Stuff Island - Stuff Island #69 - dentistry w/ Sarah Tollemache

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

Stuff Island #69 - dentistry w/ Sarah Tollemache - Full episodes also available on Apple/Spotify/etc. & bonus episodes are available on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/stuffisland - Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

how was your day good i flew i came from houston oh nice you're doing shows down there yes i uh the improv the secret group oh nice the improv's too big yeah and the improv in houston is not in a great it's not like a bad area it's really a black room yes yeah it's like the punchline in philly yeah like i feel like if you're going if you can fill out houston improv then you might as well just do a theater show yeah yeah is that big it's pretty it's like 500 wow yeah it's not only as big it's also you know like uh it's houston has like four different skylines there's like downtown hou, which is where a secret group is. And then there's like a mall.

The Galleria area. Yeah, with skyscrapers in it. Yeah. That is where it's like 25, 30 minutes away. I hear nothing but bad things about Houston. I love it. Yeah, I actually do kind of like it. It's so cheap.

And the food there is amazing. Food's good. Yeah, but Vietnamese. It's like a very diverse city, actually. It's an international city. It's oil. It's very international. It's the oil business.

Yeah, yeah. It's the suburbs that are white. You got to get the Irish in there. Yeah. Golden stuff. There's not that many Irish. No? No.

Good. Good city. Yeah. I don't know. I haven't been doing research no we keep them out you guys burn out there's too many we hit the quota

you just got drunk and started building porta potties I feel like the Irish and Italians are still building buildings am I wrong about that they'll let you know every fucking time there's nothing worse than a union worker like yeah I see that down there I heard this guy over telling somebody at a fucking bar he was like yeah you know that um roku the roku buildings their headquarters yeah i built that

it's like no you didn't dude you put in a couple fucking recessed lightnings yeah it's crude and then took a million lunch break. My brother loves going down a highway going, yeah, I built that five years ago. It's like, shut the fuck up. You got drunk at lunch. I was at a big Jay show in Philly and he was doing crowd work and he was talking to some guy who was a construction guy

and he's like, yeah, I build all the buildings for these pussies. Jay was laughing so hard. It's such a funny thing to walk out of a building and enjoy your fucking building, pussy. Just that attitude. Like, I get you put a, you know, you walked up a couple flights, put in some boards. Yeah, it's also like, it's not the Empire State Building.

I can't minimize the process. I'm sure it's pretty hard. No, there's nothing definitive about Houston that I'd be like, you've got to go. But to live there, it's great. Yeah. I imagine. The Menil Museum.

Menil's great. Good theater district. The who? The Menil Museum. It's like. Art? Yeah. Yeah.

But it's sick. It's cool. We got to go on our art walks. First of all, we got to stop drinking until four in the morning. That hurts the walks the next day museums don't stay open late do they? no we get up right around when they close

it'd be twilight hours for us I saw Chris 2 minutes the last 72 hours I didn't drink yesterday though yeah well you slept the whole 24 hours dude no I watched Mindhunter all the way through. I finally got hooked on Mindhunter. The Silence of the Lambs series?

No, this is different. It's serial killers. I remember that coming out like four years, five years ago or something. I got to the second episode. The acting was so bad. I was like, I can't do this. There's a lot about acting on stuff. It is so fucking bad. I watched M. Night's new movie. I don't know how to say his last name so it sounds like we're tight

it's hard not to hit the ding dong yeah yeah it would just be right there it just feels so natural for me to go there that's dot in the I dude crossing the D's so you're watching Ding Dong's film yeah I was watching Ding Dong's film and the girl she's cute but we were like she's so

bad it's so bad that it took us out a little bit but the film was okay was this old or whatever no it's the knock on the cabin or not oh my brother built that yeah he did he built that cabin yeah he had a small role that's why he can't knock on it dude he'll fall over that's the whole movie. Shoddy union work. Ding dong, shoddy union work.

That's the twist at the end. It's a courtroom drama. Dude, Shyamalama ding dong. That's going to rock my skull at three in the morning. I'm never going to forget that. He's a nice guy. McKeever and I met him. Yeah? Yeah, when we were doing that i don't i don't have i generally like his stuff some of it you're just like yeah here we go yeah that beach movie was like a fucking scooby-doo that was although i would have been fine if there was no ending to

that movie like i would have just loved it if there just happened to be a beach that did that to you and you couldn't explain it and then that's the story of these people's lives for that day but i didn't need the ending for it yeah yeah that's pretty much what our last 10 years they swim past the place where they can get young again or something it's like a cancer research facility and that's why they made this or they figured this beach out but that's why they trap people on it so they can speed up medical research i'm so ignorant i only saw the trailer but i was gonna going to be like, they go behind this one rock, they come back out 80 years older. I have no idea what it's about.

There's got to be someone working. It's just our life the last 10 years. You just go behind a closed door, come back out, it's like, we're older. The old apartment. Yeah, ding-dong's a story. Dude, there's got to be someone who's telling him to just stop

put stop putting twists in things yeah i think that's just right that's his whole shtick yeah yeah i'll get rid of it yeah well i just write a movie just just as an exercise well he's really good at creepy visuals like i always love i mean, right? Yeah. That's his whole thing. Visually creepy. Yeah. I agree. That's the two things. I want him to stop writing twists

and I want Tom Cruise to stop doing action movies. Just do... Do some comedy. Just do it. How great was he in Tropic Thunder? Yeah.

That would be sick. Yeah. And you don't have to... He's weird. I mean, I'm going to come out and say it. It's been you don't have to, but he's weird. I mean, I'm going to come out and say it. It's been hidden for so many years. I'm a little uneasy about this.

Yeah, we're going to have to cut that part because we don't want the podcast blowing up. Keep Sean along at Ding Dong. Dude, I would. Ding Dong's staying in. Yeah.

It would be great for the pod if we drew Scientology's ire. Dude, how funny would it be if we got into a beef with Scientology? People freak out though. Like I remember doing standup 15 years ago in LA and having a few jokes and I felt like you couldn't joke about stuff like that.

Really? Yeah. Well, I remember having, this was years ago, like maybe 20 years ago when I lived in LA, a friend's manager, I did a joke about like mental illness or whatever. And she's like, we just don't talk about that here. And I still, I thought about the other day. I was like, what a fucking idiot. Wait, there's the manager of

the club? No, of just like entertainment manager. Yeah. But I just was like, what a weird, I feel like you're so out of it. Like who cares? Yeah. Well, did you look at her wrist? probably is like we don't i know she's a fucking cutter she's a psycho herself she probably isn't that's why she's sensitive about it yeah yeah because there's like people who are actually going through it are like

yeah make let's talk about it yeah yeah let's joke about it they're not like yeah they show the wrist backwards by like pouring something out she She's probably the one that causes it. You know what I mean? It seems like the people that cause it don't want you to talk about it. Yeah, they just walk up to a comic and be like, we don't talk about that kind of stuff around here. God. You represent all of Los Angeles.

Yeah, yeah. There isn't anything I wouldn't fucking... Like just being offended in general is nuts to me. Yeah. Visually, I can understand. Like there's one in general is nuts to me. Yeah. Visually I can understand. Like there's one, I like to watch fucked up shit and my one buddy tags me in these online videos of like,

they're like faces of death. Yeah. I like that normal stuff. But if he tags me in like a cougar killing a dog, like I can't, I can't watch a dog being harmed by a wild animal that fucks me up. Yes. Yeah.

