Stuff Island - Stuff Island #83 - Head of the Funeral Procession w/ Lil Frex

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

- Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Lil Frex on IG: https://www.instagram.com/lilfrexxx/?hl=en Support the show and get 20% off & free shipping at (http://www.manscaped.com) Promo code: STUFF ISLAND Go to (http://www.sheathunderwear.com) and get 20% off your entire order Promo code: STUFFISLAND Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You have this assumption that it's, you know, the most luxurious self-driving fucking robot. Well, because they start with a door that you can't open. So you go, wow, I don't, there's no way I could understand something like this. Yeah. So you get in expecting like a whole new experience. So what do you have? The same old fucking experience you've had in every fucking year? Yeah.

It's just a Kia. Dude. Hell yeah. No, dude, I got, this is. We we drove one we drove one to boston we didn't know how to shut it off yeah weeks to shut it off weeks to shut it off no we went we stopped at this this shitty bar um and we got out and he saw the car and then we both like hesitated like we there's no off button yeah so we hit the screen like seven times looking for an off button then you just walk away from it right and it just knows yeah but it says we were it detects your vibes there's no vibes in the car right now turn it off

it was a shady part of connecticut too we're just walking away from yeah all every test the charging station is just next to just a crab shack yeah and what do they cost? To charge? No, like to buy. Probably 50. Yeah. Yeah, I think the low end is like 40 something.

The T3? What is it called? Yeah, I don't know. Well, we really saw the electric vehicle. It's cool. You see like,

it does have a cool display. It's nice on the outside. What else? You know, I've always said this. Cars these days, you can hide your wealth. Like, you don't need to spend $50,000've always said this. Cars these days, you can hide your wealth.

Like, you don't need to spend $50,000 to, like, show off. Like, all these new Toyotas and... Yeah, you get a nice white Jeep SUV for $350 a month. Yeah. You look like the man. A hundred percent. I'm in the fucking market right now. Is that what that costs? I'm in the market.

Probably something like that. I have no idea. Like, $350 a month if you lease it, or maybe, like, one of those pre-owned buying scenarios. Yeah. And also, I just want to bop from here to the beach, and I think I might get a Jeep, an old school Jeep. Where are we going to the beach?

Top Downs? Yeah, yeah. I go to Long Beach. Okay. Yeah. Or Jacob Reese. Yeah, okay. And then if I'm stuck, I got no transportation, I'll go to Rockaway.

Taking the ferry home is nuts, because you got to wait in line for two hours. I know. You got to take the ferry there, and then the Uber home. Yes. That's what you have to do. Yeah. There's no way around it. But the Uber home is like $90 to $ in line for two hours i know you gotta take the ferry there and then the uber home yes that's what you have to do there's no way around but the uber home is like 90 90 to 100 i took the train once i had to piss in between the carts it's why you're crushing eight to ten beers on the beach crushing crush it's really tough to go to a beach that the subway also can go to yeah it's not right no it's not it's not right i don't want to uh also the creed no creed is worth a train ride to me.

The Cretans on the S train. I don't know if you know what an S train is. It's a shuttle from reality to fucking hell. The fucking animals underneath the seats of the S train, dude. I don't think I've ever been on the S train. It's a portable tent. I mean, people just sleep there. It's like...

Yeah, where does it go? It goes from where to where, actually. You take the E train. You got to go to like Wall street area and you take the e-train or a train maybe all the way to rockaway and then you get the shuttle that drops you down to rockaway beach like mainstay yeah yeah isn't that where the guy was in the warriors did you ever see that movie the beer bottles yeah he was at rockaway come out Rockaway? I don't know. Come out to play. He's like banging the bottles. I don't even get the reference, but I like it.

I'm into it. It's the corniest musical you'll ever see. No, it's not a musical. I know. It fucking rules. Every time I see that scene, I'm like, it's a musical. They're like coordinating dancing in a fucking alley. Is that the one with the knives and shit?

Yeah, they go. Like all the gangs meet up. This movie was made in the 70s. all the gangs meet up this movie was made in the 70s all the gangs meet up and yeah the guy's like

can you dig it yeah but then that guy gets assassinated by this other gang were they all trying to get to Rockaway Beach yeah

they had to get home to Rockaway Beach right yeah so they probably got on the S train there was like 10 gangs or they were going yeah it might have been

Coney Island give me your butt virginity. It's fucking dangerous down there when the sun goes down. Yeah. I went to a couple local bars. It's just, again, just bikers and like degenerates, which is a great time. Yeah, but they now have a taco stand, so things are looking up. True, I saw that.

That was like their big work that they did. They're like, we have a taco stand now. Come on, come on. Come on. Come on. Give me your tired and your poor. We have a taco stand. I've heard people talk about this taco stand. Yeah, it's okay.

I heard someone recommend it. Well, there's no joke. If you leave at a reasonable time, you can't get on the ferry. It's like you have to wait three ferries. Yeah. So long story short, you're getting a Tesla to go down to the beach. Yes, I'm going to get a Tesla. To avoid all of this tesla yes yeah just leave it running for one of these animals to take a joyride come as long as they come back a couple tacos we're good i really do want a jeep though

i think i i'm into that elderly years old school or like one of the new jeeps i'd like to get old school yeah but that's like riding a horseback there's no cushion it's like yeah talking about shitty interior. Yeah. I would like that. I don't even think it comes with walls. I don't know what you'd call that. No,

it's just like the roll. It's got the roller for like Derby cars. Yeah. I remember there was a girl I was dating that had one of those and she would drive down the shore and leave the top off. And it's like, I can't live like this. I'm going to get,

I got fucking roasted. There's not enough sunscreen in the world to protect me for two hours i was actually at a like a funeral on tuesday and i was in we drove the the woman who died this convertible in front of the procession i have some poisoning i don't know if you can see it but i was out the next day i was out of commission i was fully poisoned by driving for one hour in this convertible. Wait, you got in the convertible? So you knew this person really well. Yeah, yeah.

And I was in the convertible, you know, blasting Frank Sinatra, as you do. Was that her favorite? It was her favorite. Oh, that's sweet. So we went from New York to Jersey, where the burial was. And of course, coming across the bridge, her last trip out of New York, my way.

You have to. Dude. It was actually beautiful. That's very have to it was actually beautiful it's very cute actually beautiful it's very cute 12 hours later i'm poisoned did you guys like all stick together in the in a line yeah like wreck traffic yeah so we did like the procession but this little like it's like a toyota solara convertible you know those yeah like baby blue and it's leading the procession so there was zero respect for the i was just gonna say dude nobody respected you guys were fucking getting a free ride exactly zero respect being cut off left and right i have no respect for the procession you

don't no of course you would i have no respect for the procession i cut them off no you don't yeah i try to get in the middle no you don't no you don't. Come on. Yeah, I try to get in the middle. No, you don't. No, you don't. Yeah. Yeah, because I think you are a scumbag. Dude, you're the ambulance chaser. When an ambulance comes running. Google Maps, just meet at the cemetery.

No, it's about the ritual. You don't need to stay together. It's about the ritual. It's about the send off. Yeah, and they can't be like this. Where's Uncle Charlie? Yeah. He got cut off at Arby's

by some fucking miniature mule. Because of you and your fucking text line. I've never actually met someone who's done the procession. Really? What are you talking about? Have you done a procession? Of course.

I've done maybe a hundred processions. This is America, bitch. A hundred processions. A hundred processions. Have you never lost someone? Aren't you Irish? They die every month. We never did a procession.

They fall like rats. We met at the church. Nobody likes your family, dude. Nobody appreciates you. The procession is from the church to the grave. So maybe you've only done cremation deaths. Well, the grave was next to the church, I think. Okay.

I don't know. We looked into this. Or no, I think they burned them. Yeah, they didn't put them in the ground. A graveyard? Yeah, they did cremation. No, I've never met someone. Yeah, I've never been to a funeral.

A graveyard as opposed to a cemetery? One has to be next to the church and one's outside. Yeah, I think a graveyard has to be not. Is that true? I think so. I think a graveyard is just an isolated yard. that true? I think so. I think a graveyard is just an isolated yard. Interesting. Yeah. For prisoners that would never want it.

