Stuff Island - Stuff Island #82 w/ Conner McNutt

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

- Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Conner on IG: https://www.instagram.com/420naughtyboy/?hl=en Support the show & head to FactorMeals.com/StuffIsland50 for 50% off your first box! Support the show & head to RocketMoney.com/StuffIsland "you're gonna get a deal" - Chris O'Connor Support the show and head to Manscaped.com and use code: STUFFISLAND for 20% and free shipping! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

well the idea of unpacking and putting things away is oh dude i mean that's that's one of my bad traits is when i come back from a trip it takes me like days to see i'm the opposite dude i truly believe in you know the cleanliness yeah and the just being consistent with your area that you can control because it'll fuck up your mental state. You know? Yeah. If they say, like, your workspace is your headspace. Yeah. And you meet someone that just, like, works sitting on, like, a pile of old hamburger wrappers and shit.

You're like, that guy's fucked up in the head. And sure enough, he is. Dude, I'm telling you. You ever meet Chris? I think the biggest problem is I hate all of my clothes. Let's go for a wardrobe change. Yeah, let's go shopping. Dude, I hate my clothes. I'll be your queer eye, dude.

Most of the stuff that's in my room is stuff that was washed. I put on and went, no. Or me handing them to you. Put them on, I go, no. And then I throw it on my bed. And then I just have clean, unfolded shit all over the place. But at least you settled on this drexel university lacrosse this is what we're down to i mean dude i am the clean one in my apartment me and my fiance really

yeah big time i'm the i'm like a full-on housewife dude she has a great job i make hardly any money well that's good i cook and i clean i walk the dog i do everything you should be doing this though yeah absolutely yeah the guys who have like to offer nothing yeah and then they're also slobs yeah i'm like she don't fucking leave you how are you still alive yeah how are you still alive ghost of christmas future too i see these fucking slobs at like uh comedy clubs and i'm like they'll say girlfriend i'm like i'm sorry what yeah somebody's fucking this monstrosity dude there's no way. It's unbelievable.

She's letting you breathe in her neck. And then get up and do nothing. You fucking slob. No, we're having ideas. And then you find out some of these guys. We, dude. We're having ideas. We're thinking about stuff, dude.

And then you find out that some of these guys are in an open relationship. And you're like, she's letting you fuck other people also? Oh, my gosh. What the hell is going on here? Name names, connor let's get them out name names because i will go on a rant i will go on a rant about first and last that's crazy you got like a six pack of autistic comics that have open relationships oh there's more than you know man it's crazy that's nuts yeah maybe they just got fucking hoagie baloney you know i mean the old brajo they're bringing the goods to the bedroom she's like i'll deal with they got to bring something right i mean this is unbelievable i don't i don't think i don't understand how you could ever stay above your girl and how much they're you're fucking you know what i mean like you constantly

behind the eight ball anytime you screw, they could just go fuck somebody. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm sure you try to like talk that through or some bullshit, but it's just like, no. Yeah. The amount of damage they can inflict on you at any given moment. Yeah. Their pussy is an open door.

Yeah. Yeah. They could just go get a call from them. Every man has the key if they want. Yeah. It makes me sad. Get a call. Like when I think about those guys.

I'm actually pretty sad right now. Yeah. Yeah them you know what i mean you got to get somebody that takes care of you a bit but you do have to pull your weight yeah what do you do what do you do at home what's your what's your what's your process what do you mean like you said like you you're you're you're a homemaker yeah so what type of cleaning we we talking about? It's like deep clean? So I maintain a lot. The suitcase is the one thing that is like the thing I need to work on.

We'll let those sit for like days. Yeah. But every day I'm making the bed and every day I clean the kitchen, scrub down the stove.

Let's go. Sweeping every day. Yeah. And then like, I would say every two weeks I do like a deep clean. Yeah. See,

it doesn't make you feel better though. Oh, I do. I love it. And also, I got this thing in my brain where like once I start cleaning, I can't can't stop yeah like i start making things up to do yeah i'm like scrubbing the side of the refrigerator for like hours it's i think it's

just distracting me i had to cut the lawn yesterday there's a pile of japanese bamboo that i ripped out without gloves i tell you nice without. Without gloves. I'm blaming it on the Asians. Yeah. This thing is so invasive. It shouldn't be in our fucking yard. No, but it is. It's like, it grows like bamboo. They say you can't, you have to like talk to your neighbors if you put bamboo in your yard.

Because the motherfucker. You're saying there's actually bamboo back there? Yeah. And they'll shoot down, go underneath the concrete. They find a way and they'll come back up. It just they're like they grow like three feet a day or something they're like mexicans on fucking spring break you're gonna leave with four and come back with a hundred guys no but so i had to cut the lawn the lawn the lawnmower uh lawnmower kicked off and for the first three weeks of spring this shit grows

like a like an italian's head right so it's nuts it's all the way up to my waist and i gotta get it was crazy i didn't get a pre-pick because i would like to boast it because it's bananas yeah and i had to i had to ask the landlord's brother-in-law to come fix the carburetor because it gets like flooded from the snow and the rain because he won't get me a fucking lawnmower cover. Because he's like, Tom, I asked my mom and she said, well, look,

if you get it, she'll help out, but this way you have it. I'm like, do I have it? I'm just gonna what are the odds of me having another lawn in New York City? Like, I'm gonna walk around with a fucking lawnmower cover and shears? I'm taking care of this thing like a barber. Can you just buy the cover?

Yeah, but I'm taking all the money. Where do you find that? I feel like that's like trying to throw out a trash can. The reason Bezos has a diamond-encrusted cock, that guy deserves every dollar he gets. Yeah, but will it fit right? Oh, I'll look up the fucking number. Will it fit?

Yeah, I looked up the number. I wrote it down. I want a nice fit, dude. I don't want a baggy. I like Bezos. Bezos. You got to love him. I mean, I don't like him,

but I do respect that he's not trying to be something. Yeah. He's a very quiet billionaire. Well, he's also trying to get the space because Elon did. He did go to the moon with a cowboy hat. I know, but he's not like, be something. Yeah. He's a very quiet billionaire. Well, he's also trying to get to space because Elon did. He did go to the moon with a cowboy hat. I know, but he's not like,

he doesn't care. There's no personality. What are you saying? He did go to the, well, he didn't go to the moon, but he went to space in a cowboy hat. Yeah, that's what he should do.

That's also awesome. Dude, that's like smoking a cigar indoors. Like, you're a cocksucker, dude. That's like a given billionaire thing, though. You know what I mean? Like, Elon just pisses me i'm like shut the fuck up why do you want to be cool so bad yeah yeah they gotta yeah but i want him to we gotta get to mars for sure you know you think elon's gonna get us i think so and i can't wait

because everyone who hates it's not gonna happen everyone who hates society should be the first ones on that. Just go. Yeah. I don't know. Left and right, just fucking get gone. Who would you send to Mars in your immediate family? In the immediate family? In your immediate family.

Who would you put on that plane to Mars? My family's happy. I wouldn't send them. Really? Yeah. There's not one person you put in fucking Mars? No, no. I think it's got to be like the fucking Mayflower.

Everyone who feels like they're being persecuted needs to fucking get gone. We don't have enough rockets. We're all out of rockets. Start the utopian world that you think exists over there. Yeah. And if it works, we'll all come. Yeah.

