Stuff Island - Stuff Island #85 - John Wick, Desperado w/ Matt McCusker

Episode Date: June 14, 2023

- Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow matt on IG: https://www.instagram.com/mccuskermatthewj/?hl=en Support the show & go to displate.com and use code STUFFISLAND at checkout  Support the show & head to fitbod.me/STUFFISLAND for 20% off your subscription. Support the show & cancel unwanted subscriptions at rocketmoney.com/stuffisland  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

would you go on barstool yeah i talked nothing but sex on there last time i was on there yeah nothing but sex yeah we were talking about vagina i mean look you gotta give the young boys what they need yeah it's a charged environment yeah i have never worked in a co i mean i have but only briefly only ever worked in co-ed environments i went to all boys catholic school saying then I worked construction. If I'm like inside with girls, I'm like, yeah.

Whoa. This is what I mean. And you have to have like a business chat. You're like, yeah. So I never even made it that far. Yeah.

I've never had one. I had a girl boss briefly at an internship and I just fucking was a total work brat on her. Yeah. I would expect I'm not doing that.

I refuse. I Bartlebeed. Did you ever get weird? Did you ever a real job? Like a, I'm sorry, corporate job?

Yeah, I had, I worked at a, this place was kind of a, I mean, I think it was kind of a scam. I'd rather not. I'd rather, I prefer not to actually.

I'd prefer not to. The, I worked at a real estate, it was like a, it was like a place that bought apartment complexes so I would call and pretend that I saw it and that I wanted to buy it I was like 19 I was like I saw your apartment buildings

in Kentucky and I'd like to purchase them they were like what what color is the outside I was like it's bricks I think get the fuck out of here dude what is this they had all these guys cold calling they would have like interns and shit there so if like one person found someone like there'd be people who inherited them and that was kind of who they preyed upon yeah like yo we'll get this thing we'll take this thing off your hands right

now yeah they'd offer like 70 of market value so they pay all these like doofuses to like call all day and if one guy got one they'd make millions of bucks of course god man but the sexual tension living like working in a corporate environment oh yeah dude you buy an apartment yeah a four is a cheetah dude you're just like she's wearing a pantsuit yeah this woman is carmen electra there was an office romance that went awry i remember there was someone i knew had sex with a lady and it was like nothing but like, she was pissed. Oh, she got mad?

It was like a one night stand kind of thing and she wanted to be something more? She wanted more. I think it was. I think she wanted more. She went to build her own business with this dude. He was like, I'm just trying to pop off. They want to be Jim and Pam. She wanted to be Jim and Pam. Do you think office cheating went up during the office i think it's always being inspired staggeringly

high yeah i think it's always been high but i think it's like a woman's fantasy to have like imagine having your boyfriend under like the same locking key like an eight hour locking key yeah she's just right there and you're just like he just like, fuck. Christmas party coat closet? Let's go. I could not. That's my porn. If I could direct my own porn. Christmas party coat closet. It's a corporate Christmas party.

Yeah. At some fucking rinky dink Irish bar. Yeah. And you're knuckling in a coat closet. But if you could design your own hell, it would be working with your significant other all day long. And also with other people being both of your bosses. 100%. Yes. Yeah. And also with other people being both of your bosses. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. Dude, my one buddy, one of the biggest wops I ever met in my life, knocked around the secretary of the corporate job we had. Knocked around? Yeah. Like beat her up? No, no, no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Below the belt knock around. Exactly. He hit her. He didn't have sex with her. He just hit her. He beat the shit out of the hit her he looked at her wrong no no she she was his old bat and she got fucking she got lucy goose at the christmas party and he yeah and knocked her up yeah and i was like dude that's all we were all like that was the one that's the one

you know the it's the uncharted territory they took took her down. Yeah. And she wasn't, you know, there's no spring chicken. It doesn't matter. Is that what they say? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She was like, you know, molten lava in certain areas that you didn't want. But that's almost awesome.

That's kind of awesome though. It's so awesome. We were so proud of her. Yeah. She had like a wonk eye in a way. And she had like the gray. Like she was old to the point where she didn't like hide the graying like matt and i at this age yeah for sure yeah she's probably 55 i love a lady with like who owns a gray hair

when i see a lady that owns a gray hair i get yeah storm oh my yes yeah dude especially if they're like into gardening there's a wisp yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want a farmer's market, Greg. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, still has a slope and a bulb. You know, they still hang high a little bit. Yeah, they're selling like four apple pies. I'd like to eat your ass. Your business makes no sense. You're still wearing tight pants

because you care about your form, but you still got bloomers on. You know what I mean? Yep. She still wants to be an older woman, an an educated woman the blouse is a little loose on yeah tucked in a little loose yeah you got to do what she's still got a little fanny pack of a belly you got to put apples somewhere yeah that does charge people up from being like next to each other for like three years being like oh i totally agree yeah yeah just fucking yeah yeah he's their

ass in the whole time just barreling down your down your penis and your fucking slacks going, yeah, absolutely. Debbie, I fucking get it. I get it. There was a couple at my old company. They were both married when I was there. And then they both got divorced and got with each other. Oh, they swapped. Do you think they were getting together before the divorce?

If that tension's there before, they probably... I think there's suspicion. Can I walk you after your car? Can I? Yeah. You mind if I... We're going the same direction?

I don't think that they were. They're a heavy pet. Yeah. For sure a heavy pet. That's crazy for like a corporate culture to conquer your marriage. Yeah.

Like what the corporate culture has to offer is better than like what YouTube and something by themselves. Well, there are great opportunities. Yeah. It's risque though. These are great opportunities. It's risque though.

It's so hot. Thinking about like everybody shutting the lights off. The fucking cleaning lady leaves. It's very dimly lit. Like the perfect ambiance in an Italian restaurant. There's only one fluorescent in the kitchen. And it's just you and the woman you've been working with for like five years.

And your wife's there all day with you. Clearly a woman would love to fucking. I'll meet you home. I think, I think this couple bonded over like answering emails during happy hour kind of vibe. You know what I mean? Like the people that are like. That's her happy hour.

They like, they like the corporate ladder and they're climbing it. You know what I mean? They did one. They did one. Tell me about it. Oh my God. Yeah, dude. Dude. one they did one tell me about it my wife said inbox zero she's fucking bitching like my husband said inbox zero do you ever fuck with inbox zero no it's the goal to get to total zero on your

inbox oh dude it's not possible i'm at inbox zero it's not possible i was at inbox i remember when i had no emails i'm at inbox here right now yes i remember nobody emailed me and i was like i wish somebody fucking yeah yeah just so i could like respond to it yeah just be like oh wow yeah i'll keep an eye out for that it was just like nope just an advertisement inbox one is where you want to be because you have to unread something because you're like i gotta get back to that so you're so on top of shit you got zero but then you want one unread yeah that's important tomorrow i'll save that i'm at inbox one i just delete right now 14 000 i figured out how to do delete all your emails and i deleted like 14 000 emails and then like two months later it's like

fuck what was that guy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i that's i i first of all searching emails is fucking impossible for some reason it can get tough anytime you're just like and it'll be like the most yeah you'll you'll search high and low yeah yeah no but it'll be like it'll be like an email from like from like apple and you'll like type in apple and search and then it'll just be sending you shit from like verizon and like all it's like oh yeah sandwich shops and shit and you're like this is nothing yeah what are you doing a keyword goes roguely yeah dude and i'm starting to think it's like a strategy you know what i mean i'm starting to think people that send spam emails put like all of the typical services in there

so that they're hashtagging you get jammed they're hashtagging talking keywords keyword rich text lose weight now what the fuck you're just trying to find this what does this have to do with my bank statements this girl you fucked at your last job it's like la fitness wants you to re-secure your membership it's like what it is when you can't find an email though and you need one and it's just 45 fucking spam it's like why are you in the world would that come up right now ever show me that you didn't even show me that the first time yeah you threw that right in the i'm getting doused lately with spam spam emails are fucking me up yeah it's like the last three months i've been trying i i go i click the three button or

the three dot yeah and then I go block sender. Then I click it again and go move the junk. Yeah. That works for like two weeks. Yeah, they've got to have. These fucking Russians are back on my ass. Yeah, they've got to have. Back on my ass.