Yeah. Just dump them on Rikers. I hate the procession. I'm sorry. I was splacked out. Did you go through red lights and stuff? No. Those are the processions I see. But we were in the front so that's

that's not that's probably why so we're never having that problem people in the back might have to make that choice yeah not my choice tonight yeah had the funeral the guys who were running the funeral have they ever heard of this before they weren't happy yeah i bet they were getting out and talking to each other like we have to go first and they're like the wishes are that this car goes first that rules this is her car and this car when my dad dies i'm gonna get i'm gonna get a ford taurus from 94 with one small wheel a missing car door i just have a giant cigarette burning out the one side of the window with all the rest of them up you leave the procession yeah me and my brothers would be in the back seat with the windows up. See where it's going?

What an asshole. Holy shit. He wouldn't even let you crack a window. He would just smoke you out? Yeah, because it would fuck up the drag and the speed of the cigarette. It's not wrong, but that is tough. Yeah. That's why we all have emphysema from like 16 on. We all have problems, I know.

Do you think we do have emphysema, though? I don't know. I'm getting worried about this. I've been smoking for 20 years now. I all have problems, I know. God forbid you. Do you think we do have emphysema, though? I don't know. I'm getting worried about this. I've been smoking for 20 years now. I got a cough in the morning. Cigarettes, though, or?

Cigarettes, and I switched to the vape, but this isn't as bad. I think it is. It's better. There's no carcinogens. Carcinogens. I don't think that's true.

Carcinogens. Yeah, yeah. I think there's carcinogens, definitely, but. It's hot metal. It's gotta be. There's no tar. There's a fucking battery in it.

Yeah. You're just sucking battery. It can't be good. It's lithium're sucking battery. It can't be good. It's lithium. It can't be good. No, it burns clean. Nuclear power. This is the Tesla.

This is the Tesla. You understand? This is better for the environment. You got to switch to the elf bar. Are you pretending that you're quitting? Yeah, I'm quitting every other day. Yeah, yeah. And then I'll throw this out.

Then I'll smoke a stick. Then I'll go, you know, this is uncivilized yeah cigarettes did you find yourself doing different things uh to during the loss of the family member did you go back to hard cigarettes no i mean that would have happened anyway yeah you know what that's a good idea let's blame that yeah yeah i like that dude my dad's my dad's dad died and he wasn't around the family his whole life and my dad still took he went to the boss he's like my father died he was like oh i'm so sorry steve take two weeks off he's been out of his life for 50 60 years at first he goes no it's okay he goes you know what yeah yeah you're right i am upset you know what you're right you gotta celebrate i'm gonna get

my sweats on and play golf for five days. Fuck that guy. What do you need in this parlay tonight? Oh, so much. I'm into gambling right now. Yes. Yeah, it's good. Let's see.

So this is a, let's see. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine things to happen. But they're all right. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine things to happen. But they're all right. But no, this is a strategy. This is a strategy because it's all like pretty likely things. Like two assists, two rebounds, and I've combined them all together. It's only plus 275.

This could happen. Is this the heat tonight? It's the heat. Bam rebounds, Tatum rebounds, Horford rebounds, a bunch of other shit. Everyone needs to get two rebounds. It's doable. It's doable. Do you know basketball or are you just like the high?

I do now. Oh, you learned in two weeks. I learned in ten weeks. If you pull up any picture of any basketball player, I can tell you, like, what team they are. You're calling him Bam? Yeah, Bam. That's his name, right? That's his nickname. No. Isn't it? No. His name, what team they are. Yeah, you're calling him Bam? Yeah, Bam. That's his name, right? That's his nickname. Oh. No. Isn't it?

No, his name is Bam Adebayo. Yeah, yeah. He's on Pete. I thought that's his nickname. No. I think his parents were like, there's too many... Oh, maybe the nickname, but... I'm sure you pull up his fucking... But that's what he's called, like, if you look on the screen or on his stats. Yeah, his birth certificate ends here, then it comes down the side like a first grader

writing Merry Christmas to Mom, and you just start going down the edge. Like a first grader writing Merry Christmas to mom. And you just start going down the edge. We'll go bam. Yeah, we're going to go bam on this one. And then I have another one where I just need Butler over 29 points, Brown over 21. This is boring. Oh, that's good.

I just sit here and I read you all my problems. No, I like it. Give away the parlays. I want to know what's at stake. Yeah, this game will be over by the time anyone sees it. But I only bet $10. But I could win $50. Oh, nah. I won $60 last night anyone sees it. But I only bet $10. But I could win $50. Oh, nah.

I won $60 last night. You got at least... You lost a bunch of money the other night right on UFC. You think I got a bet in the hundreds? No, I lost...

The last time I lost a lot of money was the Eagles game. I only bet football because I know football more than anything. Okay, so I never watched the Super Bowl,

but I did bet that there would be an octopus on this last Super Bowl. And there was. Really? And I didn't know exactly what that meant, but apparently it was very rare.

Wait, somebody threw out an octopus? No, it's a type of play. I don't know exactly what it entails. Super Bowl. I don't know exactly what it entails, but I know it's very rare, and I know that I said it would happen. How much did you win? Like $140. What is an octopus? What's an octopus?

It has something to do with the type of play. It's got to have eight legs. It runs over a person. I don't know. Really? I've never heard of this. And then I also bet that the quarterback would score the first touchdown, which is also very rare. That's not with those two quarterbacks, though.

Well, I didn't know. I didn't know that. I bet the payoff was only like $10. Some guy hitting on you at the bar. He's like, that's very rare. That never happens. Oh on you at the bar he's like that's very rare that never happens oh you got the octopus yeah and i was i was working with your cousin really that night and she won a lot of money really i won't say is she gambling too i won't say anything dude i've never

heard of this the octopus yeah okay because it's only since 2019 became part of the football lexicon in 2019 coined by mitch gold, Aiden of Sports Illustrated. It refers to the same player scoring a touchdown and then following up with a successful two-point conversion. Yeah, whatever that means. Oh, so it's just eight points. No, no, it's from the same guys. The guy scores a touchdown

and then scores the two-point conversion. Yeah, that's corny as fuck. But congratulations. It's corny as all fuck. Yeah, that's corny as fuck. And he got the octopus it's very rare because it's brand new

so people aren't even talking about it people aren't even hip to it yet but you know what I am yeah I was saying

I was working I work with his cousin at a bar and I was working with her on Super Bowl Sunday oh your cousin works

is it in Williamsburg and she hit a bag no it's in Murray Hill of all places yeah Murray Hill is it places yeah Murray Hill this is a good bar you like it I mean I have worked there for seven years I must like it

it's not Duke's right no no no it's not Duke I think Duke's close oh did it I think you want to hear a really fucked up story about Duke's I do it's a real trash bag bar of like Wall Street bros and then just piglets like piglets that haven't been fed in months, dude. It's mayhem in there. My agent liked it because it was around the corner from his agency. So I was like, ah, I'll meet you there. Bars are cheap, or the beers are cheap as shit,

but they're sour because they don't clean their taps. The food is, it's, oh, it's atrocious. But I went to go use the restroom and I said, it's one of those black and white checkered old school bathroom floors i had one growing up it's very common uh style marble or whatever and i saw two two bags of cocaine really on the floor someone left them in there yeah somebody dropped them by accident i guess unless they were feeding the rats because in the corner of both bags they were feeding the rats, because in the corner of both bags, they were chewed. Oh, no.

But they weren't done. Yeah. Oh, no. So... Did you leave them there? And was it actually Coke? It was cocaine. Oh, cocaine. Dude, did you see...

Now, was this pre-Fentanyl or post? Oh, this is pre. This is 10 years ago. Okay, because you can't do that anymore. No. You can't. You wouldn't, right? Oh, no, no, no, no.

You go to Fenty? No, I haven't done cocaine in a long time. You watch other people take it. Me too. You know? Yeah, really? Yeah, you let them take it. And you wait.

And you see if they pass. Yeah. You follow them in every room they go to. You go, feeling good? Take your pulse? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at me. Look me in the eyes.

Look at me now. Look at me now. Did you see last night, like, the Panthers and the Hurricanes went into like quadruple overtime. Oh, that's the octopus. What sport is that? Hockey. Okay. And they were like, they were showing a shot of the coach in the second overtime.

And there's a kid behind him just like. Oh, the bag of coke. I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's literally just like flicking lines to stay awake. Dude. I thought that was only like soccer hooligans. I get so panicked.

We used to do that shit for like Eagles games dude In the parking lot but once you go to To the bathroom The public bathroom I'm so anxious to rip one Oh yeah He's right behind the bench And just what straw right in the bag

Or what's he doing I think they cut away He was hitting it He was like flicking it. Yeah, he just came all against the ball. He's in trouble with someone. Yeah, yeah.

