Stuff Island - Stuff Island #93 - They'll Never Know w/ Devan Costa & Conner McNutt
Episode Date: August 9, 2023- Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the patch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish. It's a ...goddamn blast, folks - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Devan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/?hl=en - Follow Conner on IG: https://www.instagram.com/420naughtyboy/?hl=en Go to mintmobile.com/stuff for just $15/month! Go to betterhelp.com/stuffisland for 10% off your first month! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Guys, we have said a bunch of stuff.
Thanks for stopping by.
No, we gotta pretend.
We gotta pretend this is the first one.
It's good to see you guys.
Yeah, good to see you too, man.
How are you guys?
Where are you coming in from again?
Um, L.A.
Is your dad dead?
He died a while back.
I literally forget the riff that that happened in.
I've forgotten everything we just did.
I have no clue where I am.
Dude, I'm telling you, that was a fucking rollercoaster.
It was a wild ride.
Your dad is so funny to me.
The amount of times I've spent with your dad without you is so funny.
That's crazy.
My dad's one of those guys that he sets up.
My dad is...
He sold one screenplay. He's kind of a
failed screenwriter.
And he taught at
DeVry. Oh, yeah. My whole life.
We got a couple of those. I love my dad. He's a very
passionate person. He loves movies. That's like a DMV
for Waterheads, right?
Yep.
Then what's the DMV for? Yeah.
You graduate...
You graduate as your shit for brands.
It's minor leagues.
You got to go up in water heads.
But your dad's like an intellectual.
He's an intellectual, but he's a real fuck up,
like horrible business acumen,
like thinks he's a businessman.
Everything he does is a massive mistake.
He's the type of guy that meets a guy at a coffee shop
and gives him like $8,000.
And then my mom screams at him.
What? Who can't afford?
What are you talking about? He's that guy.
My dad, at one point,
he's really into
I think the word is credentialism.
If anyone tells him a list
of shit that they went to good colleges
and that type of shit, he
just falls. He's like Willie Loman.
It's just crazy. He's like willie lowman like it's this crazy
And so yeah, he's that's of a salesman. Yeah, that's very good. Don't you buddy?
Can we clip that?
Can we fucking clip that all you people think I'm a dumb fucking greasy walk
You think I can't remember the most famous play of all time?
You got to go and ruin it.
Disrespectful monk.
I think your dad has like face blindness though.
Or maybe it's just with me.
He doesn't remember any of my friends.
He's one of those guys that doesn't give a flying fuck about my friends or anybody.
I'd be at Devin's place for hours talking to his dad.
He's in the living room.
He's watching TV with us.
And then there was this bar in Eagle Rock in LA
called the Eagle Rock Lounge.
I like this.
There was one time I was hanging out
and your dad was just there.
You were not there.
Talking to your dad for hours,
thinking he knows who I am.
No.
And then eventually I was like,
yeah, so anyway, Devin and I the other day
were doing this thing.
He was like, Devin who?
I went, Costa, your son?
And he went, you know Devin?
And I was like, what the fuck, dude?
Yeah, that's why I thought we were talking this whole time.
Dude.
That's him.
I got a buddy like that, and I run into his dad on the street,
and I'll always be like, yeah, what's going on?
And he'll go, hey.
Yeah.
That's the same face my dad gives.
My dad, to save his life,
can't remember a single one of my friends.
Except for the three core high school friends.
Yeah.
Even Devin, who he's met a million times,
he's like, which one is that again?
He literally goes, who are you hanging out?
I'm like, they've been in my life for a decade.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Literally 10 years.
He's like, Shane's coming over.
And my dad's like, oh, yeah?
Okay.
And then it's just like, well, you know what's going on, right?
Or Chris, this is how I fell in love with your mother.
Oh, my God.
Yeah. Because when I go to his parents' house, I beeline, after I hug his father, I beeline to his mother and talk about, like, food stuff. Talk about, like, blueberry muffins
and fucking coleslaw and shit.
What'd you make this with?
My mom's just like...
How long? What's the temperature of the oven?
You know what?
Now I know how you feel about me,
because this is the most disrespectful thing.
No, it isn't. Well, I'm trying you feel about me because this is the most disrespectful thing.
No, it isn't.
Well, I'm trying to tell you
I love your mom.
It's beautiful.
It is beautiful.
There's a beautiful language
that she doesn't speak
with anybody else.
She's trapped in this little area.
Yeah, but you know
what you're doing, though,
also, when you beeline
to the mom.
Yeah, but I care about
what she cares about
and she can't fucking...
She's not...
It's another language.
Sure.
She's on an island
with another fucking being
and they're speaking
different language. So when I come in
let's talk food let's talk
baked goods let's talk about
lasagna and stuff and then we go through
the ingredients and you see her just like melt
like thank you
I would imagine that's important for a father
or a mother your mom liked to cook
yeah so you're like a
wizard to her
they're waiting for an Italian man
to come in the room. You were the friend.
What are you doing to the sauce?
You put wine over the noodles?
I'm not some
negligent son.
I'm in there where she tries to talk to me about cooking.
I'm in there, interested. I'm asking about ingredients.
I'm like, I'm paying attention.
I'll let her spin the yarn.
Yeah, but you're right, Chris.
But the mother to the son thing is you're always in a high chair.
She doesn't give a shit.
She doesn't hear your words.
It's like the example of when you showed her, just talked about this.
That was insane, yeah.
So we got done this look at this episode where we went out tuna fishing.
And then we ended up catching striped bass.
Striped bass. And our videographer captured drone footage of whales, humpback whales breaching.
It's like the most beautiful footage in the world.
He hasn't seen his mother in a while.
This feels like a fat joke or something.
No, no.
Chris, we're going to see your mother.
I saw this beach whale.
I thought of Chris's mom.
So I threw a sardine in her forehead.
Am I going to eat that one?
No, he's showing this beautiful... It's a sperm whale.
Now my look, they're hunting pets like you and your sister.
You and your barb walking down the street.
No, he's showing this footage on the phone.
And she got through like, and it's like, it's unbelievable footage.
It was literally the day after it happened.
She was like, what have you been doing?
And I was like, we just went, we watched whales.
Look at this.
And I was showing her the footage and she went, oh, you want lasagna?
Yeah, dude.
She literally goes,
you wanna take lasagna home with ya?
Dude, her eyes shifted from the camera
and she looked right at it and says,
yes, what, lasagna or something to eat?
It's like, this is, it's literally planet Earth.
Yeah.
We captured planet Earth.
They don't care.
But they don't care.
They don't give a shit.
