Stuff Island - Stuff Island #70 - sex robots w/ Kerryn Feehan

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

Stuff Island #70 - sex robots w/ Kerryn Feehan - Full episodes also available on Apple/Spotify/etc. & bonus episodes are available on our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/stuffisland - Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

That is a boss ass move to walk in and just be like, I gotta take this shit. Yeah, yeah. Like if I hadn't taken the time and I could have, like, you know. Yeah, but if you did it here, that'd be fun. Yeah, yeah. That's a pretty dominant move. I don't, oh God. It is, that was my number one move.

What? In high school, if I was like, if I really fucked up and forgot to do like a major assignment, it was like code with my mom. I'd be like, mom, I have diarrhea. And she'd be like, I'd go to the nurse's office. Yeah. I'd go to the nurse's office and I'd make a call. Well, you got to call in front of the nurse you were doing it secretly i was mom i have diarrhea and she'd be like all right gotta take him out wait you go back you go home from school with diarrhea yeah that's a leave school problem no oh yeah how old were you as long as your parents say it's okay how are you high school what yeah yes no he's like i didn't walk at graduation yes what you called your mom to get out of high school yes because you had diarrhea yes isn't that like a five-year-old thing what do you mean you don't call your parents in high school you just leave dude you're like 18 no no no it's like yeah no but your parents your parents are like a sophomore do the

parent your parents are like they're there they can do anything you know what I mean it's like getting pulled over by local cops and the CIA being like yeah let him go it's like they have to do it. I got to call mom. She's got to make this shit disappear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I'm like, I can't, I'm not sure what's going to happen, then they have to let me go. But what is... Why?

I can't, it's not up to them to decide whether I will or will not shit my pants at school. I don't think there's a fucking nurse's office in high school. Yeah, there is. What? Of course, for teenage girls. In Catholic school? Yeah. I know, Catholic, yeah. All-boy Catholic school don't know yeah all boy i don't know why you guys yeah probably solves for your asshole

a lot of balm in there it's just a big bowl of plugs we have one wine cork oh god damn i gotta go look wine cork put a quarter in and turn the thing for sizes of corks small medium large dude like the like the condo machines and fucking hotels just a cork machine in the airport there's no way we i fucking somebody will tell me on the on the comments but all boys Catholic school, I would,

I'll put anything on it we didn't have a nurse. You have to. I guess legally you would, right? Yeah. If kids have asthma, you got peanut allergies.

No, we didn't fucking peanut. I'm not being, I used to beat the shit out of those kids. I'm not being that fucking boomer, but I am. Nobody I knew

had a fucking peanut allergy. I knew a kid. Phillip. Really? He used to wear his drawstring sweatpants backwards. He probably shit himself and turned them around. Phillip, he was a fucking booger eater. He had a bowl cut.

Dude, I can see him right now. I know Phillip. I know these Phillips. He's wicked smart. Really smart kid. Don't trust me. That type of kid walks around with his shoelaces untied, just picks up all the filth and the moisture.

You can't live with untied shoelaces. It's too hazardous. Well, you know you just can't live with that person. You meet that person, like we can never be friends. I know enough about your life from your fucking shoe. Yeah, because their parents probably tried to feed them peanuts when they were a kid and they threw a fucking fit. You know what I mean?

So they never got peanuts and now they're allergic to peanuts. Isn't it? Is this a myth? I think they go into anaphylactic shock. I think that's the allergy to peanuts. No, no, you gotta... No, you gotta get peanuts. He's like grumpy. You gotta get peanuts.

You gotta get peanuts in your system early. It's not like a cold. It's not your immune system fighting off. It is your immune system, a cold it's not your immune system no fighting on it is your immune system actually it is precisely your immune system fighting viruses allergens no it's getting scared too scared of peanuts no like like shellfish allergies some people are allergic to penicillin like you're born with that you're predisposed no you're like boy like boy in a bubble like vibe yeah you're not you're not gonna be able to fight off the common cold because you know your mom like treated you with

kitty gloves but yeah i think allergens are different so it's a myth like playing in the dirt because these autistic kids don't do it that's why they all have allergies they don't play outside anymore because of video games yeah so because we played in dirt and played football that's why you know yeah huh if you if you if you restrict peanut intake too much this is the thing this is true it's true it's true not only it's true i don't know if you've heard our podcast before but we'll have three or four theories neither one of us know anything about no science look so i agree with you that some people are a lost cause and they were never going to agree with peanuts it's not like they are trying. What? Like every

morning they try to eat one peanut. Maybe if I can do it. No, because there's this zone where it's like you can't take the baby right out of the womb and start feeding it peanuts because that's too risky. But you want to. I want to roll it in a bag. You got an old backdoor

method. It looks like a peanut. Yeah. But if you wait too long, they'll get allergic to all kinds of nuts. The visual of you going to the nurse. I cannot get out of my fucking head. In a poopy pants for a shart? As an adult.

That's too many cigarettes. Oh, so because you're trying to get a doctor's slip to get out of your classes. Yes, yes, yes. yes yes you're not just like my dummy hurts call my mom no no i didn't genuinely have diarrhea it was all a scam oh okay i needed to buy some time your mom really enabled that yes she was to learn we were in cahoots yeah yeah my mom would be like go shit yeah my mom was a teacher she'd be like nothing's wrong like, nothing's wrong with you. Yes, 100%. Nothing is wrong with you.

No, there is something wrong with me. I'm on the edge of failing. That's going to be all of our problem unless you want to do what it takes. Dude, when my brother went to, my brother came home from Texas A&M and I finally got my own bedroom because we were sharing a bedroom until he went to college

he comes home for the first semester and of course I find he wakes up blacked out and he pisses all over me wait you were sharing a bed? no at that point we had bunk beds so I was sleeping in the bottom oh rainforest oh he sprinkles

oh no it was a fucking it was a hose dude it was r kelly full-on hose dude and i went to my mom there is that sound when it's like it's gone it's going so hard for so long that the fabric has like stiffened up you know what what I mean? Like a, like a fabric shower curtain. Well, you think the first layer of both the mattress

and the covers are going to, the impact is going to be reduced. Absorbed. So you got to wait until it puddles up to get awoken by the pitter patter all over your legs.

Yeah. So I go, fuck. And I start screaming and he's just there with his horse dick hanging out, swinging all over his face.

