Stuff Island - Stuff Island #74 - rug bodies w/ Tom Thakkar

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

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You get an insane amount of tissue boxes. I was just saying, this is pure wealth, dude. When you have tissue boxes in every room, every table, that is luxury. That's luxury. I am a fucking Nona. It is nice when they're there. When you need them. Oh, yeah.

Now you realize. If you wipe your nose with a paper towel twice, your nose falls off. Later, James. Dude, it's just sandpaper. It's my only, it's all I've been doing, too. Or toilet paper I'll do,

and that's the, you go the other way. Then you got this shit all over your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like not absorbent enough. You blow your nose with toilet paper for years,

you realize how powerful this is. And this is, this is big brand. This is Kleenex. You're doing nose with toilet paper for years you realize how powerful this is. And this is big brand. This is Kleenex. Oh shit. I think my parents might have been listening to the pod because last time I was home the toilet paper is like nice now. My parents always

had that thin fucking shit toilet paper like up until like two months ago. A hundred percent. And all of a sudden it's got like lotion on it and stuff.

It's like, what happened? Most parents I feel like know that shit, but like that's an age thing that like everybody figures out by like 30, I think.

Yeah. You know? The amount of DNA you get on your fingers using mom and dad's toilet paper. You got to go outside and power wash your hands. Yeah, yeah. You can't just go in the sink.

And your ass is all fucked up. It sucks. I just walk around. My in-laws had that type of paper in the guest room we were just staying in. I just walked around with a damn fucked up ass for months. It sucks. It's a worn out ass. You got to shower after every fucking shit.

Paper products, the quality of paper products, you can determine. When I see a guy walking down the street with a high-end umbrella, I'm like, that guy is successful. He's very successful. He just stayed at a nice hotel.

That's the only time I'm walking around with a nice umbrella. I've gotten caught in the rain and run into a nice hotel and stolen the umbrella. That's a smart move. That's a great move. I wish I had the nuts to do that. Wait, hold on. Do you have an actual experience with this?

Yeah. You get caught in the rain, go into a hotel, like the hotel bar area? No, no. Like, nice hotels in the lobby will have a bucket of nice umbrellas yeah because the people that are staying there and you can just don't think some poor fucking irish mongrel is gonna come in and steal the shit i'll tell you the hotel i'd say there's a couple good ones in philly blurt it out blurt it out can i guess uh yeah i haven't taken one from Lowe's. But the Notary.

The Notary. Right by City Hall. And what's that other one? There's one by like... This is genius. Another tip. Hotels, bathrooms too. You probably know that.

Like on the road. It's the best. Or if you're stuck in the city or something. I got a couple. Bloomingdale's on Fifth Avenue by the park. Second one is the Starbucks Reserve. Oh, I've never been in there. It looks too much for me.

When I say private, like lounge type shitters, ceiling to floor, total enclosuretype shitters. Mm-hmm. Ceiling to floor. Yeah. Total enclosure. Love that. But it's still a Starbucks, right? It's got the line. People expect the...

No, no, no, no, no. It's Starbucks Reserve. Do you need, like, a special... Why are you disrespecting me in front of my friend, dude? Do you need, like, a special thing to get into the Starbucks Reserve? No. Like, okay. No, I mean, money to get the solo.

Yeah, yeah. What do they have in there? What's different about it? They have high-end food. Oh, all right. It's like a workplace environment. Yeah, all right, all right. I want to go.

It looks too much for me. I feel like I would walk in and the music would stop like they'd know I don't belong. You're not a Reserve member. Go back to regular, go to Dunkin' Donuts, bitch. Let's set it up, dude.

Let's go hang out in reserve. Let's eat till we have to shit. What kind of food do they have? Just like high-end sandwiches. It's like a little, you know, it's just like they make the sandwiches in there. Is there like a deli? Is it like a deli? Are they still microwaving the fucking sandwiches?

First of all, if you start spitting, you spit questions like this, you're not getting the reserves. Then I'll let you in. I need you to keep quiet when we get into this. You're going to blow me and Tom's fucking coverage. Why don't you reserve your questions? What's this, like a deli? You're going to make me sandwiches? Is this a deli area?

Yeah. Anyway, where's the shit? Downstairs? Upstairs? No, it's nice. It's a nice, yeah, it's an elevated Starbucks, obviously, but you feel like you're going to a hotel. Yeah. And then you go downstairs, and it's individual stalls.

Somebody just released this. I don't know if, it was on Twitter, saying the best private bathrooms. Oh, then it's over. Private public bathrooms. I know. Once people start saying it, you got to keep that type of shit to yourself.

Nuts. Yeah, that sucks. I mean, you can tell, like, I'm glad you told me about it, but, yeah, now it's fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once this podcast goes out, it's done. All our fans are from, like... I think the hotel is the move.

Find a nice hotel, go to the bathroom. Yeah. That is a move. This umbrella thing is big. The umbrella is big. Have you really just, you dipped in, grabbed an umbrella, and skedaddle?

Oh, yeah. And it was, like, a serious rainstorm, too. It saved me. The notary saved me. Did you save the umbrella? No, I ditched it somewhere. Well, at least you get back. I'm never going to use an umbrella again.

Take one. What's that fucking, give one to, I'm fucking. Yeah, yeah. Take a penny, leave it. Yes. Leave it in the train station. Are we all fucked up? Yeah. You seem fucked up. Yeah. What's that fucking give one to? I'm fucking. Yeah, yeah. Take a penny, leave a penny. Yes. Leave it in the train station. Are we all fucked up? Yeah. You seem fucked up.

Yeah. Yeah, I went out for lunch. I haven't eaten yet. You say you're drunk as shit. I'm hammered. I'm fucking fucked. I'm hungover as shit. I got to the spring lounge.

I went to. Did you skip Ferg today? Yeah. Well, Ferg, if you're listening, I had to do some reads. You lied to him. No, I had to do some reads and do some paperwork for the Fox deal. And then I was like, let's have a celebratory beer. And then the guy that runs Spring Lounge, Dave, is a fan, and he got me pickled.

Me, Dave, and my girl got a little lit, and I fell asleep on an Uber here. And you did some shopping? You did some shopping? I did some shopping. You're so full of shit. I did. I bought it.

Now it's going to make me look like a liar, too. I was wondering why Ferg was so suspicious. Did you knock out? Well, I couldn't. Mine was at six. Oh, yeah. Mine was at four. You could have swapped.

Well, I didn't know. I didn't know. Well, because we go to the same trainer. Oh. And so I was like, yo, man, I'm not going to be able to make it today either. And, like, obviously you've gotten the text from Tommy saying some bullshit about doing work. I know. I did work for a couple hours and then i celebrate there's no way i celebrate for for work it was all script stuff oh my god anyway how are you tom i'm fucked up i'm like not doing well well i'm not drunk i'm like hungover and and I got some weird sniffle shit going, too. Yeah, dude. But I threw up right before I got here.

Oh, man. All right. Yeah, I didn't want to bail on you boys, but I was like, I'll soldier through. What kind of sick we talking? This is like a flu? No, no, no, no, no. I think it's mostly just a hangover. I just drank a bunch of gin last night.

It was one of those where I had the bottle in my hand, like, walking down the street home, like, yeah, I'm the king of this town. And then I woke up today, like, what the fuck am I doing? What was the celebration? Or not? I'm just in town. I'm just in town for a few days.

