Stuff Island - Stuff Island #67 - relationships w/ Jordan Jensen

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

Stuff Island #67 - relationships w/ Jordan Jensen - Full episodes also available on Apple/Spotify/etc. & bonus episodes are available on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/stuffisland - Visit http://expressvpn.com/stuffisland for 3 months free! - Go to sheathunderwear.com and get the most comfortable underwear you'll ever wear, and if you use the promo code STUFFISLAND you will also get 20 off your entire order - Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook App and using the code StuffIsland. - Gambling Problem? Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), - If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (CO/IL/IN/LA/MD/MI/NJ/OH/PA/TN/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (KS/NH), 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), visit OPGR.org (OR), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MD/MI/NJ/NY/OH/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Void in ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply. - $200 in Bonus Bets: Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 bet. Promo code req. $200 issued as bonus bets that expire 7 days (168 hours) after being awarded. Bonus must be wagered 1x and stake is not included in any returns or winnings. - Super Boost: Valid 1 Odds Boost Token per customer after opt-in each day for eligible Super Bowl LVII prop markets only. Token must be used BEFORE placing eligible bet between 6-9PM ET daily. Odds boosts and prop markets will vary. Max bet limits apply. Tokens are non-cashable, non-refundable, and cannot be withdrawn. Boost Token expire daily at 9PM ET. There are no restrictions on the funds a customer will receive if their bet wins. If their bet loses, they will not receive any reward. Offer period valid 2/6/23 - 2/11/23. - See terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/footballterms - Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Thank you, and God bless Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

no no we don't there's no shtick there's no shtick we just like i'll tell you right now it's called are you serious or asking questions like that. What's the Did Louis do the Are You Garbage questions? I don't know. I thought that was going in a totally different direction. I was like,

did Louis really do the questions on Are You Garbage? I was like, oh God. I just heard he did that podcast and I was like, I can't imagine him being like, them being like, pillowcase or no pillowcase? Just the pressure of insulting him? Yeah, I can believe.

I bet he answered some questions. I don't know. Maybe the conversation was so good they didn't need to. They talked very highly of you on that show. They said you're fucking hilarious. Who? Kevin and- Why didn't they have me on ever?

I've never been on it. They said you're incredible. Wow. Yeah and uh why didn't they have me on ever i've never been on it they said you're incredible wow yeah well tell well you've never done are you never done are you well this whole so clear that up yeah yeah let's do it yeah yeah we just booked you they don't know they're finding out right now also that i know that's a nice coffee cup but god what is there a more spillable cup than that cup look at no no i'm not saying i'm not i'm not what are these built for messes i'm not worried about you i'm just saying that like if i i think it's a cute fucking mug and i wanted to give you a problem watch what's gonna happen with my hand just the shaking you don't drink do you huh you don't drink you're sober what do you think i'm having like withdrawals or something right now that's what i was gonna ask you no no i but are

you sober yeah yeah i well if molly's around i'll do it hell yeah i have to take adderall to stay alive i take prozac uh don't do cocaine acid great yeah mushrooms great but yeah i'm sober yeah no more mo for me, dude. That Molly just fucked me up. No more Molly. I do have to stop. It's not fun after. I was in a dark place for a long time. After. After. I know it depletes you, but I was already depleted and it

fucked me up. You know what my problem is? It took a trip myself. Chris went to Denver. Let me tell you something. If you ever get in a dark spot with molly go to the mountains dude who clears you right up still the funniest funny story i think it's not worth it no i think it's not and when you do it i do get the dips really hard like that's why i had to stop doing coke like between bumps i would plummet yeah into a zone that was like unlivable

yeah it felt like you know when somebody breaks up with you and you like get so you just can't eat and yeah that's it between every bump yeah and then molly usually it's after the whole night yeah exactly so you come down in between each bump and i'm like yo we got let's go let's do a conversation like i'm like oh my god yeah totally we should take a dance class together we absolutely should be used to uh can can you get the bag can you get in the back it's like that it's not good you ever in the middle of a bad breakup and you're like i'm fucking heartbroken i'm dying and then you sandwich and go i was just hungry dude yes oh fuck it's actually i don't know she does suck i was starving i love chicken cutlets That bitch sucks Where are you from?

Ithaca Really? Yeah Upstate Yeah that's nuts I've heard it's gorgeous It is gorgeous And it's not George's

That's what the stickers were When George Bush was president Oh really? Ithaca is not George's I've been to Corning I did the glass museum there What do you mean you did it? Well we did a show there

Me and the Jewish girl Esther? No, she's a comic Esther is a comic And Frank Jewish comic? Come on, no What the fuck am I forgetting?

Kirsten, Kirsten Jewish comic I don't think there's any need to get bogged down comic yeah no let's what the fuck am i kirsten kirsten no not kirsten jewish comic young or old i don't think there's any need to get bogged down yeah that was the corning how's the the corning glass museum was sick dude oh also dude give me this is it it's some oh yeah this should be in the museum no because i'll give you a the greatest gift of your life this is nuts i don't know who sent this freeze pipe bong xl 2023 edition but this is like dude i i don't smoke weed yeah we don't we're not a weed family here yeah yeah i i don't know why we would be sent this

but this is like it's like a meth lab dude pour over it's a pour over it's a pour over for weed look at this fucking thing ew it's beautiful but it's gorgeous does that have liquid in it too chuck that thing no but i don't know what to do with it it's called that flower make a nice freeze pipe yeah put a flower in it bro look how gorgeous this thing is yeah it's pretty amazing so i don't know who to thank because there was no note there was nothing and then it's like a gift like christmas comes and your nephew is getting into weed and you're like i can't give him this you know this is like fucking joey diaz level yeah marijuana stuff yeah look at this fucking thing whoa right doesn't it feel like it feels illegal beautiful like what am i gonna do with this it's like steam i i almost. You got to smoke out of it at least once.

It's fucking art. It's beautiful. It is beautiful. The middle chamber has liquid bubbles floating around. It's like a lava lamp. Dude, it's so ornate. Someone's going to comment, really, really want this because it's fucking beautiful, so I'll give it away. Yeah. Patreon.

Yeah, go on the page and the best... And then do a lottery. And then do a lottery. We could do a lottery. Do you have a Patreon? God, this is such a weed. We do have a Patreon, but I don't know. Yeah. Well, like, what do you do for a challenge like that?

What do you like? You want a challenge of some. What's a good weed challenge? Yeah. Getting up in the morning. Yeah. Getting out of your couch. Whoever can guess.

I don't know. That guy seems. These guys are doing better than us. This guy. Well, he probably doesn't do weed of your couch? Whoever can guess. I don't know. That guy seems... This guy's doing better than us. This guy. Well, he probably doesn't do weed, dude. No, I bet he does. We have a lot of glassblowing fans, which is great.

Like, artists, they watch it while they do glassblowing and shit, which is fun. Because it's easy to just... Because it's so, like... Yeah. Why? Jesus Christ.

This glassblower, I used to know he was so fucking hot, and I have such low self-esteem. Always attracted to this man, but my buddy was like, I want to know he was so fucking hot. And I have such low self-esteem. Always attracted to this man. But my buddy was like, I want to fuck him. And I was like, all right, I'll make it happen. And we're talking. And he's like, maybe we could hang out sometime.

And I was like, yes, but you know who you should hang out with? Is my buddy Claire. And he was like, okay, yeah, but maybe we should. And I was like, no, dude, you're not getting the point. Claire wants to bang. And then like a month later, I was like, we're going to fuck. We're going to fall. Why don't you just reach out?