Double brother, Brad. And then I run down the hallway to tell my mom, like, Brian just pissed on me. And she's like, what? And she's a night nurse, so she hasn't fucking slept in days. And she goes, flip the mattress. Like, if I told her I had diarrhea in high school,

she'd be like, shit your pants. I don't give a fuck. You figure it out. You can't let a kid shit his pants. Tough Irish monster. I think that's why Tommy's taller than you. He's allergic to peanuts. Yeah, yeah. No. He peed on you.

Wow. He full piss. He got the whole fucking thing out before I got up. Wow. Yeah, I mean it was so... He was fucking holy water. No, he was so blacked out he he didn't know until the next morning. You like it? He found me sleeping on the fucking, on the couch. And he's groggy, and again,

his snuffle-off-his-dick is flying through the hole, walking down the steps. And he's got the balls. My brother has a big dick, too. And he goes... But it was only small when he walked. No, this thing would come out to fucking see what the weather was like. Also, it's 1995, so the old school boxers where your piss hole was like this.

Yeah. There was no like wrangling around the doors of like a fucking Chinese restaurant to get a fucking jug of Kool-Aid. It's not like... Yeah. It's not like what, not like what is she underwear? Curls where windows open.

She's underwear. You got to slide two different fucking doors to get out of the burrow. Your penis just like fell

out of those kind of loose boxers. Yeah, that's why you had to wear tight spandex and then shorts

for basketball games. Yeah. Yeah, I just like and feel on my legs. Like a Russian gymnast, dude.

You got no motion. Start a fire. Anyway, you got pissed. Plus you get rubbed between your thighs. Yeah. That's why I can't go wave surf too long in the ocean. I'm sorry?

Yeah, body surf. Wave surf? Wave surf. You mean body surf. Body surf. Yeah. And I get that chase like I literally did the opposite thing you meant. You know when you're trying to make contact with people on the beach for too long and all of a sudden you start chafing down here.

But no bodyboard though. It was just your body. Not bodyboard. Yeah, but then the sand. Not bodyboarding. No, just body surfing. Right. The sand gets in and you get that rash that fat people get and they start discoloring

and you don't give a shit if that discoloring you know it's just like three shades darker he's like Puerto Rican down here and Irish in the face why do you have areolas on your legs dude it's gross

yeah and they get like thick dense elephant skin after years and years of rubbing yeah yeesh cool

I touched it once okay too many beers you touched it yeah I took on my walrus after a blackout she had tough skin inside her thighs oh no yeah we all made mistakes in college huh that sounds bad oh my goodness yeah it's like it's like a sea otter that's been dried out

but on each side but it's not like your dick's rubbing against that. No. I should have. That was a nice like handshake. You know, it's like you probably got did you get some like your hips wear out?

I put on those those horse saddle things. Stirrups? Chaps? Yeah, the chaps. The leather chaps. You said that to a woman. Hold on, you monster.

No, no. You know those pants women have to wear to ride horse yeah you have like two leather pads on the inside of the knees so it doesn't like it doesn't bruise the horse that's kind of you anyway oh sorry for fat shaming so early sorry i was late yeah you were late we would have never gotten this with your attitude where'd you park? I took an Uber who do I invoice for that? we already talked about this a couple weeks ago I'm kidding

I see the apartment a wealthy comic asked me for that and I never talked to him again really? oh like earnestly? I know you're kidding it's like I actually just haven't seen him but I never spoke to him he was fucking cut off I know you're kidding. It's like, I actually just haven't seen him. I never spoke to him yet.

He's fucking cut off. Yeah, he's just successful enough that I would never run into him. I just missed him a couple times. He's working on it. He's on a theater tour. I think he's on a theater tour. Shit. I got a little stone before this. Did you guys see that they killed that woman in Hong Kong?

Hong Kong? I just thought I'd pop open the news real fast. And it was her ex-husband, his brother. Put her head in soup? Yes. Wait, what? They put her body parts in soup. Yeah.

Is that old? I don't know. I just saw it today, too. I just saw it today, too. Yeah, she was a babe, too. Wait, wait. In Hong Kong, her husband and brother cooked his wife?

They dis... The same family were charged with killing a model, Abby Choi. Yeah, she's hot for an Asian. Yeah. Parts of her body put in a soup.

Asian women are... I think so too. You mean guys. She's like... Some Asian people look like a smooth ceramic silly putty that somebody just went like. Yeah. You know what I mean?

It's just three or four holes. I believe that's Japanese culture. There's an affluence with the skin tone. Yeah. That's why they wear umbrellas because they don't want to tan. Otherwise, you look like a social or like a construction worker. Right. A dirt guy who like works on the field. Yeah.

It's a lot of cultures. Yeah. I'm sure. Do that. Yeah. But yeah. Not ours. No.

Yeah. Ours. No, we celebrate the wrinkles and fucking Irish carpenters faces. I don't know. The rich Irish people were the pale redheads. The dirt bags were the dark skin ones. Yeah. It's because they were up north and the sun never came out.

Oh, I thought it was because we got raped by the Moors or something. No, but do you think Irish people are putting on makeup today to make themselves look whiter? Like modern day Irish chicks? No, they're like fake tanning and stuff. I've heard many times that modern day Irish

men are gorgeous. They are. Are they? Stunning. Absolutely. I dated a guy from Kilkenny. Like black hair, blue eyes, freckles. Yeah. We're taught dumb.

Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah. How many years have you been working on that? My family's from just up the road. You get the Patreon, you let that fucking fly, dude. My family's from- We do not care.

Dumb, dumb. Yeah, you. Dumb. Listen,. We do not care. Dumb, dumb. Whatever CBS comedies you're working on, you're not getting anyway, babe. Me? You know I'm the most commercial industry darling over here. My family is originally from Limerick, which is like just north

of there. And good God. They are. It was scary. They're the dumbest looking and dumbest people I've ever seen in my life. They're messes. Dude, imagine the most

concentrated, dumbest looking group of people from South Philadelphia an entire city and everyone's in track suits right it's not a dentist in sight it's backwards drawstring sweatpants everyone everyone has that like of mice and men haircut it's crazy it's just way too high yes yes the percentage is way off i love that in high school there was this kid named brendan maloney who was like a six foot something like ginger with freckles so dumb and he would like

do this at every party he'd be like yo fee and check it out and he would like flex his biceps he'd be like it's the bouncing biceps and i'm like all right you can think of me i don't care i loved him i love the dumb irish guys because they're a good time yeah they are a good time my uncle my obese uncle who died alone in his trailer in florida was the best fucking hang on the planet how'd he die alcoholism yeah and obesity yeah yeah yeah my as much as i bust the balls of my aunts and uncles the irish side they were fucking fun man yeah dude yeah all of our family parties funerals good lord so much fun everybody anytime an irish dude from the town died you you would check to see what day the week it is a bit check the if you get close to thursday yeah like thursday friday funerals see you dude you're taking a three day vacation. Yeah.