But I can watch a tossing a toddler into a wood chipper you know what i mean like there's no yes there's no in between just no dogs yeah that's your sensitivity and like small animals like harmless animals like fucking chains chains girl called a mouse they're not harmless. They got parents. They can defend themselves. Yeah, they can. They can scream for help. No, Shane had a little tiny mouse that got nipped at the butt. And he was just doing fucking 360s

and cartwheels and stuff. Oh. This girl came down. You gotta snip that. And she was like, do something with this. And I was like, ah. My old roommate,

when we caught a mouse that was still alive, he would like bag it and drop a cinder block on it. And I was like, dude, I can't physically do that. No, I can't either. So I just like toss it in a bag. Yeah. What's the smallest animal you could kill? I one time ran over a crab and I was like, oh. Yeah, that sucks.

I ran over a bunny and an owl. Yeah. I smoked an owl, which is very difficult. It's brutal. Like a back roads and like the Poconos. Yeah. I feel like the bigger they get, like the more emotional I get about killing them.

Yeah, you should. Yeah, that seems natural. In some ways. Unless they're like a good person. Unless they're like a baby. Yeah, yeah. If I went deer hunting and a deer was just like he turned and looked at you,

I'd be rattling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could never pull the trigger. Yeah, yeah. If I went deer hunting and a deer was just like he turned and looked at you, I'd be rattling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could never pull the trigger. Yeah, yeah. No, because I know I would miss and they'd run for 20 miles. Or you snip them a little bit

and you got to do a blood trail. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you got to walk behind them. They're in pain now. Yeah. Halfway there, you see a bar. You're like,

why don't we just pick up on this? Some fries in a pint that's that's the thing i can't like i can't fish in lakes anymore i don't think i anytime i catch a lake fish i'm just like what the fuck no no no it depends on the size you don't like ocean fish i don't mind catching do you what about like because they're game kind of yeah they're like out in the wild you know what i I mean? Lakes, I know that they're stocked. You always have to throw them back. You wind up catching the same

one like three times. What about a large lake? And then it's just dying because it's an idiot. You know what I mean? And yeah, I'm not good at fishing. That's a pond on like a fancy resort area, right? No, I love when comics do that shit. Like they'll post like a bass they caught and you see like the size of the pond. It's like

this has been there 10 years. He's been on everybody's line yeah it's on a golf course business yeah the basses has a manager tag on it yeah it's part of the fucking thing what about like wall and paw pack that's a fucking huge or when it's when it's squam yeah yeah squam squam's pretty big but i think they catch a fish on that kind of lake i think they even stock them on winnipesaukee. Maybe when it first started. 150 years ago when the Irish built it. I think they stock them like every year.

Yeah. I grew up on a lake in a corporate development. So, of course, they just throw the fish in there. It's farm raised pretty much. Yes. But those could, I didn't mind fishing and we'd always take the hook out. But like sometimes they would swallow it

so hard and the catfish is just like gurgling and you're like, oh my God, I feel so bad. And you're doing civil war surgery

and like trying to like get it out. You know, it's fucking. And it's just like, when you let it go, it's just on its back and you're like,

come on little buddy. They never flip over and fly away. No. You're just sinking it so you're like pretending it's back and you're like come on little buddy they never flip over and fly away no you're just thinking it so you're like pretending it's alive that's been so many fishing trips where it's like it's just me my dad my brother and we're having fun not catching anything bitching about how much we suck at fishing and just complaining and we catch one thing the hooks too deep and then and then it's just all of us covered in blood. All of us covered in blood just going,

thinks mom's made lunch yet? Yeah. Dude, we just went on a fishing, deep sea fishing trip with, for stripers. Did you really?

And one of the striped bass we caught is too big. It has to be within like 28 to 36 inches. Okay, so you have to throw it away? Yeah. It's this fucking,

well, essentially. Yeah. It's this big and the hook got so deep we're all covered in blood the guy finally gets the hook out puts it in the water

and it didn't move and we're like and I was thinking like pick it back up we can make something good with this at least eat it I know can you eat striped bass

I'm sure you could yeah it's wonderful but these ones were I guess they're like breeders they're like they're too big they come too well.

But at that point, you're like, now we're just sending in an invalid back into the water. Exactly. Yeah, so what if like one of the game- Give it a value. Yeah. The game warden catches it and he's like, you're not supposed to keep this.

We'll go, it was dead in the water. We got video on this kid's GoPro. You can see it not swim away. Therefore, we gain the right to take it home i know your honor right three months later i'm fucking i got a giant beard full of pop tarts i'm fucking my aunt putting money in my account yeah do you guys have to get fishing licenses because we didn't need to have one growing up but i find that to be so irritating i don't want to go stand in line to get a license

yeah they're and they're motherfuckers too yeah like even as kids it would just be like a vacation home in the poconos for one week you get like a little dingy yeah yeah and then this guy would stop us and check all of us you'd had to have a life preserver around your neck like a virgin and then he'd be like do the kids have you know yeah and then one, yeah. And then one time this kid, that my buddy didn't, he followed us all the way back to the dock, gave him a ticket, made him get off the boat

and then the rest of us who had him had to, I was like, dude, what are you, why are you fucking water cop? Like, what are you doing right now?

Yeah. Boat cops suck so bad. Yeah, it's also a weird job because I just got back from Houston and in my town

the big thing to do when it gets warm outside is get your motorboat and land on the San Jack River and park it and drink beers. But they have cops. San Jack River, yeah. But you're just like, what a weird, that there has to be, because of all this fun, there has to be law on this river and like who gets to have that job and they do fucked up shit cause like the boat it's like it's kind of a free for all out there on the sand jack if I'm not mistaken

yeah you got the culture right you have to slow down in certain areas I know you sound like a boat cop right now it sounds like you're catching up with like a boat cop right now. It sounds like you're catching up with an old boat cop. It gets pretty wild on the sand jack. But what they'll do is like, you know, there's like, you got to keep your distance from other boats.

Like you're only allowed to travel at certain speeds and be a certain distance from another boat. Because it's a bunch of drunk topless chicks bobbing around. Boat cops will like lean into you and be like, you were within the distance. And it's like, well, you got close to me. I was fine. And then you can't argue with them because you're drunk. What quota do you have to fill?

Dude, is a boat cop the worst cop? I think easily. Do you think they're worse than horse cops? Like, what's that job? Beach cops are pretty fucking... You like in a city horse cop? Or do you mean there's like cops that police the open range? I don't think I're worse than horse cops? Like what's that job? Beach cops are pretty fucking. Like in a city horse cop? Or do you mean there's like cops that police the open range? I don't think I've ever seen horse cops in open range.

Yeah. I've only seen city horse cops, right? Yeah. I don't think Wild West is happening anymore. No. But there's open range. Maybe at the saloon. There's city horse cops to like manage

a soon to be, you know. Like a park. Like a park ranger. Either a ranger or like if there's going to be a fucking parade or something,

you know. Yeah, so they can see above the crowd, Yeah, it's also to scare all the people going, take it easy.

Look how big this fucking, you always forget how big a horse is. Dude, there. And you see a horse, you're like, I'm not going to act up to this.

And nobody's going to really kill a horse. No. I'm not gonna act up to this and nobody's gonna really kill a horse no I'll fight you know people will go into a car renegade style

but I think it looks really bad no matter who you are to go into a horse I don't even know how to kill a horse who the fuck was it

that you see Anton they look so jacked yeah it does they look like they're so jacked they look like they have armor on it would be it would be highly disturbing.