Worried about the rain cam? Yeah, yeah, exactly. I bought a house, and I'm like, yeah, I bought a house. That's what I'm celebrating. Really? Yeah, yeah. But I had to and I'm like, yeah, I bought a house. That's what I'm celebrating. Really? Yeah, yeah. But I had to come back to town to get my cats to fly them to L.A. So that's why I'm in town for a few days.

But got to celebrate, baby. Every day of your fucking life. You die of cirrhosis. I'm celebrating not having a house. This is great. This is what it's all about. Yeah. Yeah.

It's cool, man. Just three retarded drunks trying to get our cats home, dude. We're just trying to get our cats home. Trying to get our cats home, man. We're too drunk. We're too fucking dumb. Yeah. We're too fucking stupid and drunk to get our cats home.

Damn. Have we started yet? Oh, that's a great question. We're fucking stupid and drunk to get our cats home. Damn. Have we started yet? Oh, that's a great question. We started. Holy shit. Where'd you get a house? In East LA. Dude, if I run out of here at any moment.

Dude, he keeps hitting the button. This might go. Yeah, that's a button. That's not good. Oh, fuck, dude. It'll be all right. It's going to be great. It's happened to me before on radio

I just had to run out of the room it was brutal like morning radio? my last day of morning radio I was so drunk and hungover I just ran out of the room the first time I met you I was like yo that dude rules you were so fucked up

we were just black out like one eye to each other yeah man you're the man, dude. Shoot. That's the way to live, baby. Just so you know, we're recording right now. It's a Saturday night at 10 p.m. People should be fucked up. So everybody calm down.

Mom and dad, O'Connor, don't be alarmed. Nobody worry. What's your excuse? Are you fucked up? No, I just got this head cold. That's what I should have said. Why do you smell like that?

I got a head cold. It's just a mitten vodka out of my face. Dude, I got sick. I thought it was allergy. As I was down in Austin, I got sick, and then I flew, and I landed and like my left ear did not depressurize. So my head was just, my face felt swollen and my ear was clogged for two days. I mean, this is, and then I was blowing my nose and it blew out too much.

Uh, too much. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Like, did you ever, you know, if you like pop your ears, what? If never heard such a thing. What? If you hold your nose right now and blow out, your ears will fucking explode. Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ever been really close to a cokehead? To a cokehead? Yeah, like a friend.

Sure, sure, sure. Like, who's hiding how much cocaine he's doing? That speech was so spot on. Yes, yeah. With a cokehead trying to hide his problems. Dude, I was home. So I was on a flight, right? It's crazy.

And then one ear made my face swell up. I haven't slept in three days. Dude, I went home. You know what I mean? I'm hanging around my parents. Yeah. And I'm like, I've been going 14 days straight. I've been like, oh, this place, that place, nonstop comedy. And I'm like, I'm making going 14 days straight. I've been like, oh, this place, that place, nonstop comedy.

I'm like, I'm making Coke sounds. Yes. And it's like, obviously, that's not a thing that my parents would ever bring up. But I so badly wanted to be like, I did not do cocaine. I'm saying all that shit about how mom and dad. I have not touched cocaine. The whole time your dad's just holding his wallet going, he's going to ask. He's going to ask me for money. I. He's going to ask me for money.

I know he's going to ask me for money. You're having money problems. You wonder why your mother's always trying to feed you like old lasagna. Do you want to take some home? Do you need some food? It is true, though. You get older, you go to see your parents. If you get in this condition, around your parents are like,

what do you need, hon? Yeah. Your dad will talk to you a certain way and then your mom will talk to you a certain way and they wait. It's different times. Once you get downstairs, she's like, look, look, there's extra snapples in the fridge.

I'm walking home with fucking glass snapples. Dude. I don't need your fucking snapples. It was great. My mom tried to give me a glass jar of honey on the way out the door. What? Yeah, yeah. I was like.

Were you flying? No, I was getting on a train to like come here. You take that honey? I didn't have luggage. You got to take that honey, Chris. Where do you have the honey, dude? I'm not doing so well myself. I could use some of that honey.

You got to take all of that honey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. hear some of that. Your cats would love that. That's so funny. Yeah, it was crazy. At this age, I just want to chill the fuck out. I guess my mom's brain is, you know, it's always hardwired to be a mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad doesn't fucking care. Yeah.

So I was just home for the holidays. I literally busted my dad's balls for not caring enough yeah so i get i i'm in this like weird conundrum where like mom calm the fuck down stop sending me underwear and chapstick and then my dad i'm like you ever gonna ask how i'm doing oh yeah never once don't do that though i didn't have a dad but i assume that's what they do, right? They're like, never. All my buddy's dads are like this.

Yeah. Yeah, and I never ask him how he's doing. Yeah, men don't do that type of shit. It's like. Who gives a shit how anybody's doing? Yeah, yeah, he's working on it. I don't know. I think I disagree with it.

I do ask how he's doing. I ask him all the time how he's doing. And never once. There's never a fucking, there's never a volley of like, I'm going to say how are you doing because I want you to go, how are you doing? How are you doing? How's your life going? So I serve.

How's it going, Dad? You're just acing him left and right, brother. 15 love. You're coming in too hot. Yeah, fucking, I am a Wimbledon champion of a son that needs his father's love. Yeah, it's crazy. And I actually called him out, and I was like, yeah, I don't know. I guess I got a little upset about it.

What did he say? I was like, he didn't take it well. He laughed a little bit, but then he got upset. I was like, yeah, I haven't seen you in, I don't know, six months. You're not going to ask anything about my life? And he's like, so what are you doing? Well, I never even know what to say. To what, your dad? Yeah.

Okay, here it is. Ready? You want to be my dad or you want to be me? This is fucked up. Okay. How you doing? Who are you? Are you me?

Or my dad? I'm you. Well, here, obviously, your dad would never say, how are you? Right. He's you. Okay. Okay, you be you. I'll be your dad. All right, how are you? He's you. Okay. Okay, you be you. I'll be your dad.

All right. Hey, Pop, how's... Are you still working? Are you golfing? How's golf? You golfing? Yeah. Every day.

Yeah. How are you hitting them? Same as always. Yeah, okay. G? Yeah, what? Tom, you need money or something? Exactly.

Dude, imagine raising a piece of sperm into a person and then not constantly wondering. So anything. Yeah. How are you. Yeah. How are you? Yeah. Maybe I think this is what happens.

And we've spoken about this before. I think when someone has a dog and then they have a child, the dog doesn't exist anymore. Yeah. The mother and father, when they have grandchildren, the children don't exist anymore. Unless that's the father and mother of the grandchildren yeah sure you have so you have a brother or sister that's got kids yeah i got two but yeah yeah my brother has the grandchildren yeah the whole life is revolved around the grandchildren yeah yeah and there's just like what do you like what what do how are you gonna explain my life why do you have kids if you don't want to fucking have kids? But he's not, it's not that he doesn't like,

but there's just, dude, like the level of, my dad, like if I was at like Bert Kreischer's level of fame, my dad could not notice. No, I know, same. So it's like, there's no like, I don't want that. No, but I'm saying, what am I going to talk to him about, bits?

