Stuff Island - Stuff Island #72 - Steaks on a plane w/ Ricky Velez

Episode Date: March 22, 2023

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I've been squirting. Yeah? Yeah. Got the runs? No. No, the prostate age, I think, is... I got to stand over the urinal for quite some time. Really?

Or it just goes... Damn, then I act like it's a washing hands thing. Dude, that and Alzheimer's are my two biggest fears. Do you feel embarrassed in public restrooms? Yeah. When people can hear you? Like moaning? No.

Just squeezing it out like it's fucking toothpaste. No, it's more of a visual thing on the pant, you know? And if I can get under a Dyson, you know, it'll dry off real quick. A lot of times I'll go into the shitter so I can pace myself. You know? I just like the privacy of the shitter. Me too.

I'll take it over a urinal any day. 100% urinal. Too exposed. Did you have older brothers? Yeah. When you just push each other into it 100% or like fucking and flush

do it at the same time I push and flush your whole fucked up shirt dude that was the worst when you were a kid when you were a kid and were wearing huge t-shirts dude I remember

I had a big dog t-shirt drop and get I soaked it also then just I absolutely soaked it, dude. This kid pissed himself in grade school and his only excuse was he was sucking on the tip of his t-shirt

and it was like fucking a full foot of piss. And he was like, I had it in my mouth. No, also like my brother's just jamming the door open like as a kid. So I was always like very hesitant. They were just going to, they'd open the door and like throw something at you. You know like very hesitant they were just gonna they'd open the door and like throw something at you you know there's no locks jesus christ that's like public

school stuff yeah yeah and your bike one of my boys used to wipe his ass and drop it over if somebody was shitting next door dude that's a crime that is a crime it slowly comes down like parachuting a bucket of reserves. I feel like that's good news if it's driving. It's dropping fast. You know it's full. Dude, the table. You guys do the tabletop?

Oh, yeah. Is it Park Bench, somebody? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You pants them and then somebody's on all fours behind them and you fucking toss them. I've never seen a pantsy before. That's doubling up. The little bird birds flipping around

that's the shit how you been Rick? you're always in the shadows baby you're in the shadows until I see you on big things I like that style I appreciate that congrats on the HBO special that was fun, thank you, I'm happy about it

are you rich now? dude, we'll never be rich. I always think about my kids going to school now. And he goes to private school and I'm always like, no matter what I do. Some of these parents would laugh at Kevin Hart's money. No matter what I do. And even if I had that, I would spend it so fast. You know, I'm poor again.

My fucking vape collection. I don't think we're ever going to be wealthy. No. I mean, comparatively to where you started. It's going to be day to day. Things are different. Things are different. Things are cool.

My kids in private school, that's sick. That's all you can ask for. Yeah, that's, yeah.'s all you can ask for. Just being able to buy food and take Ubers, I'm like, I'm fucking killing it, dude. Seamless whenever I want, driving me to a show. Fuck you, dude. Which is how it's like, yeah, every month you're just like,

come on, baby. Yeah, I was taking fucking $5 Bolt buses from Bethlehem, PA. What's your biggest boil? What do you do for yourself? Right now? Yeah. I just, I can spend every day. Like before I would have to like, I'd have to wait for one big deal to come in.

I'd pay rent. No, I understand that. So like what do you spend the most amount of money on the stupidest shit? Probably clothes and decorations and shit. Colognes. Decorations. Let's break down decorations real quick. Colognes. Decorations. Let's break down decorations real quick.

You know, plants. Being able to buy a leather couch for four grand. That feels fucking good. Or a lamp from the fucking... You guys got any coasters before I ruin this table? Do you guys worry about... I don't want to ruin something

now that I know how much you're thinking about this place.'t want to ruin something now that I appreciate that. How much you're thinking about this place. I would say it's got to be mostly closed. It's got to be mostly closed. For me? Yeah, I've been good. I used to get sneakers once a week. Now I've been taking it each.

Why? What's yours? Probably travel. Yeah. Yeah. To destinations with your wife. Yeah, just anywhere I'm not there yet I just like to do it correct

how often? once a month? no last year twice maybe but you go for a week? I just got back from LA I jumped out there for February this year that was sick

not being in this weather my writing partner is out there so I just got to from LA. I jumped out there for February this year. That was sick. Just to sit out there and not be in this weather. That's nice. My writing partner's out there, so I just got to team up with him and stay out there. Brought my kid with me and my wife. It was great. What do you get, an Airbnb or a hotel?

No, I actually got a house through, there's this weird list that you can join that it's like actors sending each other. Yeah, so I got put on it. Like switching houses. Yeah, or just renting out. So I had a fully furnished home. Damn.

It was cool. That's what correct means. I was up in the hills during all that rainstorm and shit. So we were all afraid of mudslides. I hate worrying about nature like that. Like, that's why I love New York.

Like, what's the worst that's going to happen? Yeah, yeah. It's a flood. You just take the elevator up. Yeah. We got to put it simple, man. It's real when it comes to weather.

My kid was also worried today about the snowstorm because there's one might be coming. Oh, that really? I was like, dude, like, it doesn't get like that. It doesn't matter. It doesn't seem cool. Yeah. I was watching tsunami videos two days ago and that's like, dude, like it doesn't get like that. It doesn't matter. It doesn't. Yeah.

Yeah. I was watching tsunami videos two days ago and that's fucking, that'll get you going. What are you doing in a tsunami? I mean, if you know enough, you got to watch the rats and then run uphill. You got to get the high ground. Dude, there's. Apparently rodents can, they can smell it or some shit. They know it's coming. Yeah.

All the birds. Yeah. The birds and the monkeys and stuff. They just start peacing out. They start booking, dude. You got to book behind the monks. Unlike humans who are like going towards it. Yeah. I totally would have been one of those people that would have walked like when it receded.

I would walk out there and be like, this is nuts. I know somebody that was in Hawaii when the alarm went off for the tsunami that never happened. Oh, shit. And they rented the whole top floor of a hotel. That was their, like... Oh, safety spot. Yeah.

Highest floor. See, I think about that all the time, but those floods can get so bad. Like, can't they wipe out some of those fucking buildings? I guess. But this kid had been in Katrina. Oh, really? Yeah.

So, you got to learn. That's pretty good. Yeah. Fool me once. My brother was in Katrina. Oh, really? Yeah. So, you gotta learn. Yeah. Fool me once. My brother was in Katrina. My brother was in Katrina. Really? Yeah, yeah. And he just drove his car to the airport and parked it in like a, like, just high up at the airport.

Just chilled there? Yeah. And so what? Well, then he, him and his buddies. So if everybody had that information, they would have been safe. Parking lot. that's a good one parking lot is good yeah I was like

how did you think of that he's like I don't know dad told me that's sick yeah my dad was like get to the airport I was like

how did he know they were parts what's the latest tsunami it was like 2012 or some shit 13 the real big one in Japan

there was like this there was like this... There was like a group of like Fukushima. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Thailand one was like 2006, right? The Honkatanga on January 15, 2022? No, not the Honkatanga.

This was Honky Tonky. This one was bigger than that. There was a group that went... You were rolling the dice going on vacation to places like that. That's my point. That's my point. I know. And he goes, there's just a crew that goes up. They don't even run up that high on a hill.

It's not like a fucking mountain. They just went to this area where there was like a village in between, and they just watched these houses get lifted out to the ocean. But they were just high enough that like when it's swooped in. Yeah, but there's a lot of those videos from Japan where they're up on a hill, and then it really starts filling up, and then they're just like, oh! They start having to sprint further up.