But that's the thing. You got to hit them at the right hours because otherwise I'm sure it's a sad. Oh, dude, we, for my fucking, my brother's best friend passed at like 43 a couple of years ago and we went to the bar before the church, right after the church. You guys were in the church. Woo, woo, woo. Dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, did you hear that homily? Fuck yeah, dude. Fuck yeah. Call and response. Right after the church. Woo, woo, woo. Dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, did you hear that homily? Fuck yeah, dude. Fuck yeah. Call and response. Let's get it. Well, this dude. This dude was an absolute legend. Fucking and also with you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Curie A. Lacey. Y'all. Tommy Komorowski's name was. What a legend. Sounds like a Pole. He got us here. He got us into the Polish-American club. Sounds like polish american club died in a car accident jesus what i'm trying to leave a fucking nice

a homily you're not ordained what do you call it it's a homily no eulogy anyway he got us into the vfw as a non-pololak. So we were card carrying members of the VFW. So we'd go there, get fucking pickled, go to the church. And then you go back there and you, you know, you go until you have to carry your brother out. That's what happened. Tried to fight everybody on the way out. It was perfect.

It's like right in a movie. It's like, of course they did. Dude, my dad said that when they went to my, my grandfather was buried in ireland and they went to the funeral and it was it was the whole irish family and after the funeral they were like let's go get fucked up they thought it was going to be like a true just crazy irish feast and they said that like the his his aunts and uncles like found everyone at the bar and was like go the fuck home what the fuck are you doing?

Why? Because it was disrespectful? I guess. Yeah. And they were like, what? I'm sorry. No.

It's like their dad, my grandfather was like an alcoholic. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Are you talking about American relatives went to Ireland? Yeah.

Yes. Okay. And they got in trouble by the Irish. The Irish got pissed at them for drinking. Ah. Yeah.

You're just supposed to stay home and cry and tell stories. I have no idea. I Irish got pissed at them for drinking. Ah. Yeah. You're just supposed to stay home and cry and tell stories. I have no idea. I'm fine. It's limerick people. They're dumb as hell. I don't know anything

about Ireland, obviously. My family, some of them are from Cork and I'm named after the Ring of Kerry and like my grandfather's father was a fisherman. You're a cock-sucking homosexual, Gio. Well, he's really my Eul fisherman. You're a cock sucking homosexual.

Well, he's doing my eulogy. You're a fucking loser. Why don't you go back and talk about your brother pissing all over you you fucking asshole. I'm trying to talk about my heritage. I thought I was a guest on this podcast just because I was 30 minutes late. I don't see why we have to punish me.

You're right. It's a disrespectful amount of weight. Cork is fucking beautiful I've never been I want to go it's incredible I've never been to anywhere in Ireland

my parents kissed a Blarney stone I guess everybody makes fun of people who do that is that the little rock or no that's the one in Boston that's where you hang upside down

you gotta do it upside down and this guy holds your legs yeah yeah and people I'm sure kids just piss on that wait they gotta hang you upside down hang you upside down

you ever seen the pictures I don't think so you go upside down? Hang you upside down. You ever seen the pictures? I don't think so. You go upside down, you kiss some rock on a castle. What's the little rock that everybody makes fun of? That's in Plymouth, Massachusetts. The Rock of Plymouth. You're a dum-dum. Yeah. What?

Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock. It's like this big. It's not that big, yeah. I grew up in a couple of towns over from it. It's a boulder. Yeah. We used to get in fights.

I went to private school. We got jumped by public school kids. Not me, but the boys. Nice. Wait, it's on the shoreline, is it? Yeah, by the beach. Yeah, I was going to say. The Mayflower. The Mayflower. Mayflower. What's 1842? Whatever. I don't know. 1692.

Plymouth Plantation. Oh, I've seen this. Yeah, they've had them over. Plymouth Plantation, it's one of those like why do you have to get there's a plantation around the rock why don't you just how do you think the settlements were successful why are they why don't you just kiss it because it's just like deep down it's a stone on the bottom side of like the top wall so you have to in order to like get under the or ireland is just pranking us and it's pretty funny you think any of these fucking mongols have peanut allergies have to share in saliva i've been to that i've been to that stone twice i have not kissed it

once what's a vro cd no i just was like i'm not doing that why i don't want to why i was more what i liked about going there is that there is the castle. All the doors were exactly my height. All the doors were exactly. The castle is perfect. It was. Kiss a rock, you fucking homo. Now, you think all this is.

Stop looking at decorative architecture. You think the guy who designed the castle was your height? Yeah. He probably was. That was my first. That was like my first experience. Everyone was in the old days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was like my first experience everyone was

in the old days yeah and I was like I'm home these are my people you're a little bog midget yeah yeah little person

oh yeah you really do need like to go back there you be the king women can't read they don't have any rights hell yeah that'd be great

no actually they're very well read oh shut up I thought they were like back in the day back in the day plymouth plantation you know like one of how people like dress up like um confederate soldiers and stuff yeah virgins virgins yeah it was like that but for like the

settlers the first settlers so they'd be like chicks that i went to like junior high school with and they'd be like churning butter or whatever and i'd be like hey marnie and she was like the same character the start of the revolution no is that the location of this with this i think it was before the the revolution i think it was just like the first settlers i don't think we were mad at England yet. Yeah, they were English. They were just like trying to get out of Dodge because they believe some weird stuff.

Yeah, Jesus. I think it was religious persecution or Protestant shit. So they left. Google this. They were probably. I mean, I probably learned about it 12 times. A hundred million times. It's like the crucible, blah, blah, blah.

What else? This is the problem though. You don't teach kids this shit when you're in fucking third grade, fourth grade. You're not going to retain any of it.

Yeah. You know, it's like trying to teach a toddler how to drive. Like by the time I give a fuck about this stuff. It also didn't matter. They were just the first ones

into the breach. You know what I mean? They were the dumbest, most. Yeah. They weren't very successful. Yeah. First of all, they almost died.

The Indians had to bail them out. They didn't know what they were getting themselves into at the time. Yeah, they were starved to death. They were like eating dirt and the Indians are like, here's a fish. I think that's what Thanksgiving is supposedly about. Right. They did. The Indians taught them.