Because for a while I was just going delete, delete, delete, delete. And I was like, well, if I think about it. Yeah, yeah. I can throw them in like different algorithms in a sense, right? Yeah, yeah. I don't know how technology. Dude. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, you hit them with fucking. think about it yeah yeah i can throw them in like different algorithms in a sense right yeah yeah i don't know how to take that dude i know you're talking about yeah you hit him with fucking i gotta boost substratum b gmail gmail sent me an email that was like your your gmail's full my like for my original gmail is like they're like it's full are you capped

you're so popular you capped email yeah yeah it was just no i mean it's full of all junk it's all junk yeah it's like just get rid of it yeah delete it yeah that's an auto delete yeah but then it's like you deleted my fucking dude there's a i googled it you just click a thing and it's like are you sure you want to do this you say send them to hell yeah they're gone are you sure it's like yeah i wish there was another level i could send them too yes i want to delete this i want them to never ever talk to me again yeah but then again it's like you know yeah then you're fucked up because you don't have any you got to buy they want you to buy the uh extra storage i've heard patreon i've heard a rumor that patreon you know

they're allowing you to host video on there i heard i don't know if this is true but i heard what they're doing is they're letting people host video, and then they're going to, like, two years from now be like, you owe us 50 bucks a month for all these videos we're hosting. Yeah. That's how they get you. They get you. That is crazy.

I'm not going to re-upload them. Yeah. Data should be free. That's why you don't hook up with a girl from work. True. All of a sudden, she's like, I want to be in a relationship. You're like, I can't be in a relationship. I'm also in a relationship.

She's like, well, I'm pregnant. What? I'm a company man. That's Apple. That's what Apple's doing. Yeah, true. It's the same thing, dude. They're trying to get into the back door.

Hook up with an Indian developer. I'm drunk, man. You got drunk? Did you really have four of those cut waters? Pirate waters. Pirate waters. Oh, yeah, pirate waters. Dude, they're so dangerous. I got cooked.

Now all you can think about is booty, dude. Dude, I got cooked, dude. You're stuck with booty. He got you drunk and talked about sex to you guys? Yeah. That's what a groomer does. Yeah. I got groomed at Barstool.

I mean. It's just crazy. That's why it took me so long to get here. I've been walking for eight blocks. This is the best part. On the way to the Barstool thing, there was like, the NYPD is having like a recruiting fair.

Are they really? They had a recruiting fair. They blocked off one block. Dude, no one was there. They have like a rock climbing wall and like a bouncy castle. Dude, you wouldn't believe what they had in this thing.

Was it because there were kids there, I guess? No, there was no kids. There was no kids. And there was also no recruits. It was just cops going, I'm next. There was no one doing it. There was no strangers. The NYPD game truck. There was a game truck and there was like three cops

drinking like high C's. Just sipping high C's. The NYPD game truck There was a game truck And there was like Three cops Three cops Drinking like high C's Just sipping high C's Cause it's like You know when you go to Like a recruiting thing Like out of college They have like

Pens and fucking Yo-yos and shit With their emblem on it It was NYPD shit And no one was there Except for the cops Did they have one of those Punching games

With like a black guy Where you fucking There was only two white dudes they put a trench coat and a fake fucking AK in them just roaming the streets. Yeah, they need cops now, man. I was thinking about signing up.

Bro, the thought has tortured me forever. You can get like 60 G's a year and just like for the first nine months in the academy you're just doing push-ups and taking like eighth grade tests yeah that's what we do now dude chris and i are doing push-ups in eighth grade guys could become cops but you gotta hit the polygraph polygraph they'll ask you some i mean you could beat a polygraph dude yeah 100 i don't know i'd be just can't i just be honest about who i am you ever ever do drugs? Yeah.

Yeah, they might let you out. Cops let you in. No, no, no. It's the ATF and the CIA. Yeah,

you're right. You're right. Cops will let you in. Dude, my boy, my boy was going through the whole AT, he tried to be,

he went to like, Secret Service is just after 9-11 or just before and then 9-11 hit and everyone was like, you can't get in anywhere. Yeah, that makes sense.

So then he finally got an ATF and I got calls from the ATF. And this dude is clean as a whistle. Other than booze. Yeah, yeah. Knocking balls out of the park and knocking dudes out. That's all this dude did. Yeah. So he ate, slept and shit.

Fighting and baseball. Okay. And booze. Okay. Clean as a whistle. Yeah. They called me like four times from like different fucking different people getting like background information he cleared all the

drugs all the fucking lie detector tests they still wouldn't let him in and when he got in he was like this is this is terrible because the people that should be atf agents are people that have drug history have fighting history history. It's like teachers. Yeah. You got a bunch of pencil-pushing fucking nerds that can't decipher the danger of the situation. They're undercover, dude. They're buying

cigarette trucks from Asians. Yeah, true. And they don't know when they're like fucking blowing the whistle because they've never been in a street fight. I think about whether I could survive undercover work. You'd be great at it. Deep undercover. What are you talking about? Yeah. This is the problem because they've never been in a street fight. I think about whether I could survive undercover work. You could go deep undercover. What are you talking about? This is the problem.

You would never get there because you got too much of a fucking wild history and you're fucked up. You don't think I could, I don't know. That's perfect. You went a little wild

in the undercover, man. Dude, you look at the old school like ATF documentaries. Those guys were doing fucking blow, doing meth, gun running.

They were fucking great at their job. But you have to like, you can trust. Because you can study a character, like the character that you invent. No, you gotta get a fucking, you gotta get a wild. You gotta tap into your wild, man.

Yeah. Tap into your inner wild, man. That's it. Now you can't do that though. This is the problem. Yeah. The future generations of these agents can have a past history of the best agents.

Yeah, but you know what they do now? All they do is sit there and just watch all these guys' cell phones. They just sit there and monitor all your calls. And they'll send just like one, they'll catch a guy and go buy heroin off that guy. Yeah. Done.

Gone are the days of fucking, of fucking drunkle Tom coming in there just talking about cocaine, talking about the drip. Yeah. The dents in the back of the throat. And one guy's like, I like you, man.

I trust you. Amazon's here in the back of the throat. And one guy's like, I like you, man. I trust you. Amazon's here. I probably got another ball. Tech disrupted fucking white guys with ponytails, dude. Buying coke, dude. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

We do need a hard on the guys. Deep web. Yeah. That's how you get into the Mexican cartel as a white dude. Ponytail. Ponytail. Love and blow. Fucking smack around those Latina asses.

Look, I like this guy he's got a pizzazz he's got a thing yeah yeah dude they have everyone's cell phone now they just have all

your cell phone and if you are a felon they're monitoring your social media yeah really yeah they're just gonna

monitor your social media and they make up fake girls like catch a predator and they'll be like you'll friend one of them and a lot of these dudes will put like

dirty business on social media. Dude. Right back. It's fucking entrapment. I really would be, I think I would be a good ATF agent. Yeah, it'd be nasty. In the 90s, I'd be a fucking sick agent.

Did you watch the Fogle documentary? Mm-mm. Jared Fogle? Jared Fogle? The jobless? Yeah, the subway guy? Yeah. How'd he get busted?

Dude, like, a lady who was like a radio host like he he met this radio host she did like an interview with him and then they were doing like a event at like a middle school and he just leaned in and was like fucking little that was their first date yeah it was their first date they weren't on a date it was like uh they were filming a thing it was like doing one of his like presentations to little kids about like staying healthy. And he just leaned in and he's like, these kids are so fucking hot. To who?

To the lady? To the rando. She was like, what the fuck? And then she just started like recording all their phone calls. And dude. That's how he got busted? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, eventually he got busted because his... Spoiler alert. Who gives a fuck about spoilers? Honestly. Why are you so angry about it? That's fair. I just warned the public.

You're going to tell them what it's about. It's not Game of Thrones. It's Jerry Fogel's fucking kids. I think it is. Game of Bones, dude. This is... All right. It's a very important documentary about a pervert.

It's not. I haven't gotten busted. Yeah. Yeah, dude. So was... All right. It's a very important documentary about a pervert. It's not. I'm getting busted. Yeah. Yeah, dude. So was he horning out on Teenagers Online? It's so sad. He was... Come on through.

He was horning out on... You've done this... You did it last year. Do it again. My tomato guy... You invited him over. My tomato guy. What's up, brother?

Climb over. Yeah, jump over. There's no way to... There's no way to do this no it's just the best way to do it this is there's this is crazy look at this outfit look at this outfit you've changed none move no he's how do you get busted he got busted because he hired a guy he hired a guy to be the manager of the like fogel fund or whatever, which is like a charity. And that guy was like child porn central.

He hooked one of his boys up with a job. Well, this guy got caught texting someone about getting fucked by a horse. And then he sent some video of his wife getting fucked by a horse to someone. Fogel Fund?

Was that corrupt? And then getting fucked by a horse or someone. So then like, then that Fogle fun was that corrupt? Yeah. And then, uh, then they searched that guy's house and they found a bunch of like, they like, they searched his phone and he had been sending Fogle like a bunch of like kiddie porn and stuff.

