Stuff Island - Stuff Island #88: Jewish Etiquette Classes w/ Adam Friedland

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

- Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch.. Each week they'll talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish & twice a month they live stream VR Golf and Onward with fans. It's a goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Adam on IG: https://www.instagram.com/adamfriedland/ Support the show & got to betterhelp.com/stuffisland for 10% your first month! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Just leave that there. Just leave it there for what, eternity? No, until I put the card back in it at the end of this session. At the end of our little session. How are you? This is a motherfucker. I was in a good mood all day. It's because you're sober.

You're sober, dude. You're sober is the same attitude as when you get to your fifth whiskey. You're a conniving little snarky cunt. During my bender, one whiskey would do it. I would notice it. One whiskey. It was only six hours before you were black. I've been fucking looking through my eyebrows, dude.

It was not good ah that's good prickly pear I thought that was going to be too much wow that's nice I thought that was a cactus prickly pear why a purple label I think it's a purple fruit

wow this is nice prickly pear is like an Asian pear at this point we point, we're completely done podcasting. We hate it. We've just been absolutely tanking our podcast today. We did a vacuum review. We just bought a new vacuum

literally 40 minutes. Nick started vacuuming me. And then we dumped out because it's a bag list, so we dumped it back out we're like let's see how it gets back in

we're like playing games with the audience dude there should be like a QVC for autistics there should you know well he went on for like

15 minutes about the fucking Dyson V8 bro it's on the wall he hates it what he hates it that's? He hates it.

That's crazy. He hates it. Why does he hate it? He's like, I had to fucking replace the grommet and then he's like, if you buy the parts,

you can get it for cheaper than an actual new unit if you build it yourself. Dude, we had a cleaner. Wait, where do you go sourcing Dyson parts? Dyson.com. Dyson.com, yeah. It's a cleaner. Wait, where do you go sourcing Dyson parts?

Dyson.com. Dyson.com, yeah. It's a kingdom. He's so mad at this company. It's what's the Ferrari of? And it's just like, just get a new vacuum. It's been eight years. You're a fucking millionaire.

Yeah. You know, you don't have to get mad at a company for eight years. No, it's about standards at that point. With these fucking autists, dude. Yeah. They get nuts. They get nuts. With these fucking autists, dude. Yeah. They get nuts. They get nuts. They're principals.

It's principals. It's never about the money. It's always about, I feel like you're fucking me. They're principals. Because once you start forgetting about how much you hate a certain type of vacuum, then you just start enjoying everything. And then what do you got? Yeah.

Yeah. There's a vacuum in the middle room that I step over every day. And I'm like, this fucking thing, I want to get rid of it. You specifically requested that. Yeah. It's before we in the middle room that I step over every day. And I'm like, this fucking thing, I want to get rid of it. You specifically requested that. Yeah, it's before we got the Dyson. I would deal with him with the new baby. Tommy doesn't hold on to anything for longer than like four months. Well, no, I dated a girl for two years.

I love consumerism. I love buying shit, forgetting that I bought it, buying another one. Dude. I have like four nose hair trimmers. We do too from Manscaped. Yeah, from Manscaped. Reading them. We're like trying to tag them.

Well, it's good once you get multiples. You put one in your travel bag and then one permanently. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love Manscaped, but I hate that fucking nose trimmer. It doesn't do shit. It doesn't do shit. I don't think anyone's ever done anything. It's all garden.

It's really unattractive with that hair coming out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't do shit. I don't think anyone's ever done anything. It's all guard and no trimmer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really unattractive. Once you notice it, it's like, I'm disgusting. Yeah, dude. I'm disgusting. You see an old man with like a six-incher hanging out, you're like, his wife's dead. He's got no loved ones in his life.

He needs to be taken out back and shot. Just kill him. Yeah, yeah, just kill him. Use the dice to show his face. Getting caught in the roller. He needs to be taken out back and shot. Just kill him. Yeah, yeah, just kill him. Use the dice to show his face. Use the dice to show his face. Getting caught in the roller. Nose hairs do grow at mutant speed, though. They're the fastest growing hairs on the human body. Absolutely.

I got my first fucking... You really don't notice them until it's too late, and then you're like, I'm disgusting. Yeah. It's not until... And you can't pull them, because you try and pull one. You sneeze for 10 minutes. You sneeze and you start crying like a bitch. Your eyes like, whoa, stop tearing.

I enjoy that feeling, though. I do. Of course you do. I like doing that. It's the only feeling you have. When I'm in the bathroom and I rip those hairs out and I'm looking in the mirror and I just start weeping. I'm like, this is good. I'm getting out all my emotions.

I'm going to look so nice after this. Now you moisturize. Dude, we hired this old Mexican lady to clean the house. We finally just

wanted to get a cleaner. Yeah. What'd she do? Start a podcast? You came in and she was podcasting about doing fabulosa reviews. It's in the hall. What'd you do? Start a podcast? You came in, you podcasted about doing Fabuloso reviews?

It's in the hallway. Do you know about Fabuloso? There was a problem in the Bronx that people were drinking it. What? It looks like... It looks like purple drink. There's like a big warning. Don't drink this.

It will kill you. It's got a very drink- There's like a big warning. I don't drink this. It will kill you. It's got a very drink-like name, too. Fabuloso. Fabuloso, yeah. Yeah, I would chug Fabuloso. Probably what's at the bottom of this. You're drinking Fabuloso right now. Dude, I looked up.

Fabuloso just had a recall in like March. Who's bringing back their Fabuloso? That's the biggest problem. Because a lady came over and just poured Fabuloso all over our hallway. Now you have cancer. And then I was like, dude, that's got to be poison gas. And then I looked it up, and there was a recall. Apparently, there was some back March of 2023.

Oh, shit. And there was apparently bacteria in it. That's probably why she came out of nowhere just to clean the place. I don't know. It's just not good. She's never been here. She's never done that before in her life. Never.

And her kids came and they just watched. It was the weirdest. I was like going through the hallway. Hey, Chris, you might see a couple kids in there. Don't say hi. Don't ask any questions. Don't look at them. No, so this old Mexican lady comes in, and she's very sweet.

She's probably 75 years old. And she pulls a, on my cutting board, I had a coffee craft, a pour over, glass. And then I had this thing, glass. And she leaves. I'm like, the place looks great. They're both shattered. The top of the coffee craft's broken. Top of this glass is broken.

She just put it back on the cutting board. Didn't say a fucking thing. So the next time... She isn't speaking. The next time, she asked for a vacuum, and I was like, she's not touching my fucking dice. Dude, that is...

That's Rolls-Royce. Legitimately Rolls-Royce. You got to talk to Nick about this. Dude, hold on, hold on. I'll text him after. There's got to be a hiring vacuum. He'll go on for 20 minutes. She shows up.

M-I-E-L-E. M-I-E-L-E. It's German. The Nazis made it. Yeah. The Nazis made the Dyson too. Isn't the Dyson German? No, Swedish or something.

Is it British? Yeah, yeah. It's some British pervert. He's trying to make a dick-sucking machine. Maybe one of the best signs. Is this not good for picking up popcorn? My wife died five years ago. Wait, sorry.