It was literally like they finally, the Indians were like, you guys, I can't believe you guys built a ship that we've never seen before. They thought they were aliens. You can't never seen before. They thought they were aliens. You can't even grow food. They thought they were gods. This is drunk history without us actually being drunk. Yeah, but it's right. Some of it's right.

And they thought they were gods coming off their ship. So they were like, well, maybe we should listen to these guys. And they had guns and stuff. But then they were going to starve. So the Indians were like, you have to put dead fish in with your crops. You have to plant these dead fish in and help your crops grow. Yeah. them grow corn and it's true yeah yeah nutrients yeah that's why you're supposed to put all your that's why i rub my pussy all over my house plants they just wilt in 20 minutes i fived myself wait why wouldn't you we tried we tried yeah chris yeah chris We tried. We tried. Yeah. Chris. Yeah, Chris.

Eat the fish. Why can't you just eat the fish? Why would you waste good fish on crops? I think they eat the majority of the fish. Because they were dying. They throw. Oh, okay. The crops weren't growing because the soil wasn't good because they were by the ocean. They were like, this is just regular soil, right?

It's like, no, there's like salt water in it. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure there's a thing too where you can't just eat fish. I made that part up for sure though. Yeah, you can't just. You can't do an all fish diet, right? Yes, you can. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure there's a thing too where you can't just eat fish. I made that part up for sure though. Yeah, you can't just. You can't do an all fish diet, right? Yes, you can. Sure, you can. It's a lot of protein. Pescatinians, there's like Greek. I feel like

that's a lot of, they eat a lot of mostly seafood. Greek people. Yeah. But, I don't know. Maybe they throw some lamb in there. I don't know. They probably needed to do other stuff like you make linen with some weird shit that you grow. I'm going to say it anyway. What?

I think there's this, I've heard this before and I don't know. I'm sorry. This is racially insensitive. great. But there's a reason, there's a reason that Asian, certain Asian cultures have really bad breath and they're a fish only diets and they don't get,

they don't consume a certain bacteria for their gut health. Uh huh. Hmm. So it resides and changes the pH levels in both your, your mouth and your gut level. I believe it. Yeah. So sometimes when I see. So you think that's what the, that's what the pilgrims are really struggling with.

The breath around here is. What is this China? Meanwhile I don't think they invented soap. That is so gross. I'm sorry I know this I'm just wondering if you guys can tell me

if it's true or not. I think you just need I think but the hell of getting on fucking a rush hour train on the 7 train nightmare.

Just wading through fucking visual stink yeah they're just eating seaweed paper i could be wrong i could be wrong but that's the dangers of this why i said i think that the only changes in your body are more of ph and bacteria stuff i think there's also a thing where you just need you need agriculture to like really establish a beachhead yeah yeah you can't get a whole civilization going you got to eat from the land fish you can't fucking your kid can't you can't go fishing every goddamn day yeah right but it will keep your kid skinny yeah you know and not needing seven fucking meals a day i know but i think in order to make like rope and stuff, you need to be like growing shit. Yeah.

There's like other things you get from the plants. Resources, like cotton. Cotton's a plant. Cotton is a plant. Nailed it. Yeah. It looks like your marijuana is wearing off.

Hey, that's another plant. I got drunk. Last time I smoked weed, it was a fucking. Tommy, where'd you go yeah not skank fest

legion of skanks and I fucking disappeared for 30 minutes oh I did like a dab rip every Monday I'm like I'm not gonna smoke pot I'm not gonna smoke pot

I have to host frantic and then I like walk by and they have like a dab set up I'm like what's one dab rip dude that's what I saw but you're dead you're a pothead kind of though

it's like then I'm like oh what's it gonna do it's gonna make me high for saw. But you're dead. You, you're a pothead. Kind of though. It's like, then I'm like, Oh, what's it going to do? It's going to make me high for the next. So thanks to the manscape guys for sponsoring this episode. You already know what manscape could do for your bills, your balls.

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that's like waterproof or whatever? Let me go get it. Oh, this? No, I never got one of them, whatever that is. Yeah, it comes with this nice little portable case. It's got its own... Yeah, I never got that. ...attachment, which is a roll.

Buff it up. Buff it up. Put it in the mic a little ASMR. What's up with that? You popped this off. Look at the width of that, dude. Ooh, that's nice. I'm just showing all his face hair like a fucking gross pervert.

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That's a big difference. Yeah. Because you could use it to shorten your beard as opposed to the ball trimmer. It was just a little more difficult. Send me one. I'd use it. I don't know why they didn't send two. Are you sure you didn't get one?

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at magic spoon dot com slash stuff island and use code stuff to save $5. Thank you, Magic Spoon. Thank you, Magic Spoon. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode. I feel like you need to start smoking weed as like a mental challenge. You know what I mean?

Go on, Chris. Just smoking. Don't give yourself a task first. No, just fight off what it normally does to my brain. You know what I mean? To get good at it? Yes. That's just what I've been saying.

Yes, yeah. But I think this is... Do activities. This is a different time now. Like, you can find a strain that doesn't fuck you up as much. Sativa. Just go for sativa. Yeah.

I don't even smoke indica. Indica is, like, makes me paranoid or it's, like, lights out Sally. Yeah. Yeah. Sativa can be very, like like, makes me paranoid or it's like lights out Sally. Yeah. Sativa can be very like, you know. I hear it's heady. It's not just sink in the couch.

No, I mean. Indica couch is indica, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You boomer. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

how else are you supposed to remember it? I only talk about weed once in a while. I'm like, which one's sativa? I'll smoke sativa like before I work out. Like it can like focus you.

It's a mood elevator too. I also like there's this sense of if I know I have like pot at home and I'm doing mundane tasks, they have to do laundry. I'm like, but I can get high and do laundry. You do your own laundry? Yeah. Do you like to do the process? Yeah, I mean, I do it pretty frequently because I work out. I feel like Byron Allen. I feel like a copy person.

No, I have a point here because I can't... Can you show us how you fold? I can't figure out why someone would take that amount of time and not respect three hours of their day, even if they have their own laundry machine. What do you mean? Yeah, yeah. It takes a lot of fucking time.

Wash and fold? Yeah. I'm like a frequent, you know, it's like an hour and a half for me, you know, because I'm doing like two loads at a time because I'm frequent. I'm like every, maybe four or five days I might be doing laundry. Yeah, okay. So it's not that bad. Maybe once a week. Yeah, it's not like, I just, I work out a lot, so I have dirty clothes every doing. Yeah. Okay. So it's not that bad. Maybe once a week. Yeah. It's not like I just, I work out a lot.