Because it gets so big so fast. I just watched one. There's a full documentary on Netflix right now about the same thing with a volcano. Oh, yeah. Bruh. Yeah. And they like interview,

I couldn't watch it because you see how bad it gets because they're interviewing the people that got too close to the volcano. Yeah. Is it an explosion of ash? And they're fucked up. Is it the ash coming out?

No, it's lava, dude. Wait, so it just shows people getting crushed by lava? Dude, the skin grafts, like bad, bad. What's it called? Well, it was like, it was like hot sulfuric acid or something like that. It? Well, it was like hot sulfuric acid

or something like that. It was like one of those tourist destinations I would fucking never ever go to. It was just like a roiling soup of hot gas. Yeah, that's usually what comes off first, right? That people would walk around.

Yeah, they went up and they were right on it and it just burst and they got fucked up. Oh, dude, it's bad. I couldn't walk in there. Yeah, yeah. There's probably fucking rich white women doing those facials and like the little palms.

No, I think it was like off a cruise, wasn't it? It was. No rich white woman. It was okay. Even better, dude. That's another thing I would never do, a fucking cruise. That's insane to me. They scare me.

Yeah, just being on a loaded boat with a bunch of fatties that are like, getting excited. Well, just also like what they did in COVID where they were just like, leave them at sea.

Dude, those months. Dude, they got stuck out there. Yeah. I would have swam for it. I think I would have jumped. Definitely, definitely. 30 days in, living on a cruise ship,

I'm not allowed to go back to America? Yeah, what's the lowest point on a cruise ship? What do you mean? Where the engines are? You have to jump from the deck, the top deck. Oh, I thought you meant like their ranks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's caged off inside.

Dude, well, you're captain number one, right? Yeah, even the carnival's got a fucking custodian. Somebody's got to do the toilets in that place. Who throws the sawdust on the pier? Watch that guy. A janitor. He dies first. Does he have a fancy naval name or is it just fucking...

Dude, taking a janitor position on an all-you-can-eat carnival cruise with these fucking monsters from Kentucky. Holy shit. That's got to be the worst job you can get. Yeah. There's nothing worse. Yeah. And then you got to go, you got Bob Island to Island, then you get off, you only have like 20 hours, 12 hours rather

and then you come back home and sleep. I've never done it. I've never done it. I will never. Never done a cruise. I used to work on like the West Side Highway and watch those people come in. And it was like, oh, that had to be a bad trip. Dude, that does not.

There's got to be no more angry group of people than people returning from a cruise. Yeah. Like how fucking ready are you to get off that cruise? Holy shit. I would do one that stayed in America. Fact. Yeah.

If it just went like, these people are going across the sea in this shit, dude. You mean if we just bop around? Let me see the land the whole time. Let's go to Fort Lauderdale, man. I'm trying to see the land the whole time. I did. It's just like the oil tankers you can see when you just chill on the beaches, like Rockaway. You're basically on the whole time. I did.

It's just like the oil tankers you can see when you just chill on the beaches, like Rockaway. You know, it's like right there. Is that how the distance you're talking? I don't know, man. I love being on a boat. I do not like being far from land. That might be the move in a tsunami.

Get on a boat and get out there. No, you got to beat the... You just take it. There's some of those videos where it's just like it's like a it's like a fishing boat the guy's like trying to race out of the harbor to get oh my bump yeah okay you just you you come in from your fishing trip and your whole town is wiped out what are you doing first i'm looting dude i am am thanking Allah if my life sucked.

You get taken care of. You're a hero, you know. You save some dogs. You start over. You go somewhere else. It's nice. You think so? Yeah.

I say I don't go somewhere else. I live it out there. Yeah. You hop it out there? But looking for canned food? In the mud? The fuck you gonna do? Yeah, I think it's time to move.

The LA Fitness is closed, dude. You're fucked. I had bronchitis last week, so I apologize all the coughing. Went a little too hard in the shitty cities

of Cincy, Indy, and St. Louis. Shout out, Indy and- Oh, yeah. Cincy and Indianapolis, St. Louis

were all great shows. You guys were rolling out there together? Yeah. Awesome. Yeah, it was fun. Very cool. It was a fun time. A lot of hard running lately.

Not getting enough rest for the baby. We were awfully close to that gas explosion, right? That chemical thing. Wow. I was just talking to him about that. That can't be. It's like the second in three weeks or some shit, right? Yeah.

Well, it just also makes me be like, yo, it's just poor people versus rich people because these are all white people. Yeah. Yeah. They're not paying any attention to it because they're poor and it doesn't affect. Also, all the farms. They burn all the fucking farms.

Like a year ago, remember that? There would just be another farm fire. No. And they were saying, raising the cost of like eggs and produce and all the fucking poor people are going nuts. Like, I can't, how am I going to feed my family? And they were like raising the cost of like eggs and produce and all the fucking poor people are going nuts like I can't how am I going to feed my family and they were like you know

this like yeah well that's what the government you know conspiracy theories are from fucking maniacs on podcasts they called it and now they're saying all the banks are going to close people are lying at banks the train tracks are real bad I heard the train tracks are real bad, I heard.

The train tracks are bad. They haven't replaced those in years. Yeah, they're setting us up. They're setting us up. Dude, I think the tunnel is... I didn't know we were relying on the train tracks this much still. Oh, yeah, dude. Grow up, America.

What are you doing? Buy the iPhone already. Like, what are you doing? Come on. They showed the actual tracks that one of the trains derailed on with chemicals and it was like, dude, all over the place. Really? Different undulations going wild. It looked like that.

Unkempt for fucking decades. It looked like the cyclone. This is all like breaking wood. Dude, remember that guy that was an Amtrak guy who crashed a train outside of Philly? He was going like 100 miles an hour. Yeah, he was fucked up, though. He got charged with murder.

Did he? Yeah. I have a friend that has a girlfriend that he's been with for way too long. And she got a huge lawsuit out of that. She was on it. Yeah. She was on it.

Wow. That was going up to Connecticut, right? I think it was coming back. It's one of the two. Yeah, yeah. It was Connecticut. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I got to stop staying in the quiet car in the front,

just for reasons like that. Actually, the quiet car's in the back. Yeah, I think the quiet car is in the back. It's the last one in the back, right? Yeah. Besides the back engine thing? I don't know. What's the safest?

Because I think the back ones. Like I said, I like to spend my money on travel. Not on too many trains. Dude, my flight home from where were you last? St. Louis? It was unbelievable. I got to upgrade it to Comfort Plus. I got to sit next to this pilot.

Your boner would have been through the fucking skylight. Yeah, what's he doing now? He pilots C-130s for the military. It's like the drop. Wait, where does this happen? On the plane? He's telling you about this? Yeah, he's a pilot for Delta, but he's also a military guy.

You can part-time it like that? Yeah, he's in the reserves. He's actually active right now. Yeah. It was hot. No, I can't. Just because he was telling me some really cool shit. What was he telling you?

What was he telling you? Just like how the industry works. Cause I was like, look, is it true? You guys get drunk comedy industry. It was pretty close. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just that. Yeah. I was like, are you getting drunk and knocking around all these stewardesses in every city? Cause they seem like little air pigs, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. Jeez. And that was question number one for you. 100%. You're bopping around some of these fat-ass ladies. I'd be asking about the wings. You're like, dude, who are you fucking on the road to?

Yeah, yeah. You'd be the aviation porn. I'm going OG porn. And then there was like 30 minutes left. I went in the bathroom, and the sensor went off on my vape, dude, the alarm. Stop. I swear to God. No way.