I cut you off. Yeah, so the mom and the daughter come in. Now she brings a daughter. Because I told her, I was like, yeah. Sounds like a porno. I didn't know what you should have said. Black market. You should see these monsters.

So I'm like, dude. I tell my girl, I'm like, I'm afraid to hand her this Dyson. I think she might break it. She goes, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. Come back from the gym. The place is clean. The floor's still drying.

They're in the back right behind you by the window. And the mom is whispering to the, and they're holding the dice. And she's like. And then she looks over her shoulder and she's like, hola. And I'm like, hey, what's going on? And then she looks over and she goes, my mom cannot figure out how to close. And I was like, let me see. And immediately I couldn't even hide it.

I was like, yeah, it's because it's broke. You broke it. You broke the top off. And I'm like, it's okay. I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. I was so pissed. I got to be honest with you.

I do not like the release mechanism on the Dyson. I know. It's not nice. It's not intuitive. It's why I didn't get that angry because she she's 85 years old, and it's very difficult to understand. You have to pull it. It slides out, drops all the gook, and then you got to put the lid back on and slam it

back in. It's not great. I had a conversation about this with your mother, actually. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, I don't like it. I don't like how it closes. I'm like, mijo, a mi tu.

But anyway, shout out, Dyson. We'll be your sponsor. You sent me a new fucking D11 another D11 animal well the D7 broke down it wasn't taking a charge anymore

but Nick will love this too and they sent me a D8 oh he was going on for hours about how you can get a second battery but they don't let you

charge it you can't charge it unless it's plugged into the unit yeah and he's just he's furious that is a millionaire he's a millionaire just buy another you can just ask yeah you can ask the president of dyson to come over and do your fucking back it just drives him

insane no i like i like that because that's actually something that used to make me feel good when you go to like a really rich person's house and the remote doesn't work and it's all fucked up and you go like, even up there, it's fucked. You know what I mean? But he's experiencing it from the opposite end. He's like, I got, everything should be perfect. I can get anything.

And then their skill, this supposedly top of the line thing is a piece of shit. I think it's horribly engineered. It would drive me nuts. to him it was... Horribly engineered. Yeah. If you drive me nuts. To him it was like a symbol of when he first started making money, he bought this thing that was a luxury item. Dude, that's me.

And that the principle of like, that it's a shit product and that he would rather over eight years spend hours on the line with customers yelling at Indian men. I gave you a shot. Yeah. Yelling at them.

Sir, we are sorry. We are so sorry. Dude, that's so funny. The whispering in Spanish thing is so funny because it reminds me, you know when you're in the Uber, they have the quietest conversations Oh dude the Dominicans And then you're like excuse me And you think they're even talking

And they're like no sorry And they're on the phone for You could be in the car for 45 minutes Yeah a whole time I was in an Uber the other day And it was an Indian guy And he's like There's like 8 guys And. I bet he's on group call. Yeah, yeah.

He's like on, there's like eight guys. And you just see, he's got like one of those, he's got like a Samsung or something. It's like four, it's like the Brady bunch. It's like all different guys in their cars. The Guta bunch. And then he gets like a call. He's like, hey, Peter.

And then he like clicks over to something else, like on his fucking like Android phone. And it's a security cam of their friend's deli. And literally, he's just like, there are two bitches buying something right now. And all eight of the horny boys clicked over to see two girls just buying something. Oh, my God. So usually it's like a porn cam. Yeah, yeah.

Basically, yeah. They were just watching. Dude. Just whenever a baby sweetie princess is coming. Oh my god So usually there's like a porn cam Yeah yeah Basically yeah They were just watching Dude Just whenever like A baby sweetie princess Is coming Sunday Sunday Turn it on

Turn it on There's a no There's a no baby Sweetie princess Just click over Oh shit Dude Just different points of Bombay

Everybody's just beating All the political hammer They're getting that kind of Connection on like T-Mobile Yeah yeah Those guys were like IT genius

I don't know how They were getting it Yeah It was amazing. I was like pointing at my girlfriend. I was like, are you seeing this? She's like zooming in. Just to see a girl. There are girls everywhere. Just a girl getting like a jewel or something. Yeah, maybe some sexual attention just watching without them knowing. Yeah, but I mean like there's got to be some girls that are just like, that girl is impossible for me to ever

touch. Yeah, they're old. A six-pack of old Indians can't talk to a tube-top Dominican chick. And now I've got a live feed of them. Now I have to just watch her buy an elf bar. Yeah. On a cell phone.

Dude, it's like seeing those. It's a trail cam for Indian men. Yeah. It's more like a leopard crosses your fucking yard. Indian trail cam. Oh my God, it's beautiful. Meanwhile, Puerto Rico, how much for this?

How much? Did you see that Penn State professor? Yeah. He's fucking his dog? He said he had to let his steam out. He's porking a fucking wine around. Apparently he was like, yeah, I was just blowing off

some steam. He followed that up with was like, yeah, I was just blowing off some steam, but... And then he just... He followed that up with... He followed that up with just like, my fucking life's over. I mean, kill me now. Yeah. Somebody fucking kill me now.

You got the balls to fuck a dog. Jump off a bridge, pal. Dude. Blowing some steam. Blowing some... That's what Dyson needs to send to. Yeah, yeah. Dyson give this guy half off.

He would save this dog's life. Oh, my God. You know it's got to be like a long-term thing. This dog's got to pound town every day. This dog is like cool. He's a sex slave. Yeah, come on. This dog is in a world of pain.

This dog's so dumb, he doesn't know he can just go somewhere else. Get some food. Such a shame. What's prison life like? Dude, I say this a lot. People are like, what would you come back in life? And everyone's like, a dog, a dog. It's like, no, no, no, no. You never know. If you're an outside dog,

that's fucking hell. Those pieces of shit that just keep a dog chained up, sleeping in a little wood box. Let alone getting fucked on a trail there was a guy by an Indian doctor there was a guy

Pop Gun by Professor on Twitter who was like this black guy in the Bronx I think he died Pop Smoke? no not Pop Smoke

the rapper but Pop Gun yeah and I think he died randomly but he had a tweet which was one of my favorite tweets

which was like if I ever came back, if I was ever reincarnated, I would want to come back as a dog in a white family. Everyone treats you well, you get to fuck the wife. And you get to fuck the mom.

Dude, that was the craziest part about that Fogel documentary is that I think that's how they caught him. What? I didn't watch the documentary. Oh, the guy who's running his foundation, his wife was getting, like, fucked by dogs. And he, like, shared those images with someone, and they, like, got him.

Yeah, because she was, like, he felt comfortable because she was doing some fucked they like yeah cuz she's like he felt comfortable Cuz she was doing some fucked up shit, and he's like let me tell you a secret wait no no no fat lady No, no no no no no no that's a whole totally say really confused Okay, he's talking about a separate incident where Fogle was at like a like a middle school event And there was like a radio host and at one point he just leaned over and he was just like, I fucking love dogs. I fuck kids. You think the professor did that at parties? He's like, I fucking love dogs. Your dog's got a beautiful asshole.

Yeah. If someone told me that, I'd be like, that's hilarious. Yeah, it's so funny. I always think about dogs' assholes. I know. He's hiding in plain sight. That's a good bit, dude. Look at the leather cheerio on Chucky.