There's no succinct way to say this. Why you don't get into it. Yeah. He's he, there was, it was a huge organization of fucking weirdos he hired his buddy who apparently was like in this weird shit and they thought they were empowered and rich enough that guy started getting away with it that guy married a woman with two daughters

and then just set up cameras in their house and just filmed them jared's boy yes jared's boy probably getting the goods too he was getting 100 in fact the guy the girl that originally started this conversation he was like they're so hot and when they're young and innocent or whatever he asked her after a couple dates because he started to to try and hook up with her they that's what he led with they never had sex that's not true they definitely knocked around he saw his losses and he asked her to put up private cameras in her kids' bedrooms. And that's when she was like, all right, now I'm full board trying to get this guy down. He was just blatant with this?

Yeah, dude. It's crazy. And they have all the voice recordings and shit. She had a nice phone voice though. And he was saying crazy, disgusting stuff. How much money did he have? Oh, dude, he was raking it in 30 million

he was up there 10, 20, 30 million it's a lot of money for sure but not enough to just molest kids and be like give me the feed of your children's bedroom yeah but he went from dude he was a fucking nobody he was overeating and then he quit eating and became a psycho perv his appetites dude he was a fucking nobody yeah that's like going from like overeating and then he quit eating

and became a psycho perv his appetites yes that just like vacuous force yes other men he was just a greed hole then it's crazy dude it's way worse than you could ever imagine the stuff he was saying is i mean i guess it could have been like a hormonal thing too with like his fat hormone body then it all went away and it was like a glandular yeah he's like a like an amphibian it's like when you stop drinking ipas and you start eating a lot more candy oh yeah exactly he stopped eating all the fat shit started giving out the candy he was the haribo haribo but the woman who's trapping him is so unlikable. What?

That you wind up kind of being like, I fucking hate this lady. Well, that's Netflix's fault because they stretch this thing into three episodes when it should have been one. I hate when they do that. Yeah, and they let this chick yap about shit and you're like, we heard this already.

Dude, she's... And then she got on the pedestal. The worst person ever. I would never fuck a kid She set up She set up a birthday party You can't open every episode with that Like we get it

You're tired of fucking the kids She trapped him at a birthday party She tried to trap him with the FBI At her kids birthday party She was like come fuck my kids Yeah she baited the hook with her kids You thought he was going to fuck a kid on his birthday? Yeah.

Happy birthday. It's so twisted. Wild. Yeah, you got to light the candle, baby. You don't know what's coming. Guess how many years he got in prison. Hopefully the rest of his life. He almost ruined a kid's birthday party. What, are you going to break his pinata?

Let him swing first. Dude. Fifteen years. He was definitely molested as a child. This guy was molested, right? Did I get into that? He did. No, he just had no friends.

He was just a fucking loser. Yeah, he was just a big fat fucking loser. Yeah, yeah. He was a side couch with no buddies. Yeah. And he was like, well, now I get to relive my childhood with... Well, they say a lot of obese people not obviously not all but there's a huge correlation between obese people and people who

are sexually abused because i get really big to like keep people away from him i don't think he ever got touched i think he's like what is it like a gold star lesbian where you've like only ever slept with i think he's like a purebred pedophile i mean like what I mean? Like, he didn't get, he didn't get, he didn't get touched. He didn't get touched. Damn. He didn't like, is there one of those for straight guys?

He didn't catch me. He was an original vampire. He was. He didn't get bit. He never got bit. He's the original bloodline. He started it. He could spread it,

but he never got bit. Yeah. Have they like, hacked open these guys' brains to see what the fuck's going on in their brain? do anymore they do that like oh yeah i think yeah i think they'll still slice you up yeah don't you have to be like a serial killer to get your brain sliced pitos you toss them on the pile once you're dead like all right let's let's check out your brains see what the fuck yeah every pedo gets their head sliced i'm saying i hope they do we're

talking thin slice bologna. Yeah, I'm thinking you should chop them up and see what's up. Then you can get CT scans and it's like, bro, pedo. You're like, I swear to God, I don't like fucking kids. Your brain doesn't like them. We do need an Epstein Island just for young pedos. If you start getting weird, as soon as we find out you're weird, put them on an island.

Throw them over there, yeah. What do they do? Would it be like? Would it be like the classic Epstein's Island or just kind of like a... Dude, it's Rikers Island with no cops.

You let them fucking pillage. Yeah, but whoever... There's no kids on the island. The last man remaining gets back to the States and gets a job. True. Like a warehouse

buried in a fucking warehouse. Yeah, your CEO of Amazon. I mean, they would lure to the flies. They'd find like the youngest woman to do stuff. You gotta find the piggy. Yeah, your CEO of Amazon. I mean, they would lure to the flies. They'd find, like, the youngest woman. Piggy. You got to find the piggy.

Yeah. Dude, I think you'd be terrifying to find out how little of a tweak to your brain would make you crazy. Yeah, they have. You keep talking about this, and it's starting to scare me. No, I remember there was a story

where there was, like, a guy who had a brain tumor. And then he just started going after... I think he also had a stepdaughter. And he started trying to fuck the stepdaughter. And they were like, what the fuck are you doing? And then he went to the doctor. He had a brain tumor. They cut him out and then he was fine.

Thank fucking God. You were this close. you were this close you were this close oh that's the best news i've ever heard waking up on a three-month fucking nap so they caught on the brain tumor and he's like she's not even hot i like this is this what i was trying to fuck? Jesus, I could see Marianne, but Stephanie. Now, there are a lot of cases of people with brain tumors like going wild and they get them cut out. They're like, thank God. Yeah, I saved. I think that dude who shot up like the University of Texas

had a tumor. He had a tumor? Yeah. He didn't have a tumor in his eye. That kid was a good shot. Yeah. Sorry. Is there any beer in that fridge, dude?

I want to keep this train rolling. See, that shot to me was... Have you seen the tower at UT? It's up there. Was that recently he did it? Yeah, I think it was like the 60s or something. Chris talks shit about the fucking JFK shot, but he loves the tower at UT.

Well, I'm saying that's an impressive shot. What are you talking? How far was it? I mean saying that's an impressive shot. What are you talking? How far was it? I mean, it's so high up. No, it's not 1,000 yards. They're ants. I mean, it's like... It's a lot.

I think it's got to be at least like 100 and something feet tall. The book depository is only like four or five stories. Yeah, but there's a shitload of objects, and no one's counting

the little holes in the ground where he missed. Guy was probably shooting 10%. You have a silencer on? ground where he missed. That was probably shooting 10%. No, that was way before that shit. I think he just locked all the doors and couldn't get up there. Because it's like a bell tower. Oh my god.

He brings a jug of cold brew. That would be nice. That would be sick. Sober up immediately. Yeah, I don't want that. I'm talking about book depository. How long have you had that cold brew in there? I just made it two days ago.

You made it yourself? Yeah. That's awesome. I got a seeper. KitchenAid. Really? Yeah, you ever seen it? It's nice.

I know you just let the water drip through it and it makes the syrup. Yeah, it's got a little centrifuge where you just see the grinds. Yeah. And then on the outside, there's like two to three inches. What did that take? About a pound of coffee to make all that coffee? I take the whole bag. It's a standard bag. Yeah. And then on the outside, there's like two to three inches. What did that take? About a pound of coffee to make all that coffee? I take the whole bag.

It's a standard bag. Yeah. Throw it right in the... Then you cut the syrup with water? Cop it. Yeah. Like 18 hours, 16 hours is my coffee buddies say

is like the quintessential. That's awesome. Optimal time. It's so good too. There's none of that like acidity and stuff. Yeah. Do you ever drink just a syrup

without watering it down? No. It's nuts. You get fucking... Dude, it's nuts. Dude, it's nuts good too there's none of that like acidity and stuff yeah do you ever drink just a syrup without watering it down it's nuts you get fucking dude it's nuts it's nuts I bet I used to make it for my brother's taco shop

you just take five pounds of coffee and let it sit overnight and just calm down and we would just like take little nigs of that syrup and yeah dude

you get like anxiety rocket fuel it's uncut euphoria dude I feel like my bones are gonna jump out of my skin

if I have like that level of caffeine yeah dude I feel like my bones are gonna jump out of my skin if I have like that level of caffeine yeah dude I'm like some days I can do it if I'm sleep deprived and I pound caffeine I

have like serious I'm like I have like an 80 year old I go like in and out I start getting real light headed and shit yeah yeah

it's fun it's so fucking fun the euphoria of that first cup of coffee dude it's just fantastic it's a drug

it's like yeah I'm on a drug. It's like a five-year-old ripping three snow cones. Just going ham with your pants off. Jumping on the couch until your dad gets home. True. That is fun.

Yeah. When's the last time you did a bird dance as an adult? You'd be surprised. Helicopter? I've done some bird dances. I do a bunch. Yeah, I've bird danced. Especially if summer's coming up.