What happens when that happens? The alarm went off. It was like, what? What? It was loud as fuck. In the room? In the fucking bathroom. So I'm like, oh, but it's scaring me to get my vape away.

And then I opened the door right away, and the alarm went off, and there she was, just staring right at me, waiting to smell something. And I was like, I don't know. I don't know what happened. I didn't think that sensor picked up vapes. You don't know what? You're smoking in an airport bathroom. Yeah.

Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, airline. An airline bathroom. I was on the plane. Also, I smoke in my seat sometimes. Bro, they would ban you. I do it all the time in my seat.

I thought it was only for regular cigarettes. There's a comic that made a fake video of cooking a steak in the Delta bathroom. He did it during COVID. He made like a fake video and they've banned him completely. He's not allowed to fly Delta anywhere for life. No way. Yeah. Delta is the best, dude.

Delta is the best. I'll never make that mistake again. Yeah, cooking a steak thing. He cooked a, he faked cooked the steak like a george foreman no like he had like tinfoil and acted like he like had a lighter underneath like a like a gel type in comedian cook steak on what's his name um he's a marcus uh he's the kid that juggles he's funny as shit yeah but. But he trolls like everybody, dude.

It's crazy. And he trolled Delta and they banned him lifetime. Damn. Dude, the Delta Sky Lounge is, it's one of the perks of life. It's diamond, man.

I love it. It's a great place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it so much. There's a shower in the one in Chicago. It's beautiful.

The LaGuardia one's the best one out right now. LaGuardia's great. It's the best one out right now. I don't know, dude. Chicago right now has been redone. I saw that. I was there for opening day.

It is. I was there for opening day. We were there week two. Dude, they have bathroom guys, like, outside directing you to which ones are open. And they were also doing, like, hot dogs the day I was there and all types of shit. That's nice. Chicago dog. Yeah.

Chicago dog night. Dude, there's showers in there. There's rooms you can shower in. That's it. He flames up the toilet and puts tinfoil on the seat. How do you get a fake airplane bathroom? That's an airplane, not airport. No, the airplane bathroom, dude.

That's on the flight. Yeah. He's got a nice steak. He puts a fire on the toilet. Well, how did he, if it's fake, how did he find a fake airport bathroom? Airplane bathroom. He said he faked it somehow. He tells you how he does it.

It's very funny. And he explained it to Delta and they're like, yeah, you're still banned for life. Maybe he rented it. Because you can rent. You just make fake flames or something and just put it in the video. Oh, it's a green screen, you think? No, no. I think he probably was actually sitting on the toilet with a steak

and filmed it and then afterwards put together. So you're saying he was actually on an airplane. He's saying he wasn't. No, he was. He did this during COVID on an airplane when no one was on airplanes. This is when he started doing these films or whatever. So he just films himself.

You're saying he faked the flame and they fired him. Oh, you know what he used? He used the candle that you can just turn on. You know those little tea light candles that you can turn on? He put that into the bottom of it and had a rare steak and a cooked one and just put it out.

Wow, that's impressive. How did he get the steak on the plane? What do you mean? No. How did he get a steak on the plane. What do you mean? You can break the steak on the plane. No. No. Dude, how did he get

the steak on the plane? A steak, a motherfucking steak. I wish I saw snakes on a plane and joined you in this pond, guys. What the fuck?

Well, good for him, I guess. Any Lifetime bands here? No. good for him, I guess. Any lifetime bans here? No. No, but I did learn my lesson. That was scary. I was frightened. I got caught vaping on a plane once

and then I just kept vaping. Wait, the flight attendant came over and said... She was like, I'm supposed to give you one warning, but I know you're not like an idiot. Don't do that anymore. What? Vaping.

Yeah, yeah. No, they give you a fine. It's like a federal crime. Yeah, it's like 500 bucks. It's something nuts. I had a wait, a stewardess of the sky. Airplane waitress.

Air hugs. Call me out for my bag smell. of the sky. Airplane waitress. Air hogs. Called me out for my bag smelling like weed. That was funny. She was like, I can smell your little weed. I was like, okay. Little, huh? This is my cologne. Chris flew with like a huge bag of mushrooms

accidentally for like two months. For longer than that. They don't fuck with you anymore. For like six months, yeah. I had like a big bag of mushrooms in my like two months. For longer than that. They don't fuck with you anymore. For like six months, yeah. I had like a big bag of mushrooms in my backpack that I just forgot about. And I was flying every weekend. And just one day I was like, oh shit,

I've been smuggling drugs for six months. Did you ever forget that you had some serious drug on you? I, when we first met, dude, I used to lay carpet and do comedy. During that time, I had carpet blades. When they would go bad in my knife, I would flip them out and just throw them into my wallet because I didn't like to throw them around on the carpets

because what we laid was nice. And no joke, I flew with a pack of blades that were dull, but they were still blades. A few times. They never call you? No, never stopped me.

I noticed it when I got back to New York. Dude, they still take my blade out of my ass. Can they get you for intent to distribute? You got a whole pack of blades? I'm over here. I'm like, I can talk a lot of people into this. I'm very confident in my social skills on this plane.

They take out my straight razor. I'd stop flying with it because the one insert blade from. Oh yeah. It's called a safety razor. They stop you for that every time. Yeah. They're like,

take it out. One fucking blade. It's in a safety razor. What's it called? It's great. I love the, I like the walking through. No,

keep your shoes on. Do the rest of it. Yeah. That's sick. Yeah. That's sick. It is sick. I keep meaning to do it and don't,

I always forget. And you can do it at Staples. Yeah, I know. I know. I've made appointments. I don't. I always forget. You can do it at Staples. Yeah, I know. I know. I've made appointments. I've made three or four appointments. There's a woman at Staples that decides whether you can fly. I know, dude.

Every time I'm at the airport, I'm like, this is a sham, dude. This fucking. I always think they should have a credit score on your airline travel. It's like I've never been. I've never gotten in trouble for anything. I would imagine that exists. Yeah, but it's like then I should just like look've never been, I've never gotten in trouble for anything. I would imagine that exists. Yeah, but it's like, then I should just,

look at how many times I've flown. I've never blown up a plane. Delta's doing facial recognition for your ticket now. Really? Yeah. It's sort of JFK. You can just do facial recognition. They're letting you board earlier if you did it. Yeah, that is weird. They're scanning your passport connected

to your ticket. I don't know. I didn't do it. Let me tell you something. If they use my passport, I ain't getting through. I look like a serving gangster from the fucking 80s. My face is all fat and shit. I did it at Duane Reade and they didn't have the lighting working. Some Indian girl's like

standing there. She's like, our passport area is not working right now. And I was like, that's okay. I don't care. She's like, I was like, where do you want me to stand? She's like, right here. And it was in front of the giant snake line where everybody just has to watch me get my picture taken.

No lighting. So it's like, it's a brutal picture. She showed it to me and I wanted to say do it again, but I was so embarrassed because I feel like a fucking teenager doing multiple selfies on a beach. I was like, give it to me. I wanted to say do it again but I was so embarrassed because I feel like a fucking teenager doing multiple selfies on a beach I was like give it to me I'll use it now I apologize every time I fly I'm like I'm sorry about this it's a different time in my life

yeah I do the clear but the ticket thing bothers me is clear worth it? yeah absolutely comes in handy every once in a while but it is always weird knowing that they have It's clear where it's at. Shane doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Comes in handy every once in a while. But it is always weird knowing that they have your eyes.

Well, all that stuff bugs me out. Yeah, yeah. They have your eyes. They know your fingerprints. So what? The spitting in a tube thing and finding out what you are, they bank all that. Oh, of course.