Chucky, come here, baby. Little hot dog. Fuck his ass. Wait, so who was the head of Fogel's Foundation? Just some fucking weirdo that he became friends with. I forget the guy's name. But that guy had married a woman with two kids and moved them into his house and put cameras all over his house

and was just selling footage of his stepkids like changing and he would Leave like he would leave dildos and vibrators and shit like on their bed when they came home So they would like potentially use him. Yeah. Oh my god He was like he was like going to Vegas 13 you just drop a fucking dildo like a grenade yeah comedy is ruined my brain kid fucking laughing like that's funny it It's very funny. It's one of the most reprehensible things. But it is funny, the idea that Jared Fogle is financing this. Jared from Subway, yeah, with the jeans. With the jeans. Dude, it's so funny.

But yeah, that guy was flying to Vegas so his wife could get fucked by a dog or something like that. And he texted someone. The FBI had their antenna up. Jared could have a 12-pack of kids if it wasn't for his wife's fucking dog. It's so funny. It's like, this dog fucker is the one who got him. Yeah.

Dude, it's like the reason why Trump won was basically like Hillary was about to win. Yeah. And then James Comey wrote that letter to Congress, right? Yeah. And the reason he wrote the letter to Congress was they reopened the email investigation because Anthony Weider was trying to get nudes off a 14 year old girl which is like the fate of western civilization

was completely changed from a guy trying to get nudes off of a girl it's like we all have penises right we've all tripped over our penises like society tripped over this man's penis. Humanity tripped over this man's penis.

And it's ridiculous. He's bravissimo. Unreal. Unreal. What a man. And this is after he had already been crushed by it. And it's also because weren't him and, like, Huma sharing a computer or something?

He got in trouble so many times and he just needed one last job. He was on one last job. Hillary was set to win. And then they like literally, it was like, you know, it was one of the closest elections of all time. Yeah.

One has to like, has to assume that it was that fucking freak. Dude. Have you seen that documentary? The Anthony Weiner documentary? There's a scene where he's, like, staged his comeback. People are like, he's back. Like, he made a mistake, but we fucking love him.

He's running for mayor of New York. Oh, yeah. Isn't he in, like, Staten Island or something? He's in City Island. Oh, yeah. Do you know what City Island is? It's like the monkeys and the crazies? It's

It's weird like fishing village like Island off the coast of the Bronx. Yes Yeah, and there's like a couple like like seafood restaurants. It's like a really random place But it's part of the city and he's like they're doing a campaign event And he gets in trouble again. Oh like everyone, he promised he's not going to do it again. He gets in trouble again. Some guy's yelling at him, and he's eating the sandwich. He's so stressed. The way he eats the sandwich is like, you've never seen someone that stressed eating a sandwich?

It's just the physical acting is unreal. It's unreal. We got to pull like, yeah. Dude, Trump should have a cast of that dude's pecker as, like, a paperweight, like, on the fucking desk. I mean, he did. Like, this dude's dick saved my career. He gave us Trump.

He gave us Trump. We wouldn't have had it. We wouldn't have had Gillian Keefe's Trump speed. Yeah, dude. We've gotten so many great things god we gotta put that on t just his packer just put a black box over that pig dude i remember my dad called me like about the wiener thing because my dad's always trying to pitch me jokes and he's like comedy is over comedy is over like i was like what? And he's like, his name is Wiener.

And he showed a picture of his dick. He showed a picture of his penis. And I was like, dad, yeah, it's hilarious. Everyone has noticed this. It's not exactly like an original observation, dad. His name is Wiener. And I was like, dad, we all know. We get it.

It's not that. Okay. Of course. It's really funny. Comedy is done. You're fucked. He called it to say that comedy was fucked. Like it was over.

I can't imagine my dad pitching ITC. He's like, Dad, are you there? You know how Chinese people look different? Dad, let me call you back. No, everybody laughed at the golf course This is going to kill, I tell you He's only gotten me a couple times Because whenever he tries to pitch one

It's brutal But I broke up with this Korean girl And we were I was at my parents' house and we were doing Shabbat dinner And he goes Now please rise for the It was right after the breakup, like two weeks I'm like depressed, can't eat And he's like, now please rise for the, it was right after the breakup, like two weeks. I'm like depressed, can't eat.

And he's like, now please rise for the South Korean national anthem. We die. I was like, that's the first time you've sung me, comprehensively sung me. Comprehensively killed me. Head shot, no scope. Just absolute. Now please rise for the South Korean. Smack your fucking food right in my face, dude.

Holy fuck. Comedy is over. I'm going to support this Dyson forever. Dude, you got to talk to Nick. He's got opinions. Yes, we,

we, literally spent 45 minutes today on the podcast just vacuuming. I mean, then Nick took the hose attachment

and was vacuuming. It's just like, we're literally trying to like, just like we're literally trying to cause our audience brain aneurysms. We just want to make the talk show at this point.

The talk show was so good. The Cuomo episode was fucking hilarious. Thank you. That dance took four weeks. Chris is working on the Charleston, he says. Yeah, I gotta work on the Charleston. I need working on the Charleston, he says. Yeah, I got to work on the Charleston. I need to know the Charleston by July.

Yeah. Well, I need to keep progressing, but I have been working on it. Where are you at now? Pretty much where we were the last time we talked. Oh, no. Yeah. I'm all right. This is why you stopped drinking?

I'm all right. What? This is why you stopped drinking? No, no, no, no. This is going to be blasted to the world. What? Your first performance. Charleston, I know. I know. This is going to be blasted to the world. What? Your first performance. Yeah, Charleston, I know.

I know. I mean, that's fucking frightening. At a wedding? No, down at the beach. At a racist wedding? Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the beach? Yeah, we're going to go down to the beach with the RU Garbage guys,

and I have to do it. Are you going to wear, like, one of those rompers? I would love to. It's so funny. I'll wear a fucking wig. The way guys used to dress, go to the beach in the 20s. Oh, like wrestling singlets? Yeah, they'd wear wrestling singlets.

Yeah, and they'd be lifting kettlebells. Was there a free the nipple movement for dudes at some point? Yeah, they were probably like, oh, that guy's a slut. Kettlebells? Kettlebells, yeah. Was there a free the nipple movement for dudes at some point? Were they hiding their nipples? Yeah, they were probably like, oh, that guy's a slut. The first guy to show his nips. Look at that fucking whore. Dirty whore, yeah. You ever been to Charleston?

Yeah. Yeah, it's like, you look at the trees, you look at the fence posts around these giant plantations, and you're just, I can't. Yeah. I can't settle in. I can't relax. Really? And enjoy the seafood posts around these giant plantations, and you're just... I can't... Yeah. I can't settle in. I can't relax. Really?

And enjoy the seafood place around the corner. Wait, you think they're going to put your ass out on them fields? No, it's just crazy. Like, we're tearing down statues of people. It's like, we should be ripping down these fucking plantations. Freaky trees. But where are you going to get married if you... Have you been to Savannah? No.

Oh, my God. Beautiful. It's like you're not in America. It's really beautiful. Like eerie like that, though? It's like special, yeah. Yeah, eerie. Like you're in Red Dead Redemption.