He did. He came to the cellar recently. You know what I did last night? Let's go. What did I do last night? Let's go. What if he sees this? He's a glassblower. No, no, no. This is a different guy.

Don't clip it. We won't clip it. So I went through the breakup. I went through a friend. No, no, no. This is a different guy. This is a different guy. Oh, okay. Don't clip it. We won't clip it. Okay. So I went through the breakup. I went through a breakup. Okay. How long?

What was the relationship? Oh, it's been a year, but we break up once a month pretty much. It's great. That's good. And he breaks up with me constantly. So you're just still fucking. It's just emotional and physical contact, but you're not really together. No, no, no.

It's like we break up. We take time apart we see each other we're back in it things are different things are good he gets spooked by the idea of like longevity he breaks up with me rinse and repeat yeah yeah yeah well if the breakup is like slightly less painful than the excitement of getting back together you can get caught in that cycle for a while yeah yeah yeah so i don't know what to do right now right now i'm in the mode where i'm like either a we need to like stop stop or you need to just like get that like every man has a fear of longevity yeah you know

what i mean and just like i have it too i have it all the time and just like but do you still question whether or not it's real and like you guys are meant for each other no way no he's like my best friend he's like my best friend it very much is like three days pass and i'm like oh obviously i want to be with this person and i think he has the same feeling but he just feels guilty that that feeling like is so overpowering yeah like run yeah which i'm like dude i have that feeling too it's fine um also i am somebody who i'm like if you're a comic or whatever you do if you gotta fucking bang somebody out just don't tell me about it you know what i mean like i'm like it's just don't fucking tell me and be like i'm guilty this thing happened do you think

that attitude your guilt for you to wear yeah if you want to break up because of it then that's fine who was just saying this to us in the car? Burke. Yeah, it was Burke. Our producer and editor. He was like, you know, my wife, if she ever does it, just don't tell me. Don't put that guilt on me. I don't want to think about it. Just do it. Then you'll feel bad and you'll be nicer to me.

This is why you get high-end hookers. So there's no emotional connection. Seriously, if you're a dude that needs to fucking speak for yourself chris getting attached to every hooker he's ever been with i made you a cookie that's so sweet i don't remember you dude no like you know if you if you are the type that just needs to you know animalistically pump out a fucking goo you know like but that's that's like more sex you'll fuck a barista around the corner i think it's more like you talk to the barista the barista's like i think the barista wants to fuck and then you're like it would be fun to fuck oh no i can't i'm in a relationship

i'm like paying out the barista you know what i mean the hooker won't feel the same because you're paying them but if some fucking dumb slob all right hold on would you really feel this way if you were like truly invested in this relationship with a guy not the guy you're talking about but like if you finally meet someone you're like this is my girl or this is my guy i feel like that attitude will shift or no maybe not i think it's shifting more in the sense, like if I don't feel like they're the right person for me, I'm like, we have to force this. So we have to be together. But if I trust the person, I'm like, first of all,

if you go for it, you're not going to feel good doing it. So you're probably not going to do it. And if you have to do it, I trust you that it's for the best for both of us. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's a very mature way to say it. Just don't fucking tell me, dude dude because i will lose my mind right do not let the text pop up do not hide every

absolutely and keep it to yourself whatever and then if but if i find out i mean it's game over but that is how i feel about i feel like relationships at a certain point are i mean the the like lucid honest part of myself is like i do i want to be with somebody who like doesn't have the capacity to be like i know what this is gonna be i'm gonna have sex with this girl i'll come on my back yeah i'll feel bad yeah and i can just try i can just move past that feeling right now yeah i don't know that's the spot i'm in now i'm like i don't know it might be nice to be with somebody who's like i'm good i've fucked i've done that yeah i'd rather hang out with jordan than like that's the goal she's some you know i mean you get it all out yeah yeah so maybe i just need to wait later but what happened last night is so the breakup yes let's go i'm like i

gotta take it to colin quinn's one-man show going, this dude's like, want to hang out. I'm like, I'm going to die because this breakup, maybe this will help. And then Jordan classic, I show up late. He's sitting here in the audience. I have to sit in the back separate show ends. I run,

I ran. And I, I just texted and I said, sorry, I have a spot. I suck. And I just left. Cause I couldn't, I was worried that if we saw each other,

I would have to reckon with that. I was like going on a date with somebody different. And then maybe. Are you so hurt from the past relationship that you can't see yourself going on a date? I'm dying. Yeah. Really? Oh, yeah.

Last night. Ball. Slept in my clothes. Slept in my coat. God. What? Wait, wait, wait. Ready for this? That's O'Connor, dude. What? Slept in my clothes. Slept in my coat. God. What? Wait, wait, wait. Ready for this?

That's O'Connor, dude. What? Slept in my roommate's bed. He's not home, but you know what I mean? In your coat, in your roommate's bed, because you're so disjointed about- Just to have a change of pace? Uh-uh. I thought you were going to say that you got there, and because it started weird, then

it's just like I can't- It's like trying to come into a song halfway through. No, no, no, no. It's just like i can't it's like trying to come into a song halfway through no no no no i can't play my way in it's like i missed i missed i missed the conductor getting everyone together and now it's fucked no no i can't possibly no it wasn't like i missed like one two one it wasn't like that it was like it was like i knew if he looked at me and if i was like oh yeah should we like grab a bite? I knew I would like well up and be like, this is what I'm doing. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, I'm completely right.

Well, this is how you should feel if you're fucking around on your spouse as opposed to moving on, you know? What do you mean? Like you should be upset, emotionally upset. Yes. If you're cheating on your loved one. Yes, totally. Whereas you should try to move on if you know that other guy's not worth it. Totally worth it.

Totally worth it. That's why I refuse to move on. So you're trying to make it right. Yeah. I muscle through the breakups. I get devastated. I curl up into a ball. He typically comes back and says it won't happen again.

It happens again. I curl up into a ball. Damn. And he doesn't feel good about doing it either i mean when i have it just it is what has to happen what for him yeah yeah that's a shame it's pretty nice i'm not jealous actually why i don't know those nice feelings they have it's like amnesia that you actually like that well that you like someone like like that intensely i also have like really bad abandonment oh yeah yeah yeah like your parents broken up my parents are were broken up and i they were very gone they were not around so when somebody leaves i turn into a little child

oh yeah yeah totally yeah yeah so it is right now i'm in the mode where i'm like okay let's see if i push past this maybe it is that i don't you know what else i do rachel feinstein oh i don't think of her as i'm glad you haven't been present for the whole you just been barely chiming in just thinking about what the fuck is that it's because my face looks like her everybody says dude yeah yeah. I'm not kidding you. It's really annoying. She looks just like Rachel. Every time they put us on the same show, I'm like, fuck you, dude.

Now I have to go up and be like, I'm MySpace version of Rachel. You have 15 minutes on that. Yeah. I've had so many people come up to me. You're my favorite. I'm like, no, no, I'm not. They're like, you're married to the firefighter.

I'm like, nope, going to die alone. I'm the one that almost fucked a glass blower yeah yeah but yeah so yeah i don't mind the ups and i mean i'm like a manic crazy person so breakups and getting the idea of like a steady relationship feels a little do you think this is one of those scenarios like when you don't realize you're in a bad situation you know yeah it's like when you get a new spouse you're like oh that girl or guy was a piece of shit no i'm in a bad situation it's bad i mean it's bad we love each other very much but it is bad i mean him not being able to push past those feelings and me being like that's all right i get

it i hate me too is i mean at some point i'll have to get a shred of dignity but i was i was in a situation like that before really yeah so i. So I get it. What'd you do? Um, it just eventually, are you married? What are you married? No. Girlfriend. Well,

you just said my chick. Huh? I have a girlfriend. You have a girlfriend. How long? Uh, only four months. Oh,

how do you feel in that? Oh, amazing. Really? Yeah. Easy. What? Easy.