That's why I haven't done it yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just said so what, but now I don't want my fucking DNA known. That's for insurance companies and shit. That's the biggest fear. If you want to know if you're part German or some bullshit, they sell that to insurance

companies to determine in your lineage if you're more accustomed to cancer. Whereas they don't know that information as much or as in-depth. So then they can double your insurance rates. I think I read a private equity fund owns it. I guarantee it. Yeah, it makes sense.

I always thought that Megabus was stealing my information. I love this theory. Yeah, dude. Dude, anytime I was on Megabus, because, you know, they got the whole... That's how they keep those ticket prices so low, dude. They're selling your information. I swear to God.

There was one time where I plugged... Because, you know, they don't have an outlet. They have just the USB port to charge your phone. Oh, I thought this about Ubers for a long time. Yeah, and I like fucking... I remember one time I plugged it... Because you plug your phone and it just charges

like if you plugged it into a computer. But I plugged like a Kindle into it once and the Kindle was like, you're connected to a computer. And I was like, I better go ask you, Roy.

What's going on with you? Either this Megabus is the worst transformer of all time. Dude, my Kindle was trying to tip me. Watch out, man. I saw through the matrix

for that moment. Yeah, they're not going to get me. Oh, we're got. Oh, yeah, totally. That's my biggest fear is just like, anytime I look at Amazon, I'm thinking about all the prices they're not showing me

because they know I won't look for a better deal. Somebody's selling my shit because I get, my spam emails these days are fucking nuts. Yeah. I never used to have any problems.

Yeah. I don't know if it's just your level of income going up. They know that. So you just keep getting all these ridiculous offers. It's nothing I want to snag. You know what I mean?

But it's all, it's nuts every day. I got five new fucking spam. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot. Decorations.com. Dude, Yankee Candle's on every day. I got five new fucking spaces. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot. Decorations.com. Dude, Yankee Candles on my ass. Shout out to, what's his face?

Yankee Candle. That would have been sick. Uncle Ron's Candles. He sent us a nice pack. I forgot to share the pic. Candle sponsor? Yeah, dude. That's sick.

Nah, it's just a boy from Philly. He makes his own candles. Philly's awesome. I'm sorry about the Super Yeah, dude. That's sick. No, it's just a boy from Philly. He makes his own candles. Philly's awesome. I'm sorry about the Super Bowl, man. Yeah, that was a bummer. I kind of wanted

you guys to have that. I think everybody did for the most part. Hadn't seen much good come out of there in a bit, you know, other than those pictures. Everything was like heroin.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, fucking North Philly? Yeah, yeah. It is it is crazy dude my brother went to Nova so I used to be out there oh nice what years were that when Nardi was on the basketball team

damn that's sick it was a fun time big squad that coach was awesome too 07 yeah right around there my brother graduated college in 08 Big squad. Yeah, yeah, cool squad. Damn, what's that? That coach was awesome too. 07? Yeah, right around there. My brother graduated college in 08.

Yeah. Damn, Lardy was sick. Yeah, he was awesome. That whole team was so good. That's when they started like, I think that was the first generation of them being really good outside of the 80s. They were making like really good. Yeah, and even now, the last like five years,

they're like always top five, top 10. That was the only time I ever got to do college shit was when I went to go visit my brother. And being in that student section was wild. Yeah, dude. That was cool, man. I've never experienced anything like that in my life. Yeah, we used to go to the Palestra to watch basketball in high school.

Yeah, that was sick. We used to watch Nova where the Sixers played. Yeah. That's how good they were doing. Yeah, they started getting... But the Palestra was nice. It's just a little box. It's small. Yeah, That's how good they were doing. Yeah, they started getting, but the Polestra was nice. It's like just a little box. It's small.

Yeah, yeah, and it's fun. And they would have that like big five tournament. Yeah. Yeah, it was sick. St. Joe's was sick when I was in college. Oh, yeah. St. Joe's was real good. Yeah, that guy,

that dude who like is homeless now was on that team. Yeah. Fuck. I almost said Jameer Akwai. Do videos of that dude. Jameer Nelson was one of them. Jameer Akwai. Do videos of that dude. Jameer Nelson was one of them. Jameer's one of them.

That's why I said it. But the other one was something Edwards? No. Delonte West. Delonte West. Did you see videos of Delonte West? Bro, we can tell you a really crazy story about Delonte West. Let's go.

You were lost? So we're down in D.C. I'm doing the D.C. Improv. I like using your voice, just flicking your eyes. That's how you know it's not Burke in the room. So I'm doing D.C. Improv. I love that club. It's so fun. We're down there

doing shows, having a great weekend. Last show of the weekend, Sunday night. Done. We're going to stay an extra night. We're staying in a nice hotel. Awesome. I'm on my walk back, and I run into Delonte West on a bicycle. Oh, shit.

He's already in decline. Oh, this is months ago, bro. Oh, no. This is the second time around. This is months ago. What month was this? July. And I'm just like, and dude, it's, I think I really noticed him because I've never seen

a homeless person that tall. Yeah. Yeah. Think about that. You don't see a lot of tall homeless people. That's true. You don't. And then.

Short and stout. It's for survival. Yeah. Yeah. and then and he's just like whipping around on a bicycle and like it like threw me into such a mind my like my head was fucked up from it like I

fucked my whole weekend because I was like I was on cloud nine walking out and then just being like what the fuck yeah how do you go from that to that I am so close to being back if that guy can fall off oh dude if that guy can fall off like that dust you lose yes two leather couches

i know dude that's why i can't watch those shows. I can't watch that fucking intervention. That's how good those drugs are. I know. I know. And he had the support group and people on his ass checking in on him. And he was just like, I choose. When he just got caught on the side of the road with guns. Yeah.

On a motorcycle. He just got caught on the side of the road waving down a cop. When they checked his motorcycle, it had guns in it. Dude, that sucks. Get a good friend. I know, but he had a plan. That's what sucks. He was like, if I can just move these guns, then I can get the ball rolling.

Supposedly what happened was his mom came over the house and was pissed that his friends were playing with the guns. And he was sleeping on some sleeping pill. So he woke up. His mom's yelling at him he grabs all the guns throws it in a motorcycle and takes off down the highway to drop them off at another house he realizes he's too fucked up pulls over the side of the road waves down a cop jesus christ you think lebron started giving a mess after uh the first time around i don't he's fucking his mom that that true? that's not fact it's not

yeah what a wonderful story it is a great story it had the world going bananas I was getting fucking that's supposedly that's supposedly what they said apparently it's a myth

but where wasn't he in Houston before? I feel like you bang LeBron's mom you died you know you've got no you're not no crackhead in D.C. Enjoying a Sunday

too hard? Bumming me out? Dude, on a mongoose too. Four pegs. Oh! That's big money, dude. That is a rich kid. And he was coming out of a gas station and it was just broke my heart.

It hurt me. He stole that mongoose. You don't design it just broke my heart. It hurt me. He stole that mongoose. Yes. You don't design it on mongoose.com. You're homeless, dude. You can't get four bags online. Damn, but he was in Houston before, right? How did he wind up in DC?

Well, what was funny was when I saw it. Mongooses are good. They're quality. This is like when you, like you guys have a fact checker. He's my fact checker. So I went to him. I go, dude, jump on Instagram and see where Delonte West was seen last.

And it was 15 minutes away from where we were. They got a Delonte West tracker. It was a little kid. No, dude, go on Instagram and press recently and type his name, put a hashtag on Delonte West. And it was a little black kid interviewing him like a town over. And I was like, dude, this is Delonte West

we're staring at right now. It was crazy. That's fucking wild. I would have got a pig. That would scare the shit out of me. No, you can't ask for a pig there. No, just for me, I wouldn't put it up. You know what I mean?