Yeah. Golly. Yeah, it's cool. But it's good landscaping and everything. Yeah, they have like, you know, public... Decent grass. Public ordinances that are like, it has to look like slavery here.

Yeah. You can't change. No. It can't change. It's a museum. It's like going through a Holocaust museum, but for America. Yeah, they're like,

we got to keep Auschwitz perfect. Did you guys not vacuum this place? It's filthy as shit. We got to fucking dice it in a bro. Do we got to get gotta dice it in Charleston I mean I imagine feeling very

conflicted down there cause it is beautiful it's so beautiful I don't mind and it seems like it would be like a nice like a nice

summer day those giant trees with like that feathery the trees are scary the willows or the weeping willows they're not just weeping willows.

They have other ones. They have that willow type stuff like wading off them. I used to love a weeping willow. They're oaks. The ones along the driveway. Strange fruit. Prickly pears.

Prickly pears. Just the sight of those things just make me like, ugh. It spooks me out, but it also does seem like kind of a nice life on one side of it, you know? Yeah, the southern side. Yeah, the white side. You're a fucking Yankee, pal. I know. Act like it.

Don't forget who you are, bro. Yeah, you act like you're... Well, that's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about being a Union soldier, getting down there, fucking them up. Getting some pussy. Yeah, yeah. Then it's like you get to take the house over. Retire here.

Although Charleston was where it all started. That's where it popped off. Yeah. Where they were like, yeah, that's where they first... It was like balls and spikes on the fucking... So they couldn't get off. Yeah, if you were an officer and you guys were just fucking fucking the Confederates up

and you set up an office in one of those plantation houses. Dude, it's like American soldiers going through like Nazi officers you know. Yeah, like when they're chilling at Hitler's fucking ranch or whatever. Tricking all their wine. The eagle's nest. Yeah, it looked nice. It did. Yeah, the eagle's nest

looked nice. You see that pic of him on the balcony with the German shepherd? Oh yeah, and the dog. Yeah So true actually I've only ever said that once where I actually meant it, you know it was Glad to know you didn't mean it this time. Yeah. Well you could all right guys focus focus We want to get a good grade on the assignments. Yeah, so we need to get good reviews. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

BetterHelp. Sometimes we're faced with really tough choices, and the way forward can be hard to find. That's deep. Dispassionate. It's true, though. It's very true. It can be hard to find.

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I have values, but sometimes I wonder if they're worth valuing. Give him a hug. Give him a better help hug. Wow. That is definitely a better help hug. That is definitely a better help hug That's two Irish people Coming together

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Get excited about the future. Talking with a licensed therapist can give you a clarity about the past and hope for what's to come. Do you want clarity about your past? No, I'd rather move on. Yeah, I do.

I'm helping the ad move forward. I'm helping the ad move forward. Yeah. I want to feel like my life is the culmination of a bunch of experiences instead of a bunch of discrete happenings. Yeah. So your foundation. No actual continuity.

Your foundation of disappointments are leading up to the hope in the future. Right. And that makes sense of why you pissed the bed. But I don't remember anything. You know what I mean? Right. I'm like the Pacific Ocean. It has no memory.

Wow, that was really good. Damn, dude. You stole that from fucking Shawshank Redemption. See, you don't even have your own minds. You don't even have your own I know.

That's one of my memories is being in San Juan de Mayo with Morgan Freeman and Tim Robbins. Now, if anybody needs better help, it's fucking that couch. And me.

Let therapy be your map with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Stuff Island today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Stuff Island. BetterHelp.com slash Stuff Island. That was a B. That was good. Plus. That was good.

I think that's at least a B. That was good. Plus. That was good. I think that's at least a B. Yeah. B to help. Yeah. B. If we don't get a B on this next one, I'm getting better help. Whoa. Let's turn this thing around.

I'm going to script up a fake email. Imagine the first session is just like, we got these ads. I just can't get them right. So we have. Great view. Great view. I get it. The man had class. Taste.

I was saying that because there was this whole controversy with us and the Taylor Swift fans recently. Oh, I heard. This is so funny. I don't know if you caught this. I do.

But I've been doing it. They're anti-Semitic, right? Well, yeah, we've been telling them that they're anti-Semites. Yeah, they got mad because I guess this guy that was dating Taylor Swift was on our show. And Nick made a joke where he mentioned that chick Ice Spice and then Nick didn't know who that was. So he was like, what is that? The fucking Eskimo Spice Girl? Which is like, and then nick didn't know who that was so he was like what is that the fucking eskimo spice girl which is like whatever he didn't know who that is yeah and they're like that's racist he's being racist yada yada whatever if anything it was racist to eskimos it wasn't racist to this lady yeah yeah but i'd like i had i'd ignored it and

then i was like going through my mentions and it was a nightmare. It was like these like girls were like and this was all girls. Yeah, they're like 13-year-old chicks. No, I think they're actually I thought they were like 15-year-olds but I think that they're just sexless like 32-year-old Taylor Swift women. Yeah.

These are the ones you throw down the savannah. Yeah, yeah. Absolute unfuckables. Put the unfuckables down the savannah. Un-fuckable, yeah, yeah. Absolute un-fuckable. Put the un-fuckables down the savannah. The un-fuckables. Let them play in the trees. Yeah, yeah, like if they... Get down there, you dry puss-poor.

They're in the un-fuckables cast. But they... What's that trick from the Titanic? The un-fuckable Molly Brown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kathy Bates in Titanic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Titanic? The unfuckable Molly Brown Yeah yeah Kathy Bates in Titanic The unfuckable That would be nice Anyway so

So I was like I was on a plane to Austin I was like going to do Cap City And I was like reading the comments And they were like One girl said you will never know peace again Which is like Shakespearean. Oh my God.

You will never know peace again. Adam Friedland, you will never know peace again. We will hound you until the day you die. One girl said, Who's Ice Spice? I want to shove you in front of a moving train to me. But I've been doing a bit on stage because I was reading them and then I did a show that night.

I was just telling the audience about it. I was like, now, listen, ladies and gentlemen, even Adolf Hitler himself had the class to put the Jews on the train. What can I say? This woman is worse than Hitler. Putting me in front of a train. Even he had the class. Let me get one last ride.

To put me on the train. I mean, how sad to log in and drop that as if it's going to... It's crazy. It's going to alter the course of your life. It makes me really sad about people. They're just so lonely. That's the thing that

gets their pussies wet. It gets them really going. I wonder what kind of response they were hoping for. For me to be like, no, fuck you. I've just been playing it like the biggest victim in the world.

The anti-Semites will never stop me. I will never apologize for being Jewish. I've been like, they've come for me before. They will never silence me. Also, like, the legitimate articles from, like, the Atlantic or, like, BuzzFeed. Dude, I was getting 2,000 Google Alerts a day. It was in every news. It was in the New Yorker, the Atlantic.

The BuzzFeed one was, like, horrific. Yeah. It was like, well, they... That's the woman who posted that comment. The writer of the BuzzFeed one was like horrific. Yeah. It was like, well, they, well. That's the woman who posted that comment. The writer of the BuzzFeed article. The BuzzFeed one is like, they go into the porn that he said he was watching. Because like, he tells this funny story of like.

