a humidor? You want to... Can I use a match? You can use a match, sure. There's a match right there, Phil. But with a match, you don't want the... You want to let the sulfur burn off first.

Yeah. So light it, let that shit burn out, and then get the wood. Don't hold the... You got to rotate it? Mm-hmm. But don't hold the flame on it like that

breathe the flame in yeah it's called sipping it's called sipping I can't wait to sip dude let me sip I'm gonna wait oh that. Dude, let me sip. I'm going to wait.

Oh, that smells good. Now, I'm going to tell you right now, I got these cigars at the fucking place down the street. Yeah. So it's not the, you know what I mean? It's not the... The one in the corner? No, I'm going to show you something. I'm going to gas this out. Gassing out a cigar.

All right? You light it up. Are we going to have to throw this couch out after this? Yes. I mean, I'll live with it. You know, it doesn't bother me. That's gassing? Whoa.

That stuff coming out is like shit. See, I'm gassing it out at the beginning. Now it's good. That's old air that was in there? There you go. Or is that just the tobacco releasing gas and bacteria? Usually I gas the cigar out at the end. So when you smoke a cigar, it's pulling all that shit through.

So at the end, it starts to get a little bad. So if you gas it out, it burns all that shit out that way. Right? And it tastes brand new again. Tasted like it did at the beginning. This, these cigars, they're not keeping,

it's at the bodega down the street. You know what I mean? Yeah, they're not turning over as fast. Well, they don't take care of cigars. You go to a real cigar place, they take care of it.

You mean humidor? Yeah, there's no, they're not, it's, it's, you know. They don't do that

they just they don't they don't regulate the temperature internally is that what you're saying keep going now rotate i'm so interested in this so no they don't you look at this cigar is fine for what we're doing yeah but if we were going to really smoke a cigar right you'd be upset i got i got a humidor yeah i got 700 cigars yeah and my whole bottom thing is Cubans. Then I got Tata Wahe's, my father's, and then Davidoff's. We take one out of my humidor that's at 68 all the time.

These are fine. You're fine. You just got to gas it out a little bit. Now blow out. Now light it on fire again. Light it on fire. Keep going. Puff, puff, puff. Keep going. Blow out the other way slowly Keep going, go, just keep going There you go

That was good Blow out the other way Get the flame and go out the other way Go, go, go Lightly, lightly There you go Okay, good, you're good That's good, keep going

See all that shit see all that shit that's cause you don't take care of the cigars over there that well you know what I mean but you know I don't like

buying cigars with his fucking hookahs I mean that's not that's good huh I mean Shane's gonna kill you this is going right up into his house

100% we go outside we're almost out of now he blows smoke rings That's good, huh? I mean, Shane's going to kill you. This is going right up into his house. 100%. We go outside. We're almost at an hour. Do you blow smoke rings? Huh? Do you blow smoke rings? Yeah, I do, but I don't. Is it gay?

Is it gay to do the rings? No, that's not gay. No, I don't. What am I, fucking 14 with a pack of fucking Marlboro legs? And a fucking tall Budweiser. I'm not a fucking asshole. You don't do any cool tricks? You just...

Yeah. This. That. You want to do tricks? What do you want to do tricks for? I don't know. We're men sitting down and smoking a cigar. I don't know.

Here's the trick. I would imagine... Calming your mind down enough to fucking not have to do a trick every five seconds. How's that? Here's the trick I want you to fucking not have to do a trick every five seconds. How's that? Here's the trick I want you to learn. Relax, asshole. I'm sorry. All right.

There you go. You get it? Did you gas yours out? I did. Yeah, you did? All right. There you go. You're good.

You're good. You look good. All right. Now, here's the thing. You don't have to keep, just let it roll. Now, the ash, see the ash? That keeps that thing stoked. That little burning fire under there.

Coals, yeah. So you don't want to ash it off. No, you want to let it go, right? And then. Isn't it a testament to how well it was rolled? How long the. 100%. These are great.

This cigar is one of the creamiest little cigars you can get. It's not too harsh. It's just a shake. It's such a great cigar. You're shaking. My. I don't know. Podomo Reserve.

Yeah. Podomo Reserve Champagne. 10th anniversary. This morning I'm doing coffee. I'm vaping. Now I'm hitting the cigar. Do you have any candy? Do you have any candy?