Yeah. Really? Oh, it's great. Friend. I mean, first, first year should be easy. If you get problems with the first year, you're fucked. Yeah, it's great friend i mean first first year should be easy if you get

problems with the first year you're fucked yeah it's true that chick is nuts yeah yeah dude if you have any problems like major problems get the fuck out a year is dude a year is like the first date yeah you should be able to walk through a year you think that 100 uh yeah it's good it's pretty good. Long blank. That's what I'm worried about doing. I'm worried about that. I'm worried about meh. I would rather have like intense.

There's no time for meh. It's too short. Yeah, that's what I mean. Get the fuck out. If it's meh, if there's anything holding you back. No, but I would rather have ups and downs and like high love, high loss, high love than meh. Yes. I don't know.

I don't know. The ups and downs. The ups and downs. The ups and downs. It's just like, good Lord. You want a pipe dude? It is men though. They'll be like this,

like especially male comics. I'll be like, how do you feel about your girlfriend? They're like, she's cool. She's chill as hell. She's like down with me being out late. And I'm like,

what? That's not a person that you just described. You know what I i know but it's just levels of fucking you know that that but that's always the like the manic energy what's like against and like you know that that energy where like she's you could i think you could still have that excitement the ups and downs but you're on the same page what i'm saying is like, if you're not on the same page, you're not going the right direction together. They're like the years shouldn't. Yeah.

Yeah. It's year like three. Cause that's when the genitals start changing. You know what I mean? That's when you're like, Oh, I've, I had this, I've been eating cheeseburgers every night. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You really have to marry your best friend. You got to marry your best. My father said this to me. I think I was like 20 years old. I brought some girl I just started hooking up with to Thanksgiving.

My one brother went nuts. He's like, you're going to bring a fucking stranger at Thanksgiving? And I was like, she's not a stranger. We've been fucking hooking up with her for like a week. Yeah. He's like, it's a fucking stranger. Really? Yeah.

He's like, I'll be nice to her today, but get the fuck out of here with this attitude. Is he still with your mom? Huh? He's still with your mom? No, that was my brother who said that. Oh, like, I'll be nice to her today, but get the fuck out of here with this attitude. Is he still with your mom? Huh? He's still with your mom? No, that was my brother who said that. Oh, oh, oh. And then my dad, I was talking to my dad, I was like, look at this. So we're out back having a cigarette or something, and I saw her in the kitchen talking to my mom, like, look at that, Dad. Look at this. Look how hot she is.

He's like, none of that matters. Wow. None of that matters. Yeah. But is he happy with your mom? Yeah. No. No, no, no, no. This is speaking from experience. What he said was, marry your best friend. I'm sure they were best friends at some point, but they had a, you know, it was a lot.

Three boys and, you know. And now they're split up? They're not split up. They're just like, why are we going to split up? What are we going to do now? You know what I mean? He has to get his fucking bagged lunch and his laundry done. What's he going to look for? new life just bad yeah eventually unless you make it fucking good

is what i'm saying yeah how do we make it good do i have to be alone my mom has a good life and she's completely alone she's stoked all you can you could be i think you'd be happy with somebody i i do believe in all this i do believe in a family i do believe in happiness yeah it depends on when you do it though even your body rejected that i believe in a family i believe in happiness you just vomit that was just my dick laughing yeah yeah well i think i yeah there's like my burglar so your girlfriend met no not no no she's fine yeah yeah she's great yeah yeah but it's like she watches well i was also coming off of a

let's talk about ups and downs full-on ma'am 37 okay okay okay yeah yeah it was like it wasn't ma'am because you were like super in love uh yeah but also like i don't i mean she was she was from a different culture oh i like i just don't like i'm not a good person she's from the mountains of south america i'm not a good person to like and i don't fiery yeah we have like yeah we have like different fighting styles that like that we can't even like interact you know what i mean like she wants like a volatile explosive thing to like to clear the pipes out yeah and i will just sit there yeah and just crystal grab a shovel dig a hole in the ground and hide for a fucking month and she'll go on top of the roof yeah yeah that or i get real litigious.

What's litigious? I turn full lawyer mode. Oh, wow. Yeah, I'll bring out a notepad. I love lawyer mode. That's why people break up with me. It's not, but it's like, you can't fight Latinas like that.

They don't, like, they want a street fight. You can't. They never went to court for that reason. Totally. Totally. Yeah. So it was, yeah. Would you like write down like, this is how I'm feeling or this is what you did?

Well, it got, the thing was, is that like, it got to the point where it was just like, there was so much invested in just the explosiveness. Like, it was just like, that's what, they wanted the battle. So the details of the incidents or what was going on are irrelevant. It was just about, are you going to scream back at me? That's how I know that you love me.

You know what I mean? And I'm like, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to be like, okay, well, this is what happened. So we can keep track of where... I was making flow charts about where where the argument was going where it came from so we can like stay on topic nothing makes a crazy person crazier than just going

yeah it's fine it's cool like if you're calm to a nut she's gonna pop off yeah it was that's also a great sign for like a fucking crazy person like someone that's like loud and like wants to fight all the time. If you don't match their energy,

it'll never work. They want that. Well, if you match their energy, what, there's a great joke by Vecchione. Yeah. That he goes like,

you can't, you have to have a boring person and a crazy person. Yeah. If you have boring people, it's something. And if you go, you have two crazy, well,

that's just the show cops. Yeah. So it is like, yeah. I mean, it just, it's something. And if you go, you have too crazy. Well, that's just the show cops. So it is like, yeah. I mean, it just, the boring person, you just have to resign yourself to be the man in the lazy boy in 20 years who just that people walk in and you just don't even notice. And you know what I mean? And they're like, say hi to dad. And you're like, yeah, which is not good.

Well, that, that was when I started to like, be like, I need to, this is, this is way too much. Because I like- Chris is already that dude to me. There's a limit. There is a limit where you're like, you can convince yourself that you're being the bigger person for a while.

Yeah. You know, where you're like, all right, I just need to blow out the pipes and just get this out. And I'm being the bigger person by just taking the heat and we're gonna move on you know and i'll be the one that's like here for them when they're ready to like just reconcile this problem but eventually you start going to be like do i need to fucking hit this yeah i was just like and then you're like well i can't do that so now it's time to yeah

you know what i mean it's like that boxer that gets against the ropes and just like protects his head and just takes body shots for a while and it's like i'm gonna wear this bitch out yeah yeah but if they keep coming dude you're gonna win that fight yeah yeah you have to go home you have to go home yeah your family is waiting for you yeah yeah totally i was with a crazy girl for like three months once. And that was like, it felt like four years, dude. It was, she was so fucking nuts. But I dealt with it because I was, I was insecure in a way that like she was so beautiful that I was like, she's going to change. She's going to change. Yeah, yeah.

But she was like schizophrenic bipolar in a way. It was like, she was so fucking bananas. I couldn't, I couldn't ever predict not only what she was going to say, but what she was going to do. And I was like, dude, you are abusive. You're fucking nuts. And I have to get out of this. I thought it was like an undiagnosed form of autism.

