Stuff Island - Stuff Island #87: We Got a Tomato Guy ft. Sean Patton

Episode Date: June 28, 2023

- Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Sean on IG: https://www.instagram.com/mrseanpatton/?hl=en Support the show & got to factormeals.com/stuffisland50 and enter promo code: STUFFISLAND50 for 50% off your first box  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, it's Artiri. That's my tomato guy. You got a tomato guy? Yeah. You ain't a real Italian unless you got a tomato guy. It's true. He just stopped by Home Depot and... How much you rack up? 75.

I figured you'd get above 50. Tomato cages. A little fertilizer. Oh, buddy. Yeah. Tomato cage. That's what I call married to an Italian that you don't love. Hello, what's Italian marriage?

That's what I call a fiat. Dude, what do you think the likelihood is that we actually eat any of those tomatoes? Oh, well, last year was an abomination. Dude, this guy came last year, made us a ton of fruit, didn't eat a single piece of it. Well, we had pickling cucumbers that we just let feed way too long, and they turned, like, fucking orange and red, and I thought the mice or something would eat them,

but we got a backyard cat, so we don't have any vermin. I love the idea of, like, you know, it's like a murder of crows. Yeah. Like a bush, I call it a fiat of Italians. Fiat of wops. A fiat of wops. What are you? Fucking dirty.

Just dirty Cajun mutt, dude. Yeah, you are a Cajun mutt. I ain't got no pure bloodline. I don't know where those eyes came from, dude. I got no loyalty to nobody. You don't know how. I can do blackface. You don't know how your eyes came from, dude. I got no loyalty to nobody. You don't know how you do blackface. You don't know how your family wound up in New Orleans? I mean, my mom's family is just from the beginning.

Yeah, yeah. Dirty, dirty. It just grew out of that. Dirty beginning. Damn, they're hardcore like mud dwellers? Yeah. Yeah. Hardcore fucking.

A phrase they would say, a phrase they all commonly say in the South but no you can't say it outside the south but we'll say it here kunas what kunas because everyone thinks you're saying something yeah you look up kunas on fucking yeah like like wikipedia it's like someone from cajun descent right but it's not spelled that way it's spelled c it's one word kunas but it's spelled C. It's one word. Kunas. C-O-O-N-A-S-S? Yeah, Kunas. You can just say Kunas. Kunas. That's 100% what Cajuns call each other.

I was just watching that clip of that kid trying to spell Negus. Negus? Yeah. Have you seen that? No. It was like an 11-year-old white kid. Use it in a sentence. Yeah, with blonde hair.

And I think it's like the championship word is Negus yeah and he's like he's like Negus what's the language of origin

I think it's like it's Ethiopian or something yeah yeah and it's about it's like a word for an Ethiopian king and it's just like

how far does he get and dude it's crazy dude like he's like Negus and they're like can you say it louder into the mic please he's like Negus he's just like how far does he get and dude he's crazy dude like he's he's like Negus and they're like can you say it louder

into the mic please he's like Negus he's like say it again he's like Negus Negus please yeah and he's just like

uh how big's it's dick so you might as well have done that but then but then he just goes uh N-E-G-U-S.

Yeah. It's like, yeah, that's it. Yeah. And he wins. What, it's an actual competition?

Yeah. Yeah. But they cut it together with a bunch of people, like, it's like Oprah Winfrey, like, every time he's saying it,

the end is Denzel, and he's like, man. Yeah. Yeah. Is there any more of those people? Neguses?

Yeah. No. Negi? Canasses. those people? Neguses? Yeah. No. Negi? Canasses. Canasses? There's a pile of... Any person of Cajun descent will refer to themselves or other people. Wasn't JFK married to Jackie?

Probably, yeah. There are a ton. But you say, you know, it's like this kind of thing. It's like mulatto. People are like... Except it's like, who decided that was offensive? Yeah. People who's like mulatto. People are like, except it's like, who decided that was offensive? People who are of mulatto. My mom's family, mulatto.

But they're like, why is that offensive? Because people just want to be like, you can't say... I mean, I don't want to be that guy. I'm not that guy. I'm not that you can't say guy. You can say whatever the fuck you want. People just want to get uppity about like, I can't believe you said,

you said mulatto. Yeah, that wasn't even one there was a big fight over. It was people just stop using it. That was crazy. How do you come up

with that though? Mulatto? Half black, half, is that like a, is that an Italian term for a cookie? I thought it was Milano.

Yeah. No, Milano cookies are half white, half black. Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought. I never knew,

I didn't know there was, it was tea. I thought it was, oh wait, we recording yet I thought. I never knew. I didn't know there was tea. I thought it was... Oh, wait, are we recording yet? Yeah. Okay, sweet. I don't even know. We could start over.

The gym fucking... The gym story was going to crush. I was going to fucking sail. No, I drink a hot coffee in the winter, too, there, at the gym. Where? Like a fucking old painter. Well, wait, y'all know Colm Terrell? Yeah.

So him and I were fucking... He's a can-ass. I love, I love, I love Colm. Him and I were talking about, we had fucking a riff that turned into an idea of just like a video, do it like a discrimination against wiggers. Yeah. So just like, like stores, like no wiggers allowed. It's like some kid in a flatbed hat, like, yo, I'm just trying to get work, early.

I'm just out here trying to white kids. It's like, I'm just out here trying to white kids. I'm just out here trying to hustle. Dude, I thought of a sketch idea where it's basically a wigger. We're South African Americans. A wigger reservation. To protect like how the rhinos got down to like two. And then you put them in a pen to mate. Because you don't see older wiggers anymore.

Back home in Philly, that's a capital. Northeast Philly is a capital of Whigs. I think you have to be. I think that's what Philadelphia actually stands for. That's what Philadelphia translates into. Is her me. It's Whigger

Mecca. I mean, the South too. Generally, any rich or upper middle class kid in an affluent suburb in the South is either going to be a total prep or a full on Travis Kelsey. Yeah. Yeah. Just don't. I love Travis Kelsey, but you ever hear him talk from time to time?

You're like, every now and again, he dips in and like, yo, man, we just run these plays. Yeah. You know, me and my teammates. He teammates he's got an excuse though he's in the culture for his whole entire up yeah yeah but it's just like but you get some fucking dude rick who skates in northeast philly that's you know he lives in an all polish neighborhood and he's got a flat brim and a fucking pencil beard yeah yeah he's gotport, a Newport t-shirt. You got a fucking, a guy whose parents are both dentists. Yeah, yeah. Growing up in the,

you know, a neighborhood called Turtle Creek and he's driving around on a Jeep Wrangler on 10s that his parents paid for. Like, yo, man, you don't know

what it's like in my hood. You're like, you're right, you're right, Ray Ray. Or not even Ray, or like, you're right, Q. I don't because your hood is a gated subdivision. Yeah. And Ray. We're like, you're right, Q. I don't.

Because your hood is a gated subdivision. And I don't mean Q, the guy from fucking Impractical Jokers. You got to say that. You got to fucking disclaimer that shit now. I was riffing. I just used. I went to a high school. I went to a high school with a guy named Q who was king shit of.

Yo, man. It's like your dad owns an investment firm and your mother is a fucking criminologist at a local I feel like you can knock it out of them. I feel like if you get knocked out I think everyone eventually, white people at the end of the road

you gotta wind up just khakis collared shirt. You know what I mean think i think at some point because dude that's just connecticut i'm just gonna dress like a uniform i think there's no other way to discuss a colonoscopy other than in that outfit if you notice it's like like whites from connecticut are like salmon they start off in the same spot as their dad right with clothes and they go somewhere for a little bit. They put an extra vest on.

Then they fall back into the same look as their father. They all have this one uniform for the whole fucking thing. That's what salmon do? Well, salmon actually... Salmon, you know, the fish, it hangs out with his dad, wears sweaters. I meant for it like it goes away from its normalcy like a salmon goes away from home, comes back to die.

I fucked it up, Sean. I just can't imagine being... My brain's dead from last night. What'd you do last night? I had to do Legion of Skanks and I drank too much. You had to. I was in a pot,

a cloud, a pot. I don't know, dude. I'm all foggy today. No, actually, I saw you on there last night. I saw that. How? How do you look? I was at the stand Downstairs

And I walked up and I looked in to see who was doing it And I saw the back of your fucking salt and pepper head Salt and pepper head I always get worried that I'm going to get roped in And they're all going to say the N word Right as I'm on camera Dude it was Juneteenth They started off with fucking 10 minutes of racially insensitive jokes With my face on the front are just going to all make me, they're all going to say the N-word right as I'm on camera. Dude, it was Juneteenth.