His parents definitely found out. That would suck though when you get shit-faced for a playoff game because it's a quadruple overtime. You're like,

fucking Christ. Yeah, telling your boys like, look for me, I'm right behind the bench and they're like, we got bad news. He's got no reception until he gets out

to the bench and was like, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. It's like, I'm double blackout right now. I'm double OT blackout. Yeah, the whole world just watched you do coke, dude.

That's so sick. The last time, last time we went to Notre Dame game, we were with those like Bustin' with the Boys guys. Yeah. I was there.

Yeah. Dude. I was waiting. This is the kind of shit you're in. Ty, you should have been there, man. I was doing, yeah. Dude. I was wishing. This is the kind of shit you were in. I was doing cover. Yeah, I know. Ty, you should have been there, man. It was fucking great.

I was doing cover with somebody. It was you. Yeah. He was off my back. Yeah, he was off my ab line. We had a heart to heart. You don't remember his name? You don't remember anything about that day.

Dude, you remember walking in there? I somehow drew the short straw and had... We got like... Because they don't sell booze in there, because they don't sell booze in there because it's like NCAA. So we had about, they bought, Boston with the Boys guys got, I don't know where they found this thing,

but it was a box of nips. And I had my whole body, like it was strapped everywhere. Strapped like a bomb. And I get like wanded and it's like, beep. And the guy, the guy. Chris just hit the vape gun

I got nothing I literally I was in the war I was in the war I'm gonna plate my head in Vietnam Thank God I had a vape I took a vape out of my pocket and I was like Must be this and they were like, alright, just toss it.

Walked in there, strapped. I remember. I kept picking you up. You're like, I'm out. I'm like, you're not fucking out. Security. Turn him upside down and shake him. One falls out of his mouth. I'm like, I fucking knew it. The whole time. The whole time.

We get to that fourth quarter. It's like, no, you had three. Yeah. Yeah. And the panic that set in my fucking face because I'm not a college football guy. I was just there for the hang. And they're like, yeah, you can't drink inside. I was like, wait, what?

And then I started thinking, like, can we link up after? I'll just walk around. They're like, ooh. I was too loud. They're like, ooh, that's kind of my thing. Yeah. Enjoying college. I mean, it was fun.

It's also brutal when you drink for like six hours before the game and then you go in what am I just gonna stand there yeah and then you start getting tired it wears off

yeah you can't you know there's not like a it's not that fun going to a sports game oh I don't know

depends on the game Jesus Christ disgusting what I just said I've been to a bunch of the Knicks playoffs games oh there you go. They lose every time.

I know, they lose every time. Actually, they won a couple this year. But my brother gets blackout and screams at the players. Also, that's not the fun ones. Fun is football. Yeah, I've never been

That's number one. Hockey's number two. Because they fight, right? And it's just extremely entertaining. Okay. I'm not even a hockey guy, but going to a hockey game

is fucking great. Baseball. Baseball, you've got to be a fan of the game. You get hockey game is fucking great. Baseball. Baseball. You got to be a fan of the game. You get sun poisoning. You're blackout. It's tough. Baseball, you go for the barbecue and the hang prior.

You get a shady seat, and it's a picnic. Yeah, it's a picnic. Yeah. Okay. All right, listen. It's a picnic with Colombians. It's your only opportunity. It's a cocaine picnic.

Cocaine picnic. That's at night. No, you didn't like the Knicks playoff game at the Garden of course I liked it but there are certain things that are less comfortable than watching from home yeah like standing next to your brother who's blackout drunk screaming at players

it's less comfortable than being home we were close were you close? yeah that's a hard ticket to get Yeah. It's less comfortable than being home. How close is he? We were close. Like the upper, upper deck? No, we were close. Were you close? Yeah. That's a hard ticket to get. What? We're Knicks heads.

That's incredible. Yeah. We sit behind the players' families. That's crazy. What's your brother doing? He's behind the guy's mom just being like, you fucking...

And the mom turns around and was like,vin love is really nice because my brother was going fuck you kevin love you're not coming to the garden having a good time and the mom of a different player turns around and goes kevin love he does seem like a real nice boy he does i. I like him a lot. But you're not allowed to like him because he's our enemy right now. Yeah, but he's hot. He's so hot. He's so hot.

That is the ultimate way to kill annoying hecklers around you, if you bring an old lady. Or just any old lady to a game. Remember when we were shit-faced in Ohio watching Ohio State? Oh, that's a big one. And Shane was running his mouth and some little old lady was like, you're hurting my ears. And then I just hit her in the face. You're just going to sit quietly

in the restroom. Shut the fuck up. We'll let you know when we need meatballs, you dumb bitch. Turn the oven on at 20, you fucking idiot. Kicks her down a flight of steps.

Dude, I, nothing makes me laugh harder than watching middle-aged women fall. kicks her down a flight of steps dude I nothing makes me laugh harder than watching middle aged women fall I said this before America's Funniest Home Videos what about the grape lady you must love the grape lady oh my god don't touch me

don't touch me you gotta fire that in there dude stomping grape newscaster holy Christmas I hope she's okay I really do I don't I hope she's fire that in there dude yeah stomping great newscaster it's good holy Christmas I feel bad I hope she's okay I really do I don't

I hope she's oh no you're like I hope she's dead I hope she broke her collarbone and has to walk super fat super fat people

on rope swings so funny dude Jay and I have a favorite one where this yeah this meat wagon grabs this zip line

and much like a baby water slide if you if you have weight behindine. And much like a baby water slide, if you have weight behind it, it's no longer a baby water slide. I learned that last week. I got a hip bruise. I'll get to it. I'll meet you there. Go ahead, I'll meet you there.

But, dude, this fucking Aunt Peggy grabs this zipline, and she's three and a half women, and she's fucking smoking down this hill and she can't stop. There's no break. She hits the end of the zip line and does a full flip and it is so funny. It's incredible. It's great. Also the

grape lady, you can tell it's the first time she ever got the wind knocked out of her because it's frightening. If you've never gotten the wind knocked out of you as a kid, you definitely think you're dying. She's like, I'm dying. Yeah, so she wouldn't even allow someone to try and help her. because it's frightening. If you've never gotten the wind like that as a kid, you definitely think you're dying. She's like, I'm dying. Yeah. So she wouldn't even allow someone like try and help her.

Dude, you never get used to getting the wind knocked out. True. But you know you're not going to die. I don't know. Yeah, you don't know. Dude, yeah. Let's do it. It will knock your wind out.

You will be like, ah! It's true. It's true. I do believe it. I remember, yeah, it's like i get the wind knocked out of me like you know a decent amount of times i remember it happened in high school the last time and i was just like begging for help i think i said so many people get oh sorry no good people have been getting hit in the balls a lot. Yes. In this NBA.

I don't know if this is common, but every time I watch a game, someone's down. Yeah. And I go, how do they not wear cups because you can't run or something? It would be chafing.

Yeah. Also, they have to wear large cups because their meat wagons are pretty big. Their other meat wagons. It's a pretty big target. Yeah, this is a.

Their balls are probably trying to draw fouls. Yeah. I mean, at their size, it's. A lot of punching in the nuts, though. Really? By accident. Who's getting punched? I don't know. They say it's not. They say technical. I mean, at their size... A lot of punching in the nuts, though. Really?

By accident. Who's getting punched? I don't know. They say it's not. They say technical. I don't know. It's bullshit. They say technical, you're out.

I've seen it a few times since I started. If you watch the replay, they're clearly going for the ball. Right. But, I mean, guys that size, it's no longer a jock. It's like, I have to put a helmet on. It's like a peewee football helmet on these hogs, dude. So it's not even possible to protect. I used to wear a banana coat.

You think they're all showers? None of them are growers? You don't think any of them I think they're showing even if they're about to grow as a grow. Sometimes they do show. Yeah?

They are showing, yeah. Yeah, you can see like the Their show is your When women watch sports it's a whole different thing. I go, showing. Showing. Showing. Love it. To assist. To assist. when women watch sports it's a whole different thing i go showing showing showing love it to assist is that the octopus that's an octopus let's go showing showing showing showing it is

funny i like when they call out like the rich white women in like the front row like googling the guys like as they like toss it in you just see some white woman like eyeing down the snake dude if i was a woman i would hate sitting in the front row because you can't they're gonna get you on that no matter what yeah you can't just you can't just look if they ever if you ever look at one of the players they're like no no no no there's just there's a definite every time there was one it was like beyonce she was just like watching leBron James play, which is cool. Yeah.