So I have dirty clothes every day. Yeah. I got a 40 pound on average, like 35 to 40 pound bag of laundry. You just lug it. Cause my thing is if I were to do that, then my wardrobe is in another season by the time I get it back. Yeah.

Does that make any sense? Like you don't have a laundromat in that area. I have laundry in my building. Oh, okay. So I just walked down two flights. But the fold, when they fold it for you.

Yeah. It's nice. It's so tight. It's so tight. I wouldn't be But the fold, when they fold it for you. Yeah, it's nice. It's so tight. It's so tight. I wouldn't be able to get my clothes in the drawers. Yeah, yeah. They use shitty stuff and sometimes it makes my skin itch and sometimes my stuff will come back very dingy. You got to ask for the non-

Yeah, tip them and go get me the good stuff. Yeah, non-scented. To me, the thought of bypassing the laundry mat in my building to send it out is wild. Yeah. Plenty of people do it in my building. I get it. Do you have a local person at the building that could give you,

take your laundry and just do it again? I don't want these fucking maintenance guys folding my thongs, Tommy. They're in my apartment enough. I found, I found a knife in my apartment. They're in your apartment enough. What?

I'm like, is anybody going to catch this? I found a knife in my apartment though and i'm a little you know what i think what do you mean of just a random knife yes a serrated edge that cuts through boxes perfectly i think one of my maintenance guys and i think it's ivan ivan i know it's you i think i was a huge fan of stuff violent dude i think i don't always break down my boxes i would say 50 of the time i do 50 of the time i don't i mean like fold them up like make them fucking small sometimes i'll put a huge fucking box inside the recycle room be like well it's

my recycle room now like a real cunt yeah yeah so i think he left a blade in my apartment it's a warning saying cut your here, because it's fucking sharp. And I started cutting boxes. I'm like, Ivan's right. Well, how did he get in your apartment? I leave my door unlocked sometimes, but I started locking it recently. I also have a 65-pound dog that's, like,

going to attack you. Really? Is it a hairy dog? She's a guard dog. She sleeps by the door. No, she's not a fucking guard dog. She's probably brain dead. And don't you rescue you rescue idiots like dogs that are about to die anyway my dog is brilliant she's a german lab mix she's fucking brilliant and she attacks people she's barks yeah like yeah because she's a fucking she grew up in a prison adopting a 16 year old kid that has a violent past instead of having your own kid.

Yeah. Yeah. And I do. I believe in adoption. So you're trying to save this kid, and he just keeps knocking out the landlord for no fun. These dogs you rescue are pieces of shit. She's a Kalief Brower of dogs.

Their breath always stinks. They're vicious to toddlers. And their hair is falling out because they have like some chromosome my dog is an elite athlete and would like lay down her life for me you think so or you think she just barks 100 she would if anybody tried to fuck with me she would yeah bite them she's like she she's a very dominant like my parents came to visit with their pit bull and like my dog was able to dominate my sister's dog, who was like a big dog, but not a pit bull.

But like these two were going to fucking fight in my apartment. And she was knocking back down. She's a fucking dog. Well, how'd you stop the pit bull from eating this thing? They ended up playing for a second because they were both just kind of out. They started fucking. Yeah. Once you lose your voice

you just start pounding each other in the ass. Also those loud dogs it's a fucking joke how much of it you know it's not real. I hope you get bit by a dog because it is real. I'll punt that fucking dog. I was just watching police dog videos. I would never get bit by a dog. Watch police dog videos. You would never get bit by a dog. Of course you wouldn't

you pussy. You wouldn't be in a situation that would ever get you bit by a dog. Watch police dog videos. You would never get bit by a dog. I would never get bit by a dog. Of course you wouldn't, you pussy. You wouldn't be in a situation that would ever get you bit by a dog. Stop! Stop! You got your arm ripped off. They know I'm chill. I'm good with dogs. No, they know you'll twist his fucking head. I'm not saying... Little Lenny from my Vice Invenom. I'm fucking real quick.

Little rabbit dog. Dude, I got good lateral movement. I don't think a dog can... You would never be attacking someone that would lead a dog to bite you. Yeah, yeah, that's true. You know, you'd never be like a car hijacker. Have you seen these canine Belgian Malinois? They jump in cars where the hijacker is

and they fucking drag them out. It's incredible. I watch these videos all the time. Wait. It's Belgian Malinois. You shouldn't... Are they trained john fucking canine yes

they're vigilantes dude they have no owner that's why belgium's so safe they're strange they all have different outfits well that's what i mean we have dogs in in our country that have that innately, but they do it racially. You know what I mean? You're talking about Michael Vick? They go after kidnappers. Oh my God. No, it's incredible.

And they're getting like the shit kicked out of them. You can assume by like these people that are like, get this fucking dog off me. They're probably punching him in the ribs and stuff. What's a dog look like? What's it built like? A Malinois looks similar to a german shepherd but their snout is all black and they're just more athletic i know what that dog is yeah they're fucking sick are they bigger rules is it like yeah yeah yeah i think they're

probably yeah they're thin they can get in the window easy yeah those are military dogs like those that would suck you're just rolling up the car window. No, you're not, dude. Like when I play wrestle my dog, like my whole arm is in her mouth and like I body slam her and I like dominate her in a way. I'm like, I let her know that like I'm fucking boss. But I also think she could totally kill me

if she wanted to. Your dog. Yeah, but she doesn't want to. She loves me so much. How many pounds? 65 pounds. Damn, that's a big dog. We're out every morning from like 6 a.m. to 8 a.m.

Just like working out, throwing the ball. I got a Frisbee. I got a chuck it. Yeah. Wow. Do you have one of those little like things where you put the tennis ball in it? The lesbian ball thrower? Chuck it.

It's called a chuck it. It's called a chuck it? I got one. It used to be a sex toy for lesbians. You just snap a tennis ball and you know. You give them the business. You fist it. It's a fist it. Couldn't get enough leverage before.

Well, that's what you do. And then you pull it out and you go, fine. She takes off. That is a really embarrassing thing to have. Hanging out of a backpack? A jacket. I just put it under my arm. Who was the comic that used to, I think it was at Compound. Oh. There was like a comic that...

I think it was like a dog walker, but he would walk around with his backpack on and he would have one of those tennis ball throwers. That's hilarious. Are you embarrassed? That's hilarious. I would tape that to the inside of my fucking leg and walk like a pirate.