They started off with fucking 10 minutes of racially insensitive jokes with my face on the front. Comedy Central. Here I come, baby. Yeah. Dude. Oh, Christ. That is, that's bad.

It's very bad, look. When did you realize it was... And I was like, it can't be that bad. And it was like, dude, the table had fried chicken and watermelon on it. No fucking way. I swear to God. And I was like, dude, the table had fried chicken and watermelon on it. No fucking way.

I swear to God. And I was like, guys, this is so bad. Did you walk in and see that and then remember it's Juneteenth and go, fuck. No, I remember when I was on Legion of Skanks. They had a black church choir singing you on. It's time to bowl. That would be sick. Yeah, I wish, yeah choir singing you on it's time to pull that would be sick yeah yeah i wish yeah i mean it's it's whatever yeah so but that's what but that's like yeah like

dude growing up and fucking there was a there was a guy named there was a guy named gerbil that's what his like his name is like street name street name but he was like, he fucking, that guy like got shot in a trailer trying to like buy a substance. Yeah. And like, but like, but like came from like, at like upper, upper middle class upbringing. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

And dude, the amount of numerous guys, like the amount of fucking guys like that, that's why the suburbs are bullshit. Yeah. amount of fucking guys like that that's why the suburbs are bullshit yeah because they because you because you when you bring when you when you take kids and isolate them from like other people yeah don't that people that don't look like them yeah you know then all of a sudden they start to fucking take these ideas and take the worst part of what they think something cool is and then they similarly to the wrong culture get themselves in the wrong position right right and turn into pieces of shit yeah yeah it's like, you got to raise them amongst,

so they can talk to actual black people and be like, oh, they're not, this is just one thing. This is like a very small percentage. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I got, yeah. It's also tough too when it's like your dad's a tough guy and he moves you into the suburbs. Then you get crazy.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Are you describing your father and you? It's like, yeah, yeah. Well, your dad did. It's like they don't talk about their past. You know what I mean are you describing your father and you it's like yeah well your dad did it's like they don't they don't talk about their past

you know what I mean they're like Roman Greco wrestling were you Roman Greco wrestler no he's built like a wrestler no you're built like you

you have to be you you have to be Chris O'Connor 5 foot 10 190 every successful wrestler looks exactly like you even the square head I was in Iowa I did shows with Shane in Iowa and after the show 10, 190. Every successful wrestler looks exactly like you. Dude, I know.

Even the square head. I was in Iowa. I did shows with Shane in Iowa. And after the show, every kid came up to me. He was like, dude, did you wrestle? And I was like, no. You've got. Oh, man.

You've also got like natural padding. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like your brow looks like it's naturally. It's like developed over the years to protect your eyes. Yeah. He's an protect your eyes. Yeah. He's an anatole.

I keep losing eyebrows and bumping into walls. That's what I'm saying, dude. This thing gets caught on everything. Wrestler or skier? Water skiing. This is belchy. Belchy soda. Topo Chico?

Is that carbonated? It's carbonated. You know, it's seltzer. Yeah, how do you feel? I'm trying not to drink beer for the month of June because I don't like being 250 pounds. Yeah. I don't like it.

Dude, it's also been tough. Dude, drinking beer makes you so fucking farty and bloated. Well, I'm also like, I do push-ups every fucking day. And I alternate my stance. And I try and do more. I do them in one burst. I don't like to do sets. I like to just burst out until I can't do anymore.

You do prison workout in your living room? Every morning I wake up. I do cat cows. Yeah. Oh, yeah. A plank, which I fucking hate yes but i plank and i do push-ups every fucking day why don't you go to the gym uh because i don't like i don't i don't want to it the moment i saw someone in there with a camera filming themselves yeah i'd probably

fucking lose my mind yeah where do you go where where do you live brooklyn brooklyn yeah the real the real borough that's tough fuck brooklyn no brooklyn's great dude Unlike Astoria It's not an open mic For small businesses These dude Most of the Most of Steinway It's on one side It's all hookah

The other side It's all fake Furniture stores They put together Ikea's packages And they put like $500 sign on it It's like no one's

Buying this shit I've never seen one person There's six furniture stores Dude on Steinway There's a I no one's buying this shit. I've never seen one person. There's six furniture stores. Dude, on Steinway, there's a I walked past this just now. There's a fucking, like a male clothing store called Portabella. Yeah. Is that a mushroom? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What the fuck is that? What body is that for? It's all top. It's all, like, for the guy at the grew? Yeah. Just all top. For the guy, Gru. From the group. Just all top. Dude, I feel like Brooklyn's like an open mic

for high-end clothing stores. It depends on where you're at. There's always stores with like six shirts in them. There are definitely neighborhoods in Brooklyn like Williamsburg. But Williamsburg is essentially just... Disney World. It's Manhattan.

It's an island. It's Manhattan annexed. It's another campus for Manhattan. Bushwick is Bushwick. Bushwick's completely fucking out of control. But I'm in Bed-Stuy. That shit's fucking great. It's like a real neighborhood.

Yeah, it's nice. Dude, getting off the L and landing in Williamsburg, the first stop, the doors open. There's immediately some dickhead on a unicycle. It's like the tram dropping you off to Disney World. The doors open and there's just costumes everywhere. Everybody's in a fucking costume.

I don't see enough dickheads on unicycles anymore. You know what I mean? Everybody's got a weird mustache and everybody's trying to be louder than the last. Oh yeah, I mean, Williamsburg is fucking, everybody's got like a weird mustache and they just, everybody's trying to be louder than the last. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, Williamsburg is, yeah, it's a scene.

It's a scene now. You could say that. It's a scene. I see circus. It's a scene. It is. Well, that's what I fucking hate. Lately, dude, I've been, I hate this so much.

Like, like, okay, first of all, the term content creator is a fucking oxymoron. Content, like matter, cannot be created nor destroyed. Right? This is content. These fucking bushes. These trees behind you. And you film them for two seconds and people are like, that's content. It's like, no, you're not.

You're documenting shit that just exists already. You're not creating shit. That's an insult to our Lord and Savior. Hallelujah. The real creator. But all I'm saying is, and I follow people, and I don't know why, but because we all like looking at butts. Yeah.

But there's so many butt models that are like, I'm a content creator. It's like no one would care about a fucking thing you did if it didn't have your ass in the picture. Now, listen, I'm all for making a living off your butt, if that's your fucking thing. Do it, do it, do it. You got to toss a cucumber in your asshole for me to pay a dollar. Or just call yourself a butt model.

I hate that they took the word creator. That's a creation, create, creator. That's a specific fucking word. We get to keep that. That's a self-defense mechanism. Call yourself a butt historian, a butt documentarian, whatever the fuck you want to call that. That's a self-defense mechanism. Call yourself a butt historian, a butt doc, a cockumentarian, whatever the fuck

you want to call yourself. I feel like every like on those pictures should be a tenth of a like. I also think... You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a three-fifths

kind of like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to like it ten times. Are you really liking it? I also think, I also think if you were the type of person who posts content where it's you lip syncing a quote from a movie or a comedian or a musician or anything, your account should be suspended until you post something that is a better idea. It's true.

That should be like. And then, okay, we give you your account back. Dude, I had a really funny experience. I was hanging out with Santino, and I went to some like... Andrew Santino, the Red Rocket. Andrew Santorini. Yeah, so we were hanging out. We went to lunch at some just place in Soho,

and this guy sat down next to us, and he was like a famous photographer, like landscape photographer. He was like old school New York, like very old, had one of those cool old cameras around his neck. He sat down and he just started looking at his phone. And I was looking over his shoulder and he was just looking at like the same shit that we're looking at. It was just a car accident.

And then a fat lady falling off a rope swing. That's because we're artists. This is how we unwind. Dude, it's like you're in solo. Everyone is how we unwind Dude it's like You're in solo Everyone's like Fucking dressed to the nines Oh yeah

And so fucking cool And it's like dude There was something actually Like really It felt good That everyone's watching The same fucking dog shit Like you can't escape

This drainage catch Of just bullshit I mean dude There's some I appreciate Like there's one girl I'll look her up And you guys

Can put the chyron right here. I'm sure you have that kind of technology. Yeah, we do. Put the name. But there's a girl I follow on Instagram and TikTok. And this I do fucking love. She's from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Baton Rouge, not nearly as cool as New Orleans.