What she was doing? Yeah, where it's just like... Well, you guys are both writing down notes to each other. No, but there's a thing where it's like chart. This is where you brought it over the line. See that? If you need to explode to make sure that I'm like feeling

things and invested, it almost seems like you're not picking up on normal social cues. Well, no. This is what it is. Are you having trouble recognizing like facial expressions or something? what this is. If you go to somebody, if you're like, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. And then one at one moment, you don't show that you love them and they flip out.

It is because the I mean, what from all of my research about myself, it is because the in childhood, like the parent would be like, I love you so much. I am your mother. You are OK. Yeah. And then disappear. And as a kid, you're like, they're never coming back. They're not going to come back. And then maybe, you know, there's turmoil and stuff like that. So in relationships, it's basically like, for me, I know that like, what would be best for me is to be with somebody who's like, Hey, I need space. I love you. This is I, you know, I'm staying here. We're good. It's okay okay and reassurance a lot

but then the other part of me is like fuck that i don't want to be with somebody who is like you know how people say that where they're like you just need two people who are like compatible in their needs i'm like i don't want to do that i want to be with somebody who i like hanging out with yeah do you know what i mean yeah it's the best friend theory but then i don't know which one to do you do i stay with the dude who's my best friend who keeps breaking up with me, which is traumatic as fuck? Or do I go with a guy who's like, knows that giving me the reassurance that I need and not breaking up with me is good.

Fine, both. Doesn't happen. Don't fucking say. I was just going to say that it's like, the dude that's there all the time is like, you don't care right because it's like it's you want the sacrifice you want the person who wants to go out yeah and then doesn't that's true and ruins their relationships with all their friends i'm gonna make it yes yes you want to

see you want to see the head get cut off and the blood roll down the temple stairs so that you know they need you. That's what you want. I got to get out of this house, dude. I am fearing my own life at this point, dude. There's some truth to that dude there is some truth there is some truth i don't want the guy that's there all the time i don't want that guy because i'm like where are your friends who well who are

you abandoning to be with me yeah totally yeah yeah you they need to be abandoning someone for you in order for you to feel like they're actually committed. Yes. To have nothing going on and always be there is just... That sucks. Yeah, you're just a patch of grass. Yes. Well, to make a culinary analogy here, it's like you use the same knife every night, you're going to dull the blade.

Yeah. Like you need separation to a certain point. You need their own... They have to be independent, have their own career, have their own set of friends. You can't have your best friend being with your other best friends all the time.

It's like, no, now you're just a fucking... You a lawn chair i take around all day it's like yeah i can find my own seat you need to find your own seat this is crazy i love relationship talks but you understand what i'm saying here's the problem if somebody gets broken up with and then that loses the trust so then this person's always like are you gonna break up with me are you gonna break up with me and they're like fine yeah we should break up and then it happens again and again at one point one person either has to stop breaking up or the other person has to stop asking if they're gonna break up and my theory is if i stop asking he stopped doing it we'd be great but neither of us can do that this is like dude i had one argument with my girl recently and it was like

you don't want to put the doubt in it. And then when they doubt you, just because we had an argument, it's like, no, this is life. This is like, what do you expect? Can't be all fucking, you know, blossoms and shit. It's like, this is what we're going to have to do. And that's why the best friend thing is like, it's like, for me, it's like sex.

Like, tell me what you want, right? After a certain bit, like, what do you love? In relationships, it's like tell me what you want. Yeah. Right. After a certain bit, like what, what, what do you love? Yeah. In relationships, it's like, what, what bothers you? Like what, what, how can I be better for you? How can be a more compatible partner? How can I change? Like if you have that attitude early, you can make adjustments so that you don't have

that self doubt and, or, you know, a couple doubt that it will work out in the first place. Cause you'll start seeing things like that's fucked up. Why is saying that why does she feel that way yeah yeah what am i doing wrong yeah if you don't have an open relationship where you can say like weird shit tell me what fucks you up tell me what you hate about me do i slap my lips when i chew yeah i bite a fork yeah you know what i mean but that is that shit but then all the way to like everything in life talk to me you know the guys are like that though that shit but then all the way to like everything in life talk to me you know the guys there's a limit to that though that's what i think the movie eyes wide shut's all about what putting a mask on fucking strangers well it's just that there's a limit to communication you can't you don't want to know everything about well i'm not asking her

she's dealing to my best friends no no well i'm just saying it doesn't have to be that it can be all kinds of stuff there it's just like just leave better leave well enough alone sometimes yeah but this is the thing the like the the like i don't like how you bite a fork that's a little rough i think for sure maybe it's not you don't want somebody eating and being like is this good is this good true that's what i was raised but that used to slap the fuck out of me i mean you can't bite the fork that's it's crazy elbows on the table slap in the back of the head oh wow everything slap your lips i don't think i bite your fork crunch elbows on the table that's like victorian i know and it's hilarious because we we had dude our house was the size of a Victorian bathroom. Yeah.

No one was walking around the house with a fucking teacup on the, it's like walking around with that on the top of your skull. Like that fucking, no, it was ridiculous. That's so funny. You're sitting on a milk carton.

Get your elbows off the milk carton. Yeah, yeah. Just eating boiled hot dogs and pasta. How did your dad point at you from across the table? He was right next to me. He just landed. Our table was so small, dude. I feel like our whole family was just elbows on the table across the table. He was right next to me. He just landed. Our table was so small, dude. I feel like our whole family was just elbows

on the table all the time. It was a big part of our... You had to to protect because my dad would eat the food. He would snatch it so quick. You're not going to eat that? Yeah. Defense at all times. So did you live with your dad

or live with your mom? Dude, I had it. So my mom and dad split up when i was two so i would go back and forth but both so my mom's house was sick that was fine but my sister was crazy how many kids do you have just two okay and my sister went through like childhood trauma at a young age so she was a crazy person and would just beat the living shit out of me yeah so my mom's was scary and my dad's was scary because he was just high all the time. So I would just sit up in a room and make prank calls.

What was his drug choice? Weed. Is he alive? No. Does he want this? He's not alive and he- You want to put it on his grave? He would never want that

because he would roll massive joints and then eat the roach. And that was the only thing. Yeah, it was insane. Bad fucking rules. It's insane. Soach, and that was the only thing. Yeah, it was insane. That fucking rules. It's insane. So yeah, both places sucked. His breath must be nuts.

Yeah, smoke breath, and cigarettes, two cartons a day. Oh, he's eating fucking ashes too. That's crazy. Holy. The Leatherman has the roach clip. Yeah, so both sucked. I used to eat apple cores,

and I thought that was insane. He did that too. He did that too. No, it's pretty good. You can't, because- That's that's nuts. You would eat the whole fucking apple? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I turned into like a health nut for a while and I was just like, dude, the center of the apple

is good. Why not eat it? Wait. It's not. But is it not good for you because it has the poison? No, there's no poison. Yes, there is. In the seeds? Yeah, the seeds are nuts, but it's not like the level of like... I don't think so. But but it's not good for it's not like this is the crust of the how else would how else would they grow unless you poop them out onto your toilet dude you are so fucking nuts i mean i get eating at lunch like when did you start eating the center of this was

this was a year when i was in when i was in college yeah it was a year with that i was in college your boys would just let this happen. You need a whole apple. I've done it to not have trash. Just like, fuck it, put it down there. And I would have just the stem left and I was proud. You're not in fucking church.

Throw it out. Oh, I know the guy you were. Yeah, I know you were. Yeah. And you'd hold onto it until somebody saw it. You'd be like, I'm going to get rid of it. And then somebody would be like, is that the stem?