And if not? We're not going. It's not us. No. It's never going to be us. I know, I'm happy. happy do we said this before i'm just looking forward to the technological advancements of sex dolls like i want that to hit me before my bird stops working i don't worry about space and shit like that i'm good what you would have a sex doll

you would like buy a sex doll i think it's gonna come around real fucking nice i don't know i think we're gonna have a sex doll that just... By storing the thing. Another storing. No, no, no. I'm talking 15, 20 years where this bitch puts herself to sleep. She unpacks my suitcase

and then gets to bed. You don't have sex with her anymore. She's just a maid. I'm getting a fucking... I'm getting a sex maid if she wears the right clothes. I don't know. I think...

I think you'd be bummed out. If you're doing weird shit to a robot, you're going to get sad pretty fast. The point is, they're doing the animatronics to the facial reconstruction. They got these Audis on a remote control working their cheek muscles. Yes, I want your cum. No, no. Dude, Siri want your cum. No, no, no. Dude, Siri's killing it right now. What?

Siri? You update your iOS? Siri's got a nice voice. My Siri's an Irish guy. Yeah? Did you go Irish? I went Irish, yeah. Yeah, I had a British dude

for a while. I don't know. I just remember doing it one day and now every time I talk to him it's a nice Irish man. Yeah. And I love him. Is he older?

I would say he's like, you know, probably 50. Yeah, I like that. He's not too old. he's not an old man i like that yeah yeah he sounds like a gentleman you know how often do you talk to siri dude i'm like an old man i literally every time i call anybody when i called you outside i said hey siri yo chris o'connor dude you're so right once you take the dip in the pool it's you start going why would going, why am I ever using my hands? Dude, and when I'm at my apartment every night, I'm just like,

hey Siri, what's Jeff Bezos' net worth? I'm just doing net worth. It's estimated to be $130 billion. $130 billion? Oh, what a nice guess.

That Irish dummy. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's so funny. $130 billion. A billion. Oh. No, but it's true. I'm going to, like, tonight I'm going to go to bed,

and I'm going to say, what a lovely night that was. And then I'm going to ask Siri what the weather was for tomorrow. What the weather is for tomorrow. That's what I do when I go to sleep. Hey Siri, what was the weather today? Hey Siri, what? Clouded with a chance of throwing up out your ass. Hey Siri, what happened today?

Hey Siri, what's wrong with me? Hey Siri, how do I fix this? Hey Siri, what's wrong with me? Hey Siri, how do I fix this? Hey Siri, help! Dude, one time I said Oh lad You're gonna be fine I said, I asked Siri what the weather was

in such a hungover voice They actually defined weather Oh really? Yeah, she told me what weather was. I like that it's based off of all the other stupid questions you ask. There's no way he's asking. He needs to know what weather is. What's a tape measure?

Can you not just have like three beers in a night and call it quits? No. Really? No, you can. You've done that. If everyone else is like, I'm going home. If one person is like, I'm still drinking. I'm like, you can. You've done that. If everyone else is like, I'm going home. If one person is like, I'm still drinking, I'm like, I can't. I think you're avoiding the obvious, which is why I call you Whiskey Chris.

You can have whiskey. Some people just can't have certain liquids. Yeah. Whiskey. Whiskey hits you in a different realm, dude. Yeah. It's like drinking soda on Mars, I imagine. Do you ever start with whiskey, or is it just...

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He finishes with it. That bottle's on somebody's fucking roof out back. Just screaming the N-word towards Mars. You'll never take me alive! Dude, we walked in, what was it, two nights ago. I hadn't seen him.

I know. Two days. I walked in and he was, I saw the level on the Woodford. And I was like, oh boy. And he was jolly. And I'm like, this is good, Chris. I'm hoping this bottle hasn't been consumed in the same, you know, the same sun period. I'm hoping this is like, I hadn't seen him in a while.

He's doing little gibbers here and there. I don don't think it was i think it was all one night that was in the last like 45 minutes before you showed up i was throwing back yeah yeah i was having a great day you were having what did you do before that what i just i was just watching lacrosse all day and then there was hockey at night i was having a great day well it's very funny because i texted you on sunday being like yo you come into this thing and you go nah i'm cooked so i just kind of thought you were tired i was i was i was and right after i sent that text i was like well they're having a nice barbecue i deserve a good time i was like i'll have a beer and then you know one thing leads another, and I'm a bottle of whiskey. You should have seen the fucking living room the morning I woke up.

Oh, my God. There's more. I have more shame with seeing McDonald's and fast food packaging than coming out in a hotel and seeing Coke and used condoms. One's a good time. Yeah. But you still got to like the mustard. McDonald's is a good time yeah but you still gotta like mcdonald's wrappers the mustard mcdonald's is a good time it was you did say chicken nuggies you did the nugs saved me yeah

it's so good so i cleaned it up big mac dude i'm an unbelievable you should have seen it's been a while since i've had one oh the big mac yeah so good i don't my thing with burgers though is i love a burger so i feel like when i have mcdonald's it's like a waste of a burger yeah no i'm like i i could have blown this nut on like a good burger well you can just follow it up with another burger i guess no the big mac is i don't know standards that day that day i was so wasted i had ordered chinese i ordered chinese i ate chinese and then i ate and then i ordered big mac right on top of that yeah there was like six bags of takeout in that fridge and i left you for like a

week yeah right yeah no it's just chinese no you left me for two days do you wake up with like mickey mouse hands with all its salt no dude i eat chinese i can't i can't dude my face is so puffy it's unbelievable yeah that's why they all look like that come on jesus christ what i mean like let's go they got like the lemon no how do you mean i go into it how puffy do you ever know i found a good chinese place dragon express let me tell you something i already heard the name it's not good it's amazing there's no good chinese place called dragon express i didn't think so either that's crazy thousands of five-star reviews well the express is just how long it takes for you to get out your ass you know it's like delivery it's like door dash diarrhea dash the next day

dude i it's so hard for me not to take pictures of my shits oh my god dude my best friend growing up to this day i just send him photos when you get a giant log or just a mess in there i'm more of of a mess. You're just like, dude, look what I did. It's like a three-year-old finger paint. Yeah, mom, look. You can't mix the red and the blue. It looks like shit. I go to his apartment.

He has it hanging on the fridge. Just photos of my shit. Yeah, I never understood. You have to eat an enormous amount of food and then ignore your bowels to get to that level of dump, like horse dump? Yeah.

I mean, dude, I shit like three times a day. Me too. I'm constantly- Yeah, me too. Yeah. Yeah. Mud. Mud city.

Yeah, dude. I got IBS. I got fucking Crohn's. I got colitis. I love when alcoholics are like, I have IBS. It's funny. No, you don't. So true. Yeah. IBS. It's funny. No, you don't. So true.

I got here in a box. I have nights where I've had like 15 beers, then I eat like takeout, and I have diarrhea the next morning. I'm like, who did this to me? Who is responsible for this? Doc, something's wrong. Yeah. You got a taquito in your mouth like a cigar, and you're my mother's genetics are wild i didn't ask for this i used to have like anxiety induced ibs

yeah it's really bad yeah and it's the reason you have to shit before you go on stage it's like well not even that it was just like i think my brother was such a fucking maniac yeah like when i lived at home my parents i had ibs and i thought it was like medical and then i moved to new york and it went away yeah so now I've diarrhea all the time cuz I drink too much yeah it's not your brother's fault it's not like that pain it's not my brother's fault yeah it's like a weird version of the force you have diarrhea you're like my brother's close I feel I haven't felt this in a long, long time.

