Stuff Island - Stuff Island #96 - Sleepwalking w/ Colum Tyrrell

Episode Date: August 30, 2023

Comedians Chris O'Connor and Tommy Pope are making all kinds of Stuff on the paytch. Each week they talk about anything & everything under the sun. Twice a month Tommy cooks a delicious dish. It's a goddamn blast, folks. - SUB TO PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/StuffIsland - SUB ON ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stuff-island/id1448662475 - SUB ON SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3QvnmWtMlJ0ZC9uUu1Vvdk - Follow Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/achrisoconnor/?hl=en - Follow Tommy on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tommyjpope/?hl=en - Follow Colum on IG: https://www.instagram.com/columtyrrell/?hl=en Go to waboba.com and use code STUFFISLAND to save 30% on your own set of Waboba Water Bouncing Balls today! Go to hellofresh.com/50stuffisland and use code 50stuffisland for 50% off plus free shipping! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

it knocked at 8 30 9 30 10 30 and i was just like do you have the thing on the outside no i never put that's your problem it's not their fault no no no it's it's it's i think it's automatic do not disturb until 11 o'clock you would think so automatic do not disturb they need 11 a.m they need an identifier you can start to disturb if I haven't put the sign up. No disturbing until 11. I will tell you when you can disturb. That's the sign. It says do not disturb until 11 a.m.

Yeah. They're going to turn the rooms over for a place that actually is occupied. Yeah. Which takes hours. I mean, whatever. It was 9.30. They were like, you checking out? And I was like, yeah, when it's time.

Then they came back 10.30. You checking? And I was like, yeah, when it's time. Then they came back 10.30. You checking out? I was like, yeah, when? Soon. Dude, what's worse? They came back at 11.30, and they were at a housekeeping. I just went, yep. And they walked away.

So there's six times talking to you? Yeah, yeah. Well, you're just asking if I'm here. Mr. O'Connor, are you ready now? Nope. Yeah. Yeah, just one knock. I got it.

Yeah, no. I got it. I heard you're at 830. Yeah, it's literally like talking to your mom. And then your anxiety's so high, you can't fucking take that extra hour nap, you know, because you know she's going to be knocking again. Yeah.

They do get, I hate when they get snotty for you, like getting the late checkup. They get a little snotty. Also, they don't. Oh, really? You don't spend a lot of little snotty. And they go, oh, really? You don't spend a lot of time cleaning this La Quinta? Yeah, yeah. There's a big line at the door for people coming in? They also never abide by the rules of late checkout.

So you get a late checkout. They don't tell the maids, maybe 10% of the time. So they're still knocking on your door, hammering it like 10. It's like, no, I said one. We got it approved at one is there no communication between you and the maid but i i live in that miscommunication oh of course i live in that i thank god for that miscommunication because every time every time i call down and uh i'll be like yeah yeah i just want to confirm i got a late checkout. Because I didn't. Yeah, of course. I've never asked for one. But I want to confirm that I did.

Yes. Nice move. And they go, we don't even do that. And I was like, well, they told me last night. And they were like, they always go, well, what time? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, Tamara was drunk.

She fucking promised again. Yeah, because it's like, it's two different shifts. They don't talk to one another. Dude, speaking of miscommunication, I'm jumping right in. Yeah, because it's like it's two different shifts. They don't talk to one another. Dude, speaking of miscommunication, I'm jumping right in. Yeah. Last night. Dude.

Last night. Dude. I got too pickied. I was on the couch. I hear the front door and I got to scurry into the bedroom as if I wasn't just watching

you know, fucking mob movies until 3.30 in the morning. What the fuck? I thought you were... I hear Chris I thought I thought I hear Chris come in and I'm like are you skirting I fucking

I run to the bedroom I threw like a glass of wine in the kitchen and I I fall asleep it's so insane dude I know it's so insane

it's like your mother coming home dude well no what's funny is I do the same thing and it's like we don't expect them

we're not judging each other I know that if he sits down and that's another two hours I'm already pissed at myself for being up at 3.30 so I'm like ah fuck if he gets in here we're going to have fun until 6 well guess what happened at 6am I'm fucking conked out

me and my girl are sleeping the door just opens my bedroom door opens and I see Chris's shadow I'm fucking conked out. Me and my girl are sleeping. The door just opens. My bedroom door opens. And I see Chris's shadow. Just walking in. I darkened his door for sure. She just goes, ah!

And I go, well, dude, what the fuck are you doing? He's like, you said we were filming something. And then shuts the door. So then we were like, what the fuck was that? He's sleepwalking. And the first thing he says, he opens the door. So then we were like, what the fuck was that? He's sleepwalking. And the first thing he says, he opens the door. So we're immediately like, what's going on? What's wrong with him?

Doesn't knock. Doesn't just open the door. I think I'm like, we're both getting fucked. You know? And he goes, you said we were filming something. So I start screaming at him. He just shuts the door and disappears. And then I'm wide awake till like 8 a.m. laughing at and how crazy that was there was no like oh my bad i just he didn't me screaming fuck what the fuck are you doing at the top of my lungs didn't like shot me going oh shit

i'm so sorry he just walked out of film and shuts the door and goes to take a piss that's the most iconic wake up i've ever had that was crazy I've never slept well before in my life I should have put the do not disturb sign I think I like

I like I literally woke up in the room when Mara went ah I woke up I was standing there I wasn't even up yet

holy man I know woke me up well there was a that was when I fully cause she went ah and I was like huh that's when I know. That was when I fully... She went, ah! That's when I was like, I'm in this room.

Why am I in this room? Tommy rolls over and he goes, what the fuck are you doing? Then I was fully... I'm sober now. I'm in the room. We're all sober now. I have no idea what the fuck is going on. I'm literally sober now I'm in the room and I we're all sober now I have no idea

what the fuck is going on this is probably the maze I'm trying to do and I'm literally just scrambling for papers in my head

I was just like say this and I was just like we're shooting the scene or something that was your excuse I'm in here still asleep

no dude that was your excuse that was your go to he defends a sketch I will say we're these guys we're That was your excuse? That was your go-to? He defends, I will say. These guys are... We're all shooting something. He's been under duress and high anxiety about scripts and shit.

So this dude's been sleepwalking this fucking show for months. And it just spewed out. I literally had the feeling when I walked in there and they were all shocked. Like I was too early. She also had a ball gag in and we were doing anals. Tell me again.

What are you doing, Chris? I'm wearing the ball gag and she's fucking me in the ass. You got like a dildo in your head. To tell you the time I thought someone There was an intruder In my house So I'm lying in bed

What? I'm hungover And we have a skylight In the kitchen And birds land on the skylight Right? And they make noise sometimes And I'm lying in the bed

Hungover as fuck With my girlfriend And I hear the birds And I go Man those birds Are loud today right? And then I go How funny would it be

If someone broke into the house And I'm there thinking It was a, right? And then I go, how funny would it be if someone broke into the house and I'm there thinking it was a bird, right? And right when I heard that, the fucking door handle opens, right? So the door opens. Wait, front door downstairs? Into my bedroom. The door into my bedroom opens up. So I just fucking, and I just see this person walking in

and I just scream my loudest. And I jump across the bed and I grab him up against the thing and it turns out it was my girlfriend. She had gotten up and had a shower while I was asleep. And I didn't know. And I thought someone was breaking into the house when she walked back into the bedroom. So I jumped across. And I grabbed her.

And I went, ah! And she went, no, no, it's me, it's me, it's me. And I went, oh my gosh, I'm sorry. And she just went... She just said, try. It's me, it's me. And I went, oh my gosh, I'm sorry. And she just went. She was like crying. She said, she was, she said she was crying. She was in shock and she just went.

It's like when a toddler realises you're really screaming at them. You're mad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude. I almost killed her. I swear to God, I grabbed her up against the wall like, I screamed the loudest I've ever screamed. I've never been more scared in my life. Imagine the story she would have to concoct

the next week at work with a black guy. It was like Oscar Pistorius. Remember the guy with no legs? He killed his wife. Yeah, he shot through a closed door. He said it was someone intruding. Yeah, it was a bathroom. Yeah.

This girl was taking a shower. He was like... Yeah, yeah. She was like, I heard birds on my skyline. It just happened to be it was the night that he went through her phone and found out she was cheating on him

or something like that. Oh, really? Is that true? She was fucking a rugby player. Ah. You mean a man with legs? Yes. That'll get you. It'd be funny if it wasn't a man with legs.