Summer's coming up. It's like, kind of like, yo, check me out now. Season change I do a bunch. Yeah, I've bird danced. Especially if summer's coming up. Summer's coming up. It's like, kind of like, yo, check me out now. Season change, bird dance time. Yeah, whipping it around. Whipping it around. You go pecker to belly button

all the way to asshole. I'm going thigh to thigh. Are you putting the wings in? Nah, dude, we're doing bird dance. I'm going thigh to thigh on a good day. I can't go north or south. I'm going east or west. You go side to side?

Side to side bird dance. That's a fucking, that's a party time that's a stream so you gotta put streamers i'm not going north south yeah myself with the nuts make fuck no i'm good though my nuts protect themselves because they're so small that's perfect this way yeah yeah i mean i wait for her to come home and I just start doing My bag would be swinging. I love the fact that you got a huge nuts. It's a long bag. It sucks.

It's got to be good for something. It's not. Huge fat nuts. Ew. Definitely fucks your brain up. It's not good for anything. What do you mean? Even when I see it.

Screeching all that cum. Oh, yeah, yeah. But I think ladies like it when it's slapping. They like it when it's when it's slapping they like slapping their clitori like big fat nuts yeah are you telling me you you you dogged a biglet and she's like i love when you're not slap my clit yes they like when you're not slap i've i've i've heard rumors i've heard wrong words about yeah i get grossed out when i if i'm watching they're naturally designed to to make the right level of contact.

They're not because everybody would have them. They match the clit perfectly. Neither can be struck at that. I guess there's some clits. It's like a perfect puzzle. Yeah, just fucking. Yeah. Although, yeah.

I don't like when. Do you see a porn and the girl's beating the dude off and honking on him? And then all of a sudden she goes down and the girl's like beating the dude off and honking on him. And then all of a sudden she goes down and the dude's nuts are like long. Wait, what do you mean by honking on him? What do you mean by honking on him? She's grabbing this bag of groceries while like jerking them off. And it's like so long and weird.

Oh, she's squeezing his nuts, you're saying? She's sucking on his balls. Yeah. They're too elastic. Dude, I, yeah. Elastic nuts are fucking nuts yours you don't get the hang time you can't pull it i got nothing that's crazy yeah there's there's that's kind of nice though it's a little it's a little it's a little bird in the nest you want

that though like an egg i feel like you should yeah i feel like small nuts obviously you don't want you know you don't want anything showing up you're done you want all meat no potatoes i don't dude if you got big potatoes no meat oh, oh boy. That's a nightmare. That is. Just a knuckle hanging out of a hedge. That's a nightmare. That's a fucking nightmare. With big upsetting balls.

Yeah. Because you're just fucking it. It's a big old bouffant of hair. I just have a low hanging sack. I have a low hanging sack of regular balls. Yeah, same. Just it's like. How do you know your balls are regular?

Do you think you should have been aborted at all? Aborted? Just too weak? Yeah, like too many issues. Survival of it finish wise? Do you think you should have been aborted? At all? Aborted? Just too weak? Yeah, like too many issues. Survival of it finish wise? Are you saying, do I wish I never existed? Of course not.

This episode's brought to you by this plate. Keep that in. If you're home, it's still sporting paper posters on the walls, it's time for an upgrade. And also, grow the fuck up, dude. You gotta impress this girl if you wanna knuckle her. She's gotta be excited about your wall art.

Make the swap to this plate, the art of the future. High quality metal prints with millions of cool designs. Metal prints? Yeah. Avenue in here? Yeah, there's... Right there behind the iron box

can you grab one of those show me is this Louis CK by the way yeah yeah cut that it's great yeah it is you ever seen this plate

no oh it's great look at this ooh a butcher's guy yeah we take it off cause we have to we have to hang our lights

clearly you guys are invested in the product cause of the cause of the lighting the lighting for look at this in the kitchen we have to the lighting. The lighting for Look at Dish in the kitchen. We have to take it off because it affects where we put the thing. But this is the point. You can pop it off and on because it's magnetic.

To a wall? Yeah. Like to wood? Yeah. It's like you'd put magnets on your wall where a poster would go and then you can just swap them out. But you've got to glue the magnets to the wall? No, it's got a sealant.

It's like one of those adhesives where it's not going to peel the drywall off. Or the paint. That's a good product. It is. Look at this. It's just natural banter. It's what they ask for.

It is. We're doing it, baby. Talk about your personal stuff. And one minute. Hold on, you fuck. This plate sells awesome metal posters that are easy to hang and switch out whenever you're ready for a change if you're a gamer grab some art from doom of world and world of warcraft what are you fucking what are you virgins are playing these days i think they're

doing world of warcraft these are hoping i would read that one Those glasses for sure If you're a gamer More of a movie guy Check out Star Wars And Peaky Blinders poster Tough guys You watch Peaky Blinders? He loves Peaky Blinders Amazing

Big Peaky guy You changed my whole personality For a year based on that show That's why you got that beard Yes Slamming whiskey Oh yeah Nick Cave dude Click the link in our description

to see some of our favorites and get ready to hang a piece of art you save 22 if you buy one or two and you get 33 off when you buy three or more the discount will be automatically applied to your cart when you click our link use code stuff island when you visit this plate.com to get the discount that's this plate.com, code Stuff Island, or click the link in our show notes. We'll have the show notes there for you to click. Listen, Fitbod, okay? Fitbod.

I'm curious to see what this is. Fitbod is like, look, you're not the same person you were at the start of your... It's natural. Your fitness journey is going to go half as up and downs. He's so natural. I love this. Every time we read these things, we're drunk and it's so bad. We're not drunk.

How else are you going to do it? This is it. Let's do it. Whatever your fitness level is or what your goals are, FitBod builds a dynamic workout plan just for you and optimizes your future workouts based on your personal progress. Okay? Okay, you fucking idiots. You fat shits.

This smart technology is replacing the old formats. You don't need a dude making workouts for you. That's what we do, by the way. We have a dude making workouts. But we shouldn't. We should fire our trainer. I have a degree in exercise

science, by the way. I'll fucking train you guys up for free. But the thing is, the difference is that I need... No good? Never trust a fat chef or a skinny chef. God damn it, I ruined it. A skinny chef? Yeah, that's what they say. You can't trust a skinny chef,

and you don't trust a fucking emaciated trainer. Yeah, yeah. I need a bulbous fucking... I look emaciated right now? I'll pop my shirt off right now, dude. I shirt off right now Baby, your colitis is taking over You're shitting out all your good proteins I'll tell you that You look like a fish on the rocks that's fucking dying in the heat

Alright I was having a good time until these fucking ad reads Yeah, well you need fucking Your goals need to change And you need an app to help you change them. Okay? FitBot creates custom workouts based on your personal goals.

Experience available equipment and more. Build your fitness habit and stay consistent all summer long. FitBot is a super powerful technology. It understands your strength, training, ability,

studies your past workouts, and adapts your available gym equipment. So it alters the future of your workouts based on your past? Yes. It keeps track of your achievements and your personal best with FitBod's progress tracking charts.

You did three sets of 225 at eight reps? Yeah. Next week, we're doing 10 reps is what FitBod's saying. Yeah. I might tell FitBod, that's not who I am. I like to just maintain. Ah, right. And FitBod will listen. You can I am. I like to just maintain. Ah, right. And FitBod will listen.

You can learn new movements right away. This is what people do. They say, I don't want to do that much. I want to just stretch. I want to maintain. I want to maintain. I want to start stretching. I've been doing it.

It's very beneficial. Can you touch your toes? Yeah. I can't. That's not, you, really? I've never touched my toes. Like I've never seen my dad's top lip. Can you stand up and try?

Sure, I'll embarrass myself. My knees have never touched. Because your feet haven't touched the ground. No. No. You need FitBot to design some stretches for you. That's a tight lower back and hammies, dude. God damn.

Even with that earring fucking weighing you down, you can't even get lower. God damn. Six pounds and 24 calories. Do you feel, or do you just feel unbelievably tight every day you wake up? No. No? Alright, then fuck it. That's why he's jerking off every morning.

Loosing up those hammies. Yeah, that's what it is. A little moon over my hammies. I jerk off and that figure eight. Babe, I'm stretching! Look away! Open the door! Are you stretching again? Get out of here!

Trying to touch my toes! Wherever you are in your fitness journey, get the most out of every workout with FitBod. Get 20% off your subscription at fitbod.me slash stuffisland. That's F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E slash stuffisland. S-T-U-F-F-I-S-L-A-N-D.