Your wife's trying to calm you down. It's not him. You're like, no, no, it's just different shit. It's a different type of shit. They cut around that in Star Wars. Your ass will cut. Your ass will cut her immediately when it took a shit. Your ass will open.

She was the Obi-Wan was near. Your ass will open up like the doors of the fucking sky ship or whatever it's called right before you have to shit i actually there's a dude i lived with uh a temple i went to drexel but i live with on temple's campus with my best friend and his boys because they play baseball so it was like nine baseball dudes i said this before early on days It was like a three story House Gutted

Like we had one couch Painted floors We had like 15 keg parties Like 15 keg Parties Yeah yeah So like the football team Would come over

It just Open saloon door Just mayhem You couldn't lock Any bedroom door It was just It was just like Whatever's gone

Is gone Let's just Let's just black out. How often do you guys get upper decked? No, we never got upper decked. Have you ever upper decked somebody? Have I? Yeah.

I've done some very bad shit. Literally. It's a yes or no question. One time I shit in a shore house and threw it in their dryer because we got in a fight with them. Jesus Christ. I couldn't even imagine the smell. That's insane oh my god really fucking how did you get it in the dryer did you stick your ass in the box it was a shoe a shit in a shoe box and then just

hucked in there i really in my in my head you just reached into the toilet and grabbed a turd that's what i thought i also shit i shit in a shoe box in front of my friends as a joke. Yeah. Party trick. It's a good joke. It was a good joke. It was before I had IBS. Oh, okay. Yeah, so we're talking.

Clean elephant, baby elephant, all foliage. Thick one. Anyway, let me get back to this kid. One of the baseball players at Temple, he would shit so large, the width of a soda can. And he was from like... He was getting gaped. You think so? He was getting gaped?

Yeah, yeah. What, like fucked in the ass? Yeah. What, to open it up? Yeah, or he was sticking baseball bats up there or something. Oh my God. How else does your asshole get that wide? Well, you're talking about shitting like this.

No, I shit a long log. The skinniest dump you've ever, I shit a long log. The skinniest dump you've ever seen. Not a wide thing. A wide thing is bad, dude. This guy would yell, so we'd be like... Just gaming. You know, just gaming.

Dipping with the boys. And you hear this dude, he had the wildest accent. Like, yeah, guys, come see this one. And then we would all run up the steps, put the shirt over the face, walk in. And I'm not kidding you. It was like a baby seal. Yeah.

Like the way they're shaped. Like just thick. Boom. Yeah. A hammer. Yeah. And I'm like, how are you getting this down? Because he's probably sitting on shit. Dude, he's fucking himself in the ass. You have to wait so long. probably sitting on shit. Dude, he's fucking himself in the ass.

Yeah. I don't know. He's fucking himself in the ass. No. Also, a guy like that. You can't stretch your ass like that. If you start eating like you got three assholes, you're going to eventually,

those three assholes can expand into one. No. It's how much you consume. And he had your body type, too. The kid had no ounce of fat on him. It was crazy. I'm telling you. Just ripped like a gymnast

he's doing ass play you own the case the idea the idea of a guy with a philly accent like that getting fucked in the ass no he probably is crazy no this was you ever see those girls that sit on that like tentacle or whatever yeah the one that spins around no it takes that's what he's doing he must be yeah damn factor during the prime spring season you need wholesome convenient meals to energize you for warmer more active days and keep keep you on track for your goals factor america's number one ready to eat meal kit can help you fuel up fast with ready to eat meals delivered straight to your door you'll save time eat well and tackle everything on your to-do list too busy to cook this mate? with Factor

skip the trip to the grocery store skip the chopping prepping cleaning up too Factor's fresh never frozen meals are ready in just

two minutes so all you have to do is eat I cook I clean you need Factor well you're you're wasting your time

cause you tonight as soon as you've done these fucking reads, you know what I got going up? Calorie conscious options ahead of summer. Try delicious dietitian approved calorie smart meals with around or less than 550 calories per serving.

That's like one IPA. That was a dig. We offer delicious favor packed options on the menu each week to fit a variety of lifestyles, from keto to calorie-smart, vegan plus, veggie, and protein plus, prepared by chefs and approved by dieticians. Each meat meal has all the ingredients you need to feel satisfied all day long while meeting your goals.

Chris, can I break off with a shortcut for these meat wagons? Yeah. Stop getting 3,000 calorie coffees in the morning. Stop eating cream cheese filled pancakes. What? Yeah. Cream cheese pancakes? Yeah.

I just saw a billboard for it. What? Yeah. Cheesecake filled pancakes. If there's cake twice in your breakfast, you're fucking up. It's true. You need this. Yeah, you're not getting that from FitBad.

Yeah, dude. FitBad, Factor, I mean. Enough cakes for waking up. Syrups and fucking... Just grow up. I'll eat a bag of gummy bears blacked out at 2 a.m. If you can't also... If you can do it, I can do it.

Crawl to the gym. Yeah. With Factor, you can rest assured that you're making a sustainable choice. We offset 100% of our delivery emissions to your door, source 100% renewable electricity for our production sites and offices, and feature sustainably sourced seafood in our meals. This may get Factor and enjoy clean eating without the hassle. Simply choose your meals and enjoy fresh, flavor-packed meals.

Tell them what they get off, Chris. These are ready in just two minutes. No prep, no mess. Two minutes? Head to factormeals.com slash stuffisland50 and use code stuffisland50 to get 50% off your first box. That's code stuffisland50 at factormeals.com

slash stuffisland50 to get 50% off your first box. Wow. Alright, guys. This reset. Rocket money. Rocket money. Look, the thing about life in the 21st century and the digital age is you got all kinds of subscriptions, right?

Yeah. You're subscribing to this. You're subscribing to that. It's all attached to some card and some email you forgot about. Some password you don't remember. I got a Netflix from an ex-girlfriend. I got YouTube TV from Shane. Yeah.

I got local television from my parents. Yeah. What I'd say is have friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you don't yeah yeah but if you don't have friends don't have friends rocket money is right for you okay you got all kinds of subscriptions you forgot about okay this is going to take care of that this you put all your stuff into rocket money and you can you know delete and whatever uh try it free for 30 days.

Just enough time to try it and then completely forget about it. In fact, over 80% of people have subscriptions they forgot about. Why don't you stop reading? Tell them what the fuck it is. I'm trying. This is a great app for you to figure out what you've been paying. Okay, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place.

Okay, so you don't have to search around yeah uh over 80 percent of people have subscriptions they forgot about and chances are you're one of them like the stars app who's watching fucking stars who the fuck is watching stars it's better than hbo these days you just want you got it to watch one show or that free gaming trial you actually actually used. Rocket Money will quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you and for anyone you don't want to pay for anymore. Or when your new boyfriend, when you were divorced at 45, told you to sign up for LA Fitness in Clifton Heights, Pennsylvania, and you never canceled it, so you're still paying $39.99

to gain 39 pounds every month on the day. Right. You got to get the rocket. That's pound a dollar you're adding. Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions. Manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash stuffisland.

That's rocketmoney.com slash stuffisland. rocketmoney.com slash stuffisland. What are they saving you? I don't know. It doesn't say. It doesn't say doesn't doesn't say but you're gonna get a deal i don't know what the deal is you're gonna get a deal i'm sure you're gonna get a deal either way you're gonna save money over 3 million people have used Rocket Money,

saving the average person $720 a year. Just go there. Just go there. Do you remember when we had that? RocketMoney.com. Father's Day is coming. You don't want your dad's hairy fucking nuts. Before you give your old man yet another history book, here's a is coming. You don't want your dad's hairy fucking nuts. Before you give your old man

yet another history book, here's a better idea. Manscaped's Performance Package 4.0 has everything dad needs to get groomed. Dude, also, I'm sorry, but your dad having a groom is fucking... A groom sack would be nuts. You think your dad is shaving?