I was in London and I was with my girlfriend and then she like, we were like hanging out with some friends of hers that like live there. And then I text him and he's like, oh, come through. Like we went over with these girls. And then he forgot his water bottle. We all left. And then we were waiting for the Uber. And one of my girlfriend's friends forgot her water bottle. And then went back in his apartment.

He was beating off. But it was like 30 seconds after the hang. He was clearly getting ready to beat off before I text him. And then just sitting there the. He was like clearly like getting ready to beat off like before I text him. And then like just sitting there the whole night being like, I still need to beat off. Goddamn it. Like, you know, like I was about to beat off. Now people came over to my house. It's like living alone, I guess.

Like that's part of the schedule. As like a single male going to bed, you beat off and then you go to sleep. You're like, I have an early morning. I better beat off soon so I can go to sleep and you're like I have an early morning I better beat off soon so I can go to sleep you know and so yeah so he's like

so like my girlfriend's friend walked in and he was he was beating off like on his big like TV and his phone oh my god

he's got it launched up here and he's like air playing it and then he was like yeah and then I had like fucking ghetto gaggers

up on the screen and then I think he just ghetto gaggers up on the screen and then I think he just I think he just used it as like a name of like porn or something but then like BuzzFeed like researched ghetto gaggers. You don't have to do a lot of research This is like a

this is like a humiliation porn where like it's violence it's face fucking like poor women of color and then they did this whole article about how Taylor Swift's boyfriend is watching

the most horrific pornography you've ever seen there was a journalist who got paid to watch like women being brutalized on pornhub, guess what? He was locking the door a couple times during that session. It is so funny.

Honestly, the most insane part of that story is him watching porn on the TV. That's what drove Nick insane. That's fucking bananas. I've lived alone before. I've never... The audacity. The reckless... I mean, dude, you... I still feel like if my mom's gonna come in

My mother's been dead for three years With the neighbors hear downstairs and you walk by like double bolts in the front no one else has yeah it's like the equivalent of like lighting candles i know i got friends that jerk off for like 20 minutes they make a whole thing of it i imagine a guy that puts it on the big screen is like we're gonna watch a couple episodes you have to get poison out of your body yeah right it is it's like it's not even it's not even sexy no dude i'm a thumbnail guy yeah yeah i just beat off to the rolling thumbnail dude the fucking uh the fucking you just you just the thing you don't realize is that the splash page of porn sites

is like geo specific so I was like on a trip to Japan once with a bunch of friends and I was like alright I haven't beat off in a couple days I was like I'm gonna go to the they were all sleeping or something I'm gonna go to the bathroom and beat off and then you go to

X videos or something and then it's like but it's like, yeah, it's like what Japanese guys are beating off. So it's not like your algorithm. It's actually like the ISP is registering. What are we looking at? What are we looking at?

So my friend, St. Thomas or whatever, it's all kids. Yeah, exactly. So I told my friend, I told my friend this and he's like,

he's like, he DJs. So he goes to Europe and stuff. And he's like He's like He DJs So he goes to Europe and stuff And he's like I know dude He's like I try He's like

I try to be like Worldly When I'm on the road And beat off to like What every country My friend Brian's like Yeah If I'm in like

You know Spain or something I'm beating off to like Propane Pornhub Spain It's like you gotta, if I'm in like, you know, Spain or something, I'm beating off to like front page. Yeah. It's like you gotta eat what the people are eating. It's as good as going to local market. It's like going to get tapas or something. No, we're in Mexico.

We're gonna get tacos. Yeah, exactly. You're just beating off the chainsaw videos. That's fucking crazy. What was the, uh, what's the weirdest porn you saw in the japanese i was trying to get the poison out dude i was like clicking on a couple things i was like you ever see a japanese lady with natties yeah drives me wild there's one there's one lady that's very famous that has very large that's all you need you need. Yeah, yeah. That's literally a cheat code. I don't know what her name is. Yoko Zuna or something.

Yeah. Whatever her name is. Fuck. Yeah. Because it's crazy. I've seen. I've seen. I've seen some.

Yeah? I've seen. I've squeezed a couple. You've, yeah, personally. With these hands. With these hands. Wow. Yeah, yeah.

Pretty cool. Grandma's hands A couple Korean girls Koreans you have to like No Japanese girls don't fuck They don't fuck you No I know but Korean girls You have to fuck a certain way because their skulls are so large They have giant heads

Do you take the calipers out before you fuck no i dated a korean girl for a while i did she was gorgeous dated a couple yeah i've met korean parents oh that's huge i had for some reason I talked about this on Matt and Shane last time. Really? Yeah. What's that? You have to learn the respectful hello. Annyeong haseyo. Yeah.

You sneeze? I was like in the car. Yeah. Chris, you just pluck a nose hair out before you open the door. I was in the car, and I was going to meet a Korean, an ex-girlfriend's family. And she was like, you have to say this crap when you meet my grandparents and you meet my parents. It's very important you say this crap. And I was like, I was not taking it seriously.

But I was like, all right, I need to practice in the car. But in the car, I was stressing her out. But I was like, honey. She's like, don't say it that way. I was like, don't say it that way. I was like, that's how you said it. That's how you said it. That's how my ears heard it.

I don't even like being around formal white people. I would never be able, that would stress me out so fucking much. Yeah, yeah. I have no honor. Yeah. Well, anytime I've met a... Just don't. Anytime I've met... You have no honor.

I have no honor. You're dishonorable. Dishonorable cringe. Anytime I've met a girlfriend's parents, I've curtsied. I do like a cotillion kind of thing. The curtsy's nice. Yeah. I do like a, yeah.

What is the culture that does the curtsy? I'm old south, dude. Is that old south? I'm Savannah. Yeah, the curtsy's the, yeah. I'm Savannah. Yeah, like the Savannah Bonds. I feel like they did it in like high society

Britain and stuff yeah well that's why I came here twirl and then a thing yeah there's that French I don't know

three morons trying to figure out what classy people do no the British infected art aren't dumb populists with the curtsy yeah

like the teacups on the fucking heads of these pieces of garbage I always wanted to take like an etiquette class Yeah yeah Yeah to learn how to eat And stuff

You should Dude They would go You would Like a teacher That would quit For their first Inner city job

You'd be sending These dudes home Left and right Yeah They'd be like You're up next No They'd see you eating

A hoagie over the sink With fucking Meat on your toes It's efficient The term kike was developed. Jesus, Adam. Listen, listen. We got a Patreon.

So it was developed on accident, right? So basically, German Jews came over in the 1860s, and they had a cart, they sold they sold crap to people and then within 10 years they became industrialists they became like super rich and stuff and then like the ashkenazi like russian my guys came over in like the turn of the century and they were like these people are disgusting like they're like they had like allergies and snot coming down and they were like religious. They wore those big foxes. Yeah, yeah. The furry circle hats.

And they established like manners classes for them because they were like, they're going to fucking embarrass us. They're like, these Jews are going to fucking embarrass us. So they established like these like basically schools to teach like my guys like how to not like be disgusting, how to not be disgusting. But they, the guys that had the Ottomans on their heads, like the circle,

the circle hats, um, the word in Yiddish for the circle hat is Keichel. So the German Jews started referring to the Russian Jews as kikes. And then everyone else heard it. And then they were like, um, y'all are some fucking kikes, dude.