Damn, they made you say it again. They wanted a minute, dude. I didn't like that they... You're riffing. You're riffing about our fans. They don't know how to... You're riffing. Alright. I'd like to know about our fans. They don't know how to fuss. The confidence this guy's got. You're riffing. Alright. I'd like to know the origin story of Stuff Island.

How'd you come up with that name? We put Stuff into a business name generator, and that's what came out. Okay. That's Chris's genius. I didn't have any more. I think it's a great name. I think so, too. Dude, getting the fucking earring in my right ear really fucking hurt.

Yeah. Yeah, my left ear is throbbing a little bit. I'm happy i tried yeah it's good i'm happy i fucking succeeded yeah well if your ear hurts listen to this rocket money you want your other ear to bleed listen to my ad read what do you hear this dog shit if they ain't bleeding yet look we've all got subscriptions that we forgot about true you signed up for something you forgot your password you forgot you even what your username is you're getting charged what is it

what do you have i just got a fucking email about google um play yes 12.99 A year And that's not for I'm not getting 100 gigs Of Extra I don't even know What you're subscribed to Yeah yeah

It's not for the cloud Google storage It just says Google Play Google Play And it's charging me $12.99 It says to change your subscriptions Google Play is like the app store For Google

Yes Yeah Why am I spending $12? And it says for like 100 gigs or something. But am I confusing that for download space? I don't know because there's always a thing. There's always a thing where it's like in order to do this function that is completely separate from this thing you have to pay for,

you got to pay for that thing. Yeah. There's always like you can't send this email out unless you sign up for a fucking game. I feel like I'm spending $1,000 on Dropbox a month. And I can't even lie. On Dropbox.

Dropbox is the biggest fucking scam going. It is, dude. Fuck you, Dropbox. Especially for comics. Let me get this taped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me five minutes of bombing. $10 a month.

Yeah. Yeah. And well, if that's your problem, you need rocket money, baby. Try for free 30 days Just enough time to try it And then completely forget about it

In fact Over 80% of people Have subscriptions They forgot about You could be wasting money And not even realize it Let me ask you something Hold on

Rocket money Remind you So you can stop paying For the ones you don't use Is that what it is? Or is rocket money Just another thing I'm paying for

Exactly That's my question Will rocket money Remind you that you're're paying for rocket money? The way it will then wrap themselves up. The way it will then wrap themselves up. To the dictionary definition of losing a sponsor. Do you know how much your subscriptions really cost?

Most Americans think they spend around $80 a month on subscriptions. The actual total is closer to $200. I just got scolded. If you don't know exactly how much you're spending every month, you need Rocket Money. Rising prices stressing you out. If you're looking for ways to cut costs, you need Rocket

Money. I get what they're doing. Over 3 million people have used Rocket Money saving an average person $720 a year. Stop throwing away your money. Cancel unwanted subscriptions. Manage your expenses

the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com. I thought glasses would help, but it's not the glasses. It's not at all. Also, I love your intonation and your pauses. It reminds me of I know how you would be as a high school professor or teacher

in history. A good one. When you read something, you go, okay. You have certain things you go, you have go-to tics that are very endearing. Well, I'm reading stuff. Yeah, I'm reading stuff that I would write it differently. You know what I mean? Of course. So I'm like, I'm hitting the ramp at the wrong speed.

Right. And then I'm midair. I'm floating. You're falling on your back. Yeah, yeah, hitting the ramp at the wrong speed. Right. And then I'm midair. I'm floating. You're falling on your back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to slow down. Yeah. I can't believe this isn't about cryptocurrency also.

That's what I thought this whole ad was going to be about. Rocket money. Rocket money. Sounds like it would be. Did you guys fall for that? Did you do it? No, I didn't do it. Oh, I'm down.

Are you? Crypto? You lost money in crypto? Yeah, dude. I went to Tampa and this this dude this rich dude started give gave me a wad of cash to throw at these fucking broads then he lied and said it was my bachelor party first of all it was a coke head you're talking about a coke dealer and said it was your bachelor party well he told the club that it was my bachelor party so the next thing i knew i

was getting pulled up onto onto the stage at mons venus getting lap dances from every fucking club and then he started talking to me about bitcoin and how he left his wife and sold his house and was living in an apartment sleeping in a fucking sleeping bag because he started talking to me about Bitcoin and now he left his wife and sold his house and was living in an apartment sleeping in a fucking sleeping bag because he wanted to be able to buy as much Bitcoin as he possibly could

and I did it and now I'm down 10 grand. You followed this guy? Yeah. This is not real. When a dude gives you a stack of cash in a strip club

you fall for whatever scheme he's fucking kind of After telling you he left his wife and family to sleep on a fucking air mattress? I don't know if that was just a circumstance of what he was into

you know? Yeah. Like a bad drug deal. Hold on to it. People I'm going to sleep on a fucking air mattress. I don't know if that was just a circumstance of what he was into. You know? Yeah. Like a bad drug deal. But hold on to it. People. I'm not. Yeah, I'm going down with the ship if it happens. Yeah.

I'm doing it. I just don't sell. It'll come back. I think it'll come back. Crypto's not real. Of course it isn't. It's gone. But because it's not real.

But neither is money. It can get huge. Money's not real. Actual money isn't real either. Dude, I got in a fight with him and his brother. Is it real? No, it's not real. When you can print it whenever you want. It's not real money's not real either dude I got in a fight with him and his brother I got in a fight when you can print it whenever you want

it's not real nothing's real it's not real yeah it's on footage you can't pay your taxes with crypto that's the difference

I think you probably can maybe you literally have to convert it into US dollars to pay taxes but you don't need money to do anything it's convertible

the underlying value is not there it's not real god damn it All right, listen us dollar trade gold for pussy or a house The paper money is not real you could say it's backed by gold in the Treasury. All we need is people being good people Dude, but this is just theory this Money's not real,

but people need to be nice. Yeah. If we didn't have wars based on money and power, money's not real, right? So we're just living off the earth. Everything we have...

Just natural resources. Natural resources is what fuels the earth. Then you have to barter and shit. It's a nightmare. Yeah, exactly. It's a nightmare. The whole reason

they came up with money is because bartering sucked ass. Right, because people are bad. It's a nightmare. The whole reason they came up with money is because bartering sucked ass. Right, because people are bad. What I'm saying is in a world where people are just like,

you know what I like to paint? I'm going to paint the houses. And you got some guy that's like, I like to do Oxycontins and build houses. I'll build the houses. And you got some dude

that does this other thing and this guy does, this lady does the other thing. She's baking cookies. No one's doing anything. They would. They don't need. We don't need money, Chris.

That's rocketmoney.com slash stuff island. Too many IPAs. Rocketmoney.com slash stuff island. That's the ad reads for this week. I'm sorry they were 20 minutes because money's not real. We can edit it, right? No, it never gets edited. Take it as it is. You're paying these people here

and they're not fucking trimming shit down? You don't trim gold, baby. You wear it on your ears. That's what I did. Down 10 grand. I just could imagine the regular. I think you'd know if they were big. You're saying you got big nuts.

I have a long bag, but the nuts are fine. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I don't have... I know... So you know... One time, Spud... Spud Ability was on the cast. Yeah.

He was working... Spud was here last night. He was working with his... The guy used to work for this Irish guy. And he was holding the ladder. And he looked up. It was the summertime. They were painting.

He looked up at George. He said, his paws were like a fucking grapefruit and he was like Jesus fucking Christ you hear stuff like that and I was like yeah I must have regular nuts

dude our assistant coach in high school senior year Mr. Mooney not Mooney Mahoney and he would sit and practice

with shorts they're not like three inch or five inch he had normal size and his nuts but it's like those. Yeah. And his nuts would... But it's like those sweatpants shorts. Yeah.

His nuts would hang out. I wear nothing but. I got every color from Target. Yeah. And his nuts would just, he would just aerate his fucking balls.

His balls would be all the way down. And we're talking like six inch hang. Hanging out of his shorts. Oh my God. Just sitting and yelling at us. As we're just like flubbing ground balls. His fucking nuts are hanging in his shorts. Oh, my God. Just sitting and yelling at us. As we're just like flubbing ground balls.

His nuts would be hanging out of his shorts. His fucking nuts are hanging in his socks. Oh, they were escaping, you're saying? Oh, yeah. Yeah, Mahoney fucking air dried his nuts. What? He's got a little Fogle in him. That's a sex crime.

No, no, he didn't give a fuck. If you brought it up, he'd be pissed. He'd knock it off. Yeah. Stop talking about fucking nuts. He was full coach mode. Not known. There was a,

I know of a guy who was saying that his father-in-law was a, I believe a football coach for a Philadelphia school. And like, it was known that he had the hammer. He would shower after the practices. And it was just like, that's weird. Yeah.