But hey, it's another city there. But her whole thing. And she's attractive. But her whole thing, and she's attractive, but her whole thing is she just farts on things in public. And people are just like, hey, go fart on toys at Toys R Us. And she just posts videos of her just like, and just ripping them. And just farting at the drive-thru at a McDonald's.

It's true. And I'm like, you know what? Now that a mcdonald's it's true and it's just and it's and i'm like you know what now that i'm right you're creating something that's a contact because you're actually getting up there but i mean i know it's just fart but also i mean i have a whole bit about it but i have a theory on farts that like if farts if farting was just more openly accepted in public we would all be better people for it yeah Yeah, we'd be having a lot more fun. More fun, but also you wouldn't be judgmental. And you couldn't be judgmental.

But I think the fart would lose something if it wasn't... Dude, that's how I feel about showing your tits. All the feminists were like, we're just going to have a naked day. You keep them wrapped, it makes it hotter. Yeah, this is the thing. I don't lose any interest there.

Yeah. I still, I could, I would have a difficult time going to one of those free the breast movements because I would be like, I still have that shit in me. I'm like, please. It's nice seeing the soft slope behind just one little item of clothing. Oh my God. You know? Or it sounds like a nip slip.

But also, I feel like farting is like a hug. Like, you're never going to get tired of a hug when you need, you know. So if everyone's farting all the time, you'd still catch those moments. It's like, and you're like, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, yeah. You need a pickup. Yeah, yeah. It's evergreen.

Yeah, yeah. But then, like, hearing some of these fucking hoity-toity fuckers, like, none of them can be judgmental because they fart, too. Dude, yeah. I wish you could make people fart. There might be direct association like a like a little like it's like yeah like some type of massage yeah it's like a one inch punch or that like or like a like if there was like a tone like you could admit you'd be like oh it made everyone who heard it yeah if they had to fart farted right then and there huh yeah if there was a frequency that had like

harmonic resonance with a butthole that would just make it open. They're like, you could hit a tuning fork and everyone would be like... That'd be amazing. I did a bit about that about if you had a... That was on one of my album specials.

Just a run through in Curtis. Let me just do my... All right, now. No, I did this one about if you had control over shit, over fecal matter, and you could make... If that were your, like, X-Man power, like, you could... You had mental control over feces. Yeah.

Like, form it into whatever you want? You could make anyone shit their pants. You could make the shit turn into anything. You could make the shit go back up their asshole. Hammering out a big Buddha? You know what I mean? Just letting it sit on a public floor Dude You say win You can become the president so fast

Oh yeah You can also take down Whatever president's up there Just hard squint Oh shit Whoever left the moment at their inauguration, and they shit their pants. I run the world.

Just in the middle of Kennedy being like, we choose to go to the moon. Ah, fuck. And you could choose the shit. You're like, I want explosive liquidity. Or I want like firm It's stuck in the anus Where it feels like it's growing

And it would, it would be growing It would feel that way because I can make it grow It's a The problem we have with farting Is people don't If your If your fart smells You got shit on deck, right?

Yeah. Is that fact? Yeah. That's how it works for me. It's air blowing around the big wad of shit. Right. And your shit's already down by the end, right? Right, right, right.

It's looking for an exit. If you're doing that in public, Yeah, it's going to smudge for a smell. And you know you got a shit on deck, your fart's going to stink. Everybody's, they correlate the sound of a fart with the worst fart they've ever smelled in their life.

They're not just thinking about the seltzer fart that's friendly. You just took a shit, you're fine, you got nothing in there outside of bubbles. It's just a fun noise.

Dude. Smelly farts are pretty funny. Have you ever had that? No, they're not. Because this dude will ruin a car. Anyone, anyone anyone ruining cars is fun though dude it is when it gets ruined yeah yeah if you appreciate the the group in the car it's a fun moment when you're hung over with your buddies and you got you're all jammed in there and then the window's gonna drop and everyone but it's the wind's it's so bad the wind's going

150 miles an hour but you still smell it there's like one one circulating pocket in the middle that just never gets fucking gone you can slice it

with a knife how many pieces of that shit there's one person just constantly trapped in it yeah it feels like you got

shit fur on your teeth for like two hours maybe you do ruin cars in a way. He does, dude. Have you ever been with a girl and she farts and you're like, I kind of like the smell? No, it's usually if they toot, it's by accident, like a tickling type situation. And they've always been violent. Like fucking the most vile stink.

Like hot trash in the summer in New York. Just like, where did that juice come from? What are you feeding your fucking women there, Tommy? Dude, IPA. Granola IPA. I feel like a girl farting in front of you and having it smell is up there with like a really deep conversation. She just exposed a lot.

This is so intimate. I like a good lady fart a tutor yeah yeah of course i remember i was like 21 and my roommate at the time his girlfriend who just didn't like me at all she i don't she thought i was just a weird fucking doofus i was but um was she was hot and regularly mean to me but then there was just one morning where she was in the kitchen. I guess she just did not think anyone else would be up. But no, she was in there listening to fucking Thong Song by Cisco. I remember that.

That'll date it for you. And she just did the full-on leg lift, cannon blast, extended cannon blast. That's and i and i if they're hot i fell back onto a chair laughing and i made that like sound and she turned and saw me with it just gave me this look and just walked out and was very nice to me after that but uh the relationship didn't last yeah that's what i'm saying it's like it's a personal connection but she farted in front of me exactly so then i think she realized she had fallen in love with me yeah and couldn't be in the apartment anymore so she dumped my roommate yeah and then realized it would cause too much turmoil between him and i if her and

i started back but it was there i wonder what she's doing now she's probably a butt model probably no she's six kids i get six kids guarantee actually 250 pounds she's trash she's just one of those people who you can tell Louisiana oh yeah yeah

just one of those people who just wants to just wants to breed like on the hunt to get married by 23 yeah by 20 20 by 20 oh god

you know already planting the seeds of I want to be a mom yeah I want to be a mom by 25 yeah that's a shame which I don't know if anybody actually should do

no you shouldn't have kids in your 20s you shouldn't be married in your 20s no none of that shit yeah Yeah. I want to be a mom by 25. Yeah, that's a shame. Which I don't know if anybody actually should do. No. You shouldn't have kids in your 20s. You shouldn't be married in your 20s. No. None of that shit. Yeah. Unless you're a lady married and you're dating a superstar athlete. You want to lock that up.

No one should be legally allowed to be in a relationship until their 30th birthday. I said you should have your eggs on layaway. And same thing with male spurn. You should go through testing, like a driver's test. Mental and emotional, professional, financial, all the testes. Yeah. Testes. You should have like a fucking, like you get fined every time you get discovered that you're

in a relationship. Like, ah, we have proof that you're dating. 200 grand. Like, I can't afford that like let's stop dating yeah you guys can rail each other yeah it's like fucking hip-hop music in dubai you know i mean everybody's got your eyes on you there's that thing i don't know i just assume in the middle east you can't be blasting hip-hop music okay oh no they i feel like they yeah well it depends where you are yeah it's like basketball in Indonesia. Come on. You can't be bouncing things.

He's making up stereotypes now. The Tommy Pope way. It sounds like it's a bad thing out there. It's like wearing Chelsea boots in Frankfurt, Germany. What are you doing? What the fuck are you doing, Pat? It's cobblestone. I'm telling you, there should be a reservation for wigs.

To save them. Yeah. A reservation? A reservation. Dude, how funny would a wigger reservation be? Dude. You're driving past like Lancaster County in PA where it's all farms and fucking horse carriages. And you just see that electric wire fence.

You just see like dudes like, oh. They're having trouble getting them to breathe, so they just start blasting insane clown possums. You just airdrop a bunch of FUBU in there. You see them first looking at it like, nah, brother. Then just put it on. You can do that. You can do that here. You can do it here, man.

You can wear all the FUBU you want. Dude, the farmer comes out and just empties buckets of Bic lighters. Yeah. I'm scared. Thank you, Vamo. I like that, man. The farmer comes out and just empties buckets of, like, Bic lighters. All scary. I'm like, oh, shit. Thank you, Vamo. I like that, man.

Man. Yeah, man. Just cartons of Camel Crush. Like, that's all they had. Yo, that's all they had, though. That's all they had. Dude, my brother used to smoke those. Camel Crush sucks so fucking bad.

That's what you smoked, you smoked the little menthol pellet? Yeah. You crushed it? Yeah. It could or could not be menthol. Yeah, that can't be good. Transgender cigarette.