You'd be like, yeah, I eat the whole apple. I do, I do. I always talk about Chris's pizza crust story where he left a piece. He left a pizza crust on the back of a toilet for like three months because he couldn't throw it out. Yeah. Because he's nuts. Why? I was eating it.

What are you saying? I was eating it. Yeah. You would eat it every time you went to the bathroom? Yeah. Is it OCD? What? Is it OCD? It? Is it OCD?

Wait. It's the opposite. Is it crust? No, it was, I was working my way through a slice of pizza. On the back of a toilet? Yeah. What about poop particles? Oh, he doesn't. Come on. What are we doing? What are you going to live in a bubble? You're going to live in a bubble the rest of your life? Poop

particles? Nothing makes me more nauseous than eating while shitting. Can you imagine? It's the most unhealthy thing. Have you ever done it? I remember one time when I was like 10, I did it. And I was eating pork chops and I went into the bathroom. No, no. Eating roaches is the most unhealthy thing.

And I remember being like, this is the bad thing that I'm doing. Why? I don't know. I remember just being like, oh, just felt sick. You've eaten on a toilet? Something wrong about it. Yeah. Yeah.

Why wouldn't you just put it down and go to the bathroom and then come back to eat? Yeah. Because I'm hungry. Then why not? Why are you shitting? Because I have to shit too. That's insane. Two totally different functions.

You can't focus on. Dude, hold it in. You can't push and swallow. You can't do it. Oh, my God. It's like 69. It's good for a second, but it's not sustainable.

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They could do that, or they could just be, like, they could start tracking your kid. I don't know. Like where he's going. Yeah, yeah. So she's like... Yeah, they figure out... She's got linked to the chat

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Kids are getting stolen. Jacksonville, Florida. If you're not hiding your goddamn IP address, you're fucking... You're an idiot, dude. Your kid's getting stolen. Youville, Florida. If you're not hiding your goddamn IP address, you're fucking kids. You're an idiot, dude. Kids getting stolen. You're a freaking moron.

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What are they watching in Ireland? What are they watching in India? Their children die of hunger. I wonder what's on Japan's Netflix. I wonder what's on Japan's Netflix. I wonder what's on Japan's Netflix. Japan's Netflix? Yeah. I bet you they put rubber bands around their nipples and like

throw tomatoes at them. Fucking Japan's nuts, dude. Dude, could you imagine? Japan has some wild shows. Could you imagine like, I don't know, you bring a girl home and all you want to do is tie rubber bands around her nipples? If she doesn't have the right nipples for it. Dude, I've talked about this.

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whenever i'm at a hotel or airport uh i already did this okay that's expressvpn e-x-p-r-e-s-s-vpn dot com slash stuff island expressvpn.com slash stuff island to learn mayor all right sick check it out like grow the fuck up somebody what are you gonna do not shit on the plane go before are you seat forward person no i go back okay okay yeah we're going back yeah yeah we'll go back okay that's crazy yeah be a fucking adult unless you're a kid i guess how do you know the plane it shouldn't smell yeah it smelled? Oh, yeah. Whoa. Oh, yeah. It's disgusting.

That's a bad plane. Are you Delta? Yeah. No, American Airlines. Oh, get out of there. I did. Shane's agency set it up. Otherwise, I would go Delta.

But Delta even... I'm just saying like the attitude of going, yeah, I'm going to dump out right here in this fucking locked plane. Sometimes people get nervous on planes. I fainted on a plane recently. And... What? I fainted a lot plane recently. And I fainted a lot. What? That rules.

Really? Like a goat. You just fucking. Yeah. If there is two things come together, if it's, dude, the other day. Oh, man. I wish I could show you the picture. I could, but I'd have to find it.

I'm green. I am the color of E.T. It's insane. The trying to take blood. The other day, five little Chinese fucking, my Chinese doctor, this tall,

his two little nurses. Okay. They're all, they, what they didn't understand is this. Okay. So, okay.

If, if I, if the tourniquet's there, right? Yeah. So I'm already passing out. And then they go like this. Okay.

And I'm already passing out, but I'm dealing with it. But then they do the, I't do it to yourself okay but they what are you serious they do the vein push bounce what i'm saying where they bounce it yeah to check it that's good stuff i'm down when they do the bounce holy fuck you gotta be and then so i have to go to somebody who's good with it and they're like just chill look over here tourniquet no bouncing it's in it's out but these little chinese women were holding me i was godzilla they were taking me down i am the complete opposite don't tell me don't tell me i'm the same needles it's like i i have a uh my dentist my dentist when she's giving me novocaine in like my in my jaw she hides the needle as she's walking up and it's like, bring that needle out.

I want to see it. I'll watch it go in. But needles are different. What about drying blood? What? What about drying blood? No, no, no. I like to see it flow out. What do you mean get it out? Don't say flow. I've recently now

when they puncture it, I'm like Don't say that! It's because it's so weird that it doesn't hurt. You know what I mean? I'm just like, whoa! How is that possible? I had ingrown toenails playing sports in high school. And I had to get... So they just like, they cut

like the ends. I like that shit though. You do? Yeah, so they cut the ends. They're like a quarter inch on both sides. Okay. Because it curls in and grows in through the skin. And doctor's like. A quarter inch.

You don't want to see this. And I was like, I fucking want to see this. I need to see this. I love an ingrown nail for that reason. But the blood. They rip it out. The blood is vasovagular. It's like, it is like if I'm putting an an earring and it won't go in i hit the deck

it's genetic my dad you'd be like i have to get a procedure and he'd be like whoa and he'd fall and he was like the most masculine dude ever if i cut myself doing carpentry i'm bleeding i'm fine it's the it's yeah it's the sensitive spots yeah i like i think this is like this is i'm a little embarrassed about the fact that i'm about to say this. Dude, you eat pizza off the toilet. I know, I know. Let it out. That I'm okay with.

There's like, there is, when the blood's being drawn, it's like a little bit of like the athlete ego in me that it's like, yeah. I'm doping. No, it's like, I want to see it be dark and like good blood. Stop, stop, don't be dark. Okay, okay, like stop i want it to fill the bat i want you to

go whoa this is the best blood we've ever seen they're not gonna do that who's doing that i have that i have that feeling okay they're like your blood pressure is incredible like i even hate the blood pressure thing where you can feel the people need to see that that's why i like the fucking the head shots on the videos i watch the the brain fluid blood is like it's like a jellyfish yeah it's a you know the viscosity of it it's thick yeah i don't mind any blood it's just artery it's it's the achilles blood the blood yeah it's that it's the things that are supposed to be in there stays in there no i literally have that too you'll pass out if yeah i don't oh god i've never passed out ever no royal tenenbaums fainted the movie raw fainted old by m night shaman fainted a pass i

mean i'm hitting i mean i think did you faint because old was so fucking bad old was so bad do you know what my thought was right before i fainted this movie is so fucking gay and then i just hit the deck it was crazy i was like this is the dumbest piece of shit and then i was just i can't even believe it it's nuts it's the only way to pay respects he's like i guess i gotta pay us out this shit sucks yeah the fainting thing it is it is genetic it is people have it or they don't i mean it's like it's my my friends used to chase me around the playground and like show me their wrists and until I would start to pass out. That's great.

That's a good friend. Yeah. That's a great friend. I'm actually still friends with that girl. She lives, she's our producer. She's our new producer. That's awesome. Wow.

So wait, have you ever been like injured? Is it, has it ever, you ever had a fall that was like, I'm fucked up? Breaking like concussions. You ever break anything? I've never broken a bone. I have very strong bones. What about slamming your head against a fuck? That's fine.