That's weird. Showering with the kids. Get naked knowing you have a big dick with high schoolers. I don't know. That's a huge flex that has a purpose. Somehow it was known. College, college maybe. No.

High school. No. Go the fuck home. College for sure. College is all right. College is all right. College is all right. You think a coach is like, good game, guys.

Shower up. I think they should be. Go home. He's sweating too. We're all men. See your wife for the first time in three months, you fucking weirdo. We're all men. We're all men.

Dude, college coaches are the biggest fucking scumbags on earth. Why? You are, because you're giving up on life. Dude, I hate college coaches. I think they're the biggest fucking scumbag. They're like pastors to me. They're making millions and millions of dollars. They're giving up on their children.

They're giving up on their wife. They're giving up on everything for a pursuit of some crazy, I guess, a championship, which is great for the kids. For a husband, giving up on their family. He's bringing those kids to the championship. He doesn't know his fucking children. He's going to get in the showers. And that guy is taking off his fucking button up

to shower the boys in a big old hog? Congrats on the hog. I give you that. For sure. Go home. Talk to your kid. Ask him how his day was. You fucking loser.

You've been away from your home for eight months. Yeah, true. You're a fucking scumbag. That is the big price to be paid for just a big like, yes! We did it! We won eight games for Texas. Yeah, but that's all those dudes can do, though. If you're a college coach, you cannot do anything else.

No, exactly. No other job. Day in, day out. There's no days off. Yeah, no other. You'd blow like a sales department off the blocks. Yeah. You'd be like, yo, dude, chill the fuck out.

Yeah. Also, your wife is gargling the dude next door for eight months out of the year. No way. Your head ball coach? Dude, she's going to be alpha. Your head ball coach? Yeah, she could just be missing her alpha. She's gonna be punted

by the pool boy, dude. No. I was a pool boy for a while. You get no pussy. I was a pool boy being like, here we go. Yeah.

And it was just people being like, ugh. Bring out the old skimmer trick. I was like, get out of here, you dork. No pussy. They're not even home. They leave.

They're like, all right, we're out of here. Yeah, because they're fucking the neighbor who has money. You gotta find the right house. True. I feel like you need the... I was an incompetent pool boy, because they're fucking the neighbor who has money. You got to find the right house. True. I feel like you need the-

I was an incompetent pool boy, too. You need the trophy wife that's at home all day. I don't know. I got gawked at. I would cut lawn shirtless, fucking yoked in junior year high school. Yeah. A couple of piglets come fucking- They'd come walking out.

Yeah. I never had the balls to say anything. But now I look him back, I'm like, she was trying. That was also Desperate Housewives era. Oh, I guess that was maybe a little bit slightly before. Yeah. Because that was Desperate Housewives came on and like old ladies got really worn. Oh, yeah, they got worked up.

They figured out the secret code. Yeah, same thing. Yeah, we were basically in high school and it was Eva Longoria just cheating on her husband with a young, basically being a pedophile. Yeah, she's a pedophile. She was being a pedophile. Eva Longoria's a pedophile. Nice. In real life too. Or, she's a pedophile. She was being a pedophile. Eva Longoria's a pedophile. Nice.

In real life, too. Or he was barely legal at best. I never watched Desperate Housewives. Desperate Housewives is about a lady, a hot Latina being a pedophile. Yeah. All women across the country were like, you go, girl.

Yeah. They're getting drunk on wine. They're being alcoholic pedophiles. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, all those. That's like a Marvel movie for women. Yeah.

Oh, for sure. Sex and the City. They're all fucking fucking that was for the younger pedophile hunters yeah true they're pedophiles they're child child predators sex sex in the city was just them getting having sex with like it was younger that was for like the younger girls like getting out of college like here's a playbook for you guys alcoholism a stupid blog and try to fuck the richest guy you can find they'd have three martinis

and then go find some some waterhead fucking waiter they'd knock him around slurp him up and be like let's do it again we're just

yeah a lot of a lot of women a lot of women moved to New York chasing that dream of specifically Sex and the City yeah

and it's got dog balled yeah I'm at that age right now where I can yeah with Sex and the City yeah Yeah. And it's got dog-balled. Yeah, I'm at that age right now where I can... Yeah, was Sex and the City made by the... Yeah, you're Mr. Big, bro. You hit the peak going on. I am Mr. Big. I'm at the age where I want the mom and the daughter. You know what I mean? Yeah. We talk family reunion. 25 to 55,

60. 55, 60. Flip a coin, ladies. See who you get. Oh, my God. So you're mutually exclusive your mom or daughter 100 true yeah you can't you can't depends on where the sun's set you don't you do both i would of course go from one you go from one room to the next to this yeah but it depends on like you know the curves the tint in the hair. Dude, these pirate waters. Jesus,

man. What the hell? The combo, the combo of booze and sugar. We're having fun. I haven't had sugar in a long time. I cut the sugar. I cut the beers and the sugar.

Yeah. I'm not sure. Dude, I'm Chris. I, that fucking, that sour patch in there has been in there for two weeks. Dark chocolate.

No touch. Ref. No touch. I haven't had any sugar. Yo, this is like what? No touch, ref. No touch. Really? I haven't had any sugar. Yo, this is like what happened to Jared, dude. I want a fucking mother and her child.

You know what? Give me some cold, really. Give me some of that syrup, uncut. Jared had one glass of champagne when they gave him the fucking franchise.

You know what I think are fucking hot? Eight-year-olds. His boy's like, you're right. Let's go halves on this. I got cams. I don't want to talk about it. I have cameras in my children's rooms.

Dude. Dude, that shit is so crazy, dude. I mean, you should just get shot in the head. Yeah, just put them out. You're fucking your kids, man. We got to stop with this. They should pretend. They should be like, no, dude.

And they should take a Uniscope. I know it's so crazy, but like, obviously I enjoy violent videos, but like an old school, let's get everybody at the garden and watch a stoning of a fucking pedo.

It does feel like one of those ones where when you're 100% sure that they did it. Yeah, exactly. And it's heinous. Dude, have you ever seen a stoning video? Just, exactly you seen one yeah i've not yeah are they pretty wicked it's nuts the thuds gotta be crazy it's some of them they put they dig a hole like like kids having fun at stone harbor let's go eight feet down just leave the head out others they just let them sit

there they go indian style you get a group of your boys grabbing stones and just taking turns i'm talking about it's a long it's a long oh no no this is from like this is from like 10 to 12 feet they're throwing fucking uh dude fast as they can yeah but the body shots start wearing them out. You know? You start getting exhausted. Oh, yeah. No one's coming in for a water break. You just got to eat this shit for like 45 minutes straight. I mean.

Well, to be fair, too, it's like that's the way they handled justice for probably thousands of years. Yeah, they're apes. And people loved it, dude. Yes. Everyone's like. Bring it back. Sell tickets.

Oh, I would never see that. It's like, dude, this dude's dead to rights, filming his kids, smutting them out, selling, letting people fight. It's like, drop him off a building, dude. But see,

that's why I like, I mean, for the pedos, definitely stoning, but I like the hanging, like the old west hangings to me. That's kind of sick. That's the cool shit

because you never know when someone, when a shark shooter is going to hit the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They might escape. You know what I mean? How wild would that be to see?

You know? True, that'd be crazy. Just a guy with a noose around his neck still tied up on the horse. Do you think it ever happened? Do you think that ever happened once? Do you think anyone ever... I think everyone just got hung and that was it. Did anyone ever escape?

There's had to have had, it has to have true. Do you ever, dude, do you ever read the book? It's called, it's Jack black. It's a story of a,

like a hobo, like a nine. I think he was like early 1900s or late 1800s. He was like a hobo. And like, they get into like, they used to rob like banks, but like small Midwest,

like towns. Yeah. Or like you could just kick in the back window and rob the bank yeah and like they got into like how you could like escape from jails and like before they had like a centralized like electronic grid oh dude dude i forget what the book's called it was so easy to escape dude they get into him just call the sheriff i'm like i have a question there sheriff he's like yeah don't you do that to me now boy yeah and he just grabbed the key off.

It's like a cartoon. Yeah, dude. If someone put a stick of butter in the wrong place, you threw those bars in no time. It's called You Can't Win. It's this guy who's a small town, like a petty criminal, but back when you'd get arrested in a one-horse town, you'd go in a little thing,

and your boy would just kick the walls off, and you'd get out. Oh, yeah. It was fucking sick. Dude, you could get the in like a one horse town. You'd go in like a little thing and your boy would just like kick the walls off and you'd get out. Oh yeah. It was fucking sick. You could get the bull from the farm and just have them fucking rip the bars off. Yeah. You could totally thrash them.