She can't enjoy that for a second. What? She's staring at fucking Jay-Z's face. Anybody looks gorgeous. Jay-Z looks like an old ball of Tootsie Rolls in the backseat of a hot car. I'm sorry. That's funny. It would be.

Like a box of milk duds. Yeah. You've forgotten your aunt's hot car. Come on. It's like the Jesus. That's not racist. It's like a Jesus on the toast kind of thing. It's Jay-Z.

Yeah. LeBron's hot as fuck. I like LeBron in his cash gear. You know, like sweatpants. When he goes to his kids games. Yeah. He looks hot as fuck. And he shows up like seven hours early. Yeah. To practice. Yeah. Really? Yeah. gear you know like sweatpants and when he goes to his kids games yeah he looks hot as fuck and he

shows up like seven hours early yeah practice yeah really yeah i saw a tiktok reel he shows up seven hours early that's why they call him the greatest of all time because while everyone else is sleeping he's working that's kobe dude i i fell down i've fallen down rabbit holes recently where i just like i can't sleep. And it's from like 3 to 9 a.m. nonstop just looking at fucking... That's because you take a three-hour nap at the time when people get winding down for bed. Yeah, you got to cut the naps. You got to cut the naps. You got to fight it.

Dude, put tape on your fucking eyes. Fall asleep at a normal time because then you're a night nurse. You got the night nurse hours. I lived with my mother for 18 years. I love a nap. You got to cut it to 30 minutes or nothing. His naps are sleeps. It cannot be four hours. He calls a nap four hours sleep.

I drank too much over the weekend and did a bunch of mushrooms. I had to go on a retreat. You didn't tell me about mushrooms. I was eating. You have to go on a retreat. I was coming home blacked out because no one was home. They were away. Wait the whole house you guys all live together let me just get the just chris and i yeah yeah yeah but we were yeah and i would just come home and there was like oh you know what i'm just gonna i locked all the doors i closed the blinds i'm trying to beat off i ate a ton of mushrooms and i put on i put on on, dude, I put on like a. Kids cartoon?

No, I put on like some John F. Kennedy conspiracy thing. Oh, I like it. Why? I do. I panicked. What'd they tell you? The Cubans or the CIA? What's cooking today?

I think it was a mix of both. Yeah. I think mix of both. CIA put the Cubans up to it. He was over there in Russia for some reason. He got a Russian wife. He came back. I don't know, but I turned it off because it was too freaky.

So you're just eating mushrooms for fun? Yeah. Solo. It doesn't sound like a lot of fun. I was in the world right down the hatch. Then I went back to basics, put on National Parks documentaries. Now we're talking. It was so high. It got ruined for me.

How many squares are we talking? Four or five. Yeah, that's a lot. We got tons of chocolates. You want a bar? ruined for me. How many squares are we talking? It's like four or five. Yeah, that's a lot. Chocolates? Yeah. We got tons of chocolates. You want a bar? Cookies by Carol. Shout out Cookies by Carol. What are you making them? No, this lady makes them. I love it when a lady makes them. Yeah, they're really good.

This lady makes them. I go, I'm in. We got peppermint. No questions asked. Yeah, 100%. If it was a lady making them, I'd try some. A guy touched chocolate? Fentanyl. Fentanyl. Ugh, fentanyl. You're dead. You're fucking chocolate? Fentanyl. You're dead. Fentanyl at minimum. There's all weird sperm in there because he's gay.

There's a lot of straight bakers. I'm trying to backflip back. I'm trying to backflip back. Are you coming out? Are you coming out? Name them. Name one straight baker.

Number one, Julia Childs. Number two, Guy Fieri. Dude, Julia Childs. Holy Christmas. What a monstrosity. What a vibe. Great book. Did you read her book?

Did you guys like the swimsuit cover of Martha Stewart as men? I would 1,000%. Pipe that down. You pipe that down. Every decade she's been alive. Peace. Oh. Peace.

Her younger? You see her younger? Yeah, peace. Holy Christmas. Yeah. Older, got hotter. She's one of those, you know, women always complain you can't get hotter with age. That's a male thing?

You definitely can. Find Vino on that broad. The cough. Dude, releasing a vape cough before calling a lady abroad is so perfect. It's okay. You're safe with me. Get a load of the gams on that lady. Oh, God. She's so hot. Did she actually do like a spread?

Yeah, she did a spread. Really? Sports Illustrated. I think she was actually set to do it a couple years ago. Did she get mad about that or something? No, no one's mad. Everyone's hard. Everyone's too hard to be mad.

You really can't get mad when you're hard. No one sees that problem. Who's reading Sports Illustrated? You guys are. I don't know. It's not my problem. It in your heart. No one sees that problem. Who's reading Sports Illustrated? You guys are. I don't know. It's not my problem. It's your issue. I haven't touched a sports magazine.

That's just what a fucking weirdo tells his wife. He's like, look, there's a basketball article. Man, what a sad guy that is. And he hides it in his fucking hardware drawer. You know what I mean? My dad had a whole fucking stack of old pornos, Playboys and Sports Illustrateds. I feel like even saying pornos just dates it Nobody says pornos anymore

It's just porn Pornos used to be like a tape I'm dating myself I'm 43 I remember I'm the spring chicken I'm 35 You remind me of all my cousins

Of course Are you Irish and Italian or just all Irish? Just all Irish You look all Irish And a little French 25 French That's okay But I have a fake Italian accent

So it's confusing You have what? I have a fake Italian accent So it's confusing Where were you raised? New York Yeah Yeah

I mean it's New York, Jersey and Philly It's all Irish and Italian If you don't have either You got an Italian accent somehow. It's fake, yeah. It's completely fake. My mom is essentially British. She sounds like...

Was she raised in Brooklyn? No, she's from Boston. Oh, there you go. Another town. No, but when she talks, she's like, hello. Hello. Hi. And I'm like, how you doing?

Hey, ma, how you doing you've been good how's the heart how's the foot how's the back good good good and she's like i made hell that is fucking incredible could you imagine yes i could imagine it's my life every time but being her and just watching your daughter just and yeah and i used to rap and like i would Incredible. Could you imagine? Yes, I could imagine. It's my life every time I come home. But being her and just watching your daughter. And yeah, and I used to rap. I would have songs like Dancing on the Dick. All these interviews. Wait, wait, wait. Emma, for Christ's sake.

This episode has been brought to you by Manscapes. Let's make Father's Day easy this year. Your old man does not want another rug. That's good. Who's brought a rug rug have you ever bought a no no no it says another mug but i said rug oh oh that's cup that's a little improv that's professional improv dude that is yeah see how on fire i would have been today have you ever bought a rug for someone this is a rug for us i bought this but for i'm saying for someone else as i

bought it for you this is a gift this is not is your gift. This is not. You haven't thanked me yet. This came with a house. I'm certain of it. What are you talking about? It's a nice rug. You're a fucking dickhead. You really are, dude. You like that rug?

Why don't you buy us a new rug? Buy yourself a new fucking attitude. You've been terrible today. I'll lose days rug shopping. Your dad doesn't want another mug. He wants great looking body hair. No he doesn't. I just threw a football with your father

for like 35, 40 minutes over the weekend. He's hairless. What a charm. He is Asian. He's Asian everywhere else except for he's got a nice head of lettuce. It's a lifetime of wearing suits, dude. You become a hairless baby.

Wear long socks? I always wondered why my dad was bare from the calf down. He wore, like, work socks. It strips you. Right to the football field. Strips you from manhood. This dude would get dressed for Sears corporate, and then go right to the ball field. Just plucked all his fucking hair off.

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No, I don't have any panty line. I was wearing them last week, though. Yeah, I wore them all weekend. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. I burned through them Memorial Day. Memorial Day weekend. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. I burned through them Memorial Day. Memorial Day weekend. Yeah, you had those fucking hot dog dudes coming out. Busted my shit.

Yeah, they got a ventilation hole coming out the ass. You ever see a kid in school who had like ripped underwear by the asshole? No. Yeah, like you never got dressed for sports. This is back Tidy Way days. This is before the sheath technology. So you just had cotton the dude would blow it out like a fucking a true skid mark on the side of a road yeah just

scattered holes like it was like hit with a blowtorch from a certain angle i used to wear some pretty ragged boxers no one that's listening to this doesn't believe you we uh we of course you literally wore like fucking basketball shorts under your pants. It was a diaper. It was a diaper with spandex lining. Yeah, it was cool. I don't know why girls thought that was... Not hot?