I'm surprised they don't use more horses for riots. I think they do. They do. That's like the only thing they do. Do they do it after, you know, in Philly during the Super Bowl? Like, because you guys get pretty rowdy. Yeah, there's definitely,

there's dudes on cops. When we won the Super Bowl, there was cops on horses. Who the fuck on horses? There's dudes on cops. I guess. It's true, though. Piggyback cops. Technically horses on cops. When we won the Super Bowl, there was cops on horses. Who the fuck? There's dudes on cops. I guess it's true, though. It's true, though. Technically, horses are cops.

What'd you call the lake? It's a bit of a... San Jacks. It's a free-for-all. It's a bit of a free-for-all down there on Broad Street. Dudes on cops. I would argue

dune buggy cops are pretty fucked up, too. I think, you know, the guys that... Beach cops that just want to stop you from drinking. Even as an adult an adult they're like you can't drink unless you have a solo cup they just did it to me last summer i was like what there's no one around here dude yeah i'm 40 fucking three i'm gonna drink a beer the way i want to drink a beer i feel like

if i was one of those cops i'd be like the cool cop yeah you think yeah yeah unless i'm sure do they have quotas that's what i was thinking it's probably like your quota is so low it's probably like a state trooper that's like it's cool you know yeah and then he starts pulling on everybody because he's got to meet a fucking quota i bet though a couple weeks in the sun in that uniform you start turning dude there was there was shane was just laying in like the like the i what do you call it? The splash. The water was coming in and just licking his feet and the guy was like, get out of the water!

That's because there was a fucking hurricane off the coast and when he went back in the water he couldn't get out. Like a riptide situation. He kept rolling. Did you see him? You don't remember this? Oh my god, he kept rolling over and over. He kept rolling. Did you see him? You don't remember this? Oh my God, he kept rolling over and over. He was like on hands

and knees when he finally got out. I was there for that part. And then the guy was like, where are you from? And he said New York. And I was like, never say New York. People hate you outside of New York. You get pulled over in any other state, but you're not from New York. Yeah. You're not from New York. Anywhere else.

New Jersey's risky. It's almost too close. Didn't he write him up? No. We posted that picture of the cop. Didn't he pull his shit? They had a long conversation. Did the cop recognize him? No, this was before. Two years ago.

Now the cop would be like, do you know who I am? He would have had to take so much gear off. He had like a sun shirt, a hat, glasses. He'd have to like smudge away the sunscreen. Don't you recognize me? Put his shirt back on. He's just one of those dune buggy kings

from Mad Max. Yeah, dude. I almost got fucking taken it last summer. I was like, I'll fight this cop. Like, I will go to hell. I'll go to court

to fight this ticket. Yeah. Because it's so insane. I was just there with one other person. This guy comes down, sees us like drinking out of a can.

There's only three people on the beach. Yeah. And he's like, you can't drink out of a can. Yeah. three people on the beach yeah and he's like you you can't drink it's like out of a can yeah what the fuck do you what do you mind what am i supposed to do i mean obviously i gotta get i gotta go get a cup now at least it's a can it's not glass that's my i glass i would understand because you break that and people get hurt yeah i just don't give a i just don't see why we give a shit if people are drinking on the beach. Well, they drown. I guess so, but aren't we adults?

I'm telling you, if you drown... At your own risk. Yes. I mean, pools say swim at your own risk. Why is the beach any different? That's nature. I think flight attendants might be up there with some of the worst people on Earth.

With getting on your case? Yes. You know what? Because I've been watching a lot of Mindhunter. They've gotten worse. attendance might be up there with some of the worst people on earth with uh every once in a while you get a good one yes yeah you know i because i've been watching a lot of mind hunter i know that sociopaths are wannabe cops yeah and i feel like there's no more wannabe cop than a fucking flight attendant the way they're police like my seat back needs to be up why dude every every time every time they're like it's like well it's safer if we get in an accident it's like those it's like those commercials they had for like get under a table if a nuclear bomb goes off it's like how don't i just die yeah what am i you should also see chris at an airport it's are you a maniac people are maniacs that's insane can we talk about airport fashion lately too?

I saw a girl wear a thermal underwear onesie to the airport. I was like, what the fuck? Not Irish though, I imagine, right? No, no. Yeah, I know. I know. Don't put us narrow it down. What are you like flying?

What do you mean? I mean... Delta. I didn't mean that way. No, regular. Not first class. Yeah, yeah. But you'd think he was the pilot.

Yeah. The way he... Like, dude, Chris, you can jump in whenever you want, but... And you know this. When he gets there, he is just like...

It's... He's the only person in the entire airport okay if people are waiting he'll go what are you doing yeah yeah and then he'll go right in front of you and then that person will have to be like what are you doing and i'll go i don't ignore it still get in front of him and just he's on autopilot yeah yeah dude we were at the we were at the bar we were at the bar at the two days two, on the way home from Austin. We're in the Delta Sky Lounge.

They don't have the food out because they're replenishing it. Four times in a row, he goes, what is going on? Yelling about free cheese. That was a long turnaround. It was 10 minutes. No, it wasn't. You screamed four times.

It was 30 minutes at least. You ordered three double free fucking bourbons. That sign was up before you even got there. You don't even know how long that was. What is going on? I was. How long does it take to replenish the buffet? And then he goes, as soon as they call first class,

he's not for a class. He goes, I'm out. And he goes right in line. Yeah, I go in first class every time. Because he's so crazy looking. Really? If your main cabin won or something? Yes. That's pretty bald.

Joe would be really livid with you why yeah why i i don't know i i guess i get annoyed with that behavior too but i don't voice it i'm like i'm well i'm a rule person like i get annoyed when people when the airplane lands and it gets to the terminal and then people from the back row kind of run all the way to the front. That's fucked up. That's exactly what you're doing. You're taking someone's bag. I don't do that. I don't do that. But people like you have voiced this concern and people have heard it. And now they've taken it to the extreme where the wave of people getting up is coming towards you and they're not getting up. Yeah.

And they need to get their bag because they're weak and it weighs twice as much as they do. And it's just like, get up out of your seat, establish position in the aisle. Because that's the other thing. That's why some people can bomb up from the back because no one's boxing them out. If you're in the aisle row, step up and close the gate. Sometimes you can't because the people from the back have bombed all over the front there's no way to claim your thing like if somebody ever crossed me for a hip check somebody slide your ass out and they'll go flying somebody recently did that this is not recently it's probably like a year and a half ago and they

got to like right in front of me. Cause this is as soon as it was like click, click. And they only had like a fucking backpack and they ran up like eight rows. Yeah. Stopped right here. And I was like, do you have a connecting flight? And he was like,

what? I was like, do you have a connecting flight? And he says, no. And I said, well then why don't you go back to line? Which is the first fucking time here.

Yeah. Is it, are you new? And then you shame him. And then he just like wags his tail all the way. Go back. And yeah, somebody has to stick up for,

for that fucking behavior. You got to bust, you know, you got to stand with you on that. I stand with you. I lock arms with you on that. You know what I like? Dude,

I also, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a bit of a rule follower. I just don't, I just don't like people respecting. It's like, have a sense of a rule follower. I just don't like- You're a horse cop when it comes to that rule. I just don't like people respecting. It's like have a sense of urgency through the- Yes.

Like if you unpack your bag in a timely manner. First of all, I- I know what you're going to get into next. This goes so deep. This goes so deep. I'm into it. Putting your shoes and get your shit back on. What?