No. Yeah, what is, I mean, I'm trying? Bits? No. Yeah, what is... I mean, I'm trying to imagine it. Do my uncle, my uncle's, my dad's brothers come over? It's a fucking blast. They just hang out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would just want my dad just to be a bro.

Just be... Maybe he's just not built like that. Does he have buddies that he bros out with? Oh, shit. He fucking is. Maybe he's, like, embarrassed or something. I don't know. Like, sometimes, like, different people, you're like, ah, I fucked up. I'm not, like... I I don't know. Sometimes different people you're like,

I fucked up. I just don't have that energy. Maybe he just doesn't have that juice or something. I don't know. Yeah, I guess my mother sucked it out of his fucking... Not his bird. Does he shoot the shit with the other boys? No, I just think he's...

I don't want him to fucking die. Yeah. Because I know he has it in him. He's a, he's a party animal. He's, he's wonderful. Yeah.

But you just want, having a dad sounds stressful as hell. No, you gotta be like the only way to like, to really get down in the shit with my dad is to be building something. Yeah. If we're like cutting wood or like building something like then it's like same thing we're broing out with my dad's couple beers you could be yeah that's selfish

why is it because he likes golf to be like all right look if look if i'm doing something i love and he's around i want him to enjoy it like you gotta you gotta play both sides. Yeah. I don't have to always do what you fucking want. It's like a friend going, I never see you anymore. Yeah. I don't see you because you have a family. You never leave your fucking hole. Yeah. Yeah.

Right? So I only see my brother if I go to Delaware, which takes like 30 hours. Dude. I got to rent a mule to get to delaware i gotta go to indiana if i want to see any of my fucking if i want to see any of my family i gotta go to them because they're scared of the big cities i think it stresses them out and i would stress me out them coming to that that too it's also like what are you gonna stay on my couch like it doesn't make any sense yeah uh you gotta get a hotel then it's a fucking

bunch of money but like no you gotta do but that's part of like being a part of a family is sometimes you just see how people are and you just gotta let it be yeah like if he only fucks with you when you're golfing it's like well i guess i'm gonna i know golf with my fucking dad you're so right but it still sucks you gotta accept people you just gotta accept these little bitches yeah who they are yeah yeah dude if i was building something if i was building something on my own and had like issues with it it would be fire the guys yeah it's the same thing if you're playing golf regularly and you got like a tip or you like you're working something out you figured something about it so you know you like it would be non-stop conversation this is such a brilliant idea of like how to get in contact with your parents it's like if you just

sent a picture of this this fucking white trash tv table and you said that well what kind of hinge is this i can't yeah i can't figure it out. And he called you immediately, and you just secured a loving relationship based on some falsehood? I need to call my dad and go, Dad, should I get these re-gripped? This is good. Yeah. This is a good idea. And it's just a golf club, but I'm holding my dick in my hands.

That's a new level of comfort, sending your dick to your dad. Yeah, by accident. Get it re-gripped. This is a good therapy session, baby. This is a good time. These sandals. What's going on with these? What?

These 3D printed? What, my sandals? Yeah. Yeah. Those do look 3D printed. They are. They are for real? Yeah.

I've never seen anything that's been 3D printed before. Whoa. Are they comfortable? They're very comfy. Damn, look at that. 3D printed before. Whoa. Are they comfortable? They're very comfy. Damn. Look at that. 3D printed shoe. Yeah, bro.

This is what happens when you don't have a relationship with your parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, you just got these today. This is what you got today. You got a... Yeah, I got these today. 3D print some fatherly love. I also got a jacket.

It's pretty fucking light. You got a jacket off a 3D printer? No. Oh. That does not sound warm at all um dude so and what happened to your father uh he's dead and also he wasn't in my life before either i uh he was he like went to jail when i was like two and then also just did not want shit to do with me. And so on his deathbed, he asked apparently for my forgiveness. And I said, fuck you, bitch. I thought you were going to say, calm down.

Who said that? Like who told you that? Somebody, like the only reason I found out he died is that when he died, a bunch of people, he had lawsuits against a bunch of people. His estate did. And I was the only living heir. So all these people thought that I could help them out of these lawsuits.

But the estate had already been taken over by his accountant and, like, somebody else. And they fully went after all this shit. I didn't get a dime off of this piece of shit. I lost $1,000 trying to, like, track down. He had a bunch of money. He had two porsches and stuff they sold the porsches to themselves for like 500 bucks each like out of the estate yeah yeah no it was fucking crazy and it was like one of those things i was like 25 or something like that and i was just like well i'm powerless here there's nothing i can do yeah so um but somebody his ex-girlfriend told me that she was like well just so you i feel like

you should know he asked for your forgiveness and i was like yeah fuck you like what are you talking about he lived i thought he lived in india or something he's an indian dude and he was living like in georgia the whole fucking time. And I was like, you were right there, man. If you really wanted to. Fuck. And he only wanted to talk about golf. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just golf and building shit. I'll take your lasagna, dad. What was he doing in Georgia? He owned a Meineke and a curtains business. I was supposed to take over the Meineke. And then they said I was too young.

Meineke's like a tire shop, right? Yeah, it's like an oil change place. Green. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and they were like, they were like, this guy's too young

to run a fucking Meineke. He can't hack it in this oil changing world. Yeah. And so they didn't let me do it. And then they ended up selling the Meineke, bankrupted it, mine a key he can't hack it in this oil changing world yeah and so they didn't let me do it and then uh they ended up selling the mining key bankrupted it like cashed out and he had 100 grand in cash in his house that they found and just didn't report that his accounts yeah yeah

yeah so they just robbed the whole fucking place yeah yeah holy fuck but yeah he was just in georgia doing all that shit but i found out he was such a fucking scumbag. I searched his curtains business, and all the reviews were like, this guy's a fucking piece of shit. He creeped out my wife. He like hung bad curtains. That's just the eulogy.

That's the obituary. Just reading the reviews of your curtain business. Your dad's fucking window shade business. Dear Dad, Diane00569 says... You pulled your dick out at the curtain thing. She didn't like the way you drew her blind. That you didn't wash your hands after you took a shit. He cloned the remote to open the blinds whenever he wanted to look and peep.

That's a good idea. Like father, like son. Damn, he's straight from India. Yeah, yeah. What's your nationality? Indian what? Half Indian and just half like a bunch of shit. Yeah.

Irish, probably German or something. I don't know.'s your nationality? Indian what? Half Indian and just half like a bunch of shit. Irish, probably German or something. I don't know. Is your mom around? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom's in Indiana. Yeah. Fuck. It's still coming.

Let me tell you something. I have these moments where I'm like, I'm so good. I'm on the roof if you throw up anywhere on my plant. Do not puke in the plant. I won't puke in that plant. That plant needs to go. What are you talking about? It needs to get trimmed. It needs to get trimmed back.

They don't trim. It's a weed. Dude, look at that lamp. That is a beautiful lamp. Yeah, it's a beautiful lamp. Yeah. You guys got a beautiful little setup here, man.

Yeah, thanks, man. It's a nice place. Thank you. I never, I didn't, ooh. I keep thinking like, oh, I'm good as hell now. I'm over it. It's like when you're tripping on mushrooms. Yeah. You're like, I, I'm good as hell now. I'm over it.