She just stayed in the Paralympic community. Yeah. She was just fucking this little stump. That'd be funny if it wasn't a man with legs. She just stayed in the Paralympic community. Yeah. She was just fucking this little stump. That would be so painful to realize you're a fetish. Oh, yeah. You get over it. I think if you have no legs, it's one of the benefits, is it? I don't know.

Like, if you were a little person, like, if you were a midget, and then, like, your girlfriend, your normal girlfriend, cheated on you with another midget, you'd be like, ah, it could have been any midget. It was just right place, right time. Yeah, you're right. It makes it easier, though, just knowing like, that's his thing, that's her thing. No.

She's still kind of invested in our people. I think it'd be worse to be cheated on with a midget. If you were normal person. For me, I think, than a regular midget. No, because the midget guy is thinking... No, I don't want my girl cheating on me. I started off by saying little person, and then we're just like, let's get back to basics.

Well, it's because I'm also... Let's be real. I'm also a little person, so I feel like it's not specific enough. You know what I mean? You're right. I want to make it clear I'm not talking about myself. You're the missing link of humans.

There's a whole other species in between midgets and little people. Out of respect. You're a gateway. No, because the midget guy's thinking, my personality is so good, I've overcome my tiny body. Yeah. That's what he's thinking if he's in the relationship. But then if she just fucks another midget, now it's like she's just into midgets.

Yeah. And it really isn't me. You know what I mean? There's a lot of people into midgets. I know, I know. Very rare. Also, little people, I'll go back to it. Okay.

The distinction between a hot little person as a man and a little person as a woman, it's almost like Asians. Like Asian women, it's easy to look at someone like she's hot. Asian men get a bad rap. Well, because they've somehow, they've all got feminine bodies. So the women are extra hot and the men just look like a yeah a guy that's very they're hairless hairless people oh it's great they're hairless people i wish i wish

i was a little fucking mute not a mute newt yeah my buddy's a newt he's irish what's a newt yeah they're hairless right is that a newt what what's that underground mole it's a call oh yeah yeah yeah hairless fucking yeah shoot shoot shrewd. Shrewd? True. Newt, like eye of newt. They're blind and they're hairless. Eye of a newt. Eye of newt. Eye of a newt.

Yeah. Squeeze of a lemon. Eye of a newt. That's a cold one. Yeah. Yeah, but it's wild to think, like, you know, at this age, you just have a random dude opening your door. I'm like, oh, i thought we were filming something

i just can't believe that's why you gave up with you you didn't just go what i i woke up pissing on someone's door once i've done that i was i slept in someone's house drunk and i got up in the middle of night and i just started pissing against their bedroom door yeah i was like had a hand on the door and they just woke up to the noise of piss hitting their door. Yeah, yeah. What is that? It was loud today.

That is loud. That bird having a piss against my wall? Dude, I had an apartment with my ex-girlfriend in college at Drexel and my best friend

went to Temple and he walked in just like chris did but he was silent and then we woke up to the pitter patter of him just pants to his ankles like a toddler rope and piss all over the fucking marvel oh my god yeah and then we just were like hey i used to buddy yeah no yeah i used to do that all the time when I would black out. I would piss on electronics specifically. Jesus. I would piss on Xbox, computers.

I would like, especially laptop, because it's like a toilet. You open the screen and then just start pissing all over the fucking thing. Good thing my mouth doesn't have a lid on it. Dude, if I woke up to you pissing on me, I swear to God oh I don't think what do you do no I don't I think you don't stop I think it would be so I think I would be so shell-shocked that I wouldn't be angry yet. You know when you're so shocked, you just start laughing at something you can't believe is happening?

If you started pissing on me and woke me up, I probably would just bust out laughing. Yeah, yeah. And I wouldn't be pissed ever because I think I'd pass the piss stage. That'd be so funny. You enjoying it it and then i wake up mid-piss and you have to be like oh get out of here um yeah no don't wake him you're not supposed to wake them it's bad it's bad dude i went through when, when Mara screamed,

and I woke up, and I'm just in there, and I was like, oh, no. I was like, they're fucking. Yeah. And then I realized they were just sleeping, and I was like, this is not that bad. And then Tommy goes, get the fuck out of here. And I was like, well, what am I supposed to do?

I don't know. You didn't react very good. What am I supposed to do? Excuse me, Chris. I know. Would you mind just closing I supposed to do? I don't know. You didn't react very good. What am I supposed to do? Excuse me, Chris. I know. Would you mind just closing the door behind you? Screw you. I know you just shell-shocked the fuck out of both of us, but please make sure it's tight.

As I put a fucking chain lock on it. I was like, this is about as good as this could go. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to booby trap that whole fucking thing. I'm going to put marbles like it's Home Alone, dude.

I'm going to put micro-machines micro machines to you legos a whole pit a can of paint's gonna swing burn his hand on the doorknob it's a trap door every morning you gotta wake up and let me out of the basement yeah i'm putting a i'm putting a water sleepwalking again putting a water snake in the toilet in case you do it right. Dude, I sleptwalk. I think it's like, I looked this up one time. I've only done it like twice or three times, but I did it like three weeks ago. She gets woken up to me trying to open the window, which has an air conditioner in.

And I start pushing on the window. And then I start saying things audibly. I'm like, get me out of here. And then I make my way to the door to exit the bedroom, and I'm pushing against a solid wall. And I just start wigging out going, get me out of here. And she woke me up. She was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And I was like, I should have said, I thought we were filming something.

That's got to be the go-to excuse, right? That's the go-to for everything You shit yourself at a wedding I thought we were filming It's the ultimate save We'll do it again Pull over Get over Pull over, drunk driving

Yeah, you're DUI How are we filming something? I'm just saying Yeah, back to A I didn't like that cut. Can I do some improv? Holy shit. It is.

Yeah. Well, we were like shooting stuff in the... Don't fucking do this. Don't you try and crawl out of your hole, dude. Well, look, let me reason with you. Dude. Well, get me out of here is so much scarier. Oh, it's nuts. get me out of here is so much scarier oh it's nuts and i remember

even though i wasn't with it i remember the fear of pushing against the wall and then feeling like i was in a cage or something yeah and i talked to uh mckeever did this one time at like a hotel or something where he he got so bugged out by the fact that he he did it and he doesn't do that he doesn't sleepwalk yeah and i think it's anxiety driven because i did a little research but he then put i think he put like um like furniture against the sliding door for the balcony i think he just started like putting furniture where it could be dangerous yeah because we're on the ground floor like if you're at a hotel and you just felt like looking for exits we were just in fucking salt fucking Salt Lake Shane and I and they had a we're on like

the 10th or 16th floor and they had a full extension. It wasn't like where you only get a crack just to get air. You could just fully go out and just

Jesus Christ dude. Yeah. Sleepwalking scares the fuck out of me. People doing stuff in their sleep scares the fuck out of me. Some people have weird stuff.

Yeah. They go they like microwave a shoe or whatever. They wake up the next day and go what happened like oh Irish cuisine

yeah yeah yeah it's called a main course I tell you that main course in Dublin thought it was pork yeah

oh they got microwave New Balance this place is nice I got arrested I got arrested in Ireland once I got blackout drunk dude you gotta is nice. I got arrested in Ireland once. I got blackout drunk. Dude, you got to do a lot to get arrested in Ireland. Yeah, well, I was walking home and I was so wasted.

I didn't know, like, I couldn't even tell you which way I was walking. And I somehow, like, ended up in someone's garden. And I couldn't get out of the garden. It was like a big bush garden, you know? And I ended up, like, going into, like, their backyard and trying to open it. Oh, my God. So they called the cops because they thought someone was breaking in the next and then uh so i somehow i got out my way out like i've i got out of the garden i've just been bouncing around like a fucking zumba like until i eventually found my head out the room and then

the cops pulled me over and they're like you just tried to break into that person's house like no i didn't and i was like yeah you did i was like no i did not and i go bring the people out and then the woman comes out it's like that was him she's like in her nightgown i was like what are you a fucking bitch i'm gonna get the cops involved trying to fuck i was dude imagine that lineup though in dublin they all look like him there's like eight like the usual suspects we're on the ground we're all waste it's like being black in the 50s it's just, I think it was him. Lock him up. I was so drunk.