Doing that for 20 fucking years. He's got to be hurting. Or like, yeah, just so many black and milds. You smoke? Not anymore. I used to smoke. I could see that. I was a smoker. Yeah. But 2016 and have not looked's. You smoke? Not anymore. I used to smoke. I could see that.

I was a smoker. Yeah. But 2016 and have not looked back. What happened? How'd you do it? Cold fucking turkey, bro. Yeah? You hear that a lot, don't you?

Cold fucking turkey. That's the only way. I had tried so many ways so many times before. I was like, fuck it. I'm just stopping. Yeah, but that probably lends itself to the cold turkey. Yeah. Well, actually, also, you know Will Silvins?

Yeah. So he doesn't eat meat. He said this once. He goes, yo, I quit eating to the cold turkey. Yeah. Well, actually, also, you know Will Silvins? Yeah. So he doesn't eat meat. He said this once. He goes, yo, I quit eating meat, cold turkey. And I was like, you heard what you just said. That's like someone who, like, you'd pick them up from the airport, and you're like, are you tired? And they're like, no, I crashed on the plane.

You hear yourself? But yeah, I quit eating meat, cold turkey. But no, I just eating meat. Cold turkey. But no, I just one day. Dude, I don't know if you guys. You guys ever smoke cigarettes? Yeah, of course. For me, it was like my body was like, stop.

Yeah. Like I started like the past, like the last pack I had. I remember it was because I was by then I was the American Spirit Blue Pack. Light blue. That's a good one. That's what we were smoking during quarantine. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. We were smoking during quarantine. That was like the last five years of smoking was all American Spirit because they would last forever.

But I was never a heavy smoker. I was never like a two pack a day. I was like a half a pack a day. Maybe not even that. But I would fucking... I miss it sometimes. I've tried once, not twice, over the past like seven years. Like, just give me a drag.

And as soon as I feel the drag, my body's like, nope. Yeah. Not going to do it. You're not doing it. I've gotten back to the place where I like, it smells disgusting. Or tastes disgusting. His vape's on display. Yeah.

Well, this is fruity. This is like candy. Both vapes. Yeah. And my backup vape. Well, this one right now. This is like candy. Both vapes. Yeah. And my backup vape. Well, this one right now. Thank God I had backup. I never, never vaped.

You didn't start smoking until the quarantine, though. Yeah, yeah. You just never smoked at all? No, I would, like, bomb cigarettes every now and again off people in, you know,

Philly. At a show or some shit. What's, like, the Philly cigarette? I feel like Philly's, like, specific about its cigarettes. Now you gotta smoke Winston's, though, to your fans. My father smoked Winston's gotta smoke winston's my father's like marlboro lights and parliaments you come down philly you only smoke parliaments you're a home out yeah you're homo that wasn't terrible dude did i tell you did i tell you about i don't i think i told one i think

i told both of you about this but now i tell'm going to tell your fans. So I was doing the Philly Helium, amazing club. I was doing Philly Helium Super Bowl weekend. What? Now, not Sunday. This? Yeah, this Super Bowl. So first of all, it was like the beginning of a zombie apocalypse movie. The Thursday show, there's just a couple green jerseys in the

showroom, but by late Saturday, it's just the whole fucking... Go birds! Now that it's summer, you might be looking for wholesome, convenient meals for sunny, active days. Factor, America's number one ready-to-eat meal kit can help you fuel up fast. With flavorful and nutritious

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It's been a day and a half. No, I didn't drink all last week, and then I drank after Shane's show. That was it. We're talking about food. These are my goals. What are your goals for food?

My food goals? Yes. Well, the more sober I get, the more appealing actually cooking for myself becomes. Yeah. You know? Go back to that avocado toast. Yeah, avocado toast, make some sandwiches, you know?

Yeah, turkey and roast beef. Yeah, dude, I make some sandwiches, you know? Yeah, turkey and roast beef. Yeah, dude, I make good sandwiches. Yeah? Yeah. I make better sandwiches than anyone around here, for sure. It's not even close. You mean the restaurants? I'm saying it's not even close.

So what do you put on your turkey? Mayo and lettuce. Yeah, I can get wild and get some cheeses. I get some wild with some cheeses. I put avocado on there sometimes. Who knows what's going into that mix? I'm just wheeling and dealing, whatever's in the fridge. You're saving calories on the booze, and you order less dog shit, less seamless, less fast food.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Less Taco Bell runs at 3 in the morning. I enjoy the process. And I've been happy, dude. I've been so happy. Yeah? Yeah, I have like a general enthusiasm for just existing. Wow.

It's pretty wild. Keep it going, baby. Dude, I was walking. I was like, after that shitty day I had today, I was just walking. And I was like... You got canceled three fucking times. Life's pretty fucking good.

Three different flights leaving D.C. In a row. The fact that this man is not suicidal. Three different flights leaving D.C. In a row. The fact that this man is not suicidal. Maybe that's really what it is. It's not the no booze. It's all that tortellini he's got me flying.

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I'm going to finish the set, the last show. I'm going to finish the set. I'm going to pull the camera out. I'm going to whip around and be like, hey, thank you, Philadelphia. Thank you, Haley and Conley Club.

Go Chiefs! Go Chiefs! Go Chiefs! And the manager was like, fucking do it. Do it, do it, do it. That would be hilarious. And then the security guy,

this is the only time I've ever experienced this. He was like, hey, he was like hey man hey man i got please don't do that yeah please don't do that he was like all it's gonna take is one idiot with a bottle all right oh yeah oh and and and then that's gonna inspire every other fucking idiot with a bottle and if and then they're gonna kill me for not letting them kill you and i was like no you're right you're right you're right but you're the first one to get chopped up by that whore yeah yeah but the fucking um the last so i earlier in the week i mentioned something to revan to uh yeah i was like she was like do you want to stay

on the sunday and watch the game here and i was like maybe so after the saturday show i'm talking to this couple now this couple he was like a virologist, and she was another ologist. I can't remember what. But they met at Penn, right? Ivy League school, Penn. You, Penn. And they met in a lab, and they'd been dating. They came to the show. They were hanging out afterwards. They were super cool. We were having this great

conversation, and Revan was like, hey, do you want me to extend your hotel room for another night? And I was like, no, I gotta get back to New York. But thank you. And then they were like, wait, why, do you want me to extend your hotel room for another night? And I was like, no, I got to get back to New York. But thank you. And then they were like, wait, why don't you want to stay for the game? You don't want to watch a game here? It's going to be awesome and all that shit.

And I was like, well, you know, no, I got to get back to New York. And, you know, if we're being honest, I think the Chiefs are going to win. And they reacted like I fucking, like, crotch-checked both of them and called both their fucking mothers homo. Like they were so angry out of nowhere. Like what? What are you crazy?

What the fuck? And I was like I'm sorry. I'm sorry Mahomes. I think he's the X Factor. And like he was just trying to call up a take. I think he's an X Factor. And the fucking dude was like the guy the guy was like i don't think i would have bought tickets if i'd have known this about you i was like are you fucking serious and then like other you know uh what's uh other fucking

comedians are there and they're starting to listen in and people like dude birds to go birds i'm like you're fucking here's the thing here's the best part about Philadelphia Eagles. Whether they win or lose, half those players don't live in Philadelphia. So you burn down the fucking city. They don't have to come back to it. But they'd be sad. They won't win that. No, your boy, your fucking boy.

What's his name? Hurts. He lives in Chicago. He lives in Chicago? Nobody's from the fuck. That's what I'm saying that's why I went fucking when fans get crazy enough to destroy city property it's fun Sean is it fun it's fun Sean there's other ways to let off steam it's like good that's not about

the fucking Fields medal Sean it's good for the economy you know you destroy a bunch of city you got a bunch of public works projects. And also they deserve it. All the parking tickets and shit you've been thinking about for the last 10, 15 years. All right, now I'm getting a little insight. Now I'm getting a little insight. Thank you. This is all I ever wanted.

It was an explanation. All I get is fucking idiots in green jerseys going, go Barts! Go Barts! I'm like, well, tell me why I go Barts. Go Barts, Barts. I will say this about the organization itself. Obviously, every team...

Howie Roseman, he knows what he's doing. They have a hodgepodge of players from different parts of the country. But Philadelphia, they believe they're from that area after a few years. I don't think it's fake. I think there's certain organizations that really... Players entrench themselves in the attitude of the city because of what we give them back. If you talk to players that have been played for 15 years

for three different organizations, they're like, I've never seen anything like this in my life. Dude, we sell out preseason games. Because they're fucking terrified. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you go like under the link and there's just like this like, you see people with IV bags full of Philly cheese. Yeah, yeah.