It's like when you're tripping on mushrooms. You're like, I think I'm coming down. The tension of when this is going to blow is so intense. It's great. All right. We're good. No, we're fine. We're fine, baby.

We're fine. Look at me. Look at me. We're fine. All right. All right. All right. No, I never lived in Queens before.

This is a nice little area. Dude, Queens is great. I did Brooklyn the whole time I was here Queens is the best Do you feel safer out here? Yes I almost moved, I got punched in the head Just walking down the street in Brooklyn They tried to one punch challenge me

You're that Mikey You saw me with those blinds, bitch This is for your dad You got fucking knockout gamed? Nice Yeah, you're that Michael. You sold me those blinds, bitch. This is for your dad. You got fucking knockout games? Mm-hmm. Nice. That sucks. Like how we saw it.

There he goes. Go ahead, dude. No, no, no. Let it launch. Go ahead. It'll make you feel better. I'm not letting it launch. I'm not letting it launch.

Yeah, hang in there. You got it. All right. You got it. It's so hard to hold on. You really are going to fucking hurt. No, no, no, no. It's not happening. It's like you have to shit real bad if someone was just like, dude, shit your pants. I don't care. Yeah, shit your pants. Shit your pants. It's so hard to hold on. No, no, no, no. It's like you have to shit real bad if someone was just like,

dude, shit your pants. I don't care. Yeah, shit your pants. Shit your pants. It's fine. Like it wouldn't fuck up my whole day. If you're going to spew. Oh, Tommy's fine with it.

Yeah, why not? You're right. I feel good now. Do you remember that fucking, that big mongrel that was throwing up at the Mets game or something? It was a big fat guy, blacked out. I mean, fucking orca fat. This boy was giant.

He just kept going. He was sleeping. Just spewing onto himself. Just spewing. And then he put his hand over his face and just kept puking more and more. And it just seeped through all his clothes. You think you quit drinking after that? No, I think

you ended your name into a lottery about drinking. That guy's a king. The amount of volume he was spewing for at least five minutes straight. If you're on like ESPN, coding yourself in puke. You make a t-shirt,

you gotta take a week off. You're wearing the same outfit. Take the afternoon off. Yeah. Take the afternoon off. Don't celebrate the big work win. Yes. Go to the trainer and fucking hammer it out. That is huge.

Yeah. Just show up the next game in like fucking off-sea fishing gear. That is a good move. Yeah. Waterproof boots. I love how we spent like a thousand dollars in fishing gear went once oh we're going we're going again though i think next week next week yeah it's too cold dude no dude it's warming up baby first day of march our first day of spring this is big for

you coming from la this is this is great as it This is great. It's nicer than it was in L.A. Yeah. This is great. Are your cats neutered? I miss it here. Oh, I think so. These are street cats, baby. I don't know what's going on with them. Really?

Yeah. No, wait, wait. There's just a random cat rolling around? Yeah, they were found. I mean, we didn't find them, but I think they got all their shit taken care of. I don't know. We got to drug them and put them on this plane. Is your wife Latina? That's terrifying to me. Her family's Argentinian. Yeah don't know. We got to drug them and put them on this plane. Is your wife Latina?

That's terrifying to me. Her family's Argentinian. Yeah, I figured. Yeah? Yeah. Why is that? Because he's LA. I was just picking on fucking alley cats.

It is. That's part of our Argentinian. Did I nail it? He did nail it. You did nail it. It must be said. The man fucking is on fire. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Listen, man. You don't nap in an Uber and come out. You're so fucked up you slept in the Uber? You slept in it. I was like, why did you sleep in an Uber in the middle of the day? Because, well, I took a ride from Spring Street, and it was supposed to be like 25, 30 minutes. Sure.

We caught a hunk of traffic. Yeah, I mean, it's rush hour. I saw my ETA change. No, I left. I was supposed mean it's rush hour i saw my eta change no i left i was supposed to enter before rush hour oh i got hit with an accident or something i just went yeah it was like you were gaming the system for a day like if i get shithoused at 2 p.m the uber home is a breeze that's why yeah i take a train to south jersey get fucked up take a train all the way back for two hours just like a nap man at least it was an uber yeah that was nice dude it was nice i was

thinking about that last night i used to fall asleep on the goddamn train so often and ride it all i would wake up and see the beach and be like, fuck, man. It's like coming home from the cellar at night. Because you get out at like 3 in the morning sometimes, and then you're like, goddammit, it's 7 in the morning, and I've ridden the train like back and forth. It fucking sucks. The train all the way to like Rockaway? Yeah, it was off the A, and I would go all the way to Rockaway.

The J or the S train, whatever that fucking shuttle train is to get to the beach. He's going to throw up. No, no, no. It's unbelievable. I know. This is so good. It's a prize fight, dude. You can't see it.

This is so good. I hear it. I hear everyone sort of go, I want to get rid of this rug, so just fucking, dude, spew. Yeah. You've never hit a bong? I mean, I've never done like a deep gravity water bong. Yeah, I've done all kinds of the things.

I'm saying at this stage of my life. Yeah. I mean, you're wearing clear glasses. You're far more educated. I'm not. I'm not. I'm just more scared. A drop in a clean-cut gallon of milk

into a bucket of water in college. That's the first gravity bomb I ever hit. A gallon of milk? Yeah, you take a plastic gallon of milk from Wawa. Oh, you cut it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You push it up. Yeah.

I never got into the tub stuff. Yeah. You'd be too busy playing with toys Chris you're up Ironically enough The ducky's in first place Hold on let me just get done with these boats First Stuff Island freeze pipe

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Come on. You need room for that glycerin to expand when it freezes. Game day. All righty. You come over on game day and I'm just ripping a freeze pipe? Dude, fuck it. Turn around. Yeah.

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I'm kind of like fucked up about it. Emotional about your grandparents? One of them. Why? Because I wish I had one. Yeah. And there was only one. Yeah. Because I wish I had one. Yeah. And there was only one. Yeah.

The rest. I had two. The rest I could put their ashes into the freeze pipe and get fucking blasted. Yeah. You had two nice grandparents? Well, they lived in California, so I didn't get to chill with them that much. That's a good move. Yeah.

You get old enough. You let your kids do what they want to do with their kids and you skedaddle yeah you don't owe them anything but they were that was like the that was like the artistic they were like off the boat irish so they had like whimsy and they were like artistic and they like saying and shit saying none of my none of my family did that no none of my family that ends as soon as the boat docks yeah yeah yeah same thing yeah irish grandparents italian anytime i were like yeah anytime my mom's dad would pop through is like straight up poetry jam dude yeah well he would be like he was like irish bard kite type of guy damn so he's just singing about kids dying in cold lakes. And he knew poems.

Dude, I always... Irish poems are the saddest... If you negate the melody and what it's doing to your brain chemistry and listening to the lyrics, it's the saddest shit in the world. They're packed full of wisdom.

They are. They are. Anytime you'd come across what felt like a novel situation he would have like a little couple lines of a poem to put it right in a nice little bread basket it's like wear more than a skirt don't walk along the bog walk along the hard hard fucking ground and you'll be safe no one will assault you with a knife and take your virginity in grade school. That's an Irish poem. I think you've got to read more Irish poetry.