No way. There's two bouffants It's a big old bush bag Yeah It's velcro It's like those bags we were packing today Yeah Just full of

Diving Yeah If they're If they come out of the shower And they by chance Don't have Clothes on They're caught for like

30 minutes Trying to get their Bouffants Unattached I bet he has to go like this with his pants. Like a gun. The package includes the Lawn Mower 4.0 trimmer, Weed Whacker 2.0 ear and nose hair trimmer,

Crop Preserver bald urine, Crop Reviver toner, and Performance Boxer briefs. The whole package comes in a travel bag, so everything is ready to wrap i still gotta try that reviver what's that lotion on your balls or something yeah i don't do that i i still do like the i got like a spray for the deodorant this deodorant's like a it's like a gel i can't get into it like that's how crazy caring about your balls is that

you don't even you're not looking at your balls going, they're too wrinkly. Too wrinkly? No, I'm... Oh, yeah, you got it tight. I'm a young prune, baby. I haven't even struck a fucking wrinkle yet. Really?

Yeah, I don't eat no potatoes. I told you that. It comes straight up from... I'm a little fucking... That might be like a medical issue. No, it's got small nuts. But the bag hangs right it's gotta get away well i got zero you can't make sperm at 98.6 it's not inside my cavity no but

you gotta have it out it's gotta be cool they're out it's a storeroom it's like a wine cellar i'm actually a perfect degree you did you got like one of those things you put in the turkey. It's Christ. Am I not producing sperm? Oh, and it just never pops out? Like my turkey's not... It's never done.

Oh my God, you piece of shit. I'm looking at kids. If your dad already has his grooming routine down, hook him up with Manscaped's Boxers 2.0. They're super comfortable, breathable, and supportive. Look, I don't know what these people are talking about. They're fucking disgusting. What?

What? But I'll tell you this much. There's nothing more disgusting than just getting a mouthful of a man's boy hair. Oh. So the most important thing is that you use Manscaped. Use the boy's code. Rate, review, subscribe. Fucking 20...

What is it? What's the discount? I don't know. This is somehow hot right now. This is very hot. Here's the deal, guys. It is 20%. I've had enough.

Stop talking, start grooming. Just stop talking, start grooming. Have you ever gone down there and the lawn was just over cut of course wait over cut under cut and then you just

skedaddle back up of course and I go it'll be a short one yeah it'll be a shorty really it'll be a short time

but then I'll tell you one thing if it's under cut also a shorty yeah so you really gotta find you gotta find

thank you what do you mean under cut you can't have bald eagle you can't have bald eagle no why not you can't Thank you What do you mean undercut? You can't have shaved nuts As an adult You can't have bald eagle

No Why not? You can't have bald complete bald I've been telling them this Why not? You can't have complete bald For the whole pack It's crazy

It's just not appropriate Yeah What's not appropriate about it? It's just not appropriate You're 37 years old I don't know how to describe it It's just not appropriate It's like seeing your dad

With bare fucking nuts You'd be like Are you No but you guys Driving a Corvette into the kitchen? It does look weird. I'll give you that. It looks weird, but being inappropriate.

Men are freaks. They want women to be complete bald eagles, but you guys are fucking weirdos. No, that's a pedophile. Yeah, that's fucking weird. No, you got to have a little. So here's the thing. You need to have a little bit, but you need to have the appropriate amount. Right.

And the way to do that is to get Manscaped. Yeah. The Manscaped 4.0 will put you there. Use the code. Yeah. And they also have a trim got a trimmer you can go from uh i do i do 1.5 on my side my sideburns and not on this on the on the cheekbones get 20 off for free shipping with the code stuff island at manscape.com that's 20 off with free shipping at manscape.com and use

code stuff island make this Father's Day one He won't forget with manscape. I saw a tweet of some girl and she had a bookshelf of dildos and that the angles were wild Yeah, I saw that same tweet. You saw it. That was not and one was like Just a big it was a lava lamp. She was shoving a lava lamp up her ass The biggest lava lamp I've ever seen. Yeah, and then I looked at it I was like she's hideous and then I looked at the bookshelf and I was like, kind of hot. She's a tiny girl too, from what I remember. It's always the small ones.

It's because their hearts appear in their brain. It never impedes the lungs. All their organs are. They're going to get injured. You're going to get an injury. Yeah. That's by horse cock. Yeah.

That's the way you want to go. Or're just gonna pull a muscle in there muscle inside your organs yeah inside your butthole oh yeah dude my friend growing up his sister took those dumps because you have a second you have a second butthole so she's definitely doing ass play dude but she was no she was like 11 years old i mean i hope not but you know like she was young and it was like a spectacle in the family and i'd sleep over that all the time and it'd be like she finally took a shit it was every like five days and it was a ball dude it wasn't even like shit it was like it was like a meteor and my friend's dad would come in with like an ice pick and break it up because it wouldn't flush wait well hold on hold hold on, hold on, hold on. Your friend's dad?

Yeah. Yeah, it was her, his... Oh, her father. Her father. Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant like her dad's friends. Nah, we brought in a third party.

I'll take care of her. I'll take care of her shit. Charlie, I got this one showing up with an ice pick. Now her dad would come with an ice pick and have to break it up

and we'd all watch. You watch him? And then he would do this insane thing, which... She's on the toilet like, Come in! But dude, the whole time she was screaming. Dude, it's like fucking...

Shatters the toilet. There's no water left, they gotta add another bucket. Dude, so you'd break it up, they'd flush it, and she was also mortified every time this happened. I bet, there's seven water left. I got to add another bucket. Dude, so you break it up, they'd flush it and she was also mortified every time this happened. I bet. There's seven dudes

watching her thinking shit. She's 12 and there's an uncle behind her with a fucking ice pick. Jesus Christ. Talk about stage fright. Dude,

and he would do this thing that would, it recently hit me how disgusting this was is after he did that, he'd flush it and then to prove that the water was clean again he'd dip a ladle in the toilet bowl and then sip it oh this is this and

i'm like oh this guy i think he confused or he's a sick fuck he confused he confused the water tank with how that's clean water with the toilet bowl and dude i'm not kidding like three years ago i was like dude he was like eating his daughter's shit. Dude. I think I know why her asshole was so wide. Oh, no, dude. It can't be that. I don't know. Wait.

You got to start asking yourself a couple questions. Who was he trying to prove that it was clean to? I think it was, like, dad antics of, like, I don't know. You're going to say that's antics? The more shit that's coming out of my mouth, I, you know. That's so insane. It's insane. Who was like,

but it's not clean, though. Because I threw a bunch of kids. Hey, honey, get the ladle. Yeah, sure, the poop's gone, but it's not clean. Don't tell me that ice pick works. This guy's checking pH balances. I don't know, Victoria.

I think you're fine. I have no explanation for what he was doing but yeah dude that's dark that was beat for beat what's his name can't do that yeah I can't do that

we should look him up though I'll tell you afterwards yeah but anytime I'm in like LA California and I see houses on the hills I always think

that kind of stuff's going on like in the Hollywood hills yeah just everywhere in the hills I don't like the hills the hills you see? Yeah, just everywhere in the hills. I don't like the hills. The hills have toilets. You'll see a mansion in the Hollywood Hills and you're like, there's a dad drinking shit in there.