I've, I've done carpentry for 10 years i slice myself open all the time but if i get a bug bite on my wrist are you kidding no it's the it's the veins that i don't yeah the bug bugs bites do when you see a bug drinking it it's when i just look at it and i'm scratching at the tender zone it's when you watch the mosquitoes suck all and like increase. Sometimes it's cool. Yeah. I'm like, wow. Their little noses.

Do you ever grab them and just rip their fucking nose off? Yeah. I've ripped their legs off a bee. What really bothers me is that it's just like. No, that's fucking weird. What? He was slow. He was like, I think he was dying.

So he was on a picnic table and he stung my brother. Oh, he stung him. Yeah. That's fine. He punished him took everything off I was imagining like a carpenter bee like a sweet little bumblebee

no I wouldn't fuck with that yeah yeah you mean like the big bumblebee family here yeah bumblebees are sick sometimes they smack you in the head when you're biking you know they're just big fat

yeah they're like fucking fat Texans they don't know they don't know how to use anything I still don't trust them I still don't trust them I'm not a big fan of bees.

Well, bees. We're talking about bumblebees. Even bumbles. The big boys? For your bee, I don't. They really don't want to hurt you. No, I know. I don't go after them.

But it's just like, dude, keep your distance. Oh, really? You're flying the wrong flag. Big fan of bees. Yeah, yeah. When you sting and it pulls out all your fucking guts and you die for the fucking pride of your family. I get emotional because it's just like, what the fuck were you doing?

Who? The bee. It's like you just ruined yourself. Protecting the family, dude. You hurt me like a little bit. How cool would that be? How cool would that be? It's a waste of both of our time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If someone was fucking with your brother and you shot him and then all of your guts came out of your ass. Is that what happens? Yeah, it rips all the inside, like the intestine track. What is that? Who does that help?

Imagine if no one was fucking with your brother and you shot the guy and all your guts came out. That'd be cool too. You'd feel like a fucking idiot. That'd be cool too. And then everyone would stand there

and be like, why did he do that? Yes, yes, yes. It's true. They call the bees. I'm not fucking around with bees. No, I agree. I feel threatened, dude. You're probably doing some fucked up shit. No, no, yes. It's true. Well, the bees. I'm not fucking around with bees. No, I agree. I feel threatened, dude.

You're probably doing some fucked up shit. No, no, no. You're probably in his way. Nope. Nope. Dude, I don't like insects. Like, even butterflies, I'm like, or you know the grossest? Like, I held a praying mantis once.

Nasty. Oh, they're fucking nuts. The way they're sticky. I don't like. Yeah. And yeah. This is how I hope your relationship ends. I hope you fucking eat his head off. Dude. Yeah, they're fucking nuts. The way they're sticky. I don't like. Yeah. This is how I hope your relationship ends. I hope you fucking eat his head off.

Dude, they're my mom's favorite animal for that reason. Spiders are fine. Yeah, there's something. You know what I hate? Is the Spiders. No, the many, many. Squid? Many, many. Centipede. Yeah, but the ones that are around.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. they have the two long ones yeah fuck those guys but you know they don't mean any harm they just eat insects but I'm like I'm so sorry that you're so ugly nothing that looks like that isn't they're not peacemakers they kill spiders

there was a cockroach in the urinal in Dallas yeah that's true my mom chucked a ladybug. She's such a bitch. She came into the room at her house. And I go, mom, can you get that ladybug out? Because they always, her house is just full of creatures. Bats.

They follow her. My mom is literally a Ventura. It's upstate New York. It's upstate New York, but no, there's something else going on. I mean, she's like, she is like. You think she is like. Snow white with a shotgun. You think she has like evil energy?

No, no, no. The opposite. She wants to have evil energy, but I'm telling you the creatures that... She'll be on the phone and she'll be like, fucking A! And I'm like, what? And she's like,

there's a goddamn chipmunk on my laptop. And I'm like, what are you talking about? The sweetest animals? She goes, there's three baby skunks in the goddamn yard harassing me. They don't have stinkers. They're just around the cutest animals. and she's like get the fuck they just

flocked to her and this the other day you know or no no dude it's so weird she just has a little baby fawn came up to her and she sent me a picture of it and she's like this guy's just falling i'm like mom that doesn't happen going on yeah that's weird and if you met her you'd be like no animal should go near this person you know but the she was in my room and i was like i like the idea that you go home she opens the door and just like fucking pour out yeah dude there's a moose like drinking a coffee in the kitchen like the fuck he didn't tell me there was a bat in my room and i'm screaming under the covers and i'm like mom and she comes up the room is small bats hitting my comforter hitting smacking she opens the door closes it hysterically laughing

I can hear opens it opens the window we think it leaves five days later she texts me and she goes the bats been in the house the whole time she goes I walked into the bathroom it was on the bath mat and it just flew up into my face like they just come to her but she took a ladybug and she just chucked it into a, I was like, can you put that ladybug outside the window? Because I know it's just going to fly around and make noise. And she took it and she just chucked it into a spider web. And it was the meanest thing. Oh my God.

And I jumped out of bed and rescued it. And I could not, I mean, my entire perception of my mother changed. I was like, mom, and she was laughing. She was crying laughing. Yeah. She was like, there's hundreds of them. Fuck it. That's so funny. I was like, mom, and she was laughing. She was crying laughing. Yeah. She was like, there's hundreds of them.

Fuck it. That's so funny. It was crazy. Just whipped it in and it was in there and the spider's fucking losing it. The spider's like, yeah.

And I'm like, no. That's a horrible day for that spider. I know. He's probably like, yes. What the fuck?

It's like getting a coupon on a chili. It's a free meal. You fucking seal team six. some russian was driving uh driving chay and i to um the airport yesterday and he he couldn't get over exxon in dallas exxon's headquarters he's like that's excellent headquarters beautiful property he's like ducks moose dogs he said moose it's like a random zoo and i'm like what do you mean moose he's like it's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen oh my god wait what was in exxon what exxon headquarters

he was just loving exxon i don't know we were on the highway and he was like that's exxon moose moose ducks frogs he was just naming random fucking animals every animal clearly wasn't right wow he probably has like a cousin or a nephew that works for them and it's just like you work for x like he doesn't realize it's like a gigantic you can be like an absolute bag of shit yeah that's where he is yeah and then he was like and that white building cross street cvs which i fucking cracked up because I thought he was like making a joke going, oh no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. random CVS. He's like, no, CVS headquarters. Nice too.

Oh my God. What? Every, every building he sees is the flagship. Only headquarters. That's so funny. This Russian knows

every headquarters. Well, it's probably like, there's probably a little bit of version of like, that's like Delaware. You know what I mean? People go to Delaware and they're like look this is fucking

yeah yeah they'll be like the headquarters of fucking some company there because the taxes are so low it's basically just an empty building with a it's like a big po box yeah yes yeah but they're like that's the headquarters that's where like all the big players it's like no no no one of any significance lives there yeah and Meanwhile, it's just where Arby's does all their taxes. It's like, who gives a fuck then? God, Delaware's such a fucking dump. It really is.

I don't know what I've done in Delaware. What's the comedy club in Delaware I would have done? Magoobies. I haven't done Magoobies. Is there Magoobies in Delaware? No, that's Baltimore. Maryland. Yeah, Timonium, Maryland. Yeah, it's Maryland. I don't know. I get confused. I don't know if Delaware... You never know where you're at. Yeah. I don't think there's in Delaware? No, that's Baltimore. Maryland. Yeah, Timonium, Maryland. Yeah, it's Maryland. I don't know. I get confused. I don't know if Delaware has one.