No, they thought it was hot. I'm starting to get into like when I see girls' underwear underneath the dress when sometimes it shocks me a little bit. It shocks you? Yeah. In a good way? Yeah. Sometimes it's just like I me a little bit. It shocks you? Yeah. In a good way? Yeah. Sometimes it's just like,

I want a little lingerie that's professional. It's like how tan lines are coming back. Oh, God. I don't remember the last time we talked about tan lines, but a perfectly placed tan line, just a glowing orb white, like your forehead as opposed to my forearm, and then it gets back into gold.

Yes. Oh. I don't know what it is about that. It's like showcasing the nipple. Like... It makes it seem fresh. It is fresh. Yeah.

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Sheath is particularly useful for staying cool if you're working out or you're in a hot environment. You know, but you know what? I like them in cold environments as well. You do? I do. I like underwear in any temperature. You know what I've done? I've replaced all my cottons with sheaths.

I used to have yeah cotton briefs yeah for the winter because i the next day i wake up in the morning i go to the gym first thing i can't wear cotton briefs at all anymore why not it's just it's a it's a it's a tampon sponge demand pond it just keeps all my my monkey butt in you gotta fucking ring them out before i put in the hamper dude yes it's's true. Monkey butt, swamp ass. Yeah, it absorbs some of the sweat, too. I used to be a guy who just went and bought a six-pack of Hanes underwear, didn't think about it at all until she sent me a pair of their underwear.

I put it on, and I was like, I can never go back. I particularly love the dual pouches. They keep your man parts separated, and it is a game changer. This seems really personal, Chris. Yeah. If you're a little bit skeptical as I was, I was so skeptical. That's better. I was. I was so skeptical that's better I was I was so skeptical at first when I heard about these dual pouches I said what I actually was skeptical really yeah I had a hard time for the first week putting it in there

it was more for the the peck through the bird hole yeah the nookies in the pouch I'm fine with because I i separate the the whole package from my body but i don't like my dick and my balls not to be in yeah yeah it's like you want your lover to have her yeah her head in your little nook yeah they're spooning yeah if she puts a blanket in between her holding me i'm like what the fuck is this you want to go sleep on the couch i need the the need the long inside of my hammer to be wrapped around my nooks do you cuddle all night?

I can do it for a limited amount of time and then I need my own space I only flip because my shoulders get all fucked up like Peter Griffin I like holding pillows because they don't have any heat same she'll hold me if I hold the pillow you just flip flop,op. You take turns.

Yeah. Being held is nice. She used to start making... I'll hold you after this. You need to be fucking held. I've never seen you like this. Being held is nice. Yeah, you got pickled last night. I don't think it was that bad. But you came out like you were stung by fucking 60

hornets. And I was like, Jesus Christ. Maybe we should push this pod. I just woke up cranky today. I got mad. Someone's take on Elon Musk pissed me off. I haven't recovered. Yeah, you're a fucking crazy person. I particularly love the dual pouches, like I said.

I was skeptical. but I came around okay because I like to separate my balls from my body and it's really comfortable and then you take them off when you're about to have sex and you realize your balls don't smell like your butthole

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if you're not pausing the podcast to buy some sheath underwear right now, then I don't know. You're a fucking idiot. I don't know what else you want from me.

Or maybe they're just dadless. Maybe they were raised by their mother. Yeah. And they're just disgruntled by this big, this big day. You don't want to get

a new trimmer or new shitters. Yeah. Father's Day. Yeah. It's a lot. That's when they say shitters yeah father's day yeah it's a lot that's when they they say when is father it's like jews during christmas they just they go you follow those kids go to a chinese restaurant and they sulk yeah i never even remember father's day or mother's day holidays holidays i don't remember you ever spend christmas alone no i mean i was with someone it was never just me oh no i i've done it alone oh my god just to

see what it's like oh my god yeah you ever cut off your pinky it It's wild, dude. You just wanted to like take a trip? No, I didn't do any. I just stayed. This is like ayahuasca for depressed teens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just stayed in my apartment in Philly. What did you tell your family? I was like, I'm busy. You just said, oh, it's Christmas.

I'm busy. Yeah, I can't make it. I got stuff going on. Yeah. And you're literally right across the water. What? Yeah. And they said, okay. I was in Philly. What? Yeah yeah the philly's an hour all right they're like okay really yeah

oh maybe they don't like you no we just always my family's always this thing like if you have something to do then you have something to do i told you we made the right decision they They never, they never like, yeah. It would have been two hours of a dark class. I mean, we got to get in the bed, dude. Don't just freeze over it. I have to freeze over it. Is it recorded?

Do you have this? Of course. It used to be on Spotify, but I died of shame one day. I took it down. I was actually pretty good. I had songs like I Rather Fuck Your Brother. That's why my name is Lil' Facts. Oh, I It used to be on Spotify, but I died of shame one day. I took it down. I was actually pretty good. I had songs like I'd Rather Fuck Your Brother. That's why my name is Lil Frex. Oh, I was going to ask that next.

That is so great. Because I used to rap. What is this, on SoundCloud or something? Now I'm tall and old and called Lil Frex and don't rap, so it doesn't make any sense. So you were taking it serious for a while?

I'd Rather Fuck Your Brother. It's a banger. Absolute banger. I stand behind it. But then, you know, like you die of shame. Can you fire behind it. When you're Irish, you die of shame sometimes. I guess I could. Where would I have it on the phone? Brendan Raps.

He's pretty good. Lyrically, he's good. Everything I've seen has been great. I did it live. I want to listen to it. I want to fuck your brother. Yeah, it's so good. Actually, can we not do that one?

Why you have beef with your brother? You have sore spot with your brother? He's embarrassed He's living with my ex-girlfriend Oh Okay Well fuck him Fire it up

Can one of you guys get me another beer? And a fucking hammer? It's not for you I'll kill myself with a hammer Damn That's how you know you mean it you suicide by a hammer yeah that guy was in fucking pain you gotta fight through you're talking about getting the wind knocked at a few times baby i think that would be top video of all time just a my god. Just a guy, basically. 90% dead. No, but you gotta go night. Still trying to finish the job.

You gotta go night night for like 20 minute intervals. It's not over. Did you ever see that was did you ever see that video? What? There was like a couple that decided to kill themselves with a knife. Oh god. Kill each other? No, no. they the guy cut his own throat and then he just he didn't die

Maybe we're just trying to get rid of his wife Like really corny fucking movies. Sounds like, oh, I can't. And it's a video? Yeah. I did this show. Where'd you find it? How deep is the web? How deep is the web?

I did this show. It's probably on my lap when I fell asleep. Tommy just left the TV on. I shut all the curtains. He's taking mushrooms. I'm just watching death videos in here. No, I had like a moment where I was the anniversary of 9-11. The 10-year anniversary of 9-11, I think.

That's when you get in a convertible. Right around. Breaking red light rules. What do you want from me? It's 9-11 anniversary. Well, the bar that me and your cousin work at Is a fireman bar And our shirts say 9-11 Really?

Yeah I was gonna wear the sweatshirt today But I didn't Anyway go ahead Oh no What does it say after 9-11? Do you know who his J-Go was? All gave some, some gave all

The what? All gave some, some gave all All what? All gave some Some gave all Yeah You go huh All gave some, some gave all. Yeah. You go, huh? I thought it was gay to me.

It's like, how Irish is this fucking bar? I don't give so much. I don't give so much. I don't give at all. I don't give at all. I don't give at all. The fireman coming in just doing that fucking. All right, sorry I interrupted you.

You have to stop sexualizing those little Irish girls. Do you know who Louis J. Gomez is? Yeah, of course. I don't know him personally. Have you heard the story that he rollerbladed out of the city on 9-11? Oh, no. Dude, I cried. I cried laughing.

9-11. 9-11 happened. Over with Prince. Give me the route. Give me the route. George Washington. Oh, man, which print? Give me the round. Give me the round. George Washington. He, dude, he rollerbladed to like Nyack. On the side.

He went through all the... That's hilly. That's hilly. You have to go up. You have to go up a lot. You have to go up a lot. Yes. Getting up the ramp.

He was talking about turning his... His rollerblade sideways and going up. Until he got to the top and just went... What an incredible story. Jersey fire engines are coming the other way. It's unbelievable I think Soda told that story

at Big J's cookout right yeah or Ari's Jesus Christ it was so funny oh my god that was the funniest

fucking thing I'd ever heard now you don't have to ask did he have soot or no soot on him yeah

no soot no soot he was completely I think he said he was living in Jersey at that point or something no no Did he have soot or no soot? On him? Yeah No soot No soot He's completely clean I think he said he was living in Jersey at that point or something No, no He was living in Oh, he wasn't in New York? He was living in Chelsea or something

He was living I think he was living in Lugia That makes sense You gotta get the fuck out I think he bought I think he was living in like a closed down doggy daycare Oh no That's what they said It was just tile floors in like a closed down doggy daycare. Oh no.