I remember, there's something about getting arrested that kind of sobers you up, but I do remember asking. Something about it. I do remember asking one of the cops. There's something about it. I don't know what it is. Getting arrested and your whole future changing. It really wakes you up.

Yeah, the lights and the sirens. Yeah, but I asked one of them for a cigarette or something. I remember him distinctively going, do you understand what's happening? I was like, yo, I thought it was like a taxi. I go, yeah, but I asked one of them for a cigarette or something. I remember him distinctively going, do you understand what's happening? I was like, yo, I thought it was like a taxi. I go, yeah, can I get a cigarette, man? How many of you guys have a smoke? And then they're like, do you understand you're getting arrested?

I was like, what? I mean, I don't like that. It's like, so what? I'm getting arrested. Yeah, but he's not giving up fucking murders. I also told him I was... This was just before I was moving to America. You don't give McDonald's and a cigarette to a guy

that's just drunk in someone's yard. I would if the guy was... I'm not telling them any secrets. Then I'm trying to put him in your... You're not giving up all your other drugs. So where'd you get the booze, kid? Tell us about Ryan McDonald. He also pissed in the yard yesterday.

I don't know. I think you could take a certain pride in being arrested well. Of course. You know? Someone's taking it well. If you're taking them to jail and they're like, all right, man, but do you have a smoke or something? I think they true it out.

I can't even remember what happened, actually. I think they just true it out. What, the whole? Yeah, because they don't want to do paperwork. What are you going to do? Are you going to get a fine of like 300 bucks? Who gives a shit it's probably good

for them it makes them look busy yeah I mean they're letting pedophiles out to come back and rape kids you know what I mean

after like 10 years let a drunk go break into another house yes they love cops love a break in that's like their dream crime

you need adrenaline rush yeah someone broke into my house in Ireland one time and I rang the cops and they all showed up like loads of them showed up they want to catch a ride crime you need adrenaline rush yeah dude someone broke into my house in ireland one time and i rang the cops and then they they all showed up like loads and showed up yeah like they want to catch a robber they want to beat the fuck out of someone stealing the tv that's their dream yeah

it's because they've been eating fucking microwave shoes for 25 years yeah i'm trying to pound the face dude when they're when you're driving on the turnpike and you see just like some regular old ladies pulled over and there's like fucking four cop cars. You're like, guys, come on, dude. The state troopers love it. Get a fucking job. Cowboy hat state troopers. They love stopping you.

Ganging up. Yeah. They love policing the street. Do you ever have a lunch with electricians or carpenters? You ever go to a bar where there's just union workers hanging out? Yeah. Getting fucking blitzed? Yeah.

Every day at noon? Yeah. Well, this is why construction takes three times as long. These guys are fucking blacked out every day. It's a wonderful life. Yeah. I'm just saying, if it doesn't work out, we could start like a union. Yeah, yeah.

I'll build your deck. And we just get fucking, fucking yeah just get blacked out there is a romantic mick shanigans dude my my buddy my buddy his dad was like an electrician and whenever he like in high school if he got drunk and got caught his dad would wake him up at like 5 a.m the next day and take him to do work i like that so he was like dude it's so yeah that's like the dad it's like i caught you smoking you're smoking a whole pack yeah yeah yeah 12 hours of just doing work you don't understand oh my god like just fucking hungover as fuck and your dad just watching you struggle yeah it is damn that really hair that's got to be a whole porn hub category for gays just hung over child hung over five-year-old with his legs open that's gotta be a category that's gotta be very

we have so many requests for hung over child we need to create a section. They're all electricians. It needs to be one click. Yeah. You just watch that, like, that, like, little, like,

fucking presentation they do before you click on it. Construction's rough, though. You can romanticize that, man. All those jobs I had were brutal. Working on a roof

in winter in New York is brutal. I started, I used to get up every morning, started like seven. Yeah. It was a nightmare. I worked at a lumberyard in North Philly for like three months. winter in new york it's brutal i started used to get up every morning started like seven yeah it

was a nightmare i worked at a lumber yard in north philly for like three months i couldn't yeah i couldn't hack it i was like this is dude she started like six in the winter and like my boss is like some old fucking yeah and he was a motherfucker he all day long he's busting my tits he's like man you can't even mop you can't you can't sweep the lumber yard like he was just busting my tits i'm like meanwhile i'm going to school at drexel i'm spending like 45 000 a year my dad's gonna do something it's your first your first summer off you're gonna do something yeah i'll get your job i got a guy i'm gonna get you oh yeah yeah and you think like sweeping or like cleaning up or something would be like the easy gig but it's like you realize inside of every warehouse inside of

every house that's being like there is something stuck to something that will not come off it's like it is it is fucking insane i say that every time i like walk down the city street and see all the old gum from like 15 years latched on the concrete i'm like you know how hard that is to get up? Dude, it's fucking horrific and there is no tool to do it. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the tool to do it. Well, it's like the city.

It's like when they don't really, they don't clean up dead bodies in New York. I saw, I saw a woman get crushed by a truck and then like.

Oh, did you see the one? I didn't. I saw the video of that. That was horrible. Oh my God. She was like a professor? She got hit by a bus and drug when you get caught

by a bus or a truck they gobble you up into the wheels and then you get dragged entrails and it was like that woman was smudged across the street

like someone wiped shit off their shoe it was just like all like it was 25 feet of just blood that was like two months ago yeah but I bet your bloodstains are still there

they don't clean that up because there's a guy he's like they're not really they don't have to up because there's a guy who's like, they're not really, they don't have to answer to anyone. So like their job is like get most of the brains off the road. Yeah, yeah.

Because like I was there, there was just a puddle of blood where I worked for like two weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I swear they just throw a bit of sand on it and fuck off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like the fat girl puking in grade school? Exactly like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a 1920s bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Throw some peanut shells on top of it. Meanwhile, exactly like that it's like a 1920s bar yeah yeah throw some peanut shells on top of it meanwhile she's still alive in the corner going

ow some guys have a cigarette and the smoke will clear up to the inside but guys that's your job someone's job is to clean up that body and like there's no head of that department to come back and go you didn't clean up

the fucking place yeah yeah well once it turns like once it stops looking so crimson it's like that's just part of the city it's not a person

yeah yeah it could have been spilled paint once the iron oxidizes or whatever the fuck I feel like these positions these guys are it's like

sorry to say pedophile again but it's like pedophile priest they know where you know the killing fields are they become a priest because they know they have more options yeah people that have that fetish of like they can be they can work at a funeral home because they love cadavers they love like slicing somebody open i think it's a fetish it's craziness for sure to go i want to clean up dead bodies in public train suicides i'm your guy you're fucked up and you got something wrong with you and you

can't unwire that yeah this is why you just got to keep those people who kill the pit of all the train suicide guys because what is it though it's like a paramedic kind of a thing but it's also i know i think they have a special guy they gotta miss they probably argue a lot mr white i'd say like the nypd and sanitation argue a lot about who has to clean up the fucking suicides yeah it depends on the mass i imagine it was like in the wire or it was like that happened across on the boat yeah your murder your jurisdiction she was 350 pounds It was on your lines. You got a pancreas in the woods. You got a fucking skull in the ocean.

Some beef bag gets fucking exploded. It's funny to kill yourself and cause people harm. It's not funny. I don't like this. Nah, let them have it. Rune. No, dude. Rune. No, dude.

You can kill yourself and cause so much traffic that people will lose their job and their wife will leave them that's funny yeah that is funny like to ruin an entire New York's day

like shoot yourself in the middle of the BQE I was just gonna say this and just cause everyone to be late for work New Year's Eve like the day parades yeah

the mummers parade in Philly blowing yourself just crushing your fucking skull oh Philly Helium Comedy Club you coming up? yeah September 20th

Helium Comedy Club come on out folks come on out please come out it's gonna be a lot of fun support this fucking jelly belly thank you also get your

your specials coming out my special's out it's out now September it should be out now September 12th it'll be close it's on my YouTube channel My special's coming out. My special's out. It's out now. It should be out now. Whatever it is. September 12th. It'll be close.

It's on my YouTube channel. YouTube.com slash Columnturl. Fuck you. Check it out. I worked hard on it, and it's okay. It's pretty damn okay, I'll tell you that. If I can categorize it, it's pretty damn okay. Let me tell you something. You get a comic that says it's wonderful, there's a problem.