They don't give a fuck shit but also they go looks like your father
it bypasses the son
this is the point
it's like
the way your father
interacts with him
the way
his mother interacts with me
or his father
we love
playing toss
in the backyard
yeah you and my dad
got along
pretty good
it's just the best
if you skip your buddy
and then hang out with their parents,
they get more information about how your life is going
through the vessel of your voice than he could ever tell them
because there's a blinder there.
Yes, you're right.
You're actually 100% right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The friends do more for what's going on in your life
by orating it to your parents than actions you do.
Oh, yes.
Absolutely.
Or girlfriends.
You hit the one-year mark with a girlfriend.
The parents beeline to them and be like, how's Tom?
How is he?
Is he good?
Is he happy?
And she'll tell the truth.
Because I guess they inherently just don't trust you.
They don't trust their bloodline.
They don't like themselves.
They don't like who they got with. They don't trust anyone in the family.
They need an outside observer.
Because my mom's going, you hid
fat black nude magazines
behind your dresser and lied
to me about it. You told it was Brian.
I had a fucking, dude, I don't know what it was
called, but I had a
CVS bag full of
fat black nude mags
behind my dresser that I would pound out to.
You and my brother.
Holy shit.
My brother got in so much...
My brother crashed the family computer one time, like just riddled it with viruses.
And my dad...
There's too many fat black nudes.
My dad went on like an investigation.
They're dead, dude.
He became Columbo and like raided his room.
And he found a DVD, which... Oh myided his room. He found a DVD, which
oh my god, dude.
He found a DVD that was labeled
literally cunts and blunts.
The cover of it
was just an exposed vagina
with a blunt coming out of it.
My dad was like,
this is unacceptable.
To a point where it almost felt racist.
I remember my dad going through the internet history
and he was bothered by the porn
but my brother was looking up fetish
shit where he's like, fat women?
What the fuck?
He was so upset by BBW porn
and black
porn that I was like, this feels a little
coded a little bit.
Because, dude, I got a
charcuterie board on my fucking porno.
I got a little bit of everything.
Dude, at one point my parents put the family
computer... A little midget honey on some bruchette.
That'll fucking send me.
At one point my parents put the family computer
in my bedroom and I was like, do you guys have any idea what you're doing?
Wait what? I was like this is the most reckless shit of all time, but luckily I was like
Connor keep it secret
Oh my god
We don't want any more black women on this computer
I'm just like on porn I'm being like Aryan porn
yeah yeah yeah
the whitest skinniest lady possible
your dad bought ExpressVPN just to hide it
we had that
sponsor for a while and we were just like what is this
it's so you can fucking get away with
hiring a hitman
I like the idea they put it in your room it's all Mexican
porn and they're like
what's wrong with our kids
I'm like
I'm looking for my fucking wife
it's really like a dating app
yeah dude
I don't know
I was so lucky though
because like my brother
had like riddled with viruses
so I had like a blanket over me
I was like
it's fine
whatever new virus
I put on it
I just blame that guy
you know
I'm like no
he broke into my room and he jerked off and watched porn that's what i did to my brother the
bag was found my mother's like whose is this and i was like it's my brother yeah i'm gonna say his
name but i was like yeah it's him obviously yeah like mom i'm 11 now the first time i got caught
like like where they she saw the history i it was the worst moment of my life like i was so panicked
you know and i remember i i think i said like i don't know like i might as well have been like the history, it was the worst moment of my life. I was so panicked.
And I remember, I think I said, I don't know,
I might as well have been like, these guys that came in.
They looked poor, they ran out.
They jerked me off.
They took my wallet.
We gotta call the cops.
They came all over my pants and left.
They went that way.
Dude.
Isn't it weird, though, how there was...
Dude, that's my...
I'm sorry, Chris.
My favorite Gilbert Gottfried joke.
I'm going to say...
Dude, it's so fucking good.
He goes...
We interrupt this program for a Gilbert Gottfried joke.
This episode is sponsored by Gilbert Gottfried. R.I.P. Gilly. We interrupt this program. This episode is sponsored by Gilbert Gottlieb.
R.I.P. Gilly.
I can make that.
No, he goes.
This one guy's at a bar.
This one guy's at a bar.
And he gets drunk and he throws up all over his shirt.
And he's like, oh shit, my wife's going to be so pissed.
How am I going to get by with this?
He goes, it's easy.
Just tell her somebody threw up all over you.
You put a $10 bill in your top pocket.
So he paid me.
He tossed off all over me.
He goes, all right.
So the guy goes home to his wife.
And she goes, oh my God, what happened?
He goes, well, a guy threw up on my shirt and put a $10 bill in my pocket. And she goes, oh my God, what happened? He goes, well, a guy threw up on my shirt
and put a $10 bill in my pocket.
And she goes,
why is it a 20?
He goes,
he also shit my pants.
Dude,
the fucking thunderous roar
when you hear that joke
in a comedy club.
He also shit my pants.
Un-fucking-believable.
Breaking news, a second
Gilbert has hit the tower.
Now this is the one!
This is the one!
This is the one!
Let's go!
LFG! This is the one! This is the one! This is the one! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
LFG!
Dude, that first hour was Tower 7, dude.
It came down.
It came down eventually, but it's a mystery.
It took way too long.
Some suspicious activity.
I don't...
In my mind, because I...
Whatever. The internet... I was worried about viruses with porn. Yeah. I don't in my mind because I whatever the internet
I was worried about viruses
with porn it did
translate over into worrying about
like getting viruses
actually in real life sex
like
because my computer
hates
the hard drive has warts outside of it?
Oh, fuck! It's got a cold sore today!
You're like, Mom's gonna be pissed!
It always seemed weird to me that it was like,
it always felt like the only place you could get viruses on your computer
was from looking at your poor sleep.
You're like, my computer has HIV and PrEP is paying a Kenyan man $800.
Just like the DVD and the HPV.
You're getting DVDs of PrEP.
Shoving it up your ass.
You're getting Norton anti-PREP.
So you were like a little more delicate about throwing the meat around?
Yeah, I always associated that.
You're afraid of, like,
getting, like, something.
Yeah, because it was, like,
the same time that in school
you were getting that conversation
about, like, STDs
and stuff like that.
And then you'd go home,
you'd be looking at porn,
and there'd be, like, virus.
You know what I mean?
You're like,
what is it about?
Why can't someone give me a virus
just by looking at, you know,
ESPN?
I didn't think of any of that shit.
Porn just fucked me up like
meat like sexually. Like the
first time I had sex I might as well have brought like
nine men and a martini glass.