Yeah. There's like two wild west days. That's when you want to live. That's what, that's where I'd go back in time. Yeah. But dude, what would you,

you get a sore ass and it's like, what are you going to do? Yeah. I probably die. It's lifetime. It's chronic. Yeah. I would want to be

i would be want to be one of the texas rangers oh right when they got the colt 45 with the cylinder yeah indians had no idea what hit them i forgot about those guys because it was a flying object going at speed they couldn't no no no because they had guns but they had to single load them. Once they got the revolvers, it was like, and they were doubling up on the revolvers, because the Indians would rip around and just shoot arrows

at them and kind of fuck them up. And then they came out with revolvers, and it was just like, dude, it was John Wick. Damn. They didn't stand a chance. They had no idea what was going on yeah i was thinking more about that's what they should do they drink in hang of my body totally exterminate the idiots yeah i was talking about shooting cans old apple juice cans i mean

to be fair yeah there if you know again that was just your team back then so you had to be on like that winning of the team is pretty sick. You're like a lord of war. You feel safe. Yeah. You should have John Wick movies where they put him back in time in certain areas. Like fighting Indians. John Wick on horseback would be sick. Machine gun in medieval times.

It's a fantasy. John Wick 9-11 where he has to go to Saudi Arabia, take out a couple cats the whole fucking army it'd be the whole you could stand on the top of a thing

it's like yeah oh yeah one Gatling gun you could stop a medieval siege oh man easily dude just a bunch of dudes

rolling out of like a fucking Toyota Corolla with all this weight for bombs he's about to hit the red button fucking Keanu's just ripping them up.

When did bombs start? What was the first bomb? I know the Chinese had gunpowder. Yeah, I think it was like a slow evolution of just like getting better and better and better. Mortars probably. Dude, thank you for the Chinese. Thank you so much.

Gunpowder. Fireworks? Yeah. Man, you see a good fireworks display. That fills me with such joy yeah it's nice they're nice it's they're so nice and they can when you see like when the smiley faces came out you're like oh dude yeah leave it to the professionals please yeah yeah i have too many rogue fireworks around me yeah yeah japan get your fucking nose out of the china it's a fucking

firework no i like i'm talking about about people just lighting fireworks off in front of my house. People trying to finagle their way into the firework. Leave it up to the Chinese. Two summers ago, I was chasing dudes around a park. Oh, that's because you got kids. I had little kids. I had a brand new little kid. It was just like you put them down.

And you're like, dude, it's hitting my window. Stop. I like a display display i like going to it as an event yep if you don't have kids cracking one of the glow sticks yeah putting it around your neck yeah no lawn mushrooms yeah yeah all kids around or just when they're it was like i don't know it was like as a kid that was like when you were like yeah there was just a night of just kind of like may dude if i didn't have, I'd be watching them from my house.

Like, this is so sick. Yeah. As soon as I had kids, I was like, I hate these things. They're fucking dangerous. Yeah, it's a noise violation. What makes you think you can explode things above my house? Yeah. Yeah.

I say the same thing about motorcycles. And then spring comes and all these Puerto Ricans are fucking riding around. They're zoom zooms. And I'm like, yeah, I hate it. Yeah. Revving them up. Revving them up. They get wild around here. Latinos and these fucking zoom zooms. Flying'm like yeah i hate it yeah revving them up revving them up they get wild around here latinos and these fucking flying on them yeah it would be sick though to get a harley

and go out west that'd be awesome i can see this for you open road i can see this for you yeah for sure that is a test that's like a litmus test of like you can have dudes trying to bury racism as deep as possible but like when you're in philly and like you have like 10 black dudes on black teenagers on dirt bikes, they'll have one guy come out, hold up traffic. Yeah. And then like nine dudes will just wheel.

It's a funeral procession. Yeah. Yeah. But you'll see people just being like, yeah, that old cartoon. Yeah. That'll,

that'll get people. I like the first one that I see. You just can't do that. Don't, Karen. Don't. I like the first one in the spring because it's like spring has arrived. It's okay.

Yeah, the first like just like pack of wheelie dudes and dirt bikes and even if it's just bicycles. I like the first one because it's like, I call them friendship brigades. You can call them a pack. It's a pack. A pack of wolves. I don't mind the act of it's great the young kids have it have a good time i don't like how cocky they get about it yeah disrespectful on purpose because they want attention it's like dude dude let me tell you something if you're if you're a 35 or 40-old man in one of those three-wheel vehicles.

That shit's sad. Blasting music. Yeah. That shit's sad. Going three miles an hour and then to a red light with a bass underneath of it. Yeah. You are a fucking pile of shit. Yeah.

I mean, you're the worst type of person ever. Dude, attention. If I have to, if I jog, this is true. If I jog outside, I get nervous at a red light that I have to cross the street in fucking five inch shorts and I'm running. I feel insecure running on the streets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy's blasting some fucking, some, whatever the fuck it is. He's got lights underneath and he's just sitting in a red light

with no pussy in the side. He's just in a three-wheel cart blasting music. He doesn't know he's scoring for pussy. He's got an open seat. That's the tragedy of it, though. Because then you see a guy in his 50s doing that and you're like, that's...

It's the saddest shit in the world. The best thing he came up with is just LED lights. Yeah. But it's going to work. Someone's going to hop in there. He's going to get pussy. It's like an old person wearing fucking Jordans,

like dressing like a 15-year-old kid. You see an old dude with a fucking skinny goatee? Yeah, you think they saved up all their arcade tickets for that? Yeah. It'd be great if you had one of those coin belts, just cashing your 10 bucks in for tokens yeah those things stink i mean yeah i'd rather see 15 kids on their bikes and one 45 year old yeah definitely it's like a wave runner with wheels it sucks like dude you look

like an ass yeah there's gotta be videos of those things flipping oh god that's gonna have to be fun to watch you'll know because i'll be passed out from losing all my cum if i see one of those things flipping. Oh, gotcha. That's a good one. That has to be fun to watch. You'll know because I'll be passed out from losing all my cum if I see one of those three-wheelers rolling down a highway and this dude just gets ejected.

They can't be stable. That's porn. Three-wheelers, like the regular three-wheelers had to get, they had to stop making them because they flipped so easy. Really?

Yeah, there was like quads, trikes. There were trikes. There was like the four-wheelers and there was literally the exact same thing as a four-wheeler just with three wheels they flipped constantly i mean the one that's a little bigger it looks like an arcade

i know what you're talking about yeah like a hovercraft yeah it's like when you're sitting like two inches up from the ground yeah it's a latino ferrari this fucking thing's pop they look they look fun but they're so embarrassing you i would have to be i would have to be the chief of police i'd have to shut off all the lights and be like i get green lights for three miles it would have to be a track i'd have to take this thing on a track that fun yeah because if i hit one red light i'm so embarrassed that i'm in this virgin mobile turn your music down if you're a latino if you're like a latino lord it's like nothing but like 40 year old white guys being like ugh you're a Latino, if you're like a Latino, Lord, it's like nothing but like 40 year old white guys being like, ugh, you're probably like, yes, dude.

Yeah. Hate me. I want to cut open the brain of a woman who's attracted to that. There you go. I don't know. I think that I want studied. I think I like to see sparks. Fucking peptides.

I like this. He's so dangerous. Yeah. It's going to be so day. I don't know. Like, so dangerous. Yeah, it's going to be so dangerous. I don't know. Or just like, there's somebody's successful uncle. I should suck his dick. Dude, you don't need it.

The back's against the wall, and they're like, that's a mark. You don't need a key to start those trikes. You need one of those neck tattoos where it's just lips. You're a fucking dildo. You got lips tattooed on your neck. You are a pile of shit too. You hear me? Who's getting lips on their neck?

You see that a lot? The guys that ride trikes. Lips on their neck? Yeah, you never seen... Rolling stones lips? You never seen like... Yeah, like a kiss. Like the kiss where there's like separation.

It's just a... Lipstick marks, yeah. It's like I get so much pussy. Oh, man. Yeah, real piece of shit. Real piece of shit. It's like getting a hickey tattooed to your neck. It's corny as fuck.

It's corny as fuck, Chris. Like a butthole smudge. Yeah. That'd be sick. That'd be nice. Instead of a teardrop? Yeah. A little butthole smudge?

Right in the center of your forehead. If you had a butthole tattooed on the center of your forehead... It's always Ash Wednesday for you. That's nice. That'd be kind of nasty. Meow, meow, meow. Yeah, those things are upsetting. You can always just do this and you smell my finger.