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But you get three months on a one-year deal. Yeah, go explore it. Figure out what you can do. That's crazy. Yeah. Please. Where can you find cheap fucking rugs, dude? That's a great question, dude.

I need new rugs. See rugs.com? What do you mean cheap rugs? Rugs are expensive, man. That's a great question, dude. I need new rugs. Go to rugs.com. What do you mean cheap rugs? Rugs are expensive, man. I know, but why? I know, but why do you want a cheap rug? I just want a rug that looks good and is cheap. For what?

My room. You have a rug in your room. The rug in my room fucking sucks. I hate it. Plus, it's covered in glass. That's how I spent the day is just... Why is it covered in glass? Oh, boy. I went through a bit of a break up.

Oh shit. And... You didn't handle it so well? I was handled fine. She was smashing everything that Chris... The way my dad would handle a conversation. Was she Latino?

Was she Latino? There's two cats under the glass. She started smashing bottles in the corner. Jesus Christ. Dude, it was like the glass was like a powder. There was layers. And that takes force. Yes

Yes And so I was just looking at all my furniture just being like fuck this fucking furniture. I hate this furniture It's time something needs to be done. Yeah Cheap rug brother. How cheap you thinking? Why I don't know. What are we talking about? I don't know. What's our budget here, dude? I'll sell you a rug. My father left me a couple of them. Your dad had a rug business? Anything you need.

This pervert sold me a fucking expensive rug. Just beat off the whole time while I'm checking out. I think that is the painful part about shopping for things like that is you know that there's a perfect one that nobody's using somewhere. You wish you could just get it. Why would you want some? It's like buying someone's mattress. You don't buy a used rug. What are you talking about?

You get a new rug. No, it's not like using somebody's mattress. It's your feeder on it. Yeah, this is dirty. You take it to a carpet cleaner. You take it to a carpet cleaner. You vacuum it once, you're good. There's a certain mentality. Look, it's like someone...

You couldn't be more wrong about this. Carpets get passed down like generations. No, that's real nice carpeting. You're not in that fucking... Let me tell you something. Your family's not in that bracket. No one's handing down fucking white house carpeting. No, I'm not saying they are, but I'm saying someone meant to hand down a rug and they didn't, and I can use it.

There's a nice one sitting in somebody's fucking garage right now, all dusty. It's a waste. All right. Well, then I can just take it to the cleaners, get it done up. Put it down nice. Guys, if fucking in the YouTube comments, if you have a rug that you need to get rid of, send pics to Chris. I'm talking about a big fucking rug. There's got to be one that somebody rolled up a dead body.

They dumped it. Now that's art. There you go. Now if you have that one, there's a story to it. That's a collector's item, yeah. That is a great idea for... And I have the bed on the carpet so I can cover where the blood was. Amazing.

With the bed. There you go. This is great. If the body died in the top corner, you'd just shift the bed in a really weird place. In the room. How come your bed's like that? I got a dead guy rug. Deadguyrugs.com

This episode is brought to you by deadguyrugs.com There should be a site where you can buy dead body rugs. Yeah. This is good. I think we got something here. Yeah.

It's not enough. There probably is. And like, the police department's got to be like, they got to be overrun with. Oh yeah. I bet once a day. We found rolled up in a rug and they're like,

God damn it. Another perfectly good rug gone to waste. These cops are crying. I can't take this job anymore. They said I'd see some shit. I didn't know it was going to be like this. It's a goddamn Afghan. That's his only job.

These are nice rugs. He's useless otherwise. He's just like, Watson. I'm like, hey, we got another one. He's like, again? No, put me on the desk. I can't do this shit no more. My father sold fine rugs.

He's rolling around in his grave. All right, now we're good. Now I'm not going to throw up. Let's go. Okay, I feel way better. Did you puke all day? No, no, no. Just one quick one. I ate a little bit, and then I immediately just came right up.

Just wake up. I got to do a podcast. Yep. Yep. Today's a shitty hungover day to travel to. It really is. Too sunny. It is.

I hate... I'm glad you said that. Too sunny. Too sunny. This is my... I find myself saying this too often, but when it's a little bit misty out, like a little cold,

you're like, God damn, this is a great hangover. Yes. And you shouldn't say shit like that probably, but like for your body. Because it's getting like a warm spritz on your, or cold spritz on your face

where it's like waking you up a little bit, but you can be kind of cozy in your clothes. I just got a humidifier delivered today. Yeah. I was thinking about it. It's exactly what it is. It's bog weather just going just spitting on your forehead lightly all night long. My brother used to put when he had

like a steam heater or whatever. Water heater? Yeah. Yeah, he put like just a pot with water on top of it. That's why the plants are so bountiful.

Look at that. They're living in a cool 70 degrees back there all year long in New York City. This one's growing too much. That's what they do. I just fucking strain them up. It needs a place. No, it's just like a ponytail on a long-haired bitch. Grounding his corner is crazy now.

Oh, is there stuff behind here? You need like a machete to get through. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize there was shit behind here. It's like seeing a gorilla in the pits, dude. Gorilla in the pits. It's fucking nuts, dude. You miss New York at all?

I miss it fully. Yeah, I love New York. Why'd you go to L.A. for your wife? My wife's job is out there. We're trying to start a family and stuff. You get a little more space out there. We got a three-bedroom, and we could have never gotten that here. Yeah, that's a three-bedroom.

Yeah. Dang. And our parents are out there, so we're a little closer to family. Right, so once you have children, they can watch things. Exactly. And then they'll talk to us. Yeah, huge. Yeah, that's going to be big.

But, you know, LA sucks. I mean, it's fine. I'm trying to make myself like it. Like, I've been getting into golf. I might hang out with your dad. I need a dad, too. Yeah, yeah. Let's go.

Let's go. I almost hit you guys up because i was gonna before i started feeling like shit i was gonna go to that flushing meadow uh pigeon putt do you want to go tomorrow i might be down yeah i got i got like three pods tomorrow right oh yeah really yeah yeah i got like three pods tomorrow and another night of heavy drinking in front of you three pods in one day yeah it's i'm only here for a few days, and I was trying to load it up. Yeah, it's not good. But you're pushing your special.

Yes. Well, say it now, baby. Yeah, that's a good idea. Come on, baby. Before you're about to throw up. That's a good way to promote the special. That's your third cat. You've got to save it.

Like how Bert takes his shirt off all the time. I'll just be the throw-up guy. He's going to do it. He's going to the throw-up guy. He's gonna do it! He's gonna do it! Yeah! Pew! Pew! Oh, man. But no.

Gallagher. Yeah, exactly. He's wearing ponchos. I thought I was supposed to get my release date today, but it should be sometime in April, but it's gonna be called Takar Noir. So just follow me on whatever. Yes.

It's like the cologne or whatever. Takar Noir. Uh-huh. That was my shit growing up, dude. That was the... How old are you? I'm 35. Okay.

I had to think about that. You're young for that. Yeah, it wasn't... I wore Old Spice, but everybody went like... So many people... Takar Noir. Oh, yeah. Or Axe when I was a boy

did they have no I'm 43 I dabbled in a little Axe I feel like Axe for cause I think it's just the cut off like

I think maybe I'm right at the edge of it cause 35 I remember when Axe commercials came out it was like

you are going to fuck if you wear this shit. Women are going to fucking blow your dick off. And then I put it on and it smelled like shit. Yeah, it's terrible. Didn't lose my virginity

until a couple years ago. But hell yeah. The car noir. That's big, baby. Yeah, it'll be fun. That's a great name. Follow me on whatever and then I'll post about it for sure.