All the interviews with them, they're like holding up a newspaper. Like a flashlight in their face. They're like, I feel like a part of this city. They're just being completely brainwashed. Yeah, yeah. The Chiefs are bad people. You walk in and there's the Wawa guy. It's like a guy named Wawa the Wawa.

The winger. Wawa the winger. Wawa the Wawa. The Wigger. Wawa the Wigger. Wawa the Wigger's like, yo, man, play here better than anywhere else. Heard me? He's like, he's right. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Wawa could go a long way to really, like, turning up the heat.

Dude. If they had Wednesdays and it was like a space. Dude, Wigger Wednesdays by Wawa the Wigger. Dude. Incredible. And you had to wear like an article of clothing. Yeah, and they give you like half off a fucking shorty. You call them shorties.

Because every time he goes to say something really offensive, he takes a bite of a sandwich. Yo, man, I'm just hanging out with my... This shit right here, this bangs. This slap. Like eight out of ten Newports. Just slap. Like eight out of ten Newports. Oh man.

Just like eight out of ten Newports. Dude, Shorty the Wigger is the Wawa mascot. It's so fucking funny. Just putting a flat brim

on the actual Wawa bird. Cue it up. Yeah. Gotta have the do-rag underneath. Just like nobody's nobody's fooled by that bro an eagle's fucking do-rag flapping that's so so good

Eminem he alright he alright that's their king dude dude that's fucking yeah Chet Hanks is the wig king right now they're getting brainwashed underneath the fucking link the players I don't like this attitude out of you also the respect we gave that city Yeah, they're getting... Chet Hanks is the wig king right now. They're getting brainwashed underneath the fucking link. The players.

I don't like this attitude out of you. Also, the respect we gave that city. Chris and I were at the Barstool bar. Yeah. It was a funeral procession. For what? Leaving the loss. Oh, yeah, it was rough.

The Super Bowl. Super Bowl loss was rough. I was rooting. I was a full-on Eagles fan for the one with Nick Foles against the Patriots. You should. That was a damn good one. That's fucking awesome. That was a damn good game. But if you were, you know, if those students who were grad students at Penn

or whatever, if they were like at State. Oh, no, they were adults. They were adults. Graduated. If they were living in some other city the last time they won, they might be upset about that because they didn't get to experience it. Yeah. Well, they probably, then they're not real fans anyway.

No, maybe they were at school somewhere. If they acted the way they did to Sean's comment, that means they're from this ilk. Maybe they had an exam that week. That weekend was actually, that was a fun-ass weekend, too. Because I feel like a lot of, I got a lot of service industry coming out. Because I think they were all like, oh, we're working tomorrow. We're all working on Sunday. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And probably Monday too. So the shows were all fucking rowdy and fun. That club's great. I fell on the steps at Barstool headquarters. Not headquarters, the fucking bar. Where's the Barstool headquarters? No, that's in Midtown. I met that bar after that night.

I got so blacked out. Oh, just at a barstool. I was just so angry. You fell off a barstool. No, I fell on the steps at barstool night I got so blacked out I was just so angry You fell off a barstool No I fell on the steps At barstool They got a bar I rolled down the fucking

This is like a fucking Who's on first moment I was at the barstool headquarters Not there I fell down a barstool I felt like Wilson Vince I fell down a barstool At a bar

I was at a barstool At the barstool bar Yeah he fell And then he fell I fell off a barstool At the barstool bar Near the barstool bar. Yeah, he fell. And then he fell. I fell off a barstool at the barstool bar near the barstool headclose,

but not there. All right? I had bruises for weeks. I couldn't figure out until I've realized. Yeah. We still got to get that footage. And I fell asleep on the street.

Hopefully they didn't come find me. Fell asleep on the street. Yeah, barstool staff had to go out. What? Yeah. On the hunt. I've never done that in my life

because I was so worked up and my level of energy, I was drinking whiskey like water. Yeah. And then when I came down, I was like, blah, see ya. Yeah, it was an APB. It was an all-points bulletin. And somebody found me.

It was a, who cares? I was drinking whiskey like water. I don't drink water. That's why I passed out I quit drinking once worst 8 hours of my life did you hear about that fucking submarine that got lost

yeah that's crazy dude it's gone it's not lost it sank I guess I don't know. You think they were like, they got 40 hours left of oxygen. Do you think anyone's farting? Wait, are they still monitoring?

Do you think they're getting one last fart left? Are they still monitoring the oxygen? Yeah. Fuck, man. Yeah, because they were saying like what the pilot would have done. And they were like, they got like 40, 41 hours. How do you lose the submarine? That's what I didn't understand. It's like why don't the whole thing is based on the technology to come find me ping-ping?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there should be a ping just going out right like a cell phone. It just dies You can't get pinged wasn't that what probably happened though is it's it's technology fuck Yeah, like something fucked up in the death They got it went too low and just... It had to be a shoddy ship. I bet he was the captain who was trying to make a little extra money. He cut some corners, no pun intended. You'd think there'd be like a wire attached to it too.

The whole time? Yeah. Just plugged in? Yeah, why not? They do it with those other divers. They put that big metal hood over them. I say some of the dumbest shit too, like we shit our parachutes on planes. That's not a bad idea.

I don't understand why when a plane just goes, oh shit, oh shit, it deploys a fucking parachute so that you fall and it's going to be a hell of a wreck in a way. Yeah, it'd be slower than... A lot slower than a bullet. Yeah, for those private jets.

They should have like those fucking NASA parachutes. Yeah, yeah. Is it too expensive? What if airplanes didn't go that high? Those private jets. They should have like those fucking NASA parachutes. Is it too expensive? What if airplanes didn't go that high? No, they need to go that high to fly fast. 100 feet. That's all you need. 500 miles an hour. As loud as hell.

Dude, have you ever heard of Sonic Boom on a beach? No. It's fucking nuts. Yeah. Some jet that was a military jet came way too low in Wildwood and like just blew out the fucking

I think that guy that's illegal you can't be blowing out my mom's ears on Wildwood Beach you can clear it with the tower that's a negative ghost right sorry I couldn't do a flyby anyway where you at North Wildwood yeah that's fine did you guys see Maverick hour. It's a negative ghost, right? Sorry, I'm going to do a flyby anyway. Where are you at?

North Wildwood? Yeah, that's fine. Did you guys see Maverick? Yeah. It's so good. Yeah, I loved

it. It's so good. It's so good. Makes you want to be a fighter pilot, even though it's probably not

that sexy at Those guys are fucking, they look and act like a Connecticut Wall Street fucking dickhead. Really?

They got zero personality. They're all brains. They're autistic. And they're all five foot six. They're not allowed to.. They're all brains. They're autistic. And they're all 5'6". And they look exactly like Chris. They look exactly like him. It's the kind of thing where you want to be like,

woohoo! But look, none of them, all those guys, all those guys, you're like not allowed to be like that. You have to be like, I'm going this airspeed. Yeah, yeah. And I'm turning it at 75 degrees. Yeah, yeah. Initiate contact.

Yeah, it's like Shane has a joke about that. It was like clear. Yeah. Like just destroying 100 people in one fucking shot. Yeah. And they have no motives in their fucking response. They're robots. Yeah.

Dude, if you listen to the audio of the astronauts looking at the Earth after landing on the moon. Oh, you believe in that? And you listen to the audio of, like, a pilot on a plane that's about to crash. There's the same energy. I don't know, dude. They're literally on the moon being like, beautiful desolation. All right, I got samples of...

It's just like, that's it. That's because it was a warehouse in la dude number one number two number two i i heard the most chilling audio of a plane crash that stuck with me forever really i said it on this podcast a long time ago but it was a 60 minutes interview with this woman who was charging both the military and one of those fucking warmongers companies that Cheney was behind and Bush. What was that company called? They were just pumping out fucking contracts.

Halliburton. Halliburton. Yeah. And she was suing both of them for negligence because this, this rocket came into her house. No, because they, they, the, because this... A rocket came into her house? No. Because there were two pilots taking this other Navy pilot

to this one destination. They had to go through the Kudush... The Kush? Yeah, whatever the fuck. The mountain range. And they were hiring... There was such a shortage of pilots that were just hiring people

that didn't have the experience. Right. And they're going through these Kaddush Mountains or whatever it is, and the pilot that has experience comes through the, comes to the cockpit,

he's like, hey, what's your plan here? Because I know the route you guys are taking and you can't really, where we need to go, it's going to change pretty considerably here.