Yes. Getting your shit back on drives me nuts. Yes. That's doing that slowly by like the first stall. Also, all the new technology they brought to the baggage check stuff is absolute dog shit. Oh, yeah. That whole thing where they like, you got to slide your tray on and it sucks it up. It's like now my bags are completely separated.

Yeah. It's just like you can never, it doesn't like, it's not, it slows everyone down because like the three stalls will be open and this, and someone will be here and they'll just sit there and everyone will wait for this person to finish before stepping up. I'm with you on this one. So I cut.

Is that a crime? If I'm in traffic, I got to wait for someone else to merge. Who's just stopped. do you know what i really enjoy yeah i really enjoy the ticketing agent prior to getting on the flight finding out someone like you as butt it oh and then it goes oh no no no we're calling main cabin one your main cabin three and then they have to go oh sorry i didn't notice it old people do the same shit yeah yeah it's like when they steal mustard you know they're like i didn't know it was in my pocket

yeah i put it in my bag. He's like, no, no, no, you're paying for the mustard. Yeah, no,

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Yes. Yes. Yeah, sure, go for it. Let it rip. Well, a good host,

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them to send us it. Yeah, yeah. So what we could do is if they send us two of the same you could read the directions, go by the directions. I'll throw those directions off the fucking Brooklyn Bridge and I'll float by the seat of my pants. I'll elevate it. Dude, I would like to see And I'll float by the seat of my pants. Yeah. I'll elevate it. Dude, I would like to see that.

Yeah. I would like to see that a lot. Hello Fresh now has 40 weekly recipes to choose from, so you can say, buh-bye to your recipe rut. Please don't do that again, dude. And treat yourself and your family to exciting new... Why? I thought you'd like that.

Eh, buh-bye to your recipe and treat yourself and your family to exciting new flavors every fucking week. I don't know if I should have said the F word during the ad. Maybe bleep that. Every week. Yeah. Okay.

Go to HelloFresh.com slash Stuff Island 65 and use Stuff Island 65 for 65% off plus free shipping. I was wondering what that was for. 65 for 65% off plus free shipping. Um, that's what that was for. Hello, fresh.com slash stuff. Island 65 and get 65% off plus free shipping. I thought it was going to be as useless as a fucking Yahoo handle or maybe your handle. Do you know who's email this fast? Because the last one was 21 free meals or something like that or something crazy.

Yeah. Now we got 65% off. It it's nice you know chris's email is i do know what it is does he want it to be on the ad though no oh shit i do find his email annoying two heavies and you're gone you think i'm gone it's just rage and le and leaking secrets. No, it's the first phase. It's the first phase. Are you done? Yeah. Okay.

Because you were a sky priority. You went on first class. Can TSA in every city? No, I timed that right. Yeah. I timed that right. So you were the first sky priority? You see the last first class person going on and you know you're next.

Yeah. So I just jump right in. I don't wait for the rest of the group to rush in. Yeah, yeah. There's a gradient coming in. There it is. Yeah, yeah. I saw it.

You got to jump in there. Yeah, there's a little mixed. It's brackish water. It's the zipper. Yeah. Brackish water. A little salty. A little fresh.

Yeah. It's the East River. Dude, there's a, there was a viral tweet that said, before you get serious in a relationship, you have to see that person behave. You do. Yeah.

And it's true. Yeah. Tempers come out or you really do see people's true behavior when they're, um, who they really are when you're traveling. Right. And before that, you may never have a scenario where you know you have you have wars

with different people right you got wars with your uber driver you got wars with traffic you got wars with the playing time delays maybe dinner prices fucking getting a beer or not yeah you're these are first for a relationship if you're like month three month six yeah let's go on a trip to fucking let's go to maui for a week yeah by the time you're done you first of all you get enough face time it's a brilliant it's a brilliant move going on a vacation early in a relationship yes yes you get an idea of how bad the sex is or will be what races they hate if they wear a onesie to the airport that's true you'll find out everything holy shit

yeah their bathroom habits somebody's an anti-semi yeah although that one's hard not to notice yeah they're moving they're moving it's big families

right yeah lots of strollers yeah well if she asks are there any Jews in Maui you know right off the bat, there's going to be a problem.

Yeah. It is a fucking brilliant scheme though, dude. Yeah. Well, Joe was really nice. And then when we went traveling, he started hitting me. I've never seen that, but I would love to just spread domestic abuse.

That's what Joe does. No, but I mean, like if you went, if you went if you want to like what kind of thing like wouldn't it bother you more the person who's just like they've they're wearing like lace-up boots to the airport oh that's insane and their luggage is a mess their laptop is in there somewhere they don't know how to they don't have easy access for some reason you have to wear Timberlands, you gotta, you gotta have, you gotta go to the airport on lace.

Like daddy. Yeah. Lucy cozy, like the nineties. Yeah. Don't wear them. Like I wear them. Yeah.

That's worse than me. Right. I just want to get through there. I, well, I always make sure I wear a slip on shoes and then pretty much like a pajama, like a sweatpants.

Yeah. Sweatpants, sweatshirt. Yeah. Some ladies don't wear a zipper because they make,ama, like a sweatpants. Yeah, sweatpants, sweatshirt. Yeah. Some lady slippers. And don't wear a zipper because they make, that's a jacket. And you got to take it off. So you got to take it off.

So you got to wear a sweater or a jacket with no zipper on it. I got fucking manhandled the last time. And if you're going into the security line, like right before you get to the roped off area and you see someone with a stroller, hustle up. Hustle up. Yeah. Hustle up. We. Hustle up.

We don't have time for that thing to get collapsed and opened again. There was a pack of Hasidics in front of me and they couldn't get this. They couldn't control this. Dude, yeah. That's what they're called, right? Yeah, yeah.

It's a flock of geese, a pack of Hasidics. Yeah. No, they couldn't get this one kid. He was like off his fucking leash and they had to get this one kid he was like off his fucking leash and they had the they had to get him his like passport id yeah yeah and they wouldn't they couldn't get fucking fester to turn around because he was like watching pigeons out the window and they're like fester and i was like jesus christ grab number seven and tell him to look at the fucking lady so i can get on my

flight yeah yeah and i did butt in front of them yeah you got to yeah but it's like trying to get them into a water park entrance they don't they're all over the bopping around i know if people are confused or lost i mean the number one thing the number one thing that will light my fucking fuse is someone asking the person who checks your id a question oh yeah yeah he's not have nothing to talk about. You have nothing. Yeah, he's not the guy. He can't help you. He's not a kiosk.

He's got no information. Yes. Move it along. Yeah. It's like asking a toll booth operator how to get to fucking Denver when you're in Philly. They're like, dude, I make $4.50. Where's a good place to eat around here? It's insane. Also, it's like that's to eat around here. It's insane.

Also, it's like, that's your time to lose. You being lost in the airport is your time drain. I don't make me suffer through it. Oh, and then you get to the hotel and he jumps up another notch. Oh my God. Checking into a hotel with him. What do you get? Do you get mad when they go through the spiel? Yes.

You're like, I know where the pool is. We'll figure out where the pool is the gym is shit i don't go in there if anyone has ever asked you have you ever been here before i don't care where the fuck it is it could be the north pole like yes i've been here before whether it's a restaurant a hotel just say yes of course i've been here i know how it works i hit a button go up until a fucking a bedroom i sleep come back down I go out the exit door. That's how it fucking works. And it's like, I just got off a plane. Look, there's a 95% chance that I have to take the biggest piss or shit in my life.