I got candy. You got a little piece of candy? What kind of candy? Okay. So when you get, say you get Nick, you're smoking a cigar and you get a little shaky like I got candy. You got a little piece of candy? What kind of candy? Okay, so when you get, say you're smoking a cigar and you get a little shaky like that, a little sick, take a piece of candy.

It neutralizes the nicotine and makes you feel better. So suck on a little piece of candy. Really? Yeah. You want a Hi-Chew? I got Hi-Chews. God bless you.

What is that? That's a carrot. I said candy, you fucking goat. What the fuck was that that I didn't even know we had carrots dude why would he he's got a bag of carrots what's his name again

Owen Owen how did you get carrots from candy that's fucking great he goes you want these carrots you should have took them

that would be sick if you chew on a carrot yeah I mean dude your house is gonna fucking smell like a man's house I love they haven't smoked in here in fucking since 50 years yeah but back in the day

that's all men did have a little high chew suck on one um so there you go now you just chill you know like you go to a cigar bar you gotta throw all your clothes out by the time you get home. No. No.

Well, you don't have hair, but I got to get in the shower when I get home from a cigar bar. Anytime I go on the road, I find the cigar bar and I go to it. Because cigar bars are all the same type of guy I like. You can sit around, you can be by yourself, or you can shoot the shit with somebody.

And it's a good place to write, good place to hang during the day. I just went to one three months ago. Where? Two months ago in soho with my buddy john mckeever great cigar place yeah the small one so a cigar lounge yes good food yes we didn't have waitresses we didn't we we need yeah but yeah the guys everybody wants to talk to you sure it's like a lounge yeah it's a fucking it's a it's a i wasn't ready for that i wasn't i didn't know for humanity i was being i don't understand i thought he was being a weirdo stay home but then i realized it's i mean you know what that doesn't happen here that's why i like him he stays on fucking

self and then we just sit in each other's rooms you know yeah there you go to i mean you go to cigar bar they'll shoot the shit i understand what you're saying i'm just about you boss sometimes i go and uh you gotta you to find the right place to sit. And then headphones, key. You don't want to talk to people at a cigar bar? Yeah. Put headphones in, get a pen with a pad, and just sit there. Nobody will fuck with you.

Women think the same thing at the gym, but if a creep wants to talk to you, he's going to talk to you. True. Yeah, I guess, yeah. It's a way of life for these people. Well, look, first of all, women at the gym, let's be honest. What? I mean, put

something on. Right. I mean, what are you doing? Exactly. I mean, you got no underwear on. You're wearing yoga pants. You have your nips hanging out. Yeah. And they wonder why someone's just going to be like, hey, how are you? Can I just be left alone? Yeah. At your house. Yeah.

Yeah, get a total fitness gym and stay home. I feel like they'd be- How about this? Put some clothes on. That's it. Yeah, put sweatpants, baggy sweatpants, baggy- I mean, I still like that outfit. I don't wear babies. Well, that's what we get at home and that's why you- I think you assimilate to a sexy outfit because

your wife or your girlfriend usually wears baggy or sweatpants and just maybe a tighter t-shirt that's hot to you because that lends itself to sex yes and these girls that dress up like fuck dolls like they should be you know positioned in a window in amsterdam you're like this is not what i want this is too much i went to the gym i think it was four years ago i got my manager got me a trainer for Christmas that's how fat I was you look great now he gave me the thing I was like what is this it's a trainer for six months I was like

thanks the fuck he wants to keep robbing you I think my wife gave me for my birthday she got me ear waxing fucking treatments I was like what the fuck but I couldn't go because i'm at the gym as a fat fuck and this in shape guy's working me out and all i'm doing is staring at the hottest

women in the world i mean smoking hot yeah jumping up on a on a box yeah and and it as i can't i i feel like shit and all i want to do is fucking I hate 90% of the dudes at the gym. Yeah. And I, well, it's January now. So you're gonna have to wait till March to get all these dudes. I joined the best gym in the world.