Quick swipe. You're not going to hurt no more? There has to be someone with a turd tattooed on their face. A turd? Yeah. You know somebody? No, but I'm saying it has to. My boy Nunn's got a hundred percent latino tattooed you ever see a homeless guy with tattoos on his face

that you're like he did that like for money like someone was just drunk on the street with cash and fucking with a homeless guy and was like just get this tattoo on your face and i'll give you 10 bucks yeah you ever see those fucking there's like boxers that get there's a guy in a yankees jersey walking down the street the other day. It must have been 85 who had like Maori like tattoos on his face. And it was just a white dude. It was just a Maori.

You know, with that like Hawaiian tribe stuff. Yeah, do not fuck with that guy. He was just an old. He's 80 years old. He's got face tattoos. He looked like me,

but 80 and long hair. Oh my God. And he was lost. Invite him over. He's lost. Yeah, he left his home in Hawaii and ended up here. He's been walking nonstop. He's got a pal over his shoulder.

If I get old enough, I might get a face tat. Just one. Dude, I fucking love. I would love. Just one face tat. What would you get? You can get face tats by a little cross right here. Yeah, that's so sick.

A little wheezy. Dude, I say it all the time. I tell him a key role. I'm like, write a role where I'm just full tats. Really? I want, yeah, like the David Beckham look, where it just goes up the hand all the way to the neck and right here and a little bit here.

It's so hot, dude. But you can't start at this age. I mean, look at me. It's ridiculous. You can. You might as well have a trike. You might as well stay clean, though. Tats kind of suck

Tats suck But I want I want it all at once I want to go down You know how these dudes With fucked up teeth They go down for like 24 hours Yeah

Like Chris Rock Yeah And shit they come out With these fucking Game show hose teeth Yeah 24 years later Or 24 hours later

With no pain I want to go out for Yeah Two days Go one sleeve Just get one sleeve Get a quarter sleeve One sleeve Yeah Up one half side of the neck Wrap it around to the left hip I want to go out for two days. Go one sleeve. Just get one sleeve. Get a quarter sleeve.

One sleeve, yeah. Up one half side of the neck. Wrap it around to the left hip like a fucking Hawaiian surfer. Yeah, that'd be kind of sick, actually. Start doing auditions for fucking Sunny D. It signifies something. Yeah, it signifies something cool. Power.

Yeah, I guess so. You can draw all over yourself. Trikes. I guess you don't really need money that much if you draw all over yourself. It's lame as fuck. Did you ever look closely at a sleeve tattoo? It's so gay. What even is this?

This is fucking garbage. It's so gay. But when done well on the guy... A tattoo where he had a coffee cup on one arm and a beer on the other. There's nothing worse than a chef that has a chef's knife up his forearm. You corny fucking

homer dude yeah anyway i would love it yeah i got i was one i'm one and done i'm one and done i got one everyone's like you get one you're addicted i was you got one yeah bro fucking snake i got the snake what is it oh yeah so i got the don't tread on me snake and then i try to cover it up and i was like just draw whatever, and the lady just drew the desert on my arm. Oh, my God. She drew like a cartoon desert. That's why you're one and done. That is dog shit.

It's so bad. Now I like it. Now it kind of makes me laugh. It's such a ridiculous tattoo. But, yeah, I forget it's there, and I'll go to the beach and be like, Jesus fucking Christ. And then it's like I could try to cover it, but it's like, nah. I know how so many dudes our age that got one and done.

It's either on the back of the calf, top of here. It's like some weird fucking place where it's like, what are you doing? Dude. It's always like an Irish, some fucking fighting Irish dickhead with their dumb Irish name underneath and like the cross or like your dead grandmom. It's like, what is this? Cover it up. I could have just gotten the snake and that would have been sick as fuck. had the lettering and i was just like why the fuck you let this pill head

go wild she was like i'm gonna feel artistic dude she goes i'll cover it up she's like what do you think like the little desert scene i was like yeah whatever that was the looking back on that that's so bad how detached i was from like my life and body to be like yeah whatever you want just fucking draw it on there sounds good yeah i looked at it and went jesus yeah well sometimes you like trust people's like artistic ability they're like they'll come up with something better than whatever i'm gonna think of and then they yeah it's a huge mistake oh no dude i've told this story before i'll tell it again i don't care it's the most embarrassing thing i've ever done yeah i used to watch that show miami inc and i got really good show really invested yeah in the characters and that one bald dude who had a

goatee that I really liked, I thought he was the best artist because I watched all his drawings. And I sent him a picture and a story blacked out at like 2 or 3 in the morning. I sent him a picture and I was like, I want to get a picture. I'll try and say it succinctly. I don't know exactly what I said, but I was basically like, my father is the center of the universe.

He is, you know, he's the patriarch, obviously. He's the king of the family. I have an idea. And I'm like typing this shit out, man. Dude, it's so embarrassing. And I was like, I sent, I Google imaged lion, a male lion with the fucking mane. And he's peering.

Sick tattoo so far. Dude, the tattoo would have been so sick. Yeah. And he was peering through like the high reeds of like South African desert. Yeah. And the thing has like scars over his nose and over his eye. And I was like, my dad has been through so much I was like he's been

through so much and he has scars and his nose goes in different directions because of all the things he's done I feel like this lion represents my father for all the world and I want a back tattoo I want it top to bottom left to right a full

back tattoo and I like finished it with like an emotional epitaph. Dude. Some of the corny shit. And I hit send. And I remember the next morning, it was like seeing, it was like seeing a dead hooker on your couch with cocaine everywhere, going like, how do I, how do I get out of how do i unsend not only the email but my

emotions and thoughts how do i stop all of this from happening you know what's crazy the best way to do it is you start a podcast 15 years later they get back get it out they get back to you yeah this is me unsending my my emails to go back to you dude no they didn't get back to me the guy probably read this he probably got these all you know i all jumbled up and misspelled he's like god damn we got another one i'll tell you what if he does get back to me today i'll be like i gotta do it that's a nasty tattoo it's a sick tattoo don't you think because it makes me feel two ways when i hear that story one is like dodge a bullet and then the other piece of me is like, it's pretty cool.

And I wish I could thought things were cool for longer. Oh, we don't have that part of us. That's like, my dad is like a wounded fucking lion. Yeah. But like, I feel like I don't think.

It's just the process of like reaching out to a celebrity on TLC. Being like, I selected you to put my father on my back as a lion it's like shut the fuck up like i was blacked out drunk on my couch and i uh i sent this thing in i'm deeply ashamed yes yeah there's nothing i think there's nothing wrong with that though i don't know it's so full back of a scarred up lion and just being like what is it with no tattoos and nothing else sit up in bed and girls like what is that, I don't want to talk about it. That's the embarrassing part. I wish you knew my father.

Oh, he's dead? No, he lives two hours. He lives very far from here. Yeah, he works at the Home Depot in fucking Westchester. The most painful thing ever would be showing your dad that tattoo and him going, what are you you a fucking idiot yeah how much he might be like that's actually sick as fuck no he would never say that he's like jesus christ how much yeah he's like he's like it's time i show you he has a thigh tattoo he's like i think you're a huge fucking pussy so i have a fucking

i have a girl tattooed on my leg, and I look at her and I say, that's my son. Yeah. I got an open guava because it looks like a pussy. That's you. It says Tommy on the knees.

Go cut the lawn, you vague. I don't know. I just wish there was more things I thought were cool, like, forever. You know? What remains on your list? What? What remains on your list?

Skeletons? Skeletons? Skeletons? I don't know spear is pretty fucking sick skeletons are cool especially the ones that like those old animated dancing ones

yeah that's still cool what's not cool what's left in your cool tattoos no I'm just saying I feel like there's things

that I think are cool and that don't really only last for like a couple years maybe and then you're like that's not cool at all i meant to talk to spud about this last night and then i don't know i wish i was just like the fucking line on my back is cool forever true that's it you know i think it's not getting

cooler than that i have an idea and i thought about this i wanted to talk to spud i forgot to bring it up during the talk but like drawing i want to draw the eyes of all my loved ones just the eyes and i think if you're a really good tattoo artist and you can do eyes i think that's cool that'd be awesome and then i also want to just put like in the bathroom if you just have the eyes of all of our boys if i just sketch all of our eyes and you just have little frames though everywhere you can just look at the eyes like that's maddie damn that's chris your frames everywhere you can just look at the eyes and be like that's Matty that's Chris you put them all over the

yeah just our boys I take time, take the next like six months and I just draw life size eyes I think it's good to exercise I think eyes everywhere yeah it's creepy as fuck

what if you're walking by That's pretty sick What if you're walking by And one goes Yeah That'll be my eyes I'll have one right by the fridge Every time you grab a beer

I'm like Let's go Look at it One hour on the dot One hour on the dot. One hour on the dot. That's crazy. Yesterday was one hour and two seconds.

That's fucking sick, dude. That is wild. It's wild that your bladder works that way. All right. Jump over to the page. Awesome.