That's what they said. It was just tile floors. Oh my God. That's a boiler room for dogs. He just grabs his thing. I gotta go. Yeah, his girlfriend was, yeah. Oh my God. A Nyack or something.

So funny. God damn it. So that was a tough day where were you on 9-11 yeah yeah oh i yeah the mood turned somber no no everyone followed a hush fell over the crowd where were you you couldn't leave school no we couldn't leave school and a lot of people's we were close enough to the city a lot of people's parents worked there so yeah yeah yeah we we had that too and then they of course goodbye sorry during i drank that very very fast i started thinking about ladies falling i get really thirsty that's how i started watching i think there's one in the freezer

Oh yeah, they wheeled the TV in Yeah And they showed us the live falling Yeah That can't be right Adam Friedland loves to hear this story He actually told, I just did his show Yeah

In Brooklyn, he told it after I was done with my set Because he can't stop laughing about it But I was supposed to go to Paris on 9-1111 at 3 30 okay and it was my first time ever leaving i've only been to south jersey beaches at that time in my life i was like 22 and you were gonna go to the south of france i was gonna go and live life i did that put a pin in it come back yes go ahead your story and uh i was very excited and my middle brother was obviously an extreme fucking bully. I was sleeping in during the first

plane. I got woken by his call and he was like, hey, guess who's not going to Paris? I was like, shut the fuck up. Do what? He goes, uh-uh. Turn the TV on. Then I watch the second flight

then he calls me again he goes i told you oh that's like a cartoon bully hey guess he's not going to paris it's so unbelievable the one time i was gonna escape philadelphia it's not a lot of it no dude Talk about the fucking Cloud of doom Now is this the same brother Who's done this Unspeakable act Yeah Yeah you're traumatized

This is bad This is great This is fueling my career I found out Right to the top Yeah baby I found out from Joe Benoit Who

This kid in my high school That's Benoit No He's Joe Benoit This guy was an asshole Benoit is Benoit. And I walked into class, and he was like, a plane just hit the towers. And I was like, oh my God, is this an accident?

He goes, yeah, it's an accident. And I was like, what the fuck? Okay, it's an accident. Sounds like you took on his personality suits. That's how you respond to everybody. Dude, I immediately left. I went down to the water and I watched the... The second.

No, I didn't get to see the second one hit. The second one had hit already. But I couldn't get in touch with my dad. My dad was downtown. Can you please tell the story now? What? Just do it. Your fake 9-11 story.

Oh, yeah. I lied about 9-11 for a while. And what did you say? You were there? Well, my dad... Your dad died? What happened? No, my dad was going over the Williamsburg Bridge

can I set this up real quick sure sure we had Ren Azizi on who we love yeah and he had that whole thing where he made up a story

and Chris and I were talking about it yeah Chris was like I can understand and I was like we had this like

back and forth it's like how could you possibly understand he's like I lied about 9-11 yeah he said it like that? This is a random night?

I was like, wait, wait, hold on a second. You what? Well, my dad was on the train going over the Williamsburg Bridge and saw the first plane hit. Okay. Crazy. That's a wild view to have. Yes.

That is. That's 10th row of Knicks game. That is. Okay, I hope his brother isn't with him. And then he got off the train and saw the second plane hit. They were right on the water in Williamsburg. Him and everyone in his, it was just engineers in an office standing at some building just watched the second plane hit

and then watched the towers fall. And so I told this story to someone. Right on cue I told this story was to someone at you know correctly truthfully that my dad was in that situation and they were like yeah that's that's wild and I didn't like that reaction yeah so then I put myself on the train and I started getting the reaction that it deserved. So I did that for a while and it's just like, man, I didn't like that reaction.

I didn't like that reaction. I took offense. I took offense to that. And I took offense to that. So Jordan, so I lied about nine 11 for a while. Okay. How many people did you tell it to?

Three thousand. One for each death. Not that I many people did you tell it to? Three thousand? Yeah, yeah. One for each death? Not that I just did it at my JFL audition. I wrote a pilot about it. Wrote a pilot. My closer for a long time.

Wrote a short story. Had it published in the New Yorker. I wrote it. Not that many people though. Changed my last name to Brown, but that was fine. Well, I think it's okay. Yeah, you can lie about 9-11.

If you're close. If they're going to lie to us about it, I'm going to make up my own lies about it. Damn. You can't say that in your fireman bar, but... It starts at the top. Accountability for all all That's so funny Dude do they come in

In their unis Yeah yeah Do you guys get all hot and bothered Is that like a thing Well this St. Patrick's Day Let's put it this way I was like If someone does have a fire

In Manhattan I mean God rest their soul Yeah Cause they're all here Yeah So what are we gonna do Yeah yeah Is it right next to Is it just a fire themed bar What is this rest their soul. Because they're all here. What are we going to do? Is it right next to, is it just a fire themed bar? What is this? A fucking Applebee's?

You gotta go like Jewish rules on St. Patrick's Day. Don't turn any lights on. No electricity. Nothing. It's owned by retired firefighters. He's retired? Retired.

Oh, retired. He's retired. That would be... This is the best fire of all time. This fire's owned by two retired firefighters. Dude. No, the fire's that way, Carl. No, no, no, no, no.

Put it out on his feet. All right, come on. Come on, pull it together. Pull it together, Tom. Jeez. Just throwing all their macaroni necklaces at him. His buckets of confetti.

Okay, from the top, it's owned by retired firefighters. It's buckets of confetti. Okay, from the top. It's owned by retired firefighters. It still sounded like my dad. It's fake. How can it be that fake? What do you not understand? They're retired. They're retired.

They're retired. Oh, how'd they get the job? He's still got to work there for a long time. No fear of these guys. No fear of these guys. Oh, feed'd they get the job? He's still gonna work there for a long time. No fear of these guys. No fear of these guys. Oh, feed him after midnight. I know that. Yeah, okay.

Jesus Christ. Now, well, I'm fired. Well, I'm gonna be fired. No, no, no. I'll put you out. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, okay. I don't even know where we're going with that.

Anyway, so it's owned by a retired... Who cares? 9-11 is the cop... It's a strictly fireman bar. No, no, no, no, no. Uh-oh. Locals bar. Do any of them believe

in the conspiracy? You know, I haven't brought it up. Yeah, you probably... I gotta be honest, I haven't brought it up. Yeah. It's like having a CIA bar. I'm like,

did you guys kill fucking JFK or not? Anyway, what do you want? Pine? Yeah. You guys want waters? What do you want? Stella, shock top, we got a couple IPAs. I can pick, did you guys kill fucking JFK or no? Anyway, what do you want, a pint? Yeah. You guys want waters with beers? You want Stella, Shock Top, we got a couple IPAs. I can pick one for you.

I know they're kind of all the same. You see how his fucking head blew off like that? Seven shooters, that's all I'm saying. Anyway, you want jalapeno poppers or mud sticks? Dude, with vape smoke flying out of every orifice, it's so great. Clip it. Clip it Clip it Just tell me How'd you do it

Oh man That was a That was a wild ride That was a wild ride Yeah That's good 9-11 Oh

But so this is how I wound up Because I It was the 15th anniversary Of 9-11 And there was an article I think in the New York Times. The noises. About how like all the videos of people killing themselves

are like we don't watch them or talk about it. So they're just on like these gore sites and then is that the best way. You can't find jumper videos. Yeah yeah. You can't. It is the best way to treat these things I think yeah yeah 100

but instead of like acknowledging it and like and and clip it and make it a real no it's the best way hi this is basically i don't know they were asking some pretty deep questions so so then i i was like no no i did i did no no no well they got me i was like... No, no, no. I did. I did. No, no, no. Well, they got me. I was like, I got to start watching gore. I got to start watching gore stuff. I don't want to be one of these people who's not watching. I don't want to be one of these ignoramuses. Yeah.

And then I went down a deep rabbit hole of just violence. Yeah, I get it. I mean, there's two types of people in this world. You either watch the beheading videos or you don't. Yeah. I think everyone should watch some of them. You either watch the beheading videos or you don't. Yeah. I think everyone should watch some of them. You either have to know or you don't have to know. Yeah.