Yeah, it's psychopathic. Any comic, yeah, it's a fucking vain job. Have them clean up the fucking bodies on the show. You'll be in front of a tree ruining traffic at some point. All the comments will be either get this guy a Netflix special

or what an unfunny piece of shit. That's always one or the other. It's never just anything. It's always two people I disagree with. Yeah, and they're the two you'll remember forever yeah yeah yeah fuck them i mean at least i don't know those comments are better than like just a middle of the road one it's just like it seemed like it was good but not really for me oh i'm not even getting the reasonable people yeah yeah i hate when it's when it's an in detailed when it's

an in detailed critique on hey kind of liked it gave about five or six episodes but overall not worth my time anymore fair enough woodworking will help out You know Yeah Yeah Anyway I was drunk in Ireland once Hell yeah

And Is this the kissing story? No no It was 2006 You should show that picture But I That picture's not They got no reaction

In the group chat Oh you did post it I put it in the group chat I don't think you should put that online I think it's No no It's very aggressive It's weird

He's in a Jeff cap Walking up to women Trying to kiss them. No, we were talking. We'd been talking, but she wasn't. She was not into it. I got research from last night saying you weren't talking to anybody. Dude, there was a street performer.

I was in Galway, and there was a street performer, and her thing was she would just stand super still, and no one could like make her move kind of thing you know what I mean they'd try to like startle her and she would just say like a statue tell me you honked her oh yeah

I went up to her and I put my finger like this and just kept getting closer and closer open eyeball and then eventually right before I was about to touch it, she just snapped and went like, fuck you, you piece of shit. She goes,

this is why fucking George Bush was elected. And I was like, what? How'd she know you're American? I mean, just a vibe. Who else would do something like that? Yeah,

cap on backwards. Maybe my American flag. Oh, maybe Florida. Maybe my American flag. White beater. Big foam finger USA. George Bush 2042. I voted for George Bush. That's funny.

My 9-11 shoes. So you just ruined some performance artists. That's funny. Yeah. My 9-11 shoes. So you just ruined some performance artists? Yeah, yeah. That was like, I mean, it still kind of is my vibe, but then my vibe back in the day was very much like, I'm going, like, this is bullshit. Like, I hate magicians. I hate anyone doing a thing.

Dude. Watch me ruin it. Let's talk about the magician. All right. Hello, Fresh. Hello, Fresh. Good to see you like computers computers got a dent in it does make any sense with hello fresh you get farm fresh pre portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your

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quick and easy dinner options plus quick breakfast and lunches too. Dude, let's talk about the personal endorsement. Yeah, yeah. We fucking, we cooked this. Yeah. I set Chris up.

Also, the Patreon members will eventually see this, but I set Chris up. All the boys were here to film Look at Dish. I told him we were going to cook some dressings, and then I gave him a fucking 360, and I was like, actually, you're going to cook a HelloFresh. Just to prove how easy it was, I'm going to give it to you. You knocked it out of the pot. It was fantastic. Proof that any fucking monkey with a dent in their head can do this.

But I'm going to show you this. We made a sweet chili pork and cabbage stir fry, but it comes with this one sheeter with all the ingredients that are in the package, the meats and proteins, and then it gives you step-by-step instructions, which, again, very simple. But I was... Again, I usually say something negative

to fuck up our sponsorships. I was pleasantly surprised, as were you guys, with the flavor and complexity of the flavors and texture. Dude, it was... This is not the one we made, but this is good. This it is. Sweet chili pork.

I don't think we made sweet chili pork. Yes, we fucking did. You're ruining the ad read. No, because we didn't do stir fry. No, we... That's why I told you to use the wok, and you were like, I don't want to use the wok. No, no, no. We didn't...

We did... What did we do? We did chicken. Dude, can you read this for him? You're a fucking idiot. Remember the scallions you were pissed off about? Yeah.

Yeah, do you remember the rice we cooked? Let me see the other menus. Do you remember the rice we cooked? Give me the other menus. This is insane. There's four, Max? Dent in your head, I say. Yeah, this is not it.

This is it. How do you not remember? What are you talking about? Crispy fried onions, you don't remember that? You remember the soy glaze? We didn't do it. Oh, my God. We didn't do it.

Dude, anyway, it was delicious. Chris was there. I don't think we did pork. Buddy. We did chicken. We 100% did chicken. Chris was there. I don't think we did pork. Buddy. We did chicken. We 100% did chicken. We did chicken. I know for a fact because I remember opening the bags of chicken

and having to drain off the sauce. Jesus Christ. No, no, no, no. It's brutal being right. No. It's brutal. Day in and day out. Once a quarter.

Anyway, all fresh. Who's got a dent in their head now? The point is. Once a quarter. Anyway, HelloFresh. Who's got a dent in their head now? The point is, it's very easy to do. You're going to love it. Whether you find it or not. No more evidence. Yeah, see? No, we did it.

It's not in there? We did it. Give them the ad things. Call to action. Go to HelloFresh.com slash 50stuffisland and use code 50stuffisland for 50% off plus free shipping. Yeah, that's HelloFresh.com slash 50stuffisland. 50stuffisland for 50% off plus free shipping. That's crazy.

All right. All right. It's America's number one meal kit. Now. Yeah. This. It's America's number one meal kit Now Yeah Now This It's time My sports phone was gonna poke a hole in his box

You knew it was coming Dude We've been We've been talking about We've been talking about Waboba for Yeah A year

I've been talking about First time I used Waboba was like 2008 At a Swimming pool At my old apartment yeah me and my boy were hucking i knocked a martini right out of this bitch's hand because he got a high hop took this girl's drink right out of her hand anyway i told our ad agent let's go start let's get let's get some sports some sports things yeah right because we're a sports centric household

here so wabobo sent us one of these lovely boxes. I'm going to fucking unpackage it for you. Stickers. If you're putting stickers on your computer, kill yourself. No. Jesus Christ, man. No, hold on. What the fuck?

All right. No, no, no. Just bleep out the part. If you put stickers on your computer, I think it's cool. There's plenty to live for. All right. Hold on.

Waboba sent us... You don't have to keep your computer Unstickerized A nice car Hey Chris and Tommy we're stoked to hear you guys Are Waboba fans we look forward to working together Enjoy this fresh stash of more official Waboba balls for you We included a glove too In case you suck at catching

Woah let me see the glove Fucking shots fired On the first You feel tough? Let me see the glove. Fucking shots fired on the first. The first at Woboba. You feel tough? Let me see the glove. Oh, koozies. Oh, my God.

Yes, dude. No, this is for the people that put stickers on your computer. No, that rules. That's insane, dude. Wow. Also, it comes with ball sacks, and they thought that was funny, too. You have a little ball sack here. Anyway, cheers to the Woboba team.

Look at these guys. That is, dude. Look how many heaters we got, dude. Dude, gloves save and abuse, dude. Oh, these boys. Also, we have these, but we got six more. I like this. When you bring comedians to the beach, they don't have hands.

They have feet for hands, So you lose them very easily. So thank you for this, Waboba. Yeah, we can give this out to comedians. That's kind of sick. Yeah, we can give that to Luke Toomer. He lost my last Waboba. I'm going to enjoy using this. Plus, you can swim.

If you've got to chase after one, you can dig with this thing. Hard. Yeah, send us more. I might wear them on both hands. I love how they only gave us one glove. Who do you think Waboba can catch better? This is nice.

It is nice. This is nice. Plus, if you've got a kid playing baseball, this is water practice. Yeah, true. Give them a call to action. Thank you, Wabobas. Right now, Waboba is offering my listeners.

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49ers guy. Yeah. I'm not going to say his name, but this dude was lights out. Yeah, he was. I mean, to the point where you're watching on television, you watch all this on whatever, on your phone, and you're like, shut up. It's obviously not magic it's something else right he's playing this magic's not real yeah and this motherfucker when i tell you i was like a black dude running away like

it was this guy like had a fucking he would rip something and I'm watching live and I want to be that fucking guy I'm like, that's all it. Yeah, I was looking I was fucking prey on this guy And then he's like look under your watch and it was like a piece of the card and I was like, dude, I Walked away. I was literally like yeah, how he's doing it. Yeah, he kept doing it Yeah, trick after trick after trick. He had a card, and then he'd talk to you for a while, and he would just pull the card that you were thinking of. It was like, I can't keep doing this.