What? Equinox? No, fuck that gym. Not technically the best gym in the world. You're not talking about equipment and access. I'm not talking about the best gym in the world you're not talking about equipment and access i'm not talking about the best gym of the world i don't know you got the fucking money for the specs i imagine you got some money for gyms i do i joined uh i am anytime fitness i'm telling listen to me i know i knew you'd laugh

you're fucking the latest and what this is why did you get him an ashtray and not us because I mean what the fuck first of all you can't put it in paper no you can do that

it's wax but we can do that the center of this thing oh yeah this is perfect dude this thing fucking rules

is it an ashtray no it's a fire pit you put rubbing alcohol in it and you light it up. Indoor fire pit. Why? Do you not have heat? Bobby, why not? Do you have heat? I thought you respected him.

He's right there. He's shaking too much. I'm sorry. Why is he shaking? Are you guys on Adderall? What the fuck? No. No, we don't fuck with that. Yeah, listen. This is a stupid gift. Let me tell you something. There's no... I thought you'd love this.

An indoor fire pit? No, I have heat and AC. Why would I love this? Because it's not that hot. Why would I want a fire in my house? It's for its aesthetics. Yeah, a candle. We have candles, too.

You want me to light a candle? No, it's not the same. All right, anyways. I mean, now it's an ashtray, so... It's a nice ashtray. It's a nice ashtray. It's a nice ashtray. Seeing to fuck. What was I going to say?

The fucking gym. Anytime. Anytime it is. I'll tell you why. It's a small gym, right? It doesn't have all the hoorah, all the bullshit. Yeah. It's just a gym.

Yeah. They have everything. It's clean as shit, and it's open 24 hours a day. It's not like me. And's just a gym. They have everything. It's clean as shit, and it's open 24 hours a day. And you got a Kia. I go in, boop, I get let in. All the drinks, anything, a hat, whatever you want.

You sign your name. There's no money. What? You just sign your name, and you put your, it's an honor system, which I love, that they, you know,

and people actually respect that. I mean, they have cameras right there, just in case, case they don't trust us but yeah they the guy who owns it i know him and his wife they have a bunch of them the best gym ever i can go at two in the morning and go work out yeah by myself yeah that's nice i love that i like that yeah that's what you gotta do you gotta work around the animals yeah the gyms are the 90s dude that was like my high school gym who exposed brick everybody had like paint on their boots they actually had a sign above the the treadmill it said no work boots on the treadmill that's how the level of animals that these people right from work dude in wife beaters flannels flatulence me and Billy Bird belonged to Bally's on 96th Street yeah which was

pretty much just in an apartment building yeah so it was like a Puerto Rican family yeah and then three floors of Bally's yeah and you're working out and like the weight room was like a like this living room yeah well they had all the weights it's just a bunch of dudes with teardrop tattoos and me and burr you guys almost done pulling the weights off the bar just screeches yeah it was crazy yeah i remember those i like those gyms but i love the anytime fitness thing and the girls there it's like it's regular people yeah like the planet fitness that's a scam i know i went to planet fitness for a while then new york sports club tried to poach a bunch

of people when they moved in over here i got it like locked in at 10 hours which is new york sports club i'm still at 10 because i tried to leave a second time locked in because i knew i knew somebody who knew one of the managers so she did how late are they open till 10 11 no i think it's like it's midnight or one no no no no. I mean, can I be honest with you? Both of you? I'm not going to fact check, so you can lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can say 24.

2 o'clock in the morning. Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, it's great. Thank you. No, I wish they were. If they stayed open until midnight, you could get in there and no one would be in there. Now, I ash around this point just because I know it's going to fall off and I don't

want ash. Like, see that? I hate that. Yeah. I ash a little bit. Now, let it sit, though. Is that nice? That little dog dick? It's great. it's a good one perfect yeah can you judge on

how how you're pulling as you're doing great you're all doing are you enjoying yourself i am enjoying myself you like it i love it yeah there you go i just got uh there's a uh a fan of the show did a home you're smoking a little fast you're gonna throw up please there you go there you go that was good chris actually i'm coming around dude he had a he he had a thought you see the thought he went like this yeah i went i like this yeah i like that well we can yeah this is going to be part of my culture now i tell you what this this for me because the older you get the more stuff you have to let go yeah you know what i mean the older you get, the more stuff you have to let go. You know what I mean? The older you get,

you can't drink the way you used to. You can't party. You can't bang. Yeah. You can't smoke cigarettes. You can't eat. Yeah. You got golf and cigars.

Yeah. I mean, yeah. Maybe golf. Yeah. If you have money. Or they go hand in hand. I get it. You're right.