You never know where you're at. Yeah. Newark. I don't think there's one in... No, we did theater with me and Ian. It wasn't a club. There's like the Grand... It's a nice theater.

Something like that. My brother lives in Delaware. Yeah. He's got a nice little thing, you know? Yeah, if you live on the border by Maryland and PA, it's probably not that bad. Yeah. It's a last exit. It's like exit 1A. Yeah, yeah.'s probably not that bad. Yeah. It's the last exit. It's like exit 1A.

Yeah, yeah. It's a fucking hike. Yeah. There's nothing to do. There's like fucking bubble tea and a Starbucks and then, you know, a bunch of fucking rednecks. Yeah, the whole point is just to live in proximity to New York or Philly and pay less taxes.

Yeah. Well, she had a, she's a doctor. She had a, what do you call it? A residency at Christiana, which is a nice hospital there. And she stayed and had kids. Who? My brother and his wife. Oh, his wife.

Yo, this is big. This is an exciting one. This is an exciting one. I'm fucking, I cannot believe we didn't get to it. It's crazy. Oh my God. We didn't even talk about the Super Bowl. That's how hard the pod was ripping.

It was. Yeah. The pod was that good that we didn't even talk about the upcoming Sunday, which is the biggest fucking day of my life. That's the last time they were there. Stuff finally, DraftKings, dude. You know, we're linking together. Yeah.

Us and DraftKings. They know what's up. They do. Yeah. Are you ready for the biggest fucking Sunday in sports? They would say that even if they didn't know they were sending this to the Philadelphia household of sports. Someone told me

they were betting their life savings on the birds winning the Super Bowl and they asked me whether they should bail or whether they should let it ride and I was like... First of all, who is this? Someone on Twitter. Oh my God. They were like... They don't know that I don't have any... We're favored. We're a two-point favor right now.

A dude and I... It's nuts. I like our squad have any better. We're favored. We're a two point favor right now. A dude. And I, it's nuts. I like our squad. Me too. I'm nervous, but I'm so nervous. Yeah. It all depends on what kind of Patrick Mahomes shows up,

but I think the birds are a safe bet. First of all, Patrick Mahomes doesn't know what's fucking coming at him. Our D line is ridiculous. And you don't have to bet that. You don't have to bet the farm on this one. Throw in five bucks and you get 200 in bonus bets instantly. That's crazy.

Okay? Five bucks. Good partner, Super Bowl 57. Yeah, go Birds! All customers can get in on the Super Bowl 57 excitement with DraftKings Happy Hour Super Boosts. Check out DraftKings Sportsbook app every day between 6 and 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time

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I couldn't... Or lie about the state you're in. I probably should not be saying that. Respect all of America's laws about gambling as much as possible. I was in LA and I couldn't put money on the birds for the Niners game. Because I only used DraftKings.

Oh, yes. I only used DraftKings. Dude, I got to be honest. California really... Yeah. Stuck in my crawl a little bit. Fucking nuts. The vape situation over there. You're not liking that? That's good.

You should be vaping. We got to stop vaping. Yeah, true. No, they just didn't have flavors. They only have clear tobacco flavor. Dude, I've been rocking these fucking night, these nighttime undies. All right, guys, let's take a moment and thank my favorite sponsor of all the sponsors.

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I like the short ones. I like the short ones too, but for exercise, you need the long ones. Yeah, it's like fucking, that's a 90s. The old school compression short. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 90s. Bike compression short.

I have so many bike spandex picks with like short shorts in the 90s, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. If you're feeling nostalgic for bike compression shorts, get yourself some sheath. Get some long sheaths. Get some long sheaths.

You'll see, dude, you'll think of coach Millicent in a second. He'll go right back to fucking childhood. Absolutely. You'll be back on the Benny Broncos. All right. but,

but, but I used to be a guy who's went and bought a six-pack of Hanes underwear. Didn't think about it at all until she sent me a pair of their underwear. I put it on. I was like, I can never go back. I particularly love the dual pouches. They keep your man parts separated and is a game changer. If you're a little bit skeptical as I was, I'd say give it a try.

But even if you don't want to use the dual pouches, you don't have to. You can just wear them like a regular pair of boxer briefs. They'll be the most comfortable underwear you've ever put on your body. They also have materials like bamboo and mesh for even more cooling comfort. Bamboo? I didn't get those. Fucking sheets. Send me bamboos.

Yeah, I'd like some bamboo. I want to try the bamboos. Bamboo, I bet, is nice, dude. And it's environmentally friendly. Imagine a panda bear eating your ass through bamboo sheath. See that little panda tongue? Panda bears. They're on the hot spot.

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i don't know why i think baltimore has a very high autism rate i'm figuring out oh you're saying murder wrong oh yeah yeah maybe all the normal people have been murdered i think i've never seen more autistic people i think the ptsd of all the murdering is causing autism. Yeah. What's the theory? What's the theory? Dude, I just, I'm every, I did a show there and there was the audience was very sweet, but afterwards I was like, wow,

this are a lot of autistic people. My cousin lives there. He's autistic. And then we had all these, I went to my uncle's house and all the kids that came over from the other side of the family were autistic. And I was like, something's going on.

Yeah. There's a lot of bad stuff flowing into the Chesapeake, I imagine. That's got to be a fucked up party. Yeah, yeah. It's like all central PA and weird, like all the shit that cows are dumping in there is going right into the Chesapeake. You think it's water? Yeah, I think the water might be. You think it's water?

I don't know. It's got to be something. Why don't we know what causes autism yet? They don't want you to know. They don't want me to know? No, that's my conspiracy theory. It's the same thing with like curing cancer and shit. They've got to know. You've got to thin the herd.

The problem is with autism, it doesn't take them out early. They've got to stick around. I mean, it's just something that people, everyone had. You just didn't know what to call it until now. You know what I mean? Oh, good point. I think everyone, there was like, you know. You know what I think it is? They know what i mean oh good yeah i think everyone there was like you know you know what i think it is they used to stay inside where they belong and now they're out and

about because they connect on the internet and now they're like we're gonna go to a comedy show and then they come up and they punish you for 45 minutes yeah it's also a good excuse when like someone's like what the fuck is wrong with you you can be like hey hey hey i'm i gotta think no but you know what i mean there Everybody's got a badge, though. There's a medical book with my name in it. Well, that's the thing that I don't like, because all these women that I know now are like, I think I'm a little autistic because I don't like the feeling of silk

against my freshly cut nails. And I'm like, yeah, that feeling sucks. You know what I mean? Or whatever. It sucks to you. But autistic is the person, you know, is Mackie, where you're like, something's going on. It was ADD in the 90s.

Yeah. And now it's bipolar. Everyone's fucking bipolar. It's like, shut up. You're just a crazy bitch sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now it's autism. It's like, well, maybe he's a little different.

It's like, no, he's just being a fucking boring idiot. Yeah, yeah. You know what Mullen said to me? Sometimes when I drink, I really flip out on people. Yeah, yeah. I feel like I'm bipolar. No, you're a jerk off. Right, right.

I think you're a jerk off for my adhd which makes me insane i think i'm bipolar you know you're on meth bro yeah yeah there's a deficiency in your blood mullen said this thing that blew my mind nick mullen he was like i was like yeah i'm trying you know i'm on prozac but i was like i want to switch to zoloft and he was i was talking about the breakups and stuff and he he was like, I feel like every woman I know is getting on medication to be more chill in their relationship because men are incapable of like accepting that women are have insecurities and need to be reassured. Yeah.