It's fucking annoying. I've never had an album out. I don't know. Do you guys do this? Do you have an album out? No. We're fucking up, dude. That is true. Are we fucking up?

Because the serious money is going nowhere. All this material. It's true. It's true.. Oh, yeah, it's material. It's doing nothing. It's true. Yeah. It's true. People have been like, yeah, posting on Facebook and shit, saying they're making a bunch of money.

I know, yeah. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that either. A guy from Meta called me yesterday and was like, tell me how to do reels. And I was like, man, this fucking sucks. This is so sad. I hate comedy so much now. It's so terrible.

It sucks so much dick. And now every, I can't even look at Instagram anymore. I open my phone and it's another guy being like, so wait, you guys are friends? But you're a man and a woman? Dude, it's all crowd work. Where are you going to fuck though? And it has 300,000 likes. How does everybody like this every time?

I do not know. And then it's some girl saying nothing and has, yeah, same thing. Yeah. Like 1,000 likes. Like what? Who told you you're interesting? And who's saying yes to this? Yeah.

Dude. The world. The world's saying yes. The world loves it. This is why our fucking fathers are correct. We need to golf and build decks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hide.

Dude, this is what I'm talking about. That's why, yeah, you shut the fuck up. Build shelter. Go out on the golf course. They're ashamed. Yeah. And they should be. Get some shades.

Good thing your dad's dead because he'd be ashamed of you right now. Releasing a collie out. Fucking loser. He'd be like, join the fucking curtains business, you fucking creep. He would close the curtains on you. Fuck your career. Curtains fall off the walls. Yeah.

Well, that's great. Congrats, though. That's a big thing. Yeah, who gives a shit, dude? I'm going to fucking kill myself. I'm going to throw up on here, and then I'm going to kill myself. Dude, you can't orphan the cats. That's a good point. Once the cats

go, I can die. The day one of them starts to sniffle or something, I'm shooting my fucking head off. Just Benoit the cat. Triple homicide. Oh my god.

Have you ever flown with a pet before? No, I'm fucking terrified, dude. Flown with a pet? Well, cats aren't pets. They're fucking rats. Cats are useless. Cats are great. Cats are disgusting. Cats are great.

They are the worst. I sooner would have a raccoon. I love raccoons. I love raccoons, too, dude. I sooner would have a raccoon. I love raccoons. You see domesticated raccoons? I love raccoons, dude. Dude, domesticated raccoon videos? I would love that. Adorable.

My wife gets so pissed off because I'll be, my whole TikTok, this is why I like, everybody bitches about TikTok. I love TikTok. I don't see a single comedy video on there. It's all raccoons

and cats and possums. Not possums. I hate possums. I don't even know why I fucking said that. Possums are the ugliest fucking thing. A possum killed my dog. Possums are fucking evil, dude.

Wait, what? A possum killed your dog? A possum fucking killed my dog. Yeah, that's a great question, Chris. It was like a little, like a terrier. What do you call it? Not rat terrier. Oh, that's a rat.

Yeah, I had a rat. That's a third cat. Did it put up a fight? I mean, I didn't watch the fight. My neighbor, I was like rat. You had a third cat, didn't you? Did it put up a fight? I mean, I didn't watch the fight. My neighbor, I was like, oh shit, I gotta see this whole thing. We just knew we had a possum rat. You know how to hit you get on TikTok? Dude, possum kills dog.

Possum kills dog. That's like the craziest video ever. Ring like dot com would fucking soar. Oh my god. I didn't even know possums were like violent. Yeah, possums are motherfuckers. I remember coming across we had we had trolley tracks

behind our house growing up and we walked on the tracks to like cut through neighborhoods and go to like school and stuff and I'll never forget the first time i saw an opossum hand and oh yeah they're like human hands they're fucking weird pads and like it's it's wild perfect for gouging the dogs fucking and i bagged it double double the eyes

i bagged it because I thought I discovered something. Like a tiny person. I was like, my dad needs to see this. And I just brought it home and I was like, what is it? And he was like, it's possum, you fucking idiot. And I was like, what? I'm gonna go golf. This kid's

fucked. Give it to your mother. She loves it. It's a possum. It's a possum. You fucking moron. But they are very human-like. They're creepy as shit, dude. Raccoons are human-like, too.

They are. Raccoons are adorable. Yeah. Cats. No, cats are great. You gotta get the right cat. Nah, they're positive shit. Cats are cool. You gotta have the right touch.

Cats are cool if you want fucking mice control or some shit. Mm-hmm. They're very good at that. They're useless. Now, you see a cat's athletic ability. Oh, yeah. It's fun. Also, when you win over a cat, you feel like a god.

There's something about my cat, Reggie, hates everybody. You guys are spitting facts right now. Hates everybody. And just all at once, he started to warm up to just me. My wife fucking hates it. At night, when I'm playing video games, he just comes up and, like, rolls over and, like, has me rub his stomach. And he loves it. And I'm like, that is loyalty.

Dogs. I love dogs. But they love everybody. They're like. That's not true. You don't think they love everybody? Yeah, I guess not all of them. They're much more social, that's for sure.

They're way more social. And I feel like they're easier. If you just take them out for a walk they're like all right you're a good guy i do agree with like the other side of this where it's like calm down you're feeding and keeping this thing alive yeah giving it joy and love that's why he's so you know yeah accepting of your behavior and like on your fucking ass all day long i get that sure but damn when you see a dog oh i know just the way he looks at you sometimes and you can read his emotions yeah you know i i take back everything i said cats suck dogs no dogs are great i do fucking love dogs too it's tough dude cats in the suburbs still get to live like kids in the fucking 70s. You know what I mean?

They just go out. They go wherever the fuck they go, and they come home for dinner. That's it. Dogs have crossed. Dogs are people now. Yeah. Like, you can't have your dog just rolling around. You can't have an outside dog.

Our dog used to just run away. Yeah. Yeah, we had that. The dog that got killed by the possum was fucking running around outside do it live in his life man dude fuck around find out yeah yeah you're in possum land now bitch dude you walk around the neighborhood you just see other dogs yeah just other dogs on the loose my papa yeah tired covered in mud you know what i mean just like he's having a good day. My dad's,

and my mother and dad's last, and my mother and father's last dog was, it was an Irish setter and a lab mix. It looked like a red lab. It's gorgeous. Smart as fuck. So they have an acre of land

and he would take her out and it got to like nighttime where he was like feeling comfortable with going out knowing the boundaries not seeing her and then fourth of july they have a fireworks thing by by their house so oh shit so zoe's like in between his legs and he's making sure she's like you know she's okay and a boom goes off and she just sprints and they live in what's called the mushroom capital of the world uh kenneth square pennsylvania it's all farms so the dog fucking bolts my dad clearly can't just goes in one direction it's all you're gone

yeah just into the woods and you the woods. And you just hope. And then for days. So my dad was like so fucking distraught. Oh, God. Like distraught, dude. Like if my brother got killed, he would feel less pain. Yeah. A hundred percent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, I'm fucked up. At least people have like phones and shit. Oh, yeah. You can't text a dog. It sucks. And you can always be like guys a fucking idiot did he come wait hold on did he come back so i got my mother calls me and she's like you got to come up and like hang out with your dad yeah he's really upset and i was like okay so i went up there with my ex-girlfriend at the time and we're sitting in the living room they

have a bay window which is all glass yeah and there's this is like day four and we're sitting in the living room and they have a bay window, which is all glass. Yeah. And this is like day four. And we just assume she's gone. And he spent three, he took off work and spent days going up and down Route 1 and like the local 52 highway just looking for remains of her getting smoked. Me and my girl are watching TV. It's like, I'd say 2 o'clock in the morning. You just hear paw prints on the fucking bay window. Holy shit.