They do. You're right. They do. I don't golf though. This is like the same process of golf is a long time out there for your own thoughts. Hopefully not too much frustration. You don't put too much pressure on yourself and you just, you spend four hours. But add one of these and you're just chilling.

Are you a beach smoker too? No, I'd never smoke on the beach. Really? No. Is it ignorant to the sun? I don't want to deal with the fucking twats yeah you know that's that's like like um i never i would never want to smoke a cigar in direct sunlight what are you a vampire what the fuck is that i just feel like you're being cooked and you're breathing hot air it's just but also is it yeah don't Bob

the more you think about it what do you mean I'm telling you no you're right I'm fucking gonna stop thinking about it just let it go I'm gonna let it go

it's gonna at some point today or tonight you're gonna think of something he said and it's gonna drive you fucking nuts that kid was right

that kid was right about that no I like I mean what's the attitude around just lighting up anywhere is that kind of

a dick move too well you can't I don't light up. The one thing I like about cigars too, you need an hour or two. Yeah. You can't just, when you smoke a premium cigar, you can't just, you're going to sit for a little bit, at least 45 minutes. You're going to chill.

You got to plan. You're hanging out. It's not a cigarette where you're going to go. You can't just go to the airport and light up a bag. Go back to Applebee's. Yeah, nobody has fucking an hour for the plane to fucking, you know what I't just go to the airport and let up a bag go back to Applebee's nobody has fucking a foot an hour for the plane to fucking you know what I mean

what time we have what about going for a walk you ever go for a nice walk with a cigar yeah I um no I don't walk and do cigars

I just don't you can but I don't I like this in the woods it'd be funny in the woods shooting guns or something

I have the woods up in New Hampshire I got a couple acres but I have 500 acres behind me I've hiked up went to the top sat down on a rock and lit up a bat fuck yeah i'll do that where i bring cigars camp where in new hampshire uh the white mountains nice you know what this is very fitting i gotta do a reading for draft kings i feel like i'm in a draftraftKings fucking costume right now. You know, this is a guy that bets.

Yeah, you look like a guy that, you look like a guy. You look like me. You look like a guy who takes bets. I also like how you said, I got to do a reading. A reading from the book of DraftKings. Yeah, I know. Really. A reading.

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and get 200 in free bets instantly. You got any picks? Guys? Do you gamble? I don't gamble. I don't gamble. Really? And I do not bet on sports.

Yeah. No, I don't. Well, I do. Plus- But here's the thing. I did with DraftKings when they were my sponsor. I did. Thank you.

I swear to God. I'm not just saying that because DraftKings is great and they have, that's easy way to make a bet. And you also can get stuff at the beginning. They give you a little money at the beginning if you sign up and they pay you good. And it's, it's a great time. If you got a bet,

I would do a DraftKings. I'm not just going to go bet, but I would do it with them. Hell yeah. You seem like a guy who spends a lot of money on other things. So you can't do the gambling. Well, yeah,

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a lot of stuff. That's why I like the prop bets. That's crazy. I like that, but they also make it easy because I'm not smart to bet. I don't know a lot of stuff. That's why I like the prop bet. That's where you bet who's going to score a touchdown first. Yeah. That's it. Because it's plus 1,200. Coin flip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm an addict, so I got to be careful with what I get addicted to.

Yes, yeah, yeah. Like these I can get addicted to. Yeah. If I get into that, I'm fucked. Yeah. I'll go nuts. Now, what do we do here? I can do a little bit.

All right, so that's called the band. Yeah. Okay'll go nuts. But. Now, what do we do here? I can do a little bit. All right. So that's called the band. Yeah. Okay. So you want to take the band off when you get there. Do you keep this lingerie on to like show off what you're smoking? You know, here's the rule with cigars. Ready? No rules.

Do whatever the fuck you want. I knew you were going to say that. I know guys take them off right away. Like, you know what I'm saying? $100 cigar, they take it off. Fuck it. Are there people out there you think are showboating? Of course they do. A lot of people. I know guys that keep every one of these and then put them in a

notebook and write about the cigar oh what a fucking beetle i mean my uncle's one of them but listen my great-grandfather who passed away gave me the book and that's how i got into this cigar thing but no that's usually beat off i stand by no i'm kidding um i do too yeah you take them off take the band off what yeah i usually take it off so i i the band's nice yeah you don't need it this feels more earth i think there is something cute about that like having your first band you know there you go you can put like a little date on it yeah who you shared it with who's a beat off now i mean that's a date on it what are you fucking yeah it was we should frame that yeah frame We should frame that.