Send it to my family, say, look what I've done. Look what I've accomplished. Not just SBU, I've had Delonte West pick. He's sad because I feel like a lot of people have reached out to try to help him and it's just like, you know. Didn't he get back on his feet there for a second? Cuban, I think, helped him out for a minute.

Dude, he was back in the gym, like, working out and stuff and shooting well. There's a clip of him, like, working out in the gym and it's like, oh shit, this guy's going to try and make a comeback. Well, dude, if he can ride a mongoose with a pile of guns on his back, he's close. He's not out of shape.

All sleeping pills. He's on the highway on a mongoose. That's a town over. He made it over from a town over. That's being in freezing waters for Navy SEALs. Yeah, that should be like in the montage in Creed 2. But that'll push you.

I mean, the drugs he's on will get you there. That's just a little journey, man. That's nothing. He started with no bike. Houston. Yeah, right. Dude, that's the last of us. You want to get any dates in here before we...

We got time, but I want to see if you got any dates or anything you want to see. I'm doing the Patrice O'Neill benefit. Oh, man, Shane's fucking awesome. Yeah, Shane is on it. And other than that, I'm just... I'm writing right now. So I've been kind of like just staying home, doing spots if I'm moving enough. But like really just writing.

Writing stand- up or writing movies I got a deal over doing a feature so I'm really really excited and I've been knocking that out with my friends and it's been a lot of fun to write and is it your own creation or is it their idea? no it's our

a movie let's go you know how close we are right? we're trying dude we're definitely doing something. It's been a lot of fun. Have you thrown any ideas in chat GPT? Who's that? Chat GPT. Is that AI?

I don't mess with any of that, man. He loves it. It is fun. You can give it an idea and tell it to write a script in a certain style and it'll just rip out a couple pages. It's bizarre. Oh, they were like making fun of it?

Really? Did they complete it with cartoons? I mean, it gives you back like shitty ideas, but it is really interesting. It's just all word association and how do they determine where the fuck it's going to go? Like I just don't even know how they get off telling a story. That's crazy.

Yeah, it's just drawing from all of the internet. So it pulls from scripts that those writers, if you put in Charlie Kaufman or Spielberg, it'll write in that style, Christopher Nolan or whatever. It pulls from that and then you can have a conversation with it. So like, it'll write a script that's like three or four pages long. And then you'll be like, add this part. And it'll like add that.

And you'll be like, now I have this person do this, like, you know, add this character. And it'll like, just keep stacking it. It's really. I'm ready to move to the woods. I'm so excited. Like I live in New York city. Like I live in the woods. I just stay inside all the time. And I'm just like, to the woods I'm so excited I live in New York City like I live in the woods

I just stay inside all the time and I'm just like I can't wait until I actually move to the woods do you just spend all day writing or do you guys have like fucking meetings so my writing partner is in LA so we do it over the phone we start at noon here

9am there and then we just go through the day and I finish up my day sometimes we'll do night sessions and i start setting up writing like i used to do stand-up you know like i like having a drink or two and then jumping into writing and like having a few of my friends over and letting them hear like the noise i'm coming up with like yeah it's kind of fun like to run a room in that way so yeah so it's been a lot of fun to try to transition into something else.

Hell yeah. While doing this. That is very fun. Yeah. Do you have someone just beat, are you like beating it out? Like are you like writing scenes? Yeah. Or are you just like, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When we were on King of Staten Island, Judd bought me a final draft. And I've been writing since. Yeah. I can't get over the hump I come up with an idea for a scene I try to write like

a couple pieces of dialogue and I'm just like this is a terrible dialogue and I just sit there and I'm like what do people say I bet you it's not dude the fuck do people say

I bet you it's not you just have to write in the character's voice so like if it's me and you it'll be easier that's obviously like when McKeever and I

were doing Delco we had all of our friends as characters so then you'd write in their personality you already know what they're going to say I kind of agree with that we really write with people already in mind of who's going to play who what the dream cast is

and also what their strengths are how do they their actions, their natural actions. Are they lazy? Are they fucking energetic? And then, you know, how much of a wise ass they are. It's easy. And once you have, easier once you have like a portrayal of like multiple characters that you've written for.

I would say figure out one and three and two will figure itself out. Yeah. Yeah. It's been a nice way for me to learn how to write. Find one and three, two will figure itself out. Yeah, yeah. It's been a nice way for me to learn how to write. Find one and three, two will figure itself out. It'll be a lot of work, but always beat it out in a, like beat it out first. Yes, yeah, yeah.

There's no point of not knowing where you're going. I started like three years ago on this idea I had eight years ago, and I finally got to writing it right before quarantine. And I spent two years beating this thing and writing it out I've got to like 60 pages it's an hour drama I'm very excited about it the world is huge but I have to like narrow down the pilot to like showcase what the potential is and I'm just now getting back to it and I'm like I can't can't. Pilots kind of suck. Dude, it's so hard. You have to explain so much.

It feels like you're telling so much. Like pilots are not my favorite episode ever on any show I've ever watched. And you never sat there being like that pilot though. I know. I know. I know. The good ones are so few and far between. And I feel like most shows you're like, I'll just skip to season two.

Especially if it's a comedy. That's when it feels like they figured it out. Having a group of friends is nice to do that stuff with. It's by myself. Our writer knows us. He's very funny. We're just going for funny, which is a lot of fun. That's fucking sick.

You're already on the pay cycle which is a lot of fun. Yeah. That's fucking sick. That rules. And they pay you, they're already on the, you're already on the pay cycle. So you, you just, yeah, I'm cool, man. Yeah.

No, it's been nice. It's been a trip, bro. Yeah. It's interesting. Yeah. Hell yeah.

We got to get you writing, dude. Yeah. I've got, I've got a couple ideas. Let's do a buddy cop, you and I. Buddy cop movie?

I get a lot of messages saying we should be in something. And we just sit here all day long yelling at each other which is like a good pilot just naturally fucking creating something but I feel like if we wrote honest versions of both our characters we'd both be like that's not me

that's not fucking who I am what the fuck everybody's hurt no it's also you just say a situation like everybody keeps throwing in i can't read i'm like i'm writing this motherfuckers what are you saying what do you mean i can't read just because i can't read aloud in front of everybody in front of a group of people yeah it's a very personal experience reading enough, we have AI now. Chat GBT, read that.

Hey Siri, read that for me. Read it how I would read it. Yeah, but I think it's something like, especially standups, like if, the progression of

what you're doing right now is like always what I want to do is like start standup, get in the writing, get in a little bit of acting for comedic purposes and I want to do is like start and stand up, get in the writing, get in a little bit of acting for comedic purposes. And I want to be a dramatic actor, a lot of things too. So like,

I want a group of writers that are differing ventures, you know? I just did my like first acting thing that wasn't funny. And it was, it was interesting. Yeah. It wasn't specifically dramatic or was it supposed to be funny? For my role,

it was not. There were people around me were funny. I was definitely supposed to be funny for my role it was not the people around me were funny I was definitely a tool for them it was just interesting because like some points I had to like

be like yo I hate this dude yeah he has no backbone bro I would fight this kid but it was a great experience and I got to work with

like every episode was a new director yeah that rules so I got to work with like every episode was a new director. Yeah, that rules. So I got to work with like six different directors. Is this that new cop show? No, no, no, no, no. That feels like speed learning or something like that.

It was. Yeah, yeah. Because it was interesting because some directors would want to like read the script through with you and the rest of this. And some of them were just like, go ahead, do your thing. Yeah. So like it was very interesting to work with that many directors in that short amount of time.