Just like you know all the players' names. You show me a montage of beheading videos, I'll tell you. Oh, that was Westport. He actually worked at J.P. Morgan. They never saw it coming. They never saw it coming. Beautiful. Anyway, next.

Oh, Chicago. That never saw it coming. Beautiful. Anyway. Next. Oh, Chicago. That was a good one. I'm IDing badges on the... No, I can't say that. All right, good. Hey, I like that a little. Yeah, I reeled it in. I can reel it in sometimes.

I know what's coming next. Yeah. I never do. Yeah. Fuck. That's what happens when I hold one in. Fuck.

Fucking. this is what happens when i hold one in fucking what's that men in black with our just fighting that creature coming out of their skin oh yeah it's good god i'm really bringing this to a fucking wait so do you not watch gore stuff ever i don't know what you've seen i don't exactly know what the deep web is but like it's not deep i got I got a site for you. But, like, I'll go on. I'll flip your wig. Super accessible. You got Twitter? Like, I'll watch, like, the beheadings during, like, the ISIS time.

I don't know if ISIS time is over or what. No, it's not really over. It's just control. It's like when there's a few mice in a kitchen in New York. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're kind of like. You zap them. They're like the T-1 fast.

They're still behind the walls. In Terminator 2, you know what I mean? Where it's like they split up, but then they. Yeah. You just don't want them turning into rats. Slowly. Chewing through the fucking machine. All right, well, you guys are really going off the rails here.

All I'm saying is. Yeah, I've seen a few of the videos. You watch the journalists. Did you watch the high production ones where they put them in a cage and burn them? No. Oh, dude. No, don't even tell me about that.

I don't know. Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Let me tell you something. What, they use a black magic? What happened? Yes. What'd they film it on?

Yeah. Oh, all the goods. They were using like After Effects. Their production team is unbelievable. Premiere Pro? Premiere Pro. At some point, we drone stristriked a edit bay. Oh, no.

So they can stop making these fucking videos. But there are three very high-production videos. One was a cage fire. One was they dropped them into water. This is it. No, you can cut from that part, and you can come back at this part. This is it.

Let's pick up from burning in Kansas. Let's pick up where ISIS is burning that guy alive. We're a history podcast, dude. You guys are the new hyenas. Chris doesn't have any technical know-how. He's worse than me, I think. But he set up the podcast on Spotify as we're two.

So we have ratings and we can't combine them all. And he doesn't want to delete. This is your name and his name? No, no. It's Stuff Island. It's Stuff Island, but one is science and technology.

One is comedy. And they have two separate channels. But the feedback is so good on both that we don't want a 9-11 one on the channel. How are your ratings? So I just started a podcast. First of all, not that easy. No, it's not easy.

Big and complete sentences, huge pain in the ass. Yes. What a fucking nightmare. And then you constantly have to go, mark that, edit that out, mark that, edit that out. We don't do that.

And also, you're not getting that edited out. Yes, I am. I'll burn this place to the ground. How about that? We call you firemen? How about I'll make a gore video. I'll burn your house down. How about that?

Just leave the cameras on. We'll be high production. Wait, what were we saying? Oh, yeah. So, and I haven't gotten any negative reviews yet, which is how I know that I'm not shit yet. Yeah. Like, you're not shit until you get negative reviews.

I got to say, that's probably not true because you're... No, you're funny. I just met you. But usually the negatives will come early and then late by maniacs. Right. We didn't... I hate that. I actually don't even want to say this, but we've been,

yeah, this is the surefire way to get terrible comments. No, I think, I think we, actually most of the comments have been pretty good.

Yeah, we get a lot of support. But you always get the, yeah, you get one person who's always like, so I was like, couldn't finish it,

couldn't listen, annoying. Why are these guys laughing so much? Yeah, yeah, there's always one, there's something.

we're laughing because we live in a clip economy and you can't clip it unless everyone is dying laughing. You have to be dying laughing. No, there literally was like two dudes. Two dudes. Trolls.

Two trolls. Okay, that's kind of cool though. You can hit their comment history and they'll jump up. Just say something negative. They're just fucking sad people. That's kind of cool though. Two trolls committed to ruining your day. Every they gotta log in that's hot i like that fucking hate these guys yeah yeah yeah gay sometimes terrible comment is attached to like

they've commented on every up every other episode being like huge fan love the show and then all of a sudden it's just like he's mother they're never gonna make it there was one dude i made fun of like cath Catholicism and like having a family young. It took him into a fucking whirlwind of hate for like weeks. He's like, this guy for his age, he doesn't know love. He's like, God is real. He's not like, it's unbelievable. And it's still something that you read it and you're like, God.

That'll stick with me. You're going to read a thousand wonderful comments. It'll be one fucking dildo. Of course. Always. I still remember the meanest YouTube comment I got when I was a rapper. I'll recite it for you now. End quote.

Please. This fat ginger bitch ain't dancing on anyone's dick. End quote. Oh my God. That's a new line. I just died laughing but also I was like I'm so hurt

but I have to repost it right away it'll stay with you and I don't remember any nice thing anyone's ever said to me yeah but I'll remember that

for the rest of my fucking life that is so funny this fat ginger bitch ain't dancing on anyone's dick it's so funny to sit there and be like yeah yeah, but what did you think of the song? Yeah.

Yeah. But it was funny, right? It was a funny song. Good beat, though. Yeah, love the beat. Good production. Good production, bro. Yeah, sick beat.

I wouldn't beat those cheeks, ginger core. Not for a million fucking dollars. That's balls to start rapping online. Yeah, I mean, it's a SoundCloud heyday. Yeah. Isn't that it's the SoundCloud heyday. Isn't that what's happening now? Didn't they start SoundCloud, all the popular rappers now? Yeah, like Post Malone I used to listen to on SoundCloud.

Is SoundCloud still happening? Maybe in the deep sense. The deep web sense? No, I don't know. That's the only place my music still is. SoundCloud and Isis. Isis is on SoundCloud. They actually have some pretty good stuff. Just screams.

SoundCloud is still happening, I think. But I don't know. I'm too old for that. That's just a platform you can upload your music for free. Yeah, you just do it yourself. You don't make any money. You make the beats yourself, too? No.

I used to be that person tweeting, need beats. Send beats, too. Send beats, too. You know, my email. This is so funny it is it really is and what how how old were you when you started 25 years old oh my god late late like yeah like objectively late to start asking for beats on twitter that is so funny did anyone ever send you beats the best beats that i use i would use them all the time really you pay and then here's the thing no but i would i didn't make any money off of music so

it was like i would just send emails like hey you got any more beats uh sorry i haven't ever paid you but you know we haven't made any money so what's 50 we're working together here yeah wait no that was that was the big thing it was like Wait. No, that was the big thing. It was like, let's build. That was the big SoundCloud rapper lingo. Yeah. Oh, we're building. We're building something here. That's every fucking booker that isn't a comic.

Yeah. It's like, look, you get stage time. You're getting your voice out there. You're part of a community. I get all the fucking money. You meet people. God. I'm so bad at stand-up.

You guys both are good at stand-up, right? You don't do stand-up? I do, but I'm not good at it. Well, it takes a while. I feel like you would be good at it. Yeah, and I'm not willing to work. I would be, but I'm not willing to put the work in. I don't put the work in.

That's that Lil Frex attitude. Yeah, yeah. That's how I'm only going to fuck your brother out. Yeah, yeah. You got to get that demon out of there, dude. We got to extract that demon. Give me the incense, will you? You're not going to like this dance.

Getting a little warm. I can't say that word. I didn't decide to switch from music to straight stand-up comedy until I was like 30. And by that time, I was going to open mics. I go, I can't. I started at 29 doing open mics. Okay.

So maybe I'm just complaining for fucking nothing. No, you just got to do it. I know. You're funny't. I started 29 doing open mics. Okay. I had a full-time job. So maybe I'm just complaining for fucking nothing. No, you just got to do it. I know. You're funny enough. I know, but then you stand up there and you have to say prepared material. Nah, a little bit of both. Can be tough.

Did you hate repeating yourself? Yes, I did. I felt like a fucking hack every time. I'm like, I just said this yesterday. It never gets old. And that's the whole thing that it is. Yeah. You say the same thing you said yesterday.

I know, but then you get a run of good shows and. You say the same thing you said yesterday. I know. But then you get a run of good shows and you're saying the same thing you said yesterday and everyone's reacting like you said it for the first time. And you're like, fuck it. It's still good. I mean, look, I said a few bits on this podcast that I've said before. Oh, nice. Yeah.