I saw four tricks in a row, and I'm like, I need to decompress. Yeah, dude, it is crazy. And then you're like, tell me how you did that. You know what I mean? And they don't tell you, which is annoying. Magician never reveals his tricks. Surprise to Chris. And he didn't tell me. It's the oath. The magician takes an oath.

Yeah, but it's too cool. It's like, dude, you have to tell me how that's done. You know what I mean? It's like, imagine if someone's just like, and then there was a million dollars right here. You'd be like, how did you do that? I need to know how you did that. And like, I can't tell you. it's magic it's like no no this is life or death now i need a million dollars yeah you need to tell me how you can stay you turn around he disappears why was the aid of hearts underneath your tongue yeah it's like i don't want to know all the tricks but that one i need you know what i mean yeah i'm leaving a lot of pussy and a lot of bars not knowing how to put cards under watches i'm tired of pointing my finger and living with that guy might be a nightmare just every time you turn around oh he had all

the trinkets on he was yeah oh yeah dude i'm at that guy just playing pranks on you at home all the time he looked like an like an la actor he actor. He was like a little twinkie boy. But he was a good guy. Yeah, how do you like... He made my dick disappear in his mouth. How you doing? Yeah, what's the limit? You know what I mean?

He turned my soft dick into a hard dick. And it's like, I don't even... Pizazz. Do it again, Sam. Did you ever see that one sketch where the guy's like, he's standing there. I forget the name of the comic,

but he's hilarious. He's standing there and there's a bunch of people around him and he's just like... And then there's cum on his pants. And they're like, oh my God, you just cum in your pants?

And he's like, yeah, I did. And they're like, oh my God, that's disgusting. He's like, but where is it now? And then the guy's like. Oh, yeah.

It's coming out of his mouth. It's fucking unbelievable. And they look back at the pants and they're dry. It's so funny. It's so funny. Dude. You should have pitched that to Tommy when you went, no, I'm going to film that sketch where I come in your room.

Damn. I would have made a lot of money. Yeah. He didn't do him to, he didn't do, I want to, like, I literally went to him and I was like, I want you to put a card in my pocket from there. And he was like, I'm not doing that. And I was like.

Well, Chris, you're the only one taking it literal. And everyone was like, whoa, that's a really neat trick neat trick you're like you're trying to debunk actual magic yeah everybody knows it's not real how do you transfer things i don't know it's incredible do you come up to me like like how does he paying the guy off because it was underneath an apple watch this piece of yeah yeah it was under like like what the fuck are you doing yeah and i didn't know like what if he, like, he didn't introduce himself as a magician,

he's just eating a fucking slider, talking to a stranger. Yeah. He shakes your hand, just slides something in your waistband. Yeah.

And then he's like, I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna show you a trick. He didn't introduce himself as a magician. He had like a button down with cards all over it. He's got a fucking nose on.

Clown nose. Yeah, I'm just eating a cheeseburger. What do I do? I'm an electrician. Throw in a week. Dude, yeah, I gotta know. I gotta know how he did that. Could be a good way to propose.

Just like slip a ring somewhere. They don't know. I like this. Like it's sort of a magic thing put your hand in your pocket your fiance's like when are you gonna propose and he's like i already did look in your pussy look inside your pussy or it gets lost you're like that was twenty thousand dollars i put it up there about four months ago back when i loved you yeah your ass while there's divorce papers.

It's all like oxidized. Yeah, yeah. It's all green and shit. Yeah, it's not real gold. You got me a nickel ring you paid. Guy fucking. That'd be so funny at a jewelry store.

Is this real gold? I promise you it is. Babe, put in your pussy. Put in your pussy. We're going to sit here. We're going to wait. The old pussy test. Yeah, yeah.

We'll put in the pussy. Do a couple of fucking squats or something. See if you get lockjaw in a week. Yeah. Once they send me a tetanus shot. That used to be common. A lot of kids with fake chains

in Ireland you know having green wrists and shit like that yeah this is real baby of course it's real you're an adult

but when you're 12 years old there was a while it was an intentional thing where like baseball players were wearing like copper copper bracelets yeah

and they would go green and it was like they were saying it was like something good about like getting that in your bloodstream I didn't want to tell Chris this I'm'm gonna tell him what i spent a lot of money on the jewelry that i'm going to use as the character of course for the show but it's also an

excuse to get the joy that i really want it yes of course it is and i'm having a pinky ring size right now that i pick up tomorrow i'm very excited of. Of course it is. I was on set and I was like standing next to John and the producer was like, Tommy doesn't have any like clothes for the outfit. And I was like, give me a fucking break. Dude, she sent me a text said, do you have black loafers and tight black pants? And I was like, first of all, racist. Why are you wasting your time asking dumb questions like that? Yeah, yeah.

And it's like... It's going to be six shades of loafers. Nice. Yeah, he's like, no, I don't have any of that. I'm going to have to go to Zara. You're going to have to go to the bar. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to have to spend $30,000 on clothes

in order to get this right. Yeah. I think my character would have a Rolex, right? Yeah, yeah. I'm just thinking about... What about a side piece? Should I get a side piece? I think he would have a better lunch than this.

Me and Will Compton have been talking about getting a pendant since we were in Vegas. And he's like, I got to get you a pendant. I walked in this jewelry shop looking for a pinky ring. And then this guy's like... I want a pendant. That's what I want. He's like, we just made this in our shop.

You want to see what it is? No, it's a lie. I want a pen that's what i want he's like we just made this this in our shop i want to see what it is no it's a lie i want something like that and i didn't want any like religious shit all the other penance like religious it's like some weird shit yeah so i was like yeah i'll take it yeah and then we had to figure out the size of this new chain i got a little bracelet you got the pink through this thing because i spent enough he's like i'm gonna toss that in there the pinky ring now Now, are you expensing this? That's like a new era. No, no. It's on the house.

Yeah, this is a new era. I earned this one. I sent a bill. Yeah. I did have to get wardrobe. No, I put it on the stuff violence card. Just to check to see if you checked the bills. Five grand.

What's the name of the jewelry place? don't know but the kid was wonderful sam nice little uh moroccan boy it's a new era the pinky ring era this is you yeah i'm going on to that new phase of your life yeah i think so reading the final i got a delicate chain last year and i was like yeah i'm full wop your final one i'm becoming my voice finding your voice in comedy finding my Italian voice I got a nice shoe in the microwave You want a half? Everyone is going chains now

Do you have a chain? No I like the idea of that shit But I'm not really I'm too I don't want people looking at me anymore Than they already do I'm not trying to stand out

While you're breaking into their house You can't have flashy shit on What's he wearing? A gold chain by chance With a lion on it? to stand out. While you're breaking into their house. You can't have flashy shit on. Yeah. What's he wearing? A gold chain by chance with a lion on it? That's him. Holy shit.

I gotta piss. You do? Alright. Go piss. Nowhere near. Holy shit. I don't think you pissed before. Man, I'm getting too...

These hangovers, I just... You know, they tell you about it as you're getting older. I got a brutal you pissed before. Man, I'm getting too... These hangovers, I just... You know, they tell you about it as you're getting older. I got a brutal one right now. They tell you about it when you're younger. They go, oh, wait until you're older with hangovers. And you're like, no, no, no. I get hangovers. I get it.

And then when you get older, you're like, Jesus. You know what, dude? I, like... I also haven't been drinking water before I go to sleep. I've never drank water in my life. I know, but I think it does make a massive impact. Yeah. Yeah, like when we were down the shore with those RU Garbage guys,

I was chugging water before I went to bed, and I would wake up feeling not bad. That's not a bad one, yeah. Dude, there's, yeah. If I could even just every fourth drink was of water, my life would be completely different. That's why I like those liquidettes are good, because I

almost have, my brain thinks I'm drinking beer. I crush them. It's like, yeah. They also taste better. I feel like stuff out of a can tastes way better than stuff out of plastic. Yeah. I just do. Like, you ever have gatorade out of a can no fucking unbelievable 90s dude they still make them they haven't met golf courses all the time

really yeah it's so fucking good an orange gatorade old inventory no orange gatorade out of the can it's a big green can it's a tall tall boy. It's fucking unbelievable. I love watching my dad's face twitch when a fucking hot golf cart girl comes around. Yeah. Because all the old pigs are like. Yeah, of course. They get fucking nipping, you know? That's good. They want to say something.