That feels very fun. Do you feel like dramatic acting is easier than comedy acting? I just think for comedians it is. We're usually dark people. We understand emotion a lot. We understand emotion a lot. I think it's easier for comedians.

I think that's why everybody's always like, oh, those comedians are amazing. It's like, no, he knows how to do that. Yeah, of course. And they also know, just a lot of them know how to do dramatic acting. It's like, they make that change. Yeah, there's like the thing where it's like, yeah,

comedy is like overcoming the sadness to get to the comedy. I think that's like, once you just go right to the sadness, it's like, boy, this is easy. Yeah, I'm that guy most of my life. You see me being funny for a half hour or an hour. Just like Sandler in Uncut Gems, dude. It was like, it, this is easy. Yeah, I'm that guy most of my life. You see me being funny for a half hour or an hour. Just like Sandler

in Uncut Gems, dude. Sandler's dramatic roles are fucking unbelievable. Forever. Yeah, I even like Spanglish. Know what I loved, and I didn't think it got enough love? Did you watch that Kevin Hart dramatic series? No.

I don't even know what it is. It seems like it's going to be a show about his life and him like cheating and then at the end of the first episode kevin hart commits murder and it is the best fucking series i've ever watched it's like my favorite thing kevin hart has ever done holy shit what's it called ah damn it i cannot remember remember. It was on Netflix. It's so good, dude. Wesley Snipes is in it. Really?

Wesley Snipes plays his brother and he's a fucking dirtbag in it. It's amazing. I'm in now. True Story? Yes, it's called True Story. And it seems like Kevin's going to do his version of him fucking around. That's how they kind of teased it. Oh, like the trailer was like goofy? Yeah.

It seems like you were just going to watch Kevin like explain what he's been through. And I was like, is this guy really fucking going off on this again? Dude. And like, then I watched it. I was like, this is the sickest fucking show. I had mad people watching it that like,

don't even fuck with comedy. It was that good. That's the key you gotta before you get oversaturated in one genre you gotta bump around you know dude that shit drives me fucking i'm trying to think kevin's moving bodies around in tour tour boxes nice it's like it's wild is he consistent murderer he just murders one dude i don't want to give too much away, dude. I think you should just watch it.

All right, I'll watch it. I just blew, I got nothing to watch anymore. I just blew through that like survival, the new survival show on. What, Alone? No, it's a newer one where it's a competition between teams and then they have to like battle each other. I blew through that fucking thing in one day.

Yeah. Big fan of survival shit. Alone, I'm already done every season. I like nature. I don't like it in person, but I do like watching it. I love alligators, man. Alligators crack me up. And alligators

bring Florida people, and those people are awesome. You see that one alligator just ate that old lady in fucking Florida? No. Yeah, it was like an 83-year-old woman with her dog on the side of like a pond. Yeah. And she got smoked by an animal. She was swimming?

That seems good to me. No, she was just walking her dog. Too close to the pond. Too close to the pond. Damn, sorry to hear about that. Got taken and ripped up. That seems good. I feel like we should be more okay.

Inner coast or outer coast? I don't know, but they were just saying like in any body of water in Florida, you have to expect it's filled with at least a gator. I feel like we should be more okay with people getting eaten by animals, you know? I'm fine with it. It's just like if you live in an area with like grizzly bears and mountain lions and shit

and they get you. I don't agree with allowing a mountain lion just to live in a community. And that's like a thing in places. No, of course. Like in California, people like live amongst a mountain lion just to live in a community and that's like a thing in California people like live amongst a mountain lion and they tweet about them

and it's like yo that thing needs to go it's gonna hurt somebody I always say that because I don't live there so it's like I want to see it Bengal tigers stay snacking on Indian dudes no they don't that's cap there's no way there's no way No, they don't. That's cat. There's no way.

I swear to God, dude. No way. When you look at the dogs, Bengal tigers are full. Their bellies are full of Indians, dude. There's so many of them. They don't have to hunt animals. I've seen that motorcycle clip, which is always awesome. The guy that, and the Bengal tiger just comes out.

It just misses the swipe? Oh, no, he runs after him and misses him. Yeah. I heard they kill you fast, though. Oh, dude. Bengal tigers kill you fast. Wolves eat you alive. Yeah.

Bengals will just bite the back of your neck like all the big cats, but they're huge, dude. It's like a wolf is supposed to fall. Would you forgive Joe Biden for everything if he let out Joe Exotic at the end of his speech? Holy shit, that dude's still locked up? Yeah. What's he charged with? I don't know, but we should start writing

him, man. I want to hear what he's up to. Let him out. What is his charge that keeps him? Oh, there's a planned murder. Didn't he try to kill Carol Baskin? Didn't they find Carol Baskin's husband in a different island?

Tiger poop? Yeah. The guy she was accused of killing? They ended up finding him. They found him. What? That's... Hold on. I see a lot of fucking unread shit on here. Yeah, I don't think that's... There would have been a little bit more news about that. I stand by my Bengal tiger Indian.

400,000 people have died in the last 200 years from tiger attacks. 400,000. I bet you 300 last 200 years from tiger attacks. 400,000. I bet you 300 are Indian. Bengals, though. Were you saying Bengal tigers? I mean, I'm trying. Dude, get your motor going. 400,000 people have died in 200 years.

In 200 years. That's a fuck ton. That is a lot. That's a lot of... Yeah. Well, 200 years ago, we didn't have houses and shit. We used to just roam in the woods. I mean, yeah.

I don't know where those statistics are coming from. Didn't they do? Yeah. Just Google ad results. The guy thumbed up his own fucking bangles. Well, these dead Indians eaten by bangles is brought to you by Groove Life.

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Man, I'm getting good. I don't know what you're thinking. I don't know what you're thinking. I don't know what you're thinking. I am getting good. You have the voice of the cop that tells the people in Philly not to riot over the speaker. Dude, I just landed an animated series. Get home.

Come on. Yeah, from like the 70s. Come on, come on. Keep it moving. Keep it moving. My favorite thing ever was I was at a Flyers playoff game

and they like, their owner had just died so they were like honoring him and it was the first time they were using those. Have you ever been to a place where they use those light up bracelets

to make like a light show in the whole stadium? Yeah, the Bad Bunny concert. Yeah, and like, it was the first time they'd ever used that. And it was in Philly. How old was your kid? Are you going to Bad Bunny concerts? Dude, I flew to D.C. to see Bad Bunny. Nothing to work.

No work. Dude. Is that how Delonte West got there? It was like a month later. He was late. He was on a bike. He couldn't leave. I was looking for him again. You know I was looking for him.

It's a good concert though. I went and saw Bad Bunny. Dude, the best concert I've ever seen in my entire life. Isn't he the highest grossing musician? Yes. It's crazy. Yeah. Live shows.

He's unreal. Hundreds of millions a year, right? He hasn't been this big this long. He's not been famous long at all. It's crazy. Yeah, Chris, what were you saying? Like Cho? No, no, I'm more interested in the Bad Bunny thing,

to be honest. What do they do with the show? I've never seen more people fucked up at a concert in my life. I've never seen more people passed out before the show even starts. Really? Yeah, because everybody's there to get the merch.

Everybody's there early. We pulled up late, right, when he was about to get on got got to our seats and what's the crowd like he's like a hookah crowd no dude it's like you know it's people that like spend every last dime they have and hold on to every single word he says it's crazy you've never seen energy like it in your life i don't know dude cincinnati go bananas was pretty hot those two cities fucking rule they showed up for us dude halfway through his show he gets I don't know, dude. Cincinnati, Go Bananas was pretty hot. So was St. Louis. Those two cities fucking ruled. They showed up for us.