Absolutely. While you're going through this routine. Except when the skyline is just down. What is going on? And it's like, it's a reservation you made weeks ago and they're clicking around yeah what's this is it another name yeah yeah it's just what are you looking for yeah typing i got a ticket change the other day at the airport too and this lady was just typing in full yeah full sentences of stuff i This is two buttons.

Also, this is an SNL sketch from like 1990 and they still haven't figured it out. You'll just say your name and it's like 20 minutes of typing. How many windows are you in right now? It's kind of like when you're at the dentist. This is why I always want a mirror above the dentist

because sometimes they're working on something. They grind a bunch of your tooth away. And you're like, all right, there went the tooth. Now they're going to put something on that. But then they grab another tool. They start grinding away more. And you're like, what's happening? What stage of this are we at?

Little critter teeth. All right, you're all done. Then they grab that blue light and they're hitting it with stuff. Then they grab like that blue light and they're like hitting it with stuff. You're just like, what? Yeah. Can I see? Can I see?

I feel like my hands. How annoying though that you want to see and then you're chiming in while they're doing your teeth. Well, it would help me. But you know more than what they're doing. Yeah, like the dude didn't spend 10 years in school. He got to the blue light chapter. He knows what the fuck he's doing.

Can you take a little more off the top of my... I paid for more. I paid for more. Normally you're two. Go wider. Just treating like a bad haircut. Oh, fuck. I actually had a mirror. I treat it like a bad haircut. Oh, fuck.

I actually had a mirror. I think I had a mirror in my last dentist. Really? Yeah, I watched the whole thing. That's incredible. I think they don't do that because most people

are like skeeved out. Yeah, yeah. But I get anxiety about I don't know what stage of the process we're in. Are you talking about root canals? Any type of dental work. I want to see the whole thing.

Because then i can replicate it too at home oh dude on your own what are you fucking hanks on castaway what would you do no i want to see how they're scraping with those tools i want to see how they're scraping with those tools oh i got one of those i bought one of those no i know yeah have you been using it no no i used to i used to do it at home with sewing needles yeah Yeah. Oh I know you know my dad curve. Yeah the whole cleaning. Yeah, that's for cleaning But I know you mean you get I had my teeth sawed down because I had these are fake Yeah, so you get like tooth death It smells like burning hair, yeah, so bad that's also an unsettling feeling

It's like we really are made out of all the same shit. Well, it's the fucking, the root canal. My hair, my teeth smell the same when they burn? The actual root of each. Yeah. Like the pinhole saw. And then they take that burning thing and they just burn away the nerve. Yikes. Oh, I've never gotten a root canal before.

Filled up with a rubber tube. No? I have good dental hygiene. Holy shit. I've gotten a crown. I've gotten the crown thing done. Yeah. And that was like, That'll turn into a root canal. Your dentist fucked up.

It's all a scam. I believe, I believe my father said this. I do believe, he's never had a cavity. I do believe that, I, this might be really weird,

but I do, especially in New York, because of rents so high. I feel, I really do feel like some dentists are scammers here yeah i've heard one tom stick girl had a story he worked on the swan way back in the day or whatever it was like an injury no remember that makeover show that was like yeah you take the ugliest people and put them in like 13 weeks of the most intense plastic surgery of their life to make

them beautiful it's so insane that we went to that but there was a dental guy that was like if you get i'll give you guys all um veneers something like in that if you guys come in i'll give you all like a clean checkup or whatever and he took the offer and then they said he had like 20 cavities but you find out cavities they'll say they're cavities but they're just light brown dots that could potentially, but most likely not. And then they make it seem like, don't touch them.

Once you touch them, they make a crack where bacteria can get in, seep into there. Then you fucking affect the root. Yeah, dude, this is true. My friend did the same exact thing.

Yeah. Went into one dentist and she didn't have any feelings. I think it was, wasn't my girl. I don't know. You said 13. Yeah. You have 13 cavities. it was, was it my girl? I don't know. You said 13. Yeah. You have 13 cavities.

It was an insane amount. And she was like, what? Yeah. Went to a separate dentist and she's like, your teeth are great. Your teeth are fine.

Yeah. Yeah. That whole gray scale system, just like what you were saying with the fucking, it hasn't upgraded to the point where like they can identify a dark gray area

and just be like, that's cavity. That's cavity. That could be. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, no, no, no. Give me a scan.

Yeah. You know, we have 3d scans that make us regular people on video games. Yes. Show me what the fucking tooth looks like. Yeah. Yeah. And there's like,

people have different, their enamels are different strengths. Yes. You know what I mean? It'd be like looking at a guy with tiny calves and be like, he can't jump. It's like, have you seen me jump

yeah yeah some of those guys can jump really hot dude yeah yeah yeah toe strength yeah it's like a fucking auto mechanic it's like test it with something auto mechanics too you always get a second opinion unless this guy's been in your family for years yeah like we had todd yeah once my dad had todd if my dad accepts it's like taking your dad to get a new car yeah he'll talk that guy down out of like the real the you, you know, the fake price. Yeah. Once you get a guy in your family, if it's a dentist that's in your family, he's not going to fuck you over.

If you go to a strange dentist when you move. Oh yeah. Get a second opinion. That's what I felt like that here. Cause Joe kept going and having the most dental work I've ever known anybody to have that I was in. Joe has really good dental hygiene that I thought this was insane because I just

I don't know I just feel like you cannot just have four that many cavities when you brush and floss every single day yeah and now you're fucked as soon as they crack that tooth you're fucked it might not be tomorrow it might not be a year

in four years you're going to have a little little slight pain that's gonna become a sharp pain you're gonna have a clove soaked q-tip stuck in your tooth until the sun comes up to go to a doctor and it's hell dude i hope i hope they can turn us just into bionic people yeah yeah i know what you mean just take them all out replace them with iron or something i don I know what you mean. Just take them all out, replace them with iron or something. Well, that's what they're doing now. Well, you've heard that like when people get veneers, how damaging that is. And they never tell you the ordeal with that is. No, no. Once you get it done, all your teeth get shaved down to critter teeth, which is really bad

for your jaw structure. Yes. Then those veneers, they're just fake teeth. So you're going to get them like dirty all the time. Dude, this is disgusting and it's so true. And you have to replace them every 10 years and it's not, it's like $20,000 every time you do that. Do what? You ever smell the breath of someone with one fake tooth?

No. I have two. What do you mean? What do you mean? Don't you have fake teeth? You have like. No. No.

These are porcelain. I mean a fake tooth. You got a really good mouth. I have like a cap. Yeah. Yeah. No, no. I mean like.

Like truly fake teeth. Where it comes out. One dies. Yes. Or like has a fucked up root. Yeah. You know, we used to call this one girl from Delco the original Bluetooth. Where it comes out. One dies. Yes. Or like has a fucked up root. Yeah. You know, we used to call this one girl from Delco the original Bluetooth. Because she had one tooth that just died.

And it had like a lavender color to it. Oh my God. Yeah. Bad breath. Well, your teeth are rotting in your fucking mouth. Yeah. You get veneers. I think it's the jaw bone that starts to rot once the root comes out.

Once the. Yeah. Well, it's all the structural damage that you've done. It's all. It's so... Because every celebrity has those done now. And I'm like, that is so insane to do. Yeah.