They all have these terrible hacky jokes about her attire. Oh, yeah, you look great in that skirt. Is it cold when you drive? Dude. It's like, what? Dad, shut up. Don't talk to her like this. Dude.

But at the same time, her tits around, she's like, you guys want to buy light? Yeah. She's got to make her dime, I understand. Being a hot chick has got to be insane. Yeah. It's got to be insane. Yeah. Non-stop.

The way the world works for them is different than mine. Non-stop assault. It's just got to be bizarre. Everybody. Non-stop. The way the world works for them is different. Non-stop assault. It's just got to be bizarre. Everybody talks about like the perks. Like, yeah, you got it easier. Beautiful woman. But the fucking all day long just being stared at by fucking evil pigs. Dude.

Trying to put one of their appendages. The amount of strangers starting conversations with you. Yeah. The insane. Imagine. Yeah. Imagine when a strange guy talks to me out of nowhere. I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

I can't imagine. Yeah. Where am I from? What are you doing is wrong with you? I can't imagine. Yeah. Where am I from? What are you doing right now? Yeah. What's my name? Yeah. Dude.

My name is Broken Nose. You're going to get one. Yeah. Being a middle of the road girl has got to be nuts, too. Like, you go out to the bar. Nah, that's a sweet spot, dude. No, nobody's. Middle of the road girl.

What are you talking about? A fucking Irish six? No, I know, but that's the problem. That's like an aggressive male in the gym this is exactly what i'm saying you go to the bar from 7 to about 11 no one's really talking to you paying attention oh yeah then 11 to 12 is like the tides changing yeah and 12 on it's like you can't, you're beating them off. You know what I mean? Like, you become a straight up mark.

Every dude is thinking like she's ugly enough that I could maybe fuck her. Yeah. And then it's just swarming. It's probably. But the problem is then you got to take it to a diner

and then you got pancake syrup all over your dick. This fucking freckle monster is rolling over on your mattress and you're like, Jesus Christ, did I break into somebody's bedroom Oh my god, Tommy would go to a diner and be like that syrup's gonna be on my dick

Eat it without the syrup powdered sugar Yeah, of course. Oh my god. Of course. I just need a little something in my belly. No, you don't. Eat a little something out of it. You need a little air out of that tire. Just two fingers down the throat. It'd be great if you could just

hit the belly button. Oh my god. I'm sorry, dude. The pigs are hooking up. I sound like Buffalo Bill. What? The pigs, he's hooking up they sound like Buffalo Bill what? the pigs he's hooking up they sound like

Buffalo Bill I just won the little something oh is that a great big fat one? is she a great big fat person? would you fuck me? what a crazy choice

for that guy to make oh amazing yeah yeah I hate to see him in like regular movies it's tough because when you're

such a brilliant actor in one role you're typecasted right? yeah but that guy oh amazing yeah yeah i hate to see him in like regular movies it's tough because when you're such a brilliant actor in one role you're typecast it right yeah but that guy i mean i can't he's like in like cop movies and shit and i just think of him tucking his dick and just doing that yeah mangina you want to fuck me would you fuck me i'm fucking me yeah yeah dude, yeah. Yeah. Tan and I were you. We're not home. What a wild thing to create. Someone wrote that. It's like, we're making that. Yeah.

That girl in the well, that's who I'm talking about with the syrup dick. The girl who's got the small dog in the well. Yeah. That's the monster you take home from an Irish bar. That syrup dick? Yeah, that's the Irish six in the middle. Oh, my God. She's crushing life syrup dude yeah that's the Irish six in the middle oh my god

she's crushing life dude she's waiting it out she's acting like she's doing shots but it's all water she's waiting for one of us to fuck up yeah yeah yeah

I mean I guess on the flip side it's nice you could just you could just leave your house at 11 30 12 and just go

mop up yeah save some money with some cold ones yeah yeah just going out to the bar with a blow dart like putting in the back of a van you yeah let's go all you gotta do is wink

look at this gold pendant baby guys it's sunday It must be rough to be... Somewhere there's a girl probably making fun of me to her friends, going, remember that disgusting Irish guy? A hundred percent. Like, oh, my God, I was wasted. I just never... I thought he was cute at the time or whatever.

His ass. His ass smelled like shit. Oh, God. Oh, my God. I'm sure there's girls... How girl's gonna go there i don't know that's just yeah yeah sometimes like the end of the day it's the you know what i mean it's just been a long day you've been hanging out with the boys all day you went straight out after work you know yeah yeah yeah you went for one after work and you stayed out late you know no no no i've

done bird baths and fucking wah-wah. I'll wash my hammer off in the bathroom knowing I'm going to knock her out. It's almost poetic in a way, the way you speak. I did bird baths. I don't care what it is. I'll take fucking, I'll take hand soap. I'll get, I'll get a... That's...

Bird bath, bird bath is, it's... Because you never know what's going to happen as soon as you open the door. It might be, man, I can't go. Can I use the restroom? Yeah, as soon as you get in, she might want... Yeah, she might go fucking Days of Our Lives and just start, you know. Yeah, yeah.

Is Days of Our Lives, they have sex in there? It's a soap opera. Yeah. It's a sexual fantasy of mine to knock around everyone. Days of Our Lives. Days of Our Lives? Yeah, it's like newscasters. They're all stars to me.

Old school newscasters. God, I got so many fantasies. Putting an old school newscaster on a wall is I got so many fantasies. That, putting an old school newscaster on a wall is like Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. Meanwhile, she's like, she's like 55.

What a wonky tit in a nipple looking up like it's collecting unemployment. So lazy. Yeah. I don't know. Newscasters never did it for me. Oh my God. They're the first celebrity you ever meet.

No. Or see. No. You're like, you're fucking famous. I remember going to, you remember Yuki Washington in Philly? You probably weren't. No. You were too young.

Yuki Washington was this sportscaster in Philadelphia, and I went to an Eagles practice, and I saw Yuki. I was like six years old, and I ran after him immediately. It was like being close to an Eagles player. And I was like, Yuki, Yuki I was like six years old and I ran after him immediately it was like being close to an Eagles player and I was like Yuki Yuki I'm like holding a football I was like will you sign my football he's like yeah man walk with me and he signed my football and fucked you he was take a walk with me yeah yeah come on hey we're your parents yeah that's all right yeah yeah. Parents can be mean sometimes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Want to see Matt's trick? I get it. Hey, you want to see where we make the news? Do you want to make some news? Breaking news. I've got an erection. Anyway, shout out.

What are we going to do about this? You're molested by the guy who always makes news references. Just just in. I'm about to rape you. The PTSD of putting on the local news every day. Every time you hear that noise. Your butthole just puckers up and starts whistling. Yeah, that noise comes in.

Oh, man. Tonight on the news. Is he not working anymore? I don't think so. I actually don't know. That's local Philly news, but he might be. Gary Papa was obviously

in, he was in my circle. Yeah. That's my last name. He died of cancer. I just, I always looked at newscasters like anyone exactly they're so robotic though it's like that's weird that's not a human have they ever tried to just talk normally dude i say this all the time but i probably but they must have tried it once and everyone's like no no no you can't just be like yeah 300 people murdered in malaysia or

whatever yeah uh you know you got to be like, 300 people. Yeah. Murdered. Yeah, I bet it's the same thing as like... And they both shuffle papers going, that's terrible, Barbara. Yeah, yeah. That is terrible.

Now for something... Now for an ice cream factory that's releasing a new flavor. Now we have a goldfish in Minnesota who apparently looks Japanese. Yeah. Then the owner comes over and eats it yeah i bet it is one of those things i'm sure they just they they may it's just like the it's

like when you're looking at instagram and then like everyone starts kind of making the same clip you know what i mean yeah but it's like it is that kind of thing where it's just like yeah this sounds stupid but it makes people pay attention for some reason yeah the cadence we don't know why yeah the cadence works there's some scientific reasoning

or it might have made sense back in the day and they just never got rid of it right because they used to be they used to talk on radio with a weird accent

because the audio was so bad the equipment was so bad they couldn't hear you so that's why they used to talk like that kind of like America is going to war yeah they were like they had that that's why they used to talk like that kind of like America is going to war yeah

yeah Shane's got a great joke about this that was designed to oh really to just cut through just the bad whatever

because you could hear them over the transmissions and then that it was called they were hitting all of the yeah everything's super

stressed yeah the Nazis have invaded Poland yeah whatever yeah that's why they used to talk but that was because what happened Yeah, everything's super stressed. The Nazis have invaded Poland. Yeah. That's why they used to talk. What happened in Poland? The Nazis invaded. Yeah, but what happened?