I was like
let's do this bitch. You're 14
like I got a bunch of dudes
wearing confederate flag jackets
and they're gonna come in your face
and then we're gonna drink it
and I'm just
you're just standing there
like Indiana Jones
with a gun
being like
let's go baby
I'm at prom
like get in the bus
17 year olds all being like
well I wore my
white Air Force One
so what do you want
from me
that's like
I think that is
kind of like a benefit
of being my age
where like
we didn't have
computers like to
like searching for porn
computers
came in college
I'm 43
so like
you got your
I know it's gross
really the first time
you've ever said that
the way you did it
I've been working on it
ew
that was like a
king speech
you're like
you guys are just like
I don't fuck it
no I used to jerk off to like 43 dude shut up I used to beat off
to fucking old porn mag like ripped out like on the trolley tracks we'd like
wrinkle it out and like holy shit this is like so is like so sick. Porn magazines were the only way
you could beat off.
Yeah, yeah.
So I got to the point
where like my father
started having like VHSs
and I get all fucking
worked up on like old school porn,
like 80s porn stars.
And then,
so sex wasn't like,
like young,
if you had sex with a younger woman
at my age,
they get fucking nuts.
They do shit that's like,
whoa, this is like...
Because they're consuming this
at an adolescent age
through their sexual progression
and growth,
and they're just like,
well, this is what normal people do.
So as soon as you get in the door,
some chick's just like spitting on your bird.
You're like,
I just met you at a dart league.
This is nuts. And she's like, choke me. It're like, I just met you at a dart league. Right. This is nuts.
Right.
And she's like,
choke me.
It's like,
I said tacos.
You've really been
at a VFW
since you were like
15 years old.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A little old school.
Now I still spit and choke.
Are those shoes
from the VA?
Those are
medical.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I had to get a script.
My grandfather fought in Normandy
and I get free shoes now.
If you smell what you smell like a hot dog.
You guys are being real jerks this episode.
No.
I'm like flip-flop again.
I'm not sure.
I look old, I think.
No. You guys, I think.
I grew up... I thought the way the internet worked
that I just got more access to it
as I got older. I didn't realize it was growing
with me.
You know what I mean?
So it was like...
Your dad was giving you more parental codes?
Yeah, yeah. He's literally like...
He's 18 now, huh? Drop it.
You're like, I grew an inch and also, wow, anal's a big thing. Your dad's in He's literally like... He's 18 now, hun. Drop it. You're like, I grew an inch and also...
Wow, anal's a big thing.
You're definitely in the room like...
You're definitely in the room like...
Deploy the pog.
Show him the butthole, hun.
He's 16.
No, I was literally like...
Happy birthday.
He just won his swim meet
and also cream pies are very prevalent.
Out of nowhere.
What are the odds?
That's literally what it was.
Like, I remember like elementary school was like Apple IIs.
Middle school, like you had the internet.
It was like, oh my God.
And it was like dial up or whatever.
And there was that thing where it was like, as I got older,
it's like you started printing out like a picture of just a naked lady.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There was short like 30.
Christy Canyons.
Look her up.
Holy Christmas.
Carmen Electra.
Carmen Electra.
The best.
We're talking about bigots, dude.
It wasn't her, but you remember that thing on LimeWire going around where it was Carmen Electra pool table scene?
And it was this chick that looked just like Carmen Electra getting railed on top of a pool table.
And it was going around like LimeWire back in the day. No? Alright, well, I look weird now.
It's on my phone. I'm going to watch it after this.
Was there a chat feature on LimeWire?
No, but it was just one. It was like you would type in like Carmen Electra and it was the first
thing that came up. Like Carmen Electra pool table scene. You know, that was like how LimeWire
worked. Is that if I remember correctly?
I don't.
You don't remember LimeWire? I was, yeah I remember I don't I don't know I was yeah I ripped music you were too busy
focusing on your growth yeah I somehow went right from Napster to like I don't
know to like YouTube yeah does that make sense was there porn on YouTube back in the day
no it wasn't right if anything it's like less restricted now.
It used to be like nothing on there.
Yeah, yeah.
And you would download literally like 15 second clips of something.
Yeah.
That like took forever to download and it would be like...
It would be line by line.
You remember when YouTube was just the square?
And you would like the early days and you could watch like full Chappelle's show seasons
and like it was like it was just open game days and you could watch like full Chappelle's show seasons and like it was like
it was just open
open game
like you could watch
full movies
I think this is why
I'm addicted to
mature porn now
it's because I only
had access to
my father's
wheelhouse of VHS's
that's absolutely why
it was all
the Bush and
heavy hangers
just jacking off
like Ida Lupino
and like old actresses
and I've said this
before in the pod
but I would have to take
My dad had a fucking
Tower of Pisa
Of porn
A porn of Pisa
And I'd have to
Memorize the angles
Of where I would
Slide one out
Pop it
He had
He had a
TV VCR
Built in one
In the
In the
Bedroom
And that was like
Yeah
94 we're talking Oh yeah Yeah that's pretty phew. 94, we're talking.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's pretty great.
We're talking the year I was born.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not the point.
So you pop it in
and I have to memorize
when it started.
So it would just be some dude
with like fake palm trees
in the background
just getting sucked off.
And I'd start hammering out
and I only have like 30 seconds before my brother gets home from high school so that's how i i also know how to come
in very quickly yeah i only come to thumbnails on on pornhub using that as an excuse what you do you
go to pornhub you just jack off to the thumbnails yeah you don't have time in and out what because
it's about your brother's still coming home feeling i don't need to fucking light a candle
smoke a cigar using that as an excuse for coming early,
being like, you don't understand.
I trained myself for this.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, this is also...
I'm decent on game day, dude.
We're talking about practice without pads.
No, and then I'd have to...
Also, taking a long time to cum is overrated.
Coming fast.
It's crazy.
No, it's like, who cares about them?
Coming fast.
No, no.
Coming fast.
I agree. Get the fucking gather. Coming fast is the hottest thing you can, it's like who cares about them coming? No
Great fucking going fast. You can do I'm talking about it's a compliment. Yeah, and they're beauty I'm talking about you get to go watch TV. Yeah, it's still and that's great, but it is proud
I mean, it's okay. We get you for me good
But it's like practice you come fast on the thing like in your boxing corner I'm like putting Vaseline on your eyes. I'm like Get back in there. Get back in there, buddy. But it's like practice. You come fast on the thing.
I'm like in your boxing corner.
I'm like putting Vaseline on your eyes.
I'm like, get back in there.
It's about masturbation, not sex.
I know.
We know.
Get out there, rock.
Why do you keep saying when you're having sex?
You gotta come, rock.
I'm saying that practice makes perfect.
You come fast in the practice sessions.
You can come fast in the real thing. And the goal is to come fast. The goal is to come fast in the practice sessions, you can come fast in the real thing, and that's...
And the goal is to come fast.
And what he initially was saying...
The goal is to come fast.
It's not.
Was that it also is a compliment to the woman you're with if you come fast, because it means
you're so hot.