Just going, just wagging, crying. Open the door. She comes in, smelling like a bucket of deer piss. Jumps on me, crying. My dad gets out in his underwear. Like the whole family's like, oh, my God. And she's got a limp because my dad's like, she probably got kicked by a fucking horse.

Because he said she's the funniest theory. He's like, yep, definitely kicked by a horse. I've seen a dog with that lip before that's a classic dog kick I know that lip no there was like a farm like

like close and he assumed that she she went there and slept like in the barn area and just got fucking walloped

or she got hit by a fucking car a lot of things could happen or she just tripped over a turtle or some shit that's a classic turtle trip she's a dumb fucking dog twisted an ankle anyway it's like when you lose a wallet or a phone and then you finally get it oh the fear yeah and then like the happiness yeah it's almost it's like worth it yeah yeah yeah because then you know what they're worth uh-huh this is why you have to divorce your wife for a few months then you get back together

this is a good idea please take me back i gotta kick my horse covered in cum. Who was the horse? Oh, man. Holy shit. Big thing, brother.

That's so funny. Kicked by a horse. Yeah, it's such a bugger. It's like, that explains it. Funny theory. That's it. Oh, my God. All right. I keep thinking I'm over it. Where did you? Yeah, it explains it. Funny theory. That's it. Oh, my God. All right. I keep thinking I'm over it.

Where did you? Yeah, it comes right back. Yeah. I kind of want to know a little bit more about how this possum killed your dog. I would love to know more. The neighbor is the one who told us. You just found your dog dead? Dog was dead or like dying and then died.

It was very sad. But the neighbor was like, hey, your dog got to take my possum. So I think they saw it or something. And we saw the possum just like run around. Covered in blood? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was a nasty little fucking possum. Did he get rabies or something?

Probably. I don't know how that works. But the dog was like fucked up. Like he may have had rabies. That might have been it because he was like acting weird. And then it was like pretty clear that he was dying. It like, fucked up. Like, he may have had rabies. That might have been it. Because he was, like, acting weird. And then it was, like, pretty clear that he was dying. It was pretty fucked up. Dude, rabies is fucking crazy.

Yeah. Like, when people used to get rabies. I know. They, like... That still happens, though, doesn't it? I think, obviously, you could still get rabies. But they have, like, shots and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

And it, like, takes care of it. Before there was, like, a vaccine for it or a cure. It was just, just like fucking... Dude, people, they spaz. And they also refuse to drink water. That's the weirdest. It's the weirdest thing. They just like, they need to drink water.

Just turn into a person from Indiana. And whatever that parasite is in their brain is like, do not drink water. They just like, I think you just dehydrate until you die. And then they, what's the foaming from the mouth and shit it's like zombie shit i think that's also because you're just like fucking crazy dehydrated it's like you get all like your fucking mouth gets all crazy yeah it's so weird yeah that would fucking suck to be like yeah my dad got fucking rabies yeah yeah got rabiesies. People used to get rabies in Central Park and just fucking die.

That's the shit with raccoons. That's the problem with raccoons, right? Don't they spread rabies? Yes, definitely. But they're so cute. That was always the big thing. You had a friend. I watch videos of domesticated squirrels and raccoons.

Yeah, me too. The domesticated squirrels are wild. Their eyes are so crazy that you're like, there's no way they like you or anything. But like seeing them like come in and get their little nuts or whatever, it's fucking awesome. Yeah. They hide like 17 nuts in their face. And they play with the dog. You ever seen a squirrel and a dog getting fucking nuts?

Oh, boy. Bring tissues, Chris chris no i like watching puppies and ducks and shit that's a good time too yeah puppies people eat that little bird off the fucking fence no oh my god it's great dude your whole timeline is just violent videos no it's not that's not violent that's adorable it's a dog eating a bird? I didn't see the bird come back out of the mouth, but I'm hoping it did. No, he just goes up, sniffing. He's like a very gentle approach, and the bird just doesn't move. And he goes, and that's the end of the video.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe he takes him inside, gets him something to eat. Might have been, you need some shelter. Yeah. You're a homeless bird. Yes, dude. I need to help you out. You're living in the fucking streets. Your dad died. His bird

had like a fucking... You're a fucked up dad. Owned a furniture from a wrong company. We gotta take care of you, dude. Because the pit bull's just like, is that food can I get serious real quick

do you forgive your father no fuck it I will say this I'm not like carrying it around I'm not like pissed off but I don't like what does forgiveness mean it's just like

am I pissed at him I really i'm not holding anything but i still think he like if somebody's like oh do you like your dad no he's a fucking bad guy like yeah he was a bad person a bad father and fuck him well did you know him enough no i didn't he left so it's he he my mom has told me a little bit here and there I didn't know a lot of stuff until later in life and then because she fucked with me and she denies this now but like she would do pranks and shit and she told me my mom my dad was Bob Knight the coach uh the Indiana yeah yeah because that's where my that's my hometown and she pointed at the newspaper and was like that's your dad and then I was like for years i thought bob knight was my dad what yeah i swear to god for like two

years i thought bob knight was my dad and then you just slept in the sun and got all this dark whitest gray where you get all the olive dude speaking of golf though i watched a bunch of bob knight golf videos the other night and because growing up in indiana i kind of fucking hated bob knight and he was a shitty dad to me he's a fucking psycho but watching these golf videos is so fucking funny because he's such a great he was such a great coach but he is a terrible fucking golfer. And you see him trying to do, they made him do all these local public access, like, golfing videos. And you see these takes where he's like, fucking God damn it!

And he's losing his fucking mind, dude. And the people who are around him are these, like, old drunks, I think. And they just think it's hilarious. Like, seeing old, like, because you see them with these players and they're terrified all the time. But seeing, like, old drunk golf players around them and they're just laughing their asses off at how bad he is at golf is so funny. Highly recommend. Being a perfectionist as like a, we talked about this maybe last night on the last pod.

It was like, you, you can have a healthy relationship with anyone, even yourself, as a professional collegiate or professional coach, rather. Yeah. Like, the—dude, just the wear and tear and the maniac sensibilities and mentality you have to have constantly, 12 months out of the year, to be great. That's why that man was just tossing chairs into the fucking middle of the court while teaching like 18-year-olds. There has to be no better feeling in the world than being a professional golfer and watching Bob Knight spaz about golf.

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. It's so true. Just having a few beers, knowing that your light year is better than him, and him just losing his goddamn mind. He thinks he's really good, and maybe he had a better game that appeared in this video,

but you see him keep trying to get this little chip to work on it. He is losing his fucking shit. And the cameraman keeps being like, I think that one's good. And he's like, it's not good. It's not fucking good. I guess we're going to do it again. And he's like, I have to be on a fucking plane in two hours. He's so mad at everything.