Well. Doing a newscast. I thought it was a joke. I don't know what the answer is. It's called Acting Gary. That's not That's not yes ending By going

Do more of that Yeah Tell us what happened in Poland The Polish people Poland's great You gotta go Poland by the way Poland's a fucking Sleeper

Of a great place to visit Really Beautiful It's cheap I hear Croatia's like that too Yeah I've heard that too Yeah Yeah

Poland's the best Poland's not Because the Nazis Didn't destroy it all And all of their cities Are like squares cheap i hear croatia is like that too yeah i've heard that too yeah yeah poland's the best poland's not because the nazis didn't destroy it all and all of their cities are like squares they're built like big huge squares and it's really old and they're nice it's and it's cheap i only went because i googled cheapest pint in europe i was gonna go to oh my god i was gonna go to iceland it was too expensive so i literally google cheapest pint of beer in Europe. How much is it? Three bucks? Low. Yeah.

It was Krakow in Poland. And I show up. I got the hostel. I go to the girl at the door. I was like, anything to do tourism wise? She's like, well,

Auschwitz is like half an hour away. So you tell me you're pre-gaming in Auschwitz? For $3 per night? I went to, I went to fucking, I went to Auschwitz home over as fuck. Just looking at all these shoes like

you know I can microwave half of these yeah I was starving I didn't even practice yet you gonna do this to me they go what else

he had so many shoes that's a callback yeah they're the actual shoes yeah yeah I wonder the actual shoes yeah yeah I wonder how long shoes last Auschwitz is a good day out Auschwitz is a good day out

leather and rubber what type of shoes they were all the same type of there wasn't a variety of there wasn't a huge variety back then

no everyone kind of just dressed the same it was just their shoes I just wonder how long they last they've got to be like degrading they all kind of look more

like ballet like slippers yeah they don't look like they had any good footwear at all yeah the idea of an arch was like insane they're like what yeah no i'm not gonna say anything i think it's gotta you say jews have hooves is that what you're saying you do magic you just read my mind I just had a feeling He's a mentalist I'm not gonna say anything Eight of hearts

That was wild Just pulls a Star of David out of his mouth As tourism goes Going to a death camp It's not a bad day It's decent You remember it It's not a bad day so it's decent you remember it it's like a good it's a good thing you don't leave going that was crap yeah you know most tourism is kind of like whatever i guess hungover is kind of the right state of

mind to be in for because you feel terrible yeah yeah yeah but one thing they don't make it that sad then they said they did that on purpose. They don't try to make you feel... Do they blast Tiesto very low in the background? How did that come up in conversation? I don't know. Were you walking around being like, I don't feel that bad about this. We actually built it that way.

Should I be feeling something? I'm not feeling anything. The bad thing is like... Who wants ice cream? I'm not feeling anything. The bathroom's like... I'm walking... Who wants ice cream now? Yeah, yeah, I'm walking around. Ice cream, ice cream. I've got like a cone. We've got coffee, strawberry, banana.

Just casually walking through a gas chamber. I don't understand what all the fuss was about. Did you get squeezed? Pinwheel hat. Yeah, you're like... Wow. Well, you're there listening. But there is a gift shop.

How did you get that piece of information? I don't know. I can't remember. Someone asked him a question or she said, but she said they tried to just deliver the facts and rather than make it like really, they don't try to make you feel really sad about it. They try to just tell you exactly how it happened

and then you should sort of feel how you feel. Right, right. I just came to going, I don't trust anyone. These fucking, after that, because the Nazis are so good at it. They told most of the people

that they were like sending them back to fucking Israel. Yeah. And then they just fucking, quick little detour. Yeah, they looked at the flight. No, trust me, trust me. You'll be there in a few hours. Just quick little detour to Yeah, they looked at the flights. No, trust me, trust me. You'll be there in a few hours. Just a quick little detour to Auschwitz.

It's like Yuki taking me home to my parents. We're going back to Jackson Hill. You're going to be fine. Yeah, yeah. And then what they did too, they even got them all together. They were snakes. They got like rats.

So what they would do is they would get some of the, they would just treat random, whatever, the Jewish people, like nicer. so what they would do is they would get some of the they would just treat random whatever the Jewish people like nicer they would give them better food

so then they became like the rats so they would tell you they would tell all the prisoners what the others were doing so they had them all just fucking work

against each other Jesus Christ master manipulation yeah definitely not six million that's nuts but you know it was a lot

certainly a lot but not six that's crazy no way I've been I did a lot, but not six. That's crazy. No way. I did my own research, and it's not. That's crazy. That's rounding up. Anyway, newscasters.

That is rounding up. They talk weird, don't they? That's how you round up. Allegedly, six million Jews. It's kind of a weird thing to do, genocide. It is. Good, Chris. Yeah.

But it's more of a pain. You could have just actually flown them somewhere. The thing is, it's more of a pain in the ass to kill people than just like let them be around and annoying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's like exhausting. That was the problem with the death camps. They were shooting them all at first and then they were like wasted. It was too expensive

with the bullets. That's why they had to design a fucking, an efficient way to kill them. Oh my God. The other death camps were just killing people and then they just had piles of bodies and they had to design a fucking, an efficient way to kill people. Oh my God. The other death camps were just killing people and then they just had piles of bodies and they had nowhere to put them.

So they were like, oh, so we need to figure out a way to actually kill people and have them gone. Jesus Christ, Colin. How long was your drive from Boston? This is fucking nuts. What? Six hours? Today?

Yeah. You need something to eat? Why? It's so fucked up. Because I'm not talking about the... The guy who received that call, he's like, you know that killing the Jews thing? We've hit a snag. Turns out there's bodies everywhere.

Dude, we've got so many fucking shoes. Yeah, you've got to send some engineers down here. We have a special room for the shoes alone. That's full. That's full. No more shoes. That's full. It was full. No more shoes. It's full. I'm pulling my hair out over here.

We're flush with shoes. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Anyway, we have a new Patreon level. Well, there had to be some point. Yeah. I mean, it had to be full of guys just going like, what? I know.

The actual. I thought it would be like leading troops. Yeah. Like a pile of shoes. I'm the shoes guy. Yeah, you just find yourself. You know, you just pick up a shift one day. Next thing you know, you're the shoe guy.

What a nightmare job. Yeah. The Fuhrer told me. I think this is our first Sunday podcast. Nah, we had to have done Sunday pods before. I don't think so. It's a weird day to work. Tell you that.

If this is work. This is work. I guess. I mean, everybody doesn't think it's work. No, no. If this is work. This is work. I guess. I mean, everybody doesn't think it's work. No, no, it's not work. But we are earning money for it, I guess. Yeah.

That's work. It's our work. It's our work. Yes. How's your pod doing? Stagnant. Not really growing. No?

It is what it is. It's all right. It takes time. Yeah. Yeah. We're having fun. That dance outdoor was on recently. Most ever views. How are you doing personally? My life? It's all right. It takes time. Yeah. Yeah. We're having fun. That dance order was on recently. Most ever views.

How are you doing personally? My life? It's all right. Yeah. Things are good. I'm busy. Are you still legal or are you legal? I've always been legal.

Okay. Kind of. Yeah. There was a time in between visas that I guess you could have argued that I was illegal. You ever thought about doing a gay marriage? Why would I? I've thought about it once. Why would I just skip regular marriage?

I know a guy that I want to use. Irish guy? Yeah, he married a dude. He did? But he's not gay. No. Like a movie. Yeah.

I thought about doing that once. I was barbacking with this Mexican dude. Barebacking? Yeah, I was barebacking with this Mexican dude, and I was like, this is the best ass I've ever got. I need to marry this dude. He's so good. I'm going to propose. I got a proposal for you, Alejandro.