Dude, halfway through his show, he gets tired. He just starts rapping from a beach chair. Dude, he's fucking lit. That's the most lit thing

He refuses to speak a lick of English. The only, dude, it's, what is up, Washington? This says. What's his nationality? Puerto Rican. Oh, he's, what is up, Washington? This says.

What's his nationality? Puerto Rican. Oh, he's Puerto Rican. Is there a lot of lights? I didn't even know there's Puerto Ricans like that in DC.

That's crazy. No, and he's doing baseball stadiums. Dude, I know. He did Yankee Stadium like three nights in a row.

Holy shit. I didn't want to go there. I would rather fly to DC. It's too Puerto Rican. That's funny. Is there a lot of action bro there's it's there's a lot of action there's fights there's everything like it is like yo no joke like i was i was pretty upset with the lack of security meaning just like yeah it could have went off in there like it was crazy yeah because there was a time people just take your seats oh yeah yeah i can see that but that's i like i kind of like excuse me yeah excuse me you know that's yeah oh it's not okay just i guess we'll stand

here too fucked up to understand not even that don't just be like be like, no. Yeah, if you're older, white dude, you're in a fucking bed, buddy, you gotta wear a diaper. It was great. Hide liquor in your side of your pants.

It was so fun. It was one of the coolest concerts I've ever been to. We were talking about going to see him finish the tour in Mexico. That's how dope it was.

Really? Yeah, we were talking about taking a trip, me and my boys. Why? You see what just happened to that lady

trying to get a titty job in Mexico? The whole family got fucking taken out. What? Yeah, there was like two black dudes and a black lady trying to get a fake boob job or tummy tuck because they found some fake doctor in fucking Mexico and some cartel took out. What is the news source you run to? It's Twitter. It's Twitter.

It's Twitter. First of all, national.com. I can't wait. I can't wait to get fact-checked in the YouTube comments because I've been spitting nothing but facts today. And I know I say a lot of dumb shit on here. Just look up. No, Black Lady Tommy Talk Mexico. Dude, two of her family members smoke. what just look up no black lady tummy tuck Mexico

dude two over family members this is definitely going to be porn there's a video of them dragging the body you see the blood in the middle of traffic they got kidnapped two killed two one's alive I think you might be mixing some stories because I've heard some of this

Rick Rick apologize both of you right now but the cartel wrote us an apology letter mixing some stories because I've heard some of this. Rick. Apologize both of you right now. But the cartel wrote us an apology letter. Did you see that? No, no, no, no. They did. Yeah, and they also fucking hogtied four people to give to

the American government so they don't come fuck with the cartel. They gave up like four heads of state in one of the cartels. I don't know where they're at in the cartel pyramid. up like four had to stay in one of the cartels. I don't know where they're at in the cartel pyramid. I don't know if they're

the captain or the fucking janitor. But yeah, they just gave four of their boys so Biden doesn't fucking come knocking. But I don't think that's enough. But the cartel's going to keep the Bad Bunny concert safe. 100%. 100%.

You should see some of the video of him down in Mexico Bad Bunny concert safe. 100%. Yeah. 100%. They're not going to let that. But they're going to pick up something. You should see some of the video of him down in Mexico on that last tour. It was crazy. Yeah. You've never seen it. It's crazier than the Beatles, man. Yeah. I've seen some bit.

See, that's what I want. I want to spectate. The Beatles were as big as they were and there was no internet. Yes. Yeah, that's crazy. And there wasn't that many people either. It was like half the people. Isn't that crazy?

You mean half the people on the earth? Yes. Yeah. In the 50s, there was like, there was like 100 million people in America.

Well, they weren't going to Mexico and India, you know what I mean? China. I think they did. I think they wrote one of their albums down there.

I want that fact checked right now. Yeah. You're talking too much shit. Dude, they wrote this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In India.

Yeah, I'll see Bad Bunny again, man. Yeah, dude. Is that who sings your favorite song, Pay Pass? No, no, no. It's a different group. But they're close. Is Bad Bunny just a... I thought Bad Bunny was a cash me on side girl.

No, no. I think she was. Wasn't she Bad Bunny for a little bit? Oh, that think she was. Wasn't she bad bunny for a little bit? Oh, that's so funny. Wasn't she bad bunny for a little bit? No, she's a fat ass, fat titty Latina. That's talentless. But wasn't she,

didn't she go by bad bunny for a little bit? Am I crazy? I think she might've went by something close to it. Barbie or something. Bad, bad Barbie. Barbie. Oh, she just missed. She just missed Superstar.

Imagine I went and saw her in DC. And you guys were just that cool about it. So like how wild. A lot of action. A lot of people wearing meet me outside shirts. 10 old white dudes looking to buy molds of her asshole dude i i want to see something like that i saw the hbo did like a beyonce concert documentary once and there was like there was four or five silhouettes of her dancing on stage like on a screen and then like she was dancing

in perfect lockstep with them and like stepped out of darkness into the stage and i was like that's the coolest shit i've ever seen i want to see that i wouldn't i like i have to go you know what then i wanted buying tickets to ariana grande just because i was like that was dude how are you not coming through that was the biggest act coming through that was the biggest act coming through. Bro, that's a... That was the biggest act coming through. No wonder he's asking so many questions about the concept.

He wants to know if he should go or not. You should be on the FBI watch list. I would go see Adele. I would go see Adele in a heartbeat. Rihanna,

love the Super Bowl halftime. I would go see her again. Dude, no joke. Yes. There's certain people I just find like they're so talented. Yeah, I saw that... Were you mad about the Super Bowl no joke. Yes. There's certain people I just find like they're so talented. Yeah, I saw that.

And you know the fortune. Were you mad about the Super Bowl? No. Yes. What are you talking about? Oh, about the loss? Rihanna's dance. Oh, no, I don't care.

I don't know. People seemed upset about it. I didn't watch it. I don't know. Who's these people getting upset about? She's like all pregnant. Who's upset? Who's got the time?

They said she didn't do enough. Dancing? Yeah. Dude, she's like standing there the whole time, dude. Dude, what the fuck? Who the fuck is getting pissed off about the Super Bowl halftime show? It's just racist internet trolls. It's insane.

Who's got the bandwidth in their life to allocate rage to that event? Who's the... You just don't like that music. Say that. Yes, yes. I can understand that more than anything like if you listen to country all day you love the nfl and then rihanna gets up there i can understand you not enjoying the show yeah yeah and also it's like take a piss

dude i saw piss get some snacks fill up beer again. It doesn't last that long. Imagine it doesn't last that long. It's like an eight minute performance. So you're going to the Ariana Grande concert. Are you alone? Dude. Yes. I was bringing a buddy with me, but he had the last second.

He was like, I am not going to that. So I didn't go by myself. I think I've heard this story. I think we posted it at some point. Dude, I would buy myself to the Ariana Grande concert and just stood with little girls. Watch the show. The whole time I was like, this is not what I paid for.

Imagine waiting in line and being like a 13 year old girl I wanted bad bunny just a 13 year old girl waiting in line just turning around going what the fuck is this guy dude that's so amazing to me that's so funny I didn't know what tour I don't know

this was like 2015 2016 she's on her vengeance tour This was like 2015, 2016. She's on her vengeance tour. She's like woman of the year that year, man. I spent a lot of money on these tickets. That fucking Beyonce documentary got me, dude.