The weather? Yeah, yeah, when we get, no, he just meant the elevation. Oh, okay. So like, and then they showed a graphic. They showed a graphic of what the pilot would see

as it approaches these mountains. Right. And not respecting the size of these mountains. So your perception and whatever technology they have on this thing, he's like,

you have to have experience navigating the valley of these things. Yeah. But they're on a fucking, a giant plane that takes both tanks. Right.

And these guys are just like cackling and laughing and joking. They show the audio, or play the audio of these guys like joking around. Literally saying each other the best jokes they have. Yeah.

And then you can hear them get interrupted by this guy going, hey, I'm telling you right now, this path we're on right now, we only have about, I say, 10 miles to make a decision. You're either going to have to turn around this valley coming up. And he's being very technical and robotic.

And they're like, no, no, we're fine. We can, we'll see what it looks like when we get up here. And then the guy comes up one more time. He's like, I'm telling you right now, if we don't turn around, like, I can't. And he goes, all right, we'll adjust now. And then you hear for the next like five minutes a complete panic in their voice of, well, we can't, we can't. And they're trying to figure out a redirect.

And then it's a shriek into the fucking. He goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just a fucking, both of them screaming and crying. Oh, my fucking God. Until they found the box. So these two fucking softball players that just decided they want to make some money through Halliburton just said, like, I have a flight plane.

Who makes the decision to release that audio? Well, the wife probably. It's the same thing that would happen with Pat Tillman. The Freedom of Information Act thing or something? Pat Tillman was apparently a hero and he was killed by the Taliban and it turns out

he was killed by his own men because of you just gotta push Congress you gotta push people your wife was probably like there's no way

my husband would have made this mistake he's a pilot himself how the fuck would that happen people probably tried to hush it and then she was

also a naval officer just like the doctors the pilots are fucking too. Oh, yeah, dude. They're hungry. Robotic pilot pussy. Sign me up. I've heard the joke

about female pilots. Oh, no. But like, dude. Dude, yeah. Whenever female pilot does it for me. Big time. Sexy-wise? Also, just respect.

Just respect for, you know, just respect for women. Sexy is like down five. Yeah. Number five. Yeah, dude. I'm like, when you're on like a flight and it's like, ladies and gentlemen from the cockpit, this is, they still have that like, ladies and gentlemen from the cockpit. Radio voice. This is your guy. I'm speaking.

It's about 45 degrees there. Sorry about the delay here. We just had some technical difficulties, but we have the paperwork now. We're going to 36,000 feet in about an hour and 54 minutes. Yeah, but then you see her hanging out on the door when you land. Yes. And she's like

leaning sexily. Maybe for you. out on the like the the door as when you land yes and she's like leaning sexily women got a way of doing that around old raspberry lime pope here shut up they got a way of doing it you ever see the united everets oh the ladies oh yeah oh my god they're so hot they're the best Those uniforms Yeah And they're all gorgeous I know They vet them I know You gotta be a smoke It's like what they do

To these fucking young girls Out front of these restaurants On fucking 30s You gotta be a smoke Just sit in front of that Little fucking chapel box Yeah You gotta have big high tits

When they walk around You gotta smell like Cotton candy Blown in the wind But they get Big high tits Yeah Cause they're young And they're still wind Big high tits Because they're young Your tits gotta be on the side of your friggin head

But they're always getting like escorted You gotta look like you're giving yourself a brumski Getting escorted where? I just feel like there's always They're always walking like they're little ducks That's because they're morons No, I mean they're always in like a pack A pack of hot morons?

A gaggle? They're in a gaggle. Are we commenting on like a sex traffic ring right now? No, I'm thinking they're being protected from like people hitting on them. That's what I think. Oh. Wait, do they have like security? They're of age.

They're of age. I bet they have like a purity contract or something. I think it's like models. Like they have to get like measured measured and turn to the side. Let me see the round ass. Because they're getting seen from every perspective. It's a 3D shift. You buck a corner, you're seeing every angle of this thing.

Maybe they just designed the perfect outfit. That outfit comes off and it's just like... Yeah. It just slopped. It just spanks everywhere. It's me. You put me in that outfit, like, damn. I just got off.

Just a hot girl suit. Look at that chick with a beard. Look at that round ass. You're halfway through zipping. Your bottom hip is smoking hot. They'd have you wearing that sexy, like, Jasmine thing. Like the little nose. That's what the Emirates wear.

The Emirates have this elaborate headgear. Yeah, it's fucking great. Yeah, because it's like arranged marriages. Yeah. Except they're married to the fucking hustle. Yeah. I like the... Yeah, dude. Pilot.

Piloting would be fucking dope. Yeah. I'd like to do that if I ever had money and spare time like that Yeah I don't know, dude Cliff Lee Who's Cliff Lee? A famous baseball player Hall of Famer

What'd he do? He threw a couple no-hitters You mean what, he crashed? He died in his, yeah, he was one of those He was horsing around at the beach Nesta, Hesta, what are those fucking things called? The personal, like Cessna Cessna He died in his... Yeah, he was one of those... He was horsing around at the beach. Nesta, Hesta, what are those fucking things called? The personal, like... Cessna.

Cessna. He died in one of those. There's footage. I think he was in a little prop plane. Yeah, he was just like... He was in, like, Cancun or something. He was just doing a circle. But then you got your boy from Iron Maiden.

Like, the singer, or one of the guitarists, one of them flies the plane. Oh, flies the plane that they take? They're 747 that they... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude. He flies the plane. Oh, flies the plane that they take? 747 that they, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude. He flies the plane, yeah. Dude, your fucking band's called Iron Maiden.

Are you, it's like, I would never trust Chris to get behind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking insane. But those guys have been, that's how you wind up

next to the Titanic. I mean, but they're not, but they're not next to the Titanic. They're still touring. Is he sober? He's a sober guy? Yeah, I think they're all sober. Oh, that's why.

I think they're, but that's, there's a story about, I can't remember what country it sober. That's why. I think they're... But there's a story about... I can't remember what country it is, but the Iron Maiden, they got like their mascot, their Eddie, their fucking... You know, the guy,

the demon skull shit. I'm not... Obviously, I'm not a huge fan, but I probably would be if I listened to more of their music. Yeah, maybe. But it's on the side of their plane, so it landed in some...

I want to say somewhere in Norway or maybe not, but they had to immediately be like... The official was like, nope, you can side of their plane. So it landed in some, I want to say, somewhere in Norway or maybe not. But they had to immediately be like, the officials were like, nope, you can't have that plane with that imagery here. Bye. Get the fuck out of here. Really? They kicked them out of the country based on.

Oh. They were like, we're out of gas. Yeah, like we're playing a concert for 20,000 people. Like, we don't give a shit. This can't be here. That's awesome. Bye. That's crazy.

Also, that seems like a genre of music that you gotta be fucked up to really feel it. What, Iron Maiden? No, Iron Maiden's like old metal where they're still like, run to the hill. They're still singing like early Pantera.

There's melody to it. It's not like screamo stuff. It's like church. You's not like screamo stuff. Yeah, dude. But you still, it's like church. You know, like religious musicians. No, no, dude. Metal is badass. Metal's all right.

You ever see metal live? I like old school metal. I don't like the new shit where you're just screaming and jumping around like a fucking... They're all dorks. Dude, there's nothing better than Megadeth in 1992. They are. They're all dorks. You ever meet the crew?

I mean, oh, yeah. I mean, like, yeah. I just like.... They're all dorks. You ever meet the crew? I mean, oh yeah. I mean like, I just like, I just like. They're not all dorks. I'm sure there's real bands out there, but I've met some bands

where their fans are all like, just kids that like didn't have a purpose and like, they're just, you talk to them, they got like fucking all these face piercings

and neck tattoos. You talk to them, it's like, well, I met him in a band in high school. It's like, oh man, you didn't have to do all this.

It's like playing heavy metal in the British Virgin Islands. What are you doing? It's too loud. That's the Tommy Popism. What are you doing? It's too loud. You've got to get less. That's what I'm saying about this fucking, that shit.

Like, I don't know. It's like, are you going to have all that stuff in and just be in a doctor's office and someone's telling you about, like, a thyroid problem? I mean, it's insane. I like a thyroid problem. I mean, it's insane. I feel like an idiot. I'm sure they'd take it out. Put some khakis on. You're really pushing this.