I would like one of those for a football though. Yeah, that'd be sick. Just to see yeah these grown men the launch ultimate frisbee game sometimes in the park where i take her yeah she'll like intercept the frisbee like here and there but then she'll like she brings it back it's pretty funny that is great he's like men in their 40s hey that's an expensive frisbee they have to have like a meeting about how to deal with that and like rule wise I said it

I was like guys next week can you guys pick teams because I'd like to support one side I'm going to have a jury I'm going to bring a lawn chair I'm going to get Mabel one

they're like shut up that would be so fun this is our time together gosh imagine doing that sober yeah what ultimate frisbee

yeah and they're there early yeah I played in the league once tell them Chris yeah but it was pretty fun you were getting ripped right what it's like softball you can't play softball without getting fucking beers afterwards no i could i couldn't i was so out of shape so intense drink beforehand

you're getting ripped playing frisbee listen there's certain sports you can't play without a beer in your hand yeah oh ripped i i took ripped as i can't play more shoes so getting jacked yeah you know yeah yeah any sport water yeah billiards I meant more but well I used to play pool ball too dude you put little tykes on both sides of a above above ground pool shit gets wild yeah injuries types hoops yeah I always hated water basketball 6-7 feet I hated water basketball

I was too short yeah did they dunk you and dunk you yeah it was fucking horrific you gotta you gotta have castle rules

I hated regular I hated regular basketball bad enough that'd be sick if I could wear water wings during water basketball I would have been that would have been nice. Dude, how...

First of all, two questions. How old were you when you... Everyone else is just... I'm on a jet ski. Lay up. You're on a fucking T-Doo? How old were you at that? That was one of those ones you can stand up on

and they do tricks. You get a noodle? Like a horn. That would be sick. Just two noodles? Dude, thinking about you young is so funny. I bet it took you like 15 years to grow into that dinosaur skull. Now it grew with me

when when was your growth spurt you were the same height like let's say eighth grade you start growing i mean when chris you didn't come out of the womb this size when did you start growing it was a gradual process yeah no you didn't just stopped one day. I never shot up. Yeah. Yeah, I kind of did. I never had a, yeah. I was a weepy until like fucking five.

I was like sophomore in high school. But before that, I had nothing. I was hairless like an Asian dude. I was like tiny. I was so skinny. You should see my high school basketball pictures. It's like sad. Really?

I looked like a prisoner of war. I had this body. That rules see my high school basketball pictures. It's like sad. Really? I looked like a prisoner of war. I had this body. That rules. The whole time. Yeah. Yeah. That rules. And that beard?

Yeah. Powerful. What? You're probably powerful. I was jacked. You're a powerful student. Where other parents were like asking my parents like, what's going on? Yeah.

If you walked into my classroom i'm like the maintenance guys here dude dude because i was like dude i was crazy projector broke as a kid dude i was doing like parkour i feel like all the time i was just not actual part of it didn't you have friends just that's what my friends and i did we just sprint and jump just sprint and push and just like yeah every night I'd box my dad for like two hours. Really? Yes. Was he sleeping?

Was he sleeping? Dude, then just my brother. He just knocked out at the second punch. My mom tells a story that it's just like, it was like one day I was walking, and the next day I was sprinting fucking everywhere and she couldn't, it was a problem. She's like, what am I going to do?

Did you have any siblings? Yeah, an older brother. That lived. He would go off to preschool or whatever and then I would just be like flying around. It was bad. What? Diarrhea.

Helicopter diarrhea. Dude, don't talk to my dad. You? Diarrhea. Helicopter diarrhea. Dude, talk to my dad. You were just as weird every day of your life. Yeah. God. It didn't really stop.

I'm not kidding you. Every, once a week, I'm going to think about you at that age going to the nurse with diarrhea. How many times

did you do it and how many times did you get away with it? I mean, I feel like I got away with it? Uh, I, I mean, I feel like I got away with it almost every time I would go to the nurse. So they just, they had you in the, in the charts or something.

Dude, I, I couldn't take, I couldn't take school. School was like, I would sleep through school every time. I remember I like every time I would go, every time it was school, I'm sleeping.

First of all, getting up and out to school, I learned how to do everything in the dark. So I could extend opening my eyes for another 45 minutes. That's like my brother. That was my brother growing up. Everything in the bathroom I could just do. Did you like. In total blindness.

That's wild. Yeah. And I would take a, I would take a bath instead of a shower. The night before? No, always in the morning. I would do that in the dark. Yeah. And I knew

I timed how long it took the tub to fill up. That's like a way to start the day by unwinding in the bathtub. Because a clock light would be too much light. You're like a little old man. Self-care before school yeah and then why were you so beepy all the time because i like i mean just from the parkour days you wake up at fucking six or whatever to go to school and then you got like sports after and then i then my brain then i would just be alone in my room and my brain was just like i would i couldn't go to sleep I would stay up until like

three or four in the morning just crazy or anything it's now what you do now it's the same thing yeah yeah and then I'd have to wake up at 6 the next day and then it's like to by Tuesday I was done I used to learn I like some people like you you shouldn't have a TV in your room that's like dangerous oh yeah cuz then you just well I didn't have a TV in my room as a kid i would just read like calvin and hobbes or something yeah my brother loves calvin and yeah yeah i would just yeah pretend were you like moody in the mornings oh furious i used to like the alarm going off yeah i like it primal yeah yeah my brother it was crazy i would hit this thing like, dude, I would

no joke, I would grab it and throw it across, I'd rip it out of the wall. I was like, it was, and every day I'd have to come back from school and like plug it back in. Set the time again. I think I just had fucking, did your dad, did your dad beat you at all? Never, you said, right? No, no.

You said you didn't have to. There was one time that was because everything you described would require an answer open at least once well we boxed yeah yeah but i didn't we never like beat this shit out of me i was like i was fucking six i feel like my fear my fear and anxiety would get me out of bed for like missing class or being late because then that that was, you're instantly hurt. I just was like, just, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do school. It's like, this isn't for me.

Why did you go to college? Someone else's what? Why'd you go to college? Cause I had to. Yeah. We all had to Tommy. Why'd you go to college? I was told that I had to. But I didn't have this opinion. I thought like maybe I could find something i like and then i figured it yeah you remind me a lot of my brother it was like am i i feel like my brother if he had been held back a year things would have been

totally different for him yeah i was held back here maybe there we have it no it's for age and catholic school and it was the worst day of my life i still can see the wallpaper and my mother calling sister and that fucking bitch. I remember I had a sister and sister. Everybody has a sister. And I had a sister, Mary Elizabeth,

sister, Ella, sister, Teresa. Did you have a sister? I had a sister, Mary Ann. I had,

um, sister, Mary, Kevin. No, there's always one. Dude. Looking back,

you're like, Oh yeah. Thomas too, though. Sorry, I'm remembering all my own stuff. Do they have to take a confirmation name and then use it? Is that what that is? Yeah. Yeah, it's like another saint.