And they always make the wrong fucking color choice. You know what I mean? It's too... It's bright white. Yeah, yeah. And they're playing homeless people. Yeah. You're like, there's no fucking way

that you'd have this amazing smile 20 years on the street yeah it's always some old drug addict from fucking MTV with game show host teeth you know what I mean like Steve-O like one big tooth it's crazy it's like the fucking Mitch Hedberg joke just one big dinosaur tooth

I thought you were going to say it's like that joke about making like a birthday card where you draw the B too big first and then all the other letters have to be tighter It's like that joke about making like a birthday card where you draw the B too big first and then all the other letters have to be tighter. Go down. Yeah, the Y's underneath the A. They put all the other ones in and they're like, oh, shit.

They're so tiny in the back. Dude, that would be sick. To get veneers, but it's just a megalosaurus fucking shoehorn. I don't even know if it's a real dinosaur. Yeah, one big shoehorn. Yeah. It's gnarly. It's like Barney's tooth. It's not just the decaying shit.

It's like just food, you know? Stuck in the veneers. Old food. Yeah. What are those Komodo dragons? They're not poisonous by nature. It's the bacteria in the mouth. Yeah. Yeah. That's what veneers are

tom cruise is a komodo dragon that's a sick name for a water buffalo it'll die like 10 days later that's a really great rumor to start that's like a chuck Norris thing. Come to Komodo's dentistry and you bite a fucking booker in the neck. She slowly decays. There is a video on Twitter that just went viral where it shows a Komodo's bite to like a raw piece of meat. Yeah. And then it just complete

implodes because of the bacteria just destroying it. Like, yes. You know, like there's a little fucking, there's snake 4th of July things where you light it and it's yes. You know, like there's a little fucking, there's snake 4th of July things where you light it and it's like. There's footage of like one Komodo will bite, no joke, a water buffalo and then they'll all just like

follow it around for a while. Oh my god. Just wait for it to fall over. Remember when Sharon Stone's boyfriend got bitten? What? By a Komodo dragon? You don't remember this? Who's Sharon Stone's boyfriend? This was 20 years ago. I think he was like an owner of a newspaper, I think. I don't know, but it's just funny to be like,

my boyfriend got bitten by a Komodo dragon. That's how fucking stupid he is. We lost him. Yeah, yeah. Just the owners of other newspapers following around slowly waiting for him to die. We got to start calling Jews Komodos. I like the idea.

I'm like, have we started recording? Yeah, we started. Yeah, yeah. That'd be great. We just want to get to know you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I have a spot, dude. I got to get the fuck out of here.

We can record. Yeah, we usually don't tell anybody. We just go. Oh, that's perfect. Yeah here. We can record. Yeah, we usually don't tell anybody. We just go. Oh, that's perfect. Yeah. Yeah. But then you get, we do. Yeah, tell us about your pod.

We should do this because we always forget that too. We get in the normal routine. Yeah. We got to have Katie on as well. Oh, it's Lady Journey Podcast. And we just talk about shit that basically, you know, when you're like, I'm going to start doing this and then you abandon it a week later. Yes.

A week. You get to a week. You're a fucking hero. I got to start listening to this podcast. Yeah. Some good advice. Every other day I shit my pants because I'm like, I'll get to it in an hour. Yeah.

If I only start taking these athletic greens now. Yes. That's a big one. Then you're like, then you just stop three days later. But you've told everyone That's what you're doing Very embarrassing Yeah

Yeah Very embarrassing Yeah It is I stopped doing stuff like that This is Well because you start Hoping that

By telling other people You'll have Accountability Like they give a shit Yeah Also like Please shut the fuck up Please shut the fuck up

It's like the first quarter Of every year Gym guy Or girl Yeah You know what i mean explosive in january yes february they're like that's a little work it's a lot by march fucking later dude yeah march i'm looking forward to the next two weeks at new york sports club blossoms again it's like spring yes all the flowers coming up from the roof yeah all these people are dead to me. I get all my machines back. It doesn't smell like fucking Kool-Aid packets. I know.

Because you start in January and then you kind of get back in shape. And then you're like, well, I was doing this to get in shape for summer. If I can get in shape this fast, I don't need to start until... Well, they have no idea what it takes. I've never stuck

to anything yeah and i've also never seen results do you know what i mean like i've never seen results in my entire life yeah yeah i'm never like yeah i'm on the right track it takes it takes a lot of work it takes three months at least to see anything. Still. Anything. Were you talking about working out or just anything? Working out, working hard. Yeah, working hard on that. Learning something. Yeah.

Just trying to read. Yeah. I've been doing that for 30 fucking years. Yeah. Taking a book and be like, I'm going to finish this book. I've been carrying the same book. I always joke I got a new book to carry around for a year. Yeah.

That one. That's always, and I still do it. And I still have hope. But I remember starting every school year being like, this is going to be my fucking year. I'm really going to buckle down. Then by like Thanksgiving,

you're like, what do they want from us? Yeah. I have to have a life. Yes. You can tell by summer, like summer reading is a huge indicator of your future

as a reader you know what I mean like if you're having trouble reading All Quiet on the Western Front as a 15 year old which you should because it's not a book you should be reading but if you don't get through that in three months you're never going to be a reader for the rest of your life I already knew that when I was in second

grade it was a running joke in my family that this one's to be a reader for the rest of your life. I already knew that when I was in second grade. It was a running joke in my family that this one's just not a reader. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So your parents should be able to identify you immediately, but now they don't know. Cause you,

you can fake it on the internet. You can be like, well, I'm on page, you know, virtual page. All that. Yeah.

I just get a physical book. You're like, now we got to tell you. Yeah. What is it? GP. Chat GPT. Yeah. That you can just figure out. This kid is all that. Yeah. I just get a physical book. You're like, now we got to tell you. Yeah. What is it? GP? Chat GPT. Yeah.

That you can just figure out this kid is all over. Yeah. It's, it is. It's wild. So wait, what is this again? I,

cause he told me once it's just an AI that you can have like a conversation with and you can ask it to like, tell you about subjects and it will like, Oh, so this is cliff notes for reading a book, but you can also be like can you write me a book report and i need it to have this theme and this theme and discuss this and it will do it really close can you it'll give you probably a b paper can you reverse track it

the way teachers used to for um like copying words plagiarized plagiarizing like a whole paragraph it's not plagiarized it's yeah but do they store what they produce okay i don't i don't know probably because everything's a screenshot and on the internet anyway it's kept somewhere yeah so the teacher must have a reverse search going did you write this paper but if you chat you can do you can do funny yeah but you can probably put it off the teacher's scent by asking it different questions. I just feel like you're probably not going to get the same response if you kept, they wouldn't know what sentences you put in

to get what you needed. But even if we, even in college, they could determine. You can ask. If you do one paragraph, they could reverse it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let alone fucking 12 pages. Yeah, they could reverse yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah fucking 12 pages yeah they could like search some type of art and that's considered plagiarism and then they they know if you copied a whole paragraph you probably didn't do the other

fucking three paragraphs but dude you can get it to write you can get it to write like easily write like snl quality parodies yeah like scripts of just like movies and stuff. You can like ask it to write you a script like Christopher Nolan or Charlie. It writes scripts. Yes. Yeah. And it'll write you a script and it's funny. It's like funny.

Cause it's, it's, you know, it's just stealing these people into their, like the purest form. You know what I mean? It's like we go split screen. It's so funny. It's? It's like, we go split screen. It's so funny.

It's like, if you give it a theme and like a famous movie writer, it'll write you a script that is like no joke. That you can take right on to SNL. Based on his style. And I mean that disparagingly. Yeah. I did it recently for a joke because i need i wanted to put into a um little screenplay that i was trying to write and then um i was like stuck on it and i was like i needed to have this

premise and this and this kind of punch line and it did something i was like that's actually not so bad and i kind of worked around that but i was like that way i didn't have to get stuck on or watching out and nor did i want to take anyone's bit. So I just wanted it in that a very loose concept of a bit without worrying about it too much. And it did the job. Yeah. Yeah.