I came so quick.
Not what's in a relationship, though, that you're so hot.
We were doing so well.
No, no, no.
We were doing so well on this hour.
I think we're still doing fast.
I think I mean, Tony, you really, you got this like Larry David in you.
It's just let me finish the fucking point.
Tommy!
Tommy!
Let Tommy finish the point.
It's not gonna fucking matter now.
No, it is, dude.
No, no, no, keep going. Please.
You can last long when you're fucking.
What?
That's what you were saying.
That's not the point!
Shut the fuck up! Let me finish it!
Alright. Damn. The point is, you gotta remember where you come, That's what you were saying. That's not the point. Shut the fuck up. Let me finish it. All right.
Damn.
The point is,
you got to remember where you come,
and you got to rewind.
You got to remember where you come?
Yeah.
On the VHS.
If you fucking die,
you're going to shut the fuck up.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.
I got to watch the porn my dad watched.
I got to start where my dad ended.
I got to end where I end. I got to go back start where my dad ended. I gotta end where I end.
I gotta go back to where my dad ended.
That's so good.
So after I came, before my brother gets in,
I gotta go,
and you gotta get back to that dude
getting sucked off with the fake palm trees.
Yeah.
And then I gotta remember where I went down.
So I would remember one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
And then I'd pick up six, put seven in,
make sure the little corner's out, rack it back. That's six, seven. And then I'd pick up six, put seven in, make sure little corners out,
rack it back.
That's so... Wow, I didn't know
Italians followed their parents even in
jacking off.
I used the same sock
my dad came in. That's the way my father
came, that's the way my grandpa came.
God damn it,
I'm gonna come that way too.
Yo, I'm a seventh-generation comer.
You know what?
I like the idea that it became like a Cold War kind of like spy versus spy thing,
where he's trying to leave it at places that don't weird you out.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, he knows you're watching, so you're like,
Dad came at just the talking part?
That's weird.
You know what I mean?
Like, he's unintentionally fucking.
It was like ad libs for horny wops.
We got there though.
I never got caught.
I never got caught drinking.
I never got caught either.
No.
There was no locks on doors in my house.
Nightmare.
Uh-oh.
Everybody was punching a clown.
I got caught by my college roommate once.
That doesn't count.
I'm talking about parents.
That's fine.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you know I think I got caught by Jesse Joyce,
who was the OG in this house?
Yeah, I think I met Jesse, yeah.
I stayed on this couch when I first moved here in, like,
I think, like, 2013 or something.
But Jono delay
was in the middle room the railroad room that you stayed in for a while so I just
rocked this couch cuz knowing Jesse was going back to LA and it was like I left
it the kitchen light was on and it was dark as fucking here so like the the
change from dark to light yeah yeah huge he's an avatar you like a paranormal activity jerk yeah
it gets me on he's a big dude he's a giant man yeah and he caught me beating off and we just
never talked about dude i i there is one time where my mom went through my like history on my
computer and like just clearly saw that i was like looking at porn, but she delivered that in the middle of like,
she had picked me up from school and was mad about my grades.
And so we were having a fight about my grades and teachers.
And then she delivered the porn thing.
It was like a fucking liver shot,
dude.
Like I was all,
I was all protected.
Like I knew how to fight off the thing. And then she just hit me and I was like protected up. I knew how to fight off the great thing.
And then she just hit me and I was like,
literally one knee on the canvas.
There's truly nothing more embarrassing.
Why are you looking at my computer like that?
Yeah.
It was bad.
But it's also so weird that that generation,
because porn was new to them, like internet porn.
I couldn't imagine doing that to my son one day.
No, I would just be like, I wouldn't say anything.
Of course he's doing that.
Of course.
Yeah.
It's weird.
It's like perverted.
To call it out.
Widgets.
It's a very.
Trans porn. Dude sucking dude. Transporn!
Dude sucking dude.
I'll study more.
I promise I'll study more.
I swear to God.
I'm going to take extracurricular activities.
You're right.
Biology is something we're studying.
Is my beard flying through this?
Is it coming through?
Oh, yeah.
Big time.
Sick.
I didn't know how fast this fucking thing would take off,
but I do have this, like, raccoon stripe.
It's kind of consistent on both sides, which is neat.
You know?
It looks nice.
Might work out.
It's for filming something that I have to grow this for.
But, all right.
Mint Mobile.
This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile.
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So me and, if you get married, you have a family?
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Who is it? Ryan Reynolds.
Got it.
This episode is also brought to you
by BetterHelp, another fucking thing I haven't done.
This is one I
should do. I think we
all should. It says therapy is amazing
but I can't tell you that. I hear
from the grapevine
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They're doing it a fourth time. This is not fucking...
They died.
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Maybe we didn't say it enough one time.
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I swear to God.
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Yeah.
We're getting a B.
That's a B plus at least.
I don't have a personal endorsement, but I made it mine.
I'm going to watch the rest of this.
Oh, fuck, dude.
I don't know.
It's just weird.
If my son was jerking off,
I'd just go, yeah, of course he is.
It's kind of incestuous and strange
to bring it up.
I think so, too.
It's like, why do I know you're...
You're jerking off on the computer
and not to your mother?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's weird.
It's on you.
But at the same time,
if you don't investigate it,
won't you be looking at him the whole time
wondering if he's jerking off?
No, because he is jerking off.
Wait, wait, wait.
I just left my lips.
I realized how weird it is.
Do not talk over this.
We need to hear this.
You know what I'm saying?
You're like, is this...
The parents are like, is my kid asexual?
What's my son doing?
Yeah, what is he up to?
If he's not beaten off?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's loading his gun.
Wouldn't it be weird?
Yeah, that's a problem with kids.
Wouldn't it be weird if at 16 you started looking around his computer and then there was nothing?
He's into like biophysics.
Yeah, yeah.
He's just disciplined.
I'd actually be more...
I'd be ashamed.
I'd be ashamed.
I'd be studying instead of jacking off,
I would be genuinely weirded out.
Learning how to build a bridge instead of burning it?
The bridges already exist.
Jack off!
Learn how to beat a urine test, you fiend.
Oh, you think you're going to invent the bridge?
No, it'll become ropes, Billy.
Yeah.
Impregnate the barista, you fucking moron.
You're gonna be humiliated with your first sexual experience, you dumbass.
Meanwhile, he's got the...
They're annoyed.
They're depressed.
They're like, he probably, it was probably 10 seconds.
Meanwhile, he's studying.
They're in the kitchen screaming at each other.
He's going to be fine.
He's got a huge cock.
The rain, he's not busting roads.
Sharon, I told him to have a few drinks before.
Meanwhile, he just finally breaks in.
What, you think she's going to stick around if it just dribbles out?