Well, no, that's their, right. Because their first husband is Jesus. They're actually all polygamous whores. Yeah. Their first husband's Jesus, and then the next one is their other husband. Yeah. Whatever saint that is. Well, they're all munching rugs at night when the lights go out.

Sister Thomas. They're slamming a different snooze bar sister mary thomas her toes went like this like yeah some curling from another sister eating around for an hour jesus christ tom needs peepee yeah today's episode is also sponsored by Displate. Remember doing that when I stopped signing as a kid? No? Okay, cool. Everybody's tired of those boring canvas prints that we have all over here. Of you and your family standing in a field. Take those off your walls and try a unique piece from Displate instead. And this is the one they sent us.

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dude they got a frog playing a banjo sitting on a mushroom it's incredible Christy's big into this one it's a cute little froggy he's on a mushroom playing guitar.

What? What's happening? Oh. I saw it. You can get Breaking Bad, you know, Eisenberg. Let's Cook, he says. You know, that's fun. Look at this guy, dude.

Tell me that. It doesn't make you happy. What's the name of it so our viewers can go online and find? It's Cottagecore Frog Music. Guys, look up Cottagecore Frog Music at home and send us pics of the disc plate on your wall. It's pretty awesome. Of cottage frog dog ass.

It's going to make me look up whatever cottagecore is. I mean, this is the kind of thing disc plate does. You know, it opens up new worlds. Dude, I'm into Cottagecore. What is Cottagecore? I think it's just like when you're all about cottages. It's like Normcore, but for hobbits.

Like this kind of house. Oh, yeah, because you're building a hobbit. Yeah, dude, I love a little grassy home. You are Frodo. I like being in a, yeah. Dildo Baggins. Dildo Baggins. Dildo Baggins. You got hairy feetsies at the top of your footsies?

You can get the little king height doors, too. Dude. Oh, wow. And they have a circular top. And they vape, too. The Dumbledore guy vapes. He does vape. He's a vape long pipe, right?

Yeah, you could vape fat clouds. I went to Keene's Steakhouse last night. Oh, that's a famous one. Yeah, they all talk about that. It's been around since 1820. And they have the long pipes all on the ceiling. The pretty long smoking pipes from, I guess, that time. Wow.

It's awesome, dude. That is nice. It's beautiful. The bar is gorgeous. Yeah. I would love that. A little Asian girl was just listening to YouTube on fucking full blast the whole time. Right on.

Enjoy the ambiance. She was the most adorable fucking kid in the world. Oh, it was a girl. I thought you meant like a 22-year-old not enjoying the ambiance of Keens. They're so beautiful. Little baby Asian girls. Oh, yeah. Adorable, I mean.

Yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ. Display.com. So much worse to clarify. Yeah, yeah. No, I used to say like jokingly, I said, when I grow up, I want to be a little Asian girl. All right, let's stop this. That would be fun.

That is crazy. That's probably just squeezing into those shoes, right? Oh, my God. Well, she would wear tights with open toe sandals so that she, we could see it because I think her shit was that jacked up all over toe. She was my typing teacher. Is that a hammer toe? Can you get, I think a hammer toes like, like a bunion sort of more. Yeah. But I toes get hammered or is it just the big toe? I wish that they had been hammered flat on her foot. I think you do need to like break the toes back in line yeah she just

like i think she just like that like her body was dying before her like she was 100 when her toes were like that what's she gonna fix them for she's like i'm gonna start an only fans now fix my crotch the old wheel we had a music teacher that had like a like a hand like like that her hand was all and she would be she always wanted to play the guitar in front of, and it was just, it was kind of crunch in a way that was perfect for a guitar. She was like, nice.

I don't need a pick. It was disgusting. There were nuns that were sisters, sister Rosalie and Rosamond that were also like sisters. They were real life sisters and they were nuns and they taught chorus and they yelled at me um because I was in the musical schoolhouse rock and I showed my midriff and my costume and I was talking to a boy that was like older than me in the hallway and this nun like yelled at me into a wall like she backed me into a wall yelling me

she's like are you trying to act out your part in the play you little floozy i was like oh my god they were mean the midriff thing was a scandal i remember in high school middle school it was like that was like the first skin that like like my my guy friends were like i'm gonna have to take my boners down at the school play what yeah yeah what the fuck what a weird thing for a sixth grader to say no this was like speaking of dude what was that junior high what was that story that kid told us at the show in Raleigh last week oh my god we're just having a normal conversation with like locals and fans or whatever yeah you say well he came up to me and he's like i have to tell you this story and i was like what happened he was like when i was five i had a babysitter who was 12

and she made me fuck her no yes and i was like she brought a condom yes for a five year old yes for a five year old for a five year old and then he like he told his mom afterwards I don't remember

what he looks like he's a decent looking kid he told his mom I'm kidding what do you mean it makes a difference it does yeah

looks are everything yeah he said she was pretty cute especially when you're five, dude. You want to get a lolly? You better be hot. Oh my God. Thomas.

Want the old pants lolly? Yeah. Get over here hottie. He told his mom. He like freaked out afterwards. He told his mom. Snitch. And his mom kept letting her babysit him.

Psychotic. How about that? That bitch is nuts, dude. Premeditated toddler sex? Rape? The condom. The condom. That is the most upsetting part.

And she just wrote his little, like, non-working little dick, his microphone. She's like, what if his baby gets me pregnant with a baby? Yeah, I mean, she was clearly

What a sicko. A sick She was 12, though. I mean, that's Mentally ill and Something probably happened to her that led her to behave that way. yeah I mean she was clearly what a sicko a sick she was 12 though I mean mentally ill something probably happened to her that led her to behave that way there's no question

well this happened in North Carolina so now it's getting hot so you need to know nuke it it is kind of yeah if I was five if I'm thinking myself

as a five year old yeah that would have made me pretty excited. Really? Yeah. You guys, you were having adult thoughts at five? Oh, yeah.

I was not having adult thoughts at five. No. I mean, I didn't. No. I didn't start beating off till like seventh or eighth grade. Yeah. Because some dude told me, do you ever beat off before?