This city's corrupt. Oh yeah? You're Rorschach from Watchmen yeah the Hollywood Hills spook me yeah I mean it's old and seedy and yeah yeah heinous shit has gone down up there yeah Laurel Canyon it's all poop drinkers if I had to guess damn i actually do want to break up a giant ball of shit with a nice big it's so weird because it's like you gotta there's no ice in california like it's never snowing he bought that specifically for her giant turds oh my god God. Jeff Bezos, shout out. Probably fucking delivered within 24 hours.

Nice pick for your giant pooping asshole. Delivering meteors. Call on me, Jeff Bezos. Is there like, is that a subset of videos? Like, you know how they have like pimple popping stuff?

For sure. Is it breaking up poops? For sure. It's gotta be there. It's gotta be there. I don't know if there's anything you can imagine that's not on the internet.

Yeah. Yeah. Like there's no like subcategory of some weird kink shit that doesn't exist. Dude. Yeah. If I don't, if I, if I don't poop for, which has never happened, but if I didn't, if I didn't go boomsies for like a day and a half, two days, I'm laying in a tub giving birth like an Amish lady.

I'm not going in the toilet because I'm afraid what's going to come out. You, you, wait, you're saying you're shitting in the toilet because I'm afraid what's going to come out. Wait, you're saying you're shitting in the tub? 100%. And that could stop on my grapes. So you've done this? I've never done this, but I thought about it. God, Jesus Christ. I've done that.

I've done that before. You've shit in the tub? Yeah. All right. Yeah, dude. Sometimes I get- Why? Because there's been times where I've been so sick that I'm vomiting and shitting nonstop for 24 hours.

Well, that's food sickness. I'm not going to lay in my bed and shiver and then get up and poop and puke. I'm just going to lay in the hot shower and shit and vomit until it's out. Yeah, dude. Doesn't anyone need the bathroom? Oh, you guys had multiple bathrooms.

We only had one bathroom. Yeah, dude. Doesn't anyone need the bathroom? Oh, you guys had like multiple bathrooms. We only had one bathroom. Yeah, yeah. You just closed the curtain. We did. My brother and I only had one bathroom. Yeah. And your parents had a separate bathroom? They had a separate bathroom.

I had a similar thing. I was really sick when I was like, I think I had swine flu when I was in ninth grade. Jesus Christ. Yeah, and I was home sick from school for like nine days. How do get that i don't know i was going around this 2009 that's a bird flu right or swine flu swine flu is different than bird flu yeah yeah it's from swine different flus oh pig swine yeah pig swine japanese bamboo invasive they're fucking invasive i tell you not the japs the bamboo guys

so i go outside one day i'm like deliriously sick my mom's at work my dad's at work and i sit down in our back i'm butt naked like i'm out of my mind sick and i go to the backyard i'm naked and i sit down like a mesh chair and i'm like oh i gotta throw up so i started throwing up profusely and the force of throwing up i was shitting through the mesh chair and i'm like you know i'm like 13 years old and i'm like i see that and i go it was making me sicker to look at it yeah so i just go back to bed and my mom the sweet angel she comes up to me she goes hey i don't mean to make you feel bad but did you shit and vomit on the concrete floor in the backyard? And I went, no.

She goes, well, it wasn't me or dad. She just let me have the win. She was like, all right, you can have that one. How old were you, 13? 13, 12, 13, yeah. Damn. What brought it on? Do you remember? The swine flu?

Yeah. How do you get it? No idea. It just was going around. Bed pig? No, no, no. It was just the name of the flu, but it was like any other flu. Like how COVID was it. Man, I'm going to get wrecked in the fucking comments.

I thought you just eat bad pork. You get swine flu. No, no, no. Probably that way too, but I don't know. Thanks, Chris. It wasn't like mad cow. It was just the name of the... Did you ever get severely sick

as a kid? No. I had... Two weeks, I had like a bad stomach virus. Literally, I remember I woke up... You think you would've been taller if you didn't get that sick?

There's a piece of me. Dude, I was 75 pounds. I was in fifth grade and I lost 15 oh damn what they put you on a shelf and i couldn't walk at the end i had a stomach virus and then pneumonia right on top of that oh gee i didn't eat for 10 days i was like fucked properly fucked i i remember like i remember my brother at the end, like, once it had passed, he brought me out into the backyard and was like, try to run. And I would run two steps and face plant.

I, like, couldn't get my knees up in front of me. So you were sitting in the back and he dug a fucking grave. He just dug a hole. He's like, try and run to that hole. My mom made me eat a box of donuts before school every day. Oh, my God. To get weight back up. So you were, like, 15 pounds?

I mean, 50 pounds? This is why you eat chocolate croissants every morning. And you were. To get weight back up. So you were like 15 pounds? I mean 50 pounds? This is why you eat chocolate croissants every morning. And you were how old? It was fifth grade. That's crazy. It was nuts, dude. What do you weigh now?

165. 165, 170. And how tall were you I was like in fifth grade. Like four feet tall? I mean, probably not. That's insane. Yeah, I was tiny.

It's kind of adorable though. Dude. Little elf on the shelf shitting everywhere. That's insane. Yeah, I was tiny. It's kind of adorable, though. Dude. Little elf on the shelf shitting everywhere. It was worse. He's just dumping every shelf he gets on. You gotta move him. He's just shit. Like a pigeon over top of a fucking Greek deli.

Dude, I remember. Just dumping all over the ledge. I hadn't eaten for like... Come on, guys. I hadn't eaten for like five days, and I saw a commercial for Snickers and I was like, I want Snickers. Like a steak?

I was like, I'll eat Snickers. And my dad went out and got Snickers. I took one bite of the Snickers and went, tastes like shit. Fuck. I was just like, god damn it. The whole family was like, shit. God.

I think I lost like 20 pounds when I had swine flu also. Yeah, yeah. But I was happy because I was a fat little boy. Oh, wow. I was was like, shit. God. I think I lost like 20 pounds when I had swine flu also. Yeah, yeah. It was bad. But I was happy because I was a fat little boy. Oh, wow. I was already like pretty thin.

Yeah. Yeah. I was, I lost like muscle. I couldn't. You were like 10. I couldn't. What muscle were you losing?

I was jacked when I was 10. I could see this. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. You're like a naturally jacked guy. Yeah, it's weird. It's weird. He could take like a month

off of working out. He doesn't miss a beat a beat damn even the trainer that we talk about he's like he comes in just moping like you know doing his whole fucking whiskey chris thing and then just crushes this is genetic fucking freak yeah man i mean you were an athlete right yeah yeah yeah what do you mean were what do you what do you mean by were? Like you were a lacrosse? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I think I lost. I think I lost a step. What's he saying? He's saying we're both not still athletes? I've been practicing to Charleston. I was practicing to Charleston. Oh, that's the first, that's the first comment he said when we walked in.

So we walk in and he was like yo he started doing all this fucking happy drunk shit and i was like you big turn up dude and we asked him what he was doing he was i don't know how it came up and you're like i was just practicing yeah and i was like what you're like just practicing charleston are you watching videos to learn the charleston you goddamn right dude if i catch you i will it's it will be like the swine flu i'll laugh so hard i'll shit and throw up at the same time if i see you with a fucking tutorial of the charleston on the television and you work in it yeah i'm dead i'm dead call the cops i was thinking i should call an ambulance call a morgue i'll fucking die laughing i should film the progress because it's i was thinking I should film. Call an ambulance. Call a morgue. I'll fucking die laughing. I should film the progress.