I heard it was pre-cuff.
He could have kept going.
He just runs in the living room
and he's like,
guys, stop fighting.
I was trying to perfect
the reverse cowgirl
with the bridge of my dick.
They all just start hugging.
And the son's just like,
while you guys were playing checkers,
I was playing chess.
Both parents just get into bed.
It's like, parenting's hard.
That's a good Prudential commercial we just did right there.
Nice life insurance commercial.
The whale breaches.
Man, I just like, I don't know.
I was, I got fucked up as a kid with like sex.
I thought I was going to be like a pussy guy in high school.
I really did.
I was like, I'm going to get laid a lot.
I just got fucked so hard by like two different girls.
I like, not literally fucked, but just like mentally fucked by the girls.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dude, Chris was telling me a story.
Can you tell the story again?
We talked about it on Bobby Kelly.
Because I think this is a theory the kid that jumped in the
grand canyon oh oh i think i thought you were talking about a different story which is like
the girl that i wound up like dating in eighth grade and kind of dating through junior year of
high school was like so she was like she had the sexual prowess of like a 35 year old woman yes
she's like my age and i do I do think that fucked me up.
Dude, I got a crazy story.
I think this really fucked me up for all of
high school. So when I was in ninth grade,
there's a girl named, it doesn't matter
what her name is, but she was so hot.
And the same thing. Desiree.
Courtney. What's her social?
Her name was Courtney. And I was like
in love with her. But the same
thing. It was like a sexual prowess of an older woman. And I was so obsessed with hery and I was like in love with her shoes so I but the same thing is like a sexual prowess of like an older woman and uh and I like was so obsessed with her and I was too afraid to
talk to her in person so I was like I'm just gonna message her on myspace and that'll be that I'm
like taking a plunge it's like a few days before summer vacation and I go on my myspace page I
bring up her page and I freak out I'm like like, I can't. I'm coming. I'm coming so hard.
Don't stop. Don't stop.
Don't stop.
I thought I had sinned.
But I'm freaking
out. I'm like, fuck. I don't know
what to say. And I walk away and I had this like pep talk
with myself. I was like, just be a bad
boy, dude. This girl wants a bad boy.
You can be a bad boy. So I go on the computer
and I literally write, what's up dumbass and i hit send it's not a bad boy i thought you were gonna say like i so i
raped her yeah no yeah so i need i need something bad i i freak out and i was like oh fuck dude that
was a huge mistake two seconds later she dms me back she goes oh my god hi
i've been meaning to talk to you here's my number text me and i was like bad boy worked that's
incredible right so summer vacation had just started i'm texas girl for like two months
non-stop right i'm in love with her with inside jokes everything and then we like try to meet up
a few times but i was out of town she was out of town and then one day she asked me this question she goes hey i don't mean to get personal but like
did you ever fuck hayley and i'm a ninth grade i mean i'm a virgin and i wrote back hayley who
as if i'm some ninth grader who's like fucking all of these hayley's i'm like i gotta think about
this and she goes your ex-girlfriend and I go what are
you talking about and she goes is this not Connor Sullivan and I go no this is Connor McNutt and she
goes oh no she thought I was a different Connor for two whole months I was in love with her dude it fucked me up so bad and then we just like stopped talking
she threw out like a fucking like charity like we can keep talking though and i was like no
but you have to understand in ninth grade i was like five foot i was fat as shit i was in marching
band i thought i had hit the lottery i was like yeah, Courtney wants to fuck. And then you realized you catfished yourself.
I catfished myself.
Oh my god, dude.
But I was like, dude, how does she not read
the fucking name?
Wait, who am I?
Please tell me I'm Cotter Salmon.
Please tell me I'm Cotter Salmon.
She's like Memento.
Just reading the fucking cook notes.
The posted notes on his mirror.
Am I fat?
Yes.
Do I play in a band?
Dude, the show Cheaters as like a fat band leader would be so sick.
Catching these goddamn animals.
Yeah.
And that shit fucked me up so bad, dude.
I had no sex.
I mean, I was like fat as shit.
Like, Connor was fat.
Like, I was fat and hateful.
I was like the fat, vicious, hateful kid.
Yeah.
Well, you were a fat kid at an all-boys school.
Yeah, I was at an all-guys Catholic school.
That makes—
So, yeah, I came in every day, like,
I had like 20 insults ready for everybody.
Same.
The jock, like, I'm like,
if you fucking try me, like—
Thank you, thank you.
So I had respect just cause, like, they were like, well, he will say some mean shit to you. The jock. I'm like, if you fucking try me. So I had respect
just because they were like, well, he will say
some mean shit to you. But yeah,
I was a loser. So all I did was
jack off to the thought of my friend's
girlfriend.
That was all I did.
I'd hang out with them.
We'd all go to the movies. I'd be like, I bet he's getting
jacked off right now. That's so hot.
I'd go to their Facebook that night.
I'd jack off to the thought of them.
Between running roast jokes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Between being like, fuck you, Coach Johnson.
Fuck you, motherfucker.
Yeah.
You're like, I'm like Greg Giraldo right now.
Oh, fuck.
I was literally, I remember I was like,
I remember I was in, I remember I was in
high school and I would be downloading the
Sopranos on a stream.
I would be watching the Sopranos on a stream
and my Korean friend would be fucking his
girlfriend in the other room.
And I'd pause it and jack off.
And jack off to the sound.
Of course.
I literally thought, what are you gonna do?
My whole life.
Dude, I was back in the corner. That's why I tripped off Yeah. What are you going to do? I literally thought... What are you going to do? My whole life. What are you going to do?
Dude, I was back in Laquana.
That's why I tripped over my chair.
What, are you going to blame me for this?
Dude, I would watch... He's supposed to keep downloading the Sopranos.
Keep a thousand of my boys in the sack.
Get the fuck out of here.
What are you doing?
I remember...
Dude, hearing hotel sex from strangers is so hot.
The best.
It's fucking the best.
Because they could be pigs.
Who cares?
How many motels have you just gone?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not a single one.
Well, I haven't actually done that.
You're out of your mind.
I did it as a child.
You never beat off listening to fucking hotel sex?
No.
I've never done that either.
I don't...
Are you...
You book motels just to check up?
Look, times are tough at times. No, I don either. I don't... Are you book motels just to check up? Look, times were tough at times.
No, I don't...
I don't...
I don't know what it is,
but I don't like other people slucking.
Oh, you're slow blinking, dude.
You're bad.
I don't like other people making me cum.
Well, he blinks like one of those dolls you put down
in the 80s.
Yeah.
That I'm into,
but I don't like...
There's a weird thing
it's too personal if you can hear them
I don't like them having that power over me
what do you mean
they're like
we're dominating the guy in the next room
yeah
how dare they
that's who I am
just fleshing
we're disrespecting you.