Dude, apparently Beyonce's tickets are like insane. That's like I'm starting to throw shade. I heard some of the Adele ones went up to $20,000 in Vegas. It's so ridiculous. What? Yeah, like just to be on the first section. It's like $14,000 to $15,000 to $20,000. No. Just for one seat.

But that's like people fucking around and reselling them, right? Like that's not the case. I think they end up squeezing them by the end of it. They squeeze them. I went to one of Bruce Springsteen's last shows on Broadway. Yeah? That was crazy. That's great.

That I would like. Yeah, it was cool. That's really awesome. That like storytelling kind of one? He basically like plays the music and tells stories over it. Yeah. It's fucking, the Netflix thing was fucking awesome. He made me cry within the first few.

He just starts going in on his dad. Yeah. I'm sitting there with somebody, and I'm taking my mask and using it. Is he trying? Billy Joel's still going, right? I don't know. I think he has his life story right now dude he cracks me up he's another one that's just been on fire for years

I was gonna say I think he's losing a little bit isn't he take a helicopter man yeah get a driver man he's got like 16 DUIs and he's wrapped a couple cars. Oh, in the Hamptons?

Really? That's where he, oh, he tears it up out there. He's killed more people than Ted Cannon. No, he didn't. I don't think he's killed anybody. It's under wraps. He's got, he's got. You are nuts.

Long Island's got some buried bodies. Everybody looking for their mom and dad it is under wraps I didn't even know about it yeah no yeah he's been caught up a few times yeah he's a booze hound but Lowen's got seven look at those mug shots Lindsay she's hot as shit

Lindsay's your type she's fucking nuts no in those fucked up years I like that she's Muslim now I love that me too yeah she's Muslim now. I love that. Me too. She's walking around in full garb. No. Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan.

Is Muslim. She is? Inshallah. What? What? Is she not? Not really. No, you're fucking with us.

No, I thought. She's got a job to a fashion show maybe that's it oh that's very yeah but that doesn't mean she's Muslim you can do that no

no that's that was five years ago okay is that Haram she's just Haram dude she is I don't know about that I don't know

either way a lot of fake Muslims out there I don't know about that. I don't know. Either way, a lot of fake Muslims out there. Not in our town, baby. We need to start thinking. The Koran's right there if you want to get cracking. I do want to read the Koran. You should start reading the Koran. I hope it's got to be better than the Bible, dude.

The Bible. Three months later. Dude, he's full garb. There's a bangle tie. The beard is long. I want to get one of the big hats. A big beard? That's not Muslim.

No, I grew up. So no, it's not. What, a turban? No, that's Sikh. Prince of Persia. They had him in Prince of Persia. So I grew up in Queens Village, which is like the border of Queens. And it's like Pakistani, Sikh, like Irish, black.

Like it was just a big mix of things. And after 9-11, like the Sikhs like came door to door and were like, hey, we're not Muslims. It was crazy. It was the craziest thing. Dudes were just getting fucking knocked out in diners and shit. Everybody could get it, dude. It didn't matter.

And the Sikhs and the Muslims don't really get along, right? I don't know. I think they're like... We went to school. It was fine. What's the sect that has like... They spray paint their beards red. I believe that is Sikh. I think that is Sikh. I think that is Sikh.

I'm not positive. Definitely not positive. But I look for the summer. The Muslim... Yeah, yeah. They did that in Afghanistan for sure. Yeah. They dye the beard.

But that's Indian, right? It's Indian too. Yeah, because I know Buddhists that... What? No. Oh, no, I'm talking about... It's like Ash Wednesday smudge. It's not the dot. This is not the group of people

to be writing this down. Just don't know a single thing about everybody. I know how to vape in an airline. You guys don't even know how your family works. I don't even really know exactly how Protestants do what they do. Is that what you are? I'm Catholic.

I was a Sunday school teacher. I was a Sunday school teacher. Really? Here in Queens, yeah. For years, my mom ran the program. Really? Yeah, until I was like 17, 18 years old. How much of the Bible, are you staying for the Patriot? No. How much? Because Bible, are you staying for the Patreon? No. Okay. How much of the Bible

did you have to know for lessons? You just read like Ezekiel? I just got confirmation and after that, they were like, you sign up. So I just worked at the church. You didn't get confirmation

in sixth grade? I got confirmation in seventh grade. Yeah. Oh. I got a ninth. Usually it's eighth and seventh. It's not sixth grade. You went CCD confirmation in 7th grade. Yeah. I got an 8th. Usually it's 8th and 7th. It's not 6th grade. You went to CCD?

Mine was 6th grade. Yeah, and then I worked at the CCD. Okay, yeah. So Catholic school... No, we didn't go to Catholic school. My brother went to Catholic school. My two brothers went to Catholic school. I did not. We get it in 6th. I'm certain of that. Oh, okay. Well, you guys are ahead of schedule.

Yeah, because CCD... When are you getting communion? For CCD, you got to get to public school. I think it was 2nd or 3rd. Yeah, okay. Or you guys are ahead of schedule? Yeah, because CCD... When do you get a communion? For CCD, you got to get to public school. I think it was second or third. Yeah, second or third. You got to get the public school kids out of the shed, and then you have to drive them down, you know, drive them down to the church. And then you got to wrangle them,

because they're all fucking eating wood chips and shit. They're fucking monkeys. What are you talking about? You got to tie their necks together, and you got to drag them up the steps of the church. It takes an extra year to get them to pick a name. What's your confirmation name?

George. Perfect, dude. You are not a George. Mine's Andrew. It was my grandfather's name. Me and my best friend did the first name swap at that time. Who's your sponsor? You have to have a confirmation sponsor. Me and my best friend did the first name swap at that time. I did a question. Who was your sponsor?

You have to have a confirmation sponsor. I don't know. I think we didn't. Yeah. Okay. You got to skip the grade and didn't need a sponsor. You just ran church. Like a parent?

No. You have a confirmation sponsor and they swear you into the Bible, dude. I guess one of the perverts that worked at the church. What word did you use? What word was that? Pervert. Oh. Pervert.

What did you think I said? A special person? I thought you said perlet. Is that a Catholic term? I don't know. I think I've embarrassed myself I'll stay for the Patreon Ricky thank you I hope you stay but if you don't I love you pal

congrats thank you guys for having me sorry for coughing what do you mean I got a bronchitis I got a kid man I get sick all the time I had a double ear infection recently. Ooh, double.

Yeah, yeah. That's hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a disease too. Yeah, I was like 10. Yeah, last time you had it. I had to sleep on the middle of the back of my head. Yes.

Damn. I had fucking nightmares. Plugs. What do you call them? I went to the Pro Bowl. You got the tubes? I had the tubes in my ears. I went to the Pro Bowl.

And you know the Vegas Stadium now has a, there we go. The Vegas Stadium now has a nightclub in it. Yeah, I saw that. Really? Yeah. Is it nice? It was awesome. But then I was going back to L.A. that night, got in my seat, fell asleep before takeoff,

landed, my ears didn't pop the whole time. I just woke up with so much pressure in my head. Is that true? Because you do that a lot. What? You could pass out before it takes off and then don't wake up until it lands. I still pop. So I was just like stuck

for days. My hearing was bad. Well, maybe you just got fucked up ears. Did you have tubes as a kid? No. That's a fucking... I have to be put on all types of sprays, all types of stuff to clear me out. Have you ever gotten

off a flight and your ears didn't adjust? No. It is agony. He's acting like he flies a lot. He doesn't even know about his ears popping. And you're stuck that way. He doesn't even know how to make a steak in the bathroom. I don't want to help a truck driver, dude. Stay on that train. Oh my fucking God. All right. Well, I really got to pee. All right. Go pee.