Because it's a long. I was thinking about hiding a GoPro behind one of these paintings. Dude, I'm a long. Like one of the eyes of the paintings just watching you. I'm a long way off, dude. You're goddamn right you are. I'm a long way off. Chris is referring to the Warner Brothers frog as Sensei.

Bowing. You put respect on his name dude i yeah the the hardest part is there's a little bit of a there's like this that's the whole thing no there's there's a kick involved i can get the kick rhythm down but yeah just work on that adding the twist and the and the side kick is no telling you it's next level well. Well, I've seen this before. Because my ex is from there and she could do it. From Charleston. Yeah. I think it's like you do it in first grade.

Yeah, it's part of gym. I don't know exactly what it is, to be honest. It's an incredible dance that regular white people can do to look rhythmic. I got a burp on deck. I got a burp on deck. It's like a 20s dance. Like a square dance type of thing? No, it's like a jazzy. I think of the Warner Brothers

Frog. Hello, my lady. It's got a lot of pizzazz, dude. It's beautiful. But you gotta have hands going and it's like... You don't have to do the hands. Just start on the feet i have to do the hands no that but that's the last thing so when time is up what what where do you showcase the charleston uh we're going down the shore i think in august and i gotta do the charleston you gotta get a wardrobe dude you have to do it you gotta get a top hat you gotta get a cane i literally like the frog yeah just get the top of a tuxedo dude that would be unbelievable

dude it's tough it's so hot. It's so hot. Yeah, that's good. Also, here's the thing. You're listening to 1920s music with 1920s garb with 1920s white women. Yeah. If you see somebody pull this shit out at a wedding,

who's a beautiful girl, well-rounded, a lot of shake in the bake, it is the hottest fucking thing. Oh, I bet. It is so hot. Dude, I keep fantasizing about being able to rip this out. Once I get it down... Oh, dude, you'll do it at fucking Starbucks. Just doing it all around town. Just getting wasted and pulling out the Charleston.

It's cardio. It'll be the end of your workout. It does look hard. Yeah, and you got to do... I have to do like a twist thing. You don't have to do all that. I do. You and Kevin didn't talk about the exact...

We did. We did. I got to do 60 seconds of that one clip. 60 seconds? Yeah. Why don't you tell Kevin to run in place for 60 seconds? I'm telling you, it's tough. Yeah.

It's tough. I think it's just all the shift in the feet first. Get that down. Don't worry about the... The jazz hand shit is... They're extras. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm building up to it.

Yeah. Building up to it. I feel like that has to be part of it, because then the rest of it's going to be off. Yeah, yeah. No, it is part of it. I feel like you can't do the feet without the hands. You can, but you have to...

It's all the swing and the momentum. Dude, there's so much mental focus on getting the twist do the feet without the hands. You can, but you have to... It's all the swing and the momentum. Dude, there's so much mental focus on getting the twist of the feet right that you work there, and then you move the hands, and it balances your body a certain way, and then you start getting fucking... No, I disagree.

I think you learn them all at the same time. I think it's like running. You don't run with your arms straight down. You know what I mean? Like, it's all part of... It's one fluid motion. I know, but this lady... I was watching this tutorial,

and this lady was... she really builds it up. Did she do what I said? You've got to get the kicks first, forward and back, the foot placement. Then you add these elements in slowly. Yeah, Connor. Yeah. Why don't you take a break, dude? You got a piss?

Take a piss, please. Can you dance? Yeah, you got a shit? I'm sure by now you got a shit. Can I dance? Yeah, yeah. I'm a pretty good dancer, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see this by now you got a shit can i dance yeah yeah i'm a pretty good dancer i can see this yeah yeah i can see this can you look what do you have like you want me to dance right now no i just like you have styles can you do style no there's no like dance

i know but like if i go out dancing i'm good at dancing yeah same yeah yeah you're an improver i'm just a natural rhythm guy yes that's what I thought you thought that you mean of yourself no I got rhythm I got music I got rhythm I got music who could ask for anything more the purest sign of somebody that doesn't have rhythm

I got rhythm I got music at my birthday my fiance was going around asking people what their biggest insecurities were and she got to Chris and he goes probably the way I walk. So you don't have rhythm. Yeah. I could.

Okay. It's too late. I asked him, I was like, where did this come from? Like, and he's like filming, look at this. I see the way I walk out of the house. Yeah. I can add it though. I can look.

I've been slowly trying to transform my walk. A little bop? What? Trying to put a little bounce. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Getting the calves engaged. Yeah. I don't do anything with my calves.

I've got to be honest, man. I've never noticed your walk being weird. Really? No. No. You're just insane. Yeah. All of it's weird.

Every girl I've ever dated has been like, why are you walking like that? No fucking way. I feel like you don't do anything, though. Exactly, that's the problem. Well, tell them you had the swine flu 30 years ago. Dude, these are evil women. Yeah.

Planning that scene in your head? Yeah, they know how to get to you. That's why they're all buried. I'm sorry, what did you say? Why do I walk weird? Do me a favor, let's take a left here What a funny motivation I gotta wrap around, I gotta get my keys

Why don't you come in with me, babe? Come in with me real quick, I need you to help me No, we're just gonna, I got this thing Then you walk with a little pep Who's walking now? Who's not walking? You're never going to walk again. That's why the lawn's been growing so heavily, dude.

Why? A lot of old dead bodies from nutrients. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's in the fertilizer. Dude, have you ever seen The Kingsman? Have you seen the most recent Kingsman? The King's Man? Yeah, The King's Man.

No, I haven't seen it. It's fucking awful, dude. I think I watched like half of it, and I was like, I'm good. Dude, I... That's the one that's the prequel, right? Yes, it's like two and a half hours long, and the whole time you're like, what is this? And like Nostradamus is in it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's like weird characters and like history in it. Rasputin. Rasputin, Jesus kung fu yeah this is what i've been doing all my last meetings maybe the ugliest human being that's ever lived. For sure. Holy Christmas. But mesmerizing eyes. Mesmerizing? That's what they said. Yeah, because he's such a fucking freak. Yeah. He looks like a culmination of every vermin.

Yeah. He literally looks like... He's peacocking. He looks like... He's peacocking. A rat. Yeah, he's like... He was like the originator of day game or whatever.

What's that? That's like the thing that fucking intels look up and research. Day game? Artie does? Oh, yeah. Doesn't he like teach classes? Rasputin's your guy? Yeah.

He was He fucking day gamed Well that makes sense Because he looks like a fucking animal Bizarre He day gamed him Wait so But did Rasputin have children?

No But he fucked like an animal You got a huge snout on your nose I know Why would you choose to do this right now? I don't know because it was bothering me And where are you going with it? Oh my god

You're just going to toss it on the floor? Don't. That would end the podcast. I don't mean this episode. A little bug on you? Don't throw it on the floor. It's clean. I'll take a ladle of it. Dude, shit. What are we? A couple

booger croutons? It's all about consistency consistency You are an absolute fucking ape What Look What did I do I just pulled a fucking Jellyfish out of my nose and rolled it on the floor What I want with me

What a fucking rolling Fucking stop you put to this. What are you talking about? We're on a roll. Yeah, Rasputin. This is what I was watching on my retreat. Yeah. On my own.