Yeah.
You're such a control freak.
You're like, I can't even jack off to people.
I don't, yeah.
I jack off to thoughts of me.
Yeah.
With women.
Yeah, that kind of stuff.
That is a weird thing in my head.
I get it.
I don't like to be influenced like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Shut the fuck up. You're not influenced like that. I don't like to be influenced like that. Yeah. Yeah.
Shut the fuck up. Influenced like that.
I don't like to be.
Honestly, when it comes to cumming,
if it's like consensual and not illegal,
who gives a shit?
That's totally non-consensual,
jerking off to someone fucking in the room.
Hold on a second.
How's that not the fuck up?
That is non-consensual.
No, but then by your logic.
If I'm fucking in a hotel room and someone's jerking off.
Has everyone in this room never heard hotel sex and got horned up?
Of course.
Of course.
Yeah.
So speak the fuck up.
You said no.
No, but what I'm saying is.
No, I said I haven't jacked off to it.
But of course.
I haven't jerked off to it.
I've heard it and then I pulled porn out.
Exactly.
Thank you, my friend.
But you did get worked up.
It's like a fluff.
Thank you, guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How much do I owe you, huh?
You can't go over and tip him.
Just like an envelope under the door.
Like a receipt.
He put cash under the door.
Dude, it's like 75 cents.
The cum wasn't that good.
It also makes me laugh more.
Also, your wife's voice is annoying.
Trying to look up like fluffer porn.
Yeah.
And just seeing a guy in a hotel bed going like a
spidey yeah yeah I still was cool
it's cool I'm coming to the bed to
Cardinal or motel six playing whack-a-mole with some fucking couple from Kentucky.
Good Christ.
Are there more Coors Lights in there?
Coors.
Dude, you are...
You are blinking like a Furby right now.
It is insane.
Dude, it's nuts.
Literally, it's like an 80s dog.
Just like low battery Furby.
They're going.
It's not low battery.
They, they, the creation of that doll, when you lay it down, the eyes close and people
are like, whoa.
He's like a smart pet, low on battery.
Yeah.
That's how you know Chris is fucking, he's on the cusp.
No, I do a little transcendental meditation in between.
There we go.
That's what I do.
In between riffs, dude, I'm meditating.
Yeah.
Back.
While you guys are finishing your jokes, I'm just getting rest.
Yeah.
Honestly, I'm at a point now drinking where I'm back in action.
I feel so good.
Yeah.
This is great.
You guys want to do two more hours?
Absolutely.
I'll do another one.
We can do more.
I'll do this all night. I'm having the most fun. I literally don't care. I don't even, two more hours? Absolutely. I'll do another one. We can do more. I'll do this all night.
I'm having the most fun.
I literally don't care.
I don't even...
What is this?
What is this?
This is what people don't realize about podcasting
is that we all want to take the day off.
Yeah.
Okay.
And yet, we're going to drink until three or four in the morning.
You think we want to do this?
You think we want to live like this?
We do this because we have to.
Closer to Caesar, the greater the fear.
We're like first responders, dude.
You don't get it, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We all so casually just go to the bathroom
we're all sitting around we're groggy
and we're going how can we give the fans
the best experience?
Shit-faced.
Absolutely.
Also, I gotta say, the way we pulled together for this episode,
pretty impressive. Yeah, this is good stuff.
It's been a way better episode.
It's not better, but it is. Yeah, it is better, right?
Public.
It's just because of you. The other guy was throwing us off.
Yeah, fuck R.D.B.
The American History X character that was in here earlier.
Wait, this one's public?
Yeah, this one's way better.
Well, let me tell you something.
That Patreon is fucking...
I don't even know if it's way better.
It is a firecracker.
I think this is better.
There's a better flow to it and everything.
Connor just doesn't want to promote the other episode
because it's so good.
No, but I get it.
Connor's afraid of racism.
What a...
How you doing?
You fucking mick.
Irish slurs.
That first hour was fucking wild.
Yeah, that was wild.
That was wild.
That was a lazy river
flowing to the rapids.
That was... I do not endorse anything we said on the first episode.
We will put it out.
What are you talking about?
Wasn't that bad?
It wasn't that bad.
It's also like, we're doing comedy.
Who is going to come up to us and be like, you really believe that?
Like, I'm a retard.
I go around, I don't believe in anything I say.
What are we talking about?
We're like clowns.
That's like going up to a clown and be like, your nose is fake. You believe in
you're a liar. You
lie for living, clown.
Taking this shit serious is the saddest shit
in the world. It's so f***ed. Who gives a shit?
Haven't we gone through enough examples of
people f***ing f***ed? So gay.
So gay.
Guys, that's what we should have called the podcast. Very
articulate. So f***ed, so gay.
Welcome back to episode 90 of So Gay.
Hosted by Byron Allen.
Is your dad dead?
Come on.
No, that page fucking rolls, dude.
Absolutely, dude.
Let me ask you, Mark.
Is your dad dead?
He just keeps going around the couch saying no one's coming next.
We're like, shit.
Is he?
Is he dead?
He's dead to me.
Will you kill him?
My mom's dead.
Kill your dad.
Just kill your dad.
We already talked about this.
He was supposed to set me up for the bit.
My dad isn't dead.
I don't know what he's doing.
Yeah.
I told him I have itchy hands.
What the fuck is this guy?
Has he lost his mind?
I have a huge bit about itchy hands. Why do you keep asking if my dad's dead? Yeah. Is anyone I told him I have itchy hands. What the fuck is this guy? Has he lost his brain? I have a huge bit about itchy hands.
Why do you keep asking if my dad's dead?
Yeah, yeah.
Is anyone going to cut?
Dude, you piss off Byron Allen.
He's going to be on your ass.
That guy's got fucking money and power.
Yeah.
Dude, I watched him bomb.
He's going to be through the cars being like,
your dad's not dead?
Yeah.
I'm on the wrong bit.
Yeah.
You're like, you ever been to Chuck E. Cheese?
The animals don't really talk and he's like
your dad
let's get back to your dad
I watched him bomb
in a crazy way
like my first year
living here
I was doing PA work
for like a
daytime Emmy
dude
it was wild
I'm sorry dude
he like
went up to and
accept a speech
and like did like
15 minutes of stand up that no one wanted to see.
It was one of the craziest things I've ever seen in my entire life.
What did he talk about?
About his journey, but then he was just doing bits in it.
And they kept giving him the light and playing music.
And he was like, cut the music.
I'm doing stand-up comedy.
Oh, no.
He doubles as Judge Joe Brown.
He's all over town.
Life!
So you didn't pay your insurance
for three months. Life!