Like every dude nowadays just like wants to date their buddy with a vagina and they like can't put up with, you know, they can't just do the thing where they're like, it's all right. You know what I mean? i mean yeah well we also are not allowed to hit anybody yeah or withhold the money so there is a thing where it's like i can't hit you and you are crossing a line yeah maybe you should take some pills so i don't go to jail yeah

the easiest way to train a dog is to beat the fuck out of you. I can't not beat you. No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I can't do that. No, I'm not saying no woman should, nobody should be screaming at anybody. That's just like a child. But I mean like when a woman is like, do you love me? And a guy's like, no, I'm leaving.

And then we're like, okay, you know what? Maybe I'll get on medication because that'll make me less think like that. I do think that more women are like, not being like I'm crazy, but like, you know what maybe i'll get on medication because that'll make me less think like that yeah i do think that more women are like not being like i'm crazy but like you know i think more men are intolerant to women being needy right which is just ingrained in us and i think that it's making a lot of people get on medication because they're like maybe i should be more chill yeah dude i'm the true are you need oh? In terms of like emotional capacity, yes. I need to be held. I need extreme levels of affection.

Do you get jealous? I used to be real bad. Yeah. Not anymore because I just know like, I feel like jealousy is like a bit of like a self-worth type thing where it's like if you finally find yourself with somebody that you know loves and adores you, that jealousy goes away.

Yeah, totally. You know, it's like, you're not going to fuck this up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I promise you, you won't fuck this up. And if you do, it's thank you. Yes, yes, yes. Because you're saving me a lot of fucking time. Right.

And that comes with age and experience. I was in a lot of long-term relationships and stuff, but I never, there was only one relationship, and it was short, that I was like jealous because I thought she wasn't going to like be good for me. Yeah. You know, I thought she could cheat on me. I thought she would cheat on me. I thought she wasn't treating me correctly and all that stuff.

So I built this level of insecurity where I just, you know, you know, this wall. Jealousy is one of those things that you're like, I don't have it until you see something. And then you're like, here it is. You know what I mean? A hundred percent. Like I'm chill as hell and then I'll see something. Like you're like, I don't have it until you see something. And then you're like, here it is. You know what I mean? A hundred percent. Like I'm chill as hell. And then I'll see something like, I'm like, was that a look? Was that a fucking look just right there?

You know? And then I'm like, oh, that's what jealousy is. It's like the involuntary, like, you know what I mean? Yeah. I think there's a level of that that's healthy. Yeah. I think you should be a little jealous. I mean, obviously, but the jealousy that where it takes over and like, we'll fuck up relationships.

I had a girl that would like, she would unfollow hot girls that followed me. She would go in my phone. If someone that was good looking on Instagram or Twitter would follow me and I was hiding nothing,

she would unfollow them and block them. Block them. The phone thing is getting, my friend the other day, she goes, and I made him, I said, let me see your phone so I can see the text messages between you and i made him i i said let me see your

phone so i can see the text messages between you and so and so and lo and behold he did say something kind of shitty about me he said that i was mad at him and i'm like you guys are and i was like hold up you're demanding to see if anybody i'm dating saw the shit that i'm saying to my buddies about them yeah game over the phone is a private that's insane 100 you can't go into the shit and if you do go into the shit like my buddy did it recently and she was like i couldn't stop myself i couldn't stop it it was open it was there you go it you go and you're like i fucked up i did this thing i'm never gonna do it again or don't tell them but it cannot be something like now women lately are like i and then i made him look at the phone because he owes me that. And I'm like, she's crazy.

That's not a crazy person. That's the sex party in Eyes Wide Shut. What is going on? I don't know. Let him get it out. He's been wanting to tell us. Because he goes into that environment. He's not ready to fucking be there.

And some shit goes down in there that he then tries to like clean up. And the really rich, powerful dudes are like, yo like yo man stop asking questions and just go home because this is a world you want nothing to do with and that's also a metaphor for what's going on with him and his wife where it's just like you're poking around in some ideas that you are not equipped to handle or her problems uh you should watch the movie it's fucking or do you want do you read books uh i try to you should read steppenwolf yeah yeah if you like steppenwolf no by hesse isn't steppenwolf a band yeah no it is steppenwolf but i think it's like a name also i think it's like a you know like wolf it's got a meaning not wolf park wolf gang wolf gang park well it's a fucking chef that's a chef yeah he's a restaurateur wolf get him the italian just comes right out

he's a fucking chef because with the knives like i said a dull knife is not a sharp knife i was relating that to hitting the same post every night yes yes but yeah you should read that book it has a similar you know yeah it's Yeah. Because there is a moment where he like, they go to a party and these two girls are hitting on him and then a guy is hitting on her. Yeah. And she's like kind of jealous of what's going on with him. And then they go home and they're like hanging out and she's like, how come you weren't jealous of me?

And she was, he was like, cause I trust you. Yeah. And she like laughs in his face and goes on this like intense monologue about like how close she's come many times from leaving him and their family. Whoa. And fucking other dudes that she barely knew. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's like. I'm hard right now by the way. He clearly has a moment where he's like, holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like a monologue that is very, I like rewatch it sometimes. I can't stand her though.

She's a great actress, but I can't. No. It's one of the best scenes. I think it's so good. She's got to be the craziest bitch in real life. And it rocks him to his core. And it's a real, like they have a real, like we could talk about anything kind of

bullshit energy going on. And it's like, no, you can't can't wow yeah she's like i'm also a whore and i'll ruin your life that's all it is no no she didn't she didn't but she was like i just want you to know why does she want him to know i'm this close just it's like a threat it's like anytime you fuck with me i'm gonna have a big old bird in my mouth at a rest stop why do you think she's not attracted to him because of how much you trust her. That's a problem. Yeah.

No, it's not. Because I think that's the sexiest shit in the world. Yeah. When you trust someone and you know how loyal they are, it's so hot. It's so fucking hot. It's a much more complicated emote. She lays it out pretty.

It's very interesting and very, very good. Okay, I'm going to watch it. It rocks him and then he goes to that sex part. It's good. Wow. I'm going to watch it. It rocks him and then he goes to that sex part. It's good. Wow. Okay, I'll watch it. A good monologue is that Kaufman movie where it's like, I'm thinking of ending things and she does this monologue.

She like can't get out of this relationship with this meh guy. And she does this monologue out the window where she's just like running through all these things. I like started crying because I felt so, it was like, this is spot on. When you're just like justifying being with somebody and you like can't get out of it and you're like well maybe it is good maybe no it's okay he's a good guy i'm a good guy i'll stay with him because i'm a good guy and it was just like holy shit it's so good yeah i think yeah i'll watch eyes watch up but yeah you'd like stepping more yeah

i'll read it yeah it's really good i think it might be my favorite book. Really? Who wrote it? Herman Hesse. Ah, Siddhartha. Yeah, Siddhartha. I don't like that one so much, but like Narcissus and Goldman, another really good one. Actually, I've never read Siddhartha. Sure, it's a good thing. When you don't know anything

about Buddhism, it's kind of like a dip your toes in. Oh, okay. We gotta do some reads. Well, let's do the Patreon and then. Yeah, yeah. Cool. We got to do some reads. Reads? Well, let's do the Patreon and then we'll do that. Okay. I think. No, do some reads.

Nah. Or you got stuff to do? We'll do some reads and I'll... I got to piss. Yeah, yeah. Take a piss. Take a piss and then we'll... Yeah.

It's just easier to do them... Yeah, of course. Whatever.