Stuff Island - Stuff Island #77 - ghostbusters armband w/ Jeremiah Watkins

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

- Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A good person would say, yeah, they wouldn't have specifics. This is really good. That's our last one. Shout out to Mosaic. Yeah. And our buddy who sent this to us. I've heard of them before. They're well known.

From Avalon, Avon, New York. Is that where it is? I think so. This is a sour ale brewed with peach, pineapple, strawberry, orange, blackberry. Do you not drink liquor at all? No. Not at all. But that sounds really good.

Because this doesn't taste like liquor. It's like a sweet passion fruit smoothie. I mean, if I drank, I'd probably love it. Yeah. When did I send you liquor? Never had it. Never drank ever? No.

Whoa. What the fuck? No. Whoa. What the fuck? Yeah. Why didn't you start with- Welcome to Patreon. Why didn't you start with this? That's crazy. That is crazy.

That's what D'Elia does. Then he rapes kids. Yep. We've chosen different paths. You're making kids. You're making kids. You're making kids. Yeah, I'm sorry. I was fucking around.

So glad this is on Patreon. Clip it. Clip it. We have to start doing that now that we don't have a producer. Yeah. It's so corny to be like, clip it. Yeah. Well, who the fuck?

I mean, you say clip it like you're assuming. It's so hard to keep track, though. Yeah. And also, yeah, like, if you're not on the cusp of another funny thing, what are you even doing here? Plus, it takes— Every time you say something funny, you go, clip it. Yeah. It's like, well, he's got 17 clips.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it takes you out of it. Do them all. Yeah, do them all. I'm paying you the same rate. Yeah, yeah. Dead down the camera. You're not getting any more for it.

Not getting any more. I clipped 30 of these. No wonder your wife and your life is in shambles. How do you not have a drink of beer or liquor ever? I mean, the short of the long is I had some family members with issues of it. Yeah, same. And I didn't see my parents drink until later in life. They were very, by the book, very religious upbringing early on in life.

Okay. I didn't see them drink until later on. So I was like, oh, well, I'm just going by what you guys taught me originally is like to not drink. Yeah. But then they start drinking. I'm like, wait, why are you going back on? Yeah. But and then it was there's issues that happened with this.

I'm like, I'm just going to keep not doing it. Yeah. So I just never got into it. Gotcha. Yeah. It is wise. I mean, we've got like a lot of DUIs in my family it's just you know

I don't know who the comic was that said my family tree is so drunk there's a car wrapped around it yeah yeah yeah I think I said it like two episodes ago it is so funny clearly a one liner guy but yeah it's the same

both sides of the family it's same all of our yeah both sides of the family it's all mayhem yeah yeah which is fun yeah we had a lot of now they're older this party sucked dude what they just suck like all the family parties burn out just like they're just they're not as fun yeah yeah and they're like you know you get to like 8 p.m that's what it used to be at 4 a.m. Everyone's dying out. My brother's got kids. They got school tomorrow.

I'm just in the basement. Trying to shove a pool stick up my ass doing coke alone. Dude. It is harder to hang in general. Just I've noticed over the years, which is like sometimes a bummer.

Like if I'm visiting a city now versus when I used to come out to New York even like eight years ago. Dude, it is so hard to hang with people late because nobody wants to anymore. I'm coming in with hot, with energy from another city. And people are like, dude, we don't do that anymore. Yeah, we do this every night. We do this every night, so we got to pace ourselves. It's just a different thing. Yeah.

I think there also is that thing where it's like, I feel like, I don't know. It used to be more just stand-up. So it's like once the stand-up was done, you'd hang out, and so you don't have to work until the following night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now everyone, I feel like, is doing shit, so much shit during the day. Well, the podcasting changed a lot of stuff. Yeah.

We're like, no, I got to do a couple podcasts tomorrow. So I got to rest. So it's like people are responsible in different ways. Yes. Yeah. It's still the wrong way. It's still, you know, podcasting and stuff like that, which is crazy that, you know, we have to be somewhat professional.

It's true. It is weird. It is. It's why, I mean, I could never do like a Theo Vaughn type scenario where it's just a one mic. Oh, that's hard. Because like you and I ping pong each other like when you're down or like when you're sad or when you're tired or hungover. Yeah. It's like the other guy's like.

You carry the weight that day. You have to. Yeah. That's your fucking job. Yeah. And you're like or hungover. Yeah. It's like the other guy's like, you carry the weight that you have to. Yeah. That's your fucking job. Yeah. And you're like, I could see it. I know it's not going to be,

you know, maybe I won't be good. He won't be good, but no one's going to know because somebody else is going to be fucking, you know, Oh my God. We just did.

We had to do a, um, uh, a live show for scissor bros, uh, out in Houston. And I lost my voice. voice uh and i'm like how am i gonna do a podcast i literally lost my voice yeah it's like losing that red coat all day

you just get one of those people who signs no what i did was um i rested all day and when i got to the airport i because i've lost my voice from i will literally i'll lose it from overworking and just fatigue like felt fine but my throat's just like dude we have no muscle left to get voice out so i started writing notes and the whole day i was writing notes and i bought an app for five dollars that i could type it in on and use the app Did it AI your voice or just a regular voice? No, it's like Siri. Yeah. I mean, I've still got it.

Let's go. Fire it up. I want to hear what it says. Incredible. His face, dude. You can tell this bitch to say anything. So you sat on the other mic. For some of the podcasts, I would use this.

And then before, luckily, I had enough adrenaline that came before the show where I had enough of a show to, I told him before we went on, I go, you're steering the ship tonight. I really need you because I cannot. So we usually do music and stuff like that. So I played guitar. I let him sing. And then I tried to have him guide the podcast because I was like, bro, I freaking need you tonight. Because I had two other nights at the festival.

You're slipping into such like middle school music teacher energy when you say that. Guys, I need you. Yeah. I need you tonight. This is where you pull your weight is right here and right now. Okay? Fucking sparkle motion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is your Super Bowl. You guys wanted to play sports, but you didn't. Okay. Fucking sparkle motion. Yeah.

This is your Superbowl. You guys wanted to play sports, but you didn't. This is your, this is called live podcasting. Okay. It doesn't just go away. We have to be in the moment with each other. We have to check in and you have to listen.

I was saying all this stuff. I said, I'm like, I need you to listen to me. If I say something, I need you to not talk over me because I have few words that I can actually say to the mic. I'm using up words as we speak.

You wouldn't work with me, I'll tell you that. I'd be spitting through whatever you had left. I was giving notes to who was running the soundboard and stuff like that. I was like having them read like for tech setup and stuff. It was so bad. This show ended up being all right. I somehow, the adrenaline rose to the occasion.

And then. You did two live shows back to back? And then my buddy Steve, we did a live show, but the next two nights, we did like a stand up on the spot there. It was for a festival in Houston. And then I had to headline

on the Sunday in the afternoon. And I did like, I was like, how long do I have to do? They're like, you can do 20 to 30. I was like, perfect. Yeah And I did like, I was like, how long do I have to do? Like you can do 20 to 30. I was like, perfect. Yeah.

I was like, that's like, to me, that's not really headlining. I'm like, that's great. I'll do that. Yeah.

And then when I hit my 30, I was like, thank you. Good night. Like right away. Yeah. I usually like to do the hour on stage, but my throat was on fire.

Yeah. Yeah. Was it just from being overworked? Yeah. Underrested? Yeah. Yeah. Just doing, I mean, just talking too much and just trying to get the word out on the

special and stuff like that because I didn't hire like a publicist or anything. So I was hitting up the homies and be like, hey, like, can I hop on the podcast? And then I was also banking podcasts before I went out of town. So like, I just blew it out. Riding yourself thin. Yeah. And you have a child, a wife.

Yeah. A real life. I mean, this would, this would be difficult if you didn't have that, let alone having responsibilities. Yeah. I mean,

it is definitely like a thing where when my wife tells me sometimes like, like, Hey, we're going to be home at four. I'm like, I got to reamp myself back up to make sure that I'm not just dead when I'm seeing them. I don't want them just being the leftovers of me.