Dude, I mean, not to bring up
your old podcast bits, but that clip
of him talking about George Floyd
is one of the craziest things.
George Floyd died crying like a bitch
have you seen this that's like what Joe Brown said oh it's my movement hates
George Floyd and shit it's crazy yeah it's literally... Are you Sicilian? Did the Moors come into your town?
You're trying to rewind the last porn.
It's George Floyd.
Yeah, just my dad jerking off to it.
What the fuck is this?
I got to rewind past all these fat titty chicks.
What the hell is going on?
No, he's like a podcast, right?
Yeah, he has a pod... It's like one of those Zoom podcasts.
Yeah.
He just interviews like radicalized crazy people.
But yeah, he's a fast... He's a funny guy, Judge people. But yeah, he's a funny guy,
Judge Joe Brown.
What happened? He's just very
anti-BLM and anti
like George Floyd. And some things he says
are kind of like, eh, it kind of makes sense.
Do you think this is like a brilliant move because
he's going to get more attention?
No, it's just like...
No, I think he's like senile. Yeah, he's just an old
black man. And I think just an old black man.
And I think when an old black dude has like a life of... Where he's like made it on his own.
And he's like kind of famous.
And he struggled.
He kind of...
Everyone turns into a Republican at the end of the day.
Yeah, of course.
You know?
That's like the woke movement for what he considers.
It's like you're bitching about shit you don't deserve.
His whole thing is like... Well, listen, I don't know what he's. It's like, you're bitching about shit you don't deserve. His whole thing is like,
well, listen, I don't know
what he's talking about George Floyd,
like how he died.
He died, he's murdered, in my opinion.
But it is funny,
I did agree with him when he goes,
he's up there with Martin Luther King
and he's just a junkie.
Yeah.
And you're like, well, that is kind of true.
It's weird that George Floyd
has become
this figure like he's Malcolm X
he was just a dude that was
you know he was just a guy
he doesn't deserve to be like
you know there should be field trips
to a George Floyd memorial
are there field trips?
there's gotta be
he's everywhere
there's statues of him all over
if you're a young kid right now,
you think George Floyd marched on Selma.
Yeah.
You have no clue.
He was another black figure, I guess.
That clip is insane, though.
He's talking, he's like,
that's a 6'4 black man weighing 250 pounds
and he died like a bitch.
Died crying like a bitch.
He's crying for his mama. He died like a bitch. Andied crying like a bitch. He says that? Crying for his mama.
Crying for his mama.
He died like a bitch.
And you're like, oh my God.
It's the craziest shit I've ever seen my entire life.
It's wild.
The way you started that sounded kind of cool.
It was like, six four.
Yeah.
250 pounds.
Like he's Dana White.
Hipster.
Rikishi. George three,
George Floyd.
So you couldn't breathe, man.
Eight minutes, 44 seconds, man.
National movement, man.
Took over the country, man. That's crazy, man. Do you eat up, man. To more of the country, man.
Do you eat up, man?
Oh, my God.
No, this works.
Oh, my God.
I think this works, dude.
How many B vitamins do you have that day, man?
I got out of the bathroom.
That's fine.
Holy Christ.
Get ahead.
Can you grab me another one of these cut water shoes?
Holy fucking Christ.
Cut water or beer?
Cut water.
Wow, another Patreon episode.
That's crazy.
Two Patreons.
This might be the two best episodes we've ever done.
Yeah, it's great. And neither of them are releasable.
What are you talking about?
This is fine.
It's great. I think it's fantastic. I of them are reusable. What are you talking about? This is fine. It's great.
I think it's fantastic.
I've done Mahari.
Mahari.
I don't think we've
seen it yet.
Two, six, four.
Dude, it's so funny.
George.
The suffocating voice.
Now that's bad.
Definitely cut that.
George Seder!
Just bring out that fucking...
Down syndrome kid who smashes two Bud Light bottles in a pool.
That is the funniest video of all time.
It is so funny.
Woo!
Yeah, don't do it!
He's like, Gary, Gary!
He shakes two bottles.
He drops one foot in a pool and he's like, Gary, Gary! He shakes your butt. He drops one foot in the pool.
He's like, whoa!
Just smashes 40 pounds of glass into a fucking tub.
Oh, my God.
Woo!
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
God damn it.
You guys see the bodybuilder, the Down syndrome bodybuilder?
Yeah, dude.
He looks good.
He looks incredible, dude.
Dude.
Ripped. Have you not seen this guy? No, I haven't been good. He looks incredible, dude. Dude. Ripped.
Have you not seen this guy?
No, I haven't been on that section of Pornhub yet.
Oh, my God.
No, he's like...
He looks incredible.
It's insane.
Yeah, I bet.
It's truly one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my entire life.
I mean, they eat dogs.
You know what?
I haven't seen the female side of the internet.
I haven't seen the female side of the internet be like, yo
You know anytime there's a hot
down-central girl, every dude
is like, yo
I know which one you're talking about
I would think that the women
of the internet would go, holy moly
Let's finish this one for real
We're so close
I'm about to talk about how hot
this chick jogging on the trail was.
We're complimenting you.
We talking about hot Down syndrome people?
Yeah, I think it's great.
No, I'm talking about the Down syndrome bodybuilder guy.
You've seen that?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he looks incredible.
He unfortunately looked like everyone at the gym.
Yes.
Yeah.
He kinda looked like everyone I've seen.
Except I bet he's got a paw.
I don't like that.
You don't like that?
I don't like that.
Yeah, well, enough.
I don't like that at all. Why? He that? I don't like that. Yeah, well, enough. I don't like that at all. Why?
He's offending me.
He's offending me.
I just grabbed two cut waters and smashed them on my head.
I don't like it.
Oh, my God. Guys, this might be the most fun I've ever had in my life. Yeah, it's the best. Me too. Oh my god!
Guys, this might be the most fun I've ever had in my life.
Yeah, it's the best.
Me too, man. We're great, dude.
We're great.
My face hurts, so I'm, yeah.
Yeah, like my jaw.
You know, you never, you remember when you were like sick in school and you couldn't
show up to school for like three or four days?
Never in my life I had perfect attendance.
My parents refused to let me stay home.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, that's...
Thank you.
Do you have paper towels?
Yeah, they're in the box, so don't unwrap them.
It's a packaging.
It's a re-gifting.
But you remember when you would show back up to school
and you'd laugh with your friends for the first time
for like three or four days,
and you were like, my jaw like hurt.
You were like, my face.
I forgot how fun fun is.
And how boring your dumb parents were.
Your dead dad. Yeah, you did you really like
What was going on with your family right now?