It's fucking you. No, I'm just saying, like when you get old. Put some khakis on. Worship the Lord. Stop. Wrinkly dudes

and cut off tees and like, it's just, you look ridiculous. I mean, this sounds like it's coming from a personal place. Yeah, he's describing his father.

He's also describing him. He's protecting what he's going to be. He's trying to set it now. He's trying to talk himself out of what he's going to become. Yeah, he knows it's bad. When you're 75, if you're dressed like it's Easter dinner every single day, it's nuts. I do like the Europeans.

I like Spanish men and Italian men. They're in a three-piece smoking and drinking all day long for nothing. They get dressed up for nothing. When you say dress like you're at Easter dinner, I immediately am like, oh, a bathing suit with fucking boiled crawfish all over you? Because that's Easter in the South. We went to a beach on a lake, which is trashy. That's awesome. And then crawfish all over you? Because that's eastern to south. It was like, we went to a beach

on a lake, which is trashy. That's awesome. And then crawfish boils. That fucking rules. And it was Louisiana, so it was hot already. That's awesome.

Yeah, I'll dress like that every day. You can't wear khakis in Louisiana because you get swamp ass. I mean, I don't... Literally, that's where it came from, I imagine.

That's 100% where swamp ass was created. I tried to pull off linen pants a couple times. Yeah. Oh, my God. You's 100% where swamp ass was created. I tried to pull off linen pants a couple times. Yeah, oh my God, you had to wring them out halfway through. Well, that's also like, linen pants, it shows what you got.

Yeah. If you're a man, you're wearing linen pants. Yeah, but he's fucking back-loaded. He's back-loaded? Dude, you should see his hand. It's unreal. I can't get my eyes off it dude we walk to the gym my eyes are locked in his hand oh his ass yeah his ass is on i'm not talking about the ass i'm talking about i know what you're talking about the fucking rock oh but he's

back loaded back loaded dude I yeah I ain't got junk in the trunk he's got antiques in the hatchback it was like the mid aughts dude so I was like fucking they were big it was like kings of comedy oh yeah you were just going full Steve Harvey yeah

wait what was this for my brother was going to school in New Orleans, and I was like, I like that. I think I also just watched, like, A Time to Kill. I'm going to get a seersucker suit. And I better, there just better be mint juleps in my surrounding at all times. Yeah, dude, it is that thing where it's like, you've never really traveled anywhere. You go to one new place, and you're like, I'm bringing this style back. I'm bringing this.

I'm totally behind on that. I'm bringing this back north, and you bring it up there place and you're like i'm bringing this style back i'm bringing this i'm bringing this back north and you bring it up there and it's just like day one it's in the trash yeah because you can't go in front of your friends it's like a white chick getting fucking braids and when i go to philly i got a white t-shirt with an oversized allen iverson jersey and a flam my y'all. Yeah, you heard. You know where the Dutch mass is at. I'm trying to get stoned.

Army, army. That's a New Orleans. That's a Philly thing, too. They go, erp. Oh, erp? Yeah, that's it. I thought that was Baltimore. Nah, it's Philly.

I mean, I guess that's not that far. That's what you scream to your buddy across the street in North Philly. Erp. I only know that from the wire. From Snoop on the wire. Baltimore and Philly are very similar. Baltimore, listen to Bob talk. They got the same O's. They go home.

Just keep taking letters out of the word Baltimore. Baltimore. What do they say to yous? Like yous going home for Thanksgiving? I don't know. They might say you of yous? Like yous going home for Thanksgiving? I don't know they might say yous Pittsburgh's yins Yins Like yous

Like all yous Are all yous going down there? Jesus Christ I talked like that until I was 20 years old That I was playing for the Phillies And I had I talked like that until I was 20 years old. I thought I was playing for the Phillies. And I had no idea. The whole time I was just like, yeah, are you just going home?

He's going home an hour later. And then I got to Drexel, which is a 20-minute drive from where I grew up. What's Drexel? University. It's next to Penn. Right next to Penn, yeah. And people were like, where are you from? And I was like, right there.

Right there, dude. It's literally right fucking there. And then I just untrained myself because I'm not a fucking mongoloid. That's what happens to anyone. Yeah. That's what people are like. You need to stop talking like that. Well, you also just hear other people always like, where's your New Orleans accent?

I'm like, let me call my mom. Yeah. Yeah. No. When I go back home, it comes. Yeah. Screaming back. But it go back home, it comes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm screaming back. But it sounds, you know, it sounds more New York than anything.

It's like when you're, yeah, if you go to like England or Ireland for a little bit, you start, you can feel yourself starting to just talk like them a little bit. I feel myself just taking words. Yeah. Like instead of the accent, I'll come back and be like, oh, is there a cash point around here? I mean, ATM? Yeah. Yeah. You know, dumb shit.

Ours was called Mac in Philly. A Mac? MAC. I got to tap Mac. So now I still do it. Yeah, tap Mac. Tap Mac. Tap Mac?

I got to go tap Mac. Yeah, that's like going to an ATM. God, this is good to know. Yeah, what is it? Mid-Atlantic something? Mid-Atlantic Company, I think. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah.

You got to go tap Mac. It's got to have the blue, orange, and yellow. Wait, so they don't... That's what ATMs are called. Yeah. Or Macs. Yeah, not anymore, but this next generation,

I'm sure, doesn't say that. Well, because I think Mac just dominated the banking there for some reason. Yeah, they were all called Macs. Yeah, yeah. That was the first time I ever heard that

when I moved down. Everyone said tap Mac, and I was like, what is that? What bank is that? Tap Mac. You gotta go tap Mac. But they would do it even if it was like Citib that? What bank is that? Tap Mac You gotta go Tap Mac But they would do it

Even if it was like City Bank Where'd you move there from? Connecticut Oh I forget that We were just talking about that We're talking about that whole thing Connecticut

The Mississippi of the Northeast I would never You'd never catch his father In sweats And a tee No Never Guy's always dressed to the nines

What? Tight khakis I've never seen your father In anything but the Connecticut Uni We've only seen him a couple times Yeah yeah Well now he's and a tee. No? Guys always dressed to the nines. What? Tight khakis. I've never seen your father in anything but the Connecticut Uni. Oh, we've only seen him a couple times. Yeah, yeah. Well, now he's rocking like a... You've only seen him coming from funerals.

Yeah, yeah. Coming from... Oh, his friends are dying. Yeah, yeah. He's at that age. Coming from disc golf tournaments. Dude, he's literally wearing like athletic tennis shirts.

You know what I mean? No, they're collars though. They're collars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He rocks a collar. Tennis shirts, collars. My dad, my dad. But he used to be all t-shirt and sweatpants.

Oh, yeah. When he was in Brooklyn. My dad's king of those, like that new generation of like fishing shirts. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? They got like the vents in them and like the. Yeah, because that's all he does now. He's just fucking retired.

He's just on a boat fishing and. Dude, I like those shoes. He's got his own boat? See, that's all he does now he's just fucking retired he's just on a boat fishing and dude I like those shoes he's got his own boat see that's a good that's a good style that's also a great old man style when you grow up

you can get bad news from a doctor in a fishing show well good news you don't look like a fucking unlucky brat or a lucky brat nah dude

I mean I also I don't know i like a fucking old biker you know yeah or like an old or like an old like musician like you see like you know just an old fucking dude walking around with a yeah i mean but like but what i don't like is like if you get when you get old choose a lane like don't yes don't do like tommy bahama fucking parrot head shit that i that i think is lame and worst you know i'm saying the absolute fucking worst yeah where it's like i'm kind of crazy but by a company that's not crazy at all yeah my sandals have a beer opener on the bottom

of it i'm greg norman the shark i got a shark speaking of fucking you know speaking of front front loaders talk about you ever seen his hog on the beach Yeah His hog Dude Greg Norman Greg Norman's got a Huge honker dude Really What did he do Tommy

Tommy all Tommy does Is watch murder videos And look at celebrities' dicks I mean No I just know when I Fuck You can't forget it Yeah

Greg Norman's dick You know a guy Has gotta be packing To call himself the shark Dude Look at his Look at his fucking Absolute Dude He was probably Laying waste on the beach And this is cold wind This guy's gotta be packing to call himself the shark. Dude. Look at his fucking absolute...

Dude. He was probably laying waste on the beach. And this is cold wind by the water. Oh, wait. Give me the phone. Pass that. Chris. Wait.