You can be like, write a joke in the style of Bill Burr about this. Really? And it'll give you like the shittiest. But then you're just reading it in his voice anyway. No, you read it in his voice, but it's so funny. It's like, we're going to fucking talk about fucking existentialism.

And you're just like, it's so funny. Oh, is she a girl? I asked her to write me a joke in the style of Louis C.K. about something and it was like, that's inappropriate. I cannot do that. Really? Yes.

You can get canceled on ChatGP? But it would do George Carlin. It would do Bill Burr. It would do, like, yeah. Did you try Shane? No. Oh. Do you think, how, but somebody writes the programming for that.

So that must have been somebody's personal. Some woke bitch. Yeah. Somebody at Comedy Central. Comedy Central exec. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's someone in there that's like flagging because they've done

this was like a thing that got really popular on like conservative twitters they'd be like write me a poem about Joe Biden they'd be like Joe the hero so it'd be like a whole like really like loving poem about Joe Biden they'd be like write me a poem about Donald Trump and they'd be like I cannot do that he's a controversial

figure and it's that's so weird so then it needs control Joe Biden, they'd be like, write me a poem about Donald Trump. And they'd be like, I cannot do that. He's a controversial figure. That's so weird. So then it needs control. Yeah, because it's an algorithm, basically. But apparently you can kind of hack it because it's conversational. It like learns things. So there's ways that you can talk to it about itself to get it around. Well, you can probably use vocab like donald trump like right i mean

kind of like on tiktok how you can't say suicide so now we're saying unalive what you know you can't say suicide on tiktok i don't know why and it's so childish to me because you're like well that's still just unalive is dead yeah you're like well he unalived himself that you that's what you have to say now get the fuck out of here that almost sounds like more permanent but that that's but i feel like yes i don't know why they think that but i think it's due to the tiktok algorithm because i guess they don't want to romanticize about suicide so you just figure out different ways of saying it like if like the people will say white people and it'll be w-h-y-t-e and that's the way it doesn't end up being like oh that's why

they do that yeah so the typing they do on the yeah so it's a wide bypass that i feel like in chat with the if somebody whoever's programming you just have to use a different kind of language. Oh, so F-C-U-K kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's why we're not that famous. No, okay, yeah. But you don't want to get- The goddamn Komodos are after you.

You don't want to get involved in that, dude. Once you start putting hyphens in your curse words and bleeping shit out- That's too much. Yeah, you lose something. Also, who cares? We're all going to kill ourselves. We're all going to undead ourselves. Unalive is so like,

that's not even, nobody remembers them. That's what unalive sounds like. Maybe. Their spirit doesn't hang on, like they're no longer, they're not even in the culture. At least say something

like whoopsie or something like he will see themselves you know what i mean he's on a banana yeah himself yeah oh you can't say porn on tiktok so people have been saying corn and then sex is s-e-g-g-s so these things language just changes but it's the same thing so g-y-G-G-S. So these things, language just changes, but it's the same thing. So G-Y-A. Yeah, you're just going to wind up saying to your friends that you're like, yeah, yeah.

I bet they've already. Also, these kids are, these fucking 13-year-olds have like OnlyFans. Yes. They grew up in porn. Yeah, yeah. Like, stop with that bullshit.

Yeah, I bet they've already bought the Cornhub domain. Oh, yeah. Cornhub. Cornhub. Yeah, I bet they've already bought the Cornhub domain. Oh, yeah, Cornhub. Cornhub. Well, that's right. When that song came out, that little kid singing about how much he loves corn,

I kept seeing it referenced on TikTok. I actually thought they were singing about porn. And then when I went to see the original video, I was like, oh, no, he's actually just singing about corn. Yeah, just his love for it yeah just some fat kid from Wisconsin what is it?

it's so catchy no can you sing a few bars? you're not on TikTok I'm 44 you look great i don't i love it but it does suck your life away and i think it would be healthier for me to be a drug addict than on tiktok yeah yeah yeah i mean i had a buddy i had a buddy who bought a stand and a little arm that holds his phone over his bed oh my god over his bed yeah so he doesn't have to like hold his phone over his bed. Oh my God. Over his bed?

Yeah, so he doesn't have to like hold his phone and look at it anymore. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. He's got a little ring that changes that will like swipe. Shut the fuck up. He was telling me this and it was

Dude, how old is this dude? It reminds me of the character in Seven. I was going to say, yeah, Sloth. He's been kind of lightly dead for a year. No. If this guy doesn't unalive himself, that is like creepy as fuck. Yeah.

Just to watch TikTok, he's got a ring. It's just, you know how we all do lay in bed and look at our fucking phones and then you get like a shoulder. You get like a nerve injury in your shoulder for six months. Dude, I think that's why I have a shoulder injury from quarantine. I wouldn't doubt it. Leaning like this. I do.

I'm in quarantine. Yes. Getting pickles. Yes. Watching movies for six hours a day. So he told me about it and I was like, dude, stop. But also, what's the link to that? Wait, it comes with a ring?

There's a ring so you can like swipe and like stuff. Just like, so you don't have to like ever be like holding the phone. Oh, so it's just the tactile. I know what you mean. So you can double tap. So you don't even have to hold the weight of the phone. Yeah, let's stop calling it for TikTok. And secondly, the ring rings on the left hand.

Will you name this guy? For sure. For sure. The rings on the left hand. Never. Never. This is told to me in confidence. I bet, dude.

There's no fucking way. It's almost like he told you he eats his own booger. Yeah, dude. That's something you tell nobody. That is a crazy motherfucker, dude. This episode is sponsored by Groove Life. I gave this lesbian wallet to my friend Chris.

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Spoon. Mr. and Mrs. Magic. Thank you, Magic Spoon. Thank you, Magic Spoon. Mr. and Mrs. Magic. Thank you, Magic Spoon. Thank you for taking the shuggies out of my series. Yeah, yeah. Get those shuggies and carbies gone. Is that it?

Do you guys do like that? And back to what we were talking about. No. Dude, it's, yeah. And how old is he? It doesn't matter. It does. It matters a lot. Does he And how old is he? It doesn't matter. It does.

It matters a lot. Does he have a wife and kids? He's young. He's young. No, no, no. And he's an active person. He's not like. Yeah, he's actively seeking kids to eat.

Of course he's fucking active. He's looking to fill his trunk. How is Instagram's story thing different from TikTok really? I actually, I always say TikTok's algorithm is more democratic, meaning like anybody has a chance on TikTok. Where Instagram's algorithm, I think it needs to have an aesthetic appeal, no watermarks on it. And the higher quality of video, the better. And I find that things that are closer up do better than further away. Interesting.

Yeah. They're really, they're really ruining us with this stuff. It's ruining art because I think it, people cater their humor now to it. Algorithms. Yeah. To algorithm what hits harder,

but I get it because bookers don't book you unless you got big numbers these days. It's fucking ridiculous. It's so annoying. I get lazy about it. And you're like, I have to edit so many hours of myself a day that I've just been saying, like, I just hate myself. The amount of, like, I've been leaving nasty comments on my own videos.