It's a bar. There's a lot. You're like revealing a lot of stuff. You just can't say I just think like dead dads are so funny
Is your dad what's happening? My dad's alive and well, I'm trying to get him to double trying to get him to
Only a tail end if I'm trying to get my dad to go to Dublin.
You're kind of trying to summon something.
So we can golf.
Golf.
Huh?
I want to get him to Dublin or Scotland to golf.
That'd be sick as hell.
Yeah.
It would be.
He's three quarters.
He's seven five.
Damn.
75% in?
No, he's 75 years old.
Oh.
I didn't know.
I thought you were talking about...
You're 25% in right now mentally.
I didn't know.
I was just thinking about it.
Are you bringing your parents to Dublin?
Trying to.
What's going on?
Well, I literally...
You were there the last time I was home, I think.
Yeah.
And we were talking about going to Ireland,
and they were like, yeah, but then we got to go see family, and it's a whole thing.
No, you don't.
Yeah.
No, you don't.
You just don't.
You guys both Irish?
I'm Irish and Italian.
Yeah, I'm like fully Irish.
You're fully Irish, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You seem, how much Italian you got in you?
40?
That sounded accusatory.
No, I'm not, I'm not.
How much?
Yeah.
Let me see your papers.
How many bricks, how many bricks you laid?
Yeah, the fucking, the balls of a Jew telling me. I'm not a Jew. How much Italian? I'm not that much. How much? Let me see your papers. How many bricks you laid? The balls of a Jew telling me.
I'm not a Jew.
Question how much I Jew.
I'm not a Jew.
Your father's a Jew.
No, not really.
Come on.
I guess technically because my grandmother was Jewish.
You got a bit of an Italian.
But he was mostly Italian.
He was mostly Italian.
I'm like, who knows?
I think it's like 30, 40%.
But nobody, I don't look at you and I go like Irish.
Thank you.
I'm like, you're Irish.
I'm like, you're Irish.
I'm like, you're Irish.
I'm like, you're Irish.
I'm like, you're Irish.
I'm like, you're Irish. I'm like, you're Irish. I'm like, you're Irish. I'm like, you're Irish. I'm like, you're Irish. Who knows? I think it's like 30-40%
I don't look at you and I go like Irish
Thank you so much
I'm a WAP
You're so Italian to me
You're so Italian
I know it's awesome
This is my whole life I've just wanted to meet both of you
Yeah
This is my wife dude
This is my parents actually This is my wife, dude. This is my parents, actually.
It really is.
Yeah.
This is my mom, and this is my dad.
Nice.
And you're my son.
Thank you.
Now go cut the fucking lawn before I beat the shit out of you with a belt.
All right, I will.
I will.
And then let's jack off together.
You did cut the lawn, I heard.
Third party.
Little birdie told me you cut the lawn.
Thinking about cutting it again?
Yeah.
You got to get a lawn.
I saw the places you missed.
It grows so fast.
I know it does.
Well, the only place I missed was the place where the hose was.
No, you think that's a plant in the back?
It's a fucking weed.
You got to hack at it.
I got shears where I hold the charcoal.
Can you guys leave for a second?
I want to talk to my wife for a second about cutting the lawn.
We got five minutes left and we just start getting along cutting.
This is the second hour, but you're not going to see it.
Unless you sign for the Patriot.
Dude, the Patriot is a fucking roller coaster.
You got to put more water in the cement, Chris.
What, you lay bricks like that?
Yes, I lay bricks.
You piece of shit.
How do you expect people to go to church? Yeah. They got to pray. what you lay bricks like that yes you lay bricks yeah oh god it's not that far
off a whopping a whopping a Mick is the only mix I know it's like oil and water
while that it was ever like not okay cuz Cause it's like the most common mix.
I mean,
my family's from Philadelphia also.
So it's like,
yeah.
In Philly,
that seems like the most normal shit of all time.
It is.
Yeah.
Half Italian,
half Irish.
I honestly only think modern people think it's a thing because of Goodfellas.
Because Henry Hill goes,
you know,
I was,
I couldn't be made cause I was like kind of Irish.
Yeah.
So,
and that movie is so big that I think everyone kind of like just took that as like, that's
everybody. No, no, that was
true though. Pretty much is.
Because the ports of immigration
New York, Boston, Philadelphia
Irish, Italian,
Polish. But what is true?
What are we talking about? Well, like most people
from our neighborhoods are Irish and Italian.
Yeah, but how's, but what is not?
At one point it it was weird for them
to integrate with each other.
Oh, right, right, right.
Okay.
They were all in slums together
and they didn't speak
the same language.
That was also interracial.
To them back then,
that was an interracial couple.
Yeah, it was like
they were making Steph Currys.
Yeah.
Tell me this is Steph Curry.
Dude, I'm a Steph Curry.
Let's see my mom
going behind the dresser and finding an Italian fat lady porn and be like, who did this? I'm a step dad. My mom going behind the dresser
and finding an Italian fat lady porn.
Like, who did this?
I'm like, that's my brother.
That's my wife, Aisha McNutt.
He's drinking and beating his wife
from long range.
Domestic abuse from afar.
Damn, he's so clutch, dude.
He's so, so, so fucking clutch, dude.
He's on fire.
Nobody's ever hit this wide, this deep, this many times in a season.
Yeah, this consistently.
He's on fire.
Hitting his wife from the living room.
Is this a guy taking full beers?
They've got a Dutch door.
He's hitting his wife from 45%
from the kitchen.
You gotta wrap it up with that.
Yeah, I think that's good.
I mean, if it doesn't get here, right?
I don't know what you guys want.
Yeah, you guys want to plug something again?
We're going to flip the coil on these two.
I'll tell you that.
That was wonderful, boys.
Yeah.
Great time.
It sucks that you're going to live over there.
I'll come out more if it means I can come here.
What are you doing?
Why are you going that way?
I'm from there.
He's from Echo Park.
I'm from Echo Park.
You got a wife, kids?
I got a girl.
You got a girl?
Yeah.
That's about it.
What's she do?
Run a taco truck?
She does a podcast, too.
And she runs a taco truck.
She's the number one burrito maker in all the land.
No, Tommy.
That's my wife.
Oh, the fork eater.
Guys, we love you.
No context.
That's a callback.
I'm saying things as if
our first hour at the bar was our
first podcast. I'm like, callback.
We were recording at the bar
that was like a week ago
all these memories
my girl's so full of
Listerine
I don't know what to do
what
I don't know
what was that
dude stroking out
alright yeah well
that was great
yeah
plug your stuff
I mean just my
I mean my
Instagram
420 naughty boy
that's it you know naughty my Instagram 420 naughty boy that's it
you know
naughty
naughty boy
420 naughty boy
hey watch with Devin Costa
Lemon Party
yeah
boys
guys
you guys kick ass
that was the best
love you