And I was like, yes. And then he told me he uses shampoo and I beat off a shampoo and then pissed fire for like three days oh god you got it up the hole yeah yeah but i got taught i think it was like sixth grade all right yeah it was but how old are you in sixth grade 10 13 12. no 13 is eighth grade yeah you're 12. you're 11 12 in 6th grade yeah that's probably when 5 having sexual thoughts is 5 is nuts dude yeah I mean

I didn't know like I obviously wasn't having like advanced fantasies when did you suck your friend's dick uh would have been

5 yeah he was worked up dude yeah yeah no I always I always had you were trying to get

the pipe everywhere raging hard dance oh you don't know this joke no yeah Yeah, he was worked up, dude. No, I always had raging heartaches. Oh, you don't know this joke? I always had raging... It's a bit I do on stage. That's why the kid came up to me and was like, I gotta talk to you. He related to you so much. Every theater you're gonna do in the future,

they're gonna... Someone that's molested is gonna want to talk to you and tell their story. You're a therapist. Wait, how old was your friend? Who's Dick you sucked? You guys were both five? We were both five, yeah. That's not molestation. That's just explorative. It's fucking gay.

It's molestation to his father for fucking. Boxing. Boxing. Him and his friend spend box every night for two hours. That is like the, the one I remember my, cause my mom caught us and was so mad. Yeah.

And I remember she was just like, do you got any questions or anything? Just talk to your dad. And I was like, talk to my dad about this. he's no fucking way what after we box you know like this guy there's no fucking way i did the like show me i'll show you a mine if you show me yours thing in kindergarten and i just like pull down my pants to another girl no boy yeah, a boy. A guy. Yeah. I know what girls have. What would be interesting?

Well, maybe she was worried about, you know, the way her fucking sandwich looked. Yeah. She's a kindergartner. You got loose labia yet? No. Kindergarten pussy's nice. Maybe she had iceberg hanging off the sides. It's going to be hairless.

Oh, my God. I went to private Catholic school. I don't think I've ever. First girl school in Afghanistan. No, but he didn't show me. Oh, that's a good trick. It's not a good trick. You have to do the count of three.

You lose once. You'll never do that again. Yeah, I will. It's a good lesson to learn. That 100%. you'll never do that again yeah i will that 100 yeah you gotta do a one two three go yeah i was so mad but eventually um there were these two black twins um there weren't a lot of black kids in our school timmy and todd and they showed me theirs and that was way better than little toby's yeah then you started doing double dutch for them i remember like being very curious about them and like touching their skin and like touching their hair like was very curious about them and like their skin would just give off this like moisture like like oil like i think they might have lotion on yeah they probably have like cocoa butter. It was a fun world.

It's just giving off this and the smell. They were tropical people. You guys all just get off the beach together? I've never once I never understood that just wanting to touch other people's like what is that he never had interest in hair i just wanted in my mouth well we were 69 and he was sucking my dick too i didn't do this i didn't do this you show me mine i'll show you your shit i did a one two three one two three go One, two, three, go. That's a two, five-year-old six-time.

Their feet don't even reach one cushion. Just hauling off of a tiny little packer, dude. I'm telling you, it upset my mom quite a bit. And that's how you don't get peanut allergies. Yeah. Oh my God. Just sucking the playground dirt off each other's packer, dude.

Did you feel shame after you's back. Did you feel shame after you were caught? Did you ever go back and do it again? Was it one time? The shame was bad. Your mom just took the cover off and saw you guys blowing each other. What the fuck?

It was crazy. She's like, my little boy can 69? Yeah. It was crazy. You need sexual wherewithal to go, wait little boy can 69? Yeah. Yeah, it was crazy. You need sexual wherewithal to go, wait, I can turn all the way around and you can do this to me too at the same time. Yeah. It's not a sexual awareness. It's just good

engineering. What a romantic. Hey babe, I'm about to sexually engineer this hookup. Holy shit. Alright, we won't plug? Yeah. I'm going to plug engineer this hookup. Holy shit. All right, we won't plug them? Yeah. I'm going to plug some dates real quick. Oh, yeah.

We're going to be in Cincinnati March 7th. Indianapolis March 8th. And then St. Louis March 9th. Going forward, Poughkeepsie March 18th. Buffalo March 23rd. Toronto March 24th and 25th. I'll be in Huntington, New York with Shane April 21, March 23rd, Toronto, March 24th and 25th. I'll be in Huntington, New York with Shane, April 21st, 23rd. Yeah?

Yeah. Sick. San Fran, 425, Tacoma, 426, and Portland, 427. We have to fix those dates, apparently. Yeah, yeah. The dates are right online, but the San Francisco show got fucked up, and we need to find another way to do that so well at least it's not

in the middle yeah you got anything to plug? yeah I'm at the Comedy Attic in Columbus Ohio March 25th and I'm at Hilarities in Cleveland Ohio March 26th and I'm at Laugh It Up Poughkeepsie April 26th that's what we should have said

is the fucking clubs cause if you go to stuffislandpod.com we have a link for the tickets and we'll show you what club we're at yeah that's the easiest way to do that yes when you want to clue up check out my podcast OnlyFans

it's on YouTube please subscribe to my YouTube channel I want 100,000 followers so I can get that plaque and I think then I'll kill so I can get that plaque. Yeah, that plaque looks like it's a lot of fun. I'll slit my wrist with it. Make soup with it. Yeah, fuck it, dude.

I'll boil myself. That is insane. Did they ever say what the motivation for that was? What? The soup lady? Oh, no. I mean, she probably knew too much or some shit. Maybe she stopped having his kids. She'd already had some. I mean, she started mouthing off probably.

The mom was in on it too. The mom was charged with perverting justice. So she was doing cover-up shit for the guys. Well, maybe she didn't do any of the hacking. She just probably tried the soup and was like, this is gross. I'll help you get rid of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is gross I'll help you get rid of it yeah yeah yeah

this is not how I taught you to make it tastes like not barren tastes like barren woman dude I'm so sorry cops are like let me let me have that soup and it's like no don't try it um yeah it's helium comedy club on March 8th and 9th and then laugh it up at kipsy there's we're missing one March 7th I'll post those dates tonight. Okay. They just sent me that link. Yeah, we'll put it on our Instagram or whatever. That's the first time we've ever plugged our dates.

It's Go Bananas in Cincinnati. We always forget. Yeah. No wonder it's such a shit show. Yeah. Just a bunch of pecker eaters and fucking drug addicts. How embarrassing. All right, Paige, you want to jump over to the page?

Yeah.