Show him Norman's hot. Dude. Absolute heater. He's also ripped for an old ass. Yeah, he's fucking jacked. Pipe. Jesus. He's Australian, right?

He's in like Bondi Beach. Yeah. That's a fucking rod, dude. His dog's about to bite it. I think they had to put his dick on the species list in Australia. Man, what? Just eat spiders? The idea of some marine biologist like snorkeling.

He's got a name. He discovered a new animal. It would be interesting just to have like a... He pops up out of the water and it's just Norman. If you could find a sea slug. That would be fucking hilarious.

That would be to have a dick that big and just go underwater and get a boner and just let it just come up. It's like a Loch Ness. Greg Norman Loch Ness. A dick so big get a boner and just let it just come up it's like a lochness greg norman lochness like a whale breaching dude shout out mark mark not mark norman greg norman you big hog all right dude oh yeah i'm fucking i would love to know what it would feel like to have a fucking ride like that for like a week.

Yeah. Just walk around with a fucking, a soft eight. Yeah. You're Googling if you have to get like a cock permit because it's so rare to you. You don't know how to like behave. Dude, yeah. It's got to be a good feeling. I don't know.

Because apparently if it's too big. Women don't like it. You can't. And also it's hard to get erections because you'll faint. You know? But still, it's like they may not like the fucking of it, but it's like when you see that, it's got to be a good feeling as a woman. The way you were like, yeah, man, it's got to feel good.

That was so earnest. Yeah, it does. Do you know every time you show someone it, they're going to be like, whoa. Yeah, yeah. I do believe the shelf life of the working thing, that's got to be low, like a seven-footer in the NBA. You know what I mean? Something's got to give out. That thing's not going to go up every time.

It's not the thing out front of a car dealership. It's going to have its time. I'm like, my shit's got the shelf life of a backup point guard, dude. Play for 20 years. That's awesome. You're a pocket passer until you're 40. It's great, dude. You said picks.

You don't slam dunks, dude. You can serve. I mean, dude, just walking around. I have that happen, too, where I'm like, man, fuck. Sometimes I wear pants, and I'm like, am I showing at all what I'm packing right now? Oh, yeah. You know? And sometimes you are.

And you're just like, that's that. That's that. We're all going to know. Yeah, it's all right. It's nice. There was one time, like, it was Steve Ranazzisi, Ari, and me. And we were all on, we were doing this show in Salt Lake, not Salt Lake City, Ogden.

We were in a one-nighter at the Wise Guys there. And our flight, we fly in at the same time. We're coming from three different places. Ari was coming from New Orleans. This has got to be a story about Ari's dick. No, no. Well, it was that we got to the airport, and it took for fucking ever to get a car to get us to Ogden.

So by the time we got there, we didn't have time to go to the hotel. We just had to go straight to the show. And we're all wearing, like, flight sweats. You know, we're all dressed in, like, sweatpants and tennis shoes. And we show up, and we're like, fuck it. And the show starts, and the fucking photographer shows us all pictures they're taking. And you can clearly see all three of our fucking packages. Just clearly.

Because we're in sweats and fucking stage light. Like that scene in Star Wars where it's just against the fucking... And it looks like, it almost looks like a fucking age progression where it's like, I'm up first. I'm just like, look at this little fucking... 18-Z towers? Yeah, and then like, Ren and ZZ's doing alright, you know? And then Artie's just

like, oh, that's why he slouches. He's got a fucking gravitational pull in his crotch. Yeah, dude. He's got big dick features, you know? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he does. You know what I mean? You can tell by someone's face if they've got a big dick.

Yeah. They say big dick energy, but it's about your physical features. A big fish mouth. I always assume that guy's got a big dick. Yeah, that's actually... People always assume it's race-based, but you're like, nah, you can. Nah.

It's just like endomorph, ectomorph, mesomorph, the three morphs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's nose-driven, too. Yeah. Like Ari can eat a hoagie in the rain without it getting wet. You know what I mean? That dude's got a beak. I mean, I think the three of us all got beaks.

Yeah, we're all right. I think we're all beak people I mean you got a good wrestler nose Looks like it's been broken six times Yeah dude it has It has dude I mean I would say judging by the three of our faces Nobody in here is gonna fucking

Knock over a You know Knock over a candle You know what I mean? No. I got a discreet nose. But we're all, like, no one here has got a broadsword, but we're all deadly with daggers.

That's what I feel like this room. I just got a pipe. I got a nice pipe. You got a pipe? I just wanted to get you to say it. I just wanted to get you to say it. Sean, you got anything to plug? Yeah.

Your pipe apparently My ass Tommy's fucking dong I got a nice wig I mean you do We talked about this last time I was on this podcast The seeing you talk to women Is proof

That most women are liars When they say they don't like aggressive Mush mouth men I was blacked out Not aggressive but you walk around like that most women are liars when they say they don't like aggressive mush-mouthed men. I was blacked out. Not aggressive, but you walk around like, I like the way you put together. Yeah, but first you said I said nice tits. I did not say that.

No, I did not. You said, I like your tits. No, I did not. I want to suck on them. I did not say that. I want to see those things flop around. That's something I would say to you. Your tits remind me of my mother, and now I'm thirsty.

You know? No, I would say something like, God, look at this. What is this? No, dude, this. It's creating a laugh. You look amazing. God, that worked on me almost just a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, it's the eyes. You look amazing God that worked on me Almost just a little bit

Yeah Yeah it's the eyes You can You just gotta learn You gotta learn Yeah yeah You gotta learn to be likable And then say things with like

Like fucking mean it Like just Can I try I wanna try I wanna try I wanna try this I wanna try God

God damn It's like It's like a fucking angel Fucked another angel It's not bad It's not bad And then they had an angel Another angel And that's Damn, it's like a fucking angel fucked another angel. It's not bad. It's not bad. And they had an angel, another angel, and that's you.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a matter of, like, it's just adjusting that a little bit. Just keep it simple. Soft. Yeah. God. You're like, and I don't mean this disrespectfully, but you're like an angel.

Had sex with another angel. Yeah. Damn. It's crazy how hot you are. Oh, like, hey, absolutely. Chris, you try it. No. Chris just heads, head buns or drags her out.

Dude. He just goes, hey, you and me, would that must feel real nice I've had girls that must feel real nice yeah I've had girls I can fit that one in my hand specifically request that I like say

certain dirty stuff like in the bedroom and I'm like dude I cannot get a single word out without laughing my fucking ass off

it is very weird to be sincerely saying some dirty shit. Do they tell you exactly what to say? You're like nice guy handsome. Yeah. I think that's the thing you got going for you is if a woman's like surveying a room,

they're like, oh, this guy's handsome. And I can mold him. I can whip him into shape and break his heart in two years. I got a theory about this, though. I think women that tell you exactly what to say, it's a direct lying to somebody that they were sexually turned on to before. And they said that.

If you're just saying, like, talk to me, talk dirty, that's fine. If you give me a line to say it, I'm like, what kind of weird sexual fetish do you have with your past that you have to draw this up? That means I'm not doing my job. Yeah, but then the other day, I saw a meme with a thing with the phrase that she wanted. And it was like...

Is this in the rotation now? No, no. So you can tell me who it is? Yeah, later. Can you tell me what the saying is? No, no, no, no. Why? It's too late.

I'll save it for the Patreon. All right. We got to go to the Patreon. You want to plug anything? No, no, no, no. Why? It's too weird. I'll save it for the Patreon. All right. We got to go to the Patreon. You want to plug anything? Hey, excuse me. I don't mean any disrespect, but like, damn. In fact, actually, I do mean disrespect. Disrespect to every woman I've ever seen before you

because none of them could compare me for or prepare me for. I can't even say words around you. Perfect. I'm unprepared by your beauty. Yeah. And then she's like, sorry, I can't even say words around you. Perfect. I'm unprepared by your beauty. Yeah. And then she's like sorry I don't date wiggers.

Bye. Yo girl heard what I'm saying though? Yo girl I got some St. I got some St. I special brew.

Dude I don't know I can't I can't do it. Oh my God you're hot. Did Tommy just leave? Yeah he's taking a piss

That's the end of the episode Do you have anything you want to plug? Our special on Peacock Right now, it's called Number One Fucking bone to pick, baby Podcast It's called Raw Beef It's called Raw Beef, the new podcast

And then Mr. Sean Patton No, me sean patton fuck fuck that up on time me sean patton that's my website tour dates of a muck fuck yeah yes thanks dude thank you see you over on the page