No, he was working so hard. He was so much better than me in every way, and I was like, I should just... Of course. My life is stupid. I could do one good thing. I could gay marry this guy and get him citizenship.

Yeah. Out of respect. Sounds like a nightmare. For his efforts. Yeah. Wow. And it would change everything for him.

Yeah. And I could just kill myself. Get him a lump sum. Yeah. And insurance money. Oh no, they don't do that anymore, right?

You don't get covered for killing yourself. I don't know. You should. There's a suicide clause. I don't think you get money. Oh, no, they don't do that anymore, right? You don't get covered for killing yourself. I don't know. You should. There's a suicide clause. I don't think you get money. Really? Otherwise, yeah.

I mean. What, do you think they're getting off easy? You do have to take your own life to get the money. They should pay out. If I was angry with my situation, I got a couple kids and a wife that I need to take care of. I want to kill myself anyway. Yeah. You just open up a $2 million pay for a couple months,

jump in front of a fucking scepter. There'll be a lot. Yeah, that seems fair. Or you murder your partner and make it seem like suicide. Murder, suicide. Well, you murder. See, that's selfish, though. To murder someone?

Yeah. And get the money. What's his name? There's two thoughts on that. If you take out an insurance policy... What's the guy with the Edward Scissorlegs? Petrovius? Oscar Pistorius.

Pistorius, yeah. Yes. Oscar Scissorlegs. If you take out the policy and then you kill yourself, they should have to pay. Who? The insurance company. No, I yourself, they should have to pay. Who? The insurance company. No,

I mean, everybody be doing that. it is, it's within six months. People that want to kill themselves will be getting other people rich. There's a timeline on it. I think you have to

wait six months to kill yourself. I think their theory is that no one really hangs around waiting to kill themselves. Like, this time next year

I'm not going to kill myself. Yeah, you can just throw a banana on the George Washington washington bridge and yeah yeah you can make it look like an accident you're saying i slipped off i hit a banana like mario kart flew off yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what bridges don't have nets these days I'm not I don't know there was a comic true himself off a bridge they have Arizona

the Verrazano that's good recently no a while back that's a nice you know some Asian comic she just jumped off yeah cuz that's a really high deck it's like 200 yeah yeah yeah it's up there might even be more no that's a nice fucking that's a nice dip imagine driving by the bridge like on your your way to work or something like that and you just see someone jump off every day i think because you don't stop you just have to no no no you just take that with you going what the fuck yeah that was nuts you forget about it by the time you got home at least i or if a building someone jumping out You see someone fly past your window. If they jump off the building, you'd see them.

Dude, I saw it. You guys are hitting me hard. Because then they burst. There was an accident out here. Like one of the weekends, when you were in Vegas, someone got hit by a car. There was a huge scene. Here?

Yeah, yeah. Right, like right on the corner yeah totally dead you saw it no but i well i saw the aftermath you saw the person yeah it's crazy and then these fucking dude i forgot about it i've seen a dead body i literally forgot about it and then and then uh my dick would have been typing a text to you but like dude this is not there's just a random four car pile up on the corner there was the tire the windshield was cracked the little moped moped was a mess there was cops everywhere like they were measuring things and stuff and then uh like uh i was with a friend of mine and then i i was with them again like two weeks later and they

were crossing that intersection and they were like i remember this from that accident and i was like what i'm like yeah that accident that we saw and i was like oh yeah oh my god i do what i my earliest specific memory i were early early on like one of the earliest memories you have yeah um the earliest memory i have is like a weird nebulous just feeling of like something's really wrong no no no it I remember like, I'm like in a crib just being like, fuck. That's not real. All right. So you remember being in a crib as a one-year-old?

Yeah, yeah. But it's just like, it's like a weird feel. I don't, I can't, I'm not like processing it. Yeah, it's not real. It's just a feeling. No, but it pops up every once in a while. That's my earliest memory well okay let's go my earliest like real memory yeah i don't five or six five or six i don't know

let's be younger than that gotta remember shit from when you're like even like four or five like a blankie for something from when you're like two you can't remember something two years old no i'm sure i i i well this might be made up but i i was i had really bad constipation like clinically bad like as a kid like i wouldn't shit for days like and like and i couldn't shit when my face would go all like blue because i'd just be in the corner of the room like just trying to get a boot out yeah just trying just tiny tiny little toddler just in the corner of the room going and uh dude there's nothing more adorable than seeing a toddler thinking he's hiding a squat and he's just sitting in the corner like behind an ottoman taking a shit

his face is purple he has a newspaper yeah he's like what are you doing you're shitting charlie he's like oh you're shitting i know you're shitting it's okay he's like no yeah it's so funny especially if they're, have to take a piss and they're like dancing around like crazy. You're like, do you have to pee? And they're like, no. And you're like, dude.

You have to piss. Let it rip, dude. I can see it. Let it rip. Just go piss. When I went to the doctor for that though, and they stuck something

in my ass for the constipation. Oh, yeah. I swear I have a distinct memory of it but my mother's like there's no way you remember that you were too young i was like i remember going i remember doctors sticking something in my ass yeah out of that or like i got fucking molested i went to the newsroom but well that's actually like similar like one of my first memories is going there's a doctor out of bashan And did he stick something in your ass? No, but you would have to,

it was a, it was a, it's called Yadin, Pennsylvania and Delco. And it's a, a black neighborhood. And my mother would take me there cause she would, she grew up there and there'd just be a room full of people.

I don't know. And I was like very young and you have to, you have to get naked and then walk out into the hallway past the waiting room with all these people and stand on a scale. Yeah. And then he plop you up on a piece of plastic paper, whatever the fuck. Yeah. And he'd breathe through his nostrils. He's a big, like, Eastern European monster.

But you did that every year, right? Yeah. So those are hard memories. I'm trying to think of like a place that i went when i was super young like that's the only way i could like separate that memory from just like being in the house yeah or like in the backyard well it's usually trauma or or something happy it unlocks and like puts a fucking pin in it so it's either something very bad or something very happy happens to you in your life yeah like my mother signed me out of i went from public school to catholic school from first grade and they held me back because religion

needed to be taught in first grade so i lost all my buddies and i had to take another because i was november baby so like it depends on when you're born it also depends on so they held me back and i remember i i could see the wallpaper of my mother on the rotary phone. And I'm screaming, crying. She's talking to Sister Ann, Teresa. And hung up the phone. I was like, yeah, you just got to go to first grade again. We're going to St. Charles.

And I like, I could sketch the fucking moment. I was like, I'll never trust anyone in my life. Yeah. You fucking Irish pig. Everything good goes away. That was it. It's not in my growth. I would have been 6'4".

Yeah. My dad's 6'5 and black. It ruined everything for me. Don't raise your children in Catholic school. What's the main difference here? Because, like, obviously every school is just catholic school in ireland right yeah so it's just education and and like life skills you just learn about you got to read the bible and go to church once a week and like that's good i like i like having i bet you do i like having a little religious child a little bit that's fine like

bring it in and let them figure it out themselves no but it's like it's good to just have a little bit of a dude we're not putting cayenne pepper into it out themselves. No, but it's like, it's good to just have a little bit of a, dude, we're not putting cayenne pepper into a chili. It's all cayenne. It's nonstop religion. Okay. It's like, it's over the top bullshit.

Yeah. All day, everything. You're taught by priests, you're taught by nuns. You're instructed to do everything by God. It's like,

dude, let's learn how to fucking cook. Tell me how to fill my gas tank. You got, I don't know how to fill the gas tank. You got... I don't know how to fill the gas tank.

They should have taught this in school. Dude, I pull up to my car and I'm like... I never needed trigonometry. I think three R fathers and two Hail Marys

is going to fill my tank. Teach me about carbonara, father. It's all so fucking ridiculous. So you're saying like... I don't know. I think it's good to have that kind of like shit in there. I always when people complain about it's like they're fucking

teaching my kid to be trans or something it's like dude if your kid is not trans and a teacher convinces them to be trans yeah that's on you yeah that's on you that's on you as a parent that kid shouldn't be left out of the house no exactly you have a little fucking retard kid put him down well look

one more pair of shoes for the final alright what else you gonna plug let's that's it check out the Columntiro podcast

please the boys have been on it it's been great obviously check out the special on my YouTube podcast please the boys have been on it it's been great obviously check out the special on my YouTube channel and Helium September 20th fuck yeah