Dude, I'm sorry. That's an awesome way to end. Me and Aaron Rodgers. I love that you refer to a bedner as a retreat. That's great. That's actually really great. I love alcoholics who just have nicknames for everything they're doing. All positive.

Yeah, dude. My aunt constantly has purse beers. I like that. It's a little purse beer. Who cares? A little rose beer. It doesn't even count. It doesn't even count.

Calling cocaine nose beers was revolutionary for me. Absolutely. Such a fun, fun time. Yeah. I haven't done cocaine in a long time. I've never done it. Really? No.

Wow. What? Too scared. Well, nowadays, yeah. Yeah, now it's scary, but. I don't know. I was, my whole family, it's a long line of like addicts. My uncle was a terrible heroin addict and I just kind of like, I always been afraid of drugs yeah and i didn't drink really i drank when i

was really young and i was getting fucked up when i was like 12 13 years old yeah and then i got caught and then i didn't really drink again till i was like 21 yeah i was like dude your story is so fucking interesting i bonded with you so hard yeah dude drunk dudes don't fight i fell in love with you dude i fell hard for you man dude that was nice the idea of you just being like homegrown

in like a Mexican neighborhood right I mean for the most part I never want to like project that I was from like a weird

home though like my parents were awesome and I had a they did a great job with me but yeah the town I grew up in is a fucking weirdo town it's like half neo-nazis half Mexicans yeah it's so funny and then sometimes American history yeah it kind of is and then the Mexicans become

like neo-nazis sometimes yeah one of my best friends growing up well he's like fully white power and his name was like I can say his name like first and last name mexican yeah you know alejandro yeah you know too close and uh cut yeah dude but dude yeah he was just posting on facebook like keep it white and like you know throwing up you know no yeah and i was like and he's a mexican dude yeah his dad was like in the 18th street gang holy shit you know it's like crazy wow well you got street cred around these dudes right me yeah i mean they that kid's dad loved me then you said you were like a you weren't there there weren't many white dudes in that no most of my friends growing up were hispanic yeah yeah i had like two white friends growing up and you were a sk skater. I was a skater, yeah. That's so funny.

Yeah. That's so fucking, that's so LA. Dude, it's the antithesis. Dude, talking to a Mexican Nazi. Yeah. When you're a white guy. You've got to be one of the,

like, talking about uncanny valleys. Dude, he was like, he was like, what the hell is happening? He was my best friend growing up. Yeah? Truly my best friend.

We were never separated. Every weekend I was at his place, and his dad was straight up like, Cholo, 18 tattooed on his face, covered in tattoos. Yes. And he loved me like a son also. And he was my baseball coach for a little bit. And one Christmas he got really drunk, and it was like a few days before Christmas, and he knew I was not not gonna be there for actual Christmas

So he like was crying And he went to his room to get me a rat present That he bought for me And he comes out and he's like I look at you like a son homie And like I just want you to have these And I open it up and they're Raiders slippers Oh my god And it was like truly i was like i'm gonna fucking cry dude

that is so funny it was the spike shoulder pads then a set of handcuffs that is so sweet dude yeah it was very sweet like actual street thinking like, you know, it's like picking out a diamond ring for those dudes. Dude, no, I really realized, even as a kid, I was like, this means a lot to him. Yeah. For him to give another, like a white kid a pair of Raiders slippers, it was going to mean like, you're one of us.

Yeah. You've been adorned, dude. You just got knighted. But he would like teach us how to fight. Yeah. Like he'd get drunk and just be like, he'd let us hit him in the face as hard as we could. He'd be like, you got to turn your wrist, follow through. And he'd do it on my face.

And we're like, all right. Punching this drunk dad in the face. Dude, this guy ruled. He was awesome, yeah. Speaking of Nostradamus, this is my future. Just going to get a bunch of little kids in the neighborhood and teach them how to hit me in the face. You're like, again Till I cum

If you knock me out I don't have to take a shit Dude That'd be so great The winner gets a pair of eagle slippers I always want to clarify with my town though It's like it's not like It wasn't like the hood by any means.

But I really think like skateboarding a lot, like a lot of, because I would just go out all day. My parents would just drop me off in town. Yeah, same. When I talk to other people, they think it's insane. But like at noon, my mom would just drive me out to Foothill Boulevard in Tujunga and then be like, call me when you need me. And sometimes I just wouldn't come home. I'd spend weekends at other friends' houses. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, knock them home, and that's where everything went down. I was the best. I was the best. I was the best. I was the best. I was the best. I was the best. I was the best.

I was the best. I was the best. I was the best. I was the best. I was the best. I was the best. I was the best. I was the best.

I was the best. I was the best. downtown LA. Really? Yeah. I would just do whatever, you know? Damn. Like, I was 13 years old.

I went to a rave because someone at the skate park invited me to it. And I didn't tell my parents. I was just like, I'll be home tomorrow. And they're like, sure, okay. Yeah, dude. I am. I'm 14. They was just like, I'll be home tomorrow. And they're like, sure, okay. I'm 14. They're like, call us when you need us. That was pretty much how it was when I was a kid. You just leave.

I would just leave. You leave for 12 hours. I would leave for days. At least eight. Yeah. I mean, that is Greenwich, though. Yeah, true. Not anymore.

Not anymore. My parents were like letting me off into Los Angeles, California. That is nuts. That, true. Not anymore. Not anymore. Sure. My parents were like letting me off into Los Angeles, California. That is nuts. That's fun.

That is nuts. I had a bunch of friends that would go into New York but I never really did that. That's good. I was like, that's,

I don't know what they did. The way they did it was so gay though. I hated, I hated people going to New York thinking it was cool. What, because they were

artsy yeah and they'd like go to they'd shop and shit and they'd say like I went to the big city yeah yeah yeah New York's the best

and I'm like ugh yeah it's like these girls from the Midwest come in the midtown and start like they put on this costume

and they act like they're part of you know part of the land part of the culture you gotta tell them they're not you gotta get them part of the culture. You got to tell them they're not. You got to get them on the fucking J train. Going north, baby.

You got to shake them out. We refer to those girls as Hoboken. Yeah. As just a look in general. Yeah. Very Hoboken. Yeah. Yes.

You can easily pick them out. God, what a dog shit fucking city. Hoboken. Hoboken. It is. It's Wall Street. Fucked a frat house on adderall with keep going punch drunks it's it's a disgusting community well then the parts that are nice the parts of it are nice too are like so sterile they're like they look like the

universal lot you know like a fake movie set of new york yeah yeah what's nice yeah The parts of it are nice too, are like so sterile. They look like the Universal lot, you know, like a fake movie set of New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's nice? What the fuck is this? Yeah. No, it's the hills above that

that are really nice. He spent a lot of money in those little towns. I mean, there's like cute little streets in Hoboken with like, you know, row homes and brownstones. Yeah. Yeah, that shit's so nice.

Yeah, but it feels fake. Yeah, because it is. Yeah. It's all fake. Yeah. This whole city's fake, huh? Dude, we're in the Matrix, buddy.'s so nice. Yeah, but it feels fake. Yeah, because it is. It's all fake. This whole city's fake, huh? We're in the Matrix, buddy. Let's go. Let me tell you something. I just picked up a gun.