That's okay. Honestly, I might be doing, I'm doing sit down right now. I'm doing sit down comedy right now because I came on here and I did material. That's fine. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, that's all we do is sit here and try not to say a thing that we've said already. Yeah.

Right, right. And it's been... It's been... Yeah. I mean... I've been doing that for five years. What?

When people say it's been, I say that. It's been... It's a problem. Helix. It's a problem, dude. Yeah. If you're struggling on stage,

that's also a good move. You say A boom boom boom Well that's the other thing As a rapper Now I'm about to do a bit again As a rapper you just tell people what reaction you want them to have You're like

Yo make some fucking noise Stand up Comedy you can't do that You gotta laugh Or you just dress like a Maybe you can no one's done it before stand up and comedy. You can't do that. You gotta laugh. Yeah. Or you just dress like a... Maybe you can. No one's done it before.

That's so true. Yes, they have. I bet Sinbad did. There's a bunch of girls that dress like whores and ask you to clap for them. I can't support that comment. I'm sorry.

You know who I'm talking about. I just have to go on the record as not supporting that comment. There's one person... You don't have to edit this out? I don't even know who you're thinking of. No, let's go back to this prepared material shit because there's one person that I don't even follow. It drives me insane watching them because you can almost see.

They're so overly prepared where you can almost see them saying the jokes into like a bathroom mirror. And like it's everything every movement every pause even though people aren't laughing right they pause right and then it's like and then this and then there's like three examples they go by the number of three it is so fucking douche chilling yeah it's a bit of an la comedy oh god it's a little bit a little bit overacted i see yeah well here's no it doesn't even have to be active but here's what's going on it's a little bit overacted I see it doesn't even have to be acting people are getting on stage that are trying to be actors and actresses

and the managers and the agents are telling them you need to be on stage because you need somewhere that we can tell people to go see you so you should do stand up comedy anybody can do it and then people are getting on stage and honestly that's what I was gonna do really and i go this is so disrespectful to the people who are so good at this because when because when you stand

on like when when you're watching someone who's meant to do specifically stand-up comedy you know what you're watching yeah you go that's a stand-up comic yeah and then you know when you're watching someone who's auditioning for the bear yeah yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or whatever. You got a law and order face. Get the fuck off the stage. We know when we're seeing an SVU audition. Yeah. God damn it. That's embarrassing.

There's just something so funny about you walking and your manager's like, I just imagine a guy behind a giant stack of papers and he's just going, listen, dancing on that dick's not moving the needle. It's not moving the needle for us. What do you think about a stand-up comedy? What do you think about a type 5?

Can we scrap that together? We're going to pay email anytime this decade. I'm looking through the lyrics here. You got some good stuff. You said wink, wink, kissy face, puppy on a pony. He's texting mad emojis. What he really means is blow me. I'm sorry.

You need to get a type 5. You need to get a type 5. Right away. Dude, apparently that's how little baby started. He was like really good at Twitter. Like he was just tweeting like all these analogies and shit like that. And one boy was pushing him like, yo, make this into a song.

He was too shy to rap. Did you ever see his documentary? Really? It's actually really good. I'll watch this. Yeah. I think it's on Amazon. I like Little Baby.

I like how Drake uses Little Baby to get the young kids, but it also introduces me to Little Baby. Yeah, same. Wah, wah, wah. introduces me to a little baby. Yeah, same. Wah, wah, wah. Bitch, I'm a baby. Best line ever. That's either him or DaBaby, but they have a song where he goes, wah, wah, wah. Bitch, I'm a baby. That's good.

Let's get this fucking money. Let's get this fucking money. We're building. We're building here, bro. We're building. We're building here, bro. We're building here. Wah, wah, wah. Bitch, I'm a baby. That'd be so funny to scream that at someone in a relationship.

Oh, my God. Immediate. Immediate fucking playing up against the wall. What up? Yeah, you're going to get your shit broke. What's the meaning? Yeah, I'm already mad thinking about it. I know.

I'm pissed. I'm pissed. I'm pissed. Just taunting somebody. Wah, wah, wah. Bitch, I'm already mad Thinking about it I know I'm pissed I'm pissed I'm pissed Just taunting somebody I'm a bitch I'm a baby You clearly don't Give a fuck anymore

Yeah yeah Yeah yeah What is the name Of your podcast Because we are Skedaddle It's called That's What I Heard

And is it just you Or somebody else It's me It's just me But then I have Sebastian Canelli Who you guys would love You should have him on

He's like a He's like my co-host And then i got this kid billy june so the kid mike i don't know i keep promising the listeners we'll get more women as guests but they have not got a stable guy still making beats for me yeah i think this just might be what the podcast is that's fine these four degenerates are you guys on the whole time together? Wow, you have four mics. Yeah, four mics. And then you have a fifth mic? I would kick one of them off if I were to have a guest. That's going to be a problem.

But here's the thing. I don't want open mic comedians as my guests. I want Bad Bunny. Yeah. Do you have like a theme or some shit? No. Just chit chat. Say what I heard.

Yeah. I'd answer questions from the DMs. Perfect. Oh, that's cool we do the shame olympics where i talk about what's eating me alive with shame that week what's eating you alive with shame this week parlay no that's like the one thing keeping me going all sins are forgiven as long as everyone gets two rebounds and two points. I'm literally like, Gabe Vincent, two assists. Gabe Vincent, two assists.

I'm like, who is Gabe Vincent? Two assists. That's how you need to know. Give it up. You're covered. Yeah, and there's also another podcast called That's What I Heard, but it's by people from the UK, and that's not my podcast. Yeah.

Mine is the one by this trashy girl with the fake New York accent. I hate people from the UK. Really? Okay, well, you didn't have to. I know, but I do. Why, because they have teeth longer than you? Dude, what is going on over there with their teeth? It's...

I don't know, but if comedy doesn't work out, we get a dentist to go in there. No, they don't go. Yeah. I also think dentistry is, I do believe in a conspiracy theory of dentistry is not necessary. Unless you have an emergency.

I don't know. They're drilling holes in your face looking at gray areas going, yeah, you need this. It's like, no, I don't. No, I fucking don't. That's why you got to go to two mechanics. You got to go to two dentists.

Yeah. Last guy said I had 13 cavities. You're saying I got none? It is true. So which is it? Wait until you have pain. Fight it. The wisdom teeth thing is funny.

It's like, yeah, you got too many teeth. Yeah. We're going to charge you about $30,000. Yeah. Yeah. They're all slime balls. You got too many fingers. We need to cut one off.

It's going to be surgery. Anyway, it's a slow burn on the end of this. I'm getting sleepy. You just looked at me so sleepy and you were trying to finish your bit. You were just like, I'm going to need surgery. Chris does this thing

where it's clearly we're putting a button on the episode trying to get the fuck off. Put him to bed. Let him go to bed. What do you have? We got to do Patreon. I know we do, but we're trying to button on the episode trying to get the fuck off. Put him to bed. Put him to bed. Let him go to bed. What do you have? What do you have? We got to do Patreon. I know we do, but we're trying to put an end to this.

Put the Patreon. Stop with the Patreon. We have to do. We have to do. What are you bringing in? 2K a month? 5K? 6K?

7K? 10K? We're talking Tim Dillon numbers? We're talking 200K? We're not Tim Dillon numbers, but we're doing nice. No, we're doing all right. That's good. Pays for the pay.

Thank you. Thank you for all the support. If it pays for the first floor, you know the vibes. Like, review, and subscribe. We don't do that. We should. Yeah, I started doing that. It's the most disgusting words that will ever come out of your mouth.

Of course. I would rather get someone pissing my mouth than have to say rate, review, subscribe one more time. It's disgusting. It is disgusting. You might be the first or third person we've asked to plug something. Rate, review, subscribe. We always forget. Well, she said I have a new podcast, which made me remember that we should be probably doing something.

We don't even plug our own dates. Who cares? At the end of the day, who cares? Who cares? Actually, yeah, we'll be in Newport Rhode Island This won't be out No Wow

Newport It won't be out Wednesday No Oh yeah We can Anyway If you came out

If you came out To the road comedy festival Dude What a wild time Yeah we'll talk about it Next week I mean We don't have time

So good Historic world Holy shit Rhode Island's beautiful. Yeah. All right, you Jews. Thanks for watching. All right.

What did you just say? I don't support that comment. I just want to say, don't cut yet. I don't support that comment. And cut.