Yeah, frame that. We should frame that and put it... I'll put it right back here. Yeah, put it right there. Lick it. It's hard. Just lick it. Stick it up there.

Lick it. Stick it up there. Let's see how long it... Let's take bets on how long it's going to stay. I say it stays a week. There's not enough glue. There's only glue on the outside. Yeah, just lick it.

Yeah, yeah. Come on, lick it. You don't like being told to lick something, you fucking... Lick it good. Like a stamp to your lover. Come on. And lick it. Lick it good.

Now stick it. Stick it right up there. Stick it. Watch that for me. Stick it. Stick it right up. Mush it. Now mush it.

Slide it up. Use your thumb. There you go. All right. I say a week. How long do you say? No way. Right there. How long? An hour. Okay. Ten minutes. All right, good. That it up. Use your thumb. There you go. All right. I say a week. How long do you say? No way. Right there. How long? An hour. Ten minutes. All right. Good. That's enough. That's enough. Leave the top flap.

Ten minutes? All right. I say a week. I say that's here in a week. Yeah? I won't touch it. All right. We'll have a daily log. I bet your sticky mouth is like glue. I got one more question for you. Six and a half.

What is it? It's probably close. That's pretty good. That's probably close. Great. My dick? No, it's a little bigger than that. Probably the cigar at the original height before you lit it.

Good. Yeah, that's pretty bad. That's good. Yeah. Three times the girth, I hope. No. About the size of that, too. No. Yeah, they call me Cigar dick kelly that was my name in high school what's your ashtray situation

what do you mean how many ashtrays no like what cigar ashtrays are elaborate i imagine one of the one i got from my buddy is gorgeous it's handmade by this guy and i was going to gift you one i i love ashtrays. Ashtrays are great. I have them all over my yard. I have them in my house. No, I have them all over the place. I have them in my studio. I have them all over the place.

It's a good cigar ashtray to me. Like, that little ashtray stinks because you're going to get ashes everywhere. This is for pot. But you get a good cigar ashtray, it's classy. Yeah. Back in the day, dude, you went to somebody's house, there was a fucking ashtray. Everybody was smoking, dude. He had one on the

next to the toilet. Yeah, dude. Back in the day, you went to a living room, there was that big crystal ashtray. Oh, dude. And people were smoking. Dude, I remember going to bars and just everyone was smoking. Oh, yeah. They still have them in fucking VFWs, the Polish American Club I go to. Dude, there's some weird rule in Philly. There's some bars that you can still smoke. Yeah. It's a grandfathered inn. Yeah. Grandfathered inn. They still have them in fucking VFWs. The Polish American Club I go to. Dude, there's some weird rule in Philly.

There's some bars that you can still smoke. Yeah. It's a grandfathered inn. Yeah. A grandfathered inn. They were there before these fucking assholes, you know, started dying of cancer. Yeah. Fucking losers.

I know. You're going to lose all their clients. Yeah. What are you going to do? Bob. Yeah. What's up? Is that it?

Yeah. Are we done? We're done. We didn't even do anything. We're going to stick around for the Patreon. You're going to stay around for the Patreon. You're going to stay around for a little while. No, I got to go.

What are you, man? I mean, Shane's upstairs. He's fucking. Well, thanks for coming. Yeah. I mean, the most anticlimactic ending of a podcast. Well, that's what this studio. What the fuck you want us to do?

That. I want that energy. All right. Well, thanks so much for coming. Thank you. Yeah. Good to be here. Yeah. Well, you're going to come back soon.

You want a fucking angry end? I'll fucking angry end. Let's go to... I'm sticking around for paper. Nice. Now you got me whipped up. Next time you bring a cigar, we don't need to gas out beforehand. True.

Is that Jesus being hugged by King Arthur? That's... What's Judas kissing Jesus? Yeah. That's, uh, what's his, Judas. Is that Louis? Yeah. That's funny. Go get my special. This is the wall of fame. Thanks for the plug, guys. You stood up, walked out of

framework. Go get a special. Let me see these. No, no, no, no, don't put them down. These aren't fucking Bausch and Blondes.