So I'm like, okay, they're coming on for it. I'm like, I'm tired right now, but I, okay. You know,

guys, I need you. I need you. Listen, I don't have much time with you. Okay. You're just doing this to your kid. Like,

yeah. Clean up your fucking toys. Yeah. Dude, that is time with you, okay? You're just doing this to your kid like... Yeah. Clean up your fucking toys. Yeah. Dude, that is the hardest thing, right? Yeah. Get off your mom's tit. I want one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How old is your boy? Girl? He's turning two next weekend, actually. I see. Yeah. That's a good age. Yeah, and then I got another boy on the way. Two boys.

Two boys. Two boys. Two boys. Two boys. Two boys. Two boys. Two boys. Good boy. It's very much strong and walking casual. Good boy. Good boy. That's huge. Is he in full fight mode at this point?

Dude, he is. Is he just wrestle time? It's been awesome, actually. Yeah, yeah. He will run and just belly flop. Yeah, whatever happens, happens. Oh, dude, he trusts me too much to the point where I'm like, I have to amp up my alertness because he's starting to jump off coffee tables and stuff like that. Yeah, happens. Oh, dude, he trusts me too much to the point where I'm like, I have to amp up my alertness because he's starting to jump off coffee tables

and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. Because we'll do that as a game where I'll do this drum roll thing where I'm like. And then he's just like waiting. And then I go. And then he's like. Jump off into my arm. That fucking rules.

Yeah. Dude, it is crazy how immediately kids enjoy the like tension release yeah like thing you know what i mean after we do it 10 times he'll go more yeah yeah yeah they're never done again again again again yeah again yeah again my nephew would always do it i i do like this gorilla thing i'm like and i would chase him around and i'd tackle him and shake him up. And he would go, do it again. And he would just keep doing it.

Over and over. And I'm like, dude, stop. And they don't even understand. After five, you're like, I'm sweating. Yeah, they don't even understand the concept of like muscle fatigue. No, no. You're like throwing them as high as you can and catching them. And they're like, again.

Because they. Again. They're like, dude, we as you can and catching them. And they're like, again. Because they. Again. Dude, we're on 40 of these now. My back is on fire. They'll run so hard that they'll literally collapse like within bed. Yeah. Like he'll get so tired where he's loopy. And then we set him down in his crib.

He's out immediately. Yeah. Like not even. Oh, yeah. That's why the parents, my brother, would love, love when Drunkle Tommy comes over. Yeah. It's like you wear immediately. Yeah. Like not even. Oh yeah. That's why the parents, my brother would love, love when drunk old Tommy comes over. Yeah. It's like,

you wear these fucking, you fucking wear these kids out. I bring the three home. They're all, they're like, they're drunks themselves. Yeah. They'll pass out upside down on the couch.

They don't fucking care. Dude, I remember. And they sleep in. My brother's like, yo, they sleep, they're hung over from the party.

Yeah. Just from being like overworked and you know yeah over sensory type situation shut up over over sensory shut up over censorized i remember my my nephew was like i need you to listen don't do that again you understand yeah I remember my nephew was like it was like late in the day and he was just it was like cause they get so tired it's just like one tantrum after another

like they just start like we're the same way too though when you see it in adults you're like oh you my girl gets like that and I'm like I see them as a five year old I'm like look you're tired you're exhausted you're hungry you're hungry and that's a big one for my wife you're fighting sleep yeah and that's why

you're being ornery right now yeah you're being a problem go to bed yeah and it's like if you just shrunk them it's the same exact reactions yeah i feel like my whole life did you brush your teeth meanwhile she's fucking 30 did you brush your teeth yet go brush your teeth? Meanwhile, she's fucking 30. Did you brush your teeth yet? Go brush your teeth. Get in your pajamas. Dude, that's my whole life. I feel like my whole life is I'm just a toddler that won't take a nap. And everyone's just looking at me like, dude.

Dude, just dragging me. And everyone is just like, dude, take a nap. Yeah, you just gotta nap. No! No! That's my whole thing is I can't nap. So I've been on a roll of, I don't know, 30 years of needing a nap to change my attitude. And I'm still an only fucking five-year-old. I'm a nap guy. Angry about nothing all day long.

Dude. That's how I survive is with naps. Yeah. Well, you don't drink. Yeah. It's fucking huge. Yeah. That's how I survive is with naps. Yeah. Oh. Well, you don't drink. Yeah. It's fucking huge. Yeah.

That's huge. I need to stop. I need to slow down, obviously. We talk about this, but I took like three days off for a few weeks and I need to do that every single week.

Yeah. You drink on the weekends. Oh, I thought you meant off in general. Like three full days off a week. This is what I need to do.

I need to work for four days. You can take three days off a week. And that would work out for me very well. days off a week this is what i need to do i need to work for four days three days off and that would work out for me okay that makes sense that makes more sense yeah because your your sleep is it's i don't understand people that i don't have any i i don't have sympathy rather for people that have an excuse about like i don't go to the gym i don't work out when rather, for people that have an excuse about, like, I don't go to the gym, I don't work out when they're sober. Oh, that's crazy. Right? And they're just. What do you do?

They're just chunky, lazy slobs, and it's like, well, what do you. The reason you should be like that is because you're excessive with booze and drugs. You make bad decisions at night. Yeah. Right? Yeah. You're telling me you're excessive with booze and drugs. You make bad decisions at night. Yeah. Right? Yeah. You're telling me you're sober and fat? Sober and fat.

What? Blows my skull. It's crazy. I know there is sober and fat where it's like, you know, it's a thing where it's just like addiction. It's a food addiction. You're replacing your trauma with other things. Yes.

Where you're like, oh, let me fill this void with food rather than alcohol. That I get. Yeah. But if you're just not drinking, your life should be sick. You're napping. You only need six hours a night. I do not understand. Yeah.

I don't understand the compulsive eating thing. Well, it's compulsive anything. I actually get that. Really do too my metabolism was really bad then i would be pretty overweight i think really yeah because i i find a lot of comfort in in eating like a like it's one of it's one of my vices for sure really i should be exercising more because eventually i'm going to get like titties. And that's where I gain weight. I gain weight here and I gain weight right here. But I don't gain any weight in my arms or my legs.

I look like the skinniest marionette puppet. Yes. Yeah. Let me tell you something. As a second kid, you're not going to have to worry about exercise for a long time. Once they get to like five and two, you're not gonna have to worry about exercise for a long time once they get to like five and two yeah you're gonna be if you're home you you don't you won't even have time yeah go anywhere yeah my brother like you you see people have two kids utterly rainy like they all talk about like one

the two kids is the biggest jump in your lifestyle and i don't have one child so i'm not speaking on behalf of me but anybody else is like, that's a huge lifestyle change. Two boys is nice. Especially with exercise. Two boys is nice, though, because they can just battle each other. Yeah.

That's how my brother and I were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, now you want to, if you want three kids, you want the girl last. Boy, boy, girl. I'm going to get snipped. Yeah.

Two's fine. I like this. Two's good for us. Two's great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't like the outnumbering idea me and my wife yeah yeah i don't like i don't like a three two i like

two versus i like yeah yeah man to man man to man yeah yeah that's a good move have you got already spoken about this yeah you never want to have to go i'm dropping the exclusions right now fellas have you ever wished you were a little bit taller maybe oh maybe you matched on tinder but her profile says must be over six feet also for you that's exactly that was your first thought waking up maybe your date wants to wear heels but you can't because it will make her look taller than you well i got the short kings covered with today's sponsor, Kinsuri. Kinsuri makes shoes that make you up to 2.8 inches taller.