And it's so funny to see them laughing at him. I feel like it was one of the first videos to ever go viral was a dude in the Winnebago commercial spazzing. What? Do you remember that? I don't think I saw that. There was a guy trying to sell Winnebagos and he kept trying to do the commercials and fucking up the takes.

It is the funniest fucking thing. The most famous is Fuck It, We'll Do It Live. Oh, yeah. That is so fucking good. The most famous is Fuck It, We'll Do It Live. Oh, yeah. So good. That is so fucking good. But the mentality of these, I mean, he's clearly a Hall of Famer. He's one of the best of all time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But we were even talking about, look, I hurt my wrist. Oh, I remember this. The Winnebago Man? The concepts and engineering departments have developed a multifunctional bathroom. Privacy, I don't even know what the fuck I'm reading. This is what real dialogue is. God, the internet We've stored something that'll really come in handy if it doesn't fall out and break my leg. God, the internet was so much better when it was just shit like that. Yeah. Just discovering people and you're just like, who the fuck is this guy?

Now people go out of their way to be that guy. Yeah, now they fake it. Yeah. Well, the old man, it's a dying breed. It's like, fuck it. That's true. Everybody's too internet aware now. Yeah. Whereas like that is just true.

It's gone. Pure old man anger. There is maybe nothing funnier in the world to me than an angry old man. You realize we just talked about this yesterday, too. It's like, so I hurt my wrist battling a lesbian at a boxing arcade game. What type of fucking life do you live, man? Yeah, dude. It was after a show.

It was me, Shane, and I think we were in Houston. Went to some bar and they had the punch event. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that thing. Yeah, it's great. I don't think I've ever done it. Yeah. It's a big swing. Dude, it is a big fucking thing. Yeah, it's great. I don't think I've ever done it. Yeah. It's a big swing.

Dude, it is a big fucking... You really risk a lot. Everything. You risk everything. Respect from your friends, the owner of the bar. It's like the worst game in the world because it's everything. People get hurt every night on those fucking things because it's your whole ego and you're a little toasty. Yes.

Yes. So you're fucking a little off. You know know what i mean maybe i just woke up in an uber i'm not gonna hit this fucking bag it's like dude if i can give it here's a psa announcement it's like don't play no no there should be a sign on there that's like hey we have this but just don't do it man there's gonna be a broncalizer on the the punching bag. It doesn't start like a car. There's always a couple hot girls around it, too. I don't know why.

Every time you go to Punch Mothers, there's a couple girls there just to make sure you know the stakes are so high. If I was a girl, I would hang out there all day watching dudes melt down. Let's see. The stakes are so high. If I was a girl, I would hang out there all day. Trying to find your husband. Watching dudes melt down. Watching dudes.

You gotta find someone you want to meet. The opposite. Watching this guy walk in and hoping that your lesbian shark friend is there. It would be so great. Watching some guy watching some guy just destroy his rv she's in a fucking she's got a she's got her even her

haircut was built for this game dude she had like she had like a mohawk she was in a speed skating helmet for drift yeah aerodynamic helmet she's got a fucking shirt and tie from Outback. This bitch is ready, dude. It's like she's beaten down from her boss all night long. Oh, Jesus Christ. And she was doing a run and jump and fucking smoking. And she had power. Wow.

This woman was huge. Run and jump? I gave her the run. She happy Gilmore'd it. I gave her the run. She did happy Gilmore. Wow. She happy Gilmore'd the punch impact.

Wow. Well, Mayim said you guys tried to do the run and jump and couldn't do it. No, I never did the run and jump. This is my way of saying it. You would think that would be not as good as just using all your force. I don't know. I don't know. Apparently, this girl had it down.

I should have tried both. She did. She was very, very good. Yeah, it was like she'd practice. Yeah. It wasn't like she had just. Oh, no. She also had a date with her, so I think she was like, I got a bar we can go to.

Yeah, she knew it was there. She goes there every night. Sometimes she just walks in there, punches that once, and leaves the bar. Just keep the rig loose. Dude. Knock the dust off. No drinks or nothing. Just $1, punch, bounce.

She beat me once, this girl. She beat me once. Dude, that would also be like my move. If I was like a masculine lesbian. Oh, yeah. I would hang out there all the time. Challenging dudes. Yeah, you beat a dude once, it's like you're gravy.

Oh, yeah, you're smashing pussy for the rest of the week. My brother used to do that with like golden tea. At like a fucking VFW bar. He would like have a great shot and it would go ding, ding, ding, ding. And you have to put your initials in for great shots. Yeah. And it was just like, it would just say like Barney and then his initials. It was like nine guys.

So you're never going to be Barney. Brings a girl on a date. She's like, who's Barney? Yeah. Who's Barney? Yeah. Where's Barney at? Barney doesn't exist.

Barney. I used to be Barney. They put suck as dick. Barney doesn't exist. I used to be Barney. They put his name on there. It's a joke. It's a fucking joke. Nobody can do that. I was drunk. I did it as a thing. I said Barney first. Hey, Barney.

You pay your buddy to call you Barney? Why does he keep calling you Barney? As soon as I get one good shot, you'll figure it out. Holy shit. Fucking idiot. You fucking bitch. Anyway, shout out fucking... You bloody whore.

Shout out that lesbian that can hit a bag. She was a bruiser. I still have pain in my wrist. Yeah, we're at an age now that's what I'm saying that was the whole point that game is done for us

that is a young man's game so the Bob Knight thing is like you have this mentality of greatness but then your body just goes

hey man calm the fuck down yeah Chris you were saying like dude these are like muscles and like movements

you trained for years to just mechanically operate. The torque, the fucking twist. You can work out every single day and be absolutely jacked. If you just did like a bunch of like quick cuts back and forth, your knees would kill. Yeah. But all those little muscles that like are just strong because you're fucking 20. Yeah, yeah. Those go.'re fucking 20. Yeah, yeah. Those go.

They're gone. Those just go. It's bizarre. Like, I used to. Yes, it's like tits. Look, you're 20, 40. Yeah. Yeah, your whole body's doing it.

Yeah, that's my knees. Every part of your body is like tits. That's how you explain anatomy to dumbasses. Okay, imagine, because you can't run as fast, your heart is like a pair of nice tits. That's how you explain anatomy to dumbasses? Okay. Imagine, because you can't run as fast, your heart is like a pair of nice tits. You know what your balls are doing all the time? He's got a great personality.

He's got saggy knees. Fuck. I can't believe you. Yeah, I can't believe it. Let's jump over the page. Jump over the Patreon. Ooh, baby. You sticking around for the future. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What time is it? Say your album again. Oh, yeah, yeah. Takar Noir. Check it out. It'll be free on YouTube, and it's coming out to Apple and all that shit. It's through 800-pound gold. That's T-H-A-K-K-A-R.

You got it, brother. And just give me a follow on whatever you use, and I'll post about it to remind you. TikTok. But it should be April. Twitter. I don't really use TikTok much, but... Do you? I feel like I'm fucking up.

I got buried. I know. Fucking TikTok. I can't be lip syncing to fucking...