They're like, not us, not us, the other ones. They're like, no, you're a kike, too. Like, it was, we, like, made it up and we, like, owned ourselves. That's great. It's pretty good. I like how you said that. You invented it by accident. We invented it by accident. Like the polio vaccine.

Yeah. Like penicillin. Yeah, we invented our own slur. I mean most slurs are shortened versions of things, right? Yeah. Like Nippon is like the sunrise, Japanese. Oh yeah, yeah. WAPS, without papers.

You just take some normal process that these guys are going through. Yeah, wasp. Give it to them, man. And then you're like, ha-ha. We got gay! Yeah. I don't understand how the F slur came for gay guys. Yeah, it's a bundle of sticks.

It's a bundle of sticks, right? Yeah. Well, it's like their penises are all getting tied together. I don't understand. What actually happened is that it was Chris is on the case.

Yeah. I looked this up. How did they get that one? It seems like Byron Allen just gave you a fucking volleyball toss. He's going to

slam this down dude. Chris tell us about where the F word came from. This is your anecdote. Your big anecdote about your vacation in Hawaii recently. So how did the F slur come up?

Well, it is a term for a bundle of sticks. But what happened was it started with talking about hen-pecked men, like having a wife that was a real pain in the ass. Oh, if she was a real bad lad. And then she would have a broom that was a bundle of sticks. That was the original broom. Yeah, yeah. So then they started calling witches, women, that F word,

and then it translated to a guy who's... Because they'd be burned by the wood too? No, no, no, no, no. Well, the witch is burned at the stake. That had nothing to do with it. Burning, no, no. It just had to do with the broom being a bundle of sticks and like a kind of a woman that was a bitch

was like eventually became a fa... A what? Yeah, the bleep it out. And it looked like I actually said it. Like I'm cool. You know, one of those cool guys. Yeah, you had to put a black square up your face. And then it just translated into just like a guy who's acting like a woman.

Yeah, yeah. Is. Ah. A guy who's acting like a bitch. So it's a woman. Like a bitch. A woman a woman like a a woman with a broom yeah

can you bleep out bitch also yeah it's fucking tough dude look how look how look at what this internet has done to us

it's crazy we were kings yeah we used to say what a unspeakable unspeakable oh god with carte blanche well now you can I mean Unspeakable. Unspeakable. Oh, God.

With carte blanche. Well, now you can... I mean, I feel like I've opened up. I've come a long way saying a lot of dumb shit. But more personal. I say more personal things. The first two years of podcasting with Shane, I'm not telling the story.

I'm not telling the story. And then one day, I would just have too many beers. You go go fuck it and once you just open that little damn when someone's really annoying about not saying stuff then you say well I'm going to fucking say it and then you run into someone who says it

too much and you go I hate saying it yeah are you still talking about I just meant like personal stuff oh you're talking about the n just meant like personal stuff. Talking about all the words. He's talking about the N-word. Oh, you're talking about the N-word. Yeah.

That one I never said. Yeah. I've never even thought it. I don't... Of course. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah.

I've never even heard a song. In a song. I've never even heard 80 songs. Yeah. Because I heard it's in songs. Yeah. So I wouldn't even listen to one song. That's crazy.

Shane won't let me say it during songs. That's how much he doesn't like me saying it. That's how ugly it sounds when I say it. It's really rough. It's your jawline. Wow. It's your jawline. It's really rough.

It's also probably because one of your feet come off the ground. He throws it back like a ring. Like Charleston. Like I'm trying to throw someone out at home. What did you figure out? Like you just keep saying it over and over. Charleston goes like so smooth. What do you mouth think?

Don't worry about it. Bandana over your mouth? Yeah. I've become boys with Cuomo, dude. He's the fucking man. He's my dog. He was the man. He is the man.

We love him. Yeah. I'd let that guy play on my softball team. Did you know he was going to be that funny? I didn't know. I thought he was going to suck. Yeah. Yeah.

But I guess he watched the show. I guess he did research. He was like, you got to call Adam Gay. And then Adam's going to come back at you. We had a really good rapport. Dude, when he did that. Yeah. I was texting him last week and he was thrilled.

He was like, you're so funny. What's he doing? I'm just going to not look at you for a second. I'm still here, but I'm taking my own space. He's a lovable uncle. He's really good. He's also my age, but I just look up to him. You and him would get along

we would be boys I don't know he may think you're poisoning the culture what do you mean? yeah his dad is like a fucking he was talking about how his dad hated mafia movies I was like what a bitch I'm the dirty Jew in the Italian side? he's gonna be like look at this oily

you know we have a problem what's his number? send a pixie I think so, yeah. He's going to be like, look at this oily, embarrassing house. Well, we have a problem. What's his number? Yeah, he's going to be like, we've got to change everything. Send a pic. Tell him if he thinks I'm gross looking. Yeah, what do you think of this specimen? Gross looking.

Beep, beep, beep. Wow, I've never even heard that one. I was seeing Gindaloon on Bobby Kelly's podcast. Gindaloon. Yeah, Gindaloon on bobby kelly's podcast yeah gindaloon yeah but i started i said so much that i started thinking oh my god am i doing the uh another race i like what italians call another race i like ginzo because it sounds japanese yeah it sounds like you're a samurai or something that's what i call my japanese knives ginzo. Gindaloon kind of sounds... Gindaloon rules. ...racist to Asians as well, but like the...

I wasn't talking about Asians. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. There's a whole subculture of Italian names for certain cultures. Yeah, yeah, that's... You go into a barbershop

in like an Italian neighborhood, whoo! The words they use, you couldn't find on Urban Dictionary. That's so fun. That's in the, yeah. The way it's all about... What are they doing? What's the ante room in like the Sistine Chapel? Four-part urban dictionary. It's so fun. The way it's all about...

What are they doing? What's the ante room? Four-part harmonies? Quartets? Dude, barbershop. Harmonizing the N-word. Italian barbers harmonizing the N-word. Did they blow into that little thing?

Oh, my God. With a little side dance. Holy fuck, dude. I'm going to piss. Yeah, dude. I drank too much water today. What happened? Normally, he pisses on the hour,

almost exactly on the hour. I don't know. 50 cruising right along. We're cruising. What else is new? How's how's the how are the Queens boys? I like Queens. Queens is great.

Is is the big guy upstairs? I think he's upstairs right now. Yeah. Should we say hi to him? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. After this.

Yeah. After this, you pop right up there. I don't think he's got anything going on. Should we ask him if he wants to slapbox? Do you remember how kids, like, it was always, like, white kids that thought they were black that were always trying to slapbox in high school? That was a thing. That and Hacky Sack, I never fucking participated in.

Those are two different versions of white guy. The slapboxer, you can't be both, actually. No, you can't. You're either a hacky guy. The slapboxer. You can't be both, actually. No, you can't. You're either a hacky sack or a slapboxer. I feel like the slapboxers would invade a hacky sack group and fuck them up. Yeah, they would fuck up the hacky sack. But that would be a cool kind of like three ninjas scene if the hacky sack, they were hacky sacking and they were like kicking it and fucking like drilling the hacky sack at people. You know? I was always like, I'd watch that movie and I'd be like,

how the hell did they get a Japanese grandfather? I'd be like, that would be so sick if my grandfather was Japanese and he knew karate and he taught me and my brothers how to kick people's asses. What movie? Three Ninjas.