I got three bullets. I already know what he's going to do. I'm going to do it, too. Okay. If you would like to kill yourself tonight, join us live on the Patreon. We're going gonna paint the walls Finally, cause our landlord won't

Buddy, we're remodeling tonight, alright? It's a great way to see you gonna kill yourself I don't know, I might remodel tonight Please don't do it, Gary Also part of my retreat is I was watching Succession And I hate that show Why And I hate that show. Why? I hate that show so much. Dude, that's...

I found myself, I was just fast-forwarding through it where it's just like, I can't... I'm just watching the same conversation over and over and over again. Why are you doing this? You're already fucking torn up, dude. It's bad. It's a very good show. I finally got to the episode where the dad

fucking dies, and I was like, holy shit. Why don't you shut up about that? It doesn't matter. It does not matter. What a dickhead you are. A lot of angry listeners after that. Yeah.

The balls of you to be so pretentious. What do you mean? To say it doesn't matter. Everybody's like, spoiler alert, and you're just like, I'm going to tell you exactly what happens. I think it's the opposite of a spoiler. It's the only reason to keep watching is that he dies so something new can happen once

in four seasons of this show why are you so invested but he's the main character yeah yes he should have been dead in season one yeah i mean you're angry against the dad of succession yeah i like him i love him i love him like him. I love him as an actor. I love him as an actor, but he should have died season one and they should have done something new. Here's an idea. You think it should have been like a Ned Stark type thing?

Yes, just get rid of them and have them do something. Dude, I don't think they... It's one of those shows where I don't think they... They didn't think the first season was going to be so wildly successful. And then they were like, you know, scurrying around to go, all right,

here's season two. And then after that, they should have cut it two to three. Good for you getting to the point where it's like, I think four is good. I mean, I think that season three was really boring. So I think they were like,

we got to do something crazy this season, kill them off. And then, and then we're done. Cause it's the last season. They're done after this. Yeah. Well,

yeah. You know what I watched last night to not feel like this? What? Heat. Yeah, Heat's good. That's a once-a-year watch for sure. Yeah, Heat's great.

Oh, my goodness. Yeah. You don't get barreled up in all these fucking emotions about nothing. No, it's about... You gotta watch murder. You gotta watch robbery.

I just... Sex. Why do this to me? I like these characters everyone everyone in the show is like a fantastic actor and they're all great and then it's just like you just won't let them do something new it's like it's exhausting it's exhausting all right dude in episode them yeah in episode three when they he's still going it's crazy when you lock into this like no one gives you shit about succession dude this is not conducive to a good conversation

all right i don't fucking know succession you don't watch i watched the first season i was like i get it yeah that was that yeah well what are you gonna what are you gonna say what do you want to hear about season three episode four of season four episode three so apparently it's a succession podcast now what happened they were about to get out make the deal and then they undo the deal at the last it was like you have got you have got to be kidding me i'll give you that you have got to be kidding me. I'll give you that. You have got to be kidding me. I mean, how many hours of this show? We're 40-something hours into this show, and you're going to seriously undo the deal to take one last run at your dad?

The election just happened. Who gives a flying fuck? Come on, dude. Have them start a new business. Have them interact with the rest of the world. We get it. They have problems with their dad. You've already

beaten us over the head with it for fucking ever. Oh, they gotta call fucking, what the hell is that guy doing in that show? The vampire from fucking what's his face? Dude, you are such a crazy person. No, it's unforgivable.

It's crazy. It really is. It's really... It's crazy. It's wrong to do this to people. It's insane how crazy you are. It's wrong to do it. This has been eating you up.

It was... I was spazzing last night. Did you bring up Succession? Did you do this? No, he did this. It's insane. Dude, so far Chris has brought up the Kingsman and Succession and has had very strong

opinions. Well, I had such a bad experience with the Kingsman, I was like, I'm gonna I'm gonna dive into Succession, which everyone told me this season's good. Sands the whiskey. And then they can't reveal again? I hear the nerve

of these writers yeah I mean I'll give that to you man the show has been incredibly repetitive and but and then I gotta watch him

live in apartments I could never live in the thing is it feels like you're yelling at me right now he's yelling at the world yeah he's yelling at his

internal self dude I mean come on having that much conviction and dramatic energy around a show. Just go, yeah, it sucked. I don't know. Why are you harboring all this anger? Because it's like watching a team you like.

They got great wide receivers. They just seem to run in the ball. He doesn't like the team, though. He's just like, throw the ball. Yeah, he doesn't like the team at all. No, he doesn't like the team, though. I do like the team. No, he liked the head coach until he killed himself. No, I like that guy, too, It's just like throw the ball. Yeah, he doesn't like the team at all. No, he doesn't like the team though. I do like the team. No, he liked the head coach

until he killed himself. No, I like that guy too, but get him out of the way. I want to see the other people who are really great do something else. Let's get you into it. We got to stand in a room again

and have a conversation. No joke. This is serious. Dad. I think you would be great at running into these LA corny fucking writers rooms with these fat dildos.

No, I'd be so happy to have a job. I'd be like, I think this is a great idea. You would succumb so quick. That is why TV sucks the most. It's true. I think it's awesome. It's great.

$8,000 a week? What are we doing? If it ain't broke, can I fix it? Hey, you see the taco truck man sag rules but if you weren't getting paid if you'd like you were just like off the cuff as like a consultant and you ran in with a lacrosse t-shirt and some i don't know some sweats with yeah taco bell hot sauce outfit. Just the most upsetting outfit for them to see.

Yeah, and you just went down the line, bitching about every fucking episode. Who wrote this line? Who wrote this line? No, the lines were good. And some sheepish little dork is like, I did. And you just jammed it down his fucking throat. Be better, you pussy.

Can you do a push-up? Can you do a push-up? And you're, dude, this is like bar rescue for dorks. You've got dork rescue all over you right now. You can change the course of good shows with this attitude, but you can't let it eat you internally. This is way too much. Yeah, I haven't been this.

I hadn't gotten this fired up. That's because you just slept for two days straight. I hadn't gotten this fired up. You haven't talked to a human being in two days. I went to New York Amtrak's Moynihan train hall. It's brand new and it's a disaster. It's an absolute disaster. And there's no trash cans.

You can't throw anything away. You can't find where the trains are. Tiny little boards that are on and they have these beautiful what is going on right now I'm so confused you can't let him do this we have to start talking

this will go on when did you hear the train say I'm so confused I haven't been this upset you know what Moinahan train stuff When did you go to the train station? I'm so confused. Oh, I'm saying I haven't been this upset. Oh, since... Okay, God. You know what? I was... Moynihan train station.

His writing reminds me of Moynihan train station. Also, no able-bodied or able-minded human being says Moynihan station. They just go Penn Station. He's talking about across the street. Well, Penn Station... Stop going across the street. It's the same fucking thing. I know.

Go to the old school side. I tried it. I tried it. You know what you got to go to? Caboose. What's that? The bar on the old side. Yeah, Caboose is nice.

Caboose rules. Yeah, yeah. Great music. Great bartenders. Penn Station. Never go to Moynihan Train Hall. Always go Penn Station because Moynihan's a fucking disaster. Don't want succession.

Don't go to Moynihan. Yeah. Great. And yet Moynihan's so beautiful they got this nice skylight and everything damn dude but there's no information there

everyone stands around literally hundreds of people just stand around going what where what huh

everyone's asking each other what are you what are you training you on and they have next to every track they have multiple fucking monoliths with big digital screens on them that just say moynihan train hall god forbid you put the train on the digital display what'd you make these for is there anyone i can talk to uh cursey. There isn't a business you couldn't change. Except for yourself.