Nice hair, bitch. Why don't you go kill yourself? Just to test to see if your fans will stick up my beehive no i totally get i mean burke sent us three videos to to edit he edited it rather to like select from yeah and it's been like four days and i'm like i can't you have to be in a headspace to look at yourself for even 60 to 90 seconds yeah it's brutal i can't you have to be in a headspace to look at yourself for even 60 to 90 seconds yeah it's brutal i can't imagine editing your own podcast or listening to your own podcast i do i color i'll do stuff like mindless activity and then if i'll put a little marker to be like all right i

like here but you you do get used to it i but i've never been a person that likes listening to my sets yeah yeah i'm like i just rather rather remember or I can watch video, but I can't hear myself. That's the, the, the upside of being sober. You get off stage and you're like that tag worked in the middle. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That was 45 minutes in. Yes. Yeah. I get off stage. Like I get off a podcast couch. I'm like,

I don't know what happened in there. Like every week I ask him like, Burke, was that good? He's like, yeah, it's hilarious. i'm like i don't know what happened in there like yeah i know it wasn't bad every week i ask him like burke was that good he's like yeah it's hilarious i'm like i don't think it was that good i'll just wait till the numbers come up dude i think that is that is the thing i think they're like intentionally this is one of my this is one of my conspiracy theories i think they intentionally like you there's no way you could tell whether their algorithm they're constantly working on is doing well why do they need to work on it at all all the garbage is on there who gives a fuck don't don't act like you've perfected a way to show us stuff that were yeah that we looked i would be watching anything i just keep swiping you show me tons of stuff that i hate i just move past past it. You know what I mean? I keep getting, it's like when they rearrange the grocery store,

it's like, yeah. Why? I feel like I'm like that in my living space. Who's this benefiting? It's been five years in the same setup. Chris, you buy two avocados a month.

You gotta move the eggs. So it's like, yeah, you literally buy three ingredients every six months. It's trust me. They've done the research. No, I know.

This is why I stopped going. It's for the Dominican women to eat it out with their kids. I went to the grocery store regularly for quite some time, and then they kept rearranging things, and I didn't like it. Yeah. There's like 16 in a block radius. And it was Whole Foods. It was Whole Foods.

It was like. Oh, yeah. I can't shop at Whole Foods. It's too. Not in New York. Shopping in New York is a fucking, I went to Marshall's Saturday. Oh, well that's, that's fucking. Thinking like. The one in Midtown? No, in Queens. Oh, okay. It's kind of walking distance. I, you generally, you have to stand

in line the moment that you walk in the store. And I'm like, I'm not standing in line for items that I barely think i might want i only come in here as like let's see what's happening in here like a there's a spur of the moment there's a line to get into marshall's go to the one on on a saturday go to the one you can't even walk down the app everything's like sarah this is kind of your fault though yeah i mean it's like you don't go to UPS on a weekend. You don't go after 5 p.m. You wait till it rains, and it's a Monday or Tuesday.

No one's waiting in fucking line. Early in the morning. Same thing with Marshalls. Same thing with TJ Maxx. You go to the place, go like upper Midtown. I think there's one on like 23rd. Yeah. Never go to Queens.

Never go on a weekend. Oh, it was awesome. Trader Joe's. People go apeshit for Trader Joe's here. I can't even step in there because I find that's another place that you have to stand in line immediately once you get in the store. Yeah. It's just white people ruining everything. You just go.

You go to the international. You go to the international. It's cheaper. Anything cheaper. The produce is fresher. Yeah. Seeing people wait in line to get into a bar yeah how many bars there i know anything there's a cookie line yeah yeah there's a there's a line

of a hundred white people out front of a chip cookie yes or something it's like dude this is how good is that cookie it's not not yeah it's fucking not i don't think anything is worth waiting in line nothing for the bathroom Not even Disney World. No. Same. That's why I piss on cars at like a sporting event. I'm not waiting in line for a porta potty. Get the fuck out of here. No.

That's why I cut at the airport. You got it. Because I can't take it. And there we go. Full circle, baby. Yeah. I can't deal with it. I can't. Lines drive. Traffic always drove me nuts. It was like I didn't really have any like fears as a kid. Like I wasn't like claustrophobic or really afraid of the dark or anything like that. Traffic.

The moment we hit traffic, I was like, no. I would start like, no. Yeah, yeah. How? How could it be? Go. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Let's? Go. Yes, yes.

Let's get off. Like, let's do something. I still think you're daggone. Are you dumb? Because if you're dumb, we can figure it out. Just let me know. Are you dumb? Are you dumb? You don't seem dumb.

You don't seem dumb. But if you are, your mother and I will figure it out. We'll work through it. You're fucking dumb. All right, dude. Let's go to the page. Traffic made me nuts. That's how dude. Let's go to the page. Traffic made me nuts. That's how I got good at sleeping in the car.

I didn't mind traffic when I smoked cigarettes. That's true. I'm just jamming out and having a good time. Finally the ashes are being poured in my face. Did you vape? No, I never vape. I quit way before vaping. Was a thing. Was a thing, yeah.

That's cool. Yeah, I stopped like 10 years ago. Occasionally when we went on vacation, I've had a few cigarettes. I still fucking love it. That's okay though, right? Joe hates it so much that I will never start it. It's also the breath.

It is. It's so bad because he smokes cigars and I'm like, I want to make amends to every person I dated while I was a smoker. It's so bad because he smokes cigars. I'm like this. I want to make amends to every person I dated while I was a smoker. Yeah. It's so bad. And now it's. It's shit breath. Yes.

You've been eating turds. Yes. Literally. Yeah. And people that typically smoke all day aren't like hydrating. No. So it's like that fucking. It's like that organism coming out of the mouth of the last of us.

Yeah. That's what I imagine a smoker's tongue looks like. Just a fucking mushroom coming out of their throat. But there's something so deeply, like, I feel like that's one of those things that's just been part of our culture for so long. Like our,

just, I think that's like deep in your, it's like looking at a fire, you know, you can just like look at a fire. Yeah. And just enjoy it. And water.

I think there was like something like, there's something actually genetic about that at a certain point where it's just like look at a fire. Yeah. And just enjoy it. And water. I think there was like something like, there's something actually genetic about that at a certain point where it's just like, if you didn't like looking at a fire, you wouldn't survive. Yeah. You know? We're also cleansed of the filth of smokers in public, right?

So when someone goes outside to smoke an actual cigarette, and there's very few of them nowadays at bars. No, you barely see them. When they walk in, it's like I'm a fucking dog sniffing at an airport. Like I smell like the cocaine. Yeah. You know exactly.

There's two fucking Russians that go to this bar that I go to. Yeah. And they go, they bop out for like a cigarette every like 20 minutes. Yeah. And when they walk in, the waft. Yes. And it's like, what are you, it's like masking your shitty perfume and your accent's already killing the fucking game yeah dude you're not helping Russian accent is the cigarette smoke

of languages yes it is yeah yeah because they're basically like now we're I'm just generalizing let it go baby like you're stupid yeah and you're like okay yeah I guess Germans is like six cigarettes yeah vicious fucking language at least Germans have like pronouns don't fucking don't Russians not have words for like I, me

I don't know but it's yeah yeah yeah that's fucking insane are you Russian? oh okay well because it just seems like it's just certain like languages for some reason it's harder for them or i think english seems like we try to do the niceties and we go long way to be nice but like there's times where they're being nice but they're so

like get to the point that you're like that was pretty brutal yeah yeah when you're like what are you your head is stupid and they just mean like you messed up yeah like just like made a little mistake but you're like can you not say it that way there's's no poetry. It's all just prose. It's all just. Straight to the point. Your brain bad. All right, let's jump over. We're going to jump over to Patreon. Great.