Never saw it. Oh yeah, you're a little too old I think for Three Ninjas. Never saw it. Oh, yeah. You're a little too old, I think, for Three Ninjas. You just missed it. You just missed it. Well, we got to fire back up Wonder Years, man.

The Wonder Years was we started rewatching the Wonder Years. He don't know that. You know Wonder Years? Yeah. Yeah. Did you watch it?

Yeah. How old are you? 34? 36. Yeah. Did he ever get pussy off of Winnie or not? Yeah, they hooked up a few times. They hook up? Yeah. But they are you? 34? 36. Yeah. Did he ever get pussy off of Whitney or not? Yeah, they hooked up a few times. They hook up?

Yeah. But they don't end up together. They hook up in the first episode. Oh, yeah, he does. But does he fully penetrate? Yeah, he bends around. Behind the tree. Behind the tree.

Right after her brother died, he was like, yeah. I heard that. There's only one cure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard the episode where he fucks is real sex. It's real penetration. That'd be great. Full penetration.

Why? Is Winnie squealing? Yeah, Winnie. Ah! Whee! Whee! I got it. I, um.

We watched Windy City Heat the other day. There's a good. Dude, it's so fucking. You've never seen Windy City Heat? What is it? It's like that Chicago cop thing, right? Well, no, it's so fucking you've never seen Windy City Heat what is it it's like that Chicago cop thing right

well no it's literally it's Don Barris fucking with this dude Barry Caravallo this guy is such a psycho they convince him he's been cast in like an action movie

but it's all fake everyone involved you had their scenes I don't think I've seen it is so fucking funny this guy is such a more than all the names of the people like the main investor of the film's name is John Quincy Adams It sounds like a movie Nick wrote. It's fucking unbelievable.

It can't be real. It is real. And this guy believes it. It sounds like Nick. Wait, hold on. There's a scene where Hiroshi Minakazaki's not pleased with how the film's going. So he's like, the director charges this dude Perry, Scary Perry, with protecting this table they set up for him.

And he's like, you know how in Japan they'd have an elaborate sushi table, Perry? Well, we're going to do an American version. It's all donuts. The table's all donuts. Like a donut omakase. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's sick. And he charges Perry with detecting it.

And this other guy, Mole, comes in, who's like his friend, and just smashes the table. And then Hiroshima Nagasaki comes in and is like, the film is off! Perry spazzesaz it's so funny I really miss the like trope of like like in

like movies and TV of like having a big meeting with the Japanese that was always like the thing like we have the meeting with the Japanese coming up it's never specified

what the like industry they're in is but it's like oh we have the big because they're high quality you know if you're if they're gonna invest yeah in a good product i guess it's like they were like the next like i guess like people thought that japanese consumer electronics were crap and then sony came out they were like, oh no, they're like real players in the game. And so the Japanese were kind of like a symbol of that.

And then I guess the next step was like Koreans, I guess, too. Yeah, and then China. Now China. It's all the amount of people that are going to consume, too. It's not just the people that are creating. It's like why you should do a bilingual comedy album. It's like Tiesto, whoever that dude is,

he's blasting out to... Bad Bunny? Bad Bunny, that guy. That's the same guy in your mind? Who the fuck knows? DJ Tiesto mixing up DJ Tiesto with Bad Bunny. You guys think you're shaming me right now?

It's actually, I'm prideful that I don't know that. Two corny fucking dorks. You gotta be bilingual like Tiesto. He probably is bilingual. Tiesto?

No, I'm saying you gotta, you gotta fucking. He's from like Iceland or something. You gotta, yeah, you gotta know all the fuck.

You gotta sell your product to a lot of people that, you know. Yeah, bad money also acts a little bit gay too. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, bad buddy also acts a little bit gay, too. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's good.

Yeah. That's kind of my marketing is I try to get a little 25% gay. There is a gay area. It's like, I'll never tell. It's our little secret. Yeah. I forgot. One time Nick and I made something

and we were talking about why they have been named the Secret Service. We're like, what are they fucking gay? What is that? I think that's like a sketch or something. What are they fucking gay? The Secret Service. That's why Monica Lewinsky got in trouble. She was blowing this shit. What is that? I think that's like a sketch or something. What are they, fucking gay? The secrets of...

That's why Monica Lewinsky got in trouble. She was blowing the president. She's got the secret services job. It's crazy. He was getting gucked off at work, though. Yeah. The president of the United States. They all were.

That's so cool. Yes. That's so cool. Monica ruined it for everybody. Just from some Jewish girl yeah just like some like

you'd think it would be like an official position Nick and I were talking about it right right you're hired just to blow

yeah yeah dude he's got a lot on his table it's like a fluffer in a porn time yeah there's no way we're coordinating

schedules with the first lady but like it's actually no that's precisely what you do you just look at her There's no way we're coordinating schedules with the first lady. It's actually the nightmare. No, that's precisely what you do. You just look at her book and be like, all right, well, Carla. It's crazy. She was hot.

Dude, in the 90s, that was hot. In the 90s. The Guckmeister. The president was getting sucked. Dude, dude. Imagine holding on that umbrella. That smile. Blowing you.

Yeah, like, clear like the shoulder pads. I was like. Jesus. Yeah, dude. But you got to remember, in the 90s, you could be the star of a movie

with that look. Yeah. You could be the star of a movie. Yeah, you could. Come on. Yeah, you could. What movie? Chasing Amy or something?

That's not Chasing Amy. That's running away from Amy. That's close to Chasing Amy. That's her friend who's like, you'll never find the right man. 100%. You can't have it all, a career and the right man?

That's the friend character. She looks like the... Vodica. She looks like the matchmaker that never finds a husband. Yeah, of course. She's just really great at fucking... That's the unfuckables. That's the unfuckables.

She's the leader of the unfuckables. She was getting it in. Surprising the unfuckables. He was like, hi. Hi, how's it going? How do you feel about... We were just talking about this on the podcast. She was getting it in Surprising the unfuckables He was like Hi Hi How's it going How do you feel about We were just talking about this

On the podcast Dude Staring at the fucking That big chunk of Hot dog in the front of his face Who Bill Apparently he's the sexiest man alive

Apparently What Apparently in person No it's his charisma He was undeniable Yeah Yeah yeah He's charisma I could not deny it Like crystal Crystal blue eyes Yeah Apparently Apparently in person No it's his charisma He was undeniable Yeah Yeah yeah His charisma

You could not deny it Like crystal Crystal blue eyes Yeah Yeah just sparkling Yeah And it's kind of like Pre-internet

He knew so much Yeah but every chick Was just mid He was like Tiger He was like Tiger 100% Yeah Tiger's last Jewish girlfriend

That wouldn't fucking leave And he had to change the locks Pretend to take her on a vacation What happens? This girl that he dated for like years Who? Hope Solo? No, she That's the girl who put her leather cheerio out there

Who was the skiing chick? There was a Swedish chick She's got a name like Churchill Downs It's not Hope Solo It was that soccer chick It was a name like Churchill Downs or something like that. It's not Hope So-On. It sounds like another character in the movie. It was a horse called Churchill Downs. She does. Peek-A-Boo Street?