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One time my brother was losing his hair, and he just showed up at a wedding with a spray-on hairline. Yeah. Like, he literally... He took a piece of cardboard and sprayed it. And apparently there's a Seinffeld episode where costanza did and my brother walked in to this like we were all like already drinking and like the the pre-party or whatever and he walks up like nothing's wrong and my my buddy cooch was like

what's up costanza and everybody was like cracking up in his face and he just walked away and never came back dude he tried to spray on hairline it was like chalk dude i would legitimately wear these shoes i can't wait till they come in we have samples coming i would i legitimately would wear these shoes and i'll tell you why it's not even to get ladies yeah you want to see what that feels pinching my nipples last night. Wait, what? I don't know. You were pinching your nipples? No, someone was. Someone was pinching your nipples?

Yeah, someone was pinching my nipples. Anyway, we got drunk last night. But I would, dude, I can't, in a loud bar, if I'm hanging out with tall dudes, I can't hear what they're talking about. Dude, two and a half inches is the perfect amount. I was hanging out with tall dudes, I can't hear what they're talking about. Dude, two and a half inches is the perfect amount. I was hanging out. I was like hanging out in a

loud bar with DeRosa and Ryan Long and they were having a conversation that I couldn't I had to get up on my tippy toes. Well, that's probably the double echo off of Ryan Long's voice. It was probably hitting six walls. That kid fucking screamed. I was whispering in Joeodorowsky's necklace.

I don't think he liked it. What? He loved that. No, I know. I just kept whispering like, do the pod, yes. And he was like, stop. He's like, I'll do the pod. Stop.

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Yeah. I'm five, ten and a half. Yeah. I say on happy with who you are. Two and a half inches is a big deal, right? Yeah. I'm five, ten and a half. Yeah. I say on. You could be six. I could be. 1.8. I could see.

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this is the only artwork we have that's that's metal okay this is the display. You know the display? Yeah. It's how you learn where a pig's dick is. It's right in front of the hawk. Wow, the hawk.

It's just their legs? Hamhawk. Hamhawk is just a leg. Well, I think hamhawks are what they call pig's feet right it's from like the knee down the hock yeah yeah this is this plate it's the only metallic artwork we have in this place with all this gorgeous shit and it's uh i take it on and off the wall in our kitchen it's very easy to to remove and replace if you get over. See, our artwork, which we're going to show eventually, it's nice.

If you're going on a date. But you get over it. If you're going on a date with a tall vegetarian. Yeah. Put on your consuries. And you take the meat off the wall. It's the artwork printed on a metal poster that only takes 20 seconds to install place the magnetic

sticker on the wall and hang your disc plate it's as easy as that and we do this every week i take it off the wall put it back on the wall take it off the wall put it back on the wall today i'm gonna throw it in the backyard and get a fucking new one i'm tired of looking at this fat pig i want to get the mushroom guy there's like a frog smoking a pipe oh yeah let's do that mushroom yeah well i'll contact this let's go let's let's turn this place into a college dorm we could that's what i want to do i want to get some black light posters this is a great idea the middle room where the production shit is yeah we can make like a college dorm. Straight up dorm. We'll get a, I used to have the loft bed. Yeah.

You know, save space. Let's get a Baywatch poster. Yeah, that'd be nice. You know, some, what we thought was like

a rounded woman. Dude, I watched the Pam Anderson documentary and it still makes me horny. Have you seen her porn lately? Yeah,

it's so hot. I haven't seen it. I'm going porn lately? Yeah, it's so hot. I haven't seen it. I'm going to look it up. It's so hot. She's a little piglet. She was so... She was. Yeah, she was the...

Crazy hot. She's the OG Kim Kardashian. Yeah. She was our generation's Kim that didn't get the bag. Yeah. Because people weren't really getting paid for that. I was watching clips of Absolutely Fabulous last night. Hold on.

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or click the link in our show notes, and you'll get the 33% off directly in the cart. What's the next one? Do you clip that? What? Do you clip that clip am i cutting out what i just said no well fucking get ready jesus christ i don't have the next one but how do you not i don't know you airdrop them to me well dude update dude, update. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp, too. Getting out of the house to see a therapist can be difficult, especially when it feels really overwhelming. Or you've been out doing, like, the boyish.

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to save some money in both taxes and better yourself also I'm talking to myself this is a mirror I'm a dog barking at itself I'm talking to myself. This is a mirror. I'm a dog barking at itself. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to be better, and I need better help. And I have yet to do the thing.

Yeah. Why don't we do the thing? I don't know, dude. I'm meditating. Oh, true. But that's not better help. It's not. It's not.

This is convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule, much like meditation. Yeah. You fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and get on your way to living a better life. If you need a different therapist at any point, if someone really fucking is not scratching your back, you could switch easily. That's powerful.

Yeah, that is nice. If you don't like fucking this dude Gary. You got to do it. It should be like Tinder. Well, it's apparently. You should be able to swipe on a therapist. I wonder how long. That's a good question for better help.

It'd be nice to get swiped back by a therapist. They see how fucked up you are. You're like, I want this dude. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Stuff Island and get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash Stuff Island.

Let's go. Is that it? Is that all of them? No. You have more. I have one more. All right. My bookie.

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with my bookie oh oh also sixers in five Sixers in five Yeah We're gonna go to the The Nets game

Tomorrow night You don't know that yet You don't know that yet The Nets The Knicks-Nets game Tomorrow night Sixers-Nets Baby

It's fucking That's what I meant Yeah Well you didn't say that The Knicks are playing The goddamn Sixers Nets. Baby, it's fucking... That's what I meant. Yeah. Well, you didn't say that. The Knicks are playing the goddamn Cleveland Cavaliers. Whoa. We got one more.

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Nicotine is an addictive chemical they call nicotine chemical is it a chemical yeah technically i guess what else would it be i guess you know air air i think is a chemical is an oxygen a chemical isn't it all yeah yeah chemistry yeah how many of the organic chemistry the table could you get oh the periodic table yeah dude they added so many new ones i used to be so good they did i think they updated the table yeah dude they added a bunch of like scandium and shit ah that, that's woke bullshit. Transmanium.

Yeah, they added. This is a tea with a bird hanging off the table. All right. Summer is just around the corner. Talk about using FitBod. Yo, this one I'm actually excited about. This this one is good but the print is so small i can't i'm having a hard time reading it they're finally reaching our audience dude we are the fit we are the fit bod of podcasts chris do you know that dude why what is going you gotta i haven't used i don't have to cut this you have to i haven't used a like a document software in

forever yeah i also haven't worn a football hockey jersey in forever they constantly they make it so annoying now when you open the app they're like A football hockey jersey. And they just constantly... In forever. They constantly... They make it so annoying now. When you open the app, they're like, let us introduce you to... This is such a hard cut to whatever we're wearing in the episode.

To this outfit. It looks like you're trying to stir up controversy. Oh, dude. You look like a protester showing up at like a courthouse trying to prove a point with what they're wearing the protester that like really just looks like they have nowhere to be how much do you really care about they just woke up on the steps 13 years is too young to consent He's like dude Go back to bed

Alright how are your new years resolutions holding up Do you have any summer fitness goals What are they Stay jacked Like dude you gotta get in shape You gotta exercise What are you doing You literally just put on the same outfit from last night.

It was right next to the, it was on my hamper. It's the first thing I saw. I like that. Speed. Yeah. You got to get in shape. You got to exercise.

Okay. It's going to help. It's going to help your brain. It does help your fucking brain. Yeah. When you're sad. Literally yesterday, we were on the way home from the,

from the gym going, it's crazy how much it helps. It's a little sweat. A little sweat. A little sweat. Changes your whole perspective on life. Yes. And if the gym is too much for you, try the Fitbod.

It's a personalized app that you can work at your own pace. It's, what would you say? Yeah, you set your fitness goals fitness level and available equipment and it like comes up with workouts for you and it learns from your it's it's like it's like chat gpt dude it's it's got an ai in there it's learning okay it is learning it's gonna it learns from your previous workouts no matter what level you are you could be an amateur all the way to an expert that is the most annoying thing is coming up with things to do in the gym all right so you you got a thing that tells you what to do you just go there you do it i spend 500 hours a month for somebody to

tell me what to do you don't have to fucking do that with fitbot you know yeah you don't have to do that no and i might get 25 because i know enough yeah and now this is our new sponsor and i get a free year there you go i'm gonna fire ferg fit bod yeah just a heads up for ferg's ferg's on the chopper is on the job there's no better time to let level up your fitness habit okay 25 off your subscription try the free for the app free at fitbod.me slash stuff island f-i-t-b-o-d dot m-e slash stuff island 25 off you can start getting in shape today that's crazy all right also they've got videos in there that demonstrate what to do. That's huge. Yeah.

The app that I use for my personal training is not as good as this one. I literally checked it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The videos that are in my app that I use, it's nowhere near the videos on this. You don't want a fitness thing where it tells you, like, do a gorilla monk squat yeah what is that yeah dude i don't show me yeah and the dude's hot as fuck the guy that's on my my one oh really he's hot the guy i don't know every once in a while they're just like i don't want them that hot it's like a dentist like don't be that hot yeah i want it i want it to look like i can do it yeah i'm good i want to get a Foley out there. Show me a proper push-up.

You know what I mean? You can get a full year of Fitbod less than the cost of a single session with a personal trainer. So... Do it. Yeah. It's great. And if you just do, like,

fucking... If you just work out in your own apartment, they'll come up with exercises for you. If you have no equipment, they'll come up with exercises for you if you have no equipment i they'll come up with stuff for you to do dude that's what i did in quarantine i took an app like this it wasn't this app but i took it like a i would just look up free things yeah and go in the backyard during quarantine just crush it out. Yeah. Do like, you know, thrusters and shit with small weights. Like a real fucking dildo.

That's nuts. But. I never finished. I got to do BetterHelp. You never finished BetterHelp? I started BetterHelp. I don't know where we went. BetterHelp can further your journey.

Did I finish BetterHelp? I think you did. This is why. I have no idea whether you did or not just what's the call to action dude we're the best why is therapy important chris dude i mean there's not a better demonstration of why therapy is important than the way these ads have gone. It's convenient. Oh, yeah, we talked about swapping your,

changing your thing, right? Yeah, yeah. Changing your therapist. You got to discover your potential with better help. Let me just reiterate. Let's do that. I think this is more for me and Chris. I can't reiterate this enough. I'm going to re-say this. I can't reiterate this enough.

I really want to drive this home. You got to visit betterhelp.com slash stuff island to get 10% off your first month. It's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash stuff island. It's a way to get your wife to sign up for a Patreon. Like, baby, you got to sign up. Five bucks. You get to find out what our future holds. You have a conversation with my wife you're like your husband told me something very interesting stuff but i

can't tell you unless you click the link yeah yeah subscribe yeah you never want zone coverage yeah i don't know i want a free safety i want i want a fucking Brian Dawkins in the middle, and I want a one-on-one on the ends, dude. Yeah. I don't know. In case life throws a fucking long ball down the middle, Brian Dawkins can... Come on. I always wanted...

Who does better sports analogies than me? I always wanted a little brother. The answer's nobody. Go ahead. Yeah. I was two. I was two boys, and I wanted a little brother. Because I was a fucking bitch in the family, dude.

You know? Yes, that's what I was was were you treated like that by your older brother uh no but like i mean on some level you're just the dumbest gotcha you're the dumbest person in the family by default what does your brother do now he's a lawyer oh yeah so he's not the fault well no no i mean you like look there's actually legit there was an opportunity to overtake but like we got a stage clown and a lawyer well if you wanted to be the whole time i thought i was the dumbest if you i didn't see it now for my final trick no dude i. I always felt a tremendous amount of pressure because they seemed like such a happy family. Yeah, I think everybody does. I showed up.

I showed up. I was the last man in. You think you crashed the party? I definitely did. I definitely did. They had a nice thing going. You feel like you have imposters in there with your family? Yeah, yeah.

That's how crazy it is. Yeah, they had a good family. What do your parents do? Dad's an engineer. My mom's a nurse. Fr Yeah, they had a good family. What do your parents do? Dad's an engineer. My mom's a nurse. Frick, dude. That is tough. That's a lot of smart jobs.

Yeah, yeah. That's a lot of smart jobs. They're all very well put together people. Yeah. I am not, dude. I remember- Your glasses say otherwise. Dude, yeah.

They're very like moral and ethical people. I remember I stole... My miles are dinner. I remember I stole a Ghostbusters armband that I was at another kid's birthday party and he got a Ghostbusters armband as a gift and I stole it. And I remember like going home from the party being like,

I'm not like the rest of the people in this family, dude. I needed this armband. And they won't understand. I remember I was just like, I was no joke four years old. And I was like, it's going to be a long ride, dude. It's going to be a long ride. Did you ever wear that in public? Oh, yeah yeah he lived on the opposite side of town did the friend ever ask you about it nope dude what about the parents saying where'd you get

this thing i don't know they didn't ask about it soon you picked it up yeah yeah dude i mean there were so many kids coming in and out of the house all the time that it was like it could have come from anywhere you know what i mean i just needed to get it home and then it's you know then it's like money laundering you know what i mean it's like it's toy laundering yeah this reminds me of this kid that i haven't thought about for years until you said that with the armband this kid stole from me and i never forgot it i gave him one of my favorite pocket knives for a this awesome glow-in-the-dark brand new uh nerf football and i just thought it was so cool and uh i like i'll give you the pocket knife now if you give it to me tomorrow when i when i see you and he goes so you had the football for the

night no no he had my pocket knife i was was like. But he traded in their football? No, he never. He literally, this was at a church youth group thing. This kid stopped going to church and kept the pocket knife. No. Yep. I never saw him again. Let me tell you something.

He died of opiates 15 years later. For sure. For sure. For sure. Shout out to Matthew Windell. Yeah, Windell is dead. Look him up. Yeah, gave him one of my favorite pocket knives, and I literally called his house, left a voicemail.

Hi, I'm calling for Matthew. I just wanted to call about the football. I gave him a knife. Never. They didn't go back. The whole family? I mean, I don. Never. They didn't go back. The whole family? I mean, I don't know. I didn't see his mom there.

It was one of those situations where I think that his mom was dropping him off. The whole family needed that pocket knife? I guess. They just went to the woods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Made a better life for themselves. Yeah. How are we going to cut these hides into leather strips?

But you remember as a kid the first time you get something stolen from you. It's like so jarring because you can't wrap your head around the idea of somebody doing that to you. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, but I was on the other end. The first time I have an experience with this, it wasn't my bike. It was my oldest brother's bike. So I'm the youngest of three brothers.

Yeah. And we used to go to this place, Bob Rossi's. He was our barber in town. Everybody went to Bob Rossi. And it was a very small shop. It was probably this living room. The glass was over there. That's where you could see onto the curb.

Yeah. Same width of the entire shop. There's the door, and there was a glass window here. My brother Steve's in the chair like this. There's only three chairs. Two chairs and then there's a waiting room. It's exactly like this except that was over there. So I'm sitting here where you guys would be

and he leans his brand new mongoose. A mongoose is like getting a buccati. Oh dude. Yeah. In fucking eighth grade. Mongoose maneuver? Yeah he was like 12, 12, 13. He just leans it against a glass because he's like,

I can see it. And these fucking hammers came by, which is like the sons of the pagan gang, motorcycle gang. And we talked about with the Foley's. Yes, yeah. The Foley episode.

And my brother's in his cape and this fucking, so the hammers were just children of pagan motorcycle gang guys. Yeah. So they're scumbags. They've cut off Guns N' Roses t-shirts, chain wallets. They're scumbags. Long hair.

They just hung around the tracks and bullied people. Beat them up if you walked through the park. That kind of shit. That kind of mentality. Dude just picks it up, starts spinning away. My brother rips his cape off, starts running down the street. Now I'm scared to death because I just went to go get a haircut

with my oldest brother. I think I was like eight. So he's running down the street trying to catch this dude. Doesn't catch him. Goes home to tell my dad that he just lost his fucking Lamborghini bike. Got it stolen.

And my dad was fucking furious. He tells him who it is. My dad knows the group of dirt balls in the town. So we go, he takes me to go door to door of these fucking derelict families. And I remember the doors opening each time. Oh, man. And you look at like the squalor. There's kids that shouldn't be in diapers that are way too old.

It smells like piss and shit. Oh, my God. The stains on the carpets. The holes in the wall. The drunk mothers at like fucking 3 p.m. instilling moo-moos, smoking a cigarette, cursing at my dad. He finally gets to one door and my dad's like, your son stole my son's bike.

And she's like, fuck you. My son would never do anything like that. And the little, this little fucking demon in diapers comes out holding the handlebars

of the bike. They detached, they stripped the entire bike within 45 minutes to an hour. What? Maybe two hours. I don't know the time. It's not exactly. It's crazy, dude. they stripped the entire bike within 45 minutes to an hour what? maybe two hours, I don't know the time so my dad got back the frame and the handlebars

and he lost the pegs the tires and whatever the fuck he was going door to door collecting parts they took a bike to a chop shop immediately? and they were only 13, 15, 18 years old those derelicts, they took a bike to a chop shop immediately? That's insane. And they were only 13, 15, 18 years old. But those derelicts, they hang out in groups.

The age difference is like 28 to 13. Like they're fucking, it's a gang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a cool gang. It's not like a gang that gets shit done. They're just fucking local punks. That shit is so fucking crazy, being a little kid on that journey. Because it's like, when does this end?

Never. Until you die. You see all your peers in that gang going in and out of prison and the whole thing. And then you're just like, oh, that won't be me, though. Yeah. 1,000%. In fact, that's what the fucking script I was writing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's about taking that path. There was a bunch of kids that I grew up with in public grade school and then went to Catholic grade school but still hung out with them like in public

till like like on the courts on the football field and then they go to high school where they don't and then like you hear this dude just got fucking ice picked.

This guy fucking died in an overdose. This guy did that and it's always the same fucking crew making the right decision. Dude, your dad also had to be in like fucking, he must've been so scary in that moment. Oh yeah.

He was probably vibrating at a frequency. That's just insane. It also makes me just like, God damn it. Life is so long. You know? Dude, it's dark in there. You know what I mean?

It's dark in there. It's just like, everything your dad. That's what he took from me. He's like mean? It's dark in there. It's just like, everything your dad- That's what he took from me. He's like, damn, life is so long. It's so long, dude. It's like everything your dad's been through. He's got three kids.

Now he's got to go door to door, potentially kill somebody over a mongoose. Yeah, but if you think back on what he's been through, as you know- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, his dad left him when he was like 15. He raised all his siblings his mother was an alcoholic he was in the vietnam draft just past past it because of his collegiate

yeah lost a brother cancer at 20 yeah but it's like his other sister left for woodstock never came back still every time you open one of those doors every that's why you remember the door opening because it's just every time that door opens it's in a potentially explosive yes situation and it's like but holy fuck my dad's doing this multiple times holy shit him comparative to what he's been through it's probably like going on a game show i'm like what's behind curtain number two? He's probably like, this rules! I'll cut this bitch's head off, dude. I don't give a fuck. Holy shit.

I will put that kid on top of a World Trade Center. I don't fucking care right now. Dude. And that's one of those things where you're just like, I can't not go door to door and get this bike back. We're not going to be the family that gets their fucking bike taken. It's just like, yeah! yeah like you're just on principle just on principle it's not happening i know yeah

because if i let this happen my kids are going to be pussies and it's just gonna be their dad being not defending them yeah dude there was this kid just i don't remember his name too much there was this this redhead it's just too much to bear. It's too much to bear. There was this redhead fucking. It's just too much to bear. There was this redhead derelict that moved in the street above us over the tracks. And he was like a badass. But he was like more my age, not my oldest brother's age. I was scared of him because the kid was just like a fucking bruiser.

And an absolute bully to the point where like when you see a movie and you're like, calm down. This guy, he didn't really try and fuck up everybody's life around him, but his mom was like a fucking crackhead or whatever. So this kid was lawless everywhere he went. He was coming down the tracks, throwing rocks. So the back of our house were tracks here. We had, like, a small yard, like, the size of this rug, and then the trolley tracks.

He was walking down tracks, throwing rocks against the backs of all the homes. Like rocks from the tracks. Those are heavy fucking stones. It's less distance to those houses back there. And he's throwing big fucking rocks against the siding

of homes. So we're on the back. My dad's like grilling and you just hear pow, pow, pow. And you just hear. And as it's coming down. And my brother stands on the edge of the deck. And just jumps off. And runs down the block.

Because we had a fence at that point. Like a wooden fence. He runs down the block and fucks off. And you hear my dad. And dad's like flipping burgers. And he's like Steve. Steve. And go on. So I'm like I'll see what happens what happens he's like you stay here and i just i kept running because i was like it's my brother yeah and i also wanted to act like

i could do something i definitely couldn't and i get to i get to the edge of the trolley where the trolley crossing comes down and there's like a little hut And my brother has this dude in a chokehold, like literally like this, off the fucking ground, spitting in his face, like getting aggressively like, I'm going to fucking murder you. And that point on the kid just never fucked with anybody. And I was like, I could never do that. And I wonder what my father's influence was to the oldest yeah for those reasons

just open the door showing his youngest kid like nobody does that to us you don't do that to anybody and your purpose is to protect the next generation as well as your brothers yeah and i watched my brother become a fucking animal yeah it made me too yeah no i've heard i've heard parents say that where it's like this is like the nice part about having a second kid because the first kid can be like an absolute cunt sometimes and it's like you can't explain to them how annoying they're being until they see it in their younger sibling right you know what i mean and then they see their younger sibling acting and it's like the parents get to be like see what i've been talking about yeah and it like straightens the older kid out i bet that was the best thing that happened to that kid though yeah maybe i bet that was a life turner for yeah yeah

yeah scared straight moment consequences yeah for your dumb actions yeah yeah yeah before that you're scaring all the kids his age or younger yeah being a true just menace yeah yeah and then he got he got to meet some other fucking psychopath that was like four years older and he was asking a different world now he was asking for it he was smashing windows it's like what's the world gonna do to me it's like this is what imagine thinking there's no what it's gonna do repercussions picking up stones not just throwing one like we used to throw eggs and chew bb's at trolleys but that you know that things not stopping and running up the fucking hills to find you.

Doing that at a home? Just launching a fucking rock at the back siding of a house? In a neighborhood you live in? Yeah, it's not even like a different neighborhood you're visiting. So dumb. It wasn't my high school rival. Yeah.

I guess, did his parents ever find out? His mom was a single whore who used drugs. She didn't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah. I wonder what his parents, I guess, did his parents ever find out? His mom was a single whore who used drugs. She didn't give a fuck. Yeah, he's in his position because she was a piece of shit. Bars, bro. Dude, honestly,

I mean, that's how you build a shitty kid. It's a shitty parent. There's no such thing as a bad dog. It's a bad owner. Have you ever seen those videos of those guys? They're dumb prank videos, but they'll go to the hood.

Oh, yeah, and they get fucked up. And they'll step on people's Jordans, and then they're like, it's a prank, it's a prank. And they're like, we don't care if it's a prank. And then they get lit up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, what did you think? Twist your shirt.

What do you think is going to happen? Do this. He's like, why would I do that? Oh, man, I got to do this he's like why would I do that oh man I got to do that he'll knock you the fuck out Chris is just like this

I never thought about how life is so long man shut up he comes to a broken frame he's like I just told him to twist his t-shirt. His reading glasses are all red. Yeah, they're all like... Sideways.

He's wearing a jazz hat real low just to cover his black eyes. The guy reacted. Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck I thought you and I were going to have a good chuckle about it. Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Oh, my God.

Dude. Furious. It looks like they have nipples now. Oh, my God. Yeah, that would be incredible holy shit i never did pranks really no you weren't a prank guy i wasn't a prank did you ever get into um i always feel bad for the people that got pranked did you were did you ever make any jackass type videos or anything like that did you get into that era of all no no in fact i like i think i was kind of like jackasses i don't know this is what they're doing is not safe oh you were worried for their

well-being i was just like this is crazy what they're doing this is like really reckless i like wow yeah i was very concerned about their behavior yeah yeah yeah yeah i was worried and like yeah the way he was like beating the shit out of Phil, I was just like. Oh, Viva La Bam. That's not good. I think that for me, that was like one of my rebellious like outlets was was doing stuff like that, like the jackass type stuff. Like I used to do those kind of dumb some prank stuff, but mainly just like dumb stunt type videos that we try to create

and like come up with dumb stuff. Yeah, yeah. I never, like, I don't know. I was always like, I always played it pretty straight because I was fucking up in all the other areas in my life. Right. No reason to add. Literally insult to injury.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Injury to insult? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like. Injury to insult? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, as long as I look like I'm a relatively put together person, people might give me the benefit of the doubt when I inevitably fuck up in like not getting my homework done and like. Yeah. Yeah.

Just. That was my mother's whole philosophy is like, look good, smell good. They won't realize where you're from. Yeah. Dude, I think that that was a big, my mom, with my mom too. Yeah. Cause she, she like grew up like in a charter park and you're from. Yeah. I think that that was a big, my mom with my mom too. Yeah. She, she like grew up like in a charter park and stuff like that.

So I think that she always had this, like, like there's going to be, we're going to at least put on the facade that, that we have a lot of things going on and things are good. Yeah. Like, yeah,

I think that's an instinctive member, you know, ideology, like a belief system. And like it, going on and things are good yeah like yeah i think that's an instinctive member uh you know uh ideology like a belief system and like it no matter where you're from you just want to be a little more yeah so it's like yeah if you know you're going to like soho or you know you're going like you know you're not wearing fucking pjs yeah you're just going i need at least what's my nice shirt and i don't want to i don't want my nice shirt? I don't want my personality to bleed through, and I also don't want my insecurities to show.

I don't know. I think it might be something that I deal with. I might just be reading my diary to you guys right now, but I do think it's important to elevate. Well, that's the option. You can fit in, or you can just go there in your shitty clothes I might just be reading my diary to you guys right now, but I do think it's important to elevate. You can fit in, or you can just go there in your shitty clothes and be like, this place is fucking dumb. Yeah, no, it's so dumb.

This place is stupid. Everyone here is dumb. I'd rather fit in while saying this place fucking sucks. These people suck. You know what I mean? Like, feeling good and looking good is, I think it's congruent to like, you can still shit on the entire scenario you can still say fuck this place fuck this party but whenever yeah but

i'm following dress code i'm looking good i look good yeah i don't know a little dab at your car on the left ear come on if i look good if i look good i feel very uncomfortable If I look good, I feel very uncomfortable. Yeah, you look good right now. Yeah, but like, I mean, this is just normal clothes. If I dress up, I feel very strange. You can't dress out of your realm. Yeah, I feel like. Yeah, stay in your pay rate. I think it started with church.

We only ever got dressed nice to go to church. It was just like, I don't like this place. It doesn't make sense to me. I like the psychology. I associated the clothes with the place, and it just felt like the whole thing was a sham. Yeah. You know?

How did you feel about when you had to turn around and shake the hands of strangers? I was very self-conscious about it. Of course. I like, yeah. I don't. My heartbeat would like raise. The main ingredient. I knew. Peace be with you. Yeah, peace be with you course. I like, yeah. I don't. My heartbeat would like raise and I like.

The meet and greet. I knew. Peace be with you. Yeah, peace be with you. It's like, ugh. Yeah. What? I don't even know

any of these people. Yeah. You know? Like. Or worse if you do. You know? Yeah. Like the neighbors

you're not friendly with but you know them. Singing was always a problem. I always had this like. I felt so uncomfortable and I never wanted to do it like i've always liked my attention under my terms and people would be like you should go up there and testify right now i'm like no testify so like what was your so protestant christian what they would do is they would have it always felt like people were trying to one-up each other, which always was weird to me. Of course.

Like naturally, like, I mean, I have so many memories of being in church and like somebody being like, you see, you hear somebody go, praise God. Just like if somebody, if the pastor's talking, they'll say like, praise God. Somebody else will say it louder on the other side because they're trying to constantly want like, or if they're like, like connecting with the message, like some person will. Oh yeah. And then somebody else will go,

Oh, like they're like, like my grandma would do that all the time when she would hear other people, you know, feeling, feeling the message. And I always was like, this feels so forced so

there'd be people who would go up and they would testify how the Lord was working through their lives and how great the message was that day they would be so compelled that they would be testifying and that would cause other people to want to testify as well

and then like my family would look at me and be, do you want it? I'm like, no, I, it always felt so weird to me. Dude, I think the same psychology goes with donations and the tithings.

Oh, of course. Like, like if you see the basket come out and you're fucking like, you know, like your father or, you know, the neighbors will be like a nicer car will come into the little driveway.

And they're like, yeah, this fucking guy showing me up. I just got a fucking Buick. Yeah. 10-year-old Buick. It's in great shape. Yeah.

He's got a brand new car. What's he up to? Yeah. What's he doing? I think when you send that, we used to have baskets. Did you do the same thing? Yeah, for tithing. Yeah, tithings.

And they'd send it around. It's like, you know, my dad, my dad was never went to church never called it on an offering plate yes an offering plate yeah so you just put like 10 bucks in but like i bet i bet that's like the same ideal it's like here's a 20 and you see somebody down the the way you're kind of like doing it for the wrong reasons sometimes because you're seeing somebody's like oh he dropped a 10 in there. 20. Bingo. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty good.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The testifying thing. It also bugs me. Cause I, I don't like the certainty, you know,

like if I testified, I'd be like, this happened. I don't know if that's God or not. That might've been God. I had a wet dream last night. I don't know. Was that God?

Like, because like, I've never experienced anything like that. It was pretty great. The priest is like, did you have incense burning in your apartment? Yeah, I, like, the. That would be fun, though. I haven't been to church. I go to church for, like, someone's wedding.

Yeah. My nephew's christening was the last time I think I went. That's out of a wedding. And he's like nine. I think it'd be interesting to do a confessional and just like be fucking real. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Cause we did the confessional every year growing. I went to 12 years of Catholic school. So you, you'd say, but you just say moderate shit. You'd make up things the same way you would make up something in second grade. I went to 12 years of Catholic school. So you'd say, but you'd just say moderate shit. You'd make up things the same way you would make up something in second grade, like I lied. Yeah, you're masking the real things. Yes, of course.

To be like, I'm going to do some generalities here because I'm too self-conscious to really be like, I did this during the week. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and what, are you going to make me count some beads and chant some shit? Yes. It's like a 10 Hail Mary, three Our Fathers, whatever the fuck it was. That's crazy. But I want to jump in there and just be like, yo.

Come on. I had sex with a stranger, and then when she called me, I deleted her number immediately. I'm sorry, Father. First of all, that's the appetizer. You get in the hookers, you get in the hookers you get the drugs you get in the beatings i hit coke with a four-year-old in the basement yes he's like describe the four-year-old it just gets real horny yeah we're both beating off yeah it would be fun to get real do you think

a pastor would ever stop you, like a priest? I'm sure that's like a very entertaining moment of his life. Wait, what? The pastor who's behind the screen doing the confession. So you know what the confession was? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. But I thought, oh, sorry.

I thought you were talking about jerking off. Stop jerking off. I was like, wait, huh? Would he ever stop you from jerking off in the confessional booth? He probably would. Unless that was one of his kinks. What if you're confessing to it in real time? I'm addicted to masturbating.

No, that for them is like, as we said before, it's like the drunk women watching the Real Housewives. I think that's their reality television is going on. Yeah. The storylines are asked for all the details.

Yeah, I know this is Russ from Clifton Heights. And this motherfucker is telling me he beats his wife. He hit his wife. And now every time I see Russ and Diane, I know what's really going on. And that's just a strumming up. And then he gets to separate Diane. He's like, is everything okay at home?

It's a board game for these fucking weirdos. It's also just surveillance state before internet and cameras. You know what I mean? Because you're just like, I need to know what's going on in the community. And that's if you're straight. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like the gay priests have a whole different board game.

They're trying to isolate this soft child that doesn't have an aggressive behavior. Yeah. And an alpha male type personality. Yeah. You got to take that slow elk from the pack. Finger punch that kid. Boy, you seem to know a lot about that. Guys, we're going to go a deep dive

into the Catholic church right now. Deep dive. You never know what you're going to get. This is how to pick off the younglings out of the pack. I guarantee you that's what it is. Yeah, probably. Yeah. It's psychological fucking.

Oh, psychological warfare. Yeah, of course. That's 100% what it is. Any of those documentaries where people come out, they've had obviously tons of cases over the years and stuff like that. It's when they go through. Tons of cases.

Tons of cases. They reveal like the steps in the process of how they made them feel comfortable at first. And then they reveal all the things, basically wearing them down and manipulating their comfort. And also using faith in a weird way to get them. God wants you. Yeah, yeah. Suck my... The arena.

I don't know if it's ever that blunt. It gets there. Yeah, yeah. They're in a rush. Yeah, they got to disarm the bomb. They pull the priest aside like, listen, I've been hearing your new stuff. It's not working.

Go back to the hits. Yeah. The Eagles played four. You're going to suck my dick right now. God says., dude. Oh. Dude, it is. No, it's an arena for predation.

It's like truly psychotic and sociopathic. Yeah. They know exactly who to go after. There's three kids. If me and my two brothers go into church with my mom, one of us is slower than the others. Mm-hmm. And one was.

Yeah. And. He is slower than the others. And one was. Yeah. And he might have gotten diddled. Mentally or physically? No, like socially. Oh, gotcha. But physically. Like less street smart. Yes. I didn't know if he was trying to dodge.

No, he had one sneaker. He's going to love the podcast. He's going to be like, holy shit, I got 50 pairs of sneakers. I love how your dad was like, nah, nah, there's not. The tread wasn't worn out. It was just on a stick. He stepped right on that left leg. He treaded lightly.

Yeah. I mean, that's kind of a nice summary to the whole conversation. Tread lightly when you walk into a church. Yeah. You know what I mean, that's kind of a nice summary to the whole conversation. Tread lightly when you walk into a church. Yeah. You know what I mean? Don't ruin the fucking treads. It still is very awkward if you go to like a friend's wedding and the priest tries to pretend like they know them.

You know what I mean? Yes. It's like bad late night conversation. Yeah. You had a bicycle that got stolen as a kid, I heard. Yeah, it's like Byron Allen. It's like Byron Allen. Bad set up. It's By bad late night conversation. You had a bicycle that got stolen as a kid, I heard. Yeah, it's like Byron Allen. Byron Allen. Bad set up.

It's Byron Allen. So, Jermaine, I heard you don't like airports. You don't like airports. Yeah, yeah. My name's Jeremiah, but thank you, Byron. Yeah, I hate them. I hate airports. I'm in basketball courts not airports jesus christ

black guys my buddy uh joel jimenez was telling me that he watched an episode of um byron allen where the one of the setups was so i hear you're getting older that was the whole thing yeah to lead them into the joke he doesn't have any yeah it's like you don't want to. No qualms about getting them in. Yeah, let's just. Right in. He's over the job.

You can see where he's just fucking mailing it in. Yeah. Just reading a card. It's probably on a teleprompter. Do you know how rich that dude is? What? Do you know how rich Byron Allen is? That's what I mean.

He's so crazy filthy rich. Yeah. Really? Dude, the residuals. He's like a Tyler Perry like he's at that status he's so wealthy yeah dude it's a it's a genius idea and he's also a producer on a ton of different of those daytime like shows you watch yeah mechanic shops and stuff like that oh really yeah he produces like a lot of those daytime television shows

what a yeah what a great what a great gig to get. That's like when you become like an investor. You know what I mean? You get so rich, you're just like, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll put money into that. Yeah, yeah. Every time something goes public like a nice company, good company, you just get stock like ahead of time.

Any huge actor you'll see. Yeah, Tina Fey produces some show she's never been on, never even watched. And when people even star in movies like Brad Pitt, you'll see his Yeah, Tina Fey produces some show she's never been on, never even watched, never. Yeah. And when people even star in movies, like Brad Pitt, you'll see his name as a producer and then. Of course. That's in the contract. Yeah. Like, I'm gonna be a producer on this and I'm gonna make crazy back end. You make me an EP, I'll be the star.

Exactly. That's exactly what they say. Yeah. Yeah, I remember the fucking my old manager shoehorned her wing as an EP for the potential of Delco when we signed the pilot and McKeever was fucking livid dude he was like

she had nothing to do with any of it and she was like well I want to be an executive producer and I was like yeah I want to be an astronaut because that would have paid a shitload so once you're a movie star I get it or not. Because that would have paid a shitload. So once you're a movie star, I get it. All those studios are like,

yeah, sure. I Am Legend 2 is coming out. I didn't even realize that. I just saw it on the news today. What? I can't tell if this is new. Did you see the first I Am Legend? No. Is it the one where he's shooting deer in the streets on the trailer? Yes. Yeah. Is it good? With Will Smith? Yeah. I loved it. Is that the one where he's like shooting deer in the streets

on the trailer? Yes. Well, it's like apocalyptic end of the world. It's like zombies slash like they're almost like vampire like zombie creatures. And it was good.

It's a good movie? I loved it. Yeah, it was pretty good. And they're making a new one and I didn't know how it was possible. They're going with the alternate ending that they didn't release in theaters. I didn't even know there was an alternate ending. They put it on the DVD. They're going with the alternate ending that they didn't release in theaters I didn't even know there was an alternate ending

they put it on the DVD they're going with the alternate ending that was on the DVD for the sequel to work does that make sense so the theatrical release spoiler he blows up everything yeah so I was like how are they making a sequel

and then I started researching this is a rabbit hole that I went down. No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember watching the alternate ending. Yeah, I didn't. I don't remember what it was. Basically, the alternate ending is.

He like gets out of the house. He has a cure and he shows them that like with this cure that he's going to be able to work on them. And they decide to not eat him because he saved one of their people. Right, right, right. So they show him compassion. Right, right. So, because I was like, how is this even possible? Yeah.

Wait, was he, are we still talking Will Smith? Yeah. So was this movie filmed prior to the slap? So many years ago. Oh, okay. This is like early 2000s. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Wait, what? Yeah. No, I mean the second one. No, the second one's coming out in this next year. That's what I'm saying. But it's been filmed before the slap. Way, filmed way before the slap. Yeah? Yeah. No, I mean the second one. No, the second one's coming out in this next year. That's what I'm saying. But it's been filmed before the slap. Filmed way before the slap. Yeah.

Yeah. Is he still there? He's trying to come back. He's trying to. He will. He will. He had Emancipation come out. I didn't see it.

But certain people liked it. I don't think it was that big of a deal to get canceled. It should be, but it's not. He'll be back. He's too big to not bounce back. Yeah, exactly. He's too big. He's in timeout. not. He'll be back. He's too big to not bounce back. Yeah, exactly. He's too big. He's in timeout.

Yeah. I don't know. There is a thing where it's like you do want to ostracize people a little bit. You know? I think he's, I don't know. I'm already. I mean, the only thing that honestly that sucks for Chris Rock, it's more with Chris Rock, in my opinion, that he has to deal with it.

He's going to have to deal with this way longer, Will Smith. 1,000%. Yeah. With Chris Rock, in my opinion, that he has to deal with it. Yeah. He's going to have to deal with this way longer, Will Smith. 1,000%. Yeah. He's the guy that got tuned up on national television and everybody saw it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but it's so – I wish you would have had a line.

Can you imagine? Yeah, just something. Any line. Dude, how could you? That's the craziest fucking thing. Oh, I know. It's so shocking. No, but you want – the comedian in me it's so shocking fucking no but you want the comedian

to me i was like i wish i wish you would have had something i mean my rage would have outweighed all the creative yeah thought no no your brain shuts off yeah i would have been like especially trying to keep together in front of yeah people that you, you're the oddball out there. They're inviting into their ceremony. I would've got real weird. Like I'm going to fuck you up. Like I would've said weird shit. You know what I mean? Like once you turn that corner,

it's like the next, the next commercial break. Cause they, you think they're all going to, they're going to cuddle this shit. We're all going back to this corner. I'm going to fuck you up. I would've just got real.

Cause dude, you strike me. Yeah. You blind rage of going like, and then you walk off. I can't run and tackle you, but maybe I would. Maybe,

I don't know. Dude, Chris Rock's not that type of person, but if he turns around, he's just fucking bull rush. Yeah. And just fucking, who's going to stop me?

Who's in the first three rows? They're decrepit fucking billionaires in hollywood yeah you started hauling off on fucking the back of his head yeah it's tough it's tough because you he's in that situation where it's like he you're in the the home stretch of your career you know what i mean yeah they both don't have to work forever though like but because it would have been fun if he just took a moment to gather himself and then just started shitting all over his wife just like yeah and harder and just went in harder and then was like get this guy out of here true like get him out true this is embarrassing instead of abiding by the rules of the whole thing yeah

and just like look around and be like that was was not planned. He just stood up, walked up here and slapped me like a psychopath. That's, this is so embarrassing. Just spell it out right away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you just, if you went, I don't give a fuck about it, but it's like, you know. I think if he were. I don't give a fuck about the Academy Wars. I think if Chris were more accustomed to like that level of violence, maybe.

That he would be like in the moment to take a moment and then also go i know how to fuck this dude up yeah not physically but like to your point use my comedic genius and go all right oh you oh you took the physical route okay yeah now i'm unlocking everything mental warfare on you right yeah just. Turn off the teleprompter. This is what's happening right now. Hellfire. Yeah. Hellfire.

Hellfire until they shut the thing off. And then everybody knows there's like, maybe there's a camera still going. You slapped me over that Jada Pinkett joke. I got a few more that got cut before. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes. And try to come up here again while I, you know.

Yeah. Yeah. Now I'm ready for you. Now I'm ready for now i'm ready dude i mean but the amount of the way your brain spiders in that moment to just like what just happened what are the implications of this am i in trouble is he gonna be in trouble who's gonna be pissed about this what are the repercussions gonna be do i just like yeah you have to train your brain for that kind of uh mental warfare for like the

future. I tried to write a bit on this about like the threat of violence and the importance of the threat of violence in the workplace. Yeah. And it's basically the psychological warfare, as you stated earlier about, about exactly that moment where like everybody should be accustomed to getting punched in the face once.

This is not the bit, but like growing up going, all right, you, you have a certain set of respect and rules around the threat of violence that you're raised in. That's why like prisoners are very respectful of one another. They know there's a reciprocation to your, your,

your fucking, your decisions and your disrespect but like in the workplace you'll just have some fucking fat dildo yapping his mouth at you and you're like dude i will outside of your position right now if we were anywhere else i would knock your fucking teeth out and you probably wouldn't talk to somebody else the same way you're talking to me forever in your position at work, it doesn't matter. You're going to be like, oh, shit, I've never been punched in the face before. Everybody should be punched in the face once.

And I think if Chris Rock was slapped or punched, he probably was. He didn't have an easy life, right? Yeah, yeah. I'm sure he's been hit before, but it's just getting hit on that stage. The politics surrounding that moment, you're thinking about in your head. That's why you just go I'm just going to land the plane. I'm just going to read the rest of the teleprompter.

You're just looking at old actors staring at you going you're fucking going everywhere. I just got slapped by Will Smith. And that's why we should invite them to the Oscars. They just fight like animals. That's what they do.

Yes. You're like, easy. Easy, Gable. I can't even think of an old name I was trying to. I don't even have one. Oh, yeah. It would have been nice. But, yeah, there's, I mean, there's nothing you can do.

I think that's the craziest. I mean, it's one of the craziest moments, live moments of all time. It's the best. Outside of fucking. Do you guys remember that old. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. What?

The guy shooting himself in the head. He's like, it's going to be fine. It's all right. The fuck's his name? Yeah, I don't know. Burt Reynolds? No, he takes a gun out. He gets caught for embezzling.

He's like a Philly politician. And there's a nationally televised and he's retiring. And he's handing all his good friends envelopes and he pulls out a brown bag and takes out a.357. And all his friends are like,

don't, don't, don't. And he's like, no, it's all right. It's okay. He's like, sit down. It's okay. Yeah. I just want to say, I'm sorry you get,

and he's saying like, Ron, thank you for your thing and thank you for this. And they're like, please don't. Please don't. I won't say Jack Ruby, but it's something simple like that. Yeah, yeah.

Why the fuck can I not think of it? I don't know, but he shoots himself in the head. It's pretty bad. It's wonderful. It's pretty bad. It's wonderful. It's pretty bad. It's a wonderful video. It's pretty awful.

You should watch it, dude. We're going to watch it right now. I want you to watch it. It's totally awful. I don't know if Chris Rock did that. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. I thought this might happen.

Was it a brown bag? Bud Dwyer. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Oh, I've heard that name. Okay. Yeah. Was it a brown bag? Bud Dwyer. Jesus Christ. Oh, I've heard that name. You want to see it? I don't know. Should I? How much of this stuff do you watch?

How much of what stuff? Murder. Well, I've seen a lot of movies. I haven't seen too much of actual stuff, like Faces of Death stuff. No? No, I haven't seen too much of like actual stuff, like faces of death stuff. Yeah. No, no, I haven't seen too much of that stuff.

Good. I like this. Come on, baby. This is Tommy. He wakes up every morning and just looks at people getting hit by cars, jumping off buildings. It's very fun.

Well, my day is going to be better than that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's only up from here. People do. You can't watch too much of that.

Poisons the brain. It's like nightly news. Poisons the brain. Poisons the brain. You don't want too much of this stuff. Are you pulling it up or? Oh, God. Oh, God. This is retirement? I think, yeah, resigned.

I think he got in trouble. When I... No, no, no. Please leave the room. This will... No, no, no. Don't, don't. This will hurt someone. Don't do that.

Oh, my... Oh, my God. Oh, my. Dude, that's freaking insane. Yes. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, it looks different in movies. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

Yeah, it moved in yeah it's it's there's something yeah the way he the way his body fell dude was so different from it's like it can't be um that can't be it's a marionette puppet when you when you strike any of the brain or spinal cord you fall like yeah yeah that drop would drop was such an unnatural yeah drop yeah because movies, there's always that. Yeah, there's timing. His body, it was just immediate. Yeah, there's nothing. That's the worst part about watching these things.

We talked about this. The life. Well, just like the life drains out of people so fast. Like there's no movie thing where they extend. It's not like an intense moment. It's just you're gone. You're just gone. It's like there's no, yeah. It's horrific. Yeah. It's horrific.

Anyway, happy birthday. Thank you so much. Congrats on the baby. Congrats on the special. Thank you. Thank you for shopping by. Of course. Come on. I love you guys. Yeah, this was great. I figured we'd end on that. Why not?

Yeah, Bud Dwyer. I wish I had a giant vanilla envelope. You give it to me, I'm like, whoa, Tommy. Who's gonna end it?