No. Not Peek-A-Boo Street. I forgot about Peek-A-Boo Street. It's so fucking serious. Did I get it? Did I get it? I think it was... Like the youngest kid just jumping in.

Peek-A-Boo Street was like, I know that's like SI for kids. Yeah, dude. It was always like Grant Hill. Yeah, Grant Hill was huge. Alexi Lawless. Alexi Lawless, Peek-a-boo Street. Grant Hill with the ears. No, he dated that Swedish girl.

That's why he's... Ewan. Yeah, she looks like an elf. That's why his kids look all fucked up. Apparently the kid, the boy, Charlie... He's a stud, up. Apparently the kid, the boy, Charlie. He's a stud, dude.

Apparently he's nasty. Dude, you don't see this. Apparently he's winning by like 10 strokes. It's crazy. He's killing the kids. He's beating pros. Not true. I'm so hyped.

Hole to hole. That's not my point. What was I just talking about? Are you going to be sports dads? Is that the plan for you guys? Oh my God. I'm already a sports dad. I'm just waiting on a child. Yeah, me too. I'm thinking golf. I'm going to go golf. Tennis. Golf, tennis. I'm going to be sports dads? Is that the plan for you guys? Oh, my God. I'm already a sports dad. I'm just waiting on a child.

Yeah, me too. I'm thinking golf. I'm going to go golf. Tennis. Golf, tennis. I'm going to go golf. I played football, baseball, and basketball, but I wish I played only golf. But mind games.

Playing mind games with that little fucker. Makes you strong. Do you know about Agassi's dad? Agassi's dad was like a psychopath. Yeah, that's why he has no hair. Yeah. All the stress. That's why he was the best.

Took all the hair off his head. He'd be like 12. He'd be like 12, and he'd be like- It's not real. no hair. All the stress. That's why he was the best. He'd be like 12. He'd be like 12 and he'd be like... It's not real. I'm just fucking around. He's from Vegas. He's from Vegas. He'd be like 12. He'd be like...

He'd have him... He's like, all right, you're going to play this adult. And you'd look at him and he'd be like, if you lose... I'm going to beat the fuck out of you. He's a degenerate gambler. He's like, if you you lose our family loses our home Now go out there beat this adult Puts so much pressure on them. I'm gonna play those kind of mind that it would be fucking more sad

But be so tiger's got a fucking cannon to Tiger's dad Tiger's dad was like just getting pussy Tigers that was a fucking cannon too. Tiger's dad Tiger's dad was like just getting pussy. Tiger's dad was a fucking yeah. He was just getting pussy. Philandering meat bag. He was just cheating on his mom in front of Tiger while he was like training.

He was using Tiger's clout to get pussy. His mom's just walking through flower gardens. So sick. I can't wait. He's fucking baby drop. He's like baby gnaws dad.

I can't wait for Denzel Friedland. He's fucking baby. I can't wait for it. Baby. I can't wait for Denzel Friedland. He's going to be Ashley crushing kids. His mom looks so sweet. Just think his dad's like digging out these fucking fans on the road in the van. He used to take him in the van. Just like finger him. Yeah. The van was on the course.

Yeah. Papa tiger. Just walking some young fucking girl in there. Yeah. Earl. The psychopath. Earl. His name was Earl. Earl. Yeah. God. was on the course yeah the papa tiger just walking some young fucking girl in there yeah god he looked like sweaty roast beef sandwich yeah imagine unwrapping his fucking golf pants and for the army pants because he was like a vet he's a maniac he kind of looked like same disposition yes that crazy calm yeah you know talks a lot with your eyes he lied about He did look like compound. Same disposition. Yes. That crazy, calm. Yeah. You know, talks a lot with your eyes.

He lied about the weapons of mass destruction. He did. That's what the girls would say. That's crazy. That's still crazy America did that. It's crazy that we're like, yeah, yeah, we know. Just trust us. It has made it up. Yeah, yeah.

Just some drunk guy that they talked to one time some drunk like Arab guy was like yeah they got him yellow cake don't worry they got it don't worry they just told the entire world and they made a black guy do it if they were wrong the black guy

was the man he was so fucked up or brilliant didn't Cheney tell that lady at the New York Times That guy was the best. He was so fucked up. Or brilliant. Or brilliant, yeah. Didn't Cheney tell that lady at the New York Times, and then she wrote an article about it, and then he was on the news that day, and he was like, look, it's not just me saying it. It's in the New York Times.

And it was like he was being quoted in the New York Times. There's an aura Boris of bullshit. This is who I was thinking about on the podcast the other day. Who? Cheney. I couldn't think of his dumb name. Cheney? was thinking about on the podcast the other day. Who? Chaney. I couldn't think of his dumb name. Chaney? Yeah, because we were throwing that.

Is he alive? On Bert's tour. I think he's alive. I think he is. Yeah, he's still alive. He's still alive. Yeah. He almost died like 12 times. Dude.

When he. The guy can't pick his arm up. Well, he killed that guy and took his soul. He shot his friend in the face. Yeah. And then everyone was like, oh, it's okay. Don't worry about it. Yeah. But I couldn't lift my arm

from throwing a baseball. Yeah, that's why his shoulder was singed from being in a bamboo cage in the water in Vietnam. No, I think that's... No, that's McCain. Yeah, I think that was McCain. That's McCain.

McCain is dead. He's in hell. He's rotten. No, McCain. McCain is dead. He's in hell. He's rotten. He's in hell. McCain. I see his face. He can mix them up. Do you remember when he was running against Obama?

Everyone said that this was a moment of honor in politics. McCain's at a town hall and some lady's like, and I know for a fact that that is a Muslim. And then he goes, no, we can't say that.

We can't say that. And everyone's like, this is honor in politics. We have to sell it. We can't say that he's a Muslim. People are like, thank God. He pulled us back from the brink. Thank God he lied about he's a Muslim. People are like, thank God. He pulled us back from the brink. Thank God he lied about Obama being a Muslim. We're going to go Patreon.

Yeah, Patreon. Dude, thanks for coming. Do you have anything you want to plug? Subscribe to the Adam Friedland Show on YouTube. We're trying to build our channel. It's so good, dude. We realized that we had to start doing that. We've done it now in the last month.

But it's grown nicely. We're doing the same thing. We felt like we were a bundle of sticks. We thought it was for for like gindaloons. Women doing their hair. Yes.

And nerds unboxing toys. Yes. But apparently it's big business these days. We're talking vacuum money, baby. Watch the talk show. We put a lot of work into it. Two really good ones coming out. I'll tell you who the next guests are after.

I already know. You know one of them. You know both of them? I don't know. I know one don't know, I know one Are you hyped on that one? Yes, very hyped on that one I had a night We had a night I'll show you pigs I had a night with him

Nice Oh, I know who you're talking about I think they know probably I think people will figure it out he put me on his Instagram story but yeah oh